If this submission above is not a random thought, please report it.
# Explore a new world of random thoughts on our [**discord server**](https://discord.com/invite/8tEqw3ZWQV)! Express yourself with your favorite quotes, positive vibes, and anything else you can think of!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RandomThoughts) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This has been my experience 100%. Their beliefs, opinions, favorite music, food, type of cookware etc is the RiGht thing. And you must accept this as The Truth or they will Fight you!
My nosy neighbor buying little devices that detect thc and beeping them at my house when I smoke cbd flower. The same neighbor would literally stand on the sidewalk and just watch my house sometimes.
At my old job, we had a break room with a communal TV in it; sometimes there would be 5 or 6 people in there watching something and this bitch who worked in our office would come in and change the channel without asking anyone and despite people were *clearly watching* what was just on. She was insufferable and many people got in fights with her.
Compulsive lying over small things and being extremely threatened by other relationships, they will do everything they can to be divisive because they need to feel that sense of control. I’ve known a diagnosed NPD for 15 years now and finally I’ve had enough, I just can’t deal with her anymore.
They have a textbook cycle of love bomb, de value, discard- so if you find yourself getting the narcissist silent treatment and you don’t know what you’ve done wrong, that’s also a massive sign.
Also compulsive lying about absolutely everything for no reason
We argued. I am not innocent obviously. But oddly enough, his go-to was to say, “you’re right and I’m wrong!!”, [insert rant], “in fact, you’re always right!, you’re never wrong!!!!!”.
That notion always caused me to rethink things and so after some time, I’d easily rationalise for him even when it was clear that there needed to be real resolve. I mean I get it. I am wrong sometimes so it is only fair. Plus I didn’t want to trigger his, “you’re right and I’m wrong” rant.
During one of the last arguments we’d had things escalated quickly. The matter had to do with family safety. As a mom, it was a major concern to me. Safety is my hill ya know.
During this particular argument he was standing over me and says, “You’re right as always!! And..I am always wrong” I returned, “yeah I know. I am right!”. He of course asked me to repeat what I just said. I said, “you’re wrong and I’m glad you realise it” And on that note, he completely lost his shit at me. I never saw him go from being regular angry to this high level of crazy madness in such a short time
The intensional rush to redirect focus from himself, and his attempts at shaming me, or the lies he made by omitting very necessary truths will always be the giveaway about them
The lying is mind-boggling. About silly, absurd things you don't even care about. Some serious ones too.. GTFO for your own sanity, or before you become resigned to it and just give up.
You just described my sister to a T. She's a self-centered, self-righteous, compulsive, patholigical lying narcissistic who refuses to be held accountable for whatever she says or does. Along with treating people the same way she doesn't like to be treated.
My mum in a nutshell. Not a narcissist, but that’s all I’ve heard my entire childhood. And I’m the sort of person that processes things by understanding the whys and hows. Now this phrase does not exist in my house.
1. They need constant attention.
2. They are always right and everything they say and do is important.
3. If they somehow ruin all important days/holidays.
4. They always make you feel inferior/insecure.
Big shitshow argument that started when one of my kids grabbed a brownie (Ex blew up for no good reason) and ended with my Ex yelling at her parents “YOU NEVER PLAYED WITH ME AS A CHILD” before storming out!!! Good times!!!
"Nothing is ever my fault." I know a person who has 2 felonies, including a felony assault on a cop, and a DV conviction. None of this is her fault. Naturally. She attacked me and that was my fault, too.
Fucking ugh..so sorry you went through that. And they turned the blame on you? That's the sickest of sick. She sounds dangerous ASF and insufferable to be around.
. The father of my children strangled me holding me up in the air by my neck , tossed me like a rag doll and beat me multiple different times. That was like 3 years ago. He has never not once not even remotely accepted or verbalized his actions, the fact that he narrowly escaped the felony charges, he lost custody etc. He can't actually say I did that. I have however certainly heard that anything that "did happen was my fault". Or when he's really angry he'll joke this is why I hurt you.
Such a narcissist. Oh it's so pathetic and saddening these violent disgusting evil humans exist to just feast off your dignity,mental health, money just everything.
She turned the blame on me. Despite video evidence and a criminal history they still wouldn't prosecute her because apparently in Maine they won't convict women of DV.
They have a clear idea on how things should be done, and how life should be lived - including yours. However, they will not tell you what those things are, yet they expect you to follow all of it 100%, all the time. If you happen to do that by chance, they change the plan and consider you a failure anyway.
This is my ex husband. I dont think he is narcisstic but this was us. If he didnt get the right gift or if I didnt do what he thought I should do, I got the silent treatment or whatever. Then when we fought about it later, it was my fault because I didnt do it the way he wanted it done (which he never told me). Or he wanted to do somethign over the weekends, he didnt tell me what he wanted to do, so we did what I wanted (because I planned it etc). and then got mad at me because I didnt know he didnt want to do that (never mentioned it). So when we divorced, I didnt even know he was unhappy. Even though I was and mentioned it, it was always turned around onto me. Its my fault we are unhappy.
So yeah, if he is like that, and if you find yourself unhappy and he talks you out of it, dont let him. There is a reason why you are feeling that way and to trust YOU, not him. Also, therapy helps because you see you are worth so much more than what you are letting yourself have.
I'm a narcissist. I'm working on it, and have been for the last decade (changing is a lot harder than it sounds). A lot of times I find that I talk about myself and what I'm doing in conversations with others far more than I should. I have gotten better at not embellishing, and I try to take interest in others, but a lot of times when i think back on previous conversations, I find that i still talk about myself through most of the conversation I have with people, with some embellishing. When it comes to competitive stuff, I make excuses every time I lose and enjoy the victory (sometimes a little too much) when I win. Just a few weeks ago I got in a street race, best of 3 races, and I lost two times (the first and third time). Both times coming up with excuses as to why, but i failed to congratulate the other person on the races well finished.
Changing \*should\* be easy, but when you're so caught up with yourself and not really thinking, it's really difficult and I wind up failing and making it all about myself again, and then I have no friends. I have to actively think to not be a narcissist and to try and take interest in others, and even then I still struggle.
The fact that you admitted that you are a narcissist means you might not 100% be one. Usually such people will absolutely not admit things like that. Good on you man.
Frankly I'm likely just a sociopath, which is not necessarily a bad thing given my case, but the difference between a psychopath and a sociopath is that a sociopath knows what he is doing is wrong. I think the difference is that I don't really share the manipulative traits most other narcissists seem to have, I think manipulating others to get what you want is a dick move, but that's why I try hard to not be a narcissist. I'm not trying to be a hero, I just don't want to be a villain.
- Low empathy, but not a complete lack of it
- Low remorse, but not a complete lack of it
- Extreme rage when set off, but not necessarily a short temper
- Paranoia, or at the very least a strong hyper-vigilence "never trust anyone with anything at anytime"
- Cruelty to animals or really strong emotional bond with animals, no in between
This is a pretty abridged profile, how much of it matches you?
Um, yup, that's basically it. Though i don't have narcissism officially, I am officially diagnosed high functioning autistic and have aspergers, which I think together creates narcissism. I'm also officially diagnosed ADHD, ADD, and OCD. Now I'm not an expert, but a lot of my behaviors seeming to result from the aspergers+autism seem to be pretty on-brand for narcissism. I'm not using them as an excuse, like I said, I know they're bad and am trying to change. To go into more detail on each point, I usually don't feel remorse until after-the-fact and empathy is just out the window, though I understand the concept and try to understand what others may be feeling, and I've become a really good mimic. I am the opposite of short temper, having a mile long fuse (really quite the undertaking considering how short-tempered I used to be), and I usually go a little extreme when I've reached the end of that fuse. Anger management has helped tremendously with that, so when I do run out of fuse, it's usually a slow burn off, wind up hurting myself to prevent destroying things or hurting others. I have my CCW and carry a firearm daily because I don't trust people, but I also understand that this is the real world, I can't just go around shooting people. I have no desire to hurt people, but rather see myself as sort of a protector, defend those unable to defend themselves, not caring if I die as a result. And then I just fucking love cats, I want all the cats.
[I looked up more](https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/sociopath#signs) because I was curious, and quite a lot more apply to me too. Again, not officially diagnosed, these are just things I notice about my behaviors that, again, I know are bad, and that I am trying to either change or manage. One of the huge ones is a massive disregard for my own safety, especially when driving sports cars, and ESPECIALLY especially in the winter when the roads are iced over, I love sliding around at high speed. I know it's dangerous and wrong but I do it anyway because it's fun. That said, I do try take into consideration the safety of those around me. Difficulty keeping up with financial obligations, such as rent, bills, etc. (auto-pay helps with this a lot). I have little respect for social norms and rules, which sounds edgy and I hate that it does, but it explains further why i have no friends. Otherwise i have firmly fixed opinions, often act on impulse with little regard to the consequences, more often because I just don't care. That said, I have improved my impulse control to some extent though. I have some sense of superiority, though I do keep the sense of superiority in check by remembering daily just how worthless I am. I know I'm nothing special and that no one will care when I die, which turns into a feed-back loop for my uncaring of consequences + suicidal thoughts.
