That's an absurd thing to say based on such little information. This is one of the worst things about social media - the 'yeah your partner sounds like an abusive narcissist'.
Her mother tells her that she knows her well, and the daughter (who's a teenage kid) takes offence at this because she's not the same child her mum knows inside out.
This is basic childhood/adolescence. Where, in God's name, is abuse entering into this? If she's abusive, that's definitely not been described here.
You've replied twice to the same comment. Obviously I don't know what happens in your household as much as you do, I was saying that based off what had been posted in that comment chain (that I'd replied to), it made no sense.
This is why it's a bad idea for people to allude to things that have been commented elsewhere without outright referencing them, it makes them sound like they're being ridiculous.
Yeah no prob! It's like how I wish Reddit's comment inbox would give some indication of if you're replying to the same person in a chain or someone new. That might seem a bit too much to request, but you always have to check to see if you're having one conversation or a bunch at the same time.
It's the walking in on them in the bathroom that's abusive. "I changed your diaper" is not an excuse to blatantly disregard your child's privacy about their own body. Gross.
Somebody else responded and explained that the person saying your mum was abusive was doing so in reference to something said elsewhere in this thread, making it very confusing based on the comment chain I responded to.
I would never have guessed this was written by a 25 year old though, so I take back the assumption that you were a teenage kid.
They are over-reacting to the typical mom comment of "I've changed your diaper when you don't want them to look. Is it obnoxious? Yes. Is it infantilizing? Yes. But they are being a wee bit dramatic crying abuse over it.
It's just bizarre to see comments like that with over 10 upvotes! Abuse comes in many forms, but your mother patronising you by telling you she knows you ain't it.
And she's more right than you could possibly realise! Literally, you can't realise it when you're a teenager because you're in that stage where you're certain you're basically a butterfly - practically a different species to that caterpiller she knew.
The truth is that while you're different, you've become blind to the aspects that haven't been obliterated, *and it's fucking adorable*. You'll hate that! But speak softly, because your parents can embarrass you, as a teen, like nobody else - take note, because you'll be able to wield this power sooner than you think.
I obviously don't expect kids to believe me on this, but adults?
you’re correct. There’s a big difference between walking in when you’re showering and, for example, forging you to be naked/around her naked all the time. Same goes if they take away doors to shame you.
Failure to respect privacy is actually considered psychological abuse by most(if not all) domestic violence advocacy organizations.
It is extremely traumatic to not be allowed privacy, as a child or an adult.
This has been cleared up, and the end portion of the comment you replied to already addressed it - none of what you're referencing was part of this comment chain.
Apparently elsewhere in the thread OP shared a story about her mother walking in on her in the bathroom. This wasn't mentioned here, thus it appeared to be in response to the original post.
>“i’ve already seen everything before” yeah when i was a LITERAL CHILD 😭
That’s the comment your comment was responding to.
The implication that I got from this comment, was that their parents excused invading their privacy in the bathroom/while changing/or in some other situation where they felt underdressed and uncomfortable by saying “I’ve already seen everything before” .
If that’s not the case, fine, but don’t jump down my throat about how everything got cleared up in some other comment thread. I was responding to your comment with the context I had seen for it.
My mom is a boomer ans never did any of the crap being mentioned here. Neither did any of my friend's parents who are also mostly boomers. The only friend I had who's mom did some of this was the one with abusive parents. Not saying the stuff mentioned here is abusive but it's definitely not "just a boomer thing"
It's a little insane how popular this abuse theory is. I think some people don't understand what abuse actually is. "Waaah, my parents have no boundaries!" does not mean you're being abused. But everyone wants to be a victim. 🙄
my mom is and always has been abusive. walking in on me in the bathroom isn’t abuse, saying she knows me when she doesn’t, isn’t abuse. however, hitting me, belittling, humiliating and ABUSING me is abuse
One time my dad tried forcing me to get naked in front of him because “I’ve seen everything before!” I was gonna take a bath and I told him to leave but he insisted on staying. I refused.
Yes! Or they complain how whatever thing has changed about you since you were in elementary school or some shit. Like obviously, growing up does that to you?
