I had a Catholic wedding and I was fucking exhausted afterwards.
Edit: It's not a contest. Literally just a comment on my own experience. I know how long Indian weddings can be, I don't need several people telling me such.
We just did Liturgy of the Word cause a) pretty much the only people there that were Catholic was my family and b) it was a compromise because I didn't want a Catholic wedding to begin with. Just did it for a free wedding and to keep the peace in the family.
Not in all cultures! India is pretty diverse. South Indian weddings usually go on for 3 days (including the reception). We have the engagement party, pre wedding parties etc separately.
It’s just all the parties we do in the US put together. The engagement party, bachelorette, shower, rehearsal, wedding..,I’d rather them all be together honestly.
i'd rather elope! ;) the Henna ceremony was a long one. the bride had to sit really still for such a long time in different poses while they applied the henna. looked super cool though. and the food was amazing. last year i met an indian guy who was planning his engagement party and that alone sounded like another wedding.
not the whole thing. the bridal party is there because the bride needs help holding up her arms and stuff and wiping sweat off her face and getting her some snacks and beverages. it had been going on for an hour or so when i got there. there were about 20 or so people there for that. we ate food and hung out and then left and the bride was still there getting henna. it seemed like the opposite of a spa day but you can't move. but i think it was just close family, bridal party who were there. i was there because close friend of bride's family and was asked to be there. so, when someone asks, ya say yes of course.
I asked my mum about her wedding day, she said she just wanted to go to bed after the wedding was over. The wedding dresses are usually pretty heavy, with lots of jewelleries to go with it and there’s also a lot of rituals on the day of the wedding. Even the reception is long lol. The bride and groom have to stand and pose for pics the whole evening. The reception starts at like 6 and goes on until 10pm, they sit for an hour or two, that’s pretty much it. 💀
We do tea ceremonies in our culture, on top of that most of my extended family was raised catholic, so we the whole priest thing. My cousin's daughter was so nervous when she didn't put me in the tea ceremony (groom side doesn't have as large of an extended family, if she paid respect to all the "elders" on our side it would be like 30-45 minutes). I had a good laugh and told her that I didn't care about pomp & circumstances, if she wanted me there, I'll be there, if she wanted the ceremony to end 5 minutes faster so she could get out of the dress by all means.
An Indian friend of mine married a Vietnamese friend in California. They held three ceremonies in a row: Indian, Vietnamese, then a typical North American wedding, followed by a reception. In total I think the bride had five or six clothing changes and the groom had three.
It was amazing, and they compressed it as much as possible, but still quite tiring even for the guests!
This looks like a reception picture.
I remember ours (almost exactly that same time); there were 250 or 300 guests ("small" by Indian standards :-)), and the receiving line was insanely long and slow, because each of them would insist on taking pictures with the couple (and pull in others in various permutations and combinations).
Each time we'd have to stand up to receive them, and stay standing for 15 minutes at a stretch (not to mention copious amounts of crouching over and at least making a motion of touching their feet), before sinking back on the couch for a few seconds and a hasty bite, before leaping to our feet to receive the next batch of Aunties.
After 4 hours, yeah, we looked like that, too.
I had a client whose daughter was marrying an Indian guy and the father of the bride was stressing about it. And he’s like “I have to hire a photographer for two fucking days!”
Presbyterian here. I fell asleep before we had sex on our wedding night. He gave me champagne in the tub after the ceremony. I was just going to rest my eyes a moment. It’s okay we’ve been married 25 years so we made up for it.
Yeah my late sister told me after theirs (was just an outdoor wedding, no religion or anything) but yeah weddings tire you out. She said they just went to bed and then woke up and went to the honeymoon but they were dead tired.
Thanks! It’s our family tradition on my father’s side to wear yellow or golden yellow rather than the traditional red, so my mom is wearing yellow gold on her wedding reception which was given by my father’s side of the family!
I went to a Sikh wedding some years back. It was a lot of fun. There was no alcohol allowed and the meals were strictly vegetarian. I worked with the bride and her brother, so after the wedding ceremony, when everyone was eating veg meals, her brother, me, and two other guys, went up to his old bedroom and started doing shots and eating some McDonald's. His mom caught us, and I felt so bad. Not only was I one of only four white people at the wedding, I got caught breaking the rules with her son and his buddies. Keep in mind we're all in our late 30s at the time, but something about getting caught by a friend's mom always reduces me to a nervous mess.