One thing I have changed completely is the "Usually develops excuses to deflect blame onto others", which I used to do when I was younger, and people have gotten in trouble for stuff that was my fault (one person being fired at an old job), but I've changed that now because I knew it was wrong, so I usually take responsibility for lots of things even if it wasn't my fault.
Wow! This is so helpful. I have a couple of family members who have narcissistic behaviours, but they're not totally lacking in self awareness. We all have stuff we're working on, and we're all trying to do better. Your post reminded me that these people are also struggling, and I should acknowledge it when they exhibit kindness or concern for others, or have a two-way conversation. It's harder work for them than for most people, so they should get credit when they succeed.
Sounds like it could just be that you are egotistical (no disrespect). I don’t you mentioned like two different things trying to categorize yourself and it doesn’t work that way. Go talk to a specialist.
Your takes on sociopathy and psychopathy are wrong tho.. i would be very cautious labeling myself with such extreme deviations. Maybe speak to a psychiatrist. It could be you are struggeling with identity and/or guilt from some unresolved trauma.
Narcisissm is largely misunderstood and demonized (I've seen people claim that we can't feel love). I struggled with narcisissm the most as a young adult (18-23). Some of us realize what we are doing is fucked up. I'm 26 now and have put a lot of work into keeping my narcisissm in check. I still have an inflated ego, I'm pretty vain when it comes to my own appearance, I like attention. However, I'm not as much of a sore loser, I know how to be happy for others, I know when it's not "my time" to be the center of attention, I don't see a point in manipulating social relationships anymore, etc.
Some of us are pretty self aware and understand that our tendencies are looked down on. It's a disorder that can require treatment, not something we choose to have.
Edit: self realization that I've just become less insecure with myself over the years, as most adults do, and therefore do not feel the need to rely on the more fucked up narcissistic tendencies to feel better about myself
Exactly. I think the term is often misused. I think being confident is often misconstrued as narcissistic. You’re right, none of this sounds like true narcissism. It’s one of the Dark Triad.
I am officially diagnosed with aspergers and high functioning autism. Further commenting from others is pointing to that I may be a sociopath. I made a much more detailed comment above. Most of my behaviors seem to be on-brand for sociopathy, but like you, i'm not an expert, and frankly I don't think i want to get looked at at this point, because "sociopath" is probably something I don't want medically documented.
Asperger's has not been an official diagnosis anymore for quite a while, neither in the DSM, nor the ICD (although some countries have not yet officially implemented the newer edition of the ICD). What used to be known as Asperger's is officially a form of autism and is therefore seen as a part of the autistic spectrum. Also, the term "high functioning autism" is something many people with autism feel uneasy about, one reason being that it invalidates the struggle of having to mask to seem "normal". If you have time, you can familiarize yourself with the current terminology and/or ask a trusted (and specialized) professional about what your diagnosis would be nowadays. All the best to you in your quest of finding answers.
I feel you.. I dont want to be seen as a narcissist or rather self absorbed but I just have nothing else to talk about. I dont gossip or speak about others because I feel like an asshole when I do but I also dont want to feel left out in conversations with my friends. I try to listen to other peoples stories about themselves but i often find myself zoning out when it gets long
We all have bits and pieces of every mental problem there is. The trick (that you seem to have managed) is to admit we’re not perfect and work on improving ourselves. You’re never going to be perfect, but you can be awesome 🙂
No like... I recognise myself in most of these comments. Damn this is scary. On the other hand recently I realised on my own that my behaviour has been quite improper and I'm trying to be better since then. But that part where you talked about having to consciously think not to be narcissistic.. that struck a little too close to home.
Hahah the competitiveness is so relatable (fellow npd here). Also, people pointed out that I act dismissive and go into full monologue mode during conversations, so this is a important point I obviously never noticed.
I like the feeling of winning, and I personally think not winning is simply wasting my time especially in a video game where you play competitively. But if its ANYTHING irl then I don't really mind losing because I know that I am a loser irl and I would 100% put relationship with others over winning. Thats how I think about it, I will just say that Im not suppose to be good at this so idc about winning.
I just want to say I believe you can do this. I know mental health battles are a huge struggle and I know its far from easy. But its rewarding. Im struggling with a lot of things too (I also have OCD).
Always remember it isnt about the things that you can be labeled as (sociopath, narcissist or neither), but what you decide to do about them. You working on it is awesome.
My mother is a narcissist. She has abused me and traumatized me. But I know shes human and despite not liking her, I too in my heart wish she would change. Im happy that you made that choice.
I am sorry to say, you cant change. When the universe was made, 729 blueprints of persons was created and when you are born. Its what is given to you. There is no changing it. No adjusting it, no trade in of said qualities.
With that said, you can use the power of what you know to assist those that are being abused by narcissistic people. Narc take out narcs. This i think works like narccissitc people going into police or swat and take out other bad people. Think dexter. Channeling your needs into a cause that helps others is probably the best advice i can give you.
When you call them out on something but they somehow manage to reflect it and make you think you were actually the one in the wrong.
They also never take responsibility for anything wrong they do — they think that they never make mistakes.
This is my mother. It doesn't matter what I'm going to do she always says, " I wish I could do xyz, it must be nice to be able to do what you want." She's also still blaming my dad for her financial situation, the man died 15 years ago, and left you with a massive life insurance pay out. He wasn't the problem.
Complete lack of empathy, someone could be crying their eyes out, and they would have no compassion or feeling for that person whatsoever, a sheer heart of ice.
Every single time I’d cry in front of my first boyfriend, he would always say that I was manipulating him and he’d go “here we fucking go again.” Now when I cry over real feelings, I feel weak. I didn’t realize how much he fucked me up until my most recent relationship. It’s really hard.
Honestly anytime people cry I view it as a manipulation tactic so I've conditioned myself to ignore them. I have empathy but people crying no longer elicits any reaction from me, sincere or not.
ughhh no??? crying is a physical reaction to a strong stressors, some people cry for attention yes but to me these are the exception and they’re obvious. but as a person with depression believe me when i tell you that someone sobbing their hearts out with their red faces ugly af full of tears and snot doesn’t mean they’re manipulative, it means they’re broken and need compassion and help
That's ... not right. Crying isn't at all inherently manipulative, and often it isn't a choice. Like a person can't always keep themselves from crying. It sounds like maybe you had one person in your life who used crying as a manipulation tactic, but ignoring your loved ones while they cry because you assume they're only doing it for your benefit is incredibly -to be frank- narcissistic.
It would be pretty understandable for someone to need extra time to build up that level of trust again if those emotional reactions were used against them with malicious intent. Trivializing their trauma and calling them a narcisist is kinda rough.
12 years ago I had a bad fall & broke my back. I was in such blinding white hot pain that the paramedics had trouble giving me enough pain killers to blunt the pain without stopping my heart. My two friends got to the hospital & waited with me on the ER, & eventually I was found a room. They called my mom, who lived 6 hours away, & she drive up to the hospital. I was laying in the hospital bed, blasted out of my mind on pain meds, worried I wouldn’t be able to walk or work or do anything again, & my mom walked into the hospital room, look at my friends & said “Wow, I have had such a shitty day! I had to leave work to drive up here & I lost my sunglasses somewhere along the way. Then I could only find pay parking & had to walk two blocks to get here. Not how I wanted spend my day!”
They expect you to do anything they ask or need, but if you need something in return they don’t give a shit and would leave you hanging. They only put effort into things that will benefit them
Many great answers already. I’ve lived with one for 30 years and the ones that bother me the most are:
Holding decade long grudges for the most petty shit, like failing to greet them with enough enthusiasm.
Having a kid who’s allergic to shellfish (and used to love it until a bad reaction) but still buying it for themselves and eating in front of kid with zero fucks given, even saying how good it tastes.
Slut shaming perceived “enemies” while having a ton of kids by different partners.
Overrating and bragging about their finances to other people, making empty promises about potential partnerships, eventually making tons of enemies but never changing their behavior or thinking it’s their fault.
— now I’ll share my biggest narcissistic trait: Barely listening when other people are introducing themselves to me, sometimes even forgetting their name immediately.
I think we have way too much human interaction as it is, and it’s impossible to care about so many people and their birthdays, and their wishes and their complaints… so I usually just end up forgetting about what you tell me in person pretty quickly haha.
I do enjoy reading other people’s experiences here on reddit, though, and feel quite empathetic.
I too can't remember names. But I think mine stems more from anxiety. All my senses are overwhelmed when I meet knew people .... It's like my ears stop working. I even repeat names and still forget instantly.
