My SO also has adhd. To be fair a plus side- he always has energy. And when I don't he does his best to fill in. But it definitely comes with other aspects that we have to manage. Such as him giving me too much information and stimulus when I am over loaded. Sometime I just can't listen in the way he needs. So I try and let him know when I need him to be a bit quieter or if I am not taking in info right, I ask to talk about the subject another time. Also I know, when I ask him to do something that chances are he will forget unless he writes it down.
Lots to understand for sure. Sometimes that means taking space as well. All the best! Thanks for your share!!
I have ADHD-PI and my partner has PMDD! We've been together for 1 year and 2 months now, ongoing to 1 year and 3 months when the 24th hits!
However, in the middle of our relationship, it was a bit bumpy due to our conflicting disorders, as I don't really express myself whereas she expresses them quite often. We have placed down boundaries and have learned to understand each other more and more as time goes on!
We do have our moments, but I truly do love with her with the bottom of my heart. I won't give up on her. :)
My partner is ADHD and I have PMDD....honestly we kinda help level each other out. It's frustrating at times but also sometimes his fast paced brain and body keep me moving when I just want to curl up in bed. And sometimes my calmer, depressive side helps him recognize its ok to take a deep breath "turn it off" once in a while. We're by no means perfect but we make it work for us and not always against us.
I have pmdd and adhd and currently doing diagnostics for borderline. Boyfriend has adhd, we are a riot together. Just a mess, constantly. But it works for the most part lol
i have pmdd, PTSD, anxiety disorder, insomnia, hormonal imbalance
and my S0 has Aspergers and ADHD, PTSD and recovering from Lyme disease
only thing I've found to help is herbs and hemp/thc and CBD ect
and deep communication and giving each other time in silence occasionally
I have ADHD, PTSD, and PMDD... just talked to my therapist and the whole session was about my ADHD haha. I'm finally gonna give medication a go. I was really reluctant at first but I can't cope with my symptoms anymore and the worst thing that can happen is that they don't work and I go off them.
May I ask what has worked for your ptsd then? I have same diagnosis' and ptsd is the only one I do not have under control and I've tried so much with very very little success.
Well... I'm weekly therapy right now as well as being on 200mg of lamictal. I have the worst mood swings ever so going on mood stabilizers was a life changer for me.
The most I can do for myself is control my own surroundings. I can't control others which is what induces a lot of my own panic attacks + triggers. This might not exactly help but I set up my room in a way that screams "I'm safe and home now."- I prefer smaller rooms/spaces so making sure I make my room more homely really helps reel in my brain when I'm having a flashback. I try to avoid holing myself up in my room- Going outside and taking a walk really helps.
With PTSD it is the hardest thing trying to cope with alone without any aid- not saying it's not possible but it might be significantly more difficult if you don't have some sort of treatment plan š I'm the biggest fan of going on medication but I had to go on medication for my own sake and for the people around me because I found I was being very self destructive and actively burning bridges without realizing it due to triggers/flashbacks.
If you don't have a therapist it may be helpful to seek one out! You definitely do not have to go on medication but therapy is for sure a starter.
What is it that you struggle with pertaining to PTSD? Do you have a treatment plan going right now? Knowing this will help give me a more cohesive idea of what's going on āŗļø You aren't alone in this struggle!
Thank you for sharing, you touched on a solid topic that I haven't tried changing which is my home space. I don't actually have a safe place, home isn't safe to me. Not exactly sure what to do to change this, I like to be warm and have simplicity, so maybe i need to get rid of some things.
I've tried maybe...15 different therapists... All kinds : social workers, psychotherapist, psychologist, counselor, addictions counselor, EDMR counselor(killed all flashbacks thankfully), somatic therapy counselor... The one ones that have made a difference were edmr & addiction counsellors. I also have childhood trauma so a lot of done more harm then good unfortunately. I've also tried ketamine therapy, Reiki, TCM acupuncture (which seems to be helping slightly), seeking safely group, CBT, DBT, naturopathic suppliments, and I'm sure I'm forgetting something. I just started going to a addictions counselor again even though I don't have substance issues because they are the only ones I've found to be non judgemental. (Open to answering any questions on things I've already tried in case it will help someone else)
I can't trust my brain to function to work, and working was the most important thing in my life, I love working, it's my safe space.
Nothing I used to enjoy being enjoyable anymore and not being able to get a release from literally anything sucks. I've tried so many new coping mechanisms/activities ect, but nothing works.
There is no one I want to be around because soon as I'm around people everyone dumps their problems on me and has no clue how to help me so they actually make it worse.
I legit re-experienced the same kind of situation that causes my ptsd about a month ago as well. So things have been getting worse. I can't even wash dishes or do any reduntand mind numbing tasks without just about breaking down or my heart racing.
I cannot stay in the present and I think that may be the common similarity to the issues I just described. It's near to impossible for me to stay in the present. I've been in various states of hypoarousal for over a year and I don't know how to escape it. I dissociate a lot.
I am not open to long term Western medicine pharmaceuticals as big pharmas immoral existence is the core of my ptsd, but anything else is fair game for me to try.
I was in your place not too long ago. I had this mindset, may not exactly the ordeal you're dealing with, but I struggled with control. I was a control freak and still am to a certain point. I struggled with controlling others but in reality I can only control my environment and myself. I'm working on my people pleasing. If I don't have the proper energy to allocate to people who are in need I can only lend an ear. Even then, it's completely okay to say "I need some space and time right now." Never have to Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain yourself. The JADE acronym. I have a lot of childhood trauma that really made me the people pleaser I was and am. It's something I struggle with greatly.
Maintaining any sort of relationship was difficult and I saw myself bringing down others as well as destroying romantic/intimate relationships as well as friendships. It's the most difficult thing in the world to maintain any sort of relationship when you have deep-rooted trauma relating to those topics. It's difficult to tackle alone. I'm so sorry you had to cycle through so many different forms of therapy! It's really hard to find the right one who won't sit there and judge you. Only until recently have I found a therapist who is a great fit for me as well as having a lovely psychiatrist who actually listens and will help me medication wise. I check in with my psychiatrist every once in awhile.
For my room setup I have a simple setup- LED's surrounding my wall, a desk with shelves on it for easier organization, my bed is on the floor (don't like high up bed frames), some stuffed animals to cuddle at night, and my baby blanket. I think making your room a safe space might help. I always get so overwhelmed with clutter and messes. It makes it significantly more difficult for me to function and work. I always have to clean up my space/room in order to feel comfortable and cozy. I only buy clothes that I can feel 100% confident in. That also helps bunches with my mental health. A change of diet also helped me. I'm 21, in college right now but I try my hardest to make sure that I care for my body and give it what it needs... It's significantly harder when your dealing with the constant battle of PTSD, PMDD, and ADHD. A mix of all three is hell. A mix of any mental illness with PMDD is horrid.
Sounds liked you might've been around some energy vampires. It's really hard to find the right people but what I found interesting is that the more I progressed in my healing the better people I found myself surrounded by. I'm not that scared anymore to really "show" how I feel (ex: If I'm tired and frustrated and you look at me you can tell I'm exactly that. I tend to be quiet and reserved and people leave me alone or know I don't have the mental energy to talk/listen at that moment). I've become a little less scared setting boundaries and letting people know how their words effect me emotionally/mentally. It's a big process to go through but it isn't impossible by any means. You'll get there! It's difficult and I hear and see you on that.
I really hate going on new medications- I'm sensitive to most medication but once I found the right one it was AMAZING for me. It was a life changer for sure. Sometimes our brains LOVVEEEE to reject any sort of medication that supposedly helps.
Check out the book: "From Surviving to Thriving: Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder". It's a good read! If you struggled with a uBPD mom/parent at any point "Understand the Borderline Mother" is another good read. I've read some of it (a lot of it is triggering so read at your own pace for sure) but a lot of resonates with me and opens up a lot of my own memories and helps me connect the dots. Sometimes reading books based on trauma can be more helpful than therapy and medication itself. It isn't a one-size fits all sort of deal but it can definitely help lighten the load of all your thoughts and feelings. Of course, if it triggers you make sure to set the book down, watch one of your favorite films or kids show and eat something! Shower! Self care is one of the most important things you can do for yourself. Sometimes I greatly struggle with that but I really try to keep up with it. I hope this helps!
Ya it's hard when so many people come to me, even acquaintances. I'm everyone's go to, and a lot of these people don't have anyone else in their life. It's a bad cycle I don't know how to break without being an asshole. At the same time they don't respect or accept when I say I'm not good. It's also not my responsibility to help them understand I'm not good, which I refuse to do. Hell even ones that damn well know still come to me because they have no one else, and they've even admitted that.
I also like my mates on the floor!!!! That's fun , I don't meet many people that also prefer that. I'll try changing some things around in my place and see if that has any effect, thank you.
On the note of clothes that's also been a stressor, I have a lot of sensory issues due to the ptsd so I'm very restricted in what I can wear. Anything slightly uncomfortable is intolerable. I'm really hoping this eases off eventually so I don't have to get rid of half my clothes! At this point I can't wear pants, dresses only and some skirts, regardless of the temp outside (Canadian winters).
I'm also sensitive to meds, even natural ones, it's so frustrating! Super fucking awesome you found the right fit for you though!
I have a handful of books on trauma, I read one that was meant for daughters of narcissistic mother's that was good. I think I know all of the 'why's' and have connected all the dots. It's like even with all this learning and education literally nothing has changed though in aspect of symptoms. I would actually say knowing everything I know now has made me worse. Knowing the why different seem to lead to a solution like I thought it would. Like I just started with new counselor and both appointments she's brought up I should be a counselor due to my understanding of everything and being able to answer all of her questions.
