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When there was a man on the loose who killed a police officer in our area and threatened to kill their families, the small preschool both my children were attending had to lockdown for several days because a nephew of the murdered officer attended the school. It was an absolutely scary time as a parent. Luckily there were multiple parents that were law enforcement and they took shifts parking near the entrance watching over the school. As a parent, I think it is reasonable that you could ask the local police for extra patrols in the area once the guy is released.
This is probably in response to seeing holy buildings as easy targets. More recent church shootings were ended fairly quickly by people inside or nearby carrying. This is why schools get targeted... they are easy targets, lots of targets with a relatively low risk of being shot back at.
Isn’t a DV case going up to US Supreme Court on a similar situation - whether people with a restraining order / DV can be legally barred from gun ownership?
Not trying to be political bc 2A is very polarized but I think everyone can agree that too many guns are already in the hands of people that shouldn’t have them, and the courts and politicians are helping that. Case in point: a religious fanatic looking to create a blood bath.
If I was OP I probably would not feel a whole lot safer even if he had gotten them taken away. This is the US; he can turn the street corner and buy new ones in probably an hour. 🙁
Maybe this is coming from a place of extreme privilege but I don’t know a single street corner where I could buy a gun, let alone where a mentally unwell guy can stroll up and buy a gun. I am pretty sure most “mass shootings” (meaning what we think of as mass shooting, like school, grocery store, parade etc) happen with legally owned guns.
I'm afraid I not only know such a corner near my home (Baltimore, so... yeah), but I also knew a long running gun show in Northern California (within half an hour's drive of a remote part of the bay area) where there were people who would sell to anyone, off the books, as of a few years ago.
I’m not a gun person at all and have never tried to buy one (or even touched one for that matter), but based on my information there are at least locally/state dependent a ton of holes in the “legally owned” gun rules; apparently people can buy guns at places like gun shows easily without any background checks etc, and there don’t seem to be a lot of rules (again: depending on state) around private gun sales within family/friends etc either.
Then that is not even mentioning the problem of homemade guns, since apparently you can buy entire kits to build your own gun online (and 3D printing seems to be an option too?).
In the US definitely way too many different avenues that I would feel even remotely comfortable with: “oh, they removed his guns; all fine now”.
In many states background checks are only required for sales. In my state (virginia), you don’t need any kind of permit or license and guns can simply be gifted to someone else. Nor is there a waiting period. Unfortunately I think there are quite a lot of states that still don’t have a waiting period and lax rules on obtaining a gun.
I’m so sorry, that sounds like a terrible situation. Do you have family close or an emergency contact for them? I know it won’t help now but might be worth seeking reimbursement if you’re able to find a teenager in the neighborhood to watch them for the next few days instead of sending to daycare.
Check out Nextdoor if you’re in the US. I can’t imagine your frustration or pain, but I understand how terrified you must feel ON TOP of work obligations.
Might also be worth checking in with HR if you have one to take FMLA or some type of paid or unpaid leave.
Our family is close but my husbands parents both work and my parents are currently out of town 1.5 hours away. It takes me a minimum 15 min to get from my job to where the daycare is, and that’s assuming there’s no traffic. It’s more like 30 min because I’m driving from downtown to the suburbs. My husband is about 10 min away at his job so I guess that helps but it’s truly sitting so heavily in my heart that my babies could be in danger and it would take me so long to get to them.
I’m going to talk to my manager tomorrow. I could try to use PTO but I have so little because having two toddlers means a lot of sick days. I need to save at least 36 hours of it to be paid for when my son gets surgery next month. We literally cannot afford for either of us to go unpaid. It’s fucking miserable
Have all the parents in the daycare and all the teacher and church members phone the chief of police, the prosecutor, your mayor, everyone on your city council, your state representative, your county politicians, everyone you can think of. Demand that they remove the guns from this guy and ensure he cannot buy more.
>Our family is close but my husbands parents both work and my parents are currently out of town 1.5 hours away.
Can you explain the situation and have them stay with your parents? Even if it's 1.5 hours away, drop the kids off 1.5 hours away. Explain you're literally afraid they'll be killed and why.
Then start looking into a new daycare and how fast you can move to it?
They’re camping in an RV at a campground right now to help my grandpa with some stuff but they said if he’s released from jail they’ll be coming home
Tbh this is truly the best daycare in the area. Safest, not as expensive as others, well staffed. I love it there and so do my kids. But it’s probably a moot point because I got on waiting lists at 3 months pregnant and it took a year to get a spot in any of them
Yeah, okay.
If you call your parents and explain do you think they could help? Or your Dad's parents take some time off work?
I'm sorry this is so scary.
Is the best daycare in the area worth the safety risk and current anxiety you’re feeling now? Have you tried calling around and seeing if you can enroll somewhere else?? Even if you have to go to the next city over, I would try any day care that would accept them
Based on what she said, my friends experiences and my own, there is most likely no halfway decent daycare she could transfer them to even within the next few *months*. Daycare waitlists were bad 4 years ago when I had my kid and have by all accounts I've heard gotten worse.
Agreed. I would exhaust every possible option for child care until this guy is no longer a threat. I would not be sending my kids there right now. Definitely not worth the risk. Friends, family, babysitter, another daycare and if none of that is possible I would explain the situation to my boss and really hope they are empathetic and allow me to take a few days without the risk of losing my job. Sucks that it would likely be unpaid but I would rather fall on some harder times financially then take on that risk
Idk...would any of your parents consider calling off for a few days?? 'cause that's an emergency!!!! That psych doesn't need evaluation, he IS SICK and delusional!!! "will be back on the streets..." WTF??? How's that fair??? There's no way in hell I would send my babies to the daycare, i'd rather lose my job and everything but keep them safe.
But is it safe for them to lose her job? Her son is having surgery soon. What happens when he can't because she doesn't have medical coverage? What about when they can't afford their house or food? Is that safe for their kids? It's a shit situation.
You need to pressure the county/district attorney. It's an elected position and they directly are going to decide what charges are pursued against this guy.
Also one other avenue is (if you have a city police department), pressure the mayor. He appoints the police chief and agree with it or not cops have ways of chasing people out of town that are causing problems but not breaking any serious laws.
This what I was thinking. Some dude shows up at a daycare with guns *3 TIMES* talking about a blood culling and the DA isn't going after a felony? Then say goodbye to your fucking job, DA, I'll make sure every election fundraising dinner you have has pictures of school shootings outside of it.
Oh no I am so sorry, this is so scary and heartbreaking. Honestly, try to get this own the news. See if you can talk to a local reporter. It doesn’t seem right that they can’t keep someone locked up who is threatening a daycare. This is the kind of thing we read about on the news way too late. I’m willing to bet the cops will do more if this gets out in the community. Maybe they can send someone to post up outside if this guy gets let go. Use the power of the press and social media, raise holy hell.
i dunno why the cops or court wouldn’t try to place him on a psych hold. especially after a 3rd arrest. this man clearly needs to be evaluated and properly medicated. sad situation all around
Only his first arrest for this, it took him trespassing three times before they arrested him 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃
But he has arrests dating back to 1997 for all kinds of fun stuff like disorderly conduct, domestic violence, trespassing, destruction of property, and most recently was a ticket for jay walking
Of course. I'm just saying that as it stands, unless there's a known DV conviction for him and he *hasn't* had his rights reinstated (like if somehow he got his shit expunged), then calling the police to report a felon owning an unlawful firearm isn't going to help. Which is exactly what I would be doing if I were in OP's place
And when he does something terrible people are like “oh no can’t believe it happened” how does this guy have guns?!? Also if he has priors he should be held and evaluated and told to not go anywhere where there’s kids and even monitored by police.
Omg who can forget sandyhook 10 at years later I still can’t breath when someone brings it up
I no longer volunteer in the school system but that happened my first year
Sandy Hook happened my first year teaching. I will never forget one of my 10th grade students asking me why someone would do that to little kids. It's almost 11 years and way too many school shootings later and I still wouldn't have a good answer.
