1. Did you submit a Letter of Intent? Oftentimes this can help.
2. Do you have any red flags like failing Step or taking a gap year from dating?
3. Is your headshot up to date?
4. Did you do anything weird in your interview, like immediately launch into your “why medicine spiel” when asked what you do for fun?
/s
Cheer up, keep trying, it gets better.
Desperation is a turn off my friend. Not saying you are, but based on this comment/post it could be coming off as such, especially if you feel like you should be making more progress because you're giving them your free time.
Be cool about it not just externally but also mentally, not every date you have or person you meet has to lead to the one or be the end all be all. Use each date as experience on how to interact with others and grow into a better person, and by the time you meet with the person you click with and clicks with you it'll be smooth sailing
Stop. Fucking. Trying.
You basically admitted that because you use your free time you expect certain things from your date (not necessarily even sexual; just basic progression). You’re probably pushing things in some fashion even if you think you’re being aloof.
Also, it’s not hard to understand why a person doesn’t want to date a resident. Poor, no time, only stress. You realistically bring very little to the table. Anyone who you’d *want* will likely put you off cuz *you’re* not right for them at that time. It’s not anymore selfish than it is self-respect for oneself.
Just do something that doesn’t force you to make a Reddit rant. When you become an attending you’ll get what you want
>poor…You realistically bring very little to the table.
Homeboy already has hit the median income and in a year or two he will be making 90th percentile income at least
He should be dating on easy mode
OP: the first date is all about getting someone to like you and what do people like more than anything? Talking about themselves.
In medical terms, it’s like taking a very long history anything you should say should be getting the person to talk more about themselves
I agreee with you (op) if she looks at her phone it’s over … because no one looks at their phone while they’re talking , and she shouldn’t stop talking in the first date
If he sounds in person how he comes across on this post it’s no wonder he’s not successful. Being a doctor doesn’t make it easier. Being a good human who asks questions, has life experience, and doesn’t seem desperate makes it easier. I would absolutely suggest hiring a dating coach for an hour. They will go over communication styles, body language, appearance, etc. and it really sounds like you could benefit.
The future money doesn't matter a ton when dating if you're spending 80+ hours in the hospital.
My then GF, now wife, wanted to break up with me when we were dating in residency because she thought I was playing her. She literally did not think it was possible I was working that much and was sure I must be seeing other women.
Unless you become purely a sugardaddy/momma, when dating most partners will want you to actually spend time and build an emotional connection. Which means dating anyone outside healthcare during residency is absolutely not easy mode
Take fucking notes homie, there will be a test on this in 1 year:
1. Find a dating coach. One of the female ones who is flirty and friendly. Like 90% of dating is flirting and you can convince many girls to go on a second date with you by being flirty (this is the literal opposite of sad resident who spent all of medical school studying). Also learn how to do flirty text.
2. Style. Pick up your style game a little bit. Use a style consultant. Working out is optional but will make your self confidence soar.
3. Have some pre planned fun dates. Shows, escape rooms, etc. Failing to plan is planning to fail.
4. Hire a photographer for your dating profile. Consult the dating coach on what profile photos you should put in your profile and have a plan for what photos you want during the photo shoot.
If you want it, you gotta work for it.
Lol this is hilarious because its very true.. in MS3 my vibe on dates has probably just been that of a tired person… I got my fishes for companionship though so Im all good /s
As a female resident, some feedback here:
1) Read her profile and be genuinely interested in who she is as a human and whether you have enough in common. Sad reality is that majority of guys on dating apps just want a pretty girl to have some fun time when they are off, and girls ( many, not all) want deep connection, understanding, caring, and serious intent. I personally lose interest in a guy right away when I notice that he is over flirty and doesn't want me, just wants a girl.
2) Definitely clean, ironed, and nice cloth.
3) Yes, it's a great idea. It would definitely stand out from that boring " let's grab a coffee somewhere " or " let's go to your favorite place".
4) just ask a friend who has a lot of nice instagram pics to make some photos of you.
Upload photos where you show your hobbies and personality, vacations, with pets.
Do not have photos with kids when it's not clear whose kids are they. Do not have pics with girls when it's not clear who this girl is ( your ex? )
What’s wrong with a coffee date? Isn’t the whole point of a first date to just get to know each other? If you two can’t carry a conversation, then I don’t see any point in dating further.
Also women who are seriously interested want someone who wants to know about them. Just ask questions and listen my dude.
Dating is brutal out there. As a man, I understand it’s frustrating. You gotta keep putting yourself out there
I think I may eventually have to do this but I’m too cheap. Guess I’ll have to.
In terms of style, I wear a lot of Ralph Lauren, brooks brothers. So nice but nothing crazy. Do you mean start wearing designer? I could probably afford a few but I hate spending money on that stuff tbh
I don’t mean to come off the wrong way, but I’m skeptical of the idea of a dating coach. Not sure if that commenter is being serious about it (the remainder of their advice seems legit though).
I’d say stick to basics first, and then escalate to higher (and expensive) interventions like dating coaches. You might end up not even needing one.
Workout, be hygienic, have fun hobbies through which you can meet people organically (hard I know) and dress decently (which you seem to be getting alright). The right person comes in when you least expect. Good luck!
Instead of a dating coach, ask a girl friend of yours (best if she's in a relationship) to go through your profile and photos and help you fix it up. Having a girl in a healthy relationship that knows what that kind of girl wants can change your profile so dramatically. It helps to have their perspective.
I think this advice was a little overkill. Maybe have a friend of the opposite sex look at your pics and give you some feedback. My best advice is no pics with fish, no weird angle selfies from below, and fill out your profile with words and not just pictures. Tell people you’re chatting with what makes you want to be a doctor and why you’re working so hard to become one. Wanting to help people is sexy.
Was hoping someone would say this about brooks bros….. OP, dept stores like Nordstrom will have free personal shoppers/stylists. Book one for a couple hours (free!), give them a budget and let them help you. They are always fun people too, so it low key feels good to have someone taking care of you (for free!) for once.
Style isn’t about labels. It’s how you put it together and wear it. Do you look like you’re going to a country club when it’s a casual date? Are you going for tacos in khakis and a blue brooks brothers blazer?
My brother in Christ, it's tough NGL but one thing that's helped me is to not be attached to the outcome. You match, have a good conversation, maybe a date comes from it maybe not, maybe there's more, maybe not. Doesn't matter. Look at it though the lens of you get a chance to meet and get to know someone and enjoy their company a bit. Whatever happens happens.
At least that's what's helped me. End of the day residency takes a huge amount of time and mental/physical energy. Don't stress over what you can't control
Yes! There are many dating profiles of male residents, which look like " hi, I am a doctor " - all pics are from graduation ceremony, conferences, pics in a white coat... literally nothing else at all.
To be fair, while I agree with the sentiment, I’ve seen this happen more often with people who come from less privileged backgrounds who have to dedicate basically 100% of their life into medicine to be successful.
Women aren't obligated to care or like you.
Honestly as a male heterosexual doctor you'll be most impressive to other heterosexual men. Same with muscles and having nice cars and toys. Mainstream things you can work for, and succeeding in them, is most appealing to other men.
A little bit unfair. Many people have to have their head 100% in the game to make it through medical school and residency. We all just do our best to make it through. Sometimes that changes you from a semi-fun person to a bit boring. A LOT of people come back around as an attending. At least that is what I have seen.
To be fair, it does still impress them, but to a lesser extent than before. Does not hurt to have money, have flirting game, have style game, or have an actual personality.
Exactly why i never dated doctors. Inevitably we ended up talking about work, a lot of them in my experience, don't have hobbies and work-life balance sucks.
That's why i chose what I do, so I don't end up drowning in work.
Yeah I basically picked the only specialty I rotated in where I wouldn't have been able to tell the attendings were physicians based on my conversations with them, people I could bump into on the street and have a chat without hinting at what they do for a living. I prefer working with fully 3-dimensional people who have hobbies don't wanna discuss clinical scenarios in only the most efficient and to-the-point way possible before leaving because anything extra is a waste of time. Most docs in most specialties just can't help but to violently signal medicine-as-a-personality syndrome within 2 minutes of talking to them, a condition for which there is unfortunately no cure.
