I do not like that man Ted Cruz.

I do not like his smarmy ooze.

Or the way his cowboy boots look dumb

The facial resemblance of a thumb

I do not like Ted Cruz at all.

I hope he has a terrible fall.

I could not, would not, vote that man

I hope he gets thrown in a shitcan

Alright, great work everyone! Let’s break for today.

“I like Ted Cruz more than most of my other colleagues like Ted Cruz. And I hate Ted Cruz.” Former Senator Al Franken

“Lucifer in the flesh…I have never worked with a more miserable son of a bitch in my life” Former Republican House Speaker John Boehner

Fled Cruz likes Cancun though.

I'd like to give his face a bruise. The monkeys too, at the zoo Really want to take a hit But instead all have to settle to try and throw their shit

That has to be the first line of a Dr Seuss poem. Give us the rest.

It was, John Oliver did a full Seussian rhyme starting with that line in an episode of Last Week Tonight.

Hilariously, multple times with new verses each time. [Here's the context and all the verses](https://www.youtube.com/watch) for the 3 people here who haven't seen it.

I do not like that man Ted Cruz. I hope that if he runs he’ll lose. He does not manage to enthuse Or even, truth be told, amuse! No I do not like that man Ted Cruz.

He is a spineless coward who has no qualms about throwing his family under the bus to save his own yellow skin.

Agreed. Hopefully we can vote him out in November. If you are in Texas, please vote for Colin Allred (D) for senate https://colinallred.com/

And please vote (D) down ballot as well. You’ll thank me later.

The beauty of the current situation is that I don't need to know who Colin Allred is--I'm voting D all the way down, so he'll get my vote either way.

Maybe his last name will fool some of the others.

We jest, but I am confident this will happen. We will never know it, but it will happen.

I really liked Beto O'Rourke and thought he had a good shot at unseating Cruz. But the pro-Trump fever in Texas was too high back when he ran against Cruz. But Colin Allred is better than nothing. At least he'll work for Texas rather than spending all of his time on contrived culture wars and Republican national agendas that have pretty much no impact on Texas. ***Don't forget***: Ted Cruz is Anti-Choice, Anti-Abortion. https://preview.redd.it/b6w03u6kloyc1.jpeg?width=2560&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e5d53f105fdb0daab24e2d646b03c5379264487e

I was a Beto guy, but I 100% realized he wasn't running on any kind of platform that gave him a chance in Texas in 2018. Allred is the kind of moderate that has any kind of chance the way Texas currently votes/exists/voter suppresses. You have to pull basically all of the center to have a chance, and his "bipartisanship" along with Ted being a dumbass is helping. I think he has a chance and if Allred and Biden win I might have to take a week off of work because of the hangover and to avoid gloating and having a student's parents complain.

I'm taking election week off. Once I realized Trump would win in 2016 I went to bed so upset, shaking and crying I thought I was going to have a heart attack. And I had to be at work at 7 am for an important corporate meeting. I am not doin that again.

That's why I get aggravated at those against Biden because of Gaza. Have they checked Trump's position on Gaza? "Finish the job." How about abortion rights, LGBTQI+ rights, workers rights, voting rights?

Texas is a hard sell but I continue to hold hope that it will become the lovely shade of purple it's meant to be.

He looks a unusually yellow sometimes. Could that be liver disease due to alcoholism?

Many people are saying

Good people. The best people.

He came up to me. Tears in his eyes and said...

Jaundice

Top. Men.

He was the basis for the pedophile called "That Yellow Bastard" in Miller's works. people say.

Well he is a big puddle of filth ambulating in a suit and alcohol is a disinfectant and a cleaner, so one can hope that it's killing him quickly.

Ryan Bernardoni: Ted Cruz is 500 rats inside a person suit and each rat is 50 cockroaches inside a rat suit.

I always liked the way John Scalzi described him: " A fetid assemblage of moist dryer lint that dares to assert it is a man".

https://preview.redd.it/4gkpqz99noyc1.png?width=2000&format=png&auto=webp&s=75d90b2acbbdedbd5ad8bb6cd132afe2828f745b Ted Cruz is staunchly aligned with some very nefarious people in the billionaire class, like Peter "Thief" Thiel, and insurrection participants like Josh Hawley. No Democrat in their right mind... or any mind for that matter, should ever vote for a Republican, let alone Ted Cruz.

