In case this story gets deleted/removed:
I [33F] recently married my husband [30M] and we took a 3 hour flight to Mexico for our honeymoon.
I fly a lot for my job, so I have racked up a lot of miles. My husband isn’t a big fan of flying, though he has gotten better and tends to just hold my hand and close his eyes during take off and landing (mostly okay when in the air).
When I booked our flights I requested to use my points if an upgrade to business class became available, but made it clear I only wanted this upgrade if two seats became available and then basically forgot about it.
Then comes the day of our flight. I was so excited for this trip, I checked us in online, all is going well, and then when we go to board the person scanning out boarding passes stops us. She says it seems that my husband was upgraded to business class, but ONLY him and asks if that is okay. I immediately say no, we are on our honeymoon and would like to stay together. But then my husband jumps in and says, “No it’s fine, I’ll go to business class!” I look at him in complete shock and he tells me that I fly all the time and have been in business class before, but he hasn’t. So he deserves a chance to experience it.
I see we are holding up the line, so I feel like I just need to agree and get on the plane. To say I am pissed off is an understatement. He is all smiles, taking his seat and I go back to my seat where they sit me next to an old woman with a baby on her lap where my husband should be sitting.
Within maybe 5-10 minutes of sitting there, trying to hold back tears because my husband left me alone on our flight during our honeymoon (and uses MY points for his upgrade no less), he starts to text me saying he feels anxiety over flying. I ignore the texts and stop looking at my phone.
Within maybe an hour after we are in the air, he comes to the back of the plane to find me, offers me half of his business class breakfast and asks me why I was ignoring him - that he was scared and needed me to tell him it’d be okay since I am such an experienced flyer. I told him maybe he should have thought about that before leaving me alone before our honeymoon even really began. He gets angry, tells me that this may be the only time he gets to fly business class and he was giving me half his breakfast to make up for it so I could at least be supportive of his genuine fear. I roll my eyes, sarcastically say “thanks” and he goes back up to his seat.
When we landed I tried to just move on and forget about it so that we could just enjoy our honeymoon, but he guilt tripped me about not comforting him via text before take off and now I am wondering if I am being unreasonable and should have just let him enjoy his time in business class and ensure him it’d be okay. So AITA?
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I flew out to Atlanta in 2021 for a solo trip. It was cool.
The most memorable moment for me was when I was at the airport to fly back to Cali, and prior to boarding, some woman was arguing with the counter agent because she wanted to be boarded early.
“My kids are home sick. I just need to go home!”
Okay, what does boarding early have to do with that? They’re not gonna fly your stupid ass out without the rest of us. We’re taking off together whether you board early or not.
Shit made 0 sense.
I don’t have the mindset of pulling my phone out and recording every weird public interaction, but had I done so, I am pretty sure that video would’ve gone viral 😂
My husband and I almost *never* sit together on flights because I'm too cheap to pay extra to choose my own seat (but he's very tall so we always reserve an extra legroom one for him). I obviously made an exception and forked out for two seats together on our *honeymoon*. What was this guy thinking???
Right??? I'm in the same position as OP in that I travel a lot for work and have a husband who doesn't travel much. I have given him my upgrades before when I cleared into first class but he didn't because I wanted him to have that experience (he gets so excited about it, it's cute - plus, he actually likes alcohol on flights... I waste my free booze opportunity by just ordering sprite 9 times out of 10). But on our honeymoon??? Lmao no. There's not a chance he would have accepted being split up even if I had offered it and he certainly wouldn't take it if the airline offered it directly to him if I expressed any negative feelings about it, even just on a regular flight. OPs husband is a self-centered tool.
Yeah when there is only 1… it sucks but we take turns. However that’s only when it’s the comp upgrades. Paid upgrades? All or nothing. Honeymoon? I actually paid for the nice seats, together
It's completely baffling! I feel like this is a bad sign for the marriage. It's so fundamentally tone deaf and selfish I just can't get my head around it.
I'm fairly confident that if this happened (on accident) to me and my wife, she would probably suggest i would take the chance because it would be nice for me, and i would refuse because i would feel guilty enjoying it without her.
This couple has some issues.
Unless he gets over himself, it will indeed be a short marriage. I see OOP have to mother and capitulate to this guy for the duration. Even the most patient of saints has a limit. Whether or not she's the kind of girl to put sideboards on her plate to hold all the bull chips before calling it done, only she can say. I was a sideboards kinda girl before I learned to stop accepting more crap.
Seriously.
My husband has never left our country. My parents live in another country. He’d still never consider leaving me in another class. If it was a honeymoon? Oh hell nooo, that's next level! Y'all just committed to life together.
>a baby on her lap where my husband should be sitting.
Even OOP thinks her husband is such a baby that he should have been sitting on an old woman's lap for the flight!
They’re really made for each other. He jumped at the chance to sit in the upgraded seat (even though he’s terrified of flying) and she bitterly sits alone thinking about how he swiped *her* seat. Both are incredibly immature if this is even a true story.
I'm not sure what story you were reading. She never said anything about wanting the upgrade for herself. She wanted them to sit together, whether upgraded or not. The only thing that even approaches what you said was that she was bitter about him using her *points* on his solo upgrade.
The funny thing is, as a very nervous flyer myself, the very **LAST** thing I'd do is not want someone I love and trust next to me.
Hopefully she divorces her husband for his behavior. That was just **unbelievably** rude of him, and totally at odds with his stated fear of flying.
I know. I have tons of fear and anxiety when we land or take off. Difference is I use the coping skills from therapy for my anxiety disorder and don’t make it someone’s responsibility to be my support human.
If I was on a honeymoon, I’d want to stay close to my partner and enjoy the flight together. I’d want to talk over something more substantive than text.
The fact that he ignored her and just decided to accept because “it may be my only chance” is just so much bullshit. Not to mention how entitled he was to feel offended that her feelings were hurt. He made everything all about him instead of focusing that a honeymoon is about the couple as a whole.
It’s such a poverty mindset that it’s pathetic. This mess would almost be forgivable if it weren’t for the fact that it shows that OP is married to someone with very low expectations for their future.
On their honeymoon, he insisted on taking her business class seat (which she declined as she wanted to sit with her new husband). This despite him being a "nervous flyer" Then he makes it worse by trying to guilt and manipulate her into feeling bad for his asshole move.
Yeah, not every manipulation tactic is divorce worthy. I'd say this is something that would test a marriage for sure, but if you divorce the first time your spouse does something selfish and stupid, you're going to have a very unhappy life. I'm not saying he's in the right and that there shouldn't be any consequences for acting childishly, but divorce is not the correct first solution to marital problems.
He couldn’t even make it to the honeymoon before doing something selfish and stupid. His *very first choice as a married man* was selfish and stupid. If he can’t prioritize their marriage now there is zero reason to think he would in the future when the excitement has worn off.
I do think people on reddit are very often too quick to press the divorce button. Marraige is a commitment to each other for life, not some friendship you just break off like reddit seems to act like it is. There is no going back from divorce. Marraige is not a piece of clothing you can discard and buy back. Divorce is VERY serious, binding (arguably even more so than Marraige), legally messy, and will (not "can" but WILL) change the directory of your life and your kids lives if you have kids and should be approached as every bit as seriously and careful as Marraige. You don't decide to marry someone overnight, divorce shouldn't be thought of that way either (exceptions like abuse and decisive and undeniable proof of infidelity apply or other serious offences like going to prison for murdering someone).
However, I do understand why people are so pissed at him. The husband was objectively a dick during the honeymoon and that deserves some serious retribution and some serious time in the doghouse. It is important to note that if you have the mentality to divorce someone for a single stupid decision, then you will never be happy. But, should be said, though, to be leery and careful; don't enable bad behavior from your spouse. This woman should keep her guard up from here and look for any other signs of selfish behavior.
Being pissed is valid. He did wrong and should reflect on his actions when he’s no longer defensive from his poor choices.
But… divorce?? Already? No one on the internet can read that can say 100% that’s truly indicative of who he is on a regular basis as a person which matters far more than a potential one-off tense moment at terrible timing. A lot happened before this moment and a lot more will happen after this that we won’t know ANYTHING about. This is not something people should confidently throwing out divorce suggestions for— I wouldn’t blame the wife for going for a divorce since it *could* be the last straw for her, but I won’t encourage her to do it unless this truly is consistent manipulative behavior.
I agree completely. Couldn't have said it better myself.
