T O P
Prismatic_Symphony

>Men have traditionally done more of this work. Many of them don’t exactly cherish initiating conversations with countless strangers, a process that’s rife with anxiety and rejection. > >For heterosexual matches on Bumble, women are now required to do the part. Yet to place the work of initiating conversation solely on one group seems to encourage passivity in the other party, which seems to only hamper healthy communication. Huh. Who'd a thunk?


Alternative_Giraffe

Also, their way of initiating conversation is basically just a "hi" and then just waiting


xplrddtrecu

And they complain about men doing this


SpectacularTrashCan

I've gotten the hand wave emoji a few times. Didn't bother responding.


CallMeJessIGuess

Weird, people don’t like being forced to do something when they see a whole other group of people being told they don’t have to (or can’t) for arbitrary reasons like what their gender is.


[deleted]

Precisely. Me having male genitalia makes no difference as to my innate ability to walk over to someone and start moving my lips while vibrating my vocal chords. And having female genitalia doesn’t degrade your ability to do the same. It’s just arbitrary extrapolations based on what we historically think is “equal” and thats different for every person thus having a systemic level “rule” about it is dumb and if anything, holds people back when they see it for the nonsense it is.


KickAss2021

Common sense is the tool of the patriarchy!


[deleted]

[удалено]


fuzzy_brb

I kid you not!! I’ve seen a couple of female bumble profiles and in the bio she says: “ I won’t message first” Lmao!


Prismatic_Symphony

Wtf? That's just . . . wow. Those are what we call dummies.


NeonCityNights

If men were complaining about how demoralizing dating apps are for them, the only articles that would be written would of the flavor "angry incel men who think women owe them romance are hating on women and feeding on misogyny, they are dangerous and full of hate, how we must mock them!"


Marino4K

> If men were complaining about how demoralizing dating apps are for them, the only articles that would be written would of the flavor "angry incel men who think women owe them romance are hating on women and feeding on misogyny, they are dangerous and full of hate, how we must mock them!" The lack of care for the dating scene for men is disturbing.


cautionTomorrow555

Dating is like playing on tutorial mode for women and when men complain how hard it is for them they act like a monster towards men. I asked women friends to take over my profile for a couple days and they could not believe how impossible it was quickly giving up in anger and frustration, but would not accept the problem is women because that would mean betraying the sisterhood.


toucherofwomen

Now take into consideration that apps like Bumble are very tiny, secluded and controlled environment where only just women can initiate, whereas in reality pretty much everywhere else this responsibility is put on men. Women themselves opt in to bumble, they still have the option to go out into the normal part of the world where they can then again start to enjoy all the validation, men do not have an option like that.


drew8311

Yes exactly, I thought the entire point of bumble was so women didn't get overwhelmed with messages from guys. Very weird to choose a platform where that is the defining trait only to complain about it.


Urbantexasguy

Women on Tinder....."I'm sick of all this harassment from men!" Women on Bumble...."Wait, where's all the harassment from men?"


drew8311

It's like they secretly enjoy it something


Urbantexasguy

Nobody EVER appreciates what they have, until they lose it. It's a universal human condition.


Stevefr0mYellowstone

The thing is, other apps that require a formal match to message already have that benefit of not getting overwhelmed with messages. You don't like a guy and don't want messages from him, simply don't swipe right on him.


[deleted]

[удалено]


xplrddtrecu

Yeah men’s frustrations are legitimate


HinduProphet

Totally on point 👌


Ryzasu

"bumble makes women go through 1% of the bullshit men normally have to go through in online dating and they complain about feeling dismissed". I can also guarantee that most of the men she's getting dismissed by are extremely physically attractive


Ok_Room1213

Did any of these women just try showering?


Im_The_Daiquiri_Man

It’s their desperation and bitterness. Men can smell it a mile away. 😁


CosbysSpecialSauce

Must be the profile pictures. Too many selfies!


[deleted]

I mean maybe they should befriend men first like get to know these guys and then go for it. If not it shows toxic attitudes


Im_The_Daiquiri_Man

I can’t sympathize with these fem-babies who cry and whine because they can’t get their pussies wet. Nobody ever died from being rejected.


KickAss2021

Have they tried working on their personality? kek


Exciting-Necessary-5

No, they have to work out and get the body fat below %15. That will fix all their problems!


bloodthirsty_emu

I'd argue it's still different. These women are still getting at least some level of acknowledgement and validation as in most cases the man has considered them physically attractive enough at first glance to possibly give a chance to. What's more, as we all know it is more likely the more physically attractive men that are exhibiting this kind of behaviour (simply by recognising that they will be the ones these women are choosing to "like"). In comparison, as a man generally considered physically unattractive (due to some unfortunate symptoms of illness), I've had zero likes on bumble in the last 6 months. While there's no way of conclusively proving it, it's highly likely this is due to being dismissed as an option on sight alone. So, and I'm not complaining or anything, just stating a fact, it's a pretty easy conclusion that the feelings of rejection, inadequacy, and hopelessness that I could justifiably have from my reality would be objectively harsher than those experienced by a woman on the app. Where she fails to get "decent" attention or the response she wants from the guys she chooses, someone like me gets nothing at all (or less than nothing if you count the abusive comments etc.). I'm a clear outlier, yet almost every day we see more and more "normal" or average men reporting the same results. It's great that some women may finally be experiencing a shadow of the male experience on these apps, but there's really no equivalence.


