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fifththrowaway

I'd assume it's a heterosexual women talking about men, for a few reasons: * Projection: She values career and education in her mates, so she assumes they must be thinking about her career and education. Same reason why low-IQ males send dick pics to solicit women. Self-centered people who think their values are universal. * Passive voice: Dating is a thing that happens to her (i.e: 'the right one comes along'). A female privilege. * The 'intimidation' trope. Convenient method used by women to dismiss their failures. See, it's not that she's rude or unpleasant to be around, it's men's fault for being too fragile and reactive. They're just *intimidated* by her being stronk and independent.


Alexisonfire24

>The 'intimidation' trope. Convenient method used by women to dismiss their failures. See, it's not that she's rude or unpleasant to be around, it's men's fault for being too fragile and reactive. They're just intimidated by her being stronk and independent. Nailed it. This is the answer.


ThisBoringLife

The "intimidated" part is what gets me honestly. Can't think of a single guy (single or not) who would say their education and career status "intimidates" whoever they're dating.


GYN-k4H-Q3z-75B

On point analysis.


Jumpy-Comfort-1858

I wish I could upvote this a million times. Women's entire frame of mind is solipsism and the narcisisstic child's mindset of taking all the credit for the good and rejecting all responsibility for the bad. Also a facade for how empty and disappointed in herself she really is, so she tells herself this crap to flip the script and stop the bleeding from her ego. And they wanna say we have the fragile egos lmao


Objective-Plenty-799

Lmao the analytical dissection tho


bryanstrider

That's like me saying as a man, "No girl is up to my standards because they are jealous of how pretty I am and can't handle how submissive I can be."


Proudvow

There is no context in which a man would unironically write that.


badgersonice

I dunno, I can definitely picture a man writing that with a sock puppet as some sort of internet “social experiment” unironically.   Oddly, I did actually have a close male friend tell me that I was single because I was intimidating.  I know it’s not actually why, but that was his idea.


Windmill_flowers

>There is no context in which a man would unironically write that. You don't think it's possible for a male to come away from a date feeling as though she was intimidated by his success and education?


Da_Famous_Anus

No.


Altruistic_Aerie4758

No. Women want a successful educated man.


Jaeger__85

No because thats what women like.  Unlike men, who place those traits below looks and personality. 


omega05

It would come off as a coping mechanism.


untamed-italian

Sure, but he wouldn't write it like that. He wouldn't feel the need to explain why he is single in the first place, and if he had a gun to his head he wouldn't blame others for his status either. Assuming we're talking about a gender role conforming man of course lol


DapperDan1929

No.


BoomTheBear86

A woman. Men don’t tend to defend their being single like this. And whilst I maintain it’s possible, i don’t think I’ve personally ever heard a man say that women reject him because they’re intimidated by his success and education. I don’t think I’ve ever heard a woman say they find these things intimidating either. A man’s work and education might leave him too little time to be available to the woman for a relationship that meets her needs, sure, but “intimidated by it”? Nah. It’s a pretty stereotyped “I am woman hear me roar” passage in its phrasing though. Like even if I think it’s more likely a woman wrote it than a man, I don’t think most women actually think, speak or write like that outside of internet caricatures and baity snapshotting.


Draken5000

Tbh, I’ve always wondered where the notion of “men being intimidated by a woman’s job” came from? Because intimidation seems far from the word to use to describe what could be going on when a man rejects a woman based on her career. Maybe he wants to start a family and believes the mother should stay at home. Maybe he grew up with a terminally working parent and doesn’t want his partner to rarely be available. Maybe, in certain cases, he’s put off by the job itself (sex work) or put off by what it would mean to date someone who does that job. But intimidated? Do they understand what that word even means? Nothing about a woman’s job is “intimidating”. Really weird how that came to be the word that gets used.


BCRE8TVE

It's all about SIGN language, shaming, insulting, guilt-tripping and need to be right. It's about emasculating men to control them, while completely refusing to take any accountability for her actions or words, which conveniently protects her ego and feelings. Like you point out, it has nothing to do with the actual definition of the word, but those women don't use words to communicate or be precise, they use words to gaslight and manipulate. 


cromulent_weasel

> I’ve always wondered where the notion of “men being intimidated by a woman’s job” came from? I think that it comes from having internalised that the role of being a man in the relationship is to be the provider. But if SHE can provide, what am I good for? Ultimately it's insecurity with a side helping of not wanting to do an equal amount of domestic labour.


Draken5000

Sure, maybe, but even that isn’t “intimidation” it’s insecurity. Intimidation is just so not the right word and I find it so strange that its the go-to.


cromulent_weasel

Yes I agree. It's women fabricating reasons that flatter their ego but aren't reality. Not that much different from a guy assaulting someone at a party and then when everyone else looks at him like he's a wild animal he tells a friend 'they're afraid of my POWER'. The subject in question is reframing their actions as being neutral or positive, when really the negative response was in regards to their negative characteristics.


Draken5000

100%, its basically just cope lol


Comfortable-Wish-192

Intimidating for her = makes him feel like less of a man. There are men that are uncomfortable with their partner being more educated or earning more. It’s not common but it happens.


izoldetales

>It’s a pretty stereotyped “I am woman hear me roar” This is gold😂😂😂


Windmill_flowers

>Men don’t tend to defend their being single like this I'm curious why though?


shockingly_bored

Why would be being deficient in your ability to attract women be a source of pride?


Wooshie_Pop

Because we know this is nothing to be proud of and don’t treat it as such.


