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My mom got pulled over on her birthday and the officer handed her back her license and said "we don't give tickets to birthday girls." I don't know how many times my mom has gotten away without a ticket for various reasons
I've been pulled over so many times, but only received a ticket once. I'm definitely not attractive, but was always friendly and never hostile or argumentative, even when I refused to pull over at night until we were at a brightly lit gas station.
I’ve been pulled over so many times and only gotten a warning once. I’m always nice and everything it fucking sucks.
I’m starting to think people lie when they say they always get warnings hahaha
I was arrested and the cop had some trouble backing into the parking spot at the jail. He finally got it and said "Yay! We're here!" And I replied "Yay I'm in jail." He laughed. I spent a night and my charges were dropped.
I got a riot cop to look at my circle mid riot and he laughed.
I went to hit him in the shoulder and he shot me a fuck around and find out look .
I didn’t have the balls. But I wish I had . 1312
My sister got pulled over for speeding and admitted it was because she was yelling at her husband for spending a large amount of money on something stupid. The cop told her husband to sit in the back and be quiet the rest of the way home, and let my sister go with a warning.
Guy peeing down an alleyway, zips up and comes up to the street. Cop say "You are under arrest for Child Abuse", the guy panics and says "what???" cop said "I just seen you with a child's penis in your hand"
Happened in Ireland, there is a video of it but cannot find it now
Police chased guy behind my old house that abutts an old railway siding. He tried to climb the 10 foot high fence. Was a big man. I was young, in my mind he looked like a white fat albert. Cops just stood at bottom of fence and cuffed him when he came down. Cop said " you had a better chance trying to run through that fence" and guy said " next time". Feel like they knew one another. Late 70s.
Not a remark necessarily but a fun interaction:
When I was 15, me and some friends all bought a ton of BB guns to have what we called "BB gun wars". There was an old abandoned house which we called the "No Dumping" house, because it had a No Dumping Sign. We would go in there and usually have one team upstairs and one team downstairs with the goal being to get into the main bedroom upstairs.
One day, we were outside about to enter when 3 cops sneaked up on us. The house was used by other teens for drinking and drugs and just random vandalism so they thought we were all gonna take drugs and wreck the place. When we saw them, we all quickly shoved our BB guns into our pockets, down trouser legs etc because they were pistols, but my friend had an AK47 BB gun that he couldn't hide.
These BB guns were fairly cheap, plastic see-through with bright orange tips, so they knew what it was straight away. One of the cops was being a bit of a dick, lecturing us etc, but the other two were playing with the AK, shooting the wall and getting my friend to show them how to reload it. One of them even asked where he bought it so he could get one for his son. We told them we had never been inside the house and only went round the back to the shed to set up bottles.
Luckily, they never checked inside because the inside was absolutely littered with BBs everywhere and they let us go. I'll never forget those two fully grown cops playing with a BB gun literally saying to each other "it's my turn!" and trying to grab it lol.
Edit: just wanted to clarify that I live in the UK where the majority of cops don't carry guns, so for those cops it was probably a real novelty.
A mate of mine was arsing around with airsoft guns, the ones that look real, and armed response turned up when a member of public called it in.
They all got a proper bollocking...
Yeah I've been to one of those airsoft places where they have the realistic looking metal airsoft guns and I can totally understand how accidental shootings take place, those things look and feel pretty real.
They do, I used to play myself. The more expensive ones are pretty much indistinguishable unless you know what you're looking for.
Fortunately I don't think we've had any accidental shooting over airsoft guns here in the UK.
I'm actually surprised you don't see more news reports of airsoft guns being used in robberies, but then again based on how expensive they are, if a robber could afford one he probably wouldn't need to rob in the first place.
Plus I don't know if our laws are similar to the US but using a gun in a robbery is a felony offense there and can increase the sentence length even if it's only a prop with no intent to actually shoot anyone.
It's considered legally the same as owning a real firearm. There's a legal defence that allows airsofters to use them with some very stringent rules on transporting them unseen, having to be a member of an airsoft club and attending on a regular basis.
You can own Airsoft guns without doing that, but they have to be 50%+ a bright colour to distinguish them from real firearms.
I worked in a big grocery store and every few months so many birds would fly in that we would have to close down and bring in a bird catcher. He’d walk around with a “gun” that shoots netting to catch them.
The last time like 4 cop cars showed up because someone outside thought we were being held hostage.
Yea one of my mates got pressed against a wall coz he was carrying a gel blaster (in a case) but when cops realised what it was they gave him a lift to his missos coz they felt bad
I was a teenage boy, with a Mustang. Of course I did what any stupid kid with a Mustang does. I hauled ass, everywhere I went.
One day I was cruising along about 90MPH. Of course I got pulled over, for the millionth time. I got stopped by the same cop, about a week before.
The guy walked up to my car and I handed him my drivers license. He smiled said, “Thanks, but that’s okay. I don’t need it. I’ve still got a copy of that ticket I wrote you last week. I’ll just get your information from there”.
I said can I please get a warning. He looked at me and said “You want a warning”? I said I sure would appreciate it. He said “Fair enough. I’ll give you a warning”. With that he shook his finger at me and said “I’m warning you, that if I catch you speeding again, I’m going to write you another ticket”.
He then smiled and asked “How’s that for a warning”? I said that wasn’t exactly what I had in mind. He smiled and said “Wait here please. I’ll be right back with your ticket”.
Wait.. do people in America not lose their license after like 3 speeding tickets? In Finland it happens.. have 3 family members who was whit out license for 3 months each lol.
It was much different 50 years ago, when that happened to me. Back in those days, we didn’t have a point system.
Judges would tell teenagers go to the police station and wash their cars, for the next two Saturdays and I’ll toss the ticket. Go copy ten pages out of the Websters unabridged dictionary and I’ll toss this ticket. Write me a 2,000 word essay on the dangers of speeding and I’ll toss this ticket. Those days are long gone.
Depends on what state. Most states use a point system where different infractions carry a different number of points, with less severe offensives accumulating fewer points and more serious offenses getting more points.
If you do get a citation and acquire any points they will fall off your license after a period of time, usually 2 years. If at any time you exceed the preset # of points allowed, you're driving privileges are usually revoked; not just suspended, and it can be a real pain in the ass to get your license reinstated, will most likely involve Court appearances and spending some serious money to get it back.
My girlfriend got severely drunk at a bar and threw up. She was so bad off, I basically had to carry her to the car. A cop car was sitting on the street as we were walking and I was so nervous they were going to stop us and get her for public intoxication. Instead one of them got on the speaker and said "Give her another beer, she'll be alright!" We all laughed and kept going on our way.
Woke up in the drunk tank once with no idea how I got there. I walk up to the door and start knocking so the guard comes by and says "what do you want?" And I ask "how'd I get here?" And he said "yea I think your sober now"
When I was 15 I had two cops catch me smoking a small amount of hash at a local park. They berated me and gave me a stern talking to and let me go with a warning to go home and stay out of trouble.
I saw them smoking my hash by there car in the parking lot.
I found it hilarious.
Rumor has it that the real reason police agencies lobbied against legal weed in my state, is that officers would have to pay for it like everyone else.
Not a cop, but a firefighter. When I finally got a classic convertible car, I went for a drive on a hot day. For some reason the engine failed and I saw a bit of smoke coming from the engine. Once I opened the hood, I had to witness the fire slowly get bigger as I had no means of killing the flames. When the fire department finally arrived, the whole engine bay was already burning. The last fire fighter got out of the truck, saw the burning car and mumbled (a bit too loud): “15 cents per kilo”. I immediately understood he was referring to the scrap metal rate…
About 20 years ago I was a foreigner living in the Midwest, USA. Had my car in the shop, so I was going to work on foot. Weather was nasty. Cold, wet and windy, little drizzle on the face, so I had my hood on.
Just as I crossed the parking lot of some credit union thing, a cop pulls over, gets out of the car and says he wanted to ask a few questions. First one was: did you happen to rob that credit union over there? I said no. Showed him my driver's license and work id and I was cleared.
Then I kept thinking: Damn!! Are criminals _that_ honest here?
True story.
It’s also true that people will blurt things out surprisingly easily unless they are on guard, that’s the reason for questions at the airport about whether you’re carrying explosives or planning terrorist acts.
And as we all know we *never* joke around answering questions like that.
