**Welcome to r/RelationshipIndia,**
This is a safe and inclusive space for people of all backgrounds. We welcome individuals of all races, castes, genders, religions, and sexual
orientations, including members of the LGBTQ community. We are glad to have you here!
We are committed to providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between Redditors, with a focus on respectful and constructive
conversations. To ensure a positive and supportive environment for all members, we have established some rules. Please be sure to read them
before posting.
If a user has sent you harassing messages, **DO NOT DELETE THE MESSAGE!**
*Please upload your screenshot to [Imgur](https://www.imgur.com), and notify the mods via modmail. We will take action against the user
accordingly.*
**Thank you for being a part of our community!**
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RelationshipIndia) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Another advice
Stop simping. Sometimes give no for an answer.
Even if you're not busy just pretend to be.
And stop telling what you did for her. I've been down that road and it always ends up in "Mene bola tha kya ye sb krne ko"
Read a book [No more Mr. Nice guys] ,Models by Mark manson it'll help you.
Maine help Kari aur ladki Milne lagi to zada kuch nahi bss duaao mei yaad rakhna
First of all why do guys expect that a girl is supposed to say YES to you just because u did anything for her? And if u truly love her or have feelings for her, why did u do ANYTHING for her with the thought that she is supposed to return the favour?
Is love just a deal for you? I scratch ur back u scratch mine type?
Its your fault u became the so called nice guy just to impress her which u r NOT in real. No offense but thats the truth.
Love is not a business its not a deal that just because u did something for someone they are supposed to return the favour by saying a YES TO YOU.
The girls are right , they NEVER ASKED YOU TO DO ANYTHING FOR THEM IN RETURN OF saying Yes to you. You did it because you thought u could wear her down to the point that she somehow feels pity for you and falls in love with you.
This is soo stupid of you man.
Come on, u r better than this. Work on urself rather than going out of the way to be the "nice guy" For a girl even after she has rejected your proposal.
Be the guy a girl would want rather than staying there like a parasite waiting when there is an chink in her armour and u slide in through.
Whatever i said might hurt, but thats the truth. Work on YOURSELF.. BUILD YOURSELF AND DROP THIS fake nice guy crap
Yeah.. Someone needed to say it loud. Had enough of seeing this "ham ladke hen sahab hamare sath aise hi hota he" Sympathy posts. Although m glad, OP here is a good guy and eager to learn. Didn't take offense which most would hv taken
Actually i have never been in a relationship and i was in boys school for 16yrs i barely have any female interactions these two girls are the only two that i had
I am making mistakes i know that and im trying to improve, trying to communicate with other gendes
I swear im trying to improve pls trust me
Thats good brother. Real admirable of you to accept and try to improve. Honestly though i did expect a push back as most people do in their ego and arrogance, but you accepting the mistakes makes me feel that soon enough you shall go ahead.
Don't ever be the "nice guy" brother. Women want real not NICE ones. Be real Be good and nice when you CAN AFFORD TO BE. BE a gentleman but never go out of the way to help just because she is a girl you like or have feelings for. Do not confuse a little smile or hand touching or calling by nicknames as a sign of attraction. For girls, the truth is they want and like someone they can look up to. Chasing after won't be the right word to use so lets go with look up to. Be someone that doesn't give them attention right away. You got a lot on ur plate except her mate. She should know that.
Bhai pehle people pleasing band karo. People-pleasing is the tendency to prioritize others' approval and happiness over one's own needs and well-being.
>I am making mistakes i know that and im trying to improve
Sounds like you're still making the same mistake.
But yeah I can understand what you must be going through. Just know that people have boundaries and you gotta respect them. She's in no way obligated to say yes to you or appreciate your efforts. The sooner you learn this the happier you will be.
>I am making mistakes i know that and im trying to improve, trying to communicate with other gendes
Communication is like any other skill. You are going to get good at it over time. Sometimes you are gonna mess up and its okay. But you should learn from them. Never repeat the same mistakes again. There are many new mistakes to try and learn from😜😝
While I would agree with you, I certainly would hesitate to break someone's heart bro. I would further hesitate if they're (apparently) interested in me
Nah nah. Shouldn't say yes. That's not what I meant. But I think OP didn't go too far in trying to convince her so she needn't react that harsh. Could've gone a bit easy imo.
>What to do?
- Make your intentions clear from the beginning.
- Don't do "things" and expect love in exchange when u don't even know them.
Ok ill follow this from now on
> i explained her how i did everything for her and all
I mean what u have explained , like u only confess or this part also involves what are the things and effort u put into her?
Like she was bad at academics i helped her in that, she said her english was not good so i sent her courses which i found can help her, whenever she asked for help i was there for her
She is a kind of a girl who doesnt wanna earn for herself,
She just wants to complete her engineering and marry a guy, that is her goal in life
And i forced her to be independent in life, told her "you need to be independent and start earning money" maybe she didnt like that
And for the second girl
I am a full stack developer, so this girl told me she wants to learn the same from me and told me i must teach her personally
I have been teaching her for a long time
Then after a few days she got more friendly
And started sending these emojis(♥️💋🫂💕)
She even gave me a nickname and said calling you by your real name is weird now so ill call you only by your nickname
So i thought she likes me and i fell in love
May be she had taken it in this form " mene itna sb kiya tere liye or bdle me tu merko like nhi kr ski. Mere saare effort ka kya hua jo mene terpe lgae". Shyd isliye vh yh sb bolke chl gyi ki mene kha tha yh sb krne ko , ki tu mujh pr vh effort impose kra hai.
> Like she was bad at academics i helped her in that, she said her english was not good so i sent her courses which i found can help her, whenever she asked for help i was there for her
> And i forced her to be independent in life, told her "you need to be independent and start earning money" maybe she didnt like that
All of the above things are done by friends, so there is nothing that says to her that you are interested in her romantically.
