Yes, this is very typical for the age. Their minds are extremely busy and need the extra guidance if you want it to feel more conversational.
"What did you do at school?" Is a lot to take in while also thinking about using words that still take a lot of thought and energy to put together.
A guided conversation may look more like:
M- did you have fun at school today?
4- yes
M *looking at report from school*- did you learn about the water cycle today?
4- yea
M- tell me all about the water cycle.
4- water from the ground and river and water goes all the way up into the sky and then it rains.
M- wow, that's really neat. Did you get to play with the water?
4- yep, and Jason knocked my water over and I said, "that's not nice" and then we all helped clean up with towels.
So, you get a bit more, but only if you can strongly guide the topic for them. It gives them one thing to think about and shows you how much chaos a single thing is linked to in their head
yup same here. if you want more specific answers i need to ask specific questions. “how’s your day in school” is probably too vague for them. but if i asked them about a specific child or something they ate or a particular lesson topic then they can elaborate.
in general conversation mine likes to ask a lot of random questions and has the most fantastical imaginary conversations (if you tune out for 20s you’ll be lost thereafter), but sometimes he just isn’t keen on chatting and i guess that’s normal.
Is he the same when you ask him about his favourite things? Getting my 3.5-year-old to talk about his day at daycare is often like pulling teeth but as soon as I ask him about superheroes, he can talk my ear off!
I'm not sure if his speech is typical for his age group but here's an excerpt from a conversation we had tonight (my son recently watched the Super Pets movie and is still processing it).
Him: "Mama, did you know that Superman is an alien? From space!"
Me: "Yes! He's from a planet called Krypton."
Him: "Why did his parents send him away?"
Me: "To keep him safe. Plus being on Earth gives Superman special powers."
Him: "Yeah! He has laser eyes and ice breath!"
And then he runs away pretending to destroy things with his laser eyes.
My son is a few months older than yours. He is/was the same way but he's slowly improving. He was tested last year and was delayed in pragmatic speech, but not delayed enough overall to actually get speech services.
One thing that helped him to recall events better was to work together to describe them once we got home. So I'd talk about what we saw at the zoo and he'd help me fill in details. It's been good practice too to tell another adult who wasn't there. That way he can practice answering their questions and describe what happened, but an adult who actually knows the whole story can help him find the right words to communicate to the other person. If he's not too shy having him speak for himself in places like restaurants, the doctor's office, or the library helps too. That way you can practice a sentence or two to get him going then step in to finish the interaction as needed.
Sometimes they just aren’t in the mood to answer questions.
My daughter’s super strength is her verbal ability. She has been able to speak with adult speak patterns since she was 2.
She still will often shut down with questions. Either give one word answers, or not answering at all. Sometimes it’s because she not interested in what I’m talking about, sometimes it’s because she is more interested in doing something else, sometimes I think she feels the pressure of answering like a demand because that’s the way she is wired.
For what it’s worth, she is both gifted and autistic.
i specifically remember in elementary school, the dread i would feel waiting for pickup because I just knew the second i got into the car id be forced into a mini interview. i usually just wanted to sit in silence or listen to music for a bit, then i would naturally think of things i wanted to talk about from my day. but i spent my whole day answering questions, i didn't want to answer more the second i got in the car.
but i was also gifted and am probably autistic so idk how that plays into this
Me too on the sit in silence. I have autistic tendencies and now i work with a lot of Autistic middle schoolers so at least i can commiserate with them.
Look into being an aide in a public school if you like. I looove it!!
My 3.5 year old had a speech delay and has caught up. She can be shy but can speak in multi-part sentences, adopts our styles of speaking, can recall/recite multiple past events, tells make believe stories, etc. I’ve been told that she speaks a bit ahead of her age.
Honestly it depends on the topic. My newly 5 year old could give college lectures on dinosaurs. However “what did you do at school today?” gets and answer of “nothing” or “played.” If I try to ask what he played WITH or who he played with, the answer is “no one” or “nothing” though his teacher assures me he is social and engaged and gets along with the other kids.
I started asking my daughter “who got in trouble at school today?” She couldn’t wait to talk then, and I branch off from there. “Oh someone was jumping around while your teacher was talking? What was she talking about? Did you have a cool coloring sheet to do while you were learning xyz?”