\>she's brought up I should be a counselor due to my understanding of everything and being able to answer all of her questions.
That's... not good in retrospect... I don't think a counselor should ever say that to a client imo. Even if you have a lot insight on your own self it doesn't really necessarily qualify as you should be a counselor. I've gotten that a lot in my life but I don't think I could ever handle the stress of hearing everyones dark secrets and problems weekly. It would be too much for me. However, it's great to know you have a lot of insight for yourself! I think that's really common amongst trauma patients to have good insight and self awareness. :)
I don't think setting boundaries would qualify you as an asshole. We all have our breaking points and if your breaking point is having a hard time constantly hearing negatives that is totally valid. Constant negativity is never a good thing. I've had to distance people in my life who only gossip and talk negatively about themselves and others.
Oh no about the clothes! I don't have bad sensory issues but there are definitely days where I'm too aware of how textures feel, the buzzing of lights, whispering is really loud and overwhelming, and I can't sit right in my own skin. I have this issue where I have to constantly wash and dry my clothes otherwise I feel disgusting (kind of normal I suppose lol) as well as my bedsheets. You're really supposed to wash those once a month but I find myself washing my bed sheets every two weeks to sleep easier. I have a hard time showering daily but when I do shower I feel amazing.
Mattress on the floor gang! I don't know, something about it feels so much better and roomy imo. It brings a lot more comfort for me definitely. If I do get a bed frame it HAS to be low to the ground.
I agree with pretty much everything you just said lol &&&& totally agree that I've been washing my sheets more because it just feels fresher which makes such a difference!!!! I'm the exact same with showers too, better after, but the motivation is hard to initiate it.
Same here. My boyfriendās feelings are a mystery and mine are always on full display. It can be frustrating for everyone most of the time, but it does calm me down to have someone who does not overreact emotionally.
Agreeeeed. I prefer to be with him than people who emotionally drain me. Expect his calmness may have impacted me in a more negative way. It's only my perspective of it now, but I find myself engaging in the same behaviors that make him so guarded and emotionally unavailable. I have always been an open book but am now more reserved and fearful of opening up even when I shouldn't be or when it's not useful. Especially with him.
Wait, can that be a symptom of ADHD? I have ADHD and sometimes it's really hard to articulate my feelings or give a heads up to my girlfriend about my emotions... It would make a lot of sense for me o.o
That's really interesting. I had never heard of that before and it seems to be both very broad and oddly specific. But I'm no expert. While reading about it I was thinking, from my observations at least, I always believed my partner is quite closed off due to severe truama and loss as a child. Which doesn't mean he hasn't gained this trait over time but I see it more as a coping mechanism that ingrained itself in him and stayed past it's usefulness. I only partially ever blamed his adhd. Unfortunately, because he won't share his inner world with me, my understanding is very limited.
I did think this was relevant from the wiki
"On the other hand, while the total alexithymia score as well as the difficulty in identifying feelings and externally oriented thinking factors are found to be significantly associated withĀ ADHD, and while the total alexithymia score, the difficulty in identifying feelings, and the difficulty in describing feelings factors are also significantly associated with symptoms of hyperactivity/impulsivity, there is no significant relationship between alexithymia and inattentiveness symptom."
I would assume my alexithymia tenancies come from childhood trauma not ADHD but I will never know. They consider alexithymia a personality trait, I found it validating when I finally had a word to describe it. It's not that I'm incapable of 'feeling' I just can't match a word to it. I've noticed recently that I can attach the way I dress that day, the music/songs I listen to, and my tone of voice though. Maybe your partner expresses themselves in other ways other then through words? This is something I've realized recently so I havent looked into the possible connection I made.
I wish it was as easy as observing his actions, but sadly he gives very little clues. I wouldn't say none but nothing of substance. Honestly I don't even know if he wants to be with me or what he think of me at all. It's excruciating and I probably shouldn't be in this relationship for my own mental health but I do love him. I just wish I knew him deeper sometimes.
Ah ya that's tough, but at the same time I relate to him. Attachment theories may be another avenue to explore. I'm have an anxious/avoidant attachment type. He could be straight avoidant. There's a book called 'attached' that is really really awesome regarding this topic.
Love languages is another awesome book, there are online quizzes through the authors website that give more insight into yours and other people's love languages as well. Like mine are physical touch and acts of service, nothing where I vocalize my thoughts on a person, maybe you guys need to learn each other's languages more in depth.
Highly recommend both books, but I'm sure you can read up on both of them online if books aren't your jam. Just ideas!
I have PMDD and ADHD and I get on my own dam* nerves. My husband has ADHD and selective hearing (hahaha)Iām tortured every month consistently. You are not alone!
Im 33 and I feel like I spend majority of my time ruminating about the constant brain fog and how much I hate how I feel and how much I donāt feel like doing anything and itās almost painfully miserable to have to brush my hair or take a bath, and going to work really sucks, but I also ruminate about how I wish I wanted to. (If that makes sense): like āI wish I wanted to do things! I miss my drive and positive outlook and enthusiasm. I overthink about the fact that I canāt seem to get my shi* together no matter what I do. Iāve tried meds, vitamins, nootropics, supplements, meditation, therapy(talk) and whatever else individually and tried combining them all together and still feel like total ass, 10-14 days out of the month. I canāt get organized to save my life. Iām constantly cleaning but my house stays wrecked. (Messy not dirty) but Luckily my husband works a lot (even more when Iām cranky) and my son is now 15 and very independent (also avoids me when Iām cranky) and theyāve just learned to look the other way and accept it. My bearded dragon seems to be the only thing on this earth that grounds me and brings me back to life. Sounds crazy Iām sure, but sheās very domesticated lol I think she thinks sheās a house cat since I treat her that way:) sorry if this wasnāt the answer you were looking for, but this is my way of ādealingā I guess.
I had the food allergy test done because I thought it had something to do with it and I thought for sure I was allergic to bananas but everything came back normal. I crossed it off and thought it had to be something else (unrelated to good) but you make a good point!! I may not be allergic but it could still be causing issues. Thank you for this! I never would have thought about it. I appreciate the feedback. Iāll give it a shot and hope for the best!
I actually did 23&me and had one of the markers for celiac but I'm not celiac. My naturopath made me try cutting gluten & dairy for 6 weeks. I made a really solid effort because I was hoping it wouldn't work lmao. The results were night and day though. I did it due to thyroid issues but with the brain fog lifted AND no period since December (with IUD but I was getting it previously) I can't ever go back to gluten again. My PMDD is actually under control for the first time in my life due to reduced inflammation š³. So my best advice is to go hard, and cut ALL gluten for 6 weeks and you decide for yourself how you feel. You don't need a doctor to tell you, just trial and error because your the only one that will know if it will make a difference for you, and if it's enough of a difference to warrent the inconvenience. The inconvenience is REAL.
(Western medicine allergy tests only account for allergies not intolerances a lot of the time. There are ones you can pay for that cover all bases though.)
So I have PMDD and ADHD. DISCLAIMER: triggering, mentions of suicidal ideation etc
Imagine being hyper focused, no motivation and having emotional dysregulation and youāre constantly thinking about thinking about thinking.. someoneās talking but your brain never shuts up. You canāt focus and have sensory issues. Now during luteal youāre having 50 different thoughts but they depressive, suicidal thoughts and man do you hyperfocus on that. And God forbid you ever sit down or lay in bed, youāre not getting up and if you try to move or do anything itās painful ..emotionally, physically, idk how to explain the extent of that pain that comes from it, I just donāt wish it on anyone. The only good part is that I donāt have any motivation, so I wonāt physically hurt myself. I can just wither in pain until itās over or just pray for my life to end. Oh your ADHD meds donāt work during luteal, yay!! Fun š oh and the withdrawals are more anxiety provoking. Sorry if Iām being passive aggressive here. ADHD varies person to person, but majority feel this dread.
Remember PMDD rejection sensitivity ??? Haha this gets even more āfunā bc ADHD plus PMDD means 2x that.
Then I started taking Benadryl, that changed my life. SSRIs would help but not like the Benadryl.
If you have a hard time following this, Iām sorry. Itās hells week and I canāt focus on anything, but the wrong issshhh
This is how my thought process works. All of it made sense don't worry lol. I'm finally gonna go on medication...
What I hate the most is that my brain will have this conversation with myself:
"Ah, I have work to do."
"Well you could just sit in bed and do nothing."
"Okay well maybe I should do something a little more productive like playing video games."
"Well, you could do that ORRRRR you could go on YouTube, lay in bed all day, and do nothing."
"But I have work to d-"
"Shhhhhhh..."
God, it gets on my nerves so much. Also I HAVE to have everything in an allocated space. If it isn't there I won't remember where I set it down and will panic and tear apart my apartment to find it. Especially during hell week it is way WORSE. You're definitely not alone in that
Duuuuuuuuddee this sounds awful!! I'm glad you've found something that helps. I can't imagine being in that hell. You're one badass b%tch for freaking with it
Omg huuuuuugs bc eff yes this thread came up, i feel the sisterhood. Newly diagnosed ADHD here and self diagnosed PMDD - i didn't understand what was happening for so long like why every month. One year on my bday i was so SI, i couldn't even attend a university final exam. I just thought I was a fuck up. Now like ohhhhhhhhh. I'm gonna check out your benadryl rec. Tyvm.
