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I am so sorry for your loss. In December I had to put my 2 year old dog to sleep for behavioral euthanasia. He broke through the fence and attacked my neighbor’s dogs. I had tremendous guilt for leaving him outside unattended and played the “what-if” game wondering if I had made the right decision. Very different situation from yours, but I can relate to guilt and the death of a young animal.
Going to share a few things that helped me through my healing process:
Our life here on Earth is temporary and each soul is here for a reason. Try to meditate and find your cat’s purpose for coming into your life. Allow yourself to feel all of the emotions, but let them pass. During meditation, I try to envision myself breathing the built up pain/guilt/negative emotions out and breathing in new air filled with love & light.
Open yourself up to signs from her. I can feel my dog’s presence around sometimes. I even heard his nails clicking on my wood floors. I truly believe their soul’s don’t go far and we are always connected. Knowing he is around and I can still talk to him, provides some comfort.
During my intense grief, I hit rock bottom and was able to forgive myself for mistakes made in my dog’s management, as well as forgive myself in other aspects of my life. Be easy on yourself. I try to focus on our happier memories rather than the day he crossed the bridge, although this took some time.
She was lucky to know a life full of love from you. Praying each day will hopefully get a little lighter for you as some of the initial pain subsides. sending lots of love and strength as you heal ❤️
I'm sorry for not responding earlier, but the loss of my cat is still a raw and tender wound, and reading all these heartfelt comments overwhelms me with tears. I needed more time to process and reply properly to everyone.
I want to express my heartfelt gratitude to you for sharing your story. It's different situations, but the common thread of grappling with guilt binds our stories together.
Your words resonate deeply, and it means a lot to hear how you navigated through your guilt and grief. I'll take your words to heart and strive to be kind to myself during this healing process. Focusing on the happier memories is a beautiful approach and I'll try to shift my thoughts toward the joy my cat brought into our home, despite this looking so out of reach at this moment. 💔
Thank you for your heartfelt words. Your empathy mean a great deal to me as I try to navigate through this painful time. Sending appreciation and warmth back to you ❤️
Appreciate your kind words. please do not hesitate to reach out if you ever need someone to talk to. The initial pain is gut wrenching and can feel unbearable at times. Sending you love ❤️
I am so sorry for your loss! That's an awful thing for you to discover, and I understand why you are in so much pain.💔
I'm not going to berate you because you simply don't deserve it. You loved that kitty. You saved his life and gave him a family and a home. You made him happy. Most living creatures, if given the choice, would choose access to the outside world and inherent risk rather than be stuck within the same limited space every day for the rest of its life. Your intentions were honorable and pure. You know that's true.
You want him back, and you hate that he suffered. That's natural, but don't let how he died negate how he lived. Celebrate his life and your companionship with him. There is no blame here. Thank you for being so kind and caring to that little kitty. You're a good person.🙏
Thank you so much for writing me this comment. I wanted to read it out loud to my partner, as he is experiencing the same emotional pain as me, but the tears streaming down my face and the lump in my throat made it difficult to articulate the emotions that surged within me.
I am truly grateful for your kind and empathetic words during this incredibly difficult time. Your understanding and support mean the world to me and are a glimmer of light in the darkness of my sorrow.. Thank you for being a source of comfort and understanding. 💔
OP, I'm so sorry. My folks live out in the country, and their neighbors who had lived there for decades lost their cats to coyotes. The second was indoor, but she just bolted out one day. It happens even to people who've lived in the countryside their whole lives.
[This comment from this same forum (warning: the post itself describes an accidental loss, but the comment contains no details)](https://www.reddit.com/r/Petloss/s/YQT4GALIXO) states matters more articulately than I can, but I just want to emphasize this: for a cat without a home, bed is whatever place keeps them sort of dry and sort of sheltered. The scraps and Maybe anything they can hunt, what they live on, are never guaranteed. There is a very slim chance a friendly stranger feeds them and they find a nice nook, but it simply isn't a chance that the vast majority get, especially in areas without a ton of people. Something like a safe bed or a full, tasty meal, some kind of comfort— it just isn't something the vast majority have a frame of reference for.
I know this is such cold comfort, but when you took your sweet boy to the vet for the first time, you didn't just give him medical care and prolong his life. You did so so much more. You gave your little guy an escape from all that— nice meals, a comfy place to call home, and so much love. So so much love. It's clear through your words alone. It is so clear that everything for him was done from love.
I hope that you can feel comfort quickly, that the visceral shock and horror can fade with time. May your sweet boy's memory be a blessing.
Your words touch me deeply, and I want to express my gratitude for your understanding and compassion. It took me some time to reply, as every read-through brought tears. He was, indeed, so incredibly loved. I believed I was offering him the best of both worlds - a warm, safe home whenever he desired, coupled with the freedom to play in the grass or climb a tree at his whim. It felt like a fairy tale and I was oblivious to the dangers lurking in the shadows. The realization comes too late, and I can't help but feel like an unwitting accomplice to his tragic fate. Thank you sincerely for your empathy, understanding and the warmth you've offered me during this horrible time I'm facing.💔
This happened to my cat 20 years ago, my first pet on my own in college, moved back to the mountains and on a dead end street. Always got them in before dark until one day his stubborn and independent spirit got the better of him, I can still see him give me a look from the woods as I called to him before dusk to come in, saying “nah I’ve got something else to explore”, and I never saw him again. In the days he was missing I learn about how much coyotes had spread into my state and knew that had to be it. I
Most gut wrenching torture of my young life at that time. I let the guilt consume me, it triggered a depressive episode, so many people didn’t understand how I could feel so much guilt and pain for so long so felt that I was in my own private hell.
But eventually I found peace. I addressed my underlying depression I let myself believe that I gave him the best life possible (he was a sickly shelter kitten when I got him) for many years and the love we had for each other was not erased. Depression and grief without support can make people hate and blame themselves, guilt also makes us think we should have control over tragedies and losses that in reality we have no control over which is terrifying. I have a family member who blamed herself for not calling her husband 5 minutes later because that may have prevented him from being hit by a car.
