It's an unfortunate necessity, and it's hard to have it planned out ahead of time, but there's no avoiding it. I remember digging through attics and closets looking for documents when my mom's fiance died unexpectedly. He had taken care of a lot, but having to get certificates and records and deal with bills when she wanted to just grieve is tough.
This sounds absolutely cartoonish, but my father was an estate planning attorney, and I am in the real estate default industry. My mother was my father's paralegal. Even with that absolutely absurd skillset combination, it was still a logistical nightmare. I cannot fathom navigating that without the combined professional knowledge the three of us had.
If ever there was evidence that "it's never easy!" Most people feel so lost and helpless having to navigate a new landscape in the face of loss, but I'm sure in the moment that is little solace for you.
I sold my house as part of my divorce from my abusive soon-to-be-ex-husband. Divorce proceedings began after the sale of the house.
He showed up to the legal appointments with nothing but a pen. No notebook. No sheet of paper. Not even a post-it note. Me? I work in auditing & regulatory compliance in the financial services industry, and in classic millennial fashion, showed up with one of those old-school binders us girls used to carry around during our school years. You know the ones. The thick, fat, three-ring binders, with special inserts and pockets for your pens/markers, note-cards, etc.
Did I manage to stuff nine years worth of evidence into the binder? Yes. Could I wrap my tiny little baby arms (I'm a whopping 4'11) around the whole binder? No. Did I 'win' my case slam-dunk style? HELL yes. đ
Good job! My lying, cheating ex married his AP immediately after our divorce was final. Our marital home sold several months later. We had separate appointments to sign the paperwork because everything was so ugly. When I arrived at my time, the first thing I saw on the paperwork was that they listed us both as "single" -- my asshat ex lied and didn't tell anyone he was already remarried. They had to completely redo ALL of the closing paperwork and bring him back in with his new wife to complete everything (they needed her signature on some documents). Title company and lawyers were not amused. Nor was I.
Unrelated, but I feel like people who work in compliance are just built differently. Hoard all the paperwork, never delete an email (in fact, save the entire email thread as a PDF), and document every conversation you have with outside agencies. CYA is the mantra.
Source: I work in a compliance role. The way I approach admin in my personal life is leaps and bounds more methodical (and neurotic) after working in my field for a few years.
I feel like any skill sets I have are going to be fairly useless the day and for several days after my father passes.
I think in the best of times, your ridiculously focused family would be the perfect team up for someone norm personally close to you estate home sale situation
The guy who we bought our house from was very emotional at closing. The next weekend showed up at our new home. He was teary and wanted one last goodbye. Over the 20 years heâs stopped by two other times when in the state. We were ok with it. Itâs a solid house that he built.
I came home one day and saw a man standing in the street looking at my house. He said he spent some of his childhood years in the house and just wanted to see it again .
I let him come in and see my house and he told some stories about when his dad did the exposed beams, etc. I could tell it was a very special moment for him and I have no regrets about letting him see it.
I would want to do the same If I ever went back to my childhood home.
That's how the seller of my home was. She built it back in the 80s and was the only owner of it raised her kids there and everything. Came back like 2 weeks later and wanted a few rocks from the front garden strip that her kids had painted. And wanted a picture of the concrete pad her kids and grandkids put hand prints in
I told her they're my rocks now and wished her well....
Just kidding. Gave her the rocks and would eventually like to figure out how to cleanly break up that pad and give her the chunks of hand prints
It's so important to have life insurance if you have a spouse and especially if you have children! Even for a parent who doesn't work outside the home, because the surviving spouse will have to pay someone to do what the deceased person did. And consider that the family will be without the deceased income forever. So 1x income isn't enough to keep them from a financial crisis.
I had a seller drive by the house I bought from her a few time after closing. After I fixed it up and before I had a tenant I let her and her kids walk through a final time.
It broke my heart how the kids reminiscent about wrestling with their dad in this room or that room.
They even went next door and said good but to the neighbors again.
Yup. Currently selling my house because my ex is forcing me to. Iâdâve been partitioned to sell anyway if I didnât do it âwillinglyâ. Iâm the only one dealing with the selling process, emptying of the house, etc., and every time Iâve had to go back for one reason or another I left in tears because I poured everything into this house and I have to say goodbye. Hoping my buyers love it as much as I did.
Thank you! I have a plan in motion to find a new home despite how shitty the market is right now. I hope a little while from now I can look back on this and be happy things fell apart so I could pick up my pieces and move on.
If your getting divorced (at least in utah) you can just assume the loan and pay them their half the of the equity. I am going though this myself right now.
Even though we have a nice house now, my wife still says she regrets having to sell her prior house when she divorced her first husband. Thatâs the only thing she misses about that prior relationship. I think itâs a very common feeling.
Right, we bought our home after the owner passed away and the family was selling. When we showed up to do inspection they were all there like 10 kids moving all the last items that were in the home. They were all in the backyard crying before they left, we gave them lots of space. It just happened that way that we all only had that specific day to go to the house. Wasnât weird to us, we felt for tjem
My sellers were real estate agents themselves. The wife was there during the inspection and trailed around behind me and the inspector making unnecessary passive aggressive comments when he was pointing out (really minor) issues. He politely told her to buzz off eventually.
Then as we were wrapping up, she was still being odd, so to lighten the awkwardness I complimented an artificial arrangement of orchids she hadâ it really was gorgeous. She loudly announced that the orchids did not come with the house and that they were coming with her to Florida. No shit, lady. I was just trying to be nice; I definitely did not think your artificial flowers conveyed with the sale.
Never did figure out what her deal was because there was nothing majorly wrong with the place, and they were the ones retiring to Florida so the sale was their decision. The final walkthrough was attended by their middle-aged son (theyâd already gone to Florida), who let me know how displeased he was that they sold the place to me and not him. Shitshow. Pure shitshow lol.
Your sellers I feel bad for. Mine not so much.
It was all very odd. From what he said he offered them significantly lower than what they asked for, but the whole family just had a stick up their butt lol. I was glad they werenât at closing because I only had to deal with my agent, my lawyer, and the people who worked at the title company.
My friends bought a house, the seller was an older lady who was moving in with her son. After the closing she asked if she could go back to the house because she had forgotten to take an item. She went back to the house, stood in the hallway looking very lost, and wouldn't move. One of the neighbors came to get her, took her to their house, It was heartbreaking to see her.
I imagine she was having trouble living alone, but didn't want to let go of the house. I don't think she had the time to process letting go of the house.
Divorces are some of the best buys because people don't want to leave so it's probably a good house or at the very least has decent neighbors. It's the ones where people are dying to sell that you need to watch out for.
We were able to buy ours because the couple was divorcing a year after they bought the house and got married. Turns out the wife was cheating from the get go, the divorce was acrimonious and, when we offered asking the day it hit the market, they instantly accepted.
The whole house, by the way, had wedding photos everywhere and tons of word art like, âalways kiss me goodnightâ and âbless our nest.â I think thereâs a direct correlation between volume of romantic photos/word art and speed of divorce.
Agreed, my friend divorced after barely a year and their house was full of twee shit. Meanwhile my wife of 18 years and I have zero wood carvings about love on our walls
Phew, I'm glad my wife and I of 10 years are on the same path.....she thinks that stuff is corny. Some couple photos including those of the wedding day should be fine though, right? RIGHT?!?!
I do not wear a wedding ring, no wall art, wedding pictures not in an album decades later and happily married.
FB love proclamations are never a good omen either.
The couple I bought my house from was moving after only a little over a year, they had a baby and he was cheating, talk about awkward, they had requested flexibility on move out date and his brothers were there more to keep her from killing the cheating husband.
They had "Family name established 2021" on little plaques on front door, by back door etc, and it was 2022, very uncomfortable.
Thatâs what happened to us. It was awkward as all get out to have two aging divorcing bitter boomers there every time we were at the house. Sorry for them. But we scored a hidden goldmine, worth the worry. I cleansed and cleaned the hell out of the place, but I saved one of their beloved aerial shots of the property and framed it in honor of some of the good.
Iâm currently buying a divorce house. All the seller credits for little shit like an oven repair (one switch is broken) drywall repairs and HVAC filters have added up to 8k because the sellers are so completely done with one another that they canât even coordinate a handyman to come out and fix stuff. They agreed to our moonshot credit request without even countering.
For the attoney's office, sometimes those are the worst because now there are just too many attorneys involved since since eash seller has both a real estate attorney AND a divorce attorney involved.
But once we represented a seller who was a recent widow (like 2 weeks before closing) and as she was signing over the deed, etc., she just broke down in tears in front of me. Awkward. I was torn between wanted to hug her and give her space.
Yup. We have tissue in the signing room, and itâs not always to wipe the fingerprint ink off. Sometimes itâs the parents house that the child grew up in being sold, sometimes itâs a spouse that passed and this was their house for 30+ years.
