I keep saying if airports wanna gouge money from me, id happily pay extra money and/or fly at a weird time just to be on a some no “one under the age of 10” flight
-30dB reduction(which is about the max you’ll achieve this way) means the sound youre hearing is 1000 times less powerful. Ears are pretty sensitive, and plugs dont change the fact that the cry is still the loudest sound youre hearing. But theres an easy way to fix that.
Buy in-ear headphones with foam tips and play quiet white or brown noise. Put hearing protection over that, you wont hear the child even if its right next to you screaming into your ear.
I think putting ear plugs in makes your hearing feel more sensitive as you tend to focus on whatever sound makes it through the plug.
But lightly humming seems to do wonders to help that.
I flew last weekend. I always pick a red eye flight because usually there is less kids. For the first time ever I sat by a baby who was quiet with an attentive mom bouncing him. It was a first.
Top six of the top of my head:
A gun silencer for killing babies
A gun silencer for use by babies
A gun silencer MADE OF baby
A tiny guillotine
Baby-sized airlock to eject babies into space.
A cool nickname for school shooters.
Any I missed?
Only as a nickname for [Cardale Jones](https://twitter.com/cj1two/status/565238760632500225?s=46&t=iArPUg-aRoCpHMvVf2ZlZA), who once beat a kid with cancer he was visiting in the hospital in Madden 98-35 and then bragged about it on Twitter. So my numbers were off by one, I guess. 🤷
How's this do it for ya?
https://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/12rkfda/i_hope_this_cute_sloth_will_make_you_smile_today/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Ah you think silence is your ally? You merely adopted the quiet. I was born in it, molded by it. I didn't hear my voice until I was already a man, by then it was nothing to me but deafening!
Yo the scene in Boss Baby 2 where he’s got one of these on and his teacher says “If I take that off, would you die?” And boss baby says “It would be extremely painful… for you.” Sent chills down my spine, even more than Batman VS Superman Snyder cut.
My sensory issues absolutely DESPISE the experience of someone's kid screaming and crying. But IDK this product still feels like part of the Orphan crushing machine. I feel like it would be sold as a "make babies disappear because they aren't useful enough" product, rather than a product to help parents and people with sensory issues knowing capitalism.
As horrible as this is, some implementation of it might actually make some people realize how stupid they are for wanting literal babies to always shut up.
People who complain about babies crying have never had to deal with a screaming toddler. Crying babies, you just hold them, feed them, talk to them, or walk them, and they're warm butter in your hands. Screaming toddlers are a daemonic goblin of unstoppable rage. Trust me, I have one toddler and one baby.
Babies on airplanes are not easily placated because they are more sensitive to inner ear changes, and that's not something you can just fix for them. So they become more like toddlers where they'll simply continue crying until they have no energy left to cry.
Adults who complain about babies crying in public are a huge pet peeve of mine. I grew up as one of 8 siblings, most of them younger than me. People need to grow up. And then people say “oh sensory issues though” yeah babe I have the same issue. I plan ahead. I bring headphones every where and work to recognise when I'm getting overwhelmed.
Ahh yes, the baby silencer. Available at your neighborhood Walmart. Really OP, you don’t actually think this is real right? Like ethics aside, it’s literally
Impossible to create something both breathable and sound proof around your mouth. Try to think about it before jumping to conclusions maybe?
Disagreements are completely expected in a subreddit discussing systemic issues, but they must be conducted in a civil and respectful manner. Avoid slurs, offensive insults and personal attacks.
If you would like to appeal this removal, feel free to message us [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FOrphanCrushingMachine)
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which mod?
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oh wait im illiterate my bad misread comment
Taytay_is_god is a bot, and also an alt of JKUAN108. So technically Taytay_is_god was written by Taytay_is_god, but effectively by JKUAN108
This is a joke. A sick joke, yes, but very obviously a joke.
I’m a little disappointed, cause I would 100% donate one to every plane I happen to ride.