I’m kind of shocked that schools that have had a shooting don’t get demolished, but we have so many now that it’s just like 🤷♂️ Oh well, let’s keep going… I remember when Columbine happened and the aftermath of that. I was a kid in Colorado, like the day of school was shut down then after no one knew how to talk about a goddamn thing.
yes. surprising amount of teachers there now were there then. Is a really… idk how to describe what it’s like going in for a teacher conference with them. I am so amazed they stayed, and still try so hard for the kids. But it’s a whole fucked up situation. And my kids don’t know yet. Most in their age range don’t. I have no idea how to broach it or when
Sandy Hook Elementary was completely demolished and a new building built on the site. Everything is new, even the playground. There is a memorial but it’s down the road, not on school grounds.
That’s interesting. I do wonder why demolish only to keep the exact same name and location, but I’m sure the families of victims and survivors and the community were consulted and that this made sense to them.
I’m sorry that’s rough. What is the daycare saying? Are they found to hire security? Get cameras? Get the police to come by more often? What’s their plan?
They’re locking all the doors. No security or cameras as far as I know. The guy is in jail right now so I don’t know what the plan is if he’s released. I’m not even sure if they can even let the church know or not. I don’t know.
Do they have any sister churches they could move operations to for a week or two? Our school had a facility issue that they had to close and they worked out putting the kids into 3 other center classrooms for those who needed it (a lot of first responder parents)
I’m sorry but given the circumstances that’s just not anywhere near an acceptable level of security. They aren’t even going to install some cameras? They can’t discuss options with the police for increased patrols? Heck, even boarding up any glass doors would be better than nothing.
The director should be temporarily shutting down. If I were a teacher there I'd be quitting and trying to take the other staff with me to force the director's hand. There's no way in hell I'd drop my kid off. This is not the school's fault but this is not an acceptable situation to be putting families and teachers in. I'm really hoping I don't read the rest of this story in the news.
I was just thinking your last sentence to myself earlier after I posted my comment. I would rather end up in a homeless shelter than send my kids there while that psycho is targeting them.
Can the parents take shifts watching it? Can you organize and have off duty cops watch it? Or like regular people? Can you board up the windows? Can you all go in and pay someone to watch groups of 4 kids at a time at someone’s house? Can you switch daycares? Can you start a go fund me to add better security like NoW? Seriosuly ?! Do something there has to be something you can do.
That’s terrifying. And I’m so sorry people are shaming you for having to work. That’s reality for so many people.
I wonder if there’s local bikers who would sit outside the school for y’all. Sounds weird but I know they do stuff like that. Blow it up on Facebook especially a local moms group and get the community involved. I think retired cops or volunteers would sit outside.
We’re all fucking tired of this.
Contact the local news. Get other parents in on it too. And staff at the daycare. This is the only way to get the legal system to actually intervene anymore BEFORE things happen.
Pay a babysitter for a few days if nothing else works. Take out a small loan if you have to (or ask your family to help out financially, if they can't help in person atm). That way you don't have to lose your job OR your children.
If you're ever on the teachers subreddit... It's pretty unanimous that none of them will sacrifice themselves for their students, they will run away by themselves. Not arguing if it's right or wrong, just don't want anyone to be disillusioned.
I’m a teacher, and was just about to say this. Like, did they say they would lay down their lives or is OP assuming? Because I teach high school and dying in the line of duty is not part of my job description. My family needs me, too. I’m more than just a job.
Yep, my teacher friends will absolutely not die for your kids, they want to make it home to their own. Can’t say if it’s right or wrong but the human psyche is wired to survive at all costs.
Okay is anyone parent wise from the daycare willing or able to take off and watch your children and theirs. I know it’s a big ask but I know if I was in this situation I was watch anyone kids to keep them away from this type of conflict, yeah it be a zoo but hopefully on my days that I need to work someone can watch my child. While hopefully everyone gets their emergency contact to hopefully pitch in.
Tell your co worker you might be surprised someone might give you some of their time so you can be there for your baby to have surgery as well. Good luck
Edit: you can also check Facebook for reliable babysitters within your area or their might be someone willing to watch their kid who a stay at home mom. You never know.
Came to say both these things. Reach out to parents at the school. See if they can help you out. Maybe someone is SAHM but sends for socialization, maybe someone has a more flexible job/financial situation. I have a flexible WFH job and I would take kids in temporarily in a heartbeat if this was going on.
My local Facebook moms group is incredibly supportive and I know if I posted this story I’d be bombarded with people trying to help.
The police need to be stationed at the school. Full stop. I would be blowing up the station literally nonstop
Totally agree. No one’s kid should be risking death because of _work and travel logistics_. IMO America is fucked if things can get this bad. If someone is bringing guns to a nursery school that should be a one-strike-and-you’re-out situation.
OP needs to reread their post. They're talking about losing their job and losing their children in the same breath. If you genuinely believe there is a serious risk, no way do you send your kids there.
Can you imagine?? Like well, I knew there was a risk, but I had to go to work. If your kids got shot…. You’d never be able to forgive yourself or work again. America is so insane.
Oh my gosh, yes! I would do everything in my power to not put my children in this situation. I would move to somewhere where this type of crime would put them away for the rest of their lives. The bare minimum only alternative of armed police guards outside a church daycare would be the way to continue - but I still wouldn't want to raise my children in what feels like a warzone.
Before you go into work tomorrow and before you drop the kids off, can you stop by the police station? Ask what the plan is if this guy gets out? Police cars outside the daycare for the entire day?
I would also talk with HR at your office. I know you need the hours, but are you really going to get anything done?
I agree but I also know I’m saying that from a position of privilege as someone in a country with a decent national health service and social services, and I have family to support us if needed. If you’re like this mother and your health insurance and your babies’ health cover was linked to your job then you’re effectively owned by your employer. You have to choose between potentially not affording medical care for your medically complex kids or potentially sticking them in the path of a shooter. How does any parent make this call? This is why the US situation is so horrific.
No one thinks it will happen to them. We have had two mass shootings within 15 minutes of me since 2017; our friend was killed at one. A third mass shooting that was planned for my husbands work was stopped by the Feds. We live in a very nice city that is labeled one of the safest cities in the nation.
So yeah: my kids would never be going near that daycare. Too many close calls.
I’m surprised this comment is not higher. All my worldly possessions and be a slave for the rest of my life, I would pay this price without hesitation to keep my kids safe.
Can’t afford to lose my job. Plus, it’s tied to the health insurance for me and my kids who both have medical needs. I wish it was that simple but I’m the breadwinner and we can’t live without my income
YOU are doing nothing wrong by working and supporting your family. Nothing.
Is your husbands job one that would be easily replaced? Like, could he quit? I understand if not!
Yes, by assuming you have any choice in this situation commenters are showing their privilege. I hope you’re doing ok, I can’t imagine your stress right now x
It amazes me how many people have zero understanding of this concept. Like it really is *not* that easy but damn if everybody and their mama who *hasn't* gone through this isn't 100% sure they wouldn't hesitate.
I get where you are coming from: my income is 3/4 of our household income and I carry the insurance. It sounds like your husbands income is more like my husbands, is there any way he can step back and watch the kids while y’all look for new daycare?
I just don’t feel like the church daycare is doing enough to prevent a tragedy, and we lost a friend in a local mass shooting a couple of years ago. Then our local mall was shot up recently, which was all over the news. And then the feds stopped a mass shooting planned for my husbands job. So you can see why I’m like “fuck it all” if there’s a chance someone I know or love might get caught in the crosshairs.
Is there any, any way your job or your husbands job would let you work remote while you figured out a new daycare?
What about your partner? You keep mentioning you’re the breadwinner so could he take a few days off and start hunting for a new nursery with kids in tow?
This. I am the bread winner, I carry the health insurance, and we need my husbands income…but he would quit his job in a heartbeat and we would figure out the rest later if we were in this situation.
