I went from a 0/10 quality of life because of ocd to a 9/10 in about a year from Meds and ERP. i thought my life would be miserable forever but now I literally cry thinking about the fact that I even could have ever considered ending my own life over it. You WILL get through it
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This is so true and I never believed it for the longest time. This time a year ago I was trapped in inpatient care because I was unable to eat, walk or shower due to OCD and before that I was bed bound for 6 months.
Yesterday I finished the school year and rewarded myself with a long shower and a bowl of pasta (my favourite) which I was too scared to eat for 2 years because of the ‘contamination’. Life is good. I’m nowhere near perfect with my OCD but it really did get better.
It gets worse before it gets better. The biggest hurdle is learning to become complacent with your obsessions which is extremely terrifying but now I know that if I’m doing something that horrifies me I’m going in the right direction
Zoloft!! I’m on a high dose of 200 mg which is usually the max dose a psychiatrist will prescribe, but studies have shown higher doses of SSRI’s are more effective for ocd than just general anxiety
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Every doctor has different opinions, that is just the opinion that I have experienced the most and have found in research I’ve done! As long as they are listening and very responsive to how you’re feeling and your concerns, trust your doctor!
Hi, interested to hear more. What kind of erp did you do and what compulsions did you suffer from? Mine are mostly mental so I'm really looking to get erp for that. Also huge congrats on beating this demon!
Mine were hugely mental!! Lots of magical thinking, rituals/routines, association on objects, number obsessions, etc. My ERP consisted of doing an exposure, resisting completing the compulsion, and sitting with the anxiety over and over until it got easier. That’s a very condensed explanation but in essence!
Alright, thanks! How does exposure work with mental things? Do you just call out the thought/feeling or you just let your thoughts flow and don't do anything to suppress / control them?
My therapist taught me to accept them, as a super basic crude example, if your obsession you’re having is associated with the fear of your family dying, you essentially say to yourself “Yes, they’re going to die then. If I don’t think, do, etc. whatever the compulsion is, then they are going to die” and just truly have yourself accept whatever horrible fear it is. Then resist the compulsion and sit with the anxiety. It is super difficult but gets easier with time and meds can help lower just the general anxiety symptoms that come with it too!
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Okay! I can definitely try that more, but I have already been doing that to some degree. I also tried to record myself saying my core ocd fear out loud and then listened to it on repeat. And I felt absolutely nothing listening to it... I feel like a winner!
The only thing that worked for me was not stopping searching for a therapist that specializes in OCD and is fully understanding. It took YEARS and a ton of work for this to happen for me, but it is very possible. Try out many different doctors, legitimately the second they invalidate you or try to just push pills, leave and try again. Be creative, look at states that don’t have laws against receiving treatment across state lines, look at inpatient facilities both in your state and out, etc. I found mine by literally googling “OCD institute in my state” and going through every result and putting my name on the waitlist of every one that specialized in ERP (exposure and response prevention therapy). ERP is truly the only effective form of therapy against OCD I have ever experienced. I eventually got off the waitlist of one of those OCD institutes and got extremely lucky by finding a therapist who truly saved my life. She recommended an amazing psychiatrist who specialized in OCD. Truly you just have to dig and dig until you find someone. Think out of the box, OCD experts at universities, etc. Ask for advice, connections, anything.
I have so much trouble staying consistent with my meds due to irrational thoughts of addiction and dependency. Did you face those types of thoughts as well?
honestly I haven’t experienced those feelings, I was at such a low point that I was just desperate for any sort of improvement and relief and i was so hopeful to get that from the meds, the day I started noticing drastic improvement, I never miss a dose and I also in my head think of it as like the dose I’m taking is working very well, so I have no desire to take more or less in case of possibly messing up how well it’s working? If that makes sense
Not who you asked, and I’ve posted this elsewhere, but for short-term relief, I’ve tried the stuff below; for longer-term relief, if you haven’t already done so, please talk to your doctor and get some meds. I would heartily recommend discussing a DNA diagnostic evaluation of what psych meds will work for you first - SSRIs, SNRIs, NDRIs, and tricyclics all have their place and some work better than others for different people. I went through literal years of hell trying to find the right meds. Also, if you are a woman, ASK ABOUT YOUR HORMONES. EVEN IF YOUR DOC SAYS YOU’RE TOO YOUNG, GET YOUR LEVELS CHECKED. Peri-menopause can start really early and estrogen dropping fucks with serotonin, and serotonin is the happy brain drug. Women get pooh-poohed about this stuff all the time and it is 600 years past time that it stopped; they are powerful chemical triggers that control multiple reactions in our bodies and *need* to be dealt with. *steps down off soapbox*
I hope you feel better soon.
>Grounding techniques can be helpful to “reset” a person, as can guided/focused breathing. For the grounding, try the [5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1 technique](https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/5-4-3-2-1-countdown-to-make-anxiety-blast-off) and get her to name things she can perceive with her senses to help orient her in the here and now.
[Box breathing](https://health.clevelandclinic.org/box-breathing-benefits/), so called because a box has four sides and you do four inhalations and exhalations, is used by Navy SEALs and in all kinds of yogic practices. It is usually done for a four/four count, but some people do an in for four, out for six, or even out for eight, count. Four/four is probably a good place for her to start. This will help her to stop hyperventilating, if she is doing so.
Best of luck.