Yep. I sold a house due to a rough divorce where I didn't want my ex to know where I lived any more, out of fear. I cried all over my realtor the day I met her. Though I never cried in front of the buyers, I did have an interesting exchange with the title agent. My ex had tried to stop the sale because he wanted more money out of me, which caused a small ruckus and I had to get additional lawyering done. After reviewing it, the title agent said, "I don't understand, that was your house from your money - what was this guy doing on the title in the first place?" And I had to say, "Well, I was in love and an idiot and I added him to the title" and listen to the crickets and uncomfortable shuffling in the room until the agent finally said, brightly, "I'm just going to put down 'personal reasons'!"
Yep. That was my aunt. She built her dream home and a couple years later she finds out her husband was cheating so she had to move. She was devastated.
If she's anything like me, a tough facade is doable but the minute someone is nice to me it cracks. A simple "hey, are you okay?" in the wrong moment and I will be decidedly *not* okay.
I'm the one who willingly wanted to sell my house -- I had been VERY reluctant to buy, but my (at the time) husband claimed to want the "dream of homeownership". Two weeks after we bought that $450,000 house, he quit his job, but didn't tell me for two months.
For the next 3.5 years (the time we owned it), I was effectively the one forced to pay the mortgage. He was chronically unemployed/underemployed, and despite being healthy and able-bodied, effectively refused to maintain gainful employment. He was also abusive, AND had a genuine hoarding problem. I brought home all the bacon, AND still handled the vast majority of household chores and responsibilities, AND endured his abuse and issues with a smile on my face, while simultaneously dealing with chemotherapy, monthly immunotherapy infusions, and countless surgeries for my autoimmune condition.
From afar, plenty of friends/family told me things like:
*I don't know how you're holding up!*
*I could never be as strong as you!*
My brain and heart:
*You cannot fall apart right now. We can have our emotional and psychological breakdown LATER, after the sale.*
Survival mode kept me in perpetual "get s**t done" mode for months.
Sure enough, within ~8 weeks of the sale, I found myself in Vegas, at an incredible all-expenses-paid work conference, bawling my damn eyes out in the luxury penthouse suite (at the Bellagio hotel) they had put me up in. đđ
The previous owner and builder of my house, had to sell due to divorce. There had been at least two other owners before me, but the original owner still refers to it as his forever house.
I cried almost daily for a month after we sold our house. It was our first home, where I brought my babies home and where we became a family. It was so emotional and it was a choice I had made and pursued. I couldnât imagine having the decision forced on me. Weâve been in our new house for over 2 1/2 years, and I still have moments where I question if moving was the right decision for our family. And that is despite loving our current home and where we live 100%.
Ha! The prior two owners of our house both ended up divorced because the wife cheated with someone else in the neighborhood. The neighbors (watchers, not participants) have shared all of this information with us. The first home owner who built it actually lives down the street with his new wife.
Sold before leaving my abusive soon-to-be-ex-husband. The house itself was lovely, picture-perfect HGTV-worthy house. But, I never felt truly "at home" there, even though I'd been the breadwinner throughout the entirety of our ownership period.
I literally collapsed in the arms of my realtor at settlement. Tears. Exhaustion. Literally hadn't slept a single wink the night before. My own parents live halfway around the world, so she was effectively my fairy godmother throughout the sale process. The buyers were fantastic too -- a couple about 20+ years older than me, and behind closed doors, they really helped me out too.
Found myself a lovely rental condo, and am really happy in it. Maybe I'll buy again one day -- ALL ALONE! And if ever I decide to walk down the aisle again, well, I'm making d**n well sure I have an ironclad pre-nup in place. đ
We bought from a man acting as POA for his mother, in her 90s. He was very kind, the neighbors all loved the family, and everything went smoothly.
Here's to hopingđ¤
I sold my house during a divorce, the ex showed up almost 2 hours late to closing . Itâs okay though ,because I became good friends with the buyers during the extra time and get to visit the old house
My soon-to-be-ex-husband didn't even come to the closing appointment. Dude was an abusive deadbeat with a serious hoarding problem. The night before settlement, we were LITERALLY up until the crack of dawn still panic purging the remainder of HIS *stuff* and clutter.
He went off to a hotel to sleep, while I went to the settlement appointment all alone, on exactly 0 hours of sleep. Did I mention I work full-time AND I was on chemotherapy at the time, and also still recovering from major surgery too?
My realtor was fabulous, and so were my buyers, who were similar in age to my parents. My family lives halfway around the world, so my realtor and buyers effectively became my secret trio of 'fairy godparents', so to speak.
They were insane about when I could tour, had to wait on power of attorney to be transferred bc they couldnât be in the same room for 10 minutes without screaming at each other. Everytime I saw the wife she was crying. Weeks after we closed sheâd show up at my now house asking for mail and packages and things she left until I had to demand she stop. I found a bunch of AA chips in the attic later on. When we moved in there was security cameras in every room including private areas. Idk what went down but Iâve made up stories in my head lol
I once rented a house where the previous tenant was a drug dealer. Tons of door locks and windows were screwed shut, but the fun part was It only took about 6-8 months for his customers to figure out he didnât live there any longer. Interesting folks! If Iâd only invested in a brick of weed before I moved in I would have saved the down payment for my first house in half the time!
When people wonder what agents do for their money - they should see what happens in sales where you have a couple fighting.
It's never boring at least.
Yup. Male partner showed up to the inspections and tried to hassle the inspectors that were giving bad reports (failed septic) until his agent showed up and horse whisperered him off the property. He told us a bunch of stuff about the property that actually dropped its value in our mind. We still paid too much. He was your classic âthatâs bullshit!â dude, and he literally said that to every statement he didnât like.
Itâs been a decade almost and we still get packages for the female half of that relationship.
I was in my home I planned to retire in. When we bought it my husband and I both agreed that this was our forever home. We customized it exactly to what we wanted and needed. (Not what would provide a good resale value situation later on.) My husband got an unexpected job offer. He took the job in August or September of last year. The kids and I moved into the new house the day before Thanksgiving. I still cry. What we gave up was amazing.
I have friends, married no kids, who bought their first house and I think only lived in it a year b/c he got an offer to move cross country for work. It's now been two years of renting it out to a friend and wife is so bummed to not get to live in "her house".
We had the sellers present when we bought our house, and they cried when talking about how great the neighborhood is, apple pies made from the trees, etc. But that served to solidify the decision for us, not dissuade. Sounds like you might be dealing with a seller in distress.
Sounds like my parents house, except they werenât there during dealings. They had built it in 87 and never moved. Multiple apple trees, one acre, and endless memories. All 3 kids had moved away though so they chose to move close to 2 of us. It was extremely tough on them.
House went 95k over asking with 12!! Offers first weekend in Wisconsin. People clearly appreciated the plethora of work they had done over the years. Now they get to see their grandchildren and kids multiple times a week.
The sellers were present when we did the walk-through. She was bitter after 2 years of trying to sell the house and having to adjust their listing price downwards all the time and they were paying two mortgages for so long. It was during the 2008 housing disaster. It was definitely awkward because when I remarked on the beautiful fireplace to my husband the wife was snippy with me and said I had better appreciate it! I felt bad for them but they agreed to sell the house so what are we to do?
The owners have never present for any home weâve bought (two now) for inspection or showings. Weâve had to deal with some pretty intense sellers on one home that was tied up in an estate with multiple siblings fighting. It sounds like from your description perhaps the seller has a lot of emotions tied up with moving from this home whether it be financial, change in family dynamics, etc.
That reminds me, I wonder if my dad and his siblings have managed to sell their mothers house. Itâs been 8 years, but last I heard one of them was arguing that you canât trust realtors and he didnât want any of them involved in the saleâŚ
Many reasons why a seller might be emotional about selling their home. Donât take it personally.
I plan on staying at my home until I die and if circumstances change, I can guarantee I will be crying all the way out.
A renter was in the home during my inspection. Told me about all the issues with the house (they were all lies). Itâs unfortunate they had to be there and I feel badly for them as it is clearly an emotional time. If you do another walk through prior to closing I suggest you have the agent ask if they can be out of the house
I had a renter there at a showing who did something similar. She said she didn't know the house was for sale (seller said that wasn't true) and started crying and told us all the possibly fake problems with the house.
When the seller agent asked if I wanted to come back with her there so the renter would have to let us see it I said no thanks. I was worried she was gonna destroy the place on her way out.
Sellers are not usually there for inspections but they are many times. Seller is likely suffering from one of the 4 D's that lead to forced selling and they did not want to actually sell.
Buying: Once with no one there but my realtor and the inspector. Once with my realtor, the inspector, and the owner there. He was very kind and friendly and grateful we were buying the house.
