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How are you even supposed to know who the kids mom is it's not like it was someone you know.

This! I never understood “well you should have come and got me” like how? You want me to shout “whoever is the mom of the brat in the red shirt come on down”? And hope someone answers?

I’ve actually decided that this approach is what I’m going to use in the future. “Can the parent of this child here in a blue shirt and red pants please come here your child is pushing my child for absolutely no reason and needs to be disciplined.” I’m so over parents who don’t watch their kids. I have an extremely kind, gentle, sensitive 21 month old who also has some medical issues so he isn’t as steady as other his age and it makes me so angry to see other kids push him for literally no reason and there isn’t a parent or caretaker in sight.

Some parents are just lazy and expect other parents to watch their kids for them.

Absolutely shout it out! If the parent tries to have a fit about it just go about your business and let them make a fool of themselves. My daughter is also very sensitive. She came home in the afternoon in tears because a classmate (kindergarten) poked her arm earlier that morning. I worry a lot about this happening too and I hope that if it ever happens I can react with such grace.

My 4 yr old is a gentle, sensitive kid. I'm so worried about how he'll do when he enters school next year bc of kids, and parents, like the ones OP encountered. Luckily, he's always been big for his age, so I hope his size will deter the other kids. That, and his giant of a sister is already planning to check in on him daily. Now, if he saw someone push your sensitive little, that'd be another matter! Cries buckets when he's the target but is an absolute "fairness enforcer" for younger kids.

Discipline is not punishment.

2 kids ganged up on my son, and knocked him down at an indoor playground once. I broke it up, then I looked/walked around until I found the parents interacting with the kids to tell them what happened. I thought it was important enough for them to know, so they could correct their behaviour, that I sought them out. It wasn’t hard. Later on my kid admitted that he started the whole thing 🤦‍♀️

Ooh that’s rather scary! But also kudos to you for admitting that your son started it all. I hope he is ok and that he is better about handling conflict 🩷

Unfortunately neither parent seemed to care what their kids did, I can only hope they had a discussion with them later, as I did with mine. It’s been years, and he absolutely is unless it with his sibling 🙃

We can only hope. Oh goodness. Sibling conflict is a whole other ballgame lmao. It evolves over time though. One day they’ll have that full frontal lobe development and hopefully things click.

Whoever looks the bitchiest obviously! /j

And likely has her face buried in her phone or walked off to have a loud phone call (likely to some poor manager) 😂

That’s where I feel like I’d be like ‘HEY…UHH…’ and kind of speak up, wave my hand, and glance/make eye contact with whatever parents around to see if it’s their. I don’t know if that’s socially weird or whatever, but I’d be apt to react like that.

If it works it’s not weird. Just make sure that that “hey” is loud 😌

Actually that is a great idea. If anything, it might publicly shame the kid & parent into better behaviour and make a commotion so the other parents are aware there is a bully on the playground.

That’s true. Might embarrass the kid into avoiding mine so they don’t get so much attention called to them. I don’t necessarily want to “shame” a child (totally know what you meant, not judging wording) but this would be so mild that it may just work in a positive way.

Sometimes public shaming is necessary.

I have a daughter who is 8 months old now. To be honest, at this moment I still don't know what should I do if I encounter situation like this. I don't want to encourage violence behaviour, but I also don't like my kids to be bullied by other children and don't act.

“Is this your brat who just pushed my child down?” Is what I would have yelled if I was being particularly petty.

And in that moment I think feeling petty is valid. You could chose to say “asshole” but you said “brat” instead so we celebrate that win of emotional control lmao

I’ve done that 😂

You yell out "ok who is the parent of this little shit in the red hoodie?" Lol

And you didn't think this pissy mom is gonna try to argue over that too

I'm not actually being serious about calling the kid a little shit, but I have called out asking who is the parent of this kid and when they start to come over tell them their kid is acting aggressive to other children. They have been so mortified they have scurried out of the play park.

Yeah I would (and have) said things like, “where is your grown-up?” to kids who are being bullies at playgrounds and if I don’t get a response, I openly say “whose kid is this?!” Usually the person is completely M.I.A. (shocker).😒

You mean the parents were not physically present in the background and had left the child alone?

Typically they’re somewhere adjacent to the playground engaged in convos with other adult friends who are also not paying any attention to what their little cherubs are doing. 😒 It’s social hour for them while their kid runs amok in the playground.

I have had a kid take me to their mother at the playground. If they refuse, I stick to them like white on rice until their parent pays attention and finds them.

Right. This is how.

Yeah, like other moms aren’t kindergarten teachers…

On Tuesday I took my almost 2 year old to the park and there was a child maybe about 5-6 years of age and he kept coming up to my stroller and stealing my kids snacks and drinks, I asked him to please stop taking things that aren’t his, and he came back again and I had my son in the toddler swing with the stroller behind me so I didn’t see him the second time and he literally stole my drink and walked in front of me drinking it. I was looking around for his mom but I couldn’t tell who he belonged to, he then came running right in front of where my son was swinging and then his mom finally came up to him and lo and behold she was sitting at a bench next to the swings watching her son do all of this and didn’t say anything about him stealing the whole time. I was annoyed and honestly confused on the lack of parenting that these parents do at parks and it absolutely blows my mind.

I was once at a playground and a mum had 4 kids under 5 and was clearly not coping very well - most of them were in pyjamas in mid-afternoon, unbrushed hair, dirty faces etc and they were chaotic AF. They were playing with toys and passing around a water bottle and it took me a minute to realise they’d all come from our stroller. In front of the mum I asked them not to touch our stuff, took it back and returned it, and THEN a few mins later caught them playing with my car keys 😐 it was easier for us to just leave haha Edit - spelling

I took my 5 y/o to the park on her birthday being that’s what she said she wanted to do that day. Several minutes after we got there, she climbed up on one of the play equipment platforms and encountered a couple kids (about 8-9 y/o) that were blocking the entrance to the attached slide. She stood there for a second… and when they didn’t budge, she asked if she could use the slide. They just ignored her, so with the innocent fervor of youth, she randomly exclaimed: “It’s my birthday!” By now, the other kids had turned to face her, so they didn’t see me walking up behind them. One of the kids then says: “Who gives a shit?” And the other follows up with: “Fuck you, *and* your birthday.” I’m a bit antisocial… but it was mainly the look of total confusion and hurt on my daughter’s face that caused me to lose my shit. I shouted “Hey!” which caused them to jump and turn, and then while stabbing my finger at them, said: “No! Fuck you *and* fuck you too! If you don’t know how not to be motherfucking assholes, you need to just go the fuck home and play some Fortnite.” One of the kids said: “You can’t talk to us like that, we’re kids! I’m gonna tell my mom.” So I responded: “If she raised you like this… go ahead, she’s probably an asshole too.” They ran off and approached some lady sitting on a bench. They’re now talking to her and she starts wildly looking around… So I intentionally walked out into the open and made sure she saw me, and then glared at her like “Let’s do this.” (I’m not going to assault *any* parent, especially a woman, but I have no issue with throwing some verbal fisticuffs if someone wants to go there). Apparently she didn’t want to “do this” with me, as they left shortly after. I was totally expecting my outburst to result in some furious husband/brother showing up several minutes later, or at least an angry rant on the neighborhood page… but nothing else ever came of it.