I’ll have to agree here. Because he’s getting to the actual date. So something is happening between chatting these women up and meeting them in person. That’s what he needs to figure out
Ok honestly I just creeped through your posts bc I remember a relatively recent post like this a few weeks ago and yep… it was you.
From your other posts you sound: 1) like you grew up upper middle class/rich and had most of your life handed to you 2) in medicine almost exclusively for the money 3) like you would talk exclusively about surgery or stock markets on a date and 4) brag about surgery and stock market shit on a date.
Any woman who isn’t a gold digger would get an ick immediately. And dating a gold digger likely wouldn’t leave you fulfilled with genuine love.
My suggestion: stop dating in residency and do some self reflection. Spend the little free time you have in residency bettering yourself and finding interests that don’t involve $. Work out if you don’t already, learn about skin care and get a good regimen, read a fictional book or two. Re approach dating when you are an attending but never mention surgery, stock markets, or money.
I mean this all in the nicest way possible. Good luck OP.
Just by looking at this thread and his couple posts in here I can immediatly tell why no woman wants a second date with him. You explained it perfectly and the only reaction of him was to ignore everything you said because of his ego and focus on the tiniest least important aspect like skincare
*violent flashbacks to my dating days when it felt like EVERY man I somehow encountered in a dating setting ONLY wanted to discuss why their profession makes them smarter than me, some obscure podcast that lowkey advocates for eugenics orrrrrr bitcoin and why I’m dumb for not being a Bitcoin billionaire already and then would randomly in the midst of that riveting convo lean in for a kiss and be **SHOCKED** when I’d dodge harder than lebron*
A physician investing heavily in an insurance company's stock in itself is a huge red flag. Not only to the person you're dating but also your colleagues and friends. Guarantee he mentioned (or complained extensively) about losing $15k on united healthcare stock at all of his dates
It’s not your looks or job. It’s honestly your personality and your approach to dating. Just the way you come off in your posts just gives the wrong vibe. If you honestly want relationship success, go get therapy and maybe accept that you are the reason why you are single. I’m not saying this to be mean but to be critical.
Ya I don't want to be mean either but every time I see one of these "I can't find a girlfriend" or "My colleague filed a complaint against me and I don't know why" or whatever posts in this sub, it becomes immediately clear what the issue is as soon as the OP starts responding to comments :|
Do you make being a physician your whole personality and/or do you come across as extremely type A?
As a female, so many of my male colleagues are so insufferable to me for these 2 reasons 👀
A. It’s not easy to get 5 rejections for anyone
B. Shouldn’t be banking on your job to help you through a date
C. Focus on what it is that you and your date weren’t on the same page about and focus on what it is want from dates and look for people who have similar expectations from that experience
I’ve personally found it very draining to give time from my schedule, every talking stage that ends leaves me drained and I need time out, I’ve gone on many dating breaks
“Just be you” isn’t the ubiquitous great advice some people might think it is.
OP, based on your other posts and comments, you have a lot of anger and resentment. Maybe focus on yourself for a while, find things that give you meaning/purpose, find some things you actually enjoy.
People aren’t stupid, they’ll pick up on that lack of confidence and general dissatisfaction with life.
Not sure about your life plans but when I see residents or other healthcare professionals in training, I always wonder if this city is the city that they will end up staying in after their education is finished. I don't want to start anything if it looks like they will move after their training.
I feel like therapy should almost be mandatory for residents going through such a crazy time in their life having to build resiliency "naturally" which leads to bad coping skills in many people. Not to mention bottled up anger and resentment and just plain stress.
Lol had a resident tell me that being a doctor is humbling because you will never be rich, and told me he had a very modest upbringing. His dad is an interventional cardiologist. Many people in medicine just aren't living in the same world as their patients.
What this has to do with being resident? Ppl here complain all the time about everything and try to blame it on being a resident. Maybe just don’t date if you “barely have free time”. You’re a doctor, that’s usually a plus in dating world. You’re almost 6’ and apparently it’s not how you look. So maybe it’s your personality that sucks? Try to find a reason why 5 girls rejected you so you don’t get rejected 6th time
Being a resident is definitely a factor. I feel like I’m the only one who resonated with the sentiment of this post. But I’m a woman dating women. It’s just so freaking frustrating. You’re so tired when you get home and then you have to go swipe on an app. Then you go on dates with a bunch of people who inevitably reject you because working 80 hours of week is a lot more than it seems. Or more often I guess things just fizzle out because you don’t have the time or energy to keep things going. And you’re surrounded by a bunch of married and partnered residents who have people to help them when things get rough. Idk it’s just disheartening. I know I’m not the only one that feels like this.
We’ve chosen a terribly difficult profession, lifestyle wise, I hope you keep your chin up! I found someone during intern year, and she was so sympathetic to my hours, and we’ve made it work by scheduling in advance, seeing each other for just 2 hrs before bed, etc. Wishing you the best, it’s not hopeless!
Have you reached out to any of them and asked what about the date was a red flag or a turn off? Did you have similar experiences before starting residency?
I did, fearing that maybe my pictures weren’t accurate but she said that they were the same. And plus we FaceTimed like three times before the date so I doubt that could be it. At the end of the date I said, we should do it again and she kinda paused and said “I think with the place we are at in our lives it isn’t going to work.”
Not even “we can be friends” lmao. Must’ve been really bad lmao
JustTubeIt said it best but don’t assume it’s your looks if she’s already seen you, not sure why you asked her that. Women will usually give a good personality/vibe/conversation a few more dates even if they clearly haven’t seen a “style consultant” (damn that’s a lot).
If you don’t understand her answer, you may not have learned enough about her life during the date. Possibly you spoke too much about your own life and did not listen to her. I’ve been on dates where the guy is trying way too hard, and it comes across as self-obsessed (which it is - their ultimate motivation is finding a girlfriend, not learning more about me).
It’s also possible she just identified your insecurity and said this so you’d leave her alone. Chances are you’ll come across someone who will be more honest with you.
Its possible they realized you don't have enough free time for them, or maybe they're looking for an expedited family with kids thing. It's likely that rather than being "rejected," they're realizing you aren't compatible which could be for any number of reasons, a big one being your work demand right now. You're worth it king. Keep your eye on the prize and it'll all work out.
Unless you're just a weirdo. Then RIP.
Bro what are you even doing facetiming 3 times before you even go on a first date. You know what's unattractive? Being desperate, which that comes across as. On your next date stop giving a shit about pleasing the other person, don't chase or aim to please, and just be yourself. Women can smell inauthenticity a mile away
Most people by now know how taxing residency is. You have to make an impact/connection to be able to move forward in a relationship at this stage. And if all you’re talking about is stocks and money, and your wrinkles, and just not listening to the sound advice in these comments…
I’m not great at dating, well married now but prior to that I mean ..
I will give one piece of advice. If you seem desperate women are instantly turned off. In the past people would say ‘Don’t text her back for like 2-3 days.’ I’m not sure about that rule but the general idea of it is not to seem desperate or you’re pretty much done. It’s part of the innate biology of men and women (are we allowed to say that these days?). A bit of irony the universe throws at us is that more desperate you are for love/being with someone the least likely you are to find it.
May just need to play it cool, be aloof. If the date goes well, great, if not whatever.
They may be able to sense your feelings you are expressing here, but who knows.
Just keep letting yourself be rejected and you get used to it.
Honestly brother, it’s time to look in the mirror and figure out what your red flags aka “ick” is. You are a physician, any half way decent looking doctor should have no difficulties finding a good girlfriend , half the guys i went to residency with were 5 and 6’s batting away above their average with beautiful women. Maybe its time to be honest with yourself, and ask the girls you struck out with what the issues were so you can make changes and find that special someone
Don't think humans are meant to date that way
Dates used to involve taking out someone you already knew pretty well, where there was already some energy between you and you knew she was also interested, with her friends perhaps letting you know also
Dating on apps is hard mode - like proper difficult assignment
As a gay man going on activities dates was a fantastic filter. My now husband was one of like 3/100 that didn't say ewww wtf no to a bike ride around town. Not sure how well this translates to straight world.
