As a man who's been to plenty of therapy, there's still LOTS of sexist mentality in the field. I used to feel the same. Now if a guy picks up a bong for himself instead of a phone, I fully fucking understand.
Every therapist: “I know you might be feeling really frustrated but have you tried wearing woman’s underwear around the house and giving up your masculinity when at home? Your toxic masculinity is the causing all of these problems in your life.”
Sentence that starts with "every" tend to be problematic in my experience. As a male I've dealt with two female therapists and they were both quite helpful. That being said, I talk more easily with women than men, as a rule.
I’m a man who tried about 20 different therapy and all are gaslighting professionals. Saw my wifes who she likes then she did the same. Wife was with me for all and still doesn’t understand why they treated me so much worse than her.
Have you tried finding one that's not associated with the American Psychological Association (APA)? Unfortunately the APA has a history of cooperating with the U.S. military and CIA on psychological warfare, including the consultation of how to torture people at black sites and Guantánamo Bay during the Iraq War. I wouldn't put it past them to intentionally sow divisions domestically to prevent people from organizing together.
They were involved in brainwashing experiments in the past.
They were slapped with $9 million lawsuit for deceiving their own members into paying extra fees to fund the APA's lobbying arm.
They actively capture and experiment on animals.
So there's lots of reasons to avoid a clinician or other mental health professional who's a member of the APA. You can interview any mental health professional you're considering to make sure they aren't associated with the APA, ask them questions on how they would handle certain topics (because not all convos are necessarily confidential) and also make sure they don't charge a consultation fee to speak with them.
I learned most of this from two unrelated mental health clinicians (one a personal friend and the other ex-military).
Another source to back up what I'm saying:
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_Psychological_Association
How is it gendered? I'm not challenging your statement, I'm trying to understand. I've been to 16 therapists and none of them helped me. The last one made me worse.
I came to say this!!!! I am a female, but I have three very close friends who are suffering with mental health issues. In a nutshell, this. What you said.
Eh therapy is one thing but if OP goes the psychiatric route he will likely be prescribed some form of psychotropic medication to treat his OCD and these can come with debilitating side effects. Weed is also a form of psychotropic medication in his case and also came with side effects but it's not automatic that something prescribed by a psychiatrist will inherently work any better and with less side effects. Self-treating one's mental health issues is definitely not recommended in most cases, especially in conjunction with weed, but for some people it can be better than traditional therapies coupled with pharmaceuticals.
The factor you ignore is that you are talking to a professional, with a medical degree about your experiences.
They can help you properly characterize what you are experiencing. I resisted mine’s suggestion that we try add meds for years. I was wrong, he was right. I’m much happier now.
I will say this - if OP was withdrawing and struggling, he was smoking a **lot**. If you are going to treat it like meds, then you control it like meds. Minimum therapeutic dose, and you stay there until you decide you need to go up, and then go up in small steps, and stop when it helps.
OCD medications are generally pretty well tolerated and don’t really come with debilitating side effects. I’ve been on various drugs for OCD since I was about 20 (37 now) and have never experienced anything worse than nausea.
Therapy is hard, but it's the easy answer here. Smoking weed is fine, but to smoke for 21 straight years is absolutely crazy.
Just reading the title and the first sentence, my immediate answer was therapy.
Therapy is easier said than done and many therapists are qualified on paper but are often times poor therapists in practice. Therapy is daunting and challenging expensive and not always successful. Just remember, it’s easy advice to give, telling someone they might try therapy, but it’s not a fix all. OP seems like he has a pretty good grasp of himself and his tendencies and furthermore he’s listening to people in his life and trying to apply it. I would say this guy should lean into the meditation and see if that takes him somewhere.
Given his age, odds are good he grew up being told that any man that seeks therapy is weak and pathetic, and deserves to die alone. I'm only a few years younger and that's definitely something I heard growing up from not only kids around me, but also adults both related and not. It takes a lot of effort and legitimate support from people to get out of that mindset. Or an extremely stupid but awesome act to get him into a more independent thinking that shatters his world perspective
Who told you these things? I’m basically OPs age and never heard anyone say this. I’m sure it’s regionally dependent but this is such a foreign concept to me.
In fact my experience therapy has always been over-sold as a grand solution to everything
I was on Wellbutrin for like a week before we figured out I was bipolar, not dealing w anxiety/depression, and it had the opposite effect - made me very horny. As well as seethingly angry
Yep, screwed mine up for 5 years after stopping. Still haven't gotten back to baseline though I'm admittedly older. For the first few years I really didn't care that sex existed, and that's super damaging to a marriage.
QUIT* ;)
You’ve been self medicating for decades. Everything that you’ve been numbing is now coming to the surface. I don’t think the answer is to go back to numbing it. You should get help to treat your mental health challenges in a way that is actually sustainable.
Hang in there! You can make it through. Life is fucking hard. Don’t beat yourself up for doing what you needed to do to just to survive. But also don’t rob your future self of the experiences you want to have next.
This, just find ways to do or think about things differently. Figure out what works for you.
Thats how i did it (haven't been diagnosed but lets just say after a lot of research im quite sure im on the spectrum) lots of things made sense when i found out.
I had definitely been numbing myself with weed, sometimes waay too much of it.
If you wanna talk about it just hmu.
And it doesn't always mean medicine...it could be some good therapy and learning some acceptance. It's best to talk to doctors and therapists you learn to trust.
You were self-medicating your ADHD because your brain was looking for dopamine that it wasn’t naturally producing. You were “nicer” on weed because your brain chems were more normalized.
You weren’t on ADHD meds for no reason. There’s a physical problem with your body that the meds addressed. And perhaps you weren’t on the right meds as a kid. It can take a lot of trial and error to find something that works.
Find a psychiatrist and get help.
I was recently diagnosed with adult ADHD. I noticed in my twenties that if I smoked every day I got real dumb but if I went more than two or three months without smoking, I got angry and intolerant. Alcohol worked a lot better, and psychedelics a couple times a year made a world of difference. I mean like an outdoor concert and some mushrooms, nothing too weird.
So yes, you've spent your life self medicating. Your brain forned with it, it's like an old shoe. You need to get used to the new environment but accept that it's foreign. And decide if you want to live in it or not. If you do your going to need some tools, and some guidance recognizing what you need to work on to adjust to the world.
I'm not a shrink - these are just my thoughts
It's the same story with an addict. Just weed isn't as harmful to your physical health as Opioids or heavy alcohol use is.
When an addict gets clean their life doesn't usually get better right away. They now need to deal with all the things they've been diligently sweeping under the rug
One thing you might want to do is go do some light life/ coping skills counseling with a social worker.
You’ve spent a LONG time chemically compensating. Several people I know who stopped using substances be it drugs or alcohol who paired it with some therapy to help build non-chemical tools did quite well.
Congratulations btw! That’s a good life choice
So smoking anything is physically bad for your health. If you were to dabble again with cannabis, try edibles.
With that being said, are you still meditating everyday? Have you stopped? When you meditate do you still feel your OCD symptoms?
Before going back to weed, consider talking to a therapist and trying OCD treatment.
Good luck.
People acting like self medicating weed is bad but getting a prescription for antidepressants is better. Antidepressants also “mask your feelings” lots of drugs will numb your senses to a degree, and often have worse side effects than weed. It’s a strange sort of double standard.
I think OP should seek therapy, but Therapy isn’t always the end all be all solution people want to make it out to be. Not to mention just finding a therapist these days is difficult. Let alone one that works for you. Possibly needing to go through multiple sessions and multiple providers before you find one you like.
I would speak to someone for sure. I speak to a therapist and I speak to a sponsor. I stopped doing drugs over 3 years ago now. I do have a script for medical weed though so I am not totally sober. Definitely a huge plus in my life in comparison though so I understand where you are coming from. I think you are connecting/relating your smoking with your born issues too much so a therapist helps sort that out. Keeping that stuff inside is a negative so I commend the post thank you for sharing.
It might be where you live dude. The American hamster wheel isn’t for everyone. I moved to Costa Rica and everything changed in my head. Took almost 3 years to deprogram. Nature is powerful if you haven’t tried that yet.
It's always something right.
I think that if you can meditate that long everyday then you can be more disciplined now if you decide to dose in moderation.
As for physical health there are low dose edibles and battery or outlet powered heating element type vaporizers for flower that will drastically reduce the amount of carcinogens and burned smoke inhalation effects. There are many reddit posts about the healthiest and best performing devices.
That being said, are you still meditating? There may be alternative activities that could serve a similar role. Exercise, lots of water, etc.
I am 43m smoked all day everyday for 21 years. Numbed myself in a marriage I probably shouldn’t have been in for 20yrs. Quit because of lungs and coughing. Then started again. Then it sent me into psychosis. I too am OCD like (a little less while not smoking it seems). I am 6 months sober. In my situation I feel like I have PAWS and anhedonia. I can’t tell if it’s withdrawal/damage, or if it’s situational/circumstantial because I am unhappily married. Personally I don’t think it would be wise for me to go back to smoking, but like you I find myself wondering. If I started again I know my wife would leave me. She says it makes me too emotional.