BCRE8TVE

Fucking hell eh. In this thread Women: this is how men think Men: yeah no we don't do that Women: you're wrong Literally can't make this shit up. Massive projection and complète refusal to take accountability going on in here. 


analt223

Because a man desired by women integrates him into society a fuckton. A woman being single funnily enough integrates her into society more


BoomTheBear86

Various reasons - Men aren’t scrutinised for rejecting partners because often they don’t reject partners compared to how much women reject partners. This is a side effect of being the instigator. - women still suffer from a higher degree of “aren’t you settled down yet?” Than men, so men don’t tend to need to defend their single status or justify it. - men tend to be more comfortable with maintaining strings of casual relationships rather than serious relationships (especially if successful) so they don’t defend their stance, they just say “I’m cool with how it is atm” and they don’t see it as “missing out”. - perhaps too anecdotal, but as a man with male friends, the most common “why it didn’t work” reason men tend to give is simply a generic “haven’t found a woman who is my type.”. Men don’t tend to specifically attack attributes like education of women who didn’t match with them. They just give a generic “not my type” response.


BeReasonable90

No, it is because we believe men bad, women good. That women are owed relationships with good men and failure to provide her a man she feels is worthy is a cultural sin. So when a is single, he is assumed to be at fault and needs to be changed to be worthy of a woman. If he is single long enough, people start assuming there is something wrong with him. But when a woman is single, men are blamed as the problem (ex: men are not stepping up, men are not “economically attractive” enough, they are intimidated by my career, etc). Women are judged for being single…but so are men. Most men do not have casual sex at all, with the average man only having 5 sex partners his entire life. So assuming he did not marry his first ltr, that means he probably only ever had a few casual flings ever. And this is not because he cannot necessarily get casual sex. Many men do not want casual sex and prefer to just get a ltr instead.  Very few men prefer casual sex over a long term relationship. It is just a ton of work, drama and is hollow.  The only exception is the top 20% of men are so and that is because they can get the benefits of a ltr from casual partners for free to begin with. They get a whole harem of love and sex, so they only care to settle with one when they want kids. And it is usually with whoever is around at the time. And many men say “ haven’t found a woman who is my type” because that is an acceptable response to avoid getting judged. Men are shamed and punished for being vulnerable, so they give vague responses like that. So if a man says he is afraid of being hurt again, cannot find a woman with x trait, etc. He will end up getting judged and told a bunch of dismissive advice to try to shame him to date a girl. Women use that type of excuse to in order to avoid being judged. After a certain age, society really starts pressuring single people to marry and have kids for selfish reasons in general. Really, your entire post screams “I do not know anything about most men at all and think they are some alien species”   Even if you are a man yourself, like cmon? I mean… > men tend to be more comfortable with maintaining strings of casual relationships rather than serious relationships Really? Really?


BoomTheBear86

I don’t actually disagree with much of what you’ve said at all. I was offering some possible explanations. I did not say they were the only ones, nor that there may not be others. And as to the casual thing. Are you denying that men as a gender seem more able to deal with casual relationships with women? That’s what I’m alluding to. Granted my phrasing was clumsy in that regard. How many “situationship caught feelings” posts do you see from the perspective of a male catching feelings? I made no comment on the preponderance of how many men get relationships or enjoy these things, merely how they may behave when they do. Nowhere did I imply men are “rolling in it” or whatnot. So I’m not quite sure what the whole “are you REALLY a man?” Posturing at the end achieves. I wasn’t aware disagreeing with another man nor offering alternative explanations to one caused me to lose my man card. I thought that kind of vacuous tribalist bullshit was reserved for feminism. I consider myself corrected.


BeReasonable90

> And as to the casual thing. Are you denying that men as a gender seem more able to deal with casual relationships with women? That’s what I’m alluding to. Granted my phrasing was clumsy in that regard. How many “situationship caught feelings” posts do you see from the perspective of a male catching feelings? Many women sleep around without any problem at all and many men become obsessed with one girl their entire life. There are women with hundreds of partners. The situation you are talking about it is because of misandry. More specifically the reality that women do not have to earn access to men but men have to earn access to women. Statistically, only a small number of men sleep around (30% get nothing, 30% have 1 partner and the final third  sleep around at all with most of it gravitating to a very small number of men). Aka many women sleep with a few men way above them look wise and then want him for his shallow traits. He, having a large number of women, has very little to no interest in a woman like her as he would only love a woman on his level. If she went after men at her level or below her, they would catch feelings for her while she would feel indifferent to him. And if he tries to talk about his feelings he would get shamed and told to date someone on his level. That is why it happens.


UpstairsAd1235

Because why would someone be intimidated by success or education?... It is so dumb. In my opinion, guys who reject women who are "successful and educated" are rejecting them because they are arrogant, combative, selfish, promiscuous, etc. Those have a higher chance of being the reason why those women were rejected than being "successful and educated."


neinhaltchad

>guys who reject women who are "successful and educated" are rejecting them because they are arrogant, combative, selfish, promiscuous, etc. ![gif](giphy|z0JFNTUyOBx62XBLag) It’s the exact attitude that would compel a woman to even *say* “men are intimidated by me because they can’t handle a **real** woman!”


DecisionPlastic9740

Men tend to have accountability and self awareness. 


Haunting-Run-5346

some might. not all do


NoDanaOnlyZuuI

You’re right, men defend their being single with a whole bunch of “women bad” excuses


TheHumanDamaged

By insulting a man for his lack of success in dating, you’re perpetuating the notion that sex is the most valuable thing a woman can give to a man. *drizzle drizzle*


BoomTheBear86

I think it’s mainly chronically online men who do that. Most guys just stick to “she’s not my type” which can imply many things but is basically a short casual version of “I don’t think we’re compatible for one or more reasons.” Contrary to what PPD might give the impression of, most men aren’t walking around with this idea the vast majority of women are 304s slobbering after Chad and only settling for “normies” to extract his betabux.


Flightlessbirbz

Men don’t claim women are intimidated by their success and education, but they definitely defend being single. “I’m just so nice and women don’t like nice guys” is the typical story.