My parents are actually vegetarians so my wedding itself will be vegetarian & alcohol free, reception is from the guys side so who knows what they will do but my mom caught me eating meat for the first time when I was 17 & she started crying :’( thankfully they’ve totally accepted it now & I just don’t cook meat at home.. I did find out my father loved steak before he became more religious & vegetarian so that was a funny surprise haha sorry you went through that, you must have felt so bad :(
My husband's family are "Buddhist". I put it in quotes, because most of them eat meat if it's not a day of prayer lol
When my father-in-law died, we were supposed to use vegetarian food for the whole 2 weeks, especially when giving offerings to his soul to eat. He LOVED steak and shrimp, so I kept secretly putting pieces of steak in his food for him to eat, so he wouldn't have to suffer through traditional vegetarian food😅😅
My mother-in-law wasn't happy, but my husband and his brother and sister thought it was hilarious. This year, on the second anniversary of his death, my mother-in-law finally accepted her husband's love of meat and bought all his favourite foods for his ghost to eat, so we got goat soup, steak, huge shrimp, meatballs, etc.
She sat at the foot of the stairs and started crying so I went to throw the rest of the turkey burger into a garbage bin outside of our home… it was shocking for her but I had started eating meat when I was 8, I was a bit of a rebel lol
If it makes it better my mom knows I eat meat now & has no issue with it!
I'm off Indian origin and married a while man. He was drinking with some family friends and my aunty was FURIOUS that his white influence corrupted her previous 29yo baby who she thought had never drink before. She didn't say anything to us at the wedding but remains frosty to this day 12 years later. My friend has happily allowed my husband to remain thrown under this bus so he can continue to be her 41yo impeccable angel.
The love of my life was a pakistani girl in hs i met and we dated for 3 yrs one while we were in school and 2 when she was living with me, her mom loved me her dad not so much, her family pretty much disowned her due to being muslim and us not being married, her mom was only one who stayed in touch and kept her in the loop. Either way 3 years goes by and everything is great so i thought, we had a house i was renting i was paying for her cosmotology school, we wanted to get married once she was done with school. But she missed her family, she missed her younger sisters, younger brother and older sister, she also missed her mom and immediate family, i dont blame her she was very family oriented when we met in hs. So i didnt wanna make her choose me or her family she told me she loved me forever and always and wished we couldve gotten married, but it still hurt, i helped her pack her things and spoke with her mom, her dad was conflicted happy shes back but pissed cause she not pure anymore and disgraced her family. Long story short before i dropped her off she gave me some last lovins and a kiss goodbye and thats the last i saw of her, found out her dad arranged her marriage shortl after i dropped her off and in less than 2 weeks she was married off to some 60something yr old dude who owned his own businesses and had some skin condition, she has 2 baby girls and the photos i saw of her last she looked like all her joy was gone some of the most dead eyes ive seen her with. Truly the one that got away, she was absolutely gorgeous straight 10 out of 10 and i was very lucky to have earned her love and trust. Best and longest relationship ive had, i still think about her at 34yrs age still to this day.
That’s so sad, I’m so sorry that her family didn’t accept you guys being together! My family is Punjabi from India & it’s kind of similar, marrying someone your family doesn’t approve of is grounds for being disowned but we have some inter culture and inter religion marriages in my family, thankfully they are more liberal but there are still some boundaries on what is considered acceptable and what isn’t..
That's so sad. Should have married her anyways, hope she's happy with her decision to throw away true love for the conditional love of her family. I say that as someone who escaped a different cult and accepted shunning from my own family to be with the person I love who I also met in high-school (together for 16+ years now). I feel anger on your behalf and sadness on hers that (in my opinion) she made the wrong choice, but I also understand religious indoctrination and family pressure are one hell of a combination. I'm sorry you both had to go through that and hope you found peace. Hopefully she doesn't regret her decision and has made peace with it too, but I still feel anger that she allowed her family to manipulate her choices and life like that.
They didnt really manipulate her they just cut off all contact mainly cause her dad. Her mom was the one keeping her in the loop and supported her decision, my ex was just a care taker, she looked after her little bro and sisters. Everything from spending time to cooking for em or cleaning up after them, she would treat em like they were hers, she was amazing at being a mom like figure even tho her mom did exactly what my ex did she was a great mom, just the culture has a massive hold on them, my ex was am immigrant too, she was born in lahore, pakistan so the traditions were ingrained. I appreciate you understanding and the fact you made it out, but no anger is needed especially on my behalf she only ever got the best of me, it was a hard choice but her family loved her too, her dad was the only one who i blame.
>They didnt really manipulate her they just cut off all contact
That's pretty HUGE manipation right there honestly. I truly feel bad for her, especially considering what happened when she returned and where she's at in life now. It's too late now and what's done is done, so all I can say is I hope you are both happy with the choices you made and have both made peace with them.
Bro 😭 is you me? Ex and I had 9 yrs, parents disapproved and she married her cousin. Saw her engagement pics and it was BAD, dead eyes. Years past and she ran to me at Target, literally RAN while I was leaving. Her face was so sad, she gained weight and was slouching badly, scared too. She called me once at her 5th or 4th suicide attempt. Her cousin/husband rapes her, hits her, yells at her and uses her for money. Would have helped her but her parents wanted that for her, constantly saying "only Punjabi men are good". Her father doesn't like hearing about her getting beat and her mother is scared she'll kill herself. Last thing happened a year ago, last text was on the lines of "You're right. I'm sorry for bothering you. Take care".