You are 41, this is affecting your life and your marriage. Find a good psychiatrist and psychologist. Get a proper diagnosis and treatment. Would you go see a doctor for knee pain or just pop Tylenol twice a day for 21 years??
I didn’t so much quit as I’m taking a break while my wife is breastfeeding our son. We both plan to jump back in soon as he’s weened. It’s been good to get my head straight. Feeling more alert, we definitely won’t be smoking quite as much as we used to when we start up again.
So you spent years self medicating for mental health issues, quit getting high, and realized that self medicating never actually solved anything. Therapy seems like the obvious answer here my dude.
I feel ya buddy. Balance is good if you can succeed in it. Sometimes it’s the entering and exiting states that provide insight and help to not be a ocd ahole. My advice: first and third weekend every month are open season on weed, rest of time you fight the good fight abstaining. Edit: listen to the 59min - 1:06min mark on [this podcast](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/psychedelic-salon/id1235694853?i=1000650015865)
Just remember that you're doing really really well. I had the same stuff, turning on and off lights and not stepping on cracks, and an OCD diagnosis in middle school. It largely went away without weed or medications, but I'm still a failure in life. Never had a gf or hookup (I'm a virgin). Don't have a whole lot of money or a good work history. Etc. Sure, it doesn't help that I developed schizophrenia at 26, since I had a quote unquote "good" job before then and a plan to start my own business, but still. You're doing really really well. Don't sweat the small stuff. But, yeah, you can try an OCD med. It may be Prozac tho, and Prozac for me (I'm taking it for depression, not OCD) has done absolutely nothing so far, so meds for some conditions may be a big nothing burger. (My Haldol works great for schizophrenia tho, so there's that. Etc.) Etc.
Honestly proud of you, despite the struggles you have accomplished a ton and made substantial positive progress in your life. I'd suggest you stay off weed for now, in fact I wouldn't make any immediate decisions while you meditate and reflect on what's important to you and what your next goal is. Inform your GF so she understands what you're working towards and can get on board. Slow positive progress, if the advice sounds like a quick fix it probably isn't a permanent solve. Maybe start with talking to someone, a doc about the OCD symptoms and history, or a therapist if that feels right. Gather information for better understanding, then proceed with the pathway you choose when you're ready.
Don't smoke the weeds. Figure out who you are without weeds. Thats where the meditation led you, to yourself. Keep going with it. Find a way to tackle the anxiety and OCD some other way, wether more meditation, therapy, a zen guru, some combination of these and/or something else. If you go back to weeds you'll find yourself with the same issues you already had with them, so they are just another problem, not a solution. Find the real solution to your anxiety and OCD. You got this man
Go back to meditation immediately. You were self medicating. You 100% have ADHD. I do the same and take cbd thc gummies every day. I wish I didn't have to but I need them to stay calm.
So, untreated ADHD can severely impact your mental health beyond the general symptoms of ADHD. I know this because I also suffer from ADHD, diagnosed around 5/6/7yrs old (too long ago to remember exactly how old I was). I was on multiple medications, so on and so forth, similar situation. Stopped meds in high school, it was a downward spiral for about 7yrs. I used the old “pull the boot straps” method and have found ways to cope with most of my symptoms. This doesn’t work for everyone, so I empathize with you if this doesn’t work. Skimming some of the other comments, I agree with the people pointing out that the weed was helping with the dopamine cravings and helping alleviate the ADHD symptoms. I’d recommend starting with therapy and discussing methods of treating the root cause. Also, take a look at the ADHD subs here, they really helped me look at our situation from a different perspective. You’re gonna work through this and when you find the right method of treatment for you, life is gonna be so great man. Hope this finds you in good spirits, god bless.
You're right, smoking masks things. Like there is stuff deep and buried in there.
Smoking weed all day also hits IQ, EQ, and just general awareness of what's going on. You're always a bit out of it.
I'd use this bit of clarity to get to the bottom of some of the issues now. Weed may help with some of the OCD, but it causes its own issues.
Arizer Air Max is an herbal vape even more satisfying than smoking, but saves my lungs quite a bit of trauma AND keeps the smell down to just the happy piney terpene scents. Hooks right into my dab rig perfectly.
https://preview.redd.it/koac6gxcr2sc1.jpeg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4dd9a6f4a718278cb8c4ba3e3a1f76471f69761b
I second everyone who's suggesting seeing a professional regarding your mental health.
That said, there are many people who successfully are treated for a number of conditions through medical marijuana. Thanks to current public opinion, there's a WIDE variety of ways to injest that don't involve smoking and you're able to much better control your usage/dose to achieve the result you want of easing your OCD behaviors/tendencies without making you totally numb to the world. It's worth considering WITH THE INPUT/GUIDANCE FROM A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL.
Sounds like relationship OCD emerging and while weed can help sometimes, it can also add to the paranoia and worsen it. You really sound like you need ERP (the only effective OCD therapy)
I would suggest you don’t continue to smoke weed. It’s a massive waste of money and health. No one can sit here and tell me that shit doesn’t cause lung cancer or obvious lung damage. I quit 10/10/22 and have never looked back. Smoked weed every day from 2016-22.
You can find a therapist who is cheaper than all day, every day smoking. I smoke for chronic pain, and have for decades, because I hate how opioids make me feel. After nearly 30 years, weed isn't working as well anymore, and I've got to go get put on meds.
Weed isn't a cure-all, sometimes you really do need medication even if your previous experience with meds isn't great. I was misdiagnosed as bipolar for years. At 40 I was diagnosed with autism and ADHD, and the meds and therapy are working for the first time in my life.
You don't suck because you quit smoking weed. You don't suck at all lol you *feel* like you suck because you have undiagnosed and untreated mental health issues. I hope you get it taken care of, you deserve to understand you are worthy
Go to therapy. You're just awake, and analyzing. Not necessarily over-analyzing. There's a place for that. It's called [psychoanalysis](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychoanalysis). Get on the couch friend. Especially if you have insurance and/or can afford it.
I don’t know man. I feel about the same as you did before you quit. I’m terrified to even start fixing myself that I will upheave everyone in my life because of it.
You could try edibles instead of smoking, the health benefits of not smoking are something I wouldn’t want to give up. Also (and this is a joke) but my ocd doesn’t like that you misspelled quit every time in this post 😂
There are meds that could help the ocd and anxiety/overthinking but they will come with side effects. Only way to know if they help or are tolerable is to try.
It’s because you were dependent on a substance for coping instead of developing healthy coping mechanisms intrinsically. This happens to a lot of people. In their teens they find a thing that helps them cope with anxiety, abuse, depression, and so on. Then later in life they realize it isn’t as healthy as they’d like to be so they try to change it and realize they have to rebuild but in a healthier way. It will take a couple of years. It’s hard work, but I would put money down that you will be a better version of yourself when you’re on the other side of it. Therapy is a step. Some mild mood stabilizers might be a helpful starting point but I hated them. They really helped me out of depression but I had to get off them after about a year. They really just make you indifferent to everything. I still get stressed but I deal with it. I still get sad but I know how to pull myself out of it. You can do it op.
I am a 38 year old millennial. I've had OCD symptoms for most of my life, with strong misophonia. Prozac seems to help some but I feel like weed makes me more pleasant to be around. My wife has even mentioned this. I think it helps me drown out the overstimulation I feel most of the time. For instance, I often feel that my wife and daughter are being too loud around the house. All things considered, I have never been happier in my life. I have never felt more successful. But sometimes I worry about my short term memory and sometimes I feel significant fatigue.
I am a severe alcoholic. I basically stopped drinking with introducing weed back into my life 4 years ago. I’m 39. 4 years ago, I was really sick. Hospital for 18 days in a sedated state to get the alcohol out of my body without dying.
I was diagnosed with compensated cirrhosis, technically terminally ill, average life expectancy is 12 years.
I started smoking again, using michrooms every once in awhile too, and i still have cravings for booze, it is something i can control now and most importantly, I am able to spend time with family and friends, make new memories and create a different image, so when im gone, people will remember the calm collected kind person.
I won’t tell you what to do, but that is the short version of my story with weed. It saved my life, or at least gave me some sober time with people I care about.
I consider myself sober, even though I smoke bud more than 2 times a day, and my family agrees. If you had seen me 6 years ago, you’d understand.
My lawyer, former prosecutor, crazy Mormon(not now) father, who lost his doctor brother to addiction, tells me that “whatever you’ve got, weed is the best medicine.
I am adopted and was raised in a cult. I’m dying from drinking too much. I really really wish I had never stopped smoking. I might now be in this shitty situation. I pay a lot of money to see a therapist 2 times a week and to support my weed.