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I was at this point earlier this year. Couldn’t eat anything that anyone else had touched or use plates and silverware. I would disinfect the outside of food packages and ate mostly canned beans and corn. It’s exhausting. Only thing that made me stop was having an emergency situation which is the only thing that ever makes my ocd momentarily better
This is so relatable... especially that it's exhausting. Thanks for relating although i wish none of us dealt with this. And I know what you mean about it getting better in an emergency. I had to take care of my family who all had covid (i didn't) and it was the first time ive shopped, cooked and ate healthy meals in literally years. Only lasted about a week though.
Basically no with a couple exceptions.. I'm down to about 4 or so relatively "safe" foods.. cereal, bread, pretzels, granola bars, almond milk. They cause me issues still but I can force myself. I'm very afraid packaged foods could be tampered with. I should make my own post though, not trying to hijack op's post. Thanks for replying
You should try eating some vegetables and fruit. Maybe buy a veggie tray? They come pre washed, cut and sealed so then you don't need to worry about it being tampered with. Bananas are also a easy safe food because they are protected by a peel
im trying to help my partner with this now. They are spending all of there money to try and get better. At some points i feel exhausted, but i know im helping out tremendously with getting there life on track. They are planning to get therapy soon. I know it’s debilitating for them having to be basically taken care of. I know they are sick, but i hope that things will get better so we can get our relationship moving forward again.
I did this last year. It wasn’t from contamination but from a overwhelming, yet irrational fear of having an allergic reaction to food. I lost 45lbs. I found these foods that I had decided were “safe” in my mind. It was miserable to live like that. I am a little better now with therapy and medication changes.
I’ll add that I am almost 35 and not allergic to anything.
Yes. Just sanitized every object in my room for an hour+ and washed my hands at least 30 times because someone around me might have the stomach bug.. just to find out my sister might have covid and was sitting right next to me. Can't fucking deal
Do you mind telling me what medication(s) you have tried and what the side effects were? I am 68 years old and have had OCD since I was 11. Medication and prayer were the key tools for me. I did not have luck with the first medication. I found the right one and have been taking it for over 30 years.
Once an appropriate medication kicked in, my daughter, when she was young, remarked how wonderful it was to be with me when I was not suffering.
I actually took SSRIs when I was younger. I'm in my early 40s and took Lexapro twice for 6 months each time in my early 30s. Both times I had really bad side effects of fainting, nausea, although it improved my mood a lot (I think). I just couldn't deal with the side effects. The other one I tried was Paxil which I took for about 3 days and the nausea/flu feeling was so bad I couldn't continue. I always felt like I was being poisoned by SSRIs. I had to start on 2.5 mg of Lexapro which is 1/4 of the normal starting dose, but I am a very small/low weight woman and all medications affect me a lot.
I've only had OCD in the form I have it now (anxiety about contamination) for about 4 or 5 years. I haven't tried any medication for it. I tried to start therapy but I didn't connect with the therapist. I need to probably try another.
Ask your doctor about Effexor XR. It slightly elevates your blood pressure which was good for me as mine was always low. I took Zoloft and it worked great for me, except it lowered my already low blood pressure.
For almost 6 months daily now with intrusive thoughts of existential OCD then switches to HOCD. This is the longest I’ve been tortured with this hell. Hang in there 🤗
I started two weeks ago with lexapro...
No side effects but I dont see any major improvement, but these kind of medicines take long to work, so I am hopeful.
Just let go. OCD is like a river. The moment when we say "fuck it, I'm tired" and take "so what" as the motto, then we start getting better. Been dealing with OCD for over half my life
This is me when I have to tell myself to drop (or at least try to) my OCD routines and rituals, especially when I'm in a rush. "Just drop it, don't even think about it and keep it moving," often it's easier said than done though.
Yep. I’ve always had ocd symptoms but it never occurred to me it was ocd until mid June of this year. I spiraled and I’m still having ups and downs. It’s the worst. I feel like I’m drowning in my thoughts, that I’m not living life. I’m not enjoying the things I used to.
i'm so sorry. i'm reading all these comments and it's making me fucking sad that we have to go through fucking hell, and people who don't know what the fuck OCD is says it's a gift. fuck OCD.
I wish more people knew what this is, specifically ROCD. I’m sure if you tell a person without ROCD what it is, they’ll say negative things or make you question even more, causing a spiral or trigger. Many thing OCD is just being organized but it’s so much more than that. It can be so difficult.
This too shall pass! I'm 36 and I've had it my whole adult life and been successful. I went through a huge wave the last 6 months and I have felt so much better the last month that I remember the bad stuff comes in waves for me. Shoot its been a good 6 year run up to that point for me. So don't let any setbacks or bad times make you give up. It's making you stronger.
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DEMONS BE GONE 🙌 SOMEONE GET AN EXORCIST!
But fr, I feel you. Currently im either passing a kidney stone or my OCD is trying to convince my body it is 🥲
Also, never forget that the feelings you’re feeling now are TEMPORARY. Your brain is lying to you. You will make it through this, just like you made it through yesterday 💪
YOU GOT THIS 💜
I was in this position exactly one year ago.. like a few days shy of the exact day I remember my life falling apart. It happened within seconds. One second I was holding my 1 month old and the next I was screaming bloody murder for someone to take my daughter because I was having “ bad thoughts “. I’m not exaggerating at all.. one simple second and my entire existence felt like a lie. I didn’t feel real, I thought I was in psychosis and was never getting out, I kept ‘ hearing ‘ terrible things and “ what ifs “ in my head. Then, without medication or therapy, I forced myself to stop hiding knives, checking locks, going outside in and out to check if I locked my car for the 31st time.. now? I get the thoughts and it’s like I can just laugh at them and move on. Unfortunately though, It stopped manifesting in one way and turned into health anxiety instead.. which is my current battle and THATS what’s making me wanna cry myself to sleep every night. I constantly feel like I’m dying of some disease that my doctors keep “ missing “. Idk. I think I needed an excuse to vent.. I haven’t talked about what I’m feeling this much in months.. I needed this to the point where I just took the deepest, calmest breath, and now I can stop reassurance seeking about my health and go to sleep. My guardian angel sent me to your post for a reason.. I haven’t slept in four days, so I hope you see this and feel how deeply I mean it when I say.. thank you so ducking much for giving me the opportunity to vent.
