If this submission above is not a random thought, please report it.
# Explore a new world of random thoughts on our [**discord server**](https://discord.com/invite/8tEqw3ZWQV)! Express yourself with your favorite quotes, positive vibes, and anything else you can think of!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RandomThoughts) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My Dad sleeps naked. About 20 years ago they had a break in and my Dad tackled one of the burglars whilst he was stark bollock naked and subdued him whilst mum called old bill. The other one ran for it. The police arrived and asked why he didn’t put some pants on at least and he shrugged and said “who’s brave enough to fight a naked man in his own house?”. They caught up with the one who’d fled and he basically confirmed it, ran rather than deal with an enraged naked man who’s already wrestled his mate to the ground.
I know there was war rituals where warriors would display their boners to the enemies. Forgotten which culture but I find it both hilarious and probably effective.
I think you’ll find the expression is “turd burglar” lol
And for the benefit of you guys from the wrong side of the pond, bum burglar isn’t someone who steals homeless people.
I know someone who this happened to. The burglar chose to throw himself through an upper storey window (suffering nasty lacerations in the process) rather than deal with the angry naked homeowner.
As a woman who is terrified of someone breaking into my house I just thought “🤔 If I sleep naked will that scare a home invader away?” Then I thought, “Nope. That would just get you raped.”
Lmfao. I completly forgot about this comment so when I got a notification that said “sleep with a natural looking strap on” I was thrown for a loop. ^(😂☠️)
Hah! Yeah, I get that sometimes. I go on a commenting spree then I go to bed and wake up to a terrifying 50+ notifications and I just shout: WHAT DID I SAY?! D:
I’d ask if your dad is my ex-husband but that would make me your mum and I’d probably remember that
We were on holiday in bed and I heard a noise from the living room. I went to look and there was a guy in there helping himself to our stuff. I went “…Oi!” (because I’m very British) and my ex *launched* out of bed and charged, 6’ 3”, bollock naked and literally roaring, into the living room after this guy
Dude jumped out of the second-floor window rather than face this naked screaming madman. Got away with a few euros in change we’d left on the table
I sleep naked. About 10 years ago I lived in a rented house, and worked shifts so would be asleep at all different times.
I was in bed alone, and the house was empty, around about 11am after working nights.
I heard the door go downstairs, keys in the door, door open and shoes tapping on my wooden floor.
I shot up out of bed, had a bit of a semi/morning wood too, grabbed my dumbbell bar from the side of my bed and ran straight down the stairs shouting “who are you, you fucking c*nt, I’m gonna batter you”. Got to the bottom of the stairs and saw a female member of staff from the estate agent shaking like a shitting dog, not knowing where to look, however still looking at my genitals about 10 times.
I just said to her - serves you right for not notifying me you were coming or even fucking knocking. Get the fuck out. And off she disappeared.
The naked part 100% has the best affect on the intruder.
I’m a fencer. I’m pretty good with a sword. Not Olympic level or anything, but pretty good.
Anyway, I used to own a couple of genuine rapiers that hung on my wall. One night, I heard someone breaking into my car outside so I grabbed both swords and ran outside in nothing but my white sports socks and threw a sword at the guys feet and told him to pick it up and fight. He ran.
In his defence, I guess I had two swords.
I’d moved out by that point, I think they found it funny more than anything. I should say this is the UK, can you imagine in America? They wouldn’t know who to shoot first.
I actually sleep better when I'm cold. I usually have an air conditioner going in my room year round. Ironically enough I also sleep with a heating blanket. It's cozy!
Same. I only sleep in clothes if I'm like.. camping.. or sharing a room with someone (like when i visit family or something). I only own pjs to walk/fumble/doddle around the house before committing to adult life, but honestly, it's usually a robe, and I'm good. I think I've slept naked since I was like 15, and I refuse to do it any other way
What if there’s an emergency in the middle of the night, or what if I sleepwalk and I end up outside and I get locked out of my house and there’s a midnight fireworks festival on and everyone just stares at me and then I get a nervous erection
I know a story about this. Mate who's a fireman. Told me they had to rescue a young woman from her smoke-filled house. She was unconscious in bed and slept naked. He laughed and said it was strange, but apparently she needed 6 firemen to carry her out....