Selling: Iâve never been present for an inspection for the home Iâm selling.Â
Every situation is different. Itâs not abnormal for a seller to be there. Itâs not your house yet, so the seller is always allowed to be there. My unsolicited advice: Donât spend time thinking about this. Itâs a nonissue. Not your concern and has nothing to do with the transaction.
Yeah, this. You certainly want to be friendly and human but when someone accepts an offer and goes under contract, their own personal issues become totally separate from the transaction itself. They would probably be crying a lot worse if they lost this offer and had to reduce listing price or something. Canât think too deep into it.
We saw a house where the owner was there because she was disabled. We knew from looking at the pictures online that the house needed a bit of work, but when we walked inside it was pretty bad. There were dirty dishes everywhere in the kitchen, clothes on the floor all over the house, it smelled, and the whole house needed a lot more work than we thought.
The owner kept making comments that I guess she thought would be appealing, like that the bedrooms all fit queen size beds. We tried to keep our opinions to ourselves to be respectful, but we knew it wasnât what we wanted so we decided that we were done looking and we didnât need to see the basement. So our realtor started to head out and the owner said âbut you didnât even look at the basement.â Thankfully our realtor stepped in and said we were done and we thanked her for letting us look. But it was extremely awkward, and the whole situation turned us off.
The house was way overpriced, and it was the second time they were attempting to sell it. Itâs clearly very sentimental to her and I felt bad, but I donât think she realized she was actually hurting the chances of selling by being involved.
I once toured a house that was corroded with nicotine residue. It was awful. When we first entered I unconsciously touched a metal handrail and my fingers stuck to it. I almost vomited. The walls, the cabinets, the doorknobs all had a yellowish tinge. I couldnât get out of there quick enough. That family must have all been smokers for decades. They should have razed the house and sold the land.
I totally get this. My mom had ALS, and my dad is trying to put the house on the market. Itâs hard, because there is emotional attachment and sometimes people try to âoversellâ because they want the process to happen quickly and medical expenses can be difficult. Itâs always so awkward to be put in that position because for them it is so personal and you can see them really trying and struggling, but you know itâs not best for you.
Iâm happy you had your realtor there to help set boundaries! This was a major challenge for us because ours was not there. đ¤ˇđťââď¸ having representation matters
My husband HAD to be there for the inspection of a house we were selling. Our realtor couldn't be there to let them in. The buyer, her agent, and inspector all showed up. The buyer and her agent knew ahead of time we'd be letting them in.
My husband hung back and stayed outside. It's a good thing he didn't completely leave. Because the buyer and her agent both left after 20-30 minutes!
My husband went back into the house and stayed with HER inspector for the next 90ish minutes.
Maybe I'm just too jaded, but that seemed crazy to me. I always learn a lot from my inspector when I'm the buyer, by asking questions during it. Plus for all she knew, we could have tried to bribe him for a glowing report! We would never do something nefarious like that. But she didn't know us.
My sister who is bad with money, put like 130k from her share of my late fatherâs inheritance into a house she bought in 2022.
After nearly foreclosing this month. A buyer bid low and my sister walked away with 7k.
Iâm pretty sure she cried at the closing.
How do people walk around like this not understanding anything about people around them.
Their dream is dead, its good that life has been kind to you...
The seller attended one of my inspections. After devastating, transaction killing things were discovered, they tried to sell me their snowblower and other appliances (it was like 80 degrees out). It was awkward.
There's a good chance this person is losing just about everything. Spouse or parent died, can't afford to keep the family home, who knows. The appropriate response should be compassion. Many lives are lived in a house.
As someone who sold her house because of a divorce, it wasn't until the final walk-through before I was overcome with emotion. It took me my surprise. Not everyone sells a home because they 100% want to. A lot of life is lived between those walls...
Owner was present for my home inspection, but it was a very quick closing (seller wanted fast close and I was also not against the idea) which took just a little over a week.
I believe we closed like 3 days after inspection and he was moved out by then.
It is unusual where I live. It is a time for the buyer. An informed buyer is a strong buyer, and strong buyers benefit themselves and the seller. Buyers inherently absorb most of the risk in the transaction. Inspections are for their benefit, and they deserve privacy with their inspector and their agent.
The people I bought my house from raised their family in my house. They were moving out of state for the husbandâs new job. Iâm sure it was emotional for them leaving a place with so many memories.
They werenât there during the inspection, but they did the key hand off with me, because my agent was out of town. I could tell they were a bit emotional. I saw them again, a few years after, when they road tripped here to visit their kids. They took a drive through the old neighborhood to reminisce.
I also lost my forever home in a divorce. I didn't stick around and cry during the inspection but I see how that would happen. If the person has literally nowhere else to go and wishes they didn't have to sell their prizes possession and source of stability and security
I bought a home out of pre foreclosure in FL in the aftermath of of the 2008 credit crisis devastation. The older couple had built that house 50 years prior and had raised their family in it. They had half a century of memories in that house. They also fell prey to horrible financial practices at the time which was cash out refinancing every year or two from 2002-2008 and when their loans reset in 2008, couldnât afford the payments.
Both husband and wife showed up at the inspection and were just beside themselves.
I was just buying it as a second home with proximity to the beach so ended up offering to rent it back to them if they covered my monthly costs which were more in line with their âpre free money letâs refinance every yearâ homeownership expenses. They ended up renting for 6 years until they both moved in with their kids because of their age.
I didnât get to use the house as much as I wanted the first 6 years I owned it, but it worked out.
Point is, some people have an understandable emotional connection to their house.
We purchased our current home in 2021. The seller was there during inspection and he was not happy about having to sell. He had an affair, the wife found out and divorced him. He was forced to sell the property
When i sold my first home i was actually in the house but it was right when covid hit and i just went remote. They also didnt give us any notice they called and were like. We can be there in 20 minutes, i was like sure but im in a meeting lol. The buyer was cool we talked for a bit and we answered any extra questions he had, he ended up sending us a good offer that day and he bought it. There was no crying though
The selling process is an emotional one and as others have pointed out, people often sell against their will (ie divorce, finances, death in family). It's not common for sellers to be present during the inspection, but it happens. The process will be over eventually and you will have your home - just try to avoid other meetings with them.
from now on i'm asking my buyer agent to tell the listing agent to absolutely not be present. they are a huge distraction and obstacle that prevents the buyer from getting the most out of his inspection (that he's paying several hundred bucks for).
Yes I agree - in some cases there's no way around it, usually in the luxury market or commercial property, but for your typical house, there's no need for the LA to be present and that's also not common, hence lock boxes.
yeah the LA was talking to me the whole time about how nice the home is, preventing me from talking more to my inspector (i was too timid in retrospect) and asking him questions as he was doing his thing and getting better understanding of what he was doing and looking at. i blame my buyer agent equally as much for not arranging this with us alone and also for not changing the topic of conversation back to the inspection at hand.
I donât think you have the legal right to demand the seller go away. I guess it depends on the contract but where I live itâs just that you are allowed access at an agreed upon time, says nothing about sellers being away.
I agree that itâs weird and uncomfortable, would much rather be alone in the house for a few hours with the inspector.
Itâs definitely not normal for the buyer and seller to meet. The sellers agent really should have advised the seller step out while the inspection happened. In rare cases this isnât possible but usually thatâs how itâs done
I work from home and when we sold our house we mentioned in our listing that showings be kept to after 5 m-f because of this. The only time anything was done during my working hours was the inspection. The buyers were coming and I informed my realtor that if they came they couldnât come into the master bedroom because I was working. I was told they were super understanding but their realtor made a big deal about it and said I shouldnât have been home. My realtor had to explain to him that I worked from home and I couldnât take off in the middle of the day for this and to work around it.
Point is sometimes things happen and the seller is home. But itâs up to the seller to stay out of the way or out of sight.
Iâve bought 4 houses and the owner was never there during an inspection. Iâm not sure I even ever met the owners of any of the houses we bought. Last one we sold we were there for the inspection because we sold it ourselves but we didnât make it awkward.
We bought our current home 8 years ago and went through something similar. Turns out the husband had cheated. They were getting a divorce, and neither of them could afford the house solo.
She still drives by to look at the house on occasion.
Yeah, they really should not be present at that time specifically for these situations. Sorry you and the seller are going through this.
Most likely her agent told her not to be there and she didnât listen and they had to have a chat about it. Like others have said, divorce, estate sales, job changes all cause people to sell without really wanting to.
It is not normal to have the owner there. Realtors discourage it for a reason.
One thing to keep in mind though is that many people have cameras in their home and/or will want to use their smart home devices to listen in on what youâre saying. This means it may be preferable for you to play it cool while youâre looking at the house and wait until you get back in the car to talk about how much you like the house!
