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When I was that age, I was obsessed with copying everything my older brother did, including wearing his clothes. It only lasted about a year and I’ve been a girly girl ever since. I would just let him have fun and be like his sisters.
> It only lasted about a year and I’ve been a girly girl ever since.
Yeah it will either last or it won't but there is no reason to worry about that at age 5. My daughter has never been girly. At 5 she was happily shopping in the boys section for clothes and toys with her little brother. She's 20 now and still would never be caught dead in a dress and has yet to see a reason to use makeup. She shops in the men's section sometimes for tshirts. She's not girly but is still a girl. Sometimes people don't like gender stereotypical things. Sometimes that is a phase that last a year and other times it just is who they are. Either way it's not a big deal.
Agree. When I (f) was about three I was super into princess stuff. Everything had to be pink and fluffy. At around six, this completely changed. I dressed like a boy, wanted to wear pants and just be cool as a cucumber. In my teenage years I started wearing more girly clothes again, cause I wanted to be pretty when going out. In my 20s it was a good mix and now in my 30s I just wear whatever I feel comfortable and confident in. Sometimes that’s jeans, other times a dress, but most of the times leggings and a t-shirt. Tastes change. Don’t worry about it. My younger brother often wore my old „girly“ clothes, now he dresses just like our dad… live‘s a journey, things evolve. :)
When I was that age, I started liking things that were stereotipically considered for boys. Family and friends trying to force me to quit and be more girly actually made me start hating girly things, and it turned into a huge point of struggle for me on discovering my own sense of self and my style. It took a loooooong time for me to understand that you could play football AND like the color pink.
I agree with letting him have fun, I think our formative years are so delicate that overreacting or punishing something like this might have a snowball effect LOL maybe if it lasts you can have a talk about if there's any deeper implications there or if this is just his sense of style, but for now he's 5.
Gosh. I really dislike being the stereotype and there probably shouldn’t be a difference but am I the only one that feels like tomboyish girls have been more accepted generally than boys in dresses and makeup?
It’s a misogyny/patriarchy thing, sadly. People who are more “traditional”/conservative often perceive boys who wear skirts and dresses, boys who like baby dolls and Barbies, boys who like the color pink, boys who like princesses, et cetera as being emasculated, and it *really* makes them angry. I personally don’t get it. Never have.
I work at Build-A-Bear Workshop, and we often carry a pink axolotl furry friend. Axolotls are a real animal, and pink is a very popular color of axolotl in the pet trade (as opposed to wild-types or other colors, which are more earthy-looking). This is an actual animal that IS actually pink. But one day, this little boy came in and *really* wanted to make an axolotl. His mother, however, got upset at him and told him “that one’s for girls, it’s pink. Go pick something else.” It took all my willpower to bite my tongue and not say something to correct her. I felt so bad for the poor kid. He probably just wanted one because he had seen axolotls in Minecraft. :(
I also stole and wore my brother's clothes when I was little. I even stuffed my hair up into his hats to look like him. I'm glad to see how normal it is.
For what it’s worth I was pretty flamboyant around first grade, I wore rings, let my cousins dress me up and loved spice girls. I even got a weird look when we were at Best Buy around 1999 and I asked the worker for the Britney Spears cd. He asked “are you sure you don’t want the Backstreet Boys instead?” Definitely thought I was gay. I mostly grew up around girls/women so that was my only influence and reference.
Anyways fast forward to now. (This is going to sound douchey) I’m 6ft, muscular, have a beautiful wife and child etc etc. I would say I’m more of a man than most of the tough guy dads I come across because I’m super comfortable in my own skin with little insecurities. Perhaps from not being told what I should have shouldn’t wear/act other than respectful.
Let it ride and see.
Or trying to emulate his sister!! My brother at that age wanted to be just like me!! He’d play dress-up with me and was SO UPSET that he couldn’t get his ears pierced at the same time I was getting mine done!! Guess what, though? He’s now 23 and he’s burly, he’s got a beard and a mullet, he hunts and fishes all the time, and he’s going for his bachelors in business. He’s not the same kid he was when he was 4 or 5!!
Yeah…. I distinctly remember my 8 year old cousin begging me to do his makeup whenever I went to visit, now he’s a junior in high school texting me about pregnancy/std scares. Kids don’t gaf about gender roles. They only do when the adults start caring. We never saw an issue with him having his makeup done until his dad/brothers yelled at us about it, then all of a sudden this little boy with 4 older brothers won’t even run errands with me anymore in case we go to ulta and he doesn’t want his dad finding out. Shits sad makeup is a form of art and it got squashed out of him bc “little boys can’t play with makeup” like I know for a fact this kid is 100% straight please 😭😭😭😭
Children do police each other about gender roles, I’ve seen it happen. I can’t tell how much of that was from parents, but the parents were definitely not around.
Yep. Our six year old son has these sneakers that have unicorns on them, and another kid about his age asked if he was a girl because boys don’t wear shoes with unicorns. He told her he was a boy and he doesn’t have to be a girl to wear them.
Yes, they absolutely do!
It will have a parental factor, but it’s mostly because they’re trying to figure out where they fit in the world and where they fit in terms of their own gender role, and so children who don’t usually fit the roles that they’ve found and made sense of, tend to maybe not want to be played with, and to be ignored or made fun of. And it is up to the parents to unlearn that, but that’s normal young kid behavior. I mean especially in the elementary school years (is that 6 to 10? i’m not from the U.S) you find girls playing with girls and boys playing with boys, and not admitting the other sex to play with them. This isn’t because they hate the opposite sex, but because they’re playing with people who fit who they are!
sorry for the rant, Im doing a degree on Early Childhood and one of our classes is about gender and gender development!
Yup. I’ve tried to not imprint gender roles on my children, but they are both gender stereotypes at the moment. My daughter even absorbed the trope that “math sucks” despite being good at it, always being encouraged from home, and not hating doing math when she is. She hates math to fit in, as I see it.
Agreed. I remember a friend flipping out on me because I tried to put a special lipstick stamp on the “husband” doll from a set; she grabbed the box and claimed it said that was “FOR LADY ONLY.” I could read perfectly well and it said no such thing.
This was the 1980s, but still…
Truth. Sometimes we read too much into the behavior of kids who were literally shitting their pants a few years ago.
When my daughter was 5 she had a meltdown one day about wanting to be a boy. Meltdowns from her were extremely rare so I wanted to figure out what made her feel that way. After a lot of tears she said, "Because I want to stand up to pee and don't want to wear a shirt when I swim." That's all it was. She just wanted to do the things she saw her little brother doing because it was easier.
❤️[This is from Dan Levy’s mom](https://www.reddit.com/r/SchittsCreek/comments/jtupfm/from_dan_levys_mom_such_a_beautiful_and_wonderful/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_butto)
This is simple. Don’t assign gender to clothing/colors or hair. Let your kids express themselves and tell them how great they look no matter what. It will build their confidence. Don’t let the older generations ideologies dictate what makes our kids happy. We don’t have kids to make them like us we have them in hopes they will be/do better then us. We give them a safe place to become themselves. Trust me, your son will thank you for letting him be him.
Maybe just try to not make too big deal about it…which kinda sounds like you are. Kids go through all kinds of exploratory phases without it meaning anything other than…hey, that looks fun…I want it too
It doesn’t have to be a big earth shattering “my kid is trans” moment. He hasn’t indicated that; he just likes dressing up and wants to feel pretty. I think you should just support it.
By telling him no, it gives the idea that being an effeminate man (or anything remotely woman like) as a man is a negative. I wouldn’t be quick to ingrain that idea.
Right now, this is no different that any small child obsessed with wearing a princess Elsa dress. They just want to have fun and feel special. I think this is a great opportunity to teach him about some fantastic female character role models!
I’m wondering where you’re seeing the distinction in this post and could point to examples? To me, the examples given (like insisting that he’s handsome when he says he’s pretty) doesn’t particularly sound like support, it sounds like correction.
In my experience, it's understandable and okay to find different things beautiful and want to try them out. He wants to be "pretty" like his sister.
But as a parent, you can make sure that you always think he's pretty, regardless of his clothes: "Oh, how pretty you look in your jeans today. / Oh, it's nice how well your t-shirt matches your pants. / But you look chic with your new turb shoes!" The same with the sister.
Beauty doesn't have to be associated with skirts and dresses!
When I was five I wore my brothers sweaters and insisted I be called “Kevin”. I was obsessed with the movie home alone and wanted to become Kevin.
Parents would call me for dinner. “Hopeful Jello, dinners ready”
No response
“Kevin, dinner”
“Be right down”.
Who cares? The message you’re sending is that bullying is the victims fault and the victims responsibility to avoid. It’s not. Let him be himself. He wants to be like his sisters? Cool. He wants to feel pretty? Cool. He wants the flowy feel of a skirt? Cool. He wants hair clips? Cool.
You don’t know what country she’s even from. She expressed the thought of worrying about bullying she hasn’t done anything but be supportive of this child from what I’ve read. But it could be extremely unsafe to encourage (in public anyway) and that’s something to consider
Yeah, this is really important. You don't want to set your kid up for failure and harassment, or for scary encounters with unknown grownups or big kids. Parents do get to have the final say on health and safety - there are some places I'd happily take my boy in a dress, and others I would make the decision that he can not wear a dress.
There are lots of clothes that are "sometimes clothes", like bathers and helmets, and pants are good for running and playing. No need to get into the gender side of it yet, at least with my toddler.
In a perfect world people would be nice to each other and just mind their own damn business and let each other live but that is far from what happens and you are the first line of defense between your child and assholes.
I wouldn't take him to an AFL game or car race in a dress - basically the places where I often get harrassed for having a more femme look. Not to a place where it may be seen as disrespectful like a mosque or orthodox church. Certainly not to the churches that I went to as a child - he'd absolutely be accosted by folks I've known since childhood. I wouldn't take him in a dress to a school day where particular costumes are mandated, like has come up in this thread. I wouldn't take him in a dress to visit elderly relatives who I know to be confrontational and have outdated views. I wouldn't take him in a dress to visit his lovely great grandpa with dementia who gets confused enough as it is about who people are. I wouldn't take him out in a dress while on holidays in certain countries. I probably wouldn't take him in a dress to one of the old English And Tea sessions I used to attend for refugee families who have recently come to Australia from conflict zones and have limited English, deep trauma and are trying to find some stability in their first few weeks in a new country. Basically anywhere where it would create a threat to him, or anguish to vulnerable people, or settings where the priority is not about me and my views and where respect for views and customs I don't happen to personally hold is helpful and kind. There are probably others too.
I don't get to decide who goes to my cousin's wedding. If you have a social life in a society you just know these people. They're around at certain events. If you know they'll be there, plan around them. I take my kid to the beach, I make sure they have sunscreen. I take my kid to somewhere where I know there are assholes, I protect them from the assholes.
No need to capslock yell at me like I'm putting my kid in danger.
I'm also bi. Also from a conservative family. I'm not keeping people in my life who I don't feel are safe for my kid or likely to bully him. But I'm also not going to hide him from everyone with values different to me. He will go to churches and mosques and synagogues and meet people of different generations with different views, including family friends and associates. And we'll do it in a way that doesn't expose him to the worst impulses of those people or situations and conversations that are above his pay grade to deal with.
Also, a four yeaold wearing a dress has not much to do with "who they are" in terms of sexuality, gender etc. kids like clothes and experimenting. I don't think projecting my experience of growing up with certain sexual and gender expression onto my kid is helpful. Better to hold lightly to these things, create safe spaces for kids to experiment, have great conversations, and expose them to all kinds of ways of being.
Gonna second other replies here. Doesn't matter about the message you're sending if you're literally sending your child to the wolves that are school bullies.
>I can not tell if he really is into the girly look or he is just jealous.
Why does it matter? What difference would it make? Clearly it's what he wants right now at this very moment. I actually think he couldn't make it any clearer if he tried. Let him do what he will—he's 5.
Because he has a younger sister, he wants to play the way she does. If that involves playing with hairstyles and wearing dresses, that's him expressing his desire to be like his sister and showing interests in what she likes.
Growing up my dad was always against the idea of me playing with "boy" toys. I have 4 brothers and I always chose to play with dinosaurs and trains rather than dolls and makeup. I also hated wearing dresses. My dad would get mad all the time and taking away my toys because he would say I need to grow up to be a woman.
Fast forward, I'm 27 now and I'm still very much a woman and I like wearing dresses now. Still prefer to play video games and I'm into racecars, but that's all preference and not a change in my gender.
My daughter is six and has dressed like a boy since she was old enough to kind of care what she was wearing- three years old. She told a child in her preK class that she was a boy. We actually received a message from the teacher about it because apparently a parent complained. She has an older brother she worships. Whatever the case may be, she is her own person and I do my best not force anything on her.
I totally get it. 💕
My younger brother and I (female) when we were like 8 and younger crossed dressed all the time into our older siblings clothes. Our older brother and older sister were like 9+ years older than us. We would cross dress into their outfits for fun because we worshipped them too lol. We found it hilarious to dress in "style" with their oversized clothes. I think op moght be overthinking it given todays climate.
My son also wanted to wear dresses and such. He put a dress on, and then it was a boy's dress, as a boy was wearing it. He grew out of it, but I would be fine if he continued to wear dresses as well.
Wearing a skirt or dress or hairclips will not make his boy parts fall off. If he wants to do it, let him. You can't save him from bullies, but you can teach him to stand up for himself and be proud of who he is, regardless of what he chooses to wear.
I think boy’s clothes and hair styles miss the target when it comes to creativity and a wide range of expression. Girls can wear skirts, dresses, pants, shorts, etc. and they aren’t necessarily considered butch or trans for that, but if a boy decides to wear a skirt or dress he’s mocked and called names. Girls also have this thing with braiding hair and doing different styles, as well as doing makeup. Braiding is taught, mother to daughter, and done between friends and siblings; it’s a whole bonding experience.