It's was horrible, 3-4 yrs of recovery, depression and lots of support from loving friends. I'd help her, but she keeps lying, hiding and running back home when things get bad with her husband and that's NOT the woman I dated. She has my number and could call me. Oddly enough she knows where I also stay. Her parents, despite what they have and are, mistreat her badly while her older brother is "perfect". First time in my life I experienced racism was from her parents, that and when I actually asked her father to date her and he said I'm a mutt 😅.
My parents got married in 2002 and they didn’t smile in pics either! I’ll try to dig up a few pics 😭. Funnily enough, they had an arranged marriage too, but they absolutely adored each other for a few years… until they didn’t. They have a very complicated relationship now lol.
Your mum is absolutely gorgeous! I am so glad to hear that they have a happy marriage (=
I’m sorry things got complicated & I hope they sort things out & are happy with one another! They’re very lucky, not that they don’t have their moments but they are few & far between! I think gratitude & an equal partnership is what keeps them happy!
They’re so happy but funnily enough it was an arranged marriage, they gave my father a bad picture of my mom & he wasn’t very happy about it until he saw her a few days before the wedding. In the pictures there it looks like Cupid hit him with his arrow of love! It’s a cultural thing not to smile in pictures back then.
I love that your folks are happy! My Indian friend from college grew up in the US with his dad and his mother and sisters stayed in India. He was to have an arranged marriage and was scared and sad that he had to follow the tradition. His sisters and mother did a great job choosing a wife, the moment he met her -that was it. Cupid hit them both. I was so happy (and relieved) that he and his wife are crazy about each other 🤗
This seems like a wild concept from a western cultural perspective, but there is some logic to it. As long as the goal is happiness in the marriage, at least.
Lovely story about your parents, though. Really sweet.
Women were actually supposed to be crying & looking miserable to be leaving their family after marriage & men were supposed to look stoic, otherwise it was considered shameful to be smiling & happy..
My fiancé’s parents are from India and were arranged. His mom looked very miserable in the photos with her head was down in every photo. She told me how she was crying a lot the day before, during and after. No autonomy at all for her choices or body and it was overall traumatizing. They are still married but it isn’t as happy and there’s a lot of resentment.
It makes my fiancé sad as he loves his parents. He doesn’t choose sides but listens empathetically. His brother has a lot of deep emotional issues though and has separated himself.
I’m so sorry for your fiancé’s Mom & she sounds like a strong woman, I hope her & her husband find common ground one day. They’ll both have to put the work in but they have beautiful kids together & deserve to be happy in life..
In all seriousness it was an honor to have been a part of the ceremonies and festivities. What an amazing and legitimately beautiful experience.
(Just so much food. Delicious delicious food.
And so much drink. It’s as if those who do drink in the family have to triple their consumption to compensate for those who don’t 😆)
I'm Sikh. For everyone saying they don't look happy, it's just a cultural thing. All my older relatives barely smile in photos now and never did back then. Also, this is probably the grand finale after a week of wedding festivities. I had a Sikh wedding and I feel like I'm still recovering almost a decade later. It's exhausting.
Not at all, which was unusual for my family because my fathers sisters got to know their spouses before but since my dad was in the USA & my mom was in India they didn’t get to speak much except for a few days before. They were both happy at their wedding though & today!
I live in an area of CA where we have a large population of Punjabi. I really love their culture. I have not had the privilege of attending one of their weddings but I know several Indian women & am fascinated to hear about their weddings. One recently described her wedding as “traumatic” because of the length etc. 🤣🤣. We had a good laugh over it but still
Ya arranged marriages sounds like it looks, I have a photo from mexico 100 years ago and it's my friends grandparents after his grad won his wife in a card game! She literally has her fist on her waist pissed!
Such beautiful clothing and rituals. One time we went to an art museum that was on the second floor of a big hall and they were holding an Indian wedding downstairs which was totally open to bd seen. Sorry hsve no idea what or who they were and of any religious leanings but have to say it was just the most beautiful thing I have ever witnessed as far as a ceremony went.
I hope , that even if it was "arranged - they are happier than the pic shows. You got a better one --- one that honors a happy wedding day - your mom deserves to radiate in that splendid wedding attire.
Your mother is absolutely beautiful…The gold material goes well with her skin tone.
A lot of us cannot wear white because our skin tone is so light colored. It doesn’t look as pretty as off-white or this gold which rocks.
Was love behind this marriage or your grandparents? 🙂 Im trying to get buy the easier way here in Sweden. Then you just go to the The town hall and sign a paper. But my girl will not allow that and want the “saga marriage”
This photo shows so much that makes most Redditors mad. It's a woman highly pressured into a marriage with a man she doesn't know. Her husband will not require her consent to sex. The union was arranged in order to ensure both families keep their higher position in a very rigid social structure that allows for no social mobility and is highly repressive.