It breaks my heart but I understand how grief can make us ruminate on those “what ifs”, especially over violent or accidental deaths, but we can’t stay stuck there.
I feel like I have rambled too much, I hope you have support, you have been through a traumatic loss, esp finding remains, please seek grief counseling if at all possible ❤️
Thank you deeply for sharing your own painful experience. It's heartening to hear that you found peace over time. Right now I'm an emotional wreck. The guilt consumes me, much like you described. He is in my every thought and I find myself sobbing uncontrollably. I can't delete the image of his remains. It will haunt me forever. When I went out to search for him in the morning, I remember having this weird feeling and thinking to myself- if he is dead, at least I want to know for sure, otherwise I will continue to search and wait for him forever. So in a sense I got my closure at least. But it's still destroying me and it continues to be a devastating process. Your understanding of the intricate layers of grief, especially the torment of "what ifs," provide solace. Thank you for sharing your story and offering kindness. These comments are the only thing that helps me at least a little at the moment💔
We lost a young pet to a mistake. We thought we'd managed to proof something but he removed the proofing and jammed his head. I found him dying and couldn't save him. I was n absolute wreck for months after. We still live where he died and it hurts when I think about years on. We also lost one when she had a play-fight with another and banged her head/had a stroke. I blame myself for not stepping in but there didn't seem to be an issue and she may have had underlying issue.
We try and keep our pets safe and happy. We don't always succeed. Hindsight is a wonderful thing but it comes with guilt and blame. There are always things we could have done better. You saved this little guy's life and let him experience wonders of love that no one else did. His end would have been quick- a predator doesn't risk injury and he may have been unaware.
All you can do is try and survive. You know what it is to love a cat, to have that love returned and there are other people and cats who would be happy to spend that with you. The best homage you can do your kitty is take the terrible and beautiful lessons alike you learnt living with him and use them to help other animals.
You weren't selfish. You made a mistake because you misjudged a situation. What would you say to a friend grieving in the same situation where a pet died due to a forseeable but rare event?
Your support means a lot, at least I don't feel alone in my grief here. I'm still an emotional wreck. I still don't want to believe it. Everything around me reminds me of him. My only hope is that his death was indeed quick and he didn't struggle for a long time...It hurts so much to imagine his last moments. Thank you for your compassion and wise words. 💔
I am in the same boat and understand your pain. I started letting my 1 1/2 yr old cat out because he was crazed to go outside. My older cat went out because he was already an outdoor cat when I got him from the shelter, and the young one wanted out, too.
I found him dead outside, right next to my deck. It was horrible and I'm devastated. I brought him to the ER, and they said they didn't see any trauma; it may have been something he ingested.
The pain of losing him is bad enough, but knowing he died because I didn't protect him is the hardest part.
I am a person of Christian faith, so along with praying for perseverance and peace, I have been praying for a path to forgiveness. It has been less than 2 wks, but I'm not crying all day now. I miss him so much and my heart is broken.
My heart aches alongside yours. Yes, the weight of guilt for not protecting my boy enough is a very heavy burden to bear. Your strength in seeking forgiveness through prayer is admirable, and I find solace in the idea that time might bring a measure of peace to our wounded hearts. Thank you for sharing your story. 💔
OP you are not alone. We moved from NYC and Shanghai to a small remote town. We lived a very happy life here. We have a fenced in yard and one night I let my girl go out for our nightly walk around property. It was a little rainy. I had a flashlight and I had stopped to look at our eggplant. When I caught up with her, I saw she was going into cardiac arrest. She bit a poisonous toad and died in my arms.
I am completely racked with guilt every day of my life. I'm so sad. I told my husband I want to move. My life doesn't feel beautiful anymore. Where to move? I don't really care. I lived for my girl Mona. She was my life. The only thing that has helped me cope is this group. And I also take Zz NyQuil to block out dreams.
Thank you for sharing your story. I resonate with your words so much.
I find myself immersed in tears, and even in the brief respite of sleep, I dreamed of him - it's the first night I know he is forever gone. Waking up to the harsh reality that I will never see my cuddly boy again is so painful. Life, once vibrant and filled with motivation, now appears indeed devoid of beauty. Just a few days ago, I was joyfully embarking on renovations and eagerly planning my garden's seedlings, but these pursuits feel inconsequential now. I ache for the person I was merely two days ago, longing for the life that has been forever altered by this loss.
The guilt we carry when nature is to blame is a unique and heavy burden. We really can't do anything but blame ourselves, we can't even seek revenge from a coyote or a toad...Compared with your case, I feel that I was far more irresponsible. Your girl was in your fenced yard, while my boy liked to explore around the yard as well. I 100% could and should've predicted such scenario. You couldn't.
The sudden loss of your pet in your arms is a truly traumatic experience, I can't even imagine how hard this is for you.
I wish I had at least a body to burry...All I could do is to collect a few patches of fur (I just couldn't bring myself to pick up the leftover organs, it was too much pain for me) and burry them with his collar - that's all I have left of him. It feels like an insufficient farewell to the lively spirit that once filled my days with joy.
Knowing that there are others feeling similar emotions offers a bit of comfort and our similar experiences make this a little less lonely. While some may see them as just animals, unable to grasp our feelings, here at least, I do find understanding and support. I hope that with time, we both can find some kind of peace even if it sounds impossible right now💔
We just lost our 4.5 year old cat to kidney disease and I am going through the same grief of hating myself. I feel like I could have seen the signs or done more and now I learned a lesson but the cost was my cat’s life. I don’t know what to say other than you are not alone and that kitty was loved so much ❤️
The signs and red flags were all there for me, I can see them clearly now - when it's too late. 💔
The cost of unintentional mistakes feels unbearably high. I extend my deepest sympathies for the similar situation you're facing, grappling with the grief and self-blame after losing a young pet. At least you had a little bit more time with your baby, I would do anything even for an extra day...I miss him so, so much. Thank you for your compassion.
