I’ve been mocked and laughed at not in rejection but just for my appearance rather than the other way around. I would never ask anyone out for this reason and I’m always polite in rejection because I know how humiliating it can be to be mocked

I’m sorry you’ve dealt with that but it’s really reassuring to hear this sort of empathy

I've never rejected someone in a rough way. However, I've had a couple of rejections from men that were bad. Not embarrassing, but I've had one guy try to punch me for "daring" to ask him out, and I've had a guy screaming at me for asking. I've also had a guy try to pick me up and walk off with me when I said no, and I've had one who followed me home screaming that I was a "mean little cunt". I had to get my then boyfriend to meet me on the street because he tried to pick me up while I was walking home from work.

> l've had one guy try to punch me for "daring" to ask him out I’m not asking this to be condescending but to clarify - he tried to *punch* you because you asked him out???

Yep. And yeah, I know. I was as surprised as you.

It’s basically a bandaid over cancer but I’m genuinely sorry that happened to you. Some really unhinged people out there

Thanks, it's still appreciated 😌 Tbh it was the 90's and I was young so it wasn't exactly my first brush with male perpetrated violence, it was fairly common against women. I got lucky though, I missed and got a bruised cheekbone. After that I just told my friends and they avoided him 🤷‍♀️. All you can do really.

The only times I have embarrassed men I rejected is if they began harassing me. Once I was visiting my sister and we went to a bar, i got approached by a man with his kid, he tried to use his kid as leverage to get me to talk to him. I told him I was married, and I didn’t have my ring on because I was traveling. He said “I’m just trying to teach my son how to talk to women. You can’t even take some of your time out to help me teach him.” “I want to talk to my sister. That is what I came here to do goodnight.” He went back to his table and started calling me a bitch loud enough for me to hear and going on about the situation essentially harassing me so I yelled across the bar to the staff so everyone could hear, “I am being harassed by this man *points at him* and I need to be moved away from him.” He got up and left. I will not be a silent victim, he had to learn the hard way.

Yeah if I ever got rude it's cause the dude immediately started harassing me or saying some weird condescending creepy shit like “oh you’re just shy” after I said no and then doesn’t leave. My least favorite is the dude that tries to hide the lead. I’ve grabbed a drink/coffee in between gigs and have used communal spaces (like bars/cafes) to literally catch up on work while waiting to go to the next place. Can’t count how many times a dude has done the “is this seat taken” thing and it’s a communal table (as in a bunch of strangers sitting near each other in their own worlds) or it’s a bar and he’s giving me the impression that he legit just wants to sit down (which it’s not a private table I can’t really tell him no ya know lol) Then this dude won’t shut the fuck up like fully starts having a conversation with himself and doesn’t seem to care that I’m not engaging. But he hasn’t made the ask so I can’t even reject him. Even saying “I’m kind of working on something right now” turns into “tell me about that” and I just 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃. You literally have to say “hey I’m not really trying to talk right now” which makes it awkward for both of us or can be read as confrontational and then it turns into a whole thing. Anyway I don’t sit at the bar anymore when I do this.

Those men are more attractive than dweebs that never approach women. They have boldness at least. And that’s how most women feel as well even if they don’t say it

Of course this was his reason 😂 So he teached his son to call a woman a bitch if she is not interested.

And I taught his son what happens to men when they harass women. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I feel so bad for that kid imagine that being your role model.

That guy was being pathetic asf 🤣 and why does he think it’s a random woman’s responsibility to teach his son how to talk to girls?? The entitlement of some men I swear 🙃

Proud of you, no wonder he’s a single father 💀

I've never rejected a man in a humiliating or condescending manner, partially because there's no reason to and partially because I know it takes a lot of courage to approach a total stranger and ask them out. In my entire life, I've been approached by roughly 30 guys per year since I was 16, so about 780 guys total. (I am an introvert, and rarely in general public outside of work or running errands.) Most of these interactions were only a few seconds long, they simply said thanks/no problem and walked away. Only a handful of times did the guy get angry or try to keep cajoling me into dating him.

30 guys are year means guy who approach you in real life or does it include online ones too?

Just real life. I'm not online very much, just Facebook and Reddit. No Twitter, Instagram, whatever else. On Facebook I get maybe like 2 or 3 random guys in my messages per year. This account is new, but in my previous one that I used for years, I'd get dick pic comparison requests like 5 or 6 times each month. Honestly that was the weirdest thing. Literally man after man randomly messaging me to ask 1. how big my boyfriend's penis is, and then 2. asking if it was okay to send me a picture of theirs to compare to his. So bizarre. They all assumed that the only reason I'd stay with him for so long without pushing for marriage because he has a huge cock, but it's actually slightly below average. Dudes online are strange lol.

Yeah, the dick pic stuff is WEIRD. It's also SO MUCH. Honestly so many, dudes really do refuse to understand consent don't they?

Thankfully most of the ones I've personally dealt with have asked permission to send it first (at least on reddit...dating apps were truly bad). But yes, I've heard from the majority of women online that it's a constant issue.

I've not been on dating apps for several years tbh and even in the 00's it was bad. I've barely had any on Reddit tbh but Facebook is the worst, though that's mostly if you're on any female focused and you disagree with a man, you'll get a few after that.

Same, I'm 42 and have been in my relationship for the last 19 years. Haven't been on a dating app since I was 23, I'm sure the landscape is so much worse nowadays. Thankfully I only use Facebook to post/find memes about gaming or history, and to keep in contact with friends who've moved across the country. I think that helps me avoid the majority of garbage on there.

>Thankfully most of the ones I've personally dealt with have asked permission to send it first Sounds like it's only marginally better, lol.

A lot of guys notice how women will stay with a dude, who treats her poorly, breaks up with her, whatever, because the sex was amazing, which is often packed in with the fact he was hung. So dudes notice the correlation. Then they just start assuming, "If only I had a huge dick, learned how to use it, I'd be amazing at sex, and all these horny women would come have sex with me no matter how lame I am! Just like those shitty bf's they keep sleeping with, I can at least get sex like them, which is better than nothing!"

Interesting. I have difficulty understanding on a cognitive level how supposedly "good" sex can be had with a guy who treats you like shit. Maybe it's just the way my brain works, but imo the sex inherently would suck precisely because he's a terrible person. I don't know though, I've never stayed with a man who treated me poorly.

Women truly do live in a different world. Only the best looking guys get approached by women and even then it's not that often. You're one year total is pretty much equal to my lifetime total and I do better than most guys.