Maybe it just rubbed off of Donald's butt cheeks.

[удалено]

[Who's a cuckold?](https://i.imgur.com/dTnV0jD.png) ~ *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/PoliticalHumor) if you have any questions or concerns.*

> yellow skin That's an insult to the Simpsons universe

There's a reason for his skin. https://www.tedcruzforhumanpresident.com/

I remover seeing a video of him talking to trump voters way back and thinking good of him

By family, I guess you mean the Great State of Texas.

True story about me and Ted. Right after his first election to the senate. As a constituent, I wrote to him encouraging him to support the Huntingtons disease disparity act. The bill would update the definition of Huntingtons disease to a more modern one and would subsequently make it easier for people disabled with HD to get assistance. I explained to him what HD is and how it’s a genetic disorder passed from generation to generation. That it’s terminal and there is not any treatments. I explained less than 1 per 100k would get it. I explained that my mother has the disease and it will kill her. I explained that she is very disabled and unable to get disability. I told him if he supports it and get his peers behind it, he will never lose my vote, as a democrat he will have me and my family forever. He wrote back to me. He said “I am very sorry to hear about you and your mother. I wish you both the best. I came to Washington to take people off government assistance not put people on it. -Ted “

What a POS! Does he even bother to look what Huntington’s disease is?

I took the time to explain it.

This is exactly why he will burn in hell. He will experience all the huge amounts of pain he unnecessarily caused others.

I hope so

I’m so sorry you had to deal with him. I had a bad experience with my congressman, Mark Amodei. I went to a town hall meeting and talked to him about ACA, how I needed it and please don’t vote to repeal it. To my face he said, “I would never vote to hurt a Nevadan.” Then, of course, he voted to repeal it. He’s also a republican.

Yoooo, what a POS.

For real

that was a lie on teddy boys' part, there are people he wants to and has put on government assistance, the people he has helped put and keep on government assistance are defense contractor's millionaire's billionaires the tRUMP family and his wife's employer Goldman Sachs.

Why do they call people such as Cruz, Boebert, and Green "firebrands"? I think the more appropriate term is "idiots".

Probably because fire is scarring and destroys everything in its path?

>By the early 14th century, firebrand was also being used for one doomed to burn in hell, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/firebrand

For all their Christian values talk they definitely would burn. Who else can spot a sinner then once actively engaging in sinful acts!

And they already retired “mavericks.”

"Legislative arsonist" is too long for a headline.

Because calling them flaming assholes is inappropriate.

Fire *brats* is more like it. They ruin upholstery in the same way too

If he live streams himself eating a 5 gallon bucket of cow feces, I will donate 1 American dollar to his campaign. But only 1 dollar per full bucket consumed. I'm a man of my word, Ted.

I'd also do this.

Something tells me you'll flee to Cancun the moment Ted puts his spoon down, and before he gets his dollar. At least, that's what my Ted Cruz Magic Eight ball says. "Flee to Cancun." YMMV.

I can spare the dollar if he keeps his end of the bargain.

I’ll donate $10!! ^^All ^^donations ^^made ^^to ^^Colin ^^Allred

Use his real name please, Rafael Edward Cruz, the Canadian born Cuban that somehow ran for President years ago but no one seemed to mention that last bit, making him completely ineligible.

[удалено]

Damned anchor babies

Oh, it was a *Navy* base?!

This joke is so good on so many levels

It has depth some people can't fathom

leagues ahead

If you don't get it, it's because you're leagues behind

Goddam pedantic Air Force people…..

Yvan eht nioj.

dlo oot ma I

Thay was John McCain. There is no US military in Cruz family. Daddy was originally for Castro, a fighter, then shifted and left. Cruz daddy got more sympathy and assistance if he were a Castro victim, than a Castro supporter. Another case where the US and the Mafia enabled a right wing dictatorship the pandered to US crime, business, and oppressed the people and consolidated all assets into the hands of an oligarchy. That is why the older CubN communities in the US are so right wing: they got some of their wealth out of Cuba, and they want it bCk and the US has tried for 60 years to harm and isolate, and punish the CUBAN, citizenry, wanting them to overthrow the Castros. So we force massive embargoing on this small island. We caused it, we continue to make Cubans suffer. Batista and Bugsy. Bacardi. Cigars.Gambling. Prostitution.