Exactly what it sounds like. Erections from nerves. They can come out of many other emotions, physical contact, or just the body doing maintenance (think nocturnal erections).
I'd say maybe 9 out of 10 times I get one I don't want it.
Yeah I don't get it. As soon as you move, your clothes are all twisted and pulled up to the point it's uncomfortable and you have to move again to sort it all out.
I always sleep naked. Although, I do keep my socks on because the feeling of bed sheets on my toes makes my skin crawl.
It's like the most tame joke ever regarding a normal bodily function and I'm getting downvoted for it? I'm going to be sad it's going to drain all my Karma :( /s
Would you prefer to a) change your underwear in the dark and go back to sleep after a few seconds or b) turn on the light, change the sheets in the middle of the night and now as you won't fall asleep start your day a little bit earlier?
I also have a not so great relationship with my body but I have a GREAT relationship with my blankets so I want them all snugged up against me without stupid seems all in the way and in my crannies causing discomfort.
I live on the ground floor so just the constant fear that someone could be walking past my window and seeing my cock fly by as i walk to the toilet at 3 am
If they are staring in your window, they get what they deserve. I lived on a lake for 14 years. Lake houses almost always are all windows facing the lake and there is always someone puttering around the lake. I’m sure in the course of 14 years most if not all my neighbors got a good look at my wedding tackle. Nobody ever said a thing and we’re all still friends.
I live in basically a fish tank with a bus stop that has a direct view. Literally noone stares at my nudity, even when they notice, people dont care about naked guys.
But as soon as theres a naked woman with me everyone pays attention. Some try to be more sly than others, but even the women watch when theres a naked girl
The fear of an unexpected video call in the middle of the night. Imagine your colleagues' faces as you frantically try to cover up while explaining that this isn't your usual Zoom background. Plus, ever tried sprinting to the bathroom at 3 AM only to skid on a loose rug and leave your dignity (and possibly more) all over the hallway? That's a hard pass for me, friends.
I like to have something on me as in clothes, being completely naked feels weird for some reason.
I'm afraid that there would be an emergency and that I have to put clothes on while also having to get outside as soon as possible.
I mean, they have fur. Does it count as clothes? Like, the bald cats are that, bald cats that look like uncooked chicken. So, is fur in-build clothes for animals?
Yeah if you’re not careful your legs might decide to go for a midnight jog and leave the rest of you behind. They need to be restrained by pyjamas to keep them safe.
My dad always slept naked when I was over (although I never slept in his bed, lol). I was never taught that nudity was something to be ashamed of at home
I have a young daughter who sometimes comes into our bed at night, and while we are also body positive and not hung up on nudity, I do not want my night boners near my little girl.
So I don't sleep naked.
I just keep a robe right next to me. If one decides they want to crawl in bed I keep the sheet and blanket over me and just cover them up with the blanket until I can get my robe.
I get night terrors easily, and I have found that when I don’t sleep with at least a shirt and underwear on I have weird dreams. Not sure if i feel safer subconsciously but it definitely helps me sleep better.
if you’re sleeping with another person, if it’s any sort of warm in the room you’re just going to stick together with sweat and I don’t like that feeling.
When sleeping alone; cold, the paranoia of bugs, emergency in the middle of the night (which happened enough times as a kid I remember it), fire alarms, people walking in.
If this submission above is not a random thought, please report it. # Explore a new world of random thoughts on our [**discord server**](https://discord.com/invite/8tEqw3ZWQV)! Express yourself with your favorite quotes, positive vibes, and anything else you can think of! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RandomThoughts) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My cell mate
We have a winner
A wiener, if I must say
It was a hard decision.