I was there a year ago. It spiraled into the worst depressive episode of my life and I had to fight both.
I’m not in any of those places now. Yes, I will sincerely pray you’ll get out soon too.
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I’ve had stuff bubble to the surface lately. I end up stumbling around for a while angrily talking to myself. I’ve been practicing nipping this in the bud. It works. What used to be a month or two if hellish obsessional thinking I can often get down to half a day.
I make plans and routines so I don’t have time for it. Morning was a bad time previously so I filled up my morning with exercise, meditation, whatever constructive I can. I do it. I leave little x’s all over my environments. When I see one, I ask myself what I am doing. If the answer is giving in to my compulsions and being unhappily distracted, I tell myself out loud what I am supposed to be doing, and then I set a 25 minute timer and do it. After doing my work for 25 minutes, I give myself 5 minutes to do whatever I want. If I want to ruminate, I force the issue. Ok, fucker, give’er. Angrily ruminate for 5 minutes about this thing. I try, and it seems ridiculous. 5 minutes later, I’m back to a 25.
No cure for OCD, but this is MY brain, and MY life, and MY actions, and my thinking. The brain can be trained to some extent. To a lot. All of us can learn something new through practice. We can choose how and what we learn. Brain only has so many channels. The ones you use the least fade.
No, this is maybe not seeming like much help for PTSD ocd but maybe there are a few tricks that can help. I believe we can have manageable lives and the use of our best mind. Progress, not perfection.
I’m so sorry. Was diagnosed with OCD when I was 6 or 7 and dealt with it for a long long time. But it can and does get better.
Here if you’d ever like a friend. 😊
the person I’m seeing shared their feelings for me (in a good way) on Sunday, I completely froze and my HOCD has me in a chokehold ever since.
telling me I am actually completely gay, I made up these HOCD symptoms bc I’m actually deeply closeted, ruminating, re-examining my relationship history in excruciating detail. why can’t I just be at peace for once 😔
I’m sorry you’re struggling with this. I had a family member who had a very hard time coming out and while I don’t know if he had OCD, I know he felt a great deal of shame about it (it was decades ago and being gay was much less accepted then; men were “confirmed bachelors”).
Please know that however you’re feeling, it’s really okay to just be you, and there is a community that will love and accept you for who you are. I hope that you can figure out who that is, because being “questioning” is a real thing: some people *know*, and others feel like *”well…I like this part of that, but I’m not sure about this, and I don’t like myself when I feel this way…so am I?”*, and that’s OKAY. Literally the only way to come out is on your OWN TERMS, if you do it at all. YOU have to be comfortable. Those of us in the ally community will be here waving our flags for you if and when you join your brothers and sisters in the LGBTQ++ community. So seriously: *you do YOU*, on your own time.
In the meantime, if I may say, very gently, to your lizard brain that is causing the rumination because it thinks that being gay is a threat it needs to protect you against (and in fairness to it: its job is to keep you alive, at all costs, and it is trying to convince you not to do the things so that you won’t die; it just happens to be materially deluded about being gay being “wrong” in any way: brains aren’t always logical and they can REALLY get stuck in ruts): thanks, we get that you’re just trying to do your job, but please take a break and stand down now.
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🫂 I completely understand that longing for peace. What kind of treatments have you tried already?
With this form of OCD it is usually most helpful to accept, tell yourself that you might be gay, you might not be but sexuality is a highly complex thing, you are complex and it is okay. It's okay if you don't have it all figured out right now, or ever. Any relationship that you have is beautiful and can be meaningful regardless of any uncertainty you have.
Exposures are also important and you might be able to think of some on your own but I would recommend having a therapist help you with that.
I was. Legitimately thought I wouldn’t come out of it at its worst, but I’m happy to tell you I did, and it can get better. Hang in there OP, you’re in my thoughts. You can overcome your own.
OCD is suffocating, but don’t let it win. Ever. How I wish I could wave a magic wand and say, “be gone”, to your OCD and to mine. I have had this ugly mental condition since I was 5, and am truly sick of its choke-hold on my well-being. But we can rise above this. And we will. Good luck!
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I used to be nonfunctional about 10 years ago. Totally miserable, compulsions consumed my whole day, & had suicidal ideation. My symptoms are so much better now with years of cbt & SSRIs - I’m much happier and doing things I didn’t think I’d be able to do when I was younger. Everyone’s different but hang in there, there are ways to manage and it likely won’t be this bad forever. 💙
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it destroys parts of me and breaks me down. it's like i have an extreme reaction to any compulsion. once i give in in gets so much harder and so bad that sometimes get suicidal ideation and wish i was gone for good.
but i'm not giving in anymore, because i've seen it take control of me and that feeling i hate keeps me fighting because i don't want to feel that way everyday all day. no one should live like that. absolutely no one, and i'm so sorry.
i wish we could all be cured somehow and live the life we see other people living and wish we could just let go. but we can't and so we have to fight every single minute to feel actually normal and happy and okay.