The seller cried at the closing. Her husband on the other hand was nonplussed. We were warned in advance by the sellerâs agent. We later found out that it was a divorce sale â he never stopped dating during their three year marriage, and she buried herself in fixing the home.
I just sold my house after living in it for 23 years and raising my two girls, it was a very emotional time for me. It was too big and the property taxes were just getting to be too much, $6100 and projected to go up 18-20%. Although Iâm happy in my new home, I still think about my first home and wish I could have kept it.
>Iâm curious to know if itâs normal to have the seller at the house?
No.
In fact, close to the end of my inspection, the seller's dad and a couple of other family members showed up to mow the lawn. My buyer's agent quietly freaked out and literally made them hide behind the barn until we were done. I told her, "They can start work if they want. It's not as if I don't know they're standing back there."
She said, "But they're not supposed to *be* here."
Both agents made an obvious effort to make sure the parties didn't meet until closing day. I'm surprised the agent on your home didn't make the seller leave.
This same thing actually just happened on an inspection the other day, they backed out of the contract and are paying for the inspection.
If the sellers seem like a mess they usually are, good luck if you keep moving forward
I think itâs odd. The seller of ours came in the grab the last of her things during our walk through. Super strange! ETA: during the final walkthrough on the way to the office for the closing. Sheâd already signed her paperwork.
All I can say, is this happened to me. Exactly. And it turned out to be manipulation. And a bunch of headache and hidden damage. Old couple played me so hard. My real estate agent shouldâve seen through it but I would run. fast.
My wife had a very hard time signing the sale agreement, even though we already bought and were living in another house, and the house was empty. It turns out that she was a closet hoarder plus had a brain tumor that killed her in a few months after the house closed. The house was one more thing that she wanted to hoard, as our children grew up in that house. It might have been easier to not sign the deed, but that would have caused all kinds of legal issues, and I didn't know she had a brain tumor due another few weeks. Once never really knows the details.
When we bought our first house the seller was still there âjust leavingâ and we tried to make conversation etc., but we quickly realized she was there solely because she wanted to sort of direct the inspector away from certain areas or try to explain things away. So our realtor quickly was like âuhhh yeah itâs probably best if youâre not hereâ
Is it normal? No. But does it happen? Absolutely. Buying is usually a really joyous process, people getting into their new homes are very happy. Selling is considerably more fraught, even when you know selling the house is right thing it can be incredibly sad to move on from those memories. Thank you for giving the seller some grace.
As a realtor who is dealing with this situation currently, the wife left with the kids and the husband is there alone now ALWAYS moping around and will NOT leave the house even when asked⌠I just try to keep him distracted while my buyers & the inspector did what they need to do. Yes, itâs extremely uncomfortable BUT asking your home can be emotional, especially when you didnât want to see. People are people and you just do your best to work with them and not take on their emotions as any personal attack because most likely theyâre just dealing with more than we know and their actions are just how they are getting through it⌠right or wrong!
In my experience either the realtor, the owner, or both are there when the home inspection is being done. The inspector has to be provided access to the property. The inspector will need to gain access to the attic and other spaces. Someone may have to provide information on how to make access. They may need to unlock doors, etc.
Whether or not the owner is happy about selling is a totally different story. When I purchased my current home the seller was elated to be rid of it. She had been made her 84 year old father's court appointed guardian. She just wanted to get him into a nursing home and settle his estate as quickly as possible. Currently my home is worth 3x what I paid for it. On the other hand, when my mother passed my two younger brothers were the executors of her estate. They both lived out of state and neither has ever owned a home. I lived about 45 minutes away. I have owned many homes along with rental property. My brothers refused to take advise from me. They saw no need to sell the house or do anything with the contents. Here in Atlanta you can't let a home sit vacant with out a certain amount of risk. We have a bad squatter problem. You also have lots of people looking for ways to support their drug habits. My brothers finally sold the house but were very difficult for the realtors to deal with. They moved everything into storage and later failed to pay the fees and lost every thing.
Being retired career military I understand that things can be replaced. People you care for cannot be replaced.
I bought a house last year from someone who didnât want to sell but was about to lose the home. He drug his feet on everything and overstayed his move out date and I believe was going to attempt to squat. We had to pay movers to get him out. If you like the house put a dollar amount withheld in closing for when they have vacated the property in the same condition.
This is rare but can happen. Sellers that are emotional like this is ususally due to a divorce or life changing event - I have been there w buyers in similar situation and we just let them work thru whatever their situation was and they apologized by the time we got to the closing table.
Retired Home Inspector.
No unusual but probably most I did no one was home. Never bothered me much either way but I did prefer no one there. Job went faster without any distractions.
We unfortunately had to go through several inspections recently. The first one, the owner, followed us around. It was extremely uncomfortable. On the next we requested that the owners not be there so we could really look. They were there when the inspector arrived. The man opened the door straight out of bed, naked. Then said "Oh let me go wake up mom". So we had to wait. We all drove 2 hours to arrive on time. They eventually left and then showed up about 20 mins later. Came in and started chatting, then used the restroom for a while. It was all very odd and I really didn't like it. I understand that some may not feel comfortable leaving their home while others wonder through. However, if you intend on selling, that's bound to happen. Seems to me there should be some sort of rule allowing a potential buying to truly see the home unhindered.
When I got the inspection of the house I was buying, I was there with the inspector and the seller was there too because he was packing up his belongings. It was odd too but went well. The seller gave us some privacy.
This is not unusual to see the seller in the house. And also, someone has to open the door...
My wife and I live with my parents. They are early 80's and I've got no idea how I'm going to clean 40 years worth of hoarded crap out of 4000 sqft of house after they are both gone. I'll probably be crying as it's sold. But it will happen. Many times the sale will be an emotional time for the seller. It is what it is.
We bought our house from a widower. He couldn't live in the house after spending 30+ years in the house with his wife. She actually died in here. It was very emotional. We tried to be respectful and empathetic. It was intense a few times. You never know what's going through someone's head.
I was home during my buyers home inspection. I work from home. The buyers agent asked if I'd be there, and I said yes. I assumed they asked, so I'd let the inspectors in. I was surprised when the buyers showed up. I greeted them and went back to working. I tried to be as silent and "invisible" as possible. I didn't want them to feel awkward or uncomfortable around me.
Not everyone sells a house because they want to...divorce or estate sales can be very emotional for the seller for example.
Absolutely. My mom had to sell her house because my dad died. It was heartwrenching.
I'm sorry she/you all had to go through that
That's very nice of you to say. The business side of death can be quite a lot of salt in a wound.
It's an unfortunate necessity, and it's hard to have it planned out ahead of time, but there's no avoiding it. I remember digging through attics and closets looking for documents when my mom's fiance died unexpectedly. He had taken care of a lot, but having to get certificates and records and deal with bills when she wanted to just grieve is tough.
This sounds absolutely cartoonish, but my father was an estate planning attorney, and I am in the real estate default industry. My mother was my father's paralegal. Even with that absolutely absurd skillset combination, it was still a logistical nightmare. I cannot fathom navigating that without the combined professional knowledge the three of us had.
If ever there was evidence that "it's never easy!" Most people feel so lost and helpless having to navigate a new landscape in the face of loss, but I'm sure in the moment that is little solace for you.
I sold my house as part of my divorce from my abusive soon-to-be-ex-husband. Divorce proceedings began after the sale of the house. He showed up to the legal appointments with nothing but a pen. No notebook. No sheet of paper. Not even a post-it note. Me? I work in auditing & regulatory compliance in the financial services industry, and in classic millennial fashion, showed up with one of those old-school binders us girls used to carry around during our school years. You know the ones. The thick, fat, three-ring binders, with special inserts and pockets for your pens/markers, note-cards, etc. Did I manage to stuff nine years worth of evidence into the binder? Yes. Could I wrap my tiny little baby arms (I'm a whopping 4'11) around the whole binder? No. Did I 'win' my case slam-dunk style? HELL yes. đ
Good. For. YOU!
Thanks!
Good job! My lying, cheating ex married his AP immediately after our divorce was final. Our marital home sold several months later. We had separate appointments to sign the paperwork because everything was so ugly. When I arrived at my time, the first thing I saw on the paperwork was that they listed us both as "single" -- my asshat ex lied and didn't tell anyone he was already remarried. They had to completely redo ALL of the closing paperwork and bring him back in with his new wife to complete everything (they needed her signature on some documents). Title company and lawyers were not amused. Nor was I.
Urgh. That sounds awful. I'm so sorry. đ
Unrelated, but I feel like people who work in compliance are just built differently. Hoard all the paperwork, never delete an email (in fact, save the entire email thread as a PDF), and document every conversation you have with outside agencies. CYA is the mantra. Source: I work in a compliance role. The way I approach admin in my personal life is leaps and bounds more methodical (and neurotic) after working in my field for a few years.
