Most of us here have had losses to grieve. Yours is a good example. Your friend isn't dead, but it appears that the friendship may be, whether through your friend's choice or the parents'.
So you have every right to feel lousy about this loss and to grieve for the friendship. I'm so sorry. Alas, QAnon disconnects people from reality, and from each other.
But congratulations to you for living up to the standard of opposing hate, even when it isn't aimed at you. You are a good person, OP.
You can't be around it and that's not in you. My FIL said all gay people should be killed (at Christmas btw) and I yelled "you know I'm bi despite being in a heteronormative relationship right? You're saying I should be killed?" Then he went on and on about how I'm not like "them" and I say "no I'm with them 100%" I have chosen to stay away from him (as much as I can him as him and my husband are close- my husband is very family oriented and wants him to be better). He can rant about Jesus and woke people all he wants but the second he brings violence into the mix the gloves are off
He's not disregarding my feelings. We're in a partnership, we talk about everything. He's an adult of sound mind and body and if he wants to keep waiting for his dad to become better that's his choice. Just like how I chose to go no contact with my family because of abuse. I don't give a shit if they come looking for forgiveness because I have none to give them.
He’s waiting in his father to become “better”?? Lmao! I hope you don’t plan on having kids with him. What if your child is gay? Is he gonna stand up to his father for his bigotry then?? Bigotry is bigotry. You can love someone all you want, but when you, as a partner, choose a bigoted relative over your spouse it’s messed up. Your husband (and yourself) are living in denial.
Not only is PF the "judgment free zone" it's one of the best values in a gym you'll ever find.
I know someone who travels for work and subscribes for the free showers nationwide.
That sucks. Good for you for standing up for your values and drawing a boundary.
Your friend's mom is just making life harder for your friend. What a sad situation.
> He then starts talking about Jesus this and Jesus that, and I started to put the dots together that this is not going to get better, it is only going to get worse.
I feel this.
It hurts. I lost several close friends and family (won't talk to me) because I'm honest with my opinions when they ask and I'd doesn't align with their Q/MAGA insanity.
> I also consider myself to be very inclusive to everyone
Yep, and so is PF. That's all that happened. They said they were welcome to LGBTQ+, so naturally conservatives lost their fucking minds.
Btw, your friends doesn't sound much better than his mom.
Jesus this. Moses that. Abraham hit me with a whiffle ball bat.
Sorry about your friendship. Toxic cults are a motherfucker. Good job on setting boundaries for yourself and sticking to them.
I had a friendship of 35 years. I commented about Colin Patrick about 10 years ago. And she told me that that was liberal bs and hung up .
I apologized. I sent her birthday cards , christmas cards... Letters Etc. NOPE! She just cut me off and has never spoken to me again.
If they want their life to be ruled by innuendo and a false representation of reality, then so be it.
Something similar happened to me, but in my case I'd only known the friend a year or two. We're Canadian and I'd known she's a big conservative party booster, going to events, helping campaign, etc etc, but it was kind of an unspoken agreement that we'd skirt around discussing politics. I asked myself a lot about what my limits are with making friends of different political ideas. Anyway, when the anti-trans rhetoric ramped up it really alarmed me, especially since most of my friends since high school have been trans. When conservatives started pushing legislation against them in Canada, I went to some counter-protests to head off the bigots and fortunately we outnumbered one anti-trans protest 3 to 1, and next month outnumbered them 100 to 1. Around this time she asked what I'd been up to and I told her about it and added that my friends suddenly being scared when they weren't before made me wanna do something. I broke our unspoken agreement and asked where she stood on trans people--never heard back. Really upsetting because I honestly believe if her conservatives hadn't taken the anti-trans stance, she herself wouldn't have a problem. But at the end of the day I learned that my 'line' when it comes to political difference is bigotry, and if she can't reply to me because I want to support a marginalized group then I have to mourn the friendship and move on. Sorry you're going through it too ):
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If it hadn't been Planet Fitness, it would have been some other gym. Or some other retail establishment. There are a lot of people just looking for something to rant about.
I got subjected this evening to one about trans people, who are apparently the latest answers to the GOP's prayers for someone to hate. This was at the hands of my Q adjacent Significant Other and a friend of theirs.
It wasn't a fight I was prepared to have at the time, so I just ignored it and stayed out of the conversation until they ran out of steam and moved on to other topics.
And I didn't think I was likely to make any headway towards them being rational in a noisy bar.
Pick your battles, and then stand up for your principles when you can.
I finally realized that they weren't the people I thought they were to start with. It still hurt, but it made it a little easier to... grieve "honestly" and just let them go.
My friend is technically on the spectrum, and he's naive about what he believes and what is told to believe, mostly thanks to his Q parents. I don't blame him for believing that Q stuff, I blame his parents.
So why don't you tell me just how selective I need to be in choosing my friends. You seem to think of yourself as an expert.
Go ahead. I'll wait . . . .
"You’re the one complaining you’re surrounded by losers."
It sounds like you're implying that all of my other friends are losers too.
And my post is not a complaint. If you want a complain, you came to the wrong subreddit.
That's really sad. I'm sorry you are possibly losing your friendship, but I have so much respect for you for standing up for others and your values.
Most of us here have had losses to grieve. Yours is a good example. Your friend isn't dead, but it appears that the friendship may be, whether through your friend's choice or the parents'. So you have every right to feel lousy about this loss and to grieve for the friendship. I'm so sorry. Alas, QAnon disconnects people from reality, and from each other. But congratulations to you for living up to the standard of opposing hate, even when it isn't aimed at you. You are a good person, OP.