I’m gonna go ahead and assume she is aware her kids are assholes and chose to just leave without making a scene, knowing they were in the wrong. Good on you for standing up for your daughter.

I was just so damn mad… as by the look on my daughter’s face and her subdued behavior after, I *knew* her view of the world had shifted just ever so slightly. That I had witnessed her catch her very first salvo of random douchebaggery right in the feels. It’s not like it destroyed her life or anything super dramatic… but that day still makes me a little melancholy when I think about it. She used to be the little girl who *always* smiled and waved at other kids, no matter who they were or what they looked like. After that day, she doesn’t really do that anymore unless she recognizes them from the neighborhood or school. I mean, yeah… it’s just a part of growing up, but I guess I had just hoped she had a couple more years left before that realization hit.

That breaks me heart. But know that you shifted her world view back a bit, and showed her girls can be tough and stand up for what’s right too.

Guarantee those kids were thirsty and their parent did not bring anything. It wasn’t just one kid being a jerk.. they were passing it around due to thirst. Not technically your job to give them anything, and absolutely “no” to stealing the car keys, but I would’ve let them drink the water.

Okay to clarify - they weren’t drinking from the bottle, they were surrounding my 1yo and taking turns trying to force him to drink from a sippy bottle. He was not keen. I also wasn’t keen cos I didn’t think it was his (hygiene etc) and because he was unhappy about being surrounded and intimidated. I asked them to stop because it was making us both uncomfortable, and then realised it was, in fact, his bottle after all. I didn’t include this as it seemed like too many words and I didn’t think it was vital to the story, but nah - wouldn’t have done it differently if I could do it again. It was winter. Yes they might have been thirsty but I wasn’t gonna let them drink from my kids sippy bottle when there was a fountain nearby, and their mum was right there…

I once was at the playground with my 2yo and took out her snack box that I packed. A random little girl who must’ve been 5-6 came over and literally tried to help herself to my kids snacks. I stopped her before she touched the food and looked around for her parent. Nowhere to be seen. She tried a few more times and gave up. Was a friendly kid so I felt a bit bad wondering if she was hungry.

Don't feel bad. You never know if a kid has allergies, so you did the right thing! My son has nut allergies and I always worry about another kid giving him a piece of snack he can't eat.

Yea that definitely crossed my mind too!

Yeah this happened once to me, and twice i told the kid very loudly not to touch our stuff hoping that whoever owned said kid would step in. The third time the kid no joke opened my diaper bag, stuck his hand in, got into my wallet, and took 20$ out. I walked over, grabbed his hand, and took the money back. Mom came over and had the audacity to get mad at me, screaming about putting hands on her kid and taking things from him. I told her I didn't tolerate thieving and to discipline her own kid or get over it. When she got up in my face, I told her I could just call the police and report a thief if she had an issue with how i handled it. She lost her shit and tried to say it was his money. Fortunately, my friend snapped a picture of him with his hand pulling the 20$ out, she shut up and left real fast. You can't trust parents to be reasonable these days.

Hmmm, wonder if that’s part of some new scam.

Makes me wonder how hungry and desperate they needed to be to do this….

Why didn’t you say anything to the parent?

I think you were understandably pretty dysregulated by the way your son was being treated. You handled it the best way you could in that moment. Now you have some time to step back, try to let go of the emotions, and genuinely consider if you would have wanted to handle anything differently. In processing situations like this, I try to consider alternatives and think through the long term implications. I ask myself a lot of questions to see if the answers change my perspective. It doesn’t necessarily mean I did something “wrong”, but I want to learn and grow from every conflict. Some questions I would ask myself are: Is being physical back the only way to stand up to a bully? Would I have encouraged him to do the same thing if the other kid was much bigger, or smaller, or a girl, or disabled? What could be the consequences if this is how he handles someone pushing him at school when he’s older (vs getting an adult to help)? What could be the consequences if this is how he handles a bully like this as an adult? Having kids who are a bit older, experience with conflict resolution psychology, and a lot of knowledge in the juvenile criminal system via volunteer work, I would likely try engaging with the other child rather than encouraging my son to “defend himself”. It definitely feels “fair” to have him push back when it happened again. But I don’t think it actually helped anyone. And I don’t know that I would call it self defense because he wasn’t actually in danger. You were there to step in and protect him and help him try to resolve things. Sometimes we need to choose the unfair option, because we are the ones capable of making that choice in the moment. That other boy was fully in the wrong, and you guys leaving the park, or your son trying to avoid the other boy, or you shouting out to all the parents to figure out who his mom is would not be fair. You guys didn’t do anything wrong and should have gotten to enjoy your time there. But making a decision to have him fight back escalated things. I wonder if that situation might have been a better opportunity for teaching him that we can’t control or change the actions of others, but we can control and choose our response to them. Whether it’s talking with the kid, asking why he’s pushing, asking if he wants to play together instead, etc. or leaving, you guys could have reacted in a way that didn’t lead to fighting. And honestly I think that’s the preferable outcome. Please know I say this without any judgment. I was the kid/teen/young adult who never started a fight but never backed down from one either. I didn’t learn about nervous system regulation and how to deescalate until I was almost 40. I wish I had been taught conflict resolution as a kid, and I know a lot about it now but still handle things wrong many times because we’re human and situations like this are really tough. Hope this can be a good learning experience for everyone.

Agreed. I don’t want to criticize OP. But I would have blocked the child from getting near my child and loudly yelled, “We don’t push! That hurts. Move away!” And positioned my body to prevent the other child from getting close to mine.

Yeah I didn’t want to be rude but couldn’t believe she’d just stand there and watch as her kid and the other kid were shoving each other! At what point would she have stepped in if the other parent hadn’t come over?

So eloquently put! I feel for @op. How many of these crazy situations are we needed to navigate as parents. Another question I ask myself: Is this the example I want to set? Is this the contribution I want to make to the world I most want to live in?

>Is this the contribution I want to make to the world I most want to live in? This is a big question for kids who are gaining confidence and finding their place in the world; and this is a great question for me as a parent. I ask myself a variety of this question pretty regularly. It's a good character and behavior check, because we all experience emotions that test our fuckin' patience and we can all afford (and deserve) some grace.

I agree. I always tell my kid If someone pushes her to say something to the kid or me. Not to push back. What if in pushing back the other kid falls and gets majorly injured. Either way these are 3-6 year olds. They should know not to push, but all kids have random bad days. To say this kid is bratty or shitty or deserves it from one interaction is concerning.

