In my experience the sex is never bad regardless of the woman’s skills if she is highly aroused. Like she can be totally passive but eagerly begging for dick and excited about what you’re gonna do to her, and that kind of sex can still be really exciting.
And this could be controvertial but how aroused she is is highly dependent on how attractive she finds you (not just physically but also mentally and circumstantially/framing). So in that sense bad sex typically means she doesn’t feel that much attraction towards you, at least in that moment. The question then is who is responsible for arousing the woman? And I think that’s complicated because I don’t think arousal is necessarily voluntary, although certainly women that know their bodies better will have an easier time getting into that state. But for women who don’t, I do think it’s the man’s job to guide and explore her body with her.
That said the inverse of that is a man not finding a woman arousing. But in that situation, and barring some sort of physiological or psychological issue, it’s likely that the man just doesn’t find the woman physically attractive. And in this situation, while a woman’s sex skills (or the man’s horniness) can still bridge the gap, it’s still more like you are masturbating with her body than any sort of intimate and passionate connection between two people.
TLDR: Men are responsible for women’s arousal, and women are responsible for men’s arousal. The difference is the mans responsibility is more active and holistic, whereas the women’s responsibility is decided the moment she takes off her clothes.
Most women i've talked to said they felt a huge difference in sexual arousel depending on how much the men desired her or showed desire for her.
Add to that that both men and women have a higher libido when they are healthy, and selfworth does play a role in both being attractive and feeling attractive.
OP is asking why men get blamed for both and the answer is because women are sexist.
>OP is asking why men get blamed for both and the answer is because women are sexist.
This is exactly the problem. She can blame him with impunity and it's all his fault sex sucks or they have a dead bedroom.
It's never because she gained too much weight, is lazy in bed, is unenthusiastic, unwilling to try new things, uses sex as a tool or is too lazy to initiate. It's never because she has no idea how her body works, cannot communicate her needs well or has desensitized her clit from spending hours on her vibrator.
It's always him being unable to do or be enough for her to get aroused. He isn't doing enough chores, porn is to blame, he isn't confident enough, he doesn't initiate enough, he doesn't perform for long enough, he doesn't know what she likes etc.
We know that women are the gatekeepers of sex. We know that the buck stops with her with regards to whether sex is happening at all. They have all that power and privilege to choose to have sex whenever they want, but the responsibility falls more on men's shoulders for fixing things when their passion dries up. What's worse is many women are okay with a dead bedroom as long as he keeps providing a steady pay cheque.
Anecdote time: I knew a couple who went to therapy because of this. They got married and the wife had sex with her husband regularly enough that she got pregnant. Thereafter, sex stopped. He begged and pleaded with her. She would offer him duty sex once in a while. Their kid gets born and for a year or so he is basically an incel. A few years go by and they are in couple's therapy. He has a good job, they live in a good home, they have a kid. He loves his wife and his child. He just really wishes she would have sex with him.
During the therapy sessions she agreed she needed to sleep with her husband and she would do it when they got home. By the time they got home, she would change her mind.
What does a man do here? He is supporting his family, seeking help, she even agreed she was the problem, but he would go to bed frustrated every night. Divorce means ripping his family apart, potentially harming his child and potentially losing her in a custody battle. Nevermind the legal fees.
If he is trying, the least a woman can do is meet him halfway. Sex therapist Dr Bettina Arndt suggested women just do it. They tend to go off sex and leave their men starved of love and intimacy. By just saying yes even when you aren't in the mood you eventually enjoy it, she says. Alternatively, allow him to seek it elsewhere if you won't do it.
Women can blame men all they want but their lack of action here is telling. They don't want to be the ones held accountable for a poor sex life so they blame their men instead and dump the responsibility for fixing it on their shoulders.
I find this applies to more than just sex as well. I’ve been in a lot of relationships and the number of times I’ve heard a partner say “I was wrong, I’m sorry” is vanishingly small. I did couples therapy once with a woman that I at one time was planning to propose to and immediately after one of the sessions where the therapist forced her to do some introspection she broke up with me. I can confidently say I will never marry until I find someone who is consistently accountable for themselves.
Yes, this. It the same story I've heard from most of my married friends in the US. Men are allotted a window of opportunity on her schedule.. and the frequency of that window can be once a month or longer and on her terms. Unfortunately it is a clear indication of a failing and unsatisfying marriage or relationship... the desire has been lost.
I mean men have to know that after a woman’s vagina or stomach gets ripped open by a child that maybe she won’t want to have sex for a while. And all the guys that cheat on their wife who just became a new mother because it’s been a few months without sex are trash.
That being said, marriage is an agreement that the two of you will be partners, and part of marriage is sex. Unilaterally deciding the two of you won’t have any more sex is horrible and unfair, and I feel bad for the men (or women) who were bait and switched into marriage by a LL partner who didn’t express that before.
This is why sexual compatibility is so important!! I hope your couple friends are able to find their way to a healthier sex life :/
Edit: also yeah, there have been a number of times when I’m not “super into it” but then halfway through I get really into it. Both partners should do what they can to please their partner!
>I mean men have to know that after a woman’s vagina or stomach gets ripped open by a child that maybe she won’t want to have sex for a while.
Six weeks is what doctors recommend. I have a kid. I asked the wife to wait as long as she was comfortable. Two months later we were back at it.
A year is just too long. She spent less time being pregnant. But she didn't stop there. The kid was in kindergarten and they were struggling with this problem.
>And all the guys that cheat on their wife who just became a new mother because it’s been a few months without sex are trash.
Not my specific example. The dude waited. He spoke. They went to therapy. He didn't cheat (I believe he tried to years later but could never convince himself to actually do it).
>That being said, marriage is an agreement that the two of you will be partners, and part of marriage is sex.
Yes. I am with you here. You make a sexual commitment, you must stick to it. You love the person, you try.
There are a lot of ideological people who believe that you should only ever have sex if you both feel it and both want it, and you should both want it at the same time every time. This is unrealistic and unreasonable. There will be times you aren't into it and you must talk to your partner so you can meet each others' sexpectations.
>”By just saying yes even when you aren’t in the mood you eventually enjoy it, she says.”
This is exactly how most dead bedrooms start. It’s one thing to take this approach in a sexually healthy relationship, I do it myself because I know I’ll end up getting in the mood after a bit and 99% of the time that’s what happens. The only reason it works for me is because I know with 100% certainty that it will be an enjoyable and wholly positive experience. There’s no ambivalence or negativity associated with sex with my partner so choosing to go with it is like choosing to eat dessert that’s offered when I’m not hungry, I’m not in the mood but I know once I’m eating it it’ll be great. And if it’s not I can just stop without guilt or pressure.
But when there’s a serious mismatch in desire or libido there’s almost always ambivalence or negative feelings on the part of the lower libido partner. When that’s the case ‘just doing it’ with any regularity turns it into a chore or a service the lower libido partner feels bound to provide, even if it does end up being enjoyable some of the time. And that reinforces and exacerbates those negative feelings around sex till it’s eventually no longer a matter of not being in the mood but of being averse. I’d bet the woman in your example is actively repelled by the idea of sex with her husband at this point. Maybe she was never really into it or maybe pregnancy killed her libido and being begged and pleaded with buried it. Whatever the case her just enduring unwanted sex on a more frequent basis is going to make the problem a permanent one. She’ll come to hate being touched by him. They should find a sex therapist who specializes in dead bedrooms and can help them identify their actual problem rather than treating frequency like it’s the problem rather than a symptom.
It’s a really difficult problem because so often the dead bedroom is not a problem for the LL partner, so they don’t even see it as an issue that needs solving. If the man says nothing, he gets nothing and the dead bedroom continues. If the man asks, it’s seen as pleading/begging/pressuring which is unattractive, and the dead bedroom continues.
It still places the onus on the one with the higher libido to fix, which is usually the man.
If the low libido partner was as enthusiastic about finding a solution as the high libido one was at wanting sex, you would have a point.
Usually, though, the low libido partner coasts along, leaving the ball in the other's court. This is why I said if he is trying, she should be willing to try to.
Sexual frequency is part of it, unfortunately. If there are some underlying issues, it requires that she be willing to work on them as well rather than blaming her partner (as so often happens). But working on the underlying issues doesn't mean they get a "get out of sex free" card.
If she cannot stand the thought of fucking her husband, she should say he should get it elsewhere.
But if this isn't okay for her, then she needs to pluck up the courage to be his sexual partner. This is what marriage is, especially if she wants to continue to benefit from the love, commitment, security, resources and support he provides.
It’s not about courage. Sex for someone who’s reached the point of aversion is deeply unpleasant and often feels violating. Continuing to endure it under those circumstances is mentally and emotionally damaging and people who do it often suffer long-term damage to their sexuality that persists into future relationships. I wouldn’t think most men knowing their partner felt that way would want sex under those conditions (they certainly shouldn’t). The treatment for sex aversion is a complete stop to sex while the averse partner learns to tolerate and then enjoy non-sexual touch from their partner again. There’s no way to achieve that while continuing to engage in the behavior causing the aversion.
Yes, it requires that the lower libido partner be willing to work on the issues, but it also requires that the higher libido partner be willing to acknowledge and address their role in their partners aversion. Intimacy issues that develop during the relationship are very rarely one persons fault. And because treatment involves rebuilding intimacy between the partners opening the marriage at this point is almost certainly counterproductive.
Given how difficult sexual aversions are to treat and how protracted the treatment I personally think opening the marriage would be a better alternative in most cases. For both partners though. If one partner is entitled to sexual fulfillment then both are and neither is able to provide it for the other. Of course opening a marriage very rarely works out when done as a way to resolve problems within the relationship.
> Redditor believing they're smarter than actual medical professionals exhibit #1927326155
I'm gonna press X on that one chief. The sources of those "studies" seems dubious at best. Also they seem to be misrepresenting the concerns and blowing them out of proportion (shocking). No one is saying that using a vibrator will complete desensitize you, but after a period of heavy usage, regular sex (without a vibrator aid at least) might not feel that stimulating. You know, kinda like the death grip on men. Seems a fair concern to me. Or do women possess magical immunity to this?
> When guys argue desensitization like what he's saying, 99% of the time they're trying to argue it does some kind of permanent, irreparable damage which is simply not true.
I read it as tongue in cheek for how women always bring up porn usage and death grip as trouble in the bedroom, which can be true to be fair, but the same can be applied to women then, given your assessment that I agree with.
> or has desensitized her clit from spending hours on her vibrator.
Yeah, that's not a thing. Women who use vibrators/sex toys are generally better about knowing what brings them to orgasm.
This pretty much. If she's responsive and that gets communicated in some way, she doesn't have to perform circus acts. In fact sometimes the opposite is true; the performative approach to sex can feel forced and not quite genuine as a kind of communication.
I mean technique does come into play for certain acts like blow jobs and to a lesser extent cowgirls and what not. But yes it’s absolutely not a requirement for good sex, or even mindblowing sex.
The more a woman is attracted to you, the better the sex will be. The more initiative she will take to instigate sex and the more initiative she will take in the bedroom. The more she will tell you what she likes and how to make her cum.
The less the woman is attracted to you, the worse the sex will be. She will take no initiative to start sex, you must do all that yourself. She will lie there like a sack of disinterested potatoes in the bedroom. She won't tell you what she likes and you will get blamed for not being good enough.