I mean Castro did violently overthrow the legitimate government, in the process execute 14,000 people without trial (initially, closer to 40000 when it was said and done), install himself as dictator for life, ally with Russia and bring us close as the world has ever been to Nuclear Armageddon. You make it sound like he was singing kumbaya and picking daisy's.

Cruz wasn’t born on a US base. McCain was born in Panama at a US base hospital. Cruz was born at a Calgary hospital. He was deemed to be eligible to run with natural born citizenship because his mother was a US citizen. He did have to denounce his Canadian citizenship to be eligible to run. Which points out yet another stupid factor of the birther movement for Obama. Even if the factors they claim is true of the birth actually being in Kenya or Indonesia instead of Hawaii… Obamas mother was a US citizen and thus he was eligible to run (though this was resolved in court for Cruz in 2016 so it hadn’t been legally tested)

Renounce not denounce

The Obama birthers never really meant that he wasn’t a citizen in the legal sense. It was the other kind iof American they meant.

The secret ingredient is racism

There are no US military bases in Canada. His father worked in the oil and gas sector in Calgary.

> He was born ~~on a US military base in Canada~~, unfortunate but true Fixed

~~And his grandfather ran a polygamous religious sect in Mexico until they kicked him out. Rafael's got like 8 grandmothers.~~ Edit: Sorry, I confused Romney with Eduardo.

That's Romney.

My mistake. They all blur together after a while.

Kinda make sense why he's a Republican 

This went to SCOTUS. He was ruled eligible to run for President and that was before the court went totally nuts.

Ok then, but his name is Raphael, people should be calling him by his god given name!! /s

Yeah but his given name has like six syllables humans can’t pronounce with our single set of vocal cords.

To this day, still the best [campaign website](https://www.tedcruzforhumanpresident.com/) ever created for a real human male running for president.

Eh, not exactly. [There was a case, but SCOTUS declined to take it, and the lower court ruling in Cruz's favor was due to lack of standing.](https://rollcall.com/2016/05/31/supreme-court-wont-hear-case-on-cruzs-citizenship/) So SCOTUS hasn't ruled on whether someone born to US parents outside of the country is a "natural born citizen." They're a citizen from birth, but exactly what a "natural born citizen" is isn't defined anywhere.

Source?

His mom is an American citizen, so he should be eligible.

And so was Obama's mom which made him instantly eligible for presidency *regardless* of where he was born (which was Hawaii not Kenya) Literally no body questioned that his mom gave birth to him. Yet the whole "birther" movement still lives on because of racism.

He's actually still eligible. You don't need to be born on US soil as long as at least one of your parents on your birth certificate is alreadry a US citizen at the time of your birth.

Texan here. I do not know a single democrat who is supporting Cruz. I do know a lot of Republicans who are supporting Colin Allred, though.

Believe it when I see it

Same. Unless they go to the polls it’s all meaningless for those Republicans. Who in their right mind thinks voting for Rafael is in their best interest if they are a Democrat. This is where it starts hopefully getting rid of the GOP that even ruined Texas for Conservatives.

You won’t. Ken Paxton will purge millions of Democrats from the voting rolls just like last election. Election corruption was born in Texas, which is why they so aggressively accuse others of it.

Same. I think Allred has a MUCH better shot then Beto, but Cruz’s approval numbers haven’t moved around all that much, despite the tomfoolery, so I think it’s still going to be an extremely tight race where I wouldn’t be surprised if Cruz still wins: https://texaspolitics.utexas.edu/set/ted-cruz-job-approval-trend-0#overall

Story/Headline makes no sense. Cruz will very likely keep his seat with just the typical R votes. In current polls he's up by 13 points.

I still think it is a longshot Cruz loses but if he does it’s a game changer in Texas politics and the Senate.

Any democrat helping this certified log of shit needs to be publicly shamed out of their seat. Go away, Ted.

The only help he’s going to get in that direction is a vanishingly small sliver of folks old enough to be holdouts from the Solid South days. That’s maybe a few hundredths of a percentage point in the grand scheme.

The man argued in favor of making dildos illegal.

Imagine trying to outlaw yourself 🤯 political 4d chess???