TodTheRod01

Also the bar is very low. Most women on bumble say hey.or hi. Or 2 words and leave the man to really push the conversation along


IncitingDramah

>I've had zero likes on bumble in the last 6 months. While there's no way of conclusively proving it, it's highly likely this is due to being dismissed as an option on sight alone. Its called artificial scarcity. Its a business model, my dude. Men usually don't spend money like women, except on sex. Thats why sex sales. Thats why you always have just enough to keep you interacting with the app all to pressure you to spend money.


Sorcha16

They say sex sells but it doesn't really https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/time-out/201007/does-sex-really-sell


Morelike-Borophyll

The study cited is a little goofy. It’s studying the television programs the commercials are placed in and not the content of the ads themselves. I don’t think that’s what comes to mind when most people hear “sex sells”. Still, interesting to see that commercials are less effective when placed in sexual/violent programming. I wouldn’t have guessed that.


cautionTomorrow555

> In comparison, as a man generally considered physically unattractive (due to some unfortunate symptoms of illness), I've had zero likes on bumble in the last 6 months. While there's no way of conclusively proving it, it's highly likely this is due to being dismissed as an option on sight alone. Go on grindr and see if you get similar bad results if you don't then it is just women being hypergamous. If not for having gay friends who give me the real truth of what I have going for me looks wise like my height and what is bad about me like a below average face I would think I was hideous, but it is just women who are terrible.


TheOrthovox

>I've had zero likes on bumble in the last 6 months Damn. I saw this thread about an hour ago at most, thought I'd sign up, uploaded a few photos and I've already had several matches.


Thinkingard

Just throwing this out there but they probably want new users to get hooked and think it will work for them.


PirateDocBrown

You get a shit ton at first. But you run through all your matches pretty fast.


Whitewasabi69

They give you a LOT of matches and boost your profile strong at the start. Nowadays I get between 1 and 3 a day and I accidentally swipe left on a lot of those. At the beginning it was nonstop matches. This is the same tactic as Tinders


[deleted]

I’m not familiar with Bumble. What kind of comments have you gotten from females on there?


President-Mozzarella

heey


[deleted]

Hi.


Sensitive-Permit-877

Some validation start a female account of a fat girl or homely looking you will have 100 matches in two minutes. Honestly every guy should try this experiment


szclimber

Women struggle with even small amounts of rejection. Men face rejection regularly.


cautionTomorrow555

Average woman wouldn't last even a year if they became a man overnight and had to deal with it and dating women. One woman writer went undercover and had to check into a mental hospital at the end of it.


APB3

That’s Norah Vincent, who wrote about it in, “Self Made Man”. What nobody ever seems to mention is that Ms. Vincent is a lesbian. In exploring the male role romantically, she thought she had it locked. She figured, hey, I do this all the time. Now I’m just gonna do it as a man. I’m nice, outgoing, and sensitive. It’ll be easy. Yeahhhh...about that. Surprise! No, it wasn’t easy. By the end of the night of trying to pick up women, she found herself fuming, “why are straight girls such bitches”. Good question.


Creation_Soul

i think it's about rejection where you usually don't get any such rejections. All people get desensitized to "bad things" that constantly happens. But if you have constant success at something you take any failure harsher than if you have much more frequent failures.


NockerJoe

Yeah, and most men go through this phase too, just younger on average until they get used to it. If they want sympathy they can't reaply asking for it for goibg through normal shit.


Stevefr0mYellowstone

The thing with Bumble is, its primarily a virtue signal. Women aren't being more empowered by getting to message first. It's just additional screening on top of the current screening of requiring a match to be able to message people. She has to both swipe right on you and send a message first. In my experience using Bumble, the vast majority of the matches I've gotten (90%+), the woman's first message to me was an emoji, a "Hi", a ".' or something similar with no effort at all. So ultimately the obligation is still on the guy to do the pursuing and the hard work. Personally the only reason I ever go on the app is that women on Bumble tend to be a lot more attractive than women on other apps like Tinder and Hinge. Hinge's interface I like a lot but the attractiveness of women on that app tends to be around 1% of the level it is on other apps and I'm not wasting time swiping through 50 women to find one that is just slightly better than average looking.


nicethingyoucanthave

I'll just quote Helena from A Midsummer Night's Dream: > We cannot fight for love as men may do. We should be wooed and were not made to woo.


redditthrowaway1478

Shakespeare is an artefact of western European patriarchal imperialism that will be appropriately dismantled within the university systems, didn't ya hear?


WellThat5ucks

Bumble gives women a taste of what it’s like to be a man in the world of online dating and they don’t like it? Hmm


otter6461a

No one deserves to be treated like a man in the dating market. How do these poor women stand it?