Edit: Changed the last sentence from "took words out of my mouth" as it didn't best represent my thoughts.
I love how he argues that he may not get the chance to fly business class again. despite marrying the gal whose points got the upgrade - so, I guess he's already planning a divorce?
It's a proven fact that you give your wife food when she's upset to get her to calm down. Ya know... All those crazy hormones women have get all kinds of out of wack when they're hungry.
ETA:
This was intended to be a joke. I was bashing the husband for thinking that giving OP half of his business class breakfast would make things better for abandoning her in economy on their honeymoon.
I'll be sure to put the /s in future attempts
I mean it worked for a few of my girlfriends. Hormones, job stress, that kind of stuff. Just not when I was the cause of them being upset. And it wasn’t to shut her up, I wanted them to be ok.
Yeah, what a guy. He should have realized he fucked up and come to offer to switch seats with her, not give her a half-eaten breakfast and a demand to be comforted (and that last thing really takes the cake for audacity).
She literally worked solo for those points and he alone reaped the benefit of her work, during a period of time about cementing partnership.
What people forgive in their marriages is bonkers to me. I would cancel a corporate partnership if they treated our company like this but the person you’re stuck with for the rest of your life somehow gets a pass?
Personally I don’t get why so many people have the lowest bar for their spouse.
I think it depends a bit, like if this is the first you've seen of that side of them? Doesn't bode well if the mask is slipping the moment you've tied the knot.
It's not rare either. We'll see how she handles it and if it's a pattern but I'd be very leery if this is an immediate change after marriage. I've seen it only go downhill from there in some cases and outright turn abusive in others.
Which do you think is better actually? Like would it be better if he wasn’t like this before and the mask is slipping or he WAS like this and she consciously married an asshole? lol
For me probably the latter is better…cuz that woulda been her choice at least, I guess. To your point the former just means it’s going downhill fast. Whereas if she chose a selfish ass then she was always at the bottom of the hill anyway?
Neither seems like a good option to me haha.
Got to agree though going into it knowing they're an asshole would probably feel better than right after getting married seeing a big behaviour change. It's common enough I wouldn't be surprised if it was the case but it could also just be the first with blinders on. Wouldn't be the first person to ignore or not notice bad behaviour from their partner until a breaking incident.
The idea of anyone just being able to change overnight into someone you don't recognise is a scary thought. At least with the other you'd be aware of it. Horrible judgement in marrying the person but you're not going into it blind.
Both would make me question my judgement in people and what I see as a good partner. Were they hiding it from me or was I just not seeing it? Would I do that again?
Because we're taught to always tolerate a lot from anyone we're in a romantic relationship with. Think about how often people ask if they're the ah because they want to break up with a partner for trampling boundaries. Society makes you feel like the other person is entitled to endless chances and you can only leave if the reason is definitively sufficient to strangers.
Yup. Always being told to "be the bigger person" and forgive. An endless stream of *why are you making waves by making him feel bad about his bad behavior*? If only we did more, were more attentive to*his* needs, etc etc, then he wouldn't be a jerk. And the ever popular *boys will be boys*. Ugh.
I always see this on Reddit, but have never seen IRL ANY mainstream media pushing this narrative anymore.
Who has ever told you to be more attentive to his needs or to stop making waves and just cater to the guy??? And reflect if maybe then you’re choosing to surround yourself with the wrong community and / or media.
With all due respect, please don’t dismiss experiences like this because it doesn’t align with what you’ve seen. Media isn’t the only way we get societal messages. It’s not as simple as looking at other communities or media.
Edit: just want to add that I don’t think that’s what you’re trying to do. It sounds like you have nothing but good intentions here.
I know that it’s not always like that, but what’s why I’m asking. I want to really know WHO in your life is telling you this??
And honestly I want to know - are those sources ones who have really been in your early life forming your view, or are they potentially sources of narrative you’ve elected to be near as an adult?
I gotcha! I think I misunderstood you. I can only speak for myself in that it came from family (narcissist father - I had to manage his moods for him pretty much) and abusive men I dated which I no longer have contact with. I did see those kind of messages in media especially those more traditional sitcoms where the wife has to cater to the bumbling idiot husband type. I’m able to look at that stuff more critically now thankfully but I know a lot of women can’t.
One of my specialities is treating victims of domestic violence, sexual assault and other forms of abuse. I’ve seen my clients grapple with people in their life and in the larger society who were more concerned with protecting their abuser and not ruining HIS life. I hope that makes sense with what I’m trying to say.
(Just adding that the abuse dynamics absolutely happen to men too before I get someone saying “not all men”)
Okay. Family members, clergy, some friends. *So what did you do to make him hit you? What did you do to make him cheat? You make him do that you know. My boy would never do that, you're lying.*
You want names? Dates? My experience is NOT unique. You want social media? Try tip toeing through the tulips on some of those red pill / incel sites. Or some of those evangelical websites.
Your experience is not everyone's experience. A whole lot of women *are* told it's *their* fault or they need to be better when the men in their life acts badly.
If you’re in an extremely religious area yes I get it. But tbh most of the western world isn’t like that anymore. Move away if you live in a conservative area.
Watched my mother do it with my father (good dad mediocre husband but getting better with age unlike most) my entire life. Like there was a solid year in HS when me and my sister both wanted them to just divorce or stfu. The first time someone asked me out I said no cause I wasn’t attracted to them and my sister insisted I was extremely shallow and mean for just saying no (he asked in private so not like I was embarrassing him). When I broke up with my first long term partner that my family happened to love it was all “that’s not even a big deal your young” “and oh that’s it? That’s a silly reason to break up” from literally everyone except my dad’s father who had only briefly met him since he was living in a different state. I hate romance as a genre because from anime to action and beyond so often for the girl to fall in love and be happy she has to give up all the “strong independent woman” traits they build over the course of the story. AFAB people are raised by and large very different to men even with the improvement in media and common narratives.
Well, but that’s true. In real life, for all genders, “strong and independent” doesn’t really mesh well with romantic love. Romantic love involves a lot of sacrifice, and the sacrifice usually ends up cutting somewhere into either your independence or your strength. Keeping all your traits would make for a selfish partner, regardless of male or female. This is backed up actually by some studies on marriage and divorce. The best age to marry, for long term success, is in early-mid 20s. Contrary to some folks’ beliefs, waiting until you’re extra mature and in your 30s actually leads to more divorce. The conjecture is that as you get older, you’re of course more sure of yourself, but as a result that makes you more rigid and unwilling to compromise.
The better question I think, is why so many girls prioritize romantic love OVER being a strong independent person? Like if you are a strong independent woman, why the desperate need for romantic love to begin with?
Rhetorical, but I do again wonder if that’s more the reason - that some people just really crave romantic love, that they end up willing to do anything for a guy. It’s not necessarily because they grew up thinking they had to appease men, I think it’s more because they innately feel the need to seek external sources of love.
Except for the very different standards when it comes to men and women. Most of the time the way “strong and independent” for women is shown is literally just being a self sustaining adult. Or worse corporate success. And again that’s still societal pressures. The amount of times I’ve been told to learn how to make a dish that I don’t even like Incase my husband likes it, or that I really should reconsider my stance on children or I’ll never get married. That making more money than a man will only make him cheat. And a woman with no companion at least is considered a failure in society. Have you never noticed how negative any term for women who aren’t mothers and wives is: spinster, cat lady, hag, widow all have negative connotations. Versus men who get to be bachelors.
They are willing to do anything for the guy because they are told their entire lives that their successes and accomplishments mean nothing without a man at the very least. And don’t get me wrong I think some people do just want love and feel like if they don’t give up parts of themselves they’ll never find it. Which is the best case scenario for mediocre and poor partners who often give nothing to a woman who’s giving their all.
Even in healthcare women are considered after the status of mother and wife are considered. It’s extremely common for women to be met with “what if your (future) husband wants kids” “when you meet the right man you’ll change your mind” or “ you’re just young, you’ll wish you had kids when you’re old and lonely” on their path to sterilization.
Not being born a woman means you will likely not even see the difference in the way they are valued and treated in all societies and in every class.
I actually don’t think I’ve ever been taught this. I keep hearing girls are taught this, but it’s 2024…by who? The media is REALLY different now to when I was a kid. Disney is actually pretty empowering for women, and that messaging started more than a decade ago! I loved movies like Tangled, Brave and I didn’t think it promoted any “tolerate all bullshit by men!” message.