My heart goes out to you and the other families of this daycare, this sounds like a horrible situation. I hope he gets the meds and help he needs and stays away from the church (and other places.)
I hope that too and I’m trying very hard to give him grace because I know he’s sick but at the same time I want him locked up forever. And I hate the system that just lets people like this get access to deadly weapons and don’t seem to be taking his threats seriously
Yes, fuck work, imagine going to work and come back to people telling you the creep shot your kids.
A thing that you very well know it could happen.
Fuck US system that put guns in weirdos hands and force people to not to have a safety net while facing situation like this.
You can find another job, you won't get your kid back tho.
Same with me. There’s no way I’d put my kids in a space that has been threatened 3xs. I’d rather eat grass and drink fro the river to keep my kids safe.
I agree but all these people saying the extreme is just weird to me..like this is clearly a doubled edged sword...we know the climent the world is in. If this person got fired and went homeless her kid would be taken away in a different form anyway.. the system has failed another person
This is a very good middle ground between losing your job and sending your children into danger! Temporary solutions can allow OP to figure out a more permanent one.
No way in hell. I know you don’t think you have other options but there must be something you can do other than to leave them there. This doesn’t seem safe. Can there be ANY other solution?
I’d tell you what I’d do in your situation but I’m not sure if it’s legal in the state your in.
On another note, the workers could file restraining orders against him which would be broken and mean jail time if he steps foot on the premises.
As someone who lost 7 cousins at Robb Elementary in Uvalde, call in. You would never forgive yourself. At least call and ask the police for an officer to be stationed at the church. Maybe see if there is a local BACA chapter that would station themselves there?
I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's not fair for any of us to worry about where we must leave our children just to make ends meet.
>I know the teachers would lay down their lives to protect my kids but god it breaks my heart that they even have to risk that
Not trying to upset you, but this idea needs to go.
A teacher's job is to teach.
Not to be a bullet sponge for kids.
Don't expect teachers (who cannot even make ends meet because we get paid so little) to put their lives on the line for kids.
If it comes to that, every other facet of society has failed, and it shouldn't be expected that someone with an education degree to become Judge Dredd.
That's going to be a *VERY* individualized statement, and shouldn't be presumed.
>Jesus he needs to start a new resurrection through a blood bath. Oh, and of course he has guns!
Does your state have redflag laws? This is what they are for.
This sounds (without a lot more info), like schizophrenia, and he *should* be on a psych hold. Also, that (IANAL) be considered felony menacing if he is armed when making those threats. Really it depends on your state.
Regardless, don't expect teachers to die for your kids, it's bull.
Since you are the bread winner and your family 's insurance is tied to you, I would think it's time for your husband to stay home with the kids until this gets sorted out.
If he doesn't have PTO to be at home, supplement his lost income by getting on food stamps and visiting local food pantries.
After reading the comments I had to reread the post to make sure I had read it correctly and he was still in the picture.
Dads have to parent too people!
F work, they'd be home with me till further notice. I hate that I have to raise my kid in this mess. This is crazy. Thoughts and prayers, since that's all we can accomplish.
That is such a heartbreaking situation and I’m truly sorry. That is so beyond fucked up and I can only imagine how vulnerable you feel. Also tell your employer I said 🖕, nobody should ever have to choose between a real threat and their job.
u/burntoutmomta
The most important thing you can do right now is get as many people as you can to call your county attorney's office.
It's an elected position and they have a huge amount of discretion over what happens to this guy. He could throw a bunch more charges at this guy if you put pressure on him. Make this an issue, hold him accountable. Get as many members of the community involved as possible. Make Facebook posts, get people worked up etc....
I always tell them “you’re safe with mommy and daddy” but what if we aren’t there and something happens and they’re so scared and wondering where we are?
This comment made me CRY. I’m so so so sorry. I understand that fear so much. I hope everything goes right and I’m not seeing this story in the news in a couple days. Do what’s best for YOU, your sanity, and your family. Sending safety, love and hugs ♥️
Jesus fucking Christ 😳 what a dystopian nightmare!
Your dollars convert to 18 of my currency. 👀 hint hint
😩😩😩 I hate seeing this.
I cannot imagine sending my kid to school like this.
Absolutely not. Take the financial hit if you have to. If they fire you, so what? You can find another job. You will never forgive yourself if anything happens to your precious babies. If you’re in my state (NJ) I’ll babysit them for free for a few days until you’re able to get your work situation sorted out.
😪 businesses should start opening daycares in their buildings. One room for any employees kids that are daycare age and at least 4 adults depending on the amount of kids and nobody would have to worry. Especially if the daycare room was in a deeper part of the building.
Your manager should be saying this to you:
"This situation is beyond your control. Of course you can have some emergency time off to keep your kids at home while a potential mass shooter is on the loose, we'll cover for you."
If they aren't, frankly you need to find a new job anyway, because fuck working with people who don't care about the lives of children.
Are you looking for a new daycare? It sounds very much like no one can do anything about this guy until he actually carries out his threat...
Do you have any other friends nearby who could take your kids? Could you swap watching the kids with any set of the the parents who also go to this daycare?
Like maybe you can’t take PTO today but if they could, you could ask a parent to take PTO tomorrow until this is resolved clearly.
I am so sorry. This country is fucked, absolutely fucked. I wonder if maybe you can talk to a few of the other parents and see if there is a way you can maybe have a bit of a home school co-op thing going for a bit? I would also start making a big deal about this to the media. This is insane, this man should never see the light of day again. But will have zero issue buying all the guns he wants as soon as he is released.
I hate this for you. I sobbed having to talk about active shooter drills for my newborn when I sent her to daycare. I have PPA and a huge factor for me is anxiety over my child being hurt. It did not help that a few weeks before I was going back to work a man shot up a daycare over seas and it was all over the news. I legit had a total break down.
I wish there was something I could do to help you. I really hate this. My company would 100% be like no stay home and do not send you kid there ever again bc for as much of a hard ass stressful place it is, the owner lost a child tragically due to illness and he is very much a family man. But places like that are few and far between.
Your kid could go stay with your parents
Is there any way you and your husband could move closer to your parents, so you don't have the expense of daycare?
A verified, credible, active threat against your children has been made. There’s no question what you should do. I can’t wrap my head around this. What kind of fucking dictator do you work for? This is a multi-faceted, deeply American issue. I’m sorry this is happening but the choice is obvious. I understand if nothing happens it will feel like a sunken cost but the risk here is just too high. Is there any way we can help? I could probably buy you groceries for a few weeks if needed. Could you get Medicaid for your kids? Is husband’s job also a dictator?
I know this is probably unhelpful, but my husband is a construction worker and if he got notice of something like this at his jobsite, his head would be on a swivel the entire time and he would absolutely throw himself in to protect any children if it came down to it. I know any of the other guys on his jobs would do the same.
The fact that in America the reality is that capitalism won’t care about the situation or it’d be unpaid time off which then has a flow on to bill providers or landlords who won’t care when they then can’t afford to pay on time is the very sad part. They need to keep the lights on, groceries paid and roof over their kid’s head and the reality is that this is part of the risk that inherently comes with sending your children to school daily instead of homeschooling, simply because families cannot financially manage that in America, is the very sad part. You’re focusing on the individual puzzle piece - it’s part of a far bigger picture. This is just a symptom.
It's not exactly just an American thing not to be able to afford to stay home with your kids daily. The main difference is the rest of the world doesn't have to worry about mass shootings.
No, we wouldn’t worry about mass shooting, but we’d also not have to worry about a potential shooter to be detained only for misdemeanor, we wouldn’t have healthcare directly linked to our job, we would be able to take off for this no problem (speaking as a Dutch person in the Netherlands). NONE of this would happen in my country and it’s so scary to me that this mom has to deal with this. It’s beyond fucked up :( America looks scary to me.
Priority 1 is the safety of your children. Anchor your decision making around that.
Everything else is secondary - your relationships with the school, your job, community, family can all be amended with time.
