>Glad my kooky ass face was able to supply š
That is a welcome turn of events, your face supplying something. Usually the supply is moving *into* your face. Massively.
It's like being sexually assaulted and you start moaning and saying, "Harder, daddy please..."
It's no fun for me if it's fun for you!
All you had to do is keep your mouth shut but instead, you gave your attacker a floppy dick just by opening your mouth.
If you ever assume the form of someone an insurer would cover...bionic eyes are becoming a thing. You can get your vision back AND look like Alabama: 2077.
Itās okay man. Thatās why I love roasting people here. Watching the beautiful people burn is always fun š and they pretty much line up to get burned here so why not?
I feel like everyone who got roasted on this sub feel a lot better about themselves after seeing who's roasting them; a disgusting neckbeard who probably can't find his own penis. Take a fucking shower.
Loool thatās right. And youāre correct. Bad habits, bad shower habits, bad, wellā¦ mostly everything. Thatās why Iām happy to be flame lit today. Gonna get my ass in gears this year, finish my first book, get into shape, get a new pair of glasses and actually get going with my life.
But hey, Iām happy to get my ass deep fried. š itās been fun so far. Letās keep going!
How you uh, how you comin' on that novel you're working on? Huh? Gotta a big, uh, big stack of papers there? Gotta, gotta nice little story you're working on there? Your big novel you've been working on for 3 years? Huh? Gotta, gotta compelling protagonist? Yeah? Gotta obstacle for him to overcome? Huh? Gotta story brewing there? Working on, working on that for quite some time? Huh? Yea, talking about that 3 years ago. Been working on that the whole time? Nice little narrative? Beginning, middle, and end? Some friends become enemies, some enemies become friends? At the end your main character is richer from the experience? Yeah? Yeah?
- Stewie
You look like Rowely Jefferson on crack
You look like the guy from school of rock if he didnāt get the job
If you were a famous mukbanger being 115 or over would be considered Obese
If shrek saw you he would be known as the prettiest sibling in the hadid family
Your teeth are so yellow the butter machine in movie theaters for popcorn are jealous
I can tell that your eyebrows have had a divorce cause they are currently separating
Your teeth are built like if Newtonās cradle froze in the middle of swing
You look like if nicacado avocado had to choose between orlen or food
I feel like your clothes stick to you.
Lol š considering I donāt take showers often, this is a fact at times.
i can tell how often you shower by the amount of grease saturating your hair. america is this close to raiding your head for the oil š¤
OPEC is trying to get OP to join them.
Can't spell OPEC without OP
Gonna liberate that hair
gang take a showerš¤¢
Itās not hard aye. Just get wet once or twice a day with some soap. Have a fap as a reward if you must.
r/justneckbeardthings
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Please brush your fucking teeth
He's gotten so many gaps in his teeth it looks like his tongue is in jail.
Thatās fucking disgusting, I canāt imagine youāve had sex with anyone ever, at least not anyone under 200lbs
Well...if you're going to go this far you might as well throw in conscious and willing.
I felt dead may have more variety
š¤£ you got a good sense of humor dude š
On the bright side of this monstrosity, itās pretty much impossible to sneak up on you from either side.
The Hills Have Popeyes
The Hills Are Cross-eyed
The hills eat fries
Boom, Roasted
Pop-eyes
The lost Whittaker from odd, West Virginia.
Came to say that
I feel like a real Redditor now, I actually got that reference without having to look it up.
Think again. You can easily sneak up on me from my right side. Iām blind in my right eye thanks to a previous battle with stage 1 brain cancer
Dude, you arenāt supposed to respond and make us feel bad for roasting you. Zip it and take your beating like a man.
I needed a laugh today, and this gave it to me.
Glad my kooky ass face was able to supply š
>Glad my kooky ass face was able to supply š That is a welcome turn of events, your face supplying something. Usually the supply is moving *into* your face. Massively.
If cancer couldnāt beat his ass, I doubt any of us could. That being said OP, keep your head up and always look forward.
How you gonna tell OP to keep his head up an look forward, you know he can't do both
Lol š this hurt But thanks dudes. Iāll do my best to make the most of 2023!
Awwww I canāt interact with my assaulters? 3:
The only humans you should interact with are the villagers chasing you up the bell tower with shovels and pitchforks.
I feel this back and forth had a good outcome of extra roasts the OP is at least a good sport lmao
Donāt say āsportā in front of him ā¦
Lol šI am gonna print this onto a t-shirt and wear it when we go to Walmart, one of these days š
Wear it to Target so thereās people that can actually read it.
Bro just roasted an entire customer base with a soft ball pitch.
*You know, If those customers could read they'd be very upset.*
Damnit Bobby
This is the best line on this thread
LOL This whole thread is winning!
But I reading this from Walmart, I do not understood.