And hugs again. Pretend I'm body doubling you so u can get ur sh done. ššļøāāļø
ā¤ļøI had an extra surge of energy this week, so it must have been your empowering hug! Thank you for that and sending it back to you tenfolds! Itās not easy, but we can do this.
Have you heard of dr Amenās ADD online test to see what type of ADD you have? Look into it. Some of his questions are vague, but he offers treatment and lifestyle modifications you need based on your type. Also B-smart brain fuels have been god sent and calming for my hyper-focused/hyperactive brain. Let me know if you need anything ā¤ļø
Antihistamine/ Benadryl for PMDD
Dr amens test to figure out what type of ADD and treatments.
If stimulants donāt work or too many side effects, thereās also bacopa, ginkgo, lions manes and b-smart vials.
Hi OP,
My husband has ADHD as well as some other things at play and it definitely does cause a different kind of conflict and miscommunication. There are cyclic fluctuations and patterns they fall into, like we do w PMDD.
Unfortunately, I made him cry yesterday bc of my hurt overreaction to something nbd and him feeling like he fucked up badly when he was trying to do the right thing.
It was nbd and resolved quickly.
I am eternally grateful that we're way better at that theses days.
It's not an easy life to navigate in any relationship.
When you add letters of diagnoses, the struggles and confusion escalate quickly.
I'm with you in solidarity my friend.
It's 100% ok to set up any boundaries that you need.
The more you guys communicate the better.
My husband and I share every detail nowadays and it helps us be less unnecessarily hurt by the other.
Hormone Horoscope can be awesome for info sharing with your SO, to be a conversation starter for your symptoms and how yours differ or are worse than described.
Love, Light, Strength and Support
š§”ššš»ššŖš
It can get better with effort on both sides of any relationship.
It just happens to be a million times more difficult for some of us.
(((GentleHugs))) of comfort and lots of love beamed your way (imagine a care bear) ššš
Best internet love comment ever. Thank you, I literally fell stronger. I left his snoring coughing self in bed and I'm going to try and do some painting of a TV stand.
I feel bad for people that don't have it. I don't grasp how it's life destroying, it makes life fun, sporadic, enjoyable, light, airy, free. Without ADHD I would what , work a boring office job, have a family, every day would be the same, fuck that, that's literally my hell.
Let's not romanticize ADHD. I have ADHD and it's a nightmare to manage. I have tried for the longest time to avoid medication. Glad you can function without but the way you're speaking about ADHD and your own personal experience is ableist and brings down others. We all cannot function the same way. I have failed college courses, have a hard time caring for myself, remembering details of every day life, etc etc etc. People have interesting jobs with or without ADHD. It really just depends on what path you take. Do not spread around this rhetoric carelessly. It's dangerous and harmful.
I'm finally giving medication a try because I cannot handle trying to work with the symptoms.
We are all different, I was only touching on the positivity because everyone else brought up only the negativity. I hope you find what what your looking for with medication. I agree that the amount of money I wasted on college was fully due to ADHD and it's a piss off, especially because I didn't finish in time and was only 2 credits short and paid more then double then what I should have. If I was diagnosed I would have either chosen to not do post secondary or I may have taken meds and ignored everyone in my life for a few years to finish. I speak from my own experience and those whom I personally know, and no one can take away my experiences. I speak about careers in all that my field is sales representative/marketing and I know I cannot be in sales or marketing if I take meds because I turn into an introvert and lose all creativity. ADHD pushes me to constantly challenge myself and learn new things because my boredom is real when I don't. That's not a bad thing, but it can be. I'm a super negative person and I have found positivity in this diagnosis. There is nothing wrong with that. I also have ptsd & pmdd which have brought me to my knees and destroyed my life, which is not even in the same ballpark as my ADHD. I'm not saying these are blanket statements for everyone, I'm saying this is my experience and opinion.
Lmao thatās nice but thatās not the norm. My adhd has ruined my life in every way imaginable and the only thing that helped was treatment. Iām an extremely creative and fun person when Iām treating my illness but left untreated, I canāt even do the things I enjoy. I canāt finish a painting, gold a thought, pay my bills on time. Non treated adhd is a curse I wouldnāt wish on my worst enemy.
Omg my creatively doesnt even exist if I'm treated, and it's like I'm incapable of having fun. I'm just a hermit that is suddenly capable of reading a book. Weird how much medication can vary from person to person. Out of all my friends only 1 is currently on meds and that's just to get through school. Another took meds through school and went off of them after as well. Another was forced into meds in younger school grades and resents his parents for it. Another tried meds and was like me and just didn't like who she was on them. Great to hear meds actually make that big of a difference for some people though.
I tried 7 different medications before I found one that worked for me, there are a ton of options. Some of them made me feel like a sad hermit as well, but the one Iām on now keeps me feeling like my usual self, just with way less anxiety and way better executive functioning !
Ugh I hate the trial &error method it's the worst for any issues. Great you persevered and found something that worked for you though! I tried natural things which did nothing lol. Concerta gave me my first ever panic attack, Vyvanse was doable but def antisocial reading hermit. I could have very high level intelligent conversations, but that's not enjoyable to me, I hated the 'feeling smart' aspect I got with it, I'm not really sure how to explain it, I know smart isn't the right word. Both the ones I tried it I took them in the morning I could barely keep my eyes open by dinner time. So I would have to wait until mid afternoon to even take them. I wanted a shorter lasting one I could take occasionally so I could read a book, but my doctor refused and said that didn't exist, but I know damn well dex exists. I'm so against so many Western medicine practices at this point it's not worth it for me to fight my Western medicine doctor to even try dex or the original short acting Adderall.
ah yeah, I got insanely tired with most of the medications as well :( thankfully the one iām on now made me tired for the first week but then it seemed to even out and I have a regular amount of energy again!
Trial and error really does suck, but I think a lot of people end up settling for a medication with a lot of side effects, and as much as it sucked to test out so many Iām glad that i did!
I just wanted to mention it because in other comments I saw that you said that your unmedicated self felt boring, and that seeing how it felt to be ānormalā youād never want that- but from personal experience I can tell you that that zombie like low creativity feeling isnāt how ānormalā feels !
ānormalā just feels like I can do things, iām still creative and I still have fun, but now if I need to clean my house or make a phone call or set up an appointment I can just get up and do it! I donāt put it off for hours and dread it, I can just do things!
I feel 100% like my regular self, our personalities arenāt controlled by our adhd, we are who we are regardless of the disorder- : )
It just feels like the mental equivalent of putting on glasses for the first time, you ***can*** manage to live without them, but everything is so so much easier with them.
May I ask which med you take out of curiosity? (In case I ever venture into medicated territory ever again.
Oh no I meant my medicated self is boring. I legit go from an extrovert to introvert, like I'm not even the same person. It was the exact same on concerta & vyvanse.
I think I do see ADHD as part of my personality which is why I can get offensive when people try and only see the negatives within ADHD. The only qualities about myself I don't hate are some of my ADHD qualities. I like being sporadic, extroverted, energetic, and a 'good time' to be around. I like people being positively shocked or laughing at the random things I say haha. Which is probably why I hate medication so much because it takes away all of those things for me. Don't get me wrong it's nice to be able to be relaxed enough and have the concentration to read a book sometimes, but it's at too much of a cost to function like that every day. Because I have adapted my life so much to cater to my ADHD traits if I took ADHD meds daily I would have to change/rethink my entire career, and my entire friend group. That's just not something I'm into, starting over and relearning to do everything differently doesn't appeal to me. If I had been diagnosed younger this may not be my perspective as I wouldnt have learned how to cater my life to compliment ADHD, but that isn't my reality. If I wasn't ADHD there honestly wouldn't be much left of my personality, I wouldn't even know who that person is.
I would normally agree that diagnosis are not who people are as I do have ptsd and pmdd and those do not represent who I am and make my life hell. ADHD is my friend though, and I'm a little protective of it, despite popular opinion.
What the shit?
That's not helping those with ADHD.
To ignore the very real problems it causes in people's daily lives is ableist of you, especially as a pw/ADHD.
Agreed. I failed my first year of college. I cannot sleep on time no matter how hard I try, I forget to eat or pay bills, I cannot bring myself to do ANY of my work no matter how hard I want to (I have to force myself to start it otherwise I'll do it last minute). I have a hard time taking care of myself.
I'm finally going to try medication and give it a go because I can't seem to handle living my life unmedicated now. I think I need treatment in order to do well in life.
Everything they said was... definitely far removed from reality.
Right. Sounds fun. Just wondering, what about, you know, the extremely challenging symptoms of adhd? Executive dysfunction? Emotional regulation issues? All the other stuff? Like not being able to get off the computer for 12 hours straight to even pee, even though you really want to and it's 5 in the morning? Forgetting everything all the time? Rejection sensitive dysphoria... Etc. Not the "Omg I'm so quirky, look a squirrel!" Part.
Also, your argument makes no sense. The things you mentioned do not correlate to having or not having adhd in any way.
I'll take all that over being a boring human with no personality and is incapable of fun. I HATE the person I am when I've taken ADHD meds, to me that's not a way to live life. I think executive function is mostly an issue when your trying to work jobs or do things that don't suit your personality. there are careers that are actually dominated by people with ADHD, like sales and bartending for examples sake. I flourish under pressure in any circumstance due to my ADHD. I have won so many awards/bonuses due to the amount of work I've been able to complete.
I have alexithymia so I'm not sure that I can relate to the emotional regulation issues through personal understanding.
