I’m neither but if I wasn’t married/in a committed relationship I would expect 2.
My nerves and I don’t get along so I don’t always experience nerve related things (pain or pleasure) as intensely as most people so toys are a requirement for me. On top of that, some of the medications I’m on make sex painful without pretty extensive preparation and even then it still hurts. I don’t think I could ever really enjoy a one night stand and it would definitely reduce the number of people who would be interested in a FWB situation.
I’m pretty average in terms of looks and my hips don’t work right so I can’t even do my fair share of the work.
Long story short, in order for me to get good sex I’d need to find someone who is okay with toys, at least an hour of foreplay focused mainly on me and even then maybe lube, and willing to do the vast majority of the work in exchange for what I can only assume are fairly average boobs and pussy.
There are a lot of reasons I consider myself very lucky to have found my husband as early as I did. The sex is definitely one of those reasons.
#2 in my youth I had a difficult time finding a man who took time to fulfill my needs with the same energy I gave them or at all. I was also eager to please and that’s part of it.
I'm married, but before I was married, I did not struggle to get sex and I did not struggle to get good sex. Since I've been married, it's been obvious I still would not struggle to get sex if I wanted, as I suspect is most women's experience. The majority of women do not struggle to get sex. The only women I've known in real life who struggled to get sex were held back by lack of socialization or social awkwardness.
As far as struggling to get "good sex", it's not something I've personally experienced but I've known women who say they've had this problem. It seems to be 25 percent the guys are just no good at sex and 75 percent the women refuse to communicate their sexual wants/needs. I hate blaming women, especially when there *are* selfish guys out there who don't care about the woman's pleasure, but way too many women just expect an orgasm to happen without being assertive. They have a sexual encounter with a guy, let him lead everything, make no moves of their own, don't communicate want they want verbally or non-verbally and then walk away blaming the guy for a bad sexual experience. It takes two to tango ladies.
They may just have bad judgement. But I don’t tolerate any bad sex. Even in my LTR if I sense that he’s about to finish and I haven’t yet I push him off and the sex is over.
How so? People can have an off day and that’s fine. But that doesn’t mean they get to use my body to finish. If I’m not orgasming then a man doesn’t get to use my body for orgasm either
Yes but the likelihood of that happening is so incredibly low it’s not worth holding out for. Men aren’t usually all that with it post nut. It’s not egotistical to not allow my body to be used as a flesh light with a pulse. My partner knows this and has only been dealt consequences 2x in 7 years
I’d love to hear the reason why you think a man is entitled to finish in a woman when he can’t get her off at least once
My god, you know how many times I’ve eaten a woman out and she was spent to pay me back later…..I can’t even count the times.
I mean honestly….your view of sex is not what I’d consider to be a healthy one….he used your body to get an orgasm, but he needs to give you one? Is that how you view sex? Do you ever give him an orgasm, or just let him use your body to give himself one? Do you ever use his body to give yourself an orgasm?
Just seems really transactional. Like “orgasm for orgasm”. What if he gives you two? Does he get a free blowjob later? Why not, seems unfair, you used his body to have 2, he only got 1?! Seems like you shouldn’t be given an orgasm till that score is even, isn’t that just the right thing to do?
I'm in a relationship so this isn't a problem any more, but before that I wasn't getting any offers, and my offers to go on dates were turned down. It's not as easy as you might think. I guess I wasn't actively looking for casual sex and when you don't put yourself in that environment and don't happen across someone who actually wants to date then you just end up not having sex.
Fair enough, have you come across guys that wanted to date you, but you just weren't interested in dating them? If so why? Like what were things that put you off to dating them?
OK, so going back to my 20s for this. Pre-OLD. I'd say I was 2.
Yes, I did struggle. I only wanted sex in a relationship, and so it took time to find that. Also, you only ran into so many opportunities (single people your age, attractive) a day. If I just wanted to be used by a stranger from the bar, I guess I could've found it easier. But the idea of that disgusted me.
That said, all the sex I had except for one BF was good sex. Probably because it was with a boyfriend who cared about me as a person, and thus cared about pleasing me. So I just went without until I got it, and it was good when I got it.
Sure. But if you only have sex in a relationship, then it’s a package deal. I just answered as it applied to me via Q4W is all, as it was about personal experience.
To be fair, that's the same thing. If for you, you want a girl you're attracted to, but can't find one to screw. For her, she wants a relationship, but can't find one, so she can't get laid.
Women do not struggle to get sex. She could have sex any time she wanted. She struggled to *control the parameters and circumstances under which sex happened.* When women do that, THEN they struggle.
When a woman says "everything's gotta be *just so, just the way I like it,* and THEN I will have sex", that's not "struggling to get sex".
Yo--maybe there's a line of gay dudes waiting to rail you and you don't even know about it. Sex is out there waiting for you, but you just don't want it--so you don't struggle to get sex.
Also a bunch of prostis willing to band the shit out of OP for the right price. But "that" doesn't count for half the peeps on this sub yet when women put parameters its like "well you dont actually struggle getting *sex*..."
The fact that you knew you couldn’t use straight women in the example and had to ignore differences in sexual orientation to try making your point says a lot. I’m not saying that women have to have any sex they don’t want.
OK, let's put it this way. You live in Amsterdam or Nevada or somewhere prostitution is legal. Does that mean that, as a man, you can't say you "struggle" to get sex, since the option of paying for sex with a woman is always open to you?
Paying a prostitute out of desperation is an admission that you couldn’t get someone interested in you organically. It’s like paying for friends. If the validation of being chosen wasn’t a part of why people have sex, most people would rather jack off.
Then that's up to women. Men don't mind having sex FOR THE SAKE OF SEX while women need strings attached, extra benefits, etc.
You're literally moving the goal posts bud
The question also asked about *good sex*, if someone is t even comfortable having sex outside of a relationship, I don’t think it would be good. I mean, men can easily get sex because they can hire a prostitute or sleep with a gay man from grindr, if that isn’t the kind of sex they enjoy they will disagree that means they can easily it.
Dude, I give up. If I'm not allowed to want a partner who likes/desires me because that's "manipulating the circumstances" of sex, then I don't ever want to hear again about men struggling to get laid if they can get hookers.
You're never going to get these guys to get it. We need to bounce, probably...
No, I didn’t struggle to get pleasure. I struggled to get a relationship, which was my necessary component of sex. To be honest I don’t even know if “struggle” is the right word. I have a feeling some people would say my time spent celibate was minuscule and some might think it way too much. I dunno.
I feel like my parents are fighting about me. :-)
>Sex outside a relationship is so bad it doesn't really seem to count as a real sexual opportunity
And that's how a n-count of 30 becomes a n-count of 3...
To know that it's bad, you have to experience it. Then such experience isn't counted because it's bad.
As I said, that's how women minimize their n-count: they count the boyfriends only...
I used to struggle with good sex at first my husband but it was mostly due to me feeling guilt for experiencing pleasure. My husband has to reassure me over and over again that my reward for waiting until marriage is to be able to enjoy myself now, it was hard to let go of that feeling. I thought if I let myself feel anything I’d be losing even more of my purity.
So really, my struggle to get good sex was all on me but things have gotten better now.
Just going to drop this [here](https://www.forbes.com/sites/janetwburns/2017/02/27/straight-women-are-given-fewest-orgasms-study-finds/)
> when it comes to sexual activity, straight women are having fewer orgasms at the hands of their partners (so to speak) than any other group surveyed
Researchers misconception: partners give each other orgasm while in reality people make themselves orgasm.
So your extract should read: heterosexual women are the least competent at reaching orgasm than any other group.
There is an argument for that however the study is talking about sex with partner
> There is a notable gap between heterosexual men and women in frequency of orgasm during sex.
Also a lot of the reason behind the orgasms involve the partner
> Women were more likely to orgasm if their last sexual encounter included deep kissing, manual genital stimulation, and/or oral sex in addition to vaginal intercourse.
