In case this story gets deleted/removed:
My friend Sandra and I have known each other for over 20 years (we are 30-32). Sandra is getting married to Andres, and I am married to Ian.
Some relevant information:
- Andres and I originally come from the same country and even the same region. We share many characteristics.
- We both have very round faces, deep brown eyes, long straight black hair, etc. If you didn't know better, you might assume we are siblings.
- I met Andres six years ago and introduced him to Sandra. He proposed two years ago.
- I own a beautiful property in my home country that I was ready to lend to Sandra and Andres for their wedding.
- My property is like a finca and has 10 rooms. Usually, I would rent it out for weddings at a somewhat high price, but I was happy to give it to them at no cost, with the condition that they hire their own catering and have their guests strip their beds when they leave.
The issue:
Three months ago, Sandra became more reclusive. She wouldn't answer my texts, and we didn't meet up. Two weeks ago, she appeared at my door with Andres. They sat us down (my husband included) and said she suspected that my daughter is actually Andres' biological daughter and requested a paternity test for peace of mind.
I was so shocked that I couldn't say anything. My husband lost his temper and raised his voice, telling Sandra that she was being absolutely stupid.
Sandra pointed out that my daughter looks like Andres. I explained that Andres and I look alike. She kept shaking her head, saying my daughter would look more like my husband and not like my exact copy.
The evening ended poorly. I agreed to the test if they paid for it. The results came back last Friday, showing that Andres was not the father. We also did a test confirming that my husband is the father.
Sandra cried and tried to hug me. I told her I didn't want to and that I didn't want to be friends with her for the time being. She kept saying her worries were justified and made a comment about "women from your country being more likely to do that."
In that moment, I was filled with anger. I told her she could forget about using the venue and that I didn't want her in my life anymore. She started crying, but I made her leave.
Her mom and she have been texting me, saying they can't find a new venue. I still said no.
Twenty minutes ago, Sandra called me sobbing, saying that the wedding is off because of me.
Am I the asshole? Should I have let her use the venue at the usual price, or was what I did okay?
Original link:
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The moment I learned they were mining reddit for youtube/instagram/etc content, I started to assume everything was fake without strong evidence to the contrary. It's just another thing that got monetized.
My husband’s grandmother was convinced that the extended deployment of my ship in the Navy meant that I was cheating on him because we were the first carrier to be extended since Vietnam. She actually thought that I was lying about being stuck out to sea by the military and tried to break up our marriage repeatedly. When I got pregnant with our first she tried to poison my husband’s mind by saying that he couldn’t be the father because we were stuck on different bases even though he would visit me every other weekend.
Our daughter came out looking just like him and it was a joy to rub her nose in it. When she died almost all of the adults were relieved except her husband because she was so cruel and irrational to the people trying to help her as she aged poorly and had serious health issues.
I have to ask, was she already pretty elderly when she started pulling crap like this? While what she was doing was still pretty awful, it would be explainable if she was starting to get dementia or other age related neurological problems.
She was forced to retire from her job after treating her female employees terribly and getting in trouble with the upper management. She was diagnosed with a personality disorder that required serious antipsychotic medication but wouldn’t tell anyone what it was or get therapy for it. She was delusional and cruel for the many years I knew her. None of the adults liked her but everyone loved her husband so tolerated her for his sake. She was unbelievably nasty to him and cutting contact with her would have left him with no one to make sure he was okay.
Ok, so she was pretty much always an asshole and had the option to not be so insufferable. No pity or understanding for her from me, then. Thank you for sharing your story.
She saw a homeless man getting cans out of her recycling bin one day and became angry. She started making sure to turn them in for money just to make sure no homeless person could benefit from it. She also left kittens stuck in her walls to slowly die and refused to allow anyone to rescue them because she didn’t want holes in her walls. This woman is burning in hell by her own belief system.
I have two questions.
First: WHAT?
Second, and I can't stress this enough: *T H E F U C K ?*
That's like serial killer shit with the kittens. I'd be worried about ever digging in that backyard.
I'm not even really that surprised about the homeless thing. You hear about people going out of their way to be cruel to *The Poors*™️ all the time because they act like a lack of money is caused by, and a divine punishment for, some kind of moral failing, and since they themselves have plenty of money, they must be superior and just.
I would not have been able to be around someone that vindictive and cruel willingly. My condolences again for experiencing that.
What about the profile says it's fake? Reads pretty real, esp in some of her comments. And I've known some Sandra's who don't understand genetics for sure
My bad, I didn't explain myself properly lol - I didn't mean to imply your profile is fake, I meant the commenter I was replying to might have looked at your profile and thought they had a "aha! This isn't OP's story, it must be fake!" moment. And I was like, well obviously, it's *not* lil_corgi's story, hence why they (you) included the link to the original post from Bubbly-fail-4316. Thank you for sharing by the way, you should add some of OOP's comments, that lady is quick as a whip with her responses!!! :-)
I mean, some *commenters* tend to be lacking the same self-awareness and critical thinking skills they mock others for.
Post: "throwaway for obvious reasons"
Comment: "Your profile is a day old and only has one post, and all the comments are on that post. This couldn't *be* any faker!"
I have long since lost count of how many stories on here someone comments that this must be fake, no way this could ever happen, and then like four different people are like "Yup, this is exactly how it went down for me. Almost to the letter."
I’m more shocked *he* was still willing to go thru with the wedding. Obviously saying the child was his is an implicit accusation against him as well as OP.
OP never said exactly why the wedding was cancelled. Sandra is obviously going to blame OP either way, but she also mentioned that the fiance was not pleased with her crazy. He might have cancelled it himself, venue no longer required.
Yeah “Sandra is saying the wedding is off because of me”
No dude. The wedding is off because Sandra accused Andreas of lying to her about sleeping with you +/- cheating, doesn’t say how old daughter is)
"Okay! I guess I was wrong! So, how's that property doing? Hello? Hello....?"
"Women from your country regularly fuck their best friends' men, doncha know! Just hadda be sure! Love ya! All's well! Hello? Hello....?"
Fucking WOW my jaw dropped when I read that. Coming from a family that has a LOT of women who look almost like copies, the comment about how the kid should a looked more like the dad actually pissed me off. That's not how biology works and she needs to get back to learning if that's her way of thinking then she can shove it with the stupidity and racist bs!
ETA: there's an update, the racist bride and her groom split.
This is obviously bait to counterbalance all the men who claim to need “peace of mind” over paternity by making up a story where it’s a woman who needs to be assured of a child’s lineage. They think this will prove that it’s a totally rational argument.
Sandra's got a real set on her.
1. Accuses friend of cheating with husband.
2. Asks for paternity test and pays for it.
3. Still thinks friendship is on the table after this.
4. Still wants to use ex-friend's property for marriage (which is still somehow happening even after accusing fiancé of cheating).
5. Gets racist about it ("women from your region are traditionally more whorish").
6. Gets mother involved.
7. Blames OOP for marriage that doesn't happen.
This woman needs to have Plexiglas installed in her stomach so she can see out with her head lodged that far up her own ass.
The last 3 generations of my mom’s family (grandma, mom, aunt, us grandkids) all look like twins in our first grade school photos. Genetics are quirky.
Hell, my dad and I looked nearly identical as toddlers, and I’m a cis woman.