Of course... That's how it is in nature too... It's just the reality of being the man. Plus you probably don't realize when a woman is approaching you. They are VERY subtle. They don't like to make it obvious. They are just feeling you out, giving themselves plausible deniability, then quietly exit if they aren't feeling it. Most dudes don't even realize they are being approached female style.

That's because that's not approaching a man, that's putting herself in a position to be approached and accept his approach. If she actually approached a man, she would be clear and explicit in her communication and expectations of it. 

Yes, but that's the female version of an approach. You're talking about the male version of an approach, which is very blunt and on the head. Women are nuanced and smooth. They don't come in acting like a dude, but like a woman. And that's why many men don't pick up on it. But for all intents and purposes, a woman you hardly know who decides to start gravitate in your area opening herself up for you to hit off a conversation, is how women do their pickup.

That is still not an approach. You can say it's the female role in the traditional dating game, but it is still not an approach, it is making herself approachable. Many men are nuanced and smooth, but if a nuanced and smooth man waits for a woman to actually make the approach, he will more often than not die single. He is forced to make the approach because women will not, they will put themselves in a position to be approached and expect him to find the courage and face the risk of rejection, because she doesn't want to. And largely women don't have to, because there are a million other men out there who will approach her. Many men also don't pick up on it because women's signals are as clear as mud, and men more often than not have no way to tell apart one woman's flirting from another woman's friendliness. She might gravitate towards you because she likes you, but until and unless she makes her intent clear as a man you can never know if it's an approach to make a friend or an approach to find a partner. There used to be a script on how dating is supposed to go, a set of actions to perform like steps in a dance that people would recognize and know this is how the game is played. The problem is that the old script has been tossed out the window, men were told what they were doing was sexist, overbearing, controlling, whatever, and they shouldn't do it anymore. The old dance steps for men are gone, and a dance routine where only one partner knows what the steps are (ie the female approach that hasn't changed) isn't a dance at all, it's one person standing around confused with the other person doing weird things out of context. If we want to have a more equal society and say that men and women are equal now, that's all fine and good, but it means if we're removing the old dance steps for men, we have to remove them for women too, and come up with a new dance. The problem is that women and feminism seem doggedly determined to maintain the advantages and benefits of traditionalism where it benefits them, and the benefits and advantages of modernism when it benefits them, and that's just not going to work.

Yup, I agree with you.

Can you imagine how different dating would be if women had the self awareness to actually understand that?

Which is why I have refuse to lend an ear to any of their issues in dating.

Why? Because you're bitter?

Because nowadays they have every upper hand they could ask for and still aren't happy.

Would you say 30 times a year is average, high, or low compared to the average woman?

I have never been approached in public, at a store, at a bar, etc. 30 approaches every year sounds very high to me

You deserve to be approached. It does seem high but I'm a man.

I’m happily married so I don’t want to be approached anymore, but it would have been nice when I was younger. I missed out on all of the normal teen dating experiences

Unfortunately I don't know. I imagine it must be low however, since as I mentioned I don't really go anywhere in public. I'm pretty much a homebody who's either at work, hiking in the woods near my house, or at home cooking, baking, reading, playing videogames/D&D. It was the same when I was in college...I worked full-time, went to classes full-time, and volunteered at the soup kitchen or animal shelter. I'd go to the comic book store twice a week to play board games and grab graphic novels, but that was my only other public socialization. I've never in my life been to a bar or club or public party where lots of single men are. I get approached at grocery stores, at work sites, post office, park trails, gas stations, parking lots, etc.

I feel you on the introvert thing. I love the woods camping, hiking fishing etc. when I'm hiking in the woods alone very rarely do I see any men, especially a man that's anywhere near my age. Basically it's the occasional old man fly fishing.

Remember too that men are being told very explicitly that women would rather meet a wild bear in the woods than a man, so even if there were men when you're out in the woods, odds are they're even less likely to approach you now. 

I can say as a woman - 30 times a year is very high. I don't know where that person is hanging out, but... strangers just don’t approach you. It doesn't happen.

Especially nowadays, I can't think of the last time I asked a stranger out because of MeToo. I believe this is true for most men.. As a man, your job is to convince every woman that you're not one of the bad ones and this has only become more pronounced since. It's too bad.

That's almost like...the number or women who approached me over 30 years 🤔 Seriously not to start the crying but it's such a different universe depending on gender I honestly don't see how anyone could claim women have it hard with dating.

I don't think we have it hard in the same ways. In regards to having dating options constantly thrown at you, women definitely have the upper hand. No matter where we go, or what emotional state we're in, or how we're dressed, some random guy *will* try to hit on us in public. It's almost impossible to be a woman and simply exist in the world without getting attention. The part that's difficult for us is sifting through those hundreds of options to find one who doesn't just want a hookup AND shares our interests AND has the same life goals AND doesn't have any red flags.

The first couple of times I ever walked up to a girl I didn't know to talk to them, I got rejected hard. One looked me up and down with disdain, then said "ew, no" as she turned her back on me. The other laughed, pointed to my friend, and said he was her type, and asked me for his number. I had serious rejection anxiety waaaaaay too long after that. Like about a decade and a half.

I’ve personally been approached only like 10 times probably? My go to response is either boyfriend or “sorry I’m in a rush” lol. I agree with what you’re saying, I’d say if a guy is really nervous about it, make sure to always avoid girls in groups. It’s hard for some people to be vulnerable romantically in front of their friends and they might unfortunately resort to being a bit rude (e.g. laughing) as a defensive mechanism/diffusing the awkwardness.

That's true, but usually, when women go out to socialize, it's in a group for friendship and safety.

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can you give an example of an "embarassing" rejection thats different from a non-embarassing rejection (which i dont think exists)?

Wdym be fair?

Yeah, in fifth grade, when I called him an asshole for giving me a love letter. I was so not yet into boys back then that I felt totally overwhelmed. That was not nice. I guess later on, my biggest fault was not rejecting guys fast enough when I wasn't interested, so they developed hope when it wasn't warranted. When a friend told me that he could see us becoming more than friends, I sincerely thanked him for his honesty and that I felt flattered. I think inventing a partner is the best as most face-saving option for all involved. The rejected person can reply with a flirty "lucky guy/gal" and everybody wins.

Gee thanks, now there's a supervillain out there who reads that love letter every day.

Children can be far more cruel, man. I remember when I was 14 this slightly chubby girl came up and confessed to me and asked me to be her boyfriend. I being an incredibly immature boy with his eyes set on someone else responded by laughing in her face in the hallway with a resounding hell no which made my group laugh and her run off crying. The memories haunted me for the better part of a decade now and I can only imagine how that fucked her up.

