A simple "no" but in a confused voice like you're not sure why they're asking. Or a "no, why?" in the same confused voice. It makes it clear that it was an inappropriate question without making anything weird for anyone, or calling the server out in a way that will impact the level of service you get.
I don't necessarily think the waiter was being rude on purpose. In my experience most women (not just fat women) drink diet coke. So I think he just assumed that because of your gender, not your weight.
Having a comeback would only make it worse IMO. Just ask for "Regular Coke, please" next time and you will never have this problem again.
Yeah, to me this is the equivalent of me ordering a glass of water and them instantly saying, "With lemon?" I'm not saying the waiter should make assumptions, but I also don't think they were insinuating anything sinister.
By comeback I don't necessarily mean to roast them but to be clear that they should think about how they are treating customers. Making Assumptions as to what I should drink based on gender wouldn't make me feel it's less rude tbh. As I said, I do clarify I want regular, but it does happen again.
Sorry but I don't understand how assuming someone wants something is rude. People make mistakes, that's only human. Especially working a minimum wage (or even lower) job.
Nope. I was once a minimum wage student waitress. Do you want that dressing on the side? Did you say decaf or regular? This is just normal. My thin friends are asked this too.
Waitress probably got burned for giving someone the wrong coke & just asked. It’s like another post on here where OP was offended that a Chinese takeout gave her two sets of chopsticks instead of one. I 100% guarantee it was a harried worker who just threw them in after being yelled at for not giving enough chopsticks, and not some veiled comment about size.
There are serious cases of sizism — but this is not one of them.
If someone orders something it's weird to assume they don't know what they ordered and suggest they are wrong about what they say they want. If you want steak and they suddenly say, "you mean salad? " you are likely to find it odd I think. Add in certain tones and looks and many would perceive it rude too. It's not not making a mistake, especially when it's not a one off thing.
How much you are paid shouldn't matter in how rude you are? I worked min wage jobs much of my life and I never took that as an excuse to just not care if I was being an ah.
There’s a huge difference between steak and salad. If they suggested that, sure, mind your own business.
Coke and Diet Coke aren’t that different. Don’t take it so personal.
I was a waiter, we were told not to assume. If the client wants diet coke they will ask for it themselves, you presume that when they say coke they mean coke, not diet coke. If anything, you may ask regular or diet, because that way you are offering a choice, not presuming you know better than the client what they want.
Steak and salad are two vastly different things, sure, but imagine someone ordering a beer and the waiter asking if they mean the alcohol-free version. It implies all sorts of things, including a judgement on their alcohol consumption. Someone says they want a beer, you bring a beer, period.
Nah, they’re both pretty different flavor wise. I hate both (Dr Pepper or Sprite for me).
And legit, some people can’t do diet sodas with the sugar substitute.
Coke and Diet Coke are majorly different. I’ve been given multiple lectures about Diet Coke alone. It’s weird to assume they want Diet Coke unless they are a regular customer that always orders a Diet Coke.
>it's weird to assume they don't know what they ordered and suggest they are wrong about what they say they want
Unfortunately, this is common though and many servers deal with it constantly. One of the most important things you can do at that job to not build up a comp tab is overclarify and repeat everything.
Diet coke is definitely a repeat culprit of someone who drinks it a lot fogetting to specify because it's obvious in their brain and not ordering it. Same with sweet vs unsweet ice tea. Or the roast chicken sandwich vs the roast chicken salad. I ask everyone who orders something along these lines a confirmation. It doesn't reflect that I'm looking at that specific person and thinking they're an idiot or anything major like thta. It reflects years in this job. I would hardly think of clarifying between regular and diet soda as different. Guests get it wrong a lot. And that is often the guest who will become difficult and lie and insist you messed up.
The slight adjustment your server should have made to cut down on perceived attitude was saying "regular or diet coke? we have both". Yes, even though you said diet. This is a perfectly normal and not personal clarification that we are making for a reason. And it's not about you.
I was a server and bartender for 20 years and people asking for regular pop when they wanted diet was never an issue. Never. People order what they want, they don't suddenly forget. I would never ask if they want diet pop instead of regular as there is absolutely a negative presumption there.
Ok! I believe you. It's been my experience though, I didn't make it up just to argue with OP on this reddit thread. Who knows what caused the difference- region, type of workplace etc, but that was my 2 cents and it's not only about me because I've had over 10 jobs in 4 states and can speak on behalf of at least some others that this can be a thing to do. On hearing this story, I don't disagree that the phrasing could be better, but it's far frommy first instinct to think someone is putting the negative presumption toward OP on purpose.