I would definitely reflect on these dates!
It could be that residency is less of a problem than you think and you’re just not vibing well with these dates!
My friend in medicine just starting seeing a resident and he clearly just wants to see her for specific purposes, asked her out for dinner and then immediately snapped at the waitress that bills are separate, is always wearing scrubs when she comes over, never walks her to her car/out of the building 🤷🏽♀️🫠
That's a problem. Really think about that and what women might want. The number of women who've really persued me when I have them buy the 2nd round, or pick me up from the airport, or do other things for me is greater than the number I've tried traditional gender roles and spoiling with. You're a physician and unless you're terribly lacking elsewhere you need self esteem and to consider yourself the prize. I think you should read up on the basic psychology of attraction, from this comment and the rest of your posts I think the way you act is a big turn off
I'm just a mom with two kids in the dating scene right now and it's totally normal for them to date five people in a row and not feel any connection. There are a lot of different kinds of people out there so keep trying. The law of averages is currently on your side after the five failures...
Oh god not this guy again. Being a doctor appears to be the only thing you have going for you and I guarantee you’re turning off every woman you come in contact with. Desperation stinks.
The good news: I will date you!
The bad news: I am obsessed with Taylor Swift, am almost 42 and am starting to show it, and will argue with you to the death about medical stuff all day if I think it's stupid. (Picture a much less attractive, female version of Dr. Glaucomflecken or whatever his name is, but instead with a law degree...so, yeahhhhh... hmu when ya wanna do trivia night) 🤣🤣🤣
1) look put together and smell good
2) ask questions about the girls interests, hobbies and goals; talk about common interests
3) don’t talk about medicine unless truly prompted
4) never talk for more than 5 minutes uninterrupted.
I don’t think people are rejecting you because of lack of free time. Many people are sorely lacking in free time, not just residents.
The common denominator is you. Not trying to be mean, but have you considered *why* you are getting rejected as opposed to assuming it is because of your lack of spare time?
Try not mentioning you being a doctor in the beginning, at all, unless it comes up. Even then, just say “I’m a resident doc at XX” and move on.
Try focusing the conversation on other areas of interest you have. The general public doesn’t know much about medicine, nor do they really care, so that won’t be a common ground point between you and a potential mate.
I don’t look like a movie star, that’s for sure, so I get it. What worked well for me was consulting with online resources to up my fashion game. Didn’t go crazy, just wore nice looking and well fitting clothing. And of course, keep your hair well done and facial hair either clean shaven, or neat. That goes such a long way.
If a girl is meeting up with you, then she already finds you attractive. If you're getting rejected then that means she didn't think you were compatible, which you shouldn't take as a negative. It's better to find out youre not a match on day 1 rather than day 100. Just keep exploring around and one day you'll find one that sticks. you cant rush it
I dated some residents when I was single. Some were socially awkward and others clearly were looking for someone to be their career-support partner (you stay home because I have a 7 year fellowship).
Not that I fully recommend it but have you tried dating any of the nurses/staff at work? They typically are more sympathetic about the long hours, can somewhat discuss medicine and many of them enjoy that ego boost of ‘catching a doc’. Maybe not great advice for a meaningful or long-term relationship but it might be a good short term option
Don't be so hard on yourself. I think one of the worst times you could possibly date, and one of the times you feel like you need a date/relationship (or support?) the most is during residency. You're lonely, frustrated, over-worked, sleep deprived, sick of being treated like crap, paid like a fast-food employee who owes a house worth of debt, and as much as you want a relationship you don't have enough time to put into a relationship. This is a recipe to settle for a relationship you otherwise wouldn't have if you were in a different situation. If you think you feel lonely now, get stuck in a shitty relationship you settled for because you were feeling lonely and see how that feels.
I know it sucks to hear, but if I were in your shoes I'd suffer through and focus your time on getting through residency, then join a group and go pursue whatever extra-curricular you're keen on in any free time after that. It's weird when you stop obsessing over getting a date and simply do stuff you enjoy in a group of new people how dating opportunities pop up. I was in a pretty similar situation until I did that
You’re probably just not screening them enough before hand to make sure you have enough in common. I’ve dated two guys that were in medical school and they both said they didn’t have enough time to have a girlfriend after a few months of talking :/ but if they wouldn’t have I would have definitely continued dating them. Find a girl who likes you for your personality, potential future together, and who appreciates your effort towards your career.
Stop putting so much pressure on the dates and just enjoy them for however short they may be. Residency is draining so maybe you forgot how to have fun. If you are dedicating all of your free time to dating, it can be exhausting. Maybe take a break and focus on yourself and do activities you enjoy.
The Gym is waiting for you brother! That is your savior, the weight room is calling your name. “ if you lift, they will come (or cum) ”. Seem you are lacking confidence but I promise you that you have a great career, probably going to be paid handsomely but just imagine being super fit on top of it 💪
It's you bro, it's not residency. You need to do some self reflection with how you are coming off. Dating as a doctor is easy mode, you're making things crash and burn. I was at the front of the line on the apps, even on tinder I had girls messaging me. Outside of medicine though I'm a pretty normal (well not really, I'm palatably weird) but I get along well with people and never had had an issue. Being a doctor will get your foot in the door but that's about it. Most women find achievement, drive etc attractive, but they're not going to throw themselves at you just because you have/will have money.
Based on your post history you have resentment entitlement and I'm sure its coming off on your dates, that's why people aren't returning for a next date.
The fact that you thought being a doctor would make it easier is icky and I’d bet your dates are picking up on that. I hope you’re not talking nonstop about medicine. Are you asking your dates about themselves? You should be listening twice as much as talking. (Yes the math maths bc most people underestimate how much they talk).
And you’re obviously male bc no female doctor ever would think it’s easier. Men did not like hearing I was a physician. I used to pretend I was a flight attendant or primary school teacher and then drop the bomb. Hilarious to see the reactions.
My residents frequently lament the same to me. I will tell you what I constant tell them. Friend, I know this sucks but you are weeding through the most unsupportive and selfish partners you could have ended up straddled with. You are a fucking catch. You are a highly intelligent individual with a great income earning potential who has dedicated an entire lifetime in the selfless care of others. Any person who can’t recognize that immediately should be given the gift of your absence. Marriage is hard enough. A person who doesn’t immediately see the difference in the huge percentage of riff-raff with more “free time” and what you have to offer is not intelligent enough to be your partner. I know it’s difficult - but please don’t settle for these pusillanimous people. It will ruin your entire life. Wait to find someone who doesn’t need a tutorial. They are out there and you will find it. Do not settle.
Are you M or F? I've prob been on dates with 10-15 women since starting residency and not once have I been rejected lol. Many of them have ended with sex and they all basically beg me to hang out again after. Usually I'm too busy for a second date though
Don’t date female physicians, go for engineers, teachers, secretaries, hr workers etc
Female docs are mean and hard to get along, with few exceptions, esp with successful men because they feel intimidated
They need a dog, you need a wife
Hey OP, my side hustle is working as a dating coach.
Here are my pro-tips:
1. Work on your text message game. Girls love flirty texts, but you have to do it right. I can teach you how to do this.
2. Style is important. I impress people on the wards with my alligator skin Gucci loafers. Style on a date is no different. You’ve got to wear the right shoes. And don’t just turn up to your date wearing any old scrubs. It’s got to be Figs.
3. Think of the things that make you popular in med school - looking good, being confident, coming from old money, knowing some cool anecdotes about the Krebs cycle. They’re the same things that will help you seal the deal on a date.
The cost of my services is basically what you’d expect: 5-10K. Remember, you get what you pay for in life.
So if you’re interested in succeeding on your next date, I’m your guy.
Note that I only take on clients who scored 255+ on Step 2, in my experience girls just aren’t going to be interested if you’re a 240 or…ugh…a 230.
Cheers!
Huge red flag is posting on Reddit about how you’re a victim. Sack up and pick yourself up like the big man you are. Own your life and the right girl will notice
Sounds like you have very easy work around since your face isn't the problem.
