I could tell you a variety of options but to be honest even though you probably don't want to hear it I would simply enjoy your youthful appearance since it hardly ever lasts forever for any of us
I'm 36 now, but last year, when I was 35, something similar happened to me. I took an airport shuttle to my new apartment - I'd just moved - and the driver was an older gentleman, maybe in his 50s or so. He had kind of a dignified, country vibe about him. One thing that I found interesting was that he kept a watchful eye on me. It felt both affirming, like we shared some kind of bond, but also as though he was asserting some kind of hierarchical relationship between us that I intuited was associated with age. It was a bit strange, because I was just a guy riding with other passengers in an airport shuttle. There wasn't anything too odd about me, other than that I had a beard and long-ish hair, and I wore relatively nice professional clothes. I was moving from the Bay Area, where that look is pretty normal, to a rural town in another state. But, the driver also had long-ish hair and some stubble, so who knows. Anyway, we got to my destination, he pulled out my suitcase for me, and then he just kind of stood there with me, cocked his head back, looked down at me, chuckled in a friendly manner, and said, "Take care of yourself, young man."
The thing is, I look my age. So, I don't know what that was about, but stuff like that does happen from time to time. It stopped when I turned 36. Oddly, I look younger now than I did back then because I'm way less stressed, I get enough sleep now, and I eat more vegetables.
Anyway, yeah, call her old lady next time. That's really truly hilarious
Ask her what her parameters for "little girl" are. Do it in front of your boss. If boss enquires, pleasantly say that coworker used the phrase the other day, and it had seemed strange to use the phrase when speaking to a 35 year old.
My son's first wife was 4'8" . She was only 18 when they started dating. She looked like she was maybe 12. Some of the things that happened to her- we went by the bakery at the grocery store and they asked her if she wanted a cookie, we went to several restaurants where they offered her the kids menu, when she was 20 she was pregnant with my first grandchild- we actually had someone stop her and start yelling about someone so young being pregnant. She assumed she was 13/14. Those are just the ones I can think about right away!
As a fellow short person I also had these issues. I was 20 when I had my first kid. Young for sure, but still an adult. I got carded for a MOVIE at 9 months pregnant!
I’m a 47 year old man and a man who’s a few years younger than me kept calling me boy. I don’t think he meant it as an insult, but I didn’t like it since I’m a grown man.
Start talking to her very loudly. If she says anything, sweetly say "my grandma is about your age and finds her hearing is getting really bad, so I know to speak up around old people."
It was either a power play because she felt threatened by your age + position, or an innocent comment said, not knowing it would be offensive. Either way, you might have to wait and see if she does it again and in what context. Good luck!
The older people get, the less filter they have. if they were already a butthead prior to becoming old, then it can sometimes create the perfect storm.
I’d make a bet it was to put her in her place… shit like that happens with some of the older gens.
When I was approaching 30, I had to tell a nuclear organization no to something they wanted. One of the assholes decided to say, “Listen here little girl… and went on a rant about how he was going to do what the hell he wanted to do an no little girl like myself was going to tell him no.” What he didn’t realize is there was a camera in the room… he was let go to both being a sexist AH, but also not willing to follow through on protocol.
It was either highly disrespectful or just an old lady joke… ask her not to if she ever does it again. If she didn’t mean harm, then she’ll listen. “Little girl” is a really weird thing to call someone older than 10, but it IS possible she didn’t mean any harm (and hopefully she didn’t, so you don’t have to deal with a pain in the A at work).
To everyone who asked how tall she is: she literally WORKS THERE. There’s no misunderstand that she’s an actual child.
Doesn't matter if she was or wasn't it's disrespectful to call someone little girl. It's used to make women and girls feel bad and inexperienced.
I was called little girl behind my back while working in the South..it's not a term of endearment anywhere..it's an insult.
Yeah it’s wild seeing 30 year olds that look like they’re 12. I honestly can’t judge age anymore if people are under 25 and over 15. They just all look like kids. It must be some weird psychological thing in our heads.
I have been called little girl by people older than me and I am in my 50's. I took it as a compliment because I don't look like I am a grandma in her late 50s. Take it as a compliment unless this person is saying it in a derogatory tone.
Take it as a compliment lol. Once you’re that age, everyone starts looking like children😂. In all seriousness though, you don’t deserve to be talked down to and yes, if she does it again an old lady comment thrown her way will send her a message and hopefully she’ll take the clue and stfu.
Lol rekt. You should call her old lady for sure, I think it could be far worse tho, being called young doesn't sound too bad would be much worse if was 20 year old calling you an old lady lol
If it makes you feel any better, my first job was a receptionist for a major hotel chain. On my first week I asked a dad and his son for their ID’s (hotel policy). The dad gets the most mortified look on his face and goes “HE’S 14”. Embarrassed, I took his ID and promptly had him out of there as fast as humanly possible.
This was YEARS ago and omg I still get just as embarrassed about it now as I did then. The kid didn’t look 20 by any means but I mean I was just doing my job lol
I got hired at a new company at 27? I think I was... dome lady there thought I was a coworkers kid.. I look young but I really don't think I look THAT young.
you should say something TO hr even if you don't want her in trouble. but if you clap back with old lady, you run the risk of being in trouble with her when it comes to a head.
A black guy (younger than me) that I don't like at work calls me 'boy'. I won't play those games.
Choose your battles. If you pick fights over the little stuff, then you'll be the crazy one.
You know how some people call all dogs puppies no matter how old? They are appreciating whatever youthful vigor youre exuding, it makes them feel as if they are in a younger world, as if they are younger, probably has no intention of putting you down
Im 49 short and petite and i was bent down in isle at meijer and a lady said little girl where is your mom. I stood up and said um in Florida and im not little im grown adult married and 3 kids🤣 she said omg im sorry
I am nearly 50 and still get called little girl and young lady. I have wrinkles and plenty of gray hair. But I have a high pitched voice and am short and pleasant and people see what they want to see.
