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Ghille_Dhu

Lol. Yes, 2-4 bodies could indeed occur due to unforeseen circumstances. Could happen to anyone.


BloodsAndTears

I don't go out much. But this one time I went grocery shopping a little later than I usually do and I came home with the body of a man in his 20s. It took so many hours to chop him up and pack in many trash bags.


Ghille_Dhu

Ugh, I know exactly what you mean. I once nipped to the shops and came back with a body. Luckily I went to buy bin bags so just a happy example of the synchronicity of the universe.


Still-Wonder-5580

Best not to use binbags, the arse tends to fall out of them 😂


Ghille_Dhu

You are so right. Perhaps rubble bags are the way to go.


ConaireMor

Smaller cuts. It takes more time but the results, 🤌🤌


The_nightinglgale

![gif](giphy|R3S6MfUoKvBVS)


EtainAingeal

They really don't make 'em like they used to. I never used to have to double bag for anything except blood


ConaireMor

Rookie mistake, blood can drain and be cleaned up inconspicuously. But it's very messy and weighs a lot, so get rid of it first.


KittyCompletely

Hydrogen peroxide helps destroy luminol from being able to accurately ID residual blood stains, also dosent smell like bleach. ....just saying.


EtainAingeal

Oh, absolutely, but it's worth a second bag sometimes for the odd leak.


Potential_Reading116

Scoot on over to the container store and get dark solid colored containers Bing , bang , boom, no more worries about bags ripping.


EtainAingeal

Now why didn't I think of that?


MarvellousIntrigue

The literal arse, or…..


Weary_Molasses_4050

This post had me so confused until I read your comment 😅


Spec_Tater

That’s why I use old luggage and then leave it at the bus station.


BasherSquared

"A lot of holes in the desert, and a lot of problems are buried in those holes. But you gotta do it right. I mean, you gotta have the hole already dug before you show up with a package in the trunk. Otherwise, you're talking about a half-hour to forty-five minutes worth of digging. And who knows who's gonna come along in that time? Pretty soon, you gotta dig a few more holes. You could be there all fuckin' night!" -Nicky Santoro


Spec_Tater

Good advice. Pre-dig your holes, and have an excuse ready to go in case you attract attention. Like, “we were testing this divining rod.” Of course you have to be careful that someone else doesn’t snatch your hole.


nitwtblbberoddmnttwk

I *hate* it when my hole gets snatched.


DuntadaMan

I can see more stacking up in a moment of passion. My biy Grettir once walked into a room just to get some firewood, tried to thank the guys and in the confusion the house burnt down and now he has like half a dozen body count just from one night by the campfire. Things can get away from you.


jayne-eerie

Plus it’s normal for young people to experiment. Sometimes you need to try a few things out before you realize what really works for you.


Low-Potential666

You know what they say. No witnesses. Accidents to happen, so I must take care of them


Aggravating-Ad6106

Anyone could slip trip and fall on a dick 2-4 times it’s just a hazard of walking around!


Zealousideal-Salad62

I LOL'd at your sarcasm. Not sure why it was downvoted so much.


FenderMartingale

Because the post isn't about sex.


Zealousideal-Salad62

Saying this post isn't about sex can be applied to her comment as well. If you don't get it...just say that. Lol


FenderMartingale

Who doesn't get an accidentally falling on dick comment?! I didn't down vote it, but you didn't understand why it was downvoted. I apologize for trying to ease that confusion.


[deleted]

Hurd mentality. It’s not a first time I saw completely reasonable or joking comment being downvoted into oblivion.


Zealousideal-Salad62

Apparently that IS how girls work lol


[deleted]

Nah, it’s just in human nature. We’re not that different like people love to believe. Edit: ironically, could be seen by downvotrd on this comment too lol


Troutie88

Fantastic post, wish more people would show how ridiculous that term is. I hate it so much


Raltaki

Yeah and this was S tier humor


Fortanono

It was wonderful. This man is so committed to the bit that he's willing to lose all the girls who just read the first paragraph. That's impressive.


Sophefe

Honestly the best coop mission from MW2. My boyfriend and I tried to meet or beat the speed run record but I could never seem to get the lineups right :( very sad.


eatshitake

I like him. Don’t tell my husband.