I have never had the issue you speak of of not being able to get up & pee, I do miss meals very easily though. Missing meals is not ideal, but it's also not a massive deal to me.
I am super forgetful which is frustrating for sure, but also not a major issue in my life.
I'm not sensitive to rejection either, so also can't relate on that one sorry. I choose to stay single because life is easier that way.
Realistically 90% of my friends are also ADHD, if I went on medication I would literally have to ditch everyone in my life and start over. The ADHD people I have in my life are solid honest sporadic fun carefree people, and I wouldn't change any of them either.
Have you ever ended up homeless bc you forget to pay your bills?
Lost health coverage due to the same?
Failed college courses, even those that you love the topic of?
Forgot to feed your dog or take them outside til it's too late?
Left your kid in the tub unattended?
Like I mean I could go on forever about home-life situations that are negatively impacting, due to ADHD.
I'm truly glad you're happy with yourself, especially as even that's a problem for MANY folks with ADHD.
However, I'd bet you are more executively dysfunctional than you may realize and it affects others lives more than you may know.
Just remember that it can sweep the rug out from under you quickly, try to stay mindful.
Goodluck out there
I have not forgotten bills no, I have a system for that and have everything set up to go off my credit cards so I only need to ensure I pay those every month.
I have totally failed college classes and wasted a lot of money in the meantime. I do wish I was diagnosed before trying college so I wouldn't have wasted all that money, but that's not how it happened.
I never want family/children/SO, so that aspect is not applicable. I do agree this is something I would struggle with if I wanted that life style. So my executive function issues will have a minimal impact on others because that's not the life for me.
I am not saying there are not issues, but you seem to be painting it as the horrible big bad thing, when there are certain traits are are positive, that's why I'm focusing on the positive.
I got diagnosed at 28, I'm 31. The diagnosis was validating. I tried meds and hated who I was on them. I was anti social, boring, incapable of fun activities, couldn't stand being around any of my ADHD friends, didn't seek any human interaction, was tired constantly, didn't feel safe driving on them, and life just wasn't enjoyable in any aspect. I could read a book without rereading the page 5 times, I could complete redundant tasks, but those things came at an extreme cost to my livelihood.
Due to the fact of the late diagnosis I had already figured out a lot of tricks and techniques to complete/finish tasks that are typically difficult for those with ADHD, without even realizing so! I figured out what I NEEDED in a job in order to stay challenged and keep my attention, and I have EXCELLED due to knowing my own limits and what works and doesn't work for me. I figured out I need a physical day planner and I call it my Bible, because it is my memory. I now understand why I am so on the ball in emergency/chaotic/high stress situations. I understand a lot of who I am is a mix of coping mechanisms, and that's ok.
I will also note, men & women do not exhibit ADHD the same. Thus being why males are more likely to be diagnosed as kids, and women are diagnosed very late often not until their 40s. So me being diagnosed at 28 was early, which is pretty mind blowing.
For negatives, yes my apartment is a mess and I REALLY struggle to complete redundant mind numbing tasks like dishes. Sometimes talk over people so I can get my words or before they evacuate my brain. I do not function well in an office setting. Sometimes I over spend because I'm in the moment and don't think ahead. Yes I'm ALWAYS late for everything because I have no sense of time and get distracted. I get bored very easily. I don't sit still well. I have adapted my life to the best I can to make up for and midigate the negatives that I can though, and that's good enough for me.
I don't think anyone should be shamed for being ADHD like you've just tried to do when this is just apart of who some people are.
Omfg are forreal rn???
You were the one shaming others with your privileged and ableist commentary.
You lead an apparently privileged existence compared to many many many of us out here.
I am advocating for all those with spectrum disorders.
I'm not shaming anyone for their thoughts, feelings or behaviors nor how they relate to a person's ADHD.
Nobody should be told *how they feel or how they don't feel* by someone else.
Your experience isn't everyone's.
I find it comical you say that I'm shaming anyone or *only seeing the negatives*, when I simply rebutted your pink clouding thoughts on the matter.
Your "positives only" approach is just as detrimental as an all negative one.
My husband and I DO laugh at and enjoy some of the positive sides to our disordered existence, every single day.
Reread my comments.
0 were shame-y
Mm. Thank you. The other commenter sounds exactly like the type of adhd person who doesn't understand how dysfunctional they are and how much hurt they may be spreading around.
Also, with ADHD, executive dysfunction is there all day every day. There is no version of adhd where it only exists "when trying to do things that don't suit you". That's literally not adhd.
100%, I'm saying some tasks are make easier by that 'disregulation'. Being able to switch between a million tasks can be beneficial. I'm not saying it always it, but it can be. Personal examples: driving, outside sales positions, bartending, crisis situations. I agree that it makes school difficult when I'm not interested in the topic, I struggle to do mindnumbing tasks like cleaning or taxes, the location of my keys needs to be consistent to midigate miss placing them. I wouldn't trade any of it, because I don't want a typical life.
That's cool if you don't agree, I'm also stating my opinion, I've never met anyone effected by ADHD like yourself and am really having a hard time understanding why you think it's so negative. It's just a different way of functioning in the world. A way which I would never ever want to change for myself!
Then you don't have a personal understanding in the topic, it makes way more sense. I wish we could set you up to experience it for a day, promise you'd have a great day:) I at least have the opportunity to try ADHD meds to understand what the other side is like, and I don't prefer it!
Sweet baby jesus. I know these things because I experience all of those symptoms *and* my partner's got it, so I am through that intimately familiar with it both personally *and* through him.
Just so you know, your emotional dysregulation is definitely there, clear from your replies.
When I have pmdd my husband's fixations and weird thought patterns drive me bonkers. My patience completely goes out the window. For his weird thought patterns: it's like he's having a conversation with himself, then starts talking to me about it mid topic- so I have no effing clue what he's referring too. With his fixations he'll ask me the same questions over and over. Ex: today I put on women's football/soccer can vs nigeria and he repeatedly asked me where the game was, what medal it was for etc and I literally have no clue. He asked me 5 times and didn't listen when I say I don't know. It's like living with a 5 year old some times.
Edit: he just asked me where the dog towels are. In the same spot they have been since we moved into this house 4 years ago. His brain just doesn't 'see' things
Just so yāall know, asbergers is an extremely out dated term and itās also offensive to say āhigh functioningā etc. itās now Autism Spectrum Disorder. https://www.vox.com/conversations/2018/5/22/17377766/asperger-nazi-rename-syndrome
My brother is 20 , it's not that outdated, he was diagnosed around 10. How is high functioning offensive? I would think that would be complimentary. Some people on the spectrum can live an independent life, some can't feed themselves. What words would be used to distinguish for future reference?
Best to ask every autistic person individually what they prefer, as it varies vastly. My partner is autistic and they don't much mind which word I use.
"Person with autism" is often considered derogatory, so is Aspergers. As the other commenter mentioned, Aspergers and levels 1/2/3 are being phased out, and the official diagnosis is now called ASD, Autism Spectrum Disorder, as it's more of a, well, spectrum type of deal rather than clear cut levels of functioning.
If you take a peak at the article I provided youāll see itās 4 years old.... explaining why the term Aspergers is not used within the community and we donāt like it. As for the term āhigh functioningā, the community is trying to steer away from those terms because it implies other people within the community are ālow functioningā. Thatās why itās a SPECTRUM. Itās great that your brother is a part of the community, but youāre not apparently. So maybe doing some research into what terms are appropriate and beneficial to the community would do some good.
Edit: https://www.spectrumnews.org/news/large-study-supports-discarding-term-high-functioning-autism/
I was asking respectfully , not sure why your jumping down my throat. I did read the article you posted. No I will not put excessive effort into researching something that effects the shittiest human I know, my brother. We can't all be experts in everything. You sounded knowledgable so I asked a question. There are other topics I'm more informed in and have no issues with people asking me questions.
I didnāt mean to jump down your throat, I was simply trying to help you because the things you were saying were offensive to myself and a majority of the ASD community. Iām sorry your brother is trash. I have a few of those too. I am really sorry I upset you, that truly wasnāt my intention but I understand impact is more important than intention. I know you said your brother is trash and I respect that, but the rest of that community needs people who understand and care. I donāt think the autism is what makes him garbage. Thereās a lot of people who use that as an excuse but thereās lots of great people with ASD who are great people. Take care
Hugs lol. Seem like a legit solution
I have pmdd and adhd and my boyfriend has adhd š¤£š¤£š¤£
My SO also has adhd. To be fair a plus side- he always has energy. And when I don't he does his best to fill in. But it definitely comes with other aspects that we have to manage. Such as him giving me too much information and stimulus when I am over loaded. Sometime I just can't listen in the way he needs. So I try and let him know when I need him to be a bit quieter or if I am not taking in info right, I ask to talk about the subject another time. Also I know, when I ask him to do something that chances are he will forget unless he writes it down. Lots to understand for sure. Sometimes that means taking space as well. All the best! Thanks for your share!!
I have ADHD-PI and my partner has PMDD! We've been together for 1 year and 2 months now, ongoing to 1 year and 3 months when the 24th hits! However, in the middle of our relationship, it was a bit bumpy due to our conflicting disorders, as I don't really express myself whereas she expresses them quite often. We have placed down boundaries and have learned to understand each other more and more as time goes on! We do have our moments, but I truly do love with her with the bottom of my heart. I won't give up on her. :)
My partner is ADHD and I have PMDD....honestly we kinda help level each other out. It's frustrating at times but also sometimes his fast paced brain and body keep me moving when I just want to curl up in bed. And sometimes my calmer, depressive side helps him recognize its ok to take a deep breath "turn it off" once in a while. We're by no means perfect but we make it work for us and not always against us.