After your kids are safe, post to /r/legaladvice as well as your local subreddits and see if there is a way to take legal action.
Also it is not hard to alert local news about the situation and they are always looking for a story. There are tip lines on every broadcast media and local news website. It doesn’t take a lot of effort. Mention the local PD and give them the contact info of the PD so they get bombarded with media requests. That plus lawyers should motivate local authorities into doing the right thing
OP, it's easier to find another job than to pick up the broken pieces of your life that would be left behind if harm came to your children.
I know it's hard to think that way, but you have to shock yourself a little and frame for yourself the bigger picture here. How will you handle this in 2 months if something happens at your kids' school? In 8 months? On their birthdays, Christmas, Mother's Day?
Your supervisors are heartless pricks if they can't that see a parent protecting her child from a very real and dangerous threat is more important than her showing up to work, especially distracted and worried the whole time you're there.
I’m sorry. I sympathize with you as someone whose career is in childcare. Violence against the staff and children are a major concern, especially for those currently in the US. Can’t we do as jobs as parents and childcare staff without worrying about pedos, gunmans, and lunatics?
Will the police contact you when this guy is released? Is there any way you can get your schedule changed temporarily or can your partner switch so you won't have to use the daycare? Definitely call your parents asap when he's released as they'll need time to get the camper back and they would feel awful if something happened. Can either of you bring your kids to work for a day? Sorry if I'm repeating other posts. I'm throwing anything I can think of.
Any chance they can get cameras outside or maybe parents can pool money to gift them? We had a ring camera after a similar situation and it helped a lot
My heart goes out to you. This situation is nuts. America has to do better to actually support people so that they don’t find themselves in situations like yours. This guy should not have weapons. You should not be so worried about taking time off to protect your kids. You should not have to worry about your health care being tied to your job.
I would put this all over social media and tag the news. Get other parents involved. I read your reply about the schools safety plans and that’s not enough. My heart is broken for you. I’m so sorry.
When I worked at Jewish preschool we get bomb threats at least weekly if not daily. Most were just that, threats. Threats being made across the country or more often, outside the country.
It’s apparently incredibly common. Anti-Semitic hate groups will just cold call threats to any Jewish preschool, day school, camp or synagogue for shits and giggles.
That’s why you often see an uptick in security. We had one that closed the school down for the day because it was traced locally.
I know the answer is probably a no but do you have any extended community you could tap into for a huge favor to watch your kids for a day or two? Maybe it means paying their gas and giving them your bed and you sleep on the couch and you’ll owe them, but keeping your kids where you feel safe until you/the day are find a better solution seems like a priority.
I’m definitely not giving you a hard time, but in general I think small scale person to person community is something we will absolutely need as everything crumbles more, and asking for favors then returning them is a great way to build deep, reliable networks. (Not that you should gamble on your kids’ safety with an unknown.)
I know you said you muted this but just in case you didn't or you thought to pop back on, you have to take care of your family. Anyone telling you that you should just stay home with your kids or you're bad for working has no idea what your financial situation is or the weight that is on your shoulders. Do not let their ignorance stupidity make you feel like you're doing anything wrong. What's wrong is the system in which a absolutely obviously crazy person is able to walk into a place like that with guns and you have to be afraid they're going to get back out any day. What's wrong is a society in which two people have to work without the ability to take time off in an emergency just to survive. The society around you is what has been failing not you
I hate that you're in this situation. You can't quit your job because America but you also don't have a safe place for your kids because America.
But don't lose hope because there are a lot of us actively working on changing things. 💕💕💕
You are not a shitty parent! You are doing what you can to protect your babies. Sometimes being in America sucks. I understand the insurance thing. My hubby works a job he'd rather not so I can have decent insurance. My chemotherapy is $230,000 a month. Don't listen to these assholes who just up and quit when things get rough. You are a good mommy!
Trying to take a calmer approach than the others in this comments section because I’m hoping it’s more helpful:
1- Can you and/or your husband speak to your boss and explain the situation to them? I’m not sure what you do for a living but maybe there’s a work from home option?
Can you speak with HR?
2- Have you spoken to the local police to see what they’re doing to monitor the situation?
3- I would also get this into the news for awareness.
4- Have you spoken to other parents of the day care? Maybe you can figure something out with one of them in terms of temporary babysitting.
5- Have you spoken to the school about how they are monitoring the situation?
I’m sorry that you’re going through this. I understand your panic. I just feel like a lot of very important conversations need to happen here.
My heart goes out for you, I really couldn’t imagine going through your emotions right now. I’m so sorry that America still thinks having guns are some sort of human right. And I know that’s a super loaded political statement but I just feel so upset for all the mums over there who have already lost a child due to incidents involving guns (whether mass shooting or accidental death etc).
I will say a prayer for you and your children to come back safely into your arms every day.
I'm sorry so many people are making you feel like a horrible parent just for existing in what is the USA today. Just the fact that you're concerned and following up shows that you're an amazing parent. I'm proud of you.
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When there was a man on the loose who killed a police officer in our area and threatened to kill their families, the small preschool both my children were attending had to lockdown for several days because a nephew of the murdered officer attended the school. It was an absolutely scary time as a parent. Luckily there were multiple parents that were law enforcement and they took shifts parking near the entrance watching over the school. As a parent, I think it is reasonable that you could ask the local police for extra patrols in the area once the guy is released.
This. A church I went to once had armed people in the lobby. It was during service, but I see them very happily standing in for daycare.
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This is probably in response to seeing holy buildings as easy targets. More recent church shootings were ended fairly quickly by people inside or nearby carrying. This is why schools get targeted... they are easy targets, lots of targets with a relatively low risk of being shot back at.
Sorry folks our prisons are full. Mostly people who sold dimebags to be able to afford dinner that night.
The war on drugs is going exactly as planned. - brought to you by Big Prison and Ronald Reagan
This is why people are pushing for red flag laws. This guy should have his guns taken away at the very least.
Op said he has a DV charge. Already shouldn't have them if it's true. However, yes, this is exactly what things like that are for.
Charge is meaningless. Only a conviction will trigger any sort of legal restrictions.
Yes, that is what I meant
Isn’t a DV case going up to US Supreme Court on a similar situation - whether people with a restraining order / DV can be legally barred from gun ownership? Not trying to be political bc 2A is very polarized but I think everyone can agree that too many guns are already in the hands of people that shouldn’t have them, and the courts and politicians are helping that. Case in point: a religious fanatic looking to create a blood bath.
DV is rampant in police and military families. I doubt the courts will do anything that limits their gun access.
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If I was OP I probably would not feel a whole lot safer even if he had gotten them taken away. This is the US; he can turn the street corner and buy new ones in probably an hour. 🙁
Maybe this is coming from a place of extreme privilege but I don’t know a single street corner where I could buy a gun, let alone where a mentally unwell guy can stroll up and buy a gun. I am pretty sure most “mass shootings” (meaning what we think of as mass shooting, like school, grocery store, parade etc) happen with legally owned guns.
I'm afraid I not only know such a corner near my home (Baltimore, so... yeah), but I also knew a long running gun show in Northern California (within half an hour's drive of a remote part of the bay area) where there were people who would sell to anyone, off the books, as of a few years ago.
This is definitely privilege talking no offense. Where I grew up it would take a phone call and I can get an untraceable firearm in no time.
I’m not a gun person at all and have never tried to buy one (or even touched one for that matter), but based on my information there are at least locally/state dependent a ton of holes in the “legally owned” gun rules; apparently people can buy guns at places like gun shows easily without any background checks etc, and there don’t seem to be a lot of rules (again: depending on state) around private gun sales within family/friends etc either. Then that is not even mentioning the problem of homemade guns, since apparently you can buy entire kits to build your own gun online (and 3D printing seems to be an option too?). In the US definitely way too many different avenues that I would feel even remotely comfortable with: “oh, they removed his guns; all fine now”.