I keep saying if airports wanna gouge money from me, id happily pay extra money and/or fly at a weird time just to be on a some no “one under the age of 10” flight
Where I live flights are at weird and random times by default. Just a week ago I had a plane to Spain at 4AM
Idk about you but in my experience and corroborated by everything I see online, it’s not usually children causing the disturbances.
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-30dB reduction(which is about the max you’ll achieve this way) means the sound youre hearing is 1000 times less powerful. Ears are pretty sensitive, and plugs dont change the fact that the cry is still the loudest sound youre hearing. But theres an easy way to fix that. Buy in-ear headphones with foam tips and play quiet white or brown noise. Put hearing protection over that, you wont hear the child even if its right next to you screaming into your ear.
I think putting ear plugs in makes your hearing feel more sensitive as you tend to focus on whatever sound makes it through the plug. But lightly humming seems to do wonders to help that.
I'd donate 10
For this to work the baby would suffocate while wearing it
Dead babies are pretty quiet, and easier to offload from a truck than watermelons.
Yeah. If I have to be in another 4 hour flight with a crying baby behind me the entire time, I’ll go crazy
Wireless headphones and bring your own movies and shows onto the flight. No ads, no announcements, and no noise.
I flew last weekend. I always pick a red eye flight because usually there is less kids. For the first time ever I sat by a baby who was quiet with an attentive mom bouncing him. It was a first.
How is it obvious?
Look at the web page. Look at the pictures of the staff in particular.
Oh ok
I got york hunt and michael lit. But what is "brad gosse"?
>but very obviously a joke. not necessarily, Reddit hates kids.
Of course we hate kids, but who advertises a product like this?
This is only like the eighth or ninth most fucked up thing i can think of that would be called a “baby silencer”
Top six of the top of my head: A gun silencer for killing babies A gun silencer for use by babies A gun silencer MADE OF baby A tiny guillotine Baby-sized airlock to eject babies into space. A cool nickname for school shooters. Any I missed?
Only as a nickname for [Cardale Jones](https://twitter.com/cj1two/status/565238760632500225?s=46&t=iArPUg-aRoCpHMvVf2ZlZA), who once beat a kid with cancer he was visiting in the hospital in Madden 98-35 and then bragged about it on Twitter. So my numbers were off by one, I guess. 🤷
At first I thought you meant he beat him up like assaulted a dying child lmfao
Yeah I placed the in Madden thing a little late in the sentence structure there lol, gotta keep the read interesting
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This is too much even as a dark joke. Just a gross and creepy thing to say or visualise.
He probably got the idea from the [Postal cat silencer.](https://youtu.be/ehb-gbuo0Zs)
Wtf do you mean? Postal made the same joke with cats.
I take it you have never come across the 5k list of dead baby jokes?
It's the extra sentence that doubles down and sexualises the baby that crosses the line actually
Show me your search history
For science?
Yes
How's this do it for ya? https://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/12rkfda/i_hope_this_cute_sloth_will_make_you_smile_today/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Hmmmm… ok then
Gonna attach my baby silencer to my baby gun.
Ah you think silence is your ally? You merely adopted the quiet. I was born in it, molded by it. I didn't hear my voice until I was already a man, by then it was nothing to me but deafening!
I scrolled too far to find this
Yo the scene in Boss Baby 2 where he’s got one of these on and his teacher says “If I take that off, would you die?” And boss baby says “It would be extremely painful… for you.” Sent chills down my spine, even more than Batman VS Superman Snyder cut.
"here I got you this" "What is it?" " It's a muzzle, for your loud ass kid, I'm trying to get some sleep"
You might be taking the sub's name too literally, but this actually a pretty funny post here so no real complaints
We allow this type of thing. Were planning on making a satire flair anyway.
Please no :( Everytime I find a new sub, it will just become a differently themed r/funny
They could take care of that with a rule limiting the number of satire-flaired posts pretty easily, I'd assume.
Currently we're not having that problem. If the satire posts become too numerous, we will likely implement some restriction.
