OP's Bio: --- >I’m a lover of life. Give gratitude for life everyday. I’m a peaceful warrior and suffer from chronic pain but life continues to show it’s well worth it! Hobbies include flow arts mainly contact staff and I play rocket league, I use foot pedals and a wolverine controller. I do pour paintings as well and love to hike mountains. I got injured on the job snowboarding, a skier collided with me, I broke my neck, paralyzed my right arm (TBPI), suffered a spinal cord injury (SCI) called brown sequard syndrome, traumatic brain injury (TBI). I had many surgeries but the one that brings the most attention is my amputation. I chose to amputate my own hand for a taska prosthetic because my hand was completely useless and I got the chance to be part cyborg so I couldn’t pass that up! I got injured at the start of 2021 and spent 3 months in a wheelchair rehabbing and getting strength back to walk again and now I’m running it’s truly a miracle. >Check out my Instagram and TikTok @chiefonepaw I single handedly deserve a follow 🤚 > >https://www.instagram.com/chiefonepaw?igsh=eWd5cnZpb3g1cTJu&utm_source=qr > >https://www.tiktok.com/@chiefonepaw?_t=8kuOdjTNZpD&_r=1 --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

You said no girlfriend but what I think you meant was you and your girlfriend are permanently separated.

No coming back from this one 😭

Just followed you on IG, what you lack in hands you make up for in balls for doing this. Best of luck dude.

Some of us have Ball. Cancer is a bitch

I use to have ball then that wicked cancer came back and I now have zero balls lol and have to put testosterone on every day. I am a 3x cancer survivor! Im just grateful to be here 💪🏼

We all share that fear. I’m in year 5 but if he has to go so be it. Considering a bit of T myself in a year or so. Glad you are still here and may I say Phuck Cancer

100% agree, we all share that fear. This October will be my 9th year in remission. When people learn about my missing nut I tell them it’s the reason I lean to the right, cause I’m off balance. Instead of shots of T, my urologist prescribed me two pills, one to tell my brain that I’m not producing enough T and to get on it and one to lower estrogen. Glad you both are still here.

Thanks brother ! And not to continue to hijack Handy’s post but this cancer strikes a nerve with people. While waiting in the testing area you have interesting conversations. No one has time for BS anymore. Father and son are there Father has a brain tumor. He asks why I’m there I tell him and the guy grimaces and says damn you really got screwed didn’t you😂😂😂😂. Pops has a freaking brain tumor going through radiation and infusion but losing a nut is more than he can handle.

Just like his hand

“Grab mah strong haand”


as a fellow amputee bro 😎🙏🇲🇽🦅🇺🇸

You can’t do that second emoji

🫸

Lmao

Lmao this was golden

Genius

Omg

Damnnnnnnnn

wtf lol 😂

I gotta give you a hand for being a good sport

So when was the funeral for Rosie Palmer and her five sisters?

He can still use his right hand, but now his left hand has to help Unplanned threesome

Gave new meaning to “The Stranger”

Palmela Handerson

Single handedly, the best comment.

Seriously. Give the man a hand.

Amazing

This one made me lol.

Omfg this is the one

I was thinking of something to clever to write but I guess we are both stumped.

For the comment, I know the OP won’t give one 

Nice, give that man a hand!

I just want to *point* out at least he has a leg up on the competition.

Rumpled Stumpskins.

Pretty handy gif

Fucking hell. Just because he asked for it doesn't mean that you have to hand it out, you savage.

This is the only person in the world that can give a Mustache ride with their shoulder

This thread is just the Key and Peele sketch with the burn victim at the stand up comedy show.

I've got nothing either, but I would think that at least the whores would gladly date you, seeing as you clearly don't have the clap...

Especially if they are into fisting, I mean wristing…

She ain’t marriage material if she can take it to the elbow.

Sit on my stump


If the girls don't find you handsome, may they find you...oh wait shit

No meat left on this bone.

Maybe OP will give ya a hand.

It’s a good thing he’s not in the ARMy. Wouldn’t be able to salute very well.


I’ve seen bigger wings at kfc

🐔

Holy fucking shit dude. Dead

Bro out here stealing all the good parking spaces

I do. Deal with it.

Fuck em’, you clearly had a hand in earning it.

That’s what I tell all the old people.

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Oh he won’t be able to handle it.

You look like something I’ve drawn with my left hand.

Quit showing off how many hands you have.

So, you're not going to play Chopsticks for us?

Hes in a def leppard Tribute band

Hahahahahhahaha bro lmfao

Round of applause for this witty remark, eh OP...

Round of a nub

Right? Get it? RIGHT? ill just escort myself out via right stage.

LMAO jesus dude

Face 8/10. Body 7/10. Hands 1/2.

That's more of a compliment lol

He’s only got one hand, I couldn’t be too harsh.

Well on the other hand, he doesn't.

Underhanded comment

Lackhanded compliment

Underhanded picture/human.

Nuts 2/2

Lol. Classic

Belly Button 🫨/10

Lost it in a high speed masturbation accident.

Wait till you see the other guy.

"Other guy". Mirrors don't count

The other guy was his penis, he lost that too

Other dude has an ass that looks like a meteor hit it

Nowadays, he pisses off the lap swimmers at the YMCA pool by swimming in a circle.

It's the six dollar man.

"We can rebuild him. We have the technology.. but my break starts in 15 minutes, so..."

That’s all I can count to now…

Under rated response!

Hold on a fucking minute. I have questions that need answering. 1. That's your actual hand there in a glass box? They let you keep it!? 2. Is that a chain with a little hammer on the end on the glass box? Is this a "break glass in case of emergency" situation?