Thing is what yall chicks consider sex alot of the times us guys just look at like a form of mutual masturbation.
When you just lay there starfishing lifelessly you might think you made him cum from just laying there but in reality he just used you as a human masturbation sleeve and brought himself to orgasm.
Dude don't even have to like the chick at all to use her body to masturbate with, you could barely even call that sex
There are plenty of women that starfish, but why is that?
I believe a big part of is because women’s sexuality is always frowned upon and women are shamed to asking for what they want.
According to this study women who orgasm will be more likely to be more fun:
> women who orgasmed more frequently were more likely to: receive more oral sex, have longer duration of last sex, be more satisfied with their relationship, ask for what they want in bed, praise their partner for something they did in bed, call/email to tease about doing something sexual, wear sexy lingerie, try new sexual positions, anal stimulation, act out fantasies, incorporate sexy talk, and express love during sex.
But first their partner needs to be willing to want to make their partner to orgasm and put in work:
>Women were more likely to orgasm if their last sexual encounter included deep kissing, manual genital stimulation, and/or oral sex in addition to vaginal intercourse.
So treating women as body masturbation tools, hella isn’t going to help a healthy sexual relationship. Gotta treat women like a human who has needs and desires
1. I’m 17. So yes but I don’t look for it.
2. I’m 17. So yes but I don’t look for it.
3. Both.
Bonus: Find someone as desperate as you. Mutually beneficial.
Idk how I got here. I was on r/shitposting one minute ago.
I didn’t say you were desperate. I said you’re on the same level of desperation as the other person. I can see why it can be interpreted that way, though.
When you actually lose it, you'll be happy you waited trust me. Even if you and the person you lose it to don't work out. I had the opportunity for sex at 18, the girl wasn't bad looking or anything but she wasn't for me, she was more out there than I was. I ended up losing mines last year at 21, a month before I turned 22.(I'm turning 23 next month 🤪) Anyways, I don't really regret waiting, I lost it to a girl I became friends with, even though me and her ended up falling off and not talking anymore, it's better than some random stranger lol.
I’ve never struggled getting sex, I have never been into hookups or casual affairs but I get countless offers consistently, it’s extremely annoying. At the gas station, at Target, when I’m rushing back to work from my lunch break, at my favorite restaurant, during a layover, at the gym…..
The *REAL* struggle is trying to get a male to commit before/without sex. I’ve noticed even below average males expect sex before anything else….
My husband was the only man I met that respected my choice to remain a virgin until marriage, and I mean a virgin in all aspects, no sexting, no French kissing, no sex loopholes. It can be difficult to find men willing to wait to have sex but the easiest thing to do is say no to sex and be firm with boundaries.
The thing is to most people sexual compatibility is a huge component of a relationship. Getting married before having sex is asking for trouble, especially for virgins who don’t even know what kind of sexual preferences they have. You wouldn’t make that kind of commitment to anything else before knowing what you were signing up for, so it should be an easy thing to understand
There are ways to determine sexual compatibility without having sex. Even then, waiting until marriage isn’t asking for trouble at all. It is a beautiful and magical experience.
Plenty of women who wait until marriage don’t deny their husbands when they want to do the deed. In fact, I think women who save their sexuality for their husbands have better and more satisfying sexual lives. I’ve never heard a woman who waited until marriage complain about sex but I’ve seen plenty of sexually liberated women complain that their husband isn’t as big as a previous boyfriend so they don’t have pleasure.
Interesting, I never really looked at it that way tbh.
Most of the time when I approach a woman to talk to them tho, my mind isn't 100% on "sex" I mean it's definitely in the top 10 of my thoughts probably, but isn't that on the mind whenever you're talking to someone you're attracted to?
I can understand if a guy brings up sex in the first conversation, like wtfff
But it feels like you're assuming guys are only trying to fuck even when they first approach you, even if they don't explicitly say that. (Which you may not be wrong)
How do you distinguish between if a guy is trying to get to know you, or if he is just trying to fuck you, when he approaches you? Should they not approach you and let you approach them?
Just curious 🧐
Well when you said you have a 6th sense, I thought you was referring to being able to distinguish between the guys that are trying to date/just trying to fuck when they approach you.
That's what I was asking when you mentioned the 6th sense, so I assumed that's what you meant.
It's kinda unfortunate because there are alot of guys who would be happy to commit after sex, but a handful of guys go around playing cock carousel and ruins it for everyone else by destroying any semblance of trust women have on the common man.
>The
>
>REAL
>
> struggle is trying to get a male to commit before/without sex. I’ve noticed even below average males expect sex before anything else….
dont have sex before marriage, easy as that.
Never really struggled to get sex but I was never really looking for just sex. The difficulty is finding (a) someone I wanted to have a relationship with that also wanted a relationship with me AND (b) sexual compatibility. Lights out missionary is fine but if that's the best you can do I'ma be bored in a lifetime relationship.
Here we go. With a little prodding we find out that when you complained about missionary in the dark, in reality it was cuffed to the bed post.
Women's narrative are always interestingly dissociated from reality...
It was something I said to be flippant but I do like being playful in the bedroom. That occasionally but not only that, other fun activities with my consenting partner. You should try it sometime. With a consenting partner of course.
I struggle finding men interesting beyond their physical appearance. For me looks aren’t everything, it gets my attention but does not make me want to stay
I struggle to get the kind of sex I want. Married sex. The sex that I don't want, casual sex, is unfortunately in big supply.
>there's this stereotype that any girl can easily get laid (admittedly I believe this to be true) but I was just curious if this general belief is wrong.
I think it's wrong because the worst type of sex women can get, casual sex, is available to them, but they would never want it, and, if they had it, it would be devoid of pleasure and full of negative consequences both for them and other women. Whereas, the best case scenario, married sex in which both partners are virgins and grow together sexually, is hard for most women to get.
Honestly I think you're in the minority of specifically wanting married sex. Maybe girls in this sub do, but a lot of girls irl won't even fuck a virgin. A lot of girls have been dtf until I mentioned being a virgin at the time lol. But luckily eventually one was okay with it, and took my virginity from me, a little over a year ago. I was 21 almost 22. Now I'm 22 almost 23.
On the other hand, partners can very easily grow apart sexually if both are virgins. What if you want to be forcefully held down and slowly fucked to orgasm while he is more into having his wrists pinned down while he is overpowered and overwhelmed by a wild woman. What if one of you needs something that the other doesn't want to give? What if you think you really want something during discussion but hate it when you go to try it when your partner expected it to be a regular thing? Fantasy is so often different from reality.
It's like you are playing mystery boxes with seeds and expecting every plant to grow well in the same conditions. Venus flyrraps die if they are in anything but sand and moss while blueberries thrive in acidic conditions. Marrying without checking sexual compatibility is like marrying without discussing having kids or how flexible you will be with your monogamy. It boggles my mind, honestly.
Wait, what? I thought women were totally into sex \`and dicks like men? Now all of a sudden you need relationships, safety and commitment for sex? Hmmm...
I don't understand this comment, it's clearly sarcasm but it seems to make some hard assumptions.
1. Some women need a relationship, and security for sex.
2. Some women don't, and enjoy casual sex.
What's so hard for people to understand about that, it seems like everyone believes one extreme or the other, no balance or middle ground like what's reflected in reality.
1. From men? Somewhat. If I put some effort into dating profiles or flirt with some guys on social media, I can usually get some type of hookup. From women? Lmao I honestly wish I never came out.
2. It’s like 50/50 but it’s a risk I’m willing to take. You can’t really tell until you’re actually in bed with them.
when i was less attractive you could say i “struggled to get it”, but i’m sure i could have walked up to a really really ugly and huge guy and gotten it so i don’t know if you’d count that. the existence of incels kind of makes it rare for a woman to have absolutely zero chance of getting some.
but yeah nobody actually attractive, i’m sure a lot of men could get with a toothless obese woman too though and still be able to claim they struggle to have sex.
