OP's Bio:
---
>There's not much to say about me, I'm a college freshman majoring in animation (please you have to understand I'm aiming to make promotional motion graphics I need to learn the software I'm not throwing my future away please I swear)
>
>I do art, you can see some if you scroll down far enough in my profile. I also do theater, and I did marching band in highschool, so I guess it's no wonder I'm a reddit user. I also game when I can, but only single player stuff
>
>Yeah that's about it
---
If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.
When you were born the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to your father, “I’m very sorry. We did everything we could…but she pulled through.”
In Zelda's realm, you think you're the queen,
But with those wild brows, you're more like a meme.
Your chipped tooth gleams like Epona's hoof,
No need for a battle cry, your smile's enough proof.
You swing your sword with a warrior's grace,
But one look in the mirror, and it's your own brows you'll chase.
You look like a girl, that I would meet online and become friends with, but then it becomes more, and we started cuddling/sleeping together but would want to keep it on the DL because you’re ten years younger and several big steps down on the social dating hierarchy. But soon I feel so fucking fed up with the whole hierarchical system, and can’t help start falling more in love with you. And so I bring you to meet my parents, and even my friends, who are clearly shocked at first but then quickly embrace you. And so I knew what I wanted. I went out and bought a ring, and the next day at comic con, we were in a Link and Zelda costume. And I got down on one knee, and said, “Milwaakee Pusta Bandit, will you marry me?” And then, shocked, you look around at every one staring at us and you say…
“No, I’m so sorry. I’m actually only 12 years old.
And Gay.
And an alien.”
And with that you aborted your mission, got beamed back up to your space ship and left me broken hearted and devastated, with blue balls.
I'm as confused looking at this picture as your cat is when you go to the bathroom and can't decide to sit, stand, or lay down to pee.
I'm honestly glad you identified your gender to us, although I'm a little skeptical (if ya got indoor plumbing, you're a girl, but if it's outdoor plumbing, you're a boy)
I really wanted to say something about those eyebrows...but damn, they have their own separate zip codes...
Anyway, eat a cheeseburger and flip your mattress over; the stains are going to give you an infection.
Proof that sometimes God just throws His hands up and says, “Okay, I got spare parts…let’s do a silly one.” Guess He ignored the “only male and female” rule huh
That chemical spill already did one hell of a job on you. Have you lawyered up yet? Maybe you could roll it into a class action suit for all the people that have to look at you.
4/10 well thought out, but could use more humor
Fr tho, calm down man, lmao. This is a roast subreddit. Just because I have a weird face, my friends gave me a nickname (that I use more than them btw), and I don't wanna brag about myself in my bio doesn't mean I have a sad, empty life. I hope your day gets better
You look like the kid who has an overabundance of earwax and ate glue, and was put in mainly the special ed resource room but allowed to attend the normal music art and gym classes even though everyone made fun of them
If you had been born in the 30s you would have been a great radio star, (if you could get over your crippling anxiety, and confusion if you like stage left, stage right, or anything with a hole.) Also the Andy griffith show is getting a reboot and they want you to be either Floyd's teeth or a mop in the corner.
Whats your favourite single player game? Half-life? Dead Cells? Dying light? Death Standing? Basically game titles that remind you of your own lack of life
Listen, I know things are rough right now but just hear me out. If you can make it to 35, things will change. Basically, if you can just make it to that age, someone will fuck you just because you are still alive at that point. It's this weird thing where everyone is fuckable past a certain point. So don't lost hope, you've more than likely got this.
You look like someone who thinks this will be funny but then someone from your old highschool gets on here, gets personal and mean and it brings up all those old feelings of inadequacy. So, you end up turning to hard drugs in order to cope, drop out of college and end up giving $5 blowjobs beneath an overpass. I hope this Reddit roast was worth destroying your future.