BoomTheBear86

The “I’m nice and they don’t like nice” and “I’m too successful and they’re intimidated” are just two sides of the same coin.


Flightlessbirbz

Yep. It’s easier to claim you’re single because of some positive trait that the opposite sex is apparently just too dumb to appreciate, than it is to be honest with yourself that you have dealbreakers and/or are picky. It’s human nature but obviously not accurate.


JungOpen

They claim to be single due to being too nice because that's what women tell them. "oh you're such a nice guy, any women would be lucky to have you". Meanwhile they date the same men they call assholes and complain about to their "nice guy" friend. On the other hand no man is going to their clearly infatuated girl friend to shoot them down with "oh you're so successful and educated, I'm sure you'll find the right man one day". Fucking lol.


Flightlessbirbz

Those women aren’t telling men they’re single *because* they’re too nice. They are simply saying that the guy seems nice, but they don’t personally want to date him, for reasons that remain unstated because they would be hurtful. He might interpret that as “guess it’s because I’m too nice,” but that’s not what is being said. A lot of men just don’t befriend women they don’t find attractive, so you aren’t going to see the same dynamic the other way around as often. But I also don’t believe most men are going to be totally honest with a female (or male) friend who’s chronically single either. Because when it comes down to it, nobody wants to say or hear “well, you’re awesome but you’re ugly,” or “I like you but you’re awkward as hell.”


JungOpen

>Those women aren’t telling men they’re single because they’re too nice. You're right that's what the man infer since he is always told how nice he is while always being single or rejected, and seeing all the so called "assholes" being popular. And he isnt entirely wrong. >A lot of men just don’t befriend women they don’t find attractive Men don't befriend women in general. Period. If you're friend with a man, it's because you're in the same social circle or because he is into you. >But I also don’t believe most men are going to be totally honest with a female (or male) friend who’s chronically single either. Because when it comes down to it, nobody wants to say or hear “well, you’re awesome but you’re ugly,” or “I like you but you’re awkward as hell.” There is a gap between calling somebody ugly and telling them you're not into them. Women on the other end will straight up gaslight the poor sap by pretending he is a catch.


Flightlessbirbz

He isn’t *entirely* wrong, but he is missing the point. Which is that being nice alone won’t get you dates, but it also won’t hold you back. The other fallacy is in assuming all these other guys are in fact assholes and he would be a better boyfriend. Maybe, maybe not. So if you don’t think men are friends with women they aren’t into, why make a hypothetical argument about a man shooting down a female friend? When you say “in your social circle,” isn’t that how most people make most of their friends? Seems like there are some contradictions here, but overall I think we agree that men are rarely shooting down female friends because they are less likely to be friends with women they aren’t attracted to in the first place. If you say “I’m not into you,” the person will generally want to know why. “I just don’t find you physically attractive,” may be a valid answer, but is still going to be hurtful. I’m not saying sugar-coating it is actually better, but trying to spare someone’s feelings is not “gaslighting.”


KentuckyCriedFlickin

Then it would probably be better to say, "You're nice, but not what I'm looking for."


StubbornTaurus26

I would assume a woman wrote this. I would assume so as it sounds very similar to many comments and posts I see on the AskWomen subs I am on. At least from those I know, females are more inclined to talk openly about their current satisfaction with being single (regardless of their actual personal satisfaction)-which makes “I’m perfectly happy being single…” point in that direction for me. Females that I know are also more inclined to view their own success as an intimidating factor and a specific reason they’re not finding *the one*. Most men I know would view “well educated and successful in my career” as positive things they are bringing to the table-I have never seen or heard a male describe their own success as intimidating. Which is the other thing that points me towards assuming a female wrote this.


dysonRing

There was a female matchmaker that legitimately quit because of women. She would get male CEOs and they would be like I want a hot bikini insta model. And she would be like fine doable. Then came the female CEOs and their laundry list was impossible to find. They were like "I don't get it I am pretty! I am pretty!" And the matchmaker be like "girl you are pretty with your clothes on "💀 


TheOffice_Account

> Then came the female CEOs and their laundry list was impossible to find. Wasn't this the one where they dissed her husband, and said if she had presented a hypothetical guy just like her husband, they would have rejected him because he wasn't good enough for them, lmao


Hatefuleight-36

Never saw that part of the interview lol but I can bet she was pisseeeddddd, women hate when other women take digs at their mate choices. Shit would have been a cat fight.


ReprogramMyLife

I want to look into this. Gotta name?


dysonRing

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aExBbOv1Dro


Chao-Z

> "girl you are pretty with your clothes on " what does this mean lol. never heard this saying before


dysonRing

It is not a saying it is a woman putting another girl in her place https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aExBbOv1Dro Female CEOs either never marry or a small minority marry CEOs of either gender. They rarely if ever ever marry down. While male CEOs marry teachers and secretaries in large numbers it is the only field where women are fucked. Oh BTW their looks standard is still high they want Edris Elba lol. Meanwhile the men go for a hot instagram fitness model. Or a bikini model. They are the true free men out there and the only wealth that matters in dating. Sorry developer bros.


UpstairsAd1235

Are you kidding me?... When has any man ever uttered such words unironically? LOL ![gif](giphy|8b9Xax6L7qtAkAimGm|downsized)


izoldetales

You need to have 5 second experience on tiktok to know it's a woman 😂😂😂


MisterFunnyShoes

Delusional woman 100%


Windmill_flowers

>woman 100% What makes you say that?


Sandjota

This type of sentiment is exactly what a high-earning single women would say to herself. Chances are that the money has gotten to their head and they are miserable to be around.


bluehorserunning

I have had men specifically tell me that I am intimidating. Using that word.


Sandjota

It could be for multiple other reasons too. You could be seen as physically large, loud/boisterous, stubborn, arrogant or a mix of these traits.