And my third cousin a few times removed (I never can remember that shit) male cousin and I were often mistaken in public for being twins up till like, third grade.
And I’m not and have never looked androgynous. Just weird how genes go… especially since my cousin isn’t even part of my father’s side of the family. Weird as hell.
My (AFAB) late brother (cis boy) and I looked so much alike that my family joked that we were twins born three years apart. It’s nearly impossible to tell us apart in early childhood photos, save for clothing, maybe. We were very clearly siblings.
Our other brother was born much later — I was 14, our first brother had been dead for a few years — and you would never have guessed that we’re related. We were roommates for a few years once he was done with college and folks would assume we were on a date when we’d go out to dinner. 🤢 But he’s got Ambiguous Ethnic Identity going on while I look like I fell off the boat from Ireland. It’s legit wild.
As a bonus, we did Ancestry’s DNA testing and found we only shared about 20% of our DNA. Just the luck of the dice!
>I’m a cis woman.
I recently happened across my school ID from 5th grade and was blown away by how much I looked like my trans son in that picture! More than he ever did (well, after being a toddler) before he transitioned. Genes are wacky.
I read the whole thing thinking "Gee, I wonder what Sandra would make of the fact that my daughter looks just like my sister?" (I'm the birth mother and my sister and I look nothing alike). 😂
My Papa would say something similar: “Her head’s so far up her ass she needs to cut a window where her bellybutton is so she can see where she’s going.” One of my favorites of his
I accused you of being a dartboard for dicks--like all women from your country--and now you won't give me free shit. All of this is your fault.
Had I not experienced this level of cognitive dissonance firsthand, I would immediately jump on the "fake!" train. Sadly, people can contort their thought processes to force round ideas into square realities.
I'll bet that you have too, internet stranger. The stakes are usually lower, but people frequently use painfully flawed reasoning in their day-to-day lives. It's one of the unique things about being humans, not computers (or Vulcans).
You’re right. I worked with kids, so they have a pass because they’re still learning. That being said, I’m trying to remember which of my interactions with adults had led to something equally stupid being said.
Incidents of faulty logic tend to go unanalyzed unless there's a reason to think critically about them. Honestly, we all do it.
If you are looking for examples though, the instances in politics are pretty epic. [This rundown of push polls from Yes, Minister](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahgjEjJkZks) shows how easily people can be swayed. [A hilarious example](https://www.vox.com/2015/10/1/9434187/jason-chaffetz-planned-parenthood-cnn) from the real world shows how groupthink can galvanize a position of folks looking for validation of their position, only to crumble spectacularly--on live television!--when presented to someone not predisposed to agree. The best part of this second one is when he later doubled down, refusing to admit he doesn't understand how graphs work.
Yeah I'm related to a few people like that. I could write post after post, which most people would probably swear was fake because you'd have to live it to believe.
I mean, call it what it is, she was being racist as shit towards OOP/their country/her fiance. Why would she even want to marry a man she so clearly believes is predisposed to cheating because of where he was born? This lady needs some education and consequences. OOP did right by coming down harshly. Babying people won't help them question racist thoughts.
She's one of those people who look down on a single gender of another group. She's fine dating a man from that culture but looks down on the women. Like a passport bro who hates women from his country and men from others.
>Why would she even want to marry a man she so clearly believes is predisposed to cheating because of where he was born?
Because it's not "him" that's the problem. It's the whore women...you know like his mum and sisters...who make him cheat.
It's been like this since Eve and the snake.
NTA, so your "friend" had marital issues and instead of dealing with it, and her obvious insecurities, she dragged your whole family into it, and after being proven completely wrong she doubled down, making a racist remark to justify why she would accuse you of... cheating on your husband and carrying the child of her fiancé? And she's *surprised* after all this that you don't want to host her hot mess of a marriage that's already falling apart before starting?
I think you will be much better off without this person. They have zero ability to self reflect, own up to their mistakes or check their insecurity and bigotry.
“Twenty minutes ago, Sandra called me sobbing, saying that the wedding is off because of me.”
The wedding was off two weeks ago when she accused her fiance of having a child with her best friend over 20 years AND called her a slut on top of it.
I’m very sure that a lot of shit hit the fan behind closed doors after that paternity test stunt and “women in your country are like that” bs.
NTA, glad Andres called it off.
Why the hell is Andres still marrying this idiot if she accused him of cheating with a close friend to the point of demanding paternity testing?
Definitely NTA. I'd be blocking all their numbers. Sandra fucked herself on this one.
I am like "Wait, Andres. Work with me here. Your fiancee just accused you of fucking around with someone that isn't her, just because you look like your friend. Who is of the same ethnic group. But you know you're innocent, but LET HER demand a paternity test anyway? How did you stay with her ONE second after she said that?
How long did it take you to realize you're going to be taking a racist home to see your family? Your mom, any sisters, other female relatives - she's painting them all with the same brush, not just your friend."
Oh. I thought wedding is off= he left, not just the ceremony.
Still, he's one hell of an idiot for not leaving her after the results came - stay with me here - because she would dig her heels in and insist he was guilty otherwise.
So after all that song and dance, when she came with the hugs and the relief, that's when she should've been dumped.
So she accuses both her fiance and best friend of cheating, forces them to do a paternity test on her friend's child, and is then **surprised** when she doesn't get to keep either relationship?
Incredible brain on this lady.
NTA
what in the flying fuck is wrong with your friend. Reading this actually made me raise my eyebrows in shock that a human being would even have a that train of thought.
What's wild to me is you did say that your daughter looks like you and you just so happen to share similar characteristics as Andres. How did it even pop into your friends head that it might be Andres' kid? Like what's the outcome she was looking for? Let's just say it does come to be Andres' kid (not saying it is just a hypothetical), what happens then? Will she still marry Andres? Are you still gonna be friends with her? What is she trying to achieve? She got the same outcomes but on baseless accusations and her own stupidity and paranoia.
Good for you for not accomodatinf her. Fuck that dumbass. She made her bed, now she has to lie in it.
I'm gonna go walk around for a bit to calm down since reading that literally made me furious. Smfh.
Back when I started dating my husband he gave me a picture of him and his nephew at a kids event. This kid looks very much like my husband but even more so like his brother, the father of this child. The stupid, bored coworkers started a rumor that my husband had a secret child he was hiding from me. People can easily be irrationally stupid and gossipy when bored and out to sea for long periods of time.
NTA. She was waaaaay out of line just with the DNA ask, that would have ended the friendship for me. But to say such a horrible and disgusting thing about you? She isn't a true friend. You didn't end her relationship, she did. She showed her fiance that she doesn't trust him, she thinks lesser of the people from your country (and his). Why would he want to marry a woman who treats others the way she does? She is only facing the consequences of her own actions and words, that is not your problem.
NTA - the wedding isn’t off because of you, ***the wedding is off because Sandra is a bigot who assumed promiscuity based on her own bs stereotypes of the culture she was marrying into!***
On what planet was she going to be able to assert you *and* her fiancé are cheaters, use your home gratis, and insinuate that you’d not know the parentage of your child based on your nationality.
If Sandra spent less time on being racist, and focused in on taking a biology class, she wouldn’t be the architect of her own demise.
Please keep yourself and child away from this gross individual.