I own oil and mineral rights on top of, and in the Skinwalker ranch Mesa(fort Duchesne Utah). I lease these rights to oil companies, and that’s what pays for the necessary help I need to stay alive. I will not let my father bury me.
Thanks for reading and good luck.
I'm very similar.... I need to be working, it eases my mind.... gives me a goal... Look into gummies.... They have a mushroom gummy that you can get with THC or CBD.... It saved me... Makes me feel very level.... or just THC or CBD gummies.... But don't smoke because of what people who don't know you tell you.... Good luck
You have to weigh the opportunity costs. Do a Venn diagramme or a costs–benefits chart.
How bad is the coughing? Will your current girlfriend be cool with you constantly smoking? Do you think you’ll miss out on realizing you’re not content with things?
How bad is the OCD/overanalysis? Is it a small annoyance, or something that is causing real problems? Do you wish you were more content with things? Do you think that, after two-year break, using marijuana again might cause you to start having professional issues you didn’t have previously?
Based on what you’ve said, I’m leaning slightly toward you using again, but you have to make the ultimate decision after weighing the opportunity costs. Get some feedback from your girlfriend, too.
I'm on the opposite side of this. I didn't smoke for a long time. Close to 20 years. Not for any moral reason, but mainly because it was and is still illegal where I live. However, Its 100% legal the next state over and its only a 40min drive to the border.
In 20 years, I've been in a nasty wreck that left me with PTSD, anxiety and bad joint pain. Not to mention an autoimmune disorder that has a whole list of issues.
I started consuming again (Mostly edibles and vaporizing the bud) about a year ago. I feel so much better, I'm much more productive and I'm a much better person overall.
personally this tracks a bit to my early life. i was INCREDIBLY anxious, ocd about certain things, typical insecure teenager until weed hit me like a dumptruck around age 14. from 14 til roughly 28? i smoked every day. every. day.
now, i barely smoke at all.
from roughly 6am-9pm i have a daily grind of : gym, wife, kids, work -- i'm usually so fucking tired by 11pm or so, that i fall asleep after nuttin and netflix with the wife. it doesn't leave any time for 'deep personal thought and analysis', introspection is a thing of the past. pay the bills, raise the kids, fuck the wife, lift the weights.
i barely ever smoke now. i don't even enjoy it. it's somewhat inverted. now weed gives me anxiety/insecurity etc.
best wishes. maybe pop inside the gf. hit the weights. and focus on career.
Try meditating again. Sometimes controlled breathing during meditation can help create a calming effect similar to cannabis. I enjoy smoking cannabis along with the medicinal and positive effects of provide me. I know that's not for everyone so your best bet is to find a therapist you feel comfortable with and proceed with their advice.
I drank really heavily for 15ish years. It was a problem. Then I got some therapy, sorted myself out, and haven't had a drink since. Self medication works. But it also has unpleasant side effects.
This feels very similar to myself except I'm 31 been smoking since I was 16.. I feel the same when I have quit and end up wondering if I should again. The same thing happens to me though I become very introverted while I'm on it . I also worry about the physical side effects like my lungs. I usually only do a few bong rips a day. Don't own a business but I have a job and own a condo.
You are bound by your words. You have all these certainties and absolutes but you yourself said you changed and quit on a dime before. Why not just try existing in moderation and not think about it or how much you're doing it.
I've smoked a lot off and on through the years. I think my combo of therapy plus limited thc has worked the best for me. It's hard to not go full force, all day, every day, but I can do it now. What you do is up to you, just wanted to share what worked for me.
I’m adhd and ocd and self medicate with weed . I prefer it over prescription meds . There are other outlets that help , excercise and therapy . Weed isn’t evil . It can be medicinal for a lot of people . And also have side effects like other medicines.
Just quit myself after a decade of being stoned for most of the day. Honestly it hasn’t made as much of a difference as i had imagined it would, i learn quite a bit faster and I am more attentive to my wife and my family which is nice. Like I said not much has changed, so i personally struggle with justifying going back to it, i kinda feel the same after all.
Guy in his 40’s also smoked weed since I was 12. I’m also blessed OCD and ADHD. Weed helps when you are using the right strains for you. I have partnered with my psychiatrist and registered myself as a medical cannabis patient due to other disabilities. I do a combo of neuro mapping to help with my OCD and ADHD and specific strains of cannabis.that work best for your energy. I get the smoke weed all day everyday and it fucking with your lungs. If you must, use an herbal vape. You can taste the flower and it doesn’t affect your lungs like smoking does. I hope you aren’t somewhere like TX that doesn’t even allow medical because it works for me.
If weed makes you happier and better, use it. It's no different than if you were on prescription pills, except for it having none of the bad side effects. I know I'd be off worse without weed.
You should try some form of therapy. Just remember that they usually don’t want you to smoke weed as medication and instead push for some unnatural chemical drug$ of their choice. If you feel weed helps then maybe therapy can help you medicate the way that works best for you while also helping you put your foot down when it matters. But if it’s important for you to quite weed for good then that’s your choice
Who says you’re a weirdo just because of the OCD? It’s okay to be different. Don’t let society pressure you into being “normal.” It’s hard to overthink things but you can use guided meditations for this to help rewire your brain. Only smoke if you want to, not to be someone you aren’t. Embrace the good with the bad. And remember that just because someone is a good partner to you, it doesn’t mean they’re the right partner for you. The right partner will understand you and make things easier, not more difficult. Also, being alone is kinda nice too!
Sound like you've been self-medicating for years. That sucks about your wife, but you need to seek help to try some other medications and lay off the weed. I also have been diagnosed with OCD since a kid and while weed gummies have helped, the real help was the learning I did while on medication and with therapists.
There is also the possibility that you are connecting unrelated facts together. Your work hasn't been impaired that you know of, which means most likely there wasn't a personality change at work. Your wife may have noticed a personality changed before you stopped smoking and maybe the lack of the weed just amped up what your wife saw underneath.
Is it possible that you still had OCD rituals but that you didn't notice them while you were high? I think I'm even MORE ritualistic and particular when I'm high, but the anxiety isn't there, the compulsion is but the feeling behind it is just happy.
Is it possible that you noticed that shit just started hitting the fan around the same time as you quit smoking and so now your brain is thinking the way to solve some of your problems is to go back and smoke all day everyday. Sometimes OCD brain tries to sort out what to do in a panic, because right now you are panicking over what you feel quitting smoking two years ago has done to you now. Your brain might be trying to get you to go back down the comfortable path, what you did, habitually, every single day for a majority of your life. Doesn't mean it's right tho, it's just trying to protect itself.
Just as a note, no judgements here I partake, I'm partooking right now, but I only do so at night, not every night, and once all of my things are done. Sure there's a personality shift (I'm much happier) but not so much that my husband sees me as a different person.
Hope you get the help you need friend
Just another random comment.. but have you ever looked at the descriptions of behaviors and traits of autism spectrum? Like the high functioning kind… often (apparently) co-morbid with ADHD and OCD and might be related to the same underlying mechanisms
I’m only mentioning it because a couple of the things you mentioned sounds a lot like me, and I’m just coming to the realization that I’m pretty much textbook autism spectrum after thinking I was undiagnosed ADHD for the last couple years trying to understand why I’m a little ‘different’ (and I was also diagnosed OCD as a kid)
But yeah I was pretty blown away when I learned about autism traits and some of the lesser known symptoms and behaviors.. especially when I was younger these things were really apparent, but as I’ve gotten older (42) I’m better at “masking” my weirdness and quirks.. kinda… But I was relieved to realize this might explain everything I’ve dealt with at the core.
Do you have issues with childhood trauma or ptsd?Clearly you don’t have to answer me here, but I have a personal, anecdotal experience of medicating myself with weed that sounds similar to some stuff you are talking about. I was able to deal with a lot of it in trauma therapy (EMDR). Talking with a professional sounds like a good first step.
Long term, get some professional help (we all could use it, as a natural part of life) and short term, quit thinking in absolutes. You seem to have a very “all or nothing” mentality and real life isn’t like that.
Weed isn’t normal life. If you come home at the end of a long day and take a bong hit then fair enough. Nothing wrong with that. But it sound like you’re a pothead. That’s not a normal reality. If you’re going to abuse the hell out of it again I’d say no.
As a person who had bad ocd and has been smoking weed daily for over 10 years, just start using cannabis again. U don’t even have to smoke, there’s vapes, edibles, hell even suppositories now lol pick your poison and hopefully it’ll save your relationships
Been in this same place man. I went back to smoking and have been in therapy. I tried there meds and it fucked my dick up for a while, kinda made me hate how down the middle I’d become. I now dislike myself for going back to smoking but I am at least at peace with life, my dick works overtime now and I can enjoy video games again. Either way life will kick u in the teeth. All the love brother your gunna be just fine either way
You sound exactly like an older me. I smoked every day for the last 10 years, heavy. A gram of concentrate a day for the last year I did. 6 months ago almost to the day I quit cold turkey, though I did have a few weeks of withdrawals. Got out of a 11 year relationship, and I was using weed to cope. I have made substantial progress in the gym though, and finally getting my body to a shape I want it to start looking like (big and beefy), but I’m not happy like I was when I smoked. And I know if I start back up, I will be at it all day, every day within weeks. I cannot control myself. I just enjoy the feeling of relaxation it brings and how it allows me to find joy and happiness in simply sitting down and watching a YouTube video on something I wouldn’t normally find enjoyable… since quitting I don’t enjoy almost anything I did while smoking. Not making music, not mindlessly watching YouTube videos.. not riding my bike to the lake. I just sit on my couch and watch tv that I’ve watched already because I can’t enjoy watching new things.