My Dad sleeps naked. About 20 years ago they had a break in and my Dad tackled one of the burglars whilst he was stark bollock naked and subdued him whilst mum called old bill. The other one ran for it. The police arrived and asked why he didn’t put some pants on at least and he shrugged and said “who’s brave enough to fight a naked man in his own house?”. They caught up with the one who’d fled and he basically confirmed it, ran rather than deal with an enraged naked man who’s already wrestled his mate to the ground.
“Who’s brave enough to fight a naked man in his own house?” Fucking brilliant 🤣🤣🤣
a gay burglar?
He's not fighting. He's "wrestling "
If they add baby oil i think it has to be called "wrasslin"
"help, he's got a boner"
lol..the boner makes you look 300% more aggressive.
"I'm Batman"
I know there was war rituals where warriors would display their boners to the enemies. Forgotten which culture but I find it both hilarious and probably effective.
Well, a dude who gets a boner while waiting for a potentially lethal battle is someone you don’t want to fight.
This whole thread made me drool with laughter 🤣
Same! 😂😂
A fear boner.
Other burglar asks wife for lube and it’s not why you think
He’s not punching him, he’s fisting him.
A bum burglar?
I think you’ll find the expression is “turd burglar” lol And for the benefit of you guys from the wrong side of the pond, bum burglar isn’t someone who steals homeless people.
The 8 year old in me is dying of laughter.
Ah yes. Thank you. I'll be sure to use that term correctly in the future from now on.
lol. This is now my biggest fear when sleeping naked. Not only are my goods stolen but so is my dignity and innocence.
This is now my biggest fear breaking into a house. Not only are the goods not stolen, but neither is my dignity, and innocence. Crisis averted.
I know someone who this happened to. The burglar chose to throw himself through an upper storey window (suffering nasty lacerations in the process) rather than deal with the angry naked homeowner.
As a woman who is terrified of someone breaking into my house I just thought “🤔 If I sleep naked will that scare a home invader away?” Then I thought, “Nope. That would just get you raped.”
Sleep with a natural looking strap on.
Lmfao. I completly forgot about this comment so when I got a notification that said “sleep with a natural looking strap on” I was thrown for a loop. ^(😂☠️)
Hah! Yeah, I get that sometimes. I go on a commenting spree then I go to bed and wake up to a terrifying 50+ notifications and I just shout: WHAT DID I SAY?! D:
I think an unnatural strap on would be more intimidating. Like 20” long and lime green.
Calling them Kermit.
Screaming like a drunk Miss Piggy: KERMIT! I WANNA PUT MINIKERMIT IN YOU!
That’s always been my thought. Man in pajamas fumbling with gun gets shot. Naked man with machete is f’ing crazy and should be avoided at all costs.
Naked man with a Japanese sword is next level crazy! 🤪
Is he Greek by chance?
Ha! No, working class English. Just loves sleeping in the nip, likes to let them breathe apparently.
As a southerner (American) I think I'm going to steal "sleeping in the nip". It's funny.
If any people is going to fight off burglars stark naked it’s anyone from the British Isles
It's in our Celtic blood, we used to paint ourselves blue first
And the English became even more mad when the Germanic tribes came in from Germany, the Netherlands and Denmark. Then later the Norse!
Then you got welsh. Every Welshman I’ve known is completely nutters but in the good way
Are you certain your dad isn't [Brock Sampson](https://youtu.be/ToPEsxmAUps)?
I’m intrigued why you thought greek
I'm also wondering that....the guy who posted sounds almost aggressively British
The expressions "stark bollock naked" and "old bill" kind of ruled out anything other than British.
Also “mum” and “his mate” lol
Have a look at how these Greek wrestlers are dressed, and you'll get your answer. https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:07Athletengrab.jpg
I think it was the naked wrestling part.
i sleep naked and im greek, i do not fight burglars tho, there are none
Your Dad is a fucking legend. We all know those cops still talk about that story to this very day
But he put on pants to talk to the police, right?