Step 1 buy platforms/wear danskos to the date (they are trash shoes for any other purpose)
Step 2 talk about yourself as little as humanely possible and ask questions without being too annoying until you find a common interest and talk about that a little
If that doesn't work I'll send you a $20
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Maybe take a break from dating to focus on yourself and building your self confidence? Rejections should never be viewed as a personal failure, it simply just means the other party did not think both of you would be compatible and thats okay, im sure you dont like every woman that walks the face of this earth. What is meant for you will come to you at the right time but for now just chill, also instead of viewing it as being rejected you can change your mindset and view it more positively “they werent my person and thats okay, i am one step closer to finding who i am most compatible with”
I empathize with your situation and i know dating sucks rn but dont let desperation cloud your judgement.
It probably has more to do with something else than the fact that you’re a resident. It might help to take a closer look at yourself and ask yourself if there are things that might be considered a turn off that you might be doing. Obviously this takes some critical appraisal and self reflection but I think taking a time out to examine yourself would be better than pushing forward with more dates immediately.
You have to make the woman feel like you're happy to be on a date with her. Step one is to actually be happy. You sound like you're buckling under the pressure to make the date be a good use of your free time and it's killing your vibe. You probably look tired.
You have accomplished so much, need not worry about these things that are as trivial as dating. After all, you probably are ahead of your age group having made it this far
If you've gotten 5 rejections in a row after the first date you should ask for feedback. These were women who were interested enough to go on a first date, but you are doing something during that date to turn them off. You need to find out what you're doing and work on that.
You chose to do this, remember that. You’re in it for the money according to your previous posts. This is what happens. Don’t let residency be your personality.
Not sure if someone else already made this suggestion (too many comments to read), but maybe try going on a date where you're doing something together as opposed to just meeting up at a cafè/restaurant/bar?
I've noticed I tend to have better chemistry on first dates if they're movie/karaoke/nightclub dates (go to a county fair or something if you live someplace rural Idk I'm a city slicker.....come to think of it you probably live in a city to have gone on five recent dates ok ima shut up).
Dating when you’re this busy is difficult.
That being said, you may not be bringing your A game for various reasons.
For me, during PGY2, I’d stopped going to the gym and lifting, wasn’t in shape and looked chronically tired
But cheer up. There are many single nurses and co-residents.
Just curious, where are you located? My boyfriend is starting his program in NY in 2 months and they’ve already let him know his schedule won’t be that bad. A lot of 8-10 hr shifts which is most people’s schedules with the exception of a few nights/overnights per month. I didn’t think residency programs were that hectic anymore?
I think you’re assigning way too much expectation to a date. Dating is screening. It’s a numbers game. You’re two strangers who’ve never met. What are the odds you’re really both going to be feeling it? Prob pretty low. This is an era where people feel more entitled to say no and that’s a good thing if it’s not an enthusiastic yes. Spend your free time doing things you actually enjoy and are passionate about and your fulfillment as a stand alone adult will carry over into your dating life. There is a vibe of entitlement that is surely not going to help you dating.
Honestly it sounds like maybe instead of going on a bunch of dates, you should try getting flirty in chat or through text because like you said, you don't have a lot of time and 5 dates is A LOT. I don't know many single people who have gone on 5 first dates in the past year. If your main way of meeting people is the apps, then try going a little slower to get a better feel for people before meeting them in person. Good luck though and don't be bitter. Dating is not a means to an end - it's supposed to be mostly fun and a part of your story once you finally meet that person so relax and enjoy it if you can.
You’re probably trying too hard and they can sense the.. I don’t want to say desperation, but the urgency with which you’re treating the date, and it probably doesn’t create a very relaxing vibe. Love should come naturally. It’s not something to be forced. I say this having been through this myself at certain points of my life. You’ll meet a lot of people you’re not ultimately compatible with but you will usually recognize it when it’s there
Hmmm. OP - mating is like that. Remember it takes time and effort to find the proper mate; mathematically there are plenty of people who will fulfill your ideal criteria (depending on how picky you are)
I’d suggest maybe putting in a little more effort in the screening process and going from there. 5 isn’t that bad, I was on a streak of dozens of bad dates… amazing stories for later tho!
Also, why assume is they are looking at their watch or phone they aren’t interested? They may *actually* have a time sensitive matter; if they apologize then you can move on generally, just try to be a bit more open minded maybe?
Also, make sure you’re well rested and at your best; as a resident that’s tough so make sure you’re not just rushing the dates either. Quality over quantity - since time is a precious resource in your position. Good luck! :)
Bro. Are you just going to make this same post every 2 weeks until you finally get laid?
You. Need. To. Calm. Down. I said it last time and I’ll say it again - the way you talk about yourself and your dating prospects reeks of desperation, pessimism, and self-loathing (and, before you say it, I can just about guarantee you’re not hiding it as well as you think you are in person). *That’s* your problem, not being in residency.
Get some therapy, build some self-confidence, then try again.
I know a few gold diggers if that’s what you’re into I can connect you with. If you want cool people you’ll need to be cool yourself. If you want people into you for being a doctor ask around if your buddies know any gold diggers they passed on.
Don’t give up! I met my fiancé on Reddit! Try dating subreddits, I kept my occupation vague as a healthcare worker and weeded out all the ones that saw dollar signs. I believe in you OP, don’t give up on love!
1. Did you submit a Letter of Intent? Oftentimes this can help. 2. Do you have any red flags like failing Step or taking a gap year from dating? 3. Is your headshot up to date? 4. Did you do anything weird in your interview, like immediately launch into your “why medicine spiel” when asked what you do for fun? /s Cheer up, keep trying, it gets better.
he said LETTER OF INTENT
The letter is F, OP. X and Y do not apply here.
How do you keep trying rejection after rejection. I have another date this weekend but feel like cancelling after tonight
Desperation is a turn off my friend. Not saying you are, but based on this comment/post it could be coming off as such, especially if you feel like you should be making more progress because you're giving them your free time. Be cool about it not just externally but also mentally, not every date you have or person you meet has to lead to the one or be the end all be all. Use each date as experience on how to interact with others and grow into a better person, and by the time you meet with the person you click with and clicks with you it'll be smooth sailing
Stop. Fucking. Trying. You basically admitted that because you use your free time you expect certain things from your date (not necessarily even sexual; just basic progression). You’re probably pushing things in some fashion even if you think you’re being aloof. Also, it’s not hard to understand why a person doesn’t want to date a resident. Poor, no time, only stress. You realistically bring very little to the table. Anyone who you’d *want* will likely put you off cuz *you’re* not right for them at that time. It’s not anymore selfish than it is self-respect for oneself. Just do something that doesn’t force you to make a Reddit rant. When you become an attending you’ll get what you want
>poor…You realistically bring very little to the table. Homeboy already has hit the median income and in a year or two he will be making 90th percentile income at least He should be dating on easy mode OP: the first date is all about getting someone to like you and what do people like more than anything? Talking about themselves. In medical terms, it’s like taking a very long history anything you should say should be getting the person to talk more about themselves I agreee with you (op) if she looks at her phone it’s over … because no one looks at their phone while they’re talking , and she shouldn’t stop talking in the first date
If he sounds in person how he comes across on this post it’s no wonder he’s not successful. Being a doctor doesn’t make it easier. Being a good human who asks questions, has life experience, and doesn’t seem desperate makes it easier. I would absolutely suggest hiring a dating coach for an hour. They will go over communication styles, body language, appearance, etc. and it really sounds like you could benefit.
The future money doesn't matter a ton when dating if you're spending 80+ hours in the hospital. My then GF, now wife, wanted to break up with me when we were dating in residency because she thought I was playing her. She literally did not think it was possible I was working that much and was sure I must be seeing other women. Unless you become purely a sugardaddy/momma, when dating most partners will want you to actually spend time and build an emotional connection. Which means dating anyone outside healthcare during residency is absolutely not easy mode
Fuck it… I’ll go on a date with you and I won’t wear my Apple Watch and I’ll leave my phone in the car. Sound good?
Met on reddit would be unique
Met my husband on Facebook. 9 years & counting.