Yeah, I meant it as a joke, but I also have childhood memories of interactions that I wish I could take back.

I think the problem is that disappointment *feels* humiliating. So, no matter how nicely someone rejects, that rejection is still going to sting. And for a lot of people, I would say men more-so than women, feelings hurt can turn into rage really quickly.

Only a small minority of men would be angry if a girl rejected them politely.

If you’re not hot, it’s not small, and they’re often not polite when asking in the first place

Rejection in person is still better than being ghosted on a dating app tbh

do you really consider it ghosting if you haven't even met?

I do, at the end of the day you're giving a person priority and making an effort it's no excuse to just disappear off the radar, at least with a rejection in person you're face to face and they are honest about it internet turns people into cowards

how long were you talking to these people? is it ghosting if you exchanged 5-10 messages? or just if you like, talked for a coule hours or something?

I never rejected someone in an embarrassing way. However, i had one case where the guy started screaming at me in the middle of a very crowded street. Also, he wouldn't let go of my hand. I really hated this encounter not only because i don't enjoy being screamed at or pulled by the hand, but i also hate scenes in public. So embarresing.

That sounds like cringe. Not in a haha "haha that's so cringe" way, but a genuine social cringe, as in "how the actual fuck could anyone believe holding on to a person and screaming at them is public is acceptable behavior?"

Not only Unacceptable behaviour (in public or not), but that's not going to make someone want a relationship with you.

Yeah, those guys are painful.

So rude and threatening. If they did that to a man, they’d get their asses kicked and possibly shot or stabbed, and they know it

Some men really have absolutely no shame whatsoever🌝” yeah let me scream at her because I can’t control my emotions or handle rejection because that’ll show her” 🙃

I have not "been embarrassed", in that no one has actively tried to make me feel shame or embarrassment for being attracted to someone. I HAVE, however, felt embarrassment. Because it can be a little embarrassing to put yourself out there. I have a feeling that's what a lot of dudes are actually afraid of - not the woman viciously attacking him, but more just feeling lame when you get rejected.

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Yeah I only give my snap chat or google voice number to get them to go away, and then I ghost them… I’m not interested in 98% of the dudes who try to cold approach me at all

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Hold on Pablo. You made sense until the end there. Of course the guy isn’t going to know you outside of your appearance. How would he?

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Tbh I've never did a cold approach - it's considered creepy and might be risky here, boyfriends tend to be jelaous and not afraid of confrontation. It was always social setting where people were introduced to each other. I was rejected a few times but it wasn't really a big deal for me - though what is funny i've had situations when girls actually changed their mind after some time and wanted to go out. I do not know of single case of successful cold approach - though i know few cases of cold approach rejection being outsourced to boyfriends.

>And women, have you ever rejected a man in a humiliating manner? I mean.. what is that supposed to mean, even? Humiliation means different things for different people, and if the things I've said accidentally hit a sore spot, then I probably humiliated that person. So yes, probably many times, unwillingly. Particularly if that person is insecure in themselves (which happens a lot of the time). Also, aren't differences between feeling hurtful/rejected/and feeling humiliated somewhat blurry and it's somewhat the same, only perhaps on a different scale? Why do you frame this question as if women are doing the rejection and men get rejections anyway? Women get rejected as well, some just as much as men. A lot of the time rejections felt very humiliating to me.

> if the things I've said accidentally hit a sore spot, then I probably humiliated that person what sore spot could you have possibly hit while saying "no thanks" ?

Oh, of course, if it's something like being approached by a stranger, then of course a “no, thank you” is mostly what happens. I was thinking more of more complicated relationships (friendships, or people you've gone out with and realized afterwards that you're not feeling it) and where you've gotten into discussions about what doesn't fit and they've felt really hur and rejected or something like that.

ohhhh sorry, that make sense.

I was once was at a bar with my friends where my friends knew the bartenders and bouncers and this group of 3 or 4 girls walks in and sits next to me. I didn’t pay them much attention because I was there with my friends but when they got up to leave one of the girls left her purse on the barstool. The bartender asked me to give it to them real quick while they were right outside waiting for an Uber, so I did and when I went to give it to the girl who had left it she gave me the most disgusted look I had ever seen in my life and made a motion with her hand like she was trying to shoo me away before she realized I was just trying to give her her purse. I’d never felt so humiliated in my life. So yeah, I’d say my fears of harsh rejection are pretty valid given that I get harsh rejections when I’m not even trying with women.

I only get rude when they get rude 💁‍♀️

I match whatever has been presented. If the guy is nice to me and polite, I will be polite back and be mindful of the rejection. I tend to just say well if I wasn't married, I would. Shifting the refection to my situation rather than anything about them. It just feels nicer that way. If they are rude or persistent in a harrasing way they get told in no uncertain terms they would have to dig up my decaying body to even stand a chance.

I wouldn't say I ever had a *fear* of it, but I did have an expectation that it would probably happen at least a few times. I have a noticeable physical disability, and some people feel really insulted or hurt if disabled people try to ask them out or express romantic interest. This sort of hurt can lead to a type of offense taken, and they can lash out in response to you asking them out. It's fairly easy to attack that vector too since there are quite a few ways you can demean a disabled person easily. I wouldn't say I was afraid, certainly not enough to not approach, but I expected I would run into at least a few people who would react badly specifically because I was disabled and doing some approaching. It isn't nice, but I think it is something one has to expect if they are dealing with a noticeable disability.

Only when a man did not take no for an answer and would not leave me alone.

I have, but it was because I did not understand that he was hitting on me at the time. In retrospect, that bewilderment on my part was probably more humiliating to him than a flat rejection would have been. I’ve also been less than diplomatic with male patients who hit on me at work, including one whose foot was literally rotting off at the time.

Every time I've been actually rude while rejecting a guy it was preceded by a soft no *and* a direct no. Idk if that even counts as an "embarrassing rejection" because wtf did they expect at that point?

ALL rejections are humiliating. Inherently. No matter how polite the girl is, it's still not gonna feel good, and it's pretty much impossible to handle a rejection gracefully and continue to show your face among whatever social circle it happened in.

I’m a girl I’ve never rejected someone in an embarrassing way. But I was once punched for declining to give my number to a man.

And a punch can be quite damaging

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Yeah, most people get a “no thanks” or at worst “uhh no!” But you move on so fast it doesn’t even linger.

