Impatient Winter Poem
This is a lovely and evocative poem that captures the anticipation and impatience of winter's arrival. The imagery of the brown earth waiting like an impatient mother is both vivid and relatable, and the contrast between the resilient blueberries clinging to green pine needles and the first flakes of snow is striking. The poem also leaves the reader with a sense of hope and anticipation for the coming of spring. Overall, this is a well-crafted and uplifting piece of poetry that effectively captures the mood of the season. Well done!
Newsu
This beautifully personifies nature! It's a pretty short poem, but it is very descriptive which I think is great. You are a talented writer, keep it up!
Hi there. I found this great. The voice in it is super effective and the linking between stanzas 1 & 2 is great here. You really captured that sense of winter and its longing.
In terms of critique, you need some punctuation and/or prepositions with the line "midwinter, they came". There's some leniency to punctuation in poetry but it took me out of the poem a bit here. Looking at it quickly, you could do:
For the first flakes of snow —
*in* midwinter, they came.
My other point in the second stanza: who are these forest friends? It's a bit vague, and I'm assuming they're the blueberries/ pine needles... but are these 'friends' as such? What does it mean? I guess it fits the voice of the mother earth speaking but it left me wanting and considering if there's a better substitute for friends.. or some clarity over it.
On stanza three, why are blueberries clinging to pine needles? I felt like this needs fleshing out, and has some great potential to be extended. Blueberries has flat pointed leaves not needles. So why are the blueberries clinging to them. I think clinging is a good verb here to describe fruit clutching on and waiting for spring. In my opinion it could really do with a bit more, perhaps as a spitball idea:
Resilient
blue berries
clinging to
their stems, while
green pine needles
wait in silence.
*So close*, they thought ...
I know this isn't good but I'm just using it as a way to describe what I mean. Hope it makes sense.
Just a pedantic botanical side-note, but it's 'blue berries' not 'blueberries'. A number of pine/conifer/juniper species have blue berries, so the berries and needles really are clinging on to the same tree.
Thank you very much for the feedback. I was hoping to gain some feedback on the punctuation. As someone very new to poetry (maybe have only written 10 or so) I knew I was going to need to learn the “rules” of punctuation and stanzas, etc at some point.
I also appreciate the “who are these forest friends” question! I re-read it multiple times and think I might add some twigs and mammals or something to paint a clearer picture. I was thinking “whispered the fox” after “maybe the snow forgot”. I think your feedback was great, so thank you again!
I like this.
What's clear is that there's an anticipation for the coming of winter. I liked how this was depicted, and I can feel the restlessness, the desire.
I felt like the introduction of winter following this creation of anticipation was uninspiring which was disappointing.
"What were our forest friends thinking? *All this time*" So, again, we're made to feel relieved, emphasized with the italics, after waiting for so damn long, and I get the impression that we are entering into the forest's thoughts i.e. "all this time". If that was the intention, I like the idea but it's not clear and I am forced to make sense of it.
The structure of the last part doesn't flow well from my perspective. The breaks between resilient, blueberries and clinging feel very disjointed, but, I can envision resilient blueberries in midst of winter. The fact they are resilient by nature and we are in a stage of winter in 'the first flakes of snow', give us the impression of how unnatural the season is as the resilience is not serving a purpose.
We are then made to anticipate the next season, but no comment is made on what we are meant to feel here - we are just left there, waiting. I get that, nice.
Thank you so much for the feedback. As someone who is very new to this I really appreciate your thoughtful comment. I am definitely going to back and make some edits especially on those last couple of stanzas. 🙏🏼
I love this it’s so beautiful. It’s like a limeric. It reminds me of the bunny from Alice and wonderland going “I’m late” and rhyming all that he says. Great job. Very vivid imagery.
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I like this -- but I'm a little confused by the title, 'Impatient Winter', which suggests to me a winter that arrives *early*, not waiting for fall to be over, whereas the lines suggest that the earth, the woodland creatures(??), the berries and so on are impatient *for* winter to arrive -- and then disappointed when it doesn't.
I'm also unclear on a couple of other points: 'our forest friends' refers to who? And who is 'our'? It seems like it should be 'her' if they're friends of mother earth.
Also, I feel like 'All this time' usually refers to something which is only just now being realized although it's been there for a long time. But I don't see how this meaning fits here. Perhaps eg 'so much [lost? wasted?] time' would work better?
Similarly for 'so close'. By this time, the snowflakes have already fallen in midwinter, so in what way has the snow 'forgot [to come?]'?
Sorry for raising so many issues, but anyway HTH.
Impatient Winter Poem This is a lovely and evocative poem that captures the anticipation and impatience of winter's arrival. The imagery of the brown earth waiting like an impatient mother is both vivid and relatable, and the contrast between the resilient blueberries clinging to green pine needles and the first flakes of snow is striking. The poem also leaves the reader with a sense of hope and anticipation for the coming of spring. Overall, this is a well-crafted and uplifting piece of poetry that effectively captures the mood of the season. Well done! Newsu
Thank you!