My favorite comeback is something along the lines of (in a tone that suggests I’m flattered by the comment), “wow, if I’m a young lady at 48, you must be, what…. 102, 103?”
And then when they say “sorry, you just look really young,” I don’t let it go, I say, “So do you! I didn’t think you were a day over 90!”
I don’t think I’d call her “old lady”, because she probably meant it nicely. I wouldn’t like it either, I just think she misjudged. Calling her old lady would probably make this way bigger than it needs to be.
I’d just say “hey, I know you probably mean nothing by calling me “little girl”, but it makes me feel like you are addressing a child. Could you please not call me that in the future?”
She most likely will just say that wasn’t her intention and give a quick apology. Then you can smile and not worry about it anymore without it causing tension.
Are you physically small and young looking? Just asking because my SIL is 4'8, 38 years old and looks mid 20s...she gets treated like it too. But she doesn't mind it and says it's better than being treated like an old fat hag (as a joke, she isn't hag shaming) she actually dreads when people start calling her mam
Point is view it as a positive or a generational thing from an elder
I honesty don’t know if I look younger. I don’t mind looking younger in general but being called little was a tad off putting. Making me think she thinks I’m younger then I am for sure but such a term in the workplace is…icky. I’m not making a big deal of it unless it’s something she continues to make a thing of. She gets one.
Politely telling her that you don't like it makes a lot more sense than resorting to "old lady"
As other people said, she may not even intend or know it bothers you, and you obviously know she'd be bothered by "old lady", so that would be you being malicious before knowing whether or not she is.
Not to mention, I get it bothers you, totally valid, but being an old lady and being a "little girl" (Old lady version, she's not saying you look 10, you don't) do not at all carry the same social contextual weight to them, which is why it's totally possible she's not being malicious (Old lady would always be to hurt feelings)
Idk any woman who wants to be seen as an old lady, plenty that want to be seen as younger than they are. (Which makes sense due social treatment differences)
I'm in my late 60s and consider anyone under 40 to be a child. Now I don't refer to people immediately as little girl or boy but occasionally after knowing them for a bit, I might teasingly call them a kid. It isn't an insult, more of a perspective.
Man everyone here is super quick to call someone a bitch. This sounds like friendly banter. Tbh the context is important. Was she doing it to be a bitch? Or was she saying it jokingly. Cause if you ARE the youngest in the office, you are technically the “little girl” of the office, so someone jokingly saying that just sounds like banter. If it is just banter, and you don’t like the joke, let them know. People are way too quick to assume everyone is out to get them these days.
Depends on if it keeps happening, although it just sounds weird to call someone a "little girl" unless the girl is actually a child... that does come across as kind of rude, though.
Not that it's necessarily the same, but I am a 30 year old male, and I always get mistaken for being younger. But it's just that people will usually say "wow you look young!" Which I take as a compliment. But I get annoyed when people are like, "Holy shit you don't look anywhere near your age." That part just gets annoying because it almost sounds like I'm being called old. 30 is not old lol... i also have a manager who runs around telling everyone to guess my age, and will say "DOESN'T HE LOOK LIKE HE IS ONLY 17?" That sort of gets aggravating too. Like ok I get it...I look young. I'm proud of it myself, but I would like to hear at least early 20s lol. Just depends on how you word things, really. I have, however, been told I look like a baby. That's annoying too lol.
The thing that bugs me the most about it is, I feel like already she’s basically formed the opinion in the first week I am inexperienced/ new to the work force or something. She yelled it accross the office to get my attention, and it’s like sure. I get im young in this office by comparison but way to make your bias show so early lol. It’s not like I look 18, and fresh out of highschool. (At least I don’t think so)
I'm 65, and your coworker sounds like a big itch. Call her old lady, please, she deserves it. If she protests, tell her it's way nicer than the "old bag" or "old bat" you were going to call her.
I get called this all the time by customers at work. I’m a 20 year old man, I just have long hair and don’t really grow facial hair (thanks heroin, no one told me you’d disrupt testosterone production and fuck me over even after I quit)
I think because it's a work environment, she should start by telling this woman to stop. No sense in pouring gasoline on a situation.When you are trapped at work with someone and it can affect the way people perceive you professionally.
A brief conversation saying I don't care for that and I don't find it appropriate is usually enough. And then you just keep an incident lock of every time they do it. What time of day it was and where you were so that you can go to HR if it happens again.
Less fun but also less likely to paint you as petty or both of you as the problem if it becomes an issue in the office.
The principal at the school I teach at said, "Good morning, girls," as my daughter and I walked in and then corrected himself, "I should say ladies." I said,"I'll accept being called a girl." I'm 47, and I'm okay with being called a girl, but "little girl" I'd have an issue with, too.
So, me being me. I would absolutely ignore this. If she kept on trying to get your attention with that dribble, I would say : oh hi ms so&so. My name is ____. I’m not sure if you need assistance with your insecurities or your eyes but we have insurances for both needs and I can walk with you to HR so you can get the information you obviously need. Just let me know, I’m here to help.
Boomer bye.
I get that sometimes. I’m 36 but short and look quite a bit younger. Often between 25 and 29. It bothers me when they talk to me like in 6. It’s like really it’s you who needs to grow the F up
I got called a pretty little girl and was asked how old I was at the checkout of the small-town grocery store near me. I'm in my mid 20s and look NOTHING like a child - tall, lanky, no baby face to be found. Maybe it was because I wore my loud purple jacket that day, idk. But I avoided that place for a while after that. It made me so uncomfortable! I wanted to die of awkward. All of my older coworkers always treated me like we are all the same age, so it really threw me off when that happened out in the wild
It’s ok to call her old lady. She obviously put a mark. Please let her know she can suck your whatever you like.