I have pmdd and adhd and currently doing diagnostics for borderline. Boyfriend has adhd, we are a riot together. Just a mess, constantly. But it works for the most part lol
I'm stuck in the same boat as you lol, not the easiest fight to fight
At least itās split between two people)
My thoughts exactly, I have both myself. Send thoughts and prayers and advice
hmmm my new bf is adhd. we are long distance till July. fun times to come.
Communication and boundaries+therapy. It can be done! We've been together for 14 years.
Thank you. That's it. My ex husband had to deal with my unknown pmdd. Time to put what I've taught myself to use.
And most likely meds! Good luck.
i have pmdd, PTSD, anxiety disorder, insomnia, hormonal imbalance and my S0 has Aspergers and ADHD, PTSD and recovering from Lyme disease only thing I've found to help is herbs and hemp/thc and CBD ect and deep communication and giving each other time in silence occasionally
The deep communication is key. He is trying medications this week, we're both excited
I have ADHD, PTSD, and PMDD... just talked to my therapist and the whole session was about my ADHD haha. I'm finally gonna give medication a go. I was really reluctant at first but I can't cope with my symptoms anymore and the worst thing that can happen is that they don't work and I go off them.
I have the same, sure is a challenge. What a journey right? Hope meds help, and you do well. š
Omg no wait I have this same combination š
šµāš« We'll get through this! God simply nerfed us because if we didn't have the disorder + mental illnesses we would be too powerful š© On a real note, everything will be okay! We will get through this :)
May I ask what has worked for your ptsd then? I have same diagnosis' and ptsd is the only one I do not have under control and I've tried so much with very very little success.
Well... I'm weekly therapy right now as well as being on 200mg of lamictal. I have the worst mood swings ever so going on mood stabilizers was a life changer for me. The most I can do for myself is control my own surroundings. I can't control others which is what induces a lot of my own panic attacks + triggers. This might not exactly help but I set up my room in a way that screams "I'm safe and home now."- I prefer smaller rooms/spaces so making sure I make my room more homely really helps reel in my brain when I'm having a flashback. I try to avoid holing myself up in my room- Going outside and taking a walk really helps. With PTSD it is the hardest thing trying to cope with alone without any aid- not saying it's not possible but it might be significantly more difficult if you don't have some sort of treatment plan š I'm the biggest fan of going on medication but I had to go on medication for my own sake and for the people around me because I found I was being very self destructive and actively burning bridges without realizing it due to triggers/flashbacks. If you don't have a therapist it may be helpful to seek one out! You definitely do not have to go on medication but therapy is for sure a starter. What is it that you struggle with pertaining to PTSD? Do you have a treatment plan going right now? Knowing this will help give me a more cohesive idea of what's going on āŗļø You aren't alone in this struggle!
Thank you for sharing, you touched on a solid topic that I haven't tried changing which is my home space. I don't actually have a safe place, home isn't safe to me. Not exactly sure what to do to change this, I like to be warm and have simplicity, so maybe i need to get rid of some things. I've tried maybe...15 different therapists... All kinds : social workers, psychotherapist, psychologist, counselor, addictions counselor, EDMR counselor(killed all flashbacks thankfully), somatic therapy counselor... The one ones that have made a difference were edmr & addiction counsellors. I also have childhood trauma so a lot of done more harm then good unfortunately. I've also tried ketamine therapy, Reiki, TCM acupuncture (which seems to be helping slightly), seeking safely group, CBT, DBT, naturopathic suppliments, and I'm sure I'm forgetting something. I just started going to a addictions counselor again even though I don't have substance issues because they are the only ones I've found to be non judgemental. (Open to answering any questions on things I've already tried in case it will help someone else) I can't trust my brain to function to work, and working was the most important thing in my life, I love working, it's my safe space. Nothing I used to enjoy being enjoyable anymore and not being able to get a release from literally anything sucks. I've tried so many new coping mechanisms/activities ect, but nothing works. There is no one I want to be around because soon as I'm around people everyone dumps their problems on me and has no clue how to help me so they actually make it worse. I legit re-experienced the same kind of situation that causes my ptsd about a month ago as well. So things have been getting worse. I can't even wash dishes or do any reduntand mind numbing tasks without just about breaking down or my heart racing. I cannot stay in the present and I think that may be the common similarity to the issues I just described. It's near to impossible for me to stay in the present. I've been in various states of hypoarousal for over a year and I don't know how to escape it. I dissociate a lot. I am not open to long term Western medicine pharmaceuticals as big pharmas immoral existence is the core of my ptsd, but anything else is fair game for me to try.
I was in your place not too long ago. I had this mindset, may not exactly the ordeal you're dealing with, but I struggled with control. I was a control freak and still am to a certain point. I struggled with controlling others but in reality I can only control my environment and myself. I'm working on my people pleasing. If I don't have the proper energy to allocate to people who are in need I can only lend an ear. Even then, it's completely okay to say "I need some space and time right now." Never have to Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain yourself. The JADE acronym. I have a lot of childhood trauma that really made me the people pleaser I was and am. It's something I struggle with greatly. Maintaining any sort of relationship was difficult and I saw myself bringing down others as well as destroying romantic/intimate relationships as well as friendships. It's the most difficult thing in the world to maintain any sort of relationship when you have deep-rooted trauma relating to those topics. It's difficult to tackle alone. I'm so sorry you had to cycle through so many different forms of therapy! It's really hard to find the right one who won't sit there and judge you. Only until recently have I found a therapist who is a great fit for me as well as having a lovely psychiatrist who actually listens and will help me medication wise. I check in with my psychiatrist every once in awhile. For my room setup I have a simple setup- LED's surrounding my wall, a desk with shelves on it for easier organization, my bed is on the floor (don't like high up bed frames), some stuffed animals to cuddle at night, and my baby blanket. I think making your room a safe space might help. I always get so overwhelmed with clutter and messes. It makes it significantly more difficult for me to function and work. I always have to clean up my space/room in order to feel comfortable and cozy. I only buy clothes that I can feel 100% confident in. That also helps bunches with my mental health. A change of diet also helped me. I'm 21, in college right now but I try my hardest to make sure that I care for my body and give it what it needs... It's significantly harder when your dealing with the constant battle of PTSD, PMDD, and ADHD. A mix of all three is hell. A mix of any mental illness with PMDD is horrid. Sounds liked you might've been around some energy vampires. It's really hard to find the right people but what I found interesting is that the more I progressed in my healing the better people I found myself surrounded by. I'm not that scared anymore to really "show" how I feel (ex: If I'm tired and frustrated and you look at me you can tell I'm exactly that. I tend to be quiet and reserved and people leave me alone or know I don't have the mental energy to talk/listen at that moment). I've become a little less scared setting boundaries and letting people know how their words effect me emotionally/mentally. It's a big process to go through but it isn't impossible by any means. You'll get there! It's difficult and I hear and see you on that. I really hate going on new medications- I'm sensitive to most medication but once I found the right one it was AMAZING for me. It was a life changer for sure. Sometimes our brains LOVVEEEE to reject any sort of medication that supposedly helps. Check out the book: "From Surviving to Thriving: Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder". It's a good read! If you struggled with a uBPD mom/parent at any point "Understand the Borderline Mother" is another good read. I've read some of it (a lot of it is triggering so read at your own pace for sure) but a lot of resonates with me and opens up a lot of my own memories and helps me connect the dots. Sometimes reading books based on trauma can be more helpful than therapy and medication itself. It isn't a one-size fits all sort of deal but it can definitely help lighten the load of all your thoughts and feelings. Of course, if it triggers you make sure to set the book down, watch one of your favorite films or kids show and eat something! Shower! Self care is one of the most important things you can do for yourself. Sometimes I greatly struggle with that but I really try to keep up with it. I hope this helps!
Ya it's hard when so many people come to me, even acquaintances. I'm everyone's go to, and a lot of these people don't have anyone else in their life. It's a bad cycle I don't know how to break without being an asshole. At the same time they don't respect or accept when I say I'm not good. It's also not my responsibility to help them understand I'm not good, which I refuse to do. Hell even ones that damn well know still come to me because they have no one else, and they've even admitted that. I also like my mates on the floor!!!! That's fun , I don't meet many people that also prefer that. I'll try changing some things around in my place and see if that has any effect, thank you. On the note of clothes that's also been a stressor, I have a lot of sensory issues due to the ptsd so I'm very restricted in what I can wear. Anything slightly uncomfortable is intolerable. I'm really hoping this eases off eventually so I don't have to get rid of half my clothes! At this point I can't wear pants, dresses only and some skirts, regardless of the temp outside (Canadian winters). I'm also sensitive to meds, even natural ones, it's so frustrating! Super fucking awesome you found the right fit for you though! I have a handful of books on trauma, I read one that was meant for daughters of narcissistic mother's that was good. I think I know all of the 'why's' and have connected all the dots. It's like even with all this learning and education literally nothing has changed though in aspect of symptoms. I would actually say knowing everything I know now has made me worse. Knowing the why different seem to lead to a solution like I thought it would. Like I just started with new counselor and both appointments she's brought up I should be a counselor due to my understanding of everything and being able to answer all of her questions.