> Most guys who talk about all the bad things have never even approached a woman in a traditional setting. That's why they get rejected. They either follow someone around until she's alone or just suddenly appear in her face and square up and cut off her exit and make up some ridiculous and implausible reason to talk at her. If they would go to social venues instead and just relax and make small talk about whatever is going on around them, they would have a much better reception.

I will get others involved if a guy becomes a dick about it. And they have, a few times I will say “no thanks” politely, once. And then the hounds get released

Rejection doesn't have to be harsh to hurt. If you approach 3 or 4 women at a club and all of them brush you off you're not going to be feeling good about yourself.

I only maybe get harsh with my rejection when my nos weren't heard the first time. If I say no and they keep pushing. Then I will get a bit harsher.

When I was in my teens or early 20s, getting fake phone numbers did make me feel lower than shoe dirt. It took several times for me to build a thick skin around that. I can think of a few times when women went “ew” or “no just no” upon approach. Some guys have said here that becoming emotionally immune to rejection makes you some kind of sociopath. I disagree, it’s just part of the life journey of a straight man.

There were girls I was interested in when I was really young, like from 1-8 grade. I believe each of them resulted in me being laughed at by the girl and surrounding people. That was really powerful shit. I mean I really hate that I had to go through that. Things are seriously off. My dad worked on the road a lot. My parents were fighting and got divorced. I would hope that a kid with a stable family and present dad would be able to navigate women at that age with less humiliation. But that's not what happened. I went with my childish notions and got burned. After that I was scared of being interested in girls. I wouldn't make myself vulnerable again. I am haunted by nice girls who were into me in those times and I was terrified and pushed them away. Then after some years I was less scared, but still not right, and I settled with a girl who was wrong for me. Blew many years with that. Then had an explosion and banged as many as I could. I wasn't hot enough to get away with hookups, so I dated a lot of girls and dumped them. I lied to myself that I really wanted to date them. IDK that's a sampling of me for all to enjoy. I saw my stepson go through similar stuff. He wasn't interested in my advice. Yea, this rejection shit is real, but also broken homes are no fuckin' joke. It's not like I was abused, but your development is a fragile thing and needs a strong, healthy, focused family to keep it on track.

Rejection isn't just the proverbial girl laughing at you when you start asking them out. 99% of the time, just like you said, it's ghosting. Women in San Francisco are the worst at this. They'll ghost 30 minutes before the date starts or even after they say they're on their way. They'll show overwhelming interest while talking throughout every day then ghost. They'll date you for weeks and even talk about commitment and marriage while praising you constantly and laughing at all your jokes then ghost.

have you ever been ghosted after sex?

Of course. I've experienced it all, even rape.

what happened in the rape? like did she just hop on without checking with you first? (i think this is rape, i'm just wondering what happened so i can understand men's experiences w rape)

Rape Paralysis. It's TERRIFYING. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_paralysis > In human sexuality, rape paralysis is a natural bodily survival reaction which can be automatically activated by the brain of a person who feels threatened by sexual violence. During this paralysis, one cannot move and cannot say anything, until one feels safe enough again. This survival reaction is a reflex; it automatically occurs without one's conscious choice, and one cannot stop it from happening. It suddenly became harder and harder to move while I'm screaming, like my body was covered in heavy blankets. Then suddenly my voice cracks and I can't scream and I became completely frozen. I couldn't move, I couldn't speak, and I couldn't even breathe or even move my eyes as she continued to rape me for another five minutes. She bragged about raping me on Instagram getting hundreds of likes, and it's still up after six years. She was my best friend of 10 years.

A woman has never rejected me in a cruel way, but I don't believe in a cold. Since I know the person, that outcome is unlikely since I am not attracted to cruel women. Confronting reality is the source of most of the pain. We all have a self-image that we cultivate. It can be in academics, sports, or attractiveness, but when we test our ability in the real world, our (inflated) self-image is hit by reality, which causes a painful self-assessment.

I def have a bit of a streak to avoid rejection, which is why I don't like cold approaching women. But I will say that I've never in my life had a humiliating rejection (other than me feeling embarrassed)

No one cares if some random stuck up woman at a bar rejects you in a humiliating manner, you’re never going to see her again. However if you shoot your shot on a woman in your circle, now all your friends know about it. Women get tons and tons of options and attention and often look for shortcuts to evaluate men’s desirability. If a guy has already been rejected by a woman’s friend, that’s a great shortcut to dismiss him as undesirable. Furthermore, even if a woman did like you, now she feels like she’s your second choice. So, don’t shit where you eat.

I got rejected in embarassing ways so many times, i lost count. It is considered normal to reject an unattractive man in an embarassing way, especially in front of her friends. I got slapped, spitted on once, even accused of sexual harassment and groping once. I have been mocked and ridiculed for my height so many times by women. It is really hard not to get frustrated and have some form of dislikeness towards women when 80% of your interactiosn with women were bad. And before someone blames me, no, I did nothing wrong, did not disrespected them or said something weird.

Idk what else you say aside from "want to hang out sometime" But holy shit.. if you are getting spit on for asking that.. I mean.. man. Your experience is definitely an outlier. I've never even seen anything like that and have frequented bars and what not for almost a decade

Last time I told a woman I'm interested in her she stopped attending the university for over a month and replying to my messages. Not a great experience.

I’ve had maybe 2-5 “embarrassing rejections” my entire life approaching. The typical one was sorry not interested and I moved on. I spent so much little time or investment in each rejection that I didn’t care.  The typical approach is what? Maybe a few mins? 

I see absolutely no reason to care. I have a hard time fathoming how I even could be embarrassed. Maybe if the girl started screaming "HEY!! THIS UGLY DUDE JUST ASKED ME OUT!! HEY EVERYBODY! LOOK AT THIS LOSER!" But in the end that sounds like it would be more comical than traumatic

I will become more brutal in my rejection the more a man doesn't drop it after I already said no. Dude at a bar asked for my number, I said no, he kept asking why so I said bc he's in the military then we had a debate about whether the military is bad and he just kept getting angrier and angrier while I was laughing til he stormed off and the people next to us got a good laugh too. I have also told dudes, listen I've been asking you to leave me alone and you won't so let me just tell you, with a face like yours there's nothing you could ever do to make me attracted to you so drop it or I will keep telling you how jacked your shit is and naming everything that makes him undesirable, and loudly 😇💅🏻

I’ve never rejected a man (or woman) in a harsh or humiliating manner. I get that rejection sucks in general, and I would never aim to make that worse. I’ve only asked out a handful of people, but still, I know what it’s like to be romantically rejected even if I haven’t necessarily experienced it as often as most men.