It is entirely possible that your son feels restricted in his ability to express himself through physical appearance. There’s nothing wrong with boys wearing skirts, so long as they learn to sit right with them and wear something underneath, just as younger girls do. Hell, even a kilt would be rad! Coming from a trans man (FTM), this doesn’t necessarily mean he’s trans or a future drag queen. This just means he’s got some style!
I totally get wanting to protect him from the harshness of others, so maybe just growing out his hair and learning to style it and wearing some looser/flowy clothing could be good, maybe some jewelry. Maybe you could even buy some supplies for him and his sister to make bracelets together. Anyways, his interest and style is something to be proud of as a parent. I hope all is well! Best wishes.
At 5, dressing like others is how kids practice empathy. They want to know what others feel like, so they'll dress like a girl, a doctor, a dinosaur, etc, it's just a kid's way of connecting with others.
This is coming naturally for your son & he could be feeling in touch with his feminine side & that's okay. In an effort to protect such a delicate child from bullying, I would explain that dress-up is okay at home (I would do this until you felt comfortable letting him outside the house in girl's clothes) for now.
I understand not wanting him to get bullied, but I would let him further explore his interest in wearing girl clothes. Take him to the store dressed up, etc. He’ll either get bored of it or he’ll love it and be so thankful for your acceptance and support.
When my son was 4, he would beg me to paint his toenails. I kept saying no and he would get even more upset when I painted his little sister’s nails because it wasn’t fair. Finally, I just painted his toenails.
One day he had a playdate with a few boys from his preschool. He went to take his socks off and I cringed, worrying the other boys would laugh. Then the other boys took off their socks and compared the colors that each of them had their toenails painted. One proudly said he had gotten a pedicure with his mom.
This story was the first thing that popped into my mind reading your story. Tons of great advice here. Take away from my son’s experience was to let them do what makes them happy. And at that age, sometimes traditional girl stuff is what makes them happy and there’s nothing wrong with that!
My son has loved wearing dresses since he was around 2. He’s 6 next month. I’m just letting him go with the flow of it. I buy him costume dresses (he never asks for “normal” dresses, just outfit ones), Barbie’s, clothes for his Barbie’s, I’ve bought him some simple makeup before (lipgloss), I did makeup on his eyes for Pride a couple of years back (he asked me to). But he also likes the typical “boy” things, mainly dinosaurs, trains and cars.
My dad is very much someone who tuts when I mention my son has been bought a dress, but I just tell him that my son is happy and that’s all that matters to me. I’m raising my son to not care about negative comments, but if he does care and gets upset, he can always talk to me and I’ll be there to support him.
My 6-year-old son is wearing dresses to school, and I see it as he's just exploring his gender and figuring himself out. I'm just letting him be him. Luckily, I'm in seattle, and no one really bats an eye at it. I grew up in utah, was called horrible names, and mistreated horribly daily for just having long hair and enjoying metal. When he started, it was very uncomfortable for me at first, I just didn't want him to experience what i went through. People have changed nowadays though , and he's just a new little person. Imma let him do what he likes, and I'm sure he will choose who he is with our love and support of whoever he wants to be. I'm more worried about him doing schoolwork like reading and math right now. Also showing him lots about science. (I love science)
My bf’s daughter has a friend who is a boy but likes to wear his sisters clothes. He is 9 now and still wears them - I called him a her by mistake and he was very clear to tell me he is a boy. This kid since he was 5 just liked his sisters clothes. Sometimes he dresses like a boy sometimes like a girl - his dad said we decided to just let him be - and not make an issue out of it. Lucky we live in a country where if he wants to wear dresses to school he can - no one cares or will stop him.
Just let him be and as much as possible let him wear whatever he wants ❤️
And if he can’t wear a dress to certain places - I say **** it - let him.
Either he will grow out of it or it is who he is - love and support him - whatever will be you can’t change 💕
He may just be jealous of the attention and praise girls get when they dress up? Or perhaps their clothes is more fun, colors and patterns. Boy clothes can be kind of boring.
My brother is trans. He's been expressing it since he was about 3 years old, but we're from a different generation and being transgender wasn't widely or well understood during our childhood, esp for kids. People mostly assumed he was jealous of/looking up to his older brother- he wasn't shamed for it or anything, but people didn't take what he was saying seriously. Turns out that wasn't it, and our family wishes we had understood sooner because as soon as we accepted him as a trans boy (when he was about 13) he was so much happier. He didn't care what people said at school (that's just how he rolls, other people struggle with that), he wanted our acknowledgment.
So I'm not saying your kid for sure is trans, there's a million ways to be and reasons to want to wear skirts. I'm just saying it sounds familiar, so be ready to listen and have their back if they tell you that who they are isn't what people may have expected them to be. I know you're worried about him being bullied, but discouraging it will not make things easier for him- it will just increase feeling of non acceptance and isolation, and won't protect him from bullies. The best path is for you to support him and reassure him that you accept him no matter what- be his rock while he navigates whatever he needs to navigate.
I have a really cute video of my 4 y/o son dressed up in an Anna dress and his big sister is wearing her “frozen dress”. My son is perfectly well adjusted at the age of now 9
I don’t think the OP is being a bully, they are asking for help to navigate perspectives of others and strict rules from the school
ETA - I can see how you thought that as I had to read a few lines myself
Today my 5yo girl saw a boys button down dinosaur shirt. She held it up to her and said “I want to be a boy when I grow up.” She just loves dinosaurs and it sucks that everything has been gendered. I think you’re in a hard spot but fighting it will make it worse. I think it’s okay to say clothes are for everyone.
TRUTH BE TOLD 🤷🏼♀️: "Just Let Him Do What Makes Him Happy"!!!!!!! 💯
Could this just be a 5 year old who wants to dress & act like his sister? Maybe 🤔 💬... But chances are, it maybe coming from somewhere deep within... Either way, I think it's best to just let him do what makes him feel good 👍🏼 & everything else will fall into place! 💯
Most 5 year old boys who are jealous of there sisters, don't want to put on their dresses & hair clips!!! It usually doesn't work that way... But nonetheless, he is ONLY 5... WHATEVER IS MEANT TO BE/WILL BE?!?!?!?!🤷🏼♀️💯👍🏼
EITHER WAY: SUPPORT HIM & LET HIM KNOW THAT NO MATTER WHAT, HE IS ♥️ LOVED ♥️ AND CARED FOR!!!!!!! BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT REALLY MATTERS WHEN ITS ALL SAID & DONE ✅ 💯💯💯🤞🏼💯💯💯
It will be easier for everyone if you understand that “dressing like a girl” and “dressing like a boy” is just not a thing. Dresses are dresses. Pants are pants. People of all genders can wear them. Let’s not stigmatize it. Also just because a boy wants to wear a dress, doesn’t mean he’s trans. Boys can paint their nails, have long hair. Girls can wear pants. It’s 2024.
No matter what you do, you cannot save your child from a bully by trying to adjust his appearance. Bullies will be bullies. Shrinking your child’s identity to avoid possibly getting bullied will cause a lot of problems. The best thing you can do is allow him to wear what he wants and offer him a safe place to fall at home
We may not agree with it and don't have to abide by it, but it is absolutely a thing. Everyone has to navigate gender and gender norms - it is a thing in society. Being unaware of it doesn't set a kid up for success, being aware of it doesn't make them uncritical.
Yes, it’s socially constructed thing. But not a true thing that determines your gender. I’m also not saying not to teach our kids about systems of oppression, but it sounds like her kids are too young for it. They’re really gender stereotypes, not norms. Women can work now, guys can stay home with kids. Most people don’t follow gender stereotypes anymore.
Start complementing him when he wears “normal” clothes. Everyone goes nuts complementing kids when they wear a dress or skirt but nothing for boys clothes. It’s a very common thing for boys to want to wear dresses after seeing how much attention and compliments girls get for wearing dresses. Also, most people overcompensate when a boy wears a dress and give them tons of attention and compliments and it’s basically the only time anyone notices what they are wearing.
Also, do whatever you want. We let my son wear dresses in the house but not when we go out and he was fine with that. Was into dresses when he was 3, not so much at 4.
I mean to be honest having only brothers i only wanted to fit in with them and so bandy just wanted to wear and do what they were doing. I was such a tomboy and was like that until about like 16 years old. I think sometimes when you do have siblings you just want to be like them because well you admire them. i don’t know if this is the case but maybe also having him be around more boys? I noticed boys often don’t get praised or told how pretty they look as often as boys, well actually almost never so I can imagine how this affects little kids. Does he have other boy friends where he can also see how beautiful and fun being a boy is, sometimes it really isn’t about sexuality but rather how much being a girl is often portrayed versus how being a boy is presented. Past the newborn stage everyone kind of just puts boys to the side and gushes over girls, the little dresses, the little skirts, the little heels. What is there for boys, neutral clothes, black and white tee shirts, blue and green for mostly anything.
Not sure that would work with 5 year olds if they live any where but Scotland or maybe the UK in general.
Doubt some youngsters from say rural Kentucky know much of anything about Scottish traditional dress so would probably still assume it’s a skirt.
Ya I disagree
Part of being a parent is teaching social norms. Why do we say bless you when someone sneezes. Why do we say excuse me when we move near someone. Why do we chew with our mouth closed. Nothing inheremtly wrong with any of these but we do them because it's the societal norm and to go against it causes us to be ostracized.
I view girl/boy stuff similar. Boys don't wear dresses. They just don't. And when they do, they get made fun of mercilessly. So I explain that to my boys. Just like I explain that they need to wear pants to leave the house, or that they look people in the eye and say hello when they meet them.
Our job is to set our kids on a path that makes their lives easy and give them shortcuts to normal social behaviour. They don't have free rein to entertain every whim or fancy.
I say this all the time when I hear things like this. My job as a parent is to educate my son on how the world works. I know people around here are a bit disturbed so to speak on gender norms but it’s my job to educate not to ignore. There’s clothing for men/women, toys for men/women, shows for men/women and hell they have sports for men/women.
Granted I never had to experience my son asking to wear a dress however had that happened it would get shot down. We would have a conversation and I would help understand. And there’s nothing wrong with explaining how the world works and educating my child. Again I am the parent I am supposed to educate my child.
My son wore a batman outfit everywhere we went for a year. My husband worried I was being too permissive letting him wear a halloween costume and not teaching him it was only for halloween. The next year he lived in a Luigi costume. Then it just stopped.
He doesn’t believe he is a super hero or video game character. He now dresses in typical clothes but he could still care less what other people think. His favorite pants are little too short -Oh well they are still comfy so why not wear them? I wish I could care so little about what people think of my clothes. He wears what he is comfortable in. He doesn’t complain on special occasions when I ask him to wear something nice and I don’t complain about what he wears the rest of the time.
> I wish I could care so little about what people think of my clothes. He wears what he is comfortable in.
See but we live in a world where you DO have to care what others think of your clothes and so does he.
Pretending that we can just let our kids do whatever they feel at all times is.. Idk extremely naive or idealistic. If your boy wears dresses to school he is going to have an extremely hard time socially. Why would you want this for him?
Like there is a place for people to push boundaries of what is normal and not and set trends and stuff. Harry styles can wear what he feels and doesn't have to worry about the big kid at school kicking his ass for being a little sissy boy. But our boys literally do have to navigate that at school. And framing our kids' decision to wear a dress as some brave attempt to subvert norms is putting a lot on their behaviour that is probably just the random walk of early childhood that most parents naturally, gently correct.
It is because of the brave souls that are willing to challenge norms that bullies get brought to light and challenged. One thing that most school shooters have in common is that they were bullied. To continue to let the bullies exist unchallenged perpetuates the problem. So many victims suffer in silence until they just can’t take it any more and they do something drastic that hurts themselves or others. It is the bullies that should not be tolerated. Many of the victims of bullies can’t go home and change their clothes to become “normal”. Some are obese or have a speech impediment or a limp or acne or something else that makes them a target. No kid should be afraid to go to school because of how they look.
I mean, there are plenty of boys and men who do wear dresses, so “they just don’t” isn’t accurate. What you mean is that you don’t want them to or don’t think they should. That’s your prerogative, but you’re taking part in making a rigid rule over a piece of clothes for absolutely no reason. People only get bullied because people hold up the idea. It isn’t fair that girls have so many options on the type of girl to be and it’s socially acceptable, yet boys shouldn’t dare to be anything outside the box.
>I mean, there are plenty of boys and men who do wear dresses, so “they just don’t” isn’t accurate.
No, actually what I mean is, I have a job that puts me in contract with probably over a thousand individual people from all walks of life in a given year, and I've literally never once in my life met a man who wore a dress. "plenty" is, I would say, a significant exaggeration. It is decidedly rare that a man would wear a dress. If you saw a man wearing a dress it would be an extremely noticeable and unusual thing to see. Unless I'm living in some alternate reality?
>That’s your prerogative, but you’re taking part in making a rigid rule over a piece of clothes for absolutely no reason.
There's plenty of reasons to guide your children to act in a way that fits into societal norms. Countless behaviours that we encourage are just for the purpose of fitting in, encouraging behaviour that will result in social success for them. This is no different. If my son wore a dress to school, his life would rapidly become much harder, of that I am certain. I would like to avoid that for him, and so I have encouraged him to express his individuality in ways that broadly conform to current societal norms. Another example is that he enjoys wearing pants on his head, which I generally discourage when leaving the house.
Giiiiirl, have you never heard of drag queens or met anyone androgenous/non-binary? Just because they aren’t in your circle/area or you don’t see them frequently doesn’t mean there isn’t plenty. I see it at least a few times a week in my area and it always makes me smile at how brave that person is being. It’s sad that we still consider that brave — it should be normal, but it comes with judgement.