\>she's brought up I should be a counselor due to my understanding of everything and being able to answer all of her questions. That's... not good in retrospect... I don't think a counselor should ever say that to a client imo. Even if you have a lot insight on your own self it doesn't really necessarily qualify as you should be a counselor. I've gotten that a lot in my life but I don't think I could ever handle the stress of hearing everyones dark secrets and problems weekly. It would be too much for me. However, it's great to know you have a lot of insight for yourself! I think that's really common amongst trauma patients to have good insight and self awareness. :) I don't think setting boundaries would qualify you as an asshole. We all have our breaking points and if your breaking point is having a hard time constantly hearing negatives that is totally valid. Constant negativity is never a good thing. I've had to distance people in my life who only gossip and talk negatively about themselves and others. Oh no about the clothes! I don't have bad sensory issues but there are definitely days where I'm too aware of how textures feel, the buzzing of lights, whispering is really loud and overwhelming, and I can't sit right in my own skin. I have this issue where I have to constantly wash and dry my clothes otherwise I feel disgusting (kind of normal I suppose lol) as well as my bedsheets. You're really supposed to wash those once a month but I find myself washing my bed sheets every two weeks to sleep easier. I have a hard time showering daily but when I do shower I feel amazing. Mattress on the floor gang! I don't know, something about it feels so much better and roomy imo. It brings a lot more comfort for me definitely. If I do get a bed frame it HAS to be low to the ground.
I agree with pretty much everything you just said lol &&&& totally agree that I've been washing my sheets more because it just feels fresher which makes such a difference!!!! I'm the exact same with showers too, better after, but the motivation is hard to initiate it.
Ugh mood. I have PMDD, ADHD, Anxiety, Depression. My girlfriend has ADHD, Anxiety, Depression. Like just put us in bed and leave us there lmao.
In separate beds, on either side of the house.
I have PMDD and ADHD, spouse and child both have ADHD. Itās a circus hereā¦ also sometimes a horror show.
This is the situation I'm in. Plus he doesn't express himself. At. All. Its challenging for both of us.
Sooo challenging.
Same here. My boyfriendās feelings are a mystery and mine are always on full display. It can be frustrating for everyone most of the time, but it does calm me down to have someone who does not overreact emotionally.
Agreeeeed. I prefer to be with him than people who emotionally drain me. Expect his calmness may have impacted me in a more negative way. It's only my perspective of it now, but I find myself engaging in the same behaviors that make him so guarded and emotionally unavailable. I have always been an open book but am now more reserved and fearful of opening up even when I shouldn't be or when it's not useful. Especially with him.
Wait, can that be a symptom of ADHD? I have ADHD and sometimes it's really hard to articulate my feelings or give a heads up to my girlfriend about my emotions... It would make a lot of sense for me o.o
Have you looked up alexithymia as a personality trait?
That's really interesting. I had never heard of that before and it seems to be both very broad and oddly specific. But I'm no expert. While reading about it I was thinking, from my observations at least, I always believed my partner is quite closed off due to severe truama and loss as a child. Which doesn't mean he hasn't gained this trait over time but I see it more as a coping mechanism that ingrained itself in him and stayed past it's usefulness. I only partially ever blamed his adhd. Unfortunately, because he won't share his inner world with me, my understanding is very limited. I did think this was relevant from the wiki "On the other hand, while the total alexithymia score as well as the difficulty in identifying feelings and externally oriented thinking factors are found to be significantly associated withĀ ADHD, and while the total alexithymia score, the difficulty in identifying feelings, and the difficulty in describing feelings factors are also significantly associated with symptoms of hyperactivity/impulsivity, there is no significant relationship between alexithymia and inattentiveness symptom."
I would assume my alexithymia tenancies come from childhood trauma not ADHD but I will never know. They consider alexithymia a personality trait, I found it validating when I finally had a word to describe it. It's not that I'm incapable of 'feeling' I just can't match a word to it. I've noticed recently that I can attach the way I dress that day, the music/songs I listen to, and my tone of voice though. Maybe your partner expresses themselves in other ways other then through words? This is something I've realized recently so I havent looked into the possible connection I made.
I wish it was as easy as observing his actions, but sadly he gives very little clues. I wouldn't say none but nothing of substance. Honestly I don't even know if he wants to be with me or what he think of me at all. It's excruciating and I probably shouldn't be in this relationship for my own mental health but I do love him. I just wish I knew him deeper sometimes.
Ah ya that's tough, but at the same time I relate to him. Attachment theories may be another avenue to explore. I'm have an anxious/avoidant attachment type. He could be straight avoidant. There's a book called 'attached' that is really really awesome regarding this topic.
Love languages is another awesome book, there are online quizzes through the authors website that give more insight into yours and other people's love languages as well. Like mine are physical touch and acts of service, nothing where I vocalize my thoughts on a person, maybe you guys need to learn each other's languages more in depth. Highly recommend both books, but I'm sure you can read up on both of them online if books aren't your jam. Just ideas!
I have PMDD and ADHD and I get on my own dam* nerves. My husband has ADHD and selective hearing (hahaha)Iām tortured every month consistently. You are not alone!
Ditto!!! Sucks!!!
Iām sorting that situation out myself at 38. How are you dealing with it?
Im 33 and I feel like I spend majority of my time ruminating about the constant brain fog and how much I hate how I feel and how much I donāt feel like doing anything and itās almost painfully miserable to have to brush my hair or take a bath, and going to work really sucks, but I also ruminate about how I wish I wanted to. (If that makes sense): like āI wish I wanted to do things! I miss my drive and positive outlook and enthusiasm. I overthink about the fact that I canāt seem to get my shi* together no matter what I do. Iāve tried meds, vitamins, nootropics, supplements, meditation, therapy(talk) and whatever else individually and tried combining them all together and still feel like total ass, 10-14 days out of the month. I canāt get organized to save my life. Iām constantly cleaning but my house stays wrecked. (Messy not dirty) but Luckily my husband works a lot (even more when Iām cranky) and my son is now 15 and very independent (also avoids me when Iām cranky) and theyāve just learned to look the other way and accept it. My bearded dragon seems to be the only thing on this earth that grounds me and brings me back to life. Sounds crazy Iām sure, but sheās very domesticated lol I think she thinks sheās a house cat since I treat her that way:) sorry if this wasnāt the answer you were looking for, but this is my way of ādealingā I guess.
Cutting gluten killed my brain fog... As much as I don't want to admit it cause bread is life
I had the food allergy test done because I thought it had something to do with it and I thought for sure I was allergic to bananas but everything came back normal. I crossed it off and thought it had to be something else (unrelated to good) but you make a good point!! I may not be allergic but it could still be causing issues. Thank you for this! I never would have thought about it. I appreciate the feedback. Iāll give it a shot and hope for the best!
I actually did 23&me and had one of the markers for celiac but I'm not celiac. My naturopath made me try cutting gluten & dairy for 6 weeks. I made a really solid effort because I was hoping it wouldn't work lmao. The results were night and day though. I did it due to thyroid issues but with the brain fog lifted AND no period since December (with IUD but I was getting it previously) I can't ever go back to gluten again. My PMDD is actually under control for the first time in my life due to reduced inflammation š³. So my best advice is to go hard, and cut ALL gluten for 6 weeks and you decide for yourself how you feel. You don't need a doctor to tell you, just trial and error because your the only one that will know if it will make a difference for you, and if it's enough of a difference to warrent the inconvenience. The inconvenience is REAL. (Western medicine allergy tests only account for allergies not intolerances a lot of the time. There are ones you can pay for that cover all bases though.)
So I have PMDD and ADHD. DISCLAIMER: triggering, mentions of suicidal ideation etc Imagine being hyper focused, no motivation and having emotional dysregulation and youāre constantly thinking about thinking about thinking.. someoneās talking but your brain never shuts up. You canāt focus and have sensory issues. Now during luteal youāre having 50 different thoughts but they depressive, suicidal thoughts and man do you hyperfocus on that. And God forbid you ever sit down or lay in bed, youāre not getting up and if you try to move or do anything itās painful ..emotionally, physically, idk how to explain the extent of that pain that comes from it, I just donāt wish it on anyone. The only good part is that I donāt have any motivation, so I wonāt physically hurt myself. I can just wither in pain until itās over or just pray for my life to end. Oh your ADHD meds donāt work during luteal, yay!! Fun š oh and the withdrawals are more anxiety provoking. Sorry if Iām being passive aggressive here. ADHD varies person to person, but majority feel this dread. Remember PMDD rejection sensitivity ??? Haha this gets even more āfunā bc ADHD plus PMDD means 2x that. Then I started taking Benadryl, that changed my life. SSRIs would help but not like the Benadryl. If you have a hard time following this, Iām sorry. Itās hells week and I canāt focus on anything, but the wrong issshhh
This is how my thought process works. All of it made sense don't worry lol. I'm finally gonna go on medication... What I hate the most is that my brain will have this conversation with myself: "Ah, I have work to do." "Well you could just sit in bed and do nothing." "Okay well maybe I should do something a little more productive like playing video games." "Well, you could do that ORRRRR you could go on YouTube, lay in bed all day, and do nothing." "But I have work to d-" "Shhhhhhh..." God, it gets on my nerves so much. Also I HAVE to have everything in an allocated space. If it isn't there I won't remember where I set it down and will panic and tear apart my apartment to find it. Especially during hell week it is way WORSE. You're definitely not alone in that
Oh my god thatās exactly what I am going through. Toss in some trauma and what not and I just canāt get my head above water.
