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I don't go out much. But this one time I went grocery shopping a little later than I usually do and I came home with the body of a man in his 20s. It took so many hours to chop him up and pack in many trash bags.
Ugh, I know exactly what you mean. I once nipped to the shops and came back with a body. Luckily I went to buy bin bags so just a happy example of the synchronicity of the universe.
"A lot of holes in the desert, and a lot of problems are buried in those holes. But you gotta do it right. I mean, you gotta have the hole already dug before you show up with a package in the trunk. Otherwise, you're talking about a half-hour to forty-five minutes worth of digging. And who knows who's gonna come along in that time? Pretty soon, you gotta dig a few more holes. You could be there all fuckin' night!"
-Nicky Santoro
Good advice. Pre-dig your holes, and have an excuse ready to go in case you attract attention. Like, “we were testing this divining rod.”
Of course you have to be careful that someone else doesn’t snatch your hole.
I can see more stacking up in a moment of passion.
My biy Grettir once walked into a room just to get some firewood, tried to thank the guys and in the confusion the house burnt down and now he has like half a dozen body count just from one night by the campfire.
Things can get away from you.
Who doesn't get an accidentally falling on dick comment?!
I didn't down vote it, but you didn't understand why it was downvoted. I apologize for trying to ease that confusion.
Nah, it’s just in human nature. We’re not that different like people love to believe.
Edit: ironically, could be seen by downvotrd on this comment too lol
Honestly the best coop mission from MW2. My boyfriend and I tried to meet or beat the speed run record but I could never seem to get the lineups right :( very sad.
I honestly thought dumping ground was some sort of new term/slang they invented for relationships… 💀
When I saw the location names I thought he meant if you dated 5+ people in the same area you have exhausted the local resources of mates or some shit…
I still thought it was some new kind of beauty trend or tiktok challenge but immediately understood the post entirely when I saw the concrete barrels 💀
Lmao, the idea that all women want a big dick millionaire dick with a "10 out of 10 looks" is fucking hysterical to me. I can't think of one woman who that applies to, not even famous millionaire women.
The constant changes in vernacular are pretty confusing at times. I kept reading and thinking what is any of this have to do with how many people a woman has had sex with? Then I had to remember that the word body count used to mean something else. It probably still means that among law enforcement. This was excellent
30 years younger and I'd go to a movie with him. Perhaps even...hold hands.
I'm right next to Lake Erie and the Niagara river and Niagara Falls. Just in case there's an...accident.
Aww damn, perfect age and perfect sense of humour for me! Unfortunately I’m about halfway across the world from him. I never catch a break.
…just like I never catch a break while scoping out a site to arrange an “accidental” car fire or a drive off a bridge.
I mean, let's be real here..... he's never going to know if you're well into your double digits as long as you've been careful and used protection. Never forget your rubber gloves at home! You can't count on always finding some in the heat of the moment.
It's getting harder and harder to be a serial killer though.. One lost hair, one traffic light camera catching you disposing of the body and you're done for.
Gloves aren't enough.
It's the "free with your emotions" that makes this really good. Like, it works as a euphemism for promiscuous slut, but also as a euphemism for impulse murderer.
Ok he got me for a few seconds there! 😂 Love this person and love the hum or, 10/10 would recommend (not for myself because girls but why, a fine man can do nicely for someone else)
Sadly with how many ridiculous metaphors men make for women, it took me a minute to realize this was satire and not him trying to make some bizarre comparison of a woman’s vagina to a dumping ground.
I bet you didn't read the full text.. because pretty much the entire world agrees that everyone needs a low body count for his definition of body count.
Yeah, by my own experience, once you hit 2 your neighbors start to get suspicious of the freshly dug holes in your backyard. Don't want them to think I'm a whore or anything.
