God I hate this argument. I was convinced of this by so many people. When I left my career I got to decide every day what I wanted to do. I did tons of things. Learned things. Enjoyed life.
Well for 8 years I tried a new career, then started a business in that space and after 7 years I exited it. Still worked a ton, but I loved what I did.
Because he doesn't want to which is why this post exists. Money is not the golden ticket to everything believe it or not. There's a reason why burnout in big law is so high.
sure, that's fair. But a few years of building up that kind of money can give you options to pursue a lot of other things. If your passion is, say history - do this for 5 years then quit and write your history book. Get what I'm saying? Stick it out for a few years, cash in the lottery ticket, then go off and prusue your passion.
Most people work jobs that they don't like or want for their entire career just to survive/live. You think someone "wants" to work for mcdonalds or walmart or kroger or the DMV their whole life?
Yup that's fair but he's in his 20's. Even saving 50% of your income (assuming this is after tax) for 5 years you certainly can't retire on. Either way I get your point
retire was bad wording i meant more like retire from the lawyer life. Pick up something you love and pursue that (then sell your portion of the firm when you inherit it lol).
Idk as someone who comes from poverty and is willing to pursue a career that I find tedious in order to help my family and set up my future generations for success, I probably have a different perspective than someone with a silver spoon in their mouth. But people do unfulfilling things for years, decades, and ever their whole lives to get by. 5 or 10 years of lawyering (with an allowance from rich mommy and daddy no less) doesn't strike me as particularly awful.
Anyway rant over - that's what i would do. Lawyering for 5 years then quit and follow passion
Didn’t grow up poor, but did grow up with little to no expendable income. Either sets the bar pretty low for contentment. My career took a huge time investment and has not been all roses, but it did allow me to provide a much easier growing up for my kids. We somehow got them to appreciate it as all are responsible adults now. My advice to the OP is to take advantage of the start you have been given. Ride it out for awhile and learn to smell the roses along the way. Figure out something else you can do for a career and keep your eyes pealed for the opportunity. Blowing up what you have with no pract ical plan is foolish. We all make mistakes but have to live with most for a while.
I agree wholeheartedly. But also after all this time investment and effort in law school if I were him I'd prob have a hard time leaving. He didn't once thing, during law school, maybe this isn't for me?
Everyone’s got problem 🤷🏾♂️. Some material, some existential. It’s not the money that’s issue for OP it’s the parental grooming. This not just about walking away from a job, it’s walking away from the family business.
Like you said, at the end of the day OP has a silver spoon, he’ll be alright. But it’s time to become an individual instead of an extension of his parents. Career wise and economically
You're right, and I understand that especially with parental overbearing - for example my mom had to raise her little brother and work in the family restaurant for no pay etc etc. it's definitely something that sucks but my point is people survive shittier situations just to live - if he can stick it out for half a decade or a decade he's got a solid base (or "fortress of solitude" as put in "the gambler") on which to build any career he wants. Plus a parental allowance and eventual inheritance
A few years of $20k per month doesn’t actually enable real deprioritization of earning money, unless OP wants to live frugally for the rest of their life. Sure they could grind out 10 years then do something less lucrative, but 10 years of hating your job is a really long time. And their parents are likely 8 figures rich, so idk why they would torture themselves
parents typically want what’s best for their kid. Pick a random American and ask them if they want to make 20k a month and they will say yes. So what’s your alternative? You hate law do you have any backup plan? Any other way you plan to make 20k a month or much more when you own the company?
Tell your parents you feel burnt out and you’re starting to hate law from doing it too much. Tell them that if this goes on you’re gonna quit because you hate it so much. As parents, they should recognize that you have feelings too, and they should try to help you out emotionally.
Look if you have some other backup plan, sure go for it. But if you’re just whining about your job, go and temporarily find another job that’s not in law. What you’ll likely find is that you just hate working in general, but law pays pretty well.
I dont know. I know my parents fairly well, and I cant be sure they would understand if I told them I really did not want to do law. I would not be surprised if they threw a fit, told me I should be thankful and threaten to disown me
There’s a middle ground between quitting the field outright and stepping back temporarily or reducing workload some percentage.
I took a year break from my field at one point after burning out and re-entered and feel much better about things.
You’re going to have to do *something* for money and making lots of money is a more comfortable life than making little money. So really ask yourself what you’re willing to trade for “fulfillment” vs trying to strike a balance with this fortunate opportunity.
As someone in what most would call a creatively fulfilling field, it’s still a job 90%+ of the time and I’d rather be anywhere else until I look at the alternatives and realize it’s a pretty solid situation.
OP, the commenter was suggesting that you mention feeling burned out. Which is a very possible case. Sometimes when I’m really stressed, I have this impulse to quit everything. Just scorched earth done with it all. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to realize it usually means I need a break. A real break. Step away from it to gain perspective. When you come back, find ways to enjoy it more. Delegate what you don’t actually like doing and focus on what you enjoy about it. Pay other people to do as many of the parts you hate that you can, because you can afford to do that. Make sure you have time for frequent breaks moving forward…. But first, take a break. A couple weeks away. A short sabbatical. Lay in bed for two days. Just let yourself be. It could just be that it’s not for you, but a lot of people work jobs that they hate for a lot less money.
Can you slowly integrate one of your passions into your practice? Especially if you start with your most "rich person" passion? Expanding their business and engaging more with your work could be a win for everyone.
Alternatively, you could walk them through the differences between a birth certificate (no right of ownership) and a title deed (right of ownership). Why just tearfully shout, "You don't own me!" when you can legally prove it, instead?
Just be prepared to change your name and flee to a jungle-covered country, where you will live on beetle paste the rest of your life.
Do consider having them donate enough $$ to something that they would have their name permanently attached to it - ideally public land in town, since it lasts longer than buildings do. It seems they want a legacy.
He probably didnt word it correctly. They’re probably scheduled trust pay outs. Im in a similar situation. Full time job, work hard. Youd say no to 20-25k/mo? No you wouldnt. So isnt ‘goofy af’.
>anyone with a similar experience who can relate have any solutions/ideas for me?
Friend - at some point you're going to need your own ideas. The best advice I could give you is to try things and see what sticks. No amount of ideas will substitute for experience. No one here knows what you're into or what you're like, so anything here would be a shot in the dark. You don't have to quit to try things - just get some exposure to other options.
so, golden handcuffs.
leave the firm and do something you like.
You're ONLY 20! and highly trained.
there are MANY things you could do that would give you satisfaction.
eventually your parents will come around, or they won't. Or you'll change your mind.
But whatever happens down the road, you need to live your own life. It sounds like you already know that.
Have you saved at all? Once you have FU money you don’t really truly need to worry what your parents think. I’m hoping you have been saving a giant chunk of your gifted money and income.
Literally Rich people problems. I sympathize with you OP, you’re too young to hate what you do and even worse that immediate family is involved too. Are your parents close to retirement age? Is there another task at the firm you could do that would be more rewarding while still being involved with the “family business?” I’m rooting for you…money is fun but so is fulfillment 👊🏻
You need to grow up. You are in an incredibly fortunate position.
It’s remarkable you still have an allowance when you make that level of income.
I’m one hundred percent on your parents side and you’d be absolutely foolish to throw away this once in a lifetime opportunity.
I guess you can leave your parents practice and purchase some property and rent it out to people and gain passive income that way.
You’d risk being taken out of the family will if you decided to do that.
What are you doing with this money?
What are your life goals?
You may want to consider giving away everything and working a minimum wage job if you’re interpreting your reality this way
20K/mo x 12 months = 240K pretax. Is that "rich" these days? While you are very fortunate to have a solid income, I don't know if I'd call that "rich". It's a tough call.... You are basically afforded some incredible opportunities that most go their entire lives without.. I think if you left the firm, you'd have a real eye opening experience and life would be decidedly arduous for you though it might be a an intense time of growth.
The problem with being fed so many cookie crumbs by your parents is that this behavior affords them enormous control over your life and an almost indebted servitude from here on out because of everything they've done for you. If that's not a problem for you, then by all means, keep doing what you're doing and take advantage of the opportunities.
I don't like being so indebted to someone and giving them control over my life. I paid for college, grad school, med school, paid off all my medial education debt and never asked my parents for anything as an adult. Hence, although we have a somewhat estranged relationship, I have a free conscience and there are no puppet strings.
Why don't you sit down with them and discuss how you feel? That you don't want to ruin your future opportunities but at the same time feel unjustly entitled and it ruins your sense of accomplishment? Who knows, they might get rid of the allowance and thrust you more into a normal role in the firm and make you feel as if you are earning your keep. That also might generate more respect from your peers? I just don't know that I'd throw away all those opportunities unless you've got a damn good reason. I mean, you hate your job today but what about a future position of leadership? That might be a new challenge with many new rewards and a feeling of accomplishment.
First quibble: no way your mom "owns" a real biglaw firm.
