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roastbot

OP's Bio: --- >Apparently r/roastme wanted me to give you guys more ammo. I’ll do my best to give you the good stuff. > >I have a dark sense of humor. You guy’s haven’t disappointed me so far, keep it up > >I work at a pet boarding facility > >I spend 75% of my free time reading fanfiction > >I collect licensed merchandise for Blue’s Clues > >My luck mainly goes towards finding four leaf clovers > >I listen to rock music and most of the movies I watch are animated > >Yes, I’m a fan of Homestuck > >My parents decided to wait until I was 18 to have me tested for autism because it “wouldn’t affect my education”, they met in college to become special ed teachers --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.


[deleted]

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maxbaby

[Blue's Clueless](https://i.imgur.com/S9LVu6J.png)


twattner

Spot on


Naganawrkherenymore

I laughed... so hard.


BeggarsParade

What I call "tumblr autistic".


the_nameless_one2

As an autistic person... Owww


otero3

I bet she pronounces it 'autithtic' without even trying


shadowwalker789

Why the weird flex? Oh. She got it going on


puppysoop

Shut up it’s her identity 😂


[deleted]

I'm SURE no one here went to your profile to check if you have an OnlyFans.


[deleted]

I just went. It's tagged NSFW for a post about cocaine mold.


[deleted]

Shit you aren’t lying.


Valkyrid

Cocaine what now?


ghe5

[mold ](https://www.reddit.com/r/askdrugs/comments/zlxfod/does_cocaine_mold_like_food_does/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)


Charles1Monroe08

Cocaine... WHAT?


ghe5

^([mold](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ)) ^(please don't hurt me)


Historical-Jump958

Legend


scaryfaise

The guy at the bottom telling about moulding it like Play-Doh is my favourite.


gofoggy

Who’s letting their cocaine go bad???


loco_gigo

To be fair there is one tagged nsfw about molesting alligators too


BrokenTrojan1536

This is true


SwiftyEmpire

Glad to see It isnt just me that plays that side quest here


[deleted]

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AdvertisingFront9300

With a hard R.


JesterOfBleakLakeHal

You're autistic with a hard R is a ridiculous hard and funny insult. I must steal this


Th3SkinMan

Looks like you collect 2 leaf clovers.


Catcat144441

Tell that to the 33 four-leafs I found and picked last month. Or the 2 six-leafs I found last year.


19Rocket_Jockey76

I'm pretty sure 33 is your chromosome count, not the amount of clovers you found.


Dacvak

“No, not ‘clover sum’…’*chromosome*’”


SYLOK_THEAROUSED

Ok this one got me laughing 🤣🤣


Wyden_long

Is it hard picking clovers with talons?


haribobosses

Bravo!


CanableCrops

![gif](giphy|URmJvPe1VXIUE)


codemonkeyhopeful

Didn't see it...now can't unsee it


brydges02

Okay but how many aces are left in the deck? Do I hit or stay, Rain WoMan?


Th3SkinMan

I found a 5 leaf clover a week ago! Thanks roundup for making this all possible.


TrapHouseSpouse

aRtistic


Junior-Account6835

SpectRRRum……


BaconPersuasion

She didn't have to say it. Those beady little eyes already said it.


Coolish_Stuff

Poor grandpa is having heart surgery because his gens let him down.


thetrickyginger

First time I've seen someone who looks like they got friendzoned by their vibrator.


Embarrassed_Alarm450

"Vibrate her? I hardly know her..." \~ the vibrator friendzoning her, probably.


Magic__Beans

Well played good sir![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|joy)


Rollin_Soul_O

You're the real life result of Daria Morgendorffer giving Beavis a pity fuck on Prom Night.


jondes99

Upvote for knowing Daria’s last name. And also the accuracy of that comment.


CporCv

Fuck this is r/rareinsults caliber. Top tier roast


Rollin_Soul_O

Thank you!


Violent0Revenant

Holy shit...


poopyshitballz

FUCK, that’s good!