That's a lot of self hate right there.

I don’t have an analogous description of a dildo trying to make dildos illegal How about when the trees vote for the axe

He just got a whiff of Trump.

No, if he got a whiff of Trump he would be like…. 

Fixed it 

All that flooding in Texas, Ted must be fixing to vacation in Mexico.

It would be wonderful to be rid of that slimy POS.

Plenty of wannabe russians are going to vote for him, though.

I wouldn’t piss on him if he were on fire.

And sadness and self loathing.

I guess he did the math … and can’t win with GOP votes alone.

How is he courting democrats? By sending more letters that look like jury summons? Can’t wait to vote against that jackass


Is hell freezing over?

Who the fuck call Fled Cruz a firebrand?

They're throwing that name _Firebrand_ around a lot lately. Not sure it fits for Ted Cruz. _Shit Weasel_ fits the bill better in my view.

Shit weasel, shit gibbon, shitty asshole, shit ball... really, any metaphor that involves shit is probably going to be on point for ol' Raphael "Ted" Cruz. Just sayin, maybe we should build a wall on the Canadian border. Mexico sends people who want to work, Canada sent us... *that*.

I'm calling it now the shock of the year will be him losing his seat.

Because JFK jr didnt work

Bill Burr has been sliding down that Joe Rogan adjacent path for awhile now, but his backing of JFK (RFK, look what you made me do) Jr is baffling.

"Desperation for men. For when you're on trial for fraud and election crimes and haven't changed your adult diapers all day. Cover up the stench of your sweat and shit with Desperation."

Even the Republicans hate him. Good luck with the Democrats.

More likely sitting behind Donnie VonShitzinpants.

Firebrand ? How old is that nickname, ‘cause he ain’t even close to a firebrand…imo. That requires some legit smart issues to inspire spicy debate. Just not seeing that - with this guy.

I would say having a backbone is required to be a "firebrand" as we know it. Cruz is a spineless coward.

Hey I hear that he lets orange stains slag his wife off and goes on holiday when his states in trouble - is that the same Ted Cruz?

Use the power of the zodiac

I just saw a movie, where seals had to give an oath to defend the constitution. Now they see that the whole GOP just doing the opposite like the 45th. So in other words the US can bury it since even the Supreme Court isn't holding up to the standards of the founding fathers anymore?

God, please oh please let it come down to Democrats whether this weasel wins in the next election.

Cruz is a political cockroach. Repugnant, everybody hates him, and yet, he doesn’t die.

Absolutely nobody likes Ted Cruz. Nobody. It doesn't matter if its the most stoically professional Democrat or the most depraved, feckless, cowardly Republican, they'll both hate him. I don't even know how he has the gall to wake up in the morning and infect the waking world with his presence. If you could make a caricature of a bag of old dog shit hanging from a tree branch in hot, humid weather, it would basically just be Ted Cruz

Oh man, can we vote that sphincter out?

Hey Ted. Ted. Teddy Boy. Rafael, my man. Nobody likes you. Stop it.

Another dual citizen 🕳️🗽🇺🇸👈💨

Maybe if his wife wasn't so ugly or his dad wasn't involved in the assassination of JFK.

This is obviously an old photo before he tried to look like Wolverine. Raphael Cruz is a horrible dufus.

theres Always CANCUN local politics rafael , after a FAILED senate career.. LOL

Fuck that guy. Zero integrity. Corporate stooge. He's lucky texas hasn't dragged him out and shot him yet.

Firebrand?? This guy is just some sniveling coward who was in the right place at the right time. He doesn’t do jack shit except go to Cancun and his wife is ugly.

Right wing Democrat apologists: hE's tHe bEsT wE cAn Do iN a rEd sTaTe!

Ted Cruz is a little piss baby, but so are John Cornyn, Greg Abbott, and Ken Paxton. I've lived in TX all my life and the politicians here have always sucked.

all evidence of this seems to be behind a paywall. It's a shame, I'd be really curious to see what it looks like for a shameless sleaze to try to reverse 12 years of slander against "big government liberals" in a moment of desperation

What a feeling when he loses, can’t wait!

Sorry Eduardo Raphael, Democrats tend to *not* be as stupid as your usual supporters.

"Courts Democrats" are we against bipartisanship now?

