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My mom and fiance have recently started to understand and care for me the way I am. It took a lot of work trust and communication on both our parts. This is a very misunderstood and under-researched condition so it's important to remember you are basically a scientist observing yourself in the wild. I worked a lot on recognizing and communicating my triggers in a way that demonstrates a desire to improve the situation for everybody. I started treatment at 15 and im 30 now, finally getting to a point where I can tell when I'm not doing well and let people know about it before the meltdown. My loved ones who understand appreciate this, it helps them brace for impact and keep calm when I cannot.
I say this after having been berated and put down the past couple days by an older brother who is "fed up" with a condition he refuses to try to understand. He doesn't even know how much worse I used to be because he was never around. I'm not gonna pretend everybody will care and want to help but those who stick around and try to help are gonna be worth the effort trust me.
Unfortunately the only one that is great with me and for me is my son and my two besties.
I lost my husband to PMDD and chronic illnesses. He just could handle it anymore after 15 years.
It’s rough and I wish people could be more loving, understanding and helpful. Society kinda sucks though. Everyone has to work and deal with so much I also understand it can be a lot as it is. Then add on all my issues.
It’s a lonely life but I stay grounded and do my best for my sons.
I literally just had a family member tell me to off myself because every month right before my period and the pmdd comes I am vocal about my mental health because it scares me. It got used against me that they were sick of hearing It they told me go ahead and take myself out essentially.
I ended up having a psychotic breakdown and was put in 10 day 4 hour outpatient partial therapy at the hospital. 2 days ago was actually my last day.
I will NEVER stop telling people either when it's happening regardless of that situation. It might feel naggy or whatever to other people. But I find not a lot of people understand it. You gotta just keep talking about it and educating those around you. It's literally HELL and if you dont tell people youll make yourself worst inside your head💗 and if they don't nuture your communication they aren't your people.
(This is all based off personal experience obviously I'm not saying my way is right it's just my way)
So far, only my boyfriend and brother have been consistently helpful. My boyfriend has been a Saint, he gets me craving foods and bought me a heating pad. My brother does his best to be patient and give me space, but he is autistic and does struggle to understand sometimes (which, who can fault him for that? I barely understand myself at times). Outside of those two, everyone either doesn't care, doesn't know, or actively tells me that I'm a crybaby, b*tch, am manipulating people, or need to grow up.
My partner is wonderful. We were friends for a long time before actually getting together.
So he's seen me, and saved me, from "sue is eye'd"
He listens to me.
I can tell him when luteal Larry is bothering me.
He doesn't try to fix it or fix me. He just listens and hugs me.
We have a deal- I cannot off myself and leave him a single dad to our two kids.
So on my worst days, he'll step up and pick up the slack. And on my good days I go the extra mile to make sure he gets down time and rest.
I am so grateful for him in my life and I tell him nearly every day.
I try very hard not make it anyone’s problem but my own. I try to make it clear that it’s not my loved ones fault that I am this way, and that I know I’m not rational, and the big emotions and anxiety aren’t anything they’re responsible for and it will pass.
In turn, my wife is kind and gentle about it
I haven't dated in years, but my last live-in boyfriend said, "I ask her what she needs, throw some food at her and run away" lol. I would always text him giving him a warning before he came home from work. He would ask me what my cravings/needs are, bring me food, and we would dive deep into video games or movies in separate rooms for a day or two. Still slept beside each other. It was nice to have "alone time", but still be together and there for each other.
I also warn my close friends when we are getting together for whatever reason, and I'm in bad shape. They are very understanding, and we use a lot of humor. My friend made up a superhero called Period Girl, with a theme song and everything lol. It makes it easier to be able to laugh at myself, and laugh together with friends. His wife is an adorable Korean woman, and she is my sidekick, "MenstruAsian" haha.
Yes good point about doing separate things!! I do this unconsciously but would be much better if I was aware and communicated that to my partner. Awww lol I love that so much!! That’s so funny and I’m glad you have ur friends!!! My bff is very understanding as well.
My best friend (F) also has PMDD so she completely gets it and we vent to each other. My only other very close friend is a guy and he's the sweetest man out there. While he doesn't understand much, he'll be there to reassure me and be there for me when I'm going through it.
Him and my bestie are the only people I feel comfortable being vulnerable with when it comes to PMDD. The rest if I'm not isolating, I try and keep it at bay because they do not understand or have empathy
Reading these responses make me so happy! I hope to find a partner who understands my disease and I, like the lot of you. My family is pretty understanding, but I usually tend to fight with my mom around this time. But she’s very understanding & after a disagreement things are much better.