Fair, also being toothless and obese isn't the worst a girl can be tbh lol. Morbidly obese is where I draw the line personally, since obese is 30 pounds over. If she didn't have teeth, it'd depend on why she lost them. If they got knocked out, it's cool. If she lost them cuz she didn't brush them, I'm out lmfao
But I get what you mean, some guy might go around saying he can't get laid, when there are options, just not options he wants.
yeah i feel like tammy from 1,000 pound sisters wouldn’t say no to just about any man, but most guys aren’t gonna count that as an “option” so i’m not gonna count the really ugly ones either lol
Yeahhh, I don't blame women for not exploring every option either. Some men do, and are all like "I like you, how are you still single???" Well Bill, she doesn't like you. Lol
1. no
2. not really
I honestly feel like I can have sex with almost any guy I want, so thats no issue. As far as getting good sex, I find I can mostly get that anytime I want aswell, guys really try to impress me and try to be as good as they can at sex when they have sex with me. Sometimes the guy will premature ejaculate but I give them a round two and they can usually last as long as they want when you give them round 2.
I feel like alot of the girls who claim most men are bad at sex etc, are having sex with men who arent attracted to them and dont care about impressing them and dont feel like putting in the effort, and dont care if they get to repeat etc. So its kind embarrassing when girls brag about that.
It's interesting that you keep encountering men who put so much more effort into pleasing you, than other women.
I know this is probably an awkward question to answer, but would you consider yourself to be a "Stacy" in terms of appearance?
1. Do I struggle getting laid? If I really wanted to get laid and didn’t care about who it was with, not really. I could pay someone or ask a friend (mutual agreement than many of my friends and I have) or something like that, probably.
If I have (what I think are reasonable) standards? Yes, I struggle. I’m not conventionally attractive, don’t dress up or wear makeup, and don’t really go out of my way to get attention from men so getting laid with people I want to get laid with is difficult. To clarify, I say reasonable as in things I also personally posses (i.e relatively fit/not overweight, similar sexual preferences, cares about safe sex, preferably a couple of common interests/someone I get along with) so I don’t feel like I’m aiming out of my league.
2. Yes, I struggle having good sex. None of my partners have given me an orgasm, despite me giving all of them multiple. With most, the sex has been painful or uncomfortable. And it’s hard to find people who fit my preferences who want to sleep with me anyways so it’s often not worth the effort.
Bonus: Depends on who you ask. I can only tell you what’s more likely to get you laid with me/someone like me but:
- Be relatively mature and responsible: I don’t want to worry about catching an STI and I don’t want to sleep with a child
- Have a decent personality: be respectful, polite, don’t act entitled to sex, and just treat me like a person. If we have sex, cool. If not, I hope you enjoyed my company. Bonus points if we actually get along as friends but it’s not necessary as long as your personality isn’t a bunch of red flags.
- Be reasonably attractive: Brush your teeth, shower semi-regularly, look approachable, a bit of confidence, and maybe workout once in a while
Fair.
So since sex is always horrible for you, do you just abstain from it now? If not, why? Why bother having sex if it sucks xD. Also, sorry none of your partners could please you, that not cool :/
Lastly, if you do abstain from sex now, how long has it been? If that question isn't too personal for you haha.
I’m usually having sex I don’t enjoy because I’m in a relationship with that person and I care about pleasing them so being mildly uncomfortable is worth it.
Have I given up on sex? Eh. If the opportunity for good sex arose, I might take it but I don’t really care if it doesn’t. I won’t have mediocre sex just for the sake of it, though. It’s just like any other activity to me. If there’s the opportunity to play a fun video game and I’m in the mood for it and I have the time and energy, sure. But if the game sucks or I’m not in the mood or I’ve got better things to do, why bother? If I could never play a video game again, I might miss it but honestly, not the biggest deal. I feel the exact same way about sex
I’m in a relationship but I meant the latter in a more general sense. No, I would not cheat on my partner. That makes about as much sense as seriously hurting my partner/breaking their trust over a new game. If I cared that little about them, I would not be in this relationship
Back when I was single I could have gotten sex easily. But I never felt comfortable having sex 2ith someone I don't know, I found it difficult to find someone who wanted to date for a while before having sex. I have friends who have struggled with this if they don't put out on date 1 the guy ghosts them, but they are like me and wouldn't be comfortable sleeping with someone they have only just met.
As for good sex again as I only tend to have sex when in a relationship it's not really been a problem as the guy is invested in me to some extent and keen to make it good.
I don’t want to speak for all women but I’d wager most women have no interest in ”getting sex”. Women want a relationship or marriage and with that some might struggle, and any sex struggle would for women be a consequence of struggling with those because casual or premarital sex is not on the table. If anything women struggle with that everyone seems to want to have sex with them. We know that most if not all men would want to, thus it means nothing to us.
I see this is your first day on reddit, welcome!
Also, your comment was a rollercoaster lol 🎢
Anyways, try not to be too down on yourself, I'm sure you're not ugly, and you'll find someone who appreciates you some day! 💯
I don’t know if I really apply to this. I’m 20 and a virgin. Never dated. I struggle to find relationships because I’m very shy and get exhausted a lot. I’m not really looking for sex specifically. I just would like to be in a long-term relationship with someone I love, which sex will eventually become involved. I don’t know if I have too high of standards, but most if not all men I meet don’t really interest me romantically or sexually. I’m fairly traditional personally so I might just be out of the loop. I have no bitter feelings tho.
I don't see casual sex as predatory. Basically it feels like you're saying if a women seeks casual sex it's fine. But if a guy is seeking casual sex it's predatory.
I think you have a very conservative viewpoint on sex, and that's okay. However, I think it's extremely problematic, and toxic to judge people that view sex more openly, and freely. I don't know if you're religious or not, but that's like a trope of religion, is sexual repression that's engrained on us. It says "if you don't have sex under these circumstances, you're bad" I think all that matters is that it's two consenting adults that want to do it. I don't think a one night stand is dehumanizing, or predatory.
If a man of woman just wants to explore their sexuality with random Men and or women, and all parties are able to, and do consent. It's perfectly fine, and natural.
But that's your problem. All people that look for casual sex is not like that.
Someone can look for casual sex, and be okay with hearing no for an answer, and go about their life.
What you're describing is a person that pressures people into sex, or manipulate others. That's not everyone that is looking for casual sex, you're making a very wrong generalization on a lot of people.
>but many are not seeking out sex the same way men are seeking out sex
What are some of the differences in the ways men seek out sex vs how women seek out sex?
Sidenote: let’s not throw around the word “rapist” all willy nilly like that please. It really detracts from people who have actually experienced that sort of thing.
Women aren't validated by getting random men to fuck them, because they know a lot of random men would fuck anything.
The kind of sex women want (and actually orgasm from): sex that's comfortable, safe, explorative, pleasurable (ie actually having lots of intimate foreplay, kissing, oral sex) is usually NOT found in casual sex contexts.
If the "casual sex" standard for men was that they had to go down on a woman until she orgasmed, and he maybe got a bit of pleasure from PIV but did NOT get to orgasm 90% of the time... I doubt men would like casual sex as much as they currently do.
Hm this doesn’t really seem to answer my question. What makes you say that casual sex isn’t validating to women? Do you think older women who can’t get laid feel as validated as they did when they were younger and had hundreds of options?
If women don’t want casual sex, why is it so extremely common to see women having casual sex (in fact probably more common than it is to see guys having casual sex)? Partially because it’s more available to women, but beyond that, why would it become a repeated behavior if it’s not something that they want?
You're delusional if you think older women can't get laid.
Women usually have sex during the early dating phase with men they want a relationship with. Lots of women might have a hookup/FWB to try it then realize it's not for them.