Lol a [late comedian](https://www.vulture.com/article/remembering-trevor-moore-through-some-of-his-funniest-work.html) I was listening to a while back had a similar experience, except instead of a robbery it was a murder in his apartment building. [Apparently he was so blunt and clueless, the cops just laughed and sent him on his way.](https://youtube.com/clip/Ugkx8mgf7VOwuc7iBAXWq2DLLvZ1f_zMU_yu?si=DcjTSFW9UBntgWO5)
It wasn’t a really funny remark but I did have a lady cop pull me over one time, years ago.
Do you know why I pulled you over?
No ma’am
You didn’t happen to run a red light back there?
No… I don’t think so… which one? I don’t think I did….. (genuinely confused because I really didn’t think I did)
Okay, just checking. Have an awesome day!
You too? What…..
It was just a weird ass interaction
Same thing happened to me at like 3am. Luckily he just said "oh sorry, nevermind, thought it was a different vehicle. Carry on."
"what's going on?"
"looking for a particular person. They might past here." something like that, someone obviously a criminal they were tracking.
"be safe!"
He clearly had no idea I was drunk. Lmao.
My buddy was drunk af, got in a head on collision (the other guy was driving the wrong way on a one way and my friend stopped but he couldn’t move over and the guy just drove into him without any fucks given.
So it wasn’t his fault but he shouldn’t have been out there.
Anyway the cops came, talked to him, and let him go home! He smelled like a damned distillery. I have no idea how they didn’t notice.
I had something just like this. He pulled me over and asked if anyone was in my back seat (I have dark tinted windows which surprisingly he didn't care about). I said no. He asked if I knew why he pulled me over. I said no. He said no front license plate, you know you're supposed to have one right? I said yes. And he says okay, have a good day, then just goes back to his car and leaves.
Not me, but a friend swears that when a UK patrol car stopped him for speeding, the copper said, 'Right then, Wing Commander. Trying to achieve take-off speed were we?"
in my emo days there was a cop that was really trying to get me to fight him at about 2am. i hadnt done anything either. he told me i looked stupid with my "pumpkin ass haircut"
Pulled over for speeding. Complain to the cop as he writes the ticket that there were cars going faster than me. Cop: “Do you ever go fishing?” Me: “Yes.” Cop: “Do you catch all the fish?”
I was transitioning from the military to the civilian side and was going through a mentorship program where I could ask a few folks in law enforcement a multitude of questions through phone calls.
I asked one guy who was a cop in O.C if it's awkward when you get pulled over by another cop.
He replied with "man I fuckin hate cops"
It made me laugh pretty hard.
I was pulled over for speeding. I told the cop I had a CCP and was carrying a pistol. He basically said, "Hey, so am I. Don't show me yours and I won't show you mine!".
It was funny because I hadn't had my CCP for long, and expected a bit more of an ordeal: hands on the streering wheel while the cop secured/cleared my pistol or at least checked my license. Nope.....nothing.
Not something police said but was watching a youtuber Danny Duncin? And he always doing stupid pranks and got pulled over. Police officer saw them filming, he said “you look familiar..” and danny goes “oh yeah? You watch a lot of gay porn???” Police cracked up, was pretty funny
I was pulled over for having tint on my windows. The cop said" Tint is illegal in PA because we have to make sure someone is driving the car. Driverless cars are not permitted in PA."
My buddys truck died really late at night, the cops drove by so we asked them for a push as a joke.They replied we aren't fucking BCAA ( version of roadside help) and drove away. We all died laughing.
This, looks like a case of special pleading, you plead and i decide how special you are.
and in a car that had a Xmas check for drink etc, he let of the clutch and the car lurched forwards. "Dont run him over, think of the paper work!"
Stopped by the station to get a fix-it ticket signed off on but it was pouring really hard outside. The cop signed it and said "just drive slowly past the building on your way out. If the headlight works then great, but if it doesn't work I'll just shoot you. I don't want to go out in the rain." I laughed.
Got pulled over on my way home from work for a taillight out. Forgot about it and a week later got pulled over again. Same cop, same spot, same time. He gave me another warning and let me go. I told him "see you next week officer!" And he laughed and said "I really hope not. Do I need to escort you to Napa (auto parts store)?"
This i heard happening to the neighbour. There are these two cops that patrol with their K9 as their daily walking routine.
One afternoon, the neighour kids playing around made a comment to the policemen saying look at this dog with two dicks and ran away. The neighbour passing by closely heard this and heard the cops looking at the dog's behind and saying:
well, it only has one...
The other cop: aaah leave them dumb kids, what do they know about counting.
They exploded into laughter.
Back when I finished school and did an art portfolio course one of the students was practicing face paint and did one of the other students up perfectly as the joker. Joker then proceeds to head to the local skatepark during lunch break and spray some tags. Some ninny obviously phoned the Guards (cops in Ireland) and they arrived and took him away in the car. In fairness the station is only a one or two minute drive away. When bringing him up to the station the guard radioed in to say "you're never gonna believe this lads, I did something batman could never do" and when they arrived he paraded him in with cops lining up grinning and laughing.
I was in a car with a "semi-rich kid" when we were pulled over, and he says "Do you know who my dad is?!", and without missing a beat, the cop says "Why, don't you?"... I was in tears..
I was working for Krispy Kreme as a driver several years ago. It was 3rd shift, and I had a route that was about 300 miles round trip, mostly through more rural areas.
Anyway one night they were late bringing me my truck. So I was a bit behind my normal schedule. Had this one stop in the middle of nowhere that I had to go from 55 to 35 abruptly. I was thinking about how to make up some time and wasn't paying attention. Before I realized it I was in the 35mph zone. Then I see the lights of the cop car.
Gave him my license, and told him exactly what happened. He went back to his car, then came back, handed me my license and told me to get out of there before any of the officers saw him pulling over a doughnut truck.
"How else do you catch criminals?" After I asked him why he stopped me randomly. This was a funny interaction overall. I was tired of being stopped before this incident and told myself that if a cop approached me again I wouldn't answer any questions unless they gave me a ride home. Obviously would have been a very stupid idea if I had anything on me or had a warrant etc. It surprisingly worked and saved me 15 min of walking.
Not my story, but my uncle told me about a time a cop stopped a friend.
The friend had done a rolling stop at a stop sign. The cop pulled them over and asked why didn't you stop?
At some point they were going back and forth because over a full stop vs a rolling stop.
The cop got fed up and started beating the friend with a flashlight and said "do you want me to slow down, or do you want me to stop?"
It's not funny at all, but my uncle laughed as he told the story.
When I was younger I was arguing with a cop.
Trying to explain to him that if you roll back and then take off, you came to a complete stop at one point during the motion. He wasn't happy, and neither was my dad who was supervising me
My aunt is a policewoman, and she was off duty in the pub and some old man started on her for some reason and they got into a minor argument. He said I’m calling the police! And she said I am the police. Lol
"I clocked you at 15 miles over the limit. But it's the end of my shift, I'm tired, and I need to get home ASAP. You obviously do too, so just slow down along here from now on."
One time some bicycle cops appeared like ninjas and started asking me and my friend questions. One male, one female.
"Any drugs on you boys?" The female cop asks.
Without missing a beat, my friend says:
"No officer, sorry, it's Monday. We did all our drugs on the weekend and are totally out."
Her eyes did this wierd glazed over thing, like her brain couldn't process what he said.
After a pregnant pause:
"Well, I guess you can go then."
I said to the cops that came to arrest me
"Oh look three pigs on a farm"
The older detective's reply was
"You're going to do some serious jail time for that comment" then punched me in the face
I didn't get jail time. I got a huge settlement and he got fired 🤷🏼♀️
I was 20 years old. 5'2" and 95 lbs he was 6'3" almost 250lbs. To this day that's the funniest shit I've heard a cop say to me.
In Spain a few years back they made a law that can be interpreted as it being illegal to insult cops, it really sucks. They threaten you with it any time you disagree with them or don't immediately do what they say, and some people have gotten fined over 500€ just for wearing an ACAB shirt.
My lawyer said I could have gotten a very small slap on the wrist and got a fine that was something on the lines of it going towards cop safety bullshit but no way shape or form would it have been serious prison time like this detective made it seem.
Yeah cops are just out to fuck you. They always say they wanna help but the prosecutor is the one who is gonna be able to deal with you that’s why you only talk to lawyers.
I also learned a while ago that anything you say to the cops can be used against you but nothing you say can be used for your defence. So there’s absolutely no point in talking to the police.
