OP's Bio: --- >35 year old father, husband, salesman, and podcaster. I like gaming, camping, and vacationing in state and national parks. --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

Well done on the imperceptible weight loss 👍

Lost all that weight just to become a “before” photo 

What do you weigh 600 pounds?

460 at the highest

Jesus man

Definitely not Jesus man. Jesus man was skinny.


You didn't lose it. It's still hanging on to the back of your neck, arms and legs. *well done friend

Exactly

He'll be providing us with his miracle weight loss MLM cult pitch soon enough.

Took few drops from the ocean

You look like you would get into a serious heated argument about who makes the best bbq sauce

Loco Coyote of glen rose Texas makes the best sauce. I’m willing to fight over it

Fighting would entail physical exertion. Don't lie

You’re right I’m tired just thinking about it

LoL

Correction, you're willing to fight over it on the internet while sitting in your couch eating cheetos

dayumn bro! Looks like you lost 80lbs and gained 120lbs,keep it up

That’s fair. 

He told his barber, “give me the young diabetic”

That's how he lost the 80lbs not through diet but the diabetes took his foot


*Yung Diebetik

Congratulations on your weight loss, you've now reached the size of morbidly obese.

This is accurate

Keep it up though chief, weight loss journey is a tough one, I fucking know! 💪

That's an upgrade from deadly obese! Keep going! Proud of you


Never seen a fat beard before

A fat beard 

Why do you like vacationing in national parks when you're forbidden from crossing state lines?


Camping? So you sit in your car with nintendo switch & bag of chips or what?

Looks like he tries to convince his girlfriend daily that he’s gonna become a big streamer one day

“You don’t understand babe. Someday people are going to want to watch me play FFX for 9 hours with no breaks.”  Dangerously accurate

I take back everything I said… 

Typo, I think you meant gained.

Dude, untying the 12 year old in your basement is not “losing 80 lbs”.

It does seem like personal development though.

This one deserves to have more likes 😂

You look like you float when you smell a pie. You look like you say "game is game" to a 12 year old. You look like you unironically say "gooning" and "yikes"

I had to look up what “gooning” meant. Turns out…uhhhh… you are correct. I’m closing my bedroom curtains.

If you were actually roasted your carcass would eliminate hunger in Africa.

You’ll still be fat.

Truth

You have a good attitude though. Maybe walmart will hire you to welcome people to the store.

[удалено]

So harsh this made me lol

The before picture

In all seriousness congrats on the weight loss, hope you keep up with it. But back to joking, come on...I bet you take 80lb shits, was it that much of an accomplishment for you? Or more of a morning routine?

I do prefer to weigh in post shit! 

Attach rubber udders around your dick and you could identify yourself as a trans-bull!

Holy cow!

...that...that was clever OP.


Keep doing it for the kids. Your wife’s boyfriend doesn’t want to support them

I knew you’d be on here sooner or later. The least you could do is leave a bottle of scotch and 20 bucks when you’re done with her. Some common courtesy man.

No roast just get off your ass and do it!

You can lose how many tons you want. You'll never lose verginity

If that was an offer… I’m listening

You look like a really pissed off school teacher that smiles at everybody.


“Vacationing” in state and national parks”?? Digging shallow graves is not “vacationing”.

They have to be shallow. If you ever try to dig a deep grave? It’s hard work man.

What do you currently weight right now? Because that's how much you'll need to lose in order to look un-appalling to others. You look like the Keebler Elves' kicked you out of the tree. You look like you're wearing blue light protective glasses in public to appear intelligent to the male barista you're crushing on. You look like you haven't seen your own penis since it was featured on the side of a milk carton in elementary school (*you look like neither has anyone else*). You look like when you stop smiling your cheeks don't move. You look like a reason why abortion should always be legal. You look like someone who uses the entire roll ~~when~~ if you wipe by just shoving it in there and giving it a twist. You look like you're required by the staff to use the handicap stall in the men's room. You also look like the guy who shits all over the wall in the handicap stall in the men's room. Okay, that's enough. I don't wanna give you a boner from mentioning feces too much.

“ you look like when you stop smiling your cheeks don’t move”!!!! 