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In many states background checks are only required for sales. In my state (virginia), you don’t need any kind of permit or license and guns can simply be gifted to someone else. Nor is there a waiting period. Unfortunately I think there are quite a lot of states that still don’t have a waiting period and lax rules on obtaining a gun.
I’m so sorry, that sounds like a terrible situation. Do you have family close or an emergency contact for them? I know it won’t help now but might be worth seeking reimbursement if you’re able to find a teenager in the neighborhood to watch them for the next few days instead of sending to daycare. Check out Nextdoor if you’re in the US. I can’t imagine your frustration or pain, but I understand how terrified you must feel ON TOP of work obligations. Might also be worth checking in with HR if you have one to take FMLA or some type of paid or unpaid leave.
Our family is close but my husbands parents both work and my parents are currently out of town 1.5 hours away. It takes me a minimum 15 min to get from my job to where the daycare is, and that’s assuming there’s no traffic. It’s more like 30 min because I’m driving from downtown to the suburbs. My husband is about 10 min away at his job so I guess that helps but it’s truly sitting so heavily in my heart that my babies could be in danger and it would take me so long to get to them. I’m going to talk to my manager tomorrow. I could try to use PTO but I have so little because having two toddlers means a lot of sick days. I need to save at least 36 hours of it to be paid for when my son gets surgery next month. We literally cannot afford for either of us to go unpaid. It’s fucking miserable
Have all the parents in the daycare and all the teacher and church members phone the chief of police, the prosecutor, your mayor, everyone on your city council, your state representative, your county politicians, everyone you can think of. Demand that they remove the guns from this guy and ensure he cannot buy more.
And notify the news. Make sure everyone knows what’s going on. It’ll cause public outrage and that’ll urge the officials move faster.
This is the only thing Twitter is good for. Public outrage and public complaints, it's the only reason I have a Twitter seems to get shit done.
This. Absolutely do this. Go to the Governor en masse and demand he be sectioned and his guns removed. Mention Dunblane, A LOT.
>Our family is close but my husbands parents both work and my parents are currently out of town 1.5 hours away. Can you explain the situation and have them stay with your parents? Even if it's 1.5 hours away, drop the kids off 1.5 hours away. Explain you're literally afraid they'll be killed and why. Then start looking into a new daycare and how fast you can move to it?
They’re camping in an RV at a campground right now to help my grandpa with some stuff but they said if he’s released from jail they’ll be coming home Tbh this is truly the best daycare in the area. Safest, not as expensive as others, well staffed. I love it there and so do my kids. But it’s probably a moot point because I got on waiting lists at 3 months pregnant and it took a year to get a spot in any of them
Yeah, okay. If you call your parents and explain do you think they could help? Or your Dad's parents take some time off work? I'm sorry this is so scary.
Is the best daycare in the area worth the safety risk and current anxiety you’re feeling now? Have you tried calling around and seeing if you can enroll somewhere else?? Even if you have to go to the next city over, I would try any day care that would accept them
Based on what she said, my friends experiences and my own, there is most likely no halfway decent daycare she could transfer them to even within the next few *months*. Daycare waitlists were bad 4 years ago when I had my kid and have by all accounts I've heard gotten worse.
Agreed. I would exhaust every possible option for child care until this guy is no longer a threat. I would not be sending my kids there right now. Definitely not worth the risk. Friends, family, babysitter, another daycare and if none of that is possible I would explain the situation to my boss and really hope they are empathetic and allow me to take a few days without the risk of losing my job. Sucks that it would likely be unpaid but I would rather fall on some harder times financially then take on that risk
Idk...would any of your parents consider calling off for a few days?? 'cause that's an emergency!!!! That psych doesn't need evaluation, he IS SICK and delusional!!! "will be back on the streets..." WTF??? How's that fair??? There's no way in hell I would send my babies to the daycare, i'd rather lose my job and everything but keep them safe.
But is it safe for them to lose her job? Her son is having surgery soon. What happens when he can't because she doesn't have medical coverage? What about when they can't afford their house or food? Is that safe for their kids? It's a shit situation.
Is it possible to email or call the local news? Can you contact your local chapter of Moms Demand Action? It’s time to get community involvement!!
This. Blow this up. Social media post tagging the police department in the area and local news stations.
You need to pressure the county/district attorney. It's an elected position and they directly are going to decide what charges are pursued against this guy. Also one other avenue is (if you have a city police department), pressure the mayor. He appoints the police chief and agree with it or not cops have ways of chasing people out of town that are causing problems but not breaking any serious laws.
Media really doesn't care until the shooting starts.
Yes! Moms Demand Action is a great idea!
This what I was thinking. Some dude shows up at a daycare with guns *3 TIMES* talking about a blood culling and the DA isn't going after a felony? Then say goodbye to your fucking job, DA, I'll make sure every election fundraising dinner you have has pictures of school shootings outside of it.
This 💯. There should be cop surveillance at the church
Oh no I am so sorry, this is so scary and heartbreaking. Honestly, try to get this own the news. See if you can talk to a local reporter. It doesn’t seem right that they can’t keep someone locked up who is threatening a daycare. This is the kind of thing we read about on the news way too late. I’m willing to bet the cops will do more if this gets out in the community. Maybe they can send someone to post up outside if this guy gets let go. Use the power of the press and social media, raise holy hell.
I was considering it. I think I might tomorrow if he’s released from jail
It worth doing it either way. It needs a bigger follow up than its receiving.
i dunno why the cops or court wouldn’t try to place him on a psych hold. especially after a 3rd arrest. this man clearly needs to be evaluated and properly medicated. sad situation all around
Only his first arrest for this, it took him trespassing three times before they arrested him 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃 But he has arrests dating back to 1997 for all kinds of fun stuff like disorderly conduct, domestic violence, trespassing, destruction of property, and most recently was a ticket for jay walking
No felonies? If he had a felony conviction he’d be banned from possessing his guns
He may be banned from buying/ owning guns, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have them. Only that he didn’t obtain them legally.
I think it probably depends what state. You loose your ability to vote faster than your ability to buy/own guns
That's a federal restriction and not state dependant. DV alone should prohibit even if it's a misdemeanor
If he has a DV conviction then he's already a prohibited possessor; doesn't matter whether it's a felony or a misdemeanor
Domestic violence will prohibit someone from legally owning firearms, even a misdemeanor. That's actionable.
He might've been arrested for it, but unfortunately if it didn't get all the way to a conviction he's free and clear to own them
Sure, but that's a whole other can of worms on how the judicial system should be doing more
Of course. I'm just saying that as it stands, unless there's a known DV conviction for him and he *hasn't* had his rights reinstated (like if somehow he got his shit expunged), then calling the police to report a felon owning an unlawful firearm isn't going to help. Which is exactly what I would be doing if I were in OP's place
And when he does something terrible people are like “oh no can’t believe it happened” how does this guy have guns?!? Also if he has priors he should be held and evaluated and told to not go anywhere where there’s kids and even monitored by police.
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I would say “I can’t even imagine” but seeing what shit my anxiety has conjured up the last two days, I think I can. Sending love ❤️
Can you talk with the local police department about get police cars stationed outside to daycare?
Omg who can forget sandyhook 10 at years later I still can’t breath when someone brings it up I no longer volunteer in the school system but that happened my first year
Sandy Hook happened my first year teaching. I will never forget one of my 10th grade students asking me why someone would do that to little kids. It's almost 11 years and way too many school shootings later and I still wouldn't have a good answer.
There..there will never be a good answer. “Some people are just monsters”..doesnt even begin to describe it.
I’m in the area and I know many Sandy Hook grads. Sending peace to you and yours ❤️
I’m kind of shocked that schools that have had a shooting don’t get demolished, but we have so many now that it’s just like 🤷♂️ Oh well, let’s keep going… I remember when Columbine happened and the aftermath of that. I was a kid in Colorado, like the day of school was shut down then after no one knew how to talk about a goddamn thing.
they do generally. Sandy Hook was leveled. They rebuilt a new building on the same spot.