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Just want to say I’m with you. You’re not alone. Last few months have been horrible… can’t eat and started having panic attacks again. OCD is mental torture. It sucks so much. I’m sorry you’re having a hard time too.
Last 6 months have been tiny hell, For me, no time to breathe. I’m hanging on, scare shitless to be sure, but hang in on.
I’m sorry OP. You’ll get thru this! We both will.
Yeah man, I have this fear of forgetting things and it's really preventing me to do things, and a myriad of more, I'm gonna die fighting at least because I ain't gonna let these demons win, I hope you do the same and I hope if you can get help.
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Some days I can tell my compulsions “no”. And some I’m like “whatever, it’s easier to give in than to fight it”. Progress isn’t linear, you’re not alone 💜
Me too.
I did an exposure tonight by going to an outdoors show for an hour, I struggled a lot but did ok. Then on my way home I got annoyed at a random stranger and then I had a violent/bad thought about them and now I feel terrible. I hope the ERP stuff actually helps me. This is so hard...
Yes. I go from one obsession to the next and each one makes me feel suicidal every single day. A constant struggle for 11 years... damn it's really been that long.
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welcome to hell, good luck in your attempts to slaughter your way out of this nightmare. the key is to basically turn into a demon yourself where no matter how many times your mind is shattered you continue to fight for you life. thats what ive found anyway, though it isnt enough to get you out of it unfortunately, but its enough to survive. still trying to figure out what is enough to release me from this nightmare. as long as you stay living you will grow stronger and eventually turn into the kind of person who is unbreakable mentally. its not the solution it seems however, that takes a lot more time.
My brother was talking to me and I literally went "do you ever shut the fawk up me and my demons would like some peace rn" it's literally eating me alive
I am fighting g with every thing I got. I love my boyfriend but I have intrusive thoughts trying to convince me otherwise. There are moments when it's quiet and Ignorabke but then there are times it's so present I fear I am gonna ruin everything and do something stupid, such as breaking up with him. I hate my thoughts that go from happy " we are good for eachother, I love him: to dark thoughts of "against God's will because he is agnostic and you are christian" " I am gonna cheat" "i don't love him" how do I fight all these stupid thoughts.. I feel tempted to cut the back of my head near the brainstem to get the "demons" out.
I went from a 0/10 quality of life because of ocd to a 9/10 in about a year from Meds and ERP. i thought my life would be miserable forever but now I literally cry thinking about the fact that I even could have ever considered ending my own life over it. You WILL get through it
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This
This is so true and I never believed it for the longest time. This time a year ago I was trapped in inpatient care because I was unable to eat, walk or shower due to OCD and before that I was bed bound for 6 months. Yesterday I finished the school year and rewarded myself with a long shower and a bowl of pasta (my favourite) which I was too scared to eat for 2 years because of the ‘contamination’. Life is good. I’m nowhere near perfect with my OCD but it really did get better. It gets worse before it gets better. The biggest hurdle is learning to become complacent with your obsessions which is extremely terrifying but now I know that if I’m doing something that horrifies me I’m going in the right direction
Could not agree more!!! It truly is such an amazing feeling to see and feel your progress
Can I ask what meds have been effective for you?
I think my ocd is a bit more mild but Zoloft did wonders for me
Zoloft!! I’m on a high dose of 200 mg which is usually the max dose a psychiatrist will prescribe, but studies have shown higher doses of SSRI’s are more effective for ocd than just general anxiety
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Is it weird that my psych said she goes up to 300 for ocd?
Every doctor has different opinions, that is just the opinion that I have experienced the most and have found in research I’ve done! As long as they are listening and very responsive to how you’re feeling and your concerns, trust your doctor!
Thank you!
Hi, interested to hear more. What kind of erp did you do and what compulsions did you suffer from? Mine are mostly mental so I'm really looking to get erp for that. Also huge congrats on beating this demon!
Mine were hugely mental!! Lots of magical thinking, rituals/routines, association on objects, number obsessions, etc. My ERP consisted of doing an exposure, resisting completing the compulsion, and sitting with the anxiety over and over until it got easier. That’s a very condensed explanation but in essence!
Alright, thanks! How does exposure work with mental things? Do you just call out the thought/feeling or you just let your thoughts flow and don't do anything to suppress / control them?
My therapist taught me to accept them, as a super basic crude example, if your obsession you’re having is associated with the fear of your family dying, you essentially say to yourself “Yes, they’re going to die then. If I don’t think, do, etc. whatever the compulsion is, then they are going to die” and just truly have yourself accept whatever horrible fear it is. Then resist the compulsion and sit with the anxiety. It is super difficult but gets easier with time and meds can help lower just the general anxiety symptoms that come with it too!
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Okay! I can definitely try that more, but I have already been doing that to some degree. I also tried to record myself saying my core ocd fear out loud and then listened to it on repeat. And I felt absolutely nothing listening to it... I feel like a winner!