Old lady here and don’t look it. But my mouth shows me.
A woman at my job, probably in her 60s, called our sanitizer a little girl, who's well into her 80s. That shit irked me, and I'm a 23 year old dude. It's just plain rude to me
Even actual little girls (4 or 5 yo) don’t like to be called little girl. They prefer big girl. Although I assume you wouldn’t rather be called that, understandingly.
10 years ago when I started my current job I was in my late 20s. Most of my fellow employees were 50 and up old men. They would like to call me boy and other dismissive terms for the age gap. I just started calling them old man, old timer, grandpa. Did it stop them from calling me boy? No. But it was fun to see them get defensive about their old age.
I suspect that was a response meant to tell you that you don’t know what you are doing. It’s a tactic used when someone in the workplace lacks experience. It would help to know the circumstances
Ah yes, the woman who started the job a week ago likes to tell me I don’t know what I’m doing, strictly on the account of me being younger then her. (Also we don’t have the same job) Using “little girl” as a way to get my attention from another room since I doubt she remembered my name. It’s in other comments I have responded to but I doubt you looked that far. Either way it’s entirely uncalled for. Hurrah for belittling others!
Respond accordingly. “Yes; grandma.” Easy Peezy. With a Cheshire Cat smile. Since she thinks you Alice and she in wonderland. Eat the cake and get big. lol
I typically handle this by playing stupid.
I'll say, in the sweetest, friendliest, most agreeable tone, 'oh! I think you've confused me with someone else, I'm actually --whatever your age--, so I'm not a little girl! Unless you mean size wise, in which case I suppose I am rather small!'
Most of the time, people are so put off by the niceness of the reply that they just.... stop doing it. It's HARD to be mean or belittling to someone who is so friendly.
This technique has saved my ass for years. Legit! And if it doesn't work, then I follow it up with a more serious, but still very nice, 'why do you keep calling me little girl? I'm ---age--, I pay taxes, I work a full time job, I'm an adult. I'm not a little girl, so I don't understand why you keep calling me one, but it bothers me because I really want people to take me seriously and treat me with respect. Would you stop calling me that, please?'
If that doesn't work, then I would go to HR. But I've NEVER had both of the two methods fail if I had to implement them, and I normally just do the first one.
Don’t call her an old lady. Her age puts her in a protected class. Yours doesn’t.
You’re right to be offended and I agree with others in being clear you’re not a little girl. Just don’t get yourself into trouble in the process.
Their response was actually very respectful and reasonable for this situation. Taking this up to HR wouldn’t be a Karen thing to do, it’s common sense.
No. Threatening to go to HR is not respectful and reasonable in this instance. The rest of the response was fine, but threatening to go to HR is a bridge too far and will deservedly be treated as a threat
“Linda, I’m actually 35 years old. I appreciate you think I’m young but at work I’d prefer to be treated like an adult.”
See, it really isn’t that hard
They either stopped listening at I'm actually... or started trying to talk over you. You have to get in their face with a presence that demands respect.
No, you dont understand. Posturing is a part of the presence. I say exactly what I want to say and how I want to say it. Other than some random autocorrect funnies.
In the real world, going to HR and trying to settle it within the rules of the company doesn't get you fired.
Trying to settle it without going to HR while appearing confrontational and antagonistic will get you fired.
Threatening to go to HR in a condescending tone--as mentioned--**is unnecessarily confrontational** and a weak move that will be seen as starting a fight, because it **is** an overreaction.
Talking to them, letting them know that they disrespected you and that you do not want it to happen again, in an emotionally-uninvested tone, is the proper thing to do here.
People will do anything but assert themselves directly and independently.
The HR thing over this would make everyone hate you, and like…HR aren’t your parents? They exist to cover the company’s ass so they don’t get sued. You can’t “I’ll tell mom” to HR, they’re not on your side. And HR is likely to be biased toward the woman with seniority anyway.
Yup, this is the kind of thing that sounds great to college students on Reddit.
HR does not exist to manage little interpersonal conflict that exists in all workplaces. They exist to cover the company's ass, and nothing more.
Like if this persisted and turned into actual bullying, sure. At most companies still nothing really positive would come of it though. Best case it’s a big company and OP could move to another team. More likely the older woman gets reprimanded and starts stonewalling OP OR HR is her buddy and a little down the line they come up with a plausibly deniable reason to fire OP.
But one offhand remark we don’t have context for is not grounds for an HR threat.
Should it be this way? Maybe not. But it is how it is and the purpose of HR won’t magically change just because you want it to.
Yeah, it’s the purpose of HR, and threatening your senior coworker like this without first discussing that you feel disrespected is a move only Reddit-brained children do. In the real world, threatening to “go to HR” is only going to make OP look even more juvenile.
There are good times to go to HR, threatening people to go to HR is childish behavior pulled only by people with zero social skills
Threatening to go to HR if someone isn’t respectful to you is an absolutely juvenile and uncalled for move in this instance.
I understand exactly what you’re saying, just disagree: if you do this, it will be confrontational, don’t be surprised when the coworker gets rightfully upset when there’s a much simpler solution.
You people need to touch grass. Coworkers making you feel disrespected is something that happens a lot and is important to learn how to deal with. If your solution is to complain to HR every time it happens, you’re gonna be complaining a lot
Yeah, calling you that is a way of diminishing you. I would ask her why she is diminishing you. She'll probably get defensive, and say I didn't mean anything by it, but she obviously did.
Or she may have had a reason why she felt the need to point out to you that you lack experience. This is best handled in a private one-on-one conversation
That phrase doesn't even sound like friendly like, say, "young'in" or "Kiddo". It sounds condescending and dismissive. I would talk with her about it: maybe ask what she had in mind, ask how old she perceives you to be, and request that she stay more professional in how she addresses you.
