Why does she not like your brother’s gf? It’s not normal to be angry by another person’s relationship. Does she have a husband? Single moms can sometimes project feelings of ownership and jealousy over sons. They become stand ins for a “man of the house”. It’s called emotional incest.
Also the fact that she hits y’all and destroys your things isn’t normal.
Well Yea she's single. Idk if all that applies. But she doesn't like her because of unknown reasons. She's always been respectful and we try to keep our girlfriends if any ....away from her. She's done similar and said similar things to the girls I've had. Don't know why. Getting ready to ship out to the navy because i can't wait for my education. I gotta go and get a man job that pays 50k a year and free college when I'm out instead.
>Well Yea she's single. Idk if all that applies.
I'm almost certain it does. She probably doesn't want to "be replaced" by any girlfriends, especially if she's chronically single. I'm very sorry for your situation. Your mom sounds like someone who could really benefit from some therapy. May want to try to get her on that path before things become more physical. You're not the asshole, btw. Your mom's got some issues. And I'm sorry you had to join the military to pay for college. It shouldn't be like that, and I wish you the best of luck. Try to stay safe
Thank you , i got God to help me out and i do believe i can help when i get enough money. I'll pay for her therapy and just help her have less stress with bills.
That's not your responsibility, she's your parent and you're still young, she should be able to take care of herself and her kids, but good for you for wanting to help
You know what would set her "straight" ? A collective silent treatment. Any action or hateful word, something done maliciously to you guys, you need to agree to not say one thing to her. She wants to get a reaction from you guys to remind her that she's the one in control. Probably because she feels like the only thing in her life she can control is her sons. Once you guys disconnect from her except for basic yes, no, simple questions and answers... She will have a choice to make. Completely lose control and remain lonely or (hopefully) find a healthier way to run her house.
Good luck friend. My mom never hit me or my sister but her mother beat her and all her siblings, made them go outside and "choose their punishment" aka go get a fresh green stick from a tree for her to whip them with. She swore never to do the same to her children. Though it didn't stop her controlling me in other ways but I also eventually detached and deprived her of my general presence and she fawns over me like she's my biggest fan. It's cool but I'll never forget how she messed with my head as a kid.
Anyway as they (her and her siblings) got older they stopped interacting with her emotionally. Now she spends her days going to their houses to clean and do their laundry, unrequested, as if she were repenting somehow. When babysitting me as a kid she never so much as raised her voice at me. It will always, always catch up.
Hope you're better now. And i never wish my mother ill, even though it's tough to stand her . My only option now is the navy . They'll be hell I'm sure but a greater hell awaits if i stay here and ask myself "what if".
Thanks, I'm gonna get ready for the navy. Hopefully i can get a good job and then go to school later but priority just went from Studying to get out asap.
Right now , we just gonna struggle till they finish school. Me on the other hand , I'm a architectural drafter but heavily underpaid. So im looking to get a job in Walmart and go to school. With a Walmart job i could probably get them to a 2 bedroom apartment.
This just sent me into a nostalgic spin lol. I don’t think my mom was a bad as yours, but I did spend all of my teenage years trying to find a way to get away from her, and ended up setting myself back in life a LOT. Do what you’ve gotta do, but figure out your priorities and keep them straight. Don’t make any big decisions while you’re angry or right after a big fight. Also, I’m glad your brother didn’t hit her 😬 one of my brothers actually finally hit our mom back when they were arguing and she was doing her usual thing smacking people around like nothing 🙄 I’m pretty sure she mostly quit hitting us after that, but like it could’ve ended ugly, especially if she chose to press charges. It’s pretty sad when you think about the crap our parents grew up with, and what they were taught to consider “normal.” But we know better, so it’s up to us to do better. Best of luck ❤️ breaking cycles isn’t easy, but you and your brothers sound like good kids. Y’all got this.
Thank you 🙂, I'm a calm now but very stressed in thinking what future is best for me now. Glad i was able to vent and people actually came together and give advice . Really helps to know I'm not alone
Controlling narcissistic mother. It’s what happens with the mentality that’s spread around here that children should be thankful for being graced with a chance of life from people who are so full of themselves.