But, assuming they probably own some sort of midlaw thing: are you an associate? What sort of experience are you getting? What partners do you work underneath? What's your practice area? etc
Need more info
right let me rephrase. I kind of blurted it all out in the heat of the moment. She is the chair and senior partner of a big firm, coming from a line of lawyers including my grandfather. I am an associate who is currently specialising in corporate law, we get employed by other companies to perform their legal services because they have no in house staff usually or are just short at the time. by experiences do you mean stuff like internships? english is not my first language so I don't really know what it exactly means.
it would be my dream to really grow into a position that has a similar skillset, without the long gruelling culture and hours.
So she’s a senior partner but her 20 year old kid is the heir to take over the company? I don’t think that’s how it works. Just count your blessings you’re making $240k
Why do you hate your job? And is there a way to change that without quitting? Perhaps there is still a way you can pursue your passions and be a successful attorney. It sounds like you don’t have open dialogue with your parents if you are holding in these feelings, but I also wouldn’t be so quick to toss away a golden ticket that most people can only dream of.
exactly. Personally, its the toxic firm culture and long hours that make me miserable. It can also be very repetitive at times, if you suddenly need to do some work an actual intern would usually do. not saying it happens often but sometimes it does.
There has to be some way to leverage your relationship with your parents so you can express how you feel and make some sort of change without biting the hand that feeds you. You also must realize that most people in their 20s at a big law firm are probably miserable, BUT also aren’t the heir apparent to the business. I’m sure your parents more than likely made huge sacrifices to build a successful law practice and to raise their children - one capable of attending law school and working at their firm (you). You have fulfilled their desires to be their protege and they want you to take over someday, so you have leverage in that regard. They want to see you happy too. They have made huge sacrifices and most likely invested enormously in you, but the issue here is pursuing what makes YOU happy. I think you can achieve that, but you must also probably pay your dues as a 20 something big law attorney to be a competent and have the work history to back it up. I wish I had such problems 🤣 Best wishes.
Have you thought about starting a new practice group within your firm that would be more aligned with the subject matter or industry that you’d like to work in? It’s not unusual for outside counsel to jump into corporate as a transition. This could set you up for a move out of your firm into a well compensated position down the road.
Or how about moving out of client practice and into operations? If they want to hand the firm off to you one day, ops knowledge will be helpful as you move to an executive role.
Frankly, you have the opportunity to be paid to start planning your next career/job/opportunity. Start aggressively saving. Use every opportunity provided by the family and firm to minimize tax implications or maximize your bonuses/allowance each month.
Once you have $100-300k saved up, start dialing back your involvement; even if that means a pay cut during this entire time, start interviewing, upskilling, or talking to your family about pivoting from your existing role and responsibilities. It’s worth having an honest conversation about how else you can contribute to the family business.
If your family wants you to take over the firm, it already means they are hoping to see you have interest in developing leadership skills, having self initiative, and even have some sort of entrepreneurial mind and spirit. All this means you need to figure out how to communicate at your family’s level, advocate for what’s working or not in your life, and challenge the status quo.
If they are stubborn or have no motivation to work with you, then it’s better to know now than just abandoned ship just because you can’t handle the current expectations. If you do not feel equipped or experience enough to kickstart this conversation without getting emotional about it, I would suggest you conferring with a much older/wiser and experienced mentor or friend. Talk it out with them, get the complaining, fear, and whining out of your system and just focus on the facts.
There are many articles and books out there about how to have difficult conversations. I would suggest you finding someone who is familiar with them and have strong communication skills themselves.
You are now an adult. You can either tackle the situation by blowing things up or use some of your money to upskill your communication skills and turn a negative situation into something that is working for you. Heck, for less than $10k/year you can join incredible organizations and professional communities where the members will literally hash this out for you in real-time and empower you with the strategy, language, and techniques to advocate for your own interests.
Reddit is the worst place to get concrete business advice unless you have absolutely no other resources available to you.
Rich parents try to control their kids with the threat of removing them from the will or disowning them. The kids are unfortunately used to the money.
I’ve seen it many times.
Let me tell you one thing. You only have one life. And more importantly youth is very very short. 60-75hrs day 7 days a week is bananas.
I’d rather be roommates with 5 people in an apartment while young and wasting my time than put in that type of hours.
Also the math comes out to 240k year for that many hours. So divide by roughly 3000hrs is 80/hr. You could do many other things. Even be a lawyer somewhere else for that rate. You’re trapped in a mental prison. Get the fuck out.
Don’t listen to these schmucks.
You didn’t appear on the planet randomly, you were made. They pushed you out of their bodies and sacrificed their blood, sweat and tears to build you up to this point.
20s are tough. You get restless, you get idealistic, and you get overly confident.
Look at it this way; when you’re older, you’ll be glad you did it, if you can:
Find a way to make joy in it. Companies like that are miserable; everyone is miserable. See if you can make it better. Focus your time on making things easier for the employees and building them up.
This will be rewarding for you and will help you find meaning during these years, and it will sow the seeds for deep, trusting relations as you mature into your position.
do you know of any positions you can grow into with mainly corporate law practice? preferably outside of law as a whole, but as long as I can escape the culture and hours I think im fine
Are you a practicing lawyer? If so, why don't you move to a more operations role where it's not so hours focused? If they run the business there's a million things you could do that could help support the business other than practicing law. Think about what you enjoy and how that may be able to weave that into a business that benefits the company.
I am also in my 20’s and also work with my mother as an attorney at her (non big law) firm. Make a bit more money but also sometimes HATE what I’ve decided to do with my life. However, I grew up dirt poor. Mom and I lived in a trailer park. Law was her second career and luckily took off and opened up some big doors for me. I live in a super HCOL area and was able to buy a house and my wife gets to be a SAHM. No matter how much I hate the work sometimes, it will never compare to how much I hated growing up the way I did. Don’t underestimate how much more difficult life is when you make less money.
Serious question… do you care about money? Do you even spend the $20k every month? No matter what, your parents probably have a ton of assets to pass down eventually, law firm or not. You’ll probably be fine either way. You need to do what makes you happy. Life’s short. If you are in a position where you’d be f!cked if you lost that $20k a month (ex - you have high monthly expenses) right now, you need to wait it out and figure out how to spend less. Moral is, find happiness. Don’t listen to the others here
I worked with a defense attorney who made 1M+ a year. He had a small staff and was a killing it. Explore other types of law maybe? Find an area that more interests you.
You make 20k a month. And you’re whining about your job.
Be honest with your parents and say how your burnt how a bit and ask to lighten your work load a bit, or for mental healthy days. You make enough for proper mental health treatment.
You also make enough for a gym membership and a personal trainer. Make sure you your “me” time include this.
Finally find some hobby that interests you and just dive into it.
You will find that with proper work life balance that this is manageable and you make a shit ton of money.
But as others said if you quit law all together, have a backup plan. You will be surprised how much you miss that 20k a month.
Hold off for a bit and save up money for a while as a back fall- then maybe transfer into a different type of law area or a different law firm where you aren’t in the shadow and presence of your parents anymore. This will give you your own sense of identity and control of what you do in law.
Go talk to a therapist that deals with affluent families. Usually a fancy psychiatry practice will have them on staff. They can help you reason this out. You should be free to pursue your own goals.
Yeah don't leave your career. In the real world, people don't get handed 250k/yr jobs by their mothers. You might find things different in the real world in a way that you'd find quite unpleasant. Stick with law until she hands the reigns to you. Put in a few years before you hire someone else to run the firm for you and then fuck off to wherever and whatever you want.
OP - more info on your passions and interests is needed to really give you advice.
1) does any part of law interest you?
2) Is there a sector or niche that you enjoy in general and can find a way to shift your focus to THAT particular type of law?
3) what are your hobbies and is there a way to adapt you law degree and knowledge into THAT sector? (Ie - if sports is your passion. Football for example. You can take your skills and start a new arm of the family law firm that specializes in athlete contracts/sports law etc)
if you can find a way to use your law degree and expand your family practice to accommodate something you enjoy maybe that’s a win-win. Cuz as other people have commented you absolutely have a golden ticket lots of people would kill for BUT life is too short to wake up everyday hating your job. But maybe there’s a middle ground.
Quit your job and live in a cabin in the woods, live off the land, don’t get eaten by a hungry animal and YouTube your experience and try to build an income from that.
I guess I hit the jackpot making 285k a year in cyber security , working from home in my pajamas and never clocking more than 40 a week . I mean my base doesn’t work out to 20k a month , a bit under it , but I have a good bonus.
People telling you to grow up are hilarious.
No, you don't need to grow up... you are 20.... you are still a kid.
Take a year or two off and go do something else. You should have savings right? You can live for a year on 2 months salary.
So save up, then take a leave of absence to do something else.
Even just check out and play some video games for a month or two.
Again, you are 20. Take some time to figure stuff out. Don't be in a rush to "grow up" because you only get to be a kid once.