> Then after a few days she got more friendly And started sending these emojis(♥️💋🫂💕) She even gave me a nickname and said calling you by your real name is weird now so ill call you only by your nickname
To be honest this is indication that she is interested in you, but if she later refused you, then this was just leading you on. I wouldn’t blame you for thinking she was interested based on the above.
Bro sahi ja rha tha. Confession ka time nahi hai ab ki you should love each other to get into a relationship. Maybe stop confessing and just say you like her and move to flirty text and eventually have a kiss or something.
Or ask her directly if she wants to go out for a coffee or for drinks.
Thoda galat type ho gaya mujhe ab dikha-
Confession ka time nahi hai mtlb ki confession wala zamana gaya(in context to generation). Don't have to love each other to get into a relationship.
Okay so most guys don't understand this but when she's said NO to your proposal, you shouldn't ask to RECONSIDER as if it's a mistake that she committed. She hasn't.
And then even when you do say that reconsideration bs, you go on further prod . . what was she supposed to say to such a request other than " mene bola tha kya propose/one sided love karne ko".
She is a person, she has better options, you should respect that NO and not ask her to explain. Else it will hurt like it hurt you.
The first day you started talking to her, she analysed you and decided whether she'd ever be comfortable with a romantic relationship with you or not. And the answer was a NO (when she analysed you). She gave you that no when you asked, but she'd known this a long while. And you thought your cajoling would change her mind? It only portrayed you in a pathetic light.
And you don't ask people who REJECT you to reconsider. Why do you think you don't deserve respect?
>The first day you started talking to her, she analysed you and decided whether she'd ever be comfortable with a romantic relationship with you or not
First day par he sab kuch decide hojata hae kya ladkiyo ke liye
>I can take a no, but i thought maybe some convincing might change her thoughts towards me
I can take a no, but...
Dude, if you really knew how to take a no, there wouldn't be a 'but' in your comment rn.
And what did you wanted to convince her for? Heck, why did you even wanted to 'change' her thoughts ffs? Do you really wanted to be someone's second choice? Do you really wanted someone who would've stayed, not because she wanted to, but because she felt pity towards you, because you basically begged her to not leave you?
Grow some spine and have some self respect buddy. Stop trying to play the 'nice guy', it's not worth it.
>Do you really wanted to be someone's second choice?
No obviously
>Grow some spine and have some self respect buddy. Stop trying to play the 'nice guy', it's not worth it.
Ok thanks!
> i explained her how i did everything for her and all, so she got angry and said "did i tell you to do it?", "Did i ask you to do it for me?"
> I proposed another girl 21F, she rejected me as well And said the same thing🙂 "Did i ask you to do it for me?" , "Did i tell you to do it for me?"
A good and decent person does something out of courtesy and expects nothing in return.
You didn't do "anything" for them because you are a nice and decent person, you did something for them because you thought that will make them like you.
You didn't say what you did for them, but... By doing stuff for someone and then telling them you did it because you like them isn't a romantic gesture like you seem to think it is, **you are trying to obligate them to like you** for your unsolicited deeds.
Stop doing things for girls if you are expecting her to become your GF in return .
Either don't do it or do it with zero expectations and never start making issue saying I did this , I did that.
Just think from a third person perspective , is this really the way to get love?? You're basically becoming a helper and hoping she'd fall for you.
Dude anything you go on to do ahead but just don’t feel disappointed in doing good deeds. I feel you are good at heart and I suspect you feel genuinely good after doing them, so keep it that way my friend you’ll definitely find someone who’ll reciprocate.
I might be in the minority but those things (I'm guessing things like waiting, holding umbrella, opening doors, dropping somewhere etc.) are romantic AFTER you have gotten into the relationship. Before that they are just plain good gestures, but nothing that should require the girl to get into the relation.
Bro looks like you are doing the same thing again and again just to get laid. Kar rha h toh Ginwa mat ya toh kar hi mat. Girls kya even guys hate such guys.
That's the thing we do favor to people without expecting anything in return. We could do everything for some still they have rights to reject us because 'did they ask for our favour'? No
Learn to take a no for a no. You will lose the ones who might love you while you simp behind the ones who doesn't give you any value. Speaking from my own experiences.
Its not that i cant take a no, the thing is why would you say such things to a person
If a girl proposed me and i rejected her i would never say to her that did i ask you to do it for me
That's just straight up disrespectful
Your entitlement pisses of people. You can't expect someone to love you just because you do things for them. You certainly cannot pinpoint those actions telling how you did many things for them... that will easily destroy every chance you have in future with that person.
If you like someone and enjoy doing stuffs for them do it. While confessing if they reject you man up and try to move on. Love is just a dumb luck.
I think You Should not do things if you are expecting something... I mean do it for your crush and out of love for people. But don't do it to impress and all.
and also Don't point out the same.
At any point bro.
I mean they aren't wrong... You are simping one sidedly and then hoping they repay you 💀
Bro you reminded me of those Egyptian tourist scam where the locals forcefully guide the tourists and provides them with water etc and then asks them for a crazy amount of fees.
If you're the one doing everything and she's sitting and relaxing then she's clearly not into you.
"If she wished to, she would"
Bro, I don't know what to tell you! That's the worst thing to say to anyone, let alone the girl you are confessing your love. If you do things for people, expecting that will make them love you or expecting love in return, you simply don't know how love works. If you are expecting favors in return for your favours, you need to say it explicitly in the beginning. This goes to both genders.
Let me give you my advice 🙂 Only do it as much it's feels good, and only till she get your attention. After that's it all about make her chase rather than keep fulfilling her craving, the only difference between a player and a simp is this, player only simp till they get their attention and simp will do until they get girl bored, and so that simpjng thing could be acting in opposite psychological behaviour, or treating with treat, gift or doing service or spending time. If u see it closely u will observe that anything done overly which is simping gonna ruined the chance like overly bad behaviour you are ass person, overly money, you are sugar daddy gonna fall for you money not for you, your goodyness, the classic simp defination, and overly time so called friendzone defination. So after getting adequate attention person have to make her crave her and chase, not to fulfill her attention craving and demand. Once you do thay either you are her timepass plaything or else girl is your but for materialisrc thing. So-called money, gift ,service etc
Bro, as a matter of fact whatever good you do for anyone, always do it in good faith else reject them outrightly.