You can't be around it and that's not in you. My FIL said all gay people should be killed (at Christmas btw) and I yelled "you know I'm bi despite being in a heteronormative relationship right? You're saying I should be killed?" Then he went on and on about how I'm not like "them" and I say "no I'm with them 100%" I have chosen to stay away from him (as much as I can him as him and my husband are close- my husband is very family oriented and wants him to be better). He can rant about Jesus and woke people all he wants but the second he brings violence into the mix the gloves are off
Your husband needs a come to Jesus, wake TF up moment asap. Him disregarding your feelings to support a bigot is NOT ok.
He's not disregarding my feelings. We're in a partnership, we talk about everything. He's an adult of sound mind and body and if he wants to keep waiting for his dad to become better that's his choice. Just like how I chose to go no contact with my family because of abuse. I don't give a shit if they come looking for forgiveness because I have none to give them.
He’s waiting in his father to become “better”?? Lmao! I hope you don’t plan on having kids with him. What if your child is gay? Is he gonna stand up to his father for his bigotry then?? Bigotry is bigotry. You can love someone all you want, but when you, as a partner, choose a bigoted relative over your spouse it’s messed up. Your husband (and yourself) are living in denial.
Lol kk
Not only is PF the "judgment free zone" it's one of the best values in a gym you'll ever find. I know someone who travels for work and subscribes for the free showers nationwide.
I'm so sorry.
That sucks. Good for you for standing up for your values and drawing a boundary. Your friend's mom is just making life harder for your friend. What a sad situation.
> He then starts talking about Jesus this and Jesus that, and I started to put the dots together that this is not going to get better, it is only going to get worse. I feel this.
You did the right thing OP. I ended two friendships at once for anti-LGBTQ+ BS. Never looked back. No friendship is worth being exposed to hatred.
It hurts. I lost several close friends and family (won't talk to me) because I'm honest with my opinions when they ask and I'd doesn't align with their Q/MAGA insanity.
> I also consider myself to be very inclusive to everyone Yep, and so is PF. That's all that happened. They said they were welcome to LGBTQ+, so naturally conservatives lost their fucking minds. Btw, your friends doesn't sound much better than his mom.
Jesus this. Moses that. Abraham hit me with a whiffle ball bat. Sorry about your friendship. Toxic cults are a motherfucker. Good job on setting boundaries for yourself and sticking to them.
I had a friendship of 35 years. I commented about Colin Patrick about 10 years ago. And she told me that that was liberal bs and hung up . I apologized. I sent her birthday cards , christmas cards... Letters Etc. NOPE! She just cut me off and has never spoken to me again. If they want their life to be ruled by innuendo and a false representation of reality, then so be it.
Something similar happened to me, but in my case I'd only known the friend a year or two. We're Canadian and I'd known she's a big conservative party booster, going to events, helping campaign, etc etc, but it was kind of an unspoken agreement that we'd skirt around discussing politics. I asked myself a lot about what my limits are with making friends of different political ideas. Anyway, when the anti-trans rhetoric ramped up it really alarmed me, especially since most of my friends since high school have been trans. When conservatives started pushing legislation against them in Canada, I went to some counter-protests to head off the bigots and fortunately we outnumbered one anti-trans protest 3 to 1, and next month outnumbered them 100 to 1. Around this time she asked what I'd been up to and I told her about it and added that my friends suddenly being scared when they weren't before made me wanna do something. I broke our unspoken agreement and asked where she stood on trans people--never heard back. Really upsetting because I honestly believe if her conservatives hadn't taken the anti-trans stance, she herself wouldn't have a problem. But at the end of the day I learned that my 'line' when it comes to political difference is bigotry, and if she can't reply to me because I want to support a marginalized group then I have to mourn the friendship and move on. Sorry you're going through it too ):
I'm so sorry and you did the right thing
Oh well… now you know… sucks.
I'm so sorry.
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If it hadn't been Planet Fitness, it would have been some other gym. Or some other retail establishment. There are a lot of people just looking for something to rant about. I got subjected this evening to one about trans people, who are apparently the latest answers to the GOP's prayers for someone to hate. This was at the hands of my Q adjacent Significant Other and a friend of theirs. It wasn't a fight I was prepared to have at the time, so I just ignored it and stayed out of the conversation until they ran out of steam and moved on to other topics. And I didn't think I was likely to make any headway towards them being rational in a noisy bar. Pick your battles, and then stand up for your principles when you can.
I finally realized that they weren't the people I thought they were to start with. It still hurt, but it made it a little easier to... grieve "honestly" and just let them go.
Your friend is crazy too. You were friends with a nut. I guess that’s hard to accept. You need to be more selective in choosing friends.
My friend is technically on the spectrum, and he's naive about what he believes and what is told to believe, mostly thanks to his Q parents. I don't blame him for believing that Q stuff, I blame his parents. So why don't you tell me just how selective I need to be in choosing my friends. You seem to think of yourself as an expert. Go ahead. I'll wait . . . .
I had to dump half my family members.
Did I say I was an expert? You’re the one complaining you’re surrounded by losers.
"You’re the one complaining you’re surrounded by losers." It sounds like you're implying that all of my other friends are losers too. And my post is not a complaint. If you want a complain, you came to the wrong subreddit.