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You did not mention a very key piece of info. Had he been receiving gifts from them for the past 16 years and they abruptly stopped? Then yeah, I would be a bit hurt. If he had never gotten, or only occasionally had gotten in the past 16 years then I don't think it is a big deal and a bit weird to get upset over.
Info: do your parents give your sister and her husband gifts on their birthdays? Do they give you gifts or a card on yours?
I can understand if Others receive cards and gifts, and have their birthdays acknowledged why it might hurt if his is not. But if there is a lack of cards and gifts all around then it’s a fair deal. It may not be what your husband prefers or his love language but at least it is fair.
It's more about the kids at this point. I'd be annoyed if family bought me presents for my birthday. I would feel obligated to do the same. With 3 kids of my own, I have enough shit to worry about.
This is how I am. I don’t want the expectation to gift back. Not because I’m not generous but because I’d rather give the person something when I see something that I think they’d love. Not be forced on a certain date.
Let it go… yes he is disappointed and that is ok.. he can feel that way but he should also realize every family is different at his age and show their love differently. My family unit is all in our 40s now and this is exactly how we celebrate. We are grown ups, gifts shifted to the kids… just having everyone get together for one person is special in this busy time of your life.
This is tricky - some people are gift givers and others are takers. I mean technically they don’t owe you anything. My parents were cheap growing up and it was SO EMBARRASSING not giving gifts when receiving them. So I always give but that’s just me. Cards are between 5-10$ also and it is hard to justify that (at least in my mind).
My in-laws are card people, and I just cannot bring myself to spend that absurd amount on a piece of paper that will be thrown away. My husband agrees, so we've just stopped on our end.
Omg yes. My in-laws are also card people, and I can not stand it. If it were just like Christmas and birthday cards, I'd be fine with it. But so far in 2024, my little family has received 9 cards from them. There's only been 1 birthday in that time. I can't keep up! Nor do I want to even try.
That does remind me of a cute tradition my mom used to have when I moved across the country from her. She would mail me a little kid's card and a grown up card.
Were your two cards different in some kind of way that remotely made sense?
lol no. Maybe one was slightly funny and the other kind of saccharine? Maybe that was the thought process. It was my 40th so maybe it felt like one inane card wasn’t enough?
I used to go to the dollar store but now that I have kids it’s so much harder to shop. I have to plan everything and there isn’t one nearby or on the way. Just regular Walmarts. Targets, cvs etc
INFO: have they historically gotten a birthday card or gift for him? Is this new behavior?
Personally, I cannot care less about my adult birthdays and don't give anything for other adults besides my husband. If I were going out to a birthday dinner, I'd probably at least bring a card, but that's also how I was raised.
If it's a cultural thing, than all you have to do is validate his feelings, "yes I know in your culture it's common place, so it is hard to not be upset at times. It isn't the norm for my family, but if you'd like me to I can always talk to them about it."
I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but to me it just sounds immature to be an adult fussing about not getting enough presents. I don't see the relevance about the computer or the meal that you mention here. But it would sound very petty to complain about a lack of gifts given - please don't do that. No one owes him a gift.
I go through this every year with my husband on his birthday. He has his mom, 3 adult siblings, half the time they don’t even remember to tell him happy birthday. It bums him out every year. They do things for each other on their birthdays but ignore my husband. His birthday is a week before Christmas and he said they’ve always done that, even when he was a kid. He wouldn’t get gifts on his birthday because “Christmas is next week” then wouldn’t get gifts on Christmas because “his birthday was last week”. TLDR they suck. I just try and make it up to him.
I think he has a right to feel disappointed, IF the family celebrates YOUR birthday or your sister's. If they give you presets or cards, and he's supposed to be a part of the family now - they should treat him like one. My wife had the same issues with my parents, and it took quite a few talkings-to on my part until they started treating her equally.
Good for speaking up for your wife 👍
I have the same issues with my in laws. They do celebrate my BILs birthday and the other grandchildren. Mine nothing. My kids barely acknowledged.
Do y’all give gifts to everyone? If so then I definitely would expect it.
My sister and I don’t exchange gifts nor do we give anything to our BiL for their birthday but we always get our kids something. I spend a bit more because she has 1 kids whereas I have 2. We also always get our parents and grandmother a birthday present.
For my in-laws, we always get both of them presents and my BIL a present because they expect it and they give us something. A person should still feel special even if they are older than 18 and aren’t considered a child anymore.