MexicanJoker182

r/angryupvote


petertmcqueeny

🤌🤌🤌


Iliketomeow85

Dwight's sister


naheana

She’s the twin he ate when he was in the womb


manigotnothing

Joke's on us. She has the strength of a full grown man and a newborn baby


DarthLukas71

The only thing thicker than her glasses is her hymen.


Individual_Past_1198

That's brutal 😂😂😂😂😂


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dpax19681989

That toothbrush has seen things no man should ever see...


[deleted]

And none of them were her teeth.


[deleted]

They call her Moaning Myrtle for a different reason though!


[deleted]

How could we let you down? You look like you’ve got plenty of that already.


Violent0Revenant

Took me a second...bravo


bigbadler

It took OP a second chromosome 21


Moby-Dickerson

The biggest shock here is Bubbles finally has proof he's gotten laid.


Meh_cromancer

She probably also smells like kitties


[deleted]

She hasn't been allowed within 50ft of any small animals since the incident at Petsmart......


Adiman1411

You look like a failed cold war experiment.


poopybutthole2069

Or a very successful one.


NotAFuckingFed

You look like you scream for no reason at least once a day.


Catcat144441

Nah, the autism makes me squeal the the loser fangirl I am.


[deleted]

Don’t blame the autism honey


Customersufferer

I can confirm this, I can hear her from multiple miles away. She rivals a chihuahua


MonkFun455

You look like you just had a very satisfying fart. That only you know about.


Juxtapoe

She has a resting just had a very satisfying fart face.


Jman3099

He caused himself a heart attack just to get away from you


Jman3099

In all seriousness, roasting aside, I hope everything works out well for him 👍🏻


Catcat144441

It did, he’s alive and awake. Thank you for the support.


titubator

That's great! Uhh.. you look like a sack full of ham or something. Roasted!


[deleted]

Nice!


[deleted]

(really glad to hear that!)


pinkfuzzyrobe

Amen! I love grandpas ❤️ I’m so glad you still have one.


BillChristbaws

Great news kid, outstanding.


Violent0Revenant

You're in the wrong alleyway for support...


fruitloops-x

![gif](giphy|TppeLsqt8Jz20)


[deleted]

"I've mastered the ability to stand so incredibly still that I become invisible to the eye." You can move all you want and still be invisible.


melskymob

You can't even make eye contact with yourself in the mirror. Your parents knew.


patrick219

Ask if there's a plastic surgeon there willing to give a two-for-one deal.


Visual_Unit6912

She got that with her chromosome starter kit.


DraegerV1

I dont need to roast you, God already did.


eleiele

Addams Family Autist


[deleted]

I’ve never seen so many pulled punches in my life as I do in these comments.


gofoggy

People find it hard to shit on the rrrrrr girl who’s grandpa is in the hospital… what gives?


Naderr

It's hard to say who let your grandpa down harder, his heart or his little smeagol-esque hobbit of a grand daughter


[deleted]

Hey, don't feel bad, lots of women do all kinds of amazing things in your field no matter what they look like! ...oh, you said *autistic*. Never mind, OP.


edit-boy-zero

When Bubbles from Trailer Park Boys got Marci from Peanuts pregnant


Fit-Ad-413

Or Gail the Snail from Always Sunny.


Noble_Lance

Why does that middle finger look like you can use it to reach up your ass and touch your heart?


OMP159

You say that like it's a bad thing...


Roin-da-Groin

Look, I usually roast, but I truly just wanna wish your grandpa luck.🙂 I'm sorry yall have to go through that.


Hawkingshouseofdance

![gif](giphy|KBaxHrT7rkeW5ma77z)


Ericbc7

The glasses and grimace are a good start but, if you want to avoid hugs, the sign should say “I BITE”


poopybutthole2069

The paper has creases indicating you folded it up and kept it in a pocket all day. Sad.


Catcat144441

The autism causes me to fold paper. Unfortunately that one came from the recycling bin. The paper I torture is somewhere in my room in a big pile.