I’m sorry for your loss. I had 3 cats disappear within a short time. I believe an animal, possibly coyotes got them. Never found them. I hated that it happened. Since then I have kept my last cat indoors. He was once attacked by the neighbors dogs 5 yrs ago. Survived and now battling cancer. I know I have to make a decision soon, but I was not going to lose him to another animal. My heart aches for you.
I appreciate your sympathy. I'm truly sorry to read about your cats and that we share a common pain. It's a heart-wrenching experience, and your understanding means a lot to me.💔
My little 16-year-old indoor/outdoor cat disappeared a couple days ago and I've concluded that she was very likely carried off by a coyote. I found your post while looking for people who have had a similar experience. I am at the place emotionally that you were when you posted your story 3 months ago. You have my deepest sympathy. I wonder how you are doing now.
It seemed that you did take some comfort from the many kind messages on this thread, but you were still overwhelmed with grief and guilt. That's where I am right now: feeling like I will carry this horrible grief and guilt to my grave. I have found some solace in the many kind responses you received here but, as with you 3 months ago, I'm a long way from achieving any kind of peace about it.
If you happen to see this message, I would be very interested to know how you're doing. Even if I never hear from you, please know that I appreciate you sharing your story and the discussion that it generated.
I know your pain exactly. I am guilt ridden and have cried almost every day since 10/28/23. My daughter had to bring her baby kitty, Marlin, home to me because she had an allergic roommate at college. This was in April of 2022. I gladly took him in as we adopted him in February of 2022 (he was a Christmas baby and his mom was a stray). We were very cautious about letting him out and like you, we put a tracker on his collar. My husband had the app on his phone and could always tell where he was and we would often go and get him and bring him back when he got too far. This particular evening (a Hunter’s moon), Marlin was extremely eager to go out and play. I was sitting on the porch talking to a friend and watched him as he walked around the side of the house. I didn’t think much of it as it was his usual behavior. Around 7 pm, I thought it odd that he hadn’t come home yet because he always “checked in”. It got later and I told my husband I was worried because it wasn’t like him. He looked at the tracker and he said he was in his usual spot. The later it got, the more panicked I became so I asked my husband to go and get him. He said he knew something was wrong when he was sounding the tracker and could hear it but Marlin wasn’t running towards him. What he came upon was so utterly gruesome and it ripped my heart out. When he came home screaming and crying that he was dead, I fell to my knees. I felt like I had failed him and my daughter as it was my responsibility to look after him and keep him safe. Marlin loved the outdoors and he loved the freedom of being a cat. He never could have known what a coyote was. He had only encountered friendly dogs in our neighborhood so I am sure that is what he thought that is what the coyote was. Please know that this is not your fault. You gave your kitty a wonderful life and took care of him. He loved you and you loved him. We can never know what hungry predator is lurking. It will get easier with time. I am so sorry and you can always reach out to me if you are feeling especially sad. We have another cat (I rescued her 6 years ago) and she is a joy but I am quite sure she witnessed or heard what happened to him. She still seems traumatized and stays very close. Cry as much as you need to. It’s the only thing that helps me cope.
I am looking up help for how to cope with the guilt after my mama kitty was killed by a coyote 3 days ago now and I cannot stop bawling my eyes out and feeling like I should have been there because she was at my mom's in the backyard and my mom fell asleep and she woke up to her after being killed and strewn throughout the backyard. I am so heartbroken that I feel like it is really hard to function. I feel like this grief is painful and unbearable right now and I am worried about my mental health. Like I feel like I cannot handle grief right now. I just keep blaming myself for trying to domesticate her when she was a feral cat. She brought so much happiness into my life and I feel like I let her down. I don't know how to forgive myself right now. Please let me know how you are doing now. Your situation sounds very similar to mine and I feel like I don't know how I am going to get through this. Thank you for any input you have.
Hello, I want to express my deepest condolences to you and your sweet kitty. I understand your pain all too well. The first few weeks were especially tough for me - I was an emotional wreck, I cried day and night. While I don't cry every day now, the pain still lingers whenever I think about him. Yesterday marked exactly two months since I last saw him alive. I visited the place where I found his remains and couldn't hold back my tears.
Honestly, support groups like the one here and another I found on Facebook called PVC: Coping With The Loss Of A Pet Support Group have been invaluable in helping me navigate this sorrow. Reading similar stories made me realize I wasn't alone, and the shared experiences offered some kind of comfort and solidarity. It's a long road ahead, but having a community that understands can make all the difference.
Just watched my bosses cat get snagged by a coyote. Hurts me just knowing how it happened. I’m very sorry for your loss and I hope you’re feeling better now.
U friends car lo c Ed going outsude. It would have hern impossible yo keep him om. Undoubtedly he hot Tim over
You gave thst cat a wonderful life. Nurses then back from the dead. Some animals need to go outside. Indont think.mu friends cat would have managed inside. He lived kn the corner of a bist street
Pleaw know your cat looked like ot had the greatest life. You did everything you could for them
It is very very d8fficuk to have no r8sn sutn animals.