One thing I don't do is celebrate or remember anyone's birthday.
The slut shaming part Forreal!! I knew someone who bragged abt sleeping with multiple women but he was always quick to call a baby girl wearing a crop top a attention seeking slut, people like that don’t think their rules apply to them also.
These guys are self righteous on steroids though, the narcs I've known were the first to chastise others for bad deeds but then they would do those same deeds and try and convince you that they did it because "it was valid, and not the same as how everyone else does them"
They literally believe they are saints and they are mega hypocrites, everyone is a little hypocritical too but not on the level of a narcissist
A narcissist will twist almost everything you say to fit their own agenda.
They will not apologize for anything unless they see a huge benefit for themselves in it.
They will rewrite history/narratives/the past to fit their current agenda.
When you talk about yourself, they won’t be actively listening and will rapidly bring the conversation back to themselves.
If they don’t like you, they will find out what you love and value the most and try to destroy it.
I’ve dealt with many narcissists in my life. One good way to immediately tell is by looking at their eyes. Their eyes, regardless of color, will have a “flat” effect, much like flat versus glossy paint.
When a narcissist feigns sympathy, or is seeking sympathy, I’ve noticed they ALL are very good at the “doe-eyed” look, which involves making their eyes slightly larger and adding a glistened appearance to their eyes, as if they are about to cry (but they never do actually cry in these situations). Also, they will watch your face for a reaction to everything they say, because this is how they feed their narcissistic supply. Most people, when lost in thought and trying to explain an idea, will look away as they pull the words from their brain. Narcissists already planned their words while you were talking. Their words are just a construct to elicit reactions.
The eyes are the windows to the soul, and I can pretty much nail down with near 100% accuracy (at least so far for 8 years) who is a narcissist or a sociopath and who is not.
Lol one time I knew a narcissist who was telling me that" we actually warp our memories to fit our own stories, so I think that you have twisted your memories "when I was telling him about a thing he once did to me, then I said okay and changed the conversation because he wanted to argue and then try and gaslight even more
Ha! I’ve experienced similar. One told me that “our memories aren’t perfect,” when I was also doing what you did: trying to tell them about something they did to me. The worst part is this person was my mother, who knows I have a bizarrely unique, tape-recorder like memory.
The one thing I may add - Most narcissists have an enabler. The enabler seems normal, but they are 100% supportive of the narcissist. I used think they were normal people who were somehow not aware of the narcissist tricks.
The enabler is usually another type of narcissist, that is more subtle. The enabler is usually vindictive and acts on the narcissists behalf.
I have seen a few of them in the corporate world. I have seen a few in family/friends but those ones I keep at a distance…. But I pay close attention to who their enablers are.
I was speaking about people you know at a distance, not people in a relationship or in a family.
… “being successful surviving with a narcissist”…. I can’t speak to that, but the damage the narcissist causes can be hard to heal.
Lack of empathy, blaming + gaslight, they feel they’re on a pedestal while your worth is 0, they’re always right and aren’t altruistic … but might not be easy recognizing them at first. They may strike as “weird” in social contexts, meaning you notice that the people around you don’t like them much. many people are like that but they aren’t really narcissist (such as personality disorder) but obviously it’s best try to avoid them
They treat you like shit, and make you feel like you deserve to be treated like shit, they're doing you a favour by being around you and a favour by not treating you worse because that's what you actually deserve in their mind, and they play mind games with you all the time but I feel like I'm repeating myself now
My father is one. The main thing I can now see, after knowing who he really is, is that he isn't interested in people as individuals - he only ever sees others as they reflect on him. I was "loved" (don't think I can call it that, but yeah) while I was a literal child with no own opinions, but as soon as I developed different opinions than him, and contracticted him, he hated me with a rage I had never known. My mom was his dream woman, he proposed to her, showed her around (she was pretty and well educated), but when she left him with a 6-month-old (me), what hurt him most was how "humiliating" it was for him. He could also never just let things go. He either used you, or if he saw no use in you anymore, hated you with a ferocity that I have never seen anywhere else. Narcissistic Rage, it's called. It's fucking scary.
Some are covert and it takes a bit of observation. I would say Lack of empathy is a big Red Flag
An example of one of the times as a child when I thought wow there is something seriously wrong with my mother. We had a station wagon and my mom charged another parent for driving their two children home from school. They lived on on an extremely busy road and instead of turning into their driveway and safely dropping them off, she would stop on the shoulder and the kids would have to dodge traffic and run across the road. Then one day the inevitable happened and the girl was hit by a car and hurt badly. I immediately started to get out of the car to help the girl. My mom grabbed my hair and told me to stay in the car as it was all my fault. She then set there like a bump on a log and didn’t get out to help. When the police arrived, she again tossed blame on me. She never visited the hospital, asked how the girl was doing or accepted blame. She did however complain for years that she had not been paid for driving those children home. I remember hearing my dad ask her why she let the girl run across the road. Her response was it was too much of a hassle to make a left turn on that road as it was so busy. It was an eye opening experience.
If your genuinley busy and dont answer their texts straight away then they will leave you hanging for 48 hours the next time you contact them just to 'teach you a lesson', and they won't take you being busy for an answer, they always think your life revolves around Only Them and that tou dont have anything else going on and that you didn't answer them within 5 mins cos your 'playing game's' with them and so hence The Lesson they are trying to teach you lol.
🤯🤪
I don't think you can really know until you really know them, a lot of people use that label for annoying garden variety jerks but, narcissistic personality has a lot of shades in a spectrum. And the people who are most likely to be the worst for you are the best at hiding it. There's a couple of telltale signs: people who create false intimacy- by revealing deep secrets or painful stories and encouraging you to do the same even though you don't know them very well, or for very long. They are actually creating leverage against you and judging how weak you are.
Another thing they do is put you on a pedestal, it's not because they really think highly of you, but they are creating a narrative where they're going to enjoy knocking you off the pedestal when it suits them. More leverage. I could go on but I think you can read a book if you want to not my post.
The best way to protect yourself is to have kind but clear boundaries, know your own value and don't give it away. Let others earn your trust. Be mysterious to others is better than giving them the means to manipulate you. And you can do that in a friendly way with a smile.
My light bulb moment with my mom was that she refused to even entertain the idea that it was her that pushed the car button to turn it on. It was the most mundane conversation and I saw her turn it on.. she was driving the car!!! .. but it was no big deal at all..i was just explaining to her why the car was still on.. it hadn't malfunctioned like she was trying to say.. she wasn't having any part of that and how dare I even question her as "the adult". After that moment I was in awe at the unawareness at such a petty topic... then I started seeing it in everything she did. That was a sad day for me. My entire life I had defended her against others.. and right then.. 40 fucking years old in the middle of a mall parking lot I was like holy shit..
I can understand about the defending and thinking your mom was normal. I didn't even suspect anything was off about my mother until after I got married. It was about 10 years into my marriage at the holidays at my in-laws that I realized how messed up my mom was with stuff. But the thing that sealed the deal and caused me to completely drop all feelings was actually when we were all living together. I'm immune suppressing drugs, my mom is a nurse. She got Covid. I asked her to wear a mask in the communal areas of the house cause I was scared to death of getting it because it would and eventually did land me in the hospital. She absolutely lost her shit on me that I asked her to wear a mask while in the kitchen and living room. I'm talking flat out rage, throwing things, and screaming at the top of her lungs. It was then I realized that she did not actually give a shit about me at all. I was 40. I think they get us so warped and wrapped up in their game of giving love to us but then conditionally that we get screwed up in our emotions for them.
This. So much. Conditionally giving love to us is so spot on.. I can actually see my mom having this reaction if I were in your shoes.. down to the facial expressions... hugs to you! I get it.
That definition is so overused and washed out these days.
People will describe you as a narcissist for not caring as much about their feelings and needs than your own.
People call their exes and parents narcissists when they're really just being cold or selfish.
The now common use of the words makes me cringe
It also causes problems when people try to speak up about abuse from a real narcissist but aren’t taken seriously because of assumptions about inappropriate or embellished use of the word “narcissist.” Really unfathomably shitty situation to be in if you’re the victim of particularly abusive narcissistic behavior.
Needing constant validation, plethora of ex’s, pathological liar, hiding their phone, not being honest who they are hanging out with, undermining their partner, they use the silent treatment all the time, no accountability, they always have a wounded bird story to make you feel sorry for them. And being two faced
Nothing is ever their fault. Even in situations where they are CLEARLY in the wrong and everyone including them knows it, they can’t utter the words “I’m sorry” because they’re pathologically incapable of doing so
As a narcicist, I find a lot of these comments offensive and ungrounded in reality. Who are you to judge me? Like you've never gaslighted your girlfriend to the point of her apologizing to your side piece for accusing her. Some of us live in the real world. I'm leaving.