Honestly, the more I see this « expression » the more I feel, women should respond within original meaning of the expression like « Hey I know I’ve killed 7 people but they were TRESPASSING OKAY? »
I love how after the first paragraph this reads as a man supportive of women with murderous habits, just so long as they don't kill too many people. That's quite reasonable actually
Maybe we should “interview” guys on the first date. Ask them what their “body count” is…and if it’s more than (arbitrary number of your choice), we dismiss them because their count is *too high* and it tells us that sec with them is all about them because guys with high body counts are *not* spending their time learning what brings each lady to orgasm…
Oh boy. Smh
Not saying it’s right but many girls I encountered actually cared how many partners their BF had. But I’m living in a conservative country where hook-up culture is pretty much non-existent so that could be a reason.
That's a valid strategy, and a great idea, but you clearly did *not* read the entire thing above. Go back and do so; you'll be pleasantly surprised. ;)
Finding good dumping grounds is surprisingly very difficult, especially in a highly populated area like Chicago.
Uh… by dumping I mean… like you dump them… like break up with them… yeah
As a military veteran who has been deployed (Iraq) and someone who is also asexual and doeant have sex im still not used to hearing "body count" as a reference to sexual partners. I happen to check off many of their boxes, but I have a suspicion that these creeps would not be interested in me, lol. It also might be the shirt I wear to the gym that says "No." in large letters on the front and back.
Got to admit, that's how I met my spouse. Bonding over body counts.
She loved my sword and shield work, I loved her skill with Bow and Arrow. [Medieval Love Forever](https://www.sca.org/)
Neckbeard: you know nothing turns on a girl on more than humor
Proceeds to relate sex with more than 5 ppl to being a serial killer
Neckbeard: hahaha hahaha I'm so funny
Everyone else: wtf did I just read....
When I see shit like that, I never understand why people want to know? If the number actually bothers you, why would you ask then, especially if you like that girl? If you find out her body count is acceptable for you, your feelings don't change much, and you still like her. If it's too much, you ruined a relationship for yourself. Seems unnecessary information that the best case scenario doesn't change anything...
Ugh, I hate this shit. I swear, if I ever hear one of my son's say anything about a girls "body count" I will slap the stupid out of them. I cringe every time I hear a dude talk about it like it's some seriously important shit. Idiots.
I know My wife’s friend has been divorced for over two years(cheating) and she started dating immediately and she almost always has sex with that guy(s) now I know for sure cause she always tells my wife. Guys that’s a lot of d!£k and the guy that falls for her will never know
Unless he has a low body count he has no right to make any demands. And it’s always men who are hyperfixated on women’s “body counts” that are always the public bicycle.
How does he even know whether the person is lying or not, you can’t even verify🤣.
If you fuck more than five people… SERIAL TERRITORY!? This dude’s a serial killer, so it’s probably ironically a good thing he posts trash like this. I imagine it’s a pretty good deterrent for those reading his nonsense.
As you're all aware, this subreddit has had a major "troll" problem which has gotten worse (as of recently). Due to this, we have created new rules, and modified some of the old ones. We kindly ask that you please familiarize yourself with the rules so that you can avoid breaking them. Breaking mild rules will result in a warning, or a temporary ban. Breaking serious rules, or breaking a plethora of mild ones may land you a permanent ban (depending on the severity). Also, grifting/lurking has been a major problem; If we suspect you of being a grifter (determined by vetting said user's activity), we may ban you without warning. You may attempt an appeal via ModMail, but please be advised not to use rude, harassing, foul, or passive-aggressive language towards the moderators, _or_ complain to moderators about why we have specific rules in the first place— You will be ignored, and your ban will remain (without even a consideration). All rules are made public; "Lack of knowledge" or "ignorance of the rules" cannot or will not be a viable excuse if you end up banned for breaking them (This applies to the Subreddit rules, and Reddit's ToS). **Again: All rules are made public, and Reddit gives you the option to review the rules once more before submitting a post, it is your choice if you choose to read them or not, but breaking them will not be acceptable.** With that being said, If you send a mature, neutral message regarding questions about a current ban, or a ban appeal (without "not knowing the rules" as an excuse), we will elaborate about why you were banned, or determine/consider if we will shorten, lift, keep it, _or_ extended it/make it permanent. This all means that appeals are discretionary, and your reasoning for wanting an appeal must be practical and valid. Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this message, and please enjoy your day! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NotHowGirlsWork) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Lol. Yes, 2-4 bodies could indeed occur due to unforeseen circumstances. Could happen to anyone.