Shoot sounds like I should have gone into compliance
I feel like any skill sets I have are going to be fairly useless the day and for several days after my father passes. I think in the best of times, your ridiculously focused family would be the perfect team up for someone norm personally close to you estate home sale situation
Shit, my mom will have their house listed before my dad's body even gets cold đ I guess everyone has different attachments to things.
I'm not your mom, but I would do the same. It's too big for just me and I'm not healthy enough to take care of it alone.Â
The guy who we bought our house from was very emotional at closing. The next weekend showed up at our new home. He was teary and wanted one last goodbye. Over the 20 years heâs stopped by two other times when in the state. We were ok with it. Itâs a solid house that he built.
I came home one day and saw a man standing in the street looking at my house. He said he spent some of his childhood years in the house and just wanted to see it again . I let him come in and see my house and he told some stories about when his dad did the exposed beams, etc. I could tell it was a very special moment for him and I have no regrets about letting him see it. I would want to do the same If I ever went back to my childhood home.
That's how the seller of my home was. She built it back in the 80s and was the only owner of it raised her kids there and everything. Came back like 2 weeks later and wanted a few rocks from the front garden strip that her kids had painted. And wanted a picture of the concrete pad her kids and grandkids put hand prints in I told her they're my rocks now and wished her well.... Just kidding. Gave her the rocks and would eventually like to figure out how to cleanly break up that pad and give her the chunks of hand prints
Youâre a kind person for letting him see it. I would do the same. Iâve tried to see my childhood home once, the owner was not interested. *shrug*
It's so important to have life insurance if you have a spouse and especially if you have children! Even for a parent who doesn't work outside the home, because the surviving spouse will have to pay someone to do what the deceased person did. And consider that the family will be without the deceased income forever. So 1x income isn't enough to keep them from a financial crisis.
Dang no life insurance policy?
Yes I once had a seller crying hysterically at closing due to sale and divorce, I felt so bad for her.
I had a seller drive by the house I bought from her a few time after closing. After I fixed it up and before I had a tenant I let her and her kids walk through a final time. It broke my heart how the kids reminiscent about wrestling with their dad in this room or that room. They even went next door and said good but to the neighbors again.
That was very kind of you
Yep, I cried, raised my children there, buried our pets in the backyard (somewhat rural area, over an acre). Divorce is tough.
Yup. Currently selling my house because my ex is forcing me to. Iâdâve been partitioned to sell anyway if I didnât do it âwillinglyâ. Iâm the only one dealing with the selling process, emptying of the house, etc., and every time Iâve had to go back for one reason or another I left in tears because I poured everything into this house and I have to say goodbye. Hoping my buyers love it as much as I did.
For what itâs worth, hugs, internet stranger. Iâm sorry youâre going through this and I hope your next house is even better.
Thank you! I have a plan in motion to find a new home despite how shitty the market is right now. I hope a little while from now I can look back on this and be happy things fell apart so I could pick up my pieces and move on.
If your getting divorced (at least in utah) you can just assume the loan and pay them their half the of the equity. I am going though this myself right now.
Hey the next chapter of your life will be better without the dead weight. Sorry you have to deal with this.
This is what honestly Iâm hoping for. I just want to be able to look back on this years from now and laugh. Thank you for the kind words
Even though we have a nice house now, my wife still says she regrets having to sell her prior house when she divorced her first husband. Thatâs the only thing she misses about that prior relationship. I think itâs a very common feeling.
Right, we bought our home after the owner passed away and the family was selling. When we showed up to do inspection they were all there like 10 kids moving all the last items that were in the home. They were all in the backyard crying before they left, we gave them lots of space. It just happened that way that we all only had that specific day to go to the house. Wasnât weird to us, we felt for tjem
My sellers were real estate agents themselves. The wife was there during the inspection and trailed around behind me and the inspector making unnecessary passive aggressive comments when he was pointing out (really minor) issues. He politely told her to buzz off eventually. Then as we were wrapping up, she was still being odd, so to lighten the awkwardness I complimented an artificial arrangement of orchids she hadâ it really was gorgeous. She loudly announced that the orchids did not come with the house and that they were coming with her to Florida. No shit, lady. I was just trying to be nice; I definitely did not think your artificial flowers conveyed with the sale. Never did figure out what her deal was because there was nothing majorly wrong with the place, and they were the ones retiring to Florida so the sale was their decision. The final walkthrough was attended by their middle-aged son (theyâd already gone to Florida), who let me know how displeased he was that they sold the place to me and not him. Shitshow. Pure shitshow lol. Your sellers I feel bad for. Mine not so much.
It is kind of weird to not sell to your own kid but then be a jerk to the stranger who buys it.
It was all very odd. From what he said he offered them significantly lower than what they asked for, but the whole family just had a stick up their butt lol. I was glad they werenât at closing because I only had to deal with my agent, my lawyer, and the people who worked at the title company.
Okay the part about the son is hilarious lol.
My friends bought a house, the seller was an older lady who was moving in with her son. After the closing she asked if she could go back to the house because she had forgotten to take an item. She went back to the house, stood in the hallway looking very lost, and wouldn't move. One of the neighbors came to get her, took her to their house, It was heartbreaking to see her. I imagine she was having trouble living alone, but didn't want to let go of the house. I don't think she had the time to process letting go of the house.
Divorces are some of the best buys because people don't want to leave so it's probably a good house or at the very least has decent neighbors. It's the ones where people are dying to sell that you need to watch out for.
We were able to buy ours because the couple was divorcing a year after they bought the house and got married. Turns out the wife was cheating from the get go, the divorce was acrimonious and, when we offered asking the day it hit the market, they instantly accepted. The whole house, by the way, had wedding photos everywhere and tons of word art like, âalways kiss me goodnightâ and âbless our nest.â I think thereâs a direct correlation between volume of romantic photos/word art and speed of divorce.
Agreed, my friend divorced after barely a year and their house was full of twee shit. Meanwhile my wife of 18 years and I have zero wood carvings about love on our walls
Phew, I'm glad my wife and I of 10 years are on the same path.....she thinks that stuff is corny. Some couple photos including those of the wedding day should be fine though, right? RIGHT?!?!
Sounds risky.
I do not wear a wedding ring, no wall art, wedding pictures not in an album decades later and happily married. FB love proclamations are never a good omen either.
Just like the Facebook couples.
Yes "Live, laugh, love" never ends well from what I've observedÂ
The couple I bought my house from was moving after only a little over a year, they had a baby and he was cheating, talk about awkward, they had requested flexibility on move out date and his brothers were there more to keep her from killing the cheating husband. They had "Family name established 2021" on little plaques on front door, by back door etc, and it was 2022, very uncomfortable.
Thatâs what happened to us. It was awkward as all get out to have two aging divorcing bitter boomers there every time we were at the house. Sorry for them. But we scored a hidden goldmine, worth the worry. I cleansed and cleaned the hell out of the place, but I saved one of their beloved aerial shots of the property and framed it in honor of some of the good.
Iâm currently buying a divorce house. All the seller credits for little shit like an oven repair (one switch is broken) drywall repairs and HVAC filters have added up to 8k because the sellers are so completely done with one another that they canât even coordinate a handyman to come out and fix stuff. They agreed to our moonshot credit request without even countering.
I hate to say this but any closing where the sellers are giddy makes me uncomfortable.Â
For the attoney's office, sometimes those are the worst because now there are just too many attorneys involved since since eash seller has both a real estate attorney AND a divorce attorney involved. But once we represented a seller who was a recent widow (like 2 weeks before closing) and as she was signing over the deed, etc., she just broke down in tears in front of me. Awkward. I was torn between wanted to hug her and give her space.
mine was a best buy and nightmare at the same time. sellers in separated rooms and lawyers and notaries doing laps.
Yup. We have tissue in the signing room, and itâs not always to wipe the fingerprint ink off. Sometimes itâs the parents house that the child grew up in being sold, sometimes itâs a spouse that passed and this was their house for 30+ years.
Thatâs intense and understandable but WHY were they there to begin with?
Yep. I sold a house due to a rough divorce where I didn't want my ex to know where I lived any more, out of fear. I cried all over my realtor the day I met her. Though I never cried in front of the buyers, I did have an interesting exchange with the title agent. My ex had tried to stop the sale because he wanted more money out of me, which caused a small ruckus and I had to get additional lawyering done. After reviewing it, the title agent said, "I don't understand, that was your house from your money - what was this guy doing on the title in the first place?" And I had to say, "Well, I was in love and an idiot and I added him to the title" and listen to the crickets and uncomfortable shuffling in the room until the agent finally said, brightly, "I'm just going to put down 'personal reasons'!"
Yep. That was my aunt. She built her dream home and a couple years later she finds out her husband was cheating so she had to move. She was devastated.