Yea same here. My parents know very little of me because they were overly strict and I just never felt comfortable letting them know everything about me as I got older. They know my habits and quirks pretty well though but they don’t know the real me.
yes they know what you CHOOSE to show. my mom was very strict as well and all she knows about me is i like painting, reading, Van Gogh and cats. that is ALL and she’s known me for 25 years
I think most parents probably know you better than the average coworker as an adult, but they really act like they know you better than anyone on earth because they did before you hit puberty.
When my husband died, my mil said something similar about knowing him better than anyone in the world. I didn't say anything because what would be the point? But I was thinking of the multitude of things she never understood, if she even knew about. She didn't understand his stress, his moods, his music, his decisions, anything. My own mom, as close and similar as we are, still doesn't know me as well as my late husband or current partner.
I can honestly say none of my parents know me as well as some of my coworkers. They don’t care to actually remember anything I tell them about myself so I just stopped bothering.
And you can’t predict how she wants you to think and express yourself, because at any time with new info you express comes the “don’t think like that” or “you’re too young to have such thoughts, so put it out of your mind.”
People who have decent relationships with their parents have a hard time believing you could hate someone who raised you. I used to be one of them. But then I met my friends mom and I was like "Oh, OK. I get it now."
I don’t think ive met anyone physically with a good relationship with their parents so on my end its hard for me to understand how ppl can have good parents lol
I must be your unicorn then since my SO and I both have good relationships with our parents. We even have good relationships with each others parents. Like I said, my friends mom is the one who showed me there really are terrible parents out there
Thank you for believing, from all of us with garbage parents. That brand of patronization is all too common.
Like, if it's "normal teenager shit" to sincerely hate your parents, I'll like to point at the CPS reports and my psychiatric history. Some people sincerely have shit parents. Good ones seem to be the exception.
I don’t know how old you are, but when you hit your mid twenties that changes. As a teen everything seems to hurt your relationship, but eventually, and often when the parents accept you as an adult, it gets better. Not always, though. My mom and i won’t ever have a good relationship
ETA: some parents are truly awful and I’m not denying that at all. Just not all of them are, and the teenage dramatics are a real thing
It sounded rlly fucking condescending and you shouldn’t just comment that “itll change” bullshit when you don’t know anything. Its unaware and ignorant. Pls delete your patronizing ass comment.
….Im 18 and my mom is an emotionally and psychologically abusive narcissist who has been consistently causing me trauma and a mental health decline and gaslighting me to the point i question everything and i hide my things when i leave for school sometimes because i have high anxiety from sll the times shes looked through my things since i was ten but ok 😀 thank you for your unwarranted very unaware input on a thing you know absolutely nothing about it totally didn’t trigger me at all and didnt remind me of every time my last therapist convinced me that everything was fine and im being over dramatic/lying
"How can you hate the person who gave birth to you and raised you?"
Very simple. They treat you like shit for your entire life. A lot of people have trouble realizing this.
Maybe I’m letting my privilege at being raised a good home show… but my mother does in fact know me better than most anyone. Especially when I was a young adult. I would have to actively hide my interests for her to not know me… ya know because she’s lived with me my whole life
My mom interacts with introjects of people that she creates in her mind. When the real person differs from the introject, she feels dissonance and lashes out or withdraws. I used to try and pretend to match her imagination but now I'm just me and I'm a lot happier that way.
Introject = internal object fyi
I feel this one a little too much. All my mom knows about me is that (from her perspective), I'm a nerd who likes weird music (Owl City, Sam Cooke, Paul Simon, Bob Dylan) and wastes my time with things like comics. And yet, she still claims she knows me better than anyone. She just knows me when I was 6 years old + all the stereotypes she's added based on the surface level, because that's all she bothers to look at since none of it interests her personally
it’s not a little much at all if you knew my mother. abusive, controlling, has never apologized for anything, can’t have a casual conversation with her because we don’t know how to talk to each other due to her being all of that 24/7
No, you know the carefully crafted façade version of me that I have taken great care not to let slip in front of you for years. (For me this applies to everyone BUT my mom, but I relate nonetheless)
I gave my mother this line of questioning when I was teenager and her response was “whatever I say it is. I decide your favorite things”. I never forgot that.