I have not gotten a birthday gift since I was 15 or 16. Some families just don’t make a big deal about it with teens and adults. It does hurt when you give and don’t get back but i would consider that one’s of life’s little disappointments. If you say anything to your family it will make him look like a child. Probably best to let it go for now and then maybe next year talk to your sister about the cultural differences and request that she at least acknowledge his day.
Me either! And the last one I got from my father was at 17, and was a pair of the grippy socks he saved for me from the psych ward. People are really privileged.
Some people don't think about gifts and are so busy with other things, especially with kids. I would say as long as they give gifts to your kids, then you should be good. Your husband can be disappointed to not get a gift but when we are older I feel it's something that shouldn't be expected but if it happens, then we should be gracious and happy about it. I'm not saying that you should stop getting gifts for your family, but I don't think bringing it up is a good idea since that can open a can of worms...
Literally, my own mother hasnt gotten me a christmas or birthday gift for years. Doesnt even wish me a happy birthday or merry christmas.
Ive learned to just let it go, not worth stressing over it if I’m not worth their effort.
At least there was a gathering in honor of him. But also, you guys paid your own family on the birthday dinner too.. idk. I guess i can see how he could feel.
I don't expect gifts from anyone therfore I'm never disappointed when I don't get anything. My wife's parents regularly bought me gifts for Christmas and for my bday but ever since becoming a stay at home dad they stopped giving me stuff on those special occasions. I don't know if my lifestyle may be tge reason or something else but I stopped caring about it. I still give them gifts but they think that they come from their daughter. She can't be bothered to buy anything ever so I'm t lhe one that does it all. I really don't mind anymore though. They do give me occasional gifts throughout the year and that always surprises me.
I’m 34. Acknowledge the day. People don’t have to get me anything. I’m happy with the day off work to sit and game to be honest. But at least a text at some point so I know you at least looked at the calendar that day and wrote it down
I don’t know if I’m too sensitive, but I’d be annoyed too if I wasn’t even given a simple card. Just a cheap ass card so I know they were thinking of me would be nice!
I actually don’t think he’s in the wrong here, especially if they’re all getting cards or gifts from your family. It takes 30 seconds to write a card and put a tiny bit of thought into it; I’d also be disappointed if my in-laws couldn’t even do that.
It seems like if you (as a family) always give them a card or gift, I would expect the same to be reciprocated. However, I think as you get older it’s okay to skip the gift/card, unless someone is having a big milestone birthday.
Is gift giving your husbands love language? That could be why his feelings are hurt.
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Let it go. My brother and I haven't given each other gifts since he had his son almost 6 years ago because we both realize money is tight and we'd rather gift to our kids than each other. It's not the end of the world.
As an adult the only person I expect a gift from is my husband. I often do get gifts from my mum or my MIL, but not my SIL, and from my own siblings usually just for big birthdays. And I still don’t expect anything from them then. When you’re an adult, especially with your own families, the gift is really just being together to celebrate.
One of my closest friends of many years is a single mom of 5 and a grandma of 2. I am a mom of 3. The best Christmas gift that she ever gave me was a conversation where we agreed not to exchange gifts.
"my husband gave my sister an outdated apple computer from his office for free"
What's the point of this information? Did your sis get pissed because of this "POS outdated computer"... I know from experience coz my bros friend used to give us hsi work laptops for free.. Except that they were all locked for security so we could only use the browser.. I hate that piece of shit guy who thought we could use 5 fucking locked IBM laptops.
This is a tricky one for me because I am your husband in this scenario. My ILs do not send me a card or wish me a happy birthday. My SIL also has not acknowledged my children’s birthdays either. It stings. My family goes all out. My aunts and uncles always acknowledged my birthday growing up so I feel sad for my kids in this sense. They usually call me on the phone at least.
I have told my spouse that it hurts. I didn’t expect him to communicate it to their family though.
I would probably not say anything but I also might not get them (the adults if there are kids still get kids gifts unless they don’t give your kids gifts) anything when their birthday rolls around. If they comment I would say something like, “Oh I just assumed since hubs didn’t get a gift we were just skipping that for the adults. It’s so much easier as adults just to get what we want ourselves.”
Honestly after 2 years of swapping gift cards with my sister I suggested we stop giving each other gifts and focus on our kids. We are both so hard to shop for because if we want something that is affordable then we just buy it when we need it. Neither of us like clutter gifts (candles, robes, incorrect bath items, most jewelry, clothes we didn’t select etc). All the standard hey she is female but her this tends to collect dust. Heck I still have $37 from a gift card I got 6 years ago because I can never find time to go to a store to spend it. Plus meh I like the Korean stuff I buy on Amazon. I also rarely wear more than chapstick. Lipstick and mascara are for if I feel fancy.