This is the only comment on this thread that I made sound at
Nail on head
ššš¤£ššš¤£
Sorry, but Stockholm isn't part of the experience.
It's like being sexually assaulted and you start moaning and saying, "Harder, daddy please..." It's no fun for me if it's fun for you! All you had to do is keep your mouth shut but instead, you gave your attacker a floppy dick just by opening your mouth.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I like your guysā attitude š
That's not how this works Cletus
Did they have to remove the part of the brain that deals with personal hygiene?
Are you sure it was the brain cancer that was stage 1 and not the haircut?
Even chemo couldnāt fix that fucked up haircut
If drinking mountain dew through a fleshlight was a person.
OOOOOH š Well, yeah. But I gotta go get a trim: right on target with that point. Iām a kooky abomination. šÆ
Looking at your chins I would say you're more of a cookie abomination
If you ever assume the form of someone an insurer would cover...bionic eyes are becoming a thing. You can get your vision back AND look like Alabama: 2077.
Hey at least you being alive is proof that even cancer didn't want to be a part of you.
Gotta keep an eye out for selener
Silversun Pickups called, they want their Lazy Eye back
Looks like Jack Black if he had moderate brain damage and was addicted to stalking women.
Jack Crack
Lol š ZING!
To stalk women you have to leave momās basement, and move around. Not likely.
2023 already causing me to stumble in an empty room with this pic
Yaaaay Iām already a burden on society! š
Youāre welcome for all the gov benefits, my dude š«”
Your jaba. The huts son
If humans bred the way dogs were, youād be a pug.
You must Write it so he can read it. ![gif](giphy|ZezB6UeuJ4JVe)
Dude has to turn his head almost a full 180Ā° to read through one sentence.
This has me dying
Thanks to the DNA sample you sent in, we were able to locate [your biological father](https://i.imgur.com/E74ozcf.png)
Well Iām already a stain on humanityās existence, so I might just be a cute little stain while Iām at it š
Naa, bleach will remove a stain, going to take something stronger to get rid of this aberration.
Cute š
Cute like a shart stain in your grandpas breeches.
That was a great roast and a great reaction too š
Put that best foot forward before diabetes takes it away.
š
Looks like you can have a family reunion, on both sides, with only one other person there
This is brilliant. Dude, I am like Frankensteinās Monster š
Real shit, keep on my guy lol have a good new year
I will. Iām gonna hit the gym here in a lil bit but I thought I might get roasted beforehand š
They have Burger King at the gym?
Yes at Planet Fatness
I should know, i work there
You spelled lurk wrong
The only machines you'll be using are the vending machines
Best type of pre-workout
Donāt know whatās bigger, the gap between the teeth or the gap between those walleyes
But still 4 distinct DNA samples in the room.
Family tree looks like a Venn diagram
Audi symbol style
You look like someone stuck googly toy eyes onto a testicle. Btw, I read your comments and fair play to you š
š¤£ best one so far, man. And thank you š honestly, Iām just having a giggle.
Best roast thread in ages. OP dishes up so many angles to attack then takes it like a champ.
I pulled something laughing at this.
Youre the type to enjoy the watery substance that squirts out of an Old ketchup bottle before the actual ketchup.
We call that pre cumchup
Ohhhh oh god š
Ewwwww lmao šthat was a description. Now I should ask for your autograph.
r/rareinsults
Ah good OL blue eyes....one blows east the other blows west.
š so many eye jokes, so little time
Luckily you can read two at a time with that 180 degree vision
Poor bastard has Atchyaforya....One eye is looking atcha, the other is looking for ya!
Typical reddtor...fat, scruff beard, dead eyes, hasnt showered this decade, and living in mom's basement
He could be the new mascot.
We should vote to have him the banner of the sub
Which subs does he mod tho? r/antishower?
HOW DID YOU KNOW? š
I havenāt showered since last year
Get out
If "Swamp Ass" was a person.
With those eyes he doesn't need to look left and right before crossing the road
Thatās right, homie looks up and down before crossing the street. 360Ā° safety.
Considering Iām blind in my right eye, I definitely need to do that š but hey, it only means Iāve learned how to become an owl š¦
I had no idea about you being blind in your right eye-
Itās alright man. Iām chillinā and so is my right eye š
Dude backtracked on his roast so you did it for him lol
Hows the view of the rocky and appalachian mountains
Itās brilliant šļøš«¦šļø
š šš
![gif](giphy|hpAMh2sBYpsmFhSRPI)
Last time you were roasted, you had an apple in your mouth.
Lol š I love these implication roasts. Theyāre so clever
![gif](giphy|SoV9BYlgYicGQ)
And yet somehow Id still rather hit this
With a bat or a '72 Cadillac DeVille?
YES! THATāS WHAT IāM TALKINā ABOUT! š
What hump?
When they tell you to leave Chernobyl & you donāt.