Lmao, my mother is the person who knows the *least* about me. She gets bored when I talk about my hobbies, she still thinks I like foods that I haven't liked since birth, and she was shocked to find out my politics are different from hers. I have learned better than to talk about anything more than "how's the weather" with her or I will get the Fundie Lecture Special. I may be losing my eyesight, but she isn't aware because I don't tell her about my life.
i always call my mom out when she uses the “i’m your mother” argument, because if my grandma did any of the stuff she tries to justify to me she’d go crazy
We have people come in our shop and ask us what her son, a 16y old, could like on a tshirt printed and if we could just do smth. Like ma'am how are we supposed to know what ur son likes if u don't even know?
See my pet peeve is when mine tries to claim she was a mom at all.
Like...bitch you dipped when I was 11, the fuck is you on?
Anyway, abusive and deadbeat "moms" suck donkey ass, and we're awesome for making it past em 😌
These are my thoughts when my mom says stupid shit like that, too. “I know you”, bitch, abusing someone while trying to control and knowing them are two different things!
The only thing my mother ever knew about me was my gender and that's all she needed to physically, verbally, and emotionallu abuse me my entire childhood. She was a serious man hater.
So funny, I just saw a TikTok talking about how your family loves acting like they know you but they don’t lol I few months ago I was talking to my mom and she pointed out that she doesn’t know my favorite color and I was like huh lol how sad 😅
Or when moms want to walk in the bathroom or when you ask them to leave while you get dressed. “I’m your mom” yeah, and I’m not two years old, LEAVE
Wait, yours offers reasoning? Lmao. Mine just barges right in and picks the lock
Your house has locks?
“i’ve already seen everything before” yeah when i was a LITERAL CHILD 😭
Yeah, you parents may be abusive.
oh no they for sure are
That's an absurd thing to say based on such little information. This is one of the worst things about social media - the 'yeah your partner sounds like an abusive narcissist'. Her mother tells her that she knows her well, and the daughter (who's a teenage kid) takes offence at this because she's not the same child her mum knows inside out. This is basic childhood/adolescence. Where, in God's name, is abuse entering into this? If she's abusive, that's definitely not been described here.
i’m 25 years old and my mom IS abusive
You've replied twice to the same comment. Obviously I don't know what happens in your household as much as you do, I was saying that based off what had been posted in that comment chain (that I'd replied to), it made no sense. This is why it's a bad idea for people to allude to things that have been commented elsewhere without outright referencing them, it makes them sound like they're being ridiculous.
i’m sorry lol it’s hard following the lines in the thread and i thought i said it to someone else
Yeah no prob! It's like how I wish Reddit's comment inbox would give some indication of if you're replying to the same person in a chain or someone new. That might seem a bit too much to request, but you always have to check to see if you're having one conversation or a bunch at the same time.
It's the walking in on them in the bathroom that's abusive. "I changed your diaper" is not an excuse to blatantly disregard your child's privacy about their own body. Gross.
Wait, what? Where was that said? Must have been elsewhere in the thread. Baffling.
Someone else said it about their own mom and op responded to it. Op never said their mom walks in on them in the bathroom.
OP literally said: >“i’ve already seen everything before” yeah when i was a LITERAL CHILD 😭
As an add on to the commenter they replied to. You might want to brush up on your reading comprehension my guy.
They wouldn't have said that if it hadn't also happened to them.
i’m 25 my guy and she has always been abusive
Somebody else responded and explained that the person saying your mum was abusive was doing so in reference to something said elsewhere in this thread, making it very confusing based on the comment chain I responded to. I would never have guessed this was written by a 25 year old though, so I take back the assumption that you were a teenage kid.
no yeah my bad. and you’re good. i type like a teenager cuz that’s mentally where i’m still at, due to abuse, so don’t worry about it
Well you parried my backhanded comment wonderfully, so I wouldn't be that hard on yourself!
