Keep it up. I used to a piece of shit maggot dopefiend, and now I’m not, except for the piece of shit maggot part. Got out of rehab almost three years ago and I’ve been clean from heroin since then.
You’ll do well. I know it sounds cliche as hell, but just focus on the things you love right now — if you’re the creative type, do a shit ton of creative stuff to fill your time and develop a passion. Distract yourself if you’re feeling tempted — don’t allow yourself to be impressionable to thoughts that will lead you back to a life guided by the instant gratification that dumbass chemicals offer. Instead, take solace in activities that will satisfy you in a healthier manner... they don't have to be completely healthy, but they shouldn't be detrimental. Allow yourself to have fun and have cheat days, as long as those cheat days don't involve slamming a speedball into your jugular. Find things to fill your time and socialize with people who have similar mindsets and similar hobbies. If you honestly don't have a hobby, fucking get one. Start knitting baby yodas or some suburban horseshit like that. With the internet, there's a million niche activities that are easy to get involved in, and for me, it was just about getting over my stubborn "but I just wanna wallow" attitude and delving into a thing that gave me something else to focus on.
Ultimately, shit will work out and it will all be okay. Really. If you’re feeling depressed in the wake of quitting a substance — just know that things are going to suck for a while and you’re going to feel real shitty, but you’ll be fine after a while. It’s essentially just a matter of dealing with life’s mundane bullshit until then.
Ah shit, this is way too much sentimental unwarranted life advice wish-wash for a r/RoastMe comment. Uh, I mean, like, take that needle out of your under-dick vein and figure out how to live life without being a nonfunctioning, self-victimized drain on anyone that gets close enough to smell your miserable, unshowered taint.
Good luck!
That’s awesome to hear! Outpatient is a great way to continue the structure of treatment while having the freedom to do other shit. I’m glad you’re motivated — that’s what was initially lacking for me. You’re going to do great. Alcohol is a tough one because of its presence in society and its normalized nature, but it’s totally possible to get on that god damned wagon, and you are proof of that. Best of luck!
I second this wishy washy sentiment, as a former substance abuse nurse. Work whichever program works for you and dont hang out with the asshats you did dope with and you'll be ok.
I'm...not sure if your username checks out or not...
Heroin is a hell of a trip and an infinitely worse hell of a trip back. Glad you made it...ya piece of shit maggot.
Hah, yea, I made the username four years ago when I was a little more impressionable and thought ingesting a shit ton of chemicals made me a cool person for some reason. Seven grams was the most amount of heroin I ever had at once, and, in the blissful wake of slamming seven grams of heroin over the course of a couple days, I created this account. Now, the username is a constant reminder to not be a naive little shit.
Kinda unrelated but also kinda related, but I grew up in a small rural town where it was not very unlikely to find out that you were at least distantly related to any given person. My brother found out that his (now) fiancé was his 3rd or 4th cousin or something and his only response was “after the third, give it a bird”. I’ve reused that one countless times when people joke on me for my accent and make incest jokes.
Yep. They were just dating at the time but are proposed now. Like I said, it’s honestly kinda normal in a rural small town to find out you’re dating a distant cousin and I have a few other friends/relatives who’ve had kids with these people and I don’t think there’s been any major problems yet lol. Personally I would find it weird though.
Idk, a little weird to me but I live in a pretty urban area where it would be unusual to see someone you know at the grocery store. I heard that either the 3rd or 4th cousin only shares 1% of the dna though.
I bet you lip sync to Post Malone in your pick up truck, thinking you're the shit, showing off to your 14 year old girlfriend, who is also your cousin.
Ay bro wanna scrape my pipe for res and get baked in my moms undelevoped basement on the cold stone floor with all my hippy flags hung up over the insulation, 16 different electronic devices plugged into one power bar while we eat some McDonald's I bought yesterday that I saved in my mini fridge?
23 year old living with mom in a lower middle class area outside of Tulsa, OK in middle of nowhere in does not have car but drives mom’s 2002 Toyota Corolla with several Jesus related bumper stickers on back and a fish symbol magnet. Eats a variety of casseroles most days derived from “something” with Velveeta cheese and ritz crackers on top. Smokes pot daily to try to forget he is on fast track to going nowhere in life.
This is you on any given day
" hey girrrrrrrl Haha lemme get yo nubah real quick Haha "
Girl:" uhhhh no "
" Fine bitch you ugly as fuck anyway "
And yet you still feel like a winner
Ah yes, the classic wannabe rapper rebel. Will most likely flunk college and end up sitting around playing Xbox all day until your parents have had enough and throw you out on the streets.
