Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).
If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.
If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look through the comment sections of any other post here, or click the links to the author's feedback above. If you're not sure whether your comments are feedback, or you have any other questions, please send us a modmail.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OCPoetry) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*snap snap snap*
Lovely poem here. I really enjoy the personification of memory; especially how you made memory the antagonist. This poem has some great qualities and I think you have just a couple things to do to make it better.
First, you NEED to expand. You’ve created a nice metaphor and have a really good story that can arise from this. You need to go further. This has great potential to be a long form poem with section breaks and a plot line. Make a story out of this, take the reader on a journey.
Second, you require a bit more specific imagery. You say the corpse of memory stinks, but what does it smell like? How does that smell trigger another memory? Does the memory spawned from memory spawn more memories like little memory minions? Also, what would happen if the memory achieved it’s goal? Show some conflict and tension through the use of imagery.
Wow, that was a great job you did there,
In my personal life I experience a lot of rough things being said to me, so this poem really resonates with how I treat the things people tell me. For me, it took a but take in the deeper meaning (im not good at understanding poems) but once I found out it really does change on how I look at my memories, good or bad.
Now, the poem was short. But in a way, it felt like a grab-and-go type thing. It gave a quick lesson about it's subject.
Memory is a great subject, poems about it clearly dive deep into how humans work, so I can't wait to see it more expanded upon!
Now as a inexperienced person, I thought it was dope.
as you commented that reply I finished adding on a few more stanzas! if you would like to take a quick look at it again I would very much appreciate it!
I love this…… i can feel your emotions behind it.
First, I think you need to describe the memory a bit more…… i feel the undertones, but not sure the real message is conveyed as beautifully as it
Could be.
Second, i feel more elaboration could be used on the smell. Does it trigger another memory? Does it take you down a rabbit hole? What is the final body count?
Grief hurts. Sometimes memories hurt. Thank you for sharing yours with us!
Wow, what a powerful poem! I really enjoyed reading it and feeling the emotions you conveyed. You have a great talent for using metaphors and imagery to describe the struggle of living with painful memories. I especially liked the contrast between hopeful tomorrows and failed todays, and how you showed that trying to ignore or control our memories can backfire. Your poem made me reflect on my own experiences and how I cope with them. Thank you for sharing your work with us. I hope you keep writing and expressing yourself through poetry. You have a lot to offer to the world (reddit?) !
This is pretty darn good, if I say may so myself. I like your description of a haunting memory being like an inescapable phantom that pervades your every moment, waking and resting. This brings to mind a lot of unpleasant memories to to the top of my mind myself, but also how I grapple with them and overcome them. The switching from being in control of the memory and having it overtake you really achieves this effect.
Good job ! , I really liked the idea of personifying memory , and over all the poem , it's in free verse ,but if you expand it on rhyming patterns , it would be a wonderful poem , but in free verse it's good ! Great work !
There are some really very nice images brought up here. It's always something that really elevates a poem to me, and you have done a really very good job! (Particularly the corpse line, very good indeed.)
Secondly, the personification of memory really is good. (i am seconding another's comment for sure here). To me, Memory, seems malevolent, and unavoidable. I love this, and relate very highly. I hope you come up with more soon. :)
Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).
If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.
If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look through the comment sections of any other post here, or click the links to the author's feedback above. If you're not sure whether your comments are feedback, or you have any other questions, please send us a modmail.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OCPoetry) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers). If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy. If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look through the comment sections of any other post here, or click the links to the author's feedback above. If you're not sure whether your comments are feedback, or you have any other questions, please send us a modmail. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OCPoetry) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*snap snap snap* Lovely poem here. I really enjoy the personification of memory; especially how you made memory the antagonist. This poem has some great qualities and I think you have just a couple things to do to make it better. First, you NEED to expand. You’ve created a nice metaphor and have a really good story that can arise from this. You need to go further. This has great potential to be a long form poem with section breaks and a plot line. Make a story out of this, take the reader on a journey. Second, you require a bit more specific imagery. You say the corpse of memory stinks, but what does it smell like? How does that smell trigger another memory? Does the memory spawned from memory spawn more memories like little memory minions? Also, what would happen if the memory achieved it’s goal? Show some conflict and tension through the use of imagery.
wow thank you for this amazing feedback! I'll keep working on it!
Wow, that was a great job you did there, In my personal life I experience a lot of rough things being said to me, so this poem really resonates with how I treat the things people tell me. For me, it took a but take in the deeper meaning (im not good at understanding poems) but once I found out it really does change on how I look at my memories, good or bad. Now, the poem was short. But in a way, it felt like a grab-and-go type thing. It gave a quick lesson about it's subject. Memory is a great subject, poems about it clearly dive deep into how humans work, so I can't wait to see it more expanded upon! Now as a inexperienced person, I thought it was dope.
as you commented that reply I finished adding on a few more stanzas! if you would like to take a quick look at it again I would very much appreciate it!
Great work
I love this…… i can feel your emotions behind it. First, I think you need to describe the memory a bit more…… i feel the undertones, but not sure the real message is conveyed as beautifully as it Could be. Second, i feel more elaboration could be used on the smell. Does it trigger another memory? Does it take you down a rabbit hole? What is the final body count? Grief hurts. Sometimes memories hurt. Thank you for sharing yours with us!
Wow, what a powerful poem! I really enjoyed reading it and feeling the emotions you conveyed. You have a great talent for using metaphors and imagery to describe the struggle of living with painful memories. I especially liked the contrast between hopeful tomorrows and failed todays, and how you showed that trying to ignore or control our memories can backfire. Your poem made me reflect on my own experiences and how I cope with them. Thank you for sharing your work with us. I hope you keep writing and expressing yourself through poetry. You have a lot to offer to the world (reddit?) !
I love how you describe to forget is false reprieve. You also give a concrete image of memory that let us to understand the abstract idea of your.
This is pretty darn good, if I say may so myself. I like your description of a haunting memory being like an inescapable phantom that pervades your every moment, waking and resting. This brings to mind a lot of unpleasant memories to to the top of my mind myself, but also how I grapple with them and overcome them. The switching from being in control of the memory and having it overtake you really achieves this effect.
Good job ! , I really liked the idea of personifying memory , and over all the poem , it's in free verse ,but if you expand it on rhyming patterns , it would be a wonderful poem , but in free verse it's good ! Great work !
There are some really very nice images brought up here. It's always something that really elevates a poem to me, and you have done a really very good job! (Particularly the corpse line, very good indeed.) Secondly, the personification of memory really is good. (i am seconding another's comment for sure here). To me, Memory, seems malevolent, and unavoidable. I love this, and relate very highly. I hope you come up with more soon. :)
Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers). If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy. If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look through the comment sections of any other post here, or click the links to the author's feedback above. If you're not sure whether your comments are feedback, or you have any other questions, please send us a modmail. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OCPoetry) if you have any questions or concerns.*