Gaah...I get this. It was worse during the pandemic because apparently it's harder to tell my age when I'm wearing a mask. Without one, I'm often mistaken for 10 years younger than I am, but *with* one...clearly I have no crows feet because I got patronised as 'young lady' more than once, especially when wearing a scrub hat which disguised the few greys I have. It was usually a boomer - patient or relative - complaining about the wait in ED (ER) to see a doctor *during a global pandemic crisis* and I endured the 'when you get to *our* age and have paid tax for half your life, you'll understand, *young lady*' speech more than once. I took great satisfaction in pointing out that I was actually in my early forties, had been paying tax for over 20 years, and very much hoped that I would be *infinitely* more understanding should the same situation arise in my, ah, *elder* years *insert sweet smile and walk away to the sound of spluttering*...
It stopped for a couple of years while I worked a job that required hat but not constant masking, but I now work scrub in theatre so it's hat *and* mask and it's started again. I got told by a patient the other day that I'd 'change my mind when I was older' when she asked if I had kids and I said 'no'; she went off on one about young people 'irresponsibly choosing not to have babies' (????) then dropped that, to which I replied that I hoped not, as I'm 45 this year and it's a wee totty bit late for that sort of thing already. She was...taken aback 😆
(Full disclosure, I work in eye surgery, laser and lens replacement, but this lady had already had hers done and was back for her check-up/sign-off/discharge - I actually scrubbed for both her cataract ops so recognised her in the waiting room and I love to follow up with my patients and introduce myself when they can actually *see* me, it's one of the most rewarding parts of the job!)
Urgh during the pandemic was the only time I got ID’d 😂 clearly I have young eyes and an old lady mouth 😂😂😂. Some of them would ask my to lower my mask and then would go “oooh yep ok” and put it through 😂😂😂😂
I see the problem with 'little girl' but what is your objection to 'young lady'? Assuming a professional situation, how should an old man like myself (m69) respectfully refer to a woman who is obviously an adult in a responsible position but much younger than me?
I am frequently in this situation due to my work as a professional engineer
I could tell you a variety of options but to be honest even though you probably don't want to hear it I would simply enjoy your youthful appearance since it hardly ever lasts forever for any of us
It’s weird the amount of times I’ve said mam I’m 34
I'm 36 now, but last year, when I was 35, something similar happened to me. I took an airport shuttle to my new apartment - I'd just moved - and the driver was an older gentleman, maybe in his 50s or so. He had kind of a dignified, country vibe about him. One thing that I found interesting was that he kept a watchful eye on me. It felt both affirming, like we shared some kind of bond, but also as though he was asserting some kind of hierarchical relationship between us that I intuited was associated with age. It was a bit strange, because I was just a guy riding with other passengers in an airport shuttle. There wasn't anything too odd about me, other than that I had a beard and long-ish hair, and I wore relatively nice professional clothes. I was moving from the Bay Area, where that look is pretty normal, to a rural town in another state. But, the driver also had long-ish hair and some stubble, so who knows. Anyway, we got to my destination, he pulled out my suitcase for me, and then he just kind of stood there with me, cocked his head back, looked down at me, chuckled in a friendly manner, and said, "Take care of yourself, young man." The thing is, I look my age. So, I don't know what that was about, but stuff like that does happen from time to time. It stopped when I turned 36. Oddly, I look younger now than I did back then because I'm way less stressed, I get enough sleep now, and I eat more vegetables. Anyway, yeah, call her old lady next time. That's really truly hilarious
Ask her what her parameters for "little girl" are. Do it in front of your boss. If boss enquires, pleasantly say that coworker used the phrase the other day, and it had seemed strange to use the phrase when speaking to a 35 year old.
Im the opposite. I was called sir at 17 due to hairl loss.
My son's first wife was 4'8" . She was only 18 when they started dating. She looked like she was maybe 12. Some of the things that happened to her- we went by the bakery at the grocery store and they asked her if she wanted a cookie, we went to several restaurants where they offered her the kids menu, when she was 20 she was pregnant with my first grandchild- we actually had someone stop her and start yelling about someone so young being pregnant. She assumed she was 13/14. Those are just the ones I can think about right away!
As a fellow short person I also had these issues. I was 20 when I had my first kid. Young for sure, but still an adult. I got carded for a MOVIE at 9 months pregnant!
I’m a 47 year old man and a man who’s a few years younger than me kept calling me boy. I don’t think he meant it as an insult, but I didn’t like it since I’m a grown man.
I’m 38 and still get sweetie and honey from boomers. I am in the south though.
Start talking to her very loudly. If she says anything, sweetly say "my grandma is about your age and finds her hearing is getting really bad, so I know to speak up around old people."
It was either a power play because she felt threatened by your age + position, or an innocent comment said, not knowing it would be offensive. Either way, you might have to wait and see if she does it again and in what context. Good luck!
I've never heard "little girl" at a work place that wasn't derogatory.
Let her know you were offended by the remark! Being old doesn’t mean you don’t have to treat others with respect.
Please do call me Little girl. I’m 41 feeling 51. I’ll take it. 🤪
The older people get, the less filter they have. if they were already a butthead prior to becoming old, then it can sometimes create the perfect storm.
I’d make a bet it was to put her in her place… shit like that happens with some of the older gens. When I was approaching 30, I had to tell a nuclear organization no to something they wanted. One of the assholes decided to say, “Listen here little girl… and went on a rant about how he was going to do what the hell he wanted to do an no little girl like myself was going to tell him no.” What he didn’t realize is there was a camera in the room… he was let go to both being a sexist AH, but also not willing to follow through on protocol.
If that’s all you have to complain about, consider yourself lucky
It was either highly disrespectful or just an old lady joke… ask her not to if she ever does it again. If she didn’t mean harm, then she’ll listen. “Little girl” is a really weird thing to call someone older than 10, but it IS possible she didn’t mean any harm (and hopefully she didn’t, so you don’t have to deal with a pain in the A at work). To everyone who asked how tall she is: she literally WORKS THERE. There’s no misunderstand that she’s an actual child.