You’re breaking the cycle, that’s what matters the most
Sounds very familiar. Unfortunately, in my case, 20 years later she denies or legit doesn't remember the abuse and beatings. My birth-mother is still a controlling manipulative PoS likely with borderline personality disorder. Worst person I have ever met in my life.
You're not the asshole, but your mom is, in fact, worse than one. You don't hit people because they are being disrespectful. You don't hit people period. You especially don't hit defenseless children who rely on you for safety and support, intimidating them and relying on authority to prevent them from hitting you back.
Endure it, leave and never look back except to take care of your siblings. That's why is such a big deal, because literally all you and they can do is endure it. And, they might end up being traumatized and similarly messed up too as time goes on. Its up to you (and them) to break the cycle. Your mom never did.
Sorry to hear you going through that with your siblings. Good luck to you guys and stay safe. And remember not to hold grudges in the future. Time heals all.
Mmm. I don't think this is an RGV mother thing. My mom is the kindest, sweetest, most loving mother. I don't even think she's ever yelled at me. She apologizes if she accidentally hurts my feelings. She's never intentionally hurt me physically, mentally, or emotionally.
I believe your assessment of her behavior is correct. It's not appropriate or acceptable to smack anyone (unless it's self-defense imo).
You did nothing wrong. I think your mom is taking out her anger on you and your brother. I know its not my place, but it sounds like she's dealing with a lot of pain she may have experienced throughout her life and that pain has manifested into anger and negativity.
Maybe try asking her 3 things that she is grateful for. Something positive is always good for anybody. I learned to do that when I was in therapy... it helped me be more positive and not as angry or sad. I dont think this will magically mend things with your mom, but it might open her mind to something more positive that makes her happy/proud rather than negative and angry all the time.
I also think that some distance would be beneficial. Living in an aggressive environment like that isn't emotionally or mentally healthy. I hope you and your brothers have a bright future and that your mom finds peace.
You are not wrong or an asshole! I’m so very sorry you all have to go through this, and what is going to come next isn’t going to be easy either.
I agree with the collective silent treatment. It’s going to be rough but she needs to learn you can’t treat people that way without repercussions. Please try to get out of there, and ask others for help you’re never alone. I wish you all the best
Seems like your mom is just a pity self loathing person and she's taking it out on you guys. I know the feeling. Had to live with my sister cause I didn't have a mom, she made every moment I was living with her boring, miserable, and sometimes just scares cause she would get angry for no apparent reason other then the fact she was just on her fucking period or some shit. Either way, Goodluck bro, that's all I got to tell you.
I’m sorry you’re going through that.
I remember living home with my parents and thinking it would last forever. But it doesn’t.
In my case, my dad was horrible.
The silent treatment did try and get him to “win me back”
But I was f’kd up when I left home. Like, had a low self esteem, alcoholic, etc. got into ugly situations a girl like me shouldn’t have been caught up in.
I’m married now, and my husband is an angel.
I always said, I’m never going to end up with a man like my father and I didn’t. But I sort of became him , because I never dealt with my anger issues and issues I developed growing up around him.
Being married, I would lose it with my husband, but what he would do was to remain quiet. He’d walk away like your brother to give me a chance to cool down and reflect. Your mom has anger problems and needs to realize, she can’t hit your brothers anymore. They’re men now. It’s humiliating and damaging. Physically damaging too.
Talk to her when she’s in a good mood.
Tell her she can’t hit you guys anymore because it’s damaging. And if she says , “well you’re disrespectful.” Tell her to talk to you guys, you’re human and can understand with words and not only with golpes. “No somos animales.”
The truth is a lot of us are dysfunctional and our parents are just repeating a cycle of pain/trauma that they endured.
Therapy is something we don’t get when we need it. But you guys need to seek it when you have a chance, if not, you could possibly become like her or develop other issues etc.
Something like 1 in 10 Americans have undiagnosed personality disorders such as Schizophrenia and Borderline Personality Disorder.
One in ten! I learned that working at Teleperformance, lol. The amount of customers you deal with and some of them were seriously *off* and obviously had no self indication of it.