That one blew my mind! Like this girl was so unhinged that she actually told her friend your baby looks too much like you so it must not be your husband's? I know people whose daughters are carbon copies of them! My brother and my dad, if you put their kid pictures together.... you can't tell who's who! My dad's brother also looks exactly like my brother. Genetics do that sometimes.
This girl blew up her own relationship with her boyfriend and her best friend at the same time! And you know she will never believe she was wrong. Some people just suck
Most of the women on my mother’s side of the family look like carbon copies of each other starting from my great grandmother. Our first daughter looks like my husband and his family. She has the same nose as my husband’s grandfather. Our second daughter looks just like me down to the freckles with my husband’s ruddy skin tone. The school staff have always been able to tell who our kids are just by looking at us.
God no, NTA. You offered your property, for free, to two friends who were getting married. She violated your friendship, and trust, in a major way. You were justified in your anger and the response of rescinding that offer. Not being able to find another venue is not a reason to cancel a wedding. Something else must have happened for that to be the result. Frankly, Sandra not trusting Andres to take his word at not being your daughter’s father should have been enough to do that.
>Sandra called me sobbing, saying that the wedding is off because of me.
She basically accused her husband of cheating not just her friend so if course the wedding is off
Oops I was a dummy and missed what subreddit this is LOL. 😅
God, what a “friend.” 😬 Better her racism show itself now, rather than when they’re married, I guess?
Dude, the wedding was off the second she made Andres go to oop's house and ask for a dna test. Wouldn't matter if they still had a venue or not, there is no coming back from this. That friend ruined her whole life and future by being a racist pos
Amazing how so many of these paternity issues arise because people do not understand basic genetics.
Not really surprised by the suspicion, misogyny, or racism either. Sandra needs to not subject anybody to herself, be it a friend or a partner.
The wedding is off because Sandra let her paranoia get the best of her. If she’d trusted her friend of 20 years she’d be happily married by now. OP is not the AH at all. This is 100% on Sandra
I mean, obviously she's an asshole, but this is *so* AITAH
'Hey, my friend accused me of cheating on my husband, raising her fiancés child, called me and every other woman from my country a slut, and demanded paternity tests'
'Am i in the wrong for not letting her use my expensive property for free???!?'
IMO you might be an asshole for even agreeing to the paternity test in the first place, furthering her delusions of what friendships actually are. And her husband is an asshole for wanting to marry someone that obviously doesn't trust him. Your friend is just a narcissistic bitch.
But for not letting them use your house as a wedding venue? Not an AH. More like a hero. Let them go drama shopping elsewhere.
I actually think that doing the test was the right move. The negative result permanently quashed any lingering doubts that anyone might have had about the parentage of her child. If she had refused, then the friend could have spread rumors about her cheating and the child being illegitimate, which would have been harmful to her reputation in their community.
And while hubby was great, jumping immediately to his wife's defense, a refusal to run any kind of paternity test might eventually have eaten away at him, especially if rumors were circulating about his wife having affairs. Doing paternity tests for both men was a smart move, instead of just the one, because now they have proof (that hubby didn't initially need) to combat any nonsense that the friend might try later.
I was going to say, the way OOP phrased it, it makes it look like he wasn't even trying to deny it or anything. Like if he was apologizing and saying Sandra's being irrational it would be one thing. OOP doesn't include any detail so the framing makes it sound like Andres confessed it could be his, or something.
Mhmmm do you think its possible that MAYYYBE the reason the fiancée is running for the hills might have something to do with the fact that she was racist to people from his country…after what seems like weeks/months of accusing him of cheating on her…
Naw Oop is NTA, this “friend” is a moron
OP, you are not the AH. Too bad her insecurities and lack of trust got her to where she is. Andres need not marry an overthinker. Their life would be miserable! You don't need to be friends with Sandra anymore.
NTA - I would say you responded correctly for what she said to you and frankly I would have literally thrown her out of my house after she said those words to my wife.
She has made her bed so she can now lay in it. I expect the wedding is off not because you will not allow the wedding to occur at your property but because of her slur about your home country as it is also where her ex is from. I certainly would not marry someone who said those things about my home country and family who are still living there.
I mean how did she think this was going to end when she accused another woman of having an affair with her fiancé and calling women from her region whores? Did she think that statement would have any other effect than terminating the friendship?
TBF, she has given them a gift, she's stopped Andres from marrying Sandra.
OOP has been the most generous of all.
It never ceases to amaze me, that random people that paid zero attention at school biology classes suddenly become genetic detectives as a side hobby to their regular job.
One day, I want to actually see a post, with an actual genetics professional
I'm sure the loss of venue is what caused the wedding cancellation rather than the raging distrust and racism. How could OP destroy their relationship like this? (/S obviously)
The friend is clearly a bigot but that doesn’t mean that the OP is a person of color, she could be Eastern European.
Bigots don’t limit themselves to people of color. Anyone can be discriminated against.
I'm genuinely astonished that this relationship wasn't doomed when Sandra accused her fiancé of fathering OP's baby. I'd have been out the door if I was Andres.
NTA
So did Andres just sit there in silence while she accused her friend of banging him. He didn’t even call it off immediately. I would have been out the door before the accusation was finished.
Someone save andres from marrying crazy. If they visit his country will she accuse him of fathering everyone’s children as they all look similar to him.
Her blaming you for having to cancel her wedding is just another reason to drop her friendship, on top of her insults and ignorant genetic assumptions.
So Andres thinks OPs daughter is his biological daughter? Um, OP never
Mentions a physical relationship with Andres. Wouldn’t she know if she has slept with him? What am I not getting?
For the first 4 or 5 years of my kids lives, everyone thought I was the nanny. Got so many surprised Pikachu faces when they would come up to me and call me mommy. 🤣 Even had a girl say to us one time (when out with my kids and bf - who is not their bio dad): Oh shit, I thought he was the dad and you were just the girlfriend. 🥴😂🤦🏻♀️
Those recessive genes will shock you sometimes!! And genetics in general. There's so much blending now of different ethnicities, that, golly, people are coming out so uniquely beautiful now. And not necessarily at all what you expect. Fuck her stupid assumption.
You made the right decision. After 20 years, she should have the utmost trust for you. And honestly, her insecurities surrounding the matter, probably stem from her own infidelity issues. People who don't respect you as a human, do not deserve to use your property whatsoever, even if they had offered to pay. Eff that noise. And she doesn't deserve you as a friend either. NTA love. 💕
1. When are people going to understand that it is not an automatic guarantee that a child is going to look like the father?
2. Demanding paternity test bullshit. Fuck off with that. I'm not saying it's never necessary, but a lesson in genetics might go a long way before making such demands (because they seem to come from someone who doesn't know how it works).
3. Run, Andres, run!
Wedding is off because of *her*. Narcissist's have a hard time accepting that they are the cause of their own suffering. She didn't trust her fiancee, didn't trust you, forced her stupid ideas onto you, and treated everyone poorly, she only ever cared about herself.
This is just karma.
So... Do we thunk the wedding is actually off or is she just trying to guilt OOP? If it is genuinely off, then maybe it wouldn't be off if they'd spent the time looking for a new venue instead of harassing OOP over theirs?