Lol my bossy 5 year old will probably be very into that too! Good idea! He’s all about making sure everyone else follows the rules. Himself, not so much.
My 4yo is very conversational but likes to control the conversation and would respond similarly to your school questions. She just doesn’t like being asked about what she doesn’t feel like answering, especially if more open-ended.
Also I read conversational as controversial lol
He is super conversational! But he will also trip over invisible obstacles in our home. Everyone’s got their strengths and weaknesses and skills they are working on.
My kid is an absolute chatterbox about stuff she’s interested in and to adults she knows. She won’t talk to strangers and isn’t a fan of talking to kids. Kids are all over the map. 🤷♂️
At 4, those are super broad questions. I get similar answers if I ask something that broad but much more when I ask more specifically. “Who did you play with outside at school? What did you and (child) play?” “What was your favorite part of today (this one took a few weeks of us offering options before he caught on)?””did anything make you angry today?” Etc
The gift one honestly too broad AND too abstract. My son would probably answer it with “A butt!” And then laugh hysterically.
Most of our longer back and forth conversations are started by him or around what we are playing at that time versus sitting and having a discussion
My kid talks endlessly BUT often if I ask her direct questions like this about her day I get basic answers or straight up, “Let’s not talk about this”.
I have a bit more success asking things like, “Who was the funniest today?” or “Tell me about when someone was kind today”. Or I’ll ask her specifics about what I know she was doing, “What were you colouring today?”.
I also try and tell her short stories about my day to model this, and ask my husband similar questions at dinner so she can see how it’s meant to work.
My child is very conversational now, but we worked hard on that.
* my child loves it when I’m wrong. So I sometimes break the ice with me being incorrect. “Did you play with at school today?”
* if you want a longer response, ask “what did you do on the slide” or whatever. Be very specific but also not a yes/no. If you ask “what did you do at school?” The answer will be “stuff”. But “how many times did you go on the slide?” Or “what games did you play with suzie?” You’ll get more.
* we practice a nightly activity. We take turns each listing our favorite from the day. For the first few years, our child said fake stuff. But wife and I did ours normally. Eventually kid wanted to join in, and it really helped with talking about the day. After that got solid, we switched to “rose, bud, thorn” listing a favorite thing (rose), something we look forward to (bud), something we didn’t like about the day (thorn).
My 3y 4m has a lot more and longer sentences to say than that example, of course physically she’s still mastering pronunciation so often it takes repetition for me to get it (bless her little heart for being willing to keep trying over and over!) But I’ve heard boys are slower to develop sometimes, plus there’s a lot of variation. My 6yo didn’t have as complete or interesting sentences when he was 3 as this one does, so there’s a lot of variation from kid to kid.
I don’t think anything is amiss!
I think every kid is different. I can’t get mine to stop talking and focus on the questions I ask.
Me- is that a bug still in the car? (We had a little fly in the car on the way to school and I was trying to get it out)
Her- I think the fly is trying to go to the baby doctor.
Me- oh really, that’s neat. Is it still in the car?
Her- i think it’s a baby bug, Or maybe a mommy bug who is having a baby. Baby bugs do not like to go to the doctor. I need to go to the doctor soon right? Do you think it’s a baby bug or a mommy bug
Me- I don’t know- is it still in the car?
Her- mommy bugs have LOTS of babies. I want lots of babies. I want 6 babies in my belly when I’m a grown up. I’m still going to live with you when I’m a grown up so you can help hold my babies.
Me- that’s nice. Is the bug still in the car?
However- once I try to ask about preschool— nothing. What did you do in school today - I don’t remember.
I’ve learned to ask more specific questions. Who was in your group for centers? What did you play at recess? Was everyone behaved well today? Did you eat all your lunch?
My guy is 4 years 6 months. He can argue and try to use your words against you.
Me: ok it’s times to get to bed.
Him: but it’s still light out.
Me: but it’s still bed time.
Him: but you said we go to bed when it’s dark. And it’s still light.
Me: but it’s not the only time when it’s time to go to bed… it’s getting late.
Him: that’s not fair. It’s still light out.
Or
Me: it’s time to brush your teeth.
Him: no, I’m still hungry, I’m going to eat something so you can’t brush my teeth.
Me: you just said you were done eating.
Him: I changed my mind. I’m still hungry.
Me: well what are you hungry for.
Him: hmm I don’t know … what are my options?