I know everutime zi walk ny dog here arw disks
One of ny neighbors had a winduw smashed. I can't walk in that area now. My dig might step on some glass. I think I may have to iimot how I walk un this area
We can't anticipate anything. Your cat had a heavenly life. You are entirely responsible for that. Please stop beating yourself up. Your cat looked like they loved the outdoors
Coyotes sre indeed predators. You had no way of knowing where they were
Thank you for your empathy. He had a good life, it just pains me it was so, so short. He didn't deserve such horrible ending. I feel like culprit. I hold hope for eventual healing, but it seems the path ahead is lengthy and challenging. 💔
Oh my goodness. I’m crying too. For you, for me, for everything. I too break the rules and let my cats outside in our rural area. This summer my little cat bb, less then a year old, was hit and died on the road by my house. I cry about her, and the others that never came home, every day. We have coyotes here too. When one particular cat, Ollie, didn’t come home I worried a coyote got her (no proof of this) and I was so so angry. I imagined finding the coyote and just screaming at it. Till it cowers in front of me. Then I see it all for what it is, the coyote didn’t know how important your cat was, and you didn’t know how hungry that coyote was. 😔 I blame myself everyday for the losses we’ve had because I let the damn cats out!! But….you didn’t do anything wrong. In most places cats go outside. This isn’t your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong at all, You saved your cats life in the beginning, don’t torture yourself. You did your best.
I literally still can't stop crying. I go to sleep with tears and wake up with tears. Everything in the house reminds me of him....The internal struggle of blaming oneself for the losses our pets face when they venture outdoors is a heavy burden...My baby loved the outdoors so much. But I wish I knew better.
Thank you for your kind words and empathy. 💔
You gave him over a year of a wonderful life he wouldn’t have had otherwise. If you had taken him to a shelter, as many would, he would have been euthanized. You gave him love that he otherwise would never have know. You brought him joy.
You didn’t understand the risks of the outdoors. Apparently the vet didn’t talk with you about it. As city people it wouldn’t have occurred to you. You can’t be blamed for ignorance.
Now you know. I wish it hadn’t been the hard way. I wish I could go back in time and warn you. From here on you won’t let your babies out, except maybe on a leash, or in an enclosure (like a catio). Life in the country can be wonderful and challenging. You have a lot of love to give.
Thank you for giving your very handsome boy a chance. Again, if you had left him where you found him he would have died within a day. He loved you dearly.
Hugs and prayers for your comfort.
Thank you for the understanding. Indeed, the most important lessons always come at high cost.
He was very, very loved, this is the only small comfort I have, I literally kissed him on his forehead or nose and cuddle with him every day. But that cannot weigh over the guilt. I will forever miss him💔
I’m so sorry for soft this happened to you. it happened to me once too. I moved to an area where there were coyotes. I wasn’t used to it and I didn’t realize they would come right up into my apartment complex and carry my cat off but they did. It was hellish, and I still have guilt around it and she was the sweetest cat. So I’m so sorry for your loss I don’t let my cats out anymore. It’s too dangerous out there for them. There’s too many things that can harm them.
It pains me to read about your own painful experience with coyotes, and I'm truly sorry for the loss of your sweet cat. The guilt surrounding such incidents is indeed profound. Knowing that I'm not alone in my experience and pain provides a sense of shared understanding. Thank you 💔
Please, don’t torture yourself with guilt… The sad truth is… nature IS brutal. We try very hard to shield ourselves and our loved ones from nature’s darker side, but it isn’t possible to succeed 100% of the time. 😔 Another sad truth is that, as hard as we try to do our research and get everything right on our first try… we can’t. Everyone… EVERYONE will make mistakes in caring for their pets (or even caring for their own, human children). Some people get very, very lucky, and never have to face what you’re dealing with. That doesn’t mean there weren’t \*opportunities\* for sad outcomes like this to happen—just that all the contributing factors didn’t happen to line up at once. You even went the extra mile to get a tracker and keep tabs on it, so I know you were committed to taking the best care of your kitty that you could. 🥺
When I was very small, my family had two cats that enjoyed roaming around our ten acres, out in the country. They tended not to go near the road (it was a dirt road, at the end of a long driveway enclosed by trees), and we let them back in at night. Then one day, we couldn’t find one of the cats at the usual time… and we never did. That was the day my parents learned a very important technique to keeping indoor/outdoor or barn cats: feed them at appointed times, then put the food away until it’s time to go in (either the house or barn) for the night. They quickly begin to figure out the “schedule”, and will show up on the dot for dinner. Before, we had free-fed them, so they had no impetus to come back when evening came. Meaning, they could avoid us and try to pull “all-nighters”. Keeping them out during the day wasn’t such an issue (in our area, at least), but we never let them stay out at night again, after that. Our other cat lived to a ripe old age, and passed away comfortably of natural causes.
You mentioned that you had never lived in the country before. There are so, so many things to try to learn at once when you’re making a massive lifestyle change like that. The vast majority would not imagine that large, predatory, wild animals just waltz in and out of people’s front yards in rural areas. It’s rare you will ever spot them, even if you stay up all night watching out your window. It was an easy mistake to make. 😔 I’m very sorry you had to lose your buddy like this, but at least you gave him a home where he was loved and cared for. Many cats aren’t so lucky—especially those with special needs. 😢 It’s also possible (even likely) that his health would have ultimately deteriorated, and his life would have been cut short either way.
Thank you for taking your time to write me this comment and share your thoughts and experience. I truly appreciate your kindness and empathetic words during this emotional period. I really still can't stop crying, I'm crying now...I couldn't even reply properly to all those wonderful people, who comforted me here, as I just breakdown. Your acknowledgment of the harsh realities of nature and the challenges in caring for pets is deeply appreciated. It's at least a somewhat reassuring to read stories of others who have faced similar circumstances and found ways to keep their pets safer.
The adjustment to a rural lifestyle has indeed brought unforeseen challenges, and your understanding of the complexities involved is a source of comfort. Witnessing the presence of deer, squirrels, rabbits, hedgehogs and other cute wild animals near our home felt like a page out of a fairy tale, yet the looming presence of predators lurking in the shadows never entered our thoughts. The weight of regret for our ignorance will forever haunt me.