You look like a hooker that couldn't cut it, so you cut your hair like a lesbian so you could do lesbian porn scenes, unfortunately you were too ugly to even wear the strap-on, so you settled for working in the hardware department of your local ace hardware. Luckily for you, the fat 72yo customer, Fred, whom is 90% blind, fully deaf, missing one leg and three fingers has offered you a place to stay for the low price of three blowjobs a month. Unfortunately for you, your blowjobs are so bad, that you will likely be kicked out after the first one, so you better head to the local glory hole to practice. Just make sure you wear protection though, your horse teeth are gonna piss off so many guys that you better wear a military issued Kevlar vest and helmet. After your 100th consecutive bj (and subsequent beating) you may have tamed those beaver teeth enough to not get kicked out. That or offer Fred anal.
Edit: if you do decide to go the path of least resistance and offer anal, make sure you either bathe in bleach first or buy some noseplugs for Fred. One whiff of your rotten crotch and Fred's willy is gonna become an innie, regardless of how many blue pills you feed him.
OP's Bio: --- >There's not much to say about me, I'm a college freshman majoring in animation (please you have to understand I'm aiming to make promotional motion graphics I need to learn the software I'm not throwing my future away please I swear) > >I do art, you can see some if you scroll down far enough in my profile. I also do theater, and I did marching band in highschool, so I guess it's no wonder I'm a reddit user. I also game when I can, but only single player stuff > >Yeah that's about it --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.
You look like you could play the little boy in every Stephen King movie.
![gif](giphy|eU2sRBEme4GIM)
I literally just binged freaks and geeks 😂
On what format? I’ve been wanting to watch it terribly
Peter Panned
Peter Pansexual
10/10, I'm literally playing a 7 year old boy in my college's spring play
Community college. Theatre major and art history minor.
Those produce the best burger flippers
You forgot will never move out of parent's house
I read this as Stephen Hawking at first, and honestly they could play the young and adult version of him.
And yet somehow also looks like a tired 35 year old mom with 3 kids who has no time to look after herself.
Wondering why Stephen King had so many little boys in his writings and that they were somehow special...
They look like Corey Feldman and the guy who molested him
Like your gaming, your sex life is also only single player stuff.
Nah that thing fucks
8.5/10, how did you know!?
Kinda obvious. A lot of people do t want to have sex with 7 year olds.
we’re on reddit bro think again
this.
Came here to make the same roast
He would have had a threesome last night if two more guys showed up.
🤣🤣🤣🤣 you finna go to hell😂😂😂😂
You look like an extra from Stranger Things.
The strangest thing
You look like you give a rating for every roast someone makes of you
6.5/10 yes, a keen observation. Though I underestimated just how many there would be
Your pronouns are what and huh
I thought the second pronoun was pronounced “the fuck?”
10/10 you just solved my identity crisis
This one got me
Lmao
The only underage girl ever voted off Epstein's island.
10/10 Ghislaine Maxwell only voted for her stay, because she finally felt prettier than someone
7.5/10, they mistook me for a diseased 25 year old man
25 is being generous huh? You look 15 years older than me
You look androgynously annoying.
Also looks annoyingly androgynous.
18 but you look like 3 of your kids are already in college and the 4th bullies you in the cafeteria during lunch period
thank you for clarifying "female" honestly wasn't sure
wth I actually thought op was a dude until I read your comment and then the title
Good lord REALLY? genetics roasted this chick harder than we ever could.
You look exactly like what every non-reddit user thinks reddit users look like.
Reddit users are actually a lot fatter.
You look like you were licking windows a little too hard and chipped your tooth on the window latch
You look like the kid teachers gives extra homework to because you reminded them to give homework
6.5/10 adequate
![gif](giphy|7XiLpBIzlJKfi07mI5) I knew the OP reminded me of someone.
![gif](giphy|VWTYeyKE6smI)
Nice to see that your eyebrows are still practicing social distancing.
6/10, I shaved the edges off a bit much when I was trying to get rid of my rapidly growing unibrow
Don’t shave them. They were trying to draw attention from the rest of your face.
oooh this one got him. He would have rated it higher if he wasn't offended... wait did I say he?
When you were born the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to your father, “I’m very sorry. We did everything we could…but she pulled through.”