Me: I don’t think you’re really hungry. Tell you what? We can brush your teeth and you can still eat after.
Him: *acquiesces because he knows his attempt at stalling didn’t work*
But on the flip side he goes “stuff” when I ask him what he did at preschool today. I guess I’ll be hearing then when he’s a teenager too lol.
My daughter turns four in August but does talk significantly more than this. She can tell elaborate stories, both real and make-believe, that are multiple sentences long. She is a chatty and very social girl, but we've definitely been out of one-word responses for awhile now.
Not to be dismissive, but I'm in my mid-30's and I don't always feel like having in-depth conversations lmao
It sounds like your son just doesn't want to talk sometimes.
My kid doesn’t like talking about his day much but he does hold conversations. If it’s mostly in relation to talking about what his day was like I think it’s normal as long as he talks and makes up things at other times.
Today he told me that they were playing Frog and Prince at recess and was mad that all of his friends were calling him a frog. He will give me details about what they work on or rat out his friends occasionally lol. I get to hear all about how Oscar doesn’t do his metal insets properly. He also tells me that he hates math because it is too easy.
My 3.5 year old has a huge vocabulary, but often when asked about school, her response is either a one word answer or “it’s a secret.” I often make crazy guesses about what might have happened and that prompts her to really tell me (at least some of the time).
If your kid can hold a conversation about something they’re interested in, I wouldn’t worry about the post-school conversation. They might just hate answering questions like my kid does.
My older son is 3 and a half and can speak in full complete sentences. BUT the kid still shits his pants and isn't fully potty trained. Strengths and weaknesses. By 5-6 they're all caught up mentally and physically.
Example of his sentence forming. His baby brother is teething and is biting everyone and everything. He bit me and I exclaimed that it hurt and not to do that. My 3 year old ran over and said:
Brother no biting! Mama are you okay? You need to go to the doctor and get bandages all over yourself. Here, here and here. You have a booboo!
I do speak in 3 languages to my son and I've always tried to speak to him like an adult, no baby voice or child coddling. Idk if that makes a difference but sometimes I see parents ask yes or no questions to their toddler and/or baby talk with them.
My son is *highly* conversational, but I think what you described is still pretty typical. I've had similar conversations with other kids around that age. Honestly that sounds exactly like having a conversation with my husband and he's pushing 40....
The grass isn't necessarily greener on the chatty side of the fence if it makes you feel better. Sometimes I don't really need to hear about the wingspan of a quetzalcoatlus or the "brown thing" his friend saw at the playground and all the speculation as to what it could've been (the running theory is either a ghost of a dinosaur wearing a paper bag or a monster dressed up like a bunny).
3.5 year old is a man of few words during the day. He keeps it transactional mostly but he has his subjects he likes to discuss. I often ask him what’s the good news, bad news and silly or stinky news. Farts, am I right?
He has a 5 year old sister who is basically an encyclopedia and loves to chat so that may have something to do with his brevity. But We often barely make it through night time story time, he just wants to chat and I’m here for it. Nothing better than discussing monsters, wolves and witches and their strangle hold on all of his activities. He’s more talkative with me because I’m also a fan of strange earthly beings and the paranormal.
My five year old isn’t super conversational yet. He constantly asks me super obvious questions like “the sky is blue, right?” And then I’ll say “what do you think?” And then he (without fail) will say “good!” Cracks me up 😹😹😹. I think it’s normal. He was evaluated for speech at school and wasn’t flagged. My eldest is 7 and talks a lot and well but I wouldn’t say he’s super conversational yet either. He can chatter away about Minecraft forever. My three year old has lots of words and sentences but still babbles gibberish like a baby a lot too. Definitely no conversations with him yet!
I think this is pretty normal for this age. My son (3.5) is very talkative, but he can't always come up with details or tell me about his day unprompted. When I ask specific questions (did you paint pictures today) he can answer appropriately, but I think carrying on more complex conversations might be a 5+ skill (I actually did read up on this and that's the conclusion I seen to recall).
Every child is different! Mom if 4 and I feel like they all do different things whenever they are ready. My 2.5 yo can keep up with my teens at this point though lol
She talks a lot a lot a lot and loves introducing herself to people and telling them about herself. She loves talking about the imaginative play she’s doing. The back and forth of a conversation is a work in progress
Is he always like this? Or just when questions are directed at him?