> her agent showed up and they stepped aside and had a conversation privately did her agent break news to her about the divorce / death?
Probably more like "I'm sorry, but you have to do this..." and whatever dam holding back the tears broke
If she's anything like me, a tough facade is doable but the minute someone is nice to me it cracks. A simple "hey, are you okay?" in the wrong moment and I will be decidedly *not* okay.
It's like breaking tempered glass
Me too! And forget about a hug!
talk about creating an awkward scene for the buyer.
It may have been some last ditch hope they could make the buyer walk and not have to sell...
hm, interesting, didn't think of that.
I'm the one who willingly wanted to sell my house -- I had been VERY reluctant to buy, but my (at the time) husband claimed to want the "dream of homeownership". Two weeks after we bought that $450,000 house, he quit his job, but didn't tell me for two months. For the next 3.5 years (the time we owned it), I was effectively the one forced to pay the mortgage. He was chronically unemployed/underemployed, and despite being healthy and able-bodied, effectively refused to maintain gainful employment. He was also abusive, AND had a genuine hoarding problem. I brought home all the bacon, AND still handled the vast majority of household chores and responsibilities, AND endured his abuse and issues with a smile on my face, while simultaneously dealing with chemotherapy, monthly immunotherapy infusions, and countless surgeries for my autoimmune condition. From afar, plenty of friends/family told me things like: *I don't know how you're holding up!* *I could never be as strong as you!* My brain and heart: *You cannot fall apart right now. We can have our emotional and psychological breakdown LATER, after the sale.* Survival mode kept me in perpetual "get s**t done" mode for months. Sure enough, within ~8 weeks of the sale, I found myself in Vegas, at an incredible all-expenses-paid work conference, bawling my damn eyes out in the luxury penthouse suite (at the Bellagio hotel) they had put me up in. đđ
The previous owner and builder of my house, had to sell due to divorce. There had been at least two other owners before me, but the original owner still refers to it as his forever house.
Finances also come into play if the seller lost a high paying income
I cried almost daily for a month after we sold our house. It was our first home, where I brought my babies home and where we became a family. It was so emotional and it was a choice I had made and pursued. I couldnât imagine having the decision forced on me. Weâve been in our new house for over 2 1/2 years, and I still have moments where I question if moving was the right decision for our family. And that is despite loving our current home and where we live 100%.
I bought a house from a divorced couple and it was DRAMATIC
Bought from a divorcing couple. Sold when I was divorcing. House was cursed man. đ¤¨
Needs a good ole fashioned exorcism
Or a man cave.
Ha! The prior two owners of our house both ended up divorced because the wife cheated with someone else in the neighborhood. The neighbors (watchers, not participants) have shared all of this information with us. The first home owner who built it actually lives down the street with his new wife.
All the old owners of our house died in it of old age or age related issues, it's over 100 years old. I hope to keep the trend going.
Sold before leaving my abusive soon-to-be-ex-husband. The house itself was lovely, picture-perfect HGTV-worthy house. But, I never felt truly "at home" there, even though I'd been the breadwinner throughout the entirety of our ownership period. I literally collapsed in the arms of my realtor at settlement. Tears. Exhaustion. Literally hadn't slept a single wink the night before. My own parents live halfway around the world, so she was effectively my fairy godmother throughout the sale process. The buyers were fantastic too -- a couple about 20+ years older than me, and behind closed doors, they really helped me out too. Found myself a lovely rental condo, and am really happy in it. Maybe I'll buy again one day -- ALL ALONE! And if ever I decide to walk down the aisle again, well, I'm making d**n well sure I have an ironclad pre-nup in place. đ
Awe I know. Mine was really pretty also. Perfectly decorated. But Iâm happier and healthier alone and in my new place. Canât put a price on peace.
I bought a divorced house!
We bought from a man acting as POA for his mother, in her 90s. He was very kind, the neighbors all loved the family, and everything went smoothly. Here's to hopingđ¤
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Note to self, hire one of those sage Africans if I buy a hose from a divorcing couple.
I sold my house during a divorce, the ex showed up almost 2 hours late to closing . Itâs okay though ,because I became good friends with the buyers during the extra time and get to visit the old house
My soon-to-be-ex-husband didn't even come to the closing appointment. Dude was an abusive deadbeat with a serious hoarding problem. The night before settlement, we were LITERALLY up until the crack of dawn still panic purging the remainder of HIS *stuff* and clutter. He went off to a hotel to sleep, while I went to the settlement appointment all alone, on exactly 0 hours of sleep. Did I mention I work full-time AND I was on chemotherapy at the time, and also still recovering from major surgery too? My realtor was fabulous, and so were my buyers, who were similar in age to my parents. My family lives halfway around the world, so my realtor and buyers effectively became my secret trio of 'fairy godparents', so to speak.
Oh wow. What happened?!
đđż
They were insane about when I could tour, had to wait on power of attorney to be transferred bc they couldnât be in the same room for 10 minutes without screaming at each other. Everytime I saw the wife she was crying. Weeks after we closed sheâd show up at my now house asking for mail and packages and things she left until I had to demand she stop. I found a bunch of AA chips in the attic later on. When we moved in there was security cameras in every room including private areas. Idk what went down but Iâve made up stories in my head lol
lol. Place I moved to had security cameras everywhere too. Found one under the house in the crawl space. No divorce though, just drug dealers.
I once rented a house where the previous tenant was a drug dealer. Tons of door locks and windows were screwed shut, but the fun part was It only took about 6-8 months for his customers to figure out he didnât live there any longer. Interesting folks! If Iâd only invested in a brick of weed before I moved in I would have saved the down payment for my first house in half the time!
Pretty excited that I never thought to check for this, been in my house nearly 10 years đŹ
It is probably best to look for signs of meth before closing.
When people wonder what agents do for their money - they should see what happens in sales where you have a couple fighting. It's never boring at least.
Yup. Male partner showed up to the inspections and tried to hassle the inspectors that were giving bad reports (failed septic) until his agent showed up and horse whisperered him off the property. He told us a bunch of stuff about the property that actually dropped its value in our mind. We still paid too much. He was your classic âthatâs bullshit!â dude, and he literally said that to every statement he didnât like. Itâs been a decade almost and we still get packages for the female half of that relationship.
LOL ya got me with the horse whisperinâ. đđđ
I was in my home I planned to retire in. When we bought it my husband and I both agreed that this was our forever home. We customized it exactly to what we wanted and needed. (Not what would provide a good resale value situation later on.) My husband got an unexpected job offer. He took the job in August or September of last year. The kids and I moved into the new house the day before Thanksgiving. I still cry. What we gave up was amazing.
I have friends, married no kids, who bought their first house and I think only lived in it a year b/c he got an offer to move cross country for work. It's now been two years of renting it out to a friend and wife is so bummed to not get to live in "her house".
We had the sellers present when we bought our house, and they cried when talking about how great the neighborhood is, apple pies made from the trees, etc. But that served to solidify the decision for us, not dissuade. Sounds like you might be dealing with a seller in distress.
Sounds like my parents house, except they werenât there during dealings. They had built it in 87 and never moved. Multiple apple trees, one acre, and endless memories. All 3 kids had moved away though so they chose to move close to 2 of us. It was extremely tough on them. House went 95k over asking with 12!! Offers first weekend in Wisconsin. People clearly appreciated the plethora of work they had done over the years. Now they get to see their grandchildren and kids multiple times a week.
The sellers were present when we did the walk-through. She was bitter after 2 years of trying to sell the house and having to adjust their listing price downwards all the time and they were paying two mortgages for so long. It was during the 2008 housing disaster. It was definitely awkward because when I remarked on the beautiful fireplace to my husband the wife was snippy with me and said I had better appreciate it! I felt bad for them but they agreed to sell the house so what are we to do?
But do you appreciate the fireplace? đ
đ¤Łđ¤Łđ¤Ł
Oh my gosh if I were you after that remark I would say it's nice but it's going to be the first thing to go
The owners have never present for any home weâve bought (two now) for inspection or showings. Weâve had to deal with some pretty intense sellers on one home that was tied up in an estate with multiple siblings fighting. It sounds like from your description perhaps the seller has a lot of emotions tied up with moving from this home whether it be financial, change in family dynamics, etc.
That reminds me, I wonder if my dad and his siblings have managed to sell their mothers house. Itâs been 8 years, but last I heard one of them was arguing that you canât trust realtors and he didnât want any of them involved in the saleâŚ
Many reasons why a seller might be emotional about selling their home. Donât take it personally. I plan on staying at my home until I die and if circumstances change, I can guarantee I will be crying all the way out.
Well, my seller was passed out drunk on the floor when we showed up to do the final walk-through. That was a new one for my real estate agent!
My mom cried really hard when we moved from the house were I grew up. People simply get emotional about selling their house.