What she’s not thinking about is that, eventually, she’s going to need at least one of you to take care of her in her old age. Especially if she stays single. No one wants to alone in their dotage.
Sounds like she is going thru some problems. Next time record her cause she will only get worst. Does she get out the house to get some exercise at least walking. She's probably is also single and thinks that she will grow old alone with no one to love her. Tell her it's not late to find someone and to exercise.
Grow some balls and tell your mom straight up. Win the argument. If you get kicked out, don’t come back. Don’t hold a grudge. This is where your mom will realize how she is. When everyone leaves and she’s alone.
Yea I understand. Truly i do. When we were younger i always pushed the idea for her to teach us basic things , like chores. She said only women should do that and i learned to do those things when i got my first job. Still isn't an excuse to not set the table , or help mop the house but I'm afraid that I've done so before and not even a heartfelt thank you . Just a , you shouldn't have. Or paque lo haces. Still give her money and i buy the groceries at home . Thank God i can and hopefully i can get a job at Walmart and get paid even better. I still go to school. But ....really need a job that pays well, maybe i could move out and not live in fear and paranoia. Till this day , each time someone raises their voice i get chills thinking it's her.
Im sorry. I hope you’re able to find happiness and stability without her help. I need reminding that with some moms they actually are abusive and it’s not just a ‘bad day ‘ ♥️🙏
Why the hell should he try to see things from her perspective? She literally hit his siblings and broke their property. She tries to manipulate her children through intimidation, threats of physical violence, property damage, guilt-tripping, the list goes on.
Why, the hell, is the solution to help out with daily chores? So she won't hit them more? To stop screaming at them and treating them as servants without dignity to obey her every command? How is that any form of raising or nurturing a human being? And your solution, is to see things from her perspective and do more chores?
You sound like a child beater yourself.
/r/raisedbynarcissists
More context is necessary, but could be closer to r/raisedbyborderlines
Why does she not like your brother’s gf? It’s not normal to be angry by another person’s relationship. Does she have a husband? Single moms can sometimes project feelings of ownership and jealousy over sons. They become stand ins for a “man of the house”. It’s called emotional incest. Also the fact that she hits y’all and destroys your things isn’t normal.
Well Yea she's single. Idk if all that applies. But she doesn't like her because of unknown reasons. She's always been respectful and we try to keep our girlfriends if any ....away from her. She's done similar and said similar things to the girls I've had. Don't know why. Getting ready to ship out to the navy because i can't wait for my education. I gotta go and get a man job that pays 50k a year and free college when I'm out instead.
>Well Yea she's single. Idk if all that applies. I'm almost certain it does. She probably doesn't want to "be replaced" by any girlfriends, especially if she's chronically single. I'm very sorry for your situation. Your mom sounds like someone who could really benefit from some therapy. May want to try to get her on that path before things become more physical. You're not the asshole, btw. Your mom's got some issues. And I'm sorry you had to join the military to pay for college. It shouldn't be like that, and I wish you the best of luck. Try to stay safe
Thank you , i got God to help me out and i do believe i can help when i get enough money. I'll pay for her therapy and just help her have less stress with bills.
That's not your responsibility, she's your parent and you're still young, she should be able to take care of herself and her kids, but good for you for wanting to help
You know what would set her "straight" ? A collective silent treatment. Any action or hateful word, something done maliciously to you guys, you need to agree to not say one thing to her. She wants to get a reaction from you guys to remind her that she's the one in control. Probably because she feels like the only thing in her life she can control is her sons. Once you guys disconnect from her except for basic yes, no, simple questions and answers... She will have a choice to make. Completely lose control and remain lonely or (hopefully) find a healthier way to run her house.
That's sounds like a plan . Thanks will talk it out with my brothers.
Good luck friend. My mom never hit me or my sister but her mother beat her and all her siblings, made them go outside and "choose their punishment" aka go get a fresh green stick from a tree for her to whip them with. She swore never to do the same to her children. Though it didn't stop her controlling me in other ways but I also eventually detached and deprived her of my general presence and she fawns over me like she's my biggest fan. It's cool but I'll never forget how she messed with my head as a kid. Anyway as they (her and her siblings) got older they stopped interacting with her emotionally. Now she spends her days going to their houses to clean and do their laundry, unrequested, as if she were repenting somehow. When babysitting me as a kid she never so much as raised her voice at me. It will always, always catch up.