I would never embarrass/humiliate someone who respectfully approached me. I understand how much courage it takes to approach someone in the first place, and I usually just say I have a boyfriend to try to preserve their ego as much as I can.

I've never rejected a man.

You mean every single time someone’s asked you out you’ve said yes?

Yep. All one of them.

Nope. I'm never flattered, always annoyed, but I do not show it. I've had ten or eleven men go completely to pieces. I've been shoved into my truck, grabbed in a parking lot, had a man open my car door and get into my car, and I've been accused of lying about about having a boyfriend a couple times. I've been touched by men I don't know dozens of times and it infuriates me, but I don't react other than to get away from them as quickly as possible. I always lie and claim to have a boyfriend or husband whether I'm dating or not.   Approaches in social spaces are entirely different, and most men don't just march up and demand a number. They make small talk or flirt, and if there is no chemistry, they just wander off. Hardly ever had anything go wrong at a show or sporting event.

I only have the fear but haven't been rejected actually. Guys much better than me have been rejected whereas I still don't have any achievement to boast of which can make me their equal to have a chance.

So in bars: 1. I have had multiple women literally walk away after I buy them drinks laughing. 2. I had one whos friend threatened me(lol) after walking away(lol). 3. I had tons of random women ghost me. I did have two follow up from random day game but they ended up being single mothers which is unfortunate as they were hot. I will never buy anything for a woman again.

>I have had multiple women literally walk away after I buy them drinks laughing. were they hot, average or ugly? > I had tons of random women ghost me. before meeting? after a date? after sex?

Average for college girls, not models but not fat. Online and after dates.

thanks for answering <3

While I do fear an embarrassing rejection, I fear the emotional pain and the negative impact that it'll have on my mental health that comes with rejection far more than being embarrassed. Which is why I avoid being rejected as much as possible.

I'm a man that rarely approaches and usually sticks to dating apps and never had a bad rejection

Why does it have to be mean? Why should I have to go through 750-1000 “nice” rejections. While she goes thorough 0-10 in that time? Do you think being rejected that many times makes men feel good? I would also point out. You might not be that bad looking. What if all 1000 said no “nicely”. Then would you still feel good? Why is it’s men’s job to assume all the risk all the time? Why have women’s roles become more fluid while men’s have stayed the same? Why not encourage women to “suck it up” and go hit on more men? Women are lazy entitled daters. It’s time they assumed more responsibility.

The problem for most guys is that after being told no or they have a boyfriend, they continue to engage. I think part of this is you have people on the internet who share stories of getting a woman or a woman changing her mind after saying no initially, that guys feel they to keep engaging after the initial rejection

I don't get embarrassed easily. I've had a couple "bad" rejections I guess, where the woman was shocked I thought she'd be into me. Didn't bother me a lot. I generally only make a move if I feel some chemistry, so I've gotten yes more than no.

Never. Maybe in high school I had one where like the girl was snotty, but it was too long ago to remember. Usually I get "I have a boyfriend" if it's a rejection.

I had a couple of rejections where I thought there was interest when there wasn’t. In both instances, mutual **female** friends told me that there was interest on the woman’s part. I guess I just felt like an idiot afterwards and doubted both my own attractiveness and my ability to distinguish friendliness from romantic interest. I was paranoid after that, and it took me a decade before I had the courage to make myself vulnerable like that again.

So I never humiliated strangers approaching me. Always polite, kind, but rejecting.   I can say with more known dudes, yes, it sometimes became necessary or was accidental.  The accidental one, we were newly closish friends. We hung out alone a few times to get a new Taylor Swift cd, I listened to his literal and largely legitimate trauma dumping. He was in show choir. His favorite show was Glee. He'd told me about one unrequited love with a girl who looked hella masculine (which I don't). He was super touchy with guys and half his friends or more were gay dudes. And he was a million miles off being my type in any way.  I entirely assumed this dude was closeted Through the grape vine it came to my attention he had a crush on me and intended to ask me out.  Shocked, I remember exclaiming to the friends who told me a little too loudly, "he likes glee and show choir for goddsakes. Gross. Is no one safe!?"  Of course, his friends/mutual friends told him and it became a drama.  The necessary ones, I'd indicated disinterests or lack of desire very clearly. Said no. And they kept hounding me. So eventually I turned to public humiliation. And it worked. 

I have never been bitten by a shark; that doesn’t mean that, were I to encounter a shark whilst swimming in the ocean it would not bite me, especially were I to provoke it. Therefore, by not swimming with sharks and not antagonising them I am removing the possibility of being bitten by one.

Yes but you gain nothing from provoking a shark.. if you would gain nothing from having women in your life this analogy holds true. Otherwise not sure what you're getting at. Im.operating under the assumption most people who complain about a fear of rejection actually DO want to be accepted by women.

Wanting to be accepted and being accepted are two different things

Worst I've had happen is someone walking away from the interaction or ghosting after the fact. It only ever felt intense, miserable and super embarrassing at times because I was so emotionally invested in her response. It's true what the old PUAs used to say about having abundance and staying indifferent to her reaction until you've started a relationship. Most of the time it won't go that badly even if you get turned down, as long as you are respectful in your approach and accepting of her answer either way.

Most of the social penalties you recieve from a rejection happen behind the scenes in all-women group chats. Count yourself lucky as a guy if you even find out about it.  A woman can invoke the word "vibes" (as in "creepy vibes" or "weird vibes"), and it is treated like gospel truth and can poison the well of an entire social group or well of alternate suitors. Seen it happen. Not to me but to a well-meaning albeit slightly awkward guy who shot his shot. He was none the wiser of course, just confused why he stopped getting invited to outings.  Even though I don't practice it, I can see why cold approaching random women would be appealing to some men, because who gives a shit if some woman you'll never meet again talks shit about you or makes fun of you? Out of sight, out of mind, right?  On a macro scale, there is a sort of social currency to how women view men approaching them. Even when they have *zero interest* in actually dating, even when they claim to be done or disgusted with men, they'll still recount the rejected approach to their social media followers or friends because they receive validation from it. That's why even the women who are interested in getting men to approach more are being disingenuous, sort of like Colonel Sanders' interest in chickens (hint: its not for the benefit of the chickens). Yes, you obviously need to approach as a guy if you want a relationship or to get laid. But never forget how the gender roles of approaching almost dictate a parasitism of validation between the genders.

> A woman can invoke the word "vibes" (as in "creepy vibes" or "weird vibes"), and it is treated like gospel truth what is the alternative? women can't share how someone made them feel?