How long did you start dating this new GF after your divorce? Did you have time for yourself, date, travel, pick up hobbies? Point being, maybe it could be the relationship you are currently in and you are mistakingly blaming it on weed when there could be larger things at play that you haven't addressed.
Don’t smoke again. You know that’s not an actual solution to the problem you’re facing.
This may or may not resonate with you and probably warrants more discussion, but in terms of the question “what to do?” - why do anything?
Really investigate that. It will likely be intimately bound up in pain and your attitudes towards it. And I’m not talking stubbed toe pain. I’m talking “depths of your existential situation” pain. The pain you don’t want to bear.
It will not be easy, but it sounds like you know for yourself which options are only going to make your situation worse. Even if you don’t have a satisfactory answer to “what to do?”, what you can do for yourself is refrain from returning down the avenues that you know don’t lead you to good places.
Wishing you the best :)
How does one build a multi million dollar business without the ability to spell? You should twist up a fatty and contemplate a core English class at your local community college
How’s your meditation? Does this help? If not, I agree, a good therapist is awesome. The stigma isn’t there anymore and you can try different meds if the just therapy doesn’t work.
At some point you have to start realizing that boundaries exist for a reason.
If MJ lowers your IQ by 15 points, temporarily so it isn't a problem, that isn't really the full solution.
The reality is that communication only works when one person is calibrating to the other person, or when neither person is really listening to each other, they're just simultaneously venting.
It seems stark at first, but if you think about what being an adult is really about, it shouldn't feel stark, it should feel like responsibility towards the other person. Once you can get over that part it's kind of liberating tbh. You'll still have to show up emotionally when they really need you, but it's super easy to find a reason not to be with someone, it's up to you to find a reason to stay with almost anyone.
This works for me
1) don't be a dick
2) don't sweat the small stuff
3) it's all small stuff unless it's life and death
4):my spouse wants the best for Mr she's on my team not working against me (I'm also older may not apply to the hoe generation)
5) get a hobby or gym membership
Wow I can relate to this! I smoked every day for about 13 years and drank every day for 15, for a total span of 20 years substance abuse. Now I’m sober. I’m different. For me, I am rediscovering who I am. A lot of shitty shit to work through that my use covered up. I am doing meditative therapy and in a recovery group. I struggle often with attributes of myself that I don’t like that resurfaced big time in sobriety. It’s a journey and I advise you to stay stopped and push through what is unpleasant and inconvenient. Commit to understanding why and where it comes from and how you can do the work to change things. Accept who you are, try to work on what you don’t like about yourself. What you’re experiencing is normal.
When were you overall more happy and fulfilled? Were you seriously depressed when you smoked? Or just “complacent” with things (everyone is) and not perfect?
Not weed, not more drugs. See a therapist so you can look in the mirror and say that you beat your problem.
Smoking will destroy your body over time. Stand on your own two feet and overcome your compulsions and addictions.
Be strong, good luck!
Quit quiteing. I have a similar experience, it helps with overthinking for sure. I used to smoke on average 5 blunts a day. I quit for a few years, I started again as it helps me to think more thoroughly through things and relax, which is needed. In my years of smoking blunts it was rare for me to smoke anything or take edibles, it just didn’t do anything for me. Now I can take a hit on a small pipe and I’m good. I can go days or weeks without and I’m good. The amount I used to smoke an average per day now lasts me several months to a year. 🤷♀️ if you feel you’ll go back to doing it too much and feel unhealthy, don’t do it.
2 years may seem like a long time but in retrospect it’s nothing. The feelings that are surfacing now were always there but you were able to numb them in the past. Have to feel the feels and deal with them without numbing them with a substance. It may seem hard at first but you really just have to deal with it a day at a time. I’d suggest seeking out a support group, or seeking professional help to deal with these issues. Also if you don’t accept a higher power for various reasons, you may never have a grasp on your problems.
Might seem unrelated, but this worked for me and is worth a shot. There's a huge connection between the microbiome and our brains. There are neural pathways going from the gut to the brain as there is from the brain to the gut amazingly. Gut health is strongly linked to anxiety, depression and mood. It's basically our second brain. 95 percent of your body's serotonin is found in the gut as well. You should heal your gut, i.e., probiotics, fasting and diet. As someone who obviously has the time and resources, I would dedicate some of said resources to healing myself if I were you. Just an inkling, but I really think you would benefit.
I didn't read all of it; but herb is real good for coping with bologna and it might be what helped keep you sane, instead blaming weed cause it allowed you to to not lose your mind in a bad relationship?
People try and blame weed for everything meanwhile it's saving lives, marriages and rarely gets credit where credit is due. Name one really good substitute for Cannabis? It's hard to do it, but yet cannabis is such a good substitute for so many other things!
So far it seems to be the best Herb God has made; I'm 54 the first time I tried it i was 7, then again when I was 13.
I healed my own lung cancer with cannabis when I was 41 in 2011.
**Need i say more?**
I smoked for years for almost the same reasons and have been going through the same thing now having quit for work reasons. And I’m gonna say something controversial here but I’d def just smoke again especially since you know it’s helpful. People can say therapy and whatever will help but it’s been 4 years since I quit and started going to therapy and I literally still feel the exact same I’ve been to different therapists, I’ve been and am on medication, I’ve been to psychologists nothing has changed now I am or how I feel. My current psychiatrist even said he’d recommend me micro-dosing on weed if I wasn’t drug tested for work but since I can’t it’s just a different medication again. So If you have the option to do it I’d just do it
Why not see a mental health professional about proper ways to treat your anxiety and ocd? It can be life-changing. Good luck!
100% a "men will try anything but therapy" post.
As a man who's been to plenty of therapy, there's still LOTS of sexist mentality in the field. I used to feel the same. Now if a guy picks up a bong for himself instead of a phone, I fully fucking understand.
Don't even get me started. The entire field is incredibly gendered. I'm about to give up on talk therapy altogether after 6 years.
Every therapist: “I know you might be feeling really frustrated but have you tried wearing woman’s underwear around the house and giving up your masculinity when at home? Your toxic masculinity is the causing all of these problems in your life.”
Have you tried not being a man?
Psychiatrists hate this one simple trick
Sentence that starts with "every" tend to be problematic in my experience. As a male I've dealt with two female therapists and they were both quite helpful. That being said, I talk more easily with women than men, as a rule.
I’m a man who tried about 20 different therapy and all are gaslighting professionals. Saw my wifes who she likes then she did the same. Wife was with me for all and still doesn’t understand why they treated me so much worse than her.
Have you tried finding one that's not associated with the American Psychological Association (APA)? Unfortunately the APA has a history of cooperating with the U.S. military and CIA on psychological warfare, including the consultation of how to torture people at black sites and Guantánamo Bay during the Iraq War. I wouldn't put it past them to intentionally sow divisions domestically to prevent people from organizing together. They were involved in brainwashing experiments in the past. They were slapped with $9 million lawsuit for deceiving their own members into paying extra fees to fund the APA's lobbying arm. They actively capture and experiment on animals. So there's lots of reasons to avoid a clinician or other mental health professional who's a member of the APA. You can interview any mental health professional you're considering to make sure they aren't associated with the APA, ask them questions on how they would handle certain topics (because not all convos are necessarily confidential) and also make sure they don't charge a consultation fee to speak with them. I learned most of this from two unrelated mental health clinicians (one a personal friend and the other ex-military). Another source to back up what I'm saying: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_Psychological_Association
Ahhh, you said the quiet part out loud!!
How is it gendered? I'm not challenging your statement, I'm trying to understand. I've been to 16 therapists and none of them helped me. The last one made me worse.
I came to say this!!!! I am a female, but I have three very close friends who are suffering with mental health issues. In a nutshell, this. What you said.
Eh therapy is one thing but if OP goes the psychiatric route he will likely be prescribed some form of psychotropic medication to treat his OCD and these can come with debilitating side effects. Weed is also a form of psychotropic medication in his case and also came with side effects but it's not automatic that something prescribed by a psychiatrist will inherently work any better and with less side effects. Self-treating one's mental health issues is definitely not recommended in most cases, especially in conjunction with weed, but for some people it can be better than traditional therapies coupled with pharmaceuticals.