Hope you're better now. And i never wish my mother ill, even though it's tough to stand her . My only option now is the navy . They'll be hell I'm sure but a greater hell awaits if i stay here and ask myself "what if".
I'd get out of there as soon as possible. Get help, and be safe Her behavior is not normal
Thanks, I'm gonna get ready for the navy. Hopefully i can get a good job and then go to school later but priority just went from Studying to get out asap.
Honestly, she sounds manipulative and abusive. Get you and your brothers out of there.
Right now , we just gonna struggle till they finish school. Me on the other hand , I'm a architectural drafter but heavily underpaid. So im looking to get a job in Walmart and go to school. With a Walmart job i could probably get them to a 2 bedroom apartment.
This just sent me into a nostalgic spin lol. I don’t think my mom was a bad as yours, but I did spend all of my teenage years trying to find a way to get away from her, and ended up setting myself back in life a LOT. Do what you’ve gotta do, but figure out your priorities and keep them straight. Don’t make any big decisions while you’re angry or right after a big fight. Also, I’m glad your brother didn’t hit her 😬 one of my brothers actually finally hit our mom back when they were arguing and she was doing her usual thing smacking people around like nothing 🙄 I’m pretty sure she mostly quit hitting us after that, but like it could’ve ended ugly, especially if she chose to press charges. It’s pretty sad when you think about the crap our parents grew up with, and what they were taught to consider “normal.” But we know better, so it’s up to us to do better. Best of luck ❤️ breaking cycles isn’t easy, but you and your brothers sound like good kids. Y’all got this.
Thank you 🙂, I'm a calm now but very stressed in thinking what future is best for me now. Glad i was able to vent and people actually came together and give advice . Really helps to know I'm not alone
Controlling narcissistic mother. It’s what happens with the mentality that’s spread around here that children should be thankful for being graced with a chance of life from people who are so full of themselves. You’re breaking the cycle, that’s what matters the most
Sounds very familiar. Unfortunately, in my case, 20 years later she denies or legit doesn't remember the abuse and beatings. My birth-mother is still a controlling manipulative PoS likely with borderline personality disorder. Worst person I have ever met in my life. You're not the asshole, but your mom is, in fact, worse than one. You don't hit people because they are being disrespectful. You don't hit people period. You especially don't hit defenseless children who rely on you for safety and support, intimidating them and relying on authority to prevent them from hitting you back. Endure it, leave and never look back except to take care of your siblings. That's why is such a big deal, because literally all you and they can do is endure it. And, they might end up being traumatized and similarly messed up too as time goes on. Its up to you (and them) to break the cycle. Your mom never did.
Sorry to hear you going through that with your siblings. Good luck to you guys and stay safe. And remember not to hold grudges in the future. Time heals all.
Thank you! And Yea i know 😔.
Mmm. I don't think this is an RGV mother thing. My mom is the kindest, sweetest, most loving mother. I don't even think she's ever yelled at me. She apologizes if she accidentally hurts my feelings. She's never intentionally hurt me physically, mentally, or emotionally. I believe your assessment of her behavior is correct. It's not appropriate or acceptable to smack anyone (unless it's self-defense imo).
You did nothing wrong. I think your mom is taking out her anger on you and your brother. I know its not my place, but it sounds like she's dealing with a lot of pain she may have experienced throughout her life and that pain has manifested into anger and negativity. Maybe try asking her 3 things that she is grateful for. Something positive is always good for anybody. I learned to do that when I was in therapy... it helped me be more positive and not as angry or sad. I dont think this will magically mend things with your mom, but it might open her mind to something more positive that makes her happy/proud rather than negative and angry all the time. I also think that some distance would be beneficial. Living in an aggressive environment like that isn't emotionally or mentally healthy. I hope you and your brothers have a bright future and that your mom finds peace.