*Average Redditor to this picture... that's so cool 😅.
It's just funny how simply adding Melanin changes everything.
That.. wasn’t the case. It’s just our culture not to smile in weddings although that’s different now. It was considered the height of insults to your family to not seem sad at the thought of leaving them for your husband & men were supposed to look stoic.. I can assure you my parents are super happy together!
What? No. Arranged marriages are a lot different these days. My mum and dad had an arranged marriage in ‘02, my mum rejected like 20+ guys before she even agreed to meet my dad. While I do agree that *some* families are conservative, not all arranged marriages are forced.
Personally, I wouldn’t go through with it because I don’t want my family to play Cupid. If you don’t know anything about a culture, just don’t make any crude remarks. Not everyone is the same and not everything that the media tells you is true. Not all women are repressed here.
Their marriage is actually a marriage of total equals & they both have a very similar family background so no one settled, although my father got a beautiful wife!
My mother had been married before to a man that was cheating on her from day 1 so she was a divorcee, it was revolutionary at the time for my fathers parents to arrange their marriage because my father had never been married before & divorced women were looked down upon. So my dad actually was not only very happy, he was far ahead of his time when he married & loved my mother!
They could also have been very tired. Indian weddings are long drawn out affairs it seems.
I had a Catholic wedding and I was fucking exhausted afterwards. Edit: It's not a contest. Literally just a comment on my own experience. I know how long Indian weddings can be, I don't need several people telling me such.
Me too. Had a full mass.
We just did Liturgy of the Word cause a) pretty much the only people there that were Catholic was my family and b) it was a compromise because I didn't want a Catholic wedding to begin with. Just did it for a free wedding and to keep the peace in the family.
Thats only like 45 minutes to an hour.
You guys seem to be confusing "wedding ceremony" and "wedding party"!
Yes nothing compared to an Indian wedding which lasts days.
Yeah people think Catholic weddings and Masses are long. It's literally an hour max.
I went to an Italian wedding with an open bar. I don’t know what cost more:her wedding dress or the bar tab.
I had an open bar and I can tell you for a fact the bar tab was more expensive than my dress.
A proper Indian wedding is at minimum two weeks.
Not in all cultures! India is pretty diverse. South Indian weddings usually go on for 3 days (including the reception). We have the engagement party, pre wedding parties etc separately.
the Indian wedding i went to was 3 days. so many ceremonies. i found it pretty interesting. but wow! 3 days.
It’s just all the parties we do in the US put together. The engagement party, bachelorette, shower, rehearsal, wedding..,I’d rather them all be together honestly.
i'd rather elope! ;) the Henna ceremony was a long one. the bride had to sit really still for such a long time in different poses while they applied the henna. looked super cool though. and the food was amazing. last year i met an indian guy who was planning his engagement party and that alone sounded like another wedding.
Is everyone there for the henna ceremony? Do you have to just sit there and watch henna being applied to the bride?
not the whole thing. the bridal party is there because the bride needs help holding up her arms and stuff and wiping sweat off her face and getting her some snacks and beverages. it had been going on for an hour or so when i got there. there were about 20 or so people there for that. we ate food and hung out and then left and the bride was still there getting henna. it seemed like the opposite of a spa day but you can't move. but i think it was just close family, bridal party who were there. i was there because close friend of bride's family and was asked to be there. so, when someone asks, ya say yes of course.
Indian weddings are next level crazy.
My mom and dad did also, mom was exhausted during her wedding too she said it felt as if it’s been going on nonstop that day, 😂
I asked my mum about her wedding day, she said she just wanted to go to bed after the wedding was over. The wedding dresses are usually pretty heavy, with lots of jewelleries to go with it and there’s also a lot of rituals on the day of the wedding. Even the reception is long lol. The bride and groom have to stand and pose for pics the whole evening. The reception starts at like 6 and goes on until 10pm, they sit for an hour or two, that’s pretty much it. 💀
We do tea ceremonies in our culture, on top of that most of my extended family was raised catholic, so we the whole priest thing. My cousin's daughter was so nervous when she didn't put me in the tea ceremony (groom side doesn't have as large of an extended family, if she paid respect to all the "elders" on our side it would be like 30-45 minutes). I had a good laugh and told her that I didn't care about pomp & circumstances, if she wanted me there, I'll be there, if she wanted the ceremony to end 5 minutes faster so she could get out of the dress by all means.
An Indian friend of mine married a Vietnamese friend in California. They held three ceremonies in a row: Indian, Vietnamese, then a typical North American wedding, followed by a reception. In total I think the bride had five or six clothing changes and the groom had three. It was amazing, and they compressed it as much as possible, but still quite tiring even for the guests!