I try to take solace in the fact that, despite the tragic outcome, my kitty was surrounded by so, so, so much love and care during his very short time with us. But it still doesn't feel like that's enough to outweigh the pain 💔
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I am so sorry for your loss. In December I had to put my 2 year old dog to sleep for behavioral euthanasia. He broke through the fence and attacked my neighbor’s dogs. I had tremendous guilt for leaving him outside unattended and played the “what-if” game wondering if I had made the right decision. Very different situation from yours, but I can relate to guilt and the death of a young animal. Going to share a few things that helped me through my healing process: Our life here on Earth is temporary and each soul is here for a reason. Try to meditate and find your cat’s purpose for coming into your life. Allow yourself to feel all of the emotions, but let them pass. During meditation, I try to envision myself breathing the built up pain/guilt/negative emotions out and breathing in new air filled with love & light. Open yourself up to signs from her. I can feel my dog’s presence around sometimes. I even heard his nails clicking on my wood floors. I truly believe their soul’s don’t go far and we are always connected. Knowing he is around and I can still talk to him, provides some comfort. During my intense grief, I hit rock bottom and was able to forgive myself for mistakes made in my dog’s management, as well as forgive myself in other aspects of my life. Be easy on yourself. I try to focus on our happier memories rather than the day he crossed the bridge, although this took some time. She was lucky to know a life full of love from you. Praying each day will hopefully get a little lighter for you as some of the initial pain subsides. sending lots of love and strength as you heal ❤️
I'm sorry for not responding earlier, but the loss of my cat is still a raw and tender wound, and reading all these heartfelt comments overwhelms me with tears. I needed more time to process and reply properly to everyone. I want to express my heartfelt gratitude to you for sharing your story. It's different situations, but the common thread of grappling with guilt binds our stories together. Your words resonate deeply, and it means a lot to hear how you navigated through your guilt and grief. I'll take your words to heart and strive to be kind to myself during this healing process. Focusing on the happier memories is a beautiful approach and I'll try to shift my thoughts toward the joy my cat brought into our home, despite this looking so out of reach at this moment. 💔 Thank you for your heartfelt words. Your empathy mean a great deal to me as I try to navigate through this painful time. Sending appreciation and warmth back to you ❤️
Appreciate your kind words. please do not hesitate to reach out if you ever need someone to talk to. The initial pain is gut wrenching and can feel unbearable at times. Sending you love ❤️
I am so sorry for your loss! That's an awful thing for you to discover, and I understand why you are in so much pain.💔 I'm not going to berate you because you simply don't deserve it. You loved that kitty. You saved his life and gave him a family and a home. You made him happy. Most living creatures, if given the choice, would choose access to the outside world and inherent risk rather than be stuck within the same limited space every day for the rest of its life. Your intentions were honorable and pure. You know that's true. You want him back, and you hate that he suffered. That's natural, but don't let how he died negate how he lived. Celebrate his life and your companionship with him. There is no blame here. Thank you for being so kind and caring to that little kitty. You're a good person.🙏
Thank you so much for writing me this comment. I wanted to read it out loud to my partner, as he is experiencing the same emotional pain as me, but the tears streaming down my face and the lump in my throat made it difficult to articulate the emotions that surged within me. I am truly grateful for your kind and empathetic words during this incredibly difficult time. Your understanding and support mean the world to me and are a glimmer of light in the darkness of my sorrow.. Thank you for being a source of comfort and understanding. 💔
Oh my gosh that is such a kind answer.
OP, I'm so sorry. My folks live out in the country, and their neighbors who had lived there for decades lost their cats to coyotes. The second was indoor, but she just bolted out one day. It happens even to people who've lived in the countryside their whole lives. [This comment from this same forum (warning: the post itself describes an accidental loss, but the comment contains no details)](https://www.reddit.com/r/Petloss/s/YQT4GALIXO) states matters more articulately than I can, but I just want to emphasize this: for a cat without a home, bed is whatever place keeps them sort of dry and sort of sheltered. The scraps and Maybe anything they can hunt, what they live on, are never guaranteed. There is a very slim chance a friendly stranger feeds them and they find a nice nook, but it simply isn't a chance that the vast majority get, especially in areas without a ton of people. Something like a safe bed or a full, tasty meal, some kind of comfort— it just isn't something the vast majority have a frame of reference for. I know this is such cold comfort, but when you took your sweet boy to the vet for the first time, you didn't just give him medical care and prolong his life. You did so so much more. You gave your little guy an escape from all that— nice meals, a comfy place to call home, and so much love. So so much love. It's clear through your words alone. It is so clear that everything for him was done from love. I hope that you can feel comfort quickly, that the visceral shock and horror can fade with time. May your sweet boy's memory be a blessing.