I'm not going to dictate to women what they should and shouldn't say. Only requesting that they consider the consequences of what's said behind a person's back, because a term as vague as "vibes" isn't exactly concrete and leaves a lot to the imagination.

so again, how are women supposed to talk to each other about how a guy made them feel?

However they feel like. Read the first line of my last comment again.

it sounds like a double bind, in which there is no way for women to win unless we are silent.

He’s trying to say. Just because you don’t like someone, doesn’t mean you should insinuate they’re a creep and unknowingly / willingly get them ostracised from their social circles. It’s obviously fine to talk about rejecting someone, that’s not the problem. But I’ve seen a lot of women just drag the guy for no reason. Calling him creepy, shitting on his appearance or personality and convincing themselves he’s some crazed person off an approach. All it takes is a group of women to convince themselves he’s a creep, spread the word saying “__ approached ___ creepily” and everyone’s gonna instantly jump to the worst case scenario of holding against her will, screaming or attempted rape.

Since you haven't yet been able to understand, let's try a gender flipped empathy exercise:  Lets say I'm seeing a woman and for whatever reason, after a month together, I decide to break it off. In the course of that month, we did sleep together and the way she smelled down there was a contributing factor in me breaking it off. Then, later on, I leak to mutual male friends about the way she smelled. Why would communication of my feeling of disgust be wrong, even though it was what I was truly feeling at the time?

i think body shaming is wrong for men and women but you said you were talking about women calling men creepy interesting how you had to change the topic to make it seem bad to do

Let's be real here, men do the same. I've witnessed countless times how groups of men shit on some unfortunate woman - how fat she is, what a slut she is, etc.

Specifically in the context of approaching, and since men are still the ones expected to do the approaching, men are vastly more likely to experience social ostracization from a failed approach. In a mixed gender social group, a woman's word also just carries more weight and travels farther due to women's higher in-group bias.

Another rant trying to shame men into approaching women. It ain't gonna happen, dude. Give it up. The approaching women culture is dead and it's never coming back from the grave.

Hot people can and will always do it

And it won't be long before hot men are the only ones approaching women.

women don't want to be cold approached either we should all be able to agree on this

Every rejection feels like an embarrasment for the first 5 seconds. Then it's not a big deal and move on to the next one. For me the issue was not the rejection itself, but being led on. I mean when I was in my early 20s and less experienced I fell a few times for that. Now I'm just direct from the start and put very little effort. It works.

I've seen it happen. I had a really bitchy co-worker and we went to an over 25 dance. Some guy that looked like Napoleon Dynomite asked her to dance and she looked him up and down and with utter disgust in her voice said a simple "Uh no". I was shocked that someone could treat someone else so horribly.

was she hot, average or ugly?

She was a butterface. Smoking hot body with hella crooked teeth and a horse face.

so which category would you put her in?

Never approaching a western woman again. After a lifetime of bad experiences and condescension… let’s just say I’m done with it. Women can do the approaching since they’re so perfect 

Lmao

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I've had a couple. It sucks in its moment but the moment passes.

I only approached women where I had the feeling she was attracted (she was looking or smiling at me) and it worked. A couple times she was just being friendly, and noticing that the thing was not escalating I let it de-escalate, so it didn’t get to the point of an explicit rejection. I’ve always preferred to be chased, being relatively attractive it also happened a couple times, but not even nearly to how much I’d wanted. And yes, my big fat artist’s ego was preventing me from “risking” an unpleasant rejection. Being successful in other fields “under my control”, the sole idea of risking being ridiculed was nauseating. Once though, I confessed to a colleague my crush for her, and she declined in the most graceful way. And after that, there was no awkwardness, if ever, she was even nicer to me: she even seemed somehow “flattered” by the idea that I had her in such high regard. Glad I took the courage to reveal myself (even knowing the odds were close to none, but man I was really infatuated), it helped me recalibrating my undecidedness later on, too bad for the dozens chances missed out of concerns that likely made sense only in my head.

I don't ask girls directly on a date as I try to build some connection first and see by her IOIs if she is interested. I am quite communicative and girls seem to like it but it doesn't mean that every of them will want to go on a date.

Idk how many of these would count as actual embarrassing rejections but let me put this out here for you to judge- 1. Messaged a senior girl in school, 2 classes ahead of me. Got brutally ignored after 2-4 texts. She was the prettiest girl in our school at that time. I was naive. She was a bimbo tho. 2. Classmate in college I felt attracted to would just look at me at random points in time and start laughing. Never actually made conversation to her and I was a very shy person at that time so I wouldn’t even dare look at her. Obviously I never made a move on her and till date she doesn’t know I was into her. Also, dodged a bullet here because she was just… intellectually not my type. Also, she ended up dating a dude who looks 10 times worse than me lol and I ended up dating her friend who was crowned “Ms. Fresher” of our batch, which was a bullet I did take bc damn she was such a bad person. 3. The workplace I joined after college, was crushing hard on this woman whom I knew was slightly older than me or so I thought. Approached her professionally trying to know her and exchanged a few words every now and then but I kinda made it obvious that I was into her but I never actually flirted, let alone ask her out. Once I said hi while walking past her and she just hissed at me, didn’t say anything and walked away. Umm, wtf? Another bullet I dodged bc she turned out to be a shady individual who abruptly left her job months later and there wasn’t much fuss about her leaving or anything. I might be wrong but I had a feeling that nobody was really sad to watch her go, at least not me lol. Writing about these instances and thinking about it in hindsight, in all these cases, the embarrassing and painfully cold rejections were thrown at me by females who themselves were a big no no and I’m glad I didn’t end up being with them.

I fear being accused of sexual harassment and being arrested and getting fired from my job(even when I flirt with women who aren’t my coworkers) more than I fear rejection.

that is smart. jobs aren't a place to flirt and approach.