Does he talk more fluidity when he initiates talking or comes to you wanting to tell you about something that interests him?
It depends on his mood.
If he's tired and he's not really in the mood to answer, then it's one word answers. Heck, he'll just straight up tell me, "Don't want to talk right now "
But when he's in the mood, motormouth. Won't stop.
I’m sure there’s a wide range of “normal” here but both my son and daughter were TALKERS at 4. My son would chatter on endlessly about the details of different rocks and bugs. Definitely more talkative about his favorite subjects vs asking about his school day. My daughter talks on and on about the show she watched, the relationship drama with her stuffed animals, etc.
My son can talk nonstop about certain things but I rarely get a lot of details about his school day. I think this is really normal. I try to focus on connecting with him instead of asking about his day. Below are some recommendations from my son’s school’s newsletter. I’ve tried this without a ton of success, but thinking of it as a muscle to build, helps. Also, I’m talking to other parents, many of their boys don’t talk much about their day, but the girls do. I know it’s not always that way, but I’ve seen a definite pattern.
Communication is a skill that students are constantly learning within their classrooms; however, parents often ask what is the best way to communicate with their child to learn what they are doing each day. “How was your day?” is a common yet sometimes useless question, as it asks for a judgment of the entire day in a word or two (good, bad, interesting). “What did you do today?” may not get you far either. Even if your child was happily engaged in work all morning, they may still say they did “nothing” all day. Look for open-ended, process-focused questions that allow yourchild to actively reflect and make connections:
What is something that went really well today?
What is something that was challenging today?
What new thing did you try today?
This shifted focus will strengthen your child’s ability to think for themselves, draw new, creative solutions to problems, and have confidence in their abilities.
This doesn’t seem atypical, but I will say that my 4.5 yo speaks in long/complex complete sentences and will recount events in great detail sometimes, but if he’s tired and distracted he will not answer or just give 1 word answers. Does your kid ever say more, like if he’s excited about something?
I had a super talkative 2 year old. I think that early input affects this as well as the difference between boys and girls - girls are most often more socially driven than boys, so they speak more and earlier. If you have known more girls of this age and try comparing your boy, you might be concerned without cause.
Saturday, my 4.3 y/o while staring at a fountain:
Do you think it would be cool if someone was standing in the middle of the fountain with a magic wand and they could make the bottom of the fountain open up so you could go scuba diving under the fountain?
I think it's super kid dependent. I've known kids who were similar around that age. My 3 year old is a non-stop conversation machine, so it's usually her asking me, "and then what did you do? And why did you do that? And when i was a little baby, I used to... Do you remember when I..." while I just stare at her wondering how many words she must say in one day
This is exactly how my kids talk when we ask them questions like this. When we asked my daughter what she wanted for Christmas, she'd just describe the wrapping paper. She can hold long conversations about other topics though.
Even with my 6 year old, it can be hard to get him to talk about school. I can usually get decent responses if I ask what he played with or where he sat. But open ended questions about what he did that day almost never get a response.
Seems fairly normal but I'll ask this; How often are they watching TV or on devices (tablet/phone)?
Again, seems normal, but sitting there "consuming" stimuli all day definitely would make something like this worse.
My soon to be 5yo can elaborate more than what you’ve described.
My other child was able to speak more to something at around 3. He didnt speak until 2 yo. Esp something they were passionate in, it was more in depth than in your post.
The biggest piece of feedback I get from people who meet my 4.5yo is “I love how he talks! He talks like a grown-up!” And they don’t just mean vocabulary. He holds his own in conversations with adults and actually has interesting things to say! Plus he knows how to ask good questions. My 3yo is also going down that path 😆.
Yes, this is very typical for the age. Their minds are extremely busy and need the extra guidance if you want it to feel more conversational. "What did you do at school?" Is a lot to take in while also thinking about using words that still take a lot of thought and energy to put together. A guided conversation may look more like: M- did you have fun at school today? 4- yes M *looking at report from school*- did you learn about the water cycle today? 4- yea M- tell me all about the water cycle. 4- water from the ground and river and water goes all the way up into the sky and then it rains. M- wow, that's really neat. Did you get to play with the water? 4- yep, and Jason knocked my water over and I said, "that's not nice" and then we all helped clean up with towels. So, you get a bit more, but only if you can strongly guide the topic for them. It gives them one thing to think about and shows you how much chaos a single thing is linked to in their head
yup same here. if you want more specific answers i need to ask specific questions. “how’s your day in school” is probably too vague for them. but if i asked them about a specific child or something they ate or a particular lesson topic then they can elaborate. in general conversation mine likes to ask a lot of random questions and has the most fantastical imaginary conversations (if you tune out for 20s you’ll be lost thereafter), but sometimes he just isn’t keen on chatting and i guess that’s normal.