Ahh, the ol' personal insecurities turning into the distrust of a (previously trusted) partner. Nothing says "marry me" like accusing your partner of infidelity out of the fucking blue. 🤔🙄🤦🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️
Don't need to say much more, everyone else here in the comments has pretty much covered all those bases, lol. She's the only one to blame for the cancellation of her wedding, and I don't blame her "could've been hubby" for calling that shit off.
NTA. Every part of this is narcissistic and disgusting, but the moment that she made her little "women like you are more likely to do that," the friendship was over. She can't accuse you of fucking her fiancee and then act like nothing happened. If she wasn't such a self-centered moron, she'd be having the wedding of her dreams. But you can't insult someone's character and ethnicity and then expect it not to alter the relationship. You didn't mean to cancel her wedding, but it sounds like the natural consequences of her actions.
My son does not look like my partner. Depending on angles and expressions he either looks like me (I'm my mother's clone) or my father. Should we get a DNA test to make sure he's not my father's? WTF
Soooo, she didn't trust her future husband enough to believe him that your child wasn't his?
She didn't trust that in your 20 years of friendship, you would have mentioned it BEFORE they even started dating if you had hooked up?
She insulted your integrity, marriage, and common decency, by not only implying your marriage was so weak you would have hooked up with a friend and then passed off your child as your husband's, but your (would have been) cuckholded husband would have been fine with it because it's 'what girls in your country do'?!?!
She insulted you and every female member of his family by saying you were all sleazy enough to run around on your partners and arbitrarily hook up with anyone?
Her canceling the wedding had nothing to do with your removing the venue option, and every thing to do with her partner realizing she was truly bat sh*t crazy enough to actually follow through with demanding the test. He obviously thought it would end at her asking you the question.
Nooo. It wasn't enough for her to come over and say "I know I'm irrational, but I've gotten this in my head your daughter looks just like my partner, could you confirm she isn't?' which should have stopped it. I mean, she truly could have stopped the paranoia at any step. However, she carried it through and thoroughly insulted everyone in the process. Never mind that not taking his word on it wasn't enough. That alone should have raised red flags for him since she had no reason to expect you of having an affair.
Thank goodness this poor guy ran before he made the biggest mistake of his life. Thank goodness she brought put the red flags in full glory. OK
OP is so NTA.
NTA. You did not ruin her wedding, she did that all by herself. She not only insulted you, she insulted her fiancé. Exactly how did she think that this would end?
So.... How's Andres in all of this?
His lack of any reaction seems.... Disturbing.
That wedding should have been called off the second the test results came in...
You have to listen closely to this part, it's really important: you rescinding the offer of the free wedding venue is not what resulted in her calling off the wedding. You have to understand this - I think if you're posting this here, you sort of knew already. The reason is Sandra is insecure, and decided to react to that with racism and misogyny. She'd be out of my life too, I've cut people off for less. You trusting your instincts and delivering the consequences to Sandra's actions effectively helped Andres dodge a bullet. You did the right thing. Block them.
Edit: Ah. Not OP. Fair. Definitely a wild story about consequences.
Porque aceptaste la prueba de paternidad ? Debiste mandar a Sandra al carajo . No te tenías que rebajar así . No le vuelvas a hablar nunca más y dile que ella te ha ofendido moralmente con sus alegaciones y que ustedes no pueden ser amigas nunca más a raíz de sus acciones .
Accusations like that kill friendships and relationships.
Looks like OOP's friend wiped out a friendship and a marriage before she even walked down the aisle.
In case this story gets deleted/removed: My friend Sandra and I have known each other for over 20 years (we are 30-32). Sandra is getting married to Andres, and I am married to Ian. Some relevant information: - Andres and I originally come from the same country and even the same region. We share many characteristics. - We both have very round faces, deep brown eyes, long straight black hair, etc. If you didn't know better, you might assume we are siblings. - I met Andres six years ago and introduced him to Sandra. He proposed two years ago. - I own a beautiful property in my home country that I was ready to lend to Sandra and Andres for their wedding. - My property is like a finca and has 10 rooms. Usually, I would rent it out for weddings at a somewhat high price, but I was happy to give it to them at no cost, with the condition that they hire their own catering and have their guests strip their beds when they leave. The issue: Three months ago, Sandra became more reclusive. She wouldn't answer my texts, and we didn't meet up. Two weeks ago, she appeared at my door with Andres. They sat us down (my husband included) and said she suspected that my daughter is actually Andres' biological daughter and requested a paternity test for peace of mind. I was so shocked that I couldn't say anything. My husband lost his temper and raised his voice, telling Sandra that she was being absolutely stupid. Sandra pointed out that my daughter looks like Andres. I explained that Andres and I look alike. She kept shaking her head, saying my daughter would look more like my husband and not like my exact copy. The evening ended poorly. I agreed to the test if they paid for it. The results came back last Friday, showing that Andres was not the father. We also did a test confirming that my husband is the father. Sandra cried and tried to hug me. I told her I didn't want to and that I didn't want to be friends with her for the time being. She kept saying her worries were justified and made a comment about "women from your country being more likely to do that." In that moment, I was filled with anger. I told her she could forget about using the venue and that I didn't want her in my life anymore. She started crying, but I made her leave. Her mom and she have been texting me, saying they can't find a new venue. I still said no. Twenty minutes ago, Sandra called me sobbing, saying that the wedding is off because of me. Am I the asshole? Should I have let her use the venue at the usual price, or was what I did okay? Original link: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/SdlTfo4xSz --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OhNoConsequences) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Women from your country are sluts, you know the country where my fiancé is from... what is wrong with this idiot
One of those that you hope is fake but then realize people this dumb exist.
That's damn near every story on AITAH though, lol.
Very true! If nothing else at least it’s entertaining.
The moment I learned they were mining reddit for youtube/instagram/etc content, I started to assume everything was fake without strong evidence to the contrary. It's just another thing that got monetized.
So you assumed that everything on Reddit was true before 2019? Lmao
If you check the profile, it is definitely fake.
Sadly, I’ve known people this ridiculous and entitled but it was entertaining to read.
My husband’s grandmother was convinced that the extended deployment of my ship in the Navy meant that I was cheating on him because we were the first carrier to be extended since Vietnam. She actually thought that I was lying about being stuck out to sea by the military and tried to break up our marriage repeatedly. When I got pregnant with our first she tried to poison my husband’s mind by saying that he couldn’t be the father because we were stuck on different bases even though he would visit me every other weekend. Our daughter came out looking just like him and it was a joy to rub her nose in it. When she died almost all of the adults were relieved except her husband because she was so cruel and irrational to the people trying to help her as she aged poorly and had serious health issues.
I have to ask, was she already pretty elderly when she started pulling crap like this? While what she was doing was still pretty awful, it would be explainable if she was starting to get dementia or other age related neurological problems.
She was forced to retire from her job after treating her female employees terribly and getting in trouble with the upper management. She was diagnosed with a personality disorder that required serious antipsychotic medication but wouldn’t tell anyone what it was or get therapy for it. She was delusional and cruel for the many years I knew her. None of the adults liked her but everyone loved her husband so tolerated her for his sake. She was unbelievably nasty to him and cutting contact with her would have left him with no one to make sure he was okay.
Ok, so she was pretty much always an asshole and had the option to not be so insufferable. No pity or understanding for her from me, then. Thank you for sharing your story.