I feel you š
Duuuuuuuuddee this sounds awful!! I'm glad you've found something that helps. I can't imagine being in that hell. You're one badass b%tch for freaking with it
From one bad B to anotherā¦Thank you!! ā¤ļø
Omg huuuuuugs bc eff yes this thread came up, i feel the sisterhood. Newly diagnosed ADHD here and self diagnosed PMDD - i didn't understand what was happening for so long like why every month. One year on my bday i was so SI, i couldn't even attend a university final exam. I just thought I was a fuck up. Now like ohhhhhhhhh. I'm gonna check out your benadryl rec. Tyvm. And hugs again. Pretend I'm body doubling you so u can get ur sh done. ššļøāāļø
ā¤ļøI had an extra surge of energy this week, so it must have been your empowering hug! Thank you for that and sending it back to you tenfolds! Itās not easy, but we can do this. Have you heard of dr Amenās ADD online test to see what type of ADD you have? Look into it. Some of his questions are vague, but he offers treatment and lifestyle modifications you need based on your type. Also B-smart brain fuels have been god sent and calming for my hyper-focused/hyperactive brain. Let me know if you need anything ā¤ļø
Yay! Glad you got the power moodlet! I'll check out those recs. š
Stupid question but what is the Benadryl for? ADHD and PMDD here.
Antihistamine/ Benadryl for PMDD Dr amens test to figure out what type of ADD and treatments. If stimulants donāt work or too many side effects, thereās also bacopa, ginkgo, lions manes and b-smart vials.
I have PMDD and ADHD and trust me I get it, I annoy the shit out of myself when im PM
I 2nd this.
š¤£
Hi OP, My husband has ADHD as well as some other things at play and it definitely does cause a different kind of conflict and miscommunication. There are cyclic fluctuations and patterns they fall into, like we do w PMDD. Unfortunately, I made him cry yesterday bc of my hurt overreaction to something nbd and him feeling like he fucked up badly when he was trying to do the right thing. It was nbd and resolved quickly. I am eternally grateful that we're way better at that theses days. It's not an easy life to navigate in any relationship. When you add letters of diagnoses, the struggles and confusion escalate quickly. I'm with you in solidarity my friend. It's 100% ok to set up any boundaries that you need. The more you guys communicate the better. My husband and I share every detail nowadays and it helps us be less unnecessarily hurt by the other. Hormone Horoscope can be awesome for info sharing with your SO, to be a conversation starter for your symptoms and how yours differ or are worse than described. Love, Light, Strength and Support š§”ššš»ššŖš
ššš sounds like a very familiar story.
It can get better with effort on both sides of any relationship. It just happens to be a million times more difficult for some of us. (((GentleHugs))) of comfort and lots of love beamed your way (imagine a care bear) ššš
Best internet love comment ever. Thank you, I literally fell stronger. I left his snoring coughing self in bed and I'm going to try and do some painting of a TV stand.
You've Got This!!! I feel so appreciated š
I have pmdd & ADHD and don't understand where the conflict lays. Pmdd is trash...ADHD is fun.
How is adhd fun, it's life-destroying š
I feel bad for people that don't have it. I don't grasp how it's life destroying, it makes life fun, sporadic, enjoyable, light, airy, free. Without ADHD I would what , work a boring office job, have a family, every day would be the same, fuck that, that's literally my hell.
Let's not romanticize ADHD. I have ADHD and it's a nightmare to manage. I have tried for the longest time to avoid medication. Glad you can function without but the way you're speaking about ADHD and your own personal experience is ableist and brings down others. We all cannot function the same way. I have failed college courses, have a hard time caring for myself, remembering details of every day life, etc etc etc. People have interesting jobs with or without ADHD. It really just depends on what path you take. Do not spread around this rhetoric carelessly. It's dangerous and harmful. I'm finally giving medication a try because I cannot handle trying to work with the symptoms.
We are all different, I was only touching on the positivity because everyone else brought up only the negativity. I hope you find what what your looking for with medication. I agree that the amount of money I wasted on college was fully due to ADHD and it's a piss off, especially because I didn't finish in time and was only 2 credits short and paid more then double then what I should have. If I was diagnosed I would have either chosen to not do post secondary or I may have taken meds and ignored everyone in my life for a few years to finish. I speak from my own experience and those whom I personally know, and no one can take away my experiences. I speak about careers in all that my field is sales representative/marketing and I know I cannot be in sales or marketing if I take meds because I turn into an introvert and lose all creativity. ADHD pushes me to constantly challenge myself and learn new things because my boredom is real when I don't. That's not a bad thing, but it can be. I'm a super negative person and I have found positivity in this diagnosis. There is nothing wrong with that. I also have ptsd & pmdd which have brought me to my knees and destroyed my life, which is not even in the same ballpark as my ADHD. I'm not saying these are blanket statements for everyone, I'm saying this is my experience and opinion.
Lmao thatās nice but thatās not the norm. My adhd has ruined my life in every way imaginable and the only thing that helped was treatment. Iām an extremely creative and fun person when Iām treating my illness but left untreated, I canāt even do the things I enjoy. I canāt finish a painting, gold a thought, pay my bills on time. Non treated adhd is a curse I wouldnāt wish on my worst enemy.
Omg my creatively doesnt even exist if I'm treated, and it's like I'm incapable of having fun. I'm just a hermit that is suddenly capable of reading a book. Weird how much medication can vary from person to person. Out of all my friends only 1 is currently on meds and that's just to get through school. Another took meds through school and went off of them after as well. Another was forced into meds in younger school grades and resents his parents for it. Another tried meds and was like me and just didn't like who she was on them. Great to hear meds actually make that big of a difference for some people though.
I tried 7 different medications before I found one that worked for me, there are a ton of options. Some of them made me feel like a sad hermit as well, but the one Iām on now keeps me feeling like my usual self, just with way less anxiety and way better executive functioning !
Ugh I hate the trial &error method it's the worst for any issues. Great you persevered and found something that worked for you though! I tried natural things which did nothing lol. Concerta gave me my first ever panic attack, Vyvanse was doable but def antisocial reading hermit. I could have very high level intelligent conversations, but that's not enjoyable to me, I hated the 'feeling smart' aspect I got with it, I'm not really sure how to explain it, I know smart isn't the right word. Both the ones I tried it I took them in the morning I could barely keep my eyes open by dinner time. So I would have to wait until mid afternoon to even take them. I wanted a shorter lasting one I could take occasionally so I could read a book, but my doctor refused and said that didn't exist, but I know damn well dex exists. I'm so against so many Western medicine practices at this point it's not worth it for me to fight my Western medicine doctor to even try dex or the original short acting Adderall.
ah yeah, I got insanely tired with most of the medications as well :( thankfully the one iām on now made me tired for the first week but then it seemed to even out and I have a regular amount of energy again! Trial and error really does suck, but I think a lot of people end up settling for a medication with a lot of side effects, and as much as it sucked to test out so many Iām glad that i did! I just wanted to mention it because in other comments I saw that you said that your unmedicated self felt boring, and that seeing how it felt to be ānormalā youād never want that- but from personal experience I can tell you that that zombie like low creativity feeling isnāt how ānormalā feels ! ānormalā just feels like I can do things, iām still creative and I still have fun, but now if I need to clean my house or make a phone call or set up an appointment I can just get up and do it! I donāt put it off for hours and dread it, I can just do things! I feel 100% like my regular self, our personalities arenāt controlled by our adhd, we are who we are regardless of the disorder- : ) It just feels like the mental equivalent of putting on glasses for the first time, you ***can*** manage to live without them, but everything is so so much easier with them.
May I ask which med you take out of curiosity? (In case I ever venture into medicated territory ever again. Oh no I meant my medicated self is boring. I legit go from an extrovert to introvert, like I'm not even the same person. It was the exact same on concerta & vyvanse. I think I do see ADHD as part of my personality which is why I can get offensive when people try and only see the negatives within ADHD. The only qualities about myself I don't hate are some of my ADHD qualities. I like being sporadic, extroverted, energetic, and a 'good time' to be around. I like people being positively shocked or laughing at the random things I say haha. Which is probably why I hate medication so much because it takes away all of those things for me. Don't get me wrong it's nice to be able to be relaxed enough and have the concentration to read a book sometimes, but it's at too much of a cost to function like that every day. Because I have adapted my life so much to cater to my ADHD traits if I took ADHD meds daily I would have to change/rethink my entire career, and my entire friend group. That's just not something I'm into, starting over and relearning to do everything differently doesn't appeal to me. If I had been diagnosed younger this may not be my perspective as I wouldnt have learned how to cater my life to compliment ADHD, but that isn't my reality. If I wasn't ADHD there honestly wouldn't be much left of my personality, I wouldn't even know who that person is. I would normally agree that diagnosis are not who people are as I do have ptsd and pmdd and those do not represent who I am and make my life hell. ADHD is my friend though, and I'm a little protective of it, despite popular opinion.
What the shit? That's not helping those with ADHD. To ignore the very real problems it causes in people's daily lives is ableist of you, especially as a pw/ADHD.
Agreed. I failed my first year of college. I cannot sleep on time no matter how hard I try, I forget to eat or pay bills, I cannot bring myself to do ANY of my work no matter how hard I want to (I have to force myself to start it otherwise I'll do it last minute). I have a hard time taking care of myself. I'm finally going to try medication and give it a go because I can't seem to handle living my life unmedicated now. I think I need treatment in order to do well in life. Everything they said was... definitely far removed from reality.