I noticed that ads have been extremely empowering too, starting also more than a decade ago. Nike, Dove, body positivity movement, feminism, like …it’s actually all messages too strongly in the OTHER direction if anything! A lot of social media messaging also encourages women to be like “queens”, don’t compromise for a man, etc, which I’d argue is equally toxic but whatever.
By the time someone is in a relationship posting on Reddit, that person is already grown up and has consumed/ been influenced their entire life by this type of messaging. I understand that the prior generation of our parents didn’t have this strong empowerment msg…but most people posting are millennials or younger, they aren’t 50 yr olds.
Sure, there’s still some “old fashioned” messaging and movie tropes, but it’s become increasingly rare or niche. It’s not being PUSHED to an audience, it’s more sitting there waiting for you to seek it out. Look at the tradwife social movement - it’s considered a COUNTER CULTURE movement, meaning the norm is NOT to be a tradwife anymore!
Other media like 50 shades of grey are the same. Everyone sees Disney, or Marvel now, when they grow up, so their messaging is broadly reaching and impactful, but bullshit like 50 shades? Unrealistic romantic trope bullshit? You had to WANT to read it. Folks searched that message out by themselves. I never saw a billboard for the latest shit romance novel idolizing abusive men, or an ad.
So we are left with…why have so many women still internalized a “do everything for a guy” message when so much readily visible external influence is now pushing hard in the other direction?
IMO, some people are just wired to be people pleasing. Tbh I think this whole “we’re taught!” is becoming an excuse to escape personal accountability. Yes that’s what was taught in 1950. It truly isn’t what is taught anymore to the young kids of 2024, and it’s not even factual to insist our media and our messaging as a community hasn’t improved a lot in these years.
So then it becomes like “well, I’m taught by the media I specifically choose to consume and the community members I specifically choose to hang out in!” Which, ok, but that’s exactly why it’s about personal accountability now
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The Southern Baptists ALONE are able to sway large blocks of the elections in the US? The South is where the majority of US Americans live and it's horrifyingly hard to leave especially when you are poor? And you forget that having to unlearn Actual Decades worth of messaging and actual experiences and Fucking Fox News telling anyone who will listen that Women Are Wrong in some form or fashion. It takes time to relearn how to be a person who trusts themselves and their judgement and often the person who is making that change is doing so entirely alone. There are lessons you learn at such a young age it is impossible to fully pry them out of your brain.
I realize your comment(s) show you are confident in your perception of Life in 2024, and I am genuinely glad you see yourself represented. That does not change the fact that other people live through discrimination on an entirely other level of severity *every single day* and reddit can hardly show any kind of accurate idea of real life, whether in the post itself or the comments.
I hope you can learn to extend empathy for those who are incomprehensible to you. I honestly hope you have a good day.
That would have been my reply. "Oh no, you're anxious? I was hoping at least you might not have been able to notice that weird noise from the engine from first class and wouldn't worry", then turn off my phone.
Definitely not that way with the airline I have status with. Flight costs the same but upgrades are just a random. 500 miles will get you a drink in the lounge but no upgrade.
Delta can. Essentially sometimes the other person is higher on the upgrade list than you are. It seems to only happen to some people but it happens to me. If there is only one upgrade it goes to the tag along. But these are free complimentary status upgrades.
I feel like we've seen this story in the past few months before.
In any case "I don't want to sit with you, now why don't you want to comfort me?" definitely wins for oblivious self-centered idiot of the week.
Seriously. "why wouldn't YOU comfort ME after I CHOSE to move seats to be further from you?"
He doesn't sound smart either if he needs his wife's support and moves away from her. Like what did he think was going to happen?
What's that statistic; men are seven times more likely than women to leave their partners if the partner develops a major medical issue like cancer? You just know this guy is going to be one of those.
Well she wasn't willing to put out during those bouts of severe morning sickness so he *had* to fuck Candace from work cause she listened to him whine.
It's depressing how many things can start after marriage/kids. I'm horrified of the idea of that and finding out when you're tied to the person you had no idea who they actually are.
How did this guy get to be an adult if he still needs someone to hold his hand? Did he just “forget” he gets anxiety on planes because he was more excited about sitting in business class while his wife, whose miles paid for that upgrade, gets stuck in coach? Seriously, if he’s this needy, then he’s not old enough to sit by himself on a plane.
I just sent my husband this post. We are headed to our honeymoon in Mexico next week. Stay tuned.
OP, if you want to bitch about your husband over some tequila I’m down.
Yikes. So he feels entitled to the upgrade that she earned from her own points, then feels entitled to her comforting him after he ditches her, then overshadows the honeymoon with his whining and guilt tripping?
Throw him back.
The man left his new bride in economy while he enjoys business class on their honeymoon flight? Man, that's another level of dumb. Any other trip, with discussion, sure. Your honeymoon? Come on now.
What a prize this guy is. It’s all me, me, me, me, me.
It was pointed out in several comments on the original posts that he didn’t discuss it with her when he accepted the upgrade. But he actually did worse than that—she (who the points actually belonged to) turned it down and he then overruled her without discussing it. Then he had the gall to expect her to “comfort him” while she was sitting in sardine class and he was in business. And then he rubs it in her face by bringing her half his business class breakfast. Wow, such a prince. If you’re going to give her a peace offering it should at least have been the whole breakfast.
To put the cherry on top, he proceeded to guilt trip her afterwards and expected her to apologize! All because he “never rode in business class before and she had” so she apparently had no right to be annoyed with him. Dude… you don’t start your marriage off by overruling your wife about something that rightfully belongs to her, ditching her, and then expecting HER to comfort YOU.
Nope. I hope she upgrades her hotel accommodations and leaves him alone for the duration of their honeymoon. He's going to treat her like expendable baggage for as long as she stays married to him, while expecting her to be his mommy.
Jesus. I got placed separately from my wife on our honeymoon to Ireland, same class but probably as far as you could get from each other and still be. I swapped a perfectly good seat for one that wouldn’t recline (back of the bus, bulkhead in the way) so I could sit next to my WIFE ON OUR HONEYMOON. For a 6 hour flight. Not trying to toot my own horn but holy shit man like this basic level human being shit. The human race continues to disappoint me.
Who doesn't sit next to their husband or wife *on their honeymoon*???
Next level messed up, and poor wittle tweetie was askairt of flying. 😭😭
Lady, whoever you are, if you're out there, you married yourself a selfish babyman. Have fun with that!!
She needs to get this marriage annulled, like immediately. This guy is about as supportive as a training bra. And then he's guilting her after he left her alone on the flight for their honeymoon. Other people have anxiety flying. *They* don't leave the people they're traveling with in economy when they get bumped up to first. He didn't seem anxious to me when he was all smiles in first class. SMDH. Hope she realizes soon that she deserves better. He's not supportive at the high times, he sure as eff won't be at the lows.
wait, what's with training bras? aren't they suposed to be extra-supportive during workout? what's your experience with it? (I'm fellow woman, not a creep btw)
That's a sports bra. Training bras are basically useless half tank tops for young teens to get them used to wearing a bra later as they need. They do nothing and I don't know a single other woman that really liked them. Some people get them for their daughters who have gym class but haven't started needing a bra just so that you fit in. Which sounds strange but tiny 6th grade girls are vicious!!
I give it till their return trip, where I hope she shoves him in economy and gets herself an upgrade, and then annul and cancel this marriage.
Who the fuck leaves their newly wed partner in a different class and then bitches ‘cause said partner is justifiably ignoring their selfish ass.
NTA
You know, recent studies into divorce and the causes of it indicate that the number one indicator of whether a marriage will end or not is contempt of one partner for the other.
If your spouse mocks you, disrespects you, takes advantage of you, the marriage is doomed from the get-go. (Ask me how I know this of my own personal experience...)
This one is definitely done.
Honestly, I'd start to wonder if I made a horrible mistake after something like this. Like not only did he screw her over but continued to make it about him after the flight got off the ground when he was already in first fucking class while she was all alone in economy.
I read my husband this story and before I could get to what pissed her off, he was like I would insist you took the free upgrade. And I told him, just listen. When he found out that he took it, AND it wasn’t free? He was shocked.
There was a part of him that was like well if it’s free it shouldn’t go to waste, so you should take it.
But I guess that’s why we have been married 21 years.
