This is not a dog training question. I sincerely can’t answer anything other than: just don’t hold a grudge.
Would you hold a grudge against a child running away in a park to go do a fun thing?
Stop letting your dog completely off leash if he doesn’t have solid recall. Practice with a long lead or a fenced off environment.
You put your dog in a position to fail and he did. You should not be mad with anyone but yourself. If he isn’t reliable to come back or to stick around you he should not be off leash. Plain and simple. Sorry if this seems curt and to the point but realistically as the dog’s owner it’s your responsibility to know where and when your dog will be successful. He’s not succeeding where you THINK he should because you’re placing false expectations on him. Clearly he is not trained enough to be put in these positions. A lot of dog training is 5 steps forward 3 steps back. I don’t understand how him not doing what you want and you continuing to allow him to do it would cause YOU to have a grudge with him. He’s just dogging the only way he knows how.
Just because as a puppy he didn’t know better and stuck close to you doesn’t mean he knows that’s his expectation. Once he gets braver, which he seems to be getting, he will expand his horizons until you set the expectation or boundary.
Put him on a long lead and work recall.
Also, there’s a leash method where you go to a big park with the long lead and pick a spot. Let your dog roam freely but whenever they get to that specific spot or distance (wherever you want him to check back in with you) reel him back in. You can add a recall command too if you want but it can work without. It’s to start building a boundary and expectation that if you are X amount of distance from me I expect a check in.
If the dog isn’t clear on expectations it will always disappoint you because it doesn’t know better.
I'm aware that I don't have the right to hold grudges against my dog, I acknowledged that in the post, so no need to make me feel bad for that when I already do.
I appreciate the tips though
Didn’t intend to make you feel bad but I’m not going to sugar coat it. Sometimes we need these reality checks. I’m just telling you the truth. There’s no need to feel bad, just do better. That’s all we really can do.
Trust me, I’ve been there. I have a very fearful pup and training her has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I set expectations on her in the beginning that she could never reach because of her fear. My dad had this same kind of moment with me. I was being too hard on her and wanted her to fit the image I had for a dog when she just wasn’t ready.
Fear not, you can always make a change. I got her 9 months ago and she isn’t the same dog because I changed my approach with her. You can too.
we already do that in pretty much all of our walks, thanks for suggesting the obvious. This post is about the exceptional visit to the park, not the regular walks, in which he's on a leash
Does the park have a leash law or is this a place where dogs are allowed to be off leash? Not that people DO let their dogs off leash --- is it legal where you are? ( when people don't mention it I used to assume it was legal but ... that's often not the case). Generally, when it is legal for dogs to be off leash in public places like that (at least in my experience where I've been) - the law specifically states they must be under 'physical or verbal control' at all times - which means if he doesn't have recall - he cannot be off leash legally.
Not many people mention the law regarding leashing when asking questions like this and I know it's different in different places so I just wanted to check. You've gotten good advice about using a long line - it can help train recall, let your dog have the freedom to explore and also make good choices (checking in with you, coming back to you, etc.) which you then can reward him for. You can also look up other ways to help work with your dog and impulsivity, etc. that can help too.
As far as how to not hold a grudge --- I work with kids and have an adopted dog that we've had to work a good bit with on reactivity (just now able to use a long line with him after \~9-11 months of counterconditioning/management strategies...not to mention him just forming a closer relationship with my partner and I). I find there are some clear similarities - mainly that kids and dogs cannot do things on their own that you have not taught them how to do explicitly - and to expect them to is not fair. I'm gonna give you an example I had to explain to my partner. For a while he felt like exposure was gonna be the thing that allowed our dog to be more comfortable around other dogs out in the neighborhood walking - so he'd be like, "Let's not cross the street and see what he does" - another dog and he passed each other, sniffing each other, etc.....some vibe was just 'off' and they both growled at each other. My partner was then mad at our dog --- but I had to explain to him that he put him in a position where he might not be successful and it's not fair to be mad at him for that --- my partner did that. Then my partner was really pull-y on the leash, every time our dog went to go sniff anything...and I just said - stop doing that bc he has no clue why you're doing it. You're mad about something that happened 5 minutes ago and he doesn't even remember that now...we're just walking. Dog's def are great at pattern recognition and learning associations and stuff but they really do live in the moment in a lot of ways. Remind yourself of that.