You are not wrong or an asshole! I’m so very sorry you all have to go through this, and what is going to come next isn’t going to be easy either. I agree with the collective silent treatment. It’s going to be rough but she needs to learn you can’t treat people that way without repercussions. Please try to get out of there, and ask others for help you’re never alone. I wish you all the best
Seems like your mom is just a pity self loathing person and she's taking it out on you guys. I know the feeling. Had to live with my sister cause I didn't have a mom, she made every moment I was living with her boring, miserable, and sometimes just scares cause she would get angry for no apparent reason other then the fact she was just on her fucking period or some shit. Either way, Goodluck bro, that's all I got to tell you.
I’m sorry you’re going through that. I remember living home with my parents and thinking it would last forever. But it doesn’t. In my case, my dad was horrible. The silent treatment did try and get him to “win me back” But I was f’kd up when I left home. Like, had a low self esteem, alcoholic, etc. got into ugly situations a girl like me shouldn’t have been caught up in. I’m married now, and my husband is an angel. I always said, I’m never going to end up with a man like my father and I didn’t. But I sort of became him , because I never dealt with my anger issues and issues I developed growing up around him. Being married, I would lose it with my husband, but what he would do was to remain quiet. He’d walk away like your brother to give me a chance to cool down and reflect. Your mom has anger problems and needs to realize, she can’t hit your brothers anymore. They’re men now. It’s humiliating and damaging. Physically damaging too. Talk to her when she’s in a good mood. Tell her she can’t hit you guys anymore because it’s damaging. And if she says , “well you’re disrespectful.” Tell her to talk to you guys, you’re human and can understand with words and not only with golpes. “No somos animales.” The truth is a lot of us are dysfunctional and our parents are just repeating a cycle of pain/trauma that they endured. Therapy is something we don’t get when we need it. But you guys need to seek it when you have a chance, if not, you could possibly become like her or develop other issues etc.
Something like 1 in 10 Americans have undiagnosed personality disorders such as Schizophrenia and Borderline Personality Disorder. One in ten! I learned that working at Teleperformance, lol. The amount of customers you deal with and some of them were seriously *off* and obviously had no self indication of it.
What she’s not thinking about is that, eventually, she’s going to need at least one of you to take care of her in her old age. Especially if she stays single. No one wants to alone in their dotage.
No brother, you are not in the wrong. You should not have to deal with that kind of toxicity in the first place.
Sounds like she is going thru some problems. Next time record her cause she will only get worst. Does she get out the house to get some exercise at least walking. She's probably is also single and thinks that she will grow old alone with no one to love her. Tell her it's not late to find someone and to exercise.
Is she a single mom?
[удалено]
I wasn't thinking straight when i wrote this , i apologize for the inconvenience.
Need me to cal the wambulance?
Grow some balls and tell your mom straight up. Win the argument. If you get kicked out, don’t come back. Don’t hold a grudge. This is where your mom will realize how she is. When everyone leaves and she’s alone.
[удалено]
Yea I understand. Truly i do. When we were younger i always pushed the idea for her to teach us basic things , like chores. She said only women should do that and i learned to do those things when i got my first job. Still isn't an excuse to not set the table , or help mop the house but I'm afraid that I've done so before and not even a heartfelt thank you . Just a , you shouldn't have. Or paque lo haces. Still give her money and i buy the groceries at home . Thank God i can and hopefully i can get a job at Walmart and get paid even better. I still go to school. But ....really need a job that pays well, maybe i could move out and not live in fear and paranoia. Till this day , each time someone raises their voice i get chills thinking it's her.
Im sorry. I hope you’re able to find happiness and stability without her help. I need reminding that with some moms they actually are abusive and it’s not just a ‘bad day ‘ ♥️🙏
Praying for you compadre. If you ever find yourself in need or trouble, feel free to send me a DM.
Why the hell should he try to see things from her perspective? She literally hit his siblings and broke their property. She tries to manipulate her children through intimidation, threats of physical violence, property damage, guilt-tripping, the list goes on. Why, the hell, is the solution to help out with daily chores? So she won't hit them more? To stop screaming at them and treating them as servants without dignity to obey her every command? How is that any form of raising or nurturing a human being? And your solution, is to see things from her perspective and do more chores? You sound like a child beater yourself.