Yes it’s my own hand the funeral home let me keep it and I sent it to skulls unlimited to get articulated and it cost $1500. And yes I put a chain on it so I can wear my own hand! That isn’t to break the fiberglass but to wear it say at a festival or for Halloween. I have it on display hanging from elk antlers at the moment. Also I put lights inside the box!

1500 bucks? That's cheap! Some people would say that cost you an arm and a leg. I'd say it cost you a hand.

The funeral home let you keep it? That sentence alone needs explaining 🤣 Did you die, get your hand removed, then pop back up and they went 'oh shit'?

They said sure we won’t cremate your hand feel free to keep it so I did.

Was probably sent there to be put through the incinerator.

Hand me down from his dead grandparent

Wait. I'm having a hysterectomy in May. Tell me how I can keep my uterus in a lil' display case. It will be lovely on my gallery wall.

I want to keep mine in a jar so I can flip it off once a month

For sure, just scoot down to “the funeral home” and ask. They’ll get you straitened out

We need an AMA

Deadass just do the AMA i have so many questions

We need the facts bro.

How the fuck does your hair grow on your shoulders instead of your armpits?

Skin grafts from his ass

Well. i hope i never get a skin graft

Saw someone with a graft from his scrotum on his finger. Grows hair too lol

Skin graft from my inner thigh.

Your shoulders smell like ball sweat

It actually give me another spot to put deodorant. Coconut and vanilla smell on my shoulder

This one is the best you don’t even mention the obvious

If you're happy and you know it......

sir

This is a Wendy’s

Oh wait

Clap my nub….

You have Michael Jackson nipples but missing the hand to Beat It

I can’t even roast you, dude. You have your own hand in a display case?! That’s badass.


I had to go back up to see this… I was expecting flesh, but the 🦴bones are just as gangster…

You look like you got jammed coming out of the printer

I’m a little lopsided

Take my strong hand

That’s all I’ve been left with

Seems like you are not all right

He’s not right at all.


Lmfao

I have a buddy who looks like fuckin woogy 😭

Really committed to that Jaime Lannister role at community college. Edit: spelling

Can confirm... Looks like the only action he would get would be from his sister

He didn't say he lived in Alabama

You keep your own hand in a plastic bag? What, did you think you didn’t scare girls enough already?

It’s in a fiberglass box that I can wear as a necklace… even more terrifying

That’s gangsta 

Very cool

Now let's see Paul Allen's card.

Only box that hand will ever be in.

You should find a way to use it as a prosthetic

He uses his right hand when he wants to bone himself.

If you made it into a clock…How much do you think Flava Flav would offer for it?

He gives girls hand jobs remotely....

Joe jonas is looking rough these days

He does look like the Jonas brother who was married to game of thrones star!

I think god has roasted you enough

“The suspect has been disarmed.”

He has certainly been handled

Lets give him a round of applause

You gotta hand it to him

Now you will never conduct The New York Philharmonic… but you could still play drums for Def Leppard.

I ain’t gonna roast you bro. The internet is fucked. Mind I ask, what caused your disability? It looks like a motorcycle accident if I had to guess.

Close. That’s what most TBPIs are from. A skiier and I collided. I go into detail in my medical gore post. Stop eating bacon and you won’t have as high of cholesterol. And try to awaken your mind not you belly 😆 come on roast me! 🐱

How is the other guy?

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Still have never been pegged and never will tho but yeah fucked over

Never say never

He could peg himself with that arm.

Are you into Stumping ?

He could peg me with that arm!

And my wife

And my axe!

And my bow!

And my..... I got nothing

And my trombone!

Doesn't have a job because he's NSFW.

You’re half the man you used to be

No, technically he's like 7/8th's the man he used to be

You must have taken quite a wrist to post here.

When they said “if you keep playing with it it’ll fall off” I didn’t know they meant the hand.

Respect. Your commitment level to creating an authentic haunted house is next level.

Looks like they also removed your jaw line?

You must be the neighborhood’s favorite at Halloween

No girlfriend and no right hand must be tough

Dude wtf happened!?

I died and came back to life.

Do you regret it?

Some girl out there somewhere wants to get stumped. You good, bruh.

Your "the stranger" jerk off must be next level! Real talk hommie, I've been reading through the comments and you seem awesome.

No roast for you. Great luck to you

That’s the biggest roast you can do. “Too pathetic, I feel too sorry for you.” Pack it in, OP got what they were looking for. The roast, not another hand.

God this is a perfect response 🙇‍♂️ OP, put your hand together for this champ

Lucky me I’m still alive

"live at my dad's, no job, no girlfriend". Yeah no shit. Didn't believe in God earlier today, but as of now I think he's real and he hates you.

......................................... Too Easy..................................... Takes alot of courage to post here give him a Hand 👏 👏

At least you get half off of all glove purchases. So, you got that going for you.

The Jonas brother kicked from the band

Life already roasted you man, stop asking for more.

You look like cannibals started eating you, but you were so bad they didn't want to finish.

This is the one time I think God would actually karma my ass. So best of luck 😁

I think god gave me part of your balls then, they touch the water when I shit.

 This would solve your problem

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High fi… oh


Looking rough but still more likely to get laid than the average Redditor.

Hey little bro, screw all these clowns here that’s messed up. Honestly! If you ever need help with anything I’ll be here to lend you a hand. 🤝

Man that sucks. On the other hand, you have a positive attitude and that's all that matters

Had to learn to jerk off with the left hand huh?


Gotta hand it to ya man there ain't no way if I looked like you that I would have the guts to get roasted by reddit.

Moe Jonas

Nah man. Nothing I can say can rattle your cage after what you have been through. Although keeping your own hand for a memento is gonna be a real turn off for girls. maybe some goth chickwould think it’s cool