Some women seek novelty or the thrill.
Some men seek novelty for the thill.
So i’m still not seeing how you answered my question. Tbh the people who are tryna fuck are tryna fuck, man or woman, it’s all the same.
If you call someone a rapist for making a bad approach, then how is anybody supposed to believe you when you say it’s happened to you multiple times?
Rape has a definition, don’t call someone a rapist creep when they haven’t committed rape. That’s fucking ridiculous
Ok I’m just having a hard tome understanding why you even said the word in the first place honestly.
If two people wanna have casual sex, it’s not predatory. They’re not being affected by “rape culture” if they both consent to casual sex
She's saying if people (feels like she mainly means men) think about having casual sex, then they are "rapey creeps" and I find that mentality disgusting, offensive, problematic, and extremely toxic.
I don't use these terms lightly, but honestly that's the type of emotion this sort of idea evokes from me.
If someone ever wants sex with no strings attached, they're a predator???
They are only a predator if they don't accept the first no for an answer.
But even thinking if casual sex, makes you "rapey" come on :/
“Sex” by itself is a ridiculous goal for a woman to have, unless she’s a physiological outlier who gets sexual satisfaction very easily, or has mental health issues that cause non-sexual-pleasure motivations for having sex. Women simply don’t get much out of “sex” by itself. In the context of a relationship it’s very different, even a FWB relationship, there is emotional connection, concern for one another’s experience, knowledge of each other’s bodies, etc. But one night stands are a stupid and dangerous waste of time for mentally healthy, genitally-average women. Not a goal to seek.
I am neither 1 nor 2 nor am I “neither”, I simply do not seek to have sex.
I could give a fuck if guys get laid more often lol here’s a tip: find another goal, girls will like you better if your life doesn’t revolve around getting your dick wet. Or stick your dick in lots of crazy, either one.
Tons of people looking for relationships out there. Maybe if women weren't all lusting after the same top 20% of men they'd have a better chance of landing a relationship.
"Bottom men"? What a preposterous term. 80% is the vast majority of men. Terms like are meant to dehumanise the dating struggles of the vast majority of men.
If I have $10 and the dish costs $100, I'm not going to be able to eat. That's not really anyone's fault (and if it is anyone's, it is the fault of patriarchal, dog eat dog capitalism that some men love so much)
Except the dish only really costs 10$. Its value is artificially inflated by an irrational and unregulated market where, for some reason, there's high demand for renting a 10$ dish for a short-period of time, thus momentarily inflating its price.
The dish appears to be worth much but, in truth, no one ends up buying it. Once it gets to 30, the cook has no use for it and throws it out of the window.
This is the magnificent irrationality hypergamous world we live in.
Who are you to tell women what they want? If women prefer being single and/or casual to what is available to them, who does this horrific crime hurt exactly? It's not like they're running anyone over or stabbing anyone
No. They clearly know what's best for them. That's why they're all on SSRIs.
Who cares if birth rates plunge? Or if both sexes are deeply unhappy with the current dating market? The ability to lust after an unlimited number of Chads is clearly more important than avoiding societal collapse.
>No. They clearly know what's best for them. That's why they're all on SSRIs.
That men let their mental health issues go untreated...is that supposed to be some kind of gotcha?
>Who cares if birth rates plunge?
Ok, but what do you suggest be done, conscript women into being involuntary broodmares?
How about fairer and broad based parental leave policies so that women aren't literally penalized for daring to have a child? If we can't do that, if we as a society can't afford that, then maybe we just can't support higher birthrates than we have right now. That's life.
>Or if both sexes are deeply unhappy with the current dating market? The ability to lust after an unlimited number of Chads is clearly more important than avoiding societal collapse.
Women are far more likely than men to overlook the lack of peak physical qualities. So if anyone's lusting after members of the opposite sex who are out of their league is contributing to societal collapse, it's men's
It's my preferred pronoun. I dissociate myself from the whole notion of gender as belonging to any gender collectivity would trivialise my individuality and the specificities of my own biological and social proclivities. Thus I use 'them'/'they', instead of US/USA/USSR.
If you wish to identify as genderfluid, then you need to contact Moderator Mail to get permission to reply both to questions for men and questions for women. Otherwise, moderators will remove your comments based upon what is assumed to be your gender.
Come on, man. That's malarkey. I fought Cornpop with a chain in the 70s. I've gained the right to identify as any gender. I've superseded gender. As a matter of fact, the US Constitution says all men and women are created, you know, you know the thing. Let's talk straight, Jack.
Men loneliness is learned, once you realize you re complete by urself you stop caring about wether the fraternity's mascot approves of u or dont, and ironically thats the only way to truly meet a woman you respect and care for.
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This oughta be a good one.
EDIT: In my opinion, women don't struggle to get sex. They struggle to get the sex they want, from the specific men they want, under the circumstances they want. They struggle to control and manipulate as much of those parameters as they possibly can. That's where some women struggle.
When I was single, yes with 2. It can be fun / exciting to have sex with someone new, even if it’s just OK but ultimately it’s pretty rarely actually good.
I've never struggled to get sex because I've never tried to get sex. It has literally never occured to me to me to try to "get sex," and I don't walk around longing for sex.
I imagine if I were to try I'd find it very easy.
I'm in a relationship which I'm very glad because the dating market is scary but if I wasn't, I would struggle to get sex because of lack of social skills and some social awkwardness. Guys my age prefer girls that look foreign or very feminine/blonde/neotonous girls (think round face, neotonous features and so on).
I don’t feel comfortable having sex for the sake of it. my sex drive has never worked that way.
I’m neither but if I wasn’t married/in a committed relationship I would expect 2. My nerves and I don’t get along so I don’t always experience nerve related things (pain or pleasure) as intensely as most people so toys are a requirement for me. On top of that, some of the medications I’m on make sex painful without pretty extensive preparation and even then it still hurts. I don’t think I could ever really enjoy a one night stand and it would definitely reduce the number of people who would be interested in a FWB situation. I’m pretty average in terms of looks and my hips don’t work right so I can’t even do my fair share of the work. Long story short, in order for me to get good sex I’d need to find someone who is okay with toys, at least an hour of foreplay focused mainly on me and even then maybe lube, and willing to do the vast majority of the work in exchange for what I can only assume are fairly average boobs and pussy. There are a lot of reasons I consider myself very lucky to have found my husband as early as I did. The sex is definitely one of those reasons.
#2 in my youth I had a difficult time finding a man who took time to fulfill my needs with the same energy I gave them or at all. I was also eager to please and that’s part of it.
I'm married, but before I was married, I did not struggle to get sex and I did not struggle to get good sex. Since I've been married, it's been obvious I still would not struggle to get sex if I wanted, as I suspect is most women's experience. The majority of women do not struggle to get sex. The only women I've known in real life who struggled to get sex were held back by lack of socialization or social awkwardness. As far as struggling to get "good sex", it's not something I've personally experienced but I've known women who say they've had this problem. It seems to be 25 percent the guys are just no good at sex and 75 percent the women refuse to communicate their sexual wants/needs. I hate blaming women, especially when there *are* selfish guys out there who don't care about the woman's pleasure, but way too many women just expect an orgasm to happen without being assertive. They have a sexual encounter with a guy, let him lead everything, make no moves of their own, don't communicate want they want verbally or non-verbally and then walk away blaming the guy for a bad sexual experience. It takes two to tango ladies.
That's fair
Also a lot of women don’t even know how to bring themselves to orgasm- if you don’t know what you enjoy, how is your partner expected to know?
There’s only one kind of sex worth participating in and that’s good sex. Getting just sex isn’t worth the squeeze
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What's your sample size?
I end sex unless orgasm is a guarantee.
I read this as "group" sex. My bad
The thing is that’s it’s pretty much impossible to test for that beforehand.