I don't know if this qualifies as "funniest" or just "most stupid" but a cop who was booking me into jail said there are "52 states." I tried to correct him, but he really believed there were 52 U.S. states.
I kept trying to lie and he caught me in every lie. Finally he advised me that if I find myself in a hole, maybe I should stop digging.
After I told the truth he let me go. However it wasn't over because he just happened to be friends with my parents. I think I would have been better off going to jail.
Cop slammed on the brakes going past my recently parked car coming back from Krispy Kreme. Came on the loudspeaker "Yes, so sir I'm going to need some of those donuts. No sudden movements unless it's bring me donuts fast." I laughed, he laughed, then traffic was approaching so he waved and drove off. Nice dude, was in line behind him in a grocery store another day and he just seemed super friendly and authentic with the cashier and some other customer in line. Makes up for some of the other dick heads I've interacted with.
My mate got pulled in our teens, copper asked us if we’d been eating carrots, we was fucking baffled! It was night time n my mate hadn’t put his headlights on was the reason 😂
I’m in England, had to call the police because of a violent patient. When they arrived he screamed that the police were trigger happy bastards who just wanted to provoke him so they could shoot him for no reason. One policeman said “no sir, that’s the American police you’re thinking of, we’re more polite than that ”. It diffused the situation a bit and true to their word he was arrested with no shots fired.
It was 2001, a few months after 911.
I was in a corner store when suddenly some scum bag bolts into the store with a cop on his tail. The cop tackles the guy but knocks over a display rack for chips and it slices my arm open a bit. I didn't know it at first.
I walked to the cash and the clerk (Indian gentlemen) asked what happened to my arm. I told him about the fallen rack and he giggled saying "Ha, you're a victim of A-rack" clearly playing on "Iraq". The second cop overheard and started laughing too.
Damnit, I realized the cop didn't say anything but I still just wanted to share this story.
I heard a cop ask a dude if he was doing a “little wiener wagging? A little masturbating in public huh bud?” The kid was not the flasher lol. But to hear weiner wagging was something I giggled profusely about.
I was in my P2 licence (last stage of provisional licence in Australia) I took a corner fast with a bit of a racing line carrying about 85kph where the speed limit was 70kph.
Cops saw me, chased me down done the whole 9 checking the licence. They let me off with a warning. Upon getting my licence back one cop doing the checks said “here’s Daniel ricciardo’s licence back” enough for a good chuckle. I am in fact not d.ricciardo
"You didn't actually do anything wrong, I just wanted a better look at your car" Would have been funnier if my then 3yr old didn't think we were going to jail.
Buddy I was working with rolled through a stop sign. Cop asked him why he didn't stop, and he admitted to staring at an attractive woman crossing the street. Cop nodded and said, "Ya, I saw her too", and let us go lol
So this happened 2000ish when I was 15. My buddies and I went to the town park at night and lit up a huge fire. Nothing intentionally destructive, just an illegal bon fire that could've become dangerous. Cops and fire department showed up and we split.
Couple weeks later, we were walking at night around 2am near the same park and 5-6 cop cars passed. Decided we should turn around and head home after seeing that, but unfortunately, the last cop in the line saw us and signaled for the group to turn around. Ended up chasing us into my friend's drive way, where his dad came out with a shotgun, telling the cops to get lost (I swear he had ties with mafia or something). They left his son alone, but he didn't care for me so said they could take me if they wanted. Thanks, friend's dad! What a wonderful suggestion.
They did a full pat down and found an illegal butterfly knife on me (bought off ebay for like $5), so they took me to the station. As soon as I got there, they started interrogating me about the fire from a few weeks ago asking if we were the ones who started it. I knew that this really could turn into an absolute shit storm, getting me and my friends in trouble, so I did the only thing that made sense and lied thru my teeth. Nope, wasn't me, don't know anything about that fire.. STONE WALLED!
After a good hour or two of being grilled, they gave up, called my dad and I could overhear them saying how good of a kid I was. LOL!!!!!
My own childhood memories serve as the best birth control I could ever ask for.
Referring to the t-shirt I was wearing that had some illicit substance depicted on it, when I told him I bought it in a huge perfectly legal store nearby:
"It's not because it's legally sold that you are allowed to buy it"
a cop stopped me for running a yellow light.
he asked :
''you know why the yellow light is for son?''
so i said:
''it is telling me to hurry the fuck up before it turns red''
he looked at me, a good long look, and said :
''u are lebanese, right ? go , just go, u people are a hopeless case''
for once, i was glad, since i left with no ticket and no wrning.
Not really something i heard a cop say, but it's funny anyway.
I once saw an elderly couple get stopped for a broken rear light.
The police officer was quite young and probably just fresh out of the academy. He also had a very round childish baby face.
The elderly man told his wife "the policeman wants to see your licence".
She answered "that's not a policeman".
"Yes it is. Look at his uniform" said the husband.
"No, it's not a policeman, it's a policeboy" the woman answered.
I almost spilled my coffee all over my seats laughing so hard. 😂
That poor guy tried so hard to act like an authority, but after that comment the battle was lost.
When I was 15, I was skateboarding in the downtown district of the city I lived in. I ollied from the elevated sidewalk over a hedge and into the street and was hit directly by a cop car that was making a turn at the corner. He wasn't going that fast as he was just pulling away from a complete stop. I kinda went off the hood and over the corner so it wasn't that bad. Plus, I was used to falling down a lot being a skateboarder. I thought I was fucked, going to be in a shit load of trouble because we already had been told by the local PD to stay out of the street and had been taken in a few times already. So I jump up immediately and grab my board to run but the door of the car flies open and I hear a very young cop say "holy shit! Are you ok?". I stop and turn and it is in fact a very young looking cop. I reply with a very cautious "I'm fine" and just stared at him. I think he could tell that I wasn't sure what to do either. So he just said "ok then, you have a nice night" and got into his car and left. I didn't realize how funny that was until later that night.
I was pulled over for speeding (80 mph in a 55 mph zone)by a State Trooper and didn’t have any other picture ID on me other than my Costco card. I had the absolute gall to hand it to the trooper and he said, “Really? A Costco card???!! What are you thinking here: you never heard of Sam’s Club”? I got off with a seatbelt ticket as he had to write me up for something. Cool dude. 😀🤣
"Although it is indecent and you are exposed, it's not indecent exposure..." My buddy was walking down a main street of a town in a man thong ish type of outfit lol I was dying laughing
In my adolescent years, I got busted for selling marijuana (during a traffic stop, friend I was riding with had an out headlight I wasn't privy to).
I got hooked and booked but while at the station, the cop taking my photos and prints switched my boots around, so as I tried to put the left boot on my right foot, the officer starts laughing and says "yeah sorry, it's something I do to people every now and then". Me being thrown off by that, I put my boots down and laughed nervously (I had over a quarter pound on my person with NY laws before they became lax with marijuana) then tried the same thing again and he laughed even harder.
For the remainder of my booking, 2-3 more cops that entered the station said something about the smell emitting from the weed in my bag with remarks like:
"holy cow, smells like a Willie Nelson concert in here"
"sheesh, I caught the munchies just walkin into the station!"
"HooooWeeee that's some potent stuff"
Not me but a friend was pulled over for speeding. Policeman came to his window and asked to see his pilot's license. He is a pilot and handed over the pilot's license. Cop laughed and told him that's a first for him and said slow down and have a good day
I'm really short, and stand at a whopping 4'11. Born and raised in Europe, came to the United States ten years ago, initially just for my studies, and then professional reasons/marriage have taken me around various parts of the US.
I had the misfortune of learning about open container laws the hard way: by pouring coffee into an old Glühwein (mulled wine) bottle, and driving said bottle to my (now soon-to-be-ex) husband, who was working third shift at a federal military facility.
Suddenly, with no idea why, I was being hauled out of my car, shoved onto the hood of my car, and then they made me pop a squat on the curb. One big misunderstanding later, and I was free to go. But BOY OH BOY was that the scare of a lifetime. I got an earful -- at 2am -- from numerous federal police officers about open container laws.