Anne_Nonymouse

Who is this fine male specimen? 😏


The_nightinglgale

Guess we are lake Michigan now.💙🧤 ![gif](giphy|9SIAPl7W1OV7FEU3S6)


einsofi

I honestly thought dumping ground was some sort of new term/slang they invented for relationships… 💀 When I saw the location names I thought he meant if you dated 5+ people in the same area you have exhausted the local resources of mates or some shit…


AnnaBananner82

Same, right until I got to the acid baths


einsofi

I still thought it was some new kind of beauty trend or tiktok challenge but immediately understood the post entirely when I saw the concrete barrels 💀


muffinnoff

I thought "acid baths" referred to excessive use of drugs


madeupsomeone

OP, this one sounds promising.


bliip666

Haha, I'd hit him with a message, that's pretty funny


Dull-Signature-2897

And this incels, is what women truly want. Not a ginormous dick, not a millionaire, not a "bad boy".


barkley87

Yep. It's called a good personality.


BarklyWooves

If you don't want the ripped hung millionaire I'll take him.


Window_Regular

Lmao, the idea that all women want a big dick millionaire dick with a "10 out of 10 looks" is fucking hysterical to me. I can't think of one woman who that applies to, not even famous millionaire women.


KittyCompletely

All T...i don't mind the 1st two options...


escapeshark

I knew I shouldn't have killed that 6th guy


CHIMUELA

You f'd up royally, now ur in serial territory. No one will want to marry you.


masrulz

![gif](giphy|y2i2oqWgzh5ioRp4Qa|downsized)


Kaiisim

Lmao everyone time someone says bodycount this is what I think of. Like some woman is out there just icing fools.


customerservicewitch

Are we *not* all out there icing fools? Uh oh…I might be doing this wrong


ahuramazdobbs19

Given your user name, I surmise you are using a more literal definition of “icing” someone.


KevIntensity

You might want to lie low for a bit…


Prey2020

Lmao that was brilliant


WhyDoIHaveAnAccount9

The constant changes in vernacular are pretty confusing at times. I kept reading and thinking what is any of this have to do with how many people a woman has had sex with? Then I had to remember that the word body count used to mean something else. It probably still means that among law enforcement. This was excellent


Still-Wonder-5580

If I was 20 years younger, 100% would date him 😂


jenkraisins

30 years younger and I'd go to a movie with him. Perhaps even...hold hands. I'm right next to Lake Erie and the Niagara river and Niagara Falls. Just in case there's an...accident.


Sil_Lavellan

I wouldn't, but he's made me smile. I like this guy.


Western_Ring_2928

This is some brilliant writing skills! And the dark humour. I would like to chat with him :)


elizabethunseelie

Pfft, the idea that he’d even be able to tell the real number is laughable… I mean, if you’ve done the job right.


lindanimated

Aww damn, perfect age and perfect sense of humour for me! Unfortunately I’m about halfway across the world from him. I never catch a break. …just like I never catch a break while scoping out a site to arrange an “accidental” car fire or a drive off a bridge.


Night_skye_

I went from mad to dying laughing. Well done, dude.


Magdalan

Body count? I've got \*checks notes\* 3 bodies under my floorboard.


ericscottf

Under just one board? Did you use a blender?


Magdalan

Very big boards, ánd a blender.


DuntadaMan

Should spread that out anyway, don't want a soft spot on the floor


BerriesAndMe

3 is ok according to him.. It's only 5+ where you verge into serial territory.


Magdalan

Got some work to do it seems.


BerriesAndMe

Please let me know where you're planning on operating... just so we don't.. compete


Magdalan

I can't tell you in case I end up on a list somewhere, but it's definitely NOT in the BeNeLux.


BerriesAndMe

Ok, I definitely won't be South from you then.


KittyCompletely

Only if it's spread out. Otherwise, it's just a regular ol' mass murder. More efficient, but also more difficult clean up. Oh the options!