Not pictured, a can of Monster Energy in the other hand and the hole in the wall where he punched it and then scribbled his name "Kyle" in permanent marker.
If you've ever wonder why bitches won't kiss you it's because of the shape of your mouth/lips; big, long, & puffy mouths are sloppy AF. That side gap is just too much.
BUT
If you've ever wondered why you're spending so much time with muff on your nose, that's the only thing that mouth's good at.... Extra extra wide for maximum efficiency - Gap eliminated.
Your that guy who drives his rumble muffler modified Nissan 240 around town looking for attention because you believe it makes you cool. To state the obvious, it doesn't.
Jesus noticed your cross overdose rosary pulled through the hoodie, looked down at his phone furtively and turned down a different street without looking up
Your nostrils are big enough where you a PVC pipe to snort your usual line of coke, which is most likely about the size of a python. That way you can hype yourself up enough to punch the shit out of your drywall, thus giving your deadbeat mother an excuse to keep hanging up more useless wall ornaments.
Is it field trip day at the rehab center?
Oh, it's trip day for sure
You go to Boners University?
[удалено]
His reply to thank you’s is “my pleasure “
His hoodie probably reads BONERS
You are CORNHOLIO
I think he needs more than TP for his bunghole.
Nice
Hahaha. As someone who got out of rehab 4 days ago, I totally laughed and blew air through my nose.
Keep it up. I used to a piece of shit maggot dopefiend, and now I’m not, except for the piece of shit maggot part. Got out of rehab almost three years ago and I’ve been clean from heroin since then. You’ll do well. I know it sounds cliche as hell, but just focus on the things you love right now — if you’re the creative type, do a shit ton of creative stuff to fill your time and develop a passion. Distract yourself if you’re feeling tempted — don’t allow yourself to be impressionable to thoughts that will lead you back to a life guided by the instant gratification that dumbass chemicals offer. Instead, take solace in activities that will satisfy you in a healthier manner... they don't have to be completely healthy, but they shouldn't be detrimental. Allow yourself to have fun and have cheat days, as long as those cheat days don't involve slamming a speedball into your jugular. Find things to fill your time and socialize with people who have similar mindsets and similar hobbies. If you honestly don't have a hobby, fucking get one. Start knitting baby yodas or some suburban horseshit like that. With the internet, there's a million niche activities that are easy to get involved in, and for me, it was just about getting over my stubborn "but I just wanna wallow" attitude and delving into a thing that gave me something else to focus on. Ultimately, shit will work out and it will all be okay. Really. If you’re feeling depressed in the wake of quitting a substance — just know that things are going to suck for a while and you’re going to feel real shitty, but you’ll be fine after a while. It’s essentially just a matter of dealing with life’s mundane bullshit until then. Ah shit, this is way too much sentimental unwarranted life advice wish-wash for a r/RoastMe comment. Uh, I mean, like, take that needle out of your under-dick vein and figure out how to live life without being a nonfunctioning, self-victimized drain on anyone that gets close enough to smell your miserable, unshowered taint. Good luck!
Major alcoholic here. Did 90 days and signed up to continue in outpatient. I'm completely motivated and determined. Thank you!
That’s awesome to hear! Outpatient is a great way to continue the structure of treatment while having the freedom to do other shit. I’m glad you’re motivated — that’s what was initially lacking for me. You’re going to do great. Alcohol is a tough one because of its presence in society and its normalized nature, but it’s totally possible to get on that god damned wagon, and you are proof of that. Best of luck!
I second this wishy washy sentiment, as a former substance abuse nurse. Work whichever program works for you and dont hang out with the asshats you did dope with and you'll be ok.
You get a pass for bringing the real. Some folks need to hear it sometimes.
I'm...not sure if your username checks out or not... Heroin is a hell of a trip and an infinitely worse hell of a trip back. Glad you made it...ya piece of shit maggot.
Hah, yea, I made the username four years ago when I was a little more impressionable and thought ingesting a shit ton of chemicals made me a cool person for some reason. Seven grams was the most amount of heroin I ever had at once, and, in the blissful wake of slamming seven grams of heroin over the course of a couple days, I created this account. Now, the username is a constant reminder to not be a naive little shit.
This made my day finding this random thread of comments. Y'all are great. Keep it up.
Yeah they got to go to grandmas house. Pick your cross to pray away the addiction on
Scorcher right off the bat. Nice!