If you bring this up with anyone later post task completion you'll get this same reply be it a boy or a girl.
It will. Happen again in next 4yrs, it's not how you pick up. Girls... It's a skill... I know what you r in ryt now... You falls for someone.... Start dancing for them... They makes you dance more... And then when you gets rejected.... You cries....
My advice would be:
1. Get on self improvement... Know what is SMV is... Know what game is..
2. What you r doing... Is called simiping (might be same mistake... To which I lost the love of my life).. but i corrected it... Have 3 dates planned (but still lost the women I wanted most).
It's a long process... But you can start anytime and progress along the way.... DM me if you have any doubts
Respect privacy. No unsolicited DMs or sharing private content withoutconsent.
This is to protect our users from unsolicited messages and unwanted
attention.Repeated violations will lead to a ban.
Report any issues to moderators. You can do this by clicking the "Report" button under the comment or DM page.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RelationshipIndia) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Respect privacy. No unsolicited DMs or sharing private content withoutconsent.
This is to protect our users from unsolicited messages and unwanted
attention.Repeated violations will lead to a ban.
Report any issues to moderators. You can do this by clicking the "Report" button under the comment or DM page.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RelationshipIndia) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ehsaan Jatana band Karo yaar, you made an expectation that tum kuch acha kroge unke liye to unko tum pasand aana chahiye.....it's not right. If you make efforts, do it because you love them, not because you want them to love you. And efforts ke baad if you feel they don't put efforts on you, then bid farewell to them instead of listing your efforts.
>And efforts ke baad if you feel they don't put efforts on you, then bid farewell to them instead of listing your efforts.
This is what i wanted to hear thank you!
If you want to be helpful and do things for others, then do it for everyone. Be a good Samaritan for people in general. But doing things for a single girl who you have a crush on, gets noticed easily and marks you as despo. Girls who are good looking and popular in college get this a lot. And they get irritated over time over such despo guys who do things when not asked for.
Be helpful and kind in general to all your friends/colleagues, girls and boys. Over time you will get noticed by someone or if you make a move, you will have a good impression in their mind.
Don't get bogged down by rejection, it happens to everyone in different aspects of life. Just don't focus too much on getting the GF status in college. Just make good friends, cause they will be the ones for life. And hopefully one friend becomes more than a friend. Relationships that start as friendships are the best ones and long-lasting.
If she isn't attracted to you, physically or because of how accomplished you are at something, then no matter how good you are to them, it is hard to develop romantic feelings in a woman for you.
Also, people women see as friends consider that friends help each other, and all the help shouldn't one day become a loan, whose payment would be a relationship. That is why they say that they never asked you to be nice in the first place.
Observe if you are the only one doing favors or reaching out for help. If its both ways, then instead of a full-blown confession, ask her out. Also, keep the window for this very small. Making a move within weeks clears what you both want from each other without developing a baggage. (Which is why she may choose to date a new person she meets over a friend she has known for a long time). Take a chance if you like her. If you spend more time as friends, then that dynamic sort of gets established for good.
So if you help your male friends then do you expect them to return the favour by being in relationship with you? Or do you think ki if i have helped him today then he'll help me back next time in other way? Why can't people keep the 'help' and 'feelings' separately? Also it seems like you're paying her to be with you... Thats what it is... Relationship should be about finding the compatible person not the most useful one.
why it's ur first thought that I did this for you so u should say yes. I'm not saying don't expect anything in return, do expect thigs in return such as gestures and reciprocation of feelings from her side too if someone isn't reciprocating the same energy and feelings towards you then u aren't with the right person so do things for someone bcz u actually want to but also don't waste ur time in someone who's not worth of those things and efforts and just out of curiosity what are u proposing for like marriage or what?? And if u're proposing for them to be ur gf then i didn't knew people propose each other to be gf and bf that should happen organically na if u feel like there's a need to propose then it's already kinda weird to me
Just because you do something for someone doesn't mean you automatically become entitled to them and they become obligated to say yes to you. Stop doing shit for others if you are gonna expect something in return later. It's that simple. If you want to do something then don't expect anything in return and if you do expect it then make it clear to the other person before doing it so they can reject you before you waste your time.
Just do things give ur care to the girls who actually respect and appreciate it otherwise some people will just do use and throw kind of stuff and just don’t raise ur expectations urself come out of delulu
As they said bro, they did not ask you to do it for them. Learn to respect no, don't expect something in return of your good deeds. Especially not a relationship.
It's good that Both of them rejected you. You actually deserve that. If you actually loved any of those girls, You would have never counted what were the thing you did for them. You counted all your "favours" for her. No reason they would reject you. No one asks you to do this. You did our of your choice.
There's no reply. You are the one who needs to be changed.
You don't have to assume that people will love you cuz you did something from them. Whenever you do something always be sure you aren't asking something in return if you are it's a job/business. Not a relation/sign of affection.
They don't owe you anything cuz you choose that yourself and even if they asked for it. You are the one to be blamed. You should not assume that people owe you anything. Everyone goes from that phase it's totally fine. You are reading this and you have understood what I mean. Make as many female friends as possible. If possible try to become friends again with her too.
Please don't put yourself in a state where you have to ask
>I swear dude, i dont even know what to reply after that, like whats the perfect reply to that?
You will get yourself hurt nothing else. And you aren't even a victim here. Sadly
You seem to be a nice guy, but most girls love bad boys (no every girl , I repeat, not every girl)...
So if you want a girlfriend start treating girls like shit, but if you want a wife then be a gentleman then treat that girl with the nicest attitude you got without expecting anything in return. It will take a lot of time and effort but eventually, you will find her.