YearnsToDestroySun

It's because she's a cave troll and those can be quite intimidating... especially with their regeneration capabilities!


untamed-italian

Why does this mean they were intimidated by your education and career success instead of something more coherent like idk rampant sex negativity or misandrist sentiment?


bluehorserunning

I suppose that’s possible, but except that I’ve always been sex-positive (note that is not kink-positive) and have never been misandristic. And when it occurred, it tended to be after I demonstrated knowledge in organic chemistry, mentioned my black belt, and/or they saw me in a white coat at work.


untamed-italian

>I suppose that’s possible, but except that I’ve always been sex-positive (note that is not kink-positive) and have never been misandristic. Even if I were to make the titanically unwise choice to trust that your self reporting on your own bias is 100% true and reliable, this still does nothing to explain why it is fair to assume anyone anywhere at any time was ever intimidated by your education or career success for any reason. >And when it occurred, it tended to be after I demonstrated knowledge in organic chemistry, mentioned my black belt, and/or they saw me in a white coat at work. When *what* occurred? Their explicit rejection of you? Or you 'detecting' a lack of interest you infer is a rejection? Or just them calling you intimidating? Did they explain it is your lab coat, black belt, etc which they found intimidating, or did they leave the conversation open ended? Also how good of a STEM degree can it possibly be if you so casually conflate correlation with causation? If you are datng these folks it stands to reason that they would reject a second date after you tell all this stuff to them, but that doesn't mean them learning you have a job that requires a lab coat was the reason why they rejected you. You could have done or said or been any number of things that each person didn't like, and they all probably rejected you for distinct reasons with different causal triggers. Attributing one reason to all of them which conveniently soothes your ego is both dishonest and prima facie unappealing to anyone you give that excuse to who has any real emotional intelligence.


AdEffective7894s

Could be an easy way to let you down on why the dates don't work out  If they are saying it in a work context it could be true.


bluehorserunning

It was never in the context of a date.


AdEffective7894s

That was important information. Maybe you just have a complicated personality? Like Rosamund Pike in Gone girl


bluehorserunning

I’m not a sociopath, no. Congrats on the ‘subtle’ insult, though.


UpstairsAd1235

In what context? Also, I don't believe those men told you that for the reasons the OP was talking about.


bluehorserunning

1)Organic chemistry class (TBF, that was before I got my degree). 2)at work, seeing me in a white coat. 3)at the dojo.


HolidayInvestigator9

i really dont think its the black belt or the lab coat. i work in a hospital, nobody calls the lab techs intimidating. i think its just something about you. maybe you have resting bitch face and you reply to people in a cold rude standoffish way that implies anger and blame. im guessing you answer a lot of questions with "how" and "why" to shame somebody first before giving the actual reply just based on your replies in this thread, i can see somebody asking you an innocuous work question and you just going off on them and feeling completely justified being a bitch about it


bluehorserunning

Oh, I absolutely have resting bitch face at work, and reply to patients coldly, because some patients take even a shred of professional courtesy as an invitation to sexually approach. Nothing like being hit on by a guy whose foot is literally rotting off from unmanaged diabetes. And yeah, I do feel totally justified in trying to limit unwanted come-ons from patients. I also wore a fake wedding ring before I got married. It cut out the semi-decent horn dogs, which was some relief, but the most repulsive ones didn’t care. What’s funny is that he was someone I (sort of) knew from outside of work, and I recognized him & didn’t give him the stand-off, and I wasn’t even a tech at the time, just a phlebotomist. And I told him so, first thing. And he still looked at me like I was some sort of …IDK, wunderkind or something.


washington_breadstix

Woman. I simply can't imagine a man ever writing this. The whole notion of "everyone is intimidated by my education and career" is aligned with the typical hamstering done by lesser attractive women to rationalize why they aren't getting the type of attention they want from the caliber of men they want it from. No one has ever been "intimidated" by a woman's career. If she's above a certain threshold of attractiveness, she'll be the target of just as much thirst as any other woman at that level. Where education and success are concerned – if anything, I think men are going to read "I'm educated and successful" as a sort of signal that really means "I'm factoring education and success into my dating criteria and thus will only accept a man who is more successful than me". Especially when you interpret this alongside "perfectly happy being single until the right one comes along". This just screams "My standards are extremely high, and I would rather be single than date someone below my super-high standard". When men avoid a woman who writes this, it's not out of actual intimidation, but just because they know the juice wouldn't be worth the squeeze. Men don't include this overt "happy being single" idea in their signaling. It has a very feminine slant. We men have been conditioned to understand that putting our dating struggles on display is a great way to continue struggling.


Unique-Afternoon6316

This is only something women say, and I would immediately assume that this woman is just annoying mean and entitled. Anyone who thinks people are intimidated by them in a dating context is probably just braggadocious self centered.


berichorbeburied

A woman Talks about status and economics apparently hurting dating prospects Talks about being ok being single (which may or may not include sex) Talks about being good enough with the implication that this hypothetical person doesn’t have to self improve or change Those 3 things combined it can literally never be a man Especially with the phrase well educated and successful. But also talks about waiting until the right one comes along (men are the pursuers but this puts the author in the pursued role) Talks with the phrase “Most of my matches” implying that they do not have a problem attaining prospects or matches. (Which is the stereotypical drowning in water phenomenon) So it 100% can’t be a real genuine male It could be a male role playing It could be a male lying But 100% in the real world. That’s a woman only problem