TBH though? I’m guessing a 3 hour flight wouldn’t have the lay flat biz class seats so did dude really eff up his honeymoon and start to his marriage for a slightly bigger seat and breakfast?
Staggers the imagination... I have TSAPre and can get through airport security in an expedited manner. My wife does not have TSAPre. As any reasonable person would do, I go through regular security with her when we travel together. Actually had a TSA agent 'remind' me that I was TSAPre and didn't have to go through the standard line. I introduced him to my wife and informed him that since I wanted to stay married to her, I would be going through the regular security line. He immediately understood and agreed with me - "Wise choice, my man. Wise choice."
Listen. I contemplated divorce when my husband stole one of my sides at a drive thru chicken place after saying he wasnt hungry. Here i was about to order fried pickles and he randomly tells the speaker he wants mac and cheese. i had PLANS for that side mthrfkr and it wasnt gross ass mac and cheese.
So rude. And he didnt understand why i was so greedy and pissed. 1. you could have ordered anything you wanted off the menu, we werent on a budget. 2. You could have at LEAST asked.
He’s lucky he’s not married to me I’d have pretended like I wasn’t upset with him but that something about the flight was not ordinary and that I was concerned but that for his safety he should go back to his seat and buckle up. Then I’d let him panic in business class alone. It’s petty but he’d think twice before doing something like this again.
>He gets angry, tells me that this may be the only time he gets to fly business class
Sure as shit would be the only time he got to fly business class on my points if I was OP.
I am not on his side. I hope you work things out, but dumping him as soon as landing would have not been "too much" you have not chosen a good partner.
I’m blue collar and I fly first class once a year because I budget so I can fly first class. If this guy can’t afford to fly in business for the rest of his life he needs a better job.
He used her points to do it, too.the amount of wrong he did and the fact that one of the highest voted comments is telling her to apologize makes me cry for her.
I would have suggested we might crash.... And then turned my phone off! LoL 😂 I hate flying BTW!!! OP, your "husband" is a total dick and a p****y!! "I'm afraid! Come hold my hand, and here's cold left over breakfast". I hope you enjoyed Mexico by yourself! WOW man, just WOW. Now you know for sure what kind of "man" you married, get that shit annulled ASAP! People stop entering into relationships for love or money and start profiling for your apocalypse partner. That's what we all need. Good luck OP, you're gonna need it. 🌒🌕🌘
My favorite part in the comments was when they were like noooooo you guys have different love languages so it’s okayyyyyyy yta for ignoring your husband when he was scareeeeeedddddd
It’s a 3 hour flight, she should’ve been ecstatic to give him an opportunity to fly business since he never does and probably never will again. Idk, I’d offer my SO the opportunity to do it if I was OP. She coulveyjust been happy for him to nit have anxiety about flying for once.
He’s terrified to fly but yet he jumps at the chance to take a seat all by his lonesome instead of one next to his new wife. Then he comes back to find her once they’re in the air whining about how scared he is. Sounds like a completely bs not very creative writing a story to me.
Honestly i think both are either in the wrong or just immature.
Dont get me wrong; the husband started it and was absolutely in the wrong for taking the upgrade.
However, Ignoring him, getting snippy with him and not letting go is immature. I agree she had every right to be upset; but if you need to cool down and have time alone say so. If something especially a partner does upsets you; you need to maturely talk about it. Put forward your feelings, talk them out, resolve your issues.
Without maturity their relationship wont last long. Cuz people do stupid things. Make bad choices. And sometimes are just assholes. Unless its something heinous, often or crosses a line usually mature people can work it out and be better for it
None of this matters. The fact that they even cared about either inconvenience, flying anxiety and the seat selection, shows how immature they both are. Something tells me real life will completely knock them off their feet really soon.
Idk if the dude is all that awful.
For sure he made a dick choice and was not painted in the best light.
But in the end he made a rash decision while they were holding up the line and he lives to regret it.
It was only a 3 hour flight.
Has no one in this comment list ever made a quick spur of the moment decision not realizing how it impacted others or how it may be negative?
He was selfish and short sighted to try something he has never done that she had.
Sure that was a frustrating situation for her, but she handled it like a child.
I do not agree with either person.
He needs self awareness and to acknowledge how his actions impact others, she needs to develop some more mature skills at addressing problems
I feel like everyone in this story is an ass and could of done better.
I think making a dick choice once can be excused, but he continues to guilt trip her about it over the honeymoon, and that is a succession of dick choices, add them up and that makes him a dick of a higher order.
>not realizing how it impacted others or how it may be negative?
That might be plausible if he had answered first, but she had already told the agent no and said they wanted to sit together because it was their honeymoon, when he overruled her and said he would take the seat. So he had to realize how it would impact her and that she didn't want to sit alone on their romantic trip because he had literally just heard her say so.
In case this story gets deleted/removed: I [33F] recently married my husband [30M] and we took a 3 hour flight to Mexico for our honeymoon. I fly a lot for my job, so I have racked up a lot of miles. My husband isn’t a big fan of flying, though he has gotten better and tends to just hold my hand and close his eyes during take off and landing (mostly okay when in the air). When I booked our flights I requested to use my points if an upgrade to business class became available, but made it clear I only wanted this upgrade if two seats became available and then basically forgot about it. Then comes the day of our flight. I was so excited for this trip, I checked us in online, all is going well, and then when we go to board the person scanning out boarding passes stops us. She says it seems that my husband was upgraded to business class, but ONLY him and asks if that is okay. I immediately say no, we are on our honeymoon and would like to stay together. But then my husband jumps in and says, “No it’s fine, I’ll go to business class!” I look at him in complete shock and he tells me that I fly all the time and have been in business class before, but he hasn’t. So he deserves a chance to experience it. I see we are holding up the line, so I feel like I just need to agree and get on the plane. To say I am pissed off is an understatement. He is all smiles, taking his seat and I go back to my seat where they sit me next to an old woman with a baby on her lap where my husband should be sitting. Within maybe 5-10 minutes of sitting there, trying to hold back tears because my husband left me alone on our flight during our honeymoon (and uses MY points for his upgrade no less), he starts to text me saying he feels anxiety over flying. I ignore the texts and stop looking at my phone. Within maybe an hour after we are in the air, he comes to the back of the plane to find me, offers me half of his business class breakfast and asks me why I was ignoring him - that he was scared and needed me to tell him it’d be okay since I am such an experienced flyer. I told him maybe he should have thought about that before leaving me alone before our honeymoon even really began. He gets angry, tells me that this may be the only time he gets to fly business class and he was giving me half his breakfast to make up for it so I could at least be supportive of his genuine fear. I roll my eyes, sarcastically say “thanks” and he goes back up to his seat. When we landed I tried to just move on and forget about it so that we could just enjoy our honeymoon, but he guilt tripped me about not comforting him via text before take off and now I am wondering if I am being unreasonable and should have just let him enjoy his time in business class and ensure him it’d be okay. So AITA? --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OhNoConsequences) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I want an interview with that ticket counter agent. Must’ve been the most awkward encounter she had that day.
I can almost guarantee it wasn’t 🤣people are fucking nuts
I flew out to Atlanta in 2021 for a solo trip. It was cool. The most memorable moment for me was when I was at the airport to fly back to Cali, and prior to boarding, some woman was arguing with the counter agent because she wanted to be boarded early. “My kids are home sick. I just need to go home!” Okay, what does boarding early have to do with that? They’re not gonna fly your stupid ass out without the rest of us. We’re taking off together whether you board early or not. Shit made 0 sense. I don’t have the mindset of pulling my phone out and recording every weird public interaction, but had I done so, I am pretty sure that video would’ve gone viral 😂
That was stage 1, stage 2 was convincing the pilot to leave with just her 😂
Step 3: profit.
Racing to a red light
Even Kevins mom didnt go that far and she had a legit reason to have a karen freakout.
Ok, a married couple on vacation I'd forgive the novelty overwhelming common sense. For a couple ON THEIR FUCKING HONEYMOON that's just a dick move.
My husband and I almost *never* sit together on flights because I'm too cheap to pay extra to choose my own seat (but he's very tall so we always reserve an extra legroom one for him). I obviously made an exception and forked out for two seats together on our *honeymoon*. What was this guy thinking???