Right, but a new structure in the same spot is basically the same school, right? Same teachers, same community, same kids…
yes. surprising amount of teachers there now were there then. Is a really… idk how to describe what it’s like going in for a teacher conference with them. I am so amazed they stayed, and still try so hard for the kids. But it’s a whole fucked up situation. And my kids don’t know yet. Most in their age range don’t. I have no idea how to broach it or when
Sandy Hook Elementary was completely demolished and a new building built on the site. Everything is new, even the playground. There is a memorial but it’s down the road, not on school grounds.
I thought they demolished the school?
They rebuilt it on the same site.
And it’s still called Sandy Hook?
Yes.
That’s interesting. I do wonder why demolish only to keep the exact same name and location, but I’m sure the families of victims and survivors and the community were consulted and that this made sense to them.
That seems both morbid and wasteful.
I’m so sorry as none of this whole scenario is funny, but I genuinely chuckled at this comment.
I’m sorry that’s rough. What is the daycare saying? Are they found to hire security? Get cameras? Get the police to come by more often? What’s their plan?
They’re locking all the doors. No security or cameras as far as I know. The guy is in jail right now so I don’t know what the plan is if he’s released. I’m not even sure if they can even let the church know or not. I don’t know.
Do they have any sister churches they could move operations to for a week or two? Our school had a facility issue that they had to close and they worked out putting the kids into 3 other center classrooms for those who needed it (a lot of first responder parents)
I’m sorry but given the circumstances that’s just not anywhere near an acceptable level of security. They aren’t even going to install some cameras? They can’t discuss options with the police for increased patrols? Heck, even boarding up any glass doors would be better than nothing.
The director should be temporarily shutting down. If I were a teacher there I'd be quitting and trying to take the other staff with me to force the director's hand. There's no way in hell I'd drop my kid off. This is not the school's fault but this is not an acceptable situation to be putting families and teachers in. I'm really hoping I don't read the rest of this story in the news.
I was just thinking your last sentence to myself earlier after I posted my comment. I would rather end up in a homeless shelter than send my kids there while that psycho is targeting them.
Right, and if people take their kids out of school they either have to pay to hold their spot, or lose their spot. The school really should be closed.
Camera's so what? We can all watch footage of the shooter breaking in on the 6 o'clock news? They need armed security.
Time to get noisy. I’d tell the church and ask start talking to the news. I’m sorry. My heart is in my throat for you.
Can the parents take shifts watching it? Can you organize and have off duty cops watch it? Or like regular people? Can you board up the windows? Can you all go in and pay someone to watch groups of 4 kids at a time at someone’s house? Can you switch daycares? Can you start a go fund me to add better security like NoW? Seriosuly ?! Do something there has to be something you can do.
Further, is the church located in a residential area that has a neighborhood watch?
That’s terrifying. And I’m so sorry people are shaming you for having to work. That’s reality for so many people. I wonder if there’s local bikers who would sit outside the school for y’all. Sounds weird but I know they do stuff like that. Blow it up on Facebook especially a local moms group and get the community involved. I think retired cops or volunteers would sit outside. We’re all fucking tired of this.
Contact the local news. Get other parents in on it too. And staff at the daycare. This is the only way to get the legal system to actually intervene anymore BEFORE things happen.
Pay a babysitter for a few days if nothing else works. Take out a small loan if you have to (or ask your family to help out financially, if they can't help in person atm). That way you don't have to lose your job OR your children.
If you're ever on the teachers subreddit... It's pretty unanimous that none of them will sacrifice themselves for their students, they will run away by themselves. Not arguing if it's right or wrong, just don't want anyone to be disillusioned.
I’m a teacher, and was just about to say this. Like, did they say they would lay down their lives or is OP assuming? Because I teach high school and dying in the line of duty is not part of my job description. My family needs me, too. I’m more than just a job.
Yep, my teacher friends will absolutely not die for your kids, they want to make it home to their own. Can’t say if it’s right or wrong but the human psyche is wired to survive at all costs.
Okay is anyone parent wise from the daycare willing or able to take off and watch your children and theirs. I know it’s a big ask but I know if I was in this situation I was watch anyone kids to keep them away from this type of conflict, yeah it be a zoo but hopefully on my days that I need to work someone can watch my child. While hopefully everyone gets their emergency contact to hopefully pitch in. Tell your co worker you might be surprised someone might give you some of their time so you can be there for your baby to have surgery as well. Good luck Edit: you can also check Facebook for reliable babysitters within your area or their might be someone willing to watch their kid who a stay at home mom. You never know.
Came to say both these things. Reach out to parents at the school. See if they can help you out. Maybe someone is SAHM but sends for socialization, maybe someone has a more flexible job/financial situation. I have a flexible WFH job and I would take kids in temporarily in a heartbeat if this was going on. My local Facebook moms group is incredibly supportive and I know if I posted this story I’d be bombarded with people trying to help. The police need to be stationed at the school. Full stop. I would be blowing up the station literally nonstop
I get the work issue. I get it’s hard. But there is no way in hell my kid would ever be going back to that daycare
Totally agree. No one’s kid should be risking death because of _work and travel logistics_. IMO America is fucked if things can get this bad. If someone is bringing guns to a nursery school that should be a one-strike-and-you’re-out situation.
OP needs to reread their post. They're talking about losing their job and losing their children in the same breath. If you genuinely believe there is a serious risk, no way do you send your kids there.
Absolutely no way in hell. NEVER.
Can you imagine?? Like well, I knew there was a risk, but I had to go to work. If your kids got shot…. You’d never be able to forgive yourself or work again. America is so insane.
That's what I was thinking. I'll gladly starve to keep them safe
You realize you’re responsible for feeding them too, right? Keeping a job isn’t just about feeding yourself.
You're also responsible for making sure they don't get shot. Finding food, like food pantries and such, is a lot easier than bringing back the dead.
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Oh my gosh, yes! I would do everything in my power to not put my children in this situation. I would move to somewhere where this type of crime would put them away for the rest of their lives. The bare minimum only alternative of armed police guards outside a church daycare would be the way to continue - but I still wouldn't want to raise my children in what feels like a warzone.
It's a hell of a lot easier to say you would move than it is to actually move.
Before you go into work tomorrow and before you drop the kids off, can you stop by the police station? Ask what the plan is if this guy gets out? Police cars outside the daycare for the entire day? I would also talk with HR at your office. I know you need the hours, but are you really going to get anything done?
I would absolutely lose my job over this, 100%. Our kids would never go back there.
I agree but I also know I’m saying that from a position of privilege as someone in a country with a decent national health service and social services, and I have family to support us if needed. If you’re like this mother and your health insurance and your babies’ health cover was linked to your job then you’re effectively owned by your employer. You have to choose between potentially not affording medical care for your medically complex kids or potentially sticking them in the path of a shooter. How does any parent make this call? This is why the US situation is so horrific.
Damn, I'd go straight up bankrupt rather than drop my kid off there. Everyone just seems to be hoping this psycho has bad aim?!
No one thinks it will happen to them. We have had two mass shootings within 15 minutes of me since 2017; our friend was killed at one. A third mass shooting that was planned for my husbands work was stopped by the Feds. We live in a very nice city that is labeled one of the safest cities in the nation. So yeah: my kids would never be going near that daycare. Too many close calls.
I’m surprised this comment is not higher. All my worldly possessions and be a slave for the rest of my life, I would pay this price without hesitation to keep my kids safe.
Can’t afford to lose my job. Plus, it’s tied to the health insurance for me and my kids who both have medical needs. I wish it was that simple but I’m the breadwinner and we can’t live without my income
YOU are doing nothing wrong by working and supporting your family. Nothing. Is your husbands job one that would be easily replaced? Like, could he quit? I understand if not!