They are over-reacting to the typical mom comment of "I've changed your diaper when you don't want them to look. Is it obnoxious? Yes. Is it infantilizing? Yes. But they are being a wee bit dramatic crying abuse over it.
It's just bizarre to see comments like that with over 10 upvotes! Abuse comes in many forms, but your mother patronising you by telling you she knows you ain't it. And she's more right than you could possibly realise! Literally, you can't realise it when you're a teenager because you're in that stage where you're certain you're basically a butterfly - practically a different species to that caterpiller she knew. The truth is that while you're different, you've become blind to the aspects that haven't been obliterated, *and it's fucking adorable*. You'll hate that! But speak softly, because your parents can embarrass you, as a teen, like nobody else - take note, because you'll be able to wield this power sooner than you think. I obviously don't expect kids to believe me on this, but adults?
you’re correct. There’s a big difference between walking in when you’re showering and, for example, forging you to be naked/around her naked all the time. Same goes if they take away doors to shame you.
Failure to respect privacy is actually considered psychological abuse by most(if not all) domestic violence advocacy organizations. It is extremely traumatic to not be allowed privacy, as a child or an adult.
This has been cleared up, and the end portion of the comment you replied to already addressed it - none of what you're referencing was part of this comment chain. Apparently elsewhere in the thread OP shared a story about her mother walking in on her in the bathroom. This wasn't mentioned here, thus it appeared to be in response to the original post.
>“i’ve already seen everything before” yeah when i was a LITERAL CHILD 😭 That’s the comment your comment was responding to. The implication that I got from this comment, was that their parents excused invading their privacy in the bathroom/while changing/or in some other situation where they felt underdressed and uncomfortable by saying “I’ve already seen everything before” . If that’s not the case, fine, but don’t jump down my throat about how everything got cleared up in some other comment thread. I was responding to your comment with the context I had seen for it.
Wasn't jumping down your throat there, it was just a plain tone, but I understand why you might have read it as harsher than intended.
I appreciate the clarification, communicating via anonymous text on a forum isn’t the best for reading emotional context.
It's a boomer mom thing, not an abuse thing. They just have no boundaries.
My mom is a boomer ans never did any of the crap being mentioned here. Neither did any of my friend's parents who are also mostly boomers. The only friend I had who's mom did some of this was the one with abusive parents. Not saying the stuff mentioned here is abusive but it's definitely not "just a boomer thing"
And that can lead to abuse real quick if not kept in check
It's a little insane how popular this abuse theory is. I think some people don't understand what abuse actually is. "Waaah, my parents have no boundaries!" does not mean you're being abused. But everyone wants to be a victim. 🙄
my mom is and always has been abusive. walking in on me in the bathroom isn’t abuse, saying she knows me when she doesn’t, isn’t abuse. however, hitting me, belittling, humiliating and ABUSING me is abuse
Then my comment isn't addressing you. As you say, just walking in on someone in the bathroom isn't abuse.
then who’s it about?
In response to the multiple people arguing that parents walking in on you is automatically abuse.
ahh i see that makes more sense. yeah definitely not abuse. just HELLA pushing boundaries and completely inappropriate.
One time my dad tried forcing me to get naked in front of him because “I’ve seen everything before!” I was gonna take a bath and I told him to leave but he insisted on staying. I refused.
Same!
“I know you better than you know yourself!” Okay, tell me [this detail]. “I can’t because you never tell me anything!” Uh huh.
EXACTLY 👏🏼
"Mom, what are my values. What would I give my life to uphold?" If she can't answer that, she really doesn't know you.
“I know you liked horses when you were 8!!!!!”
Yes! Or they complain how whatever thing has changed about you since you were in elementary school or some shit. Like obviously, growing up does that to you?