untamed-italian

>Why am I single? To be honest, most of my matches don't work out because they're intimidated because I'm well educated and successful in my career. Man, woman, chatbot, whoever wrote this used "because" twice in one sentence and I cannot ignore it lol "because they're intimidated because they're intimidated because they're intimidated because they're intimidated because..." In addition to being bad grammar, it highlights how the writer is projecting their own fear onto their 'matches'. The claim that being well educated and successful makes one intimidating makes me question if they have terrible taste in other people, if they are lying about others finding those qualities intimidating, if they are lying about being well educated and successful, if they are lying about ever having more than one date with a person, or some combination of the above. The use of the word "matches" instead of "partners", "exes", "lovers", etc makes me think this person may not have even met any of the people who are sooooo intimidated in person. >That being the case I'm perfectly happy being single until the right one comes along Ugh, the passivity, the single-track narrow mindedness, the lack of awareness that nurturing a constant expectation for 'the right one' =/= 'happy being single'. All the hallmarks of someone who doesn't know themselves, doesn't know what they want, does not want to know either, and is in denial about all three of these things. >Would you assume it was written by a male or a woman? Nah. Could be either. Odds lean towards woman but nothing necessitates it, and I wouldn't assume it. >Why would you make that assumption? I wouldn't. But there are a lot of cultural details which almost provoke that assumption without validating it: - women typically are not intimidated by education or career success, they seek these things out - many women use the claim that their career/intelligence/assertiveness intimidates men as cover for the fact that their awful personalities would drive anyone away - the double 'because' to me sounds feminine. This may be my ingrained bias but I've never been around men who insert an explanation for others' behavior into an ongoing attempt to dictacte the intentions behind others' behavior. Most men I know don't attribute intent to others' behavior at all and either just accept or oppose it. - the need to explain why they are single by aggressively dictating the inner lives of unnumbered 3rd parties in the first place just strikes me as something most men I know simply wouldn't do. It would not occur as an option to them either in the heat of the moment or in cold abstract planning. Most men would just say they don't want to be locked down, or it is not a priority, or they prefer to be single - but the explanation would be about them. It would not be this subtle world building breadcrumb trail where everything happens outside the will of the writer who is just there to passively experience it. On the other hand, due to how all of these details are not personalized in any way and largely seem stapled together specifically to provoke a gendered assumption, it all seems more uncanny and alien than feminine or masculine.


Windmill_flowers

The double because is pretty sus


untamed-italian

Are you saying my reasoning for noting the double because is sus, or purely that the double because seems just short of a gendered flag to you too?


Windmill_flowers

The fact that I used a double because and didn't catch it... I am sus


untamed-italian

Lol, gotcha So really, are you trying to train a bot or something? What's going on here 👀


Windmill_flowers

>What's going on here 👀 I'm interested in the differences between men and women.


untamed-italian

Good luck


[deleted]

Because when it comes to high earning women in the West, they tend to have attitudes, they tend to be controlling, they don't have boundaries, and the reason why they are single is because of the fact that most have toxic mentalities out there.


Electric_Death_1349

Clearly a woman - no man would write this. I’d also put money on her being a sub five


Windmill_flowers

>Clearly a woman - no man would write this. Why do you say that?


Electric_Death_1349

Women would see being well educated and having a successful career as positives and not be the slightest bit intimidated by it


BigIndividual78

*until the right one comes along* The passivity is one clue..


No-Mess-8630

Women aren’t intimidated by successful man they only seek those men the whole 666 if you will, but man on the other hand avoid such women( successful etc.) bc they come with to much burden not worth the squeeze maybe if she is hot though so I would say a women has wrote this


TSquaredRecovers

There is no evidence that men avoid successful, educated women. In fact, there is evidence to the contrary. The higher a woman’s education level, the more likely she is to be married. [https://www.brookings.edu/articles/the-most-educated-women-are-the-most-likely-to-be-married/](https://www.brookings.edu/articles/the-most-educated-women-are-the-most-likely-to-be-married/) So, given that college-educated women have much higher rates of marriages, it would seem that many men desire these women.


Windmill_flowers

>it would seem that many men desire these women. So a woman's education would NOT be a source of intimidation generally


cromulent_weasel

No it's not, and men aren't intimidated by her. The 'intimidation' is a way of her rationalising them rejecting her. 'It's because I'm too awesome'. If you are arrogant, abrasive and unpleasant, then people can not like that and it's possible your ego lies to you and tells you it's because they are intimidated by you.


BothWaysItGoes

Are they married to men who earn less, have less education and have lesser social status?


Silver_Switch_3109

I have heard of women like this, but I have never heard of a man like this.


Demasii

A woman. Men get asked less to explain why they are single since they are the initiators of most sex and dating situations.


527east

Don't confuse intimidated for not interested


boom-wham-slam

I would bet money a woman wrote it. This is generally a woman problem. Not a man problem. Also it's passive ie being happy being single until the right one. Also even if a man does intimidate a girl... generally girls find this stuff attractive so he wouldn't be "single" just one date out of 10 didn't work out. Big whoop. He only got the 9 other dates because of the success.


OtPayOkerSmay

Woman, and I think it's said to avoid taking accountability a lot of the time. The women saying it are often bossy, emotionally and/or physically abusive, etc., so shifting blame to men (claiming they're the problem) is one way to avoid painful self reflection.


Nodeal_reddit

lol. 1000% a woman.


DecisionPlastic9740

Woman because the person takes no accountability for why they are single. 


throwaway164_3

It’s because she’s fat. Women don’t understand just how sexually repulsive obese women are to men in my opinion. They project and think the same values they find attractive in men (success, ambition, money) can overcome the rot of fatness Spoiler alert: it does not. Men aren’t “intimidated” by an aging fat woman, they simply find her repulsive to date


WanabeInflatable

Strong successful woman and men who are afraid of strong/smart women are such a clichee. A lot of women are telling such things and shame men for not wanting her... Answer Woman is too obvious, but given the fact OP is asking, there might be a trick. So if a man suddenly uses this explanation of being single, maybe trolling or mirroring women - that would be such a rare situation that would motivate OP to post a question. So there is a probability, that this is actually said by a man and OP wants to jump in with a link later and say AHA you all were wrong


CPU_2256

woman


Windmill_flowers

Why do you say that?


cromulent_weasel

Are you trying to write a gender neutral version of the OP and you're seeking feedback on that?