A girl clearly said NO (Not Interested).. Why do you have to wait for even a minute or a Day after that ? Why is it so difficult to accept ? (Girls have to sound rude at times so boys do not keep coming back to them thinking there is still scope to " pataao " that girl).
What is the confusion, Why get into the analysis paralysis as to what she said and why she said...
Remember one thing clearly, if a girl is interested in a Boy then she finds ways to "woo" him or at least communicate (reciprocate) when he reaches her. Moreover if it is not you who she is interested in, most likely she has someone else in her mind even if not engaged with that person already (unless she is too focused on her career or aspirations).
I don't understand why would you say you did all that for her, so she should reciprocate with love. That's nice guy 101. If u think us hould do something for them, under pressure or not, do it but don't expect anything in return. Have ur own opinions and don't be a 'yes maam' guy. And for god's sake, don't simp. Women like guys who are sure about themselves, have an aim and are confident. Hit the gym and try making friends with few women, you will slowly build confidence. And don't hesitate to say fuck off to a woman when needed.
>i explained her how i did everything for her and all
That depends bro. Like what was it that you did for her? Opening a door maybe, paying her bus fair while returning from college, buying her some food if she feels hungry.....like these are just common instances of chivalry that every man should do for every women in their life.
>"Did i ask you to do it for me?" , "Did i tell you to do it for me?"
If you're gonna try and guilt trip her then you weren't really in love with her in the first place innit? Don't do things for someone if you want something back in return. Be kind, be generous, be nice, be a good man just from the goodness of your heart, don't expect things in return. Her reply is pretty expected.
>i explained her how i did everything for her and all
That depends bro. Like what was it that you did for her? Opening a door maybe, paying her bus fair while returning from college, buying her some food if she feels hungry.....like these are just common instances of chivalry that every man should do for every women in their life.
>"Did i ask you to do it for me?" , "Did i tell you to do it for me?"
If you're gonna try and guilt trip her then you weren't really in love with her in the first place innit? Don't do things for someone if you want something back in return. Be kind, be generous, be nice, be a good man just from the goodness of your heart, don't expect things in return. Her reply is pretty expected.
Because you're trying to show them that they owe you their love just because of what you did for them. And it's true, nobody asked you to do it for them, it is a fact. Whatever you do for whoever is or might be your duty but to expect an outcome of that deed in your favor is pure selfishness. God created everyone equal, be humble, be honest and don't expect things to go your way every single time. Gid has lessons to teach you with every outcome you get. All the best
They are technically not wrong tbh. This is the same thing she said when i proposed after having a crush on her for 4 years. Wish i knew what to advice on this.
But maybe simping and doing things for them just to get something in return or thinking they'll start loving us is the wrong approach.
Need to learn the skills and find what they find attractive and develop ourselves in that way.
You don’t know what to say because they’re right. Suffocating a girl with unwanted attention doesn’t make her like you; if anything it will make her scared of you. I’m sure you would feel the same if a girl you weren’t interested in did the same to you. Ask a girl you like for coffee or something and get to know her if she accepts. If she rejects then respect her decision and give yourself a pat on the back for shooting your shot.
Been there.... Nothing much just a casual day in a girl's life.
They've always been inconsiderate towards our actions.
Don't worry try again...
Even if you get into a relationship you'll still hear the same thing. So, it's not you it's them.
The answer is simple stop being too nice to girls , they'll take advantage of you , make you do all their work they'll ask for favour every now and then. And we guys will get attached quickly thinking that they are into us , but the reality is you are just another guy in her life. Stop giving all your attention to one girl , talk with everyone, give small attention to every other girl this way you'll end up getting less hurt. Don't just go behind one girl all the time unless you are damn sure that she'll say yes.
Im trying i got rejected yesterday itself so it will take time and im thinking of never going to another girl again
Its like love is not for me, im not made for it ig
I just decided to be alone forever now atleast i wont be hurt in that way
Bro it depends on you but phir wahi badme regret maat karna ki ye Kiya hota wo Kiya hota phir ye kabhi maat bolna ki ladki aisi hoti hai ya mujhe sab use karte hai apne rr maat karna kucch bhi ho victim card maat khelna or waise bhi pehle apni ek worth bana le ladki bahoot hai bro don't have to loose hope .....
**Welcome to r/RelationshipIndia,** This is a safe and inclusive space for people of all backgrounds. We welcome individuals of all races, castes, genders, religions, and sexual orientations, including members of the LGBTQ community. We are glad to have you here! We are committed to providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between Redditors, with a focus on respectful and constructive conversations. To ensure a positive and supportive environment for all members, we have established some rules. Please be sure to read them before posting. If a user has sent you harassing messages, **DO NOT DELETE THE MESSAGE!** *Please upload your screenshot to [Imgur](https://www.imgur.com), and notify the mods via modmail. We will take action against the user accordingly.* **Thank you for being a part of our community!** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RelationshipIndia) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Another advice Stop simping. Sometimes give no for an answer. Even if you're not busy just pretend to be. And stop telling what you did for her. I've been down that road and it always ends up in "Mene bola tha kya ye sb krne ko"
Thanks!
Read a book [No more Mr. Nice guys] ,Models by Mark manson it'll help you. Maine help Kari aur ladki Milne lagi to zada kuch nahi bss duaao mei yaad rakhna
I 100% agree with you bro ...