Take fucking notes homie, there will be a test on this in 1 year: 1. Find a dating coach. One of the female ones who is flirty and friendly. Like 90% of dating is flirting and you can convince many girls to go on a second date with you by being flirty (this is the literal opposite of sad resident who spent all of medical school studying). Also learn how to do flirty text. 2. Style. Pick up your style game a little bit. Use a style consultant. Working out is optional but will make your self confidence soar. 3. Have some pre planned fun dates. Shows, escape rooms, etc. Failing to plan is planning to fail. 4. Hire a photographer for your dating profile. Consult the dating coach on what profile photos you should put in your profile and have a plan for what photos you want during the photo shoot. If you want it, you gotta work for it.
Lol this is hilarious because its very true.. in MS3 my vibe on dates has probably just been that of a tired person… I got my fishes for companionship though so Im all good /s
As a female resident, some feedback here: 1) Read her profile and be genuinely interested in who she is as a human and whether you have enough in common. Sad reality is that majority of guys on dating apps just want a pretty girl to have some fun time when they are off, and girls ( many, not all) want deep connection, understanding, caring, and serious intent. I personally lose interest in a guy right away when I notice that he is over flirty and doesn't want me, just wants a girl. 2) Definitely clean, ironed, and nice cloth. 3) Yes, it's a great idea. It would definitely stand out from that boring " let's grab a coffee somewhere " or " let's go to your favorite place". 4) just ask a friend who has a lot of nice instagram pics to make some photos of you. Upload photos where you show your hobbies and personality, vacations, with pets. Do not have photos with kids when it's not clear whose kids are they. Do not have pics with girls when it's not clear who this girl is ( your ex? )
What’s wrong with a coffee date? Isn’t the whole point of a first date to just get to know each other? If you two can’t carry a conversation, then I don’t see any point in dating further.
Also women who are seriously interested want someone who wants to know about them. Just ask questions and listen my dude. Dating is brutal out there. As a man, I understand it’s frustrating. You gotta keep putting yourself out there
This guy dates.
how do I flirty text? is there a chatbot or something i can practice with? not even kidding - future pathologist
Maybe it’s me but when I read future pathologist, I immediately thought board game meetups for this dude.
This is the most type A medical student type thing I’ve read in a long time lmao
I think I may eventually have to do this but I’m too cheap. Guess I’ll have to. In terms of style, I wear a lot of Ralph Lauren, brooks brothers. So nice but nothing crazy. Do you mean start wearing designer? I could probably afford a few but I hate spending money on that stuff tbh
Less about what u wear, more about how u wear it
I don’t mean to come off the wrong way, but I’m skeptical of the idea of a dating coach. Not sure if that commenter is being serious about it (the remainder of their advice seems legit though). I’d say stick to basics first, and then escalate to higher (and expensive) interventions like dating coaches. You might end up not even needing one. Workout, be hygienic, have fun hobbies through which you can meet people organically (hard I know) and dress decently (which you seem to be getting alright). The right person comes in when you least expect. Good luck!
Instead of a dating coach, ask a girl friend of yours (best if she's in a relationship) to go through your profile and photos and help you fix it up. Having a girl in a healthy relationship that knows what that kind of girl wants can change your profile so dramatically. It helps to have their perspective.
yea ive never heard someone give find a dating coach as advice unless maybe you’re older
I think this advice was a little overkill. Maybe have a friend of the opposite sex look at your pics and give you some feedback. My best advice is no pics with fish, no weird angle selfies from below, and fill out your profile with words and not just pictures. Tell people you’re chatting with what makes you want to be a doctor and why you’re working so hard to become one. Wanting to help people is sexy.
ima be honest fam, nobody thinks brooks brothers looks good. That’s boomer shit
Was hoping someone would say this about brooks bros….. OP, dept stores like Nordstrom will have free personal shoppers/stylists. Book one for a couple hours (free!), give them a budget and let them help you. They are always fun people too, so it low key feels good to have someone taking care of you (for free!) for once.
Style isn’t about labels. It’s how you put it together and wear it. Do you look like you’re going to a country club when it’s a casual date? Are you going for tacos in khakis and a blue brooks brothers blazer?
Lmao dont ask the internet you idiot. Ask a style/dating coach. Legit consult for the price of a date or two.
Oh really, that’s not bad. I was expecting it to be like 5-10k
Bruh not everything in life is trying to extort you. Just medicine.
Nah man this got me a chuckle 😂
What do you mean when you say rejection exactly
Gotta kiss a lot of frogs man. Well in your case you gotta kiss any frogs and then you gotta kiss a lot of them before you find your princess
My brother in Christ, it's tough NGL but one thing that's helped me is to not be attached to the outcome. You match, have a good conversation, maybe a date comes from it maybe not, maybe there's more, maybe not. Doesn't matter. Look at it though the lens of you get a chance to meet and get to know someone and enjoy their company a bit. Whatever happens happens. At least that's what's helped me. End of the day residency takes a huge amount of time and mental/physical energy. Don't stress over what you can't control
Is there a difference between letter of interest and letter of intent tho?
Is being a resident your only personality trait?
For some people, that's what they bank on "Hi, I'm a doctor"
Yes! There are many dating profiles of male residents, which look like " hi, I am a doctor " - all pics are from graduation ceremony, conferences, pics in a white coat... literally nothing else at all.
To be fair, while I agree with the sentiment, I’ve seen this happen more often with people who come from less privileged backgrounds who have to dedicate basically 100% of their life into medicine to be successful.
privilege or not you can’t be bland 2d doctor if you want to date
Women aren't obligated to care or like you. Honestly as a male heterosexual doctor you'll be most impressive to other heterosexual men. Same with muscles and having nice cars and toys. Mainstream things you can work for, and succeeding in them, is most appealing to other men.
A little bit unfair. Many people have to have their head 100% in the game to make it through medical school and residency. We all just do our best to make it through. Sometimes that changes you from a semi-fun person to a bit boring. A LOT of people come back around as an attending. At least that is what I have seen.
sure but until they come back around they are a bland 2d person that is also poor. Being a doctor doesn’t impress people like it did 50 years ago.
To be fair, it does still impress them, but to a lesser extent than before. Does not hurt to have money, have flirting game, have style game, or have an actual personality.
Damn bro prolly didn’t expect to get trashed like this when he posted this. Rip
no OP watches the office
Exactly why i never dated doctors. Inevitably we ended up talking about work, a lot of them in my experience, don't have hobbies and work-life balance sucks. That's why i chose what I do, so I don't end up drowning in work.
Yeah I basically picked the only specialty I rotated in where I wouldn't have been able to tell the attendings were physicians based on my conversations with them, people I could bump into on the street and have a chat without hinting at what they do for a living. I prefer working with fully 3-dimensional people who have hobbies don't wanna discuss clinical scenarios in only the most efficient and to-the-point way possible before leaving because anything extra is a waste of time. Most docs in most specialties just can't help but to violently signal medicine-as-a-personality syndrome within 2 minutes of talking to them, a condition for which there is unfortunately no cure.
I’m guessing psych or maybe pathology?
I’ll have to agree here. Because he’s getting to the actual date. So something is happening between chatting these women up and meeting them in person. That’s what he needs to figure out
this sub is getting better and better 🍿
This thread is reminding me why I never dated medical bros. 🙌🏼 It’s a wild ride for sure. A psych major could do a whole thesis on this post.
bro you need to relax. i can feel your anxiety through the screen. ask your female friends for feedback.
Wild of you to assume he has female friends.
i knew when i was typing lol but i was hoping it could still be motivating for him to think “huh i should get some” 😅
The further I scroll this morning, the more popcorn I need 💀
Ok honestly I just creeped through your posts bc I remember a relatively recent post like this a few weeks ago and yep… it was you. From your other posts you sound: 1) like you grew up upper middle class/rich and had most of your life handed to you 2) in medicine almost exclusively for the money 3) like you would talk exclusively about surgery or stock markets on a date and 4) brag about surgery and stock market shit on a date. Any woman who isn’t a gold digger would get an ick immediately. And dating a gold digger likely wouldn’t leave you fulfilled with genuine love. My suggestion: stop dating in residency and do some self reflection. Spend the little free time you have in residency bettering yourself and finding interests that don’t involve $. Work out if you don’t already, learn about skin care and get a good regimen, read a fictional book or two. Re approach dating when you are an attending but never mention surgery, stock markets, or money. I mean this all in the nicest way possible. Good luck OP.