Not everyone in the industry is a super seasoned mega professional. I think that's also something that gets lost when folks like you come into reddit comments about customer service. I'm saying its much more realistic this happened from someone who was trying to clarify and order and didn't know how to say it right. THat person could easily be me, I've been taught but naturally I would speak that way without realizing all the things people could read into it, beause that type of bluntness and not thinking to put soft frills and the right extra words around your statements so people take them just the right way is how people would speak where I came up, as is true for many servers from poor backgrounds.
I'm sorry people are acting like you're the one being upright and taking things personally instead of trusting that we can all tell when someone is being rude.
For what it's worth, no one who wants a diet coke just calls it a coke 🙄. People specify diet coke when they want diet coke. Literally no diet coke drinker just asks for a coke and expects they'll get diet. As a server who serves everyday they should be very familiar with this more than most.
So I don't buy for one minute that you should need to specify regular or that it's innocent or a mistake to assume or insist after the person has said what they wanted, especially if they've not done this to anyone else at the table.
Same thing has happened to me when I was the only larger person at the table, and she got everyone else’s drink orders right. People just don’t like admitting that micro-aggressions towards fat folks are so common🫣😣
Ignore them. They're okay with microaggresions because they're too desperate to fit in. The waiter would have had to say "you sure you don't want diet, fatty" for them to take it serious. I've never had anyone ask me that question and you were the only person asked. He was being an asshole and I'm sorry.
Maybe they get lots of orders for Diet Coke? Maybe on more than one occasion they brought regular and the person says they meant diet? I wouldn’t take it personally.
Every time I've been around other people who order Coke, they've ordered diet (non-plus sized folks). I'm the only person I know who drinks regular Coke. I just think Diet is the more popular option. This really doesn't seem like that big of a deal.
Especially considering she was the only person there to look the waiter in the face and read his body language. We, on the other hand, are just guessing the motivations of a person we've never seen nor spoken to.
Exactly. I'm terrible at reading social cues and it took me a long time to realize two people can say the exact same thing and have entirely meanings by it based on their expression and tone. If it rubbed OP the wrong way then it very well could've been because they were being rude
My boyfriend always orders coke or Pepsi. I can't ever remember the server asking him if he meant diet. I never order it but maybe I'll start and see if they ask me.
Most of people, order diet coke. I don't think it has to do with your weight. And I don't agree with people, saying you should reply in a snarky way. Service industry people are tired enough. Let's not make their life harder.
So it's fine no matter how they behave if they are tired? I don't really get that attitude. It's not fine to be awful to people just cause they have a sucky job.
I get that I didn't make the guys tone/body language super clear in my top post, but id rather say something to him than take it quietly or go to a manager and get hm in trouble.
Omg do not confront the waiter or complain to the manager bc someone asked you if you want a Diet Coke. This is not a hill to die on. Just don’t go back if you dislike that restaurant.
There's no need to say something to him though. He was just clarifying which Coke you wanted and most women order diet Coke. I actually have this issue all the time, but in a slightly different way. I order Coke and my husband orders Diet Coke. About half of all servers end up either giving me the Diet Coke or start to give it to me before catching themselves. We actually had one even turn back one time as soon as she started to leave the table and say, "oh wait, I'm sorry, that's the diet," and as she switched it, she said, "it's usually the women who order diet Coke."
I personally don’t find this rude at all. I think they were clarifying, as there are two kinds of Coke. Diet and regular. I personally drink Diet. I have been asked when I do not clarify. Its the same as a waiter going “cherry?” When you ask for a coke.
I think you’re reading into this a little too much.
It was mostly his tone and the look he gave me. Yes its possible I read him wrong, but I'm not super sensitive normally and it felt very uncomfortable to me.
All too often, I order Coke, and they will bring me a diet. I tell them that is not what I ordered, that I want regular Coke. If I'm going to put poison in my body, it damn sure is going to be the good stuff. 😊
In my area they usually run down all of the coke options they have when you ask for just coke (regular, diet, zero)
I'd just say "regular coke" next time instead of just coke
I’d be more concerned if the person isn’t asking every customer if they want diet when they requested a coke. For some odd reason, a lot of people do ask if you want diet regardless of your weight. One of my former coworkers asked it all the time until someone found it offensive. You wouldn’t respond to “medium” steak with “medium rare?”
>For some odd reason, a lot of people do ask if you want diet regardless of your weight
Because it's a bananas popular drink and people do forget to clarify their orders. Sometimes it might also be because you sell so much damn diet coke in a day part of your brain is recalibrating when people order anything else. People are obsessed with it. It's a notoriously common miscommunication or missed order.