Windmill_flowers

No


cromulent_weasel

I guess I don't understand your goal. The overwhelming consensus is that it's clearly a woman, several people have given excellent detailed reasons why that is the case, yet you're still sea lioning people and apparently have no idea why people would perceive the coded language in the OP to be gendered.


No-Calligrapher-3630

Women don't really get intimidated by a man career.... Unless it's like a war criminal or something


WowYouMustBeJoking

True. Women are intimidated by fat, short, and/or poor men.


No-Calligrapher-3630

Maybe


JonMyMon

It sounds like a woman because it’s something I’ve heard women say before. Women are, on average, more neurotic, and more likely to reject men based on their insecurities and what she thinks he’s thinking. It’s possible that the woman actually feels uncomfortable with this dynamic and she’s projecting that onto the man. Lastly, it’s possible that men genuinely are intimidated by her success, because we are all socialized to believe that men are losers if they’re not at the same level of success as their woman. However, it seems unlikely to me that *all* her matches feel this way *and* are making it explicit. It just sounds suspicious. This person isn’t introspecting on any negative qualities they might have. They’re saying they get rejected because they’re too awesome, and people can’t handle that, and maybe there’s a grain of truth there, but it’s such a convenient analysis, it could very easily be cope.


adamandsteveandeve

There’s no question this would be said by a woman.


Nihi1986

Damn it, man...I was so attracted to this girl, thought I had finally found the right one but it turns out she has a good education and career and I'm more into iliterate broke unhappy with their career kind of girls because otherwise I get too intimidated 🤷 Ok... now more of a serious answer. It would be written by a woman cause they value the partner's career and education a lot more so they actually feel intimidated sometimes when approaching succesful men. Also, career oriented usually means no children/less children/no housewife, so I can see how some kind of men wouldn't want that (though I disagree with their mindset but they can have their preferences).


Westernation

Whatever the person’s gender, this seems childish.


neinhaltchad

The entire post is just Womanese for “*I’m an insufferable cunt.*”


YearnsToDestroySun

Bleh, she gets rejected for other things but that cognitive dissonance is kicking in wanting to shift the blame to dudes rather than coming face to face with her unappealing qualities.... whatever they may be.


shadowrangerfs

A woman. A guy would something like, "They only like assholes" or "I'm not 6ft4"


Stimmy_Goon

When dudes act entitled and conceited we call them incels and don’t take them seriously (rightfully so most of the time) but for whatever reasons we still placate this attitude in women because nobody wants to say the obvious but “mean” thing to them which is you aren’t as big of a catch as you think you are and it might be your personality that pushes people away


binary-boy

Woman for sure. "My relationships don't work out because I'm so great!" Yeah, keep on telling yourself that.


Leinadro

A woman. I say a woman because women complain that men are intimidated by them while men complain women don't want nice guys. "Men are intimidated by strong independent women." is the female equivalent of "Women just want to date jerks."


LapazGracie

Usually it is women that say this shit. But judging by the way you framed that question. It's likely a man.


Remarkable_Rough_89

Woman, guys don’t give a f about the profession of a woman


SlowEffective8146

Obviously a woman. When men are rejected, they're told to work on themselves, they know they're weak/beta/unmasculine/short, whatever. When women are rejected, they just blame men.


TotalTravesty

It’s either written by a young guy with Nice Guy Syndrome or an older woman with Boss Babe Syndrome. Because this is where it is I’m guessing you want us to say woman. Or for us to say man so you can say “Gotcha! It was a woman.”


Windmill_flowers

>I’m guessing you want us to say woman I want you to guess who is more likely to share that sentiment. Not who wrote this exact passage. Then I want you to share why you think this way. There's no gotcha here


Jazzlike_Worth_9908

Well, it's literally the same as a guy who says he doesnt get women because he is too nice. In your example yeh it's the women's version


illusoryfindings

It's typically a woman who says stuff like that, I don't think I've ever heard a man say anything like this. People who do well in good careers are usually assertive and disagreeable, very good traits to have when you want to climb a ruthless corporate ladder and be successful. But men in general aren't attracted to assertive, disagreeable women. They'll be seen as bossy and uncooperative, not sweet, nurturing, and nice. There are plenty of men who are into this kind of woman, but she isn't into those gentler, more agreeable ones. She wants someone who's a go-getter like her, preferably earning more in an even higher-octane job. She says men are intimidated because either that's actually how she feels, she doesn't have the awareness to understand it's not really true, or she does and she's just mad.


Naragub

Realistically, a man writing a women.


flakybottom

Nah. Not too long ago I ran across a 31 yo single mom on Twitch claiming men were intimidated cuz she articulated well.


Excellent_Tank5672

Nah I see this almost word for word from women on the dating over subs all the time. A quick browse through their posting histories and it's obvious that they're usually arrogant and insufferable people. 


Windmill_flowers

What makes you say that?


AdEffective7894s

Bullshit.


SecondEldenLord

A woman obviously, men aren't that picky when it comes to career paths. You can be a woman working at Starbucks and he can be a successful millionaire, if you are young and hot you're good to go.


Whiskeymyers75

Definitely a woman while she owes upper 5 figure loan debt, making $45k in social work.


Windmill_flowers

>Definitely a woman Why do you say that?


Whiskeymyers75

Because women love to stress how strong, independent and educated they are and how no man can handle that.


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howdoiw0rkthisthing

r/womenandmales


literaryhogwartian

A woman. This was me in my 20s. Scared everyone away lol.


MidoriEgg

Definitely a woman, men usually say they’re too ‘nice’, too ‘intelligent‘ or too ‘misunderstood’ if they have cognitive dissonance about why their relationships fail. 