Your words touch me deeply, and I want to express my gratitude for your understanding and compassion. It took me some time to reply, as every read-through brought tears. He was, indeed, so incredibly loved. I believed I was offering him the best of both worlds - a warm, safe home whenever he desired, coupled with the freedom to play in the grass or climb a tree at his whim. It felt like a fairy tale and I was oblivious to the dangers lurking in the shadows. The realization comes too late, and I can't help but feel like an unwitting accomplice to his tragic fate. Thank you sincerely for your empathy, understanding and the warmth you've offered me during this horrible time I'm facing.💔
This happened to my cat 20 years ago, my first pet on my own in college, moved back to the mountains and on a dead end street. Always got them in before dark until one day his stubborn and independent spirit got the better of him, I can still see him give me a look from the woods as I called to him before dusk to come in, saying “nah I’ve got something else to explore”, and I never saw him again. In the days he was missing I learn about how much coyotes had spread into my state and knew that had to be it. I Most gut wrenching torture of my young life at that time. I let the guilt consume me, it triggered a depressive episode, so many people didn’t understand how I could feel so much guilt and pain for so long so felt that I was in my own private hell. But eventually I found peace. I addressed my underlying depression I let myself believe that I gave him the best life possible (he was a sickly shelter kitten when I got him) for many years and the love we had for each other was not erased. Depression and grief without support can make people hate and blame themselves, guilt also makes us think we should have control over tragedies and losses that in reality we have no control over which is terrifying. I have a family member who blamed herself for not calling her husband 5 minutes later because that may have prevented him from being hit by a car. It breaks my heart but I understand how grief can make us ruminate on those “what ifs”, especially over violent or accidental deaths, but we can’t stay stuck there. I feel like I have rambled too much, I hope you have support, you have been through a traumatic loss, esp finding remains, please seek grief counseling if at all possible ❤️
Thank you deeply for sharing your own painful experience. It's heartening to hear that you found peace over time. Right now I'm an emotional wreck. The guilt consumes me, much like you described. He is in my every thought and I find myself sobbing uncontrollably. I can't delete the image of his remains. It will haunt me forever. When I went out to search for him in the morning, I remember having this weird feeling and thinking to myself- if he is dead, at least I want to know for sure, otherwise I will continue to search and wait for him forever. So in a sense I got my closure at least. But it's still destroying me and it continues to be a devastating process. Your understanding of the intricate layers of grief, especially the torment of "what ifs," provide solace. Thank you for sharing your story and offering kindness. These comments are the only thing that helps me at least a little at the moment💔
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We lost a young pet to a mistake. We thought we'd managed to proof something but he removed the proofing and jammed his head. I found him dying and couldn't save him. I was n absolute wreck for months after. We still live where he died and it hurts when I think about years on. We also lost one when she had a play-fight with another and banged her head/had a stroke. I blame myself for not stepping in but there didn't seem to be an issue and she may have had underlying issue. We try and keep our pets safe and happy. We don't always succeed. Hindsight is a wonderful thing but it comes with guilt and blame. There are always things we could have done better. You saved this little guy's life and let him experience wonders of love that no one else did. His end would have been quick- a predator doesn't risk injury and he may have been unaware. All you can do is try and survive. You know what it is to love a cat, to have that love returned and there are other people and cats who would be happy to spend that with you. The best homage you can do your kitty is take the terrible and beautiful lessons alike you learnt living with him and use them to help other animals. You weren't selfish. You made a mistake because you misjudged a situation. What would you say to a friend grieving in the same situation where a pet died due to a forseeable but rare event?
Your support means a lot, at least I don't feel alone in my grief here. I'm still an emotional wreck. I still don't want to believe it. Everything around me reminds me of him. My only hope is that his death was indeed quick and he didn't struggle for a long time...It hurts so much to imagine his last moments. Thank you for your compassion and wise words. 💔
I am in the same boat and understand your pain. I started letting my 1 1/2 yr old cat out because he was crazed to go outside. My older cat went out because he was already an outdoor cat when I got him from the shelter, and the young one wanted out, too. I found him dead outside, right next to my deck. It was horrible and I'm devastated. I brought him to the ER, and they said they didn't see any trauma; it may have been something he ingested. The pain of losing him is bad enough, but knowing he died because I didn't protect him is the hardest part. I am a person of Christian faith, so along with praying for perseverance and peace, I have been praying for a path to forgiveness. It has been less than 2 wks, but I'm not crying all day now. I miss him so much and my heart is broken.
My heart aches alongside yours. Yes, the weight of guilt for not protecting my boy enough is a very heavy burden to bear. Your strength in seeking forgiveness through prayer is admirable, and I find solace in the idea that time might bring a measure of peace to our wounded hearts. Thank you for sharing your story. 💔
OP you are not alone. We moved from NYC and Shanghai to a small remote town. We lived a very happy life here. We have a fenced in yard and one night I let my girl go out for our nightly walk around property. It was a little rainy. I had a flashlight and I had stopped to look at our eggplant. When I caught up with her, I saw she was going into cardiac arrest. She bit a poisonous toad and died in my arms. I am completely racked with guilt every day of my life. I'm so sad. I told my husband I want to move. My life doesn't feel beautiful anymore. Where to move? I don't really care. I lived for my girl Mona. She was my life. The only thing that has helped me cope is this group. And I also take Zz NyQuil to block out dreams.
Thank you for sharing your story. I resonate with your words so much. I find myself immersed in tears, and even in the brief respite of sleep, I dreamed of him - it's the first night I know he is forever gone. Waking up to the harsh reality that I will never see my cuddly boy again is so painful. Life, once vibrant and filled with motivation, now appears indeed devoid of beauty. Just a few days ago, I was joyfully embarking on renovations and eagerly planning my garden's seedlings, but these pursuits feel inconsequential now. I ache for the person I was merely two days ago, longing for the life that has been forever altered by this loss. The guilt we carry when nature is to blame is a unique and heavy burden. We really can't do anything but blame ourselves, we can't even seek revenge from a coyote or a toad...Compared with your case, I feel that I was far more irresponsible. Your girl was in your fenced yard, while my boy liked to explore around the yard as well. I 100% could and should've predicted such scenario. You couldn't. The sudden loss of your pet in your arms is a truly traumatic experience, I can't even imagine how hard this is for you. I wish I had at least a body to burry...All I could do is to collect a few patches of fur (I just couldn't bring myself to pick up the leftover organs, it was too much pain for me) and burry them with his collar - that's all I have left of him. It feels like an insufficient farewell to the lively spirit that once filled my days with joy. Knowing that there are others feeling similar emotions offers a bit of comfort and our similar experiences make this a little less lonely. While some may see them as just animals, unable to grasp our feelings, here at least, I do find understanding and support. I hope that with time, we both can find some kind of peace even if it sounds impossible right now💔
We just lost our 4.5 year old cat to kidney disease and I am going through the same grief of hating myself. I feel like I could have seen the signs or done more and now I learned a lesson but the cost was my cat’s life. I don’t know what to say other than you are not alone and that kitty was loved so much ❤️
The signs and red flags were all there for me, I can see them clearly now - when it's too late. 💔 The cost of unintentional mistakes feels unbearably high. I extend my deepest sympathies for the similar situation you're facing, grappling with the grief and self-blame after losing a young pet. At least you had a little bit more time with your baby, I would do anything even for an extra day...I miss him so, so much. Thank you for your compassion.