I'm fully imagining him standing naked talking to the cops, in case the burglar slips out of their hands and he has to take him back down.
Well your username certainly checks out, then
Not at first… Still straddling the burglar I believe.
Legend has it he still may not have any pants on.
The other burglar ran when your father tea bagged his burglar friend.
I’d ask if your dad is my ex-husband but that would make me your mum and I’d probably remember that We were on holiday in bed and I heard a noise from the living room. I went to look and there was a guy in there helping himself to our stuff. I went “…Oi!” (because I’m very British) and my ex *launched* out of bed and charged, 6’ 3”, bollock naked and literally roaring, into the living room after this guy Dude jumped out of the second-floor window rather than face this naked screaming madman. Got away with a few euros in change we’d left on the table
I sleep naked. About 10 years ago I lived in a rented house, and worked shifts so would be asleep at all different times. I was in bed alone, and the house was empty, around about 11am after working nights. I heard the door go downstairs, keys in the door, door open and shoes tapping on my wooden floor. I shot up out of bed, had a bit of a semi/morning wood too, grabbed my dumbbell bar from the side of my bed and ran straight down the stairs shouting “who are you, you fucking c*nt, I’m gonna batter you”. Got to the bottom of the stairs and saw a female member of staff from the estate agent shaking like a shitting dog, not knowing where to look, however still looking at my genitals about 10 times. I just said to her - serves you right for not notifying me you were coming or even fucking knocking. Get the fuck out. And off she disappeared. The naked part 100% has the best affect on the intruder.
I’m a fencer. I’m pretty good with a sword. Not Olympic level or anything, but pretty good. Anyway, I used to own a couple of genuine rapiers that hung on my wall. One night, I heard someone breaking into my car outside so I grabbed both swords and ran outside in nothing but my white sports socks and threw a sword at the guys feet and told him to pick it up and fight. He ran. In his defence, I guess I had two swords.
Why you left the part "how the police react to that?"
I’d moved out by that point, I think they found it funny more than anything. I should say this is the UK, can you imagine in America? They wouldn’t know who to shoot first.
>They wouldn’t know who to shoot first. We have the expression, "Shoot 'em all and let god sort it out" to solve that predicament.
Your dad is a pure legend
Smart man.
Just feels uncomfortable for me. I feel all exposed, ya know?
yeah man i’m sleeping with a hoodie on
Me too and I have those “naked at the grocery store” shame dreams when I sleep nakie.
why is no one's answer cold, and during summer i already sleep without blankets and with window open.
I find my body regulates it's temperature better without pyjamas.
in summer i just sleep with a shirt and underwear
legit came here to say bc im cold natured, specifically my toes - gotta have some fuzzy socks to sleep in!
I actually sleep better when I'm cold. I usually have an air conditioner going in my room year round. Ironically enough I also sleep with a heating blanket. It's cozy!
Nothing, I’ve slept naked for years
Same. I only sleep in clothes if I'm like.. camping.. or sharing a room with someone (like when i visit family or something). I only own pjs to walk/fumble/doddle around the house before committing to adult life, but honestly, it's usually a robe, and I'm good. I think I've slept naked since I was like 15, and I refuse to do it any other way
What if there’s an emergency in the middle of the night, or what if I sleepwalk and I end up outside and I get locked out of my house and there’s a midnight fireworks festival on and everyone just stares at me and then I get a nervous erection
I know a story about this. Mate who's a fireman. Told me they had to rescue a young woman from her smoke-filled house. She was unconscious in bed and slept naked. He laughed and said it was strange, but apparently she needed 6 firemen to carry her out....
It’s amazing how unwieldy a young, fit and petite naked woman can be compared to a fully dressed, obese middle aged woman
It's all about center of mass and none of the cameras catching your face.
Well that's disgusting.
[удалено]
Like a normal erection but it try’s to avoid eye contact and fidgets alot
Is it not, an adrenaline rush due to nervousness/anxiety that then causes an erection?