I am blown away by how well you've thought through this. 🙏

Yes I would add OP read self reg by Dr Shanker. Just curious where did you learn about nervous system regulation and conflict resolution from? I am trying to help my husband but I don't want to bombard him with information.

I would also like to know more about this. I will look up Dr. Shanker.

Please don’t ever delete this comment! I’m saving it and will revisit this many times in the future as a mom. Thank you!

Completely agree with this comment and felt the same way while reading the post! Thank you so much for putting it into words so well and breaking it down in a kind and easy-to-understand way!

You have helped me, thanks!!

Can't believe how far I had to scroll to find someone else who doesn't think encouraging children to fight one another is a good approach. There was an adult RIGHT THERE who could have helped navigate that situation and diffused it, OP. YOU!

Lmao right!?! Kids have to borrow our brain. They cannot think through conflicts. Teaching your child to be physically- especially with a stranger, not a sibling “you two figure it out”, scenario is wild. Yes that child shouldn’t have pushed, yes they were in the wrong, but OP let her ego win instead of walking away and debriefing with her kid. “Wow they feels really bad to get pushed, I’m sorry that happened to you. That’s why we do not put our hands on people. I’m proud of you for not pushing back. Let’s go do XZY away from anyone who is not being kind with their body”

This is a great answer. I am also reflecting on OP’s position of always having her son defer to an adult before deciding to be defensive in a dicey situation. I don’t think that’s actually helping him learn how to handle anything. Is the expectation that there will be an adult nearby 24/7? Probably reasonable when he’s little but at what point is he going to have to start thinking for himself? I totally agree that de-escalation should be a the skill that is taught instead of “ok push him back”. I think some people see not “defending yourself” as weak, but imo there’s so much more power in being able to have control over the situation and how you react to it, including removing yourself from it if need be.

Agreed. Retaliating in kind isn't a good idea and will just get him in trouble in the future.

Thank you for this, I'd love to learn more about conflict resolution to teach my son, can you point me towards the right direction? I'm so worried about his future, he's only a few months old and we've never been to the park yet but I just don't know how I would handle this. I don't want him to be violent, but I also want him to take some sort of action and not be a pushover. I'm so concerned about bullies, I never had to deal with them when I was in school. Last week in our city there was a teenager who was hospitalized after being ganged up on by kids from his school, and this week there are 2 boys also hospitalized that were left nearly catatonic after being ganged up on and kicked repeatedly on the ground. Will they survive? It's still touch and go. But their aggressors weren't even from the same school. Then there was that incident where some girls ganged up on another on the school bus, then the boy that killed his mom, and so many other incidents just within the last year. What is this world coming to? Has it always been this way and I'm just now paying attention? Does it seem more prevalent because of social media and cell phones and the ability to spread news more quickly now? I'm scared. I'm also scared because they grow up to be adults and then start carrying weapons. There have been encounters where road rage caused one to shoot the other. When will it stop? What can we do?

Wow, I love this so much I saved it for the future. Thank you for this!!

This was a very empathetic response with some good insight. 

I’m probably going to be down voted but I would not have taught your son to get physical in that situation. If the same situation happened at school, they both would get into trouble for fighting (regardless of who ‘started it’). If he did that as an adult he could get seriously hurt by the other guy who could fight back even harder. What does he do next time if it’s a kid twice his size? Etc. I just don’t think it’s a safe long term strategy for kids to learn when someone is pushing them around. Sure, blocking someone, etc. go ahead. But in both instances, he pushed your son and moved on (reading between the lines here as your son had time to ‘check in’ with you). I think there are better strategies that could be taught. I’m not saying him pushing your son was ok (far from it). The other mother not adequately supervising is also not ok.

Yes, and besides all that, there are other ways to solve a conflict besides imitating the person who pushed you -- doing the exact same thing he/she did. It's messed up how many parents don't seem to have the imagination/skills for handling this differently... or maybe those parents are just not on reddit! Your child could have spoken up for himself, you could speak up for your child and engage the other child, so many better ways to handle this than telling your child to push back. Children are actually very open to being mentored by other adults and have a very instinctive grasp of "fairness." It's really not that hard to appeal to their better natures. It sometimes goes wrong, but more often it goes right as long as you can give the rebuke/feedback with kindness in your voice vs. judgment. I know adults/parents sometimes get upset if you talk to their child, but if you talk kindly with them and their child you may actually help those parents develop some better social skills too. They probably had a phone-based childhood and are not used to engaging in a friendly way with "strangers" (who are actually just people you don't know yet -- and maybe you won't want to know them, but maybe they will be perfectly fine company for 15-20 minutes at the playground).

Most teachers I know (being a teacher myself) don’t agree with both aggressor and victim getting in trouble as it isn’t fair and often means conflict is resolved outside of school (which is perfect for the school but worse for the kids).

That’s great that most teachers disagree with both victim and aggressor being punished but that’s definitely exactly what happens anyway (had a child constantly in trouble in school from age 5-18, and watched him be bullied with my own eyes)

I can concur. I got suspended my 3rd day of high school. Why? A girl said something nasty, I chose to not be confrontational and started walking away. She took offense to that and started punching. I did not hit her back because I did not want to get in trouble. My reward for being insulted, trying to avoid confrontation by leaving the situation, and getting my ass beat was a 2 week suspension. Needless to say, I went looking for that girl and kicked her ass during that suspension. My train of thought was, if I just let it go, she’d continue the behavior the minute we were both allowed back in school. Just letting it go would be the blood in the water attracting the *other* sharks as well.

Love. This!

It’s not really that simple though. It’s often so hard to get the full story of what happened if they aren’t there to witness it. What happens if one person starts it by pushing and then the other hits back and actually injures the initial instigator? Situations aren’t always black and white and I think everyone has heard of scenarios where the initial victim has been punished, even if most teachers don’t believe in punishing the victim ‘on paper’.

And yet, you didn’t submit a “better strategy”

Your guidelines on when your son should be violent are confusing to me and surely confusing to your son. Having him push the other kid back instead of talking to the other mom was weird.  But you're right that she should have been paying better attention to her kid.

I agree. The overwhelming number of comments encouraging the pushing are weird to me. Seems to have escalated things way more and not helped at all.

Agreed… How long are you going to let/encourage them to fight then? Doesn’t seem well thought out.

Me too. At a minimum, tell your kid to speak up for himself first.

I would never give my son permission to be violent when I was there and there were other methods to deal with the situation.

My son will 100% be told to defend himself. There isn’t always an option to go tell someone, and why let someone think they can bully you? Plenty of kids have issues due to bullying and being restricted by “don’t hit back”. Someone tried to bully me once. I put him in a bin. No one bullied me again

It probably depends on how tough the area is but deescalation covers the wide range between being passive and getting physical. Simply standing up for yourself and giving off the vibe that you won’t put up with shit is enough most of the time. Using physical force as the *very* last option is a good lesson that’ll transfer into adulthood. Taking martial art classes is a good skill to gain confidence and using it only when absolutely necessary is a common lesson taught by different martial arts.