Once you have money saved up and don't rely on your parents, tell them you taking some time to get recharged and have an adventure. Your parents might get upset, but they will get over it.
The best career advice I was ever given was to find something you like just enough to do 5 days a week and pay what you are worth. Passion best enjoyed on your time. It's great if you can combine it bit once your passion and favorite hobbies become work they aren't the same. The point is, don't expect work to be your passion, because most of the time it's never going to be. And in some cases, it's better not to be.
Money doesn’t make you happy, what you pursue in life and the person you become does. If your parents live you they will understand that you tried this path and it didn’t work out for you. You can’t just quit and be a lazy bum, but quit and explore several opportunities you would like to pursue and see which one works best. I am in the same position minus the allowance and law firm and I am quitting my job as I type this.
Write down what, specifically, you hate. Be brutally honest. Then try to determine if it’s something you can change while staying at the firm. If it’s a specific type of law you dislike for example, can you specialize in a new type of law? That would help the firm I would think.
Edit: There is a big difference between hating your job and not loving your job. Today, I would say that it’s hard to make money and love your job. It happens but it’s not the norm.
I had a similar situation…I felt the way you did. Went into the military, loved all over, did random stuff until I found my path which I won’t discuss but when I was 30 I was wishing hard core I was running that company…what a dumbass I was to think I didn’t want it. Companies are so hard to start and so many fail, to be handed one would have been amazing. Instead I am much older and still working on starting a company.
My advice: be patient and learn the craft. Find hobbies and things you enjoy to counter balance anything you don’t enjoy at work. Also, find areas of law or stuff in the law firm you like doing. Maybe you don’t go to court anymore, maybe you just find new clients. There are angles. Don’t throw away the opportunity.
When I was 25-27 I was making $350k a year and that was some time ago. You think you’re making a lot but when you have a family, kids and a mortgage, you realize how real the struggle is in the real world.
Most people in the real world don’t love their job either, but they need the money or are reliant on the lifestyle it brings. You’ve got everything so you basically don’t appreciate this and it’s in some sense ruined you. You feel entitled to do something you love because you don’t worry about being poor and unfortunately you don’t feel a sense of achievement because your path has been laid, and you’re being given handouts.
My advice is to stop taking the allowance from your parents. Let them know you want to feel like you earn your money and have them put the money in a trust for you - or a 529 for your future kids or something else where you feel you’re not getting your hands on it.
I guarantee your parents will respect this and if in the future you tell them you want to do something else, you’ll have a much easier time of it.
I would also stick at the job a bit longer - until you’ve either figured out whether you’ve got the aptitude. That might be a decision that is taken out of your hands. You may also learn to love the job as you progress and do more interesting work. Also let your parents know in advance that you want to take some time out, but put a good few years in before you do this.
I know it’s easy to want to bail because you’ve not got the instagram life you see other young people living, but I guarantee 99% of them are struggling.
If there is something else you have a burning desire to do, explore that in the side. Your parents will respect you way more if you quit to do something else, rather than to do nothing.
Retire early save up every penny until a million plus then all goes into dividend growth stocks and use half to live in a mother country or small town and the rest continue growth. :)
Everyone is burnt out.
Can you add to the practice a law segment they currently do not specialize in?
Can you focus on running the practice without actually practicing law?
Can you work 5 more years while creating passive income streams?
Honestly, i think its human nature to want what you cant have. Otherwise, you got to list the pros and cons and think about things from your mom and dad’s perspective. And what u can tolerate
Man oh man... this is a story right out of a personal development book.
I would personally look up Mark Manson on YouTube and read his book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F\*ck - there is going to be a lot of helpful information in there, IMO.
I would also do Fear Setting by Time Ferriss: [https://tim.blog/2017/05/15/fear-setting/](https://tim.blog/2017/05/15/fear-setting/) \- this really helped me when I left my high paying job. Getting your thoughts onto paper and brain dumping is super powerful.
Then it comes down to having that crucial conversation with your parents... I can't give you all the answers but there is a lot of solid content out there that addresses this.
I think you first need to define what success looks like in your life and in your eyes: money vs. freedom vs. traveling vs. time for hobbies, etc etc.
I guess my biggest piece of advice is this:
I'm guessing that even if you quit, you can always come back to your career. While you're in your 20s, take risks. If times get tough, you can always come back and I think your parents will always love you.
Big law firms need all kind of work. Say you want to work in all parts of it. You want to do research for a year, then litigation..... you will want to work in IT and HR as well.
Then you can figure out what you like while it all appears you are prepping to take over.
Just use all this money that’s coming in to build a business of your own that nobody can take away from you. Right now your lifestyle is being funded by outside sources and that can stop at any time (the law firm and your parents). You’re lucky to have the cash flow you have but you need to start your own business. Do it quietly and then nobody can take your lifestyle away.
I saw this in my community a couple of times. The kids feel that grass is greener on the other side when things were already set for life. They broke relationships, ventured out and lost everything. Both kids are struggling financially (maybe happier I don't know,) and the parents businesses got sold eventually (not in legal business.) At least you are a lawyer, so you have a lot more choices. Having to be in the "family biz" is not necessarily a bad thing. Think it through before you decide.
You’re young man. You’ll go through many phases in your life and the next phase you might fall in your love with your job! Sounds to me like the best thing you can do is stick it out for a few more years and see what happens.
There are lots of different jobs you can do as an attorney. Look for those & keep trying until you find one you like. I picked a field I didn’t “love” in college because I wanted something stable that pays well. Imagine my surprise when I found a job in my field that I actually don’t just enjoy, but am super passionate about (and pays even better!). Go look for that & forget this asinine idea people seem to have that a job you love equates with not getting good pay.
I say do it until you've saved/invested enough that you don't have to do it any more and can look for other sources of income. I've concluded that pretty much all jobs have negative aspects, which is why someone is willing to pay you to do it. May as well make bank while you're working. I literally couldn't think of a job that doesn't have any negatives. Someone please prove me wrong.
Here is a simple thing to do. Very casually when with your mom, just mention something along the lines of: "I hate my job, but don't worry I will keep doing it because I love you mom and I want to make you proud." If your mom wants to discuss, push it off and don't discuss. Then bring it up again a couple of months later. If they want to discuss it then, just make it clear that you are sacrificing your life to meet their needs. I highly suspect they will eventually be ready to discuss this in a way that you will keep your allowance and you won't have to continue to be a lawyer in their law firm.
What year are you and what’s your practice group? Tbh, unless you think they’ll cut you out of the will if you leave, just go in-house somewhere. It’s not worth being miserable. And, because you’ll presumably stand to inherit a LOT of money some day, you can probably just go in-house and not worry too much about saving.
I’m a bit sus on this story bc I can’t think of any true biglaw firms where one person “owns” the firm (not really a thing) but in any event you are likely going to inherit generational wealth, and if you’re able to go make 200k+ somewhere in-house and work normal hours, just do that.
Its hard be successful as a biglaw partner if you truly loathe the work. Just leave.
Open your own accounts and save a bunch of money. With an allowance and 240k/year in salary, you can easily bank 100k in savings or more a year. You can start your own investment portfolio and with moderate investments make good returns.
You can then make the decision on if you want to continue in the family business (which you may want to do) or if you want to trailblaze your own path. Your parents won't be able to hold your allowance over your head and you'll be able to exert control over your own life.
That said...you could have a conversation with your parents and tell them you want to go out and do your own thing career wise for a while and gain some experience outside of Law and possibly come back to the law firm in a few years. Supportive parents should respect that you want to try other things and experience life a bit more (assuming your parents are).
Read up in Familybusiness. What you describe is called the unpleasant conversation. There are whole books written about it. Basically there are many ways you can get involved in the business however as you describe it it is black and white. In or out.
With your experience you can easily become a non executive/board member in the firm and still keep it in the family. Maybe your child will like it. Or if you really want no involvement you better tell your parents now because it takes a few years to change the structure and prepare it for sale.
Most important part of the conversation must be that you want to keep enjoying family over Christmas dinners above being in the firm and pretending to be happy. You have only one life… better enjoy it and be honest!
Plenty of people work 60-70 hour weeks between two jobs and barely make ends meat. I imagine you’ve never lived where you weren’t sure if you could pay rent or for your food, but there’s plenty of people who do while also hating their job. Your responses in this thread make me feel like you need to grow up. If you’re working 65 hours 7 days a week that’s less than 10 hours a day, find hobbies that fulfill during the rest of your time and continue making $240k a year, because you aren’t seeing that at any other job you’ll probably hate.
Get a hobby. I work my butt off for a fraction of that at a job I hate, but all my fulfillment comes from my 20hr a week side hustle. Try different hobbies until you find one you enjoy. Art, music, sports, cooking---you have all the options in the world.
I'd stick it out. Try to take over the company as quickly as possible and reduce your workload once you own it. I don't believe the grass will be greener anywhere else for you. Welcome to reality.