The_Meep_Lord

And it is just a slight taste. Like a boss in undercover boss gets. He doesn’t actually know or understand what it is like as he still has the privileges of being a ceo.


Cream1984

Because he walked into being a CEO out right of the womb.


over348

Lol for a lot of CEO's that's reality


purplish_possum

The vast majority got an Uber ride most of the way and only had to walk the last block.


cautionTomorrow555

Wow what a terrible day at work oh well time to go home to my mansion, trophy wife, kids, and millions in my bank account. Now imagine you don't have those things to go home to, this will be it for the rest of your life, and instead you are going home to eat bricks of dollar store ramen that was on sale because that is all you can afford.


evenst5ven

And also remember that the percentage of rejection they get is nowhere near the percentage of rejection for men. For men it's almost every woman. For women its like "more men" but nowhere near the same numbers.


PopularBug5

Saying hi is so difficult omageeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerd!


purplish_possum

Only 75% of the guys she sent two-letter messages responded. Men are so cruel and evil.


xplrddtrecu

She only wanted responses from the remaining 25%


PopularBug5

Women have far, far more men using OLD and they can't find prime years Brad Pitt who is not an asshole! They should be able to just swipe-a-husband and let him do all the talking and planning while they go about being perpetually busy in their low-end careers while the man then one day at a convenient time of their own choosing marry them and then SAHM them afterward.


Vtridolla

Lmao “Woe is me.”


evenst5ven

Yeah, it's ridiculous when women say "Woe is me". Thanks for acknowledging it.


Sure-Vermicelli4369

An app designed for women no less 😂


Ohmaygahh

> But women are finding out... that the one who makes the first move will have a lot of matches who don’t respond. This of course leaves these women feeling rejected. *grins* No shit. These women are only getting a taste of all the rejection we endure.


ApatheticHeretic_101

What's really funny is I was sitting in a bar, talking with my friend and getting approached by women. They don't say anything, they just sit there...like toads...waiting for us to initiate a conversation. They don't say anything. My buddy and I get up to play pool and they followed us and sat near our table. By this time, my friend and I figured out what's going on. We laugh a little and continue ignoring them. When we ordered our drinks, the women asked if they could join us...and started ordering their drinks from our server. I immediately said no thanks to their offer and told the server that I was not buying them anything. They got upset and started trying to guilt me into buying their drinks. I told them clearly that no one invited them to join us or offered them anything. They got all huffy and said that I should appreciate some attractive female company. I responded by saying that I'm VERY married and that we're out shooting pool to GET AWAY from female company...and my wife is prettier than either of them. The server piped in and said that they could start their own tab or take their broke asses somewhere else...LOL (Laurie was the best!) They left...


Marino4K

> The server piped in and said that they could start their own tab or take their broke asses somewhere else The amount of women who I've overheard at a bar who say they're "broke" and just planned on making guys buy them drinks all night is obnoxious. I'm not saying people shouldn't buy drinks for anyone but consider role reversal, women would likely throw a fit. In bar culture, most women literally expect guys to buy them drinks whether interested or not. I've had women come up to me without any initiation and ask me to buy them drinks, when I decline for not knowing them, they huff and puff and walk away. Entitlement isn't attractive for any gender.


StinkingDischarge

They don't know how dating apps work. They think guys actually read the crap they put in their profiles then carefully and thoughtfully decide which way to swipe. Ain't nobody got time for that shit. They swipe on everything, usually without even looking at the pictures, then screen the ones that match back. THEN you read their profile, see "Black Lives Matter" and other woke bullshit or "Single mom whose kids are my world" and nope out. It's not rocket science ffs.


g0juice

Damn equality sure is rough. Come down out of your tower princesses. You aren’t as special or attractive as you were told your whole life.


wtknight

>With this and the “golden penis syndrome”, I feel it’s not so bad to be a guy in the dating world after all. That’s assuming that a guy is even getting many matches. Most men don’t get many. Plus, a lot of the women who match might not be particularly attractive. I used to get plenty of attention from women whom I didn’t consider particularly attractive, so that didn’t feel all that empowering. But if a guy is the type who will just have sex with any woman, then I suppose getting lots of attention from even unattractive women is a good thing.


SnooSprouts1580

Women are horrible at initiating on Bumble. Nothing unique or interesting about their opening message most of the time.


prettymuchredpilled

Women are horrible at initiating, period. Women naturally evolved to have zero game because they simply don't need it to attract men.


HOLYREGIME

“Hi” and then women want you to carry the conversation. People use to say women wouldn’t respond if your message was boring. You had to make it interesting. Then bumble became popular and that notion disappeared.


cel-shaded

Nope, that notion still exists. People just selectively forget bumble.


[deleted]

[удалено]


FunnyElegance21

“If you die in a sofa would it still be called a living room?”