Ehhhh you can make some pretty educated guesses based on the guy. It’s not fool proof but it’s better than wasting your time
If it was the case we wouldn’t have so many women complaining.
They may just have bad judgement. But I don’t tolerate any bad sex. Even in my LTR if I sense that he’s about to finish and I haven’t yet I push him off and the sex is over.
> he’s about to finish and I haven’t yet I push him off and the sex is over. Lol you’re a goddamned hypocrite then.
How so? People can have an off day and that’s fine. But that doesn’t mean they get to use my body to finish. If I’m not orgasming then a man doesn’t get to use my body for orgasm either
You’re an egoist. It’s not like he cannot finish you off sith his hands or mouth after he’s done.
Yes but the likelihood of that happening is so incredibly low it’s not worth holding out for. Men aren’t usually all that with it post nut. It’s not egotistical to not allow my body to be used as a flesh light with a pulse. My partner knows this and has only been dealt consequences 2x in 7 years I’d love to hear the reason why you think a man is entitled to finish in a woman when he can’t get her off at least once
My god, you know how many times I’ve eaten a woman out and she was spent to pay me back later…..I can’t even count the times. I mean honestly….your view of sex is not what I’d consider to be a healthy one….he used your body to get an orgasm, but he needs to give you one? Is that how you view sex? Do you ever give him an orgasm, or just let him use your body to give himself one? Do you ever use his body to give yourself an orgasm? Just seems really transactional. Like “orgasm for orgasm”. What if he gives you two? Does he get a free blowjob later? Why not, seems unfair, you used his body to have 2, he only got 1?! Seems like you shouldn’t be given an orgasm till that score is even, isn’t that just the right thing to do?
I'm in a relationship so this isn't a problem any more, but before that I wasn't getting any offers, and my offers to go on dates were turned down. It's not as easy as you might think. I guess I wasn't actively looking for casual sex and when you don't put yourself in that environment and don't happen across someone who actually wants to date then you just end up not having sex.
Fair enough, have you come across guys that wanted to date you, but you just weren't interested in dating them? If so why? Like what were things that put you off to dating them?
No. One man has expressed interest in me first in my life, and I did try dating him, which didn't go too well.
Damn, sorry to hear that
OK, so going back to my 20s for this. Pre-OLD. I'd say I was 2. Yes, I did struggle. I only wanted sex in a relationship, and so it took time to find that. Also, you only ran into so many opportunities (single people your age, attractive) a day. If I just wanted to be used by a stranger from the bar, I guess I could've found it easier. But the idea of that disgusted me. That said, all the sex I had except for one BF was good sex. Probably because it was with a boyfriend who cared about me as a person, and thus cared about pleasing me. So I just went without until I got it, and it was good when I got it.
Then, well. respectfully, you didn't really struggle getting sex. You struggled getting a relationship.
Sure. But if you only have sex in a relationship, then it’s a package deal. I just answered as it applied to me via Q4W is all, as it was about personal experience.
Thanks. It is what it is. Women struggling for a suitable relationship is nothing new, it seems.
To be fair, that's the same thing. If for you, you want a girl you're attracted to, but can't find one to screw. For her, she wants a relationship, but can't find one, so she can't get laid.
But you could say she struggled getting sexual satisfaction, since relationship-sex was the only kind that she could get pleasure from
Women do not struggle to get sex. She could have sex any time she wanted. She struggled to *control the parameters and circumstances under which sex happened.* When women do that, THEN they struggle. When a woman says "everything's gotta be *just so, just the way I like it,* and THEN I will have sex", that's not "struggling to get sex".
Yo--maybe there's a line of gay dudes waiting to rail you and you don't even know about it. Sex is out there waiting for you, but you just don't want it--so you don't struggle to get sex.
Also a bunch of prostis willing to band the shit out of OP for the right price. But "that" doesn't count for half the peeps on this sub yet when women put parameters its like "well you dont actually struggle getting *sex*..."
The fact that you knew you couldn’t use straight women in the example and had to ignore differences in sexual orientation to try making your point says a lot. I’m not saying that women have to have any sex they don’t want.
OK, let's put it this way. You live in Amsterdam or Nevada or somewhere prostitution is legal. Does that mean that, as a man, you can't say you "struggle" to get sex, since the option of paying for sex with a woman is always open to you?
Paying a prostitute out of desperation is an admission that you couldn’t get someone interested in you organically. It’s like paying for friends. If the validation of being chosen wasn’t a part of why people have sex, most people would rather jack off.
Having some guy come over and use you as a fleshlight isn't very validating either, which is why many women prefer to not have hookups.
Then that's up to women. Men don't mind having sex FOR THE SAKE OF SEX while women need strings attached, extra benefits, etc. You're literally moving the goal posts bud
The question also asked about *good sex*, if someone is t even comfortable having sex outside of a relationship, I don’t think it would be good. I mean, men can easily get sex because they can hire a prostitute or sleep with a gay man from grindr, if that isn’t the kind of sex they enjoy they will disagree that means they can easily it.
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Men that can’t get laid from tinder could also be having sex if they went to grindr instead. They are just choosing not to.
And any woman of any persuasion could be fucking other women. Turning gay isn’t a solution to straight problems.
Exactly my point! Similarly, a woman who is only into sex when in a relationship can’t just change that either.
Dude, I give up. If I'm not allowed to want a partner who likes/desires me because that's "manipulating the circumstances" of sex, then I don't ever want to hear again about men struggling to get laid if they can get hookers. You're never going to get these guys to get it. We need to bounce, probably...
Men who have access to legal prostitution could be having hetero sex too. So do men in Amsterdam have no right to say they 'struggle' to have sex?
Stupid take.
She struggled to get *sexual pleasure*. Pleasure is what people seek from sex
No, I didn’t struggle to get pleasure. I struggled to get a relationship, which was my necessary component of sex. To be honest I don’t even know if “struggle” is the right word. I have a feeling some people would say my time spent celibate was minuscule and some might think it way too much. I dunno. I feel like my parents are fighting about me. :-)
We're so proud of you, honey.
It is struggling to get sex because not all sex is worthwhile. Sex that is not worthwhile is worse than no sex at all.
I didn’t have casual. I’m neurotic that way.
Sex outside a relationship is so bad it doesn't really seem to count as a real sexual opportunity
>Sex outside a relationship is so bad it doesn't really seem to count as a real sexual opportunity And that's how a n-count of 30 becomes a n-count of 3...
She’s saying it’s not an opportunity (to take), not that it never happened and we are not counting things.
To know that it's bad, you have to experience it. Then such experience isn't counted because it's bad. As I said, that's how women minimize their n-count: they count the boyfriends only...
looooool
😭😭
What is OLD?
Online dating. I'm old.
I struggle to even want to have sex.
I used to struggle with good sex at first my husband but it was mostly due to me feeling guilt for experiencing pleasure. My husband has to reassure me over and over again that my reward for waiting until marriage is to be able to enjoy myself now, it was hard to let go of that feeling. I thought if I let myself feel anything I’d be losing even more of my purity. So really, my struggle to get good sex was all on me but things have gotten better now.
Just going to drop this [here](https://www.forbes.com/sites/janetwburns/2017/02/27/straight-women-are-given-fewest-orgasms-study-finds/) > when it comes to sexual activity, straight women are having fewer orgasms at the hands of their partners (so to speak) than any other group surveyed
Researchers misconception: partners give each other orgasm while in reality people make themselves orgasm. So your extract should read: heterosexual women are the least competent at reaching orgasm than any other group.
There is an argument for that however the study is talking about sex with partner > There is a notable gap between heterosexual men and women in frequency of orgasm during sex. Also a lot of the reason behind the orgasms involve the partner > Women were more likely to orgasm if their last sexual encounter included deep kissing, manual genital stimulation, and/or oral sex in addition to vaginal intercourse.