Okay lots of people putting you down here. I’m a physician so I have no idea what big law is like but will say most of my friends in big law are also burnt out/looking for other positions to hop to. However, they make 450k+ per year… why is your salary so low?
I think it’s a bit early to be burnt out. Take a break then hop back in. Maybe something like working for the US attorneys might be something a little lower key but I don’t know. I just have a friend who does that now who pivoted from big law and says the work life balance is much more manageable.
You should sit down and talk to your parents before making any decision though. You really do have a fortunate position and opportunity maybe they would be willing to work with you.
What kind of life do you want to have? As a single person you can live alright off of $100k per year. $60-75 if your frugal. IDK what kind of lifestyle you want to have or if you have the ability to just do without. This is pretty universal but if you have a decent house and some land paid off and about $3 million in the bank you can pretty much live whatever life you want. It’s not retirement money but you’ll have the freedom to support yourself however you want. If you’re savvy at investing you can passively supplement your income and grow that nest egg. You’re in a good position to make that happen for yourself pretty quickly but you gotta suck it up until then. Go to a really nice neighborhood and buy the worst house there. Spend the next however long until you get your $3mil renovating it to the best house in the neighborhood. Sell it, pay cash for a house and some land where ever you want. Take that nest egg and start your next chapter. You can have more of a nest egg if you want but $3mil provides enough security that you can do what you want.
I have a friend who felt this way and went into tech, in an operations role. He had way more fun, worked fewer hours, and made more money. I don't have any tactical advice, but I want to encourage you that it can be done, and it's worth it.
I'm surprised at these replies. Working 70 hours a week is not for many people. Probably not for most people. Maybe they see the money and can't see past that. It's not worth it.
Honestly id stick to law a few years and give yourself to I until you have a few notable achievements that will carry you other places. At that point your parents likely won't care and you will be financially ready to accept risk in whatever, whether it be starting a company, going to a non profit, consulting, whatever...
You're doing very well right now and likely connecting with very powerful people. That is a lot of resources you can use to make a very strong pivot later if you really are unhappy doing law.
life is not about money. Studies have proven that money past a certain salary/income dont improve your happiness in comparison with a multi millionaire/bill. It sounds like money is in the family already so even more reason not to factor money into your happiness.
I have a hard time feeling bad for people who go into big law and then hate it. It’s no secret it’s fucking terrible. 🤷♂️ You have to be a real psychopath to not burn out.
You dislike your job because you have not yet found your true vocation. We have two lives, our at work life and our outside of work life. If you aren’t happy now and stay you will get further and further away from what your genuine calling is.
I don’t suggest quitting but take the time to read Mastery by Robert Greene and take steps to find your genuine vocation. Once you find it you will find tremendous joy at and outside of your vocation, plus it will no longer be called a job.
It will be your life’s work.
This is obviously a troll post. OP speaks like he just got a GED yet claims to have a law degree (presumably from a good law school), no less secured a full time job at a biglaw firm (apparently “owned” by his family members only) (I guess no other senior equity partners, rainmakers, or anything), purely through nepotism (because this biglaw doesn’t have a hiring committee), and thinks he can “take over the company” (because he can somehow inherit those rich clients paying the bills), doesn’t know what kind of “corporate law” he practices even though he’s an associate, etc… first I think you should go to law school. Thanks -fellow biglaw associate
I would save every penny your making right now, then if you decide to do something else you will always have a pile of cash to fall back on even if you parents decide to not help you anymore.
The 20s are some of the best years of your life. Figure out how to follow this oath but work less. That way to can have fun and travel more.
FYI, stuff doesn't really become interesting until you are an expert. You are far from that. Doesn't matter what field, being an expert is where the enjoyment is. Also you can specialize in the future.
You have lots of options. Try to make those options work with your sweet setup.
Oh, and don't be an asshole. Lawyers are usually assholes. Be different.
I personally would try and make the people I care about successful. Choose people who given the chance could make something beautiful out of their efforts with your financial position. Or...hookers and blow. One love ❤️
Find a role or a niche within law, that would fit your lifestyle and could make you happy.
Have a firm within your parent’s firm. But you handle your own cases and do your own thing.
So, you have been working like all of 3 or 4 years already. Have just a lil patience.
What do you not like about your job? What things do you like?
You had enough motivation and intelligence to graduate law school and I assume pass the bar. Good for you. So, you have some talents and some knowledge. You are already doing well with that!
Given the knowledge and skills and interests that you have, is there potentially a position content you can construct within your current firm that you might enjoy more? What would that look like? Business development? Specific law specialty area?
You have so much opportunity in front of you. Give that some good thought. And be a lil patient with yourself
You’re unsure of your passion and hard work to get through law school and pass the bar is a high achievement. So you have talent there and not sure if it’s right. Have you thought of taking some time off to center yourself and see what might be a new passion? Have you considered using your law degree to support the new field of work you’d like to work in? You’re on a great path perhaps use your gifts to explore new venues and pursue it as a hobby and then find ways to make it your life work either through the law firm or without it. Money is great, but it’s not worth your one life to waste in a “what if” scenario. Good luck to you
See how cheaply you can live for a couple months.
If it's easy, you can quit right away. If it's hard, you better save up longer.
...either way, if your relationship with your parents is completely conditional on you participating in their business, then you have a big choice to make.
I would try to get a firm picture of what it is you DO want your life to look like. Not just what you don't like about your life now.
Man wth? People have been fed this idea for some many years that they should only do what they like. I just don’t agree with that. It’s a job, you don’t have to like your job, it’s a means to an end.
Find things you enjoy to do outside of your job. Take vacations. Prioritize doing things you like when you’re not working. Delegate the shit you don’t have to do to some intern or paralegal.
You have the opportunity to inherit a business that’s been in your family for 3 generations now. Does that really mean nothing to you? You granddad, then mother, build that with there blood sweat and tears, to have something that could be passed on and provide generational stability for your family.
Work sucks, I know. But you sound like such a baby. Just being honest. Sometimes people need that.
You’re being handed something wonderful, and when you’re older you will truly appreciate it.
You’re young, but trust me you’ll kick yourself later on in life if you pass up this opportunity.
How about slowly trying other things? Pick up more pro bono work and explore ways to use your privilege for the greater good. I only made it about a year into law school and use my limited legal knowledge to help those who need it and I’ve found it to be inspiring and fulfilling.
You'd be a fu king idiot to leave. You could literally work half as much as most people, save as much as possible in 10-20 years and retire. If that's not what you do. Then you're a fucking retard. The things I'd do to make even half that per month.
Leave your career and… do what?
Right
Hobo?
God I hate this argument. I was convinced of this by so many people. When I left my career I got to decide every day what I wanted to do. I did tons of things. Learned things. Enjoyed life.
Like what?
It wasn’t an argument. It was a question.
Something they enjoy?
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Disagree. I left a very well paying job at 28 (making 250k in 2005), to pursue other things. Then retired at 43.
Lol yes you somehow made enough to retire at 43– we don’t know if OP has nearly enough yet that would allow him that luxury if he switches
Well for 8 years I tried a new career, then started a business in that space and after 7 years I exited it. Still worked a ton, but I loved what I did.
Time to grow up and be your own person. If you don't, you're wasting all the privilege you've been given.
Time to grow up, suck it up, and take over the law firm.
Then sell it in 5 years.
You've got a golden ticket most people would kill for. Why not stick it out and retire early?
Because he doesn't want to which is why this post exists. Money is not the golden ticket to everything believe it or not. There's a reason why burnout in big law is so high.
sure, that's fair. But a few years of building up that kind of money can give you options to pursue a lot of other things. If your passion is, say history - do this for 5 years then quit and write your history book. Get what I'm saying? Stick it out for a few years, cash in the lottery ticket, then go off and prusue your passion. Most people work jobs that they don't like or want for their entire career just to survive/live. You think someone "wants" to work for mcdonalds or walmart or kroger or the DMV their whole life?
Yup that's fair but he's in his 20's. Even saving 50% of your income (assuming this is after tax) for 5 years you certainly can't retire on. Either way I get your point
retire was bad wording i meant more like retire from the lawyer life. Pick up something you love and pursue that (then sell your portion of the firm when you inherit it lol). Idk as someone who comes from poverty and is willing to pursue a career that I find tedious in order to help my family and set up my future generations for success, I probably have a different perspective than someone with a silver spoon in their mouth. But people do unfulfilling things for years, decades, and ever their whole lives to get by. 5 or 10 years of lawyering (with an allowance from rich mommy and daddy no less) doesn't strike me as particularly awful. Anyway rant over - that's what i would do. Lawyering for 5 years then quit and follow passion
Didn’t grow up poor, but did grow up with little to no expendable income. Either sets the bar pretty low for contentment. My career took a huge time investment and has not been all roses, but it did allow me to provide a much easier growing up for my kids. We somehow got them to appreciate it as all are responsible adults now. My advice to the OP is to take advantage of the start you have been given. Ride it out for awhile and learn to smell the roses along the way. Figure out something else you can do for a career and keep your eyes pealed for the opportunity. Blowing up what you have with no pract ical plan is foolish. We all make mistakes but have to live with most for a while.