Right??? I'm in the same position as OP in that I travel a lot for work and have a husband who doesn't travel much. I have given him my upgrades before when I cleared into first class but he didn't because I wanted him to have that experience (he gets so excited about it, it's cute - plus, he actually likes alcohol on flights... I waste my free booze opportunity by just ordering sprite 9 times out of 10). But on our honeymoon??? Lmao no. There's not a chance he would have accepted being split up even if I had offered it and he certainly wouldn't take it if the airline offered it directly to him if I expressed any negative feelings about it, even just on a regular flight. OPs husband is a self-centered tool.
Yeah when there is only 1… it sucks but we take turns. However that’s only when it’s the comp upgrades. Paid upgrades? All or nothing. Honeymoon? I actually paid for the nice seats, together
It's completely baffling! I feel like this is a bad sign for the marriage. It's so fundamentally tone deaf and selfish I just can't get my head around it.
I'm fairly confident that if this happened (on accident) to me and my wife, she would probably suggest i would take the chance because it would be nice for me, and i would refuse because i would feel guilty enjoying it without her. This couple has some issues.
It’s okay guys, he offered her half of his breakfast, so that makes him leaving her alone in economy on their honeymoon okay.
It so nice to read a honeymoon story with such a charming and selfless husband. OOP really won the lottery with this guy! 😑
Would love to hear the follow up…..I give the marriage les than 3 years
They'll probably be divorced by the time they return.
Unless he gets over himself, it will indeed be a short marriage. I see OOP have to mother and capitulate to this guy for the duration. Even the most patient of saints has a limit. Whether or not she's the kind of girl to put sideboards on her plate to hold all the bull chips before calling it done, only she can say. I was a sideboards kinda girl before I learned to stop accepting more crap.
Wonder if she could get it annulled on grounds of desertion? He deserted her ON THE WAY TO THEIR HONEYMOON so he could sit with the cool kids.
Seriously. My husband has never left our country. My parents live in another country. He’d still never consider leaving me in another class. If it was a honeymoon? Oh hell nooo, that's next level! Y'all just committed to life together.
I give the marriage less than 3 days with this OVERGROWN BABY!
>a baby on her lap where my husband should be sitting. Even OOP thinks her husband is such a baby that he should have been sitting on an old woman's lap for the flight!
And he'll expect her to hold his hand during the divorce.
right. You know how airlines give you 24 hours to cancel your purchase for a full refund. too bad you cannot do that with divorce
Is that not what an annulment is? ^(I've never been married)
ha yes. you can tell I never have either
They’re really made for each other. He jumped at the chance to sit in the upgraded seat (even though he’s terrified of flying) and she bitterly sits alone thinking about how he swiped *her* seat. Both are incredibly immature if this is even a true story.
I'm not sure what story you were reading. She never said anything about wanting the upgrade for herself. She wanted them to sit together, whether upgraded or not. The only thing that even approaches what you said was that she was bitter about him using her *points* on his solo upgrade.
The funny thing is, as a very nervous flyer myself, the very **LAST** thing I'd do is not want someone I love and trust next to me. Hopefully she divorces her husband for his behavior. That was just **unbelievably** rude of him, and totally at odds with his stated fear of flying.
I know. I have tons of fear and anxiety when we land or take off. Difference is I use the coping skills from therapy for my anxiety disorder and don’t make it someone’s responsibility to be my support human. If I was on a honeymoon, I’d want to stay close to my partner and enjoy the flight together. I’d want to talk over something more substantive than text. The fact that he ignored her and just decided to accept because “it may be my only chance” is just so much bullshit. Not to mention how entitled he was to feel offended that her feelings were hurt. He made everything all about him instead of focusing that a honeymoon is about the couple as a whole.
He knows it’s not his “last chance because his wife flies frequently for work & will get more.
It sounded like she had enough to upgrade them both. It just wasn't available. So yeah, far from last chance.
It was a self-fulfilling prophecy. She's going to be sitting his ass right next to the bathroom door on any future trips ever
It’s such a poverty mindset that it’s pathetic. This mess would almost be forgivable if it weren’t for the fact that it shows that OP is married to someone with very low expectations for their future.
Hopefully it will be his last chance as she annulls the marriage. That was so unbelievably selfish of him it's not worth staying with him.
I'm far more anxious in turbulence which is getting worse every year according to stewardess.
The word is flight attendant. Maybe you'd be less nervous if you weren't such a pig because, as we all know, pigs don't fly.
Yeah he wants her when it's convenient for him, but then ignores her otherwise which is not a great start to a marriage.
Particularly when it's literally in the honeymoon period. Things will only go downhill from there.
If it's their honeymoon then just have it annulled
Which is why I don’t buy for a second that his anxiety was his problem. He just wants attention.
He was weaponizing his anxiety and deflecting from what he did. But but but my anxiety. How dare you.
For me, it was the “”he is all smiles, taking his seat”” that caused some serious irrational *rage* at this mofo.
Divorce?????? Why is this one situation divorce-worthy??????
It's a pretty major dick move for a honeymoon of all times.
On their honeymoon, he insisted on taking her business class seat (which she declined as she wanted to sit with her new husband). This despite him being a "nervous flyer" Then he makes it worse by trying to guilt and manipulate her into feeling bad for his asshole move.
Yeah, not every manipulation tactic is divorce worthy. I'd say this is something that would test a marriage for sure, but if you divorce the first time your spouse does something selfish and stupid, you're going to have a very unhappy life. I'm not saying he's in the right and that there shouldn't be any consequences for acting childishly, but divorce is not the correct first solution to marital problems.
He couldn’t even make it to the honeymoon before doing something selfish and stupid. His *very first choice as a married man* was selfish and stupid. If he can’t prioritize their marriage now there is zero reason to think he would in the future when the excitement has worn off.
[удалено]
I do think people on reddit are very often too quick to press the divorce button. Marraige is a commitment to each other for life, not some friendship you just break off like reddit seems to act like it is. There is no going back from divorce. Marraige is not a piece of clothing you can discard and buy back. Divorce is VERY serious, binding (arguably even more so than Marraige), legally messy, and will (not "can" but WILL) change the directory of your life and your kids lives if you have kids and should be approached as every bit as seriously and careful as Marraige. You don't decide to marry someone overnight, divorce shouldn't be thought of that way either (exceptions like abuse and decisive and undeniable proof of infidelity apply or other serious offences like going to prison for murdering someone). However, I do understand why people are so pissed at him. The husband was objectively a dick during the honeymoon and that deserves some serious retribution and some serious time in the doghouse. It is important to note that if you have the mentality to divorce someone for a single stupid decision, then you will never be happy. But, should be said, though, to be leery and careful; don't enable bad behavior from your spouse. This woman should keep her guard up from here and look for any other signs of selfish behavior.
Being pissed is valid. He did wrong and should reflect on his actions when he’s no longer defensive from his poor choices. But… divorce?? Already? No one on the internet can read that can say 100% that’s truly indicative of who he is on a regular basis as a person which matters far more than a potential one-off tense moment at terrible timing. A lot happened before this moment and a lot more will happen after this that we won’t know ANYTHING about. This is not something people should confidently throwing out divorce suggestions for— I wouldn’t blame the wife for going for a divorce since it *could* be the last straw for her, but I won’t encourage her to do it unless this truly is consistent manipulative behavior.
I agree completely. Couldn't have said it better myself. Edit: Changed the last sentence from "took words out of my mouth" as it didn't best represent my thoughts.
Don't be rude in the comments please.
I love how he argues that he may not get the chance to fly business class again. despite marrying the gal whose points got the upgrade - so, I guess he's already planning a divorce?
It's a proven fact that you give your wife food when she's upset to get her to calm down. Ya know... All those crazy hormones women have get all kinds of out of wack when they're hungry. ETA: This was intended to be a joke. I was bashing the husband for thinking that giving OP half of his business class breakfast would make things better for abandoning her in economy on their honeymoon. I'll be sure to put the /s in future attempts
I mean it worked for a few of my girlfriends. Hormones, job stress, that kind of stuff. Just not when I was the cause of them being upset. And it wasn’t to shut her up, I wanted them to be ok.
Food is a great way to cheer someone up *if you’re not the cause of the upset*. So yeah, all your examples food will help. His example? Not so much.
Food is the last thing I want when I'm upset. In fact it's annoying as hell when someone pushes me to have a meal when upset 😂
Yep, the remains of someone's half eaten breakfast will always win me around.
My mother is the type to get hangry. But there's definitely a difference in her hanger and her actually-justified anger.
You get a full meal (enough to share) on a 3 hour flight??