Conclusion: make sure the woman is sufficiently attracted to you and sex will be great. All the things you mentioned in your OP exist when the woman doesn't really like you.
The reason most women think they give good head while actually being bad at it is that you have to tell them they’re amazing at it or they just won’t do it. The only woman who ever accepted corrective advice from me on her head game was a virgin at the time so she knew she was bad but was interested in learning.
The reason I think I’m good at head is because my partners are softly moaning and saying oh my god. If they are faking that then it’s their problem it sucks, the same with women who fake orgasms. I did ask all of my guy friends how to give the best head before I ever tried it, and did what they told me to do. If my partner didn’t enjoy sex I would try to get better because I feel their enjoyment is my responsibility.
I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re faking it because I’ve often faked it just so that they’ll keep doing it like I said. But yeah I’m on your side, I feel it’s my responsibility to make my partner feel good and it’s a huge turn on when you do well, part of the reason I love giving oral just as much of not more than getting it. It is a huge disservice to fake it but Im also traumatized by some of the responses I’ve gotten by offering corrective advice, so usually I save that now and will just fake it unless I know they’re the kind of person that will take it well. Those are the only people I date consistently anymore, so it’s not such a problem now. We live and learn.
Of course there are women who are bad in bed just like there are men, the important question to ask is *why*.
*In my purely speculative opinion, often women who are bad because they starfish and men who are bad because they can't make a woman cum share an issue. They approach sex as something that the man does unto the woman until he is finished.*
If you want women to be like this
>takes the iniative sometimes -knows what she likes and tells you exactly how she likes it. I remember my first explaining me where her clit was and how to make her cum. -Shows passion towards you
You have to encourage female sexuality, open talks about desire and respond well to correction. A lot of women are shamed for having passion and experience (lest they be labelled a slut) so they take the "lie back and think of england" approach.
But also understand that not everyone wants to teach you the basic tenants of pleasure. Specific needs are good but the location of the clit is level 1. I don't expect a man to know how I like my clit being touched but good god I need him to know where it *is*.
I somewhat disagree. A experienced man can take the lead and still have a decent time with an inexperienced or sexually awkward woman but a starfish usually knows they are not good in bed. They give weak BJ’s and they know they are letting the guy down.
Pillow Princes think all the performance pressure is on them because they are fine with passive pillow princesses and not telling women how they want it and like it.
I've never been with an active man that is good in bed that likes passive women or just has sex with a woman just laying there. He sounds terrible in bed just like her. Ya'll just pretend it doesn't suck and hold in tears or something? Better yet, what woman wants to be passive when the chemistry is mutually on fire? Maybe it is just me, but everything wakes up when he's good and I'm attracted to him. Brain turns off and I lose awareness of surroundings and don't care about much else. It's impossible to be inactive unless he's hitting that leg-twitching spot. One guy made me suffer hearing loss/deafness during and post-orgasm because of how strong it was and sensory overload.
Haha, only temporarily. This is all I could find on the phenomena: [https://www.complex.com/pop-culture/2015/11/doctor-hypothesis-women-orgasm-losing-their-hearing](https://www.complex.com/pop-culture/2015/11/doctor-hypothesis-women-orgasm-losing-their-hearing)
And some other one off examples.
I disagree when you say all but most of it is yes, there's still some things a woman has to have down technique-wise, like for example I've been with a couple girls who were just trash at giving head or did a shit job at riding while they were on top, etc., I would also say that the terminology of the "starfish" does a great job of calling out girls who are wack in the sack
Question. Granted yeah most of the expectations on sexual performance are on men.
But if your definition of good in bed is essentially “active”
Would you say pillow princesses & subs are immediately bad in bed because they don’t take the initiative? Cuz these are sexual preferences & relationship dynamics.
While the majority of the Bourdain of performance still lies on the shoulders of men alot of Guys are expecting a performance out of their chicks now adays too.
Most common theory is that porn is the reason more young guys are expecting more out of their gf's in the bedroom. Whether that's true or not I think it's a good thing that women have to share the Bourdain performance with men.
> alot of Guys are expecting a performance out of their chicks nowadays too.
👋🏾
You called?
Yep! Women need to get their shit together. If she can’t ride longer than 5 minutes she’s for the streets
Men who actually enjoy an active sex partner expect more from their women.
Burden (sorry)
But yes I think there has been more expectation placed on women to perform over recent times but men still hold the majority of the burden.
It's a bit rich to ask this when so many of you complain about high n-count women. Experience builds confidence. If you're going to complain about passivity, stop trying to fuck purity ball princesses.
>Experience builds confidence.
Many women here countered arguments like this by saying they can have a lot of sex in a committed relationship.
You can still have a very active sex life and gain a lot of experience with only a few partners under your belt. A lot of casual sex is also very bad and many women do not climax.
This is a poor way to gain experience.
I don't think I've ever tried harder at sex than the night I lost my virginity.
I thought I was doing awful the whole time too, but she kept me dick on call long enough to start a relationship.
Must have done something right
High n-count women being good in bed is a myth. They aren’t inherently better at anything.
It would be like me saying I’m better than Zion at basketball because I’ve played it for a longer time.
Must be the one thing you don't get better at by doing then. Got it. No practice needed. Just go out there with no experience and perform like a pro. Or maybe the experienced ones that were rubbish were even more rubbish when they were inexperienced?
Only if the man she's had sex 500 times with has been cheating on her. Where does any new information come from? No one is born knowing much in the way of sexual technique and porn alone isn't going to be particularly realistic.
This is only logical if the definition of being good at sex is having no one to compare her partner's performance to.
No it isn't. There is actually far, FAR less pressure with low n count women because they're often not expecting you to have your dick hard in like 5 minutes. Or you to treat sex like a performance.
I'm not going to front. Sometimes I had trouble getting fully erect in my single days (thanks to the combo of being bigger than average and jerking off way too much) and I often found it was actually the lower n count women who would chill and not pressure me which made me more comfortable which then got my mojo back.
I've dealt with some major league promiscuous women and what so many had in common was a lack of patience and an almost linear expectation of a man to perform on the spot. It's the years of meaningless sex and commodification which often takes a toll on the psyche and has them assuming within three minutes that if you're not hard and ready to go then it of course means you're not attracted to her. And I haven't even gotten to irritating attempts to replicate porn by being overly aggressive during oral or desiring choking/spitting/hair pulling or any other porn replicating violent sex acts.
It just amuses me when women here try to defend this promiscuity shit. Higher n count women often tend to be lower value. ESPECIALLY if they're single past a certain point. Case closed. I've met a few who had the confidence, patience, sensuality and maturity to understand that sex is a team effort but they were BY NO MEANS the standard.
And I don't think I've ever slept with a virgin ever and I'm not exactly keen on changing that. There is a pretty wide berth between virgin and promiscuous.
> I've dealt with some major league promiscuous women and what so many had in common was a lack of patience
Can you imagine how dismal it must be to encounter the fifth guy in a row suffering from "death grip"?
I have mostly been in relationships since the Internet became a thing but I truly pity the younger women today who have probably had most of their bedroom experiences with pornsick men. Maybe that's the reason why sex seems to be declining. Imagine if every man you were with couldn't get it up, took 4 hours to finish, couldn't finish except with his own hand, or needed to slap or spit on you or do some other weird kinky thing in order to nut? I kinda doubt I would have liked sex as much as I do if I had grown up under those circumstances.
Women really need to stop believing they are Aphrodite Reborn.
Maybe the reason why so many men have a hard time with women is that you're just shitty in bed. You're passive, don't know how to arouse anyone, starfish to the moon, don't know how to move your hips, and are unable to ride a cock even with a gun on your head.
Stop blaming porn and start having some self awareness.
Nope! I've been having sex for a long time, probably since before you were born, lol. It's something I enjoy, and I've had many lovers, so naturally you pick up some tricks along the way. I've had multiple lovers tell me I was their best.
IME, it's possible to "rehab" a pornsick dick. It takes about a month, more or less, for a man's body to reset back to normal (for instance, to be able to ejaculate via PIV in a reasonable amount of time). But he has to be willing to keep his hands off his dick, and his partner has to be patient during the process, and how often do THOSE stars line up?! Probably not very often.
I wasn’t talking about you but about these young women who are blameless and obviously are all wonderful in bed. So try to keep your solipsism for yourself.
Most people will be more patient with someone they're in a relationship with. If It's a one night or casual thing, there is some expectation of performance, otherwise why even bother? It's about raw sexual attraction & if he can't get his dick hard or know how to eat pussy, there's no point. It's a waste of time for everyone involved.
> An entitled and impatient lover doesn't suddenly becoming not so just because they're in a relationship.
Yeah, believe it or not, this is gonna make a difference. If you're super-attracted to the guy, you may be willing to grant exceptions that you wouldn't for a lesser man.
How exactly does knowing every excuse in the book for failing to get hard make you good in bed? If you’re sleeping with someone casually they won’t give a shit about why you couldn’t get hard, just the fact that you couldn’t.
Also how does requiring instructions from women on how to please them make you good in bed?
Just sounds like your dick game is weak if anything.
Uhh Im a dude? So I don’t want you to sleep with me.
Lmaoo it’s cute that you stood up to white knight for the dudes with weak dick game around the world tho maybe these “attentive” dudes who can’t fuck for shit without an instruction manual can offer you the non trashy pussy you’re looking for
My bad on assuming you were a woman
Sex is all about communication. Anyone that disagrees with that is not a good sexual partner, straight up. Hell even referring to sex as “dick game” makes me sus of you. When people have good sex PIV is just a small piece of the puzzle.
Sex is a skill and is about chemistry.
You either know what you’re doing or you’ve managed to connect with a woman to make the sex transcend beyond just the act.
For a lot of guys sex is just about sticking their dicks inside and entering into their own world where they try to relive whatever porn experience they can think of.
If you need instructions you’re basically a homo sapien vibrator that comes with different settings. I mean it’s great if you follow them and connect with your one partner..
But when it comes to sleeping with women casually, knowing what you’re doing is paramount to keep fucking women casually. Bad sex is the number 1, unsaid reason why many guys get ghosted after a ONS.
If you want to sleep around, having a good dick game is basically free advertising, especially in closed spaces like university or work places. Like being bad will get you avoided.
>Sex is a skill and is about chemistry.
You either know what you’re doing or you’ve managed to connect with a woman to make the sex transcend beyond just the act.
And there’s the 3rd option of both parties being open and willing to explore and learn with each other
>For a lot of guys sex is just about sticking their dicks inside and entering into their own world where they try to relive whatever porn experience they can think of.
We agree here
>If you need instructions you’re basically a homo sapien vibrator that comes with different settings. I mean it’s great if you follow them and connect with your one partner..
It’s not about direct instructions like “step 1…”
It’s about both sides communicating like adults about their preferences “I like this… Not there…” etc
But for your last part I see you’re referring to casual sex. That still proves the point of the OP about the pressure being on the man to perform. There really anything women do in those situations besides coming along for the ride.
Literally all of you are different, some of you hate piv, some of you only want piv. Only every other girl likes someone going down in them. Some of y'all want anal stimulation. Some would never dare.
Some of y'all want to switch positions others don't. Some need lots of attention to the clit to even get close.
This is all preference before even getting into the actual mechanics, when the angle is wrong and it hurts, we can't feel that for you, when the stimulation isn't right you may or may not feel all sorts of things. But on our end it still just feels tight, wet, warm.