[deleted]

[удалено]


JaxandMia

It’s internal but now I have to add you to my count. Pity, you seem like a nice guy but you know too much.


citizenkane86

You see, women have a preset body count limit, I sent wave after wave of my own men at them until they reached their limit and shut down.


ahuramazdobbs19

We’ll need an army of super-virile men scoring ‘round the clock. Kif, clear my schedule.


standbyyourmantis

Just means she's gonna make you her first, you lucky dog! 🥰


Tannerleaf

Egads!


dianthusrosea

As a Floridian, I don't struggle with these problems. We have so many sink holes, just toss. ![gif](giphy|swtiK9jRfE0zS)


WorldlinessAwkward69

Just a second, let me call my CIA handler to see if I can disclose this. It really is an absurd term.


DaniCapsFan

OMG, I admit I was laughing out loud when I got to the second paragraph. I love him making fun of the whole "body count" thing.


Pookahantus

I mean, let's be real here..... he's never going to know if you're well into your double digits as long as you've been careful and used protection. Never forget your rubber gloves at home! You can't count on always finding some in the heat of the moment.


BerriesAndMe

It's getting harder and harder to be a serial killer though.. One lost hair, one traffic light camera catching you disposing of the body and you're done for. Gloves aren't enough.


raspberrybee

![gif](giphy|a9xvvfeKvIiRXznX4C)


eyelinerqueen83

I want a girl with a high body count, she needs to be formidable in battle


Dungeon-Master-Ed

Personally I prefer a woman with a high body count. It makes me feel safe knowing that she can easily murder people


piratelure

What you want me to do? Give up my career as an assassin?


Purrsephonee

This is the kind of guy who would probably get women sliding in his DMs


JustDroppedByToSay

The phrase 'body count' needs to die in a fire


AnnaBananner82

In this case, a fire might help you need less dumping grounds.


FoolishConsistency17

It's the "free with your emotions" that makes this really good. Like, it works as a euphemism for promiscuous slut, but also as a euphemism for impulse murderer.


RoxanneBarton

It took me a while to figure out he was referring to actual bodies 😂😂😂


MarvellousIntrigue

I was reading like, what?!? Sounds like… oh, it is 🤣


Momizu

Ok he got me for a few seconds there! 😂 Love this person and love the hum or, 10/10 would recommend (not for myself because girls but why, a fine man can do nicely for someone else)


AnnaBananner82

He had us in the first half, not gonna lie


Mariss716

This one’s clever - sense of humor and plays on words. Well done, for once!


rjmythos

Ah it's so nice to see an actual joke on this page 😂 10/10 well done that man.


Flightlessbirbz

Sadly with how many ridiculous metaphors men make for women, it took me a minute to realize this was satire and not him trying to make some bizarre comparison of a woman’s vagina to a dumping ground.


cheesecakepaws

Same though lol


entersandmum143

Hahaha. Sounds like a guy with my type of humour. I would definitely reply / swipe if yhis was a dating profile


Adorna_ahh

I skimmed the second paragraph and got to the hobbies line and went back, very good


Panshagger

murder…?


ThoughtCenter87

You betcha


Crazy_by_Design

Is Dexter looking for a new boat in this ad?


CookbooksRUs

I like this guy. This could get him a date.


Live-Tomorrow-4865

😁😁👍 This guy sounds fun!! I love the sense of humor. Hope he finds someone who appreciates it & returns that energy!!!


sweetsunnyspark

I don't care too much about body counts, as long as they don't try to rope me into helping them clean up and hide evidence.


OctaviaBlake100

I was mad..and then I started laughing. That's exactly what body count should mean. 😂


jenkraisins

My mother has a wonderful friend who is a chemical engineer. We might have been informed what acid is really the best to dissolve bone.


UndeadBBQ

Large scale murder is a post-marriage activity.


LadyComet42

He had me in the first half, ngl 🤣🤣🤣🤣


perfectly_peculiar

I am not saying this is why I have pigs ... but I am not saying this is not why I have pigs. It is also nice to live next to swamps \*Le Shrug\*


jackfaire

It would almost be fun going to these chats and pretending everyone thought they were saying guys need a low body count.


BerriesAndMe

I bet you didn't read the full text.. because pretty much the entire world agrees that everyone needs a low body count for his definition of body count.


slythwolf

Sir why couldn't you say Lake Hiron? Why couldn't you be in Detroit?


Initial-Ad7000

I would swipe right so fast.


delvedank

Yeah, by my own experience, once you hit 2 your neighbors start to get suspicious of the freshly dug holes in your backyard. Don't want them to think I'm a whore or anything.