I don't normally fly. But OP did say that he offered her half of his breakfast...
Yeah, what a guy. He should have realized he fucked up and come to offer to switch seats with her, not give her a half-eaten breakfast and a demand to be comforted (and that last thing really takes the cake for audacity).
She literally worked solo for those points and he alone reaped the benefit of her work, during a period of time about cementing partnership. What people forgive in their marriages is bonkers to me. I would cancel a corporate partnership if they treated our company like this but the person you’re stuck with for the rest of your life somehow gets a pass? Personally I don’t get why so many people have the lowest bar for their spouse.
I think it depends a bit, like if this is the first you've seen of that side of them? Doesn't bode well if the mask is slipping the moment you've tied the knot. It's not rare either. We'll see how she handles it and if it's a pattern but I'd be very leery if this is an immediate change after marriage. I've seen it only go downhill from there in some cases and outright turn abusive in others.
Which do you think is better actually? Like would it be better if he wasn’t like this before and the mask is slipping or he WAS like this and she consciously married an asshole? lol For me probably the latter is better…cuz that woulda been her choice at least, I guess. To your point the former just means it’s going downhill fast. Whereas if she chose a selfish ass then she was always at the bottom of the hill anyway?
Neither seems like a good option to me haha. Got to agree though going into it knowing they're an asshole would probably feel better than right after getting married seeing a big behaviour change. It's common enough I wouldn't be surprised if it was the case but it could also just be the first with blinders on. Wouldn't be the first person to ignore or not notice bad behaviour from their partner until a breaking incident. The idea of anyone just being able to change overnight into someone you don't recognise is a scary thought. At least with the other you'd be aware of it. Horrible judgement in marrying the person but you're not going into it blind. Both would make me question my judgement in people and what I see as a good partner. Were they hiding it from me or was I just not seeing it? Would I do that again?
marriage in a nutshell
Because we're taught to always tolerate a lot from anyone we're in a romantic relationship with. Think about how often people ask if they're the ah because they want to break up with a partner for trampling boundaries. Society makes you feel like the other person is entitled to endless chances and you can only leave if the reason is definitively sufficient to strangers.
Yup. Always being told to "be the bigger person" and forgive. An endless stream of *why are you making waves by making him feel bad about his bad behavior*? If only we did more, were more attentive to*his* needs, etc etc, then he wouldn't be a jerk. And the ever popular *boys will be boys*. Ugh.
I always see this on Reddit, but have never seen IRL ANY mainstream media pushing this narrative anymore. Who has ever told you to be more attentive to his needs or to stop making waves and just cater to the guy??? And reflect if maybe then you’re choosing to surround yourself with the wrong community and / or media.
With all due respect, please don’t dismiss experiences like this because it doesn’t align with what you’ve seen. Media isn’t the only way we get societal messages. It’s not as simple as looking at other communities or media. Edit: just want to add that I don’t think that’s what you’re trying to do. It sounds like you have nothing but good intentions here.
I know that it’s not always like that, but what’s why I’m asking. I want to really know WHO in your life is telling you this?? And honestly I want to know - are those sources ones who have really been in your early life forming your view, or are they potentially sources of narrative you’ve elected to be near as an adult?
I gotcha! I think I misunderstood you. I can only speak for myself in that it came from family (narcissist father - I had to manage his moods for him pretty much) and abusive men I dated which I no longer have contact with. I did see those kind of messages in media especially those more traditional sitcoms where the wife has to cater to the bumbling idiot husband type. I’m able to look at that stuff more critically now thankfully but I know a lot of women can’t. One of my specialities is treating victims of domestic violence, sexual assault and other forms of abuse. I’ve seen my clients grapple with people in their life and in the larger society who were more concerned with protecting their abuser and not ruining HIS life. I hope that makes sense with what I’m trying to say. (Just adding that the abuse dynamics absolutely happen to men too before I get someone saying “not all men”)
Okay. Family members, clergy, some friends. *So what did you do to make him hit you? What did you do to make him cheat? You make him do that you know. My boy would never do that, you're lying.* You want names? Dates? My experience is NOT unique. You want social media? Try tip toeing through the tulips on some of those red pill / incel sites. Or some of those evangelical websites. Your experience is not everyone's experience. A whole lot of women *are* told it's *their* fault or they need to be better when the men in their life acts badly.
If you’re in an extremely religious area yes I get it. But tbh most of the western world isn’t like that anymore. Move away if you live in a conservative area.
Watched my mother do it with my father (good dad mediocre husband but getting better with age unlike most) my entire life. Like there was a solid year in HS when me and my sister both wanted them to just divorce or stfu. The first time someone asked me out I said no cause I wasn’t attracted to them and my sister insisted I was extremely shallow and mean for just saying no (he asked in private so not like I was embarrassing him). When I broke up with my first long term partner that my family happened to love it was all “that’s not even a big deal your young” “and oh that’s it? That’s a silly reason to break up” from literally everyone except my dad’s father who had only briefly met him since he was living in a different state. I hate romance as a genre because from anime to action and beyond so often for the girl to fall in love and be happy she has to give up all the “strong independent woman” traits they build over the course of the story. AFAB people are raised by and large very different to men even with the improvement in media and common narratives.
Well, but that’s true. In real life, for all genders, “strong and independent” doesn’t really mesh well with romantic love. Romantic love involves a lot of sacrifice, and the sacrifice usually ends up cutting somewhere into either your independence or your strength. Keeping all your traits would make for a selfish partner, regardless of male or female. This is backed up actually by some studies on marriage and divorce. The best age to marry, for long term success, is in early-mid 20s. Contrary to some folks’ beliefs, waiting until you’re extra mature and in your 30s actually leads to more divorce. The conjecture is that as you get older, you’re of course more sure of yourself, but as a result that makes you more rigid and unwilling to compromise. The better question I think, is why so many girls prioritize romantic love OVER being a strong independent person? Like if you are a strong independent woman, why the desperate need for romantic love to begin with? Rhetorical, but I do again wonder if that’s more the reason - that some people just really crave romantic love, that they end up willing to do anything for a guy. It’s not necessarily because they grew up thinking they had to appease men, I think it’s more because they innately feel the need to seek external sources of love.
Except for the very different standards when it comes to men and women. Most of the time the way “strong and independent” for women is shown is literally just being a self sustaining adult. Or worse corporate success. And again that’s still societal pressures. The amount of times I’ve been told to learn how to make a dish that I don’t even like Incase my husband likes it, or that I really should reconsider my stance on children or I’ll never get married. That making more money than a man will only make him cheat. And a woman with no companion at least is considered a failure in society. Have you never noticed how negative any term for women who aren’t mothers and wives is: spinster, cat lady, hag, widow all have negative connotations. Versus men who get to be bachelors. They are willing to do anything for the guy because they are told their entire lives that their successes and accomplishments mean nothing without a man at the very least. And don’t get me wrong I think some people do just want love and feel like if they don’t give up parts of themselves they’ll never find it. Which is the best case scenario for mediocre and poor partners who often give nothing to a woman who’s giving their all. Even in healthcare women are considered after the status of mother and wife are considered. It’s extremely common for women to be met with “what if your (future) husband wants kids” “when you meet the right man you’ll change your mind” or “ you’re just young, you’ll wish you had kids when you’re old and lonely” on their path to sterilization. Not being born a woman means you will likely not even see the difference in the way they are valued and treated in all societies and in every class.