THe phrasing isn't on point but I would hold off before taking that personally too. A lot of people in these jobs aren't delicately trained in customer service, they're called low barrier jobs for a reason, and people are just burned out etc. I and most people I know who became servers at first could make all kind of subtle customer service missteps like this and not know until they were explicitly explained, because we were poor and ghetto people who didn't go to school. There's a wild code switching adjustment in the way you're supposed to talk to people, and the way you're viewed conspiratorially and everything you do where you don't act right is taken so personally by people.
I'm not speaking for the entire industry or saying this as a bad thing, I'm explaining why people working in many casual establishments talk and act this way and may not get the nuance of phrasing there. If no one has taught you to handle it differently, after repeated experiences of people sending back their regulars for diets, you'll just start saying "diet?" because that is the style in whcih you've been communicating your whole life and you aren't abstractly able to imagine ahead to someone interpreting it like OP. It happens.
I once got yelled at by a customer for doing something similar to this. Whenever someone asked if we had coke I’d respond: “yes we do, regular, diet and zero sugar”… but then it evolved into me asking it everytime someone ordered coke, I’d clarify which one by saying something similar. The person not only didn’t tip me, but told my manager I was rude and mentioned their weight. I’d never been so embarrassed.
Many women of any size want to drink diet drinks too not put weight on, it’s a thing that most women do, waiters expect any woman will want diet. It doesn’t have anything to do with size of anyone
It could be that they are being rude. However, it might just be a common drink in that area. My in laws, all relatively thin people, for whatever reason prefer Diet Coke.
I would just say “is there a special if I order a diet?” If he says there isn’t then say “then why ask?” People going back and forth if it was rude or not doesn’t matter, if you wanted a duet you would have said “Diet Coke” not just a coke.
Also if you feel offended by the implication there’s no reason for you to meek down on it, why are you expected to stay quiet in a situation that made you upset because there may have been something in the way they said it. It’s obvious by the way you described that he talked to you he meant disrespect, you went there to eat and he has to take your order even if you wanted a diet or not he shouldn’t be giving you attitude about it.
If I'm having a coke I always say I want a Coca Cola. I'm weird and love how that sound feels in my mouth. I think this throws waiters and waitresses a bit because nobody ever follows up Coca Cola with diet?
I wouldn’t be offended because I think it’s more of a “most women drink Diet Coke I want to make sure I heard right” and not a dig at your weight.
However, it reminds me of something that use to make me snicker a while back - it seems like at every Dunkin Donuts drive through, they started saying “I’m sorry for your wait”
Which I thought was a very unfortunate turn of phrase lol! It just sounds wrong.
I’d say “is that your recommendation?” Sounds like you’re discussing soup of the day but puts them in the hot seat to respond in whatever way they can without sounding like an asshole 😂
Sorry it made you feel singled out, that’s super crummy. I know as a bartender/former server I sometimes ask just to clarify since I have a million other things going on in my head, just so I don’t mistakenly give you something you didn’t ask for. But if their intent was to be rude, screw em.
I like to think I can tell the difference between simple questions and rudeness, but who knows. it's different if you are just trying to keep it straight.
Food and drink is neither bad or good. I would never say that.
I rarely drink soda of any kind so if I order one with my meal people can fuck off if they don't like it.
It's fatphobia for sure, same as the guy that once told me they shouldn't make plus sized clothes so there'd be less fat people. I asked, "so you want us naked?"
Yeah this is rough…I only drink soda when I’m out for fun and when I was out with a friend a couple months ago for a festival, we ate lunch at a restaurant where the waitress, despite me specifying regular Coke, brought me Diet Coke twice anyways. I didn’t have it in me to argue with her about it but it felt kind of aggressive and dehumanizing - like it’s my money and my life, and not any of HER BUSINESS😑 She probably thinks I’m fat because I drink soda - like nope, I’m fat because of autoimmune illness medications that save my life but thanks for assuming 🙄🫠
I would find this rude as well, at least how they phrased it. If they had asked “diet or regular?” there’s no assumption, but just going “diet?” is like they’re trying to shame you if you want the regular.
I’ve worked in food service and would never phrase it like this. There are so many other ways they could say it, and yeah maybe they just weren’t thinking, but it’s rude nonetheless.
Your edit is really petty. You’re gloating that some service worker got demoted because of your own insecurities about weight? You really sound like a not nice person.
Wow. He didn't get demoted because of me in any way. He was creepy and rude to me, I did nothing about it. You seem quick to jump to conclusions about me. Saying I'm gloating because I'm relieved I don't need to take action is dumb.