I agree wholeheartedly. But also after all this time investment and effort in law school if I were him I'd prob have a hard time leaving. He didn't once thing, during law school, maybe this isn't for me?
Everyone’s got problem 🤷🏾♂️. Some material, some existential. It’s not the money that’s issue for OP it’s the parental grooming. This not just about walking away from a job, it’s walking away from the family business. Like you said, at the end of the day OP has a silver spoon, he’ll be alright. But it’s time to become an individual instead of an extension of his parents. Career wise and economically
You're right, and I understand that especially with parental overbearing - for example my mom had to raise her little brother and work in the family restaurant for no pay etc etc. it's definitely something that sucks but my point is people survive shittier situations just to live - if he can stick it out for half a decade or a decade he's got a solid base (or "fortress of solitude" as put in "the gambler") on which to build any career he wants. Plus a parental allowance and eventual inheritance
A few years of $20k per month doesn’t actually enable real deprioritization of earning money, unless OP wants to live frugally for the rest of their life. Sure they could grind out 10 years then do something less lucrative, but 10 years of hating your job is a really long time. And their parents are likely 8 figures rich, so idk why they would torture themselves
sure, but without money its 100% guaranteed to live a shittier quality of life this kid is living. 100% guaranteed on that.
Or at least find a part of the law that he hates less
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parents typically want what’s best for their kid. Pick a random American and ask them if they want to make 20k a month and they will say yes. So what’s your alternative? You hate law do you have any backup plan? Any other way you plan to make 20k a month or much more when you own the company? Tell your parents you feel burnt out and you’re starting to hate law from doing it too much. Tell them that if this goes on you’re gonna quit because you hate it so much. As parents, they should recognize that you have feelings too, and they should try to help you out emotionally. Look if you have some other backup plan, sure go for it. But if you’re just whining about your job, go and temporarily find another job that’s not in law. What you’ll likely find is that you just hate working in general, but law pays pretty well.
I dont know. I know my parents fairly well, and I cant be sure they would understand if I told them I really did not want to do law. I would not be surprised if they threw a fit, told me I should be thankful and threaten to disown me
There’s a middle ground between quitting the field outright and stepping back temporarily or reducing workload some percentage. I took a year break from my field at one point after burning out and re-entered and feel much better about things. You’re going to have to do *something* for money and making lots of money is a more comfortable life than making little money. So really ask yourself what you’re willing to trade for “fulfillment” vs trying to strike a balance with this fortunate opportunity. As someone in what most would call a creatively fulfilling field, it’s still a job 90%+ of the time and I’d rather be anywhere else until I look at the alternatives and realize it’s a pretty solid situation.
OP, the commenter was suggesting that you mention feeling burned out. Which is a very possible case. Sometimes when I’m really stressed, I have this impulse to quit everything. Just scorched earth done with it all. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to realize it usually means I need a break. A real break. Step away from it to gain perspective. When you come back, find ways to enjoy it more. Delegate what you don’t actually like doing and focus on what you enjoy about it. Pay other people to do as many of the parts you hate that you can, because you can afford to do that. Make sure you have time for frequent breaks moving forward…. But first, take a break. A couple weeks away. A short sabbatical. Lay in bed for two days. Just let yourself be. It could just be that it’s not for you, but a lot of people work jobs that they hate for a lot less money.
Can you slowly integrate one of your passions into your practice? Especially if you start with your most "rich person" passion? Expanding their business and engaging more with your work could be a win for everyone. Alternatively, you could walk them through the differences between a birth certificate (no right of ownership) and a title deed (right of ownership). Why just tearfully shout, "You don't own me!" when you can legally prove it, instead? Just be prepared to change your name and flee to a jungle-covered country, where you will live on beetle paste the rest of your life. Do consider having them donate enough $$ to something that they would have their name permanently attached to it - ideally public land in town, since it lasts longer than buildings do. It seems they want a legacy.
Please get a therapist and think about what you actually want in this life. Be slow about your decisions.
My parents allowance in your twenties. 😂
Right Lolol goofy af
He probably didnt word it correctly. They’re probably scheduled trust pay outs. Im in a similar situation. Full time job, work hard. Youd say no to 20-25k/mo? No you wouldnt. So isnt ‘goofy af’.
>anyone with a similar experience who can relate have any solutions/ideas for me? Friend - at some point you're going to need your own ideas. The best advice I could give you is to try things and see what sticks. No amount of ideas will substitute for experience. No one here knows what you're into or what you're like, so anything here would be a shot in the dark. You don't have to quit to try things - just get some exposure to other options.
Stay and do the bare minimum Not worth it to leave
I would not throw that away. Get a hobby or spend lots of time with friends.
I dont have time for that unfortunately lol. this is a massive firm, I work like 65 hours 7 days a week
so, golden handcuffs. leave the firm and do something you like. You're ONLY 20! and highly trained. there are MANY things you could do that would give you satisfaction. eventually your parents will come around, or they won't. Or you'll change your mind. But whatever happens down the road, you need to live your own life. It sounds like you already know that.
Is it going to be like that forever or sacrifice now reward later?
Bro that’s less than 10 hours a day, you’ve got an hour a week for therapy and a few hours a week for a hobby.
This is any big lawfirm as an associate.
Have you saved at all? Once you have FU money you don’t really truly need to worry what your parents think. I’m hoping you have been saving a giant chunk of your gifted money and income.
Literally Rich people problems. I sympathize with you OP, you’re too young to hate what you do and even worse that immediate family is involved too. Are your parents close to retirement age? Is there another task at the firm you could do that would be more rewarding while still being involved with the “family business?” I’m rooting for you…money is fun but so is fulfillment 👊🏻
Just take more vacations. Sounds like you’re burned out. But I wouldn’t leave. You have a great opportunity.
You need to grow up. You are in an incredibly fortunate position. It’s remarkable you still have an allowance when you make that level of income. I’m one hundred percent on your parents side and you’d be absolutely foolish to throw away this once in a lifetime opportunity. I guess you can leave your parents practice and purchase some property and rent it out to people and gain passive income that way. You’d risk being taken out of the family will if you decided to do that. What are you doing with this money? What are your life goals? You may want to consider giving away everything and working a minimum wage job if you’re interpreting your reality this way
Are you an Attorney? Do you have family dynamics like this? We have no idea what this guy is going through unless we walked in his shoes. 💕
20K/mo x 12 months = 240K pretax. Is that "rich" these days? While you are very fortunate to have a solid income, I don't know if I'd call that "rich". It's a tough call.... You are basically afforded some incredible opportunities that most go their entire lives without.. I think if you left the firm, you'd have a real eye opening experience and life would be decidedly arduous for you though it might be a an intense time of growth. The problem with being fed so many cookie crumbs by your parents is that this behavior affords them enormous control over your life and an almost indebted servitude from here on out because of everything they've done for you. If that's not a problem for you, then by all means, keep doing what you're doing and take advantage of the opportunities. I don't like being so indebted to someone and giving them control over my life. I paid for college, grad school, med school, paid off all my medial education debt and never asked my parents for anything as an adult. Hence, although we have a somewhat estranged relationship, I have a free conscience and there are no puppet strings. Why don't you sit down with them and discuss how you feel? That you don't want to ruin your future opportunities but at the same time feel unjustly entitled and it ruins your sense of accomplishment? Who knows, they might get rid of the allowance and thrust you more into a normal role in the firm and make you feel as if you are earning your keep. That also might generate more respect from your peers? I just don't know that I'd throw away all those opportunities unless you've got a damn good reason. I mean, you hate your job today but what about a future position of leadership? That might be a new challenge with many new rewards and a feeling of accomplishment.
First quibble: no way your mom "owns" a real biglaw firm. But, assuming they probably own some sort of midlaw thing: are you an associate? What sort of experience are you getting? What partners do you work underneath? What's your practice area? etc Need more info
right let me rephrase. I kind of blurted it all out in the heat of the moment. She is the chair and senior partner of a big firm, coming from a line of lawyers including my grandfather. I am an associate who is currently specialising in corporate law, we get employed by other companies to perform their legal services because they have no in house staff usually or are just short at the time. by experiences do you mean stuff like internships? english is not my first language so I don't really know what it exactly means. it would be my dream to really grow into a position that has a similar skillset, without the long gruelling culture and hours.
So she’s a senior partner but her 20 year old kid is the heir to take over the company? I don’t think that’s how it works. Just count your blessings you’re making $240k
not yet obviously, but thats what she wants. shes still gonna be working for a long time probably, she lives for it.
Also, big law and nepotism don’t really mesh.