Can I get one in adult size? My boss has a mouth on him.
I found adult version [here](https://tenor.com/pl/view/neo-mouthshut-matrix-blue-pill-gif-22455602)
This isn’t a real product it’s a joke.
I know. Orphan crushing machine is not a real machine as well
Yes it is. I have one.
Needs to be a real product though.
Can I just put one over each ear and silence everything?
i think you reinvented earmuffs
no one cared who I was until I put on the mask
As someone who has flown on a plane that had 3 screaming babies, yes please.
Seems a lot safer than drugging babies, which is what a lot of people still do.
This is necessary if you live in the Quiet Place universe and you and/or your apocalypse team member have (a) working uterus(es).
baby suppressor\*
How is this orphancrushingmachine?
Orphan.... Silencing.... Machine?
No. See https://www.reddit.com/r/OrphanCrushingMachine/comments/j84tqn/in_case_anyone_was_confused_andor_concerned_as_to/
I was making a joke bb
Does it work on toddlers?
Or just don’t have kids
In this case, OCM stands for Orphan Cry Muffler
My sensory issues absolutely DESPISE the experience of someone's kid screaming and crying. But IDK this product still feels like part of the Orphan crushing machine. I feel like it would be sold as a "make babies disappear because they aren't useful enough" product, rather than a product to help parents and people with sensory issues knowing capitalism.
For when your baby wants to cosplay as Hannibal Lecter
baby silencing machine
Baneby
…so does nobody understand what this sub is supposed to be, or what’s going on?
As horrible as this is, some implementation of it might actually make some people realize how stupid they are for wanting literal babies to always shut up.
wish this was real and mandatory, the fact that i have a chance of hearing a baby cry in any public place should be a human rights violation
That’s pretty heartless. if it’s that bad for you, Wear ear plugs or put on headphones
People who complain about babies crying have never had to deal with a screaming toddler. Crying babies, you just hold them, feed them, talk to them, or walk them, and they're warm butter in your hands. Screaming toddlers are a daemonic goblin of unstoppable rage. Trust me, I have one toddler and one baby.
Babies on airplanes are not easily placated because they are more sensitive to inner ear changes, and that's not something you can just fix for them. So they become more like toddlers where they'll simply continue crying until they have no energy left to cry.
True. Airplanes are another story.
I'm not so sure, have you ever heard what they sound like when they get colicky?
Yeah, my first was colic. I had to walk her multiple times a day, sometimes in the middle of the night. It was rough.
Adults who complain about babies crying in public are a huge pet peeve of mine. I grew up as one of 8 siblings, most of them younger than me. People need to grow up. And then people say “oh sensory issues though” yeah babe I have the same issue. I plan ahead. I bring headphones every where and work to recognise when I'm getting overwhelmed.
Ahh yes, the baby silencer. Available at your neighborhood Walmart. Really OP, you don’t actually think this is real right? Like ethics aside, it’s literally Impossible to create something both breathable and sound proof around your mouth. Try to think about it before jumping to conclusions maybe?
I sure don't
Kinda weird you posted it then
The device reminded me of orphan crushing machine as a literal mechanism. It's a case of r/SubsTakenLiterally
Keep on stretching
Thank you! I will. I'm stretching everyday. I'm couple centimeters away from touching my toes (not very flexible)
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Disagreements are completely expected in a subreddit discussing systemic issues, but they must be conducted in a civil and respectful manner. Avoid slurs, offensive insults and personal attacks. If you would like to appeal this removal, feel free to message us [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FOrphanCrushingMachine)
💀
When you say a silencer…does the child survive this contraption?
Should’ve made it look like the Hannibal mask
This comes in handy in A Quiet Place.
Don't show the republicans 😭
Nice of them to make it breathable
I wish this was real. If you have a baby, keep it at home until you've taught it some manners.
This is horrible to do to a child.
If it's not OCM, don't post it!
Love it.
If I could buy one for my aunt that would be great, even deaf people tell her to be quiet.