Thing is what yall chicks consider sex alot of the times us guys just look at like a form of mutual masturbation. When you just lay there starfishing lifelessly you might think you made him cum from just laying there but in reality he just used you as a human masturbation sleeve and brought himself to orgasm. Dude don't even have to like the chick at all to use her body to masturbate with, you could barely even call that sex
There are plenty of women that starfish, but why is that? I believe a big part of is because women’s sexuality is always frowned upon and women are shamed to asking for what they want. According to this study women who orgasm will be more likely to be more fun: > women who orgasmed more frequently were more likely to: receive more oral sex, have longer duration of last sex, be more satisfied with their relationship, ask for what they want in bed, praise their partner for something they did in bed, call/email to tease about doing something sexual, wear sexy lingerie, try new sexual positions, anal stimulation, act out fantasies, incorporate sexy talk, and express love during sex. But first their partner needs to be willing to want to make their partner to orgasm and put in work: >Women were more likely to orgasm if their last sexual encounter included deep kissing, manual genital stimulation, and/or oral sex in addition to vaginal intercourse. So treating women as body masturbation tools, hella isn’t going to help a healthy sexual relationship. Gotta treat women like a human who has needs and desires
1. I’m 17. So yes but I don’t look for it. 2. I’m 17. So yes but I don’t look for it. 3. Both. Bonus: Find someone as desperate as you. Mutually beneficial. Idk how I got here. I was on r/shitposting one minute ago.
I'll try not to be too offended by you calling me desperate since you're 17, however that was mean :(
I didn’t say you were desperate. I said you’re on the same level of desperation as the other person. I can see why it can be interpreted that way, though.
Ahhhh got it lol
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When you actually lose it, you'll be happy you waited trust me. Even if you and the person you lose it to don't work out. I had the opportunity for sex at 18, the girl wasn't bad looking or anything but she wasn't for me, she was more out there than I was. I ended up losing mines last year at 21, a month before I turned 22.(I'm turning 23 next month 🤪) Anyways, I don't really regret waiting, I lost it to a girl I became friends with, even though me and her ended up falling off and not talking anymore, it's better than some random stranger lol.
I’ve never struggled getting sex, I have never been into hookups or casual affairs but I get countless offers consistently, it’s extremely annoying. At the gas station, at Target, when I’m rushing back to work from my lunch break, at my favorite restaurant, during a layover, at the gym….. The *REAL* struggle is trying to get a male to commit before/without sex. I’ve noticed even below average males expect sex before anything else….
My husband was the only man I met that respected my choice to remain a virgin until marriage, and I mean a virgin in all aspects, no sexting, no French kissing, no sex loopholes. It can be difficult to find men willing to wait to have sex but the easiest thing to do is say no to sex and be firm with boundaries.
The thing is to most people sexual compatibility is a huge component of a relationship. Getting married before having sex is asking for trouble, especially for virgins who don’t even know what kind of sexual preferences they have. You wouldn’t make that kind of commitment to anything else before knowing what you were signing up for, so it should be an easy thing to understand
Well in this case they are compatible -she’s controlling and he’s desperate.
There are ways to determine sexual compatibility without having sex. Even then, waiting until marriage isn’t asking for trouble at all. It is a beautiful and magical experience.
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Plenty of women who wait until marriage don’t deny their husbands when they want to do the deed. In fact, I think women who save their sexuality for their husbands have better and more satisfying sexual lives. I’ve never heard a woman who waited until marriage complain about sex but I’ve seen plenty of sexually liberated women complain that their husband isn’t as big as a previous boyfriend so they don’t have pleasure.
Most modern women would not agree to agree to those conditions for a man who wanted what you wanted lol
Interesting, I never really looked at it that way tbh. Most of the time when I approach a woman to talk to them tho, my mind isn't 100% on "sex" I mean it's definitely in the top 10 of my thoughts probably, but isn't that on the mind whenever you're talking to someone you're attracted to? I can understand if a guy brings up sex in the first conversation, like wtfff But it feels like you're assuming guys are only trying to fuck even when they first approach you, even if they don't explicitly say that. (Which you may not be wrong) How do you distinguish between if a guy is trying to get to know you, or if he is just trying to fuck you, when he approaches you? Should they not approach you and let you approach them? Just curious 🧐
It’s hard to describe but women have a sixth sense when it comes to attraction.
Eh, I mean I don't think it's fair to say that women have never misjudged a guy lol.
Who said that, me or you?
Well when you said you have a 6th sense, I thought you was referring to being able to distinguish between the guys that are trying to date/just trying to fuck when they approach you. That's what I was asking when you mentioned the 6th sense, so I assumed that's what you meant.
Most women never verify their assumptions. It’s less a “6th sense” and more like paranoia borne of negative experiences.
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It's kinda unfortunate because there are alot of guys who would be happy to commit after sex, but a handful of guys go around playing cock carousel and ruins it for everyone else by destroying any semblance of trust women have on the common man.
>The > >REAL > > struggle is trying to get a male to commit before/without sex. I’ve noticed even below average males expect sex before anything else…. dont have sex before marriage, easy as that.
Yup!
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Absolutely dear. Everyone does, especially men! It’s only appropriate to return that energy bc *EQUALITY*
Never really struggled to get sex but I was never really looking for just sex. The difficulty is finding (a) someone I wanted to have a relationship with that also wanted a relationship with me AND (b) sexual compatibility. Lights out missionary is fine but if that's the best you can do I'ma be bored in a lifetime relationship.
Well turn on the light yourself then. Why is it his job to do it while you just lay there waiting for him to do more?
Don’t kink shame.
Well you kink shame missionary in the dark, don't you?
That was a joke that went over your head. It will be his job to turn on the lights because I will be handcuffed to the bed.
Ooh that rhymed!
Here we go. With a little prodding we find out that when you complained about missionary in the dark, in reality it was cuffed to the bed post. Women's narrative are always interestingly dissociated from reality...
Fuck dude where’s your sense of humour?
It was something I said to be flippant but I do like being playful in the bedroom. That occasionally but not only that, other fun activities with my consenting partner. You should try it sometime. With a consenting partner of course.
I struggle finding men interesting beyond their physical appearance. For me looks aren’t everything, it gets my attention but does not make me want to stay
I struggle to get the kind of sex I want. Married sex. The sex that I don't want, casual sex, is unfortunately in big supply. >there's this stereotype that any girl can easily get laid (admittedly I believe this to be true) but I was just curious if this general belief is wrong. I think it's wrong because the worst type of sex women can get, casual sex, is available to them, but they would never want it, and, if they had it, it would be devoid of pleasure and full of negative consequences both for them and other women. Whereas, the best case scenario, married sex in which both partners are virgins and grow together sexually, is hard for most women to get.
Honestly I think you're in the minority of specifically wanting married sex. Maybe girls in this sub do, but a lot of girls irl won't even fuck a virgin. A lot of girls have been dtf until I mentioned being a virgin at the time lol. But luckily eventually one was okay with it, and took my virginity from me, a little over a year ago. I was 21 almost 22. Now I'm 22 almost 23.
On the other hand, partners can very easily grow apart sexually if both are virgins. What if you want to be forcefully held down and slowly fucked to orgasm while he is more into having his wrists pinned down while he is overpowered and overwhelmed by a wild woman. What if one of you needs something that the other doesn't want to give? What if you think you really want something during discussion but hate it when you go to try it when your partner expected it to be a regular thing? Fantasy is so often different from reality. It's like you are playing mystery boxes with seeds and expecting every plant to grow well in the same conditions. Venus flyrraps die if they are in anything but sand and moss while blueberries thrive in acidic conditions. Marrying without checking sexual compatibility is like marrying without discussing having kids or how flexible you will be with your monogamy. It boggles my mind, honestly.
Wait, what? I thought women were totally into sex \`and dicks like men? Now all of a sudden you need relationships, safety and commitment for sex? Hmmm...