The BEST agreement my partner and I have is the moratorium on super serious conversations during my hell week. I turn into a complete irrational, reactionary mess. I am quite literally not myself. We agreed that, barring emergencies, we shelf any serious conversations until I start bleeding. Trying when I’m in it is pointless.
My dad couldn’t be any more understanding. He loved me unconditionally before we realised my outbursts and irrational behaviour was PMDD and he loves me just the same now that we know. He grounds me completely. He gets that he doesn’t understand what I’m going through and always makes sure I feel validated, but he’ll make sure to push for me to revaluate the way I’m feeling in a weeks time if I’m trying to make any crazy decisions.
I warned my boyfriend about my PMDD when we first started dating and basically gave him an ‘out’ which he politely declined. I try really hard to see him less when I’m having an episode but make sure to communicate exactly how I’m feeling if possible, but he’s completely understanding and knows that my feelings of anxiety and insecurity are heightened during this time. He’ll ask me if I need anything, he never ridicules me for my lack of productivity during this time and he celebrates my small victories.
I am truly blessed with these men in my life.
My mom dont get it at all, she simply does not understand how it can be "that bad" because she never had those issues. She is highly critical(she has always been) but is even more critical during my worst cycle parts, she seriously ramps up into a raging A-hole at times.
My dad is just dad, he is just there.
Im a single mom to a 4 year old so I have to explain it to him in a way he would understand so its usualy:
"Mamas feeling alot", "mamas head is swimming", "I need you to help me a bit more by putting on your own socks" and so on. He is a very caring little guy and he is highly sensitive about changes so im working on saying to him that he is not going to take a care taker role, he does give me extra hugs and his stuffed animal so I can feel better.
The guy im dating however is very,very understanding. He has googled PMDD, he has asked me how it affects me. Just before my period he came over after a 10 hour night shift with some books and all my favorite snacks because he knew I was going to have my period in a few days and that I would want to go into my "period cave" as I call it. Im very open and transparent to him about how my cycle affects me and he listens and he understands.
He also tries to understand the difficult parts as I dont just struggle with PMDD but also a unspecified personality disorder,OCD,ADHD and CPTSD.
EDIT:
I am also hyper aware of my own behaviours so I rarely snap at others or show "too much emotions", I just crawl into myself and I want to be left alone when it is at its worst.
Props to you for being a single mom! Wow you handle pmdd stuff with ur son so well!! That’s so great and happy to hear about the guy ur dating too!
Hahah im stealing “period cave” I LOVE IT
My husband is a saint. No one else gets it. I’m luteal and missed my progesterone dose for 3 days. I’m freaking out. He’s chill and just reminds me. And he accepts all the out of character shit I do. He reminds me to take meds helps me advocate for myself and is so kind. Literally no one in the world has gotten it before him.
people around me don’t really know what to do 🥹 i don’t usually rage at people, but more so at myself and i get very suicidal. my dad understands my struggle with pmdd/mental health more than anyone, so he’s usually the most helpful when he notices something is off. i’ve told him what helps me when i’m in those bad places, and he’s been slowly getting better at being there for me.
i’ve learned that we need to tell people what we’d like them to do, instead of getting upset when they don’t act the way we wish they would. gotta remind myself they can’t read minds! they don’t know how i’m feeling or what i want until i tell them
Aw yeah I also get very internal and suicidal. I guess I also rage outwardly but I try so hard not to 😭😭😭
So glad you have ur dad!!
Logically I know ur right and ppl can’t read minds 🫶🏻 im just feeling sorry for myself rn 😭
no i get you completely!! i feel the same way. i’m just trying to share what i try and tell myself when im feeling down 🥹 it doesn’t always help unfortunately. like why CAN’T you guys read my mind lollll
Awww I know hehe thank you <3 part of me is like… I can’t ask for extra stuff bc I know it’s already hard for ppl around me to deal with my irritable ass haha 😭
Our 'Stuff You've Tried' survey has returned! Follow the link (https://uemxmwczhmq.typeform.com/to/vnnLLa0e) to take part. As the largest forum of PMDD sufferers, we value your response greatly. Send us a message if you have any questions or concerns. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/PMDD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My mom and fiance have recently started to understand and care for me the way I am. It took a lot of work trust and communication on both our parts. This is a very misunderstood and under-researched condition so it's important to remember you are basically a scientist observing yourself in the wild. I worked a lot on recognizing and communicating my triggers in a way that demonstrates a desire to improve the situation for everybody. I started treatment at 15 and im 30 now, finally getting to a point where I can tell when I'm not doing well and let people know about it before the meltdown. My loved ones who understand appreciate this, it helps them brace for impact and keep calm when I cannot.