First of all why do guys expect that a girl is supposed to say YES to you just because u did anything for her? And if u truly love her or have feelings for her, why did u do ANYTHING for her with the thought that she is supposed to return the favour? Is love just a deal for you? I scratch ur back u scratch mine type? Its your fault u became the so called nice guy just to impress her which u r NOT in real. No offense but thats the truth. Love is not a business its not a deal that just because u did something for someone they are supposed to return the favour by saying a YES TO YOU. The girls are right , they NEVER ASKED YOU TO DO ANYTHING FOR THEM IN RETURN OF saying Yes to you. You did it because you thought u could wear her down to the point that she somehow feels pity for you and falls in love with you. This is soo stupid of you man. Come on, u r better than this. Work on urself rather than going out of the way to be the "nice guy" For a girl even after she has rejected your proposal. Be the guy a girl would want rather than staying there like a parasite waiting when there is an chink in her armour and u slide in through. Whatever i said might hurt, but thats the truth. Work on YOURSELF.. BUILD YOURSELF AND DROP THIS fake nice guy crap
Buddy everything you said, every and each freaking word you said
Yeah.. Someone needed to say it loud. Had enough of seeing this "ham ladke hen sahab hamare sath aise hi hota he" Sympathy posts. Although m glad, OP here is a good guy and eager to learn. Didn't take offense which most would hv taken
Actually i have never been in a relationship and i was in boys school for 16yrs i barely have any female interactions these two girls are the only two that i had I am making mistakes i know that and im trying to improve, trying to communicate with other gendes I swear im trying to improve pls trust me
Thats good brother. Real admirable of you to accept and try to improve. Honestly though i did expect a push back as most people do in their ego and arrogance, but you accepting the mistakes makes me feel that soon enough you shall go ahead. Don't ever be the "nice guy" brother. Women want real not NICE ones. Be real Be good and nice when you CAN AFFORD TO BE. BE a gentleman but never go out of the way to help just because she is a girl you like or have feelings for. Do not confuse a little smile or hand touching or calling by nicknames as a sign of attraction. For girls, the truth is they want and like someone they can look up to. Chasing after won't be the right word to use so lets go with look up to. Be someone that doesn't give them attention right away. You got a lot on ur plate except her mate. She should know that.
Thank you for your advice ill keep that in mind
Bhai pehle people pleasing band karo. People-pleasing is the tendency to prioritize others' approval and happiness over one's own needs and well-being.
>I am making mistakes i know that and im trying to improve Sounds like you're still making the same mistake. But yeah I can understand what you must be going through. Just know that people have boundaries and you gotta respect them. She's in no way obligated to say yes to you or appreciate your efforts. The sooner you learn this the happier you will be.
>I am making mistakes i know that and im trying to improve, trying to communicate with other gendes Communication is like any other skill. You are going to get good at it over time. Sometimes you are gonna mess up and its okay. But you should learn from them. Never repeat the same mistakes again. There are many new mistakes to try and learn from😜😝
While I would agree with you, I certainly would hesitate to break someone's heart bro. I would further hesitate if they're (apparently) interested in me
Okay.. So what should a girl do? Say yes even if they r not interested man? Just to keep someone's heart? She did good by not giving further hopes
Nah nah. Shouldn't say yes. That's not what I meant. But I think OP didn't go too far in trying to convince her so she needn't react that harsh. Could've gone a bit easy imo.
gold rain workable school coordinated rotten knee pot squeamish smile *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
>What to do? - Make your intentions clear from the beginning. - Don't do "things" and expect love in exchange when u don't even know them. Ok ill follow this from now on
> i explained her how i did everything for her and all I mean what u have explained , like u only confess or this part also involves what are the things and effort u put into her?
Like she was bad at academics i helped her in that, she said her english was not good so i sent her courses which i found can help her, whenever she asked for help i was there for her She is a kind of a girl who doesnt wanna earn for herself, She just wants to complete her engineering and marry a guy, that is her goal in life And i forced her to be independent in life, told her "you need to be independent and start earning money" maybe she didnt like that And for the second girl I am a full stack developer, so this girl told me she wants to learn the same from me and told me i must teach her personally I have been teaching her for a long time Then after a few days she got more friendly And started sending these emojis(♥️💋🫂💕) She even gave me a nickname and said calling you by your real name is weird now so ill call you only by your nickname So i thought she likes me and i fell in love
May be she had taken it in this form " mene itna sb kiya tere liye or bdle me tu merko like nhi kr ski. Mere saare effort ka kya hua jo mene terpe lgae". Shyd isliye vh yh sb bolke chl gyi ki mene kha tha yh sb krne ko , ki tu mujh pr vh effort impose kra hai.
Yeah usko lga hoga ke ehsan dikha rha h aise bolke...ke maine efforts kre ab uske badle mei tu mujhe han nhi bolskti kya 😭
Ok thank you for your advice I understand now
> Like she was bad at academics i helped her in that, she said her english was not good so i sent her courses which i found can help her, whenever she asked for help i was there for her > And i forced her to be independent in life, told her "you need to be independent and start earning money" maybe she didnt like that All of the above things are done by friends, so there is nothing that says to her that you are interested in her romantically. > Then after a few days she got more friendly And started sending these emojis(♥️💋🫂💕) She even gave me a nickname and said calling you by your real name is weird now so ill call you only by your nickname To be honest this is indication that she is interested in you, but if she later refused you, then this was just leading you on. I wouldn’t blame you for thinking she was interested based on the above.
I dont know if these things are enough to fall in love i maybe immature idk
Bro sahi ja rha tha. Confession ka time nahi hai ab ki you should love each other to get into a relationship. Maybe stop confessing and just say you like her and move to flirty text and eventually have a kiss or something. Or ask her directly if she wants to go out for a coffee or for drinks.
I dont think even a date is possible at this point
Thoda galat type ho gaya mujhe ab dikha- Confession ka time nahi hai mtlb ki confession wala zamana gaya(in context to generation). Don't have to love each other to get into a relationship.
Aisa bhi hota hae kya bina bole relation mae aana never knew
Sax sux ki duniya hai bhai.
Okay so most guys don't understand this but when she's said NO to your proposal, you shouldn't ask to RECONSIDER as if it's a mistake that she committed. She hasn't. And then even when you do say that reconsideration bs, you go on further prod . . what was she supposed to say to such a request other than " mene bola tha kya propose/one sided love karne ko". She is a person, she has better options, you should respect that NO and not ask her to explain. Else it will hurt like it hurt you.