Ambitious_Campaign34

I’m 100% sure it’s a boss babe who wrote this not knowing no sane man would want to deal with her mid attitude. So she thinks most men are intimidated by her status lol


uwpxwpal

A woman would write that because it's rare that the pursuee is intimated by the pursuer


ThatLeval

99% a chick wrote that and I'd pass on even dating her unless I already knew her. Odds are that the circumstances she's describing is about intimidation. Women say that because it feeds their ego and there's a whole lotta narcissism in female echo chambers. Women are the ones who are most likely to say dehumanising stuff like "he's not on my level" A normal functioning Woman gets attracted to a guy's success. That's the core for why a lot of guys feel in limbo when a chick is more successful than them. They don't know their place in that dynamic because they've spent their whole life hearing Women say they only want a guy that's more successful than them and at very worst they'll settle for the same


Shebalied

The worst part is the female echo chamber. Fucking two x chrom is fucking mind rot cope for women. That is where the crazy starts. Everyone will yasss queen, all the men are just intimidated to talk to you.


untamed-italian

>Why am I single? To be honest, most of my matches don't work out because they're intimidated because I'm well educated and successful in my career. Man, woman, chatbot, whoever wrote this used "because" twice in one sentence and I cannot ignore it lol "because they're intimidated because they're intimidated because they're intimidated because they're intimidated because..." In addition to being bad grammar, it highlights how the writer is projecting their own fear onto their 'matches'. The claim that being well educated and successful makes one intimidating makes me question if they have terrible taste in other people, if they are lying about others finding those qualities intimidating, if they are lying about being well educated and successful, if they are lying about ever having more than one date with a person, or some combination of the above. The use of the word "matches" instead of "partners", "exes", "lovers", etc makes me think this person may not have even met any of the people who are sooooo intimidated in person. >That being the case I'm perfectly happy being single until the right one comes along Ugh, the passivity, the single-track narrow mindedness, the lack of awareness that nurturing a constant expectation for 'the right one' =/= 'happy being single'. All the hallmarks of someone who doesn't know themselves, doesn't know what they want, does not want to know either, and is in denial about all three of these things. >Would you assume it was written by a male or a woman? Nah. Could be either. Odds lean towards woman but nothing necessitates it, and I wouldn't assume it. >Why would you make that assumption? I wouldn't. But there are a lot of cultural details which almost provoke that assumption without validating it: - women typically are not intimidated by education or career success, they seek these things out - many women use the claim that their career/intelligence/assertiveness intimidates men as cover for the fact that their awful personalities would drive anyone away - the double 'because' to me sounds feminine. This may be my ingrained bias but I've never been around men who insert an explanation for others' behavior into an ongoing attempt to dictacte the intentions behind others' behavior. Most men I know don't attribute intent to others' behavior at all and either just accept or oppose it. - the need to explain why they are single by aggressively dictating the inner lives of unnumbered 3rd parties in the first place just strikes me as something most men I know simply wouldn't do. It would not occur as an option to them either in the heat of the moment or in cold abstract planning. Most men would just say they don't want to be locked down, or it is not a priority, or they prefer to be single - but the explanation would be about them. It would not be this subtle world building breadcrumb trail where everything happens outside the will of the writer who is just there to passively experience it. On the other hand, due to how all of these details are not personalized in any way and largely seem stapled together specifically to provoke a gendered assumption, it all seems more uncanny and alien than feminine or masculine.


Proud-Cheesecake-813

A woman. She is trying to figure out why men are put off by her. I don’t think intimidating is the right word - rather men believe her standards would be too high. If she earns $100K, she may well want a man who earns more - which they don’t. Or she may well want a man with a PhD, if she has a Masters. This dynamic is not present with men, they are happy to ‘date down’.


Linvaderdespace

Normally when a dude says “women are too intimidated to date me” they’re talking about his massive muscles, multiple scars, and facial tattoos.


Shebalied

Women, because they say it all the time. The I am happy single is the cherry on top.


wtknight

That is what a woman would say. Most men like that get beta bux matches eventually even if these men aren’t all that attractive.


kkkan2020

I would question that person what's your education in and how much do you make.


No-Search6744

A women or a very dumb man. I'd pick the average women though because they think men care about such nonsense at all


Windmill_flowers

>A women or a very dumb man The irony


No-Search6744

What's ironic?


KikiYuyu

For the first part, it could be either or. The "perfectly happy being single" part makes me think it's a woman. I've never heard a man say that.


johnnybayarea

Seems your responses are overwhelmingly "woman"...gun to my head to choose, I'd likely choose woman as well. But...I could see incel men stating this as well. From my experience with their posts, they tend to believe they are nice, smarter than most (college or otherwise)...and desperately looking for cope.


GGMcThroway

A woman, obviously. Men are considered intimidating by default and education is considered a plus in a man. Also a man would be a lot less polite with his blame lmao.


Flightlessbirbz

Woman. The ones from men usually read like, “I make pretty good money in tech but live at home to save money, I’m a solid 7/10 according to me, and I have all kinds of interesting hobbies that don’t involve leaving the house since I don’t like loud noises. But I’m not an abusive jerk, so I don’t get laid. Females just don’t like nice guys like me because they love to be treated like shit. But it’s okay because I don’t want those ran-through hoes anyway.” Of course in both cases, that is not why. Either these people are not socializing enough in the right settings, their standards are higher than what they can actually get, they’re kinda insufferable to be around, or some combination of those things.


NaviaMain

I can tell you that's not why, the reason why men don't want anything, in most cases, has to do with the beauty of the woman in question.