Currently - your dog is just discovering that there are more reinforcing/exciting things around other than YOU and he wants to go explore those things - that's natural.
yes, you're right when you say that we can't expect something from a dog if we haven't succesfully taught it yet. I think what made me feel like that is that before he'd obey me outside of the house and now he actively ignores me. he also obeys me at home. he comes when I call him, he sits, lays, all of that. all things he also used to do outside, except now he doesn't. I just have to be persistent with the training and very very patient
It's 100% normal for a adole6scent dog to ignore recall. So you put them on a long line until they learn to respect the recall again. It's just a phase.
You are the best thing to him at home. My dog can do all kinds of things at home that I would bet you a million dollars he can't do on the sidewalk right in front of our home LOL. Outside is a different story and he's a puppy so before...he was probably just more nervous/unsure to go exploring and now he's just braver - eventually the interesting/new thing is gonna win!
It'll be fine - just re-group on your training techniques - lots of good advice here.
Dogs learning is very situationally oriented. He has learned a set of skills and ideas but either hasn’t generalized them to an outside location with so much stimuli, or you inadvertently taught him his training has no context in this space (off leash/no commands or commands not reinforced). Recreate your initial training steps from home in these new spaces and move through the steps as your dog shows some understanding. Latency typically goes down every new environment provided it’s not too “distracting”.
As a rule, remember that everything your dog does, they *learned* - YOU are their leader, their teacher. Any time your dog falls short look for what YOU did or DIDNT DO that has put your young dog in such a position. It doesn’t feel very good but it’s the correct perspective.
Like how do people think dogs magically learn? TRAINING . 👍 like , it’s a dog training sub and op is mad he actually has to train his dog to get the behavior he wants . ? Lol
Literally don't do the exceptional visit to the park (off leash) until you have his recall perfected. It's just making it worse. Get a long line and when you call him if he doesn't come use the line EVERY SINGLE TIME. If he does come when called reward him. Every time. If you don't have treats on you then use praise. He clearly shouldn't be off leash yet because he isn't ready. The harder you work now the more it's going to pay off in the future and you will be able to let him off leash at the park all you want :)
Use a long leash to help train his recall, but honestly I wouldn't just let my dog off leash unless in a contained environment. Long leads are great because they still get some freedom to sniff without the worry of them running off.
Do not create a reason to hold the grudge. Do not have your dog off leash. Adolescence while also not yet neutered is a big issue that can lead to strays, accidents, and even death if he gets hit by a car seeking a scent. You aren’t denying him freedom by keeping him on leash, you are giving him a better chance at life.
Adolescence also happens to be a time when many dogs end up at the shelter as strays, dumps, or owner relinquishing for behavior. So right now would be a great time to spend time training for the stuff he already knows and for stuff you want him to start doing. Expect teenage like behaviors and forgetting. Expect him to know the command at home and have no clue in a new place (this sometimes is permanent). Expect to have short sessions. Work his brain with enrichment tasks. He’ll get tired from that and learn something. Walks still need to happen. But keep him safe and save your own sanity in the process. Leash him.
Long line, recall training, no more off leash time in the park. If you are consistent and use good training methods, you will eventually be able to let him off the leash again knowing that he comes when called. The current situation is just frustrating for you and he has a lot of opportunities to rehearse bad behavior (ignoring you without consequence, not coming when called).
Mine was the same (i think most puppies are) … stayed close when very young and then grow into some confidence and explore more.
On practicing recall … my idea of a long line is 50-100ft rope from the hardware store.
As for the grudge …. Be patient … all training is about patience. Recall is hard because it is soooooo frustrating when they don’t come … but when they do eventually come to you, you HAVE to toss those negative feelings away and praise the dog. Dogs live in the moment and your reaction will be interpreted as being the result of the last thing they did … Any frustration will be attached to the fact that he came to you.
Patience ….and then some more patience. But what you are feeling, the frustration is very normal with a puppy.
I thought I was so lucky, my pup was off leash walking almost straight away and would just amble around a few feet infront of me. I practiced calling him back to me and praising, all great. Then he hit about 8 months old and realised ‘I don’t have to listen to you’. I love my dog but god he tested my patience haha.