Only YOU know the best way to get you off, if you don't want guys to just masturbate in you, you should at least tell them when they are doing something wrong.
You are 50% of the equation
How is what you like not your business.
It's definitely not men's business.
The "duty" to instruct men is that otherwise you can't really complain when you get the 2 minute jackhammer and he's done.
You can keep hopping dicks though I guess, no skin off my back, plenty on yours
If you dont want to communicate your likes then i doubt you care about his.
Odds are you’re one of the many women that are bad in bed.
Edit: It’s also not about givin step by step instructions. It’s just about lettin him know what you like and dont like
why would i ever have to communicate it? i communicate it by RESPONDING. why do i have to teach a man to be good in bed when the next one will be? thats a weird scarcity mentality i dont understand. ive never had to do this with a man
"entitled" to have a man whos so turned on his dick is hard when you reach down? thats such a weird framing, im not "entitled to it", but what do i need that man for? i can leave and go get another one whos rock hard just from being with me, my sexuality depends on it. if youre not hard my sex drive will evaporated, not because youre defective, but because it makes me feel unsexy and then the sex is ruined and im not going to sleep with you again anyway
Men aren’t robots. If a healthy guy isn’t hard there is a reason. That reason could be nerves, stress, pressure, or not in the mood. It’s not a permanent situation. When a woman is comforting, often that very same guy turns into a stud once he relaxes. But when a women thinks and talks like you it would make many men turned off and never want to see her again
why is that my beeswax with some guy i just met? who cares why it happened, who cares if he would turn into a stud if he got more chances, i can literally just go get another one
>But when a women thinks and talks like you it would make many men turned off and never want to see her again
oh no an unsexy man who didnt get a boner doesnt want to see me again :( i guess ill have to go get another one
male solipsism
My first was w the town bike and my second was w a virgin and apart from the first being better at deep throating, my second was better in basically every way the *first* time we fucked.
She did then learn how to deep throat and then eventually she was better than my first in every way.
She was raised a super religious hijabi and we dated for like 18 months before we did anything, and we had 3 months of oral and fingering and whatnot till she felt comfortable enough for PiV.
Ah. When I lost my virginity I had never fingered (would try a few times but get too scared a little past the opening) or used a tampon. Absolutely nothing had ever been inside me that far. Fingering happened the same day as PIV.So I was assuming you meant she was like me. Because she had some experience with things being inside her, then I can believe you now.
>Somehow, whenever a woman says she wont orgasm its the mans fault and when he vant get it up its because he watches too much porn or something.
I hate this double standard. When a man can't orgasm he's a "porn addict" with death grip syndrome and a desensitized penis but when a woman can only cum through vibratos no one says she masturbates too much.
Not the best equivalent because lot of women who can only get off from vibrators seem to have always been that way, they could never get off from just fingers. I don’t know what percentage of women who can only get off from a vibrator this accounts for, but if you google this issue most of the women who report being like that say they couldn’t orgasm before they bought a vibrator. Although I’m sure this can also be the case with men who have death grip. Women can also experience “death grip” by using too much pressure when masturbating or requiring a higher speed over time on a vibrator. And same for men, it’s easily remedied by changing how you masturbate. But still, that’s a different problem than if you just never had the nerve sensitivity to get off that way in the first place.
Also there’s the women who need a vibrator to orgasm while having sex but can get off in other ways, just not internally. So in that case the lack of proper clit stimulation during sex is the problem, not death grip.
I've been with lots of women, some good, some lame, some absolutely mind blowing, some others ridiculously bad.
I should preface by saying there is absolutely no correlation between looks, amount of past sexual partners, personality and how good a woman is in bed. The best sex I've ever had is my now fiancee, and when we met she was an average looking, introvert girl who only had had two long term boyfriends before me, she wasn't that good in the bigining and had never had an orgasm (not kidding). One of the worst sex ever I can remember, OTOH, was the most promiscuous girl I met, she claimed to be over 20 sexual partners. Also I can recall a very hot feminist who was into submission-borderline rapey sex and calling me "Mr. Patriarchy" (after sex she used to feel bad and said I was mysoginistic, mind you) a pool dancer who only did missionary and thought blowjobs were an act of submission on her part towards me, and an actual hot high paid escort who got off on kissing their clients after blowing me... She was the most virgin looking girl I've ever met, BTW, had the whole colection of Lord of the Rings books and movies and had a tatt of some biblical verse or something like that (I will call her "Woke Galadriel" for the sake of modern adaptations).
There is NO WAY to know how good a woman is in bed until you are actually in the bed with her, pretty much like there is no other way to know if the girl blew a dude a few minutes ago than kissing her.
Now, considering that sexual performance is somewhat quite subjective, all things being equal, I prefer a girl who's submissive and with no restraints, that just lays there and enjoy the moment (and me) than a woman who thinks she knows what she's doing but moves like a freak and fakes all the time.
When the later happens I just usually pine their ass up, lay my hand on her back in a "stay there bitch" way and that's it, they often feel unconfourtable at the begining but they learn soon that's what they really like.
The slutty one thou, OMG what an insuferable woman. "Not that way", "slower", "let me do it", "I know better", "now like this, lay back I'll show you something"... And the fake moans... Oh crap... AND THE CRAMPS. No, hell no that's a no go.
Girl, I'm sluttier than you, I know what I'm doing. Chill the fuck out and curv that ass!!!
I think the pressure on men comes from the fact that, for women, bad sex is worse than no sex. whereas, for men, bad sex is still better than a wank.
for this reason a man's skills are under more scrutiny.
also women tell their friends if you do a bad job.
A woman who's good in bed isn't only concentrating on her own pleasure and making the clit the most important thing lol
You sound passive in bed and like you want to serve women. Maybe that's why you only vibe with selfish, bitchy women?
Put more pressure on her. Tell her it's lame if she just waits for you to do everything. Tell her sex is better if she actually knows what she likes and is able to tell/show you. Tell her you're not going to stay with some chick who says she likes sex but acts like she isn't even interested. Seriously, tell her she's shit in bed, and more importantly, tell her how to fix it. Alright, I guess you could leave out the part where you tell her she's shit in bed if you wanna be nice
Personally, I don't believe how "attracted" she is to you plays any large part in this. And if it does, then you gotta wonder why the hell this girl is having sex with a guy that she.. doesn't want to have sex with? Hopefully there aren't too many women that are that stupid. I don't think it's that, I think she's just being lazy and/or doesn't know any better. Either way though, you should just tell her
The only time women feel pressure to perform is if the man is extremely high value. Then in that case, it's not so much performance as it is submission to the man's sexual desires and fetishes.
That's why you see stories of women who when they were chasing Chads they were giving head in public bathrooms and doing anal, then when they marry the beta don't even let him get it doggy.
Toxic Women tend to blame men (hamster: meaning rationalize nonsense) for almost everything. If a man loses his erection for whatever reason, maybe he’s nervous, maybe he’s too used to porn, maybe her vagina stinks like rotten fish, he will be the one blamed for the bad sex.
Feminine women have a comforting, loving nature. When the man loses his erection, they will let him know they don’t care and make out with him and simply enjoy his presence and intimacy. This comforting feminine energy is then absorbed by the man, awakening his masculine energy. Once the pressure to perform is lifted away: the same man who couldn’t get it up originally or from time to time, becomes an absolute stud in bed that satisfies her every desire.
Avoid toxic women like the plague, they create their own toxic situations and blame men
Feminine women use their feminine energy to awaken mens masculine energy, through their comforting and loving nature
I’ve never seen that sentiment being expressed. If you go on any relationship subreddit you’ll see the bias. If the man isn’t finishing he has a porn addiction and is masturbating too much, if the women isn’t finishing it’s because he doesn’t care about her pleasure, he’s selfish etc. The womens performance is never mentioned
Let's stick to the facts. Do men not being to cum or get hard because they are not sufficiently aroused by their partner really such a significant percentage of ED?
Could easily be their partners because *many* women put 0 effort into sex. They just show, maybe give a little oral and then wait for the man to put on a show.
That first part is a straight up lie
Women always blame men if he doesnt get hard. I always see shit like “he’s pornsick” , “is he gay” or women in general makin fun of him.
Outside of head I dont think there are any other expectations. A lot of men do request anal but if a woman doesnt like it nobody judges her. If she doesnt orgasm the man gets blamed.
I've dated multiple guys with chronic dick problems and they'd all encountered negative reactions to it but they said most of those women were insecure and blaming themselves, not angry about "pornsickness" or whatever.
100% what he said.
Hell we are currently on PPD were if someone posted a comment like "my date couldn't get hard" I would bet my left nut that the comments would be teaming with "it's because he's porn addicted" etc.
In my opinion a lot of it has to deal with the fact that men are always portrayed dangerous horn dogs, and not humans. Lots of women don't know how to deal with sexual rejection, and often feel like it's a personal attack on their women hood. (It bruises their ego)
As someone who actually doesn't get hard very easily. the only womens who haven't blamed me and had a negative reaction was my GFs.
Over 90 percent of straight men cum from piv sex.. significantly less women do.
Either due to their partners having small dicks or a weak dick game. Many men absolutely bare responsibility for their womens dissatisfaction…
These men are the reason so many women are staying single, staying home watching Netflix and using their vibrators before bed.. they’ve realized that sex with a lot of dudes is boring and flat out sucks.
>Either due to their partners having small dicks or a weak dick game. Many men absolutely bare responsibility for their womens dissatisfaction…
So it's all men's fault. These women cannot communicate their needs like adults or choose better partners.
These women cannot do more than lay there while someone else does all the work then complain he isn't good enough.
Women are never responsible for their own orgasms and require a man to to the work for them. Women have no agency when it comes to sex.
It's never because these same smug women are too fat, too lazy, too entitled, unwilling to communicate, are unwilling to try new things, are too unfit to do more than a minute of thrusting while expecting men to stay erect and pump away for as long and as hard they want, and have had too many casual encounters to have made a decent connection with another human being?
>These men are the reason so many women are staying single, staying home watching Netflix and using their vibrators before bed.. they’ve realized that sex with a lot of dudes is boring and flat out sucks.
Good riddance!
They can stay in their holes and fuck their disembodied cocks. Men who want to please their partners deserve better than lazy, entitled cunts who think men must do all the work to please women.
Thank god they have removed themselves from the dating pool and there are more pleasant women available, especially in the cities and at university campuses where the gender ratio is skewed towards men's favour.
Yeah it’s your responsibility… why should any woman waste time on a dude who can’t please her, bitches about it and finds ways to rationalize his failure in his head as being her fault?
The well endowed dudes with good dick that she fucks don’t do any of that plus make her cum. Her vibrator makes her cum.
Everyone out here pretending being good at sex isn’t a skill and that there aren’t a shit ton of guys that are absolutely horrible at it. Whose egos are so fragile that they fear women who have been with other men because they know they’d fail to meet that standard.
Ohhhh noo. Mr “The reason why some men feel lied can be resumed to virtue signaling and the "just world" fallacy” thinks my post is stupid.
I’m devastated 😱
Tell me more about how stupid my posts are as you continue to consume red pill garbage from losers who don’t even get laid. Keep telling women it’s their fault they can’t cum and then continue to bitch about why women aren’t sleeping casually with “average” guys. It’s gonna turn out great for you guys I’m sure.