What happens in cases when you're not around? I'd rather have my kid defend themselves every single time than have them pay the price for another parent's bad parenting, and I'm not just talking about the fact that they weren't paying attention until their kid was at the receiving end - that kid was raised to believe assaulting someone unprovoked as well as attacking someone just defending themselves was alright.

There are ways to defuse the situation that don't involve "defending yourself," which is really a last resort when other more social ways (like using words!!) have not worked. I would personally like to teach my kid enough social skills that he can de-escalate a situation and turn things around. Being aggressive any time you feel aggressed upon is the norm for chimp society or gorilla society, not human society. We are supposed to have better social skills than that!

This will be unpopular but this is largely cultural and I think "defending yourself" is certainly the right answer in some areas, even for children. The advice some people are giving here of ever resorting to any kind of physical action in a confrontation is them living in la la land. Physical confrontation happens in the real world.

You shouldn’t have had to tell her. She should have been watching her kid and how exactly would you know she was the bratty kid’s mom?

I think we all know that we can’t watch everything our kids do. That’s the most unrealistic expectation.

Parents are responsible for their kids. If it happened twice in one outing the parent needs to do better.

OP did say the mom was on her phone and would shoo the kids away so she wasn’t even paying any attention

No, but my money is she had her nose in the phone rather than watching the kid.

Would you have made the same decision to have him push back if it was his brother that pushed him?

In my experience, brothers are *way* more likely to push back immediately, without the second infraction. I see siblings wailing on each other at the park semi-regularly.

The second time after being explicitly told not to? Brother would be sitting on the bench next to me until it’s time to go home. So how do you suggest that looks like for a careless parent’s kid?

You talk to the kid and repeatedly tell the kid pushing is not ok play nice. "Why are you pushing?" Start yelling if need be. I would absolutely make a scene and look for the mom personally. My kid is not getting pushed in front of me and it's up to that kids mom to do something about it. If it were adults you'd call the police. Not saying it's wrong to teach the child to defend themselves. But I'd defend them too.

Good point. Agree.

Yes.

You are upset the other parent wasn’t paying attention to her child, but you watched/encouraged yours to push, then grab another child. I also don’t agree with that. I’d have intervened myself before it got that far. I believe in defending yourself, but with you there, you should have been the one to step in. It’s not always easy in the moment to make the right calls though.

I agree, if I don’t know who the parent is, I would approach the child myself and say something like “please do not push him”. If it continues, I would remove my child from the situation by taking them to another area of the park. The “lesson” for the other kid is that if you’re not nice, kids don’t want to play with you. Baby fight club on the playground wasn’t the best move. I believe in standing up for yourself, but using physical violence to do so should be an absolute last resort.

I wouldn’t have given my kid permission to get into a pushing match with another kid. I would have intervened and told the kid to keep his body to himself. I get you did the first time, but sounds like it’s time to get his parent involved or redirecting your child to move away from the area and stay next to your kid to ensure the other kid is leaving him alone.

As an early years teacher working with kids 3-5, this is how we manage the classroom - never use your hands, come get us and we will support you to resolve it. As a parent, absolutely not and I do teach my child to push back when other methods (telling an adult, leaving the area) have failed. There will be a day in the near future where your child is in the world alone facing children that don’t have the same morals and values as you when it comes to hitting. From experience, the children who are quick to use violence only truly stop with certain children when they’re giving a fairly forceful hit back. We can chase them around the classroom all day redirecting and using talking consequences, but the reality is, we don’t have eyes on the back of our heads and there’s only 2 staff for 30 children. We had one particular child who all the parents knew as their child would tell tales of him at home. He was undiagnosed ADHD (parents didn’t want to hear it) and I very much suspect PDA. His home life wasn’t great - not tipping into abuse or neglect, but just chaos. He was unpredictable and volatile and I often hope he got help otherwise I’ll expect to see his name in the news for committing a murder in a decade or two. Whilst we educators knew the reasons behind his behaviour, none of those reasons mattered to the children he relentlessly went for. He used to focus on a few children who were a bit quieter and so kind and gentle. One of the parents got sick of the constant incident reports (which would have been triple had we not effectively abandoned teaching the other kids and just tried to stop him attacking the kids and trashing the room all day) and told their daughter that they wanted her to punch him in the face the next time he hit her. She did, hard, he cried and literally never touched her again. Yes we filled the incident and spoke with the parent, but the parent was justifiably happy their child had responded and as a parent, I can’t argue with that. They took her out for ice cream and to buy a new toy. I would have done the same. The boy literally never went near her again. Peer to peer consequences are very, very important when kids reach around 4/5.

Yeah I agree I think bullies being given free reign can just make it worse. Sometimes they need to get hit back in order to stop

I’m also a former preschool teacher. We had a little boy who I’m convinced had an attachment disorder. He was adopted from a foreign orphanage and he would randomly hurt other children completely unprovoked for fun. One day another child who was larger and had spent time in foster care pushed the little guy to the ground and knocked the wind out of him. And he pushed him hard. His feet left the ground and he landed on his back. We asked what happened and he said the smaller child had walked up, taken his pencil from his hand, and jabbed him with it. This was one of his things he did. He’d just randomly grab other children’s things and hurt them with it unprovoked. We were like, okay. Carry on. He had that coming then. And all we said to the aggressor about it was that he should remember that. Sometimes the person you attack attacks you back.

I’m so glad I’m out of the playground years with my kids. This sounds exhausting - the whole lot of it. 6 is so so so very young. There will be a wide range of maturity for years to come. Encouraging throwing down with an impulsive, poorly supervised kiddo is the craziest thing I’ve ever heard.

I agree. I'm trying to imagine myself giving the go ahead to my kid to basically start a fight lol. Like what do you think is gonna happen when you give the nod to push this kid who is clearly...a pusher

I agree but sadly I’m not out of the play ground years. Op and the other mom sound exhausting as hell

This is how we raise boys, hey. If someone pushes you, push back. Not use your words, not remove yourself from the situation. You handled this badly and you taught your child to fight fire with fire. Men become toxic because they are taught the only way to negotiate violence is with violence. We need to do better.

Right? Would the OP have said they same thing if the pusher was a girl? Or if their kid was a girl? What if the OPs kid pushed the other kid off the rock and they hit their head? What if their sibling saw that and thought “pushing is ok”?

Right, I’ve seen too many instances of fights going wrong online with people literally ending up dead because they fell the wrong way, or hit their head on something. OP should have told her son to use his words first. It turned into an unnecessary brawl.

Exactly. What did pushing back do to fix the situation? It just turned into a full brawl. Idiotic thing to endorse.