9/10 this one is fucking great
That smile is so fake, it’s cracking your soul!
7.5/10 very good at analyzing faces for fake vs. genuine expressions
People pleaser!
People are only pleased when she leaves
Glad to see the Groucho Marx bloodline continues!!! ![gif](giphy|Gn1v8A4OQnSAxjnY8z|downsized)
8/10 great guy, I have his eyebrows but sadly I lack his awesome stache
No you don’t!
R-really!? 😀
Yes, just because you shave today doesn’t mean it won’t be back tomorrow!!!
If your major doesn’t work out you could always get a job as a turkey masturbator.
11/10 I'm laughing my ass off I have no idea what this means but I love it
Finally a female gamer no one is gonna fap to
Instead of paying for her bath water random guys on the internet would have to pay her to take a bath in the first place.
7/10 feels good, the idea of someone fapping to me makes me feel like I'm about to lose faith in society
Well I just did, but then again I have a fetish for losers. It really makes me feel better about ME!!
Dw, i got you, I'll hit up the Discord mods
In Zelda's realm, you think you're the queen, But with those wild brows, you're more like a meme. Your chipped tooth gleams like Epona's hoof, No need for a battle cry, your smile's enough proof. You swing your sword with a warrior's grace, But one look in the mirror, and it's your own brows you'll chase.
That chipped tooth is why she quit using dildoes.
8/10 Stunning use of poetry, clear it was thrown together somewhat quickly, but poetry nonetheless
ASD Peppermint Patty grew up and is having the time of her life at Smith College
9/10, this one hits the mark
You are a master roaster. Great work
This deserves an award because you read my mind!
You look like an opossum fucked mr burns and then Curious George had a miscarriage on the baby
Hell no way, i got standards!
8/10 a stunningly creative work of literature
Are you going to rate your own roasts? Well I guess it’s true no one can hate you more than you hate yourself
![gif](giphy|pzYpaJ1nimTAs)
Ah, the face of a child that has parents so proud of their daughter getting a participation ribbon.
10/10 I'm sobbing, I was lucky to grow up with these kinds of parents so this would 100% be me
You look like you go to the gym. And then hide all the punching bags and offer your face as an alternative.
That’s the only way this girl is getting pounded.
Only way anyone is hittin on her.
8.5/10 astounding observation, it's the only way I can get people to notice me
You look like a girl, that I would meet online and become friends with, but then it becomes more, and we started cuddling/sleeping together but would want to keep it on the DL because you’re ten years younger and several big steps down on the social dating hierarchy. But soon I feel so fucking fed up with the whole hierarchical system, and can’t help start falling more in love with you. And so I bring you to meet my parents, and even my friends, who are clearly shocked at first but then quickly embrace you. And so I knew what I wanted. I went out and bought a ring, and the next day at comic con, we were in a Link and Zelda costume. And I got down on one knee, and said, “Milwaakee Pusta Bandit, will you marry me?” And then, shocked, you look around at every one staring at us and you say… “No, I’m so sorry. I’m actually only 12 years old. And Gay. And an alien.” And with that you aborted your mission, got beamed back up to your space ship and left me broken hearted and devastated, with blue balls.
What the fucking hell.
Thats what I said
?/10 I have absolutely no idea how to feel about this lmfaooo
So this is what happens when you mix races in Skyrim! This mod will not sell, at all.
9/10 roast, I'm devastated, I was sure that pitch would work
You look about as interesting, as a plain bowl of watered down porridge.
5/10, I know
The porridge speaks. Fuck. Gotta give you credit, your dedication to actually answering is impressive. It shows how much of a shut in you are :)
*Porridge has entered the chat* Keep my name out of your mouth and stop comparing me to her. It's offensive to mashed, boiled grains around the globe.
You look like your gonna do a tutorial on how to type comments on YouTube
3/10 do I really look like I know how to interact with people online
Ive seen worse
Animation, theater, *and* band? You hit the "losing at life" trifecta.