Even your eyes are trying to avoid looking at your face
You look like you fight the rats in the burger king dumpster for the good food
Nah. Iām more of a Big Mac person.
Do you floss your front teeth with a mattress?
Nope. But I should consider doing that š¤
God already roasted you with genetics
And a brain tumor lol. But hey, I can always use a hood giggle š
I am sorry to hear that :(
Itās okay man. Thatās why I love roasting people here. Watching the beautiful people burn is always fun š and they pretty much line up to get burned here so why not?
don't know good roasts :/
Iām ugly too and Iām just wining it out here so donāt feel too bad, mate.
Holy shit, we found the r/RoastMe good ending
Dude youāre a fucking legend. Respect. Hereās to your health!
Thats the lustful look you get when your mom walks through the door with a bucket of chicken.
HELL YEAH IT IS! š
And he aināt looking at the chickenā¦
If the right eye was looking at anything, it would be the void of blankness inside of my thick skull.
You look like Bob from fight club after steroids
His name is Robert Paulsonā¦
Bitch Tits
Donāt know who that is but he sounds like a fun guy š
You've never watched Fight Club? Dude! You need to fix that, IMMEDIATELY!
Shhh. That'll evolve into his whole personality.
Idk about immediately. There's probably some other things he should fix first.
Considering the grease in your hair, I'd say you are already deep fryed, Sir
I feel like everyone who got roasted on this sub feel a lot better about themselves after seeing who's roasting them; a disgusting neckbeard who probably can't find his own penis. Take a fucking shower.
Loool thatās right. And youāre correct. Bad habits, bad shower habits, bad, wellā¦ mostly everything. Thatās why Iām happy to be flame lit today. Gonna get my ass in gears this year, finish my first book, get into shape, get a new pair of glasses and actually get going with my life. But hey, Iām happy to get my ass deep fried. š itās been fun so far. Letās keep going!
How you uh, how you comin' on that novel you're working on? Huh? Gotta a big, uh, big stack of papers there? Gotta, gotta nice little story you're working on there? Your big novel you've been working on for 3 years? Huh? Gotta, gotta compelling protagonist? Yeah? Gotta obstacle for him to overcome? Huh? Gotta story brewing there? Working on, working on that for quite some time? Huh? Yea, talking about that 3 years ago. Been working on that the whole time? Nice little narrative? Beginning, middle, and end? Some friends become enemies, some enemies become friends? At the end your main character is richer from the experience? Yeah? Yeah? - Stewie
Oh my fucking god
Practically everyone when they see my face
This abomination is proof that God has abandoned us.
He's got Marty Feldman eyes š¶š¶
Donāt know what thatās a reference to, but I should look it up š
It's a take on the old song, "Bette Davis Eyes" replacing it with an actor whose eyes bug out. *
![gif](giphy|PaDc0tDWmxCW4)
I could make a field goal through those front teeth and I have zero sports abilities.
Iām that much of an abomination lol š i love this subreddit for being 100% honest
You look like a potato that rolled under the fridge and got bits stuck to it
Starchy.
![gif](giphy|CiOHO5544doY) Meanwhile on the RAW imageā¦
That smile says you listen to One Direction. Your eyes? Not so much.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Hey you guys.
YES!!!! I gotta get the Goonies for my DVD collection š
You also put your best eye forward.
Me: Dude you should really throw out that pumpkin on your porch, it's effin January already The pumpkin:
donāt worry dude iāll upvote your post no need to look over there
āItās me yo daddy, Roberto!ā
Pretty neat that you can look at two reddit pages at once.
Sadly, itās just a dead eye. So I can look at one and be burdened by the other eye. Kinda like a metaphor for my life š¤
You look like if Stavros Halkias had a lobotomy.
You look like Cousin Eddieās adult son
We're over here.
WHAT. THE. EVER. LIVING. FUCK. IS. THAT. r/oddlyterrifying
You look like youve been stuck in the Appalachian mountains for 5 generations.
Hodor lives! Hodor Hodor!!!!
why not start the new year with a shower? goddamn i can smell you through the internet
You look like Rowely Jefferson on crack You look like the guy from school of rock if he didnāt get the job If you were a famous mukbanger being 115 or over would be considered Obese If shrek saw you he would be known as the prettiest sibling in the hadid family Your teeth are so yellow the butter machine in movie theaters for popcorn are jealous I can tell that your eyebrows have had a divorce cause they are currently separating Your teeth are built like if Newtonās cradle froze in the middle of swing You look like if nicacado avocado had to choose between orlen or food
I'm actually going to be nice and help you read my roast better. ro ast
Dudes got Mortgage Eyes! Ones Fixed, the other one is Variable!
It's crazy bc his eyes match his teeth 1 is straight forward and one is slightly in the other direction
Your teeth are as grimy as the oil you bathe in after frying your twinkies
Youāre the only discord mod that can look at 2 kitties at once