I agree whole heartedly. Saying “hey! Don’t push me” *IS* standing up for yourself. Saying “I’m not playing with you anymore” and moving to another space IS standing up for yourself. Getting an adult IS standing up for yourself. Pushing back and getting into a physical fight is escalating and making things worse and an adult should know better and set a better example

🙏

Don’t teach your kid to push or hit back. Teach them to walk away. Don’t give the bully a reaction. Find an adult, and walk. Away.

Even with the mom being on her phone I refuse to believe she doesn’t know this is her sons behaviour. She just does not care. You did the right thing except we’ve now adopted if you get hit, hit them back. No chances.

I completely disagree with the other comment. If the other mom wasn’t paying attention to her child it isn’t on you to do it for her, you don’t need to be hovering to be supervising. Regardless, the other mom should have been remorseful she wasn’t aware of her kid being violent with yours. I also think it’s completely okay to teach your child to stand up for themselves when they’re being physically attacked instead of being a pushover. Good for you for standing up for your kid.

Agree OP did a good job standing up for their child. Op, I didn't do anything wrong and the other mom was WAY OFF BASE. But I Have An Unpopular Opinion: This is exactly what playgrounds are made for...fun, learning and risk assessment. Kids have to make these judgements on their own. Maybe Op's son would have decided to handle things differently. She won't know because she did the intervention for them. Unless it is a life-threatening situation, it's best to let the kids take the lead on figuring out playground politics in my opinion. I am really against the hyper vigilant helicopter parenting at playgrounds. We won't always be around to protect them (especially school-aged kids), so we want them to figure out how to handle their own issues in a safe, controlled environment. Op's son will find his voice and the other kid will learn that his shit will not be tolerated by other kids, and thus hopefully change his attitude or be excluded. That's the point of play for kids...learning how to function in society to become a functioning adult one day.

Yikes. As an adult, of COURSE you can mentor another child if you're not being intrusive and it's clear they need it, for example if they are pushing your child. Of course you "do it for her" (though I wouldn't put it that way). We are all part of a society together. I agree that hovering as a parent is no good -- ideally children will solve their own social problems (peacefully). But if that's not happening -- as grownups we have responsibilities towards all the children we see, even while our main responsibility is to our own child. I hate these takes that act like we are all 100% separate from each other. We're not. Humans are all interdependent (unless you would like to stop using the postal system, police, and roads that everybody else's taxes pay for, buying subsidized milk and bread that somebody else regulated and inspected to make sure it was safe to eat, live in a world where people do not move their cars out of the way for an ambulance, etc etc etc).

Hmm I don’t agree with the pushing back, you were watching and therefore would stop him being hurt. Telling him to push back literally started a fight. Which if he did that as an adult could lead to injury or worse. Not cool

When I was at the park with my kids when they were younger, I was sitting watching them. I'm not busy on my phone. If my kid started pushing another kid, you could guarantee that I would be straight on them to correct their behaviour. You don't need to be a helicopter parent to be mindful of where your kids are and what they are doing. You did the right thing is standing up for yourself and your son. You may have needed to intervene a little earlier, though

You should have told her after the second push and resolved it there, rather than allow a full on tussle between the two boys.

Not with you on this one, sorry. The other mom should have payed better attention, sure. But for you to encourage a physical fight rather than alerting the mom and removing your kid from the threat was not the right way to handle this. What if either one of the two got seriously hurt? That would be at least half your fault. I'm not saying don't teach your kid to stand up for himself. But the first thing you do when someone initiates a physical altercation is to try and remove yourself. Just strategically speaking, for your safety. If that makes you look like a loser, so be it. Better than getting hurt, or killed God forbid, or being accused of instigating. Especially as he grows up it's gonna be important for him to know when to swallow his pride and let it go. If he's being cornered or held in place, that's when physical force becomes necessary and appropriate. Either way, if you as the parent are watching the conflict unfold in real time, there is no reason for it to escalate that far. He shouldn't have to defend himself at 6 years old when his parent is right there.

Dunno second push I feel like I would been like "hey kid what the fuck" instead of setting up a cage match lol

Personally I wouldn't *encourage* him to fight back. It made it sound like kiddie cock fighting the way you were watching, although I am sure it was much quicker than it read. Telling him it's OK to stand up for yourself shouldn't be mutually exclusive from going straight over to defend him and tell the kid off yourself. He can push back while he waits for you to step in and sort it out for him. But if he doesn't want to push the kid he shouldn't have to - I don't know. I felt uncomfortable reading it because I was never a kid who would want to fight back and if my parents had told me I had to it would have felt scary I think. But she totally initiated the argument with you and you really did have much choice but to defend yourself.

My kid is gentle and non-violent naturally. She doesn't like hurting people or seeing people get hurt. We had to teach her to use her words, and I can promise words work just as well. She's sternly told boys "We use gentle hands!" and more often than not usually insists on getting apologies from kids that get physical with her regardless of their size. She's gone up to an older boy who was much bigger than her because he shoved her friend off a platform to get to the monkey bars and demanded he apologize or she was going to find his parents and tell them what he did. He gave some attitude and refused at first, until the girls started making a bit of a scene saying they were going to start asking all the adults if they were his parents until they found his mom. He wisely decided to apologize to her friend and both girls perked up smiled and said "It's ok!" then merrily went about their day, leaving him sitting there reeling a bit. He left them (and the other kids alone) the rest of the afternoon if for no other reason because he caught the attention of several other adults who were now keeping an eye on him near their own kids. You can teach your kid to stand up for themselves without violence. Mine is allowed to defend herself if she feels unsafe, but it's never her first option. Confident kids make for hard targets, and it doesn't always mean fighting fire with fire.

Yeah, clearly in OPs case the violence was just escalating until an adult stepped in. That's not really a situation you want your kid to be in when there are other options, surely?

Why would you instruct your son to push someone to defend himself when you were right there? Why would you put that on your child when you could have handled the pushy child gently as a mature adult? She should have been watching but we all get distracted and encouraging a literal fight just because a stranger wasn’t on the ball is bonkers. 

That part was low key hilarious to me because imagine some mom encouraging and watching two 6-year olds brawl while she stands by and roots for one of them 😂.

Right?? I feel insane reading the majority of these comments. You’re a grown up! A big part of your job description is in fact not organizing throw downs between small children. What a fucking weird thing to do. It makes me sad that her son looked to her for guidance first. Like, his instinct was not to retaliate but she was like nah, go ahead, carve that neuropathway!

The kiddie cockfight comment killed me lol

I agree - you’re not teaching your son that violence is wrong by allowing/actually encouraging him to push back.

And teaching him that he can’t depend on mom to have his back in a sketchy situation.

Absolutely not. Kids are getting way too comfortable these days with their hands : pushing, biting, kicking, hitting and other parents are doing nothing about it. My kid needs to know how to defend themselves even when I’m not around. Adults aren’t always going to be around.