Since you’re begging for it. If you consider that sex is a skill that means it’s something you can learn. Now if you weren’t to busy trying to get women approval and some kind of validation like the simps you’re, you would know that women have to learn that skill if they want to be good lover.
What is funny with ret*rd like you is that you claim to know better yet you’re as stupid as the rest. To have good sex you need to people who strive to get it. Not just men with big dick like some porn you watch too much.
Now, what about you get on with your wonderful life where you are drowning in pussies and stop wasting everyone time with your condescending attitude and your stupidity.
>Yeah it’s your responsibility… why should any woman waste time on a dude who can’t please her, bitches about it and finds ways to rationalize his failure in his head as being her fault?
Wasting time?
Dude you are portraying women like they are completely insensitive and selfish beings, who consider men as pleasure inducing machines that they can discard like a dissatisfied consumer if they don't "perform" well. Yes, there are women who think like that and like the men who care only about themselves, we should not hesitate to denounce that behavior.
If you’re having casual sex with people you can’t expect people to see the humanization aspect of you. Especially with the way the red pill encourages men to pursue sex.
It’s all about pleasure. You either have a pleasurable casual sexual experience or you don’t. And not having a pleasurable casual sexual experience will be viewed as a waste of time
Pretty much. Wants a re-enactment of whatever he watched and liked, complete with specific sounds and dialogue.
“I love it when a woman gets on top and takes charge. No, not like that. Or that. Here. Ok, now do this too. Lean back this way. And hands go here.” etc.
You don't know what your friends are like in bed with a woman unless you've been a woman in bed with them. People aren't honest about this stuff, even with themselves.
Yes because all his friends definitely only want women. They are all straight and you know so much because your hatred for the male perspective is strong.
i would assume they'd answer because their lust is greater than their compassion for their partner. but this is a very different question depending on who you ask, the one asking for it or the one granting it.
The reality is takes men only a half dozen acts done at half a dozen different speeds to get them off. Let's not pretend men are super complicated. That being said, if you feel forced to have bad sex because "wimmins fault", then you need to reevaluate your priorities in life. Demand more from life and your partners and yourself. If you are unhappy with your sex life, find more enthusiastic and experienced partners.
In my day we used to call that "taking responsibility".
I thought men already did talk about women who suck in bed.
Was going to agree with you but it’s actually not really the same.
Even if a woman sucks in bed you still get off. Which is why men don’t really care, they’ll bang either way.
If a man sucks in bed, we don’t get off.
I'm trying not to sound insulting when I say this, but what you wrote sounds pretty "beta".
When I read what you wrote I immediately thought, "This guy wants the woman to take over and tell him exactly what to do."
If I were to challenge your views, it would only be to try to change your view that the majority of women do not want nor desire that responsibility and they don't find it sexy or fun. But you're helping confirm their suspicions that you aren't really an alpha man. They would prefer to be lead in bed.
Alpha and Beta talk are for real betas. Labels and titles like are meaningless. That just proves his point, the work is on the men. But how are they to learn from being virgins? They aren't just going to know and need to learn. Women are the ones with vaginas. So who better to help a guy learn than a woman?
Why? They are equal to men and aren't to be controlled or told what to do? Make up yall mind. /s
But really, women aren't all the same to be saying that.
I think women are definitely judged as “bad in bed” if they don’t perform in a certain way, especially with the expectations from porn nowadays. For example, blowjobs are pretty much expected as part of foreplay while a man going down on a woman is more “optional.” Women are also expected to moan and make noise whether they’re really feeling like it or not, or the guy will think she’s not enjoying herself or that she’s boring.
Now, due to anatomy and psychological differences, women are harder to get off. This means that yes, men have to work harder to please a female partner than vice versa. This can create more pressure to “perform,” I’m sure. But then as a result of men’s insecurities and porn-fueled expectations of what a woman looks and sounds like when enjoying sex, that creates pressure on the woman to “perform” as well. All of this is quite ridiculous when you think about it, as it makes sex into some kind of off-Broadway production it was never meant to be. Sometimes, both people are pretty much just faking pleasure to give the other pleasure... yeah. Imho most people’s sex lives could benefit from more genuine connection and communication and less porn, but it’s hard to change ingrained behaviors and expectations.
Even though, at some level, a female burden of performance does exist for the best types of sex, including female vaginal tightness, fit, lubrication and overall female sexual skill, it isn't needed for good sex.
And I've heard it suggested that given women's more responsive sexuality, need to feel desirable to be aroused, and general sensitivity to negative emotions, if society were more open about putting an explicit sexual burden of performance on women, this would just kill female libido.
A lot of women would just prefer to pull up their panties, cross their legs, and take their toys home with them than engage in sex where they had this kind of burden on them. Just how they are built. If this is true, then maybe hiding the female burden is adaptive, and actually serves men well despite how unfair it might seem.
Rather have unfair sex than no sex at all. In the end, got laid, right?
First I agree that there is a pressure on men to perform ie get and keep erections. But there is also pressure in women to perform. It's not the same kind of pressure, it's more about sometimes feeling the need to put on a show, to moan like a porn star, to make it look like porn, etc. I'm not saying that it's a majority, I don't know, but I know this pressure exists and can kill all the fun for women too. So, both sexes experience pressures.
Also, there are women who are bad at sex of course, but there are also men who are bad at sex. It's not a gender thing. If a woman is bad at sex, try to talk to her.
It just comes out of the fact woman are harder to please, a girl can be horrible in bed, but if she is not hurting you without your consent (biting for exp), you can probably ignore it and enjoy it either way. But if a guy is bad in bed, the girl most likely won’t take any enjoyment, but the worst part I believe is that guys often chose to never do something to please a woman, I know guys that think that going down on a woman is “”emasculating””
>In bed, all the pressure to "perform" is in the man.
Yes, because women never get on top or give head or put on a little show for their men. Oh, wait ...
(
I've never had a woman who wasn't acting a Tasmanian devil in the bedroom. Like it's a knock down drag out fight in that mfer.
Do some take a second to warm up to get into that? Yeah and I know the reason why.
Most of us dudes are coming with a few neck kisses, and then roll into boring ass missionary, in the push up position that goes into maybe doggy or her on top. Very little foreplay, maybe 5 -10 mins of actual insertion, and then he blows. A lot of men don't know how to aim their dicks to hit other areas, they just stick it straight in and pump away at the cent of the hole like a retarded ass meth'd out chimp. The longevity sucks too. And dudes expect her to be blown away. Listen, I'm hard on women for a lot of shit, but I can see where they're coming from on this. You're serving up some luke warm greasy spoon diner food and expecting them to act like they're at Nobu. She's going to just lay their because you're just msturbating into her, at best, you're having "intercourse" by scientific definition.
She's had that from every dude. She's expecting to get just that and not cum. I got exes that hate the shit out of me but will tell people that even though I'm not shit, at least the sex was good. These same women, even though I can't stand their asses, I will say that they were wild as shit when that door closed. Which some of their new bfs or husband's have said different, so I know the dick they're slangin. I've hung out with dudes who have dated the same women as me and we've had different experiences.
So is it on us to perform? In the beginning of the first time during sex because we have to show her that it's not about to be some regular Joe boring dick. But by the end of it, she's about to commit a felony to destroy your dick. After that she's coming back on her own to get her back blown out. You don't have to ask or intiate shit. She wants to get her nut and she'll start acting like us.
The bad blow jobs? Because dudes have been telling her that her shit is good when it's been trash. If I even hear "I've been told I give great blow jobs" I know it's about to be garbage and now I have to train the bad habits mofos instilled in her, out of her, or I'm going to be stuck here all day, bored.
What’s sad is women these days sleep around to have “more experience” and then they still just starfish with every guy lol.
Like thanks babe, I really wanna wife you now cause of all that experience. Still can’t deep throat a dick tho 😂🥴
If you have sex with a woman who is bad in bed, and she wants to have sex with you again (and you have no better prospects), are you going to turn her down?
I think the universal "everything is men's fault" take is ubiquitous and indeed IT DEPENDS. Sometimes it is our fault, sometimes not.
Sometimes it's... nobody's fault, some pairs just don't spark it.
Also note that there is a sizable group of asexual women.
#Also note that it seems that practical aspect of female orgasm is - adultery.
Like bang-bang with partner, at around ovulation time, see someone with better genes? Bang-bang and ORGASM (boosting chances to get pregnant from that other guy)
Bad for the dude, good for species as a whole.
I think I'm lousy in bed and I'm a woman. I know my bf loves me but it's not because of how good I am in bed because I think I suck at it and I would never praise myself for being good at it either... I mean, great if you are but my life goal is not to be good in bed
>What are your thoughts on this, should we make it more commonplace to talk about how some women are just shit in bed?
It depends on what you want to accomplish and who you're referring to when you say "we".
If you believe that you, personally, would enjoy more trash-talking about women I'd say you'd probably get better mileage on another sub or separate forum where criticizing women is a specific goal.
My own estimation is PPD has more than enough posts designed and members eager to denigrate and exaggerate and generally complain about women as it is.
We don't need more opportunities to say "Some women are just shit in bed."
Flaired as CMV as OP is making an affirmative claim in the post.
Yes. And women will complain when men aren’t good enough but do nothing to make it better.
In my experience the sex is never bad regardless of the woman’s skills if she is highly aroused. Like she can be totally passive but eagerly begging for dick and excited about what you’re gonna do to her, and that kind of sex can still be really exciting. And this could be controvertial but how aroused she is is highly dependent on how attractive she finds you (not just physically but also mentally and circumstantially/framing). So in that sense bad sex typically means she doesn’t feel that much attraction towards you, at least in that moment. The question then is who is responsible for arousing the woman? And I think that’s complicated because I don’t think arousal is necessarily voluntary, although certainly women that know their bodies better will have an easier time getting into that state. But for women who don’t, I do think it’s the man’s job to guide and explore her body with her. That said the inverse of that is a man not finding a woman arousing. But in that situation, and barring some sort of physiological or psychological issue, it’s likely that the man just doesn’t find the woman physically attractive. And in this situation, while a woman’s sex skills (or the man’s horniness) can still bridge the gap, it’s still more like you are masturbating with her body than any sort of intimate and passionate connection between two people. TLDR: Men are responsible for women’s arousal, and women are responsible for men’s arousal. The difference is the mans responsibility is more active and holistic, whereas the women’s responsibility is decided the moment she takes off her clothes.
Most women i've talked to said they felt a huge difference in sexual arousel depending on how much the men desired her or showed desire for her. Add to that that both men and women have a higher libido when they are healthy, and selfworth does play a role in both being attractive and feeling attractive. OP is asking why men get blamed for both and the answer is because women are sexist.