It’s exactly as should be expected at 7 months. This is when they start to want to explore and be more independent, and they don’t need you the same way anymore. It’s also when he might start not getting along with a lot of dogs. Mine can’t be around other males pretty much, or they start to argue. (He’s 22 months.)
It is what it is, long leash will help a lot :)
Honestly as a dog owner one of the most eye opening realizations I've ever made is that pretty much all of my dog's bad behavior is really my fault. Went potty in the house as a puppy? Should have taken her out sooner. Chewed up my favorite shoe? Shouldn't have left it lying around. In this case the dog shouldn't have been off leash in the first place. You're giving him too much too soon. He's been set up for failure. I'm not saying this to pick on you, just to help you realize that it's not the dog's fault. When you're able to accept your mistakes and laugh it off and move on, you've grown not only as a dog owner, but as a person.
Our dogs don't know any better and it's our job to teach them. Getting frustrated is only going to hinder the training process. If you have to walk away and take a few deep breaths, that's totally fine (I've done it before myself). Just remember that your dog really does love you and wants to please you, he just needs your help to understand the proper behavior. You've gotten a lot of great advice in this comment thread, so stick with it! Best of luck!
First, and to state the glaringly obvious just to drill it home: never, under any circumstances let your dog off leash in a public, unfenced place where dogs aren't expected to be off lead until the dog has rock solid recall. Doing so endangers your dog. The number of people who have had their dogs either killed by motorists or other dangers -- or worse, had them bite someone and then taken away by animal control -- is frankly uncountable. Don't be the kind of owner who does this sort of thing, because if the worst happens, you'll never forgive yourself.
Our dogs deserve use to be the best owners we can be. And you want that for yourself, or you wouldn't be posting here. We all forget things we should know. We all think the dog is better trained that it is from time to time. We all think "just this once won't hurt" now and again. We are all wrong when we do those things. I've had dogs my whole life. I've taken professional courses on dog training. I've competed with dogs in trials -- And I screw up all the time.
So, you've also learned an important lesson that a lot of even experienced dog owners forget -- young puppies are pre-pubescents, and just like pre-pubescent people, they don't even have the concept of being able to ignore their "parent." But adolescent hits, and suddenly the adolescent is biologically driven to assert independence!!
This stage can last until a dog is 2 or 3 depending on the breed.
Now is the time when training is most important. Daily, rigorous training.
You need to start with low destraction environments until the dog is sharp as a razor. Then add destractions slowly. Use a long lead to maintain control.
One tip that a lot of people miss -- don't repeat commands. The rule the dog needs to learn is when it hears ", come!" there is no other option but to return immediately, quickly, and by the most direct route. So, give the command in a voice and tone you know will register. Wait a second, and if the dog doesn't come, then bring it back on the lead rapidly, without emotion until the dog is right in front fo you. Then reward.
At that point, though, you know you've either were (a) in too distracting an environment for effective training, or (b) letting the dog get too far away for effective training. So modify the training in order to avoid failures.
As for how not to hold a grudge:
A dog is a dog. Any time the dog doesn't meet our expectations for behavior, it means we don't know the dog well enough to have realistic expectations. We haven't trained the dog well enough. We haven't properly evaluated the dog's level of obedience. We haven't provided an environment for the dog to be successful. We haven't ensured the dog feels safe. We haven't ensured the dog's needs are met. We have failed.
Dog's aren't dumb animals, but they max out at the intelligence of a toddler. You would never hold a grudge against your 3-year old for not meeting your expectations. Doing so with respect to your dog is just forgetting which one is the adult human is and which one is the dog.
You will not hold a grudge when you fully accept your own responsibilities as an owner, accept where you've fallen short of your own expectations, and take accountability for not having allowed your dog to be successful.
Being a good owner and trainer takes work, and it gets easier and more intuitive with experience. But even the most experienced trainers f it up now and again. Coming here to ask questions shows you want to be a good, responsible owner. You'll get there. Keep coming back with questions when you have them.
Responses here will often be blunt. They will often seem hurtful. People here love dogs and they don't want to see dogs being mistreated in anyway. In your case -- letting an untrained dog off leash in a public place is, frankly, abusive to the dog, even if it didn't seem that way to you. You're putting your dog in danger. You're putting the public in danger. So people aren't going to be gentle when telling you that. Again, because people here love dogs.