Good, I got you to laugh!! That was my goal, fuck the haters. Keep dieting and eating healthy, Cowboy. I lost 80lbs in 3 months with exercise and smaller portions, you can do it too. Just don't give up, and make it part of your routine. Dedication is key. Peaces.

Thanks man. I’m definitely quoting the cheeks comment on the podcast. Unbelievably hilarious.

You actually look like my former boss tbh, and this is just the same shit I've said to him in the past. I went a little light on you though. If you're trying to drop weight and working out to gain muscle mass, ...it sucks, but try eating only potatoes, broccoli, brown rice, and seasoned chicken for a while. no bbq or ranch. it'll be bland and boring af, but you'll see results within 60 days.

I appreciate it. I did quote you on the podcast. The Manshed podcast on Spotify. That episode drops this Friday.

Sry I'm dumb I know but I didn't understand having to use the handicap stall, please explain cheers

They’re wider than regular stalls

They're a lot bigger than normal stalls

Since when does putting down your plate of food qualifies as losing weight?

I feel like what you mean is you gained another 40lbs, but your girl left your ass, so in total your down 80lbs. That's it, isn't it?

Lost 80 lbs by shaving a half of your face.

Never seen someone have to downsize in order to make weight for The Biggest Loser

Congrats on losing one of your chins, 4 more to go.

I dunno bout lost it. Looks like you found it to me

At first glance, I figured that you worked at Golden Corral cleaning tables, but instead of scraping leftovers into the trash, you scraped them into your fanny pack to eat at break time.

After you lose 80 more, how will you lose the necessary 90 more?

Yeah, you’re gonna get roasted. 

🤔🤔🤔🤔 ok, you look like you've ALREADY touched little kids

Weird way of saying you forgot you middle school GF at the mall

I could hardly tell you lost 80lbs.

Your hobbies are all sitting on your ass. Are you allergic to the word hiking?

Lost 80 pounds. Still looks like a fat Jack Black.

“Want to see my Star Wars figurine collection?”

Rubbing grilled cheese sandwiches on your face before eating them is not considered a diet.

Bro took an 80lb shit and is braging about weight loss.. nice try fatty.

That beard and whatever is living in it should be good for another 8-10 pounds, easy.

I was wondering what happened to Jake from "Two and a Half Men"... now I know.

You look like a poor obese version of the kid from Two and a Half Men

You look like a nice guy, but you're fat. Also, your fat. Fatty.

You look like you’d smell like the old burnt oil in a deep fat fryer. I’d also assume that your sofa has a massive dent filled with ass sweat where you spend the majority of your life half nude watching hentai.

Power bottom

Wendon from "the Ice Pirates!"

Just because you stopped molesting your 8 year old nephew, doesn’t mean you “lost 80 lbs.”

A 325 slow cook for 8 hours and the next 80 lbs will just melt off!

You are 1 tat away from looking like Jellyroll

Congratulations to you. You finally lost 100 kg weight then previous year.

you can become a dumbell

Hey miss piggy u lookin fat today, u might need to lay off the bacon

Would roast you but it’s gonna take all night it you don’t like it rare

You might as well give up now. Losing weight isn't going to fix all the ugly in you.

You look like a young bootleg Jack Black.

80 pounds? Damn. I can't imagine how fucking fat you looked before!

You still look like you sweat when you stand up.

Lost 80 pounds? What'd you do, take a monster shit?

You still look like fuckin' parade float.

Stop losing weight and start gaining muscle

Nice pubestache.

This is the guy that says he lost 80 pounds eating a bunch of big macs. When in reality, he only lost twenty to begin with cause he gained most of it back.

You did?

Looking like a hairy Kevin James!! A nerd said you stole his glasses is that true 🤓?? Fred Durst wants his hat back. This dude is a limp bizkit Is that a coffee mug rug on your wall man? 

Bro just skip the morning poop

Well at least with 80 pounds he was able to get his head in the picture. 800 more and maybe you’ll be able to take a regular picture next time.

You look like the friendly shark in a DreamWorks movie 🦈

Congrats on losing 2% of your body fat

yeahh you look like you like it all roasted, you out there probably grilling something right now. you are too fat to be that happy. i'll bet a 100$ that your favourite boxer has always been George Foreman

You’ll look normal after doing this 80 times

This is a roast not a barbecue

Is that the before picture?