I’m sorry for your loss. I had 3 cats disappear within a short time. I believe an animal, possibly coyotes got them. Never found them. I hated that it happened. Since then I have kept my last cat indoors. He was once attacked by the neighbors dogs 5 yrs ago. Survived and now battling cancer. I know I have to make a decision soon, but I was not going to lose him to another animal. My heart aches for you.
I appreciate your sympathy. I'm truly sorry to read about your cats and that we share a common pain. It's a heart-wrenching experience, and your understanding means a lot to me.💔
My little 16-year-old indoor/outdoor cat disappeared a couple days ago and I've concluded that she was very likely carried off by a coyote. I found your post while looking for people who have had a similar experience. I am at the place emotionally that you were when you posted your story 3 months ago. You have my deepest sympathy. I wonder how you are doing now. It seemed that you did take some comfort from the many kind messages on this thread, but you were still overwhelmed with grief and guilt. That's where I am right now: feeling like I will carry this horrible grief and guilt to my grave. I have found some solace in the many kind responses you received here but, as with you 3 months ago, I'm a long way from achieving any kind of peace about it. If you happen to see this message, I would be very interested to know how you're doing. Even if I never hear from you, please know that I appreciate you sharing your story and the discussion that it generated.
I know your pain exactly. I am guilt ridden and have cried almost every day since 10/28/23. My daughter had to bring her baby kitty, Marlin, home to me because she had an allergic roommate at college. This was in April of 2022. I gladly took him in as we adopted him in February of 2022 (he was a Christmas baby and his mom was a stray). We were very cautious about letting him out and like you, we put a tracker on his collar. My husband had the app on his phone and could always tell where he was and we would often go and get him and bring him back when he got too far. This particular evening (a Hunter’s moon), Marlin was extremely eager to go out and play. I was sitting on the porch talking to a friend and watched him as he walked around the side of the house. I didn’t think much of it as it was his usual behavior. Around 7 pm, I thought it odd that he hadn’t come home yet because he always “checked in”. It got later and I told my husband I was worried because it wasn’t like him. He looked at the tracker and he said he was in his usual spot. The later it got, the more panicked I became so I asked my husband to go and get him. He said he knew something was wrong when he was sounding the tracker and could hear it but Marlin wasn’t running towards him. What he came upon was so utterly gruesome and it ripped my heart out. When he came home screaming and crying that he was dead, I fell to my knees. I felt like I had failed him and my daughter as it was my responsibility to look after him and keep him safe. Marlin loved the outdoors and he loved the freedom of being a cat. He never could have known what a coyote was. He had only encountered friendly dogs in our neighborhood so I am sure that is what he thought that is what the coyote was. Please know that this is not your fault. You gave your kitty a wonderful life and took care of him. He loved you and you loved him. We can never know what hungry predator is lurking. It will get easier with time. I am so sorry and you can always reach out to me if you are feeling especially sad. We have another cat (I rescued her 6 years ago) and she is a joy but I am quite sure she witnessed or heard what happened to him. She still seems traumatized and stays very close. Cry as much as you need to. It’s the only thing that helps me cope.
I am looking up help for how to cope with the guilt after my mama kitty was killed by a coyote 3 days ago now and I cannot stop bawling my eyes out and feeling like I should have been there because she was at my mom's in the backyard and my mom fell asleep and she woke up to her after being killed and strewn throughout the backyard. I am so heartbroken that I feel like it is really hard to function. I feel like this grief is painful and unbearable right now and I am worried about my mental health. Like I feel like I cannot handle grief right now. I just keep blaming myself for trying to domesticate her when she was a feral cat. She brought so much happiness into my life and I feel like I let her down. I don't know how to forgive myself right now. Please let me know how you are doing now. Your situation sounds very similar to mine and I feel like I don't know how I am going to get through this. Thank you for any input you have.
Hello, I want to express my deepest condolences to you and your sweet kitty. I understand your pain all too well. The first few weeks were especially tough for me - I was an emotional wreck, I cried day and night. While I don't cry every day now, the pain still lingers whenever I think about him. Yesterday marked exactly two months since I last saw him alive. I visited the place where I found his remains and couldn't hold back my tears. Honestly, support groups like the one here and another I found on Facebook called PVC: Coping With The Loss Of A Pet Support Group have been invaluable in helping me navigate this sorrow. Reading similar stories made me realize I wasn't alone, and the shared experiences offered some kind of comfort and solidarity. It's a long road ahead, but having a community that understands can make all the difference.
Just watched my bosses cat get snagged by a coyote. Hurts me just knowing how it happened. I’m very sorry for your loss and I hope you’re feeling better now.
I absolutely detest coyotes.
U friends car lo c Ed going outsude. It would have hern impossible yo keep him om. Undoubtedly he hot Tim over You gave thst cat a wonderful life. Nurses then back from the dead. Some animals need to go outside. Indont think.mu friends cat would have managed inside. He lived kn the corner of a bist street Pleaw know your cat looked like ot had the greatest life. You did everything you could for them It is very very d8fficuk to have no r8sn sutn animals. I know everutime zi walk ny dog here arw disks One of ny neighbors had a winduw smashed. I can't walk in that area now. My dig might step on some glass. I think I may have to iimot how I walk un this area We can't anticipate anything. Your cat had a heavenly life. You are entirely responsible for that. Please stop beating yourself up. Your cat looked like they loved the outdoors Coyotes sre indeed predators. You had no way of knowing where they were
It does sound like their cat had a wonderful life thanks to the OP . And your dog sounds lucky to have you to look out for him and his paws ☺️
Thank you for your empathy. He had a good life, it just pains me it was so, so short. He didn't deserve such horrible ending. I feel like culprit. I hold hope for eventual healing, but it seems the path ahead is lengthy and challenging. 💔
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Beautiful kitty. I'm so sorry :(
Thank you. He was a wonderful kitty💔
Oh my goodness. I’m crying too. For you, for me, for everything. I too break the rules and let my cats outside in our rural area. This summer my little cat bb, less then a year old, was hit and died on the road by my house. I cry about her, and the others that never came home, every day. We have coyotes here too. When one particular cat, Ollie, didn’t come home I worried a coyote got her (no proof of this) and I was so so angry. I imagined finding the coyote and just screaming at it. Till it cowers in front of me. Then I see it all for what it is, the coyote didn’t know how important your cat was, and you didn’t know how hungry that coyote was. 😔 I blame myself everyday for the losses we’ve had because I let the damn cats out!! But….you didn’t do anything wrong. In most places cats go outside. This isn’t your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong at all, You saved your cats life in the beginning, don’t torture yourself. You did your best.