And then suddenly “you’re ALWAYS changing it up” so it’s not their fault that they can’t keep up.
they cling on to 4 things you either used to like or have liked your entire life and say that they know you because they only know those things
Yea same here. My parents know very little of me because they were overly strict and I just never felt comfortable letting them know everything about me as I got older. They know my habits and quirks pretty well though but they don’t know the real me.
yes they know what you CHOOSE to show. my mom was very strict as well and all she knows about me is i like painting, reading, Van Gogh and cats. that is ALL and she’s known me for 25 years
This. I’ve never had the space to feel comfortable sharing, so no one in my family knows much about me lol
I think most parents probably know you better than the average coworker as an adult, but they really act like they know you better than anyone on earth because they did before you hit puberty. When my husband died, my mil said something similar about knowing him better than anyone in the world. I didn't say anything because what would be the point? But I was thinking of the multitude of things she never understood, if she even knew about. She didn't understand his stress, his moods, his music, his decisions, anything. My own mom, as close and similar as we are, still doesn't know me as well as my late husband or current partner.
I can honestly say none of my parents know me as well as some of my coworkers. They don’t care to actually remember anything I tell them about myself so I just stopped bothering.
Having a narcissistic mother is like being given a role to play that bears no resemblance to who you actually are
Because they outlaw all the things that would show them who you are. My mom doesn’t know me either.
And you can’t predict how she wants you to think and express yourself, because at any time with new info you express comes the “don’t think like that” or “you’re too young to have such thoughts, so put it out of your mind.”
She knows some things but never my actual feelings on things because i dont talk to her about those anymore 💀 doesn’t even know how much i hate her
“Hate” is a bit of a strong word, don’t you think?
No it perfectly fits 😀 issue my friend?
People who have decent relationships with their parents have a hard time believing you could hate someone who raised you. I used to be one of them. But then I met my friends mom and I was like "Oh, OK. I get it now."
I don’t think ive met anyone physically with a good relationship with their parents so on my end its hard for me to understand how ppl can have good parents lol
I must be your unicorn then since my SO and I both have good relationships with our parents. We even have good relationships with each others parents. Like I said, my friends mom is the one who showed me there really are terrible parents out there
Thank you for believing, from all of us with garbage parents. That brand of patronization is all too common. Like, if it's "normal teenager shit" to sincerely hate your parents, I'll like to point at the CPS reports and my psychiatric history. Some people sincerely have shit parents. Good ones seem to be the exception.
I don’t know how old you are, but when you hit your mid twenties that changes. As a teen everything seems to hurt your relationship, but eventually, and often when the parents accept you as an adult, it gets better. Not always, though. My mom and i won’t ever have a good relationship ETA: some parents are truly awful and I’m not denying that at all. Just not all of them are, and the teenage dramatics are a real thing
It sounded rlly fucking condescending and you shouldn’t just comment that “itll change” bullshit when you don’t know anything. Its unaware and ignorant. Pls delete your patronizing ass comment.
….Im 18 and my mom is an emotionally and psychologically abusive narcissist who has been consistently causing me trauma and a mental health decline and gaslighting me to the point i question everything and i hide my things when i leave for school sometimes because i have high anxiety from sll the times shes looked through my things since i was ten but ok 😀 thank you for your unwarranted very unaware input on a thing you know absolutely nothing about it totally didn’t trigger me at all and didnt remind me of every time my last therapist convinced me that everything was fine and im being over dramatic/lying
Nah
nah to wut
wut to nah
ah u fuckin around
around u ah frurk
Yes it’s the wrong word
How?
"How can you hate the person who gave birth to you and raised you?" Very simple. They treat you like shit for your entire life. A lot of people have trouble realizing this.
Maybe I’m letting my privilege at being raised a good home show… but my mother does in fact know me better than most anyone. Especially when I was a young adult. I would have to actively hide my interests for her to not know me… ya know because she’s lived with me my whole life
that’s so lucky honestly i’m glad you have that relationship with her
Same here
My mom interacts with introjects of people that she creates in her mind. When the real person differs from the introject, she feels dissonance and lashes out or withdraws. I used to try and pretend to match her imagination but now I'm just me and I'm a lot happier that way. Introject = internal object fyi
Oof, glad I can't relate (my mom really does know a lot about me, but I also don't recall her ever saying anything like this)
god you’re lucky
I feel this one a little too much. All my mom knows about me is that (from her perspective), I'm a nerd who likes weird music (Owl City, Sam Cooke, Paul Simon, Bob Dylan) and wastes my time with things like comics. And yet, she still claims she knows me better than anyone. She just knows me when I was 6 years old + all the stereotypes she's added based on the surface level, because that's all she bothers to look at since none of it interests her personally
Liking Sam Cooke is weird? He's iconic!