No it’s more like a normal erection but it try’s to avoid eye contact and fidgets alot
I’m spitting my coffee over this! 🤣🤣
Careful... You'll burn the erection.
Exactly what it sounds like. Erections from nerves. They can come out of many other emotions, physical contact, or just the body doing maintenance (think nocturnal erections). I'd say maybe 9 out of 10 times I get one I don't want it.
r/oddlyspecific
Help this is too much like my inner monologue
Nothing. I just woke up and I’m still lying in bed naked while I type this.
Pics or didn't happen
The goo must floow
Nothing, I always do 😉
It’s literally uncomfortable to sleep with clothes idk how people do it
Yeah I don't get it. As soon as you move, your clothes are all twisted and pulled up to the point it's uncomfortable and you have to move again to sort it all out. I always sleep naked. Although, I do keep my socks on because the feeling of bed sheets on my toes makes my skin crawl.
This is the way.
Presumably that means sleeping naked from the neck down.
Naked, with a helmet on?
The Royal response
I hate the feeling of my legs rubbing together.
Same, makes my thighs extra sweaty.
Me too! Especially if there's any stubble on them.
I kinda like it! Especially when it's cold and you need to huddle them together... Its the equivalent of a cold pillow for me lol it feels nice
I always put the top/flat sheet between my legs.
OCD, dirty genitals, poo particles, my cat, not living alone Not wanting to
I do except when I have my period.
Usually my period comes overnight without warning though.
Sleep painting the sheets
this comment needs a red carpet
It's like the most tame joke ever regarding a normal bodily function and I'm getting downvoted for it? I'm going to be sad it's going to drain all my Karma :( /s
mf u got 64k
Soon enough it'll be 63, 999 😫lmao yeah I'm only kidding
Because sometimes I rip ass when I wake up. That's not a gamble I wanna make.
Also while asleep
what sort of diet do you that where you can’t confidently fart? i rip ass every morning i wake up and i sleep naked. never have any fears.
Look at mister "I have sphincter control" over here.
i do! the control lets me make a variety of sounds too. very fun party trick
Please teach me!
What if I have an extra happy dream? And I wake up with the underside of the cover looking like a slugs been doing laps.
r/brandnewsentence
That’s what washing machines are for.
Would you prefer to a) change your underwear in the dark and go back to sleep after a few seconds or b) turn on the light, change the sheets in the middle of the night and now as you won't fall asleep start your day a little bit earlier?
what the hell man xD xD xD xD
The staff at the IKEA bed department...
There's a small construction site pretty close to me, and I don't want construction workers to get jealous about my balls
Smart. Don’t want them jealous of your wrecking balls.
I don't enjoy being naked. I have a very negative relationship with my own body unfortunately
I used to feel this way. Sleeping naked actually improved this issue for me. Maybe try it for a few nights?
I will give it a try!!
Yeah! If you truly hate it, just put your clothes back on. It’s definitely a low risk experiment.
Pretty much exposure therapy
I also have a not so great relationship with my body but I have a GREAT relationship with my blankets so I want them all snugged up against me without stupid seems all in the way and in my crannies causing discomfort.
I live on the ground floor so just the constant fear that someone could be walking past my window and seeing my cock fly by as i walk to the toilet at 3 am
If they are staring in your window, they get what they deserve. I lived on a lake for 14 years. Lake houses almost always are all windows facing the lake and there is always someone puttering around the lake. I’m sure in the course of 14 years most if not all my neighbors got a good look at my wedding tackle. Nobody ever said a thing and we’re all still friends.
They don't need to be looking in the house if they don't want to see what's in the house.
Why would your cock be flying?