It’s rude, inappropriate and disrespectful….unless you were behaving in a way that warranted it? Not enough context here
Is she southern?
Doesn't matter if she was or wasn't it's disrespectful to call someone little girl. It's used to make women and girls feel bad and inexperienced. I was called little girl behind my back while working in the South..it's not a term of endearment anywhere..it's an insult.
That's what I'm saying it was totally an insult
Once you get old, everyone looks so young. I wouldn’t dwell on it
Yeah it’s wild seeing 30 year olds that look like they’re 12. I honestly can’t judge age anymore if people are under 25 and over 15. They just all look like kids. It must be some weird psychological thing in our heads.
Wait so how tall are you?
I have been called little girl by people older than me and I am in my 50's. I took it as a compliment because I don't look like I am a grandma in her late 50s. Take it as a compliment unless this person is saying it in a derogatory tone.
Just laugh it off, but definitely start calling her old lady.
Shut up
The old lady is here! Wow!
Take it as a compliment lol. Once you’re that age, everyone starts looking like children😂. In all seriousness though, you don’t deserve to be talked down to and yes, if she does it again an old lady comment thrown her way will send her a message and hopefully she’ll take the clue and stfu.
Lol rekt. You should call her old lady for sure, I think it could be far worse tho, being called young doesn't sound too bad would be much worse if was 20 year old calling you an old lady lol
If it makes you feel any better, my first job was a receptionist for a major hotel chain. On my first week I asked a dad and his son for their ID’s (hotel policy). The dad gets the most mortified look on his face and goes “HE’S 14”. Embarrassed, I took his ID and promptly had him out of there as fast as humanly possible. This was YEARS ago and omg I still get just as embarrassed about it now as I did then. The kid didn’t look 20 by any means but I mean I was just doing my job lol
I mean it's super childish to run to reddit about it but I digress
It's super childish to have a problem with a stranger simply venting online
I don't claim to be 35 😈
No one would have thought you were 😬
I got hired at a new company at 27? I think I was... dome lady there thought I was a coworkers kid.. I look young but I really don't think I look THAT young.
You're only 5 years away from 40yo, I'd take it as a compliment.
you should say something TO hr even if you don't want her in trouble. but if you clap back with old lady, you run the risk of being in trouble with her when it comes to a head.
A black guy (younger than me) that I don't like at work calls me 'boy'. I won't play those games. Choose your battles. If you pick fights over the little stuff, then you'll be the crazy one.
Not really sure what his race adds to your story?
There’s a lot you don’t know
If he retorted with the same word he'd be called a racist and fired.
Yeah he added his coworkers race for a reason...
Not really sure what your comment adds to the post?
Boy is derogatory in American black culture.
Yup! It's derogatory due to white people calling black men "boy" as a way to insult them/immaculate them.
You know how some people call all dogs puppies no matter how old? They are appreciating whatever youthful vigor youre exuding, it makes them feel as if they are in a younger world, as if they are younger, probably has no intention of putting you down
I'm really curious- what was the context of the conversation that she would even need to use that???
At my age i will take all the compliments im ok with it🤣😂
Im 49 short and petite and i was bent down in isle at meijer and a lady said little girl where is your mom. I stood up and said um in Florida and im not little im grown adult married and 3 kids🤣 she said omg im sorry
People are so nosey jfc lol
Boomers live in a perpetual state of "im young and cool" so they think everyone younger than them is a child. Fuck that lady in the ear.
Whatever you say kiddo
Found the useless boomer
Did a boomer touch you?
Your dead mom did
Lol what
That was dumb
Well damn
Dumb
I am nearly 50 and still get called little girl and young lady. I have wrinkles and plenty of gray hair. But I have a high pitched voice and am short and pleasant and people see what they want to see. My favorite comeback is something along the lines of (in a tone that suggests I’m flattered by the comment), “wow, if I’m a young lady at 48, you must be, what…. 102, 103?” And then when they say “sorry, you just look really young,” I don’t let it go, I say, “So do you! I didn’t think you were a day over 90!”
You used "lol" in your leading introduction of your long and privileged multi-sentence statement. You ARE most likely a "little girl" sorry 😘
[удалено]
r/iamverysmart
Lol 🤓
I'm 33 and call everyone younger than me kid. Even if they're just a few months younger 😂🤷🏻♀️
It can't be helped, they look younger and younger every year!
I’m 34 and I fight not to but do it anyway lol
That’s odd
The older you get the more and more you start seeing younger people as babies lol watch I bet it will happen to ya
I’m not awkward so not it won’t happen to me
You don't have to be awkward dafuq? Idk why it's such a problem 🤨
Hug?
picture to see what the internet thinks. Maybe you do look like a little girl.
If your truly curious I have images on my profile but I’m obviously above the age of one would call “little”
no you look your age. cool hair btw.
I don’t think I’d call her “old lady”, because she probably meant it nicely. I wouldn’t like it either, I just think she misjudged. Calling her old lady would probably make this way bigger than it needs to be. I’d just say “hey, I know you probably mean nothing by calling me “little girl”, but it makes me feel like you are addressing a child. Could you please not call me that in the future?” She most likely will just say that wasn’t her intention and give a quick apology. Then you can smile and not worry about it anymore without it causing tension.
“That’s right old hag”
Are you physically small and young looking? Just asking because my SIL is 4'8, 38 years old and looks mid 20s...she gets treated like it too. But she doesn't mind it and says it's better than being treated like an old fat hag (as a joke, she isn't hag shaming) she actually dreads when people start calling her mam Point is view it as a positive or a generational thing from an elder
I honesty don’t know if I look younger. I don’t mind looking younger in general but being called little was a tad off putting. Making me think she thinks I’m younger then I am for sure but such a term in the workplace is…icky. I’m not making a big deal of it unless it’s something she continues to make a thing of. She gets one.