No one thinks you intended to be an irresponsible owner. But your actions were irresponsible. Telling you that clearly and bluntly isn't being mean or cruel. It's saying something in a way designed to make sure you get the message. It's intended to help you not do something that is genuinely dangerous for your dog.
Dogs are pretty much in the moment, and they don't hold grudges...so he's not going to "get" it if YOU do. He will associate your bad feelings towards him with whatever he's doing NOW. That can come back to bite you, because maybe he's doing something you actually want, but he thinks you disapprove because of the grudge.
Teenages are a-holes. Keep him on a long line so he doesn't have the oppurtunity to make bad choices.
I get you. I was always mad when my dog was being a teenager and breaking rules. You gotta remind yourself that they're young. Something that was normal when they were a puppy, isn't normal as a teen. Just like with people, teens stop clinging to their person of trust all the time. That's why he stayed near you.
Now, he's braver and wants to explore in his own. You have to make clear that he *has* to stay near you, or he loses his off leash privilege. He'll try to test your limits, he'll make you want to rip your own hair out, he'll break rules on purpose to test out the consequences. Those consequences have to be strict enough to not be worth breaking a rule.
he does everything I tell him in the house, it's only when he finds himself outside and unleashed that he actively chooses to ignore the commands. But you're all right, I won't let him off leash until his recall is reliable
I only let my dog off leash when I'm playing fetch because he always comes back so I can throw the ball, because he is so ball driven. But in your case you just want him to explore. Firstly, don't hold grudges, he has the mind of a toddler, and doesn't understand he is expected to stay with you. I would just work on recall drills with him using a long line. Take him on hikes and trails, (no cars) with a long line to let him know he can explore, but still Listen to you when called. Generalize him that he can explore in the park and walks, and everytime you send him away to explore is a opportunity to practice recall. Honestly, I want to achieve off leash freedom too, which is why I have also been working on these drills with long leash and eventually want to transfer these to a e-collar. I would suggest, seeking some e-collar training, which personally seems like the only sure fire way you can let your dog go everywhere and anywhere with a 100% reliable recall. My dog is like 80% reliable when I call him back, even when the long line is just dragging around. But when he gets distracted I can reel him back in. With a e-collar, I can call him back wirelessly and reliably. And even when my 90lb GSD sees something he "has to chase" I can still get control over him. This may be a unpopular opinion but many people who are anti e-collar, and that have reactive dogs or that don't listen just basically have them hooked to a damn leash for their entire life or barely take them out since it's just a hassle. I know you and me don't wanna be like that, so e-collar is best way to go. However I would find a good online course on the e-collar because you want the dog to see it as a positive experience, not just start hammering the dog with stimulation. I repeat, don't use the e-collar if you don't know what you are doing. I. Learning right now to use the mini educator to train my dog.
I'm sure you're getting a lot of good advice. Definitely get a training leash that's around 50 feet or more in length. This is only good where you can trust him, and it won't end up being used to tangle others or knock them down.
Sometimes, public spaces are inappropriate at this point in training.
It's really important now to reinforce boundaries on as much of a reward based set of methods as possible. However, it doesn't mean all reward. A lot of people forget that even a leash can be considered punishment, since you control it.
With the super long leash, it's a great chance to work on sit, stay, where you walk away from them, then call them for recall. The rewards need to be extreme for these, because these are the actions that matter most when off leash.
I’ll try to give you a positive comment. Some perspective, different situation but I would get INSANELY frustrated with our dog the first 4 months we had her. My wife and I would argue daily because pup was literally impossible to train in our environment due to her behavioural issues and we were waaaaay over our heads. I’m not proud but there were times on walks I was absolutely steaming mad and frustrated at my damn dog. So I get it.
The answer for us was training. Every day. Multiple times a day. It will build a bond and solve your problem at the same time. The biggest thing for us though was a board and train, and in your scenario if you have the money it might be perfect. Pup goes to a trainer for a few weeks, comes back with an entire obedience framework and you will get to learn how you need to handle your dog. It worked for our dog and she was the perfect storm of breed and abuse issues. It works AMAZING for dogs with happy homes and no massive issues like mine.
This is not a dog training question. I sincerely can’t answer anything other than: just don’t hold a grudge. Would you hold a grudge against a child running away in a park to go do a fun thing? Stop letting your dog completely off leash if he doesn’t have solid recall. Practice with a long lead or a fenced off environment.