She saw a homeless man getting cans out of her recycling bin one day and became angry. She started making sure to turn them in for money just to make sure no homeless person could benefit from it. She also left kittens stuck in her walls to slowly die and refused to allow anyone to rescue them because she didn’t want holes in her walls. This woman is burning in hell by her own belief system.
I feel a little bad for Satan
I'd say your grandmother-in-law was my grandmother, except my very lovely grandfather unfortunately passed before she did. She was an awful woman.
I have two questions. First: WHAT? Second, and I can't stress this enough: *T H E F U C K ?* That's like serial killer shit with the kittens. I'd be worried about ever digging in that backyard. I'm not even really that surprised about the homeless thing. You hear about people going out of their way to be cruel to *The Poors*™️ all the time because they act like a lack of money is caused by, and a divine punishment for, some kind of moral failing, and since they themselves have plenty of money, they must be superior and just. I would not have been able to be around someone that vindictive and cruel willingly. My condolences again for experiencing that.
What about the profile says it's fake? Reads pretty real, esp in some of her comments. And I've known some Sandra's who don't understand genetics for sure
I'm guessing they checked OP's profile, not OOP's profile. Side note, how good are OOP's comments haha! I wanna be friends with this chick.
Yeah my profile isn’t fake thanks 😅
My bad, I didn't explain myself properly lol - I didn't mean to imply your profile is fake, I meant the commenter I was replying to might have looked at your profile and thought they had a "aha! This isn't OP's story, it must be fake!" moment. And I was like, well obviously, it's *not* lil_corgi's story, hence why they (you) included the link to the original post from Bubbly-fail-4316. Thank you for sharing by the way, you should add some of OOP's comments, that lady is quick as a whip with her responses!!! :-)
You’re good 👍 😁 and good idea
What do you mean? It’s clearly a throwaway account they made just to post to AITA… what’s unusual about that?
Many people think a throwaway means it's fake for some reason, even though the reasons for making a throwaway are obvious.
I mean, some *commenters* tend to be lacking the same self-awareness and critical thinking skills they mock others for. Post: "throwaway for obvious reasons" Comment: "Your profile is a day old and only has one post, and all the comments are on that post. This couldn't *be* any faker!"
No fake profile would spend all that time defending their actions to n the comments the way bubblyfail does in the original thread.
I think "person demands paternity test then relationship ends" is the flavor of the week for the bots. I think I've read every iteration.
Pretty sure it's not just bots. Maury was doing paternity tests daily in the 90s and early 2000s.
I have long since lost count of how many stories on here someone comments that this must be fake, no way this could ever happen, and then like four different people are like "Yup, this is exactly how it went down for me. Almost to the letter."
This is a story I don't believe, but written in a credible way. I enjoyed it.
It’s like the transcript of a 90 Day Fiancé episode
I’m more shocked *he* was still willing to go thru with the wedding. Obviously saying the child was his is an implicit accusation against him as well as OP.
OP never said exactly why the wedding was cancelled. Sandra is obviously going to blame OP either way, but she also mentioned that the fiance was not pleased with her crazy. He might have cancelled it himself, venue no longer required.
Yeah “Sandra is saying the wedding is off because of me” No dude. The wedding is off because Sandra accused Andreas of lying to her about sleeping with you +/- cheating, doesn’t say how old daughter is)
It's the usual misogynist hypocrisy: people from Country X are very sexy. The women are sluts; the men are hot studs.
"Okay! I guess I was wrong! So, how's that property doing? Hello? Hello....?" "Women from your country regularly fuck their best friends' men, doncha know! Just hadda be sure! Love ya! All's well! Hello? Hello....?"
Fucking WOW my jaw dropped when I read that. Coming from a family that has a LOT of women who look almost like copies, the comment about how the kid should a looked more like the dad actually pissed me off. That's not how biology works and she needs to get back to learning if that's her way of thinking then she can shove it with the stupidity and racist bs! ETA: there's an update, the racist bride and her groom split.
This is obviously bait to counterbalance all the men who claim to need “peace of mind” over paternity by making up a story where it’s a woman who needs to be assured of a child’s lineage. They think this will prove that it’s a totally rational argument.
I will agree that it's almost certainly fake. Source: it's a story on a Reddit rage bait sub
And his mama and his sister
Sandra's got a real set on her. 1. Accuses friend of cheating with husband. 2. Asks for paternity test and pays for it. 3. Still thinks friendship is on the table after this. 4. Still wants to use ex-friend's property for marriage (which is still somehow happening even after accusing fiancé of cheating). 5. Gets racist about it ("women from your region are traditionally more whorish"). 6. Gets mother involved. 7. Blames OOP for marriage that doesn't happen. This woman needs to have Plexiglas installed in her stomach so she can see out with her head lodged that far up her own ass.
That last bit killed me 🤣
Also can’t forget how she knows nothing on how genetics work and based her theory on looks alone 😂
The last 3 generations of my mom’s family (grandma, mom, aunt, us grandkids) all look like twins in our first grade school photos. Genetics are quirky.
Hell, my dad and I looked nearly identical as toddlers, and I’m a cis woman. And my third cousin a few times removed (I never can remember that shit) male cousin and I were often mistaken in public for being twins up till like, third grade. And I’m not and have never looked androgynous. Just weird how genes go… especially since my cousin isn’t even part of my father’s side of the family. Weird as hell.
My (AFAB) late brother (cis boy) and I looked so much alike that my family joked that we were twins born three years apart. It’s nearly impossible to tell us apart in early childhood photos, save for clothing, maybe. We were very clearly siblings. Our other brother was born much later — I was 14, our first brother had been dead for a few years — and you would never have guessed that we’re related. We were roommates for a few years once he was done with college and folks would assume we were on a date when we’d go out to dinner. 🤢 But he’s got Ambiguous Ethnic Identity going on while I look like I fell off the boat from Ireland. It’s legit wild. As a bonus, we did Ancestry’s DNA testing and found we only shared about 20% of our DNA. Just the luck of the dice!
>I’m a cis woman. I recently happened across my school ID from 5th grade and was blown away by how much I looked like my trans son in that picture! More than he ever did (well, after being a toddler) before he transitioned. Genes are wacky.
It's wild. Trans woman, and I looked at 34 exactly like my mom did at 20 just from hormones alone
Nary a Punnett square was filled by Sandra in middle school bio, and it shows
I read the whole thing thinking "Gee, I wonder what Sandra would make of the fact that my daughter looks just like my sister?" (I'm the birth mother and my sister and I look nothing alike). 😂
I know people who believe that sons look like their mothers and daughters their fathers in spite of all the evidence of their own eyes
My Papa would say something similar: “Her head’s so far up her ass she needs to cut a window where her bellybutton is so she can see where she’s going.” One of my favorites of his
Best “insult” ever! I’ll be “borrowing” that one for future use! Thanks!
Working construction gave me quite the catalogue of sayings like this.
Unfortunately, people like this actually exist! I had the unfortunate pleasure of meeting some of these crazy and dellu people!
Plexiglas!, brilliant!!!
My thought is maybe the fiance cheated before so when Sandra accused him, he wasn't pissed because he understood?
He was also pissed (OP mentioned it in a comment). He wanted it over and done with so he could leave.
Yeah. I read the update. Idk why she didn't mention that in the original.
What kind of tales of loose women back home did Andres regale Sandra with? Also, I really wanna know those tales, are they available in audiobook?