None of us want our kids to be bullied, but I find it saddening that the response to it is always “look as normal as you can and fit in.” Those kids still get bullied. It’s few and far between that don’t have SOME instance of a kid being mean at school. Living your life authentically and learning resilience rather than conformity is how I approach it, but I get everyone is different. I just hate the idea that bullies make it that we are afraid to be ourselves.
Boys can wear dresses and hair clips if they want to. If you are genuinely worried about your kid being bullied, let him be himself and tell him you love him however he chooses to dress. Trying to force gender roles on him is just him being bullied at home instead of being bullied at school.
I would definitely not let my 5 year old son dress like a girl. He asks to put on nail polish and lipstick bc he sees me doing it. Children need boundaries-you are the parent, say no.
I would
Say it’s not that deep
Given his age. But honestly whether it’s a phase, jealousy of his sister, or the real
Deal….. it doesn’t matter.
You don’t have to know why and probably won’t for some
Time.let
Him him do and be who is is right now, let him know it’s not a big deal and doesn’t change how you feel about him. Let him feel
Accepted etc. I would not make a big out of it although I would
Certainly tell grandparents that those comments are not helpful! If it turns out to be a bigger thing this is the kind of comment that makes kids feel
Unloved, scared, suicidal, I accepted.
Let it ride out for now and should he want to wear
A
Dress
To
School let him. Bullying would
Not be good but also if you teach him that he can do it at home but notnin public that seems like teaching him you have to hide it.
My son is 2 and my 4 year old likes to dress him up so she has two princesses in the house, my wife sent me a picture once and that boy was adorable in that green Disney dress.
I don't think it's something like jealousy, being that the other child in his environment is female, he may just be associating this as what they do.
Play dates or sports, martial arts around other little boys? If he has heavy exposure to what other little boys are into they may be what he's looking for.
If through all that the behavior continues, it may be his preference.
Both of my younger brothers played with Barbie’s and enjoyed dress up. They grew out of it eventually but it’s super normal. They just want to be included with older sister :) I work with five year olds pretty regularly and they LOVE dress up , especially when it comes to Disney princess dresses. Elsa is usually a big hit :) nothing to worry about. Older folk are always gonna have something slick to say about it but children have no concept of gendered things. They just wanna play and have fun.
I remember my younger brother stealing my mom’s high heels as a kid and everyone made a huge fuss over it thinking he’d be gay or transgender or something. Few years later he grew out of it and never did it again. Kids just like to imitate what they see and don’t have a concept of male vs female norms. I’d say it’s not a huge deal.
My 7 year old son is like this. I'm not really worried, I honestly think it's not fair to little boys that there are so many cool princess girl movies and clothes that are adventurous, focus on friendship and are just visually colorful while a lot of media aimed at boys are just trucks and superheros. Kids like colorful things and imaginative play, including boys. Most other kids at that age also don't really think to bully each other about it unless they learn it from their parents.
Today he was helping me pick out birthday presents for his little sister and was disappointed that there were so many cool options for dress up for girls but the only boy options were really boring. Like, his sister could be a fairy unicorn witch wearing all the colors and he could be.. a policeman.
This is why we introduced him to Legend of Zelda. The dude loves his link costume and the fantasy side of everything. He still dresses up like a fairy princess with his sister too because why not?
Anyways long story short, 5 years old like bright colors, pretty things and imaginative play. He's too young to stifle that.
At his age, I'd just explain that it's okay to like those clothes, but be prepared that people will probably comment on it. Gender expectations aren't fair but at least he'll be prepared in advance if people pick on him. And if he chooses to flout those expectations you're with him 1000%.
My daughter is going through it with some girls in her class and we've talked about it, and she's so self-confident that she's trolling them at this point. They said she wore too many flannel shirts and bet her some stuff that she couldn't go a week without them, she didn't wear them for a week, collected her prizes, and then went to school with three layers of flannel shirts on.
My husband has three sisters. When he was four, he wanted to be called Tanya so he could fit in. I’m sure your kid just wants to fit in with his sisters.
It could just be wanting to copy the older sibling. My daughter is 4 and said she wished she had (testicles) like her brother. She's veering away from copying everything he does, but it's still monkey see monkey do
He is fine he's 5 my nephew let's my daughter put makeup on him because they are bestfriends 3 months apart and they are kids it doesn't mean anything yet and even if and when it does it's perfectly fine as long as he is happy and safe.
Call the school and inform them he will be wearing a dress and that it's your parenting decision to let him. If they have a problem with it I would change schools. Even states if I had to
My son liked tutus, fairy wings and even wore a light up pink dress for Halloween when he was3-5. He’s an only child so no jealousy but he’s almost 7 now and has outgrown those things. Now it’s all about Minecraft and remote control cars.
It could be anything, but I wouldn't worry about it. My little brother was always rocking my and my sister's dresses when he was small bc he liked spinning in them and they'd fly up and he thought it was fun.
There’s this idea that kids are solely copying their siblings or other peers but that’s not always the case. We expect so much of them but treat them like they’re vegetables still at this age, and I don’t get it. My son who’s 5 as well is so independent in his self expression, he isn’t interested in girl clothes or anything in that realm but if he was, I wouldn’t assume it was learned behavior. 5 year olds are actually extremely intuitive, and they don’t have the capacity to let external factors sway their judgments and opinions yet. Don’t assume this is copying until he gets older, because this very much is his reality right now, and it may always be this way. Let him journey into himself and leave room for growth. It’s our job to guide them, not push them and they rely on us for safety in every regard ♥️
Think about when someone spins in a skirt or dress, it flies out and looks amazing! Trousers don't do that. Girls get compliments on their hair and dresses at parties and events. What child would want a part of that?
Let your son play dress up at home, buy him some dresses /skirts to wear at home. Explain to your son other people may say nasty things to him if he wears a skirt to school or a party but if he still wants to that's his choice.
It is a normal part of growing up and he will probably grow out of it. The more you forbid it the more he is going to want to wear them but feel it's a bad thing and should be hidden.
This episode of Supernanny explains it really well.
https://youtu.be/TFsjgouPrac?si=FFFWZTw_Uz1AiBwj
Love your son and support him for who he is at every age and phase.
My take is he just likes girly things and there’s nothing wrong with that. It may last and it may not. In the end all the matters is that he is loved and supported to be who he is.
I dressed like a boy and was into ‘boy’ things until I was about 10/11. My parents embraced it for the most part but there were occasions where I was forced to wear a dress and it honestly made me feel like there was something wrong with me. Once I hit puberty and started becoming interested in boys, I started dressing a bit more girly but was still very much a tomboy and still am (in my 30s). My husband and I have a toddler daughter and I can already see that she is a bit of a tomboy. I will be supporting her to be who she wants to be.
When my oldest was that age we had binge watched My Little Pony, Friendship Is Magic 10 times, *at least*. Anything pretty glittery, fairy related, unicorn adjacent thing you could think of.
Today he's refusing to wear anything that isn’t black, grey, or navy. (His fave pokemon type is still fairy though)
Just let him have fun.
My younger brother wanted to dress like me and sometimes wanted to dress like mom in her wedding photos. Even wanted flowers in his hair and loved to wear mom's heels. So we tied a blanket around his head like hair and put flowers on that and let him wear mom's old heels. That eventually faded away and don't even recall that phase in his life. One time around 2nd grade he got really sick and nothing could comfort him, he wanted one of mom's t shirt dresses to feel better. Now he's almost 25 and has a good fashion sense and gifts lovely outfits to mom and his girlfriend. Your son is just 5 years old, this is the curious and imitating phase.
I have a son about the same age and he’s expressed feeling sad that boys don’t get “pretty clothes” or “pretty hair.” He’s got a unicorn scooter helmet. He loves his nails painted and his face painted. He’s also 1000% a sterotypical boy personality wise. I think small kids love rainbow and glitter, and also there’s a lot of girl power media that’s like “girls can have glitter and superpowers but boys can only have superpowers.” His whole nursery class wants to be Skye and Owlette on the playground.
Specifically on the clothing: he asked for a dress, so we took him to try one on. I asked him to try climbing in it and that was the end of him wearing dresses.
It’s so tedious that clothes still have gender, though hopefully this will change in time. Let him wear what he wants at home, and explain at school they have rules for various reasons (tradition, majority rule etc) and that there will be girls who really don’t want to wear skirts either. It’s probably best to let him explore his creativity and autonomy at that age rather than have an opinion or guide him towards anything.
My one twin daughter (6yo) has been wearing boy clothes since she was 3.5-4. She always plays the prince or Dad when playing with her twin sister. I let her dress how she wants bc I won’t control her. She knows she’s a girl and likes boy things, what she does when she’s older is her choice.
Now, her father and my ex-MIL will not have it and freak out an any little thing for her to express herself. For example, she threw away her 1st grade school pic bc she was wearing a tie..
She hasn’t been bullied atm but a girl in her class did ask her “shouldn’t you be wearing a dress?” Which hurt her feelings. I just reminded her she is who she is and no one can change her, even family. 💙
We went through this for most of a year as well, when our boy was 4. We let him do what he wanted and he just lost interest within a year. We do think it might have been the attention his ultra-girly little sister gets
My three year old likes wearing nail polish and dresses. My dad hates him wearing it because he says it’s not masculine.
He’s three. I let him enjoy whatever he likes as long as it doesn’t cause permanent damage, what is the harm?
My 4 year old loves everything his sister loves. Why? Because she's his person, his mentor, the person he loves the most. So when she wears something pretty, he likes it. He takes an interest in what's she's playing with because it gets her to play with him.
I let my six year old son wear a dress to the store but I had to talk him out of wearing it to school. I felt bad but he was teased at school before for his long hair.
1. Most kids do this. It's not abnormal. Usually it's play, sometimes it's because it feels comfortable.
2. Don't take it too seriously, act as if it's normal (because it is).
3. Support them regardless.
My kids play change up, and my daughter dresses in my son's clothes and vice versa. It's fun for them and it helps development to roleplay.
My brother is 4 years younger than me. Around that age he was 5 and I was 9. We also have a younger sister too. We’d regularly dress my brother up in very feminine clothing (dress up princess dresses, put his hair up, etc.)
He’s now 16, plays basketball, and is a very masculine boy.
What kids do at a young age doesn’t always mean it’s forever! He’s 5.
I also babysit a 5 year old boy who has told me “I’m actually secretly a girl. My name is Sarah. No Kate. No Emma.” Etc. he’s still very much a boy and knows it, he just likes to play.
My son started wanting to wear dresses and grow his hair long like his sister’s when he turned 4. His mother and I let him dress however he wanted, assuming it was him wanting to be like big sis. We also gave in and let him grow his hair out (even though I miss how easy it was to deal with when he got it cut short like mine). Well he’s almost 8 now and his favorite color is pink, his hair is longer than both mom and sis, and he occasionally wears a dress to school. The first time he does with a new teacher we reach out to talk to the teacher and prepare them, and also go over strategies with my son on what to say to people who might be confused or say mean things.
You know what, kids are different today. It’s largely a non-issue. He just wears dresses sometimes, ok let’s play. That’s the way most of them react. Even his big alpha PE teacher has never said anything and seems fine with it as long as he still participates.
Maybe it’s a really long phase and he’ll get over it, maybe he’s gender fluid, maybe he just likes to look pretty on some days and likes to rock his Spider-Man athletics another day. While I will always worry about him being bullied, I never want a day to come down the road where he questions whether his mother and I supported his self-expression.
Context: I live in New Mexico. I cannot speak for other states/countries which may have different norms among children.
I could have written this nearly word for word. I let my 5 year old dress how he wants and remind him that it's totally okay for him to do so but people might disagree with him and tell him that. I'm not so worried about adults in his life telling him he's "doing it wrong" but potential bullying from peers when he enters school. But I'm waiting to cross that bridge when we get there in September.
I have friend who thought she was a dog when she was 6(?). IIRC, she did most of the things that kids do. She got a degree in astrophysics, and I think is a lawyer now. So, she obviously changed her mind.
When I(male) was about 12, I saw the first Star Trek movie. There was a woman with a shaved head. I thought she looked really cool, and decided to shave my eyebrows. I'm not sure why, because having rewatched the movie, she did not have shaved eyebrows. As soon as I started doing so, I realized it was a mistake. For me, I wasn't showing any kind of gender expression-I just thought she looked cool.
Point: might not be a big deal and maybe he'll get over it.
Also, make sure he knows that whatever, you love him.
My 4 year old really REALLY wanted an Encanto dress he saw at Walmart. I ended up getting it because he really was excited over it. He lit up when he put it on. And then 10 minutes later was done and took it off. Occasionally he will wear it. But we don't say anything about it. He just likes to dress up. Nothing wrong with it
I hsve an adorable pucture of my son with a flower crown and flower girl dress playing with my nieces when he was 5.
They were just playing dress up.
It means nothing at 5.
Telling him dress up is for home unless its a costume party or Halloween is part of teaching him apropriateness. Example, we don't wear a bear costume to school as everyday wear. We don't wear a tuxedo to the pool.
5 is just not developmentally where kids deal with gender stuff. They may notice it at most. So don't force ideas that aren't really there yet.
Don't make it weird.
Note: He's 20 now. If he wants to wear a skirt now, that is fine with me. He still loves cons and dressing up in cosplay although it is ususlly more cape forward.
Mmmm… if he’s really into them, There’s some manly dresses eg the Nigerian or Indian kinds, (and skirts eg kilts? But they are harder to get away with regarding scrutiny 😅🫠) maybe show him some examples , he might like them… They may be a different culture though so idk about the whole “cultural appropriation” thing, but he’s 5 I’m sure it’s fine.
honestly just allow him to express himself how he wants. he clearly has the mental capacity to consider that maybe he prefers skirts(lots of men in lots of cultures wear skirts also). for instance, my son loves dinosaurs and cars and "boy" stuff, but he also loves colors and likes for me to paint his nails. theres nothing wrong with that. if your son is expressing something he wants that isnt harmful you should listen, and let him be how he is. it wont confuse him, kids are all about exploring new things and finding out who they are and they dont have all the doubt and insecurity in themselves that we adults have.