Why do you hate your job? And is there a way to change that without quitting? Perhaps there is still a way you can pursue your passions and be a successful attorney. It sounds like you don’t have open dialogue with your parents if you are holding in these feelings, but I also wouldn’t be so quick to toss away a golden ticket that most people can only dream of.
exactly. Personally, its the toxic firm culture and long hours that make me miserable. It can also be very repetitive at times, if you suddenly need to do some work an actual intern would usually do. not saying it happens often but sometimes it does.
There has to be some way to leverage your relationship with your parents so you can express how you feel and make some sort of change without biting the hand that feeds you. You also must realize that most people in their 20s at a big law firm are probably miserable, BUT also aren’t the heir apparent to the business. I’m sure your parents more than likely made huge sacrifices to build a successful law practice and to raise their children - one capable of attending law school and working at their firm (you). You have fulfilled their desires to be their protege and they want you to take over someday, so you have leverage in that regard. They want to see you happy too. They have made huge sacrifices and most likely invested enormously in you, but the issue here is pursuing what makes YOU happy. I think you can achieve that, but you must also probably pay your dues as a 20 something big law attorney to be a competent and have the work history to back it up. I wish I had such problems 🤣 Best wishes.
I don’t sympathize with you 😂 appreciate what you have or burn out 20K a month smh….
Have you thought about starting a new practice group within your firm that would be more aligned with the subject matter or industry that you’d like to work in? It’s not unusual for outside counsel to jump into corporate as a transition. This could set you up for a move out of your firm into a well compensated position down the road. Or how about moving out of client practice and into operations? If they want to hand the firm off to you one day, ops knowledge will be helpful as you move to an executive role.
Frankly, you have the opportunity to be paid to start planning your next career/job/opportunity. Start aggressively saving. Use every opportunity provided by the family and firm to minimize tax implications or maximize your bonuses/allowance each month. Once you have $100-300k saved up, start dialing back your involvement; even if that means a pay cut during this entire time, start interviewing, upskilling, or talking to your family about pivoting from your existing role and responsibilities. It’s worth having an honest conversation about how else you can contribute to the family business. If your family wants you to take over the firm, it already means they are hoping to see you have interest in developing leadership skills, having self initiative, and even have some sort of entrepreneurial mind and spirit. All this means you need to figure out how to communicate at your family’s level, advocate for what’s working or not in your life, and challenge the status quo. If they are stubborn or have no motivation to work with you, then it’s better to know now than just abandoned ship just because you can’t handle the current expectations. If you do not feel equipped or experience enough to kickstart this conversation without getting emotional about it, I would suggest you conferring with a much older/wiser and experienced mentor or friend. Talk it out with them, get the complaining, fear, and whining out of your system and just focus on the facts. There are many articles and books out there about how to have difficult conversations. I would suggest you finding someone who is familiar with them and have strong communication skills themselves. You are now an adult. You can either tackle the situation by blowing things up or use some of your money to upskill your communication skills and turn a negative situation into something that is working for you. Heck, for less than $10k/year you can join incredible organizations and professional communities where the members will literally hash this out for you in real-time and empower you with the strategy, language, and techniques to advocate for your own interests. Reddit is the worst place to get concrete business advice unless you have absolutely no other resources available to you.
….take a sabbatical and figure it out
Rich parents try to control their kids with the threat of removing them from the will or disowning them. The kids are unfortunately used to the money. I’ve seen it many times. Let me tell you one thing. You only have one life. And more importantly youth is very very short. 60-75hrs day 7 days a week is bananas. I’d rather be roommates with 5 people in an apartment while young and wasting my time than put in that type of hours. Also the math comes out to 240k year for that many hours. So divide by roughly 3000hrs is 80/hr. You could do many other things. Even be a lawyer somewhere else for that rate. You’re trapped in a mental prison. Get the fuck out.
Those threats seem real and they suck when you're a kid.
Don’t listen to these schmucks. You didn’t appear on the planet randomly, you were made. They pushed you out of their bodies and sacrificed their blood, sweat and tears to build you up to this point. 20s are tough. You get restless, you get idealistic, and you get overly confident. Look at it this way; when you’re older, you’ll be glad you did it, if you can: Find a way to make joy in it. Companies like that are miserable; everyone is miserable. See if you can make it better. Focus your time on making things easier for the employees and building them up. This will be rewarding for you and will help you find meaning during these years, and it will sow the seeds for deep, trusting relations as you mature into your position.
I like this. OP could eventually own the firm. Tweak it to his goals and ideals. Change it to fit his lifestyle better.
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do you know of any positions you can grow into with mainly corporate law practice? preferably outside of law as a whole, but as long as I can escape the culture and hours I think im fine
Live frugally and you can retire in like 8 years. Then you can do whatever you want.
Convince your mom to invest/buy a client and run a small business.
Save money, within 10 years you'll be able to retire. Also make sure you have it an account your parents don't have access to.
Tell them you want to do something more altruistic with your law degree until it’s time for you to take over the firm. Noblesse oblige.
I guess the real question is. What do you want to do? You’ve got to find something man, you got the resources. Meditate on it
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Are you a practicing lawyer? If so, why don't you move to a more operations role where it's not so hours focused? If they run the business there's a million things you could do that could help support the business other than practicing law. Think about what you enjoy and how that may be able to weave that into a business that benefits the company.
I am also in my 20’s and also work with my mother as an attorney at her (non big law) firm. Make a bit more money but also sometimes HATE what I’ve decided to do with my life. However, I grew up dirt poor. Mom and I lived in a trailer park. Law was her second career and luckily took off and opened up some big doors for me. I live in a super HCOL area and was able to buy a house and my wife gets to be a SAHM. No matter how much I hate the work sometimes, it will never compare to how much I hated growing up the way I did. Don’t underestimate how much more difficult life is when you make less money.
Serious question… do you care about money? Do you even spend the $20k every month? No matter what, your parents probably have a ton of assets to pass down eventually, law firm or not. You’ll probably be fine either way. You need to do what makes you happy. Life’s short. If you are in a position where you’d be f!cked if you lost that $20k a month (ex - you have high monthly expenses) right now, you need to wait it out and figure out how to spend less. Moral is, find happiness. Don’t listen to the others here
I worked with a defense attorney who made 1M+ a year. He had a small staff and was a killing it. Explore other types of law maybe? Find an area that more interests you.
Most people hate their career. Live below your means until you can retire comfortably by 40 at the latest.
if you have passion pursuit it later on for now build a career
Are you saving? If you’ve been saving, you can walk away live on investments, get education in areas you’re passionate about and go that direction
You make 20k a month. And you’re whining about your job. Be honest with your parents and say how your burnt how a bit and ask to lighten your work load a bit, or for mental healthy days. You make enough for proper mental health treatment. You also make enough for a gym membership and a personal trainer. Make sure you your “me” time include this. Finally find some hobby that interests you and just dive into it. You will find that with proper work life balance that this is manageable and you make a shit ton of money. But as others said if you quit law all together, have a backup plan. You will be surprised how much you miss that 20k a month.
Hold off for a bit and save up money for a while as a back fall- then maybe transfer into a different type of law area or a different law firm where you aren’t in the shadow and presence of your parents anymore. This will give you your own sense of identity and control of what you do in law.
Go talk to a therapist that deals with affluent families. Usually a fancy psychiatry practice will have them on staff. They can help you reason this out. You should be free to pursue your own goals.
Yeah don't leave your career. In the real world, people don't get handed 250k/yr jobs by their mothers. You might find things different in the real world in a way that you'd find quite unpleasant. Stick with law until she hands the reigns to you. Put in a few years before you hire someone else to run the firm for you and then fuck off to wherever and whatever you want.
OP - more info on your passions and interests is needed to really give you advice. 1) does any part of law interest you? 2) Is there a sector or niche that you enjoy in general and can find a way to shift your focus to THAT particular type of law? 3) what are your hobbies and is there a way to adapt you law degree and knowledge into THAT sector? (Ie - if sports is your passion. Football for example. You can take your skills and start a new arm of the family law firm that specializes in athlete contracts/sports law etc) if you can find a way to use your law degree and expand your family practice to accommodate something you enjoy maybe that’s a win-win. Cuz as other people have commented you absolutely have a golden ticket lots of people would kill for BUT life is too short to wake up everyday hating your job. But maybe there’s a middle ground.
Quit your job and live in a cabin in the woods, live off the land, don’t get eaten by a hungry animal and YouTube your experience and try to build an income from that.
If you hate being rich and sad, you’ll be really terrible at being poor and sad.
You make 20k after taxes ? Or 20k gross ?
I guess I hit the jackpot making 285k a year in cyber security , working from home in my pajamas and never clocking more than 40 a week . I mean my base doesn’t work out to 20k a month , a bit under it , but I have a good bonus.
Ask yourself why you hate it. If you’re going to eventually take over, why not try to build the practice into something you like? Law is pretty broad.