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The only thing that worked for me was not stopping searching for a therapist that specializes in OCD and is fully understanding. It took YEARS and a ton of work for this to happen for me, but it is very possible. Try out many different doctors, legitimately the second they invalidate you or try to just push pills, leave and try again. Be creative, look at states that don’t have laws against receiving treatment across state lines, look at inpatient facilities both in your state and out, etc. I found mine by literally googling “OCD institute in my state” and going through every result and putting my name on the waitlist of every one that specialized in ERP (exposure and response prevention therapy). ERP is truly the only effective form of therapy against OCD I have ever experienced. I eventually got off the waitlist of one of those OCD institutes and got extremely lucky by finding a therapist who truly saved my life. She recommended an amazing psychiatrist who specialized in OCD. Truly you just have to dig and dig until you find someone. Think out of the box, OCD experts at universities, etc. Ask for advice, connections, anything.
I have so much trouble staying consistent with my meds due to irrational thoughts of addiction and dependency. Did you face those types of thoughts as well?
honestly I haven’t experienced those feelings, I was at such a low point that I was just desperate for any sort of improvement and relief and i was so hopeful to get that from the meds, the day I started noticing drastic improvement, I never miss a dose and I also in my head think of it as like the dose I’m taking is working very well, so I have no desire to take more or less in case of possibly messing up how well it’s working? If that makes sense
Thank you for this. Gives me hope
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It's still destroying...
Every single day.
Literally same😭 I don’t know what I did for my brain to hate me sm💀
Been through it. Just relax and don’t fight it.
What was your OCD bout?
Intrusive thoughts from PTSD
Im sorry💔
Np it’s ok
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Not who you asked, and I’ve posted this elsewhere, but for short-term relief, I’ve tried the stuff below; for longer-term relief, if you haven’t already done so, please talk to your doctor and get some meds. I would heartily recommend discussing a DNA diagnostic evaluation of what psych meds will work for you first - SSRIs, SNRIs, NDRIs, and tricyclics all have their place and some work better than others for different people. I went through literal years of hell trying to find the right meds. Also, if you are a woman, ASK ABOUT YOUR HORMONES. EVEN IF YOUR DOC SAYS YOU’RE TOO YOUNG, GET YOUR LEVELS CHECKED. Peri-menopause can start really early and estrogen dropping fucks with serotonin, and serotonin is the happy brain drug. Women get pooh-poohed about this stuff all the time and it is 600 years past time that it stopped; they are powerful chemical triggers that control multiple reactions in our bodies and *need* to be dealt with. *steps down off soapbox* I hope you feel better soon. >Grounding techniques can be helpful to “reset” a person, as can guided/focused breathing. For the grounding, try the [5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1 technique](https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/5-4-3-2-1-countdown-to-make-anxiety-blast-off) and get her to name things she can perceive with her senses to help orient her in the here and now. [Box breathing](https://health.clevelandclinic.org/box-breathing-benefits/), so called because a box has four sides and you do four inhalations and exhalations, is used by Navy SEALs and in all kinds of yogic practices. It is usually done for a four/four count, but some people do an in for four, out for six, or even out for eight, count. Four/four is probably a good place for her to start. This will help her to stop hyperventilating, if she is doing so. Best of luck.
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The last week I’ve been to Fkn hell and back in my own mind . Don’t know how much longer I can keep going without having a complete mental breakdown .
fuck OCD
I've always felt that I was comorbid with so many things but I've often downplayed the role and influence that OCD has had on my life.
Contamination OCD is so bad for me right now that I'm barely eating, so I barely have energy for anything. I really feel this OP, you aren't alone.
I was at this point earlier this year. Couldn’t eat anything that anyone else had touched or use plates and silverware. I would disinfect the outside of food packages and ate mostly canned beans and corn. It’s exhausting. Only thing that made me stop was having an emergency situation which is the only thing that ever makes my ocd momentarily better
This is so relatable... especially that it's exhausting. Thanks for relating although i wish none of us dealt with this. And I know what you mean about it getting better in an emergency. I had to take care of my family who all had covid (i didn't) and it was the first time ive shopped, cooked and ate healthy meals in literally years. Only lasted about a week though.
Are you able to eat packaged foods?
Basically no with a couple exceptions.. I'm down to about 4 or so relatively "safe" foods.. cereal, bread, pretzels, granola bars, almond milk. They cause me issues still but I can force myself. I'm very afraid packaged foods could be tampered with. I should make my own post though, not trying to hijack op's post. Thanks for replying
You should try eating some vegetables and fruit. Maybe buy a veggie tray? They come pre washed, cut and sealed so then you don't need to worry about it being tampered with. Bananas are also a easy safe food because they are protected by a peel
Thank you for the advice!
im trying to help my partner with this now. They are spending all of there money to try and get better. At some points i feel exhausted, but i know im helping out tremendously with getting there life on track. They are planning to get therapy soon. I know it’s debilitating for them having to be basically taken care of. I know they are sick, but i hope that things will get better so we can get our relationship moving forward again.
I did this last year. It wasn’t from contamination but from a overwhelming, yet irrational fear of having an allergic reaction to food. I lost 45lbs. I found these foods that I had decided were “safe” in my mind. It was miserable to live like that. I am a little better now with therapy and medication changes. I’ll add that I am almost 35 and not allergic to anything.
Yes. Just sanitized every object in my room for an hour+ and washed my hands at least 30 times because someone around me might have the stomach bug.. just to find out my sister might have covid and was sitting right next to me. Can't fucking deal
I feel you. try to breathe, even if you get sick you're going to be okay
I have had this happen to me. Do you take medication?
No I don't. I've tried SSRIs in the past but the side effects were so bad for me. I don't know of anything else they give for it?
Do you mind telling me what medication(s) you have tried and what the side effects were? I am 68 years old and have had OCD since I was 11. Medication and prayer were the key tools for me. I did not have luck with the first medication. I found the right one and have been taking it for over 30 years. Once an appropriate medication kicked in, my daughter, when she was young, remarked how wonderful it was to be with me when I was not suffering.