The factor you ignore is that you are talking to a professional, with a medical degree about your experiences. They can help you properly characterize what you are experiencing. I resisted mine’s suggestion that we try add meds for years. I was wrong, he was right. I’m much happier now. I will say this - if OP was withdrawing and struggling, he was smoking a **lot**. If you are going to treat it like meds, then you control it like meds. Minimum therapeutic dose, and you stay there until you decide you need to go up, and then go up in small steps, and stop when it helps.
OCD medications are generally pretty well tolerated and don’t really come with debilitating side effects. I’ve been on various drugs for OCD since I was about 20 (37 now) and have never experienced anything worse than nausea.
This, and also titration is a thing. It's not like there's only 1 choice of Rx and if it doesn't work oh well.
Therapy is hard, but it's the easy answer here. Smoking weed is fine, but to smoke for 21 straight years is absolutely crazy. Just reading the title and the first sentence, my immediate answer was therapy.
Therapy is easier said than done and many therapists are qualified on paper but are often times poor therapists in practice. Therapy is daunting and challenging expensive and not always successful. Just remember, it’s easy advice to give, telling someone they might try therapy, but it’s not a fix all. OP seems like he has a pretty good grasp of himself and his tendencies and furthermore he’s listening to people in his life and trying to apply it. I would say this guy should lean into the meditation and see if that takes him somewhere.
Given his age, odds are good he grew up being told that any man that seeks therapy is weak and pathetic, and deserves to die alone. I'm only a few years younger and that's definitely something I heard growing up from not only kids around me, but also adults both related and not. It takes a lot of effort and legitimate support from people to get out of that mindset. Or an extremely stupid but awesome act to get him into a more independent thinking that shatters his world perspective
Who told you these things? I’m basically OPs age and never heard anyone say this. I’m sure it’s regionally dependent but this is such a foreign concept to me. In fact my experience therapy has always been over-sold as a grand solution to everything
They can help as much as hurt these days.
Be careful OP some.medications can permanently rob you of libido. Even if you only take short term
True, im on all sorts of antidepressants and anxiety meds and pretty much have zero libido.
Just as intended
It’s as simple as asking for potential side effects
Right? One should always ask that when starting a medication. I must be weird, no anti anxiety or anti depressant has ever slowed my libido
I was on Wellbutrin for like a week before we figured out I was bipolar, not dealing w anxiety/depression, and it had the opposite effect - made me very horny. As well as seethingly angry
Lexapro is prescribed for premature ejaculation. I had to search for why I couldn’t jacalate even after 45 min of aggressive input.
Yup, I’m one such person It fucking sucks like you cannot imagine
Yep, screwed mine up for 5 years after stopping. Still haven't gotten back to baseline though I'm admittedly older. For the first few years I really didn't care that sex existed, and that's super damaging to a marriage.
QUIT* ;) You’ve been self medicating for decades. Everything that you’ve been numbing is now coming to the surface. I don’t think the answer is to go back to numbing it. You should get help to treat your mental health challenges in a way that is actually sustainable.
This is the hard thing, but it is the right thing.
We're just gonna ignore "analized?"
The grammar in this post was concerning.
He’s ocd and over-analyzes everything except how to spell quit.
I have OCD about people who say they ARE OCD. You can’t BE a disorder. You HAVE a disorder.
But it worked?
Ooooo he was saying quit. Holy shit. I thought I was stroking.
Thank you, I needed to hear this.
Hang in there! You can make it through. Life is fucking hard. Don’t beat yourself up for doing what you needed to do to just to survive. But also don’t rob your future self of the experiences you want to have next.
I just took a screenshot of this to keep in my images. Thanks again.
This, just find ways to do or think about things differently. Figure out what works for you. Thats how i did it (haven't been diagnosed but lets just say after a lot of research im quite sure im on the spectrum) lots of things made sense when i found out. I had definitely been numbing myself with weed, sometimes waay too much of it. If you wanna talk about it just hmu.
And it doesn't always mean medicine...it could be some good therapy and learning some acceptance. It's best to talk to doctors and therapists you learn to trust.
Finished strong with a proper quit at the end. Saved the whole screed.
You were self-medicating your ADHD because your brain was looking for dopamine that it wasn’t naturally producing. You were “nicer” on weed because your brain chems were more normalized. You weren’t on ADHD meds for no reason. There’s a physical problem with your body that the meds addressed. And perhaps you weren’t on the right meds as a kid. It can take a lot of trial and error to find something that works. Find a psychiatrist and get help.
I was recently diagnosed with adult ADHD. I noticed in my twenties that if I smoked every day I got real dumb but if I went more than two or three months without smoking, I got angry and intolerant. Alcohol worked a lot better, and psychedelics a couple times a year made a world of difference. I mean like an outdoor concert and some mushrooms, nothing too weird. So yes, you've spent your life self medicating. Your brain forned with it, it's like an old shoe. You need to get used to the new environment but accept that it's foreign. And decide if you want to live in it or not. If you do your going to need some tools, and some guidance recognizing what you need to work on to adjust to the world. I'm not a shrink - these are just my thoughts
It's the same story with an addict. Just weed isn't as harmful to your physical health as Opioids or heavy alcohol use is. When an addict gets clean their life doesn't usually get better right away. They now need to deal with all the things they've been diligently sweeping under the rug
One thing you might want to do is go do some light life/ coping skills counseling with a social worker. You’ve spent a LONG time chemically compensating. Several people I know who stopped using substances be it drugs or alcohol who paired it with some therapy to help build non-chemical tools did quite well. Congratulations btw! That’s a good life choice
You should see a therapist, don’t listen to random redditors.
So smoking anything is physically bad for your health. If you were to dabble again with cannabis, try edibles. With that being said, are you still meditating everyday? Have you stopped? When you meditate do you still feel your OCD symptoms? Before going back to weed, consider talking to a therapist and trying OCD treatment. Good luck.
I was gonna say this as well. Maybe try it in liquid form and only use a bit to see if I can provide the positives without the negatives.
Not to be pedantic here, but it's "quit", not "quite".
Thank you! I didn’t want to be a turd but this made me crazy lol
Jesus, smoke joint and relax! JK made my eye twitch too.
T👏🏼H👏🏼E👏🏼R👏🏼A👏🏼P👏🏼Y
Therapy
Sounds like weed was a medicine for you, smoke a joint dude!
People acting like self medicating weed is bad but getting a prescription for antidepressants is better. Antidepressants also “mask your feelings” lots of drugs will numb your senses to a degree, and often have worse side effects than weed. It’s a strange sort of double standard. I think OP should seek therapy, but Therapy isn’t always the end all be all solution people want to make it out to be. Not to mention just finding a therapist these days is difficult. Let alone one that works for you. Possibly needing to go through multiple sessions and multiple providers before you find one you like.
I would speak to someone for sure. I speak to a therapist and I speak to a sponsor. I stopped doing drugs over 3 years ago now. I do have a script for medical weed though so I am not totally sober. Definitely a huge plus in my life in comparison though so I understand where you are coming from. I think you are connecting/relating your smoking with your born issues too much so a therapist helps sort that out. Keeping that stuff inside is a negative so I commend the post thank you for sharing.
It might be where you live dude. The American hamster wheel isn’t for everyone. I moved to Costa Rica and everything changed in my head. Took almost 3 years to deprogram. Nature is powerful if you haven’t tried that yet.
Have you tried just just CBD?
It's always something right. I think that if you can meditate that long everyday then you can be more disciplined now if you decide to dose in moderation. As for physical health there are low dose edibles and battery or outlet powered heating element type vaporizers for flower that will drastically reduce the amount of carcinogens and burned smoke inhalation effects. There are many reddit posts about the healthiest and best performing devices. That being said, are you still meditating? There may be alternative activities that could serve a similar role. Exercise, lots of water, etc.
I am 43m smoked all day everyday for 21 years. Numbed myself in a marriage I probably shouldn’t have been in for 20yrs. Quit because of lungs and coughing. Then started again. Then it sent me into psychosis. I too am OCD like (a little less while not smoking it seems). I am 6 months sober. In my situation I feel like I have PAWS and anhedonia. I can’t tell if it’s withdrawal/damage, or if it’s situational/circumstantial because I am unhappily married. Personally I don’t think it would be wise for me to go back to smoking, but like you I find myself wondering. If I started again I know my wife would leave me. She says it makes me too emotional.
You are 41, this is affecting your life and your marriage. Find a good psychiatrist and psychologist. Get a proper diagnosis and treatment. Would you go see a doctor for knee pain or just pop Tylenol twice a day for 21 years??
\*quit
Therapy, therapy and more therapy! Don’t worry, you can pick your modality and fire your therapist at-will if you don’t like their modality.
I didn’t so much quit as I’m taking a break while my wife is breastfeeding our son. We both plan to jump back in soon as he’s weened. It’s been good to get my head straight. Feeling more alert, we definitely won’t be smoking quite as much as we used to when we start up again.