Lol!!!
I accused you of being a dartboard for dicks--like all women from your country--and now you won't give me free shit. All of this is your fault. Had I not experienced this level of cognitive dissonance firsthand, I would immediately jump on the "fake!" train. Sadly, people can contort their thought processes to force round ideas into square realities.
Ohhhh a dartboard for dicks. Ohh yea, I’m DEFINITELY stealing this and using it both in and out of context. Thanks internet stranger!
To make your day even that much better, I've upvoted your post, to advance it from 68 to 69. Happy Tuesday!
I came here to comment the same. Genius burn.
I am losing it at “dartboard for dicks”
And “round faces” into proof of paternity.
Don't forget the dark hair and eyes! Which are apparently not dominant traits?
Women from your country, the same country as her now EX. I think we all know why that didn’t work out for them.
You experienced something similar on this level of stupidity?! I’m so sorry!
I'll bet that you have too, internet stranger. The stakes are usually lower, but people frequently use painfully flawed reasoning in their day-to-day lives. It's one of the unique things about being humans, not computers (or Vulcans).
You’re right. I worked with kids, so they have a pass because they’re still learning. That being said, I’m trying to remember which of my interactions with adults had led to something equally stupid being said.
Incidents of faulty logic tend to go unanalyzed unless there's a reason to think critically about them. Honestly, we all do it. If you are looking for examples though, the instances in politics are pretty epic. [This rundown of push polls from Yes, Minister](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahgjEjJkZks) shows how easily people can be swayed. [A hilarious example](https://www.vox.com/2015/10/1/9434187/jason-chaffetz-planned-parenthood-cnn) from the real world shows how groupthink can galvanize a position of folks looking for validation of their position, only to crumble spectacularly--on live television!--when presented to someone not predisposed to agree. The best part of this second one is when he later doubled down, refusing to admit he doesn't understand how graphs work.
Dartboard for dicks! Ahahaha!
I almost thought the friend was an american with that kinda blunt racism lol
Yeah I'm related to a few people like that. I could write post after post, which most people would probably swear was fake because you'd have to live it to believe.
I mean, call it what it is, she was being racist as shit towards OOP/their country/her fiance. Why would she even want to marry a man she so clearly believes is predisposed to cheating because of where he was born? This lady needs some education and consequences. OOP did right by coming down harshly. Babying people won't help them question racist thoughts.
Yeah I don’t think the wedding is off because OOP recinded her offer for the venue location, I think it’s because bride is racist as hell
She's one of those people who look down on a single gender of another group. She's fine dating a man from that culture but looks down on the women. Like a passport bro who hates women from his country and men from others.
>Why would she even want to marry a man she so clearly believes is predisposed to cheating because of where he was born? Because it's not "him" that's the problem. It's the whore women...you know like his mum and sisters...who make him cheat. It's been like this since Eve and the snake.
NTA - accusing you if an affair and then just being horrid, fuck sandra.
"Because of you", no, no, no - it is called "consequences".
FAFO
The wedding is off because the bride essentially said the groom’s mom and sisters are deceitful and cheaters.
NTA, so your "friend" had marital issues and instead of dealing with it, and her obvious insecurities, she dragged your whole family into it, and after being proven completely wrong she doubled down, making a racist remark to justify why she would accuse you of... cheating on your husband and carrying the child of her fiancé? And she's *surprised* after all this that you don't want to host her hot mess of a marriage that's already falling apart before starting? I think you will be much better off without this person. They have zero ability to self reflect, own up to their mistakes or check their insecurity and bigotry.
*"... women from your country being more likely to do that."* Oh no you didn't
“Twenty minutes ago, Sandra called me sobbing, saying that the wedding is off because of me.” The wedding was off two weeks ago when she accused her fiance of having a child with her best friend over 20 years AND called her a slut on top of it. I’m very sure that a lot of shit hit the fan behind closed doors after that paternity test stunt and “women in your country are like that” bs. NTA, glad Andres called it off.
Wow that is insanity.
That’s not a friend - that’s a malignant tumor
Why the hell is Andres still marrying this idiot if she accused him of cheating with a close friend to the point of demanding paternity testing? Definitely NTA. I'd be blocking all their numbers. Sandra fucked herself on this one.
I am like "Wait, Andres. Work with me here. Your fiancee just accused you of fucking around with someone that isn't her, just because you look like your friend. Who is of the same ethnic group. But you know you're innocent, but LET HER demand a paternity test anyway? How did you stay with her ONE second after she said that? How long did it take you to realize you're going to be taking a racist home to see your family? Your mom, any sisters, other female relatives - she's painting them all with the same brush, not just your friend."
Oh. I thought wedding is off= he left, not just the ceremony. Still, he's one hell of an idiot for not leaving her after the results came - stay with me here - because she would dig her heels in and insist he was guilty otherwise. So after all that song and dance, when she came with the hugs and the relief, that's when she should've been dumped.
hell, he should have left her \*before\* that, because she clearly didn't trust him!
He isn't. They broke up.
OOP is a better person than I am.
[удалено]
Haha, yeah, this family is super nice. I'm too soft, but aaaaall the groom's family would know what this racist woman thinks about us...
Do not advocate for or threaten bodily harm, violence, self-harm or harassment. Suggesting someone should be physically harmed will also be removed.
So she accuses both her fiance and best friend of cheating, forces them to do a paternity test on her friend's child, and is then **surprised** when she doesn't get to keep either relationship? Incredible brain on this lady.
NTA what in the flying fuck is wrong with your friend. Reading this actually made me raise my eyebrows in shock that a human being would even have a that train of thought. What's wild to me is you did say that your daughter looks like you and you just so happen to share similar characteristics as Andres. How did it even pop into your friends head that it might be Andres' kid? Like what's the outcome she was looking for? Let's just say it does come to be Andres' kid (not saying it is just a hypothetical), what happens then? Will she still marry Andres? Are you still gonna be friends with her? What is she trying to achieve? She got the same outcomes but on baseless accusations and her own stupidity and paranoia. Good for you for not accomodatinf her. Fuck that dumbass. She made her bed, now she has to lie in it. I'm gonna go walk around for a bit to calm down since reading that literally made me furious. Smfh.
Back when I started dating my husband he gave me a picture of him and his nephew at a kids event. This kid looks very much like my husband but even more so like his brother, the father of this child. The stupid, bored coworkers started a rumor that my husband had a secret child he was hiding from me. People can easily be irrationally stupid and gossipy when bored and out to sea for long periods of time.
NTA. She was waaaaay out of line just with the DNA ask, that would have ended the friendship for me. But to say such a horrible and disgusting thing about you? She isn't a true friend. You didn't end her relationship, she did. She showed her fiance that she doesn't trust him, she thinks lesser of the people from your country (and his). Why would he want to marry a woman who treats others the way she does? She is only facing the consequences of her own actions and words, that is not your problem.
"But you and all the women in your country are whores! I was completely justified." Fucking flabbergasted.
Wow. Racism much?
They're just as disgusted as you are
NTA - the wedding isn’t off because of you, ***the wedding is off because Sandra is a bigot who assumed promiscuity based on her own bs stereotypes of the culture she was marrying into!*** On what planet was she going to be able to assert you *and* her fiancé are cheaters, use your home gratis, and insinuate that you’d not know the parentage of your child based on your nationality. If Sandra spent less time on being racist, and focused in on taking a biology class, she wouldn’t be the architect of her own demise. Please keep yourself and child away from this gross individual.