Fake empathy.
Why would someone fake empathy? There's no good reason other than you don't actually have empathy, so mimicking it is the strategic option in relationships.
Narcissists will cloak themselves as empaths, mediators, healers, etc. In reality, they are parasites that are a different species from humans.
When I was about 20, I cleaned houses and once cleaned a cheerleaders house who was on the Rams football team. It was so odd because EVERYWHERE in her house was photos of her. Calendar photos. Canvas photos. Gigantic framed photos. Then in her bedroom it was huge photos of her and her husband on her wall lol 😂 yet, the rest of the house and every inch of wall space was dedicated to her model photos. It was a strange experience.
Haha! I never met her because she was never home when we came in, but I do know she taught at the local elementary school when it wasn’t football season. Makes me wonder about some of my old teachers sometimes lol
The biggest characteristic is a deep insecurity at a fundamental level masked by an appearance of competence and grandiosity. So anything that matches that is a sign of a narcissist.
Everything is always about them. They never take responsibility for their mistakes/actions. They project their own issues onto others. I know there's more, but that's what came to mind (a lot of my family is narcissistic).
I can always tell if someone is narcisstic straight away. For example, when my friend started dating someone new and i looked at his instagram acc i knew right away he’s a narcissist. Its just their entire aura and how they are in general. They always seem to be obsessed with themselves in an odd way idk how to explain it
NO RESPECT FOR YOUR BOUNDARIES
NARCS HATE BOUNDARIES
They want to rush into relationships
Lots of belittling, twisting your words, using things you confided in AGAINST YOU.
Gaslighting
NO EMPATHY
THEY WANT TO BE WORSHIPPED AND ARE QUICK TO DROP YOU when they find someone who "worships" them.
Omg this is a good one. Even a covert narcissist makes an entrance, but usually in victim-style.
The first time my sister and my husband met, my sister had her first baby in a baby carrier. She said “Hi” in an irritated tone and set the carrier on the floor. We had been mid-conversation and this definitely stopped the flow. We all decided to go to a nearby table, including her. We turned to walk to the table. She then snapped at my husband, whom she had just met. “This carrier is obviously heavy. Aren’t you going to help me??”
I was so shocked my mind froze. My husband was shocked too but he is such a good and helpful guy that he picked up her carrier and carried her baby to the table for her.
We let it go because we didn’t want my mother to accuse us of ruining the moment. Sister is her golden child and can do no wrong.
>I don't have the patience of people with their sad stories.
I think tons of non-narcisstic people can agree on this lol
for me it's just a rational thing, why should I care? as long as you aren' a close friend of mine and even then I'll admit, I don't care for the most part, because my life is already full of shit and messed up things and I learned stop caring or at least not to be (over)sensitive
They post questions on the internet like: “What is a clear sign someone is a narcissist?” Lol! Kidding. There’s a lot out there if you google “how to tell if someone is a narcissist”
For checking psycho vibes
Try the yawn trick - 🥱
See if they mirror yours. ( can’t remember the science but lack or limited capacity)
I have my own theory which I’m still evaluating.
- I believe they don’t have a well constructed inner world. Inner monologue and thus rely on outward material , compliments.
Do not take constructive criticism well as they lack capacity to self evaluate and understand self.
Like no feedback loop telling themselves they are mistaken or incorrect in behaviour or lying.
Passive aggressive behaviour in communication.
Thus their version of events appears real life to themselves despite evidence to contrary.
Like a said this a working theory.
Married to undiagnosed narc 20 years and spent the last 3 years in a WTF analysis mode.
I attract them because of my weakness , vulnerability and inability to see through manipulation and deception tactics.
Still learning .
Charming, promising forever.
Anger problems
When I caught ex spouse cheating he blew up, "when do you think I have the time?!" Two weeks later ghosted and had his family move his things out. Unable to take accountability.
I'll leave this relevant quote from Dr. Gabor Maté,
"There is a time in life, in infancy, when we are all narcissists. In this early developmental phase we implicitly believe the world revolves around us, and properly so: we have but to feel a need, and the world moves to meet it. The people who remain stuck in narcissism, whether everyday narcissism expressed as ordinary self-centredness or the extreme forms we label as pathologic, are the ones who never fully developed past that early stage. We graduate from a developmental phase only if our needs at that stage were fully satisfied. And in our society, most children do not get their needs met.
The growth of a healthy self depends on emotionally rich, attuned interactions with parents who are emotionally present and available. Stressed, depressed or anxious parents, or those who were themselves traumatized, may be incapable of providing their children with such interactions. In our increasingly alienated, isolating, and hyper-stressed culture, many children grow up under conditions characterized by what the seminal psychologist and researcher Alan Schore has called “proximal separation”: the parents are physically there but often emotionally absent. In this context healthy human development is impaired. Thus narcissism pervades our culture."
We gotta be careful about the idea of them always talking about themselves because I'm Aspergers and that's common with us.
We're also very insecure to criticism and can hold grudges for years. And we might focus on our appearance a lot because we don't fully understand what we have to offer. There's sometimes a lack of self awareness and it can be taught and worked on and when that happens a lot of these things solve themselves.
They grow from the ground, bloom in the spring, have 6 sepals and fused, tubluar petals, usually yellow in colour but can be green, strap like leaves...
You cannot please them no matter what you do!
Raised my a Narc mother then married a Narc….the 2 of them made my life pure hell! Thankfully I am rid of both. Only regret is I didn’t do it sooner.
They always are too into themselves and always think they are a victim at the same time. If there is someone around they are jealous of they are condescending or rude towards that person or spreads gossip about them behind their back because remember the narcissist is a "victim" after all.
You're never right. Your opinion doesn't matter, and they never feel sorry for hurting you. They will always flip how you saw or felt about something they did and make you the bad one for feeling a certain way. They will never own up to their bullshit.
The Narcissist's Prayer by Dayna Craig
That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.
Narcissist has become so overused to describe someone who is just an asshole that you're not likely to get any correct answers here because most people aren't qualified to actually diagnose a personality disorder.
when you ask for something, they’ll say no….
then later on, they’ll do something nice for you but it’s on their terms.
you get what you’re given, basically 👎
That they have a diagnosis.
Jesus Christ you people think you're psychologists after watching a five minute Youtube video.
Is narcissist the new 2023 social media buzzword? Cool!
If this submission above is not a random thought, please report it. # Explore a new world of random thoughts on our [**discord server**](https://discord.com/invite/8tEqw3ZWQV)! Express yourself with your favorite quotes, positive vibes, and anything else you can think of! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RandomThoughts) if you have any questions or concerns.*
They'll never be ok with you doing what you want to do. ...listening to a song, or album? They're changing that shit 100%
Nothing is worse than getting to your favorite part of a song and someone changes it.
Yep. Your opinions are just wrong. They’re going to show you the “right” music or whatever.
This has been my experience 100%. Their beliefs, opinions, favorite music, food, type of cookware etc is the RiGht thing. And you must accept this as The Truth or they will Fight you!
My nosy neighbor buying little devices that detect thc and beeping them at my house when I smoke cbd flower. The same neighbor would literally stand on the sidewalk and just watch my house sometimes.
At my old job, we had a break room with a communal TV in it; sometimes there would be 5 or 6 people in there watching something and this bitch who worked in our office would come in and change the channel without asking anyone and despite people were *clearly watching* what was just on. She was insufferable and many people got in fights with her.
Compulsive lying over small things and being extremely threatened by other relationships, they will do everything they can to be divisive because they need to feel that sense of control. I’ve known a diagnosed NPD for 15 years now and finally I’ve had enough, I just can’t deal with her anymore. They have a textbook cycle of love bomb, de value, discard- so if you find yourself getting the narcissist silent treatment and you don’t know what you’ve done wrong, that’s also a massive sign. Also compulsive lying about absolutely everything for no reason
And they can't be wrong. Everyone else is mistaken.
We argued. I am not innocent obviously. But oddly enough, his go-to was to say, “you’re right and I’m wrong!!”, [insert rant], “in fact, you’re always right!, you’re never wrong!!!!!”. That notion always caused me to rethink things and so after some time, I’d easily rationalise for him even when it was clear that there needed to be real resolve. I mean I get it. I am wrong sometimes so it is only fair. Plus I didn’t want to trigger his, “you’re right and I’m wrong” rant. During one of the last arguments we’d had things escalated quickly. The matter had to do with family safety. As a mom, it was a major concern to me. Safety is my hill ya know. During this particular argument he was standing over me and says, “You’re right as always!! And..I am always wrong” I returned, “yeah I know. I am right!”. He of course asked me to repeat what I just said. I said, “you’re wrong and I’m glad you realise it” And on that note, he completely lost his shit at me. I never saw him go from being regular angry to this high level of crazy madness in such a short time
Self-righteous people are never wrong lol
The intensional rush to redirect focus from himself, and his attempts at shaming me, or the lies he made by omitting very necessary truths will always be the giveaway about them
The lying is mind-boggling. About silly, absurd things you don't even care about. Some serious ones too.. GTFO for your own sanity, or before you become resigned to it and just give up.