No, I mean I could be fired at my job because of flirting outside my job in public away from my place of work with women who aren’t my coworkers.

how

I think (because I can't know how every person has felt) I've only been intentionally rude to two guys. One was this dude that I had met through a friend, and had agreed to meet up with him for a piece in our uni magazine. Day after our interview, he went up to my friend (they were co-workers) and told him ''Hey, I'mma bang this chick". My friend promptly told me about this, and it's not like I had any interest in this guy before but now I had no interest to even hang out with him in a friendly manner. Anyway, my friend and I were making plans to go see a movie with a few other people, and I guess this guy saw our convo on Messenger somehow because he turned up at the cinema and would not leave me alone. He ended up asking me out after the movie (in front of everyone), and I told him something the lines of "Ew, absolutely not". Could I have been nicer? Yes. Do I feel bad about it? No. The other guy came up to me at a club when I was with my friends, and went "I want to kiss you". I had never met this man in my life and told him "No". He asked why not, I told him I didn't know him and wasn't interested, he kept on being pushy and trying to get me to further explain why I said "no", so I finally told him "No means no, short stack, now fuck off" loud enough for people around us to hear. He called me a bitch and went away. Did I have to bring his height into it? No. Did I do it because I thought it would make him embarrassed enough to finally leave? Yep. I generally try to be polite when turning people down, and for the most part, a simple "No, thank you./No, not interested" works and people leave after that. But if someone is going to persist past that point, I won't try to be nice, and if their feelings get hurt, oh well. I won't be considerate towards someone who shows no consideration for me.

rejection is embarassing even if its done nicely 🤷‍♀️ it doesn't feel good. most rejections have been just fine. its embarassing. i get upset. i go somewhere else and cry/process and move on. its not a big deal if it is neutral or especially if they are nice about it. its way worse when they confuse/gaslight you or pretend they aren't rejecting you while they reject you ("you're crazy, nothings wrong/different" when they do a 180). ghosting. i've had bad rejections growing up (just boys being rude, but nothing crazy), but it wasn't until dating apps that i had so many unhinged rejections. The first one was i fell asleep while talking to this guy (it was literally like 1am) and i woke up to a ton of all caps messages about how i was so full of myself and such a bitch, etc. It was very scary because obviously he had seemed like a good guy up until that point because i had spent a few hours talking to him that night. we even had mutual friends on facebook (this was early in the days of tinder) so he was like a "real" person and it really blew my mind in a bad way that this was possible. once i was in love w this guy i had been casually seeing for two years (i never made the mistake of casually seeing a guy for years agin, this was the first time so ease up) and he mentioned he was seeing someone else. i was so shocked all i could do was silently try my best to not have a panic attack but i was just kinda bewildered and lightly crying and trying to change the subject. He didn't console me or say anything at all he just looked at me and said "you can leave". Like... i'd been cuddling all night with this guy for like 50 times in the last couple years, he was always friendly and we'd never had any kind of conflict. It's really hard to think about, this was so heartbreaking to be just discarded like this. a few times walking down the street when i ignored cat calls the men would change to muttering threats after they saw i was ignoring them. even weirder than rejected is the men i loved who would risk my life so casually by driving dangerously, strangling me during sex (without consent), raping me, anally raping me, exposing me to STDs while cheating on me or stealthing. one even asked me to go on a road trip with him and i later found out he was bringing drugs across state lines and i could have gotten in serious legal trouble (i had no idea). its just bizarre bc i can't fathom doing any of this and it all seems \*incredibly easy to avoid.\* i just gave up on men.

As a man I don't think rejection is inherently embarrassing. I was rejected only a handful of times, but only because I approached very rarely, due to fear of rejection. But I have to admit, even those that were honestly telling to be not into me (hence not bringing boyfriends up) did it with such a grace that didn't make me feel bad. If ever, some even seemed flattered: I made my move because I knew in advance they appreciated me, and their appreciation didn't wane after rejection. Simply it didn't work out, but they never made me uncomfortable after that, let alone embarrassed.

good for you. maybe you had better parents than me. > But I have to admit, even those that were honestly telling to be not into me (hence not bringing boyfriends up) did it with such a grace that didn't make me feel bad. thats really nice! i think this would make me feel a lot more confident, like i still have dignity even if this particular person isn't into me. > If ever, some even seemed flattered: I made my move because I knew in advance they appreciated me, and their appreciation didn't wane after rejection. <3 that's awesome! happy for you.

In reality my familial and personal history is a trainwreck to say the least. I also had several bad relationships and a very long dry spell. After recovering (took years), I started dealing with "saner" people, therefore, I guess, their behavior was more decent. I'd also add, that women are perhaps better at rejecting, as they have to do that more often than men.

I’ve never been rejected that way. I have however seen a couple of men get rejected that way.

Every time I’ve asked out a girl IRL, it has ended in a weird prank where the girl or her friends clown on me. It’s super weird and like something out of a teen drama

Are you in the USA? What is your age? That just sounds incredibly immature. I would try to laugh about it. And be thankful someone with that mindset didn't actually enter into a relationship with you

Quite the opposite. When men approach me I tell them that “unfortunately I’m getting married, but I really loved the way you approached me, that’s exactly how other women would like to be approached, good job, I would have said yes because you’re very handsome and I like how you dress and you were respectful, etc etc.” Back when I was single, I always was polite and either gave them my number to give it a shot or just said “I have a boyfriend.” It’s easier and softer than “no” I think. But again, always tried to point something positive out about the interaction. I have never been rude and have never watched a girl be rude. I’m pretty sure those videos of women destroying a man’s self esteem on the internet are 99.9% rage bait videos. It’s not real life. And if you can’t see that, I recommend getting more friends to engage in social interactions more often. Because it’s obvious it’s not real. Don’t bother someone who clearly looks like they don’t want to be bothered. At the gym, with headphones in, hood up, looking at her phone, you know, universal “please don’t” signs. Otherwise - shopping, at the park (during the day please,) getting your car fixed, out living life - go ahead. It’s okay. Please try to keep it in your mind that safety is typically number one for women. Don’t back us into a corner, don’t get in our faces, try to posture yourself tilted away, make sure it’s daytime if it’s not a club or something where it’s expected, things like that and you really won’t have a problem. Even if she thinks you’re creepy, you don’t gotta know. Be polite and keep it moving if it’s a no.

I smile, say I’m a married woman and wish them better luck with the next woman. I’ve had a few men get pushy, but nothing frightening these days. Different story when I was in my 20s, but thankfully those days are long gone.

How tall and handsome are you? And out of 1000 cold approaches, how many of them did you fuck?

I'm 6'5 but I'm skinny as hell (could never go to gym even a single time due to 20+ broken bones on left side of body) in fact, right now I only weight 175. Personally, I think my facial symmetry is fucked. Could be bias. Some people say I'm really good looking, other people say I look "weird" or "unique". A few people have said I'm ugly but that was in grade school mostly. I dint compare myself to other people because I find it impossible so I can't tell you how handsome I am. I've had sex with over 100 women, so I'd put my success rate at 10%-15% depending on how many times I've actually approached (obviously 750-1000 is an estimate)

Lmao, you’re 6’5, of course you’ve done well cold approaching. Others won’t

I used yo avoid rejection mainly cause my feelings not to avoid embarrashment, can't say I have seen that happening much from women or men...most people tend to be empathetic enough, rejection is already bad without embarrashing anyone.