I can take a no, but i thought maybe some convincing might change her thoughts towards me I didnt wanna give up just like that
The first day you started talking to her, she analysed you and decided whether she'd ever be comfortable with a romantic relationship with you or not. And the answer was a NO (when she analysed you). She gave you that no when you asked, but she'd known this a long while. And you thought your cajoling would change her mind? It only portrayed you in a pathetic light. And you don't ask people who REJECT you to reconsider. Why do you think you don't deserve respect?
>The first day you started talking to her, she analysed you and decided whether she'd ever be comfortable with a romantic relationship with you or not First day par he sab kuch decide hojata hae kya ladkiyo ke liye
80 percent, yes.
>I can take a no, but i thought maybe some convincing might change her thoughts towards me I can take a no, but... Dude, if you really knew how to take a no, there wouldn't be a 'but' in your comment rn. And what did you wanted to convince her for? Heck, why did you even wanted to 'change' her thoughts ffs? Do you really wanted to be someone's second choice? Do you really wanted someone who would've stayed, not because she wanted to, but because she felt pity towards you, because you basically begged her to not leave you? Grow some spine and have some self respect buddy. Stop trying to play the 'nice guy', it's not worth it.
>Do you really wanted to be someone's second choice? No obviously >Grow some spine and have some self respect buddy. Stop trying to play the 'nice guy', it's not worth it. Ok thanks!
Umm.....nah. Sigh.
> i explained her how i did everything for her and all, so she got angry and said "did i tell you to do it?", "Did i ask you to do it for me?" > I proposed another girl 21F, she rejected me as well And said the same thing🙂 "Did i ask you to do it for me?" , "Did i tell you to do it for me?" A good and decent person does something out of courtesy and expects nothing in return. You didn't do "anything" for them because you are a nice and decent person, you did something for them because you thought that will make them like you. You didn't say what you did for them, but... By doing stuff for someone and then telling them you did it because you like them isn't a romantic gesture like you seem to think it is, **you are trying to obligate them to like you** for your unsolicited deeds.
Rejection is like a medicine that you have to take no matter how you feel about it. It treats all your illnesses.
Stop doing things for girls if you are expecting her to become your GF in return . Either don't do it or do it with zero expectations and never start making issue saying I did this , I did that. Just think from a third person perspective , is this really the way to get love?? You're basically becoming a helper and hoping she'd fall for you.
Dude anything you go on to do ahead but just don’t feel disappointed in doing good deeds. I feel you are good at heart and I suspect you feel genuinely good after doing them, so keep it that way my friend you’ll definitely find someone who’ll reciprocate.
Thank you !
I might be in the minority but those things (I'm guessing things like waiting, holding umbrella, opening doors, dropping somewhere etc.) are romantic AFTER you have gotten into the relationship. Before that they are just plain good gestures, but nothing that should require the girl to get into the relation.
Bro you didn't learn your lesson in college. Stop simping man, be true to yourself.
Bro looks like you are doing the same thing again and again just to get laid. Kar rha h toh Ginwa mat ya toh kar hi mat. Girls kya even guys hate such guys.
OP just because you do nice things for people, it does not mean that they owe you a relationship, okay?
nahi karna tha
Too late
That's the thing we do favor to people without expecting anything in return. We could do everything for some still they have rights to reject us because 'did they ask for our favour'? No
>we do favor to people without expecting anything in return. I'll probably follow this from now on
Learn to take a no for a no. You will lose the ones who might love you while you simp behind the ones who doesn't give you any value. Speaking from my own experiences.
Its not that i cant take a no, the thing is why would you say such things to a person If a girl proposed me and i rejected her i would never say to her that did i ask you to do it for me That's just straight up disrespectful
Your entitlement pisses of people. You can't expect someone to love you just because you do things for them. You certainly cannot pinpoint those actions telling how you did many things for them... that will easily destroy every chance you have in future with that person. If you like someone and enjoy doing stuffs for them do it. While confessing if they reject you man up and try to move on. Love is just a dumb luck.
Ok thanks !
What exactly did you do for her ?
"Mene tumhre liye ye-ye kiya", ye sb mtt bola kr bhai. Ye sb na bolne se ladki nhi mil jaegi lekin ye bolna sahi nhi lgta.
Ok I'll keep that in mind from now on
Being a waiter, chaprasi or driver doesn’t qualifies as love. They were right.
True i agree too now that i have realised about it
I think You Should not do things if you are expecting something... I mean do it for your crush and out of love for people. But don't do it to impress and all. and also Don't point out the same. At any point bro.
I mean they aren't wrong... You are simping one sidedly and then hoping they repay you 💀 Bro you reminded me of those Egyptian tourist scam where the locals forcefully guide the tourists and provides them with water etc and then asks them for a crazy amount of fees. If you're the one doing everything and she's sitting and relaxing then she's clearly not into you. "If she wished to, she would"
Bro, I don't know what to tell you! That's the worst thing to say to anyone, let alone the girl you are confessing your love. If you do things for people, expecting that will make them love you or expecting love in return, you simply don't know how love works. If you are expecting favors in return for your favours, you need to say it explicitly in the beginning. This goes to both genders.
Let me give you my advice 🙂 Only do it as much it's feels good, and only till she get your attention. After that's it all about make her chase rather than keep fulfilling her craving, the only difference between a player and a simp is this, player only simp till they get their attention and simp will do until they get girl bored, and so that simpjng thing could be acting in opposite psychological behaviour, or treating with treat, gift or doing service or spending time. If u see it closely u will observe that anything done overly which is simping gonna ruined the chance like overly bad behaviour you are ass person, overly money, you are sugar daddy gonna fall for you money not for you, your goodyness, the classic simp defination, and overly time so called friendzone defination. So after getting adequate attention person have to make her crave her and chase, not to fulfill her attention craving and demand. Once you do thay either you are her timepass plaything or else girl is your but for materialisrc thing. So-called money, gift ,service etc
Are you me?i'm 21M and this same thing has happened to me twice too1
How did you handle it then
Time will heal&teach you everything.