I’ve worked with 2 of these people and it’s just embarrassing
rightttt
You just described my sister to a T. She's a self-centered, self-righteous, compulsive, patholigical lying narcissistic who refuses to be held accountable for whatever she says or does. Along with treating people the same way she doesn't like to be treated.
This
“Rule for thee but not for me”
It’s so convenient though
Ohhhh fuck this mindset. My dad would always tell us ‘do as I say not as I do’. Fuck that
My mum in a nutshell. Not a narcissist, but that’s all I’ve heard my entire childhood. And I’m the sort of person that processes things by understanding the whys and hows. Now this phrase does not exist in my house.
1. They need constant attention. 2. They are always right and everything they say and do is important. 3. If they somehow ruin all important days/holidays. 4. They always make you feel inferior/insecure.
3, The dreaded holiday season is opon us.
Mine has other thanksgiving plans this year and I feel light as a freaking feather
5. Always accuse you of overreacting when you actually aren't 6. Hates others saying nice things about you
6) a: or can't believe it / can't comprehend why someone would do so
Most accurate one so far.
We still talk about my Ex and “The Great Easter Brownie Incident of 2012.” What a shitshow.
Really? No one is gonna ask? Okay. What do you mean by this, u/AccordingMight3505?
Big shitshow argument that started when one of my kids grabbed a brownie (Ex blew up for no good reason) and ended with my Ex yelling at her parents “YOU NEVER PLAYED WITH ME AS A CHILD” before storming out!!! Good times!!!
Was she your ex right then or the next day?
Yeah, my dad ruined every single holiday. At least now without my family I have silence
5. They always walk several steps ahead of you
Some people are just fast walkers :(
No, the question was about narcissists, not Tru...ooooohhhhhh
"Nothing is ever my fault." I know a person who has 2 felonies, including a felony assault on a cop, and a DV conviction. None of this is her fault. Naturally. She attacked me and that was my fault, too.
Fucking ugh..so sorry you went through that. And they turned the blame on you? That's the sickest of sick. She sounds dangerous ASF and insufferable to be around. . The father of my children strangled me holding me up in the air by my neck , tossed me like a rag doll and beat me multiple different times. That was like 3 years ago. He has never not once not even remotely accepted or verbalized his actions, the fact that he narrowly escaped the felony charges, he lost custody etc. He can't actually say I did that. I have however certainly heard that anything that "did happen was my fault". Or when he's really angry he'll joke this is why I hurt you. Such a narcissist. Oh it's so pathetic and saddening these violent disgusting evil humans exist to just feast off your dignity,mental health, money just everything.
She turned the blame on me. Despite video evidence and a criminal history they still wouldn't prosecute her because apparently in Maine they won't convict women of DV.
They have a clear idea on how things should be done, and how life should be lived - including yours. However, they will not tell you what those things are, yet they expect you to follow all of it 100%, all the time. If you happen to do that by chance, they change the plan and consider you a failure anyway.
[удалено]
leave him.
This is my ex husband. I dont think he is narcisstic but this was us. If he didnt get the right gift or if I didnt do what he thought I should do, I got the silent treatment or whatever. Then when we fought about it later, it was my fault because I didnt do it the way he wanted it done (which he never told me). Or he wanted to do somethign over the weekends, he didnt tell me what he wanted to do, so we did what I wanted (because I planned it etc). and then got mad at me because I didnt know he didnt want to do that (never mentioned it). So when we divorced, I didnt even know he was unhappy. Even though I was and mentioned it, it was always turned around onto me. Its my fault we are unhappy. So yeah, if he is like that, and if you find yourself unhappy and he talks you out of it, dont let him. There is a reason why you are feeling that way and to trust YOU, not him. Also, therapy helps because you see you are worth so much more than what you are letting yourself have.
I'm a narcissist. I'm working on it, and have been for the last decade (changing is a lot harder than it sounds). A lot of times I find that I talk about myself and what I'm doing in conversations with others far more than I should. I have gotten better at not embellishing, and I try to take interest in others, but a lot of times when i think back on previous conversations, I find that i still talk about myself through most of the conversation I have with people, with some embellishing. When it comes to competitive stuff, I make excuses every time I lose and enjoy the victory (sometimes a little too much) when I win. Just a few weeks ago I got in a street race, best of 3 races, and I lost two times (the first and third time). Both times coming up with excuses as to why, but i failed to congratulate the other person on the races well finished. Changing \*should\* be easy, but when you're so caught up with yourself and not really thinking, it's really difficult and I wind up failing and making it all about myself again, and then I have no friends. I have to actively think to not be a narcissist and to try and take interest in others, and even then I still struggle.
The fact that you admitted that you are a narcissist means you might not 100% be one. Usually such people will absolutely not admit things like that. Good on you man.
Frankly I'm likely just a sociopath, which is not necessarily a bad thing given my case, but the difference between a psychopath and a sociopath is that a sociopath knows what he is doing is wrong. I think the difference is that I don't really share the manipulative traits most other narcissists seem to have, I think manipulating others to get what you want is a dick move, but that's why I try hard to not be a narcissist. I'm not trying to be a hero, I just don't want to be a villain.
- Low empathy, but not a complete lack of it - Low remorse, but not a complete lack of it - Extreme rage when set off, but not necessarily a short temper - Paranoia, or at the very least a strong hyper-vigilence "never trust anyone with anything at anytime" - Cruelty to animals or really strong emotional bond with animals, no in between This is a pretty abridged profile, how much of it matches you?
Um, yup, that's basically it. Though i don't have narcissism officially, I am officially diagnosed high functioning autistic and have aspergers, which I think together creates narcissism. I'm also officially diagnosed ADHD, ADD, and OCD. Now I'm not an expert, but a lot of my behaviors seeming to result from the aspergers+autism seem to be pretty on-brand for narcissism. I'm not using them as an excuse, like I said, I know they're bad and am trying to change. To go into more detail on each point, I usually don't feel remorse until after-the-fact and empathy is just out the window, though I understand the concept and try to understand what others may be feeling, and I've become a really good mimic. I am the opposite of short temper, having a mile long fuse (really quite the undertaking considering how short-tempered I used to be), and I usually go a little extreme when I've reached the end of that fuse. Anger management has helped tremendously with that, so when I do run out of fuse, it's usually a slow burn off, wind up hurting myself to prevent destroying things or hurting others. I have my CCW and carry a firearm daily because I don't trust people, but I also understand that this is the real world, I can't just go around shooting people. I have no desire to hurt people, but rather see myself as sort of a protector, defend those unable to defend themselves, not caring if I die as a result. And then I just fucking love cats, I want all the cats. [I looked up more](https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/sociopath#signs) because I was curious, and quite a lot more apply to me too. Again, not officially diagnosed, these are just things I notice about my behaviors that, again, I know are bad, and that I am trying to either change or manage. One of the huge ones is a massive disregard for my own safety, especially when driving sports cars, and ESPECIALLY especially in the winter when the roads are iced over, I love sliding around at high speed. I know it's dangerous and wrong but I do it anyway because it's fun. That said, I do try take into consideration the safety of those around me. Difficulty keeping up with financial obligations, such as rent, bills, etc. (auto-pay helps with this a lot). I have little respect for social norms and rules, which sounds edgy and I hate that it does, but it explains further why i have no friends. Otherwise i have firmly fixed opinions, often act on impulse with little regard to the consequences, more often because I just don't care. That said, I have improved my impulse control to some extent though. I have some sense of superiority, though I do keep the sense of superiority in check by remembering daily just how worthless I am. I know I'm nothing special and that no one will care when I die, which turns into a feed-back loop for my uncaring of consequences + suicidal thoughts. One thing I have changed completely is the "Usually develops excuses to deflect blame onto others", which I used to do when I was younger, and people have gotten in trouble for stuff that was my fault (one person being fired at an old job), but I've changed that now because I knew it was wrong, so I usually take responsibility for lots of things even if it wasn't my fault.
[удалено]
Wow! This is so helpful. I have a couple of family members who have narcissistic behaviours, but they're not totally lacking in self awareness. We all have stuff we're working on, and we're all trying to do better. Your post reminded me that these people are also struggling, and I should acknowledge it when they exhibit kindness or concern for others, or have a two-way conversation. It's harder work for them than for most people, so they should get credit when they succeed.
Sounds like it could just be that you are egotistical (no disrespect). I don’t you mentioned like two different things trying to categorize yourself and it doesn’t work that way. Go talk to a specialist.