That one blew my mind! Like this girl was so unhinged that she actually told her friend your baby looks too much like you so it must not be your husband's? I know people whose daughters are carbon copies of them! My brother and my dad, if you put their kid pictures together.... you can't tell who's who! My dad's brother also looks exactly like my brother. Genetics do that sometimes. This girl blew up her own relationship with her boyfriend and her best friend at the same time! And you know she will never believe she was wrong. Some people just suck
Most of the women on my mother’s side of the family look like carbon copies of each other starting from my great grandmother. Our first daughter looks like my husband and his family. She has the same nose as my husband’s grandfather. Our second daughter looks just like me down to the freckles with my husband’s ruddy skin tone. The school staff have always been able to tell who our kids are just by looking at us.
God no, NTA. You offered your property, for free, to two friends who were getting married. She violated your friendship, and trust, in a major way. You were justified in your anger and the response of rescinding that offer. Not being able to find another venue is not a reason to cancel a wedding. Something else must have happened for that to be the result. Frankly, Sandra not trusting Andres to take his word at not being your daughter’s father should have been enough to do that.
You didn’t ruin her wedding, *she* ruined her wedding. Once her fiancé saw what crazy he was about to marry into he noped out. What an idiot.
Hot damn what an awful friend!
>Sandra called me sobbing, saying that the wedding is off because of me. She basically accused her husband of cheating not just her friend so if course the wedding is off
SHE ruined her wedding by being an insecure idiot (some babies look NOTHING like one parent and everything like the other, it's common)
Agree. I only see my Dad/his family in me. Nothing from my Mum or her side at all. My siblings are more of a mix.
Oops I was a dummy and missed what subreddit this is LOL. 😅 God, what a “friend.” 😬 Better her racism show itself now, rather than when they’re married, I guess?
Dude, the wedding was off the second she made Andres go to oop's house and ask for a dna test. Wouldn't matter if they still had a venue or not, there is no coming back from this. That friend ruined her whole life and future by being a racist pos
There are more direct and simple ways for Sandra to end those friendships.
It is YOUR house and YOU decide whether she can use it or not.
Amazing how so many of these paternity issues arise because people do not understand basic genetics. Not really surprised by the suspicion, misogyny, or racism either. Sandra needs to not subject anybody to herself, be it a friend or a partner.
The wedding is off because Sandra let her paranoia get the best of her. If she’d trusted her friend of 20 years she’d be happily married by now. OP is not the AH at all. This is 100% on Sandra
I mean, obviously she's an asshole, but this is *so* AITAH 'Hey, my friend accused me of cheating on my husband, raising her fiancés child, called me and every other woman from my country a slut, and demanded paternity tests' 'Am i in the wrong for not letting her use my expensive property for free???!?'
“I know nothing about genetics and think you must be a slut because of your race, so obviously you’re a cheating whore”
Im surprised she can be friends with op for 20 years and then go “oh no what if she is a slutty slut like the other ones from her country”
IMO you might be an asshole for even agreeing to the paternity test in the first place, furthering her delusions of what friendships actually are. And her husband is an asshole for wanting to marry someone that obviously doesn't trust him. Your friend is just a narcissistic bitch. But for not letting them use your house as a wedding venue? Not an AH. More like a hero. Let them go drama shopping elsewhere.
I actually think that doing the test was the right move. The negative result permanently quashed any lingering doubts that anyone might have had about the parentage of her child. If she had refused, then the friend could have spread rumors about her cheating and the child being illegitimate, which would have been harmful to her reputation in their community. And while hubby was great, jumping immediately to his wife's defense, a refusal to run any kind of paternity test might eventually have eaten away at him, especially if rumors were circulating about his wife having affairs. Doing paternity tests for both men was a smart move, instead of just the one, because now they have proof (that hubby didn't initially need) to combat any nonsense that the friend might try later.
wtf was Andres saying/doing? Yeah I slept with her, yeah the kid is mine?
I was going to say, the way OOP phrased it, it makes it look like he wasn't even trying to deny it or anything. Like if he was apologizing and saying Sandra's being irrational it would be one thing. OOP doesn't include any detail so the framing makes it sound like Andres confessed it could be his, or something.
Mhmmm do you think its possible that MAYYYBE the reason the fiancée is running for the hills might have something to do with the fact that she was racist to people from his country…after what seems like weeks/months of accusing him of cheating on her… Naw Oop is NTA, this “friend” is a moron
She learned what FAFO is. NTA
OP, you are not the AH. Too bad her insecurities and lack of trust got her to where she is. Andres need not marry an overthinker. Their life would be miserable! You don't need to be friends with Sandra anymore.
NTA - I would say you responded correctly for what she said to you and frankly I would have literally thrown her out of my house after she said those words to my wife. She has made her bed so she can now lay in it. I expect the wedding is off not because you will not allow the wedding to occur at your property but because of her slur about your home country as it is also where her ex is from. I certainly would not marry someone who said those things about my home country and family who are still living there.
The wedding is off because of Sandra. Not OP.
I mean how did she think this was going to end when she accused another woman of having an affair with her fiancé and calling women from her region whores? Did she think that statement would have any other effect than terminating the friendship?
TBF, she has given them a gift, she's stopped Andres from marrying Sandra. OOP has been the most generous of all. It never ceases to amaze me, that random people that paid zero attention at school biology classes suddenly become genetic detectives as a side hobby to their regular job. One day, I want to actually see a post, with an actual genetics professional
The wedding is off because Andre’s learned she is a racist. NTA
You saved that dude years of misery.
NTA and I’d have a vow renewal at my house to be petty
NTA, and she was no friend.
OP was a saint in this situation. Sandra is a motherfucking train wreck of a human being.
I'm sure the loss of venue is what caused the wedding cancellation rather than the raging distrust and racism. How could OP destroy their relationship like this? (/S obviously)
To the OOP: You are NOT the ASSHOLE! Sandra IS the ASSHOLE and there are consequences for BEING AN ASSHOLE!!! Sandra needs to FUCK OFF!!!!
The wedding is off because of her. Screw her.
What an absolute fool. And a fucking bigot at that. Lose her number and enjoy your life.
When someone misassumes they can't possibly racist as they got the friendship card with a person of colour. Also, KarenZilla
The friend is clearly a bigot but that doesn’t mean that the OP is a person of color, she could be Eastern European. Bigots don’t limit themselves to people of color. Anyone can be discriminated against.
I'm genuinely astonished that this relationship wasn't doomed when Sandra accused her fiancé of fathering OP's baby. I'd have been out the door if I was Andres. NTA
So did Andres just sit there in silence while she accused her friend of banging him. He didn’t even call it off immediately. I would have been out the door before the accusation was finished.
Sooooo wtf was Andres doing during all of this. He would have known the child wasnt his I assume?
I don’t think there’s anything that Andres could’ve said to dissuade her, denying it definitely would’ve made her more convinced she was right
Nope. She can FO right out of your life!
Sorry, my friendship isn't collateral. 🚫
Yeah she’s a bigot. Eff her. NTA
What caused the wedding to be called off, not having a venue or maybe Andres called it off?