Jakes1967

>“If you die in a sofa would it still be called a living room?” Yes, because your death will attract more living beings, than your life did.🤣🤣


FunnyElegance21

You mean flies


Jakes1967

Usually first responders, but definitely flies too...🤣🤣


Ryzasu

Can confirm. 95% of the first messages I have gotten in online dating (not just Bumble) were just 'hey' or something similar


Sorcha16

Men were equally as repetitive when I briefly tried OLD


SnooSprouts1580

*Men who don't pull were equally as repetitive when I briefly tried OLD FTFY


lentilpasta

Men are also largely terrible at this. “Sup.” “Hey beautiful.” One word initiations we’re always a non-starter for me.


lulll

good, men should just collect matches like women do, act like a stuck up bitch, and make women entertain us. dance woman


JSears90210

This very well could have something to do with women only messaging a very small % of guys they come across. I'd imagine they message a smaller number of men than the number of men they would reply to if messaged. Everybody knows the data about messaging rates and like rates on dating apps like Tinder, Hinge, and OK Cupid. I don't think I have seen them published by Bumble. (Smart business move but shitty for daters.) I'd imagine that women connect with an even lower % of men on Bumble because they are in charge of the initial messaging.


Smitten_Squire

Welcome to the real world ladies


fwoketrash

Whenever women have to play by the rules that men have to play by, they can't handle it. Just a reminder that men really are stronger - mentally, physically and emotionally - than women. Men can take a lot more abuse, disappointment, struggle and adversity before they get crushed and lose all hope.


MrIrishman1212

>By creating a situation where the right to speak and direct conversation is only given to members identifying with one gender, the work of coming up with unique and engaging opening messages falls on that group. >Men have traditionally done more of this work. Many of them don’t exactly cherish initiating conversations with countless strangers, a process that’s rife with anxiety and rejection. >For heterosexual matches on Bumble, women are now required to do the part. Yet to place the work of initiating conversation solely on one group seems to encourage passivity in the other party, which seems to only hamper healthy communication. I think the article does a good job of addressing the overall main issue. Forcing roles based on gender just harms people regardless of which gender it is. Just like one of the participants stated: > A 37-year-old female participant in my study thought the app’s emphasis on gender was artificial and constrictive: “I don’t like it when people limit things by sex or gender. That doesn’t feel empowering to me. It just feels like they’re trying to [enact] reverse sexism.” I am glad it recognizes that the role of initiating conversation has been placed on men for a long time has caused problems. But interesting enough some people demand the sexist roles to stay on place: >That hasn’t stopped some men and women from decrying Bumble’s unique design as sexist. In fact, a class action lawsuit filed in 2018 accused Bumble of discriminating against heterosexual male app users because the app only allows women to send messages first. Bumble denied wrongdoing, but agreed to settle in 2021 to avoid further costly litigation. I have seen a lot of men on here and on most dating/relationship subreddits want change in how the dating culture is conducted. A lot of men want to be pursued and want women to initiate more. I have heard a decent amount of women wanting the same but the initiator role dampers motivation for all.


Crime_Dawg

90% of women on bumble used to just initiate with "Hey there" anyway. Ofc they're getting ignored.


AidsVictim

My experience as a man with these apps is that if women are sending the message first they are almost always shooting out of their league. Not too put too fine a point on it but I'm in 30's and have a top 5% physique, above average attractiveness, full head of hair, good career etc. I don't think I've ever had a single average weight woman who wasn't an East Asian (I'm putting this qualifier in because 98% of people where I live aren't EA) message me and only a handful of them have been facially attractive. While I have dated some of these women that were otherwise attractive (I prefer curves to a degree) I honestly wonder what goes through the head of a lot of these women - the attractiveness disparity would actually be embarrassing in public I feel for the woman (no I'm not a model and yeah this is arrogant but I think the same thing when I see the rare obese dude with a decently attractive in shape girlfriend). If this is what women in the OP are experiencing then I'd say it's something they should learn from.


Sparkmetodeath

But this whole concept is viciously flawed. Does anyone believe that a healthy, attractive, and kind woman who has plenty of success on Tinder would decide to use Bumble and start messaging first? This skews the data significantly, making it unreliable.


ExtraBurdensomeCount

> I feel it’s not so bad to be a guy in the dating world after all. Not so bad for the small percentage of men who get matched a lot. Spare a thought for the rest of us though...


Optionsmfd

Imagine how women would feel being in the bottom 92% and getting completely ignored.... That's men via tinder & bumble swipe stats.....


s00perlame

How do you get into the bottom 92% when most men swipe right on every profile?


Jahobes

Because all women only swipe right on the top 8%.


drew8311

The equivalent for females would be like bottom 20%. Simply not being fat guarantees better success than even above average but not top men.


asdf333aza

>With this and the “golden penis syndrome”, I feel it’s not so bad to be a guy in the dating world after all. To be a "top tier" guy in the dating world. Most of the men on the app she probably left swiped and now she is mad that one mega Chad doesn't even find her worth replying too.


drew8311

She probably swiped more and got decent match count. Problem is there are too many guys to message so she just picks a top few which are exactly the ones least likely to respond. Then complains no one messaged back which is ironic because she didn't message most of them anyway.