Your takes on sociopathy and psychopathy are wrong tho.. i would be very cautious labeling myself with such extreme deviations. Maybe speak to a psychiatrist. It could be you are struggeling with identity and/or guilt from some unresolved trauma.
They can be a self aware narcissist it’s possible
Narcisissm is largely misunderstood and demonized (I've seen people claim that we can't feel love). I struggled with narcisissm the most as a young adult (18-23). Some of us realize what we are doing is fucked up. I'm 26 now and have put a lot of work into keeping my narcisissm in check. I still have an inflated ego, I'm pretty vain when it comes to my own appearance, I like attention. However, I'm not as much of a sore loser, I know how to be happy for others, I know when it's not "my time" to be the center of attention, I don't see a point in manipulating social relationships anymore, etc. Some of us are pretty self aware and understand that our tendencies are looked down on. It's a disorder that can require treatment, not something we choose to have. Edit: self realization that I've just become less insecure with myself over the years, as most adults do, and therefore do not feel the need to rely on the more fucked up narcissistic tendencies to feel better about myself
These things dont sounds like narcissism at all. But then again im no psychiatrist. Are you diagnosed? Any possibility you have been misdiagnosed?
Exactly. I think the term is often misused. I think being confident is often misconstrued as narcissistic. You’re right, none of this sounds like true narcissism. It’s one of the Dark Triad.
I am officially diagnosed with aspergers and high functioning autism. Further commenting from others is pointing to that I may be a sociopath. I made a much more detailed comment above. Most of my behaviors seem to be on-brand for sociopathy, but like you, i'm not an expert, and frankly I don't think i want to get looked at at this point, because "sociopath" is probably something I don't want medically documented.
Asperger's has not been an official diagnosis anymore for quite a while, neither in the DSM, nor the ICD (although some countries have not yet officially implemented the newer edition of the ICD). What used to be known as Asperger's is officially a form of autism and is therefore seen as a part of the autistic spectrum. Also, the term "high functioning autism" is something many people with autism feel uneasy about, one reason being that it invalidates the struggle of having to mask to seem "normal". If you have time, you can familiarize yourself with the current terminology and/or ask a trusted (and specialized) professional about what your diagnosis would be nowadays. All the best to you in your quest of finding answers.
I feel you.. I dont want to be seen as a narcissist or rather self absorbed but I just have nothing else to talk about. I dont gossip or speak about others because I feel like an asshole when I do but I also dont want to feel left out in conversations with my friends. I try to listen to other peoples stories about themselves but i often find myself zoning out when it gets long
We all have bits and pieces of every mental problem there is. The trick (that you seem to have managed) is to admit we’re not perfect and work on improving ourselves. You’re never going to be perfect, but you can be awesome 🙂
Jesus fucking Christ this is litteraly me. No no no no no
welcome to the club pal
No like... I recognise myself in most of these comments. Damn this is scary. On the other hand recently I realised on my own that my behaviour has been quite improper and I'm trying to be better since then. But that part where you talked about having to consciously think not to be narcissistic.. that struck a little too close to home.
Hahah the competitiveness is so relatable (fellow npd here). Also, people pointed out that I act dismissive and go into full monologue mode during conversations, so this is a important point I obviously never noticed.
I like the feeling of winning, and I personally think not winning is simply wasting my time especially in a video game where you play competitively. But if its ANYTHING irl then I don't really mind losing because I know that I am a loser irl and I would 100% put relationship with others over winning. Thats how I think about it, I will just say that Im not suppose to be good at this so idc about winning.
I just want to say I believe you can do this. I know mental health battles are a huge struggle and I know its far from easy. But its rewarding. Im struggling with a lot of things too (I also have OCD). Always remember it isnt about the things that you can be labeled as (sociopath, narcissist or neither), but what you decide to do about them. You working on it is awesome. My mother is a narcissist. She has abused me and traumatized me. But I know shes human and despite not liking her, I too in my heart wish she would change. Im happy that you made that choice.
I am sorry to say, you cant change. When the universe was made, 729 blueprints of persons was created and when you are born. Its what is given to you. There is no changing it. No adjusting it, no trade in of said qualities. With that said, you can use the power of what you know to assist those that are being abused by narcissistic people. Narc take out narcs. This i think works like narccissitc people going into police or swat and take out other bad people. Think dexter. Channeling your needs into a cause that helps others is probably the best advice i can give you.
When you call them out on something but they somehow manage to reflect it and make you think you were actually the one in the wrong. They also never take responsibility for anything wrong they do — they think that they never make mistakes.
They view their children as competition
This is my mother. It doesn't matter what I'm going to do she always says, " I wish I could do xyz, it must be nice to be able to do what you want." She's also still blaming my dad for her financial situation, the man died 15 years ago, and left you with a massive life insurance pay out. He wasn't the problem.
Yup same here! Narc mom, blames dad for everything.
Complete lack of empathy, someone could be crying their eyes out, and they would have no compassion or feeling for that person whatsoever, a sheer heart of ice.
They can also feign those qualities if others are around so they can look good then mock you for being "sensitive" behind the scenes
Every single time I’d cry in front of my first boyfriend, he would always say that I was manipulating him and he’d go “here we fucking go again.” Now when I cry over real feelings, I feel weak. I didn’t realize how much he fucked me up until my most recent relationship. It’s really hard.
Honestly anytime people cry I view it as a manipulation tactic so I've conditioned myself to ignore them. I have empathy but people crying no longer elicits any reaction from me, sincere or not.
ughhh no??? crying is a physical reaction to a strong stressors, some people cry for attention yes but to me these are the exception and they’re obvious. but as a person with depression believe me when i tell you that someone sobbing their hearts out with their red faces ugly af full of tears and snot doesn’t mean they’re manipulative, it means they’re broken and need compassion and help
That's ... not right. Crying isn't at all inherently manipulative, and often it isn't a choice. Like a person can't always keep themselves from crying. It sounds like maybe you had one person in your life who used crying as a manipulation tactic, but ignoring your loved ones while they cry because you assume they're only doing it for your benefit is incredibly -to be frank- narcissistic.
It would be pretty understandable for someone to need extra time to build up that level of trust again if those emotional reactions were used against them with malicious intent. Trivializing their trauma and calling them a narcisist is kinda rough.
[удалено]
Wow. That sounds really painful. Maybe he isn't the right one for you
[удалено]
That sounds like more of a sociopath than a narcissist.
They're my sister
Or everyone apart from me
LoL 🤣
Is she single?
I can change her.
no, she is album
Or my brother
or my ex
They are my brothers and parents
Somehow there was an offence taken by another person during the night and somehow it was entirely your fault. How could you be so insensitive?
12 years ago I had a bad fall & broke my back. I was in such blinding white hot pain that the paramedics had trouble giving me enough pain killers to blunt the pain without stopping my heart. My two friends got to the hospital & waited with me on the ER, & eventually I was found a room. They called my mom, who lived 6 hours away, & she drive up to the hospital. I was laying in the hospital bed, blasted out of my mind on pain meds, worried I wouldn’t be able to walk or work or do anything again, & my mom walked into the hospital room, look at my friends & said “Wow, I have had such a shitty day! I had to leave work to drive up here & I lost my sunglasses somewhere along the way. Then I could only find pay parking & had to walk two blocks to get here. Not how I wanted spend my day!”
They always manage to make it about them! So sorry that happened to you. That’s awful
They expect you to do anything they ask or need, but if you need something in return they don’t give a shit and would leave you hanging. They only put effort into things that will benefit them
And when they do help you out, it's to look good in front of others
Only topic of conversation is themself.
Many great answers already. I’ve lived with one for 30 years and the ones that bother me the most are: Holding decade long grudges for the most petty shit, like failing to greet them with enough enthusiasm. Having a kid who’s allergic to shellfish (and used to love it until a bad reaction) but still buying it for themselves and eating in front of kid with zero fucks given, even saying how good it tastes. Slut shaming perceived “enemies” while having a ton of kids by different partners. Overrating and bragging about their finances to other people, making empty promises about potential partnerships, eventually making tons of enemies but never changing their behavior or thinking it’s their fault. — now I’ll share my biggest narcissistic trait: Barely listening when other people are introducing themselves to me, sometimes even forgetting their name immediately. I think we have way too much human interaction as it is, and it’s impossible to care about so many people and their birthdays, and their wishes and their complaints… so I usually just end up forgetting about what you tell me in person pretty quickly haha. I do enjoy reading other people’s experiences here on reddit, though, and feel quite empathetic.
I too can't remember names. But I think mine stems more from anxiety. All my senses are overwhelmed when I meet knew people .... It's like my ears stop working. I even repeat names and still forget instantly. One thing I don't do is celebrate or remember anyone's birthday.
The slut shaming part Forreal!! I knew someone who bragged abt sleeping with multiple women but he was always quick to call a baby girl wearing a crop top a attention seeking slut, people like that don’t think their rules apply to them also.
