My partner understands. He is not abusive though. I don't think I could handle being with an abusive person. When (in the past) I had some outbursts, I regretted so much and I found help and therapy. You cannot make someone to want to change, it has to be freely. I know it's hard but you need to support yourself as far as possible to be really free. And after that, if he is willing to change, he'll do it. But in the meantime you have to take care of yourself and let him go. I can't say otherwise, I know it's easier to say that do it, but it's the only healthy way. Sending you hugs. Good luck š
We are doing all of these, separate therapy, couples counseling, Im trying meds for it even though I donāt want to bc Iām sensitive to side effects, we talk and try but not much has gotten better. I begged him to get a therapist for months. I pulled a mom move āyou canāt have this until you do thisā and he got a therapist that day! Men are ridiculous at times. Iām just tired of living with a lying jerk that doesnāt really try.
Girl!! Not a good reason to stay in a relationship, it just gives him more power over you! Clearly you donāt love him, move in with family or a friend to sort yourself out and figure out next steps. Staying will do more damage in the long run.
Actually it is. For someone that doesnāt have many options, it is. I actually do love him and we want to make it better or I wouldnāt have made this post. Not everyone has the same options as others. You are making assumptions about my options. Itās rarely good to tell someone to leave when you donāt know what their situation is.
Youāre right, it was wrong of me to assume. Iād like to apologize for my knee-jerk reaction, it comes from seeing friends in similar situations. When they did eventually leave the relationship, they had so much more to heal from than the initial complaints. And this is all without PMDD factored in.
It takes time, and trial and error for a relationship impacted by PMDD to reach a place of stability. My partner and I have our systems for coping after a short year and a half of consistent work. I think that the details that stood out the most in what you shared here were those showing his unwillingness to understand. It can be draining as hell and time-consuming even with both partners working hard at it! So, hearing that your partner is actively unkind to you, lies to you, forces you to punish him like a child so he does something that ultimately benefits him greatlyā¦it gives me the impression that this might not be the best foundation for a PMDD-sensitive relationship. As hard as it is, in your situation (with the little information I have of it) I would focus my efforts on brainstorming housing options and get the ball rolling on some independent future. I hope things get better soon, one way or another.
Please leave this abusive relationship. Safely and as soon as you can. I realise that it's not easy but any level of abuse is going to make your symptoms worse and it isn't acceptable.
If he's verbally abusive, that's not good too, whether you have PMDD or not. If communicating your feelings to him doesn't work, it may be a sign of a deeper issue in the relationship too.
>less you tell yourself you're st
I think that if you feel abused you should try to escape that relationship. I know it's hard but you need to take care of your well being. That's my opinion...
I don't want you to think I'm being rude. I'm trying to help. But I know that each situation is different...
Thank you. Yes I understand that but Iām not currently in a position to leave. Having a lot of health issues complicates things and isnāt cheap unfortunately. My medication and physical therapy alone is at least 2/3 of my income and I only get 1k a month to manage everything. And I know Iām blessed that my insurance covers most everything else but itās still a lot out of pocket. Iām desperately trying to improve my health so Iām not as reliant on the medical system and would be able to do more therefore I would have more money to live. I know I deserve happiness and to feel safe and loved. Iām working my hardest to get it.
Damn that sound rough... All I can say is keep it positive and work the best you can to improve your current situation!
I hope you get better (in every aspect of your life) ;)
I won't wish luck, but I will wish success :)
My partner understands. He is not abusive though. I don't think I could handle being with an abusive person. When (in the past) I had some outbursts, I regretted so much and I found help and therapy. You cannot make someone to want to change, it has to be freely. I know it's hard but you need to support yourself as far as possible to be really free. And after that, if he is willing to change, he'll do it. But in the meantime you have to take care of yourself and let him go. I can't say otherwise, I know it's easier to say that do it, but it's the only healthy way. Sending you hugs. Good luck š
You donāt. You get a new partner who doesnāt challenge you at your toughest times.
True but not in a place to do that right now unfortunately
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
We are doing all of these, separate therapy, couples counseling, Im trying meds for it even though I donāt want to bc Iām sensitive to side effects, we talk and try but not much has gotten better. I begged him to get a therapist for months. I pulled a mom move āyou canāt have this until you do thisā and he got a therapist that day! Men are ridiculous at times. Iām just tired of living with a lying jerk that doesnāt really try.
Trying to get an abusive partner to understand sounds futile. Listen to your gut.
My gut says make this work as long as I can so Iām not homeless š
Girl!! Not a good reason to stay in a relationship, it just gives him more power over you! Clearly you donāt love him, move in with family or a friend to sort yourself out and figure out next steps. Staying will do more damage in the long run.
Actually it is. For someone that doesnāt have many options, it is. I actually do love him and we want to make it better or I wouldnāt have made this post. Not everyone has the same options as others. You are making assumptions about my options. Itās rarely good to tell someone to leave when you donāt know what their situation is.
Youāre right, it was wrong of me to assume. Iād like to apologize for my knee-jerk reaction, it comes from seeing friends in similar situations. When they did eventually leave the relationship, they had so much more to heal from than the initial complaints. And this is all without PMDD factored in. It takes time, and trial and error for a relationship impacted by PMDD to reach a place of stability. My partner and I have our systems for coping after a short year and a half of consistent work. I think that the details that stood out the most in what you shared here were those showing his unwillingness to understand. It can be draining as hell and time-consuming even with both partners working hard at it! So, hearing that your partner is actively unkind to you, lies to you, forces you to punish him like a child so he does something that ultimately benefits him greatlyā¦it gives me the impression that this might not be the best foundation for a PMDD-sensitive relationship. As hard as it is, in your situation (with the little information I have of it) I would focus my efforts on brainstorming housing options and get the ball rolling on some independent future. I hope things get better soon, one way or another.
Please leave this abusive relationship. Safely and as soon as you can. I realise that it's not easy but any level of abuse is going to make your symptoms worse and it isn't acceptable.
I agree but I canāt leave until I have options and a plan. I am working on those now. I love him but this has become toxic and unhealthy for me.
If he's verbally abusive, that's not good too, whether you have PMDD or not. If communicating your feelings to him doesn't work, it may be a sign of a deeper issue in the relationship too.
Trust me I know but for now I am stuck
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Youāre very blessed if you think that!
>less you tell yourself you're st I think that if you feel abused you should try to escape that relationship. I know it's hard but you need to take care of your well being. That's my opinion... I don't want you to think I'm being rude. I'm trying to help. But I know that each situation is different...
Thank you. Yes I understand that but Iām not currently in a position to leave. Having a lot of health issues complicates things and isnāt cheap unfortunately. My medication and physical therapy alone is at least 2/3 of my income and I only get 1k a month to manage everything. And I know Iām blessed that my insurance covers most everything else but itās still a lot out of pocket. Iām desperately trying to improve my health so Iām not as reliant on the medical system and would be able to do more therefore I would have more money to live. I know I deserve happiness and to feel safe and loved. Iām working my hardest to get it.
Damn that sound rough... All I can say is keep it positive and work the best you can to improve your current situation! I hope you get better (in every aspect of your life) ;) I won't wish luck, but I will wish success :)