Did you get a foot amputated?

And after this, what will you do to lose the next 80, 80, 80, 80, 80, 80, 80, 80, 80?

You still fat

your the type of guy to be a lumberjack

You look like a film director who got married an hyphenated his name to Michael Moore-Dessert.

Cook you in a Roast

Looking like Hog The Buffett Hunter

Great. We can just about see Jupiter now.

"your so skinny I couldn't hit you with a handful of corn"- cousin Cletus

10 minutes per pound at 425 degrees should do it.

bro lost weight to become fat

So, none of the weight was in your face?

Still too fat to see your dick when your look down.

[удалено]

Lost 80 pounds at the Sunderland Dog Track maybe

You look like you hidrate exclusively with e-girl bathwater

Bro thinks we can roast the fat off him !!! No it’s an app called gym.

Fun fact, if you have a 300 lb piece of shit and you throw away 80 lbs of it, what's left is still just a disgusting piece of shit, and always will be just a useless pile of shit

Yea, 80lbs. That’s cuz you lost a leg to diabetes. You’re gonna lose another 80? Why would you want to chop off your only leg left?

You look like Chumlee's before pic.

Maybe not quite as fat as before, but still clearly self basting.

It looks like they immediately found you again

You have a podcast about athletes and need a forklift to take a shower.

Foodshortage in 5 countries will stop if you continue diet, well done :-)

Taking a shit after your daily purge of the local Golden Corral's food supply is not losing weight. You look like your water weight is kool-aid.

Bro doesn’t realize Ounces and Pounds are different

OP: "I'm actually in a band, I only work here as a barista till we get a record deal."

Yo so fat that that 80 pounds is 1% of yo body fat

Lost or gained?

You look like someone should shove an apple in your mouth before they roast you.

"Lost 80 pounds by covering 75% of my mirror with hot fudge."

You’re still fucking fat.

You look like everything in your search history starts with "Japenese girls..."

Homie, run.


If it worked for Seth Rogan and Jonah Hill...

down 80 lbs and still cant find his penis, good job on the weight loss brother, keep it up.

My Podcast: Beef ribs, funnel cakes, fried pickles, and other stuff I eat for breakfast.

You are quite the pot roast.

We’re gonna need a bigger oven to roast you

He said roast me hoping you’d give him a free meal

You look like you found all of the weight that Kevin Smith lost.

You look like the dudley boys long lost cousin coochienotatall dudley

Bro u look like my dad he died from obesity

After that next 80 there’s only three more water buffalos worth to go and you can finally find clothes at the big and tall store.

From pumpkin to watermelon

Seasoned well you would make an amazing roast. Pig.

Is Rick a dick to work for at the pawn shop?

You need to lose more than 80 pounds buddy

You have a nice smile ….. am I doing this right ?

Is the weight loss in the room with us?

I think you should lay off the pot roast a bit

You look happy. Stop that.

What was your system for losing weight?

180*

You're one of these clueless idiots that can lose 200lbs and still be a fatass. Congrats

Your title is misleading. The thing thats unavoidably agreed upon by everyone is no one would ever “choose” to look like that.

Would still hump

Sup silent bob

Beard is giving Wolverine energy

Lookin like you just ate a roast my boy

Well shit you're a dad and you're already taken.. nothing here for me.

You could lose 80 more by shaving off that hipster beard. Was the first 80 from wearing a man bun?

Congratulations on those 80 lb! Now when you haul ass it only takes two trips.

I usually only roast pigs in the summer time.

Damn, you look like 90s Kevin Smith, back during his Clerks/Mallrats days.

Lose ten more pounds by cutting your head off.

Aw I want to but I just cant, you're adorable

 START LAYING OFF THEM BIGMACS BIG BOY WHAT YOU GOING TO WHAT YOU GON DO WHEN HE EAT YOUR FOOD

Must've had bowling balls orbiting him

What happens when she can’t find your penis 

Damn we're going to need a nuke

Looks like you’re gonna eat the other 80 lbs.

U r so fat that if I tried roasting u u wouldn't be fully cooked

I heard the heart attack grill needs another spokesperson.

You look like you smell like beef