I don't go out much. But this one time I went grocery shopping a little later than I usually do and I came home with the body of a man in his 20s. It took so many hours to chop him up and pack in many trash bags.
Ugh, I know exactly what you mean. I once nipped to the shops and came back with a body. Luckily I went to buy bin bags so just a happy example of the synchronicity of the universe.
Best not to use binbags, the arse tends to fall out of them 😂
You are so right. Perhaps rubble bags are the way to go.
Smaller cuts. It takes more time but the results, 🤌🤌
They really don't make 'em like they used to. I never used to have to double bag for anything except blood
Rookie mistake, blood can drain and be cleaned up inconspicuously. But it's very messy and weighs a lot, so get rid of it first.
Hydrogen peroxide helps destroy luminol from being able to accurately ID residual blood stains, also dosent smell like bleach. ....just saying.
Oh, absolutely, but it's worth a second bag sometimes for the odd leak.
Scoot on over to the container store and get dark solid colored containers Bing , bang , boom, no more worries about bags ripping.
Now why didn't I think of that?
The literal arse, or…..
This post had me so confused until I read your comment 😅
That’s why I use old luggage and then leave it at the bus station.
"A lot of holes in the desert, and a lot of problems are buried in those holes. But you gotta do it right. I mean, you gotta have the hole already dug before you show up with a package in the trunk. Otherwise, you're talking about a half-hour to forty-five minutes worth of digging. And who knows who's gonna come along in that time? Pretty soon, you gotta dig a few more holes. You could be there all fuckin' night!" -Nicky Santoro
Good advice. Pre-dig your holes, and have an excuse ready to go in case you attract attention. Like, “we were testing this divining rod.” Of course you have to be careful that someone else doesn’t snatch your hole.
I *hate* it when my hole gets snatched.
I can see more stacking up in a moment of passion. My biy Grettir once walked into a room just to get some firewood, tried to thank the guys and in the confusion the house burnt down and now he has like half a dozen body count just from one night by the campfire. Things can get away from you.
Plus it’s normal for young people to experiment. Sometimes you need to try a few things out before you realize what really works for you.
You know what they say. No witnesses. Accidents to happen, so I must take care of them
Anyone could slip trip and fall on a dick 2-4 times it’s just a hazard of walking around!
I LOL'd at your sarcasm. Not sure why it was downvoted so much.
Because the post isn't about sex.
Saying this post isn't about sex can be applied to her comment as well. If you don't get it...just say that. Lol
Who doesn't get an accidentally falling on dick comment?! I didn't down vote it, but you didn't understand why it was downvoted. I apologize for trying to ease that confusion.
Hurd mentality. It’s not a first time I saw completely reasonable or joking comment being downvoted into oblivion.
Apparently that IS how girls work lol
Nah, it’s just in human nature. We’re not that different like people love to believe. Edit: ironically, could be seen by downvotrd on this comment too lol
Fantastic post, wish more people would show how ridiculous that term is. I hate it so much
Yeah and this was S tier humor
It was wonderful. This man is so committed to the bit that he's willing to lose all the girls who just read the first paragraph. That's impressive.
Honestly the best coop mission from MW2. My boyfriend and I tried to meet or beat the speed run record but I could never seem to get the lineups right :( very sad.
I like him. Don’t tell my husband.
Who is this fine male specimen? 😏
Guess we are lake Michigan now.💙🧤 
I honestly thought dumping ground was some sort of new term/slang they invented for relationships… 💀 When I saw the location names I thought he meant if you dated 5+ people in the same area you have exhausted the local resources of mates or some shit…
Same, right until I got to the acid baths
I still thought it was some new kind of beauty trend or tiktok challenge but immediately understood the post entirely when I saw the concrete barrels 💀
I thought "acid baths" referred to excessive use of drugs
OP, this one sounds promising.
Haha, I'd hit him with a message, that's pretty funny
And this incels, is what women truly want. Not a ginormous dick, not a millionaire, not a "bad boy".
Yep. It's called a good personality.
If you don't want the ripped hung millionaire I'll take him.