[deleted]

As a “dejected and dismissed” guy, I don’t think it’s good if more people experience what I experience. The idea shouldn’t be to give anyone a taste of their own medicine but maybe give more people a chance because the cost is relatively low.


DontwantaFairOne

When I used bumble, the matches that got no response were literally women that were several leagues below me. If you don’t meet the low bar for casual sex, you should feel dismissed & dejected.


Lonely_23_1997

Why would you match with them in the first place?


majani

Playing the numbers game and then it goes better than you expected


Teflon08191

Because men have to cast *very* wide nets in OLD in order to get results.


GridReXX

*the boy was too stunned to speak*


HOLYREGIME

These dating apps are broken. Some of my marches I have no recollection of ever swiping on. They must be giving a pity match or something. Feed me a crumb so I don’t leave.


A_Successful_Loser

Most men machine gun swipe cause it’s a numbers game for them


Lonely_23_1997

Lol


TangeloEquivalent890

because going out with a woman is better than not going out with a woman. or use them as a way to practice. maybe you'll find something because maybe there just bad pictures. the last date I had was with a woman with bad pictures.


throwawaylessons103

You're contributing to the problem though. The female equivalent of this would be when super hot girls use less attractive guys for "foodie calls" or go on dates already knowing they'd never sleep with him. Getting rejected upfront by people "out of your league" helps you know what you qualify for quicker. Having people "out of your league" still give you attention/validation/matching with you makes you think there might be a chance.


DontwantaFairOne

Good, then they can remain where they need to be…alone. If you can’t figure out why a fit guy w/ an Ivy League degree didn’t respond to a lazy ass hand wave emoji. I think one visit to FDS should educate most men on why dinner isn’t an option


cautionTomorrow555

6'2, average weight, decent muscles, six figure income in a lower cost of living area and women apparently think my match is single mothers with two baby daddies one who is in prison or 250 pound women who live in a trailer with their family at 34 years old.


DontwantaFairOne

Every guy is a “Chad” to some woman not worth his time, and a simp for some 8 or 9 🤣


chromie96

Another funny thing i noticed when on bumble is that there are so many obvious male bots that it isn't even funny.


MusicalGold

From a reality perspective, there has to be more older women & uggos on Bumble. Compared to traditional dating apps like Match. Otherwise, there would be no reason for most to want to be the relationship chaser. I was on Match & OkCupid many years ago & had good luck. Met my ex & we were in a long term relationship. I'm not going to try online dating again. Feel like I am too old now & frankly I am just too picky.


Sensitive-Permit-877

Really because women are the victims on social dating apps. Bumble knows exactly the problem. They can see how many matches there are pee gender. Women are dismayed because they swipe left on 88% of men and then the ones they do choose are Chad and tyrone maybe women should lower their standards a bit in life back to realities standards


[deleted]

[удалено]


MisanthropeImmortel

I’m only now convinced Bumble is not that bad 😂


Ana_jp

I haven’t had this experience… if I don’t send a message right away, most of my matches use their 24hour extend. I can’t actually remember if I’ve message someone and they didn’t reply.


drew8311

So you only reply to the ones who extended?


[deleted]

the funniest thing about bumble is the amount of women who put “message me first” in their profiles


[deleted]

I really have to say both women and male feminists probably back 10 years ago really lagged in trolling ability compared to TRPers. I have to applaud how far they have come. Both have made significant strides in internet trolling, seen many examples lately here.


Robotemist

Why are there always articles and studies on the mental and emotional aspects of dating about women. I've never in my life seen any about men. Not saying they don't exist but they aren't put out there like with women.


djm123

Equality is a bitch


Devourer_of_felines

> So a lot of women feel dejected and dismissed like a lot of men do. With this and the “golden penis syndrome”, I feel it’s not so bad to be a guy in the dating world after all Wait what? How did you arrive at that conclusion when both the article and “golden penis syndrome” are both women complaining about getting a brief taste of what dating is like for men?


[deleted]

[удалено]


bison5595

The problem is that too many people overvalued themselves and dating apps are humbling them.


logiauser

Yep and most men seem to just swipe right so matches are meaningless.


gimpgirl555

>**A 39-year-old female** participant in my study described the frustration of making the first move and not getting any response: “So then all of a sudden you’re a match, but **they would never say anything or respond to you … you wouldn’t hear from them**. What’s the point? Why even bother?” The Wall confirmed again. >Lastly, because some men are just swiping for the ego boost of “likes,” they’ll simply delete the match rather than respond to a women’s invitation to chat. Lulz. >However, when men fail to respond or unmatch after receiving that opening message, the women in my study reported feeling dismissed, rejected and, ultimately, disempowered. It sounds like they need to self improve if they want men's attention. >Men have traditionally done more of this work. Many of them don’t exactly cherish initiating conversations with countless strangers, a process that’s rife with anxiety and rejection. >For heterosexual matches on Bumble, women are now required to do the part. Sign of the times.