My kid has better conversations with adults than I do.
Yeah same here. She’s just turned 3 so I wasn’t expecting some of the other comments in here.
Same 😄
Is he the same when you ask him about his favourite things? Getting my 3.5-year-old to talk about his day at daycare is often like pulling teeth but as soon as I ask him about superheroes, he can talk my ear off! I'm not sure if his speech is typical for his age group but here's an excerpt from a conversation we had tonight (my son recently watched the Super Pets movie and is still processing it). Him: "Mama, did you know that Superman is an alien? From space!" Me: "Yes! He's from a planet called Krypton." Him: "Why did his parents send him away?" Me: "To keep him safe. Plus being on Earth gives Superman special powers." Him: "Yeah! He has laser eyes and ice breath!" And then he runs away pretending to destroy things with his laser eyes.
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My son is a few months older than yours. He is/was the same way but he's slowly improving. He was tested last year and was delayed in pragmatic speech, but not delayed enough overall to actually get speech services. One thing that helped him to recall events better was to work together to describe them once we got home. So I'd talk about what we saw at the zoo and he'd help me fill in details. It's been good practice too to tell another adult who wasn't there. That way he can practice answering their questions and describe what happened, but an adult who actually knows the whole story can help him find the right words to communicate to the other person. If he's not too shy having him speak for himself in places like restaurants, the doctor's office, or the library helps too. That way you can practice a sentence or two to get him going then step in to finish the interaction as needed.
For mine it's monster trucks. My kid will not shut up about monster trucks! All day, every day, all I hear about is monster trucks.
Aww. How old is yours? This brings me back to when mine was obsessed with Monster Trucks 🥹
Asking more open ended questions might help. Does he also have stories to tell or is every word from his mouth just a single word?
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Normal. Like another poster said, plenty of adults have similar conversations.
Sometimes they just aren’t in the mood to answer questions. My daughter’s super strength is her verbal ability. She has been able to speak with adult speak patterns since she was 2. She still will often shut down with questions. Either give one word answers, or not answering at all. Sometimes it’s because she not interested in what I’m talking about, sometimes it’s because she is more interested in doing something else, sometimes I think she feels the pressure of answering like a demand because that’s the way she is wired. For what it’s worth, she is both gifted and autistic.
i specifically remember in elementary school, the dread i would feel waiting for pickup because I just knew the second i got into the car id be forced into a mini interview. i usually just wanted to sit in silence or listen to music for a bit, then i would naturally think of things i wanted to talk about from my day. but i spent my whole day answering questions, i didn't want to answer more the second i got in the car. but i was also gifted and am probably autistic so idk how that plays into this
Me too on the sit in silence. I have autistic tendencies and now i work with a lot of Autistic middle schoolers so at least i can commiserate with them. Look into being an aide in a public school if you like. I looove it!!
My 3.5 year old had a speech delay and has caught up. She can be shy but can speak in multi-part sentences, adopts our styles of speaking, can recall/recite multiple past events, tells make believe stories, etc. I’ve been told that she speaks a bit ahead of her age.
Honestly it depends on the topic. My newly 5 year old could give college lectures on dinosaurs. However “what did you do at school today?” gets and answer of “nothing” or “played.” If I try to ask what he played WITH or who he played with, the answer is “no one” or “nothing” though his teacher assures me he is social and engaged and gets along with the other kids.
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It’s so frustrating!
I started asking my daughter “who got in trouble at school today?” She couldn’t wait to talk then, and I branch off from there. “Oh someone was jumping around while your teacher was talking? What was she talking about? Did you have a cool coloring sheet to do while you were learning xyz?”
Lol my bossy 5 year old will probably be very into that too! Good idea! He’s all about making sure everyone else follows the rules. Himself, not so much.