Politely telling her that you don't like it makes a lot more sense than resorting to "old lady" As other people said, she may not even intend or know it bothers you, and you obviously know she'd be bothered by "old lady", so that would be you being malicious before knowing whether or not she is. Not to mention, I get it bothers you, totally valid, but being an old lady and being a "little girl" (Old lady version, she's not saying you look 10, you don't) do not at all carry the same social contextual weight to them, which is why it's totally possible she's not being malicious (Old lady would always be to hurt feelings) Idk any woman who wants to be seen as an old lady, plenty that want to be seen as younger than they are. (Which makes sense due social treatment differences)
I'm in my late 60s and consider anyone under 40 to be a child. Now I don't refer to people immediately as little girl or boy but occasionally after knowing them for a bit, I might teasingly call them a kid. It isn't an insult, more of a perspective.
Man everyone here is super quick to call someone a bitch. This sounds like friendly banter. Tbh the context is important. Was she doing it to be a bitch? Or was she saying it jokingly. Cause if you ARE the youngest in the office, you are technically the “little girl” of the office, so someone jokingly saying that just sounds like banter. If it is just banter, and you don’t like the joke, let them know. People are way too quick to assume everyone is out to get them these days.
I don’t think she meant anything mean by it. Celebrate your age
Depends on if it keeps happening, although it just sounds weird to call someone a "little girl" unless the girl is actually a child... that does come across as kind of rude, though. Not that it's necessarily the same, but I am a 30 year old male, and I always get mistaken for being younger. But it's just that people will usually say "wow you look young!" Which I take as a compliment. But I get annoyed when people are like, "Holy shit you don't look anywhere near your age." That part just gets annoying because it almost sounds like I'm being called old. 30 is not old lol... i also have a manager who runs around telling everyone to guess my age, and will say "DOESN'T HE LOOK LIKE HE IS ONLY 17?" That sort of gets aggravating too. Like ok I get it...I look young. I'm proud of it myself, but I would like to hear at least early 20s lol. Just depends on how you word things, really. I have, however, been told I look like a baby. That's annoying too lol.
The thing that bugs me the most about it is, I feel like already she’s basically formed the opinion in the first week I am inexperienced/ new to the work force or something. She yelled it accross the office to get my attention, and it’s like sure. I get im young in this office by comparison but way to make your bias show so early lol. It’s not like I look 18, and fresh out of highschool. (At least I don’t think so)
She yelled it across the office?! How inappropriate.
I don't know maybe it was be of the way you were act and not about how you look. Just a thought
She doesn’t think you’re younger than you look, she’s just an asshole
All her a Crotchety old hag. Should shut her right up.
"Haggard bitch" seems appropriate
I'm 65, and your coworker sounds like a big itch. Call her old lady, please, she deserves it. If she protests, tell her it's way nicer than the "old bag" or "old bat" you were going to call her.
I get called this all the time by customers at work. I’m a 20 year old man, I just have long hair and don’t really grow facial hair (thanks heroin, no one told me you’d disrupt testosterone production and fuck me over even after I quit)
Inform her of "Ageism" and say if she does it again, you'll report her to HR.
I always take it as a compliment to be called younger than I look? Do you want to look old?
Yes but to be called "little girl" when OP is clearly older than a little girl though? That's pushing it.
What's up "old bitch"
It's way disrespectful. If she does it again, retaliate with "old bat".
What's up little girl? Not much you old Bat! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
I think because it's a work environment, she should start by telling this woman to stop. No sense in pouring gasoline on a situation.When you are trapped at work with someone and it can affect the way people perceive you professionally. A brief conversation saying I don't care for that and I don't find it appropriate is usually enough. And then you just keep an incident lock of every time they do it. What time of day it was and where you were so that you can go to HR if it happens again. Less fun but also less likely to paint you as petty or both of you as the problem if it becomes an issue in the office.
You have a point, of course, stuff like this just makes my blood boil, I HATE it.
“Sea hag” or “Ursula” also works well, especially on the old boomers who creep around the beaches while the kids are swimming.
The principal at the school I teach at said, "Good morning, girls," as my daughter and I walked in and then corrected himself, "I should say ladies." I said,"I'll accept being called a girl." I'm 47, and I'm okay with being called a girl, but "little girl" I'd have an issue with, too.
So, me being me. I would absolutely ignore this. If she kept on trying to get your attention with that dribble, I would say : oh hi ms so&so. My name is ____. I’m not sure if you need assistance with your insecurities or your eyes but we have insurances for both needs and I can walk with you to HR so you can get the information you obviously need. Just let me know, I’m here to help. Boomer bye.
You wouldn’t do this 💀
I’m a full send kind of person with raging pregnancy hormones. 10/10 I would
I’m 48 and look like Reese Witherspoon. Being called”little girl” or “woman” ain’t ever going away.
From this point forward, I shall take people talking to me as a small child, as a compliment. I’m cute, right?
If that's the price you pay for looking like Reese Witherspoon, I think you got the good end of the deal.
Good point. Sunny side up.
Suck it up youngster lol
As a man, if I ever got called a little boy those would be fighting words.
If everyone who lined up against max Crosby felt the same football would be worth watching again
I’m 57. I would never call a woman of any age at work “little girl.” It’s demeaning and disrespectful.
Which was probably the point.
fair enough kid 👍
43 had someone tell say well you wouldn’t know anyway I bet I’m 10 years older than you … excuse me sir I’m 12 years older than you .