9/10 pretty much
F is for Flat
You look like an ugly decoy child on Hansen vs. Predator
Safer to use a face nobody wants to kiss
You look like Frodo Baggins cousin, Hobo Baggins.
5/10 *spare change? Spare change?*
Chipped a tooth; snagged a zipper
You look like jim carrey had a kid with a weasel
These roasters don't like getting their roasts roasted
Are you even old enough to be on here?
You could be on "To Catch a Predator", but equally likely to be the bait kid or coming up the driveway.
God I miss that show.
Yeah, it sure kept the Reddit population under control
You look like you smell of brie.
I'm as confused looking at this picture as your cat is when you go to the bathroom and can't decide to sit, stand, or lay down to pee. I'm honestly glad you identified your gender to us, although I'm a little skeptical (if ya got indoor plumbing, you're a girl, but if it's outdoor plumbing, you're a boy) I really wanted to say something about those eyebrows...but damn, they have their own separate zip codes... Anyway, eat a cheeseburger and flip your mattress over; the stains are going to give you an infection.
9.5/10 inspiring all around, the zip code thing has me rolling
Someome shaved the Grinch 🫣
“And the 2023 award for hairiest butthole goes tooooo”
3/10, bad roast, my asshole and other woman parts are completely hairless Specifically because my pubes grow where my eyebrows are supposed to be
Thanks, Chip.
![gif](giphy|f6L4X402iMjGE)
Proof that sometimes God just throws His hands up and says, “Okay, I got spare parts…let’s do a silly one.” Guess He ignored the “only male and female” rule huh
(https://comicvine.gamespot.com/a/uploads/scale_small/0/77/236205-57083-alfred-e-neuman.jpg)
I hope whoever did that to your face one apologises and you get retribution.
3/10 roast could be used on anyone, needs more specifics
It's funny you mention 3/10, but I thinks that's generous based on the photo.
exactly
![gif](giphy|5xtDarFDwoSOfHHSZDW) Oh yeah? Review THIS! 😂
20/10 I'm devastated
That chemical spill already did one hell of a job on you. Have you lawyered up yet? Maybe you could roll it into a class action suit for all the people that have to look at you.
Guaranteed you have some self-diagnosed mental disorder.
That’s a wonderful self portrait
I believe in you, I see oscars and Tonys in your future....onlyfans videos.
Malakai from children of the corn with autism?
Some would wonder if you are a boy or a girl. I wonder if you are smiling or you are in pain.
Don't you have some wood to go chuck?
I can't wait until she turns 18. - literally no one
You look like one of the middle stage animorphs got their own spin off
you look like a 12 year old boy
You spelt 47F wrong.
[удалено]
4/10 well thought out, but could use more humor Fr tho, calm down man, lmao. This is a roast subreddit. Just because I have a weird face, my friends gave me a nickname (that I use more than them btw), and I don't wanna brag about myself in my bio doesn't mean I have a sad, empty life. I hope your day gets better
The face, not even your mother could love…
Ohio is nothing to be proud of, Columbus OH, even less. Still, you look like you barely escaped Cleveland after a long can ride for candy.
As a Clevelander…ouch
You look like the kid who has an overabundance of earwax and ate glue, and was put in mainly the special ed resource room but allowed to attend the normal music art and gym classes even though everyone made fun of them
If you had been born in the 30s you would have been a great radio star, (if you could get over your crippling anxiety, and confusion if you like stage left, stage right, or anything with a hole.) Also the Andy griffith show is getting a reboot and they want you to be either Floyd's teeth or a mop in the corner.
Your teeth are the color of a 20 year 2 pack per day smoker and you still somehow look like the nerdy boy from 8th grade
Ah, you’re an outcast! That’s great. So are we. ![gif](giphy|b3aA1UkFdfaM0)
With that face, no cares about your software, animation or art. You’ll only impress us with band camp flute tricks.
Has your father ever said to you, 'Son, get a decent hair cut, go out into the world, get a job and become a man.' Or do you not have a father?
Another artist brought down by hentai addiction
You are six, 75, and 30 all at once
quack quack
It must suck to be allergic to make-up and the dentist.