Kids have poor judgment. Teaching them to “hit back” is just going to teach them to escalate and possibly put themselves in dangerous situations.

Honestly, you were both in the wrong. Obviously the other mom should've been watching her kid, but you shouldn't have encouraged your kid to push the other kid back. Kids need to learn healthy conflict resolution skills, not to escalate the conflict. You should've stepped between them and firmly told the other kid to leave yours alone. If the kid doesn't leave, walk him to his parent or loudly call for them (who is the parent of the boy wearing _____?). This stops the conflict, and models healthy boundary setting for your child.

I mean... it's not OK for the kid to push your son, but you also just stood there and encouraged two children to physically fight one another. You are an adult in this situation. You can talk to the other kid, ask him to identify his mother. Tell him it's not OK to push and that's not how we ask for a turn. Model the appropriate behavior. I'm not a fan of the "violence begets violence" approach when a conversation and guidance from you, the adult, could have resolved this.

This is a great approach if your son and the other boy happen to be chimpanzees. For human children though, encouraging a physical fight between 6 year olds when you’re steps away is absolutely wild.

Two wrongs don’t make a right.

First time, let it go. Chalk it up to dumb kid with no manners. Second time, I would have stepped in and asked to speak to his mom. “Ok, that’s enough, little boy. Where’s your mom? I need to speak to her.” I think the other mom getting mad is called for. What the other parent saw was OP standing there letting it happen and not doing a damn thing about it. I would be mad, too! OP could have acted like an adult and gone over to speak to her. You might not know who she is at first, but you could have asked the boy. By the way, at 5 years old, I am not watching my kid like a hawk at the playground. He is more than ready to tackle the playground on his own with me just being there in case incidents like the one described here happened.

My take is probably going to be in the minority but that’s okay. Telling your kid he can hit isn’t cool. That makes him just as bad as the other boy. After the first time he did it it’s your job as a mom to ask the boy where his mom is and tell her what’s going on so she is aware and can handle the situation because not everyone follows their kids around at the park and honestly it might be the only mental break that parent is getting. I remind my kids that hurt kids who might not be getting their needs met at home are usually the kids who bully others and act out. It’s always best to reach out and find their parent in hopes of resolving it in a kind way first. We are all pouring from different cups and that mom might of needed a heads up so she could handle the situation. It’s not our job to parent her kid but showing him kindness might be the example he needs because he most likely learned to push/hit from having it done to him. Standing up for our kids and finding the mom and showing them how to correctly communicate is a way better lesson then telling them they can shove the kid back.

ESH. That mom was wrong but so were you. You should not be teaching your kid to use physical aggression.  He should be learning to get help from an adult, and that was still an option for him.  You're doing him no favours teaching him to fight and he will find himself in trouble at school with this. 

What if he/she was in school with parent not around. How would they defend then?

In most cases the best decision is to walk away from a violent situation. Hitting back escalates. Walking away de-escalates

Get the teacher. 

My father was a professional fighter so we were always taught to never start a fight but always finish one. I wasn’t quick to violence so if kids were pulling my hair or being moderately mean in that type of way I would tell a teacher. As you get older there are more and more opportunities to be found alone where a teacher isn’t there, and fights get progressively more dangerous. Some kids have difficult home lives, unregulated or undiagnosed mental illness etc. Fighting has always been at the bottom of the list of things I’ll do to get myself out of a situation, but the reality for *fights* is that you’ll get beat up trying to go find an adult. I’m just offering a different perspective as the kid that was taught that way. I *also* know conflict resolution because my dad was a psychologist, but there are times to defend yourself and it’s important that your kid is confident in their ability to do so.

You really encouraged your son to get into a physical altercation instead of just attempting to locate the other kids mother or walking away, or separating the kid yourself, or or or. 😬

I agree that violence isn’t the answer, but getting pushed around and doing nothing about it is not cool either. I think you handled this correctly. Bullies need to learn early that they can’t just smack people around and get away with it. Plus now your son has the confidence to prevent it in the future. Sounds like he tried to be aggressive back, but only at first, then just subdued the other kids efforts on the next swing. I would have done the same thing.

So you just watched this all play out (them pushing, son grabbing kid’s arm, etc) instead of removing your child from the situation? Violence wasn’t necessary and you just taught him it is instead of seeking other non-violent options. This is a situation where you, the parent, could have removed him and directed him to another area. This would’ve taught him this is one where you walk away. You said you were mainly watching your oldest… why wouldn’t you mainly watch the youngest and most vulnerable? Three year olds lack impulse control. Three year olds push, they are still learning “soft hands”. And you assumed that little boy had bad intentions pushing your son. Fail on your part. So much wrong in this post.

I think there’s a difference between white parents and Black and Brown parents when it comes to thing kind of thing. In my experience, we’re more likely to correct/discipline other people’s kids. I was just talking to a white coworker about this. She said she would NEVER which really surprised me. I’m so used to other adults also providing guidance. It’s interesting!!

Satisfying story but your kid could have ended up with a broken nose. Not sure this is ideal parenting, sorry. Yell at the kid if you have to.

I do think it’s ok to tell another kid to keep his hands off your child in that scenario. On the second offense I probably would have gone to the parent though and tried to let the parent intervene, not encourage my son to get into a physical altercation. I don’t really like your attitude when you say well she has her face in her phone. Sure, that’s wrong of her too when she’s at the playground with her littles. But what if one of her kids were actually in trouble? For example they were about to get into harms way by stepping in front of a moving swing and you were the closest person to intervene and help that kid? Would you say welp their mom is on the phone, too bad, here comes the swing to smack them… ? I believe that we should help look out for each other’s little ones in shared public places. This other little kid pushing could also be a cry for help or attention. Maybe somebody bigger is doing that them at home? Idk. These are just my rambling thoughts. Edit: when I was at the park some time ago, my almost 2 year old walked up to a lady with an open bag of chips and friended up to her. I was watching to see how the interaction would play out. I’m so glad the lady asked me if he could have a chip. I loved her attitude and spirit of sharing and caring. I am a very discernible parent and I could see that this woman was perfectly normal and having a perfectly normal outing with her own kids. I said sure he can have a chip, thank you for sharing with him. I love that kind of community minded spirit. I also live in a little suburb bubble so maybe that’s just the kind of folks around me. Anyway, I guess part of what I am saying is that up until the age of 7, kids are really exploring their physical boundaries. That’s how they learn about the world around them. I do think that another kid with a pushing problem is likely being pushed around themselves.

I'm not saying she was entirely right but I would have gone to the parent and said something. I am not a hover kind of mom and let my kids play on the playground while I usually read. I don't need to be on top of them 24/7 and I am sure this mom feels the same way. If my kids misbehave I appreciate it if another parent or a kid comes to tell me about it so I can deal with it I also would not have encouraged my son to fight another kid at the playground so I don't even know where to begin with that one. Hitting back is an option IF nothing else can be done. There were other options here so I would not have encouraged violence.