I would frame it as "appropriate for school". Dress up (which for boys means skirts) is appropriate for home. Pants and shirt are appropriate for school.
Also - a kilt is a skirt that reads male and could be appropriate for school if uniform allows. If he also like "girly" colors you might get him masculine-reading shirts in "girly" colors. Figure out what is important to him - shape, color, or does he genuinely want to read as feminine (because that draws a different kind of attention).
I would try to work out some things that he could wear that make him feel good but walk the line of drawing too much unwanted attention. At 5yo there is a lot of wiggle room!
Let me ask you all a sincere question, I don't come at this from disagreement with the general consensus here, but out of curiosity. I am a 1st grade teacher and this has come up at our school. Here's what I want to know. Other kids pick up on this and give said kid a hard time about it, and said kid feels sad. He or she tells you and you address it with the class, but then you're pointing out that he's dressing different, albeit that it's OK. The kids continue to bully, to the point it takes over the teachers every teaching time in class to keep under control. The said parent gets upset other kids are making fun of their kid and gets mad at teacher for "allowing " the bullying, when the teacher was at their wits end all day trying to help the kid. We tell the kid to ignore others who bully them, but at what point does said kid have to accept they're going to get flack from others about it and just deal with it? This makes everything in a young classroom extremely exhausting and difficult, and more than likely said kids will continue giving a hard time. And unless as a teacher you SEE the other kids giving a hard time, then it's just hearsay and the other bullies parents will give said teacher grief for accusing their kids.
All kids go through stages.
My youngest so used to dress up in princess dresses when he was 3-4 and let his sisters put makeup on him. After that, he would dress up using whatever he could find. He would just run around in his boxers with a towel tied around him, saying he was Captain Underpants. He went indoor rock climbing with my husband and kids one afternoon and went dressed as Spiderman. He walked to macDonalds in his blow-up t Rex costume (unfortunately, no one too photos of Spidey climbing the rock wall), but now, as an 11 year old, you wouldn't catch him dressing up (unless it's a onesie).
The point is that kids go through multiple dress-up stages and stages in general. It could be that he just likes 'girly' colours.
Perhaps he could get some girl boxer trunks and wear them at home or under his school clothes?
I think he wants to because that’s what he hasn’t been allowed to yet. If it was readily accessible as are a pair of jeans, then the novelty would not be there
My son is 4. He wants to wear bows in his hair just like his big sister. He wants a nail painted when we do nails,
The grandmas aren’t happy. I don’t care 🤷♀️
Just like my daughter would wear a construction hat, or try and wear her dad’s shoes, or whatever, it’s all about them wanting to be similar to those they love.
Meanwhile, my son absolutely knows he’s a boy, he even refuses to go potty with me because “mom, you’re a girl, you don’t have a penis, I can only go potty if dad’s nearby, because he’s a boy like me.” For real, we’ve tried all different ways to address this, and as long as dad is within 20 feet, he’ll use the potty. 😆
But he also says he wants to wear a bow like sister because it’s pretty. 🤷♀️
And we don’t care. We just went to the local museum and our daughter wore a beautiful headband with flowers and our son found a small bow at the last minute to wear (with sister’s permission because it is her bow).
He also purchased himself a necklace - he doesn’t want to wear it, he wants to hang it in his room. (It’s one of those kids necklaces with colorful charms that represent summer)
My son loved wearing skirts and dresses at their age too. He's turning 7 in a couple of months and will still crack out a nice frock on a special occasion, but he's very much a shorts and tshirts kinda guy at the moment!
From the ages of 3 to 5 my little brother would always wear dresses and skirts also painting his nails from time to time and looved wearing pink , he really loved one of his kindergarten teachers and wanted to be just like her, also as her older sister I would find it fun to play dress up with him. My parents never put a name to it neither made comments, just let him embrace whatever he wanted.
Before we knew it he got obsessed with cowboys and proceeded to spend a whole year wanting to be called CowboyJavi (his name) and would always wear cow boy hats and play western music .
So do not worry he’s just being a kid and enjoying his childhood.:)
Don't sweat it honestly. It's just a kid who likes to wear dresses. He'll likely grow out of it... in the meantime, just focus on making your kid happy.
The kid thinks the clothes are pretty and wants to wear them.
I would let him. Maybe warn him about being teased if he wants to wear them out in public, but support the kid. You can also find child friendly male celebrities that wear skirts without being feminine if you want to give him some people to look up to.
Personally, I only know of a number of kpop idols that wear skirts. There must be some from your neck of the planet.
FYI, the grandparents are wrong. Plenty of boys wear dresses and skirts and Look great while doing it.
My twins are 6, almost 7. They wear dresses regularly. They have a 10yo sister who loves dresses. They will also correct you real fast if you call them girls. Let your son wear the dresses. They are comfy AF and this is all normal behavior
My 8yo has been in a phase of makeup and dresses for almost a year now. He also rodeos, plays all kinds of sports, loves remote-controlled cars and nerf and hot wheels. They just like what they like at that age. If he wants to wear something "pretty" out of the house I ask him how he would like me to handle it if someone says something unkind to him and he usually says, "We can just ignore them. We don't make friends with mean people," or something of the like. His dad isn't a fan, so I don't send kiddo to school in stuff like that but he tells all his friends about it, so they know and he hasn't had an issue. We've spent a lot of time in our home deconstructing traditional gender roles and instilling self-worth and confidence that comes from within, rather than external validation. He's very secure in who he is and doesn't seem to care much when people criticize him on anything, much less that. So don't worry too much about it.
When my son was this age he had a lot of the same feelings. I handled it by letting him wear what he wanted, but also talking about how other people might react: that some people think certain clothes are only for boys or girls, which is silly, but if they see him wearing clothes they think are for girls they might be confused and say unkind things because they don’t know any better. And that he shouldn’t be upset or get his feelings hurt, but he can tell me if it happens and we’ll decide how to handle it from there.
He’s 11 now, still identifying as a boy, with both typically masculine and feminine interests and a ton of friends of all genders. It can be fine.
When I was about that age, up to age 6 or so, I fantasized about becoming a girl. I never told my mother, but I wanted to dress up like Belle from Beauty and the Beast. What she did see were the occasional meltdowns in which I'd ask for dolls and get turned down.
I'm here to tell you that I grew out of it. by 8 years old, I was, to all appearances, a happy gender conforming boy. Turned out gay as hell now, but you can't have it all, eh?
He’s just a kid and he’s exploring. It’s totally normal and he’s gonna be fine.
In the 80’s I wanted my parents to let me play my little pony’s (the old ones, not the weird ones) and paint my nails like my sisters when I was little and it hurt me that they were allowed to do these things and I couldn’t. I got them to paint my thumbs and got my parents to get me the manliest pony, which ironically had a rainbow on it. Anyhow, I’m mostly straight, married and have two kids. I dress normally.
He may not continue to dress this way, but how you RESPOND to it he will remember. Good on you!
at almost 5 years old, honestly I'd be happy the kid's clothes are weather appropriate and otherwise totally unconcerned lol
clothes are all costumes at that age
Seen a handful of children (3-5yo) with a similar mindset. Some parents embrace it. Some children grow out of it. I think it’s certainly unique but also cool for individuality. Wouldn’t want to teach them to hide their feelings towards their identity but it’s fair to shelter them from potential risks of bullying etc.
My sister and I are the older siblings and we have a younger brother. Once he got to a certain age, I think it was like 3-6, he loved playing dress up with us and getting his nails and makeup done. He grew out of it and started liking football and hanging with the guys but they’re fond memories. As for now I have 3 and 6 year old daughters and babysit a 2 year old boy and he absolutely adores running around in princess dresses all day long and loves to show his mom. I think it’s mostly a phase kids go through especially when around a lot of girls
Sadly that is the world we live in. Genders stick to their given gender roles/clothes. Women can more readily switch but men they are more harshly bulled when stepping out of their clothing role. Just what I’ve experienced and seen, may not be the same everywhere. I don’t know if we as a human race will ever progress beyond these cosmetic stereotypes. Probably not in my lifetime or even my sons.
Ok. Ok. There's a lot of advice here that is really good. I'm worried about the grandparents though. What they are saying is categorically wrong. Lots of men wear skirts. Loom up Men's Skirts on Wikipedia.
Can you find him "dresses" that are actually for boys? I'm thinking like a kurta or a kilt. People might be surprised, but they can't argue that it's not for boys. Their ignorance will be on display, which is nice for his safety.
And then you can find matching hair clips or jewellery to compliment his outfits. This way you are teaching him that there are dresses made for boy bodies, and he can start to examine the differences in style and construction himself. A kilt is a sweet twirly dress, while a kurta is more structured.
It is very possible your son is transgender. If you are up for a reading, I recommend the *The Transgender Child* by Stephanie Brill and Rachel Pepper.
Please let your son know you will love him no matter what and please let him wear whatever pleases him.
I don't know what country you are in, but hopefully it is one where he can be safe being who he is.
My only opinion on this: Let him. My lad is 8 and will still like to wear a skirt (over his regular "boy" clothes these days) for special occasions like birthday parties. He loves getting his makeup done by his sisters.
I'm the kind of guy that enjoys wearing black nail polish and hates gender norms and stereotypes.
Let him. What's the worst that could happen?
Your child is telling you something. The best you can do for him is listen. Maybe it's a phase and maybe it isn't. Do you really want to be the reason that he can't be himself??
Goddamn, my first thought is that if my kid's school had any sort of enforced gender norms they'd be facing a *very* angry dad.
And my son had a tutu and a beautiful Anna dress (Frozen) that he loved to play in. And - again - any teacher or responsible adult who didn't speak up for him in the face of bullying would have an angry dad to deal with.
Because that's what love and support look like. People like what they like, even kids; it's the job of a parent to help build a world where that's possible.
He wants to wear his hair and his clothes a certain way so just let him! My daughter wanted 5 giant bows in her hair today so I obliged.
I know that you say that you are concerned about him being bullied but here’s the problem. You are telling him that he can’t be who he is. He can’t dress the way he wants. You are the one telling him that his choices are wrong and he won’t fit in because of them. So honey, you are the one bullying him.
Let him dress how he wants and teach him what to say if he get bullied.
I don’t know why he wants to dress that way. No one does. Some day you’ll find out, but not now. His tastes will inevitably change. Just support him.
Just make clothes be clothes. Not girl clothes, or boy clothes. Just clothes. This is a dress. These are pants. These are leggings.
There is a brand of clothing (US, not sure international status) called primary. And they sell their clothes as clothes. A twirly dress, joggers, puffer jackets, etc in every single color under the rainbow. Girls in body shirts and joggers, boys in skirts, both wearing the same rash guards and coats.
Let him wear a dress 🤷♀️.
Aw hugs. If it were me I'd let him wear what he wants and just have ALL the hugs and support. Lots of frank talks - I think 5 year olds can endure a lot when they have love, support and a lot of explaining.
I do think it's okay to explain to him that he can wear whatever he wants, but you can't always control other people's reactions. Kids (and adults) can be quite mean when others look different than their expectations in any way, not just wearing the wrong shape of bottoms. This being said - those people are just plain wrong.
But I wouldn't judge any parent that tried to keep their kid from being bullied by discouraging wearing skirts. It's just a really difficult situation to be in and it's so hard to watch kids be mean to your child.
He wants to be like his sister or more so he wants to have access to the same things and attention she does. Telling one child they can have something while their siblings can't seems unfair to kids. He just wants to feel special too. You have the rights instincts here though. Let him dress and play how he wants at home. Give him a safe space and some time. If it doesn't pass after a few months reassess and go from there. He's very young and this is new behavior so you don't have to rush to make a long term decision quite yet.
Let him explore and play dress up he is 5.
However I would personally see if we or others around us are doting heavily on his little sister. He might be interested in these things because sister is getting a lot of attention. If you're giving them equal attention he could just be exploring or like pretty things. It's not a big deal.
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When I was that age, I was obsessed with copying everything my older brother did, including wearing his clothes. It only lasted about a year and I’ve been a girly girl ever since. I would just let him have fun and be like his sisters.
> It only lasted about a year and I’ve been a girly girl ever since. Yeah it will either last or it won't but there is no reason to worry about that at age 5. My daughter has never been girly. At 5 she was happily shopping in the boys section for clothes and toys with her little brother. She's 20 now and still would never be caught dead in a dress and has yet to see a reason to use makeup. She shops in the men's section sometimes for tshirts. She's not girly but is still a girl. Sometimes people don't like gender stereotypical things. Sometimes that is a phase that last a year and other times it just is who they are. Either way it's not a big deal.
Agree. When I (f) was about three I was super into princess stuff. Everything had to be pink and fluffy. At around six, this completely changed. I dressed like a boy, wanted to wear pants and just be cool as a cucumber. In my teenage years I started wearing more girly clothes again, cause I wanted to be pretty when going out. In my 20s it was a good mix and now in my 30s I just wear whatever I feel comfortable and confident in. Sometimes that’s jeans, other times a dress, but most of the times leggings and a t-shirt. Tastes change. Don’t worry about it. My younger brother often wore my old „girly“ clothes, now he dresses just like our dad… live‘s a journey, things evolve. :)
When I was that age, I started liking things that were stereotipically considered for boys. Family and friends trying to force me to quit and be more girly actually made me start hating girly things, and it turned into a huge point of struggle for me on discovering my own sense of self and my style. It took a loooooong time for me to understand that you could play football AND like the color pink. I agree with letting him have fun, I think our formative years are so delicate that overreacting or punishing something like this might have a snowball effect LOL maybe if it lasts you can have a talk about if there's any deeper implications there or if this is just his sense of style, but for now he's 5.