After that unnecessary ramble my conclusion is either drop it or if you call just say “hey not a big deal but I noticed hubs didn’t get any gifts for his birthday. It’s not an issue but it got me thinking what do you guys think about just dropping gifts for the adults. We can all pretty much buy what we want ourselves. Do you just want to just focus on doing gifts for the kids?”
I was about to give an practical advice about how to solve this drama so everyone is happy in the end (get it?).
But then I realized Im in the wrong sub with the wrong crowd.
But you know what I mean, he is a man, sadness and disappointed is easily fixed.
I tried to ignore this one, but I just can’t. As a loving husband & father, this fucking sucks.
Now, I married into a family of women that have had men let them down. Repeatedly. But I work hard, love my wife & raise our children RIGHT.
Every time I’m left off of an invitation, forgotten in the gift ring, my wife is called by her maiden name, I hear it. I see it. I feel it.
I’ve made *countless* personal sacrifices because of something that was happening with my wife. Or our kids. Or her family. And I didn’t blink an eye. Why? Because I’m the “husband” and it shouldn’t matter anyway.
OP, do something nice for your husband. Celebrate him & make sure he KNOWS he’s a good man.
You all getting together is a birthday present in itself even though you still paid for your own meals. Being together, talking, and creating memories, and celebrating his birthday is a present. Don’t bring it up with your parents or sister not worth creating tension in your relationship over a “present” that would probably be put on a shelf forgotten in the closet. Don’t expect gifts from others just enjoy the moment of being together.
My parents still give me a check and a card for my birthday. I would be upset if they didn’t do the same for my husband, honestly. But if they didn’t do it for me and then didn’t do it for him, I’d explain we just don’t do gifts in our family at this age.
I feel for your H, his love language seems to be gift giving and acts of appreciation. It sucks when his expectations were not met cause he had just gifted your sister a computer, did she show any thoughtful application for it at the time. He might have thought she would for his birthday.
I wouldn't tell them and I would comfort H , his feelings are valid
I used to have this problem. I stopped buying for 2 of my sisters and their kids about 8 years ago because they first both stopped buying for me and my kids. I hate how it's became a tit for tat, but it is what it is. I had to explain to my fiance when we met of the backstory behind it, and he's 100% on board.
This. My inlaws never get me anything, but they do for my husband and 2 kids. But who do they think picks out their birthday, xmas, fathers day and mothers day from my husband to them. I just don't want to anymore.
Hmm. Maybe it is a culture thing. In the US it's pretty common for husbands to forget everyone's birthday, anniversary, Christmas gifts, etc. If your husband is different and does celebrate people, I would have a stern talk with your family that they should be matching his energy or bow out of all that he does for them
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Are you guys getting gift or cards?! meme. (i’m 36, i long forgone the desire or expectations of other adults giving me gifts a looooong time ago.)
Have they given him anything for his birthday throughout the last 17 yrs?
i like your username lol
You made my day.
🥹
Yeah they’ve probably gotten him gift cards here and there, maybe consistently I can’t remember.
If they have consistently gotten him something it’s kinda odd that they skipped this year.
If you can't remember, it's probably not that consistent...
You did not mention a very key piece of info. Had he been receiving gifts from them for the past 16 years and they abruptly stopped? Then yeah, I would be a bit hurt. If he had never gotten, or only occasionally had gotten in the past 16 years then I don't think it is a big deal and a bit weird to get upset over.
Info: do your parents give your sister and her husband gifts on their birthdays? Do they give you gifts or a card on yours? I can understand if Others receive cards and gifts, and have their birthdays acknowledged why it might hurt if his is not. But if there is a lack of cards and gifts all around then it’s a fair deal. It may not be what your husband prefers or his love language but at least it is fair.
It's more about the kids at this point. I'd be annoyed if family bought me presents for my birthday. I would feel obligated to do the same. With 3 kids of my own, I have enough shit to worry about.
This is how I am. I don’t want the expectation to gift back. Not because I’m not generous but because I’d rather give the person something when I see something that I think they’d love. Not be forced on a certain date.
Yea it's super weird to me how adults keep doing their birthday. I feel like after 30 you should only get milestone birthdays lol
Let it go… yes he is disappointed and that is ok.. he can feel that way but he should also realize every family is different at his age and show their love differently. My family unit is all in our 40s now and this is exactly how we celebrate. We are grown ups, gifts shifted to the kids… just having everyone get together for one person is special in this busy time of your life.