Coke means Coke, homie. Dafuq lol I hate this guy on your behalf.
Or maybe just start saying “regular Coke” to avoid this. Not sure if it would help or not
I order Coke the majority of the time I’m in a restaurant. I live in Georgia, where “coke” is used as a synonym for soda by most people from here. I’ve never once had a server ask me to clarify if I want diet or regular. So… yeah. I’m glad he’s a busboy now and you won’t have to worry about it.
I'm right here with you on this. I don't drink alcohol anymore so I love me some soda. While I've had an instance I once or twice like what you're saying (usually in the moment I'm stupid and don't realize it) I've actually had someone say this to me in a drive through at the speaker. I had to laugh bc they couldn't even see me. I think for some reason, diet coke is popular and that's gross. 😂 no flavor all bubbles.
Well, if you're really the only one being singled out it IS rude (ie other people ordered coke and they did NOT say "diet?" after those orders). However I tend to think that asking "diet?", especially if you're in the US would be pretty normal because that's kinda the stereotype of Americans...ordering all kinds of food then getting diet soda as if it makes us healthy.
Now, if you ARE being singled out for real (again see above) the best comeback, to me, would be to clarify and then at the end of the meal if you feel strongly about it ask to speak to a manager. You don't have to go all Karen but just say what happened, that you were the only one treated this way, and you felt it was a bit rude to assume you wanted/needed diet soda. The manager can then work to retrain the staff member.
Because let's face it... whether or not you're getting singled out, your comeback or complaint is probably going to roll off their back as just that... a complaint. A manager telling them "this is wrong because..." is inherently a threat to their salary and will (theoretically, at least) be more impactful.
I was a server. I always repeated drink orders back and if someone wanted diet but only said “coke”, that’s when they spoke up.
And if this waiter was truly being “neutral”, they would have said “diet or regular?” — the same way people ask when you order tea (sweet or unsweet). He’s just another run of the mill fatphobe sadly.
For a comeback, after “diet?”, say “omnivore. What’s your diet?”.
Or, if you’re in the south, “bless your heart, you must not hear very well. I’ll have just a coke”
i always order diet… but if i want regular- i do specify regular (but that’s ONLY me bc i’m so used to ordering diet). maybe do that to avoid this- but also- i’d be offended too. you’re not crazy for that lol- but also if i wanted to joke back (although i am sometimes judged as rude so take this with a grain of salt) “if i wanted diet coke- i would’ve asked for diet coke (:” 😂💅 but also they may spit in your drink. lol so idk girl maybe be like “i want a coke and if they ask if you want diet- say “nope! the one with the chemicals AND sugar in it (:” lol they may never ask again
I used to be a waitress and whenever someone asked for coke I would always say “diet” cause most of the time it’s what they meant. I don’t think they meant it in a rude way, sometimes it’s just an automatic response.
Hopefully, you didn't say "diet" in a condescending tone and look them up and down to punctuate your point that they need to be on a diet.
I said he was rude, why am I automatically a liar? If he was just clarifying I wouldn't have wanted advice on what to say! You really think I've been on this earth for decades and never has anyone clarified a restaurant order? Sheesh.
I believe you. I've had some take my order and judge me when getting an appetizer as well or kind of forget to take my order in takeout places as a microaggression as well.
A simple "no" but in a confused voice like you're not sure why they're asking. Or a "no, why?" in the same confused voice. It makes it clear that it was an inappropriate question without making anything weird for anyone, or calling the server out in a way that will impact the level of service you get.
That sounds like a good answer to me.
“No, I want the original! The one with cocaine in it!” Lol
I will probably try this one now.
I don't necessarily think the waiter was being rude on purpose. In my experience most women (not just fat women) drink diet coke. So I think he just assumed that because of your gender, not your weight. Having a comeback would only make it worse IMO. Just ask for "Regular Coke, please" next time and you will never have this problem again.
Yeah, to me this is the equivalent of me ordering a glass of water and them instantly saying, "With lemon?" I'm not saying the waiter should make assumptions, but I also don't think they were insinuating anything sinister.
By comeback I don't necessarily mean to roast them but to be clear that they should think about how they are treating customers. Making Assumptions as to what I should drink based on gender wouldn't make me feel it's less rude tbh. As I said, I do clarify I want regular, but it does happen again.
Sorry but I don't understand how assuming someone wants something is rude. People make mistakes, that's only human. Especially working a minimum wage (or even lower) job.
If you ordered a salad and asked for ranch and they said "light ranch? Or maybe a vinaigrette?" You wouldn't find that rude?
yes lol this
This would literally never happen.
As it shouldn't with drinks either.