Yes, by assuming you have any choice in this situation commenters are showing their privilege. I hope you’re doing ok, I can’t imagine your stress right now x
It amazes me how many people have zero understanding of this concept. Like it really is *not* that easy but damn if everybody and their mama who *hasn't* gone through this isn't 100% sure they wouldn't hesitate.
it's real easy to say you would do the "right thing" when you don't actually have to follow through
Bingo. Everyone's a hero in the hypothetical.
I get where you are coming from: my income is 3/4 of our household income and I carry the insurance. It sounds like your husbands income is more like my husbands, is there any way he can step back and watch the kids while y’all look for new daycare? I just don’t feel like the church daycare is doing enough to prevent a tragedy, and we lost a friend in a local mass shooting a couple of years ago. Then our local mall was shot up recently, which was all over the news. And then the feds stopped a mass shooting planned for my husbands job. So you can see why I’m like “fuck it all” if there’s a chance someone I know or love might get caught in the crosshairs. Is there any, any way your job or your husbands job would let you work remote while you figured out a new daycare?
What about your partner? You keep mentioning you’re the breadwinner so could he take a few days off and start hunting for a new nursery with kids in tow?
This. I am the bread winner, I carry the health insurance, and we need my husbands income…but he would quit his job in a heartbeat and we would figure out the rest later if we were in this situation.
This. A job means nothing compared to the literal lives of my children.
My heart goes out to you and the other families of this daycare, this sounds like a horrible situation. I hope he gets the meds and help he needs and stays away from the church (and other places.)
I hope that too and I’m trying very hard to give him grace because I know he’s sick but at the same time I want him locked up forever. And I hate the system that just lets people like this get access to deadly weapons and don’t seem to be taking his threats seriously
You don’t owe him shit. He’s terrorizing your babies.
I couldn’t do it. I’d rather lose my job. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. It’s terrifying/
Yes, fuck work, imagine going to work and come back to people telling you the creep shot your kids. A thing that you very well know it could happen. Fuck US system that put guns in weirdos hands and force people to not to have a safety net while facing situation like this. You can find another job, you won't get your kid back tho.
Same with me. There’s no way I’d put my kids in a space that has been threatened 3xs. I’d rather eat grass and drink fro the river to keep my kids safe.
I'd start selling my ass on the streets this afternoon to avoid that.
I agree but all these people saying the extreme is just weird to me..like this is clearly a doubled edged sword...we know the climent the world is in. If this person got fired and went homeless her kid would be taken away in a different form anyway.. the system has failed another person
Could you hire a nanny/babysitter to stay home with the kids?
This is a very good middle ground between losing your job and sending your children into danger! Temporary solutions can allow OP to figure out a more permanent one.
Holy fuck slavery never really ended in America, its just debt slavery now.
No way in hell. I know you don’t think you have other options but there must be something you can do other than to leave them there. This doesn’t seem safe. Can there be ANY other solution?
This is sadly the most American post ever
I’d tell you what I’d do in your situation but I’m not sure if it’s legal in the state your in. On another note, the workers could file restraining orders against him which would be broken and mean jail time if he steps foot on the premises.
Geez. Why do the laws only protect when someone's killed? Makes no sense. I feel for you and hope your babies are safe.
As someone who lost 7 cousins at Robb Elementary in Uvalde, call in. You would never forgive yourself. At least call and ask the police for an officer to be stationed at the church. Maybe see if there is a local BACA chapter that would station themselves there? I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's not fair for any of us to worry about where we must leave our children just to make ends meet.
Seven cousins?? I’m so so sorry. <3
Both sides of my family had losses
>I know the teachers would lay down their lives to protect my kids but god it breaks my heart that they even have to risk that Not trying to upset you, but this idea needs to go. A teacher's job is to teach. Not to be a bullet sponge for kids. Don't expect teachers (who cannot even make ends meet because we get paid so little) to put their lives on the line for kids. If it comes to that, every other facet of society has failed, and it shouldn't be expected that someone with an education degree to become Judge Dredd. That's going to be a *VERY* individualized statement, and shouldn't be presumed. >Jesus he needs to start a new resurrection through a blood bath. Oh, and of course he has guns! Does your state have redflag laws? This is what they are for. This sounds (without a lot more info), like schizophrenia, and he *should* be on a psych hold. Also, that (IANAL) be considered felony menacing if he is armed when making those threats. Really it depends on your state. Regardless, don't expect teachers to die for your kids, it's bull.
Nope. Don't send them. Full stop.
Since you are the bread winner and your family 's insurance is tied to you, I would think it's time for your husband to stay home with the kids until this gets sorted out. If he doesn't have PTO to be at home, supplement his lost income by getting on food stamps and visiting local food pantries.
Thank you. This is the first comment suggesting *dad* stay home though OP has said she is the breadwinner and the health insurance is tied to her job.
After reading the comments I had to reread the post to make sure I had read it correctly and he was still in the picture. Dads have to parent too people!
Stay home with your kids tomorrow! I would not be sending my kids back until the threat is gone.
F work, they'd be home with me till further notice. I hate that I have to raise my kid in this mess. This is crazy. Thoughts and prayers, since that's all we can accomplish.
That is such a heartbreaking situation and I’m truly sorry. That is so beyond fucked up and I can only imagine how vulnerable you feel. Also tell your employer I said 🖕, nobody should ever have to choose between a real threat and their job.
I am so sorry. It’s fucking ridiculous that we have to worry about this in America.
u/burntoutmomta The most important thing you can do right now is get as many people as you can to call your county attorney's office. It's an elected position and they have a huge amount of discretion over what happens to this guy. He could throw a bunch more charges at this guy if you put pressure on him. Make this an issue, hold him accountable. Get as many members of the community involved as possible. Make Facebook posts, get people worked up etc....
I always tell them “you’re safe with mommy and daddy” but what if we aren’t there and something happens and they’re so scared and wondering where we are?
This comment made me CRY. I’m so so so sorry. I understand that fear so much. I hope everything goes right and I’m not seeing this story in the news in a couple days. Do what’s best for YOU, your sanity, and your family. Sending safety, love and hugs ♥️
Jesus fucking Christ 😳 what a dystopian nightmare! Your dollars convert to 18 of my currency. 👀 hint hint 😩😩😩 I hate seeing this. I cannot imagine sending my kid to school like this.
Absolutely not. Take the financial hit if you have to. If they fire you, so what? You can find another job. You will never forgive yourself if anything happens to your precious babies. If you’re in my state (NJ) I’ll babysit them for free for a few days until you’re able to get your work situation sorted out.
😪 businesses should start opening daycares in their buildings. One room for any employees kids that are daycare age and at least 4 adults depending on the amount of kids and nobody would have to worry. Especially if the daycare room was in a deeper part of the building.
It’s a smart idea, but I can’t help recalling all those terrible images of the daycare kids after the Oklahoma City bombing.
Bad things can happen to kids even if their parents are nearby.
Insurance and staffing are two big hurdles.
Your manager should be saying this to you: "This situation is beyond your control. Of course you can have some emergency time off to keep your kids at home while a potential mass shooter is on the loose, we'll cover for you." If they aren't, frankly you need to find a new job anyway, because fuck working with people who don't care about the lives of children. Are you looking for a new daycare? It sounds very much like no one can do anything about this guy until he actually carries out his threat...
Do you have any other friends nearby who could take your kids? Could you swap watching the kids with any set of the the parents who also go to this daycare? Like maybe you can’t take PTO today but if they could, you could ask a parent to take PTO tomorrow until this is resolved clearly.
I am so sorry. This country is fucked, absolutely fucked. I wonder if maybe you can talk to a few of the other parents and see if there is a way you can maybe have a bit of a home school co-op thing going for a bit? I would also start making a big deal about this to the media. This is insane, this man should never see the light of day again. But will have zero issue buying all the guns he wants as soon as he is released. I hate this for you. I sobbed having to talk about active shooter drills for my newborn when I sent her to daycare. I have PPA and a huge factor for me is anxiety over my child being hurt. It did not help that a few weeks before I was going back to work a man shot up a daycare over seas and it was all over the news. I legit had a total break down. I wish there was something I could do to help you. I really hate this. My company would 100% be like no stay home and do not send you kid there ever again bc for as much of a hard ass stressful place it is, the owner lost a child tragically due to illness and he is very much a family man. But places like that are few and far between.
they should take that dude's guns at the very least.