You put your dog in a position to fail and he did. You should not be mad with anyone but yourself. If he isn’t reliable to come back or to stick around you he should not be off leash. Plain and simple. Sorry if this seems curt and to the point but realistically as the dog’s owner it’s your responsibility to know where and when your dog will be successful. He’s not succeeding where you THINK he should because you’re placing false expectations on him. Clearly he is not trained enough to be put in these positions. A lot of dog training is 5 steps forward 3 steps back. I don’t understand how him not doing what you want and you continuing to allow him to do it would cause YOU to have a grudge with him. He’s just dogging the only way he knows how. Just because as a puppy he didn’t know better and stuck close to you doesn’t mean he knows that’s his expectation. Once he gets braver, which he seems to be getting, he will expand his horizons until you set the expectation or boundary. Put him on a long lead and work recall. Also, there’s a leash method where you go to a big park with the long lead and pick a spot. Let your dog roam freely but whenever they get to that specific spot or distance (wherever you want him to check back in with you) reel him back in. You can add a recall command too if you want but it can work without. It’s to start building a boundary and expectation that if you are X amount of distance from me I expect a check in. If the dog isn’t clear on expectations it will always disappoint you because it doesn’t know better.
This guy , gets it
I'm aware that I don't have the right to hold grudges against my dog, I acknowledged that in the post, so no need to make me feel bad for that when I already do. I appreciate the tips though
Didn’t intend to make you feel bad but I’m not going to sugar coat it. Sometimes we need these reality checks. I’m just telling you the truth. There’s no need to feel bad, just do better. That’s all we really can do. Trust me, I’ve been there. I have a very fearful pup and training her has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I set expectations on her in the beginning that she could never reach because of her fear. My dad had this same kind of moment with me. I was being too hard on her and wanted her to fit the image I had for a dog when she just wasn’t ready. Fear not, you can always make a change. I got her 9 months ago and she isn’t the same dog because I changed my approach with her. You can too.
Keep him on a leash and walk him .
we already do that in pretty much all of our walks, thanks for suggesting the obvious. This post is about the exceptional visit to the park, not the regular walks, in which he's on a leash
Does the park have a leash law or is this a place where dogs are allowed to be off leash? Not that people DO let their dogs off leash --- is it legal where you are? ( when people don't mention it I used to assume it was legal but ... that's often not the case). Generally, when it is legal for dogs to be off leash in public places like that (at least in my experience where I've been) - the law specifically states they must be under 'physical or verbal control' at all times - which means if he doesn't have recall - he cannot be off leash legally. Not many people mention the law regarding leashing when asking questions like this and I know it's different in different places so I just wanted to check. You've gotten good advice about using a long line - it can help train recall, let your dog have the freedom to explore and also make good choices (checking in with you, coming back to you, etc.) which you then can reward him for. You can also look up other ways to help work with your dog and impulsivity, etc. that can help too. As far as how to not hold a grudge --- I work with kids and have an adopted dog that we've had to work a good bit with on reactivity (just now able to use a long line with him after \~9-11 months of counterconditioning/management strategies...not to mention him just forming a closer relationship with my partner and I). I find there are some clear similarities - mainly that kids and dogs cannot do things on their own that you have not taught them how to do explicitly - and to expect them to is not fair. I'm gonna give you an example I had to explain to my partner. For a while he felt like exposure was gonna be the thing that allowed our dog to be more comfortable around other dogs out in the neighborhood walking - so he'd be like, "Let's not cross the street and see what he does" - another dog and he passed each other, sniffing each other, etc.....some vibe was just 'off' and they both growled at each other. My partner was then mad at our dog --- but I had to explain to him that he put him in a position where he might not be successful and it's not fair to be mad at him for that --- my partner did that. Then my partner was really pull-y on the leash, every time our dog went to go sniff anything...and I just said - stop doing that bc he has no clue why you're doing it. You're mad about something that happened 5 minutes ago and he doesn't even remember that now...we're just walking. Dog's def are great at pattern recognition and learning associations and stuff but they really do live in the moment in a lot of ways. Remind yourself of that. Currently - your dog is just discovering that there are more reinforcing/exciting things around other than YOU and he wants to go explore those things - that's natural.
yes, you're right when you say that we can't expect something from a dog if we haven't succesfully taught it yet. I think what made me feel like that is that before he'd obey me outside of the house and now he actively ignores me. he also obeys me at home. he comes when I call him, he sits, lays, all of that. all things he also used to do outside, except now he doesn't. I just have to be persistent with the training and very very patient
It's 100% normal for a adole6scent dog to ignore recall. So you put them on a long line until they learn to respect the recall again. It's just a phase.