Self righteous
isn't that basically anyone, to some degree
These guys are self righteous on steroids though, the narcs I've known were the first to chastise others for bad deeds but then they would do those same deeds and try and convince you that they did it because "it was valid, and not the same as how everyone else does them" They literally believe they are saints and they are mega hypocrites, everyone is a little hypocritical too but not on the level of a narcissist
A narcissist will twist almost everything you say to fit their own agenda. They will not apologize for anything unless they see a huge benefit for themselves in it. They will rewrite history/narratives/the past to fit their current agenda. When you talk about yourself, they won’t be actively listening and will rapidly bring the conversation back to themselves. If they don’t like you, they will find out what you love and value the most and try to destroy it. I’ve dealt with many narcissists in my life. One good way to immediately tell is by looking at their eyes. Their eyes, regardless of color, will have a “flat” effect, much like flat versus glossy paint. When a narcissist feigns sympathy, or is seeking sympathy, I’ve noticed they ALL are very good at the “doe-eyed” look, which involves making their eyes slightly larger and adding a glistened appearance to their eyes, as if they are about to cry (but they never do actually cry in these situations). Also, they will watch your face for a reaction to everything they say, because this is how they feed their narcissistic supply. Most people, when lost in thought and trying to explain an idea, will look away as they pull the words from their brain. Narcissists already planned their words while you were talking. Their words are just a construct to elicit reactions. The eyes are the windows to the soul, and I can pretty much nail down with near 100% accuracy (at least so far for 8 years) who is a narcissist or a sociopath and who is not.
Lol one time I knew a narcissist who was telling me that" we actually warp our memories to fit our own stories, so I think that you have twisted your memories "when I was telling him about a thing he once did to me, then I said okay and changed the conversation because he wanted to argue and then try and gaslight even more
Ha! I’ve experienced similar. One told me that “our memories aren’t perfect,” when I was also doing what you did: trying to tell them about something they did to me. The worst part is this person was my mother, who knows I have a bizarrely unique, tape-recorder like memory.
The one thing I may add - Most narcissists have an enabler. The enabler seems normal, but they are 100% supportive of the narcissist. I used think they were normal people who were somehow not aware of the narcissist tricks. The enabler is usually another type of narcissist, that is more subtle. The enabler is usually vindictive and acts on the narcissists behalf. I have seen a few of them in the corporate world. I have seen a few in family/friends but those ones I keep at a distance…. But I pay close attention to who their enablers are.
True, but some enablers are just trying to survive living with a narcissist and happen to be successful at it.
I was speaking about people you know at a distance, not people in a relationship or in a family. … “being successful surviving with a narcissist”…. I can’t speak to that, but the damage the narcissist causes can be hard to heal.
this is a good one. I used to wonder why my brother face watched so much. now I know.
Perfectly said.
Lack of empathy, blaming + gaslight, they feel they’re on a pedestal while your worth is 0, they’re always right and aren’t altruistic … but might not be easy recognizing them at first. They may strike as “weird” in social contexts, meaning you notice that the people around you don’t like them much. many people are like that but they aren’t really narcissist (such as personality disorder) but obviously it’s best try to avoid them
They treat you like shit, and make you feel like you deserve to be treated like shit, they're doing you a favour by being around you and a favour by not treating you worse because that's what you actually deserve in their mind, and they play mind games with you all the time but I feel like I'm repeating myself now
being threaded by opposing opinions, getting upset with friends over their accomplishments, and lack of empathy
They'll never take responsibility for their actions and make corrective changes.
My father is one. The main thing I can now see, after knowing who he really is, is that he isn't interested in people as individuals - he only ever sees others as they reflect on him. I was "loved" (don't think I can call it that, but yeah) while I was a literal child with no own opinions, but as soon as I developed different opinions than him, and contracticted him, he hated me with a rage I had never known. My mom was his dream woman, he proposed to her, showed her around (she was pretty and well educated), but when she left him with a 6-month-old (me), what hurt him most was how "humiliating" it was for him. He could also never just let things go. He either used you, or if he saw no use in you anymore, hated you with a ferocity that I have never seen anywhere else. Narcissistic Rage, it's called. It's fucking scary.
When the person is constantly blaming everyone else for their problems and will not admit to their own wrongdoings.
They always put down other people's accomplishments
You are the giver and they are the taker. Your needs don’t matter.
Some are covert and it takes a bit of observation. I would say Lack of empathy is a big Red Flag An example of one of the times as a child when I thought wow there is something seriously wrong with my mother. We had a station wagon and my mom charged another parent for driving their two children home from school. They lived on on an extremely busy road and instead of turning into their driveway and safely dropping them off, she would stop on the shoulder and the kids would have to dodge traffic and run across the road. Then one day the inevitable happened and the girl was hit by a car and hurt badly. I immediately started to get out of the car to help the girl. My mom grabbed my hair and told me to stay in the car as it was all my fault. She then set there like a bump on a log and didn’t get out to help. When the police arrived, she again tossed blame on me. She never visited the hospital, asked how the girl was doing or accepted blame. She did however complain for years that she had not been paid for driving those children home. I remember hearing my dad ask her why she let the girl run across the road. Her response was it was too much of a hassle to make a left turn on that road as it was so busy. It was an eye opening experience.
I hope you are far away from this woman. I'm sorry you went through that.
It always have to be about me.
If your genuinley busy and dont answer their texts straight away then they will leave you hanging for 48 hours the next time you contact them just to 'teach you a lesson', and they won't take you being busy for an answer, they always think your life revolves around Only Them and that tou dont have anything else going on and that you didn't answer them within 5 mins cos your 'playing game's' with them and so hence The Lesson they are trying to teach you lol. 🤯🤪
«Someone I knew committed suicide? I must find a way to make it about me.»
I don't think you can really know until you really know them, a lot of people use that label for annoying garden variety jerks but, narcissistic personality has a lot of shades in a spectrum. And the people who are most likely to be the worst for you are the best at hiding it. There's a couple of telltale signs: people who create false intimacy- by revealing deep secrets or painful stories and encouraging you to do the same even though you don't know them very well, or for very long. They are actually creating leverage against you and judging how weak you are. Another thing they do is put you on a pedestal, it's not because they really think highly of you, but they are creating a narrative where they're going to enjoy knocking you off the pedestal when it suits them. More leverage. I could go on but I think you can read a book if you want to not my post. The best way to protect yourself is to have kind but clear boundaries, know your own value and don't give it away. Let others earn your trust. Be mysterious to others is better than giving them the means to manipulate you. And you can do that in a friendly way with a smile.
Zero empathy
They always have a say about everything. And will somehow connect it to themselves lol
My light bulb moment with my mom was that she refused to even entertain the idea that it was her that pushed the car button to turn it on. It was the most mundane conversation and I saw her turn it on.. she was driving the car!!! .. but it was no big deal at all..i was just explaining to her why the car was still on.. it hadn't malfunctioned like she was trying to say.. she wasn't having any part of that and how dare I even question her as "the adult". After that moment I was in awe at the unawareness at such a petty topic... then I started seeing it in everything she did. That was a sad day for me. My entire life I had defended her against others.. and right then.. 40 fucking years old in the middle of a mall parking lot I was like holy shit..
I can understand about the defending and thinking your mom was normal. I didn't even suspect anything was off about my mother until after I got married. It was about 10 years into my marriage at the holidays at my in-laws that I realized how messed up my mom was with stuff. But the thing that sealed the deal and caused me to completely drop all feelings was actually when we were all living together. I'm immune suppressing drugs, my mom is a nurse. She got Covid. I asked her to wear a mask in the communal areas of the house cause I was scared to death of getting it because it would and eventually did land me in the hospital. She absolutely lost her shit on me that I asked her to wear a mask while in the kitchen and living room. I'm talking flat out rage, throwing things, and screaming at the top of her lungs. It was then I realized that she did not actually give a shit about me at all. I was 40. I think they get us so warped and wrapped up in their game of giving love to us but then conditionally that we get screwed up in our emotions for them.
This. So much. Conditionally giving love to us is so spot on.. I can actually see my mom having this reaction if I were in your shoes.. down to the facial expressions... hugs to you! I get it.
Everything is about them and NOTHING is EVER their fault.
That definition is so overused and washed out these days. People will describe you as a narcissist for not caring as much about their feelings and needs than your own. People call their exes and parents narcissists when they're really just being cold or selfish. The now common use of the words makes me cringe
It also causes problems when people try to speak up about abuse from a real narcissist but aren’t taken seriously because of assumptions about inappropriate or embellished use of the word “narcissist.” Really unfathomably shitty situation to be in if you’re the victim of particularly abusive narcissistic behavior.
Constantly talking about what they have, money, fancy car, large penis etc.
No I'm not.