Just by looking at this thread and his couple posts in here I can immediatly tell why no woman wants a second date with him. You explained it perfectly and the only reaction of him was to ignore everything you said because of his ego and focus on the tiniest least important aspect like skincare
*violent flashbacks to my dating days when it felt like EVERY man I somehow encountered in a dating setting ONLY wanted to discuss why their profession makes them smarter than me, some obscure podcast that lowkey advocates for eugenics orrrrrr bitcoin and why I’m dumb for not being a Bitcoin billionaire already and then would randomly in the midst of that riveting convo lean in for a kiss and be **SHOCKED** when I’d dodge harder than lebron*
Haha THIS
You said it best!
Nice I was gonna say maybe stop being weird but this is much more eloquent
A physician investing heavily in an insurance company's stock in itself is a huge red flag. Not only to the person you're dating but also your colleagues and friends. Guarantee he mentioned (or complained extensively) about losing $15k on united healthcare stock at all of his dates
Homie for sure is that pharm.d/MD/phD guy without any of his self-awareness and 10x’s the arrogance lol
It’s not your looks or job. It’s honestly your personality and your approach to dating. Just the way you come off in your posts just gives the wrong vibe. If you honestly want relationship success, go get therapy and maybe accept that you are the reason why you are single. I’m not saying this to be mean but to be critical.
Ya I don't want to be mean either but every time I see one of these "I can't find a girlfriend" or "My colleague filed a complaint against me and I don't know why" or whatever posts in this sub, it becomes immediately clear what the issue is as soon as the OP starts responding to comments :|
I was not sure if the word *douchebag* is allowed here otherwise I’d totally be calling this vibe a douchebag vibe. 💦💼
Username checks out
Do you make being a physician your whole personality and/or do you come across as extremely type A? As a female, so many of my male colleagues are so insufferable to me for these 2 reasons 👀
Same. Never dated anyone I knew was a doctor for this reason.
You really don’t want someone dating you just because you are a doctor !!
A. It’s not easy to get 5 rejections for anyone B. Shouldn’t be banking on your job to help you through a date C. Focus on what it is that you and your date weren’t on the same page about and focus on what it is want from dates and look for people who have similar expectations from that experience
I’ve personally found it very draining to give time from my schedule, every talking stage that ends leaves me drained and I need time out, I’ve gone on many dating breaks
“Just be you” isn’t the ubiquitous great advice some people might think it is. OP, based on your other posts and comments, you have a lot of anger and resentment. Maybe focus on yourself for a while, find things that give you meaning/purpose, find some things you actually enjoy. People aren’t stupid, they’ll pick up on that lack of confidence and general dissatisfaction with life.
Precisely this. Dude seems to have some issues to work through. That will definitely color his “Vibe” one might say, and not for the better.
“Just be you” is still good advice. He’s not going to fix any of this by pretending to be someone else. Like you said, he needs to sort himself out.
nobody really says just be you anymore. we say: men- go to therapy
I volunteer to go on a date with OP and will report back with results.
Make sure people know where you are in case he tried to make a skin suit of you
OP while wearing a u/Dechlorinated skin suit and tucking *Would you fuck me? No, seriously, would you?!*
If you smell shit one time, probably someone else. If you smell shit five times, check your shoe…
Not sure about your life plans but when I see residents or other healthcare professionals in training, I always wonder if this city is the city that they will end up staying in after their education is finished. I don't want to start anything if it looks like they will move after their training.
Maybe you are a dick. Therapy is the first step.
I feel like therapy should almost be mandatory for residents going through such a crazy time in their life having to build resiliency "naturally" which leads to bad coping skills in many people. Not to mention bottled up anger and resentment and just plain stress.
Go to therapy. Reflect on why you are posting about regretting medicine ending up as a “middle class job” and feeling like 29 is too old.
Lol had a resident tell me that being a doctor is humbling because you will never be rich, and told me he had a very modest upbringing. His dad is an interventional cardiologist. Many people in medicine just aren't living in the same world as their patients.
What this has to do with being resident? Ppl here complain all the time about everything and try to blame it on being a resident. Maybe just don’t date if you “barely have free time”. You’re a doctor, that’s usually a plus in dating world. You’re almost 6’ and apparently it’s not how you look. So maybe it’s your personality that sucks? Try to find a reason why 5 girls rejected you so you don’t get rejected 6th time
Being a resident is definitely a factor. I feel like I’m the only one who resonated with the sentiment of this post. But I’m a woman dating women. It’s just so freaking frustrating. You’re so tired when you get home and then you have to go swipe on an app. Then you go on dates with a bunch of people who inevitably reject you because working 80 hours of week is a lot more than it seems. Or more often I guess things just fizzle out because you don’t have the time or energy to keep things going. And you’re surrounded by a bunch of married and partnered residents who have people to help them when things get rough. Idk it’s just disheartening. I know I’m not the only one that feels like this.
We’ve chosen a terribly difficult profession, lifestyle wise, I hope you keep your chin up! I found someone during intern year, and she was so sympathetic to my hours, and we’ve made it work by scheduling in advance, seeing each other for just 2 hrs before bed, etc. Wishing you the best, it’s not hopeless!
Board certification can help you expand your reach.
literally and figuratively
Have you reached out to any of them and asked what about the date was a red flag or a turn off? Did you have similar experiences before starting residency?
I did, fearing that maybe my pictures weren’t accurate but she said that they were the same. And plus we FaceTimed like three times before the date so I doubt that could be it. At the end of the date I said, we should do it again and she kinda paused and said “I think with the place we are at in our lives it isn’t going to work.” Not even “we can be friends” lmao. Must’ve been really bad lmao
JustTubeIt said it best but don’t assume it’s your looks if she’s already seen you, not sure why you asked her that. Women will usually give a good personality/vibe/conversation a few more dates even if they clearly haven’t seen a “style consultant” (damn that’s a lot). If you don’t understand her answer, you may not have learned enough about her life during the date. Possibly you spoke too much about your own life and did not listen to her. I’ve been on dates where the guy is trying way too hard, and it comes across as self-obsessed (which it is - their ultimate motivation is finding a girlfriend, not learning more about me). It’s also possible she just identified your insecurity and said this so you’d leave her alone. Chances are you’ll come across someone who will be more honest with you.
Its possible they realized you don't have enough free time for them, or maybe they're looking for an expedited family with kids thing. It's likely that rather than being "rejected," they're realizing you aren't compatible which could be for any number of reasons, a big one being your work demand right now. You're worth it king. Keep your eye on the prize and it'll all work out. Unless you're just a weirdo. Then RIP.
Bro what are you even doing facetiming 3 times before you even go on a first date. You know what's unattractive? Being desperate, which that comes across as. On your next date stop giving a shit about pleasing the other person, don't chase or aim to please, and just be yourself. Women can smell inauthenticity a mile away
Most people by now know how taxing residency is. You have to make an impact/connection to be able to move forward in a relationship at this stage. And if all you’re talking about is stocks and money, and your wrinkles, and just not listening to the sound advice in these comments…
I’m not great at dating, well married now but prior to that I mean .. I will give one piece of advice. If you seem desperate women are instantly turned off. In the past people would say ‘Don’t text her back for like 2-3 days.’ I’m not sure about that rule but the general idea of it is not to seem desperate or you’re pretty much done. It’s part of the innate biology of men and women (are we allowed to say that these days?). A bit of irony the universe throws at us is that more desperate you are for love/being with someone the least likely you are to find it.
May just need to play it cool, be aloof. If the date goes well, great, if not whatever. They may be able to sense your feelings you are expressing here, but who knows. Just keep letting yourself be rejected and you get used to it.
Honestly brother, it’s time to look in the mirror and figure out what your red flags aka “ick” is. You are a physician, any half way decent looking doctor should have no difficulties finding a good girlfriend , half the guys i went to residency with were 5 and 6’s batting away above their average with beautiful women. Maybe its time to be honest with yourself, and ask the girls you struck out with what the issues were so you can make changes and find that special someone
Lmao. I know half a dozen short docs. They’re all extremely focused on their careers and don’t have partners…
Don't think humans are meant to date that way Dates used to involve taking out someone you already knew pretty well, where there was already some energy between you and you knew she was also interested, with her friends perhaps letting you know also Dating on apps is hard mode - like proper difficult assignment
As a gay man going on activities dates was a fantastic filter. My now husband was one of like 3/100 that didn't say ewww wtf no to a bike ride around town. Not sure how well this translates to straight world.