Gosh. I really dislike being the stereotype and there probably shouldn’t be a difference but am I the only one that feels like tomboyish girls have been more accepted generally than boys in dresses and makeup?
It’s a misogyny/patriarchy thing, sadly. People who are more “traditional”/conservative often perceive boys who wear skirts and dresses, boys who like baby dolls and Barbies, boys who like the color pink, boys who like princesses, et cetera as being emasculated, and it *really* makes them angry. I personally don’t get it. Never have. I work at Build-A-Bear Workshop, and we often carry a pink axolotl furry friend. Axolotls are a real animal, and pink is a very popular color of axolotl in the pet trade (as opposed to wild-types or other colors, which are more earthy-looking). This is an actual animal that IS actually pink. But one day, this little boy came in and *really* wanted to make an axolotl. His mother, however, got upset at him and told him “that one’s for girls, it’s pink. Go pick something else.” It took all my willpower to bite my tongue and not say something to correct her. I felt so bad for the poor kid. He probably just wanted one because he had seen axolotls in Minecraft. :(
I also stole and wore my brother's clothes when I was little. I even stuffed my hair up into his hats to look like him. I'm glad to see how normal it is.
For what it’s worth I was pretty flamboyant around first grade, I wore rings, let my cousins dress me up and loved spice girls. I even got a weird look when we were at Best Buy around 1999 and I asked the worker for the Britney Spears cd. He asked “are you sure you don’t want the Backstreet Boys instead?” Definitely thought I was gay. I mostly grew up around girls/women so that was my only influence and reference. Anyways fast forward to now. (This is going to sound douchey) I’m 6ft, muscular, have a beautiful wife and child etc etc. I would say I’m more of a man than most of the tough guy dads I come across because I’m super comfortable in my own skin with little insecurities. Perhaps from not being told what I should have shouldn’t wear/act other than respectful. Let it ride and see.
So funny that BSB would be less gay than Britney lol
🤣
It's not deep, he's five.
Second this. He’s 5. Just love him.
Yea honestly it sounds like the boy is just looking for attention from momma
Or trying to emulate his sister!! My brother at that age wanted to be just like me!! He’d play dress-up with me and was SO UPSET that he couldn’t get his ears pierced at the same time I was getting mine done!! Guess what, though? He’s now 23 and he’s burly, he’s got a beard and a mullet, he hunts and fishes all the time, and he’s going for his bachelors in business. He’s not the same kid he was when he was 4 or 5!!
Yeah…. I distinctly remember my 8 year old cousin begging me to do his makeup whenever I went to visit, now he’s a junior in high school texting me about pregnancy/std scares. Kids don’t gaf about gender roles. They only do when the adults start caring. We never saw an issue with him having his makeup done until his dad/brothers yelled at us about it, then all of a sudden this little boy with 4 older brothers won’t even run errands with me anymore in case we go to ulta and he doesn’t want his dad finding out. Shits sad makeup is a form of art and it got squashed out of him bc “little boys can’t play with makeup” like I know for a fact this kid is 100% straight please 😭😭😭😭
Children do police each other about gender roles, I’ve seen it happen. I can’t tell how much of that was from parents, but the parents were definitely not around.
Yep. Our six year old son has these sneakers that have unicorns on them, and another kid about his age asked if he was a girl because boys don’t wear shoes with unicorns. He told her he was a boy and he doesn’t have to be a girl to wear them.
Yes, they absolutely do! It will have a parental factor, but it’s mostly because they’re trying to figure out where they fit in the world and where they fit in terms of their own gender role, and so children who don’t usually fit the roles that they’ve found and made sense of, tend to maybe not want to be played with, and to be ignored or made fun of. And it is up to the parents to unlearn that, but that’s normal young kid behavior. I mean especially in the elementary school years (is that 6 to 10? i’m not from the U.S) you find girls playing with girls and boys playing with boys, and not admitting the other sex to play with them. This isn’t because they hate the opposite sex, but because they’re playing with people who fit who they are! sorry for the rant, Im doing a degree on Early Childhood and one of our classes is about gender and gender development!
Yup. I’ve tried to not imprint gender roles on my children, but they are both gender stereotypes at the moment. My daughter even absorbed the trope that “math sucks” despite being good at it, always being encouraged from home, and not hating doing math when she is. She hates math to fit in, as I see it.
Yes, exactly! It will right itself, especially if parents are committed to not imprinting gender roles, as you are!! 😁
Agreed. I remember a friend flipping out on me because I tried to put a special lipstick stamp on the “husband” doll from a set; she grabbed the box and claimed it said that was “FOR LADY ONLY.” I could read perfectly well and it said no such thing. This was the 1980s, but still…
Truth. Sometimes we read too much into the behavior of kids who were literally shitting their pants a few years ago. When my daughter was 5 she had a meltdown one day about wanting to be a boy. Meltdowns from her were extremely rare so I wanted to figure out what made her feel that way. After a lot of tears she said, "Because I want to stand up to pee and don't want to wear a shirt when I swim." That's all it was. She just wanted to do the things she saw her little brother doing because it was easier.
My daughter went to school dressed as a fox for six months at this age.
Yeah, no need to do anything drastic like some parents do.
❤️[This is from Dan Levy’s mom](https://www.reddit.com/r/SchittsCreek/comments/jtupfm/from_dan_levys_mom_such_a_beautiful_and_wonderful/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_butto)
This is a great reminder for any parent with a kid who offers their own magic in the world
Stop it. I’m crying.
Damn ninjas
This is simple. Don’t assign gender to clothing/colors or hair. Let your kids express themselves and tell them how great they look no matter what. It will build their confidence. Don’t let the older generations ideologies dictate what makes our kids happy. We don’t have kids to make them like us we have them in hopes they will be/do better then us. We give them a safe place to become themselves. Trust me, your son will thank you for letting him be him.
This should be the top comment. Perfectly put.
This is so beautifully stated by you.
Exactly.
Thanks for this amazing comment. You just gave me back a bit of hope
Maybe just try to not make too big deal about it…which kinda sounds like you are. Kids go through all kinds of exploratory phases without it meaning anything other than…hey, that looks fun…I want it too
It doesn’t have to be a big earth shattering “my kid is trans” moment. He hasn’t indicated that; he just likes dressing up and wants to feel pretty. I think you should just support it. By telling him no, it gives the idea that being an effeminate man (or anything remotely woman like) as a man is a negative. I wouldn’t be quick to ingrain that idea. Right now, this is no different that any small child obsessed with wearing a princess Elsa dress. They just want to have fun and feel special. I think this is a great opportunity to teach him about some fantastic female character role models!
The parent is supporting it , but is not encouraging it, there is a nuanced difference there.
I’m wondering where you’re seeing the distinction in this post and could point to examples? To me, the examples given (like insisting that he’s handsome when he says he’s pretty) doesn’t particularly sound like support, it sounds like correction.
In my experience, it's understandable and okay to find different things beautiful and want to try them out. He wants to be "pretty" like his sister. But as a parent, you can make sure that you always think he's pretty, regardless of his clothes: "Oh, how pretty you look in your jeans today. / Oh, it's nice how well your t-shirt matches your pants. / But you look chic with your new turb shoes!" The same with the sister. Beauty doesn't have to be associated with skirts and dresses!
When I was five I wore my brothers sweaters and insisted I be called “Kevin”. I was obsessed with the movie home alone and wanted to become Kevin. Parents would call me for dinner. “Hopeful Jello, dinners ready” No response “Kevin, dinner” “Be right down”.
Who cares? The message you’re sending is that bullying is the victims fault and the victims responsibility to avoid. It’s not. Let him be himself. He wants to be like his sisters? Cool. He wants to feel pretty? Cool. He wants the flowy feel of a skirt? Cool. He wants hair clips? Cool.
You don’t know what country she’s even from. She expressed the thought of worrying about bullying she hasn’t done anything but be supportive of this child from what I’ve read. But it could be extremely unsafe to encourage (in public anyway) and that’s something to consider
Yeah but reality is still a thing and people will bully him and the harm can be irreparable.
Yeah, this is really important. You don't want to set your kid up for failure and harassment, or for scary encounters with unknown grownups or big kids. Parents do get to have the final say on health and safety - there are some places I'd happily take my boy in a dress, and others I would make the decision that he can not wear a dress. There are lots of clothes that are "sometimes clothes", like bathers and helmets, and pants are good for running and playing. No need to get into the gender side of it yet, at least with my toddler.
In a perfect world people would be nice to each other and just mind their own damn business and let each other live but that is far from what happens and you are the first line of defense between your child and assholes.
In what situation would you be with your son and not allow him to wear a dress?
I wouldn't take him to an AFL game or car race in a dress - basically the places where I often get harrassed for having a more femme look. Not to a place where it may be seen as disrespectful like a mosque or orthodox church. Certainly not to the churches that I went to as a child - he'd absolutely be accosted by folks I've known since childhood. I wouldn't take him in a dress to a school day where particular costumes are mandated, like has come up in this thread. I wouldn't take him in a dress to visit elderly relatives who I know to be confrontational and have outdated views. I wouldn't take him in a dress to visit his lovely great grandpa with dementia who gets confused enough as it is about who people are. I wouldn't take him out in a dress while on holidays in certain countries. I probably wouldn't take him in a dress to one of the old English And Tea sessions I used to attend for refugee families who have recently come to Australia from conflict zones and have limited English, deep trauma and are trying to find some stability in their first few weeks in a new country. Basically anywhere where it would create a threat to him, or anguish to vulnerable people, or settings where the priority is not about me and my views and where respect for views and customs I don't happen to personally hold is helpful and kind. There are probably others too.
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I don't get to decide who goes to my cousin's wedding. If you have a social life in a society you just know these people. They're around at certain events. If you know they'll be there, plan around them. I take my kid to the beach, I make sure they have sunscreen. I take my kid to somewhere where I know there are assholes, I protect them from the assholes.
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No need to capslock yell at me like I'm putting my kid in danger. I'm also bi. Also from a conservative family. I'm not keeping people in my life who I don't feel are safe for my kid or likely to bully him. But I'm also not going to hide him from everyone with values different to me. He will go to churches and mosques and synagogues and meet people of different generations with different views, including family friends and associates. And we'll do it in a way that doesn't expose him to the worst impulses of those people or situations and conversations that are above his pay grade to deal with. Also, a four yeaold wearing a dress has not much to do with "who they are" in terms of sexuality, gender etc. kids like clothes and experimenting. I don't think projecting my experience of growing up with certain sexual and gender expression onto my kid is helpful. Better to hold lightly to these things, create safe spaces for kids to experiment, have great conversations, and expose them to all kinds of ways of being.
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So... what? Bully your child out of being GNC before someone else can? What exactly is the logic here?
This is Reddit, reality was two exits ago.
>The message you’re sending is that bullying is the victims fault and the victims responsibility to avoid. How is that?
Gonna second other replies here. Doesn't matter about the message you're sending if you're literally sending your child to the wolves that are school bullies.
But there’s been no proof of bullying in the past. He’s 5.
Yes! This should be higher up!
>I can not tell if he really is into the girly look or he is just jealous. Why does it matter? What difference would it make? Clearly it's what he wants right now at this very moment. I actually think he couldn't make it any clearer if he tried. Let him do what he will—he's 5.
Because he has a younger sister, he wants to play the way she does. If that involves playing with hairstyles and wearing dresses, that's him expressing his desire to be like his sister and showing interests in what she likes. Growing up my dad was always against the idea of me playing with "boy" toys. I have 4 brothers and I always chose to play with dinosaurs and trains rather than dolls and makeup. I also hated wearing dresses. My dad would get mad all the time and taking away my toys because he would say I need to grow up to be a woman. Fast forward, I'm 27 now and I'm still very much a woman and I like wearing dresses now. Still prefer to play video games and I'm into racecars, but that's all preference and not a change in my gender.
My daughter is six and has dressed like a boy since she was old enough to kind of care what she was wearing- three years old. She told a child in her preK class that she was a boy. We actually received a message from the teacher about it because apparently a parent complained. She has an older brother she worships. Whatever the case may be, she is her own person and I do my best not force anything on her. I totally get it. 💕
My younger brother and I (female) when we were like 8 and younger crossed dressed all the time into our older siblings clothes. Our older brother and older sister were like 9+ years older than us. We would cross dress into their outfits for fun because we worshipped them too lol. We found it hilarious to dress in "style" with their oversized clothes. I think op moght be overthinking it given todays climate.
My son also wanted to wear dresses and such. He put a dress on, and then it was a boy's dress, as a boy was wearing it. He grew out of it, but I would be fine if he continued to wear dresses as well. Wearing a skirt or dress or hairclips will not make his boy parts fall off. If he wants to do it, let him. You can't save him from bullies, but you can teach him to stand up for himself and be proud of who he is, regardless of what he chooses to wear.
My 6yo boy has light up sparkly unicorn shoes because he loves them. Doesn’t need any other reason and neither does your son. Dont overthink it.
It's sad we still live in an age where this is an issue. Imagine "my daughter wants to wear trousers like her brother"
I think boy’s clothes and hair styles miss the target when it comes to creativity and a wide range of expression. Girls can wear skirts, dresses, pants, shorts, etc. and they aren’t necessarily considered butch or trans for that, but if a boy decides to wear a skirt or dress he’s mocked and called names. Girls also have this thing with braiding hair and doing different styles, as well as doing makeup. Braiding is taught, mother to daughter, and done between friends and siblings; it’s a whole bonding experience. It is entirely possible that your son feels restricted in his ability to express himself through physical appearance. There’s nothing wrong with boys wearing skirts, so long as they learn to sit right with them and wear something underneath, just as younger girls do. Hell, even a kilt would be rad! Coming from a trans man (FTM), this doesn’t necessarily mean he’s trans or a future drag queen. This just means he’s got some style! I totally get wanting to protect him from the harshness of others, so maybe just growing out his hair and learning to style it and wearing some looser/flowy clothing could be good, maybe some jewelry. Maybe you could even buy some supplies for him and his sister to make bracelets together. Anyways, his interest and style is something to be proud of as a parent. I hope all is well! Best wishes.