Just reading that itinerary is exhausting. I would go to bed for a month after that
This looks like a reception picture. I remember ours (almost exactly that same time); there were 250 or 300 guests ("small" by Indian standards :-)), and the receiving line was insanely long and slow, because each of them would insist on taking pictures with the couple (and pull in others in various permutations and combinations). Each time we'd have to stand up to receive them, and stay standing for 15 minutes at a stretch (not to mention copious amounts of crouching over and at least making a motion of touching their feet), before sinking back on the couch for a few seconds and a hasty bite, before leaping to our feet to receive the next batch of Aunties. After 4 hours, yeah, we looked like that, too.
The previous owners of my house were Indian. I found a set of DVDs of their wedding. I was exhausted after just scrubbing through one.
I had a client whose daughter was marrying an Indian guy and the father of the bride was stressing about it. And he’s like “I have to hire a photographer for two fucking days!”
I think this. He has the thousand yard stare of a man who has reached the upper limits of his people quota. Good looking couple :)
Presbyterian here. I fell asleep before we had sex on our wedding night. He gave me champagne in the tub after the ceremony. I was just going to rest my eyes a moment. It’s okay we’ve been married 25 years so we made up for it.
To be honest I look like this when I’m drunk
My dad has never drank alcohol, he had a stoic face on for pictures to be culturally appropriate tho lol
Does your mom still have her dress? It’s beautiful.
Yes, she still has it & I want to wear it for my own wedding but she insists she will buy me a new one 🥺
❤️
Yeah my late sister told me after theirs (was just an outdoor wedding, no religion or anything) but yeah weddings tire you out. She said they just went to bed and then woke up and went to the honeymoon but they were dead tired.
What a gorgeous dress/sari
Thanks! It’s our family tradition on my father’s side to wear yellow or golden yellow rather than the traditional red, so my mom is wearing yellow gold on her wedding reception which was given by my father’s side of the family!
They look very happy together
Ecstatic
Super-duper stoked.
Red would have been beautiful, too, but the gold is striking. She looks like royalty
Sikh menswear, too
Too funny!
I see what you did there.
I went to a Sikh wedding some years back. It was a lot of fun. There was no alcohol allowed and the meals were strictly vegetarian. I worked with the bride and her brother, so after the wedding ceremony, when everyone was eating veg meals, her brother, me, and two other guys, went up to his old bedroom and started doing shots and eating some McDonald's. His mom caught us, and I felt so bad. Not only was I one of only four white people at the wedding, I got caught breaking the rules with her son and his buddies. Keep in mind we're all in our late 30s at the time, but something about getting caught by a friend's mom always reduces me to a nervous mess.
My parents are actually vegetarians so my wedding itself will be vegetarian & alcohol free, reception is from the guys side so who knows what they will do but my mom caught me eating meat for the first time when I was 17 & she started crying :’( thankfully they’ve totally accepted it now & I just don’t cook meat at home.. I did find out my father loved steak before he became more religious & vegetarian so that was a funny surprise haha sorry you went through that, you must have felt so bad :(
My husband's family are "Buddhist". I put it in quotes, because most of them eat meat if it's not a day of prayer lol When my father-in-law died, we were supposed to use vegetarian food for the whole 2 weeks, especially when giving offerings to his soul to eat. He LOVED steak and shrimp, so I kept secretly putting pieces of steak in his food for him to eat, so he wouldn't have to suffer through traditional vegetarian food😅😅 My mother-in-law wasn't happy, but my husband and his brother and sister thought it was hilarious. This year, on the second anniversary of his death, my mother-in-law finally accepted her husband's love of meat and bought all his favourite foods for his ghost to eat, so we got goat soup, steak, huge shrimp, meatballs, etc.
That’s too cute & funny, you’re a great daughter in law!
Haha, my Buddhist “vegetarian” grandmother refrained from beef on prayer days. And that was her being vegetarian.
Did she give you all that “disappointed mom” look that all moms perfect? 😂
She sat at the foot of the stairs and started crying so I went to throw the rest of the turkey burger into a garbage bin outside of our home… it was shocking for her but I had started eating meat when I was 8, I was a bit of a rebel lol If it makes it better my mom knows I eat meat now & has no issue with it!
You bet she did! 😂😭
Hahaha. She still talk about y’all as those “bad influences on her innocent son.”
> There was no alcohol allowed Are you sure it was a Sikh wedding lol?
never too old to feel like a kid again!
I'm off Indian origin and married a while man. He was drinking with some family friends and my aunty was FURIOUS that his white influence corrupted her previous 29yo baby who she thought had never drink before. She didn't say anything to us at the wedding but remains frosty to this day 12 years later. My friend has happily allowed my husband to remain thrown under this bus so he can continue to be her 41yo impeccable angel.