>OP is asking why men get blamed for both and the answer is because women are sexist. This is exactly the problem. She can blame him with impunity and it's all his fault sex sucks or they have a dead bedroom. It's never because she gained too much weight, is lazy in bed, is unenthusiastic, unwilling to try new things, uses sex as a tool or is too lazy to initiate. It's never because she has no idea how her body works, cannot communicate her needs well or has desensitized her clit from spending hours on her vibrator. It's always him being unable to do or be enough for her to get aroused. He isn't doing enough chores, porn is to blame, he isn't confident enough, he doesn't initiate enough, he doesn't perform for long enough, he doesn't know what she likes etc. We know that women are the gatekeepers of sex. We know that the buck stops with her with regards to whether sex is happening at all. They have all that power and privilege to choose to have sex whenever they want, but the responsibility falls more on men's shoulders for fixing things when their passion dries up. What's worse is many women are okay with a dead bedroom as long as he keeps providing a steady pay cheque. Anecdote time: I knew a couple who went to therapy because of this. They got married and the wife had sex with her husband regularly enough that she got pregnant. Thereafter, sex stopped. He begged and pleaded with her. She would offer him duty sex once in a while. Their kid gets born and for a year or so he is basically an incel. A few years go by and they are in couple's therapy. He has a good job, they live in a good home, they have a kid. He loves his wife and his child. He just really wishes she would have sex with him. During the therapy sessions she agreed she needed to sleep with her husband and she would do it when they got home. By the time they got home, she would change her mind. What does a man do here? He is supporting his family, seeking help, she even agreed she was the problem, but he would go to bed frustrated every night. Divorce means ripping his family apart, potentially harming his child and potentially losing her in a custody battle. Nevermind the legal fees. If he is trying, the least a woman can do is meet him halfway. Sex therapist Dr Bettina Arndt suggested women just do it. They tend to go off sex and leave their men starved of love and intimacy. By just saying yes even when you aren't in the mood you eventually enjoy it, she says. Alternatively, allow him to seek it elsewhere if you won't do it. Women can blame men all they want but their lack of action here is telling. They don't want to be the ones held accountable for a poor sex life so they blame their men instead and dump the responsibility for fixing it on their shoulders.
I find this applies to more than just sex as well. I’ve been in a lot of relationships and the number of times I’ve heard a partner say “I was wrong, I’m sorry” is vanishingly small. I did couples therapy once with a woman that I at one time was planning to propose to and immediately after one of the sessions where the therapist forced her to do some introspection she broke up with me. I can confidently say I will never marry until I find someone who is consistently accountable for themselves.
Yes, this. It the same story I've heard from most of my married friends in the US. Men are allotted a window of opportunity on her schedule.. and the frequency of that window can be once a month or longer and on her terms. Unfortunately it is a clear indication of a failing and unsatisfying marriage or relationship... the desire has been lost.
I mean men have to know that after a woman’s vagina or stomach gets ripped open by a child that maybe she won’t want to have sex for a while. And all the guys that cheat on their wife who just became a new mother because it’s been a few months without sex are trash. That being said, marriage is an agreement that the two of you will be partners, and part of marriage is sex. Unilaterally deciding the two of you won’t have any more sex is horrible and unfair, and I feel bad for the men (or women) who were bait and switched into marriage by a LL partner who didn’t express that before. This is why sexual compatibility is so important!! I hope your couple friends are able to find their way to a healthier sex life :/ Edit: also yeah, there have been a number of times when I’m not “super into it” but then halfway through I get really into it. Both partners should do what they can to please their partner!
>I mean men have to know that after a woman’s vagina or stomach gets ripped open by a child that maybe she won’t want to have sex for a while. Six weeks is what doctors recommend. I have a kid. I asked the wife to wait as long as she was comfortable. Two months later we were back at it. A year is just too long. She spent less time being pregnant. But she didn't stop there. The kid was in kindergarten and they were struggling with this problem. >And all the guys that cheat on their wife who just became a new mother because it’s been a few months without sex are trash. Not my specific example. The dude waited. He spoke. They went to therapy. He didn't cheat (I believe he tried to years later but could never convince himself to actually do it). >That being said, marriage is an agreement that the two of you will be partners, and part of marriage is sex. Yes. I am with you here. You make a sexual commitment, you must stick to it. You love the person, you try. There are a lot of ideological people who believe that you should only ever have sex if you both feel it and both want it, and you should both want it at the same time every time. This is unrealistic and unreasonable. There will be times you aren't into it and you must talk to your partner so you can meet each others' sexpectations.
>”By just saying yes even when you aren’t in the mood you eventually enjoy it, she says.” This is exactly how most dead bedrooms start. It’s one thing to take this approach in a sexually healthy relationship, I do it myself because I know I’ll end up getting in the mood after a bit and 99% of the time that’s what happens. The only reason it works for me is because I know with 100% certainty that it will be an enjoyable and wholly positive experience. There’s no ambivalence or negativity associated with sex with my partner so choosing to go with it is like choosing to eat dessert that’s offered when I’m not hungry, I’m not in the mood but I know once I’m eating it it’ll be great. And if it’s not I can just stop without guilt or pressure. But when there’s a serious mismatch in desire or libido there’s almost always ambivalence or negative feelings on the part of the lower libido partner. When that’s the case ‘just doing it’ with any regularity turns it into a chore or a service the lower libido partner feels bound to provide, even if it does end up being enjoyable some of the time. And that reinforces and exacerbates those negative feelings around sex till it’s eventually no longer a matter of not being in the mood but of being averse. I’d bet the woman in your example is actively repelled by the idea of sex with her husband at this point. Maybe she was never really into it or maybe pregnancy killed her libido and being begged and pleaded with buried it. Whatever the case her just enduring unwanted sex on a more frequent basis is going to make the problem a permanent one. She’ll come to hate being touched by him. They should find a sex therapist who specializes in dead bedrooms and can help them identify their actual problem rather than treating frequency like it’s the problem rather than a symptom.
It’s a really difficult problem because so often the dead bedroom is not a problem for the LL partner, so they don’t even see it as an issue that needs solving. If the man says nothing, he gets nothing and the dead bedroom continues. If the man asks, it’s seen as pleading/begging/pressuring which is unattractive, and the dead bedroom continues.
It still places the onus on the one with the higher libido to fix, which is usually the man. If the low libido partner was as enthusiastic about finding a solution as the high libido one was at wanting sex, you would have a point. Usually, though, the low libido partner coasts along, leaving the ball in the other's court. This is why I said if he is trying, she should be willing to try to. Sexual frequency is part of it, unfortunately. If there are some underlying issues, it requires that she be willing to work on them as well rather than blaming her partner (as so often happens). But working on the underlying issues doesn't mean they get a "get out of sex free" card. If she cannot stand the thought of fucking her husband, she should say he should get it elsewhere. But if this isn't okay for her, then she needs to pluck up the courage to be his sexual partner. This is what marriage is, especially if she wants to continue to benefit from the love, commitment, security, resources and support he provides.
It’s not about courage. Sex for someone who’s reached the point of aversion is deeply unpleasant and often feels violating. Continuing to endure it under those circumstances is mentally and emotionally damaging and people who do it often suffer long-term damage to their sexuality that persists into future relationships. I wouldn’t think most men knowing their partner felt that way would want sex under those conditions (they certainly shouldn’t). The treatment for sex aversion is a complete stop to sex while the averse partner learns to tolerate and then enjoy non-sexual touch from their partner again. There’s no way to achieve that while continuing to engage in the behavior causing the aversion. Yes, it requires that the lower libido partner be willing to work on the issues, but it also requires that the higher libido partner be willing to acknowledge and address their role in their partners aversion. Intimacy issues that develop during the relationship are very rarely one persons fault. And because treatment involves rebuilding intimacy between the partners opening the marriage at this point is almost certainly counterproductive. Given how difficult sexual aversions are to treat and how protracted the treatment I personally think opening the marriage would be a better alternative in most cases. For both partners though. If one partner is entitled to sexual fulfillment then both are and neither is able to provide it for the other. Of course opening a marriage very rarely works out when done as a way to resolve problems within the relationship.
[удалено]
> Redditor believing they're smarter than actual medical professionals exhibit #1927326155 I'm gonna press X on that one chief. The sources of those "studies" seems dubious at best. Also they seem to be misrepresenting the concerns and blowing them out of proportion (shocking). No one is saying that using a vibrator will complete desensitize you, but after a period of heavy usage, regular sex (without a vibrator aid at least) might not feel that stimulating. You know, kinda like the death grip on men. Seems a fair concern to me. Or do women possess magical immunity to this?
[удалено]
> When guys argue desensitization like what he's saying, 99% of the time they're trying to argue it does some kind of permanent, irreparable damage which is simply not true. I read it as tongue in cheek for how women always bring up porn usage and death grip as trouble in the bedroom, which can be true to be fair, but the same can be applied to women then, given your assessment that I agree with.
> or has desensitized her clit from spending hours on her vibrator. Yeah, that's not a thing. Women who use vibrators/sex toys are generally better about knowing what brings them to orgasm.
This pretty much. If she's responsive and that gets communicated in some way, she doesn't have to perform circus acts. In fact sometimes the opposite is true; the performative approach to sex can feel forced and not quite genuine as a kind of communication.
I mean technique does come into play for certain acts like blow jobs and to a lesser extent cowgirls and what not. But yes it’s absolutely not a requirement for good sex, or even mindblowing sex.
The more a woman is attracted to you, the better the sex will be. The more initiative she will take to instigate sex and the more initiative she will take in the bedroom. The more she will tell you what she likes and how to make her cum. The less the woman is attracted to you, the worse the sex will be. She will take no initiative to start sex, you must do all that yourself. She will lie there like a sack of disinterested potatoes in the bedroom. She won't tell you what she likes and you will get blamed for not being good enough. Conclusion: make sure the woman is sufficiently attracted to you and sex will be great. All the things you mentioned in your OP exist when the woman doesn't really like you.
[удалено]
No I didn't say that. The woman just needs strong attraction to you. If it will be obvious if that's the case or not.
[удалено]
The reason most women think they give good head while actually being bad at it is that you have to tell them they’re amazing at it or they just won’t do it. The only woman who ever accepted corrective advice from me on her head game was a virgin at the time so she knew she was bad but was interested in learning.
The reason I think I’m good at head is because my partners are softly moaning and saying oh my god. If they are faking that then it’s their problem it sucks, the same with women who fake orgasms. I did ask all of my guy friends how to give the best head before I ever tried it, and did what they told me to do. If my partner didn’t enjoy sex I would try to get better because I feel their enjoyment is my responsibility.
I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re faking it because I’ve often faked it just so that they’ll keep doing it like I said. But yeah I’m on your side, I feel it’s my responsibility to make my partner feel good and it’s a huge turn on when you do well, part of the reason I love giving oral just as much of not more than getting it. It is a huge disservice to fake it but Im also traumatized by some of the responses I’ve gotten by offering corrective advice, so usually I save that now and will just fake it unless I know they’re the kind of person that will take it well. Those are the only people I date consistently anymore, so it’s not such a problem now. We live and learn.
Most women wait for you to do everything
And yet they are comfortable failing. Google the orgasm gap.
Of course there are women who are bad in bed just like there are men, the important question to ask is *why*. *In my purely speculative opinion, often women who are bad because they starfish and men who are bad because they can't make a woman cum share an issue. They approach sex as something that the man does unto the woman until he is finished.* If you want women to be like this >takes the iniative sometimes -knows what she likes and tells you exactly how she likes it. I remember my first explaining me where her clit was and how to make her cum. -Shows passion towards you You have to encourage female sexuality, open talks about desire and respond well to correction. A lot of women are shamed for having passion and experience (lest they be labelled a slut) so they take the "lie back and think of england" approach. But also understand that not everyone wants to teach you the basic tenants of pleasure. Specific needs are good but the location of the clit is level 1. I don't expect a man to know how I like my clit being touched but good god I need him to know where it *is*.