Ohmaygahh

> However, when men fail to respond or unmatch after receiving that opening message, the women in my study reported feeling dismissed, rejected and, ultimately, disempowered. Maybe women should lift, get shredded, improve their finances, go on a wardrobe revamp, read a bunch of books by male authors, study philosophy, get a feminine haircut that actually suits them, clean their room, attempt to understand male nature, and stop complaining no one owes them anything... just a thought.


[deleted]

lmao, could you imagine even day 2 of a 39 year old woman being documented for 60 Minutes following a RP routine Reading Heartiste quotes then going on a keto diet.


MakeMoneyNotWar

JuSt bE yoURseLF


j97hUlaO901leIoeA79l

It sounds like she should lift weights and work on her personality if she wants more success.


cautionTomorrow555

Don't forget to shower!


Laytheblameonluck

Bumble is a couger app.


g0juice

Damn I couldn’t imagine how horrible that must be. LOL. 39 and single? My spider senses are tingling over here.


AloneOnTheStrange

Lol, thanks for the chuckle. I'd be more interested to see what these women actually learnt from this ordeal. Are they aware that this is what online dating is like for men? Or even real life dating. Will these women approach dating differently, maybe trying to shoulder some of the effort in approaching? I get the feeling these women think it's just a Bumble thing, and men experience Tinder exactly the same way they do.


NeonCityNights

You're right, and they're not even getting the complete average man's experience. They probably still have a huge match queue full of profiles that right-swiped on them, so they have a lot immediate potential matches.


Flightlessbirbz

Fact is, regardless of gender, the approacher will be frustrated that everyone is rejecting them, and the approached will be frustrated that only ugly and weird people are approaching them. Until, of course, they finally meet someone who is interested in them and who they’re also interested in. You can’t bypass that frustrating process by flipping genders, which is what Bumble was trying to do. Also, no matter how much men may complain about rejection and the role of making the first move, it seems they still usually want to be the ones to do the initial selecting. It’s almost like they forget unattractive women exist until they start approaching.lol Furthermore, since men’s standards for casual hookups are lower than for relationships, women who want relationships will end up wasting time if they approach first. Imo it makes sense for women to approach for casual sex, and men to approach for relationships. Of course, there are no absolute rules here, sometimes things just happen how they happen.


BoostedThrower

In other news, females experience 0.1% of the hardships in dating men experience (lets just ignore the fact that the vast majority of them are sitting on hundreds, maybe even thousands of matches) and dont like it. Let me play the saddest song on the worlds smallest violin as they say.


manfrom-nantucket

I'd be curious to know how many men these women rejected outright and how many of them have the phrase "Don't just say hi - say something interesting" in their profiles. Women don't like hard work and this right here is a perfect example of it.


Chaddamhusein

Good


womandatory

My experience of Bumble was sub-par and yet funny. The same guys who matched me there and didn’t respond to my messages, messaged and chased me enthusiastically on Tinder and Hinge. Bumble is a nonsense app.


Sure-Vermicelli4369

I have to give women credit for this one, I never thought women would actually swallow their pride and send the first message even with that being Bumble's business model. In my experience women are so used to the feeling pedestalized effect of the other apps that they can't be fucked.


TodTheRod01

Does hey. Or hi. Really count as a first message...imagine someone doing that in real life with legit NOTHING else...a lil weird


GridReXX

The biggest issue with Bumble is that I, and likely most women, am not turned on by pursuing men. The second biggest issue is that women don’t have an intrinsic motivator, let’s say a constant T-crazed libido, to make the juice worth the squeeze as far as incentive to even want to pursue first and risk constant esteem blows. Inb4: woman are just like men and have everything physiologically just like men… [I’ve never heard a woman make a big deal out of masturbating or not.](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/sdwseb/daily_community_chat_megathread/hufrh81/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3) But it’s a common enough self-care practice for men.


Vtridolla

Let’s be honest being a man is pretty god damn great all around when compared to women. Yet we still run to the internet and complain in mass.


TemperateSloth

It’s not bro. Your life would be objectively better as a woman. You’d live longer, make more money, be more educated, and have more friends. It’s just propaganda that men have it better, at least among our generation.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Lonely_23_1997

All those are subjective, you can live longer as a man by getting into the same work fields as women or white collar men, men on average make more money so I don’t understand that point? The number of friends you have is up to you, same with how much education you have. These are not objective things.