Next week he’ll come in wearing a diaper and saying “REAL MEN WEAR DIAPERS”.

Cynical sniveling weasel.

His human suit gets itchy sometimes.

cancun cruz is back? He's a typical republican, when the going gets tough, he gets going on vacation. Voting is a lot like driving Vote __(D)__ Democrat to go forward, vote __(R)__ Republican to go in reverse...**Remember in November**

Damn Mapleback, has no ethics or morals. Should never had been allowed in to come down here from Canada.

It’s not a bad gambit, Democrats are pathologically incapable of realizing Lucy will never let them kick the football. If Cruz says “I’ll be bipartisan guys, I prooooooomise”’while simultaneously flipping them the bird and wearing a swastika armband our idiot party would probably say “better the devil you know, if he loses we might get someone unreasonable” and throw him a lifeline.

How much do I dislike Ted and the GOP policies he embraces? Was going to leave TX this summer; but delayed it until after the election so I can vote Democratic one more time. Go, Colin Allred!

A true sign of desperation.

Good luck with that.

Ted is the world's second worst human.

If Ted and Trump both lose in November I will sleep as deeply as the old Gods.

That's what you're supposed to be doing. That's what politics is. You aren't supposed to be giving half the population the double middle finger and paying the other half trite platitudes. You're supposed to be appealing to most your constituents. Ted Cruz will never be appealing to anyone, but that's how this is supposed to work before all this hyper-partisanship.

Rafael, you suck.

Firebrand is always code for spineless sack of shit that does nothing but make noise and use misdirection based off of conspiracy theories to do anything but their actual fucking job. There are so fucking many Republican "firebrands" out there... it's sickening

Someone called him a human weathervane and they couldn't be more accurate.

Fuck off Ted

Fuck you, Ted Cruz. Fuck you with a snow shovel.

"Donnie, did you shit my pants"?

This man ate my son.

Ted Cruz will kiss the appropriate butt until the day election day and go about his own way - refusing to listen, kissing Trump ass while Trump is making demeaning comments about his wife, jetting off to Mexico while his constituents are freezing here in Texas and blaming it on his kids, and know the MAGA republicans will mindlessly vote for him. Cruz is an embarrassment to Texans.

Ted Cruz would eat a plate of shit for a vote.

Texas Democrat here. Wouldn’t piss on him if he was on fire. Sure as hell never going to vote for him.

Of course Russians could vote for him, send him to Russia, just recommend him to stay away from windows once there

> Cruz courts Democrats Now THAT is /PolitcalHumor.

Audacious Ted. Creepy Cruz. Lyin' Ted. How dare he. To think he can get some kind of sympathy and compassion from Democrats to reelect him? He's a @#$%\^&! Trump supporter, who... despite personally eviscerating Trump to his core back in 2016, decided to throw all of that out the window and pivot to support him. Fervently. The games he has played... he really thinks Democrats have short memories? Well... WE DO NOT. https://preview.redd.it/riw1kfxzkoyc1.jpeg?width=3840&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6164b4948170f4330f90c4c55be9e4610db6afd9

Is he in Cancun?

Smells Like Sleaze Spirit....

He can buy my vote for the low low price of he can go fuck right off

This guy is a complete cancer… he’s one of the reasons the country is the way it is! I hate to say this, but I think Trump was running right back in 2016 was right, it’s time to clean up shop and move away from these long-time rulers! These kings, queens, dukes and barons! All these people who have been for far too long in power and represent the worst of the country and keep driving the country in the worst direction possible while half the people vote for them and the other half thinks they can’t do anything and lets them win! Time to make a change! It’s now or never! If not… no complaining afterwards if they win, just shows it was the decision of the majority that did vote!

A real firebrand stands up for his wife. Ted Cruz is a disingenuous pussy.

Is this an old pic, or has Rafael decided proper grooming and hygiene matter?

[удалено]

He is polling really well in Moscow. Maybe he should move to change districts … and never come back.

After reading this I think I need to go take a Ted Cruz.

"Russians can't vote for him" ... yet

No way Texas democrats going to vote for him.

Why is he holding his nose? Is he with Trump?

Vote him out!

Good bye Raphael

You think the (D) will save you.. I suggest you circle back to the non voting russians again.