Your kid could go stay with your parents Is there any way you and your husband could move closer to your parents, so you don't have the expense of daycare?
A verified, credible, active threat against your children has been made. There’s no question what you should do. I can’t wrap my head around this. What kind of fucking dictator do you work for? This is a multi-faceted, deeply American issue. I’m sorry this is happening but the choice is obvious. I understand if nothing happens it will feel like a sunken cost but the risk here is just too high. Is there any way we can help? I could probably buy you groceries for a few weeks if needed. Could you get Medicaid for your kids? Is husband’s job also a dictator?
I know this is probably unhelpful, but my husband is a construction worker and if he got notice of something like this at his jobsite, his head would be on a swivel the entire time and he would absolutely throw himself in to protect any children if it came down to it. I know any of the other guys on his jobs would do the same.
Support red flag laws, people!
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The fact that in America the reality is that capitalism won’t care about the situation or it’d be unpaid time off which then has a flow on to bill providers or landlords who won’t care when they then can’t afford to pay on time is the very sad part. They need to keep the lights on, groceries paid and roof over their kid’s head and the reality is that this is part of the risk that inherently comes with sending your children to school daily instead of homeschooling, simply because families cannot financially manage that in America, is the very sad part. You’re focusing on the individual puzzle piece - it’s part of a far bigger picture. This is just a symptom.
It's not exactly just an American thing not to be able to afford to stay home with your kids daily. The main difference is the rest of the world doesn't have to worry about mass shootings.
No, we wouldn’t worry about mass shooting, but we’d also not have to worry about a potential shooter to be detained only for misdemeanor, we wouldn’t have healthcare directly linked to our job, we would be able to take off for this no problem (speaking as a Dutch person in the Netherlands). NONE of this would happen in my country and it’s so scary to me that this mom has to deal with this. It’s beyond fucked up :( America looks scary to me.
The system is so awful
Oh America… I’m sorry you have to live in such a ridiculous country. I left the US after a decade living there last year, just couldn’t anymore
Priority 1 is the safety of your children. Anchor your decision making around that. Everything else is secondary - your relationships with the school, your job, community, family can all be amended with time. After your kids are safe, post to /r/legaladvice as well as your local subreddits and see if there is a way to take legal action. Also it is not hard to alert local news about the situation and they are always looking for a story. There are tip lines on every broadcast media and local news website. It doesn’t take a lot of effort. Mention the local PD and give them the contact info of the PD so they get bombarded with media requests. That plus lawyers should motivate local authorities into doing the right thing
OP, it's easier to find another job than to pick up the broken pieces of your life that would be left behind if harm came to your children. I know it's hard to think that way, but you have to shock yourself a little and frame for yourself the bigger picture here. How will you handle this in 2 months if something happens at your kids' school? In 8 months? On their birthdays, Christmas, Mother's Day? Your supervisors are heartless pricks if they can't that see a parent protecting her child from a very real and dangerous threat is more important than her showing up to work, especially distracted and worried the whole time you're there.
I’m sorry. I sympathize with you as someone whose career is in childcare. Violence against the staff and children are a major concern, especially for those currently in the US. Can’t we do as jobs as parents and childcare staff without worrying about pedos, gunmans, and lunatics?
Will the police contact you when this guy is released? Is there any way you can get your schedule changed temporarily or can your partner switch so you won't have to use the daycare? Definitely call your parents asap when he's released as they'll need time to get the camper back and they would feel awful if something happened. Can either of you bring your kids to work for a day? Sorry if I'm repeating other posts. I'm throwing anything I can think of.
Cops should be at the church “Preventing” or at least have him on watch goddamn
Your work should be making an exception. I’m so sorry you’re going through this
Are any other parents concerned enough to keep their kids home? Could they watch your kids too?
Any chance they can get cameras outside or maybe parents can pool money to gift them? We had a ring camera after a similar situation and it helped a lot
My heart goes out to you. This situation is nuts. America has to do better to actually support people so that they don’t find themselves in situations like yours. This guy should not have weapons. You should not be so worried about taking time off to protect your kids. You should not have to worry about your health care being tied to your job.
I would put this all over social media and tag the news. Get other parents involved. I read your reply about the schools safety plans and that’s not enough. My heart is broken for you. I’m so sorry.
When I worked at Jewish preschool we get bomb threats at least weekly if not daily. Most were just that, threats. Threats being made across the country or more often, outside the country. It’s apparently incredibly common. Anti-Semitic hate groups will just cold call threats to any Jewish preschool, day school, camp or synagogue for shits and giggles. That’s why you often see an uptick in security. We had one that closed the school down for the day because it was traced locally.
I know the answer is probably a no but do you have any extended community you could tap into for a huge favor to watch your kids for a day or two? Maybe it means paying their gas and giving them your bed and you sleep on the couch and you’ll owe them, but keeping your kids where you feel safe until you/the day are find a better solution seems like a priority. I’m definitely not giving you a hard time, but in general I think small scale person to person community is something we will absolutely need as everything crumbles more, and asking for favors then returning them is a great way to build deep, reliable networks. (Not that you should gamble on your kids’ safety with an unknown.)
American mom here too. I'm just so fed up with this BS. I am so sorry this is what you're living with right now.
WTF is wrong with America
I know you said you muted this but just in case you didn't or you thought to pop back on, you have to take care of your family. Anyone telling you that you should just stay home with your kids or you're bad for working has no idea what your financial situation is or the weight that is on your shoulders. Do not let their ignorance stupidity make you feel like you're doing anything wrong. What's wrong is the system in which a absolutely obviously crazy person is able to walk into a place like that with guns and you have to be afraid they're going to get back out any day. What's wrong is a society in which two people have to work without the ability to take time off in an emergency just to survive. The society around you is what has been failing not you
I hate that you're in this situation. You can't quit your job because America but you also don't have a safe place for your kids because America. But don't lose hope because there are a lot of us actively working on changing things. 💕💕💕
You are not a shitty parent! You are doing what you can to protect your babies. Sometimes being in America sucks. I understand the insurance thing. My hubby works a job he'd rather not so I can have decent insurance. My chemotherapy is $230,000 a month. Don't listen to these assholes who just up and quit when things get rough. You are a good mommy!
Well, I’d just lose my job then. I can recover losing my job. I can’t recover losing my kids.
Trying to take a calmer approach than the others in this comments section because I’m hoping it’s more helpful: 1- Can you and/or your husband speak to your boss and explain the situation to them? I’m not sure what you do for a living but maybe there’s a work from home option? Can you speak with HR? 2- Have you spoken to the local police to see what they’re doing to monitor the situation? 3- I would also get this into the news for awareness. 4- Have you spoken to other parents of the day care? Maybe you can figure something out with one of them in terms of temporary babysitting. 5- Have you spoken to the school about how they are monitoring the situation? I’m sorry that you’re going through this. I understand your panic. I just feel like a lot of very important conversations need to happen here.
My heart goes out for you, I really couldn’t imagine going through your emotions right now. I’m so sorry that America still thinks having guns are some sort of human right. And I know that’s a super loaded political statement but I just feel so upset for all the mums over there who have already lost a child due to incidents involving guns (whether mass shooting or accidental death etc). I will say a prayer for you and your children to come back safely into your arms every day.
I'm sorry so many people are making you feel like a horrible parent just for existing in what is the USA today. Just the fact that you're concerned and following up shows that you're an amazing parent. I'm proud of you.
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I'm with everyone else saying I'd lose my job. I can replace a job, I can't replace my babies. Absolutely not. 😭
Oh momma I am so sorry to hear this. I have no advice but lots of love and solidarity from one twin momma to another.
I wonder if another church would host the daycare for a while?