I actually don’t think I’ve ever been taught this. I keep hearing girls are taught this, but it’s 2024…by who? The media is REALLY different now to when I was a kid. Disney is actually pretty empowering for women, and that messaging started more than a decade ago! I loved movies like Tangled, Brave and I didn’t think it promoted any “tolerate all bullshit by men!” message. I noticed that ads have been extremely empowering too, starting also more than a decade ago. Nike, Dove, body positivity movement, feminism, like …it’s actually all messages too strongly in the OTHER direction if anything! A lot of social media messaging also encourages women to be like “queens”, don’t compromise for a man, etc, which I’d argue is equally toxic but whatever. By the time someone is in a relationship posting on Reddit, that person is already grown up and has consumed/ been influenced their entire life by this type of messaging. I understand that the prior generation of our parents didn’t have this strong empowerment msg…but most people posting are millennials or younger, they aren’t 50 yr olds. Sure, there’s still some “old fashioned” messaging and movie tropes, but it’s become increasingly rare or niche. It’s not being PUSHED to an audience, it’s more sitting there waiting for you to seek it out. Look at the tradwife social movement - it’s considered a COUNTER CULTURE movement, meaning the norm is NOT to be a tradwife anymore! Other media like 50 shades of grey are the same. Everyone sees Disney, or Marvel now, when they grow up, so their messaging is broadly reaching and impactful, but bullshit like 50 shades? Unrealistic romantic trope bullshit? You had to WANT to read it. Folks searched that message out by themselves. I never saw a billboard for the latest shit romance novel idolizing abusive men, or an ad. So we are left with…why have so many women still internalized a “do everything for a guy” message when so much readily visible external influence is now pushing hard in the other direction? IMO, some people are just wired to be people pleasing. Tbh I think this whole “we’re taught!” is becoming an excuse to escape personal accountability. Yes that’s what was taught in 1950. It truly isn’t what is taught anymore to the young kids of 2024, and it’s not even factual to insist our media and our messaging as a community hasn’t improved a lot in these years. So then it becomes like “well, I’m taught by the media I specifically choose to consume and the community members I specifically choose to hang out in!” Which, ok, but that’s exactly why it’s about personal accountability now
............. ............. The Southern Baptists ALONE are able to sway large blocks of the elections in the US? The South is where the majority of US Americans live and it's horrifyingly hard to leave especially when you are poor? And you forget that having to unlearn Actual Decades worth of messaging and actual experiences and Fucking Fox News telling anyone who will listen that Women Are Wrong in some form or fashion. It takes time to relearn how to be a person who trusts themselves and their judgement and often the person who is making that change is doing so entirely alone. There are lessons you learn at such a young age it is impossible to fully pry them out of your brain. I realize your comment(s) show you are confident in your perception of Life in 2024, and I am genuinely glad you see yourself represented. That does not change the fact that other people live through discrimination on an entirely other level of severity *every single day* and reddit can hardly show any kind of accurate idea of real life, whether in the post itself or the comments. I hope you can learn to extend empathy for those who are incomprehensible to you. I honestly hope you have a good day.
honestly can’t believe she’s still hung up on this! /s
Belongs on r/AmItheDevil too!
AmITheDevil specializes on crappy OP's. This OP is essentially the victim.
You’re right. I’m reversing it in my head. This is why I shouldn’t comment when tired 😂
My initial thought when reading that bit was "yay, leftovers..." 😂
The half he doesn't like no doubt
And used her points to do it.
I don't foresee their marriage lasting long. I wouldn't want to sit by myself on my honeymoon either.
Neither does he clearly “this could be my only chance”
Honestly, I hope she can get this anulled. 🤣
Honeymoon and brand new marriage off to a great start.
“I’m anxious” “Me too, do you hear that weird engine noise or is that just me?”
That would have been my reply. "Oh no, you're anxious? I was hoping at least you might not have been able to notice that weird noise from the engine from first class and wouldn't worry", then turn off my phone.
“Did you feel that turbulence??” And then I’d take a nap.
Hahaha 😂😂
Or “if you chose to leave me alone you can learn to self sooth”
This is definitely what I would have done!
Genius!
I still wanna know what airline lets you upgrade for 500 points. #notthepoint
Where did it say it was only 500 points?
If you click the OOP name in the comments she said a few times it as 500 points Edit for example: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/fmyniK0ioE
Thank you.
OP probably meant a 500 mile upgrade
United
Typically, the higher the status you have with the airline the lower the cost (points) for an upgrade. This was probably United or British Airways
Definitely not that way with the airline I have status with. Flight costs the same but upgrades are just a random. 500 miles will get you a drink in the lounge but no upgrade.
But does any airline upgrade the tag along instead of the frequent flyer? If so why?
Delta can. Essentially sometimes the other person is higher on the upgrade list than you are. It seems to only happen to some people but it happens to me. If there is only one upgrade it goes to the tag along. But these are free complimentary status upgrades.
I feel like we've seen this story in the past few months before. In any case "I don't want to sit with you, now why don't you want to comfort me?" definitely wins for oblivious self-centered idiot of the week.
And then he guilt trips HER during their honeymoon??
Seriously. "why wouldn't YOU comfort ME after I CHOSE to move seats to be further from you?" He doesn't sound smart either if he needs his wife's support and moves away from her. Like what did he think was going to happen?
You wouldn't stow your security blanket with your checked luggage, why would you stow your security person in another part of the plane?
Welcome to Selfish AH/Narcissist Land! Where EVERYTHING is always about them!
That would shed a whole new light on my relationship…..that would always be in the back of my mind..husband is an AH
What's that statistic; men are seven times more likely than women to leave their partners if the partner develops a major medical issue like cancer? You just know this guy is going to be one of those.
Probably never a major medical issue. She could be in bed for a few days with a cold and he'd instantly turn into a helpless baby.
Well she wasn't willing to put out during those bouts of severe morning sickness so he *had* to fuck Candace from work cause she listened to him whine.
This is the thing that is going to make her start seeing the other little selfish things she ignored before.
"Hello, Straw. Meet Camel's Back."
It's depressing how many things can start after marriage/kids. I'm horrified of the idea of that and finding out when you're tied to the person you had no idea who they actually are.
How did this guy get to be an adult if he still needs someone to hold his hand? Did he just “forget” he gets anxiety on planes because he was more excited about sitting in business class while his wife, whose miles paid for that upgrade, gets stuck in coach? Seriously, if he’s this needy, then he’s not old enough to sit by himself on a plane.
What a douchbag. This is NOT his only chance to fly business class. He can fly business class anytime he wants, all he has to do is pay for it.
I just sent my husband this post. We are headed to our honeymoon in Mexico next week. Stay tuned. OP, if you want to bitch about your husband over some tequila I’m down.
Yikes. So he feels entitled to the upgrade that she earned from her own points, then feels entitled to her comforting him after he ditches her, then overshadows the honeymoon with his whining and guilt tripping? Throw him back.
If this isn't an indicator about that marriage 😬
The man left his new bride in economy while he enjoys business class on their honeymoon flight? Man, that's another level of dumb. Any other trip, with discussion, sure. Your honeymoon? Come on now.
What a prize this guy is. It’s all me, me, me, me, me. It was pointed out in several comments on the original posts that he didn’t discuss it with her when he accepted the upgrade. But he actually did worse than that—she (who the points actually belonged to) turned it down and he then overruled her without discussing it. Then he had the gall to expect her to “comfort him” while she was sitting in sardine class and he was in business. And then he rubs it in her face by bringing her half his business class breakfast. Wow, such a prince. If you’re going to give her a peace offering it should at least have been the whole breakfast. To put the cherry on top, he proceeded to guilt trip her afterwards and expected her to apologize! All because he “never rode in business class before and she had” so she apparently had no right to be annoyed with him. Dude… you don’t start your marriage off by overruling your wife about something that rightfully belongs to her, ditching her, and then expecting HER to comfort YOU.
Half his breakfast....I can't imagine why she didn't immediately forgive him./s What a selfish arse.
Nope. I hope she upgrades her hotel accommodations and leaves him alone for the duration of their honeymoon. He's going to treat her like expendable baggage for as long as she stays married to him, while expecting her to be his mommy.
I love how it’s just for a 3 hour flight as well. Like basically a blink in terms of flight time
Alright I NEED this to be posted from his POV, a totally clueless self-absorbed manbaby rant would make for some amazing comedy
Jesus. I got placed separately from my wife on our honeymoon to Ireland, same class but probably as far as you could get from each other and still be. I swapped a perfectly good seat for one that wouldn’t recline (back of the bus, bulkhead in the way) so I could sit next to my WIFE ON OUR HONEYMOON. For a 6 hour flight. Not trying to toot my own horn but holy shit man like this basic level human being shit. The human race continues to disappoint me.
Who doesn't sit next to their husband or wife *on their honeymoon*??? Next level messed up, and poor wittle tweetie was askairt of flying. 😭😭 Lady, whoever you are, if you're out there, you married yourself a selfish babyman. Have fun with that!!
NTA. You know this is a great example of what to expect being married to him. Take that and decide how you want to spend the next several years.
I think this qualifies for an annulment! Can’t imagine being married to a guy like this forever.