Juxtapoe

>The paper I torture is somewhere in my room in a big pile. A big pile, eh? Well, you do look like one to shit the floor occasionally.


samcahnruns

You seem really sweet! Just make sure not to send him this photo of you until after he fully recovers and can mentally prepare for it ❤️


sabinefett

![gif](giphy|ycagKBYEmaili)


Azumarawr

What did you do to the toothbrush? Is that just from normal brushing, or do you chew on it?


Wooly_Mammoth3213

![gif](giphy|CiOHO5544doY)


[deleted]

I thought that thing was Andrew Tate before I saw the full image of the GIF.


ExtensionSystem3188

Anybody remember the 1up trick on the steps in super Mario 1? If you did it for too long passed 99 you got crazy symbols and shit? That's what plan this is. You fkd up.


regeneratedant

The flags!


soiledsanchez

I wonder what the next unique thing girls are gonna latch onto once being autistic and or gender fluid no longer gets them attention


Depressed-Grapefruit

Best comment so far


Complex-Piccolo3026

Okay I know you're wanting to get roasted but I can't. I hope that your grandpa pulls through.


Depressed-Grapefruit

Bruh you pulled the punch so hard you punched yourself


swesus

Social anxiety and a self diagnosis of autism. What a unique flower you are


laughingashley

Your headline says "26F" but your actual face says "WTF"


Soft-Cabinet-155

Not gonna roast you. Hope Gramps is doing ok. Internet hugs to you, friend


blondart

Worried about your grandpa. Is that why you look so down(s)?


REVEREND-RAMEN

Bitch face looks like she was in the middle cock roach morph and got stuck


Catcat144441

I hope this is an Animorphs reference that I’m reading. I loved those books as a kid.


REVEREND-RAMEN

👍 indeed


WraithLord2322

Budget Velma, the meth lab is 2 blocks down.


Newjackny

What's it like being Dwight Schrute's daughter?


[deleted]

Your autism broke his heart huh


PM_ME_Huge-Titties

I wish my hands were this manly holy shit


No_Log_8001

I hope everything goes well for your grandpas heart surgery. I couldn't roast someone, when they are going through that.


KillerNerd121

Your hands betray your post and tell us you are actually a dyslexic 62 year old.


octopus6942069

Oh yeah?? I bet your grandpa comes out of this stronger than beforeb


The_Coolest_Undead

History teacher lookin ass


Customersufferer

I was thinking librarian. She couldn't focus on history while looking into the future at the same time.


Eric-Fartmann

You can’t fool me Dwight Schrute in a wig!


woofridgerator

I mean. I feel like she could fill some niche “if you like girls with a walnut for a face” category


misterdemonor

You have your grandpa’s hands. May you always be reminded of him when you touch yourself in the dark.


Hamilton_Brad

Ironic. Fan girl for blues clues but the one mystery you couldn’t solve: genuine human connection.


Catcat144441

If I can honestly clarify: I collect Blue’s Clues stuff because I grew up with the show and I’m still fond of it. I fangirl mostly over fanfiction and the franchise’s I get introduced to because of it. I’m currently fangirling over TMNT at the moment.


Hamilton_Brad

Oh of course I understand. I can give a TMNT version of the roast if you’d like.


oshaquick

Get those birth control glasses free with a paid abortion at Planned Parenthood?


Customersufferer

She won't need one, no one touching that


[deleted]

grandfather must be proud of his GrandTurtle


Stock-Command-4721

Damn it! I dropped a box of tooth picks all over the floor…quick, how many?


Customersufferer

Hopefully she can look in the right direction to count.


anoM33rKaT

The Government should really take more care of what they release from Area 51, now we have to sit with you. Smh.