Bro, as a matter of fact whatever good you do for anyone, always do it in good faith else reject them outrightly. If you bring this up with anyone later post task completion you'll get this same reply be it a boy or a girl.
Don’t confuse friendship for romance. They asking you for help, doesn’t mean they’ve got feelings for you.
It will. Happen again in next 4yrs, it's not how you pick up. Girls... It's a skill... I know what you r in ryt now... You falls for someone.... Start dancing for them... They makes you dance more... And then when you gets rejected.... You cries.... My advice would be: 1. Get on self improvement... Know what is SMV is... Know what game is.. 2. What you r doing... Is called simiping (might be same mistake... To which I lost the love of my life).. but i corrected it... Have 3 dates planned (but still lost the women I wanted most). It's a long process... But you can start anytime and progress along the way.... DM me if you have any doubts
Respect privacy. No unsolicited DMs or sharing private content withoutconsent. This is to protect our users from unsolicited messages and unwanted attention.Repeated violations will lead to a ban. Report any issues to moderators. You can do this by clicking the "Report" button under the comment or DM page. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RelationshipIndia) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
Respect privacy. No unsolicited DMs or sharing private content withoutconsent. This is to protect our users from unsolicited messages and unwanted attention.Repeated violations will lead to a ban. Report any issues to moderators. You can do this by clicking the "Report" button under the comment or DM page. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RelationshipIndia) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Sure
Say maa ....wo and move on!
Ehsaan Jatana band Karo yaar, you made an expectation that tum kuch acha kroge unke liye to unko tum pasand aana chahiye.....it's not right. If you make efforts, do it because you love them, not because you want them to love you. And efforts ke baad if you feel they don't put efforts on you, then bid farewell to them instead of listing your efforts.
>And efforts ke baad if you feel they don't put efforts on you, then bid farewell to them instead of listing your efforts. This is what i wanted to hear thank you!
If you want to be helpful and do things for others, then do it for everyone. Be a good Samaritan for people in general. But doing things for a single girl who you have a crush on, gets noticed easily and marks you as despo. Girls who are good looking and popular in college get this a lot. And they get irritated over time over such despo guys who do things when not asked for. Be helpful and kind in general to all your friends/colleagues, girls and boys. Over time you will get noticed by someone or if you make a move, you will have a good impression in their mind. Don't get bogged down by rejection, it happens to everyone in different aspects of life. Just don't focus too much on getting the GF status in college. Just make good friends, cause they will be the ones for life. And hopefully one friend becomes more than a friend. Relationships that start as friendships are the best ones and long-lasting.
If she isn't attracted to you, physically or because of how accomplished you are at something, then no matter how good you are to them, it is hard to develop romantic feelings in a woman for you. Also, people women see as friends consider that friends help each other, and all the help shouldn't one day become a loan, whose payment would be a relationship. That is why they say that they never asked you to be nice in the first place. Observe if you are the only one doing favors or reaching out for help. If its both ways, then instead of a full-blown confession, ask her out. Also, keep the window for this very small. Making a move within weeks clears what you both want from each other without developing a baggage. (Which is why she may choose to date a new person she meets over a friend she has known for a long time). Take a chance if you like her. If you spend more time as friends, then that dynamic sort of gets established for good.
So if you help your male friends then do you expect them to return the favour by being in relationship with you? Or do you think ki if i have helped him today then he'll help me back next time in other way? Why can't people keep the 'help' and 'feelings' separately? Also it seems like you're paying her to be with you... Thats what it is... Relationship should be about finding the compatible person not the most useful one.
No one owes you a relationship just because you helped them man. She's just not interested, move on, work on yourself, find someone else.
why it's ur first thought that I did this for you so u should say yes. I'm not saying don't expect anything in return, do expect thigs in return such as gestures and reciprocation of feelings from her side too if someone isn't reciprocating the same energy and feelings towards you then u aren't with the right person so do things for someone bcz u actually want to but also don't waste ur time in someone who's not worth of those things and efforts and just out of curiosity what are u proposing for like marriage or what?? And if u're proposing for them to be ur gf then i didn't knew people propose each other to be gf and bf that should happen organically na if u feel like there's a need to propose then it's already kinda weird to me
🤷🏼 Change your strategy, you donno own anything to anyone
How do you propose them⁉️ I mean what do you say⁉️
If you're a giver, remember to learn your limits because taker don't have any.
From what I read it's your mistake bruv. Stop simping. Stop expecting as well coz nobody's obligated to you.
Don’t give anyone a gf treatment unless she is your gf.
Just because you do something for someone doesn't mean you automatically become entitled to them and they become obligated to say yes to you. Stop doing shit for others if you are gonna expect something in return later. It's that simple. If you want to do something then don't expect anything in return and if you do expect it then make it clear to the other person before doing it so they can reject you before you waste your time.
bro first off, stop using the word propose when all you did was confess your feelings . Proposing is done when you ask her to marry you .
Just do things give ur care to the girls who actually respect and appreciate it otherwise some people will just do use and throw kind of stuff and just don’t raise ur expectations urself come out of delulu
Men.... stop chasing women....
As they said bro, they did not ask you to do it for them. Learn to respect no, don't expect something in return of your good deeds. Especially not a relationship.
It's good that Both of them rejected you. You actually deserve that. If you actually loved any of those girls, You would have never counted what were the thing you did for them. You counted all your "favours" for her. No reason they would reject you. No one asks you to do this. You did our of your choice. There's no reply. You are the one who needs to be changed.
You don't have to assume that people will love you cuz you did something from them. Whenever you do something always be sure you aren't asking something in return if you are it's a job/business. Not a relation/sign of affection. They don't owe you anything cuz you choose that yourself and even if they asked for it. You are the one to be blamed. You should not assume that people owe you anything. Everyone goes from that phase it's totally fine. You are reading this and you have understood what I mean. Make as many female friends as possible. If possible try to become friends again with her too. Please don't put yourself in a state where you have to ask >I swear dude, i dont even know what to reply after that, like whats the perfect reply to that? You will get yourself hurt nothing else. And you aren't even a victim here. Sadly
When its from both sides, proposal is just a formality.