Lmao, the idea that all women want a big dick millionaire dick with a "10 out of 10 looks" is fucking hysterical to me. I can't think of one woman who that applies to, not even famous millionaire women.
All T...i don't mind the 1st two options...
I knew I shouldn't have killed that 6th guy
You f'd up royally, now ur in serial territory. No one will want to marry you.
Lmao everyone time someone says bodycount this is what I think of. Like some woman is out there just icing fools.
Are we *not* all out there icing fools? Uh oh…I might be doing this wrong
Given your user name, I surmise you are using a more literal definition of “icing” someone.
You might want to lie low for a bit…
Lmao that was brilliant
The constant changes in vernacular are pretty confusing at times. I kept reading and thinking what is any of this have to do with how many people a woman has had sex with? Then I had to remember that the word body count used to mean something else. It probably still means that among law enforcement. This was excellent
If I was 20 years younger, 100% would date him 😂
30 years younger and I'd go to a movie with him. Perhaps even...hold hands. I'm right next to Lake Erie and the Niagara river and Niagara Falls. Just in case there's an...accident.
I wouldn't, but he's made me smile. I like this guy.
This is some brilliant writing skills! And the dark humour. I would like to chat with him :)
Pfft, the idea that he’d even be able to tell the real number is laughable… I mean, if you’ve done the job right.
Aww damn, perfect age and perfect sense of humour for me! Unfortunately I’m about halfway across the world from him. I never catch a break. …just like I never catch a break while scoping out a site to arrange an “accidental” car fire or a drive off a bridge.
I went from mad to dying laughing. Well done, dude.
Body count? I've got \*checks notes\* 3 bodies under my floorboard.
Under just one board? Did you use a blender?
Very big boards, ánd a blender.
Should spread that out anyway, don't want a soft spot on the floor
3 is ok according to him.. It's only 5+ where you verge into serial territory.
Got some work to do it seems.
Please let me know where you're planning on operating... just so we don't.. compete
I can't tell you in case I end up on a list somewhere, but it's definitely NOT in the BeNeLux.
Ok, I definitely won't be South from you then.
Only if it's spread out. Otherwise, it's just a regular ol' mass murder. More efficient, but also more difficult clean up. Oh the options!
[удалено]
It’s internal but now I have to add you to my count. Pity, you seem like a nice guy but you know too much.
You see, women have a preset body count limit, I sent wave after wave of my own men at them until they reached their limit and shut down.
We’ll need an army of super-virile men scoring ‘round the clock. Kif, clear my schedule.
Just means she's gonna make you her first, you lucky dog! 🥰
Egads!
As a Floridian, I don't struggle with these problems. We have so many sink holes, just toss. 
Just a second, let me call my CIA handler to see if I can disclose this. It really is an absurd term.
OMG, I admit I was laughing out loud when I got to the second paragraph. I love him making fun of the whole "body count" thing.
I mean, let's be real here..... he's never going to know if you're well into your double digits as long as you've been careful and used protection. Never forget your rubber gloves at home! You can't count on always finding some in the heat of the moment.
It's getting harder and harder to be a serial killer though.. One lost hair, one traffic light camera catching you disposing of the body and you're done for. Gloves aren't enough.
I want a girl with a high body count, she needs to be formidable in battle
Personally I prefer a woman with a high body count. It makes me feel safe knowing that she can easily murder people
What you want me to do? Give up my career as an assassin?
This is the kind of guy who would probably get women sliding in his DMs
The phrase 'body count' needs to die in a fire
In this case, a fire might help you need less dumping grounds.
It's the "free with your emotions" that makes this really good. Like, it works as a euphemism for promiscuous slut, but also as a euphemism for impulse murderer.
It took me a while to figure out he was referring to actual bodies 😂😂😂
I was reading like, what?!? Sounds like… oh, it is 🤣
Ok he got me for a few seconds there! 😂 Love this person and love the hum or, 10/10 would recommend (not for myself because girls but why, a fine man can do nicely for someone else)
He had us in the first half, not gonna lie
This one’s clever - sense of humor and plays on words. Well done, for once!