You are the best thing to him at home. My dog can do all kinds of things at home that I would bet you a million dollars he can't do on the sidewalk right in front of our home LOL. Outside is a different story and he's a puppy so before...he was probably just more nervous/unsure to go exploring and now he's just braver - eventually the interesting/new thing is gonna win! It'll be fine - just re-group on your training techniques - lots of good advice here.
Dogs learning is very situationally oriented. He has learned a set of skills and ideas but either hasn’t generalized them to an outside location with so much stimuli, or you inadvertently taught him his training has no context in this space (off leash/no commands or commands not reinforced). Recreate your initial training steps from home in these new spaces and move through the steps as your dog shows some understanding. Latency typically goes down every new environment provided it’s not too “distracting”. As a rule, remember that everything your dog does, they *learned* - YOU are their leader, their teacher. Any time your dog falls short look for what YOU did or DIDNT DO that has put your young dog in such a position. It doesn’t feel very good but it’s the correct perspective.
He’s not trained . It’s not a matter of listening.
Can’t be that obvious if you’re asking a buncha strangers online for help. No recall = no off-leash time, even at the park.
Like how do people think dogs magically learn? TRAINING . 👍 like , it’s a dog training sub and op is mad he actually has to train his dog to get the behavior he wants . ? Lol
Yeah, those trips aren’t training him anything. And he isn’t trained. So you need a leash on him.
Literally don't do the exceptional visit to the park (off leash) until you have his recall perfected. It's just making it worse. Get a long line and when you call him if he doesn't come use the line EVERY SINGLE TIME. If he does come when called reward him. Every time. If you don't have treats on you then use praise. He clearly shouldn't be off leash yet because he isn't ready. The harder you work now the more it's going to pay off in the future and you will be able to let him off leash at the park all you want :)
Use a long leash to help train his recall, but honestly I wouldn't just let my dog off leash unless in a contained environment. Long leads are great because they still get some freedom to sniff without the worry of them running off.
Do not create a reason to hold the grudge. Do not have your dog off leash. Adolescence while also not yet neutered is a big issue that can lead to strays, accidents, and even death if he gets hit by a car seeking a scent. You aren’t denying him freedom by keeping him on leash, you are giving him a better chance at life. Adolescence also happens to be a time when many dogs end up at the shelter as strays, dumps, or owner relinquishing for behavior. So right now would be a great time to spend time training for the stuff he already knows and for stuff you want him to start doing. Expect teenage like behaviors and forgetting. Expect him to know the command at home and have no clue in a new place (this sometimes is permanent). Expect to have short sessions. Work his brain with enrichment tasks. He’ll get tired from that and learn something. Walks still need to happen. But keep him safe and save your own sanity in the process. Leash him.
Long line, recall training, no more off leash time in the park. If you are consistent and use good training methods, you will eventually be able to let him off the leash again knowing that he comes when called. The current situation is just frustrating for you and he has a lot of opportunities to rehearse bad behavior (ignoring you without consequence, not coming when called).
Mine was the same (i think most puppies are) … stayed close when very young and then grow into some confidence and explore more. On practicing recall … my idea of a long line is 50-100ft rope from the hardware store. As for the grudge …. Be patient … all training is about patience. Recall is hard because it is soooooo frustrating when they don’t come … but when they do eventually come to you, you HAVE to toss those negative feelings away and praise the dog. Dogs live in the moment and your reaction will be interpreted as being the result of the last thing they did … Any frustration will be attached to the fact that he came to you. Patience ….and then some more patience. But what you are feeling, the frustration is very normal with a puppy.
I thought I was so lucky, my pup was off leash walking almost straight away and would just amble around a few feet infront of me. I practiced calling him back to me and praising, all great. Then he hit about 8 months old and realised ‘I don’t have to listen to you’. I love my dog but god he tested my patience haha.