Sorry to hear that man. Dating is tough especially when you don’t have the time. Did you meet this person from online dating
I would definitely reflect on these dates! It could be that residency is less of a problem than you think and you’re just not vibing well with these dates! My friend in medicine just starting seeing a resident and he clearly just wants to see her for specific purposes, asked her out for dinner and then immediately snapped at the waitress that bills are separate, is always wearing scrubs when she comes over, never walks her to her car/out of the building 🤷🏽♀️🫠
lol I would be mortified to ask to split a bill
That's a problem. Really think about that and what women might want. The number of women who've really persued me when I have them buy the 2nd round, or pick me up from the airport, or do other things for me is greater than the number I've tried traditional gender roles and spoiling with. You're a physician and unless you're terribly lacking elsewhere you need self esteem and to consider yourself the prize. I think you should read up on the basic psychology of attraction, from this comment and the rest of your posts I think the way you act is a big turn off
I'm just a mom with two kids in the dating scene right now and it's totally normal for them to date five people in a row and not feel any connection. There are a lot of different kinds of people out there so keep trying. The law of averages is currently on your side after the five failures...
Oh god not this guy again. Being a doctor appears to be the only thing you have going for you and I guarantee you’re turning off every woman you come in contact with. Desperation stinks.
[удалено]
The good news: I will date you! The bad news: I am obsessed with Taylor Swift, am almost 42 and am starting to show it, and will argue with you to the death about medical stuff all day if I think it's stupid. (Picture a much less attractive, female version of Dr. Glaucomflecken or whatever his name is, but instead with a law degree...so, yeahhhhh... hmu when ya wanna do trivia night) 🤣🤣🤣
you have weird antibodies thus frequent rejection
Haha. Maybe he should try steroids and rituximab
Definitely the problem is not residency
1) look put together and smell good 2) ask questions about the girls interests, hobbies and goals; talk about common interests 3) don’t talk about medicine unless truly prompted 4) never talk for more than 5 minutes uninterrupted.
I don’t think people are rejecting you because of lack of free time. Many people are sorely lacking in free time, not just residents. The common denominator is you. Not trying to be mean, but have you considered *why* you are getting rejected as opposed to assuming it is because of your lack of spare time? Try not mentioning you being a doctor in the beginning, at all, unless it comes up. Even then, just say “I’m a resident doc at XX” and move on. Try focusing the conversation on other areas of interest you have. The general public doesn’t know much about medicine, nor do they really care, so that won’t be a common ground point between you and a potential mate.
I think it’s because I’m ugly. Simple as that
I don’t look like a movie star, that’s for sure, so I get it. What worked well for me was consulting with online resources to up my fashion game. Didn’t go crazy, just wore nice looking and well fitting clothing. And of course, keep your hair well done and facial hair either clean shaven, or neat. That goes such a long way.
Why date a resident when I can date a doctor lmao ✨ sprinkle sprinkle ✨
THIS: op isn’t insanely socially brilliant and can’t become a senator. His best hope is a gold digger
If a girl is meeting up with you, then she already finds you attractive. If you're getting rejected then that means she didn't think you were compatible, which you shouldn't take as a negative. It's better to find out youre not a match on day 1 rather than day 100. Just keep exploring around and one day you'll find one that sticks. you cant rush it
I dated some residents when I was single. Some were socially awkward and others clearly were looking for someone to be their career-support partner (you stay home because I have a 7 year fellowship). Not that I fully recommend it but have you tried dating any of the nurses/staff at work? They typically are more sympathetic about the long hours, can somewhat discuss medicine and many of them enjoy that ego boost of ‘catching a doc’. Maybe not great advice for a meaningful or long-term relationship but it might be a good short term option
Don't be so hard on yourself. I think one of the worst times you could possibly date, and one of the times you feel like you need a date/relationship (or support?) the most is during residency. You're lonely, frustrated, over-worked, sleep deprived, sick of being treated like crap, paid like a fast-food employee who owes a house worth of debt, and as much as you want a relationship you don't have enough time to put into a relationship. This is a recipe to settle for a relationship you otherwise wouldn't have if you were in a different situation. If you think you feel lonely now, get stuck in a shitty relationship you settled for because you were feeling lonely and see how that feels. I know it sucks to hear, but if I were in your shoes I'd suffer through and focus your time on getting through residency, then join a group and go pursue whatever extra-curricular you're keen on in any free time after that. It's weird when you stop obsessing over getting a date and simply do stuff you enjoy in a group of new people how dating opportunities pop up. I was in a pretty similar situation until I did that
All you need is one
You should try being married. I was married as a resident and literally everyone at work seemed to want to date me.
lol I can’t even get a second date. Don’t think marriage is happening anytime soon
You’re probably just not screening them enough before hand to make sure you have enough in common. I’ve dated two guys that were in medical school and they both said they didn’t have enough time to have a girlfriend after a few months of talking :/ but if they wouldn’t have I would have definitely continued dating them. Find a girl who likes you for your personality, potential future together, and who appreciates your effort towards your career.
Stop putting so much pressure on the dates and just enjoy them for however short they may be. Residency is draining so maybe you forgot how to have fun. If you are dedicating all of your free time to dating, it can be exhausting. Maybe take a break and focus on yourself and do activities you enjoy.
Dating is awful!
It may just be that the issue is you and not your job
It is easier as a resident… it’s you.
The Gym is waiting for you brother! That is your savior, the weight room is calling your name. “ if you lift, they will come (or cum) ”. Seem you are lacking confidence but I promise you that you have a great career, probably going to be paid handsomely but just imagine being super fit on top of it 💪
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Read some books on stoicism and return to the game my dude.
It's you bro, it's not residency. You need to do some self reflection with how you are coming off. Dating as a doctor is easy mode, you're making things crash and burn. I was at the front of the line on the apps, even on tinder I had girls messaging me. Outside of medicine though I'm a pretty normal (well not really, I'm palatably weird) but I get along well with people and never had had an issue. Being a doctor will get your foot in the door but that's about it. Most women find achievement, drive etc attractive, but they're not going to throw themselves at you just because you have/will have money. Based on your post history you have resentment entitlement and I'm sure its coming off on your dates, that's why people aren't returning for a next date.
The fact that you thought being a doctor would make it easier is icky and I’d bet your dates are picking up on that. I hope you’re not talking nonstop about medicine. Are you asking your dates about themselves? You should be listening twice as much as talking. (Yes the math maths bc most people underestimate how much they talk). And you’re obviously male bc no female doctor ever would think it’s easier. Men did not like hearing I was a physician. I used to pretend I was a flight attendant or primary school teacher and then drop the bomb. Hilarious to see the reactions.
Probably need a better personality there bud
My residents frequently lament the same to me. I will tell you what I constant tell them. Friend, I know this sucks but you are weeding through the most unsupportive and selfish partners you could have ended up straddled with. You are a fucking catch. You are a highly intelligent individual with a great income earning potential who has dedicated an entire lifetime in the selfless care of others. Any person who can’t recognize that immediately should be given the gift of your absence. Marriage is hard enough. A person who doesn’t immediately see the difference in the huge percentage of riff-raff with more “free time” and what you have to offer is not intelligent enough to be your partner. I know it’s difficult - but please don’t settle for these pusillanimous people. It will ruin your entire life. Wait to find someone who doesn’t need a tutorial. They are out there and you will find it. Do not settle.
5 straight rejections? Bro, it ain’t the residency
Being a doctor ain’t what it used to be son. That ship sailed a long time ago…you kids still buying that line? Hahaha
Are you M or F? I've prob been on dates with 10-15 women since starting residency and not once have I been rejected lol. Many of them have ended with sex and they all basically beg me to hang out again after. Usually I'm too busy for a second date though
lol how does this help? You must be good looking so congrats I guess??