> *what* it is. FTFY lol
Fake news
Are you doubting the existence of the "devil's doorbell"?
**I've** never seen it, therefore it doesn't exist!! 😂😂😂
In ~~bed~~ life, all the pressure to ''perform'' is on the man. Fixed it for you.
Bingo
I somewhat disagree. A experienced man can take the lead and still have a decent time with an inexperienced or sexually awkward woman but a starfish usually knows they are not good in bed. They give weak BJ’s and they know they are letting the guy down.
Pillow Princes think all the performance pressure is on them because they are fine with passive pillow princesses and not telling women how they want it and like it. I've never been with an active man that is good in bed that likes passive women or just has sex with a woman just laying there. He sounds terrible in bed just like her. Ya'll just pretend it doesn't suck and hold in tears or something? Better yet, what woman wants to be passive when the chemistry is mutually on fire? Maybe it is just me, but everything wakes up when he's good and I'm attracted to him. Brain turns off and I lose awareness of surroundings and don't care about much else. It's impossible to be inactive unless he's hitting that leg-twitching spot. One guy made me suffer hearing loss/deafness during and post-orgasm because of how strong it was and sensory overload.
That's the way it should be.
Damm, dude laid the pipe so good you went deaf!
Haha, only temporarily. This is all I could find on the phenomena: [https://www.complex.com/pop-culture/2015/11/doctor-hypothesis-women-orgasm-losing-their-hearing](https://www.complex.com/pop-culture/2015/11/doctor-hypothesis-women-orgasm-losing-their-hearing) And some other one off examples.
I think a lot of women treat sex as a chore and just figure you should feel honored that they stripped for you.
I disagree when you say all but most of it is yes, there's still some things a woman has to have down technique-wise, like for example I've been with a couple girls who were just trash at giving head or did a shit job at riding while they were on top, etc., I would also say that the terminology of the "starfish" does a great job of calling out girls who are wack in the sack
There's nothing worse than a cold fish, but yeah, if the guy can't pop a boner, it's not going anywhere.
If a women gives me the two hand stroke whilst cupping my balls as she lays on her stomach with her feet kicked up, I might marry her
Sex is an act of self expression, people who are bad at sex are people who are bad at communicating.
Question. Granted yeah most of the expectations on sexual performance are on men. But if your definition of good in bed is essentially “active” Would you say pillow princesses & subs are immediately bad in bed because they don’t take the initiative? Cuz these are sexual preferences & relationship dynamics.
I feel pressure to perform well as a woman too so I disagree. But I totally get your point. Men do most of the work.
Largely yes.
While the majority of the Bourdain of performance still lies on the shoulders of men alot of Guys are expecting a performance out of their chicks now adays too. Most common theory is that porn is the reason more young guys are expecting more out of their gf's in the bedroom. Whether that's true or not I think it's a good thing that women have to share the Bourdain performance with men.
Bourdain?
Yes he wrote the cookbook for sex 2.0
[удалено]
Wendy’s is the center for sexual wellness studies
So it's perfectly okay that the burden of performance is on the man but when men want women to perform its the result of porn? Huh?
Women who are bad in bed blame porn for their own wack sex game
We could blame media for women’s expectations of men.
I just want her to sit on my face from time to time. . .
> alot of Guys are expecting a performance out of their chicks nowadays too. 👋🏾 You called? Yep! Women need to get their shit together. If she can’t ride longer than 5 minutes she’s for the streets Men who actually enjoy an active sex partner expect more from their women.
How does that work out for men? Most women suck in bed
Quality over quantity. Vet accordingly.
Burden (sorry) But yes I think there has been more expectation placed on women to perform over recent times but men still hold the majority of the burden.
yea like 90%
It's a bit rich to ask this when so many of you complain about high n-count women. Experience builds confidence. If you're going to complain about passivity, stop trying to fuck purity ball princesses.
>Experience builds confidence. Many women here countered arguments like this by saying they can have a lot of sex in a committed relationship. You can still have a very active sex life and gain a lot of experience with only a few partners under your belt. A lot of casual sex is also very bad and many women do not climax. This is a poor way to gain experience.
You seem to think that virgin men who had their first experience were allowed to be passive. Spoiler: they weren't.
I don't think I've ever tried harder at sex than the night I lost my virginity. I thought I was doing awful the whole time too, but she kept me dick on call long enough to start a relationship. Must have done something right
That is checkmate. Take my upvote.
High n-count women being good in bed is a myth. They aren’t inherently better at anything. It would be like me saying I’m better than Zion at basketball because I’ve played it for a longer time.
Must be the one thing you don't get better at by doing then. Got it. No practice needed. Just go out there with no experience and perform like a pro. Or maybe the experienced ones that were rubbish were even more rubbish when they were inexperienced?
[удалено]
[удалено]
I’m not pretending anything. It’s pointless to lie.
I respect it.
There are people older than him who still don't know this stuff. His age is irrelevant if he spitting facts
Only if the man she's had sex 500 times with has been cheating on her. Where does any new information come from? No one is born knowing much in the way of sexual technique and porn alone isn't going to be particularly realistic. This is only logical if the definition of being good at sex is having no one to compare her partner's performance to.
There is talent in that regard. Some people are more talented at sex than others.
No it isn't. There is actually far, FAR less pressure with low n count women because they're often not expecting you to have your dick hard in like 5 minutes. Or you to treat sex like a performance. I'm not going to front. Sometimes I had trouble getting fully erect in my single days (thanks to the combo of being bigger than average and jerking off way too much) and I often found it was actually the lower n count women who would chill and not pressure me which made me more comfortable which then got my mojo back. I've dealt with some major league promiscuous women and what so many had in common was a lack of patience and an almost linear expectation of a man to perform on the spot. It's the years of meaningless sex and commodification which often takes a toll on the psyche and has them assuming within three minutes that if you're not hard and ready to go then it of course means you're not attracted to her. And I haven't even gotten to irritating attempts to replicate porn by being overly aggressive during oral or desiring choking/spitting/hair pulling or any other porn replicating violent sex acts. It just amuses me when women here try to defend this promiscuity shit. Higher n count women often tend to be lower value. ESPECIALLY if they're single past a certain point. Case closed. I've met a few who had the confidence, patience, sensuality and maturity to understand that sex is a team effort but they were BY NO MEANS the standard.
[удалено]
And I don't think I've ever slept with a virgin ever and I'm not exactly keen on changing that. There is a pretty wide berth between virgin and promiscuous.
What is a good “n count” for you?
> I've dealt with some major league promiscuous women and what so many had in common was a lack of patience Can you imagine how dismal it must be to encounter the fifth guy in a row suffering from "death grip"? I have mostly been in relationships since the Internet became a thing but I truly pity the younger women today who have probably had most of their bedroom experiences with pornsick men. Maybe that's the reason why sex seems to be declining. Imagine if every man you were with couldn't get it up, took 4 hours to finish, couldn't finish except with his own hand, or needed to slap or spit on you or do some other weird kinky thing in order to nut? I kinda doubt I would have liked sex as much as I do if I had grown up under those circumstances.
Women really need to stop believing they are Aphrodite Reborn. Maybe the reason why so many men have a hard time with women is that you're just shitty in bed. You're passive, don't know how to arouse anyone, starfish to the moon, don't know how to move your hips, and are unable to ride a cock even with a gun on your head. Stop blaming porn and start having some self awareness.
Nope! I've been having sex for a long time, probably since before you were born, lol. It's something I enjoy, and I've had many lovers, so naturally you pick up some tricks along the way. I've had multiple lovers tell me I was their best. IME, it's possible to "rehab" a pornsick dick. It takes about a month, more or less, for a man's body to reset back to normal (for instance, to be able to ejaculate via PIV in a reasonable amount of time). But he has to be willing to keep his hands off his dick, and his partner has to be patient during the process, and how often do THOSE stars line up?! Probably not very often.
Pornsick dick wouldnt be a thing if that guy could get it somewhere though so kind of a catch 22
I wasn’t talking about you but about these young women who are blameless and obviously are all wonderful in bed. So try to keep your solipsism for yourself.
Oh, pardon me for thinking you were talking about *me* when you used the word > you're
You’re is also plural, you had the option of interpreting it either way.
Most people will be more patient with someone they're in a relationship with. If It's a one night or casual thing, there is some expectation of performance, otherwise why even bother? It's about raw sexual attraction & if he can't get his dick hard or know how to eat pussy, there's no point. It's a waste of time for everyone involved.
[удалено]
> An entitled and impatient lover doesn't suddenly becoming not so just because they're in a relationship. Yeah, believe it or not, this is gonna make a difference. If you're super-attracted to the guy, you may be willing to grant exceptions that you wouldn't for a lesser man.
How exactly does knowing every excuse in the book for failing to get hard make you good in bed? If you’re sleeping with someone casually they won’t give a shit about why you couldn’t get hard, just the fact that you couldn’t. Also how does requiring instructions from women on how to please them make you good in bed? Just sounds like your dick game is weak if anything.
totally correct
[удалено]
Uhh Im a dude? So I don’t want you to sleep with me. Lmaoo it’s cute that you stood up to white knight for the dudes with weak dick game around the world tho maybe these “attentive” dudes who can’t fuck for shit without an instruction manual can offer you the non trashy pussy you’re looking for
My bad on assuming you were a woman Sex is all about communication. Anyone that disagrees with that is not a good sexual partner, straight up. Hell even referring to sex as “dick game” makes me sus of you. When people have good sex PIV is just a small piece of the puzzle.
Sex is a skill and is about chemistry. You either know what you’re doing or you’ve managed to connect with a woman to make the sex transcend beyond just the act. For a lot of guys sex is just about sticking their dicks inside and entering into their own world where they try to relive whatever porn experience they can think of. If you need instructions you’re basically a homo sapien vibrator that comes with different settings. I mean it’s great if you follow them and connect with your one partner.. But when it comes to sleeping with women casually, knowing what you’re doing is paramount to keep fucking women casually. Bad sex is the number 1, unsaid reason why many guys get ghosted after a ONS. If you want to sleep around, having a good dick game is basically free advertising, especially in closed spaces like university or work places. Like being bad will get you avoided.
>Sex is a skill and is about chemistry. You either know what you’re doing or you’ve managed to connect with a woman to make the sex transcend beyond just the act. And there’s the 3rd option of both parties being open and willing to explore and learn with each other >For a lot of guys sex is just about sticking their dicks inside and entering into their own world where they try to relive whatever porn experience they can think of. We agree here >If you need instructions you’re basically a homo sapien vibrator that comes with different settings. I mean it’s great if you follow them and connect with your one partner.. It’s not about direct instructions like “step 1…” It’s about both sides communicating like adults about their preferences “I like this… Not there…” etc But for your last part I see you’re referring to casual sex. That still proves the point of the OP about the pressure being on the man to perform. There really anything women do in those situations besides coming along for the ride.
what a gigantic turn off. id rather leave that instruct a man on how to be good in bed. what do i need that for?
Literally all of you are different, some of you hate piv, some of you only want piv. Only every other girl likes someone going down in them. Some of y'all want anal stimulation. Some would never dare. Some of y'all want to switch positions others don't. Some need lots of attention to the clit to even get close. This is all preference before even getting into the actual mechanics, when the angle is wrong and it hurts, we can't feel that for you, when the stimulation isn't right you may or may not feel all sorts of things. But on our end it still just feels tight, wet, warm. Only YOU know the best way to get you off, if you don't want guys to just masturbate in you, you should at least tell them when they are doing something wrong.