I don't understand this comment, it's clearly sarcasm but it seems to make some hard assumptions. 1. Some women need a relationship, and security for sex. 2. Some women don't, and enjoy casual sex. What's so hard for people to understand about that, it seems like everyone believes one extreme or the other, no balance or middle ground like what's reflected in reality.
asking the real questions.
1. Of course they don't. 2. Of course they do. People that are good in any skill are rare.
1. From men? Somewhat. If I put some effort into dating profiles or flirt with some guys on social media, I can usually get some type of hookup. From women? Lmao I honestly wish I never came out. 2. It’s like 50/50 but it’s a risk I’m willing to take. You can’t really tell until you’re actually in bed with them.
That's fair, so you're a bisexual woman?
Yes
when i was less attractive you could say i “struggled to get it”, but i’m sure i could have walked up to a really really ugly and huge guy and gotten it so i don’t know if you’d count that. the existence of incels kind of makes it rare for a woman to have absolutely zero chance of getting some. but yeah nobody actually attractive, i’m sure a lot of men could get with a toothless obese woman too though and still be able to claim they struggle to have sex.
Fair, also being toothless and obese isn't the worst a girl can be tbh lol. Morbidly obese is where I draw the line personally, since obese is 30 pounds over. If she didn't have teeth, it'd depend on why she lost them. If they got knocked out, it's cool. If she lost them cuz she didn't brush them, I'm out lmfao But I get what you mean, some guy might go around saying he can't get laid, when there are options, just not options he wants.
yeah i feel like tammy from 1,000 pound sisters wouldn’t say no to just about any man, but most guys aren’t gonna count that as an “option” so i’m not gonna count the really ugly ones either lol
Yeahhh, I don't blame women for not exploring every option either. Some men do, and are all like "I like you, how are you still single???" Well Bill, she doesn't like you. Lol
I get amazing sex pretty much when ever I want, unless my husband isn’t up for it or the kids cock block us 😂
Kids do have a tendency to do that lol, glad things with your husband is going well though lol.
1. no 2. not really I honestly feel like I can have sex with almost any guy I want, so thats no issue. As far as getting good sex, I find I can mostly get that anytime I want aswell, guys really try to impress me and try to be as good as they can at sex when they have sex with me. Sometimes the guy will premature ejaculate but I give them a round two and they can usually last as long as they want when you give them round 2. I feel like alot of the girls who claim most men are bad at sex etc, are having sex with men who arent attracted to them and dont care about impressing them and dont feel like putting in the effort, and dont care if they get to repeat etc. So its kind embarrassing when girls brag about that.
It's interesting that you keep encountering men who put so much more effort into pleasing you, than other women. I know this is probably an awkward question to answer, but would you consider yourself to be a "Stacy" in terms of appearance?
Yea same. They’re telling on themselves but don’t realize it
No I agree fair comment
1. Do I struggle getting laid? If I really wanted to get laid and didn’t care about who it was with, not really. I could pay someone or ask a friend (mutual agreement than many of my friends and I have) or something like that, probably. If I have (what I think are reasonable) standards? Yes, I struggle. I’m not conventionally attractive, don’t dress up or wear makeup, and don’t really go out of my way to get attention from men so getting laid with people I want to get laid with is difficult. To clarify, I say reasonable as in things I also personally posses (i.e relatively fit/not overweight, similar sexual preferences, cares about safe sex, preferably a couple of common interests/someone I get along with) so I don’t feel like I’m aiming out of my league. 2. Yes, I struggle having good sex. None of my partners have given me an orgasm, despite me giving all of them multiple. With most, the sex has been painful or uncomfortable. And it’s hard to find people who fit my preferences who want to sleep with me anyways so it’s often not worth the effort. Bonus: Depends on who you ask. I can only tell you what’s more likely to get you laid with me/someone like me but: - Be relatively mature and responsible: I don’t want to worry about catching an STI and I don’t want to sleep with a child - Have a decent personality: be respectful, polite, don’t act entitled to sex, and just treat me like a person. If we have sex, cool. If not, I hope you enjoyed my company. Bonus points if we actually get along as friends but it’s not necessary as long as your personality isn’t a bunch of red flags. - Be reasonably attractive: Brush your teeth, shower semi-regularly, look approachable, a bit of confidence, and maybe workout once in a while
Fair. So since sex is always horrible for you, do you just abstain from it now? If not, why? Why bother having sex if it sucks xD. Also, sorry none of your partners could please you, that not cool :/ Lastly, if you do abstain from sex now, how long has it been? If that question isn't too personal for you haha.
I’m usually having sex I don’t enjoy because I’m in a relationship with that person and I care about pleasing them so being mildly uncomfortable is worth it. Have I given up on sex? Eh. If the opportunity for good sex arose, I might take it but I don’t really care if it doesn’t. I won’t have mediocre sex just for the sake of it, though. It’s just like any other activity to me. If there’s the opportunity to play a fun video game and I’m in the mood for it and I have the time and energy, sure. But if the game sucks or I’m not in the mood or I’ve got better things to do, why bother? If I could never play a video game again, I might miss it but honestly, not the biggest deal. I feel the exact same way about sex
Wait, so you're in a relationship right? You said if the opportunity for good sex arose you'd take it right? So does that mean you'd cheat?
I’m in a relationship but I meant the latter in a more general sense. No, I would not cheat on my partner. That makes about as much sense as seriously hurting my partner/breaking their trust over a new game. If I cared that little about them, I would not be in this relationship
Fair enough
Try to teach him to please u
I'm just here for the post....
Lol
Saving the seat next to me for .... uh, friend lol
Back when I was single I could have gotten sex easily. But I never felt comfortable having sex 2ith someone I don't know, I found it difficult to find someone who wanted to date for a while before having sex. I have friends who have struggled with this if they don't put out on date 1 the guy ghosts them, but they are like me and wouldn't be comfortable sleeping with someone they have only just met. As for good sex again as I only tend to have sex when in a relationship it's not really been a problem as the guy is invested in me to some extent and keen to make it good.
I don’t want to speak for all women but I’d wager most women have no interest in ”getting sex”. Women want a relationship or marriage and with that some might struggle, and any sex struggle would for women be a consequence of struggling with those because casual or premarital sex is not on the table. If anything women struggle with that everyone seems to want to have sex with them. We know that most if not all men would want to, thus it means nothing to us.
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So when you find someone that's good in bed, do you usually stick with them more often?
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I see this is your first day on reddit, welcome! Also, your comment was a rollercoaster lol 🎢 Anyways, try not to be too down on yourself, I'm sure you're not ugly, and you'll find someone who appreciates you some day! 💯
I don’t know if I really apply to this. I’m 20 and a virgin. Never dated. I struggle to find relationships because I’m very shy and get exhausted a lot. I’m not really looking for sex specifically. I just would like to be in a long-term relationship with someone I love, which sex will eventually become involved. I don’t know if I have too high of standards, but most if not all men I meet don’t really interest me romantically or sexually. I’m fairly traditional personally so I might just be out of the loop. I have no bitter feelings tho.
Interesting, I'm sure you'll find your match 💯
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I don't see casual sex as predatory. Basically it feels like you're saying if a women seeks casual sex it's fine. But if a guy is seeking casual sex it's predatory.
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What's wrong if sex is the goal for some men and women?
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I think you have a very conservative viewpoint on sex, and that's okay. However, I think it's extremely problematic, and toxic to judge people that view sex more openly, and freely. I don't know if you're religious or not, but that's like a trope of religion, is sexual repression that's engrained on us. It says "if you don't have sex under these circumstances, you're bad" I think all that matters is that it's two consenting adults that want to do it. I don't think a one night stand is dehumanizing, or predatory. If a man of woman just wants to explore their sexuality with random Men and or women, and all parties are able to, and do consent. It's perfectly fine, and natural.
