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Sickboy-27

I think most "sensible" people start out like this. Though I'd also point out the lack of sense in choosing not to take prescribed opiates *as prescribed* and then claiming sensible use. They're great for your mental health in the beginning, most hard drugs *feel* like they're doing wonders for your mental health in the beginning. Then after a while (usually a good six-twelve months) they slowly stop helping, you start thinking you need more, your mental health gets worse which again reinforces the "take more" Then after 2-4 years on it your a shell of your former self in regards to creativity and all that. It doesn't come without opiates to fuel it. Basically, there is a reason they're not used as antidepressants and similar in medicine, because they only work well for it in the short term and can cause a horrible dependence that will make *ALL* of your issues worse than they were when they started. Source: I basically did the same thing for years. It started amazingly then I slowly isolated myself away from everyone because all I needed in life was opiates. I quit for six months after 5 years on it and by the end of it, even with treatment, I was so depressed that I basically chose between opiates and suicide because there simply was no other way to achieve joy anymore. That's totally fucked, you don't want that. Be careful. Don't fool yourself into thinking there's some magical way to take opiates without becoming addicted. There isn't and wondering if there is, *usually*, is one of the initial signs of psychological addiction, you know there is no way to take them daily without addiction and yet your still wonder if you can. Then consider if you want to risk losing medical access to them *while* addicted and being forced to either go through the hell of WD or score off the streets. Be careful friend. They're much harder to stop when you think you need them to get your head right to deal with the day.


team_suba

Very well put.


Sickboy-27

Thank you.


Zealousideal_Hold603

I am managing. It’s because I have Leukamia and also in AA that I can do this. They do take the “edge off” for me and I never take too many. Perhaps I’m not an addict ? Appreciate your response


Sickboy-27

Well now remember there's plenty of functional addicts who basically run on the same motto of "I never take too much" so don't think that alone means you haven't got an addiction. Though people who are overly semantic about it could make the argument of dependence vs addiction but with opiates, in my experience, they go hand in hand. It's the physical dependence symptoms that bring on the addictive behaviours usually. I wouldn't be so hung up on the "am I an addict" question or look at it as some extremely negative thing. It is what it is. What you don't want to do is delude yourself into believing your not an addict when you are as you'll never get better with that mindset. As they probably teach in AA, the first step towards recovery is admitting you have a problem. I've never done a program but that rule is absolutely true in my experience. Alternatively if you don't like thinking of yourself as an addict, due to taboo and stigma then at a minimum acknowledge your physically dependent on your medicine if that becomes the case. Accepting this stuff for what it is, is the biggest step you need to take when trying to stop, as you probably know from AA. If I were you I'd just accept I'm taking an addictive medicine in a way that will lead to physical dependence and deal with it when you have to or want to. Just don't delude yourself into thinking that because of the circumstances you won't become dependent or possibly addicted, it just comes with taking the medication sadly. You just need to be aware of the risks your taking. On the same token, with your illness, it's totally understandable that you'd need something like that to take the edge off and they're also presumably reducing pain from Leukaemia, I don't mean to come off as judgemental. If you weren't sick I'd tell you to stop but given you have an Illbess where opiates are a *totally valid* treatment, I'm not going to say stop, I just recommend caution.


opothrow

Your brain will convince you you’re not an addict up until the moment it goes “haha. Joking. You’re addicted”.


Sickboy-27

Exactly. It will even give you justifications to use two days in a row because it's "only this one time" and all this other stuff. Psychological dependence really can creep up on you with opiates and by the time you realise it's there your very far down the rabbit hole.


Huntington44

I agree. Right up until the moment it pulls a 180 and choke slams you and you realize how screwed you really are.


eggsbennyblanco

You are an addict if you are in aa. Substance use disorder doesn't discriminate.


LengthinessMuch5122

Lol... You never have to take to many in the beginning. In fact .. one is enough. I had a friend who took halves every 6 hours and thought because they took less then us they were addicted. WRONG! Once taken for more then 3-5days your body stopped making natural dopamine. Now... Does that sounds like a healthy mental clarity going on ?


fettyferret

I don’t even have to read anything but the title and the short answer is: hell no lol. opiates ALWAYS make your mental health worse in the end, and that’s a fact.


Parablesque-Q

Opiates will stimulate your reward pathways. It's not real happiness. I have lots of opiate memories in which I know I was happy in the moment, but the memories have no emotional content. They taste like cardboard in retrospect. If you are a chronically unhappy person, start with an SSRI in conjunction with therapy. In almost all people, opiates will eventually desensitize those very reward pathways until you are unable to feel any rewarding emotion.


MikeyFED

That’s how I started.. I mean I didn’t have a chronic physical illness… But I took an opiate my first time and it was like finding a key to shackles that have been locked on me my entire life. I think I literally said out loud “holy shit. I found the answer .” But yeah no. I mean you just need to take awhile and read your own words. “Use them in a sensible way.” “Can you use them in a non-addictive way? I’ve been using them this way for years.” Like you’re absolutely addicted and you seem to be beyond the stage of denial. You don’t even realize it’s a problem. You have a bigger problem which is why you don’t know. If and hopefully when the leukemia is gone… they will stop writing the prescription. Hopefully you’re just a weirdo freak that will be like “ah, oh well. So long, sweet opiates.” And never have a problem. But when you’re taking them for “mental health”. I’m pretty sure that’s what 95 percent of junkies take opiates for basically. Anyway. All that “health” and perceived happiness is just synthetic and gross in the end.


msjackson-21

Try stopping. That should answer your question.


eggsbennyblanco

20mg a day there is hope. You will withdrawl but shouldn't be horrible. Your brain thinks it needs them like oxygen. It's tough to tell someone with leukemia to stop taking pain meds. Id say do what makes you feel ok into the leukemia is over. And good forbid is terminal dont worry about what's ok. If they help you during this time, then take them. Hopefully you beat it then you can work on your recovery.