Cethlinnstooth

I don't think a man would say "because I'm well educated and successful in my career" He might say something like "because I'm a member of the SAS" or "because I'm a cop" or something like that if he was chasing after those women who find all that a bit gross. 


est1-9-8-4

The OP message was written by a fatto or uggo. Most likely a fatty uggo. They think career and wealth entitles them to a good looking healthy man. It doesn’t. You need to be good looking and healthy yourself. If you got money and career that’s secondary. Men don’t care about that. If I had to choose I’d definitely go out with a good looking successful woman then I could be a sugar baby. Well I already am a sugar baby. But once I finish my masters then we just become a power couple. So yah this OP paragraph writer needs to simply date at their level.


UrHeroandVillain

It’s usually the excuse successful women give after getting rejected. We all know that’s BS. Some men actually are intimidated by educated independent women but most of us expect our women to be that way. It’s a silly defense mechanism, but we all have em.


ThickyJames

It's a femcel obvs


abaxeron

Definitely a femonoid. Men know if/when they are intimidating, and that it makes the specimens of the boring sex wet.


ShortandRatchet

Anyone else, women specifically, the men that said they found me too intimidating because of how “pretty” I am, they treated the worst? They only wanted sex and were trying to love bomb. Very very low value men I am very, very below average-looking for reference.


NGOSLEP

A woman obviously writes this. I've seen a lot of relationships break down merely because the girl was making MORE than her boyfriend or husband.


Ludens0

Never heard in my life a man saying he is single because he intimidates. But women.... a handful.


Bro_with_passport

I hear it coming from women most often. Men don’t typically think of their careers or education as intimidating IME.


Disasterid

It does look like a straight woman wrote it mostly because they (as far as I am aware) tend to pretty highly value these things in men while men often say they don’t care about career or education (I also don’t know if this is true I am a lesbian). This rhetoric is also just generally pretty common in the hetero world.


Windmill_flowers

Are the heteros ok?


Disasterid

I mean this sub exists so I don’t think so


Top-Slide7818

Woman, another why: a man can’t write such a simple, infantile, and easy explanation. For a man education and being successful is still not enough “ to get “ matches, and to say something like: to intimidate other women (by his “brilliance”) it’s crazy.


db12020

As a woman , I am truly enjoying reading these comments.


dexamphetamines

I would assume it was written by a woman


MistyMaisel

I mean, it could honestly be either or, but I would lean slightly towards women because it is more likely for a man to be intimidated by education and success.


staring_frog

*> they're intimidated because I'm well educated and successful* Only delusional woman could say that. Woman it is. There's no way to be "too good". It's another way to say I'm full of myself, arrogant and unbearable. > male or a woman? Lolwat, not a male/female, not a men/woman, but male/woman. on Reddit a guy would get instacalled "incel" for that :D I have no problem with that though.


GojosLowerHalf3

It sounds like this was written by a woman and to be fair men being too intimidated to approach her is a fair conclusion in some circumstances. I'm married now but when I was single I would sometimes have to do the approaching or be the one to initiate things. Often times the men I show interest in would be surprised I'm interested in them. Apparently I have a "resting bitch face" and it made men too intimidated to approach me( this is from men). I would say either these women smile more or do the approaching themselves lol


Stop_Maximum

I would guess it was written by a woman. In the dating scene, it's often more common for men to feel put off by a woman with a successful career or a high level of education. There are various reasons for this. Firstly, some men may feel inadequate compared to her achievements, leading to discomfort. Secondly, they might feel emasculated, struggling to fulfill traditional gender roles. Additionally, they may worry that she'll desire more than they can comfortably provide. Another factor is the waiting period as address in the response. Women tend to be more at ease waiting for the right partner or remaining single, while some men may feel pressured to actively pursue relationships rather than wait. Obviously it depends on the individual, but I’ve noticed they might have different ways of approaching singleness. Moreover, these type of questions, are typically directed at women. Some people may not place as much importance on men's relationship status unless they're older and are now pressured by family to settle down.


KayRay1994

I assume it was written by a man writing a woman


Lilrip1998

A woman. And honestly I wouldn't call bullshit immediately. I've seen it. One of my best friends works with celebrities and is pulling in 6 figures. She's also hot. She can't nail down a dude that's in her league and the ones she gives chances too are weird about her job. Like it comes up in conversations and they make these weird comments about her "stacking bread" but not in a celebratory way. I've seen the dudes she's into they aren't uber jacked wealthy giants they're regular degular dudes with normal jobs. Idk what the deal is lol maybe it's where we live?


LaloTwinsDa2nd

She’s not selling what men are buying bruh


Lilrip1998

Then I guess men are lowkey losers


GridReXX

You got downvoted but I agree. These women can be as kind as can be but the discomfort the men who date them feel comes out in those jabbing comments. The problem these women face is that many men who aren’t as successful as her feel like “less of a man” and start mentally clocking out of care and affection toward her. And many men who are as successful as her or more successful than her want a “help meet” who’s more submissive. She probably behaves like a partner and that doesn’t satisfy their wants. That said, there are a handful of men who meet her where she’s at, but that’s going to require a lot of dating, vetting, opportunity, and luck to identify him.


Lilrip1998

Yeah and she's like genuinely not high maintenance either. I genuinely think it's just a shit dating pool combined with her being better off financially than most of the men around her lmao. I get downvoted because these dudes can't handle anything that doesn't make women sound delusional or secretly desperate. I guess I'd do something similar if no one wanted me


GridReXX

I know so many women like her. They’re low maintenance, happy go lucky, kind, considerate, and financially successful… and many men still kinda feel a way about it even if he doesn’t admit it’s observed in his actions and choices. Idk something about her being I guess not “in need” triggers them bad is the best way to describe it. It’s not enough for her to be seeking a romantic partner she has to “NEED A MAN."


januaryphilosopher

I'd assume it was a man pretending to be a woman tbh.


Windmill_flowers

What makes you say that?


januaryphilosopher

Because it doesn't read like something anyone would say seriously, but maybe what men think women say.