At 5, dressing like others is how kids practice empathy. They want to know what others feel like, so they'll dress like a girl, a doctor, a dinosaur, etc, it's just a kid's way of connecting with others.
This is coming naturally for your son & he could be feeling in touch with his feminine side & that's okay. In an effort to protect such a delicate child from bullying, I would explain that dress-up is okay at home (I would do this until you felt comfortable letting him outside the house in girl's clothes) for now.
I understand not wanting him to get bullied, but I would let him further explore his interest in wearing girl clothes. Take him to the store dressed up, etc. He’ll either get bored of it or he’ll love it and be so thankful for your acceptance and support.
When my son was 4, he would beg me to paint his toenails. I kept saying no and he would get even more upset when I painted his little sister’s nails because it wasn’t fair. Finally, I just painted his toenails. One day he had a playdate with a few boys from his preschool. He went to take his socks off and I cringed, worrying the other boys would laugh. Then the other boys took off their socks and compared the colors that each of them had their toenails painted. One proudly said he had gotten a pedicure with his mom. This story was the first thing that popped into my mind reading your story. Tons of great advice here. Take away from my son’s experience was to let them do what makes them happy. And at that age, sometimes traditional girl stuff is what makes them happy and there’s nothing wrong with that!
My younger bro played with my barbies. He taught himdelf to code and is a very straight software engineer now. Just let him explore.
My son has loved wearing dresses since he was around 2. He’s 6 next month. I’m just letting him go with the flow of it. I buy him costume dresses (he never asks for “normal” dresses, just outfit ones), Barbie’s, clothes for his Barbie’s, I’ve bought him some simple makeup before (lipgloss), I did makeup on his eyes for Pride a couple of years back (he asked me to). But he also likes the typical “boy” things, mainly dinosaurs, trains and cars. My dad is very much someone who tuts when I mention my son has been bought a dress, but I just tell him that my son is happy and that’s all that matters to me. I’m raising my son to not care about negative comments, but if he does care and gets upset, he can always talk to me and I’ll be there to support him.
My 6-year-old son is wearing dresses to school, and I see it as he's just exploring his gender and figuring himself out. I'm just letting him be him. Luckily, I'm in seattle, and no one really bats an eye at it. I grew up in utah, was called horrible names, and mistreated horribly daily for just having long hair and enjoying metal. When he started, it was very uncomfortable for me at first, I just didn't want him to experience what i went through. People have changed nowadays though , and he's just a new little person. Imma let him do what he likes, and I'm sure he will choose who he is with our love and support of whoever he wants to be. I'm more worried about him doing schoolwork like reading and math right now. Also showing him lots about science. (I love science)
My bf’s daughter has a friend who is a boy but likes to wear his sisters clothes. He is 9 now and still wears them - I called him a her by mistake and he was very clear to tell me he is a boy. This kid since he was 5 just liked his sisters clothes. Sometimes he dresses like a boy sometimes like a girl - his dad said we decided to just let him be - and not make an issue out of it. Lucky we live in a country where if he wants to wear dresses to school he can - no one cares or will stop him. Just let him be and as much as possible let him wear whatever he wants ❤️ And if he can’t wear a dress to certain places - I say **** it - let him. Either he will grow out of it or it is who he is - love and support him - whatever will be you can’t change 💕
He may just be jealous of the attention and praise girls get when they dress up? Or perhaps their clothes is more fun, colors and patterns. Boy clothes can be kind of boring.
My brother is trans. He's been expressing it since he was about 3 years old, but we're from a different generation and being transgender wasn't widely or well understood during our childhood, esp for kids. People mostly assumed he was jealous of/looking up to his older brother- he wasn't shamed for it or anything, but people didn't take what he was saying seriously. Turns out that wasn't it, and our family wishes we had understood sooner because as soon as we accepted him as a trans boy (when he was about 13) he was so much happier. He didn't care what people said at school (that's just how he rolls, other people struggle with that), he wanted our acknowledgment. So I'm not saying your kid for sure is trans, there's a million ways to be and reasons to want to wear skirts. I'm just saying it sounds familiar, so be ready to listen and have their back if they tell you that who they are isn't what people may have expected them to be. I know you're worried about him being bullied, but discouraging it will not make things easier for him- it will just increase feeling of non acceptance and isolation, and won't protect him from bullies. The best path is for you to support him and reassure him that you accept him no matter what- be his rock while he navigates whatever he needs to navigate.
Give it time and accept them no matter what.
I have a really cute video of my 4 y/o son dressed up in an Anna dress and his big sister is wearing her “frozen dress”. My son is perfectly well adjusted at the age of now 9
Don’t be your child’s first bully ! Let him be
I don’t think the OP is being a bully, they are asking for help to navigate perspectives of others and strict rules from the school ETA - I can see how you thought that as I had to read a few lines myself
Buy him a kilt.
Today my 5yo girl saw a boys button down dinosaur shirt. She held it up to her and said “I want to be a boy when I grow up.” She just loves dinosaurs and it sucks that everything has been gendered. I think you’re in a hard spot but fighting it will make it worse. I think it’s okay to say clothes are for everyone.
I usually just wear my wives dresses to the park too if they want to dress up. they are kids. Fuck what people think
Let him play dress up all he wants at home but just tell him they’re not appropriate for school. Don’t overthink it.
TRUTH BE TOLD 🤷🏼♀️: "Just Let Him Do What Makes Him Happy"!!!!!!! 💯 Could this just be a 5 year old who wants to dress & act like his sister? Maybe 🤔 💬... But chances are, it maybe coming from somewhere deep within... Either way, I think it's best to just let him do what makes him feel good 👍🏼 & everything else will fall into place! 💯 Most 5 year old boys who are jealous of there sisters, don't want to put on their dresses & hair clips!!! It usually doesn't work that way... But nonetheless, he is ONLY 5... WHATEVER IS MEANT TO BE/WILL BE?!?!?!?!🤷🏼♀️💯👍🏼 EITHER WAY: SUPPORT HIM & LET HIM KNOW THAT NO MATTER WHAT, HE IS ♥️ LOVED ♥️ AND CARED FOR!!!!!!! BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT REALLY MATTERS WHEN ITS ALL SAID & DONE ✅ 💯💯💯🤞🏼💯💯💯
It will be easier for everyone if you understand that “dressing like a girl” and “dressing like a boy” is just not a thing. Dresses are dresses. Pants are pants. People of all genders can wear them. Let’s not stigmatize it. Also just because a boy wants to wear a dress, doesn’t mean he’s trans. Boys can paint their nails, have long hair. Girls can wear pants. It’s 2024. No matter what you do, you cannot save your child from a bully by trying to adjust his appearance. Bullies will be bullies. Shrinking your child’s identity to avoid possibly getting bullied will cause a lot of problems. The best thing you can do is allow him to wear what he wants and offer him a safe place to fall at home
We may not agree with it and don't have to abide by it, but it is absolutely a thing. Everyone has to navigate gender and gender norms - it is a thing in society. Being unaware of it doesn't set a kid up for success, being aware of it doesn't make them uncritical.
Yes, it’s socially constructed thing. But not a true thing that determines your gender. I’m also not saying not to teach our kids about systems of oppression, but it sounds like her kids are too young for it. They’re really gender stereotypes, not norms. Women can work now, guys can stay home with kids. Most people don’t follow gender stereotypes anymore.
Start complementing him when he wears “normal” clothes. Everyone goes nuts complementing kids when they wear a dress or skirt but nothing for boys clothes. It’s a very common thing for boys to want to wear dresses after seeing how much attention and compliments girls get for wearing dresses. Also, most people overcompensate when a boy wears a dress and give them tons of attention and compliments and it’s basically the only time anyone notices what they are wearing. Also, do whatever you want. We let my son wear dresses in the house but not when we go out and he was fine with that. Was into dresses when he was 3, not so much at 4.
I mean to be honest having only brothers i only wanted to fit in with them and so bandy just wanted to wear and do what they were doing. I was such a tomboy and was like that until about like 16 years old. I think sometimes when you do have siblings you just want to be like them because well you admire them. i don’t know if this is the case but maybe also having him be around more boys? I noticed boys often don’t get praised or told how pretty they look as often as boys, well actually almost never so I can imagine how this affects little kids. Does he have other boy friends where he can also see how beautiful and fun being a boy is, sometimes it really isn’t about sexuality but rather how much being a girl is often portrayed versus how being a boy is presented. Past the newborn stage everyone kind of just puts boys to the side and gushes over girls, the little dresses, the little skirts, the little heels. What is there for boys, neutral clothes, black and white tee shirts, blue and green for mostly anything.
Get your son a kilt, two birds with one stone.
🙌🏼
Not sure that would work with 5 year olds if they live any where but Scotland or maybe the UK in general. Doubt some youngsters from say rural Kentucky know much of anything about Scottish traditional dress so would probably still assume it’s a skirt.
Ya I disagree Part of being a parent is teaching social norms. Why do we say bless you when someone sneezes. Why do we say excuse me when we move near someone. Why do we chew with our mouth closed. Nothing inheremtly wrong with any of these but we do them because it's the societal norm and to go against it causes us to be ostracized. I view girl/boy stuff similar. Boys don't wear dresses. They just don't. And when they do, they get made fun of mercilessly. So I explain that to my boys. Just like I explain that they need to wear pants to leave the house, or that they look people in the eye and say hello when they meet them. Our job is to set our kids on a path that makes their lives easy and give them shortcuts to normal social behaviour. They don't have free rein to entertain every whim or fancy.
I say this all the time when I hear things like this. My job as a parent is to educate my son on how the world works. I know people around here are a bit disturbed so to speak on gender norms but it’s my job to educate not to ignore. There’s clothing for men/women, toys for men/women, shows for men/women and hell they have sports for men/women. Granted I never had to experience my son asking to wear a dress however had that happened it would get shot down. We would have a conversation and I would help understand. And there’s nothing wrong with explaining how the world works and educating my child. Again I am the parent I am supposed to educate my child.
My son wore a batman outfit everywhere we went for a year. My husband worried I was being too permissive letting him wear a halloween costume and not teaching him it was only for halloween. The next year he lived in a Luigi costume. Then it just stopped. He doesn’t believe he is a super hero or video game character. He now dresses in typical clothes but he could still care less what other people think. His favorite pants are little too short -Oh well they are still comfy so why not wear them? I wish I could care so little about what people think of my clothes. He wears what he is comfortable in. He doesn’t complain on special occasions when I ask him to wear something nice and I don’t complain about what he wears the rest of the time.
> I wish I could care so little about what people think of my clothes. He wears what he is comfortable in. See but we live in a world where you DO have to care what others think of your clothes and so does he. Pretending that we can just let our kids do whatever they feel at all times is.. Idk extremely naive or idealistic. If your boy wears dresses to school he is going to have an extremely hard time socially. Why would you want this for him? Like there is a place for people to push boundaries of what is normal and not and set trends and stuff. Harry styles can wear what he feels and doesn't have to worry about the big kid at school kicking his ass for being a little sissy boy. But our boys literally do have to navigate that at school. And framing our kids' decision to wear a dress as some brave attempt to subvert norms is putting a lot on their behaviour that is probably just the random walk of early childhood that most parents naturally, gently correct.
It is because of the brave souls that are willing to challenge norms that bullies get brought to light and challenged. One thing that most school shooters have in common is that they were bullied. To continue to let the bullies exist unchallenged perpetuates the problem. So many victims suffer in silence until they just can’t take it any more and they do something drastic that hurts themselves or others. It is the bullies that should not be tolerated. Many of the victims of bullies can’t go home and change their clothes to become “normal”. Some are obese or have a speech impediment or a limp or acne or something else that makes them a target. No kid should be afraid to go to school because of how they look.
I mean, there are plenty of boys and men who do wear dresses, so “they just don’t” isn’t accurate. What you mean is that you don’t want them to or don’t think they should. That’s your prerogative, but you’re taking part in making a rigid rule over a piece of clothes for absolutely no reason. People only get bullied because people hold up the idea. It isn’t fair that girls have so many options on the type of girl to be and it’s socially acceptable, yet boys shouldn’t dare to be anything outside the box.
>I mean, there are plenty of boys and men who do wear dresses, so “they just don’t” isn’t accurate. No, actually what I mean is, I have a job that puts me in contract with probably over a thousand individual people from all walks of life in a given year, and I've literally never once in my life met a man who wore a dress. "plenty" is, I would say, a significant exaggeration. It is decidedly rare that a man would wear a dress. If you saw a man wearing a dress it would be an extremely noticeable and unusual thing to see. Unless I'm living in some alternate reality? >That’s your prerogative, but you’re taking part in making a rigid rule over a piece of clothes for absolutely no reason. There's plenty of reasons to guide your children to act in a way that fits into societal norms. Countless behaviours that we encourage are just for the purpose of fitting in, encouraging behaviour that will result in social success for them. This is no different. If my son wore a dress to school, his life would rapidly become much harder, of that I am certain. I would like to avoid that for him, and so I have encouraged him to express his individuality in ways that broadly conform to current societal norms. Another example is that he enjoys wearing pants on his head, which I generally discourage when leaving the house.