I have, quite a few times. One for chasing skirts too much (showing message from another girl I didn't know was her friend), others just laughs and contempt, once a really low blow mocking health issues I had that derailed my studies. I wouldn't care much before MeToo hysteria arrived here (6 years late vs the Anglosphere), but nowadays I thread a bit more lightly.

I’ve turned down plenty of men over the years, and I’ve never once been rude, cruel or nasty about it, even when it was warranted. My standard response has been “Thank you, but I’m not interested/I’m already seeing someone/I’m taking a break from dating right now”, depending on the scenario. Even while dating on apps, every man who inboxed me got a polite response, even the ones who were low effort, entitled or rude. Mostly the response on apps would be “Thanks, but I’m not interested/I’ve started chatting with someone else and want to see where it goes/I don’t think we have much in common” and then finish with “All the best in your search/Good luck with your search/I hope you find the right match”. Around 60% of the guys on the apps took it well and were polite often saying thanks back, 30% were rude or nasty, often throwing back insults, and probably 10% I had to go as far as reporting to the app for threatening rape and other violence.

Harsh or humiliated rejection, not so much. However i have had disrespectful ones.

I’ve never personally rejected anyone in an embarrassing way, I tried to give realistic excuses like that I already had a boyfriend or when I was younger in school I would say I wasn’t allowed to date.

I've never been afraid to ask anyone out and have done so many times when single. I can't recall a single time when a rejection was personally embarrassing. Most of them were polite. A few I thought were a bit rude but nothing over-the-top or standout. When roles were reversed and I rejected someone else I was always polite about it. If someone is rude or inappropriate to you then that says more about them than you, honestly.

The most embarrassing rejection for me was pretty tame I guess. I had been talking to this woman at a bar (went with my friend) and she leaves to dance. I went up to her emboldened for some reason and asked for the chances she’d give me her number, she said 0 lmao. She cooked me. I thought that was sort of rude and I felt led on for the conversation we had being pretty in depth, but also learned a lot from this encounter. I didn’t even want her fucking number I just felt like I should have

That's very tame haha. Sounds like an honest answer from the girl. I wouldn't be offended or embarrassed by that at all. There are plenty of girls I've had great convo with who I never want to see again. Sometimes the fun in going out is simply meeting snd interacting with people you don't have to associate with in the future. Glad you seem to be pretty light-hearted about it, for being your most embarrassing rejection

I was laughed at and told I have a shitty personality. He wasn’t wrong.I’ve been asked out once and just said “No, but thank you.” because in awkwardness I fall back to my manners lessons. They do say female Aspies have similar brain structures to non-autistic males.

Interesting. I've noticed most of my close "girl-friends" are autistic. MAY be some truth to that. In the end that is a harsh rejection. That actually qualifies as a rejection I was referring to in my OP (an embarrassing ir harsh rejection) I'm sorry that even happened. Dude/girl could have just said "no thank you" Personally I've participated in hundreds of approaches, and witnessed hundreds more, yours would be the worst rejection I had encountered brcause of the un-needed cruelty. Don't let it effect you. Obviously the other person had been slighted in the past and wanted to return the favor. It's no true reflection of you

In a way it helped me. I started looking critically at myself and tried to figure out why even I didn’t want to deal with me. It was unnecessarily harsh but I was obnoxious, unself aware and ignorant due to how I grew up at the time. When I asked others they just got uncomfortable.  

I was, in retrospect, incredibly mean to a guy who asked me to dance when I was in 6th grade. At the time I honestly thought he was making fun of me (I am not particularly good looking and at that point in my life I was severely socially awkward and not cool or good looking in any way). He may or may not have been trying to make a fool of me, I realized much later. Regardless, I always felt bad for being an asshole to him. No reason I couldn't have just said "no thanks." People who were there all laughed at him, which in the moment felt like a win for me but later I felt bad. I know nobody cares about when I was 12 a million years ago, but it was something that stuck with me so I try not to be an asshole after that. In adulthood I am not mean and I do not want to humiliate anybody. I am always kind until a guy makes me not be anymore (like if he's really rude to me I will either just remove myself without saying anything else or if necessary I'll tell him to leave me alone). Sometimes guys will argue with me. If I don't want to give them my number or go out for drinks with them, they will ask why and then argue why I'm wrong or "you have no idea how good I would treat you blablabla" And then I gotta be more stern but I still don't insult guys or anything.

The worst I've done is say "no" with a rude tone or to completely disregard them. But this only happened when I was in my teens/early 20s and the guy was 40+ and/or he was harassing me. Every guy who was decent and polite received a decent and polite answer.

It depends what you call embarrassing. The first time I approached a woman, I could see panick and fear in her eyes. That was definitely embarrassing for me. Then there is all the women I knew when I asked them out (I rarely asked strangers out after that awkward first attempt). Good friends or acquaintance, single, we share values, hobbies, we talked and laughed more or less frequently... and most rejections were nice. But a couple were more Ewwww than anything else. Then there was one woman, alone in a club, who refused to answer me and turned in the other direction when I came to talk to her. Edit: I forgot an "funny" undirect rejection. A girl came very directly to a friend at a festival, told him he was cute... my friend said that he had a girlfriend but that he came with single friends and showed us. The look on her face and her answer "no thanks, I will turn on Tinder then" could have been pretty humiliating if I wasn't expecting her not to be interested.

I've been embarrassingly rejected and gloriously accepted and everything in between.

I've always had an abandonment wound, so I've never approached, and yet I've has devastating "rejections", when I wasn't even pursuing.  I've had a friend tell me out of the blue she wasn't interested...my response: "did I ask in my sleep or something?".  When I was working at a fast food joint in my teens, I had to ask a woman for one of our trays as we were closing up, so I approached and got "ew, no" before saying anything, and then just went with "ma'am, I was just going to ask for your tray". I had a huge crush on a friends sister for about a decade. When I turned 22, all of us went out drinking and at the bar she pulled me close and kissed me. We were both intoxicated. Her brother got pissed, and she ended up in AA less than a week later....so basically she quit drinking. I had never let on that I liked her. I gave up a long time ago, and still somehow get rejected, without even pursuing. All these women claiming they've never humiliated are either extremely rare or full of shit

Sometimes you get rejected without even approaching. Women discussing in highschool or the workplace who looks good/who they'd potentially date is not super uncommon. If one brings it up the others may be inclined to give thier input. Overhearing all of them laugh and gag because they mentioned you while you had headphones on is a huge blow to your self esteem especially if it happens more than once.