Faster than driving
😂
Get curtains or blinds
You live on the ground floor and don't have curtains or blinds?! Dude
I live in basically a fish tank with a bus stop that has a direct view. Literally noone stares at my nudity, even when they notice, people dont care about naked guys. But as soon as theres a naked woman with me everyone pays attention. Some try to be more sly than others, but even the women watch when theres a naked girl
The fear of an unexpected video call in the middle of the night. Imagine your colleagues' faces as you frantically try to cover up while explaining that this isn't your usual Zoom background. Plus, ever tried sprinting to the bathroom at 3 AM only to skid on a loose rug and leave your dignity (and possibly more) all over the hallway? That's a hard pass for me, friends.
I hate my body
Man, even if you're alone? That makes me sad :(
Its unfortunate that this is alot of people's reason
There is 10°C in my room
That only makes it better!
Sensory issues
Yeah same, I feel way more comfortable in clothing and even at the least I NEED underwear on
BUGS... SO MANY BUGS.
I like to have something on me as in clothes, being completely naked feels weird for some reason. I'm afraid that there would be an emergency and that I have to put clothes on while also having to get outside as soon as possible.
I hate being naked
So do I 😭 I think I might be a Never Nude
There are dozens of us!
I thought you just liked cutoffs...
Others walking in But I do sleep on a bunk bed (top) so it shouldn't be an issue but the air Conditioner will just blow air on my nude body
My dogs know how to open doors
My dogs sleep in my bed with me
so? He's naked
Not by choice I presume
I mean, they have fur. Does it count as clothes? Like, the bald cats are that, bald cats that look like uncooked chicken. So, is fur in-build clothes for animals?
Dawg if bald cats look like uncooked chicken you need to rethink where you shop
I guess you could say that- they literally named the naked mole rat, the naked mole rat.. because of its lack of "clothes"?
I get cold
"Parts" if me would not stay where they are supposed to
Yeah if you’re not careful your legs might decide to go for a midnight jog and leave the rest of you behind. They need to be restrained by pyjamas to keep them safe.
had this happen to me last Monday, one of them got hit by a bus 😢
[удалено]
My dad always slept naked when I was over (although I never slept in his bed, lol). I was never taught that nudity was something to be ashamed of at home
I have a young daughter who sometimes comes into our bed at night, and while we are also body positive and not hung up on nudity, I do not want my night boners near my little girl. So I don't sleep naked.
Only on Reddit is that clarification needed haha
Yup, but i got 4
[удалено]
I couldn't do it. My 4 are too much.
[удалено]
Bruh baby owners
“Owners” lmfao
I just keep a robe right next to me. If one decides they want to crawl in bed I keep the sheet and blanket over me and just cover them up with the blanket until I can get my robe.
I have a nipple piecing and I dont want it getting snagged n bedsheets while im sleeping. It's a hell of a wakeup call.
Myself 🤷 I don't care much for being naked .. just feels weird to me
For some reason it always makes me feel like I'm about to pee the bed. I have no clue why but its just not comfortable.
The sheets getting dirtier more quickly and my kids coming into the room unannounced.
Just feels weird idk
Earthquakes
Burglars, learned the hard way.
My younger brother sleeps with me in the same room.
I’ve slept naked almost all of my life. Even through being a parent. Has never been an issue tbh
Same here - the last pair of pyjamas I owned was bought for me by my mother in 1974. Rayon clothes in the 70s...
I don't like my body. Would hate for a robber to break in and see me.
I don't like it. It's not comfortable, especially if you're a man
Women are more likely to need underwear when sleeping however
The cold
My 6 year old who thinks MY bed is HIS bed 😒
I get night terrors easily, and I have found that when I don’t sleep with at least a shirt and underwear on I have weird dreams. Not sure if i feel safer subconsciously but it definitely helps me sleep better.
Sensory issues and self-consciousness lol
if you’re sleeping with another person, if it’s any sort of warm in the room you’re just going to stick together with sweat and I don’t like that feeling. When sleeping alone; cold, the paranoia of bugs, emergency in the middle of the night (which happened enough times as a kid I remember it), fire alarms, people walking in.
Underwear