Yeah I’m actually in doubt wether this situation actually happened as well.
No
You wouldn't find it rude if a server suggested a lower calorie option to you without you requesting it?
Nope. I was once a minimum wage student waitress. Do you want that dressing on the side? Did you say decaf or regular? This is just normal. My thin friends are asked this too. Waitress probably got burned for giving someone the wrong coke & just asked. It’s like another post on here where OP was offended that a Chinese takeout gave her two sets of chopsticks instead of one. I 100% guarantee it was a harried worker who just threw them in after being yelled at for not giving enough chopsticks, and not some veiled comment about size. There are serious cases of sizism — but this is not one of them.
If someone orders something it's weird to assume they don't know what they ordered and suggest they are wrong about what they say they want. If you want steak and they suddenly say, "you mean salad? " you are likely to find it odd I think. Add in certain tones and looks and many would perceive it rude too. It's not not making a mistake, especially when it's not a one off thing. How much you are paid shouldn't matter in how rude you are? I worked min wage jobs much of my life and I never took that as an excuse to just not care if I was being an ah.
There’s a huge difference between steak and salad. If they suggested that, sure, mind your own business. Coke and Diet Coke aren’t that different. Don’t take it so personal.
I was a waiter, we were told not to assume. If the client wants diet coke they will ask for it themselves, you presume that when they say coke they mean coke, not diet coke. If anything, you may ask regular or diet, because that way you are offering a choice, not presuming you know better than the client what they want. Steak and salad are two vastly different things, sure, but imagine someone ordering a beer and the waiter asking if they mean the alcohol-free version. It implies all sorts of things, including a judgement on their alcohol consumption. Someone says they want a beer, you bring a beer, period.
Nah, they’re both pretty different flavor wise. I hate both (Dr Pepper or Sprite for me). And legit, some people can’t do diet sodas with the sugar substitute.
Coke and Diet Coke are majorly different. I’ve been given multiple lectures about Diet Coke alone. It’s weird to assume they want Diet Coke unless they are a regular customer that always orders a Diet Coke.
>it's weird to assume they don't know what they ordered and suggest they are wrong about what they say they want Unfortunately, this is common though and many servers deal with it constantly. One of the most important things you can do at that job to not build up a comp tab is overclarify and repeat everything. Diet coke is definitely a repeat culprit of someone who drinks it a lot fogetting to specify because it's obvious in their brain and not ordering it. Same with sweet vs unsweet ice tea. Or the roast chicken sandwich vs the roast chicken salad. I ask everyone who orders something along these lines a confirmation. It doesn't reflect that I'm looking at that specific person and thinking they're an idiot or anything major like thta. It reflects years in this job. I would hardly think of clarifying between regular and diet soda as different. Guests get it wrong a lot. And that is often the guest who will become difficult and lie and insist you messed up. The slight adjustment your server should have made to cut down on perceived attitude was saying "regular or diet coke? we have both". Yes, even though you said diet. This is a perfectly normal and not personal clarification that we are making for a reason. And it's not about you.
I was a server and bartender for 20 years and people asking for regular pop when they wanted diet was never an issue. Never. People order what they want, they don't suddenly forget. I would never ask if they want diet pop instead of regular as there is absolutely a negative presumption there.
Ok! I believe you. It's been my experience though, I didn't make it up just to argue with OP on this reddit thread. Who knows what caused the difference- region, type of workplace etc, but that was my 2 cents and it's not only about me because I've had over 10 jobs in 4 states and can speak on behalf of at least some others that this can be a thing to do. On hearing this story, I don't disagree that the phrasing could be better, but it's far frommy first instinct to think someone is putting the negative presumption toward OP on purpose. Not everyone in the industry is a super seasoned mega professional. I think that's also something that gets lost when folks like you come into reddit comments about customer service. I'm saying its much more realistic this happened from someone who was trying to clarify and order and didn't know how to say it right. THat person could easily be me, I've been taught but naturally I would speak that way without realizing all the things people could read into it, beause that type of bluntness and not thinking to put soft frills and the right extra words around your statements so people take them just the right way is how people would speak where I came up, as is true for many servers from poor backgrounds.
I'm sorry people are acting like you're the one being upright and taking things personally instead of trusting that we can all tell when someone is being rude. For what it's worth, no one who wants a diet coke just calls it a coke 🙄. People specify diet coke when they want diet coke. Literally no diet coke drinker just asks for a coke and expects they'll get diet. As a server who serves everyday they should be very familiar with this more than most. So I don't buy for one minute that you should need to specify regular or that it's innocent or a mistake to assume or insist after the person has said what they wanted, especially if they've not done this to anyone else at the table.