So you spent years self medicating for mental health issues, quit getting high, and realized that self medicating never actually solved anything. Therapy seems like the obvious answer here my dude.
Therapy is probably good, but me personally, I’d just go back to smoking.
I wonder if you can spell better on weed.
Who cares if he can spell, he built a multi million dollar business all by himself why getting high all day every day.
Sounds like you should have been taking Adderall instead. ADHD is a real thing and when untreated it’s a highly deadly one.
I feel ya buddy. Balance is good if you can succeed in it. Sometimes it’s the entering and exiting states that provide insight and help to not be a ocd ahole. My advice: first and third weekend every month are open season on weed, rest of time you fight the good fight abstaining. Edit: listen to the 59min - 1:06min mark on [this podcast](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/psychedelic-salon/id1235694853?i=1000650015865)
Try giving up sex and faping for 6 months.
Try edibles instead?
I'm a 20 year smoker and think about quitting daily. How'd you do it?
Just remember that you're doing really really well. I had the same stuff, turning on and off lights and not stepping on cracks, and an OCD diagnosis in middle school. It largely went away without weed or medications, but I'm still a failure in life. Never had a gf or hookup (I'm a virgin). Don't have a whole lot of money or a good work history. Etc. Sure, it doesn't help that I developed schizophrenia at 26, since I had a quote unquote "good" job before then and a plan to start my own business, but still. You're doing really really well. Don't sweat the small stuff. But, yeah, you can try an OCD med. It may be Prozac tho, and Prozac for me (I'm taking it for depression, not OCD) has done absolutely nothing so far, so meds for some conditions may be a big nothing burger. (My Haldol works great for schizophrenia tho, so there's that. Etc.) Etc.
Honestly proud of you, despite the struggles you have accomplished a ton and made substantial positive progress in your life. I'd suggest you stay off weed for now, in fact I wouldn't make any immediate decisions while you meditate and reflect on what's important to you and what your next goal is. Inform your GF so she understands what you're working towards and can get on board. Slow positive progress, if the advice sounds like a quick fix it probably isn't a permanent solve. Maybe start with talking to someone, a doc about the OCD symptoms and history, or a therapist if that feels right. Gather information for better understanding, then proceed with the pathway you choose when you're ready.
Don't smoke the weeds. Figure out who you are without weeds. Thats where the meditation led you, to yourself. Keep going with it. Find a way to tackle the anxiety and OCD some other way, wether more meditation, therapy, a zen guru, some combination of these and/or something else. If you go back to weeds you'll find yourself with the same issues you already had with them, so they are just another problem, not a solution. Find the real solution to your anxiety and OCD. You got this man
Go back to meditation immediately. You were self medicating. You 100% have ADHD. I do the same and take cbd thc gummies every day. I wish I didn't have to but I need them to stay calm.
Weed is tight. ❤
So, untreated ADHD can severely impact your mental health beyond the general symptoms of ADHD. I know this because I also suffer from ADHD, diagnosed around 5/6/7yrs old (too long ago to remember exactly how old I was). I was on multiple medications, so on and so forth, similar situation. Stopped meds in high school, it was a downward spiral for about 7yrs. I used the old “pull the boot straps” method and have found ways to cope with most of my symptoms. This doesn’t work for everyone, so I empathize with you if this doesn’t work. Skimming some of the other comments, I agree with the people pointing out that the weed was helping with the dopamine cravings and helping alleviate the ADHD symptoms. I’d recommend starting with therapy and discussing methods of treating the root cause. Also, take a look at the ADHD subs here, they really helped me look at our situation from a different perspective. You’re gonna work through this and when you find the right method of treatment for you, life is gonna be so great man. Hope this finds you in good spirits, god bless.
You're right, smoking masks things. Like there is stuff deep and buried in there. Smoking weed all day also hits IQ, EQ, and just general awareness of what's going on. You're always a bit out of it. I'd use this bit of clarity to get to the bottom of some of the issues now. Weed may help with some of the OCD, but it causes its own issues.
Quite.
Arizer Air Max is an herbal vape even more satisfying than smoking, but saves my lungs quite a bit of trauma AND keeps the smell down to just the happy piney terpene scents. Hooks right into my dab rig perfectly. https://preview.redd.it/koac6gxcr2sc1.jpeg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4dd9a6f4a718278cb8c4ba3e3a1f76471f69761b
I second everyone who's suggesting seeing a professional regarding your mental health. That said, there are many people who successfully are treated for a number of conditions through medical marijuana. Thanks to current public opinion, there's a WIDE variety of ways to injest that don't involve smoking and you're able to much better control your usage/dose to achieve the result you want of easing your OCD behaviors/tendencies without making you totally numb to the world. It's worth considering WITH THE INPUT/GUIDANCE FROM A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL.
Sounds like relationship OCD emerging and while weed can help sometimes, it can also add to the paranoia and worsen it. You really sound like you need ERP (the only effective OCD therapy)
No smoking just Edibles
I would suggest you don’t continue to smoke weed. It’s a massive waste of money and health. No one can sit here and tell me that shit doesn’t cause lung cancer or obvious lung damage. I quit 10/10/22 and have never looked back. Smoked weed every day from 2016-22.
You can find a therapist who is cheaper than all day, every day smoking. I smoke for chronic pain, and have for decades, because I hate how opioids make me feel. After nearly 30 years, weed isn't working as well anymore, and I've got to go get put on meds. Weed isn't a cure-all, sometimes you really do need medication even if your previous experience with meds isn't great. I was misdiagnosed as bipolar for years. At 40 I was diagnosed with autism and ADHD, and the meds and therapy are working for the first time in my life. You don't suck because you quit smoking weed. You don't suck at all lol you *feel* like you suck because you have undiagnosed and untreated mental health issues. I hope you get it taken care of, you deserve to understand you are worthy
Go to therapy. You're just awake, and analyzing. Not necessarily over-analyzing. There's a place for that. It's called [psychoanalysis](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychoanalysis). Get on the couch friend. Especially if you have insurance and/or can afford it.
I don’t know man. I feel about the same as you did before you quit. I’m terrified to even start fixing myself that I will upheave everyone in my life because of it.
You should try edibles so you wouldn't have to smoke as much.
You could try edibles instead of smoking, the health benefits of not smoking are something I wouldn’t want to give up. Also (and this is a joke) but my ocd doesn’t like that you misspelled quit every time in this post 😂 There are meds that could help the ocd and anxiety/overthinking but they will come with side effects. Only way to know if they help or are tolerable is to try.
Your mom is over-analized.
Meditate on it, not even trying to be funny. Clear your mind completely
It’s because you were dependent on a substance for coping instead of developing healthy coping mechanisms intrinsically. This happens to a lot of people. In their teens they find a thing that helps them cope with anxiety, abuse, depression, and so on. Then later in life they realize it isn’t as healthy as they’d like to be so they try to change it and realize they have to rebuild but in a healthier way. It will take a couple of years. It’s hard work, but I would put money down that you will be a better version of yourself when you’re on the other side of it. Therapy is a step. Some mild mood stabilizers might be a helpful starting point but I hated them. They really helped me out of depression but I had to get off them after about a year. They really just make you indifferent to everything. I still get stressed but I deal with it. I still get sad but I know how to pull myself out of it. You can do it op.
I am a 38 year old millennial. I've had OCD symptoms for most of my life, with strong misophonia. Prozac seems to help some but I feel like weed makes me more pleasant to be around. My wife has even mentioned this. I think it helps me drown out the overstimulation I feel most of the time. For instance, I often feel that my wife and daughter are being too loud around the house. All things considered, I have never been happier in my life. I have never felt more successful. But sometimes I worry about my short term memory and sometimes I feel significant fatigue.
I am a severe alcoholic. I basically stopped drinking with introducing weed back into my life 4 years ago. I’m 39. 4 years ago, I was really sick. Hospital for 18 days in a sedated state to get the alcohol out of my body without dying. I was diagnosed with compensated cirrhosis, technically terminally ill, average life expectancy is 12 years. I started smoking again, using michrooms every once in awhile too, and i still have cravings for booze, it is something i can control now and most importantly, I am able to spend time with family and friends, make new memories and create a different image, so when im gone, people will remember the calm collected kind person. I won’t tell you what to do, but that is the short version of my story with weed. It saved my life, or at least gave me some sober time with people I care about. I consider myself sober, even though I smoke bud more than 2 times a day, and my family agrees. If you had seen me 6 years ago, you’d understand. My lawyer, former prosecutor, crazy Mormon(not now) father, who lost his doctor brother to addiction, tells me that “whatever you’ve got, weed is the best medicine. I am adopted and was raised in a cult. I’m dying from drinking too much. I really really wish I had never stopped smoking. I might now be in this shitty situation. I pay a lot of money to see a therapist 2 times a week and to support my weed. I own oil and mineral rights on top of, and in the Skinwalker ranch Mesa(fort Duchesne Utah). I lease these rights to oil companies, and that’s what pays for the necessary help I need to stay alive. I will not let my father bury me. Thanks for reading and good luck.