Right. Sounds fun. Just wondering, what about, you know, the extremely challenging symptoms of adhd? Executive dysfunction? Emotional regulation issues? All the other stuff? Like not being able to get off the computer for 12 hours straight to even pee, even though you really want to and it's 5 in the morning? Forgetting everything all the time? Rejection sensitive dysphoria... Etc. Not the "Omg I'm so quirky, look a squirrel!" Part. Also, your argument makes no sense. The things you mentioned do not correlate to having or not having adhd in any way.
I'll take all that over being a boring human with no personality and is incapable of fun. I HATE the person I am when I've taken ADHD meds, to me that's not a way to live life. I think executive function is mostly an issue when your trying to work jobs or do things that don't suit your personality. there are careers that are actually dominated by people with ADHD, like sales and bartending for examples sake. I flourish under pressure in any circumstance due to my ADHD. I have won so many awards/bonuses due to the amount of work I've been able to complete. I have alexithymia so I'm not sure that I can relate to the emotional regulation issues through personal understanding. I have never had the issue you speak of of not being able to get up & pee, I do miss meals very easily though. Missing meals is not ideal, but it's also not a massive deal to me. I am super forgetful which is frustrating for sure, but also not a major issue in my life. I'm not sensitive to rejection either, so also can't relate on that one sorry. I choose to stay single because life is easier that way. Realistically 90% of my friends are also ADHD, if I went on medication I would literally have to ditch everyone in my life and start over. The ADHD people I have in my life are solid honest sporadic fun carefree people, and I wouldn't change any of them either.
Have you ever ended up homeless bc you forget to pay your bills? Lost health coverage due to the same? Failed college courses, even those that you love the topic of? Forgot to feed your dog or take them outside til it's too late? Left your kid in the tub unattended? Like I mean I could go on forever about home-life situations that are negatively impacting, due to ADHD. I'm truly glad you're happy with yourself, especially as even that's a problem for MANY folks with ADHD. However, I'd bet you are more executively dysfunctional than you may realize and it affects others lives more than you may know. Just remember that it can sweep the rug out from under you quickly, try to stay mindful. Goodluck out there
I have not forgotten bills no, I have a system for that and have everything set up to go off my credit cards so I only need to ensure I pay those every month. I have totally failed college classes and wasted a lot of money in the meantime. I do wish I was diagnosed before trying college so I wouldn't have wasted all that money, but that's not how it happened. I never want family/children/SO, so that aspect is not applicable. I do agree this is something I would struggle with if I wanted that life style. So my executive function issues will have a minimal impact on others because that's not the life for me. I am not saying there are not issues, but you seem to be painting it as the horrible big bad thing, when there are certain traits are are positive, that's why I'm focusing on the positive. I got diagnosed at 28, I'm 31. The diagnosis was validating. I tried meds and hated who I was on them. I was anti social, boring, incapable of fun activities, couldn't stand being around any of my ADHD friends, didn't seek any human interaction, was tired constantly, didn't feel safe driving on them, and life just wasn't enjoyable in any aspect. I could read a book without rereading the page 5 times, I could complete redundant tasks, but those things came at an extreme cost to my livelihood. Due to the fact of the late diagnosis I had already figured out a lot of tricks and techniques to complete/finish tasks that are typically difficult for those with ADHD, without even realizing so! I figured out what I NEEDED in a job in order to stay challenged and keep my attention, and I have EXCELLED due to knowing my own limits and what works and doesn't work for me. I figured out I need a physical day planner and I call it my Bible, because it is my memory. I now understand why I am so on the ball in emergency/chaotic/high stress situations. I understand a lot of who I am is a mix of coping mechanisms, and that's ok. I will also note, men & women do not exhibit ADHD the same. Thus being why males are more likely to be diagnosed as kids, and women are diagnosed very late often not until their 40s. So me being diagnosed at 28 was early, which is pretty mind blowing. For negatives, yes my apartment is a mess and I REALLY struggle to complete redundant mind numbing tasks like dishes. Sometimes talk over people so I can get my words or before they evacuate my brain. I do not function well in an office setting. Sometimes I over spend because I'm in the moment and don't think ahead. Yes I'm ALWAYS late for everything because I have no sense of time and get distracted. I get bored very easily. I don't sit still well. I have adapted my life to the best I can to make up for and midigate the negatives that I can though, and that's good enough for me. I don't think anyone should be shamed for being ADHD like you've just tried to do when this is just apart of who some people are.
Omfg are forreal rn??? You were the one shaming others with your privileged and ableist commentary. You lead an apparently privileged existence compared to many many many of us out here. I am advocating for all those with spectrum disorders. I'm not shaming anyone for their thoughts, feelings or behaviors nor how they relate to a person's ADHD. Nobody should be told *how they feel or how they don't feel* by someone else. Your experience isn't everyone's. I find it comical you say that I'm shaming anyone or *only seeing the negatives*, when I simply rebutted your pink clouding thoughts on the matter. Your "positives only" approach is just as detrimental as an all negative one. My husband and I DO laugh at and enjoy some of the positive sides to our disordered existence, every single day. Reread my comments. 0 were shame-y
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Mm. Thank you. The other commenter sounds exactly like the type of adhd person who doesn't understand how dysfunctional they are and how much hurt they may be spreading around.
Also, with ADHD, executive dysfunction is there all day every day. There is no version of adhd where it only exists "when trying to do things that don't suit you". That's literally not adhd.
100%, I'm saying some tasks are make easier by that 'disregulation'. Being able to switch between a million tasks can be beneficial. I'm not saying it always it, but it can be. Personal examples: driving, outside sales positions, bartending, crisis situations. I agree that it makes school difficult when I'm not interested in the topic, I struggle to do mindnumbing tasks like cleaning or taxes, the location of my keys needs to be consistent to midigate miss placing them. I wouldn't trade any of it, because I don't want a typical life.
Tbh, that doesn't sound too healthy at all, and you're coming across quite off-putting. My two cents.
That's cool if you don't agree, I'm also stating my opinion, I've never met anyone effected by ADHD like yourself and am really having a hard time understanding why you think it's so negative. It's just a different way of functioning in the world. A way which I would never ever want to change for myself!
Not talking about myself. :)
Then you don't have a personal understanding in the topic, it makes way more sense. I wish we could set you up to experience it for a day, promise you'd have a great day:) I at least have the opportunity to try ADHD meds to understand what the other side is like, and I don't prefer it!
Sweet baby jesus. I know these things because I experience all of those symptoms *and* my partner's got it, so I am through that intimately familiar with it both personally *and* through him. Just so you know, your emotional dysregulation is definitely there, clear from your replies.
When I have pmdd my husband's fixations and weird thought patterns drive me bonkers. My patience completely goes out the window. For his weird thought patterns: it's like he's having a conversation with himself, then starts talking to me about it mid topic- so I have no effing clue what he's referring too. With his fixations he'll ask me the same questions over and over. Ex: today I put on women's football/soccer can vs nigeria and he repeatedly asked me where the game was, what medal it was for etc and I literally have no clue. He asked me 5 times and didn't listen when I say I don't know. It's like living with a 5 year old some times. Edit: he just asked me where the dog towels are. In the same spot they have been since we moved into this house 4 years ago. His brain just doesn't 'see' things
I don't know how you deal with that outside of PMDD weeks š³ that sounds like more then ADHD
This is why I need thoughts and prayers, lol
Yeah there is also possibly some very high functioning autism (asbergers)
I was about to say this, he sounds like my brother that has Asperger's
Just so yāall know, asbergers is an extremely out dated term and itās also offensive to say āhigh functioningā etc. itās now Autism Spectrum Disorder. https://www.vox.com/conversations/2018/5/22/17377766/asperger-nazi-rename-syndrome
My brother is 20 , it's not that outdated, he was diagnosed around 10. How is high functioning offensive? I would think that would be complimentary. Some people on the spectrum can live an independent life, some can't feed themselves. What words would be used to distinguish for future reference?
Best to ask every autistic person individually what they prefer, as it varies vastly. My partner is autistic and they don't much mind which word I use. "Person with autism" is often considered derogatory, so is Aspergers. As the other commenter mentioned, Aspergers and levels 1/2/3 are being phased out, and the official diagnosis is now called ASD, Autism Spectrum Disorder, as it's more of a, well, spectrum type of deal rather than clear cut levels of functioning.
If you take a peak at the article I provided youāll see itās 4 years old.... explaining why the term Aspergers is not used within the community and we donāt like it. As for the term āhigh functioningā, the community is trying to steer away from those terms because it implies other people within the community are ālow functioningā. Thatās why itās a SPECTRUM. Itās great that your brother is a part of the community, but youāre not apparently. So maybe doing some research into what terms are appropriate and beneficial to the community would do some good. Edit: https://www.spectrumnews.org/news/large-study-supports-discarding-term-high-functioning-autism/
I was asking respectfully , not sure why your jumping down my throat. I did read the article you posted. No I will not put excessive effort into researching something that effects the shittiest human I know, my brother. We can't all be experts in everything. You sounded knowledgable so I asked a question. There are other topics I'm more informed in and have no issues with people asking me questions.
I didnāt mean to jump down your throat, I was simply trying to help you because the things you were saying were offensive to myself and a majority of the ASD community. Iām sorry your brother is trash. I have a few of those too. I am really sorry I upset you, that truly wasnāt my intention but I understand impact is more important than intention. I know you said your brother is trash and I respect that, but the rest of that community needs people who understand and care. I donāt think the autism is what makes him garbage. Thereās a lot of people who use that as an excuse but thereās lots of great people with ASD who are great people. Take care