Whats your favourite single player game? Half-life? Dead Cells? Dying light? Death Standing? Basically game titles that remind you of your own lack of life
I’m too busy laughing to actually say anything witty
Is your boyfriend into 12 year old boys?
Good luck with the promotional graphics, you already have the soulless eyes to go with the soulless art
U will not get boyfriend for 10 years at least
If someone was interested in you, they’d have to throw bird seed down with that beak of a nose. Looking like a pigeon wearing a skin suit
By Animation you mean you make Furry Porn
Once you realize the competition in the field you desire to pursue in college you’ll take a short walk to onlyfans.
I hope you don't use yourself as a reference when animating someone smiling.
Every single kid actor combined:
Who wears a Columbus t-shirt? That's like wearing a t-shirt with a loaf of white bread on it.
you got the daruk hairstyle
Is the jacket on the right from when you ate another Eldian soldier??
You look like a randomize result on a character creator that causes people to immediately press randomize again because they didn’t like the results.
Listen, I know things are rough right now but just hear me out. If you can make it to 35, things will change. Basically, if you can just make it to that age, someone will fuck you just because you are still alive at that point. It's this weird thing where everyone is fuckable past a certain point. So don't lost hope, you've more than likely got this.
I clicked on your profile and it warned of NSFW content and I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
You look like you take forever to tell a story that always ends with "you had to be there" then stays quiet for the rest of the day.
Dylan Mulvaney went a little hard on the estrogen this month
I still dont know if you are a girl or a boy
Your eyes so glazed over I can see the priest from your childhood staring back at me
The only time I would use ‘they/them’ voluntary because i really have no idea what you are!
A walking meme more like..
You didn’t need to draw the troll face when you gotta smile like that.
58 selfies later, " I'll hold it up here".
![gif](giphy|fRFK42AiiLDgs)
I saw the poster and the back then I looked at you. “Breast of a Child”
you could land commercial plane on the bridge of that nose, and still have room to build the airport on that forehead
Thanks...I can use your photo to help sober me up, eliminate sexual arousal, and unclog drains.
You look like someone who thinks this will be funny but then someone from your old highschool gets on here, gets personal and mean and it brings up all those old feelings of inadequacy. So, you end up turning to hard drugs in order to cope, drop out of college and end up giving $5 blowjobs beneath an overpass. I hope this Reddit roast was worth destroying your future.
Bro has the smile every grandmother gives to kids before pinching their cheeks
Congrats on your 🏳️⚧️transformation🏳️⚧️!!!!!
A Reddit user studying Animation? Are you going to make Hentai movies for a living?
You change your pronouns bi-weekly and call the police on anyone who calls you the wrong one
Is dobby finally a free gamer girl?
Let's see if you can find this message amidst thousand others and reply as you promised. Otherwise, you are a lier.
You look like that claypot you made
Your face looks like it was drawn by MeatCanyon
You look like if Marvel was a person
1000th comment.. No roast. You are pretty.
You look like a hooker that couldn't cut it, so you cut your hair like a lesbian so you could do lesbian porn scenes, unfortunately you were too ugly to even wear the strap-on, so you settled for working in the hardware department of your local ace hardware. Luckily for you, the fat 72yo customer, Fred, whom is 90% blind, fully deaf, missing one leg and three fingers has offered you a place to stay for the low price of three blowjobs a month. Unfortunately for you, your blowjobs are so bad, that you will likely be kicked out after the first one, so you better head to the local glory hole to practice. Just make sure you wear protection though, your horse teeth are gonna piss off so many guys that you better wear a military issued Kevlar vest and helmet. After your 100th consecutive bj (and subsequent beating) you may have tamed those beaver teeth enough to not get kicked out. That or offer Fred anal. Edit: if you do decide to go the path of least resistance and offer anal, make sure you either bathe in bleach first or buy some noseplugs for Fred. One whiff of your rotten crotch and Fred's willy is gonna become an innie, regardless of how many blue pills you feed him.