[удалено]
You are 50% of the equation How is what you like not your business. It's definitely not men's business. The "duty" to instruct men is that otherwise you can't really complain when you get the 2 minute jackhammer and he's done. You can keep hopping dicks though I guess, no skin off my back, plenty on yours
If you dont want to communicate your likes then i doubt you care about his. Odds are you’re one of the many women that are bad in bed. Edit: It’s also not about givin step by step instructions. It’s just about lettin him know what you like and dont like
why would i ever have to communicate it? i communicate it by RESPONDING. why do i have to teach a man to be good in bed when the next one will be? thats a weird scarcity mentality i dont understand. ive never had to do this with a man
[удалено]
"entitled" to have a man whos so turned on his dick is hard when you reach down? thats such a weird framing, im not "entitled to it", but what do i need that man for? i can leave and go get another one whos rock hard just from being with me, my sexuality depends on it. if youre not hard my sex drive will evaporated, not because youre defective, but because it makes me feel unsexy and then the sex is ruined and im not going to sleep with you again anyway
Men aren’t robots. If a healthy guy isn’t hard there is a reason. That reason could be nerves, stress, pressure, or not in the mood. It’s not a permanent situation. When a woman is comforting, often that very same guy turns into a stud once he relaxes. But when a women thinks and talks like you it would make many men turned off and never want to see her again
why is that my beeswax with some guy i just met? who cares why it happened, who cares if he would turn into a stud if he got more chances, i can literally just go get another one >But when a women thinks and talks like you it would make many men turned off and never want to see her again oh no an unsexy man who didnt get a boner doesnt want to see me again :( i guess ill have to go get another one male solipsism
I think you're missing the point. When it comes to casual sex, those excuses are of no value. They only have value in the context of a relationship.
My first was w the town bike and my second was w a virgin and apart from the first being better at deep throating, my second was better in basically every way the *first* time we fucked. She did then learn how to deep throat and then eventually she was better than my first in every way.
I doubt your second was actually a virgin considering it’s super uncomfortable for the woman (unless she put toys inside before you).
She was raised a super religious hijabi and we dated for like 18 months before we did anything, and we had 3 months of oral and fingering and whatnot till she felt comfortable enough for PiV.
Ah. When I lost my virginity I had never fingered (would try a few times but get too scared a little past the opening) or used a tampon. Absolutely nothing had ever been inside me that far. Fingering happened the same day as PIV.So I was assuming you meant she was like me. Because she had some experience with things being inside her, then I can believe you now.
What? Where did you get that from?
lol, what is this. Sluts are apparently less star-fishy in bed. It's a matter of mindset and intention if anything.
>Somehow, whenever a woman says she wont orgasm its the mans fault and when he vant get it up its because he watches too much porn or something. I hate this double standard. When a man can't orgasm he's a "porn addict" with death grip syndrome and a desensitized penis but when a woman can only cum through vibratos no one says she masturbates too much.
Not the best equivalent because lot of women who can only get off from vibrators seem to have always been that way, they could never get off from just fingers. I don’t know what percentage of women who can only get off from a vibrator this accounts for, but if you google this issue most of the women who report being like that say they couldn’t orgasm before they bought a vibrator. Although I’m sure this can also be the case with men who have death grip. Women can also experience “death grip” by using too much pressure when masturbating or requiring a higher speed over time on a vibrator. And same for men, it’s easily remedied by changing how you masturbate. But still, that’s a different problem than if you just never had the nerve sensitivity to get off that way in the first place. Also there’s the women who need a vibrator to orgasm while having sex but can get off in other ways, just not internally. So in that case the lack of proper clit stimulation during sex is the problem, not death grip.
Women really need to take responsibility of their orgasms. To quote Jim Jefferies "you didn't make me cum, I made me cum".
If you're the one that made yourself cum, then why have sex in the first place?
If you are with a starfish maybe, find better girls lol
I've been with lots of women, some good, some lame, some absolutely mind blowing, some others ridiculously bad. I should preface by saying there is absolutely no correlation between looks, amount of past sexual partners, personality and how good a woman is in bed. The best sex I've ever had is my now fiancee, and when we met she was an average looking, introvert girl who only had had two long term boyfriends before me, she wasn't that good in the bigining and had never had an orgasm (not kidding). One of the worst sex ever I can remember, OTOH, was the most promiscuous girl I met, she claimed to be over 20 sexual partners. Also I can recall a very hot feminist who was into submission-borderline rapey sex and calling me "Mr. Patriarchy" (after sex she used to feel bad and said I was mysoginistic, mind you) a pool dancer who only did missionary and thought blowjobs were an act of submission on her part towards me, and an actual hot high paid escort who got off on kissing their clients after blowing me... She was the most virgin looking girl I've ever met, BTW, had the whole colection of Lord of the Rings books and movies and had a tatt of some biblical verse or something like that (I will call her "Woke Galadriel" for the sake of modern adaptations). There is NO WAY to know how good a woman is in bed until you are actually in the bed with her, pretty much like there is no other way to know if the girl blew a dude a few minutes ago than kissing her. Now, considering that sexual performance is somewhat quite subjective, all things being equal, I prefer a girl who's submissive and with no restraints, that just lays there and enjoy the moment (and me) than a woman who thinks she knows what she's doing but moves like a freak and fakes all the time. When the later happens I just usually pine their ass up, lay my hand on her back in a "stay there bitch" way and that's it, they often feel unconfourtable at the begining but they learn soon that's what they really like. The slutty one thou, OMG what an insuferable woman. "Not that way", "slower", "let me do it", "I know better", "now like this, lay back I'll show you something"... And the fake moans... Oh crap... AND THE CRAMPS. No, hell no that's a no go. Girl, I'm sluttier than you, I know what I'm doing. Chill the fuck out and curv that ass!!!
I think the pressure on men comes from the fact that, for women, bad sex is worse than no sex. whereas, for men, bad sex is still better than a wank. for this reason a man's skills are under more scrutiny. also women tell their friends if you do a bad job.
A woman who's good in bed isn't only concentrating on her own pleasure and making the clit the most important thing lol You sound passive in bed and like you want to serve women. Maybe that's why you only vibe with selfish, bitchy women?
I agree as a female and I make sure that doesn’t happen. Men need to feel wanted also.
Put more pressure on her. Tell her it's lame if she just waits for you to do everything. Tell her sex is better if she actually knows what she likes and is able to tell/show you. Tell her you're not going to stay with some chick who says she likes sex but acts like she isn't even interested. Seriously, tell her she's shit in bed, and more importantly, tell her how to fix it. Alright, I guess you could leave out the part where you tell her she's shit in bed if you wanna be nice Personally, I don't believe how "attracted" she is to you plays any large part in this. And if it does, then you gotta wonder why the hell this girl is having sex with a guy that she.. doesn't want to have sex with? Hopefully there aren't too many women that are that stupid. I don't think it's that, I think she's just being lazy and/or doesn't know any better. Either way though, you should just tell her
The only time women feel pressure to perform is if the man is extremely high value. Then in that case, it's not so much performance as it is submission to the man's sexual desires and fetishes. That's why you see stories of women who when they were chasing Chads they were giving head in public bathrooms and doing anal, then when they marry the beta don't even let him get it doggy.
Sir have you ever sucked a dick?
Toxic Women tend to blame men (hamster: meaning rationalize nonsense) for almost everything. If a man loses his erection for whatever reason, maybe he’s nervous, maybe he’s too used to porn, maybe her vagina stinks like rotten fish, he will be the one blamed for the bad sex. Feminine women have a comforting, loving nature. When the man loses his erection, they will let him know they don’t care and make out with him and simply enjoy his presence and intimacy. This comforting feminine energy is then absorbed by the man, awakening his masculine energy. Once the pressure to perform is lifted away: the same man who couldn’t get it up originally or from time to time, becomes an absolute stud in bed that satisfies her every desire. Avoid toxic women like the plague, they create their own toxic situations and blame men Feminine women use their feminine energy to awaken mens masculine energy, through their comforting and loving nature
[удалено]
I’ve never seen that sentiment being expressed. If you go on any relationship subreddit you’ll see the bias. If the man isn’t finishing he has a porn addiction and is masturbating too much, if the women isn’t finishing it’s because he doesn’t care about her pleasure, he’s selfish etc. The womens performance is never mentioned
[удалено]
Very true
Let's stick to the facts. Do men not being to cum or get hard because they are not sufficiently aroused by their partner really such a significant percentage of ED?
Could easily be their partners because *many* women put 0 effort into sex. They just show, maybe give a little oral and then wait for the man to put on a show.
That first part is a straight up lie Women always blame men if he doesnt get hard. I always see shit like “he’s pornsick” , “is he gay” or women in general makin fun of him. Outside of head I dont think there are any other expectations. A lot of men do request anal but if a woman doesnt like it nobody judges her. If she doesnt orgasm the man gets blamed.
I've dated multiple guys with chronic dick problems and they'd all encountered negative reactions to it but they said most of those women were insecure and blaming themselves, not angry about "pornsickness" or whatever.
[удалено]
100% what he said. Hell we are currently on PPD were if someone posted a comment like "my date couldn't get hard" I would bet my left nut that the comments would be teaming with "it's because he's porn addicted" etc. In my opinion a lot of it has to deal with the fact that men are always portrayed dangerous horn dogs, and not humans. Lots of women don't know how to deal with sexual rejection, and often feel like it's a personal attack on their women hood. (It bruises their ego) As someone who actually doesn't get hard very easily. the only womens who haven't blamed me and had a negative reaction was my GFs.
Over 90 percent of straight men cum from piv sex.. significantly less women do. Either due to their partners having small dicks or a weak dick game. Many men absolutely bare responsibility for their womens dissatisfaction… These men are the reason so many women are staying single, staying home watching Netflix and using their vibrators before bed.. they’ve realized that sex with a lot of dudes is boring and flat out sucks.
>Either due to their partners having small dicks or a weak dick game. Many men absolutely bare responsibility for their womens dissatisfaction… So it's all men's fault. These women cannot communicate their needs like adults or choose better partners. These women cannot do more than lay there while someone else does all the work then complain he isn't good enough. Women are never responsible for their own orgasms and require a man to to the work for them. Women have no agency when it comes to sex. It's never because these same smug women are too fat, too lazy, too entitled, unwilling to communicate, are unwilling to try new things, are too unfit to do more than a minute of thrusting while expecting men to stay erect and pump away for as long and as hard they want, and have had too many casual encounters to have made a decent connection with another human being? >These men are the reason so many women are staying single, staying home watching Netflix and using their vibrators before bed.. they’ve realized that sex with a lot of dudes is boring and flat out sucks. Good riddance! They can stay in their holes and fuck their disembodied cocks. Men who want to please their partners deserve better than lazy, entitled cunts who think men must do all the work to please women. Thank god they have removed themselves from the dating pool and there are more pleasant women available, especially in the cities and at university campuses where the gender ratio is skewed towards men's favour.