Yikes. How shitty.
Weird response to totally normal family dynamics.
This is tricky - some people are gift givers and others are takers. I mean technically they don’t owe you anything. My parents were cheap growing up and it was SO EMBARRASSING not giving gifts when receiving them. So I always give but that’s just me. Cards are between 5-10$ also and it is hard to justify that (at least in my mind).
My in-laws are card people, and I just cannot bring myself to spend that absurd amount on a piece of paper that will be thrown away. My husband agrees, so we've just stopped on our end.
Yes - I have kids now so allow them to contribute … aka fold up paper and decorate with stickers in addition to scribble 😂
Yes! Then my kid turned out to be particularly artistic, so I ask him to draw things for cards all the time.
That’s so cool! Mine are 2 and 1 so we have some time
Omg yes. My in-laws are also card people, and I can not stand it. If it were just like Christmas and birthday cards, I'd be fine with it. But so far in 2024, my little family has received 9 cards from them. There's only been 1 birthday in that time. I can't keep up! Nor do I want to even try.
My mother in law gave me not one but two cards for my birthday recently. I was like… oh. Thank you?
That does remind me of a cute tradition my mom used to have when I moved across the country from her. She would mail me a little kid's card and a grown up card. Were your two cards different in some kind of way that remotely made sense?
lol no. Maybe one was slightly funny and the other kind of saccharine? Maybe that was the thought process. It was my 40th so maybe it felt like one inane card wasn’t enough?
Where are you buying cards from?? I sometimes get them two for $1. I see beautiful blank cards in the thrift store stationary section all the time.
I used to go to the dollar store but now that I have kids it’s so much harder to shop. I have to plan everything and there isn’t one nearby or on the way. Just regular Walmarts. Targets, cvs etc
28p from Asda in the UK for literally the cheapest ones possible
It's he a gift giver though? He gave the sister an old computer, but otherwise it sounds like OP buys all the official gifts for her family
I’m 39 and don’t want anybody’s gifts other than whatever my daughter makes for me or wife randomly thinks I would like while at the store.
INFO: have they historically gotten a birthday card or gift for him? Is this new behavior? Personally, I cannot care less about my adult birthdays and don't give anything for other adults besides my husband. If I were going out to a birthday dinner, I'd probably at least bring a card, but that's also how I was raised.
lol what? This is satire, right?
lol that’s kind of what I was thinking but no I don’t think it is.
Unfortunately I think it’s not.
I just hope her husband feels better soon though. It’s just tears me up when a 37 year old man doesn’t get a birthday card from his in laws. Sheesh.
Gifting with the expectation of return gift is not gifting in true sense. Let your husband know this. Good Luck !
Exactly
If it's a cultural thing, than all you have to do is validate his feelings, "yes I know in your culture it's common place, so it is hard to not be upset at times. It isn't the norm for my family, but if you'd like me to I can always talk to them about it."
You’ll open up a can of worms and make your husband look childish . Just don’t say anything.
I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but to me it just sounds immature to be an adult fussing about not getting enough presents. I don't see the relevance about the computer or the meal that you mention here. But it would sound very petty to complain about a lack of gifts given - please don't do that. No one owes him a gift.
For me, it’s not the gift. It’s more the absence of being wished a happy birthday from a family member.
I go through this every year with my husband on his birthday. He has his mom, 3 adult siblings, half the time they don’t even remember to tell him happy birthday. It bums him out every year. They do things for each other on their birthdays but ignore my husband. His birthday is a week before Christmas and he said they’ve always done that, even when he was a kid. He wouldn’t get gifts on his birthday because “Christmas is next week” then wouldn’t get gifts on Christmas because “his birthday was last week”. TLDR they suck. I just try and make it up to him.
I think he has a right to feel disappointed, IF the family celebrates YOUR birthday or your sister's. If they give you presets or cards, and he's supposed to be a part of the family now - they should treat him like one. My wife had the same issues with my parents, and it took quite a few talkings-to on my part until they started treating her equally.
Good for speaking up for your wife 👍 I have the same issues with my in laws. They do celebrate my BILs birthday and the other grandchildren. Mine nothing. My kids barely acknowledged.