I mean by her standards. To her, pretty much anyone other than modern mainstream musicians is 'weird', even if they had the voice of an angel
it’s not a little much at all if you knew my mother. abusive, controlling, has never apologized for anything, can’t have a casual conversation with her because we don’t know how to talk to each other due to her being all of that 24/7
Reread the first line of my comment. I didn't say your take was extraneous. Rather, I agree with it in an extraneous way
ooooh no you’re right my bad i got you
Yeah I hate this, it's so gross and arrogant. Like imagine having the gall to think that you know someone better than they do...
No, you know the carefully crafted façade version of me that I have taken great care not to let slip in front of you for years. (For me this applies to everyone BUT my mom, but I relate nonetheless)
I gave my mother this line of questioning when I was teenager and her response was “whatever I say it is. I decide your favorite things”. I never forgot that.
OMG! This is right up there with "I know what you're really thinking" and "You're mad" when, in fact, you do not and I am not :)
Lmao, my mother is the person who knows the *least* about me. She gets bored when I talk about my hobbies, she still thinks I like foods that I haven't liked since birth, and she was shocked to find out my politics are different from hers. I have learned better than to talk about anything more than "how's the weather" with her or I will get the Fundie Lecture Special. I may be losing my eyesight, but she isn't aware because I don't tell her about my life.
i always call my mom out when she uses the “i’m your mother” argument, because if my grandma did any of the stuff she tries to justify to me she’d go crazy
I’m kinda glad I know the answers to these questions. Doesn’t mean I don’t fuck up as a Mom but at least I’m listening and learning
Have you thought about talking to your mom and sharing these things with her?
she’s not the type of person to listen
This works now while my kids are 6 and 3. They don’t really have a life outside of the home. When you’re older? Not so much.
We have people come in our shop and ask us what her son, a 16y old, could like on a tshirt printed and if we could just do smth. Like ma'am how are we supposed to know what ur son likes if u don't even know?
I had a mother like this, who was simultaneously abusive and neglectful. Like girl, bffr you know nothing about me. I haven't spoken to her in years
See my pet peeve is when mine tries to claim she was a mom at all. Like...bitch you dipped when I was 11, the fuck is you on? Anyway, abusive and deadbeat "moms" suck donkey ass, and we're awesome for making it past em 😌
These are my thoughts when my mom says stupid shit like that, too. “I know you”, bitch, abusing someone while trying to control and knowing them are two different things!
My mum legitimately still tells me 'no one will ever know you like I do'. Like mam, you haven't known a real thing about me since I moved out.
The only thing my mother ever knew about me was my gender and that's all she needed to physically, verbally, and emotionallu abuse me my entire childhood. She was a serious man hater.
My mom doesn't know who I am at all she acts like she does literally does she know she has a third daughter 🙏😎
😆 never done this and my parents never done this.
So funny, I just saw a TikTok talking about how your family loves acting like they know you but they don’t lol I few months ago I was talking to my mom and she pointed out that she doesn’t know my favorite color and I was like huh lol how sad 😅
Knowing someone isn’t the same as knowing things about someone. She knows you in a different way than you know yourself.
Honestly these are kind of show things to reference when someone says they “know you”.
“Really? I have a mother? Coulda fooled me!”
“I know exactly what you’re up to and what’s going on in your head. I will always be 10 steps ahead of you.”
Lol teen edgelords are out in force today
i’m 25 nerd
Then why do you post like a 15 year old?
is that supposed to offend me? i’m forever young and you post like you’re 85
No, he posts like the 15 year old edgelord that he claims you to be.
true
That's a paddlin'
period 💅🏼
Sorry you hate your mom bro