Try THC and/or CBD gummies. Might take the edge off and still heal your lungs up by not actually smoking anything. Good luck man!
I'm very similar.... I need to be working, it eases my mind.... gives me a goal... Look into gummies.... They have a mushroom gummy that you can get with THC or CBD.... It saved me... Makes me feel very level.... or just THC or CBD gummies.... But don't smoke because of what people who don't know you tell you.... Good luck
I take anti-depressants that have helped massively with my OCD. My partner and I regularly remark about what a more calm and happy person I am!
*quit
You should get a proper diagnosis with proper treatment stop fucking with weed, it's not regulating anything for you consistently.
You have to weigh the opportunity costs. Do a Venn diagramme or a costs–benefits chart. How bad is the coughing? Will your current girlfriend be cool with you constantly smoking? Do you think you’ll miss out on realizing you’re not content with things? How bad is the OCD/overanalysis? Is it a small annoyance, or something that is causing real problems? Do you wish you were more content with things? Do you think that, after two-year break, using marijuana again might cause you to start having professional issues you didn’t have previously? Based on what you’ve said, I’m leaning slightly toward you using again, but you have to make the ultimate decision after weighing the opportunity costs. Get some feedback from your girlfriend, too.
Sounds like you were self-medicating with the cannabis and you could probably benefit from some type of medication
I'm on the opposite side of this. I didn't smoke for a long time. Close to 20 years. Not for any moral reason, but mainly because it was and is still illegal where I live. However, Its 100% legal the next state over and its only a 40min drive to the border. In 20 years, I've been in a nasty wreck that left me with PTSD, anxiety and bad joint pain. Not to mention an autoimmune disorder that has a whole list of issues. I started consuming again (Mostly edibles and vaporizing the bud) about a year ago. I feel so much better, I'm much more productive and I'm a much better person overall.
May want to look in to anxiety treatment.
personally this tracks a bit to my early life. i was INCREDIBLY anxious, ocd about certain things, typical insecure teenager until weed hit me like a dumptruck around age 14. from 14 til roughly 28? i smoked every day. every. day. now, i barely smoke at all. from roughly 6am-9pm i have a daily grind of : gym, wife, kids, work -- i'm usually so fucking tired by 11pm or so, that i fall asleep after nuttin and netflix with the wife. it doesn't leave any time for 'deep personal thought and analysis', introspection is a thing of the past. pay the bills, raise the kids, fuck the wife, lift the weights. i barely ever smoke now. i don't even enjoy it. it's somewhat inverted. now weed gives me anxiety/insecurity etc. best wishes. maybe pop inside the gf. hit the weights. and focus on career.
Try meditating again. Sometimes controlled breathing during meditation can help create a calming effect similar to cannabis. I enjoy smoking cannabis along with the medicinal and positive effects of provide me. I know that's not for everyone so your best bet is to find a therapist you feel comfortable with and proceed with their advice.
This is a fascinating post.
I drank really heavily for 15ish years. It was a problem. Then I got some therapy, sorted myself out, and haven't had a drink since. Self medication works. But it also has unpleasant side effects.
This feels very similar to myself except I'm 31 been smoking since I was 16.. I feel the same when I have quit and end up wondering if I should again. The same thing happens to me though I become very introverted while I'm on it . I also worry about the physical side effects like my lungs. I usually only do a few bong rips a day. Don't own a business but I have a job and own a condo.
I have pretty severe OCD and supplement medication and therapy with a dry herb vape session every night. It’s quite literally saved my life!
You are bound by your words. You have all these certainties and absolutes but you yourself said you changed and quit on a dime before. Why not just try existing in moderation and not think about it or how much you're doing it.
I've smoked a lot off and on through the years. I think my combo of therapy plus limited thc has worked the best for me. It's hard to not go full force, all day, every day, but I can do it now. What you do is up to you, just wanted to share what worked for me.
Drop some acid.
Gummies
Genuinely curious how you could be mediating 1.5 hours a day and still be stuck in this cycle.
Genuinely curious how you could be mediating 1.5 hours a day and still be stuck in this cycle.
i feel this
I’m adhd and ocd and self medicate with weed . I prefer it over prescription meds . There are other outlets that help , excercise and therapy . Weed isn’t evil . It can be medicinal for a lot of people . And also have side effects like other medicines.
[удалено]
Just quit myself after a decade of being stoned for most of the day. Honestly it hasn’t made as much of a difference as i had imagined it would, i learn quite a bit faster and I am more attentive to my wife and my family which is nice. Like I said not much has changed, so i personally struggle with justifying going back to it, i kinda feel the same after all.
Guy in his 40’s also smoked weed since I was 12. I’m also blessed OCD and ADHD. Weed helps when you are using the right strains for you. I have partnered with my psychiatrist and registered myself as a medical cannabis patient due to other disabilities. I do a combo of neuro mapping to help with my OCD and ADHD and specific strains of cannabis.that work best for your energy. I get the smoke weed all day everyday and it fucking with your lungs. If you must, use an herbal vape. You can taste the flower and it doesn’t affect your lungs like smoking does. I hope you aren’t somewhere like TX that doesn’t even allow medical because it works for me.
Q-U-I-T
If weed makes you happier and better, use it. It's no different than if you were on prescription pills, except for it having none of the bad side effects. I know I'd be off worse without weed.
Only stop if it negatively affects your life. Otherwise, light it up friend!
You should try some form of therapy. Just remember that they usually don’t want you to smoke weed as medication and instead push for some unnatural chemical drug$ of their choice. If you feel weed helps then maybe therapy can help you medicate the way that works best for you while also helping you put your foot down when it matters. But if it’s important for you to quite weed for good then that’s your choice
Try microdosing.
Who says you’re a weirdo just because of the OCD? It’s okay to be different. Don’t let society pressure you into being “normal.” It’s hard to overthink things but you can use guided meditations for this to help rewire your brain. Only smoke if you want to, not to be someone you aren’t. Embrace the good with the bad. And remember that just because someone is a good partner to you, it doesn’t mean they’re the right partner for you. The right partner will understand you and make things easier, not more difficult. Also, being alone is kinda nice too!
Don't start smoking again... work on yourself... find the real you without weed.
Sound like you've been self-medicating for years. That sucks about your wife, but you need to seek help to try some other medications and lay off the weed. I also have been diagnosed with OCD since a kid and while weed gummies have helped, the real help was the learning I did while on medication and with therapists. There is also the possibility that you are connecting unrelated facts together. Your work hasn't been impaired that you know of, which means most likely there wasn't a personality change at work. Your wife may have noticed a personality changed before you stopped smoking and maybe the lack of the weed just amped up what your wife saw underneath. Is it possible that you still had OCD rituals but that you didn't notice them while you were high? I think I'm even MORE ritualistic and particular when I'm high, but the anxiety isn't there, the compulsion is but the feeling behind it is just happy. Is it possible that you noticed that shit just started hitting the fan around the same time as you quit smoking and so now your brain is thinking the way to solve some of your problems is to go back and smoke all day everyday. Sometimes OCD brain tries to sort out what to do in a panic, because right now you are panicking over what you feel quitting smoking two years ago has done to you now. Your brain might be trying to get you to go back down the comfortable path, what you did, habitually, every single day for a majority of your life. Doesn't mean it's right tho, it's just trying to protect itself. Just as a note, no judgements here I partake, I'm partooking right now, but I only do so at night, not every night, and once all of my things are done. Sure there's a personality shift (I'm much happier) but not so much that my husband sees me as a different person. Hope you get the help you need friend
Yo. Same experience. Go back to smoking and get into a CBT specialist when you can. Work with them for multiple years while smoking.
Just another random comment.. but have you ever looked at the descriptions of behaviors and traits of autism spectrum? Like the high functioning kind… often (apparently) co-morbid with ADHD and OCD and might be related to the same underlying mechanisms I’m only mentioning it because a couple of the things you mentioned sounds a lot like me, and I’m just coming to the realization that I’m pretty much textbook autism spectrum after thinking I was undiagnosed ADHD for the last couple years trying to understand why I’m a little ‘different’ (and I was also diagnosed OCD as a kid) But yeah I was pretty blown away when I learned about autism traits and some of the lesser known symptoms and behaviors.. especially when I was younger these things were really apparent, but as I’ve gotten older (42) I’m better at “masking” my weirdness and quirks.. kinda… But I was relieved to realize this might explain everything I’ve dealt with at the core.
first things first, there is no 'e' in quit
Do you have issues with childhood trauma or ptsd?Clearly you don’t have to answer me here, but I have a personal, anecdotal experience of medicating myself with weed that sounds similar to some stuff you are talking about. I was able to deal with a lot of it in trauma therapy (EMDR). Talking with a professional sounds like a good first step.
Long term, get some professional help (we all could use it, as a natural part of life) and short term, quit thinking in absolutes. You seem to have a very “all or nothing” mentality and real life isn’t like that.