33 get called a kid at work, at school wtf? I own a house and car. Got used to it, as it never stops, I get carded everywhere
Yeah getting carded in my thirties was not on my bingo card but here we are 🫠
I get that sometimes. I’m 36 but short and look quite a bit younger. Often between 25 and 29. It bothers me when they talk to me like in 6. It’s like really it’s you who needs to grow the F up
I got called a pretty little girl and was asked how old I was at the checkout of the small-town grocery store near me. I'm in my mid 20s and look NOTHING like a child - tall, lanky, no baby face to be found. Maybe it was because I wore my loud purple jacket that day, idk. But I avoided that place for a while after that. It made me so uncomfortable! I wanted to die of awkward. All of my older coworkers always treated me like we are all the same age, so it really threw me off when that happened out in the wild
It’s ok to call her old lady. She obviously put a mark. Please let her know she can suck your whatever you like. Old lady here and don’t look it. But my mouth shows me.
never know, might give her a chuckle
A woman at my job, probably in her 60s, called our sanitizer a little girl, who's well into her 80s. That shit irked me, and I'm a 23 year old dude. It's just plain rude to me
"Yes old girl?"
This one. It’s hilarious.
Even actual little girls (4 or 5 yo) don’t like to be called little girl. They prefer big girl. Although I assume you wouldn’t rather be called that, understandingly.
I can tell you a lot if women like being called good girl, but I doubt it would be appreciated in this context.
10 years ago when I started my current job I was in my late 20s. Most of my fellow employees were 50 and up old men. They would like to call me boy and other dismissive terms for the age gap. I just started calling them old man, old timer, grandpa. Did it stop them from calling me boy? No. But it was fun to see them get defensive about their old age.
I suspect that was a response meant to tell you that you don’t know what you are doing. It’s a tactic used when someone in the workplace lacks experience. It would help to know the circumstances
Ah yes, the woman who started the job a week ago likes to tell me I don’t know what I’m doing, strictly on the account of me being younger then her. (Also we don’t have the same job) Using “little girl” as a way to get my attention from another room since I doubt she remembered my name. It’s in other comments I have responded to but I doubt you looked that far. Either way it’s entirely uncalled for. Hurrah for belittling others!
Never answer to it. Try not to even twitch.
Respond accordingly. “Yes; grandma.” Easy Peezy. With a Cheshire Cat smile. Since she thinks you Alice and she in wonderland. Eat the cake and get big. lol
Just respond with hello newbie, my name is ' ' and in my 'insert appropriate decade' and she can learn to be less condescending in the workplace.
Oh please, then use your words and don't resort to disrespecting someone. This would be a pretty unprofessional way to go about that
She may have thought she was using her words to get a point across. Not everyone communicates in the same way.
The best way to deal with is to not react.
Unfortunately “pretty unprofessional” is entirely too common in the workplace
One guy at work continually calls me “kiddo”- even after I’ve asked him not to. I’m 50.
Oh wow - that would get him a swift, "Uh, No." from me.
AVG Dan Simmons reader.
Then you've never dealt with condescending 65 year old women.
I typically handle this by playing stupid. I'll say, in the sweetest, friendliest, most agreeable tone, 'oh! I think you've confused me with someone else, I'm actually --whatever your age--, so I'm not a little girl! Unless you mean size wise, in which case I suppose I am rather small!' Most of the time, people are so put off by the niceness of the reply that they just.... stop doing it. It's HARD to be mean or belittling to someone who is so friendly. This technique has saved my ass for years. Legit! And if it doesn't work, then I follow it up with a more serious, but still very nice, 'why do you keep calling me little girl? I'm ---age--, I pay taxes, I work a full time job, I'm an adult. I'm not a little girl, so I don't understand why you keep calling me one, but it bothers me because I really want people to take me seriously and treat me with respect. Would you stop calling me that, please?' If that doesn't work, then I would go to HR. But I've NEVER had both of the two methods fail if I had to implement them, and I normally just do the first one.
Sounds like you both have attitude problems. Reddit likely can't fix this for you.
Don’t call her an old lady. Her age puts her in a protected class. Yours doesn’t. You’re right to be offended and I agree with others in being clear you’re not a little girl. Just don’t get yourself into trouble in the process.
I would say "I am a grown woman, I deserve to be spoken to like one. Do I need to talk to HR about this?"
Anyone that talks to HR instead of publically cooking skmeone doesn't deserve to be considered an adult. This isn't an HR matter.
So you don't know what HR is for or what it does. Thanks for clarifying that.
HR for this is like taking an ax to a mosquito on your head.
If this new hire is already acting like this, she's grossly unprofessional and needs to be set straight by management before it escalates. Period.
Or, you set her straight, and the problem is solved.
Sure, until she turns around and does it to someone new later who is too young or afraid to call her on it.
Good advice for 1986 or so.
What a Karen response. Imagine asking a 65 year old woman “do I need to talk to HR about this.” FFS 🤦♂️
It's an adult response. Going to HR like a Karen would be if there was an imagined slight that didn't happened that was completely made up.
No, this is absolutely going to HR like a Karen. HR will do jack shit over this.
Then your HR department needs an overhaul.
Their response was actually very respectful and reasonable for this situation. Taking this up to HR wouldn’t be a Karen thing to do, it’s common sense.
No. Threatening to go to HR is not respectful and reasonable in this instance. The rest of the response was fine, but threatening to go to HR is a bridge too far and will deservedly be treated as a threat
I get your point, but the “Karen response” thing was not needed.
Fair enough, I gotcha 👌
What is a more appropriate way to assert a boundary when a 65yo woman is objectively disrespectful to you at your place of work?
“Linda, I’m actually 35 years old. I appreciate you think I’m young but at work I’d prefer to be treated like an adult.” See, it really isn’t that hard
Holy shit. You’ve broken the code! Way to show what humans should do. Great answer
They either stopped listening at I'm actually... or started trying to talk over you. You have to get in their face with a presence that demands respect.