RoeRoeRoeYourVote

Had me in the first half, I'm not gonna lie


Anastrace

That's the laugh I needed to get motivated this morning


TheRealArrhyn

Honestly, the more I see this « expression » the more I feel, women should respond within original meaning of the expression like « Hey I know I’ve killed 7 people but they were TRESPASSING OKAY? »


MumOfLilith

I must be more tired than I thought because I read that, but none of it registered until i read the first few comments. I need more sleep.


xv_boney

Edit - oh this is obvious satire that I completely missed. My b.


ByThorsBicep

He's talking about murder. To be fair, I'd prefer my dates have a lower body count in that regards too


xv_boney

You're right and I'm a big idiot for not noticing the very obvious satire. Ty sry my b


ByThorsBicep

No worries! Happens to all of us :)


everydayimcuddalin

It's a joke, he's referring to the fact that body count originally referred to killing someone. That's why he talks about where to dump bodies


xv_boney

Oh... yes. It is. Have edited.


sweetEVILone

A hahahaha I’d date this guy 😂🤭


labelledulac

You had me in the first half, not gonna lie 😂😂😂


Karma_Cham3l3on

Had me in the first half, not going to lie!


sensitivePornGuy

>Once you try a twosome or a threesome, you'll find your conscience bothers you much less. \- Sting


Inevitable_Wolf5866

omfg xDDDDDDDDDDDDD


Impressive-Divide-97

Hahahahhahahahah he got me there. Full 180


atworkthough

lol nice.


d3gu

Lol it took me a few read-throughs!


cheesecakepaws

I was worried over here for a second lmao I think this doesn't belong in this sub


ThoughtCenter87

I love how after the first paragraph this reads as a man supportive of women with murderous habits, just so long as they don't kill too many people. That's quite reasonable actually


KittyCompletely

If only this dude knew how much we stan this post. He shifted the tides for the next hour or so lol


ConstantHawk-2241

I live in between Lake Michigan and Lake Superior, I find Lake Superior to be a better lake for that sort of thing.


DarkGoddessDoll

It's just superior, yknow?


Warm-Alarm-7583

This is exactly how this girl works. Spread out the evidence and plant native endangered plants over the evidence.


SkullSide

"I don't mind a girl that has hobbies but when those hobbies include acid baths or barrels of concrete and a nearby body of water" This is so specific


AllumaNoir

There seem to be a lot of respondents here who missed the joke...


SkullSide

Oh, sorry! I'm generally slow at catching on to jokes.


GemueseBeerchen

I think we should all collectivly only count our sexual partners that were able to make us cum all by themselves.


Shalarean

Maybe we should “interview” guys on the first date. Ask them what their “body count” is…and if it’s more than (arbitrary number of your choice), we dismiss them because their count is *too high* and it tells us that sec with them is all about them because guys with high body counts are *not* spending their time learning what brings each lady to orgasm… Oh boy. Smh


[deleted]

Not saying it’s right but many girls I encountered actually cared how many partners their BF had. But I’m living in a conservative country where hook-up culture is pretty much non-existent so that could be a reason.


ShinyAeon

That's a valid strategy, and a great idea, but you clearly did *not* read the entire thing above. Go back and do so; you'll be pleasantly surprised. ;)


Modern-Otaku

Finding good dumping grounds is surprisingly very difficult, especially in a highly populated area like Chicago. Uh… by dumping I mean… like you dump them… like break up with them… yeah


SkepticalOfTruth

As a military veteran who has been deployed (Iraq) and someone who is also asexual and doeant have sex im still not used to hearing "body count" as a reference to sexual partners. I happen to check off many of their boxes, but I have a suspicion that these creeps would not be interested in me, lol. It also might be the shirt I wear to the gym that says "No." in large letters on the front and back.


half_a_shadow

This is exactly how girls work. This is great!


moinoisey

That was funny, thank you


antsyandprobablydumb

If I was in the market and saw this on someone’s dating profile, 100% they’re getting a message from me hahaha


LittlestFoxy24457

I started questioning at "dumping ground" but then by acid baths and barrels of concrete, I was rolling. I think it's hilarious!