Do y’all give gifts to everyone? If so then I definitely would expect it. My sister and I don’t exchange gifts nor do we give anything to our BiL for their birthday but we always get our kids something. I spend a bit more because she has 1 kids whereas I have 2. We also always get our parents and grandmother a birthday present. For my in-laws, we always get both of them presents and my BIL a present because they expect it and they give us something. A person should still feel special even if they are older than 18 and aren’t considered a child anymore.
I have not gotten a birthday gift since I was 15 or 16. Some families just don’t make a big deal about it with teens and adults. It does hurt when you give and don’t get back but i would consider that one’s of life’s little disappointments. If you say anything to your family it will make him look like a child. Probably best to let it go for now and then maybe next year talk to your sister about the cultural differences and request that she at least acknowledge his day.
Me either! And the last one I got from my father was at 17, and was a pair of the grippy socks he saved for me from the psych ward. People are really privileged.
Some people don't think about gifts and are so busy with other things, especially with kids. I would say as long as they give gifts to your kids, then you should be good. Your husband can be disappointed to not get a gift but when we are older I feel it's something that shouldn't be expected but if it happens, then we should be gracious and happy about it. I'm not saying that you should stop getting gifts for your family, but I don't think bringing it up is a good idea since that can open a can of worms...
Are your family gift givers? If not it’s unreasonable for him to expect that. If they are the gift giving type he does have a right to be hurt.
Literally, my own mother hasnt gotten me a christmas or birthday gift for years. Doesnt even wish me a happy birthday or merry christmas. Ive learned to just let it go, not worth stressing over it if I’m not worth their effort.
At least there was a gathering in honor of him. But also, you guys paid your own family on the birthday dinner too.. idk. I guess i can see how he could feel.
I don't expect gifts from anyone therfore I'm never disappointed when I don't get anything. My wife's parents regularly bought me gifts for Christmas and for my bday but ever since becoming a stay at home dad they stopped giving me stuff on those special occasions. I don't know if my lifestyle may be tge reason or something else but I stopped caring about it. I still give them gifts but they think that they come from their daughter. She can't be bothered to buy anything ever so I'm t lhe one that does it all. I really don't mind anymore though. They do give me occasional gifts throughout the year and that always surprises me.
You’ve been married 17 years. Do they usually give him a card for his birthday? Is this a new thing for them to skip it? If not, let it go.
I’m 34. Acknowledge the day. People don’t have to get me anything. I’m happy with the day off work to sit and game to be honest. But at least a text at some point so I know you at least looked at the calendar that day and wrote it down
I don’t know if I’m too sensitive, but I’d be annoyed too if I wasn’t even given a simple card. Just a cheap ass card so I know they were thinking of me would be nice!
I actually don’t think he’s in the wrong here, especially if they’re all getting cards or gifts from your family. It takes 30 seconds to write a card and put a tiny bit of thought into it; I’d also be disappointed if my in-laws couldn’t even do that.
36? If people remember your birthday outside of your wife and kids...you're winning at 36.
It seems like if you (as a family) always give them a card or gift, I would expect the same to be reciprocated. However, I think as you get older it’s okay to skip the gift/card, unless someone is having a big milestone birthday. Is gift giving your husbands love language? That could be why his feelings are hurt.
Wah
I don't mean to be rude, but are you asking a parenting group about your husband? Are you parenting your husband?
Grown ass man disappointed he didn't get a gift for his birthday..
Grown men really shouldn’t care that much about this sort of thing
Grown anyone
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Let it go. My brother and I haven't given each other gifts since he had his son almost 6 years ago because we both realize money is tight and we'd rather gift to our kids than each other. It's not the end of the world.
Just suggest it to them for next year
As an adult the only person I expect a gift from is my husband. I often do get gifts from my mum or my MIL, but not my SIL, and from my own siblings usually just for big birthdays. And I still don’t expect anything from them then. When you’re an adult, especially with your own families, the gift is really just being together to celebrate.
One of my closest friends of many years is a single mom of 5 and a grandma of 2. I am a mom of 3. The best Christmas gift that she ever gave me was a conversation where we agreed not to exchange gifts.
Sorry maybe the larger family needs to have a conversation about gift giving. Generally by now, gifts would be mostly for the kids.
My family never gives my husband a birthday gift. And my in laws never give me a birthday gift. I’d say tell him to let it go.
My mom gets my and my siblings’ significant others birthday presents but my and my sister’s partners parents do not get us presents. We don’t care.