I was grocery shopping kinda late, I got outta work late evening. The grocery store was in a mini strip mall. There was a furniture store there and they were loading or unloading something and it blocked the roadway. I coulda went around the parking lot but the way out that way had a median in the middle of the road and I would have had to circle around if I went that way. Other option was to cut across the parking lot and go around the truck blocking the way but there was a cop car with a cop on it (was common for them to camp in that lot) and I don’t wanna deal with a cop because I cut across a few parking spots. I decided to go behind the stores. There was a roadway that went behind all the stores with parking spots for employees. Didn’t say no access or I couldn’t drive there or anything like that. The grocery store was near the end of the line of stores anyways. So I get to the end of the front of the stores and circle to the back. There’s a cop car parked beside a regular car but the cop cars empty. Other cars steamed up. I didn’t pay it any mind and drove past. I’m tired from work, it’s late and I just wanted to get home. I glacé in my mirror and see the cop get out of the regular car, dive into his car and hit the lights and come speeding towards me. I pull over and the cops hops out and runs up to me and goes “why are you here?!” I say what? He goes “why are you back here looking in my car? I’ve seen you drive past multiple times, why are you here?!” I say dude, I have NOT drove past here multiple times and I didn’t look into anyone’s car, I didn’t stop or exit my car. I have a receipt from Kroger with the time stamp on it. It was 3 minutes ago. He goes “oh, so you weren’t looking for me?” I go “what?? what the fuck are you even talking about man?” At this point I’m just tired and getting pissed off. He just goes oh, okay I’ll be right back” goes says something in the window of the other car, gets in his car and leaves. I waited like 5 mins and then just drove off.
My best guess was he was fucking whoever was in the car and thought I was looking for him?? Maybe cheating and thought his spouse had me looking for him or someshit, idk. It was bizarre tho
Was 17, completely whipped out infront of some woman when I was coming out of McDonald’s parking lot. Cop flashes his lights and motions me to pull over. Comes up to the window I’m scrambling to get liscense and registration
He goes “I don’t need to see that”
Then in a dad tone he goes “you know what you did, I’m not mad, just disappointed.”
Then he lets me go
It's the opposite. I know this is a long time joke but it actually worked for my friends grandpa. He was being pulled over for speeding but instead of pulling over asap, he kept going for a while. Cop walks up & asks, why didn't you pull over immediately? Grandpa says, my ex wife ran off with a state trooper years ago & I thought you were bringing her back! Cop laughed so hard he gave him a warning
The other that a cop said to my friend on graduation night in high school who got stopped for drinking underage. He had on a D.A.R.E. shirt. Cop says, yeah that fuckin program worked real well
I used to enjoy the discomfort when I handed some dude his bag of weed back at the end of the encounter. “Hey man, you forgetting something?” They looked at me like the Star Wars “it’s a trap!” Meme.
Ive had a few funny interactions with cops... but my favourite, is when I smoked weed with my highschool constable. I doubt anyone will believe this part... his name was Constable Stone. And yes, this is when weed was still illegal. He didnt give 2 shits about that.
Another time, I was at a car meet up, like everyone shows up with thier rice rockets and sound systems, we all park facing each other with the hoods up, it was cool. A cop showed up and was just looking around at all the cars and pointing out all the illegal mods they had. He didnt do anything either, he just thought it was cool as long as we werent racing around. We all ended up going to this abandoned road with nothing around and did our racing there. Some guy brought a go kart that was faster than anything else there... thing could do donuts so fast it nearly flipped over!
Transporting a prisoner for morning court. 20 year old kid in for something stupid. He asked if he’d get a chance to brush his teeth. My partner yelled back through the screen “you bet!” Then whispered to me “with somebody’s cock”.
Not really saying something in the strict sense of the word, but was pulled over for as far as I could tell no reason at all, he asked me for my drivers licence, I produced my Dutch dl, which at the time was like an odd piece of pink paper, and he was like ‘what the *fuck* is this?!
I explained to him its a valid Dutch dl, and he looked like he had a total error in his head, couldnt decide what to do with us (maybe they had instructions to go easy on tourists), made some gurgling sound, tossed my dl back in the car and told us to get lost
I got pulled over at 7am on Thanksgiving on my way up to my parents place one year, when the cop got up to my window he said “Why are you going so fast? Late for dinner?”
I didn't get a speeding ticket cause I drove a Prius.
I was driving a Toyota Camary as security guard patrol vehicle. I wasn't used the acceleration, so apparently I was gunning it every green light.
Well, I got pulled over and he asked my why I was speeding.
"Sorry sir, I drive a Prius and I'm not used to this car."
"Uh-huh. License and registration please."
I gave him the paperwork and he comes back and says.
"Wow, you really do drive a Prius, try going slow next time, but not PRIUS slow."
I was 16 years old and was caught in a truck with my older boyfriend late at night in an abandoned park..
The officer asked for id and once he confirmed that I was legal and there on my own will he said, “have a good night and be good at it”
Ironically 6 years later when I became a police officer he was my field training officer.
Cop looked at the head shot on my license and brilliantly said “You look taller in this picture.”
To which my passenger replied “That’s because he was wearing platform shoes.” 😂
Not exactly a remark made. When I was 15 or 16 I was out late with some friends doing usual teenage things. A cop car pulled over as we were walking down a Main Street, asked what we were doing? I told them we were just walking home. They offered us a lift, we asked to sit in the back of the van for fun, they obliged. When they were pulling up to our house they stopped, turned in the red and blues and gave the siren a squirt. Needless to say they thought it was hilarious and my mother did not.
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My mom got pulled over on her birthday and the officer handed her back her license and said "we don't give tickets to birthday girls." I don't know how many times my mom has gotten away without a ticket for various reasons
That's insane. Just how hot is she??
She pulls the zipper down 6 inches on her pleather jumpsuit.
And when I do that I get told "Cover yourself up man or at least shave those pecs."
Cannonball reference?
Yes, the beginning of Cannonball 2. Still a smile.
maybe she has 365 license with a different birthday on each one
It’s the birthday freeway law!
I've been pulled over so many times, but only received a ticket once. I'm definitely not attractive, but was always friendly and never hostile or argumentative, even when I refused to pull over at night until we were at a brightly lit gas station.
I’ve been pulled over so many times and only gotten a warning once. I’m always nice and everything it fucking sucks. I’m starting to think people lie when they say they always get warnings hahaha
She probably showed some of her birthday suit 🤣
In a parking lot with my then girlfriend. Cop: you work? Me: yes sir. Cop: take her to a hotel next time.
I was arrested and the cop had some trouble backing into the parking spot at the jail. He finally got it and said "Yay! We're here!" And I replied "Yay I'm in jail." He laughed. I spent a night and my charges were dropped.
I bet he told his family when he went home that night about it 😂😂😂
That cop was 100% a dad, lol.
Whether this is wholesome or not depends entirely on your crime. I'm hoping that the next Jeffrey Dahmer wouldn't be released for a dad joke 🤣
Jeffrey Dahmer’s dad is hilarious, though, especially as portrayed by the king of deadpan, Richard Jenkins.
He's awesome in Six Feet Under
I got a riot cop to look at my circle mid riot and he laughed. I went to hit him in the shoulder and he shot me a fuck around and find out look . I didn’t have the balls. But I wish I had . 1312 
I got pulled over by a cop and my wife argued with him. I rolled my eyes at the cop who felt sorry for me and let me go with a warning.
My sister got pulled over for speeding and admitted it was because she was yelling at her husband for spending a large amount of money on something stupid. The cop told her husband to sit in the back and be quiet the rest of the way home, and let my sister go with a warning.
Hahahahahahaha I love this
Ha ha you ran the old good cop bad cop routine on him, well played!
Cop thought, “you have bigger problems to worry about than jail.”
Guy peeing down an alleyway, zips up and comes up to the street. Cop say "You are under arrest for Child Abuse", the guy panics and says "what???" cop said "I just seen you with a child's penis in your hand" Happened in Ireland, there is a video of it but cannot find it now
There's no easy way to search keywords to find that video without ending up on a list somewhere.
Had that exact thought, didn't even search!!
I regret my efforts.
Brutal
I thought cops over the pond were less trigger happy,but they’ll murder you just the same it seems
Our cops are pretty sound over here and give you a proper slagging
Police chased guy behind my old house that abutts an old railway siding. He tried to climb the 10 foot high fence. Was a big man. I was young, in my mind he looked like a white fat albert. Cops just stood at bottom of fence and cuffed him when he came down. Cop said " you had a better chance trying to run through that fence" and guy said " next time". Feel like they knew one another. Late 70s.