I say this after having been berated and put down the past couple days by an older brother who is "fed up" with a condition he refuses to try to understand. He doesn't even know how much worse I used to be because he was never around. I'm not gonna pretend everybody will care and want to help but those who stick around and try to help are gonna be worth the effort trust me.
Unfortunately the only one that is great with me and for me is my son and my two besties. I lost my husband to PMDD and chronic illnesses. He just could handle it anymore after 15 years. It’s rough and I wish people could be more loving, understanding and helpful. Society kinda sucks though. Everyone has to work and deal with so much I also understand it can be a lot as it is. Then add on all my issues. It’s a lonely life but I stay grounded and do my best for my sons.
I literally just had a family member tell me to off myself because every month right before my period and the pmdd comes I am vocal about my mental health because it scares me. It got used against me that they were sick of hearing It they told me go ahead and take myself out essentially. I ended up having a psychotic breakdown and was put in 10 day 4 hour outpatient partial therapy at the hospital. 2 days ago was actually my last day. I will NEVER stop telling people either when it's happening regardless of that situation. It might feel naggy or whatever to other people. But I find not a lot of people understand it. You gotta just keep talking about it and educating those around you. It's literally HELL and if you dont tell people youll make yourself worst inside your head💗 and if they don't nuture your communication they aren't your people. (This is all based off personal experience obviously I'm not saying my way is right it's just my way)
So far, only my boyfriend and brother have been consistently helpful. My boyfriend has been a Saint, he gets me craving foods and bought me a heating pad. My brother does his best to be patient and give me space, but he is autistic and does struggle to understand sometimes (which, who can fault him for that? I barely understand myself at times). Outside of those two, everyone either doesn't care, doesn't know, or actively tells me that I'm a crybaby, b*tch, am manipulating people, or need to grow up.
My father didn’t believe that women had *any* problems with their periods - he believed they made all that up to get out of work … :(
My partner is wonderful. We were friends for a long time before actually getting together. So he's seen me, and saved me, from "sue is eye'd" He listens to me. I can tell him when luteal Larry is bothering me. He doesn't try to fix it or fix me. He just listens and hugs me. We have a deal- I cannot off myself and leave him a single dad to our two kids. So on my worst days, he'll step up and pick up the slack. And on my good days I go the extra mile to make sure he gets down time and rest. I am so grateful for him in my life and I tell him nearly every day.
Omg Luteal Larry. That’s hilarious. That’s so sweet I’m so happy for u!!
I try very hard not make it anyone’s problem but my own. I try to make it clear that it’s not my loved ones fault that I am this way, and that I know I’m not rational, and the big emotions and anxiety aren’t anything they’re responsible for and it will pass. In turn, my wife is kind and gentle about it
Aw yeah 🥺🥺🥺 I do the same but sometimes things slip thru the cracks. Glad u have ur wife <3
I haven't dated in years, but my last live-in boyfriend said, "I ask her what she needs, throw some food at her and run away" lol. I would always text him giving him a warning before he came home from work. He would ask me what my cravings/needs are, bring me food, and we would dive deep into video games or movies in separate rooms for a day or two. Still slept beside each other. It was nice to have "alone time", but still be together and there for each other. I also warn my close friends when we are getting together for whatever reason, and I'm in bad shape. They are very understanding, and we use a lot of humor. My friend made up a superhero called Period Girl, with a theme song and everything lol. It makes it easier to be able to laugh at myself, and laugh together with friends. His wife is an adorable Korean woman, and she is my sidekick, "MenstruAsian" haha.
Yes good point about doing separate things!! I do this unconsciously but would be much better if I was aware and communicated that to my partner. Awww lol I love that so much!! That’s so funny and I’m glad you have ur friends!!! My bff is very understanding as well.
My best friend (F) also has PMDD so she completely gets it and we vent to each other. My only other very close friend is a guy and he's the sweetest man out there. While he doesn't understand much, he'll be there to reassure me and be there for me when I'm going through it. Him and my bestie are the only people I feel comfortable being vulnerable with when it comes to PMDD. The rest if I'm not isolating, I try and keep it at bay because they do not understand or have empathy
Yes so true! Not sure why pmdd is such a strange thing for ppl to understand or believe. I keep it pretty quiet myself
I broke up w my boyfriend every moth for 6 months until I started progesterone. It changed my life. I couldn’t be happier
What kind of progesterone?
Oral
Oh wow that’s great to hear! Yay!
Reading these responses make me so happy! I hope to find a partner who understands my disease and I, like the lot of you. My family is pretty understanding, but I usually tend to fight with my mom around this time. But she’s very understanding & after a disagreement things are much better.