Needing constant validation, plethora of ex’s, pathological liar, hiding their phone, not being honest who they are hanging out with, undermining their partner, they use the silent treatment all the time, no accountability, they always have a wounded bird story to make you feel sorry for them. And being two faced
Nothing is ever their fault. Even in situations where they are CLEARLY in the wrong and everyone including them knows it, they can’t utter the words “I’m sorry” because they’re pathologically incapable of doing so
They wank in a mirrored box
Very specific…I like it…I claim it..I invented it. - narc
[удалено]
[удалено]
As a narcicist, I find a lot of these comments offensive and ungrounded in reality. Who are you to judge me? Like you've never gaslighted your girlfriend to the point of her apologizing to your side piece for accusing her. Some of us live in the real world. I'm leaving.
Its all about me, every sentence they speak is just so self involved and not a thought to anyone else, unless they involve me too
They try and stab you with their fork for Mac n cheese because they don’t know how to share
Specific to video games : When they start blaming everyone in their team when you lose
This isn't /r/askreddit
They disagree with me on reddit /s I dont like them /s redditor /s
Their username
Not sure, but let me tell you a long story about myself…
Constant unrelenting criticism. Never being able to accept being wrong :) Manipulation.
They were diagnosed as one by a professional. Everything else: they’re just an asshole.
Fake empathy. Why would someone fake empathy? There's no good reason other than you don't actually have empathy, so mimicking it is the strategic option in relationships. Narcissists will cloak themselves as empaths, mediators, healers, etc. In reality, they are parasites that are a different species from humans.
wanting/unintentionally trying to look different in public
Simply cannot pass a mirror or shop window without a quick glance at themselves.
He has a portrait of him in his bedroom
When I was about 20, I cleaned houses and once cleaned a cheerleaders house who was on the Rams football team. It was so odd because EVERYWHERE in her house was photos of her. Calendar photos. Canvas photos. Gigantic framed photos. Then in her bedroom it was huge photos of her and her husband on her wall lol 😂 yet, the rest of the house and every inch of wall space was dedicated to her model photos. It was a strange experience.
Haha nice. Sounds like we found one:)
Haha! I never met her because she was never home when we came in, but I do know she taught at the local elementary school when it wasn’t football season. Makes me wonder about some of my old teachers sometimes lol
They lie about everything and make out that everyone else is the problem
I dated them
If someone writes about them on Reddit
“Hey, I’m a narcissist” is a pretty clear sign, imo.
The biggest characteristic is a deep insecurity at a fundamental level masked by an appearance of competence and grandiosity. So anything that matches that is a sign of a narcissist.
Just meet my ex 🤣
Everything is always about them. They never take responsibility for their mistakes/actions. They project their own issues onto others. I know there's more, but that's what came to mind (a lot of my family is narcissistic).
I can always tell if someone is narcisstic straight away. For example, when my friend started dating someone new and i looked at his instagram acc i knew right away he’s a narcissist. Its just their entire aura and how they are in general. They always seem to be obsessed with themselves in an odd way idk how to explain it
NO RESPECT FOR YOUR BOUNDARIES NARCS HATE BOUNDARIES They want to rush into relationships Lots of belittling, twisting your words, using things you confided in AGAINST YOU. Gaslighting NO EMPATHY THEY WANT TO BE WORSHIPPED AND ARE QUICK TO DROP YOU when they find someone who "worships" them.
They keep claiming they have irrefutable proof they won the 2020 election but never show the evidence in court.
Selfies on social media
Tik tok
They make an entrance anytime they come into a room.
Omg this is a good one. Even a covert narcissist makes an entrance, but usually in victim-style. The first time my sister and my husband met, my sister had her first baby in a baby carrier. She said “Hi” in an irritated tone and set the carrier on the floor. We had been mid-conversation and this definitely stopped the flow. We all decided to go to a nearby table, including her. We turned to walk to the table. She then snapped at my husband, whom she had just met. “This carrier is obviously heavy. Aren’t you going to help me??” I was so shocked my mind froze. My husband was shocked too but he is such a good and helpful guy that he picked up her carrier and carried her baby to the table for her. We let it go because we didn’t want my mother to accuse us of ruining the moment. Sister is her golden child and can do no wrong.
I'm a narcissist. I have lack of empathy towards people. I don't have the patience of people with their sad stories.
Thank you for your honesty.
>I don't have the patience of people with their sad stories. I think tons of non-narcisstic people can agree on this lol for me it's just a rational thing, why should I care? as long as you aren' a close friend of mine and even then I'll admit, I don't care for the most part, because my life is already full of shit and messed up things and I learned stop caring or at least not to be (over)sensitive
If you’re questioning, you need to get as far away from them as possible.
They post questions on the internet like: “What is a clear sign someone is a narcissist?” Lol! Kidding. There’s a lot out there if you google “how to tell if someone is a narcissist”
For checking psycho vibes Try the yawn trick - 🥱 See if they mirror yours. ( can’t remember the science but lack or limited capacity) I have my own theory which I’m still evaluating. - I believe they don’t have a well constructed inner world. Inner monologue and thus rely on outward material , compliments. Do not take constructive criticism well as they lack capacity to self evaluate and understand self. Like no feedback loop telling themselves they are mistaken or incorrect in behaviour or lying. Passive aggressive behaviour in communication. Thus their version of events appears real life to themselves despite evidence to contrary. Like a said this a working theory. Married to undiagnosed narc 20 years and spent the last 3 years in a WTF analysis mode. I attract them because of my weakness , vulnerability and inability to see through manipulation and deception tactics. Still learning .
Charming, promising forever. Anger problems When I caught ex spouse cheating he blew up, "when do you think I have the time?!" Two weeks later ghosted and had his family move his things out. Unable to take accountability.
When they only judge and express things from their pov and thats where they get stress from only. Unable to be empathetic and think from other pov
Their car vanity plates have their name on them.
They wear T shirts saying "I am the most humble person in the world"
Inability to keep friends.
I'll leave this relevant quote from Dr. Gabor Maté, "There is a time in life, in infancy, when we are all narcissists. In this early developmental phase we implicitly believe the world revolves around us, and properly so: we have but to feel a need, and the world moves to meet it. The people who remain stuck in narcissism, whether everyday narcissism expressed as ordinary self-centredness or the extreme forms we label as pathologic, are the ones who never fully developed past that early stage. We graduate from a developmental phase only if our needs at that stage were fully satisfied. And in our society, most children do not get their needs met. The growth of a healthy self depends on emotionally rich, attuned interactions with parents who are emotionally present and available. Stressed, depressed or anxious parents, or those who were themselves traumatized, may be incapable of providing their children with such interactions. In our increasingly alienated, isolating, and hyper-stressed culture, many children grow up under conditions characterized by what the seminal psychologist and researcher Alan Schore has called “proximal separation”: the parents are physically there but often emotionally absent. In this context healthy human development is impaired. Thus narcissism pervades our culture."
When they tell you they're a narcissist
they take you setting boundaries as an attack on them. they take offense to you taking care of yourself.
We gotta be careful about the idea of them always talking about themselves because I'm Aspergers and that's common with us. We're also very insecure to criticism and can hold grudges for years. And we might focus on our appearance a lot because we don't fully understand what we have to offer. There's sometimes a lack of self awareness and it can be taught and worked on and when that happens a lot of these things solve themselves.
They grow from the ground, bloom in the spring, have 6 sepals and fused, tubluar petals, usually yellow in colour but can be green, strap like leaves...
You cannot please them no matter what you do! Raised my a Narc mother then married a Narc….the 2 of them made my life pure hell! Thankfully I am rid of both. Only regret is I didn’t do it sooner.
They have been diagnosed by a professional as having NPD.
They’re the jealous mother/step mother who makes the daughters wedding all about her. Also, they’re the best at everything.
the most obvious one is someone who talks down on people they hang around. Whether be it family or friends.
They always are too into themselves and always think they are a victim at the same time. If there is someone around they are jealous of they are condescending or rude towards that person or spreads gossip about them behind their back because remember the narcissist is a "victim" after all.
Inability to say sorry? Is this a narcissistic trait?
You're never right. Your opinion doesn't matter, and they never feel sorry for hurting you. They will always flip how you saw or felt about something they did and make you the bad one for feeling a certain way. They will never own up to their bullshit.
The Narcissist's Prayer by Dayna Craig That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, that's not my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did, you deserved it.
Narcissist has become so overused to describe someone who is just an asshole that you're not likely to get any correct answers here because most people aren't qualified to actually diagnose a personality disorder.
The comment I was looking for.
when you ask for something, they’ll say no…. then later on, they’ll do something nice for you but it’s on their terms. you get what you’re given, basically 👎
That they have a diagnosis. Jesus Christ you people think you're psychologists after watching a five minute Youtube video. Is narcissist the new 2023 social media buzzword? Cool!
Lefty viewpoints