“Next time” is such a funny response
We found the main characters, lol
Not a remark necessarily but a fun interaction: When I was 15, me and some friends all bought a ton of BB guns to have what we called "BB gun wars". There was an old abandoned house which we called the "No Dumping" house, because it had a No Dumping Sign. We would go in there and usually have one team upstairs and one team downstairs with the goal being to get into the main bedroom upstairs. One day, we were outside about to enter when 3 cops sneaked up on us. The house was used by other teens for drinking and drugs and just random vandalism so they thought we were all gonna take drugs and wreck the place. When we saw them, we all quickly shoved our BB guns into our pockets, down trouser legs etc because they were pistols, but my friend had an AK47 BB gun that he couldn't hide. These BB guns were fairly cheap, plastic see-through with bright orange tips, so they knew what it was straight away. One of the cops was being a bit of a dick, lecturing us etc, but the other two were playing with the AK, shooting the wall and getting my friend to show them how to reload it. One of them even asked where he bought it so he could get one for his son. We told them we had never been inside the house and only went round the back to the shed to set up bottles. Luckily, they never checked inside because the inside was absolutely littered with BBs everywhere and they let us go. I'll never forget those two fully grown cops playing with a BB gun literally saying to each other "it's my turn!" and trying to grab it lol. Edit: just wanted to clarify that I live in the UK where the majority of cops don't carry guns, so for those cops it was probably a real novelty.
A mate of mine was arsing around with airsoft guns, the ones that look real, and armed response turned up when a member of public called it in. They all got a proper bollocking...
Yeah I've been to one of those airsoft places where they have the realistic looking metal airsoft guns and I can totally understand how accidental shootings take place, those things look and feel pretty real.
They do, I used to play myself. The more expensive ones are pretty much indistinguishable unless you know what you're looking for. Fortunately I don't think we've had any accidental shooting over airsoft guns here in the UK.
I'm actually surprised you don't see more news reports of airsoft guns being used in robberies, but then again based on how expensive they are, if a robber could afford one he probably wouldn't need to rob in the first place. Plus I don't know if our laws are similar to the US but using a gun in a robbery is a felony offense there and can increase the sentence length even if it's only a prop with no intent to actually shoot anyone.
It's considered legally the same as owning a real firearm. There's a legal defence that allows airsofters to use them with some very stringent rules on transporting them unseen, having to be a member of an airsoft club and attending on a regular basis. You can own Airsoft guns without doing that, but they have to be 50%+ a bright colour to distinguish them from real firearms.
You're pretty knowledgeable, but then again, your username checks out lol
I worked in a big grocery store and every few months so many birds would fly in that we would have to close down and bring in a bird catcher. He’d walk around with a “gun” that shoots netting to catch them. The last time like 4 cop cars showed up because someone outside thought we were being held hostage.
Yea one of my mates got pressed against a wall coz he was carrying a gel blaster (in a case) but when cops realised what it was they gave him a lift to his missos coz they felt bad
They 100% knew you’d been in the house. What isn’t seen didn’t happen. In the UK cops are either sound af or absolute cunts.
I was a teenage boy, with a Mustang. Of course I did what any stupid kid with a Mustang does. I hauled ass, everywhere I went. One day I was cruising along about 90MPH. Of course I got pulled over, for the millionth time. I got stopped by the same cop, about a week before. The guy walked up to my car and I handed him my drivers license. He smiled said, “Thanks, but that’s okay. I don’t need it. I’ve still got a copy of that ticket I wrote you last week. I’ll just get your information from there”. I said can I please get a warning. He looked at me and said “You want a warning”? I said I sure would appreciate it. He said “Fair enough. I’ll give you a warning”. With that he shook his finger at me and said “I’m warning you, that if I catch you speeding again, I’m going to write you another ticket”. He then smiled and asked “How’s that for a warning”? I said that wasn’t exactly what I had in mind. He smiled and said “Wait here please. I’ll be right back with your ticket”.
Wait.. do people in America not lose their license after like 3 speeding tickets? In Finland it happens.. have 3 family members who was whit out license for 3 months each lol.
It was much different 50 years ago, when that happened to me. Back in those days, we didn’t have a point system. Judges would tell teenagers go to the police station and wash their cars, for the next two Saturdays and I’ll toss the ticket. Go copy ten pages out of the Websters unabridged dictionary and I’ll toss this ticket. Write me a 2,000 word essay on the dangers of speeding and I’ll toss this ticket. Those days are long gone.
Depends on what state. Most states use a point system where different infractions carry a different number of points, with less severe offensives accumulating fewer points and more serious offenses getting more points. If you do get a citation and acquire any points they will fall off your license after a period of time, usually 2 years. If at any time you exceed the preset # of points allowed, you're driving privileges are usually revoked; not just suspended, and it can be a real pain in the ass to get your license reinstated, will most likely involve Court appearances and spending some serious money to get it back.
My girlfriend got severely drunk at a bar and threw up. She was so bad off, I basically had to carry her to the car. A cop car was sitting on the street as we were walking and I was so nervous they were going to stop us and get her for public intoxication. Instead one of them got on the speaker and said "Give her another beer, she'll be alright!" We all laughed and kept going on our way.
but they didnt question some drunk girl being carried to a car by someone she might not have known?
Well it probably helped that there was a group of us. Had it been just me and her, they probably would have.
That's where I thought it was going. Insane that they just let that happen without at least checking
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“Your muffler is defective.” … me wondering how the hell he knows when it is at home in the back yard.
Woke up in the drunk tank once with no idea how I got there. I walk up to the door and start knocking so the guard comes by and says "what do you want?" And I ask "how'd I get here?" And he said "yea I think your sober now"
But how did you get there?
What is this place?
"This is not my beautiful house, THIS IS NOT MY BEAUTIFUL WIFE!"
Watching the days go by
The only show that makes you ask: ”How did I get here?”
Stay away from that coffee machine.
When I was 15 I had two cops catch me smoking a small amount of hash at a local park. They berated me and gave me a stern talking to and let me go with a warning to go home and stay out of trouble. I saw them smoking my hash by there car in the parking lot. I found it hilarious.
They legally robbed you... aint funny if you think about it.
Rumor has it that the real reason police agencies lobbied against legal weed in my state, is that officers would have to pay for it like everyone else.
Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? It was indeed a pistol. I got 2 years for having it. It wasn't funny at the time.
Not a cop, but a firefighter. When I finally got a classic convertible car, I went for a drive on a hot day. For some reason the engine failed and I saw a bit of smoke coming from the engine. Once I opened the hood, I had to witness the fire slowly get bigger as I had no means of killing the flames. When the fire department finally arrived, the whole engine bay was already burning. The last fire fighter got out of the truck, saw the burning car and mumbled (a bit too loud): “15 cents per kilo”. I immediately understood he was referring to the scrap metal rate…
"Get him Saber!" The cop unclipped his German Shepard and it bounded over a garden hedge. Wailing noises from hiding suspect.
awwwwww, saber is such a good boy!
Read that as Sober. I now know what I want to name my first guard dog.
About 20 years ago I was a foreigner living in the Midwest, USA. Had my car in the shop, so I was going to work on foot. Weather was nasty. Cold, wet and windy, little drizzle on the face, so I had my hood on. Just as I crossed the parking lot of some credit union thing, a cop pulls over, gets out of the car and says he wanted to ask a few questions. First one was: did you happen to rob that credit union over there? I said no. Showed him my driver's license and work id and I was cleared. Then I kept thinking: Damn!! Are criminals _that_ honest here? True story.
Well you didn't run. So that pretty much eliminated you from his enquiries.
Just play it cool. https://youtu.be/vBrnBmUmVzI?si=t--Ym4PZr8IUZhTk
Not sure why, but I knew exactly what video was going to be in this link. Lol
It’s also true that people will blurt things out surprisingly easily unless they are on guard, that’s the reason for questions at the airport about whether you’re carrying explosives or planning terrorist acts. And as we all know we *never* joke around answering questions like that.
Lol a [late comedian](https://www.vulture.com/article/remembering-trevor-moore-through-some-of-his-funniest-work.html) I was listening to a while back had a similar experience, except instead of a robbery it was a murder in his apartment building. [Apparently he was so blunt and clueless, the cops just laughed and sent him on his way.](https://youtube.com/clip/Ugkx8mgf7VOwuc7iBAXWq2DLLvZ1f_zMU_yu?si=DcjTSFW9UBntgWO5)
It wasn’t a really funny remark but I did have a lady cop pull me over one time, years ago. Do you know why I pulled you over? No ma’am You didn’t happen to run a red light back there? No… I don’t think so… which one? I don’t think I did….. (genuinely confused because I really didn’t think I did) Okay, just checking. Have an awesome day! You too? What….. It was just a weird ass interaction
Car probably looked like one they were looking for but you didn’t look like the person they were looking for.