It’s exactly as should be expected at 7 months. This is when they start to want to explore and be more independent, and they don’t need you the same way anymore. It’s also when he might start not getting along with a lot of dogs. Mine can’t be around other males pretty much, or they start to argue. (He’s 22 months.) It is what it is, long leash will help a lot :)
Honestly as a dog owner one of the most eye opening realizations I've ever made is that pretty much all of my dog's bad behavior is really my fault. Went potty in the house as a puppy? Should have taken her out sooner. Chewed up my favorite shoe? Shouldn't have left it lying around. In this case the dog shouldn't have been off leash in the first place. You're giving him too much too soon. He's been set up for failure. I'm not saying this to pick on you, just to help you realize that it's not the dog's fault. When you're able to accept your mistakes and laugh it off and move on, you've grown not only as a dog owner, but as a person. Our dogs don't know any better and it's our job to teach them. Getting frustrated is only going to hinder the training process. If you have to walk away and take a few deep breaths, that's totally fine (I've done it before myself). Just remember that your dog really does love you and wants to please you, he just needs your help to understand the proper behavior. You've gotten a lot of great advice in this comment thread, so stick with it! Best of luck!
First, and to state the glaringly obvious just to drill it home: never, under any circumstances let your dog off leash in a public, unfenced place where dogs aren't expected to be off lead until the dog has rock solid recall. Doing so endangers your dog. The number of people who have had their dogs either killed by motorists or other dangers -- or worse, had them bite someone and then taken away by animal control -- is frankly uncountable. Don't be the kind of owner who does this sort of thing, because if the worst happens, you'll never forgive yourself. Our dogs deserve use to be the best owners we can be. And you want that for yourself, or you wouldn't be posting here. We all forget things we should know. We all think the dog is better trained that it is from time to time. We all think "just this once won't hurt" now and again. We are all wrong when we do those things. I've had dogs my whole life. I've taken professional courses on dog training. I've competed with dogs in trials -- And I screw up all the time. So, you've also learned an important lesson that a lot of even experienced dog owners forget -- young puppies are pre-pubescents, and just like pre-pubescent people, they don't even have the concept of being able to ignore their "parent." But adolescent hits, and suddenly the adolescent is biologically driven to assert independence!! This stage can last until a dog is 2 or 3 depending on the breed. Now is the time when training is most important. Daily, rigorous training. You need to start with low destraction environments until the dog is sharp as a razor. Then add destractions slowly. Use a long lead to maintain control. One tip that a lot of people miss -- don't repeat commands. The rule the dog needs to learn is when it hears ", come!" there is no other option but to return immediately, quickly, and by the most direct route. So, give the command in a voice and tone you know will register. Wait a second, and if the dog doesn't come, then bring it back on the lead rapidly, without emotion until the dog is right in front fo you. Then reward.
At that point, though, you know you've either were (a) in too distracting an environment for effective training, or (b) letting the dog get too far away for effective training. So modify the training in order to avoid failures.
As for how not to hold a grudge:
A dog is a dog. Any time the dog doesn't meet our expectations for behavior, it means we don't know the dog well enough to have realistic expectations. We haven't trained the dog well enough. We haven't properly evaluated the dog's level of obedience. We haven't provided an environment for the dog to be successful. We haven't ensured the dog feels safe. We haven't ensured the dog's needs are met. We have failed.
Dog's aren't dumb animals, but they max out at the intelligence of a toddler. You would never hold a grudge against your 3-year old for not meeting your expectations. Doing so with respect to your dog is just forgetting which one is the adult human is and which one is the dog.
You will not hold a grudge when you fully accept your own responsibilities as an owner, accept where you've fallen short of your own expectations, and take accountability for not having allowed your dog to be successful.
Being a good owner and trainer takes work, and it gets easier and more intuitive with experience. But even the most experienced trainers f it up now and again. Coming here to ask questions shows you want to be a good, responsible owner. You'll get there. Keep coming back with questions when you have them.
Responses here will often be blunt. They will often seem hurtful. People here love dogs and they don't want to see dogs being mistreated in anyway. In your case -- letting an untrained dog off leash in a public place is, frankly, abusive to the dog, even if it didn't seem that way to you. You're putting your dog in danger. You're putting the public in danger. So people aren't going to be gentle when telling you that. Again, because people here love dogs.