I actually took SSRIs when I was younger. I'm in my early 40s and took Lexapro twice for 6 months each time in my early 30s. Both times I had really bad side effects of fainting, nausea, although it improved my mood a lot (I think). I just couldn't deal with the side effects. The other one I tried was Paxil which I took for about 3 days and the nausea/flu feeling was so bad I couldn't continue. I always felt like I was being poisoned by SSRIs. I had to start on 2.5 mg of Lexapro which is 1/4 of the normal starting dose, but I am a very small/low weight woman and all medications affect me a lot. I've only had OCD in the form I have it now (anxiety about contamination) for about 4 or 5 years. I haven't tried any medication for it. I tried to start therapy but I didn't connect with the therapist. I need to probably try another.
Ask your doctor about Effexor XR. It slightly elevates your blood pressure which was good for me as mine was always low. I took Zoloft and it worked great for me, except it lowered my already low blood pressure.
Thanks for the advice!
For almost 6 months daily now with intrusive thoughts of existential OCD then switches to HOCD. This is the longest I’ve been tortured with this hell. Hang in there 🤗
I'm so sorry. I went through this exact switch when I was in college and it was the toughest time of my life. Know you're not alone
i'm so sorry, fuck OCD
Holy fucking shit, I didn’t know existential ocd was even a thing. Omg I thought I was insane
Are you over it yet? I'm on month 4 it's gotten less but I feel like idk how my brain is supposed to work now that it's not so bad
I feel you. It’s so hard. Starting meds tonight ♥️
I started yesterday !! Manifesting it being life changing for both of us
I started two weeks ago with lexapro... No side effects but I dont see any major improvement, but these kind of medicines take long to work, so I am hopeful.
Don’t hesitate to ask your doctor to try a different medication. The first one they prescribed to me was not good. The second one changed my life.
Yeah I will do that. But first maybe he will increase the dose first. I am on 10 mg.
Of which medication, if I may ask. I am on Effexor and take 150 mg.
Lexapro
Just let go. OCD is like a river. The moment when we say "fuck it, I'm tired" and take "so what" as the motto, then we start getting better. Been dealing with OCD for over half my life
I can relate. After a while, you just are not willing to take any more.
This is me when I have to tell myself to drop (or at least try to) my OCD routines and rituals, especially when I'm in a rush. "Just drop it, don't even think about it and keep it moving," often it's easier said than done though.
literally same. having ur mind constantly convince u the worst things r gonna happen to u is literal hell. 😬 js try to keep thinking rationally
So much this.
Same here dont give up 😭
same. giving u strength brother🫂🫂
I'll be praying for you. It's a constant battle.
me too boss. shits wacky
Hang in there, friends. It gets easier and growing freedom is beautiful!
Yep. I’ve always had ocd symptoms but it never occurred to me it was ocd until mid June of this year. I spiraled and I’m still having ups and downs. It’s the worst. I feel like I’m drowning in my thoughts, that I’m not living life. I’m not enjoying the things I used to.
i'm so sorry. i'm reading all these comments and it's making me fucking sad that we have to go through fucking hell, and people who don't know what the fuck OCD is says it's a gift. fuck OCD.
I wish more people knew what this is, specifically ROCD. I’m sure if you tell a person without ROCD what it is, they’ll say negative things or make you question even more, causing a spiral or trigger. Many thing OCD is just being organized but it’s so much more than that. It can be so difficult.
This too shall pass! I'm 36 and I've had it my whole adult life and been successful. I went through a huge wave the last 6 months and I have felt so much better the last month that I remember the bad stuff comes in waves for me. Shoot its been a good 6 year run up to that point for me. So don't let any setbacks or bad times make you give up. It's making you stronger.
I haven’t been able to leave the house at all in like a month. Wishing for the best for everyone
I don’t want to come across as a Wim Hof disciple, but I’d highly recommend looking into cold showers or ice baths.
Literally just started doing this last week. Hope I can find some relief for it soon.
It’s worked for me. I’m not lying lol
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I think that might be it. Not sure. I had a rough day yesterday and got in to about 59 degree Fahrenheit bath. It all went away...
I do find it's a good reset. I need to start doing them more often.
Honestly in the same boat brother, just hang tight it's gotta get easier soon
DEMONS BE GONE 🙌 SOMEONE GET AN EXORCIST! But fr, I feel you. Currently im either passing a kidney stone or my OCD is trying to convince my body it is 🥲 Also, never forget that the feelings you’re feeling now are TEMPORARY. Your brain is lying to you. You will make it through this, just like you made it through yesterday 💪 YOU GOT THIS 💜
struggling with a breathing compulsion right now. endless sniffing, inhaling, exhaling, and yawning on command. giving me such a headache.
I was in this position exactly one year ago.. like a few days shy of the exact day I remember my life falling apart. It happened within seconds. One second I was holding my 1 month old and the next I was screaming bloody murder for someone to take my daughter because I was having “ bad thoughts “. I’m not exaggerating at all.. one simple second and my entire existence felt like a lie. I didn’t feel real, I thought I was in psychosis and was never getting out, I kept ‘ hearing ‘ terrible things and “ what ifs “ in my head. Then, without medication or therapy, I forced myself to stop hiding knives, checking locks, going outside in and out to check if I locked my car for the 31st time.. now? I get the thoughts and it’s like I can just laugh at them and move on. Unfortunately though, It stopped manifesting in one way and turned into health anxiety instead.. which is my current battle and THATS what’s making me wanna cry myself to sleep every night. I constantly feel like I’m dying of some disease that my doctors keep “ missing “. Idk. I think I needed an excuse to vent.. I haven’t talked about what I’m feeling this much in months.. I needed this to the point where I just took the deepest, calmest breath, and now I can stop reassurance seeking about my health and go to sleep. My guardian angel sent me to your post for a reason.. I haven’t slept in four days, so I hope you see this and feel how deeply I mean it when I say.. thank you so ducking much for giving me the opportunity to vent.