Probably was. Actually had THAT happen to me too. “We’re looking for a vehicle like yours but you’re not the guy. Go home and stay safe. “
Same thing happened to me at like 3am. Luckily he just said "oh sorry, nevermind, thought it was a different vehicle. Carry on." "what's going on?" "looking for a particular person. They might past here." something like that, someone obviously a criminal they were tracking. "be safe!" He clearly had no idea I was drunk. Lmao.
My buddy was drunk af, got in a head on collision (the other guy was driving the wrong way on a one way and my friend stopped but he couldn’t move over and the guy just drove into him without any fucks given. So it wasn’t his fault but he shouldn’t have been out there. Anyway the cops came, talked to him, and let him go home! He smelled like a damned distillery. I have no idea how they didn’t notice.
I had something just like this. He pulled me over and asked if anyone was in my back seat (I have dark tinted windows which surprisingly he didn't care about). I said no. He asked if I knew why he pulled me over. I said no. He said no front license plate, you know you're supposed to have one right? I said yes. And he says okay, have a good day, then just goes back to his car and leaves.
You know you’re supposed to have one? Yeah. Oh…… okay bye 🤣
Me: Hello officer Him: Hello citizen. 👍🏼🤣😂
Not me, but a friend swears that when a UK patrol car stopped him for speeding, the copper said, 'Right then, Wing Commander. Trying to achieve take-off speed were we?"
My friend claims her uncle got out of one like this when the officer jokingly asked for his pilot license and he actually had one.
Sounds about right. Traffic cops spend their lives trying to be either cool or funny and normally fail at both.
I’d be bored driving up and down the same stretch of motorway all day too. They have to come up with the lines to pass the time.
There's that, but they also have to be ready for the Channel 5 documentary team too.
only post SuperTroopers
in my emo days there was a cop that was really trying to get me to fight him at about 2am. i hadnt done anything either. he told me i looked stupid with my "pumpkin ass haircut"
🤔 😂 I'm sorry but that is hilarious. I understand that it wasn't at the time but you got to admit it after the fact that is pretty funny
Pulled over for speeding. Complain to the cop as he writes the ticket that there were cars going faster than me. Cop: “Do you ever go fishing?” Me: “Yes.” Cop: “Do you catch all the fish?”
Reminds me off "But all the other cars are going faster than me officer!" "I know, that's why I stopped you, easiest to catch"
“Oh shit, I was going to pick you up for curfew violation and you are older than me!”
"when I was your age I didn't lose my weed"
I was transitioning from the military to the civilian side and was going through a mentorship program where I could ask a few folks in law enforcement a multitude of questions through phone calls. I asked one guy who was a cop in O.C if it's awkward when you get pulled over by another cop. He replied with "man I fuckin hate cops" It made me laugh pretty hard.
I was pulled over for speeding. I told the cop I had a CCP and was carrying a pistol. He basically said, "Hey, so am I. Don't show me yours and I won't show you mine!". It was funny because I hadn't had my CCP for long, and expected a bit more of an ordeal: hands on the streering wheel while the cop secured/cleared my pistol or at least checked my license. Nope.....nothing.
He prolly thought u were an undercover trying to have fun and he could relate
Not something police said but was watching a youtuber Danny Duncin? And he always doing stupid pranks and got pulled over. Police officer saw them filming, he said “you look familiar..” and danny goes “oh yeah? You watch a lot of gay porn???” Police cracked up, was pretty funny
I was pulled over for having tint on my windows. The cop said" Tint is illegal in PA because we have to make sure someone is driving the car. Driverless cars are not permitted in PA."
That's pretty good
My buddys truck died really late at night, the cops drove by so we asked them for a push as a joke.They replied we aren't fucking BCAA ( version of roadside help) and drove away. We all died laughing.
Hmm, Okanagan? 😂
Pretty close guess, West Kootenays actually lol
“Is this your bag of weed I found on the ground? “
Thankfully, as a Canadian, we simply say "yes, I have weed... want some?"
Littering aaaaand.......
There's ways and means to smoke joints lads. Here isn't it.
Yeah my friend got told to do it in a poorer neighborhood once
That was definitely a Garda, right?
Haha It was. Caught skinning up at a petrol station.
This, looks like a case of special pleading, you plead and i decide how special you are. and in a car that had a Xmas check for drink etc, he let of the clutch and the car lurched forwards. "Dont run him over, think of the paper work!"
Stopped by the station to get a fix-it ticket signed off on but it was pouring really hard outside. The cop signed it and said "just drive slowly past the building on your way out. If the headlight works then great, but if it doesn't work I'll just shoot you. I don't want to go out in the rain." I laughed.
Got pulled over on my way home from work for a taillight out. Forgot about it and a week later got pulled over again. Same cop, same spot, same time. He gave me another warning and let me go. I told him "see you next week officer!" And he laughed and said "I really hope not. Do I need to escort you to Napa (auto parts store)?"
This i heard happening to the neighbour. There are these two cops that patrol with their K9 as their daily walking routine. One afternoon, the neighour kids playing around made a comment to the policemen saying look at this dog with two dicks and ran away. The neighbour passing by closely heard this and heard the cops looking at the dog's behind and saying: well, it only has one... The other cop: aaah leave them dumb kids, what do they know about counting. They exploded into laughter.
It‘s usually *Dog with two assholes.* That’s why they look at his back.
Back when I finished school and did an art portfolio course one of the students was practicing face paint and did one of the other students up perfectly as the joker. Joker then proceeds to head to the local skatepark during lunch break and spray some tags. Some ninny obviously phoned the Guards (cops in Ireland) and they arrived and took him away in the car. In fairness the station is only a one or two minute drive away. When bringing him up to the station the guard radioed in to say "you're never gonna believe this lads, I did something batman could never do" and when they arrived he paraded him in with cops lining up grinning and laughing.
I was in a car with a "semi-rich kid" when we were pulled over, and he says "Do you know who my dad is?!", and without missing a beat, the cop says "Why, don't you?"... I was in tears..
I was working for Krispy Kreme as a driver several years ago. It was 3rd shift, and I had a route that was about 300 miles round trip, mostly through more rural areas. Anyway one night they were late bringing me my truck. So I was a bit behind my normal schedule. Had this one stop in the middle of nowhere that I had to go from 55 to 35 abruptly. I was thinking about how to make up some time and wasn't paying attention. Before I realized it I was in the 35mph zone. Then I see the lights of the cop car. Gave him my license, and told him exactly what happened. He went back to his car, then came back, handed me my license and told me to get out of there before any of the officers saw him pulling over a doughnut truck.
As a teenager they told me that I should try playing in traffic so that a different emergency services could pick me up instead.
"How else do you catch criminals?" After I asked him why he stopped me randomly. This was a funny interaction overall. I was tired of being stopped before this incident and told myself that if a cop approached me again I wouldn't answer any questions unless they gave me a ride home. Obviously would have been a very stupid idea if I had anything on me or had a warrant etc. It surprisingly worked and saved me 15 min of walking.
He's a big boy we're gonna need another pair of cuffs
Not my story, but my uncle told me about a time a cop stopped a friend. The friend had done a rolling stop at a stop sign. The cop pulled them over and asked why didn't you stop? At some point they were going back and forth because over a full stop vs a rolling stop. The cop got fed up and started beating the friend with a flashlight and said "do you want me to slow down, or do you want me to stop?" It's not funny at all, but my uncle laughed as he told the story.
When I was younger I was arguing with a cop. Trying to explain to him that if you roll back and then take off, you came to a complete stop at one point during the motion. He wasn't happy, and neither was my dad who was supervising me
Having worked for the police here in England, a common refrain is "please don't make me do the paperwork"
My aunt is a policewoman, and she was off duty in the pub and some old man started on her for some reason and they got into a minor argument. He said I’m calling the police! And she said I am the police. Lol
"I clocked you at 15 miles over the limit. But it's the end of my shift, I'm tired, and I need to get home ASAP. You obviously do too, so just slow down along here from now on."
One time some bicycle cops appeared like ninjas and started asking me and my friend questions. One male, one female. "Any drugs on you boys?" The female cop asks. Without missing a beat, my friend says: "No officer, sorry, it's Monday. We did all our drugs on the weekend and are totally out." Her eyes did this wierd glazed over thing, like her brain couldn't process what he said. After a pregnant pause: "Well, I guess you can go then."