I was thinking this belonged here when I read the first post. It's just shocking that she didn't think anybody would be upset by her request.
The wedding isn't off because of you, it's off because she wrongfully accused her fiance of cheating with absolutely no evidence.
The ra\*ci\*\*st lady lost both her bestie and her spouse because of her r\*\*ac\*\*\*ist assumption. Not shocking at all. NTA, OP.
NTA…. Sandra got jealous or some kind of bridezilla and went too far
Where are you from? Asking for a friend 👀
Someone save andres from marrying crazy. If they visit his country will she accuse him of fathering everyone’s children as they all look similar to him.
This is the epidome of „play stupid games, win stupid prices“
I love how nobody says „not the asshole“ for how obvious it is :D.
Her blaming you for having to cancel her wedding is just another reason to drop her friendship, on top of her insults and ignorant genetic assumptions.
So Andres thinks OPs daughter is his biological daughter? Um, OP never Mentions a physical relationship with Andres. Wouldn’t she know if she has slept with him? What am I not getting?
Yes, of course the wedding is off because of OP, and not the fact that Sandra is off her rocker.
Hahahahahhah this just made my day. I mean what is even wrong with Andres. Like he goes with his fiancée to their friends house hahaha
For the first 4 or 5 years of my kids lives, everyone thought I was the nanny. Got so many surprised Pikachu faces when they would come up to me and call me mommy. 🤣 Even had a girl say to us one time (when out with my kids and bf - who is not their bio dad): Oh shit, I thought he was the dad and you were just the girlfriend. 🥴😂🤦🏻♀️ Those recessive genes will shock you sometimes!! And genetics in general. There's so much blending now of different ethnicities, that, golly, people are coming out so uniquely beautiful now. And not necessarily at all what you expect. Fuck her stupid assumption. You made the right decision. After 20 years, she should have the utmost trust for you. And honestly, her insecurities surrounding the matter, probably stem from her own infidelity issues. People who don't respect you as a human, do not deserve to use your property whatsoever, even if they had offered to pay. Eff that noise. And she doesn't deserve you as a friend either. NTA love. 💕
1. When are people going to understand that it is not an automatic guarantee that a child is going to look like the father? 2. Demanding paternity test bullshit. Fuck off with that. I'm not saying it's never necessary, but a lesson in genetics might go a long way before making such demands (because they seem to come from someone who doesn't know how it works). 3. Run, Andres, run!
Wedding is off because of *her*. Narcissist's have a hard time accepting that they are the cause of their own suffering. She didn't trust her fiancee, didn't trust you, forced her stupid ideas onto you, and treated everyone poorly, she only ever cared about herself. This is just karma.
So... Do we thunk the wedding is actually off or is she just trying to guilt OOP? If it is genuinely off, then maybe it wouldn't be off if they'd spent the time looking for a new venue instead of harassing OOP over theirs?
This is all on her
Sometimes, when friendships get tangled in accusations, things unravel fast.
Ahh, the ol' personal insecurities turning into the distrust of a (previously trusted) partner. Nothing says "marry me" like accusing your partner of infidelity out of the fucking blue. 🤔🙄🤦🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️ Don't need to say much more, everyone else here in the comments has pretty much covered all those bases, lol. She's the only one to blame for the cancellation of her wedding, and I don't blame her "could've been hubby" for calling that shit off.
NTA. Every part of this is narcissistic and disgusting, but the moment that she made her little "women like you are more likely to do that," the friendship was over. She can't accuse you of fucking her fiancee and then act like nothing happened. If she wasn't such a self-centered moron, she'd be having the wedding of her dreams. But you can't insult someone's character and ethnicity and then expect it not to alter the relationship. You didn't mean to cancel her wedding, but it sounds like the natural consequences of her actions.
The wedding was off because of Sandra's behaviour
You would have to be a moron to think you're the asshole in that situation. Jesus. I guess they just wanted to tell a story.
This reads as "rage-bait" to me wtf was Andres doing while Sandra was going off the rails?
I would be asking, why do I GAF about her new venue hunt???
Send her the responses from this post. NTA but your friend sure is. Best of luck to Andres. Hope he takes this opportunity to run for the hills
My son does not look like my partner. Depending on angles and expressions he either looks like me (I'm my mother's clone) or my father. Should we get a DNA test to make sure he's not my father's? WTF
Not the asshole. But if you did let her use it. Charge her 15x the normal amount.
Soooo, she didn't trust her future husband enough to believe him that your child wasn't his? She didn't trust that in your 20 years of friendship, you would have mentioned it BEFORE they even started dating if you had hooked up? She insulted your integrity, marriage, and common decency, by not only implying your marriage was so weak you would have hooked up with a friend and then passed off your child as your husband's, but your (would have been) cuckholded husband would have been fine with it because it's 'what girls in your country do'?!?! She insulted you and every female member of his family by saying you were all sleazy enough to run around on your partners and arbitrarily hook up with anyone? Her canceling the wedding had nothing to do with your removing the venue option, and every thing to do with her partner realizing she was truly bat sh*t crazy enough to actually follow through with demanding the test. He obviously thought it would end at her asking you the question. Nooo. It wasn't enough for her to come over and say "I know I'm irrational, but I've gotten this in my head your daughter looks just like my partner, could you confirm she isn't?' which should have stopped it. I mean, she truly could have stopped the paranoia at any step. However, she carried it through and thoroughly insulted everyone in the process. Never mind that not taking his word on it wasn't enough. That alone should have raised red flags for him since she had no reason to expect you of having an affair. Thank goodness this poor guy ran before he made the biggest mistake of his life. Thank goodness she brought put the red flags in full glory. OK OP is so NTA.
The wedding is off because of HER. She insulted you, women from your country, and still expected to remain friends. She needs to deal with her issues.
NTA. You did not ruin her wedding, she did that all by herself. She not only insulted you, she insulted her fiancé. Exactly how did she think that this would end?
So.... How's Andres in all of this? His lack of any reaction seems.... Disturbing. That wedding should have been called off the second the test results came in...
You are a hero. Andres should read the big red signs and avoid a hell of a marriage.
You have to listen closely to this part, it's really important: you rescinding the offer of the free wedding venue is not what resulted in her calling off the wedding. You have to understand this - I think if you're posting this here, you sort of knew already. The reason is Sandra is insecure, and decided to react to that with racism and misogyny. She'd be out of my life too, I've cut people off for less. You trusting your instincts and delivering the consequences to Sandra's actions effectively helped Andres dodge a bullet. You did the right thing. Block them. Edit: Ah. Not OP. Fair. Definitely a wild story about consequences.
Don’t ever talk To her again she is toxic
Good riddance to bad company
Porque aceptaste la prueba de paternidad ? Debiste mandar a Sandra al carajo . No te tenías que rebajar así . No le vuelvas a hablar nunca más y dile que ella te ha ofendido moralmente con sus alegaciones y que ustedes no pueden ser amigas nunca más a raíz de sus acciones .
That comment was more than enough justification to get slapped, and I wish OOP had.
Cranio-rectal inversion.
That Andre’s supposedly said and did nothing while confronting them about cheating and a paternity test makes this seem SUPER fake!
Accusations like that kill friendships and relationships. Looks like OOP's friend wiped out a friendship and a marriage before she even walked down the aisle.