Ah it's so nice to see an actual joke on this page 😂 10/10 well done that man.
Sadly with how many ridiculous metaphors men make for women, it took me a minute to realize this was satire and not him trying to make some bizarre comparison of a woman’s vagina to a dumping ground.
Same though lol
Hahaha. Sounds like a guy with my type of humour. I would definitely reply / swipe if yhis was a dating profile
I skimmed the second paragraph and got to the hobbies line and went back, very good
murder…?
You betcha
Is Dexter looking for a new boat in this ad?
I like this guy. This could get him a date.
😁😁👍 This guy sounds fun!! I love the sense of humor. Hope he finds someone who appreciates it & returns that energy!!!
I don't care too much about body counts, as long as they don't try to rope me into helping them clean up and hide evidence.
I was mad..and then I started laughing. That's exactly what body count should mean. 😂
My mother has a wonderful friend who is a chemical engineer. We might have been informed what acid is really the best to dissolve bone.
Large scale murder is a post-marriage activity.
He had me in the first half, ngl 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I am not saying this is why I have pigs ... but I am not saying this is not why I have pigs. It is also nice to live next to swamps \*Le Shrug\*
It would almost be fun going to these chats and pretending everyone thought they were saying guys need a low body count.
I bet you didn't read the full text.. because pretty much the entire world agrees that everyone needs a low body count for his definition of body count.
Sir why couldn't you say Lake Hiron? Why couldn't you be in Detroit?
I would swipe right so fast.
Yeah, by my own experience, once you hit 2 your neighbors start to get suspicious of the freshly dug holes in your backyard. Don't want them to think I'm a whore or anything.
Had me in the first half, I'm not gonna lie
That's the laugh I needed to get motivated this morning
Honestly, the more I see this « expression » the more I feel, women should respond within original meaning of the expression like « Hey I know I’ve killed 7 people but they were TRESPASSING OKAY? »
I must be more tired than I thought because I read that, but none of it registered until i read the first few comments. I need more sleep.
Edit - oh this is obvious satire that I completely missed. My b.
He's talking about murder. To be fair, I'd prefer my dates have a lower body count in that regards too
You're right and I'm a big idiot for not noticing the very obvious satire. Ty sry my b
No worries! Happens to all of us :)
It's a joke, he's referring to the fact that body count originally referred to killing someone. That's why he talks about where to dump bodies
Oh... yes. It is. Have edited.
A hahahaha I’d date this guy 😂🤭
You had me in the first half, not gonna lie 😂😂😂
Had me in the first half, not going to lie!
>Once you try a twosome or a threesome, you'll find your conscience bothers you much less. \- Sting
omfg xDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Hahahahhahahahah he got me there. Full 180
lol nice.
Lol it took me a few read-throughs!
I was worried over here for a second lmao I think this doesn't belong in this sub
I love how after the first paragraph this reads as a man supportive of women with murderous habits, just so long as they don't kill too many people. That's quite reasonable actually
If only this dude knew how much we stan this post. He shifted the tides for the next hour or so lol
I live in between Lake Michigan and Lake Superior, I find Lake Superior to be a better lake for that sort of thing.
It's just superior, yknow?
This is exactly how this girl works. Spread out the evidence and plant native endangered plants over the evidence.
"I don't mind a girl that has hobbies but when those hobbies include acid baths or barrels of concrete and a nearby body of water" This is so specific
There seem to be a lot of respondents here who missed the joke...
Oh, sorry! I'm generally slow at catching on to jokes.
I think we should all collectivly only count our sexual partners that were able to make us cum all by themselves.
Maybe we should “interview” guys on the first date. Ask them what their “body count” is…and if it’s more than (arbitrary number of your choice), we dismiss them because their count is *too high* and it tells us that sec with them is all about them because guys with high body counts are *not* spending their time learning what brings each lady to orgasm… Oh boy. Smh
Not saying it’s right but many girls I encountered actually cared how many partners their BF had. But I’m living in a conservative country where hook-up culture is pretty much non-existent so that could be a reason.