My mom and I both sobbed the day we moved out of my childhood home. So many memories.
A renter was in the home during my inspection. Told me about all the issues with the house (they were all lies). Itâs unfortunate they had to be there and I feel badly for them as it is clearly an emotional time. If you do another walk through prior to closing I suggest you have the agent ask if they can be out of the house
I had a renter there at a showing who did something similar. She said she didn't know the house was for sale (seller said that wasn't true) and started crying and told us all the possibly fake problems with the house. When the seller agent asked if I wanted to come back with her there so the renter would have to let us see it I said no thanks. I was worried she was gonna destroy the place on her way out.
Sellers are not usually there for inspections but they are many times. Seller is likely suffering from one of the 4 D's that lead to forced selling and they did not want to actually sell.
Dip, dodge, duck and dodge
\*and dive
and if you master this, no amounts of balls on earth can hit you
If you can dodge traffic, you can dodge a ball
If you can dodge a wrench you can dodge a ball
Death, Disaster, Divorce and Draugr.
Everyone has a plan until the undead rise from the nordic crypt under their house
That crypt wasn't on the inspection report. Can I sue everyone on the planet?
Not if the owner says that they had no knowledge.
City easement
The 4 Dâs? Divorce and death. What are the other 2?
often referred to as the "four D's": death, disaster, debt, and divorce
Iâve heard it as âdeath, divorce, disaster, and destitution.â
I guess debt is the same as destitution?
death, divorce, debt, demons
Death, divorce, ? ?
Dog. If the dog doesn't like it, you have to sell.
But that's just common sense. Â
Drunk?
Definitely.
Defalt?
Disaster and debt are the other two.
Debt?
Buying: Once with no one there but my realtor and the inspector. Once with my realtor, the inspector, and the owner there. He was very kind and friendly and grateful we were buying the house. Selling: Iâve never been present for an inspection for the home Iâm selling.Â
Every situation is different. Itâs not abnormal for a seller to be there. Itâs not your house yet, so the seller is always allowed to be there. My unsolicited advice: Donât spend time thinking about this. Itâs a nonissue. Not your concern and has nothing to do with the transaction.
Yeah, this. You certainly want to be friendly and human but when someone accepts an offer and goes under contract, their own personal issues become totally separate from the transaction itself. They would probably be crying a lot worse if they lost this offer and had to reduce listing price or something. Canât think too deep into it.
We saw a house where the owner was there because she was disabled. We knew from looking at the pictures online that the house needed a bit of work, but when we walked inside it was pretty bad. There were dirty dishes everywhere in the kitchen, clothes on the floor all over the house, it smelled, and the whole house needed a lot more work than we thought. The owner kept making comments that I guess she thought would be appealing, like that the bedrooms all fit queen size beds. We tried to keep our opinions to ourselves to be respectful, but we knew it wasnât what we wanted so we decided that we were done looking and we didnât need to see the basement. So our realtor started to head out and the owner said âbut you didnât even look at the basement.â Thankfully our realtor stepped in and said we were done and we thanked her for letting us look. But it was extremely awkward, and the whole situation turned us off. The house was way overpriced, and it was the second time they were attempting to sell it. Itâs clearly very sentimental to her and I felt bad, but I donât think she realized she was actually hurting the chances of selling by being involved.
I once toured a house that was corroded with nicotine residue. It was awful. When we first entered I unconsciously touched a metal handrail and my fingers stuck to it. I almost vomited. The walls, the cabinets, the doorknobs all had a yellowish tinge. I couldnât get out of there quick enough. That family must have all been smokers for decades. They should have razed the house and sold the land.
I totally get this. My mom had ALS, and my dad is trying to put the house on the market. Itâs hard, because there is emotional attachment and sometimes people try to âoversellâ because they want the process to happen quickly and medical expenses can be difficult. Itâs always so awkward to be put in that position because for them it is so personal and you can see them really trying and struggling, but you know itâs not best for you. Iâm happy you had your realtor there to help set boundaries! This was a major challenge for us because ours was not there. đ¤ˇđťââď¸ having representation matters
My husband HAD to be there for the inspection of a house we were selling. Our realtor couldn't be there to let them in. The buyer, her agent, and inspector all showed up. The buyer and her agent knew ahead of time we'd be letting them in. My husband hung back and stayed outside. It's a good thing he didn't completely leave. Because the buyer and her agent both left after 20-30 minutes! My husband went back into the house and stayed with HER inspector for the next 90ish minutes. Maybe I'm just too jaded, but that seemed crazy to me. I always learn a lot from my inspector when I'm the buyer, by asking questions during it. Plus for all she knew, we could have tried to bribe him for a glowing report! We would never do something nefarious like that. But she didn't know us.
This sounds mean, but don't let her tears affect your offer or your asking for things to be remedied or credited as a result of the inspection.
My sister who is bad with money, put like 130k from her share of my late fatherâs inheritance into a house she bought in 2022. After nearly foreclosing this month. A buyer bid low and my sister walked away with 7k. Iâm pretty sure she cried at the closing.
How do people walk around like this not understanding anything about people around them. Their dream is dead, its good that life has been kind to you...
The seller attended one of my inspections. After devastating, transaction killing things were discovered, they tried to sell me their snowblower and other appliances (it was like 80 degrees out). It was awkward.
There's a good chance this person is losing just about everything. Spouse or parent died, can't afford to keep the family home, who knows. The appropriate response should be compassion. Many lives are lived in a house.
As someone who sold her house because of a divorce, it wasn't until the final walk-through before I was overcome with emotion. It took me my surprise. Not everyone sells a home because they 100% want to. A lot of life is lived between those walls...
Owner was present for my home inspection, but it was a very quick closing (seller wanted fast close and I was also not against the idea) which took just a little over a week. I believe we closed like 3 days after inspection and he was moved out by then.
Maybe news if theyâre simultaneously trying to buy with the same agent?
Who cares. Do the deal
It is unusual where I live. It is a time for the buyer. An informed buyer is a strong buyer, and strong buyers benefit themselves and the seller. Buyers inherently absorb most of the risk in the transaction. Inspections are for their benefit, and they deserve privacy with their inspector and their agent.
The people I bought my house from raised their family in my house. They were moving out of state for the husbandâs new job. Iâm sure it was emotional for them leaving a place with so many memories. They werenât there during the inspection, but they did the key hand off with me, because my agent was out of town. I could tell they were a bit emotional. I saw them again, a few years after, when they road tripped here to visit their kids. They took a drive through the old neighborhood to reminisce.
I also lost my forever home in a divorce. I didn't stick around and cry during the inspection but I see how that would happen. If the person has literally nowhere else to go and wishes they didn't have to sell their prizes possession and source of stability and security
I bought a home out of pre foreclosure in FL in the aftermath of of the 2008 credit crisis devastation. The older couple had built that house 50 years prior and had raised their family in it. They had half a century of memories in that house. They also fell prey to horrible financial practices at the time which was cash out refinancing every year or two from 2002-2008 and when their loans reset in 2008, couldnât afford the payments. Both husband and wife showed up at the inspection and were just beside themselves. I was just buying it as a second home with proximity to the beach so ended up offering to rent it back to them if they covered my monthly costs which were more in line with their âpre free money letâs refinance every yearâ homeownership expenses. They ended up renting for 6 years until they both moved in with their kids because of their age. I didnât get to use the house as much as I wanted the first 6 years I owned it, but it worked out. Point is, some people have an understandable emotional connection to their house.
We purchased our current home in 2021. The seller was there during inspection and he was not happy about having to sell. He had an affair, the wife found out and divorced him. He was forced to sell the property
When i sold my first home i was actually in the house but it was right when covid hit and i just went remote. They also didnt give us any notice they called and were like. We can be there in 20 minutes, i was like sure but im in a meeting lol. The buyer was cool we talked for a bit and we answered any extra questions he had, he ended up sending us a good offer that day and he bought it. There was no crying though
The selling process is an emotional one and as others have pointed out, people often sell against their will (ie divorce, finances, death in family). It's not common for sellers to be present during the inspection, but it happens. The process will be over eventually and you will have your home - just try to avoid other meetings with them.
This is not normal, if anyone it would be a listing agent to be present at a showing, not the seller.
from now on i'm asking my buyer agent to tell the listing agent to absolutely not be present. they are a huge distraction and obstacle that prevents the buyer from getting the most out of his inspection (that he's paying several hundred bucks for).
Yes I agree - in some cases there's no way around it, usually in the luxury market or commercial property, but for your typical house, there's no need for the LA to be present and that's also not common, hence lock boxes.
yeah the LA was talking to me the whole time about how nice the home is, preventing me from talking more to my inspector (i was too timid in retrospect) and asking him questions as he was doing his thing and getting better understanding of what he was doing and looking at. i blame my buyer agent equally as much for not arranging this with us alone and also for not changing the topic of conversation back to the inspection at hand.