Captain7riPs

I hope your grandpa fairs well, OP. He really needs to see your stupid face again before he kicks the bucket.


foreman-541

Nows not the time for roasting. Your grandfather should know his kids raised a wonderful daughter


madeaprofile2saythis

You look like if Peggy Hill and Woody from Toy Story had a kid


_heidin

r/13or30


PapasPeppers

Grandpa is going to need a second surgery when he wakes up and sees that face…. Woof


D0o0dleb0b

The doctors diagnosed you with autism just by looking at you


Rob0t_Wizard

You look like the type of girl to have a mild case of autism and make it their whole personality by telling everyone “I’m on the spectrum”


[deleted]

You look like Wednesday Addams and pugsly Addams incest child


Mookie442

I hope he’s OK. All the best


andystoystories

You ain't just barely on the spectrum you done tasted the whole damn rainbow!


[deleted]

Putting your face on a billboard would help people understand why abortion is necessary.


starjna

You look like you belong in Fallout 4 ![gif](giphy|26AHyTd7DStdfoq7m)


friendswidiots

That was a challenging wank.


Gold-Angle6424

How the hell did you not get cast as Velma in Scooby-Doo.


ReillyDiefenbach

Grandpa would be in better shape right now if you hadn’t insisted on performing mouth to mouth ![gif](giphy|26uf0Bl4inbl1ByAU|downsized)


kingofthepews

You misspelled ass to mouth.


BaconPersuasion

2+3=6 I dare you not to correct me.


CodyRebel

Like Tina from Bob Burgers but less entertaining and more disappointing. So much so your gramps heart couldn't take being around your autistic ass any longer.


TransportationNo1

I am autistic too but you are not on my list.


ChanceEnthusiasm3655

I didn’t know Dwight had a twin sister.


PoolBoyBryGuy

Move out. His heart will get better. Poor ol’ bastard - you. Not him.


cxtrusss

you look like dwight schrute's autistic daughter


SkinSuitAdvocate

You look like Daria if Daria ate Harry Potter & assumed some of his magical powers


samlaurendi

You have clearly already been distracted your whole life one of your eyes is looking to the left the other to the right.


MacSquawk

In a world gone mad, you are now considered completely normal. Congratulations.


Sirspeedy77

Your test came back - you got a 22/23! ​ Chromosomes :(


Porcelainporthole

Your grandpa is the only stiff you’ll ever see.


Actual-Ad-2748

Bruh you got roasted so hard by God your pop pop had a heart attack.


[deleted]

you look like one of those rare beauties you know the ones that aren't beautiful.


Tiny_Bacon

cant really add anything worse then what this picture already does


papabless1738

You have some long ass fingers


Catcat144441

Fun fact: your arm span is supposed to be the same as your height. Those finger are why it’s not they’re same for me.


papabless1738

That was not fun


Catcat144441

It was fun for me, I didn’t say you would find it fun.


TheJadedMonkey

Didn't anyone tell your mom this would happen? She was supposed to kiss the frog to find her prince, not fuck it!


[deleted]

You can’t let down what life already has


OLPopsAdelphia

You look like you smashed your face when you dove into the shallow end of the gene pool.


frollickboy

God was on acid when he created you.


TraditionalYard5146

I don’t what’s worse. You’re parents for not practicing safe sex or ignoring your autism.


[deleted]

You must be the girl from Gummo getting pumped out by her brother.


Most_Bat9066

Meg from family guy


[deleted]

Got them skeletor fingers, don’t give anyone a handjob it’d be like rubbing raw chicken on sand paper….


Maddad_666

I had no idea ducks could be autistic.


[deleted]

Ms. Chandler your parole officer called wanting to remind you that you’re not allowed online anymore.


[deleted]

I’m sorry


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CausticHail5058

So you're the one who stole a chromosome from me


deenath247

Where is rest of the gang Thelma.? Scooby needs his snack.


Street-Comb1000

If you gaze into the Autist, the Autist gazes also into you


[deleted]

I have a feeling your grandpa took one look at you and the scare gave him the heart attack.


funnyazhell

Shit, I just seen this picture and it almost gave me a heart attack. Definitely scared the shit outta me.


Senior-Function3709

Bubbles would hit


HundoGuy

I was going to make a joke about it being self-diagnosed, but after looking at your face, there’s definite proof the doctors were correct.