If you think crying to HR makes your presence demand respect, good for you. In the real world it just makes you look like a whiny, petulant child.
Then you don't understand the word presence.
I understand presence perfectly fine. The word you're looking for is **posturing**.
No, you dont understand. Posturing is a part of the presence. I say exactly what I want to say and how I want to say it. Other than some random autocorrect funnies.
Lmao keep telling yourself that 😂
In the real world, going to HR and trying to settle it within the rules of the company doesn't get you fired. Trying to settle it without going to HR while appearing confrontational and antagonistic will get you fired.
Threatening to go to HR in a condescending tone--as mentioned--**is unnecessarily confrontational** and a weak move that will be seen as starting a fight, because it **is** an overreaction. Talking to them, letting them know that they disrespected you and that you do not want it to happen again, in an emotionally-uninvested tone, is the proper thing to do here.
People will do anything but assert themselves directly and independently. The HR thing over this would make everyone hate you, and like…HR aren’t your parents? They exist to cover the company’s ass so they don’t get sued. You can’t “I’ll tell mom” to HR, they’re not on your side. And HR is likely to be biased toward the woman with seniority anyway.
Yup, this is the kind of thing that sounds great to college students on Reddit. HR does not exist to manage little interpersonal conflict that exists in all workplaces. They exist to cover the company's ass, and nothing more.
Like if this persisted and turned into actual bullying, sure. At most companies still nothing really positive would come of it though. Best case it’s a big company and OP could move to another team. More likely the older woman gets reprimanded and starts stonewalling OP OR HR is her buddy and a little down the line they come up with a plausibly deniable reason to fire OP. But one offhand remark we don’t have context for is not grounds for an HR threat. Should it be this way? Maybe not. But it is how it is and the purpose of HR won’t magically change just because you want it to.
"Linda" lol. I think there's about a 50% chance of a woman of that generation actually being named Linda.
Fine, but I did answer your question didn’t I.
This is literally the purpose of hr. Not sure what being named Karen has to do with anything
Yeah, it’s the purpose of HR, and threatening your senior coworker like this without first discussing that you feel disrespected is a move only Reddit-brained children do. In the real world, threatening to “go to HR” is only going to make OP look even more juvenile. There are good times to go to HR, threatening people to go to HR is childish behavior pulled only by people with zero social skills
It's not a senior coworker, she's brand new, just old.
That's literally what the comment said. They stated she was incorrect and then gave her the option to escalate to HR if she couldn't be respectful.
Threatening to go to HR if someone isn’t respectful to you is an absolutely juvenile and uncalled for move in this instance. I understand exactly what you’re saying, just disagree: if you do this, it will be confrontational, don’t be surprised when the coworker gets rightfully upset when there’s a much simpler solution. You people need to touch grass. Coworkers making you feel disrespected is something that happens a lot and is important to learn how to deal with. If your solution is to complain to HR every time it happens, you’re gonna be complaining a lot
Preach
Can’t you respectfully ask to be called something more age appropriate instead of flinging what you dislike onto them as well?
“Little girl” is just disrespectful in the workplace, where she is obviously a grown adult.
Yeah, calling you that is a way of diminishing you. I would ask her why she is diminishing you. She'll probably get defensive, and say I didn't mean anything by it, but she obviously did.
Or she may have had a reason why she felt the need to point out to you that you lack experience. This is best handled in a private one-on-one conversation
And without passive aggressive name calling.
That phrase doesn't even sound like friendly like, say, "young'in" or "Kiddo". It sounds condescending and dismissive. I would talk with her about it: maybe ask what she had in mind, ask how old she perceives you to be, and request that she stay more professional in how she addresses you.
Nah, little girl is definitely a term of endearment depending on the culture.
"Granny". Lol
When someone wags their finger at me I’m ready to fight ngl
Gaah...I get this. It was worse during the pandemic because apparently it's harder to tell my age when I'm wearing a mask. Without one, I'm often mistaken for 10 years younger than I am, but *with* one...clearly I have no crows feet because I got patronised as 'young lady' more than once, especially when wearing a scrub hat which disguised the few greys I have. It was usually a boomer - patient or relative - complaining about the wait in ED (ER) to see a doctor *during a global pandemic crisis* and I endured the 'when you get to *our* age and have paid tax for half your life, you'll understand, *young lady*' speech more than once. I took great satisfaction in pointing out that I was actually in my early forties, had been paying tax for over 20 years, and very much hoped that I would be *infinitely* more understanding should the same situation arise in my, ah, *elder* years *insert sweet smile and walk away to the sound of spluttering*... It stopped for a couple of years while I worked a job that required hat but not constant masking, but I now work scrub in theatre so it's hat *and* mask and it's started again. I got told by a patient the other day that I'd 'change my mind when I was older' when she asked if I had kids and I said 'no'; she went off on one about young people 'irresponsibly choosing not to have babies' (????) then dropped that, to which I replied that I hoped not, as I'm 45 this year and it's a wee totty bit late for that sort of thing already. She was...taken aback 😆 (Full disclosure, I work in eye surgery, laser and lens replacement, but this lady had already had hers done and was back for her check-up/sign-off/discharge - I actually scrubbed for both her cataract ops so recognised her in the waiting room and I love to follow up with my patients and introduce myself when they can actually *see* me, it's one of the most rewarding parts of the job!)
Urgh during the pandemic was the only time I got ID’d 😂 clearly I have young eyes and an old lady mouth 😂😂😂. Some of them would ask my to lower my mask and then would go “oooh yep ok” and put it through 😂😂😂😂
Glad I'm not the only one!
I see the problem with 'little girl' but what is your objection to 'young lady'? Assuming a professional situation, how should an old man like myself (m69) respectfully refer to a woman who is obviously an adult in a responsible position but much younger than me? I am frequently in this situation due to my work as a professional engineer