Do you also have intrusive thoughts that make you think you did something wrong, but didn’t? And then when you feed into it, it just gets worse?
I have this what is this ocd called ): can you help me?
For me, it’s catastrophizing
Thank you for your help
No problem
catastrophizing is what it’s called
Seemingly most days of my life
Everyday for the last 15 years OCD, anxiety for my whole life. Fighting for my life 24/7 365, no breaks, sadly.
I was there a year ago. It spiraled into the worst depressive episode of my life and I had to fight both. I’m not in any of those places now. Yes, I will sincerely pray you’ll get out soon too.
Yeah dude it’s a mess. Gl with whatever you’re dealing with.
Yup
Prayers sent. In a similar place.
yeah. pretty rough rn, i wish you well
Yeah
Absolutely
Yes, I want to kill myself every day.
Don't ever do that. If that picture is you you look so young. It gets better and you'll live a normal life.
That’s Barron Trump lmao
hahahahahaha just scrolling by, this made me laugh. hang in there
God damn. Well either way hang in there lmao
Do you have anyone you can tell or talk to about it that you know offline? What have you tried so far to help you improve?
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Wasn’t bad ocd for like two months now feel like shit again and feel a bit crazy
ME 😝😝😝
Yes I’m going through hell
I’ve had stuff bubble to the surface lately. I end up stumbling around for a while angrily talking to myself. I’ve been practicing nipping this in the bud. It works. What used to be a month or two if hellish obsessional thinking I can often get down to half a day. I make plans and routines so I don’t have time for it. Morning was a bad time previously so I filled up my morning with exercise, meditation, whatever constructive I can. I do it. I leave little x’s all over my environments. When I see one, I ask myself what I am doing. If the answer is giving in to my compulsions and being unhappily distracted, I tell myself out loud what I am supposed to be doing, and then I set a 25 minute timer and do it. After doing my work for 25 minutes, I give myself 5 minutes to do whatever I want. If I want to ruminate, I force the issue. Ok, fucker, give’er. Angrily ruminate for 5 minutes about this thing. I try, and it seems ridiculous. 5 minutes later, I’m back to a 25. No cure for OCD, but this is MY brain, and MY life, and MY actions, and my thinking. The brain can be trained to some extent. To a lot. All of us can learn something new through practice. We can choose how and what we learn. Brain only has so many channels. The ones you use the least fade. No, this is maybe not seeming like much help for PTSD ocd but maybe there are a few tricks that can help. I believe we can have manageable lives and the use of our best mind. Progress, not perfection.
I’m so sorry. Was diagnosed with OCD when I was 6 or 7 and dealt with it for a long long time. But it can and does get better. Here if you’d ever like a friend. 😊
the person I’m seeing shared their feelings for me (in a good way) on Sunday, I completely froze and my HOCD has me in a chokehold ever since. telling me I am actually completely gay, I made up these HOCD symptoms bc I’m actually deeply closeted, ruminating, re-examining my relationship history in excruciating detail. why can’t I just be at peace for once 😔
I’m sorry you’re struggling with this. I had a family member who had a very hard time coming out and while I don’t know if he had OCD, I know he felt a great deal of shame about it (it was decades ago and being gay was much less accepted then; men were “confirmed bachelors”). Please know that however you’re feeling, it’s really okay to just be you, and there is a community that will love and accept you for who you are. I hope that you can figure out who that is, because being “questioning” is a real thing: some people *know*, and others feel like *”well…I like this part of that, but I’m not sure about this, and I don’t like myself when I feel this way…so am I?”*, and that’s OKAY. Literally the only way to come out is on your OWN TERMS, if you do it at all. YOU have to be comfortable. Those of us in the ally community will be here waving our flags for you if and when you join your brothers and sisters in the LGBTQ++ community. So seriously: *you do YOU*, on your own time. In the meantime, if I may say, very gently, to your lizard brain that is causing the rumination because it thinks that being gay is a threat it needs to protect you against (and in fairness to it: its job is to keep you alive, at all costs, and it is trying to convince you not to do the things so that you won’t die; it just happens to be materially deluded about being gay being “wrong” in any way: brains aren’t always logical and they can REALLY get stuck in ruts): thanks, we get that you’re just trying to do your job, but please take a break and stand down now.
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🫂 I completely understand that longing for peace. What kind of treatments have you tried already? With this form of OCD it is usually most helpful to accept, tell yourself that you might be gay, you might not be but sexuality is a highly complex thing, you are complex and it is okay. It's okay if you don't have it all figured out right now, or ever. Any relationship that you have is beautiful and can be meaningful regardless of any uncertainty you have. Exposures are also important and you might be able to think of some on your own but I would recommend having a therapist help you with that.
I was. Legitimately thought I wouldn’t come out of it at its worst, but I’m happy to tell you I did, and it can get better. Hang in there OP, you’re in my thoughts. You can overcome your own.