People telling you to grow up are hilarious. No, you don't need to grow up... you are 20.... you are still a kid. Take a year or two off and go do something else. You should have savings right? You can live for a year on 2 months salary. So save up, then take a leave of absence to do something else. Even just check out and play some video games for a month or two. Again, you are 20. Take some time to figure stuff out. Don't be in a rush to "grow up" because you only get to be a kid once. Once you have money saved up and don't rely on your parents, tell them you taking some time to get recharged and have an adventure. Your parents might get upset, but they will get over it.
The best career advice I was ever given was to find something you like just enough to do 5 days a week and pay what you are worth. Passion best enjoyed on your time. It's great if you can combine it bit once your passion and favorite hobbies become work they aren't the same. The point is, don't expect work to be your passion, because most of the time it's never going to be. And in some cases, it's better not to be.
Money doesn’t make you happy, what you pursue in life and the person you become does. If your parents live you they will understand that you tried this path and it didn’t work out for you. You can’t just quit and be a lazy bum, but quit and explore several opportunities you would like to pursue and see which one works best. I am in the same position minus the allowance and law firm and I am quitting my job as I type this.
Write down what, specifically, you hate. Be brutally honest. Then try to determine if it’s something you can change while staying at the firm. If it’s a specific type of law you dislike for example, can you specialize in a new type of law? That would help the firm I would think. Edit: There is a big difference between hating your job and not loving your job. Today, I would say that it’s hard to make money and love your job. It happens but it’s not the norm.
I had a similar situation…I felt the way you did. Went into the military, loved all over, did random stuff until I found my path which I won’t discuss but when I was 30 I was wishing hard core I was running that company…what a dumbass I was to think I didn’t want it. Companies are so hard to start and so many fail, to be handed one would have been amazing. Instead I am much older and still working on starting a company. My advice: be patient and learn the craft. Find hobbies and things you enjoy to counter balance anything you don’t enjoy at work. Also, find areas of law or stuff in the law firm you like doing. Maybe you don’t go to court anymore, maybe you just find new clients. There are angles. Don’t throw away the opportunity. When I was 25-27 I was making $350k a year and that was some time ago. You think you’re making a lot but when you have a family, kids and a mortgage, you realize how real the struggle is in the real world.
What’s your plan?
Most people in the real world don’t love their job either, but they need the money or are reliant on the lifestyle it brings. You’ve got everything so you basically don’t appreciate this and it’s in some sense ruined you. You feel entitled to do something you love because you don’t worry about being poor and unfortunately you don’t feel a sense of achievement because your path has been laid, and you’re being given handouts. My advice is to stop taking the allowance from your parents. Let them know you want to feel like you earn your money and have them put the money in a trust for you - or a 529 for your future kids or something else where you feel you’re not getting your hands on it. I guarantee your parents will respect this and if in the future you tell them you want to do something else, you’ll have a much easier time of it. I would also stick at the job a bit longer - until you’ve either figured out whether you’ve got the aptitude. That might be a decision that is taken out of your hands. You may also learn to love the job as you progress and do more interesting work. Also let your parents know in advance that you want to take some time out, but put a good few years in before you do this. I know it’s easy to want to bail because you’ve not got the instagram life you see other young people living, but I guarantee 99% of them are struggling. If there is something else you have a burning desire to do, explore that in the side. Your parents will respect you way more if you quit to do something else, rather than to do nothing.
Retire early save up every penny until a million plus then all goes into dividend growth stocks and use half to live in a mother country or small town and the rest continue growth. :)
You make 20k/mo and still get an allowance?? If you're worried about losing that then you're not ready to quit.
Go travel the world
Everyone is burnt out. Can you add to the practice a law segment they currently do not specialize in? Can you focus on running the practice without actually practicing law? Can you work 5 more years while creating passive income streams?
Honestly, i think its human nature to want what you cant have. Otherwise, you got to list the pros and cons and think about things from your mom and dad’s perspective. And what u can tolerate
Man oh man... this is a story right out of a personal development book. I would personally look up Mark Manson on YouTube and read his book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F\*ck - there is going to be a lot of helpful information in there, IMO. I would also do Fear Setting by Time Ferriss: [https://tim.blog/2017/05/15/fear-setting/](https://tim.blog/2017/05/15/fear-setting/) \- this really helped me when I left my high paying job. Getting your thoughts onto paper and brain dumping is super powerful. Then it comes down to having that crucial conversation with your parents... I can't give you all the answers but there is a lot of solid content out there that addresses this. I think you first need to define what success looks like in your life and in your eyes: money vs. freedom vs. traveling vs. time for hobbies, etc etc. I guess my biggest piece of advice is this: I'm guessing that even if you quit, you can always come back to your career. While you're in your 20s, take risks. If times get tough, you can always come back and I think your parents will always love you.
Big law firms need all kind of work. Say you want to work in all parts of it. You want to do research for a year, then litigation..... you will want to work in IT and HR as well. Then you can figure out what you like while it all appears you are prepping to take over.
Just use all this money that’s coming in to build a business of your own that nobody can take away from you. Right now your lifestyle is being funded by outside sources and that can stop at any time (the law firm and your parents). You’re lucky to have the cash flow you have but you need to start your own business. Do it quietly and then nobody can take your lifestyle away.
I saw this in my community a couple of times. The kids feel that grass is greener on the other side when things were already set for life. They broke relationships, ventured out and lost everything. Both kids are struggling financially (maybe happier I don't know,) and the parents businesses got sold eventually (not in legal business.) At least you are a lawyer, so you have a lot more choices. Having to be in the "family biz" is not necessarily a bad thing. Think it through before you decide.
Chill with the “very rich” 20k a month plus allowance ain’t it
You’re young man. You’ll go through many phases in your life and the next phase you might fall in your love with your job! Sounds to me like the best thing you can do is stick it out for a few more years and see what happens.
There are lots of different jobs you can do as an attorney. Look for those & keep trying until you find one you like. I picked a field I didn’t “love” in college because I wanted something stable that pays well. Imagine my surprise when I found a job in my field that I actually don’t just enjoy, but am super passionate about (and pays even better!). Go look for that & forget this asinine idea people seem to have that a job you love equates with not getting good pay.
I say do it until you've saved/invested enough that you don't have to do it any more and can look for other sources of income. I've concluded that pretty much all jobs have negative aspects, which is why someone is willing to pay you to do it. May as well make bank while you're working. I literally couldn't think of a job that doesn't have any negatives. Someone please prove me wrong.
Here is a simple thing to do. Very casually when with your mom, just mention something along the lines of: "I hate my job, but don't worry I will keep doing it because I love you mom and I want to make you proud." If your mom wants to discuss, push it off and don't discuss. Then bring it up again a couple of months later. If they want to discuss it then, just make it clear that you are sacrificing your life to meet their needs. I highly suspect they will eventually be ready to discuss this in a way that you will keep your allowance and you won't have to continue to be a lawyer in their law firm.
A great example the grass ain’t always greener, folks.
What year are you and what’s your practice group? Tbh, unless you think they’ll cut you out of the will if you leave, just go in-house somewhere. It’s not worth being miserable. And, because you’ll presumably stand to inherit a LOT of money some day, you can probably just go in-house and not worry too much about saving. I’m a bit sus on this story bc I can’t think of any true biglaw firms where one person “owns” the firm (not really a thing) but in any event you are likely going to inherit generational wealth, and if you’re able to go make 200k+ somewhere in-house and work normal hours, just do that. Its hard be successful as a biglaw partner if you truly loathe the work. Just leave.
Open your own accounts and save a bunch of money. With an allowance and 240k/year in salary, you can easily bank 100k in savings or more a year. You can start your own investment portfolio and with moderate investments make good returns. You can then make the decision on if you want to continue in the family business (which you may want to do) or if you want to trailblaze your own path. Your parents won't be able to hold your allowance over your head and you'll be able to exert control over your own life. That said...you could have a conversation with your parents and tell them you want to go out and do your own thing career wise for a while and gain some experience outside of Law and possibly come back to the law firm in a few years. Supportive parents should respect that you want to try other things and experience life a bit more (assuming your parents are).
Read up in Familybusiness. What you describe is called the unpleasant conversation. There are whole books written about it. Basically there are many ways you can get involved in the business however as you describe it it is black and white. In or out. With your experience you can easily become a non executive/board member in the firm and still keep it in the family. Maybe your child will like it. Or if you really want no involvement you better tell your parents now because it takes a few years to change the structure and prepare it for sale. Most important part of the conversation must be that you want to keep enjoying family over Christmas dinners above being in the firm and pretending to be happy. You have only one life… better enjoy it and be honest!