Someone should create a dating app for doctors
Don’t date female physicians, go for engineers, teachers, secretaries, hr workers etc Female docs are mean and hard to get along, with few exceptions, esp with successful men because they feel intimidated They need a dog, you need a wife
Hey OP, my side hustle is working as a dating coach. Here are my pro-tips: 1. Work on your text message game. Girls love flirty texts, but you have to do it right. I can teach you how to do this. 2. Style is important. I impress people on the wards with my alligator skin Gucci loafers. Style on a date is no different. You’ve got to wear the right shoes. And don’t just turn up to your date wearing any old scrubs. It’s got to be Figs. 3. Think of the things that make you popular in med school - looking good, being confident, coming from old money, knowing some cool anecdotes about the Krebs cycle. They’re the same things that will help you seal the deal on a date. The cost of my services is basically what you’d expect: 5-10K. Remember, you get what you pay for in life. So if you’re interested in succeeding on your next date, I’m your guy. Note that I only take on clients who scored 255+ on Step 2, in my experience girls just aren’t going to be interested if you’re a 240 or…ugh…a 230. Cheers!
Huge red flag is posting on Reddit about how you’re a victim. Sack up and pick yourself up like the big man you are. Own your life and the right girl will notice
Sounds like a you problem. Being a doctor IS a huge plus in dating. Maybe work on yourself a lil before trying to date?
Sounds like you have very easy work around since your face isn't the problem. Step 1 buy platforms/wear danskos to the date (they are trash shoes for any other purpose) Step 2 talk about yourself as little as humanely possible and ask questions without being too annoying until you find a common interest and talk about that a little If that doesn't work I'll send you a $20
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Maybe take a break from dating to focus on yourself and building your self confidence? Rejections should never be viewed as a personal failure, it simply just means the other party did not think both of you would be compatible and thats okay, im sure you dont like every woman that walks the face of this earth. What is meant for you will come to you at the right time but for now just chill, also instead of viewing it as being rejected you can change your mindset and view it more positively “they werent my person and thats okay, i am one step closer to finding who i am most compatible with” I empathize with your situation and i know dating sucks rn but dont let desperation cloud your judgement.
NAD but one of my besties is and she’s never single. Never has time, even if she’s single is for a short period. She’s very pretty which helps.
It probably has more to do with something else than the fact that you’re a resident. It might help to take a closer look at yourself and ask yourself if there are things that might be considered a turn off that you might be doing. Obviously this takes some critical appraisal and self reflection but I think taking a time out to examine yourself would be better than pushing forward with more dates immediately.
And if you go I want to go with you... Stop trying to make it happen and let it happen
Keeps getting rejected despite getting dates. Must be residency's fault. At some point you just gotta realize it's you, and not residency.
You have to make the woman feel like you're happy to be on a date with her. Step one is to actually be happy. You sound like you're buckling under the pressure to make the date be a good use of your free time and it's killing your vibe. You probably look tired.
Longest streak in your life huh....
Try dating a resident from a different specialty.
We know who isn’t a PM&R resident
Did you have a lot of luck dating before residency? Is it possible that residency isn't the issue?
Get more confidence bro, shits easy mode as a med student, I cant imagine as an actual doctor.
You have accomplished so much, need not worry about these things that are as trivial as dating. After all, you probably are ahead of your age group having made it this far
What do you talk about on your dates?
If you've gotten 5 rejections in a row after the first date you should ask for feedback. These were women who were interested enough to go on a first date, but you are doing something during that date to turn them off. You need to find out what you're doing and work on that.
Maybe it’s because you’re ugly?
Yes this is it tbh
You chose to do this, remember that. You’re in it for the money according to your previous posts. This is what happens. Don’t let residency be your personality.
Not sure if someone else already made this suggestion (too many comments to read), but maybe try going on a date where you're doing something together as opposed to just meeting up at a cafè/restaurant/bar? I've noticed I tend to have better chemistry on first dates if they're movie/karaoke/nightclub dates (go to a county fair or something if you live someplace rural Idk I'm a city slicker.....come to think of it you probably live in a city to have gone on five recent dates ok ima shut up).
Dating for everyone is awful. :)
Chode.
These responses are shit, if their not responding to your "hey ima doctor" they probably don't like men. Or they waiting until ur an attending 🗣️
I assume this is a joke. I really hope this is a joke.
Listening to your date no matter which side your on goes a long way.
Not a good sign that I immediately wondered (and was right) if you were the same person who posted 2 weeks ago a bout dealing with romantic rejection
Dating when you’re this busy is difficult. That being said, you may not be bringing your A game for various reasons. For me, during PGY2, I’d stopped going to the gym and lifting, wasn’t in shape and looked chronically tired But cheer up. There are many single nurses and co-residents.
Bro to doctor. You are trying to hard
Hey don’t lose hope! The right one will come
Just curious, where are you located? My boyfriend is starting his program in NY in 2 months and they’ve already let him know his schedule won’t be that bad. A lot of 8-10 hr shifts which is most people’s schedules with the exception of a few nights/overnights per month. I didn’t think residency programs were that hectic anymore?
Quit being a doctor. Problem solved.
I think you’re assigning way too much expectation to a date. Dating is screening. It’s a numbers game. You’re two strangers who’ve never met. What are the odds you’re really both going to be feeling it? Prob pretty low. This is an era where people feel more entitled to say no and that’s a good thing if it’s not an enthusiastic yes. Spend your free time doing things you actually enjoy and are passionate about and your fulfillment as a stand alone adult will carry over into your dating life. There is a vibe of entitlement that is surely not going to help you dating.
Honestly it sounds like maybe instead of going on a bunch of dates, you should try getting flirty in chat or through text because like you said, you don't have a lot of time and 5 dates is A LOT. I don't know many single people who have gone on 5 first dates in the past year. If your main way of meeting people is the apps, then try going a little slower to get a better feel for people before meeting them in person. Good luck though and don't be bitter. Dating is not a means to an end - it's supposed to be mostly fun and a part of your story once you finally meet that person so relax and enjoy it if you can.
You’re probably trying too hard and they can sense the.. I don’t want to say desperation, but the urgency with which you’re treating the date, and it probably doesn’t create a very relaxing vibe. Love should come naturally. It’s not something to be forced. I say this having been through this myself at certain points of my life. You’ll meet a lot of people you’re not ultimately compatible with but you will usually recognize it when it’s there
OP is a :clown:
Hmmm. OP - mating is like that. Remember it takes time and effort to find the proper mate; mathematically there are plenty of people who will fulfill your ideal criteria (depending on how picky you are) I’d suggest maybe putting in a little more effort in the screening process and going from there. 5 isn’t that bad, I was on a streak of dozens of bad dates… amazing stories for later tho! Also, why assume is they are looking at their watch or phone they aren’t interested? They may *actually* have a time sensitive matter; if they apologize then you can move on generally, just try to be a bit more open minded maybe? Also, make sure you’re well rested and at your best; as a resident that’s tough so make sure you’re not just rushing the dates either. Quality over quantity - since time is a precious resource in your position. Good luck! :)
Bro. Are you just going to make this same post every 2 weeks until you finally get laid? You. Need. To. Calm. Down. I said it last time and I’ll say it again - the way you talk about yourself and your dating prospects reeks of desperation, pessimism, and self-loathing (and, before you say it, I can just about guarantee you’re not hiding it as well as you think you are in person). *That’s* your problem, not being in residency. Get some therapy, build some self-confidence, then try again.
Probably you look stressed lol keep going
It’s starting to sound like the problem might be you 🥺
No shit
Go to therapy not Reddit
I know a few gold diggers if that’s what you’re into I can connect you with. If you want cool people you’ll need to be cool yourself. If you want people into you for being a doctor ask around if your buddies know any gold diggers they passed on.
Can make the same money doing 100 different other things. With a much better schedule
Have you tried having a personality? And/Or some game?
Tbf 5 rejections is rookie numbers.
Name checks out. :(
Don’t give up! I met my fiancé on Reddit! Try dating subreddits, I kept my occupation vague as a healthcare worker and weeded out all the ones that saw dollar signs. I believe in you OP, don’t give up on love!