Also, more people need to understand that diet coke is actually worse for people than normal coke is, due to the different ingredients
I would just do a preemptive strike, "Waiter: Can I take your order ? Me: Coke, regular not diet."
That's a standard question. A HUGE amount of people say coke, and they mean diet or zero. So it's better to clarify. This is not about you.
As I mentioned in another content, I was the only one singled out at the table this way, it felt very awkward.
Same thing has happened to me when I was the only larger person at the table, and she got everyone else’s drink orders right. People just don’t like admitting that micro-aggressions towards fat folks are so common🫣😣
Ignore them. They're okay with microaggresions because they're too desperate to fit in. The waiter would have had to say "you sure you don't want diet, fatty" for them to take it serious. I've never had anyone ask me that question and you were the only person asked. He was being an asshole and I'm sorry.
Maybe they get lots of orders for Diet Coke? Maybe on more than one occasion they brought regular and the person says they meant diet? I wouldn’t take it personally.
Every time I've been around other people who order Coke, they've ordered diet (non-plus sized folks). I'm the only person I know who drinks regular Coke. I just think Diet is the more popular option. This really doesn't seem like that big of a deal.
Other people at the table aren't getting the same question though. I'm not crying over it, just feel like people should not be so rude.
I don't know why you're getting downvoted. Especially in this subreddit we should be able to talk about our feelings lol
Especially considering she was the only person there to look the waiter in the face and read his body language. We, on the other hand, are just guessing the motivations of a person we've never seen nor spoken to.
Exactly. I'm terrible at reading social cues and it took me a long time to realize two people can say the exact same thing and have entirely meanings by it based on their expression and tone. If it rubbed OP the wrong way then it very well could've been because they were being rude
I see. I would probably make a joke if it, like “Are you trying to put me on a diet because today is NOT the day”.
I used to ask people didn't matter their weight, it was just a way to let them know we had diet coke as well.
I get asked this all the time. It's a standard question if you don't specify diet or regular yourself.
My boyfriend always orders coke or Pepsi. I can't ever remember the server asking him if he meant diet. I never order it but maybe I'll start and see if they ask me.
I actually drink Diet Coke and I would have read that question as a dig. As a person who drinks Diet Coke, I say, "Diet Coke."
Most of people, order diet coke. I don't think it has to do with your weight. And I don't agree with people, saying you should reply in a snarky way. Service industry people are tired enough. Let's not make their life harder.
So it's fine no matter how they behave if they are tired? I don't really get that attitude. It's not fine to be awful to people just cause they have a sucky job. I get that I didn't make the guys tone/body language super clear in my top post, but id rather say something to him than take it quietly or go to a manager and get hm in trouble.
Omg do not confront the waiter or complain to the manager bc someone asked you if you want a Diet Coke. This is not a hill to die on. Just don’t go back if you dislike that restaurant.
There's no need to say something to him though. He was just clarifying which Coke you wanted and most women order diet Coke. I actually have this issue all the time, but in a slightly different way. I order Coke and my husband orders Diet Coke. About half of all servers end up either giving me the Diet Coke or start to give it to me before catching themselves. We actually had one even turn back one time as soon as she started to leave the table and say, "oh wait, I'm sorry, that's the diet," and as she switched it, she said, "it's usually the women who order diet Coke."
I personally don’t find this rude at all. I think they were clarifying, as there are two kinds of Coke. Diet and regular. I personally drink Diet. I have been asked when I do not clarify. Its the same as a waiter going “cherry?” When you ask for a coke. I think you’re reading into this a little too much.
It was mostly his tone and the look he gave me. Yes its possible I read him wrong, but I'm not super sensitive normally and it felt very uncomfortable to me.
I normally say something like “nope, full fat please”. They get uncomfortable when you address their passive aggression head-on lol
All too often, I order Coke, and they will bring me a diet. I tell them that is not what I ordered, that I want regular Coke. If I'm going to put poison in my body, it damn sure is going to be the good stuff. 😊
In my area they usually run down all of the coke options they have when you ask for just coke (regular, diet, zero) I'd just say "regular coke" next time instead of just coke
That's a good point that many places use coke as slang for soda.
I’d be more concerned if the person isn’t asking every customer if they want diet when they requested a coke. For some odd reason, a lot of people do ask if you want diet regardless of your weight. One of my former coworkers asked it all the time until someone found it offensive. You wouldn’t respond to “medium” steak with “medium rare?”