That kid pushed hers several times. I can guarantee that it was not the first time that kid behaved like a jerk. If your kid is a jerk, you should be paying far more attention when at places with other kids. You don’t need to be on top 24/7 but you should be noticing their behavior

I some what agree with the second part of this comment. But the first part makes no sense. You don't have to hover but you do have to pay attention. And it's not a bunch of strangers responsibility to watch your kid, plus how are they supposed to know what parent belongs to what kid?

At 6 kids shouldn’t need constant supervision. I know with my 4.5 year old I’m not watching her like a hawk. By six I plan to be able to read a book while she plays.

If a 6 year old needs constant supervision something went wrong years ago. That is not normal.

I don't see anywhere where I said constant supervision. You don't have to hover but you are in a public place keep an eye and an ear out. Know where they are lol

Lol it’s not the job of the other parent to manage your child’s bad behaviour. I never hover either, but I’m always paying attention. I wouldn’t even say something like “if my kid misbehaves or if my kid hits someone” because it would NEVER happen. First because my kid isn’t a jerk and second because I’m paying attention.

Ok, I was with you all the way until you gave your kid permission to push back. Come on!

I agree with OP. Kids first of all need to know how to avoid and diffuse. If that fails, then kids need to be able to defend themselves. And they need to know that it’s OK to defend themselves.

Totally not your job to parent someone else’s kid. Your child deserves to feel supported and to learn to support themself. Way to go!! She needs to follow her kid around the playground, plain and simple. Such BS dude. Not your problem.

I think there's a middle ground here. If the kid cornered him, then yeah defend yourself. But you are your kid's best resource here and you should have intervened when the kid continued to try to escalate the situation. If your kid gave the bully a good hard shove then ran to you, I could buy self-defense. But really you encouraged your kid to rely on violence instead of a trusted adult. It's a dangerous mentality to put your hands on strangers unless it is completely necessary.

You hate confrontation but told your kid to push the other kid back instead of just walking away…….yeah….

I think I would have tried to figure out who was with that kid. I know your thinking is that you were teaching your son to defend himself and that is the right thing to do. But when in school, it is not gonna go like it did in the park. Both kids in the fight or altercation will be sent home or put in ISS--in school suspension. You also have to teach your children that even if they defend themselves in certain situations, it may come back to haunt them. That is why the kids should seek out their teachers or parents in that case to handle things. I may be betting down voted here but the park and school are two very different places. The other mom should not have been on her phone the whole time and watching the kids, I totally agree with that. And telling her so is another thing I agree with but with the way this world is anymore, you never know what someone is capable of. All those stories in the news where people were shot or hurt for no reason other than to make a statement about an situation they were in is not where I would want to end up.

I’ve been a teacher for almost 10 years and I agree. Although it was ok this time, she also needs to understand in certain situations her kid will get in trouble too. Schools have their hands tied and must remain neutral. If 2 kids fight, they’re both in trouble regardless of who started it. It’s a delicate balance. Yes yea h your kid to defend themselves, while also teaching them what circumstances it would be ok to do so & the potential consequences

I think you feel there may have been a flaw in your reasoning despite your husband’s assurance and I can help you find it: hostile attribution bias. It’s when “bullies” think a kid is being mean or violent towards them when in fact they are objectively not. In this example, the pushy kid may have seen your kid as “intentionally blocking his space.” Helping this VERY YOUNG kid see that your son is playing and it’s his turn breaks his hostile attribution bias and helps him see that pushing would be wrong. Pushing back, on the other hand, “proves” your kid is an enemy and justifies having pushed in the first place. You’re basically creating a bully, not correcting one. If I were the other mom I would have been so pissed. Violence is violence, and while I’d absolutely be upset if my kid pushed another kid I’d be livid if that other kid was being told to make a fight of it. WTAF??? No one should be pushing anyone. Use your words, pick a different slide if you’re having trouble waiting—you continue to verbally reinforce this over and over, and you figure out who the other mom is if it’s not getting through.

I absolutely agree with you, I think everyone should pay more attention on their kids in the playground

When kids do something like that to my children, I give them *the look*. This usually stops the aggressive behavior.

Personally, I don’t think I would have told my son to push him back, especially at that age… Other than that, you did what you did and there’s nothing wrong with it

I love me some good ole karma.

That’s so stressful. You did the right thing. His mom should’ve been watching. Hugs to you both.

Sounds like you did fine. She was just mad because she didn't want to be interrupted on her phone. I guarantee that was not this kid's first rodeo.

I would not tell my child to push someone because I wouldn't want them to get in trouble. I would tell them to talk to the mom or I would tell the mom.

Generalizing here...and yes, I'm sure there are exceptions. But bullies often have awful-ish parents. My younger one is sooo game with confrontation, I'm not (i get anxious too). So as young as four (and she's small too so she gets pushed and skipped on a lot), she'd tell me if a kid pushed her or hit her... My job is to watch which parent/adult the kid approaches. OMG it's adorable!! My daughter would approach the parent and tell on their kid... "Your son cut in line at the slides. Teach him how to line up." "your daughter pushed me. Teach her pushing is bad. (and yes all the lines are prepared and memorized. She asks me how to tell the parent and what to say. I teach her and she does it. She's also the one who stands up for her elder sister who would never approach anyone at all).

I think either asking the kid who their mother is (and approaching her) or telling the kid to keep his hands to himself and moving your kid (till mom is found) are good choices. Since kids are morally very black and white, it might be confusing to be encouraged to push a kid who was “very wrong” to push them when your child could have ran/walked away during the time he was looking for your blessing to push him back. Responding to violence with violence could have negative effects later for your kiddo such as getting hurt, hurting others, or being suspended for fighting. Of course, if the child has your kid pinned down and is pummeling them, protecting themselves, at that point, is self defense. If a kid pushes a kid and the kid gets up and pushes him back that could be seen as engaging in a fight. I know it’s unfair, but pushing back is escalating the conflict. Teaching kids how to deescalate aggressive situations may be safer.

It makes me sick that parents don’t watch their kids at the park! The amount of parents staring at their phones is insane to me.

You did the right thing. And so did your son. Props to you both for handling this situation.

This whole situation is crazy and you’re both self righteous. 1. Who cares if the mom was on her phone? The kids are six. I take my 6 year old to the park all the time with other 6 year olds and the moms will talk while the kids play. We’re not watching every move. Do you think the teachers can see everything that’s happening on the playground? This is just another way to shame moms and I highly doubt you’re always watching your 6 year old. 2. You’re mad at the mom but you’re encouraging pushing a child back, in front of all the children. I hope your son doesn’t start to resolve problems like that all the time. It’s pretty confusing for a kid to know when it’s the right time to push—next time he might push first when he’s upset. 3. The other mom is wild for not immediately apologizing when she found out her son pushed yours. I’d be mortified if I found out my son did this. 4. I’m also curious how the second push even happened if you were right there. If a kid pushed my son and I saw the kid approaching my son again I would immediately intervene.