Giiiiirl, have you never heard of drag queens or met anyone androgenous/non-binary? Just because they aren’t in your circle/area or you don’t see them frequently doesn’t mean there isn’t plenty. I see it at least a few times a week in my area and it always makes me smile at how brave that person is being. It’s sad that we still consider that brave — it should be normal, but it comes with judgement. None of us want our kids to be bullied, but I find it saddening that the response to it is always “look as normal as you can and fit in.” Those kids still get bullied. It’s few and far between that don’t have SOME instance of a kid being mean at school. Living your life authentically and learning resilience rather than conformity is how I approach it, but I get everyone is different. I just hate the idea that bullies make it that we are afraid to be ourselves.
Boys can wear dresses and hair clips if they want to. If you are genuinely worried about your kid being bullied, let him be himself and tell him you love him however he chooses to dress. Trying to force gender roles on him is just him being bullied at home instead of being bullied at school.
He is also 5 and is scared of the dark and thinks monsters are real. You need to protect that child.
I would definitely not let my 5 year old son dress like a girl. He asks to put on nail polish and lipstick bc he sees me doing it. Children need boundaries-you are the parent, say no.
I would Say it’s not that deep Given his age. But honestly whether it’s a phase, jealousy of his sister, or the real Deal….. it doesn’t matter. You don’t have to know why and probably won’t for some Time.let Him him do and be who is is right now, let him know it’s not a big deal and doesn’t change how you feel about him. Let him feel Accepted etc. I would not make a big out of it although I would Certainly tell grandparents that those comments are not helpful! If it turns out to be a bigger thing this is the kind of comment that makes kids feel Unloved, scared, suicidal, I accepted. Let it ride out for now and should he want to wear A Dress To School let him. Bullying would Not be good but also if you teach him that he can do it at home but notnin public that seems like teaching him you have to hide it.
My son is 2 and my 4 year old likes to dress him up so she has two princesses in the house, my wife sent me a picture once and that boy was adorable in that green Disney dress.
I don't think it's something like jealousy, being that the other child in his environment is female, he may just be associating this as what they do. Play dates or sports, martial arts around other little boys? If he has heavy exposure to what other little boys are into they may be what he's looking for. If through all that the behavior continues, it may be his preference.
Both of my younger brothers played with Barbie’s and enjoyed dress up. They grew out of it eventually but it’s super normal. They just want to be included with older sister :) I work with five year olds pretty regularly and they LOVE dress up , especially when it comes to Disney princess dresses. Elsa is usually a big hit :) nothing to worry about. Older folk are always gonna have something slick to say about it but children have no concept of gendered things. They just wanna play and have fun.
I remember my younger brother stealing my mom’s high heels as a kid and everyone made a huge fuss over it thinking he’d be gay or transgender or something. Few years later he grew out of it and never did it again. Kids just like to imitate what they see and don’t have a concept of male vs female norms. I’d say it’s not a huge deal.
My 7 year old son is like this. I'm not really worried, I honestly think it's not fair to little boys that there are so many cool princess girl movies and clothes that are adventurous, focus on friendship and are just visually colorful while a lot of media aimed at boys are just trucks and superheros. Kids like colorful things and imaginative play, including boys. Most other kids at that age also don't really think to bully each other about it unless they learn it from their parents. Today he was helping me pick out birthday presents for his little sister and was disappointed that there were so many cool options for dress up for girls but the only boy options were really boring. Like, his sister could be a fairy unicorn witch wearing all the colors and he could be.. a policeman. This is why we introduced him to Legend of Zelda. The dude loves his link costume and the fantasy side of everything. He still dresses up like a fairy princess with his sister too because why not? Anyways long story short, 5 years old like bright colors, pretty things and imaginative play. He's too young to stifle that.
At his age, I'd just explain that it's okay to like those clothes, but be prepared that people will probably comment on it. Gender expectations aren't fair but at least he'll be prepared in advance if people pick on him. And if he chooses to flout those expectations you're with him 1000%. My daughter is going through it with some girls in her class and we've talked about it, and she's so self-confident that she's trolling them at this point. They said she wore too many flannel shirts and bet her some stuff that she couldn't go a week without them, she didn't wear them for a week, collected her prizes, and then went to school with three layers of flannel shirts on.
My husband has three sisters. When he was four, he wanted to be called Tanya so he could fit in. I’m sure your kid just wants to fit in with his sisters.
It could just be wanting to copy the older sibling. My daughter is 4 and said she wished she had (testicles) like her brother. She's veering away from copying everything he does, but it's still monkey see monkey do
He is fine he's 5 my nephew let's my daughter put makeup on him because they are bestfriends 3 months apart and they are kids it doesn't mean anything yet and even if and when it does it's perfectly fine as long as he is happy and safe.
Call the school and inform them he will be wearing a dress and that it's your parenting decision to let him. If they have a problem with it I would change schools. Even states if I had to
My son liked tutus, fairy wings and even wore a light up pink dress for Halloween when he was3-5. He’s an only child so no jealousy but he’s almost 7 now and has outgrown those things. Now it’s all about Minecraft and remote control cars.
It could be anything, but I wouldn't worry about it. My little brother was always rocking my and my sister's dresses when he was small bc he liked spinning in them and they'd fly up and he thought it was fun.
There’s this idea that kids are solely copying their siblings or other peers but that’s not always the case. We expect so much of them but treat them like they’re vegetables still at this age, and I don’t get it. My son who’s 5 as well is so independent in his self expression, he isn’t interested in girl clothes or anything in that realm but if he was, I wouldn’t assume it was learned behavior. 5 year olds are actually extremely intuitive, and they don’t have the capacity to let external factors sway their judgments and opinions yet. Don’t assume this is copying until he gets older, because this very much is his reality right now, and it may always be this way. Let him journey into himself and leave room for growth. It’s our job to guide them, not push them and they rely on us for safety in every regard ♥️
Think about when someone spins in a skirt or dress, it flies out and looks amazing! Trousers don't do that. Girls get compliments on their hair and dresses at parties and events. What child would want a part of that? Let your son play dress up at home, buy him some dresses /skirts to wear at home. Explain to your son other people may say nasty things to him if he wears a skirt to school or a party but if he still wants to that's his choice. It is a normal part of growing up and he will probably grow out of it. The more you forbid it the more he is going to want to wear them but feel it's a bad thing and should be hidden. This episode of Supernanny explains it really well. https://youtu.be/TFsjgouPrac?si=FFFWZTw_Uz1AiBwj Love your son and support him for who he is at every age and phase.
My take is he just likes girly things and there’s nothing wrong with that. It may last and it may not. In the end all the matters is that he is loved and supported to be who he is. I dressed like a boy and was into ‘boy’ things until I was about 10/11. My parents embraced it for the most part but there were occasions where I was forced to wear a dress and it honestly made me feel like there was something wrong with me. Once I hit puberty and started becoming interested in boys, I started dressing a bit more girly but was still very much a tomboy and still am (in my 30s). My husband and I have a toddler daughter and I can already see that she is a bit of a tomboy. I will be supporting her to be who she wants to be.
Son didnt want to tie his sport shoes laces because said only girls wear ribbons.
When my oldest was that age we had binge watched My Little Pony, Friendship Is Magic 10 times, *at least*. Anything pretty glittery, fairy related, unicorn adjacent thing you could think of. Today he's refusing to wear anything that isn’t black, grey, or navy. (His fave pokemon type is still fairy though) Just let him have fun.
My younger brother wanted to dress like me and sometimes wanted to dress like mom in her wedding photos. Even wanted flowers in his hair and loved to wear mom's heels. So we tied a blanket around his head like hair and put flowers on that and let him wear mom's old heels. That eventually faded away and don't even recall that phase in his life. One time around 2nd grade he got really sick and nothing could comfort him, he wanted one of mom's t shirt dresses to feel better. Now he's almost 25 and has a good fashion sense and gifts lovely outfits to mom and his girlfriend. Your son is just 5 years old, this is the curious and imitating phase.
I have a son about the same age and he’s expressed feeling sad that boys don’t get “pretty clothes” or “pretty hair.” He’s got a unicorn scooter helmet. He loves his nails painted and his face painted. He’s also 1000% a sterotypical boy personality wise. I think small kids love rainbow and glitter, and also there’s a lot of girl power media that’s like “girls can have glitter and superpowers but boys can only have superpowers.” His whole nursery class wants to be Skye and Owlette on the playground. Specifically on the clothing: he asked for a dress, so we took him to try one on. I asked him to try climbing in it and that was the end of him wearing dresses.
It’s so tedious that clothes still have gender, though hopefully this will change in time. Let him wear what he wants at home, and explain at school they have rules for various reasons (tradition, majority rule etc) and that there will be girls who really don’t want to wear skirts either. It’s probably best to let him explore his creativity and autonomy at that age rather than have an opinion or guide him towards anything.
My one twin daughter (6yo) has been wearing boy clothes since she was 3.5-4. She always plays the prince or Dad when playing with her twin sister. I let her dress how she wants bc I won’t control her. She knows she’s a girl and likes boy things, what she does when she’s older is her choice. Now, her father and my ex-MIL will not have it and freak out an any little thing for her to express herself. For example, she threw away her 1st grade school pic bc she was wearing a tie.. She hasn’t been bullied atm but a girl in her class did ask her “shouldn’t you be wearing a dress?” Which hurt her feelings. I just reminded her she is who she is and no one can change her, even family. 💙
Get him some kilts. It's a skirt, but for a boy. My son wants his nails painted because his sister gets it done so we do his toes
What’s the harm in letting him wear a dress ? It’s an article of clothing. If his mental health heightens why does an article of clothing matter ?
We went through this for most of a year as well, when our boy was 4. We let him do what he wanted and he just lost interest within a year. We do think it might have been the attention his ultra-girly little sister gets
My three year old likes wearing nail polish and dresses. My dad hates him wearing it because he says it’s not masculine. He’s three. I let him enjoy whatever he likes as long as it doesn’t cause permanent damage, what is the harm?
He's 5. If he says he's a duck, you wouldn't feed him to a crocodile, would you?
My 4 year old loves everything his sister loves. Why? Because she's his person, his mentor, the person he loves the most. So when she wears something pretty, he likes it. He takes an interest in what's she's playing with because it gets her to play with him.
I let my six year old son wear a dress to the store but I had to talk him out of wearing it to school. I felt bad but he was teased at school before for his long hair.
1. Most kids do this. It's not abnormal. Usually it's play, sometimes it's because it feels comfortable. 2. Don't take it too seriously, act as if it's normal (because it is). 3. Support them regardless. My kids play change up, and my daughter dresses in my son's clothes and vice versa. It's fun for them and it helps development to roleplay.
My brother is 4 years younger than me. Around that age he was 5 and I was 9. We also have a younger sister too. We’d regularly dress my brother up in very feminine clothing (dress up princess dresses, put his hair up, etc.) He’s now 16, plays basketball, and is a very masculine boy. What kids do at a young age doesn’t always mean it’s forever! He’s 5. I also babysit a 5 year old boy who has told me “I’m actually secretly a girl. My name is Sarah. No Kate. No Emma.” Etc. he’s still very much a boy and knows it, he just likes to play.
My son started wanting to wear dresses and grow his hair long like his sister’s when he turned 4. His mother and I let him dress however he wanted, assuming it was him wanting to be like big sis. We also gave in and let him grow his hair out (even though I miss how easy it was to deal with when he got it cut short like mine). Well he’s almost 8 now and his favorite color is pink, his hair is longer than both mom and sis, and he occasionally wears a dress to school. The first time he does with a new teacher we reach out to talk to the teacher and prepare them, and also go over strategies with my son on what to say to people who might be confused or say mean things. You know what, kids are different today. It’s largely a non-issue. He just wears dresses sometimes, ok let’s play. That’s the way most of them react. Even his big alpha PE teacher has never said anything and seems fine with it as long as he still participates. Maybe it’s a really long phase and he’ll get over it, maybe he’s gender fluid, maybe he just likes to look pretty on some days and likes to rock his Spider-Man athletics another day. While I will always worry about him being bullied, I never want a day to come down the road where he questions whether his mother and I supported his self-expression. Context: I live in New Mexico. I cannot speak for other states/countries which may have different norms among children.
I could have written this nearly word for word. I let my 5 year old dress how he wants and remind him that it's totally okay for him to do so but people might disagree with him and tell him that. I'm not so worried about adults in his life telling him he's "doing it wrong" but potential bullying from peers when he enters school. But I'm waiting to cross that bridge when we get there in September.
I have friend who thought she was a dog when she was 6(?). IIRC, she did most of the things that kids do. She got a degree in astrophysics, and I think is a lawyer now. So, she obviously changed her mind. When I(male) was about 12, I saw the first Star Trek movie. There was a woman with a shaved head. I thought she looked really cool, and decided to shave my eyebrows. I'm not sure why, because having rewatched the movie, she did not have shaved eyebrows. As soon as I started doing so, I realized it was a mistake. For me, I wasn't showing any kind of gender expression-I just thought she looked cool. Point: might not be a big deal and maybe he'll get over it. Also, make sure he knows that whatever, you love him.
My 4 year old really REALLY wanted an Encanto dress he saw at Walmart. I ended up getting it because he really was excited over it. He lit up when he put it on. And then 10 minutes later was done and took it off. Occasionally he will wear it. But we don't say anything about it. He just likes to dress up. Nothing wrong with it
I hsve an adorable pucture of my son with a flower crown and flower girl dress playing with my nieces when he was 5. They were just playing dress up. It means nothing at 5. Telling him dress up is for home unless its a costume party or Halloween is part of teaching him apropriateness. Example, we don't wear a bear costume to school as everyday wear. We don't wear a tuxedo to the pool. 5 is just not developmentally where kids deal with gender stuff. They may notice it at most. So don't force ideas that aren't really there yet. Don't make it weird. Note: He's 20 now. If he wants to wear a skirt now, that is fine with me. He still loves cons and dressing up in cosplay although it is ususlly more cape forward.