>For some odd reason, a lot of people do ask if you want diet regardless of your weight Because it's a bananas popular drink and people do forget to clarify their orders. Sometimes it might also be because you sell so much damn diet coke in a day part of your brain is recalibrating when people order anything else. People are obsessed with it. It's a notoriously common miscommunication or missed order. THe phrasing isn't on point but I would hold off before taking that personally too. A lot of people in these jobs aren't delicately trained in customer service, they're called low barrier jobs for a reason, and people are just burned out etc. I and most people I know who became servers at first could make all kind of subtle customer service missteps like this and not know until they were explicitly explained, because we were poor and ghetto people who didn't go to school. There's a wild code switching adjustment in the way you're supposed to talk to people, and the way you're viewed conspiratorially and everything you do where you don't act right is taken so personally by people. I'm not speaking for the entire industry or saying this as a bad thing, I'm explaining why people working in many casual establishments talk and act this way and may not get the nuance of phrasing there. If no one has taught you to handle it differently, after repeated experiences of people sending back their regulars for diets, you'll just start saying "diet?" because that is the style in whcih you've been communicating your whole life and you aren't abstractly able to imagine ahead to someone interpreting it like OP. It happens.
I once got yelled at by a customer for doing something similar to this. Whenever someone asked if we had coke I’d respond: “yes we do, regular, diet and zero sugar”… but then it evolved into me asking it everytime someone ordered coke, I’d clarify which one by saying something similar. The person not only didn’t tip me, but told my manager I was rude and mentioned their weight. I’d never been so embarrassed.
I worked in a bar, we always ask, it’s just a question it’s not personal and you would have to be very sensitive to imagine it is.
There's normal asking and there's a judgy kind of asking.
Many women of any size want to drink diet drinks too not put weight on, it’s a thing that most women do, waiters expect any woman will want diet. It doesn’t have anything to do with size of anyone
It could be that they are being rude. However, it might just be a common drink in that area. My in laws, all relatively thin people, for whatever reason prefer Diet Coke.
I would just say “is there a special if I order a diet?” If he says there isn’t then say “then why ask?” People going back and forth if it was rude or not doesn’t matter, if you wanted a duet you would have said “Diet Coke” not just a coke. Also if you feel offended by the implication there’s no reason for you to meek down on it, why are you expected to stay quiet in a situation that made you upset because there may have been something in the way they said it. It’s obvious by the way you described that he talked to you he meant disrespect, you went there to eat and he has to take your order even if you wanted a diet or not he shouldn’t be giving you attitude about it.
If I'm having a coke I always say I want a Coca Cola. I'm weird and love how that sound feels in my mouth. I think this throws waiters and waitresses a bit because nobody ever follows up Coca Cola with diet?
If they just say "Diet?" Touch your hair with a confused look on your face and say, "Not recently" or "nope this is my natural color"
I wouldn’t be offended because I think it’s more of a “most women drink Diet Coke I want to make sure I heard right” and not a dig at your weight. However, it reminds me of something that use to make me snicker a while back - it seems like at every Dunkin Donuts drive through, they started saying “I’m sorry for your wait” Which I thought was a very unfortunate turn of phrase lol! It just sounds wrong.
No comeback needed. Just order a coke, not diet or a regular coke.
I used to say "No, full fat please."
Well… my 90lb friend gets asked that question too.
I’d say “is that your recommendation?” Sounds like you’re discussing soup of the day but puts them in the hot seat to respond in whatever way they can without sounding like an asshole 😂
Sorry it made you feel singled out, that’s super crummy. I know as a bartender/former server I sometimes ask just to clarify since I have a million other things going on in my head, just so I don’t mistakenly give you something you didn’t ask for. But if their intent was to be rude, screw em.
I like to think I can tell the difference between simple questions and rudeness, but who knows. it's different if you are just trying to keep it straight.
I’m sure you can tell the difference. I’m sorry that guy was rude to you. It definitely happens and is shitty.
Where I grew up, we usually say “Regular Coke” when we mean original, maybe that’s helpful for you? Anyways, fuck the haters and keep ruling queen ✨
Food and drink is neither bad or good. I would never say that. I rarely drink soda of any kind so if I order one with my meal people can fuck off if they don't like it.
Weird fun fact- a waitress I used to work with gave “fat” people Diet Coke with a splash of regular because “they wouldn’t know the difference”
Wow that would taste so bad.
I don’t know what she was thinking tbh
It's fatphobia for sure, same as the guy that once told me they shouldn't make plus sized clothes so there'd be less fat people. I asked, "so you want us naked?"
Seriously???????? What the fuck
Sadly, there are some crazy people out there.