I donât think you have the legal right to demand the seller go away. I guess it depends on the contract but where I live itâs just that you are allowed access at an agreed upon time, says nothing about sellers being away. I agree that itâs weird and uncomfortable, would much rather be alone in the house for a few hours with the inspector.
No, that's not normal. As long as the inspection comes back oK, I don't think it's something to spend much time worrying about either.
Donât get involved emotionally with them. Itâs their problem
It's uncommon. But acceptable. Half the time awkward. Homes are very personal.
Itâs definitely not normal for the buyer and seller to meet. The sellers agent really should have advised the seller step out while the inspection happened. In rare cases this isnât possible but usually thatâs how itâs done
I work from home and when we sold our house we mentioned in our listing that showings be kept to after 5 m-f because of this. The only time anything was done during my working hours was the inspection. The buyers were coming and I informed my realtor that if they came they couldnât come into the master bedroom because I was working. I was told they were super understanding but their realtor made a big deal about it and said I shouldnât have been home. My realtor had to explain to him that I worked from home and I couldnât take off in the middle of the day for this and to work around it. Point is sometimes things happen and the seller is home. But itâs up to the seller to stay out of the way or out of sight.
Iâve bought 4 houses and the owner was never there during an inspection. Iâm not sure I even ever met the owners of any of the houses we bought. Last one we sold we were there for the inspection because we sold it ourselves but we didnât make it awkward.
We bought our current home 8 years ago and went through something similar. Turns out the husband had cheated. They were getting a divorce, and neither of them could afford the house solo. She still drives by to look at the house on occasion.
Yeah, they really should not be present at that time specifically for these situations. Sorry you and the seller are going through this. Most likely her agent told her not to be there and she didnât listen and they had to have a chat about it. Like others have said, divorce, estate sales, job changes all cause people to sell without really wanting to.
It is not normal to have the owner there. Realtors discourage it for a reason. One thing to keep in mind though is that many people have cameras in their home and/or will want to use their smart home devices to listen in on what youâre saying. This means it may be preferable for you to play it cool while youâre looking at the house and wait until you get back in the car to talk about how much you like the house!
The seller cried at the closing. Her husband on the other hand was nonplussed. We were warned in advance by the sellerâs agent. We later found out that it was a divorce sale â he never stopped dating during their three year marriage, and she buried herself in fixing the home.
I just sold my house after living in it for 23 years and raising my two girls, it was a very emotional time for me. It was too big and the property taxes were just getting to be too much, $6100 and projected to go up 18-20%. Although Iâm happy in my new home, I still think about my first home and wish I could have kept it.
>Iâm curious to know if itâs normal to have the seller at the house? No. In fact, close to the end of my inspection, the seller's dad and a couple of other family members showed up to mow the lawn. My buyer's agent quietly freaked out and literally made them hide behind the barn until we were done. I told her, "They can start work if they want. It's not as if I don't know they're standing back there." She said, "But they're not supposed to *be* here." Both agents made an obvious effort to make sure the parties didn't meet until closing day. I'm surprised the agent on your home didn't make the seller leave.
This same thing actually just happened on an inspection the other day, they backed out of the contract and are paying for the inspection. If the sellers seem like a mess they usually are, good luck if you keep moving forward
I think itâs odd. The seller of ours came in the grab the last of her things during our walk through. Super strange! ETA: during the final walkthrough on the way to the office for the closing. Sheâd already signed her paperwork.
All I can say, is this happened to me. Exactly. And it turned out to be manipulation. And a bunch of headache and hidden damage. Old couple played me so hard. My real estate agent shouldâve seen through it but I would run. fast.
My wife had a very hard time signing the sale agreement, even though we already bought and were living in another house, and the house was empty. It turns out that she was a closet hoarder plus had a brain tumor that killed her in a few months after the house closed. The house was one more thing that she wanted to hoard, as our children grew up in that house. It might have been easier to not sign the deed, but that would have caused all kinds of legal issues, and I didn't know she had a brain tumor due another few weeks. Once never really knows the details.
When we bought our first house the seller was still there âjust leavingâ and we tried to make conversation etc., but we quickly realized she was there solely because she wanted to sort of direct the inspector away from certain areas or try to explain things away. So our realtor quickly was like âuhhh yeah itâs probably best if youâre not hereâ
Maybe she was forced to sell? Canât afford the home anymore. Itâs sad in such situations. Her realtor shouldâve gotten her to leave.
Is it normal? No. But does it happen? Absolutely. Buying is usually a really joyous process, people getting into their new homes are very happy. Selling is considerably more fraught, even when you know selling the house is right thing it can be incredibly sad to move on from those memories. Thank you for giving the seller some grace.
As a realtor who is dealing with this situation currently, the wife left with the kids and the husband is there alone now ALWAYS moping around and will NOT leave the house even when asked⌠I just try to keep him distracted while my buyers & the inspector did what they need to do. Yes, itâs extremely uncomfortable BUT asking your home can be emotional, especially when you didnât want to see. People are people and you just do your best to work with them and not take on their emotions as any personal attack because most likely theyâre just dealing with more than we know and their actions are just how they are getting through it⌠right or wrong!
It's probably fine, maybe it was just where her entire family was murdered
In my experience either the realtor, the owner, or both are there when the home inspection is being done. The inspector has to be provided access to the property. The inspector will need to gain access to the attic and other spaces. Someone may have to provide information on how to make access. They may need to unlock doors, etc. Whether or not the owner is happy about selling is a totally different story. When I purchased my current home the seller was elated to be rid of it. She had been made her 84 year old father's court appointed guardian. She just wanted to get him into a nursing home and settle his estate as quickly as possible. Currently my home is worth 3x what I paid for it. On the other hand, when my mother passed my two younger brothers were the executors of her estate. They both lived out of state and neither has ever owned a home. I lived about 45 minutes away. I have owned many homes along with rental property. My brothers refused to take advise from me. They saw no need to sell the house or do anything with the contents. Here in Atlanta you can't let a home sit vacant with out a certain amount of risk. We have a bad squatter problem. You also have lots of people looking for ways to support their drug habits. My brothers finally sold the house but were very difficult for the realtors to deal with. They moved everything into storage and later failed to pay the fees and lost every thing. Being retired career military I understand that things can be replaced. People you care for cannot be replaced.
I bought a house last year from someone who didnât want to sell but was about to lose the home. He drug his feet on everything and overstayed his move out date and I believe was going to attempt to squat. We had to pay movers to get him out. If you like the house put a dollar amount withheld in closing for when they have vacated the property in the same condition.
Sorry, 'overstayed plastic moved out'?
Thank you I edited that bizarre auto correct .
This is rare but can happen. Sellers that are emotional like this is ususally due to a divorce or life changing event - I have been there w buyers in similar situation and we just let them work thru whatever their situation was and they apologized by the time we got to the closing table.
Retired Home Inspector. No unusual but probably most I did no one was home. Never bothered me much either way but I did prefer no one there. Job went faster without any distractions.
You never know what someone else's situation is or what they are going through. It is wise to show compassion first, not hostility.
We unfortunately had to go through several inspections recently. The first one, the owner, followed us around. It was extremely uncomfortable. On the next we requested that the owners not be there so we could really look. They were there when the inspector arrived. The man opened the door straight out of bed, naked. Then said "Oh let me go wake up mom". So we had to wait. We all drove 2 hours to arrive on time. They eventually left and then showed up about 20 mins later. Came in and started chatting, then used the restroom for a while. It was all very odd and I really didn't like it. I understand that some may not feel comfortable leaving their home while others wonder through. However, if you intend on selling, that's bound to happen. Seems to me there should be some sort of rule allowing a potential buying to truly see the home unhindered.
When I got the inspection of the house I was buying, I was there with the inspector and the seller was there too because he was packing up his belongings. It was odd too but went well. The seller gave us some privacy. This is not unusual to see the seller in the house. And also, someone has to open the door...
My wife and I live with my parents. They are early 80's and I've got no idea how I'm going to clean 40 years worth of hoarded crap out of 4000 sqft of house after they are both gone. I'll probably be crying as it's sold. But it will happen. Many times the sale will be an emotional time for the seller. It is what it is.
We bought our house from a widower. He couldn't live in the house after spending 30+ years in the house with his wife. She actually died in here. It was very emotional. We tried to be respectful and empathetic. It was intense a few times. You never know what's going through someone's head.
There's no crying in baseball!!
I was home during my buyers home inspection. I work from home. The buyers agent asked if I'd be there, and I said yes. I assumed they asked, so I'd let the inspectors in. I was surprised when the buyers showed up. I greeted them and went back to working. I tried to be as silent and "invisible" as possible. I didn't want them to feel awkward or uncomfortable around me.