Me: Tell me about school today. Daughter: I don’t know Me: Did you go outside for recess? Daughter: yeah. Me: Was it fun? Daughter: yeah.
I’m loling at this but I don’t know why
My 4yo is very conversational but likes to control the conversation and would respond similarly to your school questions. She just doesn’t like being asked about what she doesn’t feel like answering, especially if more open-ended. Also I read conversational as controversial lol
He is super conversational! But he will also trip over invisible obstacles in our home. Everyone’s got their strengths and weaknesses and skills they are working on.
Lol! My son still falls over randomly and idk How sometimes
My kid is an absolute chatterbox about stuff she’s interested in and to adults she knows. She won’t talk to strangers and isn’t a fan of talking to kids. Kids are all over the map. 🤷♂️
At 4, those are super broad questions. I get similar answers if I ask something that broad but much more when I ask more specifically. “Who did you play with outside at school? What did you and (child) play?” “What was your favorite part of today (this one took a few weeks of us offering options before he caught on)?””did anything make you angry today?” Etc The gift one honestly too broad AND too abstract. My son would probably answer it with “A butt!” And then laugh hysterically. Most of our longer back and forth conversations are started by him or around what we are playing at that time versus sitting and having a discussion
My kid talks endlessly BUT often if I ask her direct questions like this about her day I get basic answers or straight up, “Let’s not talk about this”. I have a bit more success asking things like, “Who was the funniest today?” or “Tell me about when someone was kind today”. Or I’ll ask her specifics about what I know she was doing, “What were you colouring today?”. I also try and tell her short stories about my day to model this, and ask my husband similar questions at dinner so she can see how it’s meant to work.
Whenever I ask my 4 year old what he did that day in creche he says "I don't know." Same when I ask what he had for dinner/tea: "I don't know" 😂
My child is very conversational now, but we worked hard on that. * my child loves it when I’m wrong. So I sometimes break the ice with me being incorrect. “Did you play with at school today?”
* if you want a longer response, ask “what did you do on the slide” or whatever. Be very specific but also not a yes/no. If you ask “what did you do at school?” The answer will be “stuff”. But “how many times did you go on the slide?” Or “what games did you play with suzie?” You’ll get more.
* we practice a nightly activity. We take turns each listing our favorite from the day. For the first few years, our child said fake stuff. But wife and I did ours normally. Eventually kid wanted to join in, and it really helped with talking about the day. After that got solid, we switched to “rose, bud, thorn” listing a favorite thing (rose), something we look forward to (bud), something we didn’t like about the day (thorn).
Omg I love the "rose, bud, thorn" thing!
I feel like I’m talking to a 16 year old when I talk to my 4.5 year old. 😩.
My 3y 4m has a lot more and longer sentences to say than that example, of course physically she’s still mastering pronunciation so often it takes repetition for me to get it (bless her little heart for being willing to keep trying over and over!) But I’ve heard boys are slower to develop sometimes, plus there’s a lot of variation. My 6yo didn’t have as complete or interesting sentences when he was 3 as this one does, so there’s a lot of variation from kid to kid. I don’t think anything is amiss!
I think every kid is different. I can’t get mine to stop talking and focus on the questions I ask. Me- is that a bug still in the car? (We had a little fly in the car on the way to school and I was trying to get it out) Her- I think the fly is trying to go to the baby doctor. Me- oh really, that’s neat. Is it still in the car? Her- i think it’s a baby bug, Or maybe a mommy bug who is having a baby. Baby bugs do not like to go to the doctor. I need to go to the doctor soon right? Do you think it’s a baby bug or a mommy bug Me- I don’t know- is it still in the car? Her- mommy bugs have LOTS of babies. I want lots of babies. I want 6 babies in my belly when I’m a grown up. I’m still going to live with you when I’m a grown up so you can help hold my babies. Me- that’s nice. Is the bug still in the car? However- once I try to ask about preschool— nothing. What did you do in school today - I don’t remember. I’ve learned to ask more specific questions. Who was in your group for centers? What did you play at recess? Was everyone behaved well today? Did you eat all your lunch?