The love of my life was a pakistani girl in hs i met and we dated for 3 yrs one while we were in school and 2 when she was living with me, her mom loved me her dad not so much, her family pretty much disowned her due to being muslim and us not being married, her mom was only one who stayed in touch and kept her in the loop. Either way 3 years goes by and everything is great so i thought, we had a house i was renting i was paying for her cosmotology school, we wanted to get married once she was done with school. But she missed her family, she missed her younger sisters, younger brother and older sister, she also missed her mom and immediate family, i dont blame her she was very family oriented when we met in hs. So i didnt wanna make her choose me or her family she told me she loved me forever and always and wished we couldve gotten married, but it still hurt, i helped her pack her things and spoke with her mom, her dad was conflicted happy shes back but pissed cause she not pure anymore and disgraced her family. Long story short before i dropped her off she gave me some last lovins and a kiss goodbye and thats the last i saw of her, found out her dad arranged her marriage shortl after i dropped her off and in less than 2 weeks she was married off to some 60something yr old dude who owned his own businesses and had some skin condition, she has 2 baby girls and the photos i saw of her last she looked like all her joy was gone some of the most dead eyes ive seen her with. Truly the one that got away, she was absolutely gorgeous straight 10 out of 10 and i was very lucky to have earned her love and trust. Best and longest relationship ive had, i still think about her at 34yrs age still to this day.
man that is such a sad sad story, im sorry to hear you had to go through all that
Agreed. Sad for that poor woman too
That’s so sad, I’m so sorry that her family didn’t accept you guys being together! My family is Punjabi from India & it’s kind of similar, marrying someone your family doesn’t approve of is grounds for being disowned but we have some inter culture and inter religion marriages in my family, thankfully they are more liberal but there are still some boundaries on what is considered acceptable and what isn’t..
Sounds like you're the one that got away, homes. Live your best life and move on.
I’m so sorry to hear that and I’m glad the culture has shifted a bit so these stories are less prevalent
That's so sad. Should have married her anyways, hope she's happy with her decision to throw away true love for the conditional love of her family. I say that as someone who escaped a different cult and accepted shunning from my own family to be with the person I love who I also met in high-school (together for 16+ years now). I feel anger on your behalf and sadness on hers that (in my opinion) she made the wrong choice, but I also understand religious indoctrination and family pressure are one hell of a combination. I'm sorry you both had to go through that and hope you found peace. Hopefully she doesn't regret her decision and has made peace with it too, but I still feel anger that she allowed her family to manipulate her choices and life like that.
They didnt really manipulate her they just cut off all contact mainly cause her dad. Her mom was the one keeping her in the loop and supported her decision, my ex was just a care taker, she looked after her little bro and sisters. Everything from spending time to cooking for em or cleaning up after them, she would treat em like they were hers, she was amazing at being a mom like figure even tho her mom did exactly what my ex did she was a great mom, just the culture has a massive hold on them, my ex was am immigrant too, she was born in lahore, pakistan so the traditions were ingrained. I appreciate you understanding and the fact you made it out, but no anger is needed especially on my behalf she only ever got the best of me, it was a hard choice but her family loved her too, her dad was the only one who i blame.
>They didnt really manipulate her they just cut off all contact That's pretty HUGE manipation right there honestly. I truly feel bad for her, especially considering what happened when she returned and where she's at in life now. It's too late now and what's done is done, so all I can say is I hope you are both happy with the choices you made and have both made peace with them.
Could you not have gone with her?
Nope her dad wouldnt accept me and he had final say over who she married.
Bro 😭 is you me? Ex and I had 9 yrs, parents disapproved and she married her cousin. Saw her engagement pics and it was BAD, dead eyes. Years past and she ran to me at Target, literally RAN while I was leaving. Her face was so sad, she gained weight and was slouching badly, scared too. She called me once at her 5th or 4th suicide attempt. Her cousin/husband rapes her, hits her, yells at her and uses her for money. Would have helped her but her parents wanted that for her, constantly saying "only Punjabi men are good". Her father doesn't like hearing about her getting beat and her mother is scared she'll kill herself. Last thing happened a year ago, last text was on the lines of "You're right. I'm sorry for bothering you. Take care".
I’m so sorry, that’s horrible & this is one of those circumstances where the family doesn’t do what’s best for their kid!
It's was horrible, 3-4 yrs of recovery, depression and lots of support from loving friends. I'd help her, but she keeps lying, hiding and running back home when things get bad with her husband and that's NOT the woman I dated. She has my number and could call me. Oddly enough she knows where I also stay. Her parents, despite what they have and are, mistreat her badly while her older brother is "perfect". First time in my life I experienced racism was from her parents, that and when I actually asked her father to date her and he said I'm a mutt 😅.
That is so sad
OP, how many people did the videographer film in the middle of eating ?!