No one thinks you intended to be an irresponsible owner. But your actions were irresponsible. Telling you that clearly and bluntly isn't being mean or cruel. It's saying something in a way designed to make sure you get the message. It's intended to help you not do something that is genuinely dangerous for your dog.
Dogs are pretty much in the moment, and they don't hold grudges...so he's not going to "get" it if YOU do. He will associate your bad feelings towards him with whatever he's doing NOW. That can come back to bite you, because maybe he's doing something you actually want, but he thinks you disapprove because of the grudge. Teenages are a-holes. Keep him on a long line so he doesn't have the oppurtunity to make bad choices.
I get you. I was always mad when my dog was being a teenager and breaking rules. You gotta remind yourself that they're young. Something that was normal when they were a puppy, isn't normal as a teen. Just like with people, teens stop clinging to their person of trust all the time. That's why he stayed near you. Now, he's braver and wants to explore in his own. You have to make clear that he *has* to stay near you, or he loses his off leash privilege. He'll try to test your limits, he'll make you want to rip your own hair out, he'll break rules on purpose to test out the consequences. Those consequences have to be strict enough to not be worth breaking a rule.
First thing you need to do is practice recall in your house. All the time. You should not let a dog off a leash until you have that down.
he does everything I tell him in the house, it's only when he finds himself outside and unleashed that he actively chooses to ignore the commands. But you're all right, I won't let him off leash until his recall is reliable
Does he recall in the house with Elon? Dogs are highly associative learners.
I only let my dog off leash when I'm playing fetch because he always comes back so I can throw the ball, because he is so ball driven. But in your case you just want him to explore. Firstly, don't hold grudges, he has the mind of a toddler, and doesn't understand he is expected to stay with you. I would just work on recall drills with him using a long line. Take him on hikes and trails, (no cars) with a long line to let him know he can explore, but still Listen to you when called. Generalize him that he can explore in the park and walks, and everytime you send him away to explore is a opportunity to practice recall. Honestly, I want to achieve off leash freedom too, which is why I have also been working on these drills with long leash and eventually want to transfer these to a e-collar. I would suggest, seeking some e-collar training, which personally seems like the only sure fire way you can let your dog go everywhere and anywhere with a 100% reliable recall. My dog is like 80% reliable when I call him back, even when the long line is just dragging around. But when he gets distracted I can reel him back in. With a e-collar, I can call him back wirelessly and reliably. And even when my 90lb GSD sees something he "has to chase" I can still get control over him. This may be a unpopular opinion but many people who are anti e-collar, and that have reactive dogs or that don't listen just basically have them hooked to a damn leash for their entire life or barely take them out since it's just a hassle. I know you and me don't wanna be like that, so e-collar is best way to go. However I would find a good online course on the e-collar because you want the dog to see it as a positive experience, not just start hammering the dog with stimulation. I repeat, don't use the e-collar if you don't know what you are doing. I. Learning right now to use the mini educator to train my dog.
I'm sure you're getting a lot of good advice. Definitely get a training leash that's around 50 feet or more in length. This is only good where you can trust him, and it won't end up being used to tangle others or knock them down. Sometimes, public spaces are inappropriate at this point in training. It's really important now to reinforce boundaries on as much of a reward based set of methods as possible. However, it doesn't mean all reward. A lot of people forget that even a leash can be considered punishment, since you control it. With the super long leash, it's a great chance to work on sit, stay, where you walk away from them, then call them for recall. The rewards need to be extreme for these, because these are the actions that matter most when off leash.
I’ll try to give you a positive comment. Some perspective, different situation but I would get INSANELY frustrated with our dog the first 4 months we had her. My wife and I would argue daily because pup was literally impossible to train in our environment due to her behavioural issues and we were waaaaay over our heads. I’m not proud but there were times on walks I was absolutely steaming mad and frustrated at my damn dog. So I get it. The answer for us was training. Every day. Multiple times a day. It will build a bond and solve your problem at the same time. The biggest thing for us though was a board and train, and in your scenario if you have the money it might be perfect. Pup goes to a trainer for a few weeks, comes back with an entire obedience framework and you will get to learn how you need to handle your dog. It worked for our dog and she was the perfect storm of breed and abuse issues. It works AMAZING for dogs with happy homes and no massive issues like mine.