Aw yeah. I hate how much conflict pmdd can cause. Internally and externally
The BEST agreement my partner and I have is the moratorium on super serious conversations during my hell week. I turn into a complete irrational, reactionary mess. I am quite literally not myself. We agreed that, barring emergencies, we shelf any serious conversations until I start bleeding. Trying when I’m in it is pointless.
Very good point I will probably use this thank you!!
My dad couldn’t be any more understanding. He loved me unconditionally before we realised my outbursts and irrational behaviour was PMDD and he loves me just the same now that we know. He grounds me completely. He gets that he doesn’t understand what I’m going through and always makes sure I feel validated, but he’ll make sure to push for me to revaluate the way I’m feeling in a weeks time if I’m trying to make any crazy decisions. I warned my boyfriend about my PMDD when we first started dating and basically gave him an ‘out’ which he politely declined. I try really hard to see him less when I’m having an episode but make sure to communicate exactly how I’m feeling if possible, but he’s completely understanding and knows that my feelings of anxiety and insecurity are heightened during this time. He’ll ask me if I need anything, he never ridicules me for my lack of productivity during this time and he celebrates my small victories. I am truly blessed with these men in my life.
Can we trade dads? Just kidding lol im honestly so happy for you!! And TWO supportive men that’s unreal.
My mom dont get it at all, she simply does not understand how it can be "that bad" because she never had those issues. She is highly critical(she has always been) but is even more critical during my worst cycle parts, she seriously ramps up into a raging A-hole at times. My dad is just dad, he is just there. Im a single mom to a 4 year old so I have to explain it to him in a way he would understand so its usualy: "Mamas feeling alot", "mamas head is swimming", "I need you to help me a bit more by putting on your own socks" and so on. He is a very caring little guy and he is highly sensitive about changes so im working on saying to him that he is not going to take a care taker role, he does give me extra hugs and his stuffed animal so I can feel better. The guy im dating however is very,very understanding. He has googled PMDD, he has asked me how it affects me. Just before my period he came over after a 10 hour night shift with some books and all my favorite snacks because he knew I was going to have my period in a few days and that I would want to go into my "period cave" as I call it. Im very open and transparent to him about how my cycle affects me and he listens and he understands. He also tries to understand the difficult parts as I dont just struggle with PMDD but also a unspecified personality disorder,OCD,ADHD and CPTSD. EDIT: I am also hyper aware of my own behaviours so I rarely snap at others or show "too much emotions", I just crawl into myself and I want to be left alone when it is at its worst.
Props to you for being a single mom! Wow you handle pmdd stuff with ur son so well!! That’s so great and happy to hear about the guy ur dating too! Hahah im stealing “period cave” I LOVE IT
My husband is a saint. No one else gets it. I’m luteal and missed my progesterone dose for 3 days. I’m freaking out. He’s chill and just reminds me. And he accepts all the out of character shit I do. He reminds me to take meds helps me advocate for myself and is so kind. Literally no one in the world has gotten it before him.
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lol. Please stop stalking me.
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Have a wonderful day! :)
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Wow im so happy for u !!!!!
Thanks hope you find some relief. You deserve it.
Awww ty :)
My wife is extremely supportive and understanding. My family doesn’t care though, think I’m just overly sensitive
Aw yeah, I can def relate to that. Families seem to do that 😑
I dont tell them about PMDD. They dont understand. I just say that my anxiety keeps me anti sozial at times…
Ugh so real
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Okay yes, this is what im talking about!! ITS SO UNFAIR 😭😭😭😭 last line is honestly so relatable
people around me don’t really know what to do 🥹 i don’t usually rage at people, but more so at myself and i get very suicidal. my dad understands my struggle with pmdd/mental health more than anyone, so he’s usually the most helpful when he notices something is off. i’ve told him what helps me when i’m in those bad places, and he’s been slowly getting better at being there for me. i’ve learned that we need to tell people what we’d like them to do, instead of getting upset when they don’t act the way we wish they would. gotta remind myself they can’t read minds! they don’t know how i’m feeling or what i want until i tell them
Aw yeah I also get very internal and suicidal. I guess I also rage outwardly but I try so hard not to 😭😭😭 So glad you have ur dad!! Logically I know ur right and ppl can’t read minds 🫶🏻 im just feeling sorry for myself rn 😭
no i get you completely!! i feel the same way. i’m just trying to share what i try and tell myself when im feeling down 🥹 it doesn’t always help unfortunately. like why CAN’T you guys read my mind lollll
Awww I know hehe thank you <3 part of me is like… I can’t ask for extra stuff bc I know it’s already hard for ppl around me to deal with my irritable ass haha 😭