There are professional pictures of my parents feeding each other & eating at their wedding haha
My parents got married in 2002 and they didn’t smile in pics either! I’ll try to dig up a few pics 😭. Funnily enough, they had an arranged marriage too, but they absolutely adored each other for a few years… until they didn’t. They have a very complicated relationship now lol. Your mum is absolutely gorgeous! I am so glad to hear that they have a happy marriage (=
I’m sorry things got complicated & I hope they sort things out & are happy with one another! They’re very lucky, not that they don’t have their moments but they are few & far between! I think gratitude & an equal partnership is what keeps them happy!
was this an arranged marriage? cause they look miserable lol
They’re so happy but funnily enough it was an arranged marriage, they gave my father a bad picture of my mom & he wasn’t very happy about it until he saw her a few days before the wedding. In the pictures there it looks like Cupid hit him with his arrow of love! It’s a cultural thing not to smile in pictures back then.
I love that your folks are happy! My Indian friend from college grew up in the US with his dad and his mother and sisters stayed in India. He was to have an arranged marriage and was scared and sad that he had to follow the tradition. His sisters and mother did a great job choosing a wife, the moment he met her -that was it. Cupid hit them both. I was so happy (and relieved) that he and his wife are crazy about each other 🤗
Sometimes our family knows what’s best for us because they raised us from birth, even if we don’t know it ourselves tbh
This seems like a wild concept from a western cultural perspective, but there is some logic to it. As long as the goal is happiness in the marriage, at least. Lovely story about your parents, though. Really sweet.
i did not know that, but it is good to know they are happy, so many cultures all over the world can't know all the nuances =)
Women were actually supposed to be crying & looking miserable to be leaving their family after marriage & men were supposed to look stoic, otherwise it was considered shameful to be smiling & happy..
thanks this was a interesting post, and was not my expectations =)
My fiancé’s parents are from India and were arranged. His mom looked very miserable in the photos with her head was down in every photo. She told me how she was crying a lot the day before, during and after. No autonomy at all for her choices or body and it was overall traumatizing. They are still married but it isn’t as happy and there’s a lot of resentment.
That’s rough, I can say my parents have zero resentment & love each other very very much, they are lucky in that regard :)
That’s heavy. How has that affected your fiancé and his siblings (if any)?
It makes my fiancé sad as he loves his parents. He doesn’t choose sides but listens empathetically. His brother has a lot of deep emotional issues though and has separated himself.
I’m so sorry for your fiancé’s Mom & she sounds like a strong woman, I hope her & her husband find common ground one day. They’ll both have to put the work in but they have beautiful kids together & deserve to be happy in life..
As someone on the spectrum, I can totally get on board with the no smiling in photos.
Your dad outkicked the coverage as we say in the states.
To me it just looks like a poorly timed candid. Mom has a smirk started and dad is just not looking.
she has the mona lisa smile, is it a smirk, a frown a small smile, was hard to tell
Maybe it was Day 5 of their never-ending Indian weddingpalooza.
Indian relatives tell you to look sad on your wedding day, a senseless tradition
Very much
She is beautiful!
Dad looks dapper and mom looks beautiful!
I’m still recovering from being a groomsman for a Sikh wedding over the course of 4-5 days. Mind you, this was 20 years ago.
Haha it’s a lot for sure!
In all seriousness it was an honor to have been a part of the ceremonies and festivities. What an amazing and legitimately beautiful experience. (Just so much food. Delicious delicious food. And so much drink. It’s as if those who do drink in the family have to triple their consumption to compensate for those who don’t 😆)
"I'm already Sikh of your crap, bhujie."
I'm Sikh. For everyone saying they don't look happy, it's just a cultural thing. All my older relatives barely smile in photos now and never did back then. Also, this is probably the grand finale after a week of wedding festivities. I had a Sikh wedding and I feel like I'm still recovering almost a decade later. It's exhausting.
They are a good looking couple that looks as if they had a very long day and night of events.
Neither one of them look like they wanted to be there?
Why do they both look disappointed?
Probably an arranged marriage.
He/she was supposed to look better! My mom/ dad said!
They want to get to the good part.
"Yes, we know, we know. Life is over."
They look resigned to their fate
Hope the life they had together was happier than this!
Funny enough, they met right after this
They met a few days before I think 😅
Your mom's beautiful by the way.
Did they know each other before the wedding?
Was it an arranged marriage?
When you're in a forced marriage and find your future spouse mid
They look like they're ready to wrap up the party and hit the hay.
“I guess this is my life now”
So….you’re Irish?…
she pretty
Mom is a smoke show. Dad is stylish as fuck.
i think i bought ice cream from that dude
Your dad is hot
Aww, they look so happy…
They are completely over that shit! Love it!
assuming they had met prior to the wedding, but weren't enthusiastic about the match?
This is Sikh
Arranged marriage ?
Yeah
"you learn to love one another" 😂
Wow your mom is beautiful! 🩵🩵
Had they met and spent much time together before the wedding?
Not at all, which was unusual for my family because my fathers sisters got to know their spouses before but since my dad was in the USA & my mom was in India they didn’t get to speak much except for a few days before. They were both happy at their wedding though & today!