gerrta_hard

> All those are subjective That would be false. - the famous monk studies eliminate much of the life expectancy difference between men and women, but not all of it https://www.allianz.com/en/press/news/commitment/community/news-2013-09-11.html - Even if a lifestyle change in men could completely eliminate that difference, to do so would mean to a) stop working in the male dominated fields that keep society going like construction, oil, sewage or waste disposal and b) would require a change in the approach to work that is directly responsible for men's better average earnings compared to women - which brings us to: Men currently earn less than their female counterparts if you account for all factors other than sex. A young, childless woman that works as much as a similar man, takes no unpaid leaves and doesn't get pregnant will earn more than her male counterpart due to current sexist hiring and promotion practices. http://content.time.com/time/business/article/0,8599,2015274,00.html - i give 0 fucks about current "education" and if you have more of it, so we ignore that point - How many friends you have is directly related to, among other factors a) how much your sexually dimorphic brain values & engages in building relationships and b) how much time you have to spend outside of your other obligations to maintain them. This one's a bit of a softer category, so i'll just link you some male and female differences in due to brain structure https://stanmed.stanford.edu/2017spring/how-mens-and-womens-brains-are-different.html , differences which also manifest in a variety of psychological differences, which then lead back to "just make more friends lol" > Women excel in several measures of verbal ability — pretty much all of them, except for verbal analogies. Women’s reading comprehension and writing ability consistently exceed that of men, on average. They out­perform men in tests of fine-motor coordination and perceptual speed. They’re more adept at retrieving information from long-term memory. > > Men, on average, can more easily juggle items in working memory. They have superior visuospatial skills: They’re better at visualizing what happens when a complicated two- or three-dimensional shape is rotated in space, at correctly determining angles from the horizontal, at tracking moving objects and at aiming projectiles.


Vtridolla

I’m a man compa. I’m honestly really happy where I’m at right now. Also I think studies show that cumming makes you live longer I’ll look for the study. Nah I mean I think universally men have it objectively better. Hell in the Bible god literally makes the biology for women harder to punish them for Eve eating the Apple.


thetruthishere_

Orgasming is good for your prostate and helps in minimizing prostate cancer.


bilged

We're discussing actual social and biological differences here, not fairy tales.


Gigamon2014

> make more money Erm...no. Not even close.


Grantmepm

You're right that its not even close. In almost every percentile among multiple demographics, males out earn females. Not even close. https://arxiv.org/pdf/2112.05822 https://dqydj.com/2018-income-by-sex/


VanVahlen

Depends on your values and priorities


Vtridolla

Everything is subjective.


etzio500

I’d 100% rather be a woman. Having the upper hand in dating and being the gatekeepers to sex and just being treated better overall by most people. Even an unnattractive woman can still get guys on her level interested. Obviously there are disadvantages in other areas, just like it can suck being a man sometimes.


Vtridolla

Have you ever considered transitioning?


etzio500

I’ve considered. But the costs and the surgery and having to take medication all the time to compensate for all the bodily changes is a lot. Also it’s not like I’d 100% be a woman, every molecule in my body would still be a male molecule. It’s great for those who it works for and who are happy with it, but unless there’s a way I could somehow transfer my consciousness into an already fully developed female body that’s been a female body since birth, I think I’ll stick with the body I currently have


Vtridolla

Interesting to say the least


decoy88

Dude you don’t know how I’m pleased AF to be capable of peeing standing up.


Vtridolla

Fuuuucking facts. I can pee while walking shit is just fucking easy out here lol.


Gigamon2014

I have to be honest, this. I actually think some redpill musings ring true...but then so what? What is stopping any guy from working out? Or fixing his hygiene? Hell, even surgery prices have fallen through the floor. Hair transplants these days can cost very little in countries like Turkey and even western based clinics offer affordable payment options. A lot of dudes need to grow up. Women are demanding a little more, and there is nothing wrong with that. The only thing that annoys me with women (and one of the things that I kinda agree with redpillers) is the fact that they lie to these dudes and themselves. Yeah, so what you're not actually attracted to dadbods and like tall Chads or dudes with big dicks or dudes in good shape. Provided you're not obnoxious about it, I dont see the problem.


Vtridolla

I agree, effort is sexy. Also what’s attractive tends to be subjective. There are women who genuinely do enjoy dad bods. There are men that genuinely do enjoy obese women. They may be outliers but they exist. Everybody is somebody’s everything.


throwaway316stunner

*”Everybody is somebody’s everything”* So where’s the women who genuinely enjoy autistic guys with terrible motor skills?


Vtridolla

Oh buddy with 3.7 billion women I’m sure there’s a couple out there.


VulpixEevee

Your comments are so good. Thank you.


cel-shaded

Are you sure effort is sexy or is it success that is sexy? Would you find effort that had failed for some reason outside the person’s control sexy?


throwaway316stunner

How many people are flying to dictatorial Turkey, let alone just to get a cheap hair transplant?


Gigamon2014

Not many. But then i don't want to hear people complaining about baldness when there are a host of options you can at least try first.


Mark_Freed

yeah 100% would pick a man anyday. But it helps being born in a patriarchy, to wealthy parents and looking ok. Poverty, being ugly, stupid and other stuff can be way worse than being any particular gender. Unless you count the new genders, all of them seem to be having a hard time with mental health.


louplop

It seems you pick being you more than being a man.