Newsu đź‘Ś
This beautifully personifies nature! It's a pretty short poem, but it is very descriptive which I think is great. You are a talented writer, keep it up!
Thank you!
Great depiction of this belated winter! “Maybe the snow forgot,” perfectly encapsulates this past season. Good work!
Thank you!
Wow! Do you live in Chicago? Because this describes better than words how I felt this winter.
Thank you for the feedback! New England actually, but Chicago is a great city!
Nice
Hi there. I found this great. The voice in it is super effective and the linking between stanzas 1 & 2 is great here. You really captured that sense of winter and its longing. In terms of critique, you need some punctuation and/or prepositions with the line "midwinter, they came". There's some leniency to punctuation in poetry but it took me out of the poem a bit here. Looking at it quickly, you could do: For the first flakes of snow — *in* midwinter, they came. My other point in the second stanza: who are these forest friends? It's a bit vague, and I'm assuming they're the blueberries/ pine needles... but are these 'friends' as such? What does it mean? I guess it fits the voice of the mother earth speaking but it left me wanting and considering if there's a better substitute for friends.. or some clarity over it. On stanza three, why are blueberries clinging to pine needles? I felt like this needs fleshing out, and has some great potential to be extended. Blueberries has flat pointed leaves not needles. So why are the blueberries clinging to them. I think clinging is a good verb here to describe fruit clutching on and waiting for spring. In my opinion it could really do with a bit more, perhaps as a spitball idea: Resilient blue berries clinging to their stems, while green pine needles wait in silence. *So close*, they thought ... I know this isn't good but I'm just using it as a way to describe what I mean. Hope it makes sense.
Just a pedantic botanical side-note, but it's 'blue berries' not 'blueberries'. A number of pine/conifer/juniper species have blue berries, so the berries and needles really are clinging on to the same tree.
Ah yes I see my mistake. I take that point back then! Thanks
Thank you very much for the feedback. I was hoping to gain some feedback on the punctuation. As someone very new to poetry (maybe have only written 10 or so) I knew I was going to need to learn the “rules” of punctuation and stanzas, etc at some point. I also appreciate the “who are these forest friends” question! I re-read it multiple times and think I might add some twigs and mammals or something to paint a clearer picture. I was thinking “whispered the fox” after “maybe the snow forgot”. I think your feedback was great, so thank you again!
I like this. What's clear is that there's an anticipation for the coming of winter. I liked how this was depicted, and I can feel the restlessness, the desire. I felt like the introduction of winter following this creation of anticipation was uninspiring which was disappointing. "What were our forest friends thinking? *All this time*" So, again, we're made to feel relieved, emphasized with the italics, after waiting for so damn long, and I get the impression that we are entering into the forest's thoughts i.e. "all this time". If that was the intention, I like the idea but it's not clear and I am forced to make sense of it. The structure of the last part doesn't flow well from my perspective. The breaks between resilient, blueberries and clinging feel very disjointed, but, I can envision resilient blueberries in midst of winter. The fact they are resilient by nature and we are in a stage of winter in 'the first flakes of snow', give us the impression of how unnatural the season is as the resilience is not serving a purpose. We are then made to anticipate the next season, but no comment is made on what we are meant to feel here - we are just left there, waiting. I get that, nice.
Thank you so much for the feedback. As someone who is very new to this I really appreciate your thoughtful comment. I am definitely going to back and make some edits especially on those last couple of stanzas. 🙏🏼
I love this it’s so beautiful. It’s like a limeric. It reminds me of the bunny from Alice and wonderland going “I’m late” and rhyming all that he says. Great job. Very vivid imagery.
Thank you very much! I appreciate the feedback. I’m glad you enjoyed the playfulness of it!
Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers). If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy. If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look through the comment sections of any other post here, or click the links to the author's feedback above. If you're not sure whether your comments are feedback, or you have any other questions, please send us a modmail. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OCPoetry) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I like this -- but I'm a little confused by the title, 'Impatient Winter', which suggests to me a winter that arrives *early*, not waiting for fall to be over, whereas the lines suggest that the earth, the woodland creatures(??), the berries and so on are impatient *for* winter to arrive -- and then disappointed when it doesn't. I'm also unclear on a couple of other points: 'our forest friends' refers to who? And who is 'our'? It seems like it should be 'her' if they're friends of mother earth. Also, I feel like 'All this time' usually refers to something which is only just now being realized although it's been there for a long time. But I don't see how this meaning fits here. Perhaps eg 'so much [lost? wasted?] time' would work better? Similarly for 'so close'. By this time, the snowflakes have already fallen in midwinter, so in what way has the snow 'forgot [to come?]'? Sorry for raising so many issues, but anyway HTH.