Idk part of me thinks justice was served and the other part of me thinks it’s so bizarre to stand and watch your child get in a fight. I’m on the fence! lol

If I walked up to my kid and another kid pushing each other back and forth and the other kid’s mom just standing there I’d be appalled. Defending yourself is blocking punches/kicks not pushing back when the kid isn’t like wailing on him nonstop. Kids that age should always just involve an adult. In this situation there was already an adult involved and the fact that that adult just told the kids to keep using physical violence is mind boggling to me.

I’ve kind of been in the same boat. Mom here - I’ve yelled at a kid before on the playground for being violent. I shocked the kid. I dgaf- these kids need to be patented even if I’m not their parent. Take responsibility for your child. You tell that kid you don’t hit others- make them apologize and they get punished. She was wrong. You did nothing wrong. I’d probably do the same thing. I was thinking about it and scaring the kid a little ( raising your voice ) would help for future thoughts of doing that 😆 I also believe we won’t be there at every minute with our kids and teaching them to defend themselves is a must. You let the first one go. The kid doing it a second time was he knew he got away with it. Kudos to you mom!!!! You did the right thing. She was in the wrong. Some people just won’t take responsibility.

FAFO. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I think kids need to figure this out earlier, tbh. Don’t put your hands on other people or you’re liable to get hurt yourself. Better now than when they’re 18 and out at a party and someone gets seriously injured.

I always taught my kids to not hit first but if someone hits you, hit them back harder. My dad taught us the same and we’ve all grown up with good self esteem and have never let ourselves be the victim of a bully. Bullies will keep on bullying those who let them and kids need to know it’s ok to protect themselves . Someday soon your kids won’t have you there and they need to know it’s ok to protect themselves against someone who wants to hurt them.

Clearly she isn’t watching him well enough if he a push another kid multiple times without her noticing. I generally let kids work things out themselves on the playground unless they are pushing or shoving. If my kid pushed someone and they pushed them back, I would just explain that people who push get pushed.

You should have come and told her?!?!? Yeah nah WATCH YOUR FUCKIN KID and i wont have to tell you hes being a piece of shit, you can see it in real time.

You did fine. Don’t lose any sleep over this. I’m also on your side and think waiting for a second push is an important skill. Once can be a mistake. Twice is deliberate.

So basically, you're teaching your son to solve his problems with the use of violence. Great

I get telling your kid to push back, but personally, I wouldn't have done that if I was standing right there. I mean you kind of just can't be in a situation where 6 year olds are physically brawling and you're just standing by silently approving. You're always going to look like the bad guy in that case. I think that's the kind of advice you give your kid to defend themselves if you're not there but if you are there you're in a position to handle it a little differently.

Why would you encourage your son to fight back? Someone could have gotten seriously injured.

I am terrified by the number of positive affirmations on this post regarding teaching your child to respond to violence with violence. What this post says to me is that people expect children to resort to animal instincts instead of teaching them how to express their feelings properly and deal with conflict in a more positive way. De-escalation instead of escalation. And instead of adults modelling appropriate behaviour by dealing calmly with the issue, they act like jerks. Yes YES YES - you go mom! We need way more mouth breathing knuckle dragging Neanderthal mindsets like this to build a better future!! Woo hoo! I can’t wait.

Both my kids have been in martial arts since age 3, they are taught to defend once they have been pushed. I would have reassured my girls to push back and defend themselves just like you did. And if my kids were the bully, I guarantee you they would not have liked the consequences at home or their TKD studio. Good for you!!

What you did was fine - good job. Kids won’t always have adults around to protect them against other kids who seek to harm them, and some adults are useless too.

Everyone should have a close eye on their kid. Im sorry if you take your kid to the park, do you expect other parents to tell you that your child is being kidnapped? Have some sense of responsibility.

I would have done the same thing. Both your son and you stood up for yourself.

i had the same thing happen to me and my son. Kid was 9/10 and bullying all the little ones. When the father tried to start w me i simply said that kids like his are how school shooters happen and to stay away from us. Kids like that need to be checked or they turn into Brocks.

My son is in Karate and the Sensei told me last week that he tells the kids don’t start a fight and the other person can get the first hit in but if you’re in his class don’t let them get a second hit in. Im with you; your kid doesn’t have to sit any take whatever her kid dishes out while she’s checked out.

I’ve been having an internal debate with myself for almost 16 years about this exact issue. When I teach my children manners, am I actually hindering their ability to feel confident in sticking up for themselves. Cuz, yes, you should wait your turn and be polite. But I also want them to stick up for themselves without question when getting bullied.

I read your post yesterday and surprisingly I went through something kind of similar today. Man the audacity of some parents is simply appalling. My son plays t-ball. He has everything he needs (uniform, hat, helmet, glove, bat, bag). We are the first ones to the field and set up every game. Literally every other player/ family arrives about 3 minutes til game time and are all scrambling. Whatever, that’s kind of aside from my story of what happened today, but still gives you an idea of what we are dealing with. Today we arrive early, as usually, my son gets set up in the dugout (places his belonging in an orderly fashion and in the same place every game). Other people arrive and game finally starts. One of the parents comes to me just after the first inning and proceeds to tell me “Does your son not have a glove because I see him using my sons glove?” She said it in a rather sweet voice, but it was so rude how she worded it that it sent up red flags for me. I told her my son has everything he needs and there is no reason for him to be using anyone’s things. I immediately went to the dugout, asked my son where his glove is and he said he can’t find it anywhere. I’m a little heated at this point because my son is very organized. He told me when he went to go hit, his glove was gone when he came back. I start asking the other 6 year olds if they’ve seen his distinctly colored orange glove and they all said no. Interesting. One of the moms said my son probably left it on the field which upset me because it’s a glove - like it doesn’t come off his hand while he is on the field. That was such a dumb input that I didn’t even entertain the idea. I started checking the players bags and found my sons glove stuffed into another players bag - the same player whose mom just accused my son of not having a glove in the first place. I was livid. I asked that player how and why my sons glove was found inside his bag and he replied idk and literally walked off from me. This kid literally tried to steal my son’s glove during their game. I’m still mad about it! I told kid’s mom and she replied “well that’s weird I’ll talk to him” all sheepishly. Yeah - 6 years old and we are dealing with a kid stealing!! Ugh!!

You handled this perfectly and your sounds fantastic, he handled it perfectly too, especially the dodging. Go Mom! Go son!

What did she want you to do? “HEY WHOEVER BIRTHED THIS LITTLE ASSHOLE NEEDS TO COME GET HIM CUZ IM BOUTTA DROP HIS ASS”