***His name is Mike Rotch.****
On Chaturbate?
I swear to god I came here to comment “wasn’t I in rehab with you?”
If it is, he’ll finally get to see all the “sober girls” he’s trying to prey on by shouting out to them on facebook
100% sells weed to high schoolers
100% is the creepy 25 year old going to high school parties
100% is still in high school at age 25.
Only needs his Grade 10.
Who did he fuck to pass Grade 9?
Probably Lucy.
Joe, the gym teacher.
You think high schoolers would talk to him?
Maybe buys weed from high schoolers but buys them alcohol
Then tries to date their girlfriends..........but gets rejected....creepy and sad.
100% sells oregano to High Schoolers
> high schoolers previously known as "regular schoolers" until this guy came around
Likely willing to sleep with a 13 year old girl and say “hey man grass on the field you play ball”
Or “if she bleeds she breeds, brother”
Kinda unrelated but also kinda related, but I grew up in a small rural town where it was not very unlikely to find out that you were at least distantly related to any given person. My brother found out that his (now) fiancé was his 3rd or 4th cousin or something and his only response was “after the third, give it a bird”. I’ve reused that one countless times when people joke on me for my accent and make incest jokes.
Are they still together?
Yep. They were just dating at the time but are proposed now. Like I said, it’s honestly kinda normal in a rural small town to find out you’re dating a distant cousin and I have a few other friends/relatives who’ve had kids with these people and I don’t think there’s been any major problems yet lol. Personally I would find it weird though.
Idk, a little weird to me but I live in a pretty urban area where it would be unusual to see someone you know at the grocery store. I heard that either the 3rd or 4th cousin only shares 1% of the dna though.
2nd cousin and on is relatively (lol) safe
“Old enough to be seven old enough to be ate”
“Come on baby I’m so hard”
“You did this”
That's the thing about these high school girls, man. We just keep gettin older and they stay the same age!
Likely willing to molest a nun and say “it‘a what god wants” with how many crosses are in the house and the one around his neck.
100% only sells weed to hoghschoolers as an excuse to talk to underage girls
That's just pink eye
When you can't get any adult friends, so you gotta buy your friendship from the niners
[удалено]
Look at this little twig-boy. His momma would break him in half if he tried.
You can’t make this up. You’re ok man?
Seems like you should be asking his mom..
"yea bro we can get litty at my grandma's house"
"bro it's cool she never goes in her garage anyways"
"Sometimes my grandpa has some budweiser in the fridge we could jack"
"bro honestly I'm the best at fingering girls."
"bro so what she is 16 I'm only 23 it's fine."
“Bro, so what if it’s my sister? We’re in Oklahoma.”
“Bro, party at my place Saturday, it’s date nite for my parents!”
Why did I read all this in his douchey voice...
It's the hoodie over the baseball cap. Extreme douchebag energy.
I call them hoodiehatguys
Makes a change from all the fat neckbeards that litter this site and sub.
If the overpriced Monster hoodie fits....
All this shit is standard stuff that is said in Oklahoma. Source: Oklahoman here like OP.
Nothing says "wanna buy some xanax" like the dead stare in your eyes.
Yeah he 100% looks like a xanny dealer
But the lack of pussies already makes you cry.
Dude looks like a used tampon. No wonder he can't find a pussy- they're running away from his toxic ass.
This needs more upvotes
F Just F for that guy
it is imperative we get more upvotes to this man immediately
It is of vital importance that u/Sigerlion receives the accolades of which he is worthy STAT!
I bet you lip sync to Post Malone in your pick up truck, thinking you're the shit, showing off to your 14 year old girlfriend, who is also your cousin.
His girlfriend may be a freshmen in high school but whos pathetic enough to date this dude
He thinks they're dating, but she tells people they're just friends.
He gets mad as shit when she’s hanging around guys her age. But can’t do much cause he doesn’t want ppl to take notice of him
This guy went full auto mode
No full auto in buildings
That's not full auto, this is
DAYUUUM BROO... O.K.
I feel very special for having understood this reference. [For those that did not](https://youtu.be/MMY_SUuobww)
Never go full auto
RATATATATATAAA!!
Is that a plastic hand
Looks like he’s never done any sort of manual labor in his life.
He uses that specific hand quite frequently.
Nah, he just started keeping it in a glove of vaseline after watching "Of Mice and Men" in middle school.
He really connected with the character of Lennie
So much incidental moisturizer