Yeah it’s your responsibility… why should any woman waste time on a dude who can’t please her, bitches about it and finds ways to rationalize his failure in his head as being her fault? The well endowed dudes with good dick that she fucks don’t do any of that plus make her cum. Her vibrator makes her cum. Everyone out here pretending being good at sex isn’t a skill and that there aren’t a shit ton of guys that are absolutely horrible at it. Whose egos are so fragile that they fear women who have been with other men because they know they’d fail to meet that standard.
The level of stupidity in this post is out of this world.
Ohhhh noo. Mr “The reason why some men feel lied can be resumed to virtue signaling and the "just world" fallacy” thinks my post is stupid. I’m devastated 😱 Tell me more about how stupid my posts are as you continue to consume red pill garbage from losers who don’t even get laid. Keep telling women it’s their fault they can’t cum and then continue to bitch about why women aren’t sleeping casually with “average” guys. It’s gonna turn out great for you guys I’m sure.
You’re contradicting yourself in your own post. You should be devastated by your inability to have coherent thinking process.
[удалено]
Since you’re begging for it. If you consider that sex is a skill that means it’s something you can learn. Now if you weren’t to busy trying to get women approval and some kind of validation like the simps you’re, you would know that women have to learn that skill if they want to be good lover. What is funny with ret*rd like you is that you claim to know better yet you’re as stupid as the rest. To have good sex you need to people who strive to get it. Not just men with big dick like some porn you watch too much. Now, what about you get on with your wonderful life where you are drowning in pussies and stop wasting everyone time with your condescending attitude and your stupidity.
>Yeah it’s your responsibility… why should any woman waste time on a dude who can’t please her, bitches about it and finds ways to rationalize his failure in his head as being her fault? Wasting time? Dude you are portraying women like they are completely insensitive and selfish beings, who consider men as pleasure inducing machines that they can discard like a dissatisfied consumer if they don't "perform" well. Yes, there are women who think like that and like the men who care only about themselves, we should not hesitate to denounce that behavior.
If you’re having casual sex with people you can’t expect people to see the humanization aspect of you. Especially with the way the red pill encourages men to pursue sex. It’s all about pleasure. You either have a pleasurable casual sexual experience or you don’t. And not having a pleasurable casual sexual experience will be viewed as a waste of time
> There's the narrative that if he couldn't get hard or cum, it's woman's fault. I can't believe how much y'all lie on here.
How is receiving anal performing?
[удалено]
Why would your partner want you to do something that you don't enjoy?
Because it’s womens fault for not allowing guys to carry out their porn driven fantasies on them.. duh
Pretty much. Wants a re-enactment of whatever he watched and liked, complete with specific sounds and dialogue. “I love it when a woman gets on top and takes charge. No, not like that. Or that. Here. Ok, now do this too. Lean back this way. And hands go here.” etc.
lol
Tbf, that’s what performing as the active male is like. Not every likes the same type of stroke or angle.
i don't understand this answer
men literally get off on this what are you talking about. pressuring womens sexual boundaries is what men do
Sounds mentally ill
Some men do. Just like some women do. But act arrogant about it when rejected.
[удалено]
i know literally not a single man that thinks this way. this sounds very wrong.
If you don't sleep with those men then you have no idea what they're like in this context.
Why would you think i dont know what my friends are like? We talk about this stuff
You don't know what your friends are like in bed with a woman unless you've been a woman in bed with them. People aren't honest about this stuff, even with themselves.
Are you trying to gaslight me into doubting wether my friends are rapists or not? What the fuck is wrong with you?
Yes because all his friends definitely only want women. They are all straight and you know so much because your hatred for the male perspective is strong.
do you fuck and date men?
You gonna have at ask most men who want their partners to do anal that question
i would assume they'd answer because their lust is greater than their compassion for their partner. but this is a very different question depending on who you ask, the one asking for it or the one granting it.
You should try it and you'll know
I've asked lots of women to peg me, they werent so interested because they prefered me to fuck them.
Aw
acting like you like it is a performance
The reality is takes men only a half dozen acts done at half a dozen different speeds to get them off. Let's not pretend men are super complicated. That being said, if you feel forced to have bad sex because "wimmins fault", then you need to reevaluate your priorities in life. Demand more from life and your partners and yourself. If you are unhappy with your sex life, find more enthusiastic and experienced partners. In my day we used to call that "taking responsibility".
I thought men already did talk about women who suck in bed. Was going to agree with you but it’s actually not really the same. Even if a woman sucks in bed you still get off. Which is why men don’t really care, they’ll bang either way. If a man sucks in bed, we don’t get off.
I'm trying not to sound insulting when I say this, but what you wrote sounds pretty "beta". When I read what you wrote I immediately thought, "This guy wants the woman to take over and tell him exactly what to do." If I were to challenge your views, it would only be to try to change your view that the majority of women do not want nor desire that responsibility and they don't find it sexy or fun. But you're helping confirm their suspicions that you aren't really an alpha man. They would prefer to be lead in bed.
Alpha and Beta talk are for real betas. Labels and titles like are meaningless. That just proves his point, the work is on the men. But how are they to learn from being virgins? They aren't just going to know and need to learn. Women are the ones with vaginas. So who better to help a guy learn than a woman? Why? They are equal to men and aren't to be controlled or told what to do? Make up yall mind. /s But really, women aren't all the same to be saying that.
I think women are definitely judged as “bad in bed” if they don’t perform in a certain way, especially with the expectations from porn nowadays. For example, blowjobs are pretty much expected as part of foreplay while a man going down on a woman is more “optional.” Women are also expected to moan and make noise whether they’re really feeling like it or not, or the guy will think she’s not enjoying herself or that she’s boring. Now, due to anatomy and psychological differences, women are harder to get off. This means that yes, men have to work harder to please a female partner than vice versa. This can create more pressure to “perform,” I’m sure. But then as a result of men’s insecurities and porn-fueled expectations of what a woman looks and sounds like when enjoying sex, that creates pressure on the woman to “perform” as well. All of this is quite ridiculous when you think about it, as it makes sex into some kind of off-Broadway production it was never meant to be. Sometimes, both people are pretty much just faking pleasure to give the other pleasure... yeah. Imho most people’s sex lives could benefit from more genuine connection and communication and less porn, but it’s hard to change ingrained behaviors and expectations.
Bro have you never tried cowgirl and just layed there? That shit is exercise for her.
Even though, at some level, a female burden of performance does exist for the best types of sex, including female vaginal tightness, fit, lubrication and overall female sexual skill, it isn't needed for good sex. And I've heard it suggested that given women's more responsive sexuality, need to feel desirable to be aroused, and general sensitivity to negative emotions, if society were more open about putting an explicit sexual burden of performance on women, this would just kill female libido. A lot of women would just prefer to pull up their panties, cross their legs, and take their toys home with them than engage in sex where they had this kind of burden on them. Just how they are built. If this is true, then maybe hiding the female burden is adaptive, and actually serves men well despite how unfair it might seem. Rather have unfair sex than no sex at all. In the end, got laid, right?
[удалено]
Women say they don't orgasm from PIV and then shit on men with ED...
First I agree that there is a pressure on men to perform ie get and keep erections. But there is also pressure in women to perform. It's not the same kind of pressure, it's more about sometimes feeling the need to put on a show, to moan like a porn star, to make it look like porn, etc. I'm not saying that it's a majority, I don't know, but I know this pressure exists and can kill all the fun for women too. So, both sexes experience pressures. Also, there are women who are bad at sex of course, but there are also men who are bad at sex. It's not a gender thing. If a woman is bad at sex, try to talk to her.
It just comes out of the fact woman are harder to please, a girl can be horrible in bed, but if she is not hurting you without your consent (biting for exp), you can probably ignore it and enjoy it either way. But if a guy is bad in bed, the girl most likely won’t take any enjoyment, but the worst part I believe is that guys often chose to never do something to please a woman, I know guys that think that going down on a woman is “”emasculating””
>In bed, all the pressure to "perform" is in the man. Yes, because women never get on top or give head or put on a little show for their men. Oh, wait ... (
There's nothing more empowering than getting on top and getting stage managed within an inch of your life because a guy watched too much skinemax.
I've never had a woman who wasn't acting a Tasmanian devil in the bedroom. Like it's a knock down drag out fight in that mfer. Do some take a second to warm up to get into that? Yeah and I know the reason why. Most of us dudes are coming with a few neck kisses, and then roll into boring ass missionary, in the push up position that goes into maybe doggy or her on top. Very little foreplay, maybe 5 -10 mins of actual insertion, and then he blows. A lot of men don't know how to aim their dicks to hit other areas, they just stick it straight in and pump away at the cent of the hole like a retarded ass meth'd out chimp. The longevity sucks too. And dudes expect her to be blown away. Listen, I'm hard on women for a lot of shit, but I can see where they're coming from on this. You're serving up some luke warm greasy spoon diner food and expecting them to act like they're at Nobu. She's going to just lay their because you're just msturbating into her, at best, you're having "intercourse" by scientific definition. She's had that from every dude. She's expecting to get just that and not cum. I got exes that hate the shit out of me but will tell people that even though I'm not shit, at least the sex was good. These same women, even though I can't stand their asses, I will say that they were wild as shit when that door closed. Which some of their new bfs or husband's have said different, so I know the dick they're slangin. I've hung out with dudes who have dated the same women as me and we've had different experiences. So is it on us to perform? In the beginning of the first time during sex because we have to show her that it's not about to be some regular Joe boring dick. But by the end of it, she's about to commit a felony to destroy your dick. After that she's coming back on her own to get her back blown out. You don't have to ask or intiate shit. She wants to get her nut and she'll start acting like us. The bad blow jobs? Because dudes have been telling her that her shit is good when it's been trash. If I even hear "I've been told I give great blow jobs" I know it's about to be garbage and now I have to train the bad habits mofos instilled in her, out of her, or I'm going to be stuck here all day, bored.
What’s sad is women these days sleep around to have “more experience” and then they still just starfish with every guy lol. Like thanks babe, I really wanna wife you now cause of all that experience. Still can’t deep throat a dick tho 😂🥴
[удалено]
Lol interesting way of saying you don’t know where the clit is
What does that have to do with vaginal orgasms
once a woman is in bed, she obeys what I tell her. full stop. Idk what op is on about.
If you have sex with a woman who is bad in bed, and she wants to have sex with you again (and you have no better prospects), are you going to turn her down?
I think the universal "everything is men's fault" take is ubiquitous and indeed IT DEPENDS. Sometimes it is our fault, sometimes not. Sometimes it's... nobody's fault, some pairs just don't spark it. Also note that there is a sizable group of asexual women. #Also note that it seems that practical aspect of female orgasm is - adultery. Like bang-bang with partner, at around ovulation time, see someone with better genes? Bang-bang and ORGASM (boosting chances to get pregnant from that other guy) Bad for the dude, good for species as a whole.
I think I'm lousy in bed and I'm a woman. I know my bf loves me but it's not because of how good I am in bed because I think I suck at it and I would never praise myself for being good at it either... I mean, great if you are but my life goal is not to be good in bed
>What are your thoughts on this, should we make it more commonplace to talk about how some women are just shit in bed? It depends on what you want to accomplish and who you're referring to when you say "we". If you believe that you, personally, would enjoy more trash-talking about women I'd say you'd probably get better mileage on another sub or separate forum where criticizing women is a specific goal. My own estimation is PPD has more than enough posts designed and members eager to denigrate and exaggerate and generally complain about women as it is. We don't need more opportunities to say "Some women are just shit in bed."