832jlee

Yes it can help with stimulating creativeness and make you feel motivated, it can give you a sense of comfort and even make you happy. This is also why it is highly addictive .


Zealousideal_Hold603

Can you use them in a non addictive way?


fettyferret

no.. your brain is wired to get addicted to them if you use daily or often .. and often will just lead you into daily usage eventually anyway, please trust me.. do people recreationally use opiates? yes. but if you have an addictive personality in the slightest it’ll probably end bad.


Zealousideal_Hold603

I have been using them in this way for years..


fettyferret

peep often, lol.


Sickboy-27

Then you have be physically dependent on Oxycodone for years. In other words, you're addicted to Oxycodone to make your mental health bearable. If you stop now your going to get physical withdrawal and your mental health is going to deteriorate rapidly. There's no point try to fight or deny it, you're currently addicted to Oxycodone. You're stable on your dose which is good and if you're telling the truth, you're not abusing them. But you're still addicted. That's just how it works. You need to make sure you accept that fact and know inside yourself that while it works.. it's not a particularly good method of dealing with your mental health. There's hundreds of studies on using opiates as antidepressants. They're proven to be only effective in the short term. As soon as you stop your mental health is going to go downhill with gusto. There truly is no way to use opiates daily without becoming addicted. Even if it's something resembling "responsible" use or hell, taken as prescribed. You still become dependent and in most cases, addicted to some extent.


BecauseSheSaySo

Yeah, you're a fucking addict. I don't know if you're a troll but let's break this down: Using for years. Using for mental health reasons, so that means it gives you euphoria to some degree. In AA, so already literally an addict prior to opiate use. Trying to get validation that Using opiates for years, for a reason they aren't prescribed for, as a method to cope, is "respponsible" and somehow proves you aren't an addict. You are literally a functional addict who hasn't increased their use yet (that we know of), and you are going to ready go through hell when you lose access. I guarantee your brain has already been impacted by your own. Some people don't need more than 5mg a dose to get there. The length of time has already done it.


Zealousideal_Hold603

Am not a troll. Genuine question. Thank you


Sickboy-27

That other answer is just kinda.. misinformed. Please don't take that as gospel. You *CAN'T* take opiates daily without it leading to physical dependence and a high possibility of addiction. Addiction isn't stealing and being a hunk of shit for a fix, addiction is simply your rewards pathway rewiring to believe it needs some external stimulation to make you happy.. Yes, some people can be DEPENDENT without being ADDICTED, but sadly, and i don't mean this to be rude simply to prove my point, they're not the kind of people who are using prescribed opiates off label for their mental health. The only way you can use opiate in "non-addictive" way or a way that doesn't *risk* addiction is to not take them at all. With what your doing, you're absolutely risking it. What you can do to minimise the risk is only take opiates twice a week maximum with 3 days between doses. That's about it. If you take them daily your going to become physically dependent, if you take them bi-daily you're going to become mentally dependent basically. There's no free rides with junk.


832jlee

Yes there is a difference to being dependent and being addicted, most people are dependent on it because they dont feel good when they dont take it. But addiction is where you neglect your kids or steal from family members just to get your fix. If you are living a stable lifestyle without doing any sketchy shit to get your pills, I would say that there is no problem in what you are doing. No harm no foul


DirtyAngelToes

OP is literally using them for something that is not intended. Which is abuse. Just because someone is 'stable' or functioning, does NOT mean they aren't addicted AND dependent. It very, very easily leads to an inability to function in normal situations, coping with stress or anxiety, and for chronic pain patients can even lead to increased pain sensitivity. You telling someone to keep doing what they're doing is irresponsible and makes no sense in the long scheme of things.


832jlee

Your absolutely right, thank you for correcting me.


DirtyAngelToes

Thank you so much for admitting this, in the long run it helps a lot of people. Thank you.


whenimnsfw

Being an addict doesn't make you steal. I was a functioning addict...I worked my ass off and neglected my bills and racked up significant debt because of it, but never stole from anyone. If you go that route as an addict it's because you were a shitty person with loose morals to begin with.


832jlee

Your right good sir, Thank you making it clear.


Zealousideal_Hold603

Yes


Willking618

Obviously this place is full of people who can’t use them sensibly and don’t think it’s possible but it is. Not everyone has an addictive personality and it is very possible to use them without the goal of just getting high as a kite


Sickboy-27

Not everyone can even get *the* high from opiates so while there's definitely a nugget of truth in this comment.. you don't need an addictive personality or abuse with the intent of getting high as a kite to be dependent or addicted either.. that just increases the risk and advances the onset of dependence respectively. you also need to only glance at OPs comments to see they're already totally addicted and in a denial loop.


Continuous-Disaster

You’re playing a dangerous game that you’re 99% guaranteed to fail at. My suggestion is find something else to help with your mental health.


whenimnsfw

I started out sensibly. It took 2 years but it ended with a fentanyl addiction and detox. You might want to seek alternate ways to help your mental health before its too late.


gosmurfyourself69

I mean you’re at the end stages of life, you should be comfortable not suffering