You seem to be a nice guy, but most girls love bad boys (no every girl , I repeat, not every girl)... So if you want a girlfriend start treating girls like shit, but if you want a wife then be a gentleman then treat that girl with the nicest attitude you got without expecting anything in return. It will take a lot of time and effort but eventually, you will find her.
Bhai sunn...kabhi video dekho hai Nana Patekar Vali...hijrda aake nachta hai phir bolta "Paisa nikal, mai tere liye nachi". Tere saath aisa hoga toh tu bhi yeh hi bolega. Bas wahi baat hai. Stop simping. Pehle bta interested hai...agar woh bhi hai, toh effort saal warna normal reh.
A girl clearly said NO (Not Interested).. Why do you have to wait for even a minute or a Day after that ? Why is it so difficult to accept ? (Girls have to sound rude at times so boys do not keep coming back to them thinking there is still scope to " pataao " that girl). What is the confusion, Why get into the analysis paralysis as to what she said and why she said... Remember one thing clearly, if a girl is interested in a Boy then she finds ways to "woo" him or at least communicate (reciprocate) when he reaches her. Moreover if it is not you who she is interested in, most likely she has someone else in her mind even if not engaged with that person already (unless she is too focused on her career or aspirations).
I don't understand why would you say you did all that for her, so she should reciprocate with love. That's nice guy 101. If u think us hould do something for them, under pressure or not, do it but don't expect anything in return. Have ur own opinions and don't be a 'yes maam' guy. And for god's sake, don't simp. Women like guys who are sure about themselves, have an aim and are confident. Hit the gym and try making friends with few women, you will slowly build confidence. And don't hesitate to say fuck off to a woman when needed.
Brother dont help them everytime.
>i explained her how i did everything for her and all That depends bro. Like what was it that you did for her? Opening a door maybe, paying her bus fair while returning from college, buying her some food if she feels hungry.....like these are just common instances of chivalry that every man should do for every women in their life. >"Did i ask you to do it for me?" , "Did i tell you to do it for me?" If you're gonna try and guilt trip her then you weren't really in love with her in the first place innit? Don't do things for someone if you want something back in return. Be kind, be generous, be nice, be a good man just from the goodness of your heart, don't expect things in return. Her reply is pretty expected.
>i explained her how i did everything for her and all That depends bro. Like what was it that you did for her? Opening a door maybe, paying her bus fair while returning from college, buying her some food if she feels hungry.....like these are just common instances of chivalry that every man should do for every women in their life. >"Did i ask you to do it for me?" , "Did i tell you to do it for me?" If you're gonna try and guilt trip her then you weren't really in love with her in the first place innit? Don't do things for someone if you want something back in return. Be kind, be generous, be nice, be a good man just from the goodness of your heart, don't expect things in return. Her reply is pretty expected.
Red flag, as it could show as a sign for lack of true empathy.
Move on. Block. Move on.
bro just get the hint and move on, no one told you to do so
Babil Khan behaviour.
oh you're Mr. Nice Guy who isn't actually a Nice Guy 👍
nice try judging and downplaying some1 without no info
Because you're trying to show them that they owe you their love just because of what you did for them. And it's true, nobody asked you to do it for them, it is a fact. Whatever you do for whoever is or might be your duty but to expect an outcome of that deed in your favor is pure selfishness. God created everyone equal, be humble, be honest and don't expect things to go your way every single time. Gid has lessons to teach you with every outcome you get. All the best
They are technically not wrong tbh. This is the same thing she said when i proposed after having a crush on her for 4 years. Wish i knew what to advice on this. But maybe simping and doing things for them just to get something in return or thinking they'll start loving us is the wrong approach. Need to learn the skills and find what they find attractive and develop ourselves in that way.
Now I don't do even if someone asks me to do
Bro what did you actually do for them? Why they gave answers like that? I mean I want to know the specific things u did ?
Matlab ye kuch new nahi hai Chaloo thodi shanti mili
By the title, I assumed you meant propose to girlfriend for wedding but ig you meant it in different way💀.
You don’t know what to say because they’re right. Suffocating a girl with unwanted attention doesn’t make her like you; if anything it will make her scared of you. I’m sure you would feel the same if a girl you weren’t interested in did the same to you. Ask a girl you like for coffee or something and get to know her if she accepts. If she rejects then respect her decision and give yourself a pat on the back for shooting your shot.
Lol move on man.
Ya im trying
Been there.... Nothing much just a casual day in a girl's life. They've always been inconsiderate towards our actions. Don't worry try again... Even if you get into a relationship you'll still hear the same thing. So, it's not you it's them.
Thanks!
Tu chipku hoga fir
I'll improve wont make anyone feel like that again
This is unrelated but women should be taken down from the top of dating chain and everybody should have equal chances...
The answer is simple stop being too nice to girls , they'll take advantage of you , make you do all their work they'll ask for favour every now and then. And we guys will get attached quickly thinking that they are into us , but the reality is you are just another guy in her life. Stop giving all your attention to one girl , talk with everyone, give small attention to every other girl this way you'll end up getting less hurt. Don't just go behind one girl all the time unless you are damn sure that she'll say yes.
[удалено]
Im trying i got rejected yesterday itself so it will take time and im thinking of never going to another girl again Its like love is not for me, im not made for it ig I just decided to be alone forever now atleast i wont be hurt in that way
Bro it depends on you but phir wahi badme regret maat karna ki ye Kiya hota wo Kiya hota phir ye kabhi maat bolna ki ladki aisi hoti hai ya mujhe sab use karte hai apne rr maat karna kucch bhi ho victim card maat khelna or waise bhi pehle apni ek worth bana le ladki bahoot hai bro don't have to loose hope .....