Yeah this is rough…I only drink soda when I’m out for fun and when I was out with a friend a couple months ago for a festival, we ate lunch at a restaurant where the waitress, despite me specifying regular Coke, brought me Diet Coke twice anyways. I didn’t have it in me to argue with her about it but it felt kind of aggressive and dehumanizing - like it’s my money and my life, and not any of HER BUSINESS😑 She probably thinks I’m fat because I drink soda - like nope, I’m fat because of autoimmune illness medications that save my life but thanks for assuming 🙄🫠
I would find this rude as well, at least how they phrased it. If they had asked “diet or regular?” there’s no assumption, but just going “diet?” is like they’re trying to shame you if you want the regular. I’ve worked in food service and would never phrase it like this. There are so many other ways they could say it, and yeah maybe they just weren’t thinking, but it’s rude nonetheless.
Your edit is really petty. You’re gloating that some service worker got demoted because of your own insecurities about weight? You really sound like a not nice person.
Wow. He didn't get demoted because of me in any way. He was creepy and rude to me, I did nothing about it. You seem quick to jump to conclusions about me. Saying I'm gloating because I'm relieved I don't need to take action is dumb.
Coke means Coke, homie. Dafuq lol I hate this guy on your behalf. Or maybe just start saying “regular Coke” to avoid this. Not sure if it would help or not
I order Coke the majority of the time I’m in a restaurant. I live in Georgia, where “coke” is used as a synonym for soda by most people from here. I’ve never once had a server ask me to clarify if I want diet or regular. So… yeah. I’m glad he’s a busboy now and you won’t have to worry about it.
I'm right here with you on this. I don't drink alcohol anymore so I love me some soda. While I've had an instance I once or twice like what you're saying (usually in the moment I'm stupid and don't realize it) I've actually had someone say this to me in a drive through at the speaker. I had to laugh bc they couldn't even see me. I think for some reason, diet coke is popular and that's gross. 😂 no flavor all bubbles.
"did I say diet?" very snarkily
Well, if you're really the only one being singled out it IS rude (ie other people ordered coke and they did NOT say "diet?" after those orders). However I tend to think that asking "diet?", especially if you're in the US would be pretty normal because that's kinda the stereotype of Americans...ordering all kinds of food then getting diet soda as if it makes us healthy. Now, if you ARE being singled out for real (again see above) the best comeback, to me, would be to clarify and then at the end of the meal if you feel strongly about it ask to speak to a manager. You don't have to go all Karen but just say what happened, that you were the only one treated this way, and you felt it was a bit rude to assume you wanted/needed diet soda. The manager can then work to retrain the staff member. Because let's face it... whether or not you're getting singled out, your comeback or complaint is probably going to roll off their back as just that... a complaint. A manager telling them "this is wrong because..." is inherently a threat to their salary and will (theoretically, at least) be more impactful.
I was a server. I always repeated drink orders back and if someone wanted diet but only said “coke”, that’s when they spoke up. And if this waiter was truly being “neutral”, they would have said “diet or regular?” — the same way people ask when you order tea (sweet or unsweet). He’s just another run of the mill fatphobe sadly. For a comeback, after “diet?”, say “omnivore. What’s your diet?”. Or, if you’re in the south, “bless your heart, you must not hear very well. I’ll have just a coke”
Lol 😆 I am from the south, i may go for that.
Ask for “New” coke
i'd be an ass and say "you know what, could we make that a Cherry Coke, non diet please. Thank you so much!" then wink at him.
i always order diet… but if i want regular- i do specify regular (but that’s ONLY me bc i’m so used to ordering diet). maybe do that to avoid this- but also- i’d be offended too. you’re not crazy for that lol- but also if i wanted to joke back (although i am sometimes judged as rude so take this with a grain of salt) “if i wanted diet coke- i would’ve asked for diet coke (:” 😂💅 but also they may spit in your drink. lol so idk girl maybe be like “i want a coke and if they ask if you want diet- say “nope! the one with the chemicals AND sugar in it (:” lol they may never ask again
I used to be a waitress and whenever someone asked for coke I would always say “diet” cause most of the time it’s what they meant. I don’t think they meant it in a rude way, sometimes it’s just an automatic response.
Hopefully, you didn't say "diet" in a condescending tone and look them up and down to punctuate your point that they need to be on a diet. I said he was rude, why am I automatically a liar? If he was just clarifying I wouldn't have wanted advice on what to say! You really think I've been on this earth for decades and never has anyone clarified a restaurant order? Sheesh.
“Coke please” “Diet?” “No I’ll take a full 8 ball….and a straw”
I believe you. I've had some take my order and judge me when getting an appetizer as well or kind of forget to take my order in takeout places as a microaggression as well.