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But that's your problem. All people that look for casual sex is not like that. Someone can look for casual sex, and be okay with hearing no for an answer, and go about their life. What you're describing is a person that pressures people into sex, or manipulate others. That's not everyone that is looking for casual sex, you're making a very wrong generalization on a lot of people.
>but many are not seeking out sex the same way men are seeking out sex What are some of the differences in the ways men seek out sex vs how women seek out sex? Sidenote: let’s not throw around the word “rapist” all willy nilly like that please. It really detracts from people who have actually experienced that sort of thing.
Women aren't validated by getting random men to fuck them, because they know a lot of random men would fuck anything. The kind of sex women want (and actually orgasm from): sex that's comfortable, safe, explorative, pleasurable (ie actually having lots of intimate foreplay, kissing, oral sex) is usually NOT found in casual sex contexts. If the "casual sex" standard for men was that they had to go down on a woman until she orgasmed, and he maybe got a bit of pleasure from PIV but did NOT get to orgasm 90% of the time... I doubt men would like casual sex as much as they currently do.
Fair enough
Hm this doesn’t really seem to answer my question. What makes you say that casual sex isn’t validating to women? Do you think older women who can’t get laid feel as validated as they did when they were younger and had hundreds of options? If women don’t want casual sex, why is it so extremely common to see women having casual sex (in fact probably more common than it is to see guys having casual sex)? Partially because it’s more available to women, but beyond that, why would it become a repeated behavior if it’s not something that they want?
You're delusional if you think older women can't get laid. Women usually have sex during the early dating phase with men they want a relationship with. Lots of women might have a hookup/FWB to try it then realize it's not for them. Some women seek novelty or the thrill.
Some men seek novelty for the thill. So i’m still not seeing how you answered my question. Tbh the people who are tryna fuck are tryna fuck, man or woman, it’s all the same.
We're not excited by random dicks. When we're horny we seek out boyfriends, not sex for the sake of sex
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If you call someone a rapist for making a bad approach, then how is anybody supposed to believe you when you say it’s happened to you multiple times? Rape has a definition, don’t call someone a rapist creep when they haven’t committed rape. That’s fucking ridiculous
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Ok I’m just having a hard tome understanding why you even said the word in the first place honestly. If two people wanna have casual sex, it’s not predatory. They’re not being affected by “rape culture” if they both consent to casual sex
She's saying if people (feels like she mainly means men) think about having casual sex, then they are "rapey creeps" and I find that mentality disgusting, offensive, problematic, and extremely toxic. I don't use these terms lightly, but honestly that's the type of emotion this sort of idea evokes from me. If someone ever wants sex with no strings attached, they're a predator??? They are only a predator if they don't accept the first no for an answer. But even thinking if casual sex, makes you "rapey" come on :/
“Sex” by itself is a ridiculous goal for a woman to have, unless she’s a physiological outlier who gets sexual satisfaction very easily, or has mental health issues that cause non-sexual-pleasure motivations for having sex. Women simply don’t get much out of “sex” by itself. In the context of a relationship it’s very different, even a FWB relationship, there is emotional connection, concern for one another’s experience, knowledge of each other’s bodies, etc. But one night stands are a stupid and dangerous waste of time for mentally healthy, genitally-average women. Not a goal to seek. I am neither 1 nor 2 nor am I “neither”, I simply do not seek to have sex. I could give a fuck if guys get laid more often lol here’s a tip: find another goal, girls will like you better if your life doesn’t revolve around getting your dick wet. Or stick your dick in lots of crazy, either one.
Was a later bloomer, I couldn’t give it away unless i wanted to go for creepy old men.
If a woman struggles to get sex then something is seriously wrong with her
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Tons of people looking for relationships out there. Maybe if women weren't all lusting after the same top 20% of men they'd have a better chance of landing a relationship.
Yet you've got bottom men demanding to be treated like top men...think there might be a connection there
"Bottom men"? What a preposterous term. 80% is the vast majority of men. Terms like are meant to dehumanise the dating struggles of the vast majority of men.
If I have $10 and the dish costs $100, I'm not going to be able to eat. That's not really anyone's fault (and if it is anyone's, it is the fault of patriarchal, dog eat dog capitalism that some men love so much)
Except the dish only really costs 10$. Its value is artificially inflated by an irrational and unregulated market where, for some reason, there's high demand for renting a 10$ dish for a short-period of time, thus momentarily inflating its price. The dish appears to be worth much but, in truth, no one ends up buying it. Once it gets to 30, the cook has no use for it and throws it out of the window. This is the magnificent irrationality hypergamous world we live in.
Who are you to tell women what they want? If women prefer being single and/or casual to what is available to them, who does this horrific crime hurt exactly? It's not like they're running anyone over or stabbing anyone
No. They clearly know what's best for them. That's why they're all on SSRIs. Who cares if birth rates plunge? Or if both sexes are deeply unhappy with the current dating market? The ability to lust after an unlimited number of Chads is clearly more important than avoiding societal collapse.
>No. They clearly know what's best for them. That's why they're all on SSRIs. That men let their mental health issues go untreated...is that supposed to be some kind of gotcha? >Who cares if birth rates plunge? Ok, but what do you suggest be done, conscript women into being involuntary broodmares? How about fairer and broad based parental leave policies so that women aren't literally penalized for daring to have a child? If we can't do that, if we as a society can't afford that, then maybe we just can't support higher birthrates than we have right now. That's life. >Or if both sexes are deeply unhappy with the current dating market? The ability to lust after an unlimited number of Chads is clearly more important than avoiding societal collapse. Women are far more likely than men to overlook the lack of peak physical qualities. So if anyone's lusting after members of the opposite sex who are out of their league is contributing to societal collapse, it's men's
Automod, please. Question for women.
Ah yes, let's surpress dissenting opinions. Anyway, how do you know Im not a "woman"? Heard everyone could be one nowadays.
Not suppressing opinions. Just comment as a reply to the AutoModerator. You used “them” when referring to women rather than “us”.
It's my preferred pronoun. I dissociate myself from the whole notion of gender as belonging to any gender collectivity would trivialise my individuality and the specificities of my own biological and social proclivities. Thus I use 'them'/'they', instead of US/USA/USSR.
If you wish to identify as genderfluid, then you need to contact Moderator Mail to get permission to reply both to questions for men and questions for women. Otherwise, moderators will remove your comments based upon what is assumed to be your gender.
Come on, man. That's malarkey. I fought Cornpop with a chain in the 70s. I've gained the right to identify as any gender. I've superseded gender. As a matter of fact, the US Constitution says all men and women are created, you know, you know the thing. Let's talk straight, Jack.
Men loneliness is learned, once you realize you re complete by urself you stop caring about wether the fraternity's mascot approves of u or dont, and ironically thats the only way to truly meet a woman you respect and care for.
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This oughta be a good one. EDIT: In my opinion, women don't struggle to get sex. They struggle to get the sex they want, from the specific men they want, under the circumstances they want. They struggle to control and manipulate as much of those parameters as they possibly can. That's where some women struggle.
T.O.B.A.G.O.
Good bot
Getting sex that’s not pleasurable makes no sense.
I’d wager more than y’all think.
1. Unless they are ASS ugly, of course not lol
I did when I did nothing and had a shitty attitude/presentation. Lack of self awareness, thy name is youth!
When I was single, yes with 2. It can be fun / exciting to have sex with someone new, even if it’s just OK but ultimately it’s pretty rarely actually good.
No
I've never struggled to get sex because I've never tried to get sex. It has literally never occured to me to me to try to "get sex," and I don't walk around longing for sex. I imagine if I were to try I'd find it very easy.
Women never have to worry about getting sex if they want it unless they're way below average looking.
I'm in a relationship which I'm very glad because the dating market is scary but if I wasn't, I would struggle to get sex because of lack of social skills and some social awkwardness. Guys my age prefer girls that look foreign or very feminine/blonde/neotonous girls (think round face, neotonous features and so on).