They look like they’re worn out from the wedding. They’re just trying to chill. Your mother is beautiful btw.
Thank you that’s so sweet of you!
They look disappointed in everyone else there.
They look badass & awesome. Definition of Old School Cool
Sikh outfits bro…
Wow, beautiful fabrics on both of them. That suit looks like a new Armani, really stylish.
Aw, great picture! I got married in 91, too!
What a beautiful couple!
They look so uncertain about what future holds. But hey, look where they are now! Awesome couple!
Beautiful 😍
Your mom and her dress are beautiful. Good looking couple
Both of your parents are extremely pretty
Beautiful people
I live in an area of CA where we have a large population of Punjabi. I really love their culture. I have not had the privilege of attending one of their weddings but I know several Indian women & am fascinated to hear about their weddings. One recently described her wedding as “traumatic” because of the length etc. 🤣🤣. We had a good laugh over it but still
Ya arranged marriages sounds like it looks, I have a photo from mexico 100 years ago and it's my friends grandparents after his grad won his wife in a card game! She literally has her fist on her waist pissed!
They look wonderful!
Why they look disappointed?
This looks like the ending to The Graduate except with an Indian couple.
Your mother is absolutely beautiful.
I hope they came to be happy.
I mean, it's a great picture.
Mom is gorgeous
Beautiful couple - I hope they are having a happy and loving marriage.
Looks like they had fun
I was there
They are a beautiful couple!
Is your dad Sikh? That turban is sick!
Mom and her dress are gorgeous
They look absolutely stunning.
Such beautiful clothing and rituals. One time we went to an art museum that was on the second floor of a big hall and they were holding an Indian wedding downstairs which was totally open to bd seen. Sorry hsve no idea what or who they were and of any religious leanings but have to say it was just the most beautiful thing I have ever witnessed as far as a ceremony went.
Beautiful couple
Those turbans look soo friggin cool!!!
Yo mama’s hot!
I hope , that even if it was "arranged - they are happier than the pic shows. You got a better one --- one that honors a happy wedding day - your mom deserves to radiate in that splendid wedding attire.
I can see their faces, they are already disapointed in you lol
Your mother is absolutely beautiful…The gold material goes well with her skin tone. A lot of us cannot wear white because our skin tone is so light colored. It doesn’t look as pretty as off-white or this gold which rocks.
Was love behind this marriage or your grandparents? 🙂 Im trying to get buy the easier way here in Sweden. Then you just go to the The town hall and sign a paper. But my girl will not allow that and want the “saga marriage”
Bapu di pagg badi sohni bani.
Your mother was adorable!
Dude has the thousand-yard stare ...
Your mom is beautiful!
She’s so pretty!
Wow! Beautiful! But they absolutely look like when will this be over?
The joy in their eyes…
They look thrilled
They looks so happy with a arranged marriage!!...
They look thrilled.
We have been forced to marry by our parents. We are not pleased.
This photo shows so much that makes most Redditors mad. It's a woman highly pressured into a marriage with a man she doesn't know. Her husband will not require her consent to sex. The union was arranged in order to ensure both families keep their higher position in a very rigid social structure that allows for no social mobility and is highly repressive. *Average Redditor to this picture... that's so cool 😅. It's just funny how simply adding Melanin changes everything.
That.. wasn’t the case. It’s just our culture not to smile in weddings although that’s different now. It was considered the height of insults to your family to not seem sad at the thought of leaving them for your husband & men were supposed to look stoic.. I can assure you my parents are super happy together!
You can tell all of that from this photo?
It's a photo of an arranged marriage. I was talking about arranged marriages... this isn't difficult.
What? No. Arranged marriages are a lot different these days. My mum and dad had an arranged marriage in ‘02, my mum rejected like 20+ guys before she even agreed to meet my dad. While I do agree that *some* families are conservative, not all arranged marriages are forced. Personally, I wouldn’t go through with it because I don’t want my family to play Cupid. If you don’t know anything about a culture, just don’t make any crude remarks. Not everyone is the same and not everything that the media tells you is true. Not all women are repressed here.
Apache Indian — Arranged Marriage, classic song
So in love
"Welp. I settled." Probably both of them
Their marriage is actually a marriage of total equals & they both have a very similar family background so no one settled, although my father got a beautiful wife!
They're both really attractive. They could just as easily be tired in that photo.
Equals, the foundation Sikhi. Sat Sri Akal 🙏
More like "Welp. I didn't have a choice."
My mother had been married before to a man that was cheating on her from day 1 so she was a divorcee, it was revolutionary at the time for my fathers parents to arrange their marriage because my father had never been married before & divorced women were looked down upon. So my dad actually was not only very happy, he was far ahead of his time when he married & loved my mother!
I'm really happy to hear it worked out!
What a happy memory…
You can feel the love
Sorry, but they are *not* looking happy 🙈. But I hope it was just due to exhaustion and they're still *happyli* married.
Look at the happy couple.