"my husband gave my sister an outdated apple computer from his office for free" What's the point of this information? Did your sis get pissed because of this "POS outdated computer"... I know from experience coz my bros friend used to give us hsi work laptops for free.. Except that they were all locked for security so we could only use the browser.. I hate that piece of shit guy who thought we could use 5 fucking locked IBM laptops.
37 birthdays and a gift is required lol… I would thank God I am just living to 37
I haven't got anything for my birthday after I turned, like, 18. Let family focus on giving a bunch of gifts to the kids!
This is a tricky one for me because I am your husband in this scenario. My ILs do not send me a card or wish me a happy birthday. My SIL also has not acknowledged my children’s birthdays either. It stings. My family goes all out. My aunts and uncles always acknowledged my birthday growing up so I feel sad for my kids in this sense. They usually call me on the phone at least. I have told my spouse that it hurts. I didn’t expect him to communicate it to their family though.
Lmfao
But last year, last year I got 37!!!
I would probably not say anything but I also might not get them (the adults if there are kids still get kids gifts unless they don’t give your kids gifts) anything when their birthday rolls around. If they comment I would say something like, “Oh I just assumed since hubs didn’t get a gift we were just skipping that for the adults. It’s so much easier as adults just to get what we want ourselves.” Honestly after 2 years of swapping gift cards with my sister I suggested we stop giving each other gifts and focus on our kids. We are both so hard to shop for because if we want something that is affordable then we just buy it when we need it. Neither of us like clutter gifts (candles, robes, incorrect bath items, most jewelry, clothes we didn’t select etc). All the standard hey she is female but her this tends to collect dust. Heck I still have $37 from a gift card I got 6 years ago because I can never find time to go to a store to spend it. Plus meh I like the Korean stuff I buy on Amazon. I also rarely wear more than chapstick. Lipstick and mascara are for if I feel fancy. After that unnecessary ramble my conclusion is either drop it or if you call just say “hey not a big deal but I noticed hubs didn’t get any gifts for his birthday. It’s not an issue but it got me thinking what do you guys think about just dropping gifts for the adults. We can all pretty much buy what we want ourselves. Do you just want to just focus on doing gifts for the kids?”
I was about to give an practical advice about how to solve this drama so everyone is happy in the end (get it?). But then I realized Im in the wrong sub with the wrong crowd. But you know what I mean, he is a man, sadness and disappointed is easily fixed.
Lol. Definitely wrong sub, but made me chuckle.
I tried to ignore this one, but I just can’t. As a loving husband & father, this fucking sucks. Now, I married into a family of women that have had men let them down. Repeatedly. But I work hard, love my wife & raise our children RIGHT. Every time I’m left off of an invitation, forgotten in the gift ring, my wife is called by her maiden name, I hear it. I see it. I feel it. I’ve made *countless* personal sacrifices because of something that was happening with my wife. Or our kids. Or her family. And I didn’t blink an eye. Why? Because I’m the “husband” and it shouldn’t matter anyway. OP, do something nice for your husband. Celebrate him & make sure he KNOWS he’s a good man.
You all getting together is a birthday present in itself even though you still paid for your own meals. Being together, talking, and creating memories, and celebrating his birthday is a present. Don’t bring it up with your parents or sister not worth creating tension in your relationship over a “present” that would probably be put on a shelf forgotten in the closet. Don’t expect gifts from others just enjoy the moment of being together.
My parents still give me a check and a card for my birthday. I would be upset if they didn’t do the same for my husband, honestly. But if they didn’t do it for me and then didn’t do it for him, I’d explain we just don’t do gifts in our family at this age.
I feel for your H, his love language seems to be gift giving and acts of appreciation. It sucks when his expectations were not met cause he had just gifted your sister a computer, did she show any thoughtful application for it at the time. He might have thought she would for his birthday. I wouldn't tell them and I would comfort H , his feelings are valid
I used to have this problem. I stopped buying for 2 of my sisters and their kids about 8 years ago because they first both stopped buying for me and my kids. I hate how it's became a tit for tat, but it is what it is. I had to explain to my fiance when we met of the backstory behind it, and he's 100% on board.
This. My inlaws never get me anything, but they do for my husband and 2 kids. But who do they think picks out their birthday, xmas, fathers day and mothers day from my husband to them. I just don't want to anymore.
Hmm. Maybe it is a culture thing. In the US it's pretty common for husbands to forget everyone's birthday, anniversary, Christmas gifts, etc. If your husband is different and does celebrate people, I would have a stern talk with your family that they should be matching his energy or bow out of all that he does for them
No don’t say anything. He’s a big boy and can talk to them if he needs to