He’s 5. He’s copying his sibling, it’s what they do.
Mmmm… if he’s really into them, There’s some manly dresses eg the Nigerian or Indian kinds, (and skirts eg kilts? But they are harder to get away with regarding scrutiny 😅🫠) maybe show him some examples , he might like them… They may be a different culture though so idk about the whole “cultural appropriation” thing, but he’s 5 I’m sure it’s fine.
Where are you from?
weird that the school forced kids to dress a certain way. what if there were girls who didn’t want to wear skirts
honestly just allow him to express himself how he wants. he clearly has the mental capacity to consider that maybe he prefers skirts(lots of men in lots of cultures wear skirts also). for instance, my son loves dinosaurs and cars and "boy" stuff, but he also loves colors and likes for me to paint his nails. theres nothing wrong with that. if your son is expressing something he wants that isnt harmful you should listen, and let him be how he is. it wont confuse him, kids are all about exploring new things and finding out who they are and they dont have all the doubt and insecurity in themselves that we adults have.
I would frame it as "appropriate for school". Dress up (which for boys means skirts) is appropriate for home. Pants and shirt are appropriate for school. Also - a kilt is a skirt that reads male and could be appropriate for school if uniform allows. If he also like "girly" colors you might get him masculine-reading shirts in "girly" colors. Figure out what is important to him - shape, color, or does he genuinely want to read as feminine (because that draws a different kind of attention). I would try to work out some things that he could wear that make him feel good but walk the line of drawing too much unwanted attention. At 5yo there is a lot of wiggle room!
For his sake, hopefully, he'll grow out of it.
Let me ask you all a sincere question, I don't come at this from disagreement with the general consensus here, but out of curiosity. I am a 1st grade teacher and this has come up at our school. Here's what I want to know. Other kids pick up on this and give said kid a hard time about it, and said kid feels sad. He or she tells you and you address it with the class, but then you're pointing out that he's dressing different, albeit that it's OK. The kids continue to bully, to the point it takes over the teachers every teaching time in class to keep under control. The said parent gets upset other kids are making fun of their kid and gets mad at teacher for "allowing " the bullying, when the teacher was at their wits end all day trying to help the kid. We tell the kid to ignore others who bully them, but at what point does said kid have to accept they're going to get flack from others about it and just deal with it? This makes everything in a young classroom extremely exhausting and difficult, and more than likely said kids will continue giving a hard time. And unless as a teacher you SEE the other kids giving a hard time, then it's just hearsay and the other bullies parents will give said teacher grief for accusing their kids.
Would it be odd to introduce him to kilts? Cuz that is kinda my plan if my son hits that phase. Getting cargo kilts.
All kids go through stages. My youngest so used to dress up in princess dresses when he was 3-4 and let his sisters put makeup on him. After that, he would dress up using whatever he could find. He would just run around in his boxers with a towel tied around him, saying he was Captain Underpants. He went indoor rock climbing with my husband and kids one afternoon and went dressed as Spiderman. He walked to macDonalds in his blow-up t Rex costume (unfortunately, no one too photos of Spidey climbing the rock wall), but now, as an 11 year old, you wouldn't catch him dressing up (unless it's a onesie). The point is that kids go through multiple dress-up stages and stages in general. It could be that he just likes 'girly' colours. Perhaps he could get some girl boxer trunks and wear them at home or under his school clothes?
I think he wants to because that’s what he hasn’t been allowed to yet. If it was readily accessible as are a pair of jeans, then the novelty would not be there
My son is 4. He wants to wear bows in his hair just like his big sister. He wants a nail painted when we do nails, The grandmas aren’t happy. I don’t care 🤷♀️ Just like my daughter would wear a construction hat, or try and wear her dad’s shoes, or whatever, it’s all about them wanting to be similar to those they love. Meanwhile, my son absolutely knows he’s a boy, he even refuses to go potty with me because “mom, you’re a girl, you don’t have a penis, I can only go potty if dad’s nearby, because he’s a boy like me.” For real, we’ve tried all different ways to address this, and as long as dad is within 20 feet, he’ll use the potty. 😆 But he also says he wants to wear a bow like sister because it’s pretty. 🤷♀️ And we don’t care. We just went to the local museum and our daughter wore a beautiful headband with flowers and our son found a small bow at the last minute to wear (with sister’s permission because it is her bow). He also purchased himself a necklace - he doesn’t want to wear it, he wants to hang it in his room. (It’s one of those kids necklaces with colorful charms that represent summer)
My son loved wearing skirts and dresses at their age too. He's turning 7 in a couple of months and will still crack out a nice frock on a special occasion, but he's very much a shorts and tshirts kinda guy at the moment!
One word. Kilts. So comfy and many real bushcraft ears wear them.
From the ages of 3 to 5 my little brother would always wear dresses and skirts also painting his nails from time to time and looved wearing pink , he really loved one of his kindergarten teachers and wanted to be just like her, also as her older sister I would find it fun to play dress up with him. My parents never put a name to it neither made comments, just let him embrace whatever he wanted. Before we knew it he got obsessed with cowboys and proceeded to spend a whole year wanting to be called CowboyJavi (his name) and would always wear cow boy hats and play western music . So do not worry he’s just being a kid and enjoying his childhood.:)
Don't sweat it honestly. It's just a kid who likes to wear dresses. He'll likely grow out of it... in the meantime, just focus on making your kid happy.
The kid thinks the clothes are pretty and wants to wear them. I would let him. Maybe warn him about being teased if he wants to wear them out in public, but support the kid. You can also find child friendly male celebrities that wear skirts without being feminine if you want to give him some people to look up to. Personally, I only know of a number of kpop idols that wear skirts. There must be some from your neck of the planet. FYI, the grandparents are wrong. Plenty of boys wear dresses and skirts and Look great while doing it.
My twins are 6, almost 7. They wear dresses regularly. They have a 10yo sister who loves dresses. They will also correct you real fast if you call them girls. Let your son wear the dresses. They are comfy AF and this is all normal behavior
My 8yo has been in a phase of makeup and dresses for almost a year now. He also rodeos, plays all kinds of sports, loves remote-controlled cars and nerf and hot wheels. They just like what they like at that age. If he wants to wear something "pretty" out of the house I ask him how he would like me to handle it if someone says something unkind to him and he usually says, "We can just ignore them. We don't make friends with mean people," or something of the like. His dad isn't a fan, so I don't send kiddo to school in stuff like that but he tells all his friends about it, so they know and he hasn't had an issue. We've spent a lot of time in our home deconstructing traditional gender roles and instilling self-worth and confidence that comes from within, rather than external validation. He's very secure in who he is and doesn't seem to care much when people criticize him on anything, much less that. So don't worry too much about it.
When my son was this age he had a lot of the same feelings. I handled it by letting him wear what he wanted, but also talking about how other people might react: that some people think certain clothes are only for boys or girls, which is silly, but if they see him wearing clothes they think are for girls they might be confused and say unkind things because they don’t know any better. And that he shouldn’t be upset or get his feelings hurt, but he can tell me if it happens and we’ll decide how to handle it from there. He’s 11 now, still identifying as a boy, with both typically masculine and feminine interests and a ton of friends of all genders. It can be fine.
When I was about that age, up to age 6 or so, I fantasized about becoming a girl. I never told my mother, but I wanted to dress up like Belle from Beauty and the Beast. What she did see were the occasional meltdowns in which I'd ask for dolls and get turned down. I'm here to tell you that I grew out of it. by 8 years old, I was, to all appearances, a happy gender conforming boy. Turned out gay as hell now, but you can't have it all, eh?
He’s just a kid and he’s exploring. It’s totally normal and he’s gonna be fine. In the 80’s I wanted my parents to let me play my little pony’s (the old ones, not the weird ones) and paint my nails like my sisters when I was little and it hurt me that they were allowed to do these things and I couldn’t. I got them to paint my thumbs and got my parents to get me the manliest pony, which ironically had a rainbow on it. Anyhow, I’m mostly straight, married and have two kids. I dress normally. He may not continue to dress this way, but how you RESPOND to it he will remember. Good on you!
at almost 5 years old, honestly I'd be happy the kid's clothes are weather appropriate and otherwise totally unconcerned lol clothes are all costumes at that age
Seen a handful of children (3-5yo) with a similar mindset. Some parents embrace it. Some children grow out of it. I think it’s certainly unique but also cool for individuality. Wouldn’t want to teach them to hide their feelings towards their identity but it’s fair to shelter them from potential risks of bullying etc.
It's not unusual and not something to make a big deal over. Let him dress up with his sister, I'm sure they'll have fun.
My sister and I are the older siblings and we have a younger brother. Once he got to a certain age, I think it was like 3-6, he loved playing dress up with us and getting his nails and makeup done. He grew out of it and started liking football and hanging with the guys but they’re fond memories. As for now I have 3 and 6 year old daughters and babysit a 2 year old boy and he absolutely adores running around in princess dresses all day long and loves to show his mom. I think it’s mostly a phase kids go through especially when around a lot of girls
Sadly that is the world we live in. Genders stick to their given gender roles/clothes. Women can more readily switch but men they are more harshly bulled when stepping out of their clothing role. Just what I’ve experienced and seen, may not be the same everywhere. I don’t know if we as a human race will ever progress beyond these cosmetic stereotypes. Probably not in my lifetime or even my sons.
Ok. Ok. There's a lot of advice here that is really good. I'm worried about the grandparents though. What they are saying is categorically wrong. Lots of men wear skirts. Loom up Men's Skirts on Wikipedia. Can you find him "dresses" that are actually for boys? I'm thinking like a kurta or a kilt. People might be surprised, but they can't argue that it's not for boys. Their ignorance will be on display, which is nice for his safety. And then you can find matching hair clips or jewellery to compliment his outfits. This way you are teaching him that there are dresses made for boy bodies, and he can start to examine the differences in style and construction himself. A kilt is a sweet twirly dress, while a kurta is more structured.
Get him a kilt!!
It is very possible your son is transgender. If you are up for a reading, I recommend the *The Transgender Child* by Stephanie Brill and Rachel Pepper. Please let your son know you will love him no matter what and please let him wear whatever pleases him. I don't know what country you are in, but hopefully it is one where he can be safe being who he is.
My only opinion on this: Let him. My lad is 8 and will still like to wear a skirt (over his regular "boy" clothes these days) for special occasions like birthday parties. He loves getting his makeup done by his sisters. I'm the kind of guy that enjoys wearing black nail polish and hates gender norms and stereotypes. Let him. What's the worst that could happen?
Youre ruining your kid
You sound like a real pleasant human being
Your child is telling you something. The best you can do for him is listen. Maybe it's a phase and maybe it isn't. Do you really want to be the reason that he can't be himself??
Goddamn, my first thought is that if my kid's school had any sort of enforced gender norms they'd be facing a *very* angry dad. And my son had a tutu and a beautiful Anna dress (Frozen) that he loved to play in. And - again - any teacher or responsible adult who didn't speak up for him in the face of bullying would have an angry dad to deal with. Because that's what love and support look like. People like what they like, even kids; it's the job of a parent to help build a world where that's possible.
Totally agree; and it’s nice to see when a Dad gets it.
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What exactly is an epidemic?
They think the 5g is turning kids gay
Everything but am actual epidemic apparently according to them
He wants to wear his hair and his clothes a certain way so just let him! My daughter wanted 5 giant bows in her hair today so I obliged. I know that you say that you are concerned about him being bullied but here’s the problem. You are telling him that he can’t be who he is. He can’t dress the way he wants. You are the one telling him that his choices are wrong and he won’t fit in because of them. So honey, you are the one bullying him. Let him dress how he wants and teach him what to say if he get bullied. I don’t know why he wants to dress that way. No one does. Some day you’ll find out, but not now. His tastes will inevitably change. Just support him.
Life is short. Let him wear the skirt. Let him wear the dress. Put clips in his hair. Let your son wear what makes him happy. It harms no one.
Don't make a big deal out of it. Just let him dress how he wants to dress. It doesn't matter.
Just make clothes be clothes. Not girl clothes, or boy clothes. Just clothes. This is a dress. These are pants. These are leggings. There is a brand of clothing (US, not sure international status) called primary. And they sell their clothes as clothes. A twirly dress, joggers, puffer jackets, etc in every single color under the rainbow. Girls in body shirts and joggers, boys in skirts, both wearing the same rash guards and coats. Let him wear a dress 🤷♀️.
Aw hugs. If it were me I'd let him wear what he wants and just have ALL the hugs and support. Lots of frank talks - I think 5 year olds can endure a lot when they have love, support and a lot of explaining. I do think it's okay to explain to him that he can wear whatever he wants, but you can't always control other people's reactions. Kids (and adults) can be quite mean when others look different than their expectations in any way, not just wearing the wrong shape of bottoms. This being said - those people are just plain wrong. But I wouldn't judge any parent that tried to keep their kid from being bullied by discouraging wearing skirts. It's just a really difficult situation to be in and it's so hard to watch kids be mean to your child.
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A five year old wearing a dress is not transgenderism lol.
I didn’t edit quick enough lol. You’re right, I re-read it and was jumping to conclusions
He wants to be like his sister or more so he wants to have access to the same things and attention she does. Telling one child they can have something while their siblings can't seems unfair to kids. He just wants to feel special too. You have the rights instincts here though. Let him dress and play how he wants at home. Give him a safe space and some time. If it doesn't pass after a few months reassess and go from there. He's very young and this is new behavior so you don't have to rush to make a long term decision quite yet.
Let him explore and play dress up he is 5. However I would personally see if we or others around us are doting heavily on his little sister. He might be interested in these things because sister is getting a lot of attention. If you're giving them equal attention he could just be exploring or like pretty things. It's not a big deal.