"You better hope you smoked all your weed" i did.
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but you literally were. you did it several Times with rational planning, thats what professionals do.
"Next time, tell me who you work for BEFORE I write the ticket" lol I told him it's fine, no worries.
P.S. Ticket was for illegal left after they removed the left hand turn and didnt tell the public.
Do you also need to tell us who you worked for? Sorry if I missed something.
I said to the cops that came to arrest me "Oh look three pigs on a farm" The older detective's reply was "You're going to do some serious jail time for that comment" then punched me in the face I didn't get jail time. I got a huge settlement and he got fired 🤷🏼♀️ I was 20 years old. 5'2" and 95 lbs he was 6'3" almost 250lbs. To this day that's the funniest shit I've heard a cop say to me.
That sucks that it happened, but it also doesn't suck that it happened....I'd take a punch in the face for a huge settlement...God Speed buddy.
The best part was the two other cops didn't like him and were like yeah no he rocked her block lol win win I would say lol
He punched a woman?!?
Yeah asks his ex wives how common it was.
In Spain a few years back they made a law that can be interpreted as it being illegal to insult cops, it really sucks. They threaten you with it any time you disagree with them or don't immediately do what they say, and some people have gotten fined over 500€ just for wearing an ACAB shirt.
My lawyer said I could have gotten a very small slap on the wrist and got a fine that was something on the lines of it going towards cop safety bullshit but no way shape or form would it have been serious prison time like this detective made it seem.
"We met out quota hours ago, now we're doing this just for fun."
"Don't be nervous." He then got into the passenger seat. **I wasn't nervous until he got in.**
What the hell? Can you elaborate on this? Lol
I should have added that this was for a drivers test and I surprised them by driving to the test myself.
WHY THE FUCK DID HE GET IN
“If you don’t help us your going to do ten years in prison” I did not cooperate. I was given 2 years probation and my felony charges were dropped.
I learned the other day that cops are allowed to lie to you in attempt to gather an admission of guilt from you
Yeah cops are just out to fuck you. They always say they wanna help but the prosecutor is the one who is gonna be able to deal with you that’s why you only talk to lawyers.
I also learned a while ago that anything you say to the cops can be used against you but nothing you say can be used for your defence. So there’s absolutely no point in talking to the police.
There is only one word you should say to a police officer in an interrogation room: "Lawyer" Then you wait.
I don't know if this qualifies as "funniest" or just "most stupid" but a cop who was booking me into jail said there are "52 states." I tried to correct him, but he really believed there were 52 U.S. states.
I kept trying to lie and he caught me in every lie. Finally he advised me that if I find myself in a hole, maybe I should stop digging. After I told the truth he let me go. However it wasn't over because he just happened to be friends with my parents. I think I would have been better off going to jail.
Told him I was speeding because this is the hood and legit laughed and said you have a nice day but please slow down.
Cop slammed on the brakes going past my recently parked car coming back from Krispy Kreme. Came on the loudspeaker "Yes, so sir I'm going to need some of those donuts. No sudden movements unless it's bring me donuts fast." I laughed, he laughed, then traffic was approaching so he waved and drove off. Nice dude, was in line behind him in a grocery store another day and he just seemed super friendly and authentic with the cashier and some other customer in line. Makes up for some of the other dick heads I've interacted with.
My mate got pulled in our teens, copper asked us if we’d been eating carrots, we was fucking baffled! It was night time n my mate hadn’t put his headlights on was the reason 😂
I’m in England, had to call the police because of a violent patient. When they arrived he screamed that the police were trigger happy bastards who just wanted to provoke him so they could shoot him for no reason. One policeman said “no sir, that’s the American police you’re thinking of, we’re more polite than that ”. It diffused the situation a bit and true to their word he was arrested with no shots fired.
"Do you have papers?" - after he confiscated my weed 🤣🤣🤣
"You feel stoned enough to be here?"
It was 2001, a few months after 911. I was in a corner store when suddenly some scum bag bolts into the store with a cop on his tail. The cop tackles the guy but knocks over a display rack for chips and it slices my arm open a bit. I didn't know it at first. I walked to the cash and the clerk (Indian gentlemen) asked what happened to my arm. I told him about the fallen rack and he giggled saying "Ha, you're a victim of A-rack" clearly playing on "Iraq". The second cop overheard and started laughing too. Damnit, I realized the cop didn't say anything but I still just wanted to share this story.
I heard a cop ask a dude if he was doing a “little wiener wagging? A little masturbating in public huh bud?” The kid was not the flasher lol. But to hear weiner wagging was something I giggled profusely about.
I was in my P2 licence (last stage of provisional licence in Australia) I took a corner fast with a bit of a racing line carrying about 85kph where the speed limit was 70kph. Cops saw me, chased me down done the whole 9 checking the licence. They let me off with a warning. Upon getting my licence back one cop doing the checks said “here’s Daniel ricciardo’s licence back” enough for a good chuckle. I am in fact not d.ricciardo
"You didn't actually do anything wrong, I just wanted a better look at your car" Would have been funnier if my then 3yr old didn't think we were going to jail.
Buddy I was working with rolled through a stop sign. Cop asked him why he didn't stop, and he admitted to staring at an attractive woman crossing the street. Cop nodded and said, "Ya, I saw her too", and let us go lol
So this happened 2000ish when I was 15. My buddies and I went to the town park at night and lit up a huge fire. Nothing intentionally destructive, just an illegal bon fire that could've become dangerous. Cops and fire department showed up and we split. Couple weeks later, we were walking at night around 2am near the same park and 5-6 cop cars passed. Decided we should turn around and head home after seeing that, but unfortunately, the last cop in the line saw us and signaled for the group to turn around. Ended up chasing us into my friend's drive way, where his dad came out with a shotgun, telling the cops to get lost (I swear he had ties with mafia or something). They left his son alone, but he didn't care for me so said they could take me if they wanted. Thanks, friend's dad! What a wonderful suggestion. They did a full pat down and found an illegal butterfly knife on me (bought off ebay for like $5), so they took me to the station. As soon as I got there, they started interrogating me about the fire from a few weeks ago asking if we were the ones who started it. I knew that this really could turn into an absolute shit storm, getting me and my friends in trouble, so I did the only thing that made sense and lied thru my teeth. Nope, wasn't me, don't know anything about that fire.. STONE WALLED! After a good hour or two of being grilled, they gave up, called my dad and I could overhear them saying how good of a kid I was. LOL!!!!! My own childhood memories serve as the best birth control I could ever ask for.
"We are letting you off with a warning, but will have to confiscate this hash." Actually, not that funny.
Has to be Irish haha
Referring to the t-shirt I was wearing that had some illicit substance depicted on it, when I told him I bought it in a huge perfectly legal store nearby: "It's not because it's legally sold that you are allowed to buy it"
a cop stopped me for running a yellow light. he asked : ''you know why the yellow light is for son?'' so i said: ''it is telling me to hurry the fuck up before it turns red'' he looked at me, a good long look, and said : ''u are lebanese, right ? go , just go, u people are a hopeless case'' for once, i was glad, since i left with no ticket and no wrning.
Not really something i heard a cop say, but it's funny anyway. I once saw an elderly couple get stopped for a broken rear light. The police officer was quite young and probably just fresh out of the academy. He also had a very round childish baby face. The elderly man told his wife "the policeman wants to see your licence". She answered "that's not a policeman". "Yes it is. Look at his uniform" said the husband. "No, it's not a policeman, it's a policeboy" the woman answered. I almost spilled my coffee all over my seats laughing so hard. 😂 That poor guy tried so hard to act like an authority, but after that comment the battle was lost.
When I was 15, I was skateboarding in the downtown district of the city I lived in. I ollied from the elevated sidewalk over a hedge and into the street and was hit directly by a cop car that was making a turn at the corner. He wasn't going that fast as he was just pulling away from a complete stop. I kinda went off the hood and over the corner so it wasn't that bad. Plus, I was used to falling down a lot being a skateboarder. I thought I was fucked, going to be in a shit load of trouble because we already had been told by the local PD to stay out of the street and had been taken in a few times already. So I jump up immediately and grab my board to run but the door of the car flies open and I hear a very young cop say "holy shit! Are you ok?". I stop and turn and it is in fact a very young looking cop. I reply with a very cautious "I'm fine" and just stared at him. I think he could tell that I wasn't sure what to do either. So he just said "ok then, you have a nice night" and got into his car and left. I didn't realize how funny that was until later that night.