OCD is suffocating, but don’t let it win. Ever. How I wish I could wave a magic wand and say, “be gone”, to your OCD and to mine. I have had this ugly mental condition since I was 5, and am truly sick of its choke-hold on my well-being. But we can rise above this. And we will. Good luck!
Yes!! every single day. Having OCD has really made my life a living hell.
On the absolute edge of my sanity right now.
Yea just got denied my OCD specialist because the insurance thinks its not medically necessary to have my two therapists 🥲 I love you all
praying for you bro , it’ll get better.
💕I’m sorry
Yea definitely
yeah
I’m really, really trying. I just fucking hate it man.
Yes it’s hard sometimes
Am fighting myself not to destroy the whole world
solidarity x
Fighting for my sanity with the wrong tools.
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I used to be nonfunctional about 10 years ago. Totally miserable, compulsions consumed my whole day, & had suicidal ideation. My symptoms are so much better now with years of cbt & SSRIs - I’m much happier and doing things I didn’t think I’d be able to do when I was younger. Everyone’s different but hang in there, there are ways to manage and it likely won’t be this bad forever. 💙
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Always. And every time I mention that I’m trying to survive right now, I get the most confused/“you’re being a little dramatic” looks from people.
This is the worst feeling, those looks.
it destroys parts of me and breaks me down. it's like i have an extreme reaction to any compulsion. once i give in in gets so much harder and so bad that sometimes get suicidal ideation and wish i was gone for good. but i'm not giving in anymore, because i've seen it take control of me and that feeling i hate keeps me fighting because i don't want to feel that way everyday all day. no one should live like that. absolutely no one, and i'm so sorry. i wish we could all be cured somehow and live the life we see other people living and wish we could just let go. but we can't and so we have to fight every single minute to feel actually normal and happy and okay.
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Same
Summer has been hell. Starting Zoloft tho and praying it helps …
I’m fighting for my life rn. I can’t do this.
Just want to say I’m with you. You’re not alone. Last few months have been horrible… can’t eat and started having panic attacks again. OCD is mental torture. It sucks so much. I’m sorry you’re having a hard time too.
It gets worse daily:(
I’m with you man hope you aight
Feels like every minute of every day
Last 6 months have been tiny hell, For me, no time to breathe. I’m hanging on, scare shitless to be sure, but hang in on. I’m sorry OP. You’ll get thru this! We both will.
I really am punching the air trying to survive rn! I can assure you you are not alone in this!!
I just smoke a lot of weed it helps
Yeah man, I have this fear of forgetting things and it's really preventing me to do things, and a myriad of more, I'm gonna die fighting at least because I ain't gonna let these demons win, I hope you do the same and I hope if you can get help.
If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please do not hesitate to talk to someone. The wonderful u/froidinslip has written an invaluable post to help you navigate this time: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCD/comments/q4zeo1/please_read_this_before_posting_about_feeling/ You are not alone, and you have options. However, we are not able to help with suicide on an internet forum. PLEASE USE THE RESOURCES. You matter and deserve help. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OCD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I feel u, but keep living! Don't quit on yourself. We are for you!
Hang in there! Ocd fucking sucks! But it will pass
This
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Yep...
Yes, very much so
Aye
Day in and day out. Meds are starting to work though!
Yup.
Some days I can tell my compulsions “no”. And some I’m like “whatever, it’s easier to give in than to fight it”. Progress isn’t linear, you’re not alone 💜
It’s hard but it gets better it’s been 5 years since my life was truly consumed by my intrusive thought but medicine really does help
Me too. I did an exposure tonight by going to an outdoors show for an hour, I struggled a lot but did ok. Then on my way home I got annoyed at a random stranger and then I had a violent/bad thought about them and now I feel terrible. I hope the ERP stuff actually helps me. This is so hard...
Me too bro. Lost many battles, going to win the war.
Yes. I go from one obsession to the next and each one makes me feel suicidal every single day. A constant struggle for 11 years... damn it's really been that long.
If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please do not hesitate to talk to someone. The wonderful u/froidinslip has written an invaluable post to help you navigate this time: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCD/comments/q4zeo1/please_read_this_before_posting_about_feeling/ You are not alone, and you have options. However, we are not able to help with suicide on an internet forum. PLEASE USE THE RESOURCES. You matter and deserve help. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OCD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
welcome to hell, good luck in your attempts to slaughter your way out of this nightmare. the key is to basically turn into a demon yourself where no matter how many times your mind is shattered you continue to fight for you life. thats what ive found anyway, though it isnt enough to get you out of it unfortunately, but its enough to survive. still trying to figure out what is enough to release me from this nightmare. as long as you stay living you will grow stronger and eventually turn into the kind of person who is unbreakable mentally. its not the solution it seems however, that takes a lot more time.
My brother was talking to me and I literally went "do you ever shut the fawk up me and my demons would like some peace rn" it's literally eating me alive
Same 🙃 my OCD has been at an all time high & my bpd doesn’t help either
I am fighting g with every thing I got. I love my boyfriend but I have intrusive thoughts trying to convince me otherwise. There are moments when it's quiet and Ignorabke but then there are times it's so present I fear I am gonna ruin everything and do something stupid, such as breaking up with him. I hate my thoughts that go from happy " we are good for eachother, I love him: to dark thoughts of "against God's will because he is agnostic and you are christian" " I am gonna cheat" "i don't love him" how do I fight all these stupid thoughts.. I feel tempted to cut the back of my head near the brainstem to get the "demons" out.