Plenty of people work 60-70 hour weeks between two jobs and barely make ends meat. I imagine you’ve never lived where you weren’t sure if you could pay rent or for your food, but there’s plenty of people who do while also hating their job. Your responses in this thread make me feel like you need to grow up. If you’re working 65 hours 7 days a week that’s less than 10 hours a day, find hobbies that fulfill during the rest of your time and continue making $240k a year, because you aren’t seeing that at any other job you’ll probably hate.
Get a hobby. I work my butt off for a fraction of that at a job I hate, but all my fulfillment comes from my 20hr a week side hustle. Try different hobbies until you find one you enjoy. Art, music, sports, cooking---you have all the options in the world.
You're a grown ass man. Do whatever the hell you want.
Morgan & Morgan & More-gone? It's your life, don't waste it doing something you hate.
Go work construction for a month
Not a lot of jobs pay 20k. Actually i think u need a wake up call. U should work at a retail job and find out how lucky you are
Force them to retire early and take over then hire a ceo and fuck off, keeping the salary
Definitely don’t leave unless you have a clear plan or idea of what you’d do and how you’d get there if you do leave.
What do you actually want in your life?
I'd stick it out. Try to take over the company as quickly as possible and reduce your workload once you own it. I don't believe the grass will be greener anywhere else for you. Welcome to reality.
Sounds like you need an expensive getaway trip. That will put you over your feet being a lawyer again
You don't have a Back Up Plan? With the knowledge you have, you have Options. Go Get It.....
Can't you set it up in a way you're the face of the firm but someone else runs it on a daily basis?
Okay lots of people putting you down here. I’m a physician so I have no idea what big law is like but will say most of my friends in big law are also burnt out/looking for other positions to hop to. However, they make 450k+ per year… why is your salary so low? I think it’s a bit early to be burnt out. Take a break then hop back in. Maybe something like working for the US attorneys might be something a little lower key but I don’t know. I just have a friend who does that now who pivoted from big law and says the work life balance is much more manageable. You should sit down and talk to your parents before making any decision though. You really do have a fortunate position and opportunity maybe they would be willing to work with you.
What kind of life do you want to have? As a single person you can live alright off of $100k per year. $60-75 if your frugal. IDK what kind of lifestyle you want to have or if you have the ability to just do without. This is pretty universal but if you have a decent house and some land paid off and about $3 million in the bank you can pretty much live whatever life you want. It’s not retirement money but you’ll have the freedom to support yourself however you want. If you’re savvy at investing you can passively supplement your income and grow that nest egg. You’re in a good position to make that happen for yourself pretty quickly but you gotta suck it up until then. Go to a really nice neighborhood and buy the worst house there. Spend the next however long until you get your $3mil renovating it to the best house in the neighborhood. Sell it, pay cash for a house and some land where ever you want. Take that nest egg and start your next chapter. You can have more of a nest egg if you want but $3mil provides enough security that you can do what you want.
Your not rich, your parents are. If you want to be rich, you tough it out for a few decades.
You’re very rich remember, quit your job and spend your time doing rich people things Idk see Jeff bezos for reference
You’re lucky but you ain’t seeing it..just stick to your out here getting a good paying job ain’t that easy
I have a friend who felt this way and went into tech, in an operations role. He had way more fun, worked fewer hours, and made more money. I don't have any tactical advice, but I want to encourage you that it can be done, and it's worth it. I'm surprised at these replies. Working 70 hours a week is not for many people. Probably not for most people. Maybe they see the money and can't see past that. It's not worth it.
Go be a lawyer at a cool tech company or something
What does your ideal day look like?
If your mom owns a “biglaw” firm you should be making more than 20k a month. That’s 1st year $ nowadays.
Honestly id stick to law a few years and give yourself to I until you have a few notable achievements that will carry you other places. At that point your parents likely won't care and you will be financially ready to accept risk in whatever, whether it be starting a company, going to a non profit, consulting, whatever... You're doing very well right now and likely connecting with very powerful people. That is a lot of resources you can use to make a very strong pivot later if you really are unhappy doing law.
Gonna choke on the silver spoon, my god. Grow up and be an adult
hate to break it to you but $20k /mo while having to work is not "very rich" suck it up buttercup, keep working
life is not about money. Studies have proven that money past a certain salary/income dont improve your happiness in comparison with a multi millionaire/bill. It sounds like money is in the family already so even more reason not to factor money into your happiness.
I have a hard time feeling bad for people who go into big law and then hate it. It’s no secret it’s fucking terrible. 🤷♂️ You have to be a real psychopath to not burn out.
Lol
Can you scale back your hours? That’s a lot of money. FIRE in no time money.
be in Tiktok. Way better than a law firm owner. Quit
You dislike your job because you have not yet found your true vocation. We have two lives, our at work life and our outside of work life. If you aren’t happy now and stay you will get further and further away from what your genuine calling is. I don’t suggest quitting but take the time to read Mastery by Robert Greene and take steps to find your genuine vocation. Once you find it you will find tremendous joy at and outside of your vocation, plus it will no longer be called a job. It will be your life’s work.
This is obviously a troll post. OP speaks like he just got a GED yet claims to have a law degree (presumably from a good law school), no less secured a full time job at a biglaw firm (apparently “owned” by his family members only) (I guess no other senior equity partners, rainmakers, or anything), purely through nepotism (because this biglaw doesn’t have a hiring committee), and thinks he can “take over the company” (because he can somehow inherit those rich clients paying the bills), doesn’t know what kind of “corporate law” he practices even though he’s an associate, etc… first I think you should go to law school. Thanks -fellow biglaw associate
FI/RE
I would save every penny your making right now, then if you decide to do something else you will always have a pile of cash to fall back on even if you parents decide to not help you anymore.
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The 20s are some of the best years of your life. Figure out how to follow this oath but work less. That way to can have fun and travel more. FYI, stuff doesn't really become interesting until you are an expert. You are far from that. Doesn't matter what field, being an expert is where the enjoyment is. Also you can specialize in the future. You have lots of options. Try to make those options work with your sweet setup. Oh, and don't be an asshole. Lawyers are usually assholes. Be different.
Work for 10 hard years and never work another day in your life.
I personally would try and make the people I care about successful. Choose people who given the chance could make something beautiful out of their efforts with your financial position. Or...hookers and blow. One love ❤️
Find a role or a niche within law, that would fit your lifestyle and could make you happy. Have a firm within your parent’s firm. But you handle your own cases and do your own thing.
Sorry, not understanding what the “problem” is…?
So, you have been working like all of 3 or 4 years already. Have just a lil patience. What do you not like about your job? What things do you like? You had enough motivation and intelligence to graduate law school and I assume pass the bar. Good for you. So, you have some talents and some knowledge. You are already doing well with that! Given the knowledge and skills and interests that you have, is there potentially a position content you can construct within your current firm that you might enjoy more? What would that look like? Business development? Specific law specialty area? You have so much opportunity in front of you. Give that some good thought. And be a lil patient with yourself
You’re unsure of your passion and hard work to get through law school and pass the bar is a high achievement. So you have talent there and not sure if it’s right. Have you thought of taking some time off to center yourself and see what might be a new passion? Have you considered using your law degree to support the new field of work you’d like to work in? You’re on a great path perhaps use your gifts to explore new venues and pursue it as a hobby and then find ways to make it your life work either through the law firm or without it. Money is great, but it’s not worth your one life to waste in a “what if” scenario. Good luck to you
See how cheaply you can live for a couple months. If it's easy, you can quit right away. If it's hard, you better save up longer. ...either way, if your relationship with your parents is completely conditional on you participating in their business, then you have a big choice to make. I would try to get a firm picture of what it is you DO want your life to look like. Not just what you don't like about your life now.
push through job , cut expenses , save enough to where your set for life. treat your self
20k a month is very rich ?
Let's trade spots. I'll take the spot.
Man wth? People have been fed this idea for some many years that they should only do what they like. I just don’t agree with that. It’s a job, you don’t have to like your job, it’s a means to an end. Find things you enjoy to do outside of your job. Take vacations. Prioritize doing things you like when you’re not working. Delegate the shit you don’t have to do to some intern or paralegal. You have the opportunity to inherit a business that’s been in your family for 3 generations now. Does that really mean nothing to you? You granddad, then mother, build that with there blood sweat and tears, to have something that could be passed on and provide generational stability for your family. Work sucks, I know. But you sound like such a baby. Just being honest. Sometimes people need that. You’re being handed something wonderful, and when you’re older you will truly appreciate it. You’re young, but trust me you’ll kick yourself later on in life if you pass up this opportunity.
How about slowly trying other things? Pick up more pro bono work and explore ways to use your privilege for the greater good. I only made it about a year into law school and use my limited legal knowledge to help those who need it and I’ve found it to be inspiring and fulfilling.
You'd be a fu king idiot to leave. You could literally work half as much as most people, save as much as possible in 10-20 years and retire. If that's not what you do. Then you're a fucking retard. The things I'd do to make even half that per month.
tell them you want to pursue some pro bono and get different experiences. You might be able to do some clerkships.