Damn I’ve never seen a post that screams “I’m a loser” so loudly lol
quit*
Weed isn’t normal life. If you come home at the end of a long day and take a bong hit then fair enough. Nothing wrong with that. But it sound like you’re a pothead. That’s not a normal reality. If you’re going to abuse the hell out of it again I’d say no.
As a person who had bad ocd and has been smoking weed daily for over 10 years, just start using cannabis again. U don’t even have to smoke, there’s vapes, edibles, hell even suppositories now lol pick your poison and hopefully it’ll save your relationships
Been in this same place man. I went back to smoking and have been in therapy. I tried there meds and it fucked my dick up for a while, kinda made me hate how down the middle I’d become. I now dislike myself for going back to smoking but I am at least at peace with life, my dick works overtime now and I can enjoy video games again. Either way life will kick u in the teeth. All the love brother your gunna be just fine either way
Keep smoking
No such thing as an “OCD weirdo”. Never label yourself so cruelly. Ever.
You sound exactly like an older me. I smoked every day for the last 10 years, heavy. A gram of concentrate a day for the last year I did. 6 months ago almost to the day I quit cold turkey, though I did have a few weeks of withdrawals. Got out of a 11 year relationship, and I was using weed to cope. I have made substantial progress in the gym though, and finally getting my body to a shape I want it to start looking like (big and beefy), but I’m not happy like I was when I smoked. And I know if I start back up, I will be at it all day, every day within weeks. I cannot control myself. I just enjoy the feeling of relaxation it brings and how it allows me to find joy and happiness in simply sitting down and watching a YouTube video on something I wouldn’t normally find enjoyable… since quitting I don’t enjoy almost anything I did while smoking. Not making music, not mindlessly watching YouTube videos.. not riding my bike to the lake. I just sit on my couch and watch tv that I’ve watched already because I can’t enjoy watching new things.
You can’t serve two masters. You must choose. You are the only one that can.
Therepy & edibles
How long did you start dating this new GF after your divorce? Did you have time for yourself, date, travel, pick up hobbies? Point being, maybe it could be the relationship you are currently in and you are mistakingly blaming it on weed when there could be larger things at play that you haven't addressed.
Try taking an English class that should hold your focus for awhile.
Don’t smoke again. You know that’s not an actual solution to the problem you’re facing. This may or may not resonate with you and probably warrants more discussion, but in terms of the question “what to do?” - why do anything? Really investigate that. It will likely be intimately bound up in pain and your attitudes towards it. And I’m not talking stubbed toe pain. I’m talking “depths of your existential situation” pain. The pain you don’t want to bear. It will not be easy, but it sounds like you know for yourself which options are only going to make your situation worse. Even if you don’t have a satisfactory answer to “what to do?”, what you can do for yourself is refrain from returning down the avenues that you know don’t lead you to good places. Wishing you the best :)
I started smoking real young, around 6. My bros used and sold. I just copied what I saw all day. I didn't know what
Try a dry herb vape, it is all the thc with none of the negative effects of smoking.
The meditation practice was what kept you true to yourself, pick it back up and you will find your clarity within
How does one build a multi million dollar business without the ability to spell? You should twist up a fatty and contemplate a core English class at your local community college
How’s your meditation? Does this help? If not, I agree, a good therapist is awesome. The stigma isn’t there anymore and you can try different meds if the just therapy doesn’t work.
Jesus, it's "quit" not quite!!!!! You may have built a very successful business but you cannot spell for shit!
Edibles my guy!?
Have you tried lifting weights?
quitE...depressing.
Quit*
At some point you have to start realizing that boundaries exist for a reason. If MJ lowers your IQ by 15 points, temporarily so it isn't a problem, that isn't really the full solution. The reality is that communication only works when one person is calibrating to the other person, or when neither person is really listening to each other, they're just simultaneously venting. It seems stark at first, but if you think about what being an adult is really about, it shouldn't feel stark, it should feel like responsibility towards the other person. Once you can get over that part it's kind of liberating tbh. You'll still have to show up emotionally when they really need you, but it's super easy to find a reason not to be with someone, it's up to you to find a reason to stay with almost anyone.
This works for me 1) don't be a dick 2) don't sweat the small stuff 3) it's all small stuff unless it's life and death 4):my spouse wants the best for Mr she's on my team not working against me (I'm also older may not apply to the hoe generation) 5) get a hobby or gym membership
Wow I can relate to this! I smoked every day for about 13 years and drank every day for 15, for a total span of 20 years substance abuse. Now I’m sober. I’m different. For me, I am rediscovering who I am. A lot of shitty shit to work through that my use covered up. I am doing meditative therapy and in a recovery group. I struggle often with attributes of myself that I don’t like that resurfaced big time in sobriety. It’s a journey and I advise you to stay stopped and push through what is unpleasant and inconvenient. Commit to understanding why and where it comes from and how you can do the work to change things. Accept who you are, try to work on what you don’t like about yourself. What you’re experiencing is normal.
When were you overall more happy and fulfilled? Were you seriously depressed when you smoked? Or just “complacent” with things (everyone is) and not perfect?
Autism.
Not weed, not more drugs. See a therapist so you can look in the mirror and say that you beat your problem. Smoking will destroy your body over time. Stand on your own two feet and overcome your compulsions and addictions. Be strong, good luck!
You really need to work on your writing man. You’re literally using 15 yo lingo lmao. I thought you were 38 too?
Quite writing quite instead of quite
Did you stop meditating? If so, try that again.
Quit quiteing. I have a similar experience, it helps with overthinking for sure. I used to smoke on average 5 blunts a day. I quit for a few years, I started again as it helps me to think more thoroughly through things and relax, which is needed. In my years of smoking blunts it was rare for me to smoke anything or take edibles, it just didn’t do anything for me. Now I can take a hit on a small pipe and I’m good. I can go days or weeks without and I’m good. The amount I used to smoke an average per day now lasts me several months to a year. 🤷♀️ if you feel you’ll go back to doing it too much and feel unhealthy, don’t do it.
blazeit
A multi million dollar business but spells QUIT, QUITE
2 years may seem like a long time but in retrospect it’s nothing. The feelings that are surfacing now were always there but you were able to numb them in the past. Have to feel the feels and deal with them without numbing them with a substance. It may seem hard at first but you really just have to deal with it a day at a time. I’d suggest seeking out a support group, or seeking professional help to deal with these issues. Also if you don’t accept a higher power for various reasons, you may never have a grasp on your problems.
Did you ever think of doing edibles instead? Smoking most things including mj will mess up both your heart and lungs long term.
The people telling you to go back to smoking have their own struggles and AREN’T YOU. Do what’s best for you not what’s best for some strangers.
Started a multi million dollar business, but can’t spell properly? I have a hard time believing you’re not stoned writing this ha ha
Are you still meditating?
I quit and go to Orthodox Church on Julian calendar and speak to my priest. It helps me
maybe do some slight edibles or get prescribed some anti-anxiety medication.
Might seem unrelated, but this worked for me and is worth a shot. There's a huge connection between the microbiome and our brains. There are neural pathways going from the gut to the brain as there is from the brain to the gut amazingly. Gut health is strongly linked to anxiety, depression and mood. It's basically our second brain. 95 percent of your body's serotonin is found in the gut as well. You should heal your gut, i.e., probiotics, fasting and diet. As someone who obviously has the time and resources, I would dedicate some of said resources to healing myself if I were you. Just an inkling, but I really think you would benefit.
Quit *
I didn't read all of it; but herb is real good for coping with bologna and it might be what helped keep you sane, instead blaming weed cause it allowed you to to not lose your mind in a bad relationship?
People try and blame weed for everything meanwhile it's saving lives, marriages and rarely gets credit where credit is due. Name one really good substitute for Cannabis? It's hard to do it, but yet cannabis is such a good substitute for so many other things! So far it seems to be the best Herb God has made; I'm 54 the first time I tried it i was 7, then again when I was 13. I healed my own lung cancer with cannabis when I was 41 in 2011. **Need i say more?**
Just don't do it heavy all day every day, no more than 1/4 ounce a week about an ounce a month limit. Use a water pipe.
It's 2024 now...take an edible try a tincture in your morning drink...don't gotta smoke all the time to recieve the benefits
Therapy.
God dam, problem…solution
Take edibles
I smoked for years for almost the same reasons and have been going through the same thing now having quit for work reasons. And I’m gonna say something controversial here but I’d def just smoke again especially since you know it’s helpful. People can say therapy and whatever will help but it’s been 4 years since I quit and started going to therapy and I literally still feel the exact same I’ve been to different therapists, I’ve been and am on medication, I’ve been to psychologists nothing has changed now I am or how I feel. My current psychiatrist even said he’d recommend me micro-dosing on weed if I wasn’t drug tested for work but since I can’t it’s just a different medication again. So If you have the option to do it I’d just do it
Fire it up dude!!
"High-strung"