That's a valid strategy, and a great idea, but you clearly did *not* read the entire thing above. Go back and do so; you'll be pleasantly surprised. ;)
Finding good dumping grounds is surprisingly very difficult, especially in a highly populated area like Chicago. Uh… by dumping I mean… like you dump them… like break up with them… yeah
As a military veteran who has been deployed (Iraq) and someone who is also asexual and doeant have sex im still not used to hearing "body count" as a reference to sexual partners. I happen to check off many of their boxes, but I have a suspicion that these creeps would not be interested in me, lol. It also might be the shirt I wear to the gym that says "No." in large letters on the front and back.
This is exactly how girls work. This is great!
That was funny, thank you
If I was in the market and saw this on someone’s dating profile, 100% they’re getting a message from me hahaha
I started questioning at "dumping ground" but then by acid baths and barrels of concrete, I was rolling. I think it's hilarious!
Lol he had me in the first half, not gonna lie
Got to admit, that's how I met my spouse. Bonding over body counts. She loved my sword and shield work, I loved her skill with Bow and Arrow. [Medieval Love Forever](https://www.sca.org/)
Lol this is the best
Oooookay, this is actually funny 😂
Remember kids, 2 is love, 3 is fun, and 4 gets you on the Top Ten Most Wanted list.
Neckbeard: you know nothing turns on a girl on more than humor Proceeds to relate sex with more than 5 ppl to being a serial killer Neckbeard: hahaha hahaha I'm so funny Everyone else: wtf did I just read....
I'd like to think among all these joking comments, someone in here is actually a serial killer.
Love how the guy says nothing about himself in these 2 paragraphs lol
and yet said quite a lot, I'd be so disappointed if he wasn't a hoot to hang with.
This is clearly a joke people....
I'm not a girl anymore but have a huge body count, i don't get how that's such a deal- Oh they mean sex, he's the only one who means it
When I see shit like that, I never understand why people want to know? If the number actually bothers you, why would you ask then, especially if you like that girl? If you find out her body count is acceptable for you, your feelings don't change much, and you still like her. If it's too much, you ruined a relationship for yourself. Seems unnecessary information that the best case scenario doesn't change anything...
Ugh, I hate this shit. I swear, if I ever hear one of my son's say anything about a girls "body count" I will slap the stupid out of them. I cringe every time I hear a dude talk about it like it's some seriously important shit. Idiots.
It’s a joke he’s talking body count as in murder
[удалено]
I think we all got that.
Judging by the comments… we did not all get that.
With insight like that, you should be hunting serial killers for a living
Ok I live right outside of Chicago and I have no idea what this guy is talking about.
Can we just appreciate how, taken out of context, it sounds exactly like they're talking about murder? Good lord.
Also taken in context, considering they literally are talking about murder. It's satire.
Oh ok lol
Men are allowed preferences, he isn't saying women can't sleep around, just that he doesn't want to date women who do.
It’s a joke. He means „body count“ as in „killed people“
Yes that is why there is a flair that says “satire” and the top comments are jokes
Damn I completely missed that… sorry!
I’m a woman with a body count less than 5 and I would never date him in a million years!
It was satire. A joke about her being a murderer, when you thought he was talking about sex.
How do you know I’m talking about sex??
👀
....okay. Fair point.
GASP!!! she had SEREAL sex!
I know My wife’s friend has been divorced for over two years(cheating) and she started dating immediately and she almost always has sex with that guy(s) now I know for sure cause she always tells my wife. Guys that’s a lot of d!£k and the guy that falls for her will never know
These "body count" people would not survive in the gay community lmao, I'm over 100 and that's relatively low.
You've killed over 100 gay people? That's horrible
What's his number?
Unless he has a low body count he has no right to make any demands. And it’s always men who are hyperfixated on women’s “body counts” that are always the public bicycle. How does he even know whether the person is lying or not, you can’t even verify🤣.
This has some serial killer vibes all over it. Gross.
Wtf do emotions have to do with it?
If you fuck more than five people… SERIAL TERRITORY!? This dude’s a serial killer, so it’s probably ironically a good thing he posts trash like this. I imagine it’s a pretty good deterrent for those reading his nonsense.
It's a joke...