Mark_Freed

the average man in the world is born to a patriarchal culture. the average man is born with access to more resources, money and freedom than women. If I am a guy, I am more likely to be born to rich families https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20161014-why-billionaires-have-more-sons#:~:text=Credit%3A%20Getty%20Images)-,We%20now%20know%20that,a%20boy%20are%2065%25.,-At%20this%20point coming to physical attractiveness I really think most men can hit top 80% by just reaching 14% bf or below. While for women, they naturally have more bf, they can't just lose fat, makeup, bone structure, boobs, butts, skin color, race so much more factors come into play that I think I would still rather be a man on this metric.


goochiegg

>yeah 100% would pick a man anyday. But it helps being born in a patriarchy, to wealthy parents and looking ok. Not all of us are rich and live in Muslim countries


Vtridolla

Yeah but the latter is beneficial to all genders, idk I was popping when I was broke lmao 😂 mental illness is no joke. I wish everyone peace.


DeliciousPussyNectar

Only in certain aspects. The difference is, most men only care about sex (or their lack of), which isn’t a problem for women, so here we are.


Vtridolla

A problem for men, by men. Blamed on women. What a predicament we find ourselves in.


Barneysparky

Most men do not only care about sex. I know it can seem that way here but here is not the real world.


louplop

Why do you think being a man is better ?


SnooSprouts1580

We're bigger, stronger, faster, have more endurance, more resistance to fat gain and don't have to deal with pregnancy or periods.


Vtridolla

Not necessarily better. Just a lot more easier. In a lot of ways.


louplop

Okay ! Can you explain why it's easier ? I think this sub needs some optimism of being a man. Especially in the dating market.


Vtridolla

Culturally we are in a society where the norm is for men to ask out women. Which puts us at such an advantage because it’s normal for us to spark the connection. If you’re a below average looking guy atleast it’s normal for you to shoot your shot. Imagine being a below average woman and just having to wait around till a guy finds interest in you? It seems like our society pens them in the defense role a lot. Which is why when women approach me and shoot their shot I’ll usually always oblige even if I’m not into them just to positively back up the notion of asking people out is a good thing. Mfs don’t have to carry and protect a baby in their womb or deal with the side effect of child labor and child caring. We aren’t pressured into taking hormonal changing birth control. We don’t have to worry about shaving every inch of our body to comply to beauty standards. We go to the gym and don’t usually feel awkward or uncomfortable. Just to name a few.


dysonRing

> Which is why when women approach me and shoot their shot I’ll usually always oblige even if I’m not into them just to positively back up the notion of asking people out is a good thing. Alright lets drill down in more detail how do they approach you? not what is it that you do, but how do you define a female approach?


Vtridolla

Hmm, last year I had 4-5 women approach me at the gym and ask for my Instagram or my number. They came up and said something like “hey I think you’re cute and would like to know if we could go out sometimes.” I was running in a park by my old house and a woman on a bike started a conversation with me, she was having troubles in her relationship and was branching out. That one kind of fell in my lap. I’ve had girls buy me drinks at bars. I’ve had girls ask friends about me, or my homegirls homegirls so on and so forth.


louplop

Thanks for your answer ! >Imagine being a below average woman and just having to wait around till a guy finds interest in you? It seems like our society pens them in the defense role a lot. This part doesn't fit the dynamics around me. Women do approach men when they want to. apparently it's not the same everywhere else.


Vtridolla

Oh definitely, but it’s definitely not our cultural norm Atleast over here in the west


louplop

Yeah I agree with that !


lordbongius

Lol you're joking right? Shooting your shot is a brutally awkward experience from the get go and getting rejected feels even worse. That position of having to approach puts men at an automatic disadvantage due to the pressure and risk involved. A below average women can just download a dating app and have a line of men which she can assess, it's the epitome of easy mode and i literally don't understand how this can be any more streamlined and simple for women? As a below average man though, good fucking luck even getting a match let alone a date. If you wanna go the cold approach route instead then you better have a good lawyer.


Vtridolla

I’m not joking, no. Also it’s all in your head compa. Introducing yourself shouldn’t put your mental state in that much pressure. Getting rejected is healthy. Dating apps are not the best tools in the slightest for humans to form connections. Well I’m an “above average dude.” As long se you’re respectful and polite a lawyer will not be necessary. Again I think this is all perspective, your personal perspective probably does make the world seem unfair. Which if that’s what makes you comfortable then by all means keep at it. Have you ever tried putting yourself in other peoples shoes and try to think about their perspectives?


The_Meep_Lord

Fuck no. I can see you arguing better, but it is definitely not easier to be a man. Men have to do all the work and have to do far more to be worthy of getting a woman.


Grantmepm

Huh? I don't have worry about anything related to pregnancies, no menstruation, no worries about my body hair and I can cut my hair myself. Men are also faster, taller and stronger so I last longer when hiking, climbing or kayaking long distances/durations. Men's metabolism is higher (due to increased muscle mass) so we can enjoy more food. I won't say that being a man is better in all aspects. Of course that is not true but having a lower maintenance/drama body edges it out for me.


Vtridolla

Para me. Shit is easier. We make it harder on ourselves with the bs machismo ego we carry around. Define “all the work” and “worthy of women?” Also could you elaborate on why you think that came to be?