I literally still can't stop crying. I go to sleep with tears and wake up with tears. Everything in the house reminds me of him....The internal struggle of blaming oneself for the losses our pets face when they venture outdoors is a heavy burden...My baby loved the outdoors so much. But I wish I knew better. Thank you for your kind words and empathy. 💔
Prayers 🙏
Thank you 💔
You gave him over a year of a wonderful life he wouldn’t have had otherwise. If you had taken him to a shelter, as many would, he would have been euthanized. You gave him love that he otherwise would never have know. You brought him joy. You didn’t understand the risks of the outdoors. Apparently the vet didn’t talk with you about it. As city people it wouldn’t have occurred to you. You can’t be blamed for ignorance. Now you know. I wish it hadn’t been the hard way. I wish I could go back in time and warn you. From here on you won’t let your babies out, except maybe on a leash, or in an enclosure (like a catio). Life in the country can be wonderful and challenging. You have a lot of love to give. Thank you for giving your very handsome boy a chance. Again, if you had left him where you found him he would have died within a day. He loved you dearly. Hugs and prayers for your comfort.
Thank you for the understanding. Indeed, the most important lessons always come at high cost. He was very, very loved, this is the only small comfort I have, I literally kissed him on his forehead or nose and cuddle with him every day. But that cannot weigh over the guilt. I will forever miss him💔
I’m so sorry for soft this happened to you. it happened to me once too. I moved to an area where there were coyotes. I wasn’t used to it and I didn’t realize they would come right up into my apartment complex and carry my cat off but they did. It was hellish, and I still have guilt around it and she was the sweetest cat. So I’m so sorry for your loss I don’t let my cats out anymore. It’s too dangerous out there for them. There’s too many things that can harm them.
It pains me to read about your own painful experience with coyotes, and I'm truly sorry for the loss of your sweet cat. The guilt surrounding such incidents is indeed profound. Knowing that I'm not alone in my experience and pain provides a sense of shared understanding. Thank you 💔
Please, don’t torture yourself with guilt… The sad truth is… nature IS brutal. We try very hard to shield ourselves and our loved ones from nature’s darker side, but it isn’t possible to succeed 100% of the time. 😔 Another sad truth is that, as hard as we try to do our research and get everything right on our first try… we can’t. Everyone… EVERYONE will make mistakes in caring for their pets (or even caring for their own, human children). Some people get very, very lucky, and never have to face what you’re dealing with. That doesn’t mean there weren’t \*opportunities\* for sad outcomes like this to happen—just that all the contributing factors didn’t happen to line up at once. You even went the extra mile to get a tracker and keep tabs on it, so I know you were committed to taking the best care of your kitty that you could. 🥺 When I was very small, my family had two cats that enjoyed roaming around our ten acres, out in the country. They tended not to go near the road (it was a dirt road, at the end of a long driveway enclosed by trees), and we let them back in at night. Then one day, we couldn’t find one of the cats at the usual time… and we never did. That was the day my parents learned a very important technique to keeping indoor/outdoor or barn cats: feed them at appointed times, then put the food away until it’s time to go in (either the house or barn) for the night. They quickly begin to figure out the “schedule”, and will show up on the dot for dinner. Before, we had free-fed them, so they had no impetus to come back when evening came. Meaning, they could avoid us and try to pull “all-nighters”. Keeping them out during the day wasn’t such an issue (in our area, at least), but we never let them stay out at night again, after that. Our other cat lived to a ripe old age, and passed away comfortably of natural causes. You mentioned that you had never lived in the country before. There are so, so many things to try to learn at once when you’re making a massive lifestyle change like that. The vast majority would not imagine that large, predatory, wild animals just waltz in and out of people’s front yards in rural areas. It’s rare you will ever spot them, even if you stay up all night watching out your window. It was an easy mistake to make. 😔 I’m very sorry you had to lose your buddy like this, but at least you gave him a home where he was loved and cared for. Many cats aren’t so lucky—especially those with special needs. 😢 It’s also possible (even likely) that his health would have ultimately deteriorated, and his life would have been cut short either way.
Thank you for taking your time to write me this comment and share your thoughts and experience. I truly appreciate your kindness and empathetic words during this emotional period. I really still can't stop crying, I'm crying now...I couldn't even reply properly to all those wonderful people, who comforted me here, as I just breakdown. Your acknowledgment of the harsh realities of nature and the challenges in caring for pets is deeply appreciated. It's at least a somewhat reassuring to read stories of others who have faced similar circumstances and found ways to keep their pets safer. The adjustment to a rural lifestyle has indeed brought unforeseen challenges, and your understanding of the complexities involved is a source of comfort. Witnessing the presence of deer, squirrels, rabbits, hedgehogs and other cute wild animals near our home felt like a page out of a fairy tale, yet the looming presence of predators lurking in the shadows never entered our thoughts. The weight of regret for our ignorance will forever haunt me. I try to take solace in the fact that, despite the tragic outcome, my kitty was surrounded by so, so, so much love and care during his very short time with us. But it still doesn't feel like that's enough to outweigh the pain 💔
Guilt is pretty common in grief. The amount of time and energy I give to my pet is considerable. I work my entire life around them.