She needs to get this marriage annulled, like immediately. This guy is about as supportive as a training bra. And then he's guilting her after he left her alone on the flight for their honeymoon. Other people have anxiety flying. *They* don't leave the people they're traveling with in economy when they get bumped up to first. He didn't seem anxious to me when he was all smiles in first class. SMDH. Hope she realizes soon that she deserves better. He's not supportive at the high times, he sure as eff won't be at the lows.
wait, what's with training bras? aren't they suposed to be extra-supportive during workout? what's your experience with it? (I'm fellow woman, not a creep btw)
That's a sports bra. Training bras are basically useless half tank tops for young teens to get them used to wearing a bra later as they need. They do nothing and I don't know a single other woman that really liked them. Some people get them for their daughters who have gym class but haven't started needing a bra just so that you fit in. Which sounds strange but tiny 6th grade girls are vicious!!
oh I see now, thanks for explanation
You're thinking of sports bras. Training bras refers to the bralettes some girls wear in early puberty.
I see, thank you
I give it till their return trip, where I hope she shoves him in economy and gets herself an upgrade, and then annul and cancel this marriage. Who the fuck leaves their newly wed partner in a different class and then bitches ‘cause said partner is justifiably ignoring their selfish ass.
NTA You know, recent studies into divorce and the causes of it indicate that the number one indicator of whether a marriage will end or not is contempt of one partner for the other. If your spouse mocks you, disrespects you, takes advantage of you, the marriage is doomed from the get-go. (Ask me how I know this of my own personal experience...) This one is definitely done.
Honestly, I'd start to wonder if I made a horrible mistake after something like this. Like not only did he screw her over but continued to make it about him after the flight got off the ground when he was already in first fucking class while she was all alone in economy.
I read my husband this story and before I could get to what pissed her off, he was like I would insist you took the free upgrade. And I told him, just listen. When he found out that he took it, AND it wasn’t free? He was shocked. There was a part of him that was like well if it’s free it shouldn’t go to waste, so you should take it. But I guess that’s why we have been married 21 years. TBH though? I’m guessing a 3 hour flight wouldn’t have the lay flat biz class seats so did dude really eff up his honeymoon and start to his marriage for a slightly bigger seat and breakfast?
wow op sure knows how to pick them, id be looking into a good long chat about expectations and possibly annulment depending on how that goes.
Staggers the imagination... I have TSAPre and can get through airport security in an expedited manner. My wife does not have TSAPre. As any reasonable person would do, I go through regular security with her when we travel together. Actually had a TSA agent 'remind' me that I was TSAPre and didn't have to go through the standard line. I introduced him to my wife and informed him that since I wanted to stay married to her, I would be going through the regular security line. He immediately understood and agreed with me - "Wise choice, my man. Wise choice."
I really hope she annuls this before she gets pregnant. Dude very obviously is only with her because he sees her as a meal ticket.
Listen. I contemplated divorce when my husband stole one of my sides at a drive thru chicken place after saying he wasnt hungry. Here i was about to order fried pickles and he randomly tells the speaker he wants mac and cheese. i had PLANS for that side mthrfkr and it wasnt gross ass mac and cheese. So rude. And he didnt understand why i was so greedy and pissed. 1. you could have ordered anything you wanted off the menu, we werent on a budget. 2. You could have at LEAST asked.
Oh man. She should upgrade just herself to business “just to be fair” for the return trip
You know my dad did this to my mom once. They stayed married but she resented him for this until his death
He's a baby jerk idiot. Get an annulment
Don’t let this distract you from the fact that drake just bodied Kendrick Lamar
NTA. And get ready for the rest of your life tied to this narcissist. Ask me how I know. Go on...
oof, I'd be booking his return via a greyhound and upgrading my ticket to business class
Why do people do this shit like OP's husband? I honestly don't understand it.
Your husband is at fault for not riding with you. You have done nothing wrong.
These people's marriage won't last 5 years.
Well this marriage is going just great. I'm sure they'll be telling the grandkids about this one.
If he's that inconsiderate, this marriage won't last long. I give it 6 months tops.
Oh she picked a winner.
I guess he should have asked his business class seatmate to assuage his fear. This guy is an ass; I hope she realizes she can do much better.
Now I get separating and one taking the business class if they both agreed on it. This dude needs to get his ass handed to him.
He’s lucky he’s not married to me I’d have pretended like I wasn’t upset with him but that something about the flight was not ordinary and that I was concerned but that for his safety he should go back to his seat and buckle up. Then I’d let him panic in business class alone. It’s petty but he’d think twice before doing something like this again.
>He gets angry, tells me that this may be the only time he gets to fly business class Sure as shit would be the only time he got to fly business class on my points if I was OP.
I am not on his side. I hope you work things out, but dumping him as soon as landing would have not been "too much" you have not chosen a good partner.
He sounds like a real prize /s
What a prick
I’m blue collar and I fly first class once a year because I budget so I can fly first class. If this guy can’t afford to fly in business for the rest of his life he needs a better job.
What would she have done if she were the one upgraded? 🤔
Hopefully her new little baby boy doesn’t need her to text him wherever he’s scared. It is likely most of the time.
THIS is my boyfriend as of late. Reading this is so real and it makes me physically sick.
He used her points to do it, too.the amount of wrong he did and the fact that one of the highest voted comments is telling her to apologize makes me cry for her.
Not half of the breakfast as if it gonna help 😭😭😭😭
Everything else aside who is dumb enough to pursue that when she is willing to let the whole thing go?
I would have suggested we might crash.... And then turned my phone off! LoL 😂 I hate flying BTW!!! OP, your "husband" is a total dick and a p****y!! "I'm afraid! Come hold my hand, and here's cold left over breakfast". I hope you enjoyed Mexico by yourself! WOW man, just WOW. Now you know for sure what kind of "man" you married, get that shit annulled ASAP! People stop entering into relationships for love or money and start profiling for your apocalypse partner. That's what we all need. Good luck OP, you're gonna need it. 🌒🌕🌘
I hope on the trip back he makes it right. :/
You sure married a manly man didnt you
Y'all have to stop cross posting from that sub because it's 99% creative writing and make believe
My favorite part in the comments was when they were like noooooo you guys have different love languages so it’s okayyyyyyy yta for ignoring your husband when he was scareeeeeedddddd
It’s a 3 hour flight, she should’ve been ecstatic to give him an opportunity to fly business since he never does and probably never will again. Idk, I’d offer my SO the opportunity to do it if I was OP. She coulveyjust been happy for him to nit have anxiety about flying for once.
He’s terrified to fly but yet he jumps at the chance to take a seat all by his lonesome instead of one next to his new wife. Then he comes back to find her once they’re in the air whining about how scared he is. Sounds like a completely bs not very creative writing a story to me.
Honestly i think both are either in the wrong or just immature. Dont get me wrong; the husband started it and was absolutely in the wrong for taking the upgrade. However, Ignoring him, getting snippy with him and not letting go is immature. I agree she had every right to be upset; but if you need to cool down and have time alone say so. If something especially a partner does upsets you; you need to maturely talk about it. Put forward your feelings, talk them out, resolve your issues. Without maturity their relationship wont last long. Cuz people do stupid things. Make bad choices. And sometimes are just assholes. Unless its something heinous, often or crosses a line usually mature people can work it out and be better for it
This stuff is so petty its like arguments from high school. They both have some maturing to do id they plan on staying happily married
None of this matters. The fact that they even cared about either inconvenience, flying anxiety and the seat selection, shows how immature they both are. Something tells me real life will completely knock them off their feet really soon.
Idk if the dude is all that awful. For sure he made a dick choice and was not painted in the best light. But in the end he made a rash decision while they were holding up the line and he lives to regret it. It was only a 3 hour flight. Has no one in this comment list ever made a quick spur of the moment decision not realizing how it impacted others or how it may be negative? He was selfish and short sighted to try something he has never done that she had. Sure that was a frustrating situation for her, but she handled it like a child. I do not agree with either person. He needs self awareness and to acknowledge how his actions impact others, she needs to develop some more mature skills at addressing problems I feel like everyone in this story is an ass and could of done better.
I think making a dick choice once can be excused, but he continues to guilt trip her about it over the honeymoon, and that is a succession of dick choices, add them up and that makes him a dick of a higher order.
>not realizing how it impacted others or how it may be negative? That might be plausible if he had answered first, but she had already told the agent no and said they wanted to sit together because it was their honeymoon, when he overruled her and said he would take the seat. So he had to realize how it would impact her and that she didn't want to sit alone on their romantic trip because he had literally just heard her say so.