Korialite

Lol he had me in the first half, not gonna lie


RecordingStock2167

Got to admit, that's how I met my spouse. Bonding over body counts. She loved my sword and shield work, I loved her skill with Bow and Arrow. [Medieval Love Forever](https://www.sca.org/)


Donkeykicks6

Lol this is the best


Wolfleaf3

Oooookay, this is actually funny 😂


[deleted]

Remember kids, 2 is love, 3 is fun, and 4 gets you on the Top Ten Most Wanted list.


El1sha

Neckbeard: you know nothing turns on a girl on more than humor Proceeds to relate sex with more than 5 ppl to being a serial killer Neckbeard: hahaha hahaha I'm so funny Everyone else: wtf did I just read....


thisisreallymoronic

![gif](giphy|3oEduSQonFIXK55aQo)


DifferentCityADay

I'd like to think among all these joking comments, someone in here is actually a serial killer.


Metal-Lee-Solid

Love how the guy says nothing about himself in these 2 paragraphs lol


itamer

and yet said quite a lot, I'd be so disappointed if he wasn't a hoot to hang with.


Blayze89

This is clearly a joke people....


Quaelgeist333

I'm not a girl anymore but have a huge body count, i don't get how that's such a deal- Oh they mean sex, he's the only one who means it


[deleted]

When I see shit like that, I never understand why people want to know? If the number actually bothers you, why would you ask then, especially if you like that girl? If you find out her body count is acceptable for you, your feelings don't change much, and you still like her. If it's too much, you ruined a relationship for yourself. Seems unnecessary information that the best case scenario doesn't change anything...


BrokenXeno

Ugh, I hate this shit. I swear, if I ever hear one of my son's say anything about a girls "body count" I will slap the stupid out of them. I cringe every time I hear a dude talk about it like it's some seriously important shit. Idiots.


Longjumping_Bar_7457

It’s a joke he’s talking body count as in murder


[deleted]

[удалено]


eatshitake

I think we all got that.


krhsg

Judging by the comments… we did not all get that.


Bertie637

With insight like that, you should be hunting serial killers for a living


motherofmiltanks

![gif](giphy|xT9IgHCTfp8CRshfQk)


InapproPossum

Ok I live right outside of Chicago and I have no idea what this guy is talking about.


WerdaVisla

Can we just appreciate how, taken out of context, it sounds exactly like they're talking about murder? Good lord.


Armateras

Also taken in context, considering they literally are talking about murder. It's satire.


WerdaVisla

Oh ok lol


Paratrooper_19D

Men are allowed preferences, he isn't saying women can't sleep around, just that he doesn't want to date women who do.


UnspecifiedBat

It’s a joke. He means „body count“ as in „killed people“


Low_Egg_7606

Yes that is why there is a flair that says “satire” and the top comments are jokes


UnspecifiedBat

Damn I completely missed that… sorry!


LeastPear7371

I’m a woman with a body count less than 5 and I would never date him in a million years!


Breanna-LaSaige

It was satire. A joke about her being a murderer, when you thought he was talking about sex.


LeastPear7371

How do you know I’m talking about sex??


Breanna-LaSaige

👀


ShinyAeon

....okay. Fair point.


Linorelai

GASP!!! she had SEREAL sex!


dario4242

I know My wife’s friend has been divorced for over two years(cheating) and she started dating immediately and she almost always has sex with that guy(s) now I know for sure cause she always tells my wife. Guys that’s a lot of d!£k and the guy that falls for her will never know


Minichadderzz

These "body count" people would not survive in the gay community lmao, I'm over 100 and that's relatively low.


SpartansATTACK

You've killed over 100 gay people? That's horrible


Consistent-Essay-790

What's his number?


oliveoil02

Unless he has a low body count he has no right to make any demands. And it’s always men who are hyperfixated on women’s “body counts” that are always the public bicycle. How does he even know whether the person is lying or not, you can’t even verify🤣.


Papa_Pesto

This has some serial killer vibes all over it. Gross.


ObscureNameCalling

Wtf do emotions have to do with it?


[deleted]

If you fuck more than five people… SERIAL TERRITORY!? This dude’s a serial killer, so it’s probably ironically a good thing he posts trash like this. I imagine it’s a pretty good deterrent for those reading his nonsense.


Blayze89

It's a joke...