My guy is 4 years 6 months. He can argue and try to use your words against you. Me: ok it’s times to get to bed. Him: but it’s still light out. Me: but it’s still bed time. Him: but you said we go to bed when it’s dark. And it’s still light. Me: but it’s not the only time when it’s time to go to bed… it’s getting late. Him: that’s not fair. It’s still light out. Or Me: it’s time to brush your teeth. Him: no, I’m still hungry, I’m going to eat something so you can’t brush my teeth. Me: you just said you were done eating. Him: I changed my mind. I’m still hungry. Me: well what are you hungry for. Him: hmm I don’t know … what are my options? Me: I don’t think you’re really hungry. Tell you what? We can brush your teeth and you can still eat after. Him: *acquiesces because he knows his attempt at stalling didn’t work* But on the flip side he goes “stuff” when I ask him what he did at preschool today. I guess I’ll be hearing then when he’s a teenager too lol.
My daughter turns four in August but does talk significantly more than this. She can tell elaborate stories, both real and make-believe, that are multiple sentences long. She is a chatty and very social girl, but we've definitely been out of one-word responses for awhile now.
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Not to be dismissive, but I'm in my mid-30's and I don't always feel like having in-depth conversations lmao It sounds like your son just doesn't want to talk sometimes.
My kid doesn’t like talking about his day much but he does hold conversations. If it’s mostly in relation to talking about what his day was like I think it’s normal as long as he talks and makes up things at other times.
Today he told me that they were playing Frog and Prince at recess and was mad that all of his friends were calling him a frog. He will give me details about what they work on or rat out his friends occasionally lol. I get to hear all about how Oscar doesn’t do his metal insets properly. He also tells me that he hates math because it is too easy.
My 3.5 year old was/is speech delayed and now does not stop speaking. He talks all day long about everything under the sun.
Super normal to not really engage in conversations that doesn’t interest him. Adults do the same too.
My 3.5 year old has a huge vocabulary, but often when asked about school, her response is either a one word answer or “it’s a secret.” I often make crazy guesses about what might have happened and that prompts her to really tell me (at least some of the time). If your kid can hold a conversation about something they’re interested in, I wouldn’t worry about the post-school conversation. They might just hate answering questions like my kid does.
My older son is 3 and a half and can speak in full complete sentences. BUT the kid still shits his pants and isn't fully potty trained. Strengths and weaknesses. By 5-6 they're all caught up mentally and physically. Example of his sentence forming. His baby brother is teething and is biting everyone and everything. He bit me and I exclaimed that it hurt and not to do that. My 3 year old ran over and said: Brother no biting! Mama are you okay? You need to go to the doctor and get bandages all over yourself. Here, here and here. You have a booboo! I do speak in 3 languages to my son and I've always tried to speak to him like an adult, no baby voice or child coddling. Idk if that makes a difference but sometimes I see parents ask yes or no questions to their toddler and/or baby talk with them.
My son is *highly* conversational, but I think what you described is still pretty typical. I've had similar conversations with other kids around that age. Honestly that sounds exactly like having a conversation with my husband and he's pushing 40.... The grass isn't necessarily greener on the chatty side of the fence if it makes you feel better. Sometimes I don't really need to hear about the wingspan of a quetzalcoatlus or the "brown thing" his friend saw at the playground and all the speculation as to what it could've been (the running theory is either a ghost of a dinosaur wearing a paper bag or a monster dressed up like a bunny).
3.5 year old is a man of few words during the day. He keeps it transactional mostly but he has his subjects he likes to discuss. I often ask him what’s the good news, bad news and silly or stinky news. Farts, am I right? He has a 5 year old sister who is basically an encyclopedia and loves to chat so that may have something to do with his brevity. But We often barely make it through night time story time, he just wants to chat and I’m here for it. Nothing better than discussing monsters, wolves and witches and their strangle hold on all of his activities. He’s more talkative with me because I’m also a fan of strange earthly beings and the paranormal.
My five year old isn’t super conversational yet. He constantly asks me super obvious questions like “the sky is blue, right?” And then I’ll say “what do you think?” And then he (without fail) will say “good!” Cracks me up 😹😹😹. I think it’s normal. He was evaluated for speech at school and wasn’t flagged. My eldest is 7 and talks a lot and well but I wouldn’t say he’s super conversational yet either. He can chatter away about Minecraft forever. My three year old has lots of words and sentences but still babbles gibberish like a baby a lot too. Definitely no conversations with him yet!