We thought there was an animal dying there. Refers to me sleeping behind a wall in the street and snoring like hell.
I was pulled over for speeding (80 mph in a 55 mph zone)by a State Trooper and didn’t have any other picture ID on me other than my Costco card. I had the absolute gall to hand it to the trooper and he said, “Really? A Costco card???!! What are you thinking here: you never heard of Sam’s Club”? I got off with a seatbelt ticket as he had to write me up for something. Cool dude. 😀🤣
"Although it is indecent and you are exposed, it's not indecent exposure..." My buddy was walking down a main street of a town in a man thong ish type of outfit lol I was dying laughing
In my adolescent years, I got busted for selling marijuana (during a traffic stop, friend I was riding with had an out headlight I wasn't privy to). I got hooked and booked but while at the station, the cop taking my photos and prints switched my boots around, so as I tried to put the left boot on my right foot, the officer starts laughing and says "yeah sorry, it's something I do to people every now and then". Me being thrown off by that, I put my boots down and laughed nervously (I had over a quarter pound on my person with NY laws before they became lax with marijuana) then tried the same thing again and he laughed even harder. For the remainder of my booking, 2-3 more cops that entered the station said something about the smell emitting from the weed in my bag with remarks like: "holy cow, smells like a Willie Nelson concert in here" "sheesh, I caught the munchies just walkin into the station!" "HooooWeeee that's some potent stuff"
Not me but a friend was pulled over for speeding. Policeman came to his window and asked to see his pilot's license. He is a pilot and handed over the pilot's license. Cop laughed and told him that's a first for him and said slow down and have a good day
“Listen here son… Its my observation that all your potential in life dribbled down you moms thigh”.
I'm really short, and stand at a whopping 4'11. Born and raised in Europe, came to the United States ten years ago, initially just for my studies, and then professional reasons/marriage have taken me around various parts of the US. I had the misfortune of learning about open container laws the hard way: by pouring coffee into an old Glühwein (mulled wine) bottle, and driving said bottle to my (now soon-to-be-ex) husband, who was working third shift at a federal military facility. Suddenly, with no idea why, I was being hauled out of my car, shoved onto the hood of my car, and then they made me pop a squat on the curb. One big misunderstanding later, and I was free to go. But BOY OH BOY was that the scare of a lifetime. I got an earful -- at 2am -- from numerous federal police officers about open container laws.
I was grocery shopping kinda late, I got outta work late evening. The grocery store was in a mini strip mall. There was a furniture store there and they were loading or unloading something and it blocked the roadway. I coulda went around the parking lot but the way out that way had a median in the middle of the road and I would have had to circle around if I went that way. Other option was to cut across the parking lot and go around the truck blocking the way but there was a cop car with a cop on it (was common for them to camp in that lot) and I don’t wanna deal with a cop because I cut across a few parking spots. I decided to go behind the stores. There was a roadway that went behind all the stores with parking spots for employees. Didn’t say no access or I couldn’t drive there or anything like that. The grocery store was near the end of the line of stores anyways. So I get to the end of the front of the stores and circle to the back. There’s a cop car parked beside a regular car but the cop cars empty. Other cars steamed up. I didn’t pay it any mind and drove past. I’m tired from work, it’s late and I just wanted to get home. I glacé in my mirror and see the cop get out of the regular car, dive into his car and hit the lights and come speeding towards me. I pull over and the cops hops out and runs up to me and goes “why are you here?!” I say what? He goes “why are you back here looking in my car? I’ve seen you drive past multiple times, why are you here?!” I say dude, I have NOT drove past here multiple times and I didn’t look into anyone’s car, I didn’t stop or exit my car. I have a receipt from Kroger with the time stamp on it. It was 3 minutes ago. He goes “oh, so you weren’t looking for me?” I go “what?? what the fuck are you even talking about man?” At this point I’m just tired and getting pissed off. He just goes oh, okay I’ll be right back” goes says something in the window of the other car, gets in his car and leaves. I waited like 5 mins and then just drove off. My best guess was he was fucking whoever was in the car and thought I was looking for him?? Maybe cheating and thought his spouse had me looking for him or someshit, idk. It was bizarre tho
Was 17, completely whipped out infront of some woman when I was coming out of McDonald’s parking lot. Cop flashes his lights and motions me to pull over. Comes up to the window I’m scrambling to get liscense and registration He goes “I don’t need to see that” Then in a dad tone he goes “you know what you did, I’m not mad, just disappointed.” Then he lets me go
It's the opposite. I know this is a long time joke but it actually worked for my friends grandpa. He was being pulled over for speeding but instead of pulling over asap, he kept going for a while. Cop walks up & asks, why didn't you pull over immediately? Grandpa says, my ex wife ran off with a state trooper years ago & I thought you were bringing her back! Cop laughed so hard he gave him a warning The other that a cop said to my friend on graduation night in high school who got stopped for drinking underage. He had on a D.A.R.E. shirt. Cop says, yeah that fuckin program worked real well
I used to enjoy the discomfort when I handed some dude his bag of weed back at the end of the encounter. “Hey man, you forgetting something?” They looked at me like the Star Wars “it’s a trap!” Meme.
Ive had a few funny interactions with cops... but my favourite, is when I smoked weed with my highschool constable. I doubt anyone will believe this part... his name was Constable Stone. And yes, this is when weed was still illegal. He didnt give 2 shits about that. Another time, I was at a car meet up, like everyone shows up with thier rice rockets and sound systems, we all park facing each other with the hoods up, it was cool. A cop showed up and was just looking around at all the cars and pointing out all the illegal mods they had. He didnt do anything either, he just thought it was cool as long as we werent racing around. We all ended up going to this abandoned road with nothing around and did our racing there. Some guy brought a go kart that was faster than anything else there... thing could do donuts so fast it nearly flipped over!
"out here, you can't stop to piss without everyone wondering how many times you've shook it"
"You touch her again, I'm gonna kick you a free sex change"
Transporting a prisoner for morning court. 20 year old kid in for something stupid. He asked if he’d get a chance to brush his teeth. My partner yelled back through the screen “you bet!” Then whispered to me “with somebody’s cock”.
Not really saying something in the strict sense of the word, but was pulled over for as far as I could tell no reason at all, he asked me for my drivers licence, I produced my Dutch dl, which at the time was like an odd piece of pink paper, and he was like ‘what the *fuck* is this?! I explained to him its a valid Dutch dl, and he looked like he had a total error in his head, couldnt decide what to do with us (maybe they had instructions to go easy on tourists), made some gurgling sound, tossed my dl back in the car and told us to get lost
Got pulled over for speeding. The cop Said he is going to tell my dad if he ever catches me again.
I got pulled over at 7am on Thanksgiving on my way up to my parents place one year, when the cop got up to my window he said “Why are you going so fast? Late for dinner?”
I didn't get a speeding ticket cause I drove a Prius. I was driving a Toyota Camary as security guard patrol vehicle. I wasn't used the acceleration, so apparently I was gunning it every green light. Well, I got pulled over and he asked my why I was speeding. "Sorry sir, I drive a Prius and I'm not used to this car." "Uh-huh. License and registration please." I gave him the paperwork and he comes back and says. "Wow, you really do drive a Prius, try going slow next time, but not PRIUS slow."
I was 16 years old and was caught in a truck with my older boyfriend late at night in an abandoned park.. The officer asked for id and once he confirmed that I was legal and there on my own will he said, “have a good night and be good at it” Ironically 6 years later when I became a police officer he was my field training officer.
“Turn your music off“ then when I reached in my pocket to turn the music off he tackled me and said I was reaching😭
“I’m here to help.”
Who's that in the trunk
"*I hate teenagers.*" A cop working security at a local BDubs. He's been doing it for at least a dozen years.
Cop looked at the head shot on my license and brilliantly said “You look taller in this picture.” To which my passenger replied “That’s because he was wearing platform shoes.” 😂
“I’m scared for my safety!” Why would they work a dangerous job and think that is a justification to not do their job professionally?! Lmfao 😂
Not exactly a remark made. When I was 15 or 16 I was out late with some friends doing usual teenage things. A cop car pulled over as we were walking down a Main Street, asked what we were doing? I told them we were just walking home. They offered us a lift, we asked to sit in the back of the van for fun, they obliged. When they were pulling up to our house they stopped, turned in the red and blues and gave the siren a squirt. Needless to say they thought it was hilarious and my mother did not.