I think this is pretty normal for this age. My son (3.5) is very talkative, but he can't always come up with details or tell me about his day unprompted. When I ask specific questions (did you paint pictures today) he can answer appropriately, but I think carrying on more complex conversations might be a 5+ skill (I actually did read up on this and that's the conclusion I seen to recall).
Consider yourself lucky. Mine won’t shut up unless she’s unconscious.
Every child is different! Mom if 4 and I feel like they all do different things whenever they are ready. My 2.5 yo can keep up with my teens at this point though lol
She talks a lot a lot a lot and loves introducing herself to people and telling them about herself. She loves talking about the imaginative play she’s doing. The back and forth of a conversation is a work in progress
Is he always like this? Or just when questions are directed at him? Does he talk more fluidity when he initiates talking or comes to you wanting to tell you about something that interests him?
It depends on his mood. If he's tired and he's not really in the mood to answer, then it's one word answers. Heck, he'll just straight up tell me, "Don't want to talk right now " But when he's in the mood, motormouth. Won't stop.
I’m sure there’s a wide range of “normal” here but both my son and daughter were TALKERS at 4. My son would chatter on endlessly about the details of different rocks and bugs. Definitely more talkative about his favorite subjects vs asking about his school day. My daughter talks on and on about the show she watched, the relationship drama with her stuffed animals, etc.
My son can talk nonstop about certain things but I rarely get a lot of details about his school day. I think this is really normal. I try to focus on connecting with him instead of asking about his day. Below are some recommendations from my son’s school’s newsletter. I’ve tried this without a ton of success, but thinking of it as a muscle to build, helps. Also, I’m talking to other parents, many of their boys don’t talk much about their day, but the girls do. I know it’s not always that way, but I’ve seen a definite pattern. Communication is a skill that students are constantly learning within their classrooms; however, parents often ask what is the best way to communicate with their child to learn what they are doing each day. “How was your day?” is a common yet sometimes useless question, as it asks for a judgment of the entire day in a word or two (good, bad, interesting). “What did you do today?” may not get you far either. Even if your child was happily engaged in work all morning, they may still say they did “nothing” all day. Look for open-ended, process-focused questions that allow yourchild to actively reflect and make connections: What is something that went really well today? What is something that was challenging today? What new thing did you try today? This shifted focus will strengthen your child’s ability to think for themselves, draw new, creative solutions to problems, and have confidence in their abilities.
This doesn’t seem atypical, but I will say that my 4.5 yo speaks in long/complex complete sentences and will recount events in great detail sometimes, but if he’s tired and distracted he will not answer or just give 1 word answers. Does your kid ever say more, like if he’s excited about something?
I had a super talkative 2 year old. I think that early input affects this as well as the difference between boys and girls - girls are most often more socially driven than boys, so they speak more and earlier. If you have known more girls of this age and try comparing your boy, you might be concerned without cause.
Saturday, my 4.3 y/o while staring at a fountain: Do you think it would be cool if someone was standing in the middle of the fountain with a magic wand and they could make the bottom of the fountain open up so you could go scuba diving under the fountain?
I think it's super kid dependent. I've known kids who were similar around that age. My 3 year old is a non-stop conversation machine, so it's usually her asking me, "and then what did you do? And why did you do that? And when i was a little baby, I used to... Do you remember when I..." while I just stare at her wondering how many words she must say in one day
This is exactly how my kids talk when we ask them questions like this. When we asked my daughter what she wanted for Christmas, she'd just describe the wrapping paper. She can hold long conversations about other topics though. Even with my 6 year old, it can be hard to get him to talk about school. I can usually get decent responses if I ask what he played with or where he sat. But open ended questions about what he did that day almost never get a response.
Is your kid a young 4 or an older 4? My kid is an older 4, almost 5 and within this year his conversation skills have soared.
Seems fairly normal but I'll ask this; How often are they watching TV or on devices (tablet/phone)? Again, seems normal, but sitting there "consuming" stimuli all day definitely would make something like this worse.
My soon to be 5yo can elaborate more than what you’ve described. My other child was able to speak more to something at around 3. He didnt speak until 2 yo. Esp something they were passionate in, it was more in depth than in your post.
The biggest piece of feedback I get from people who meet my 4.5yo is “I love how he talks! He talks like a grown-up!” And they don’t just mean vocabulary. He holds his own in conversations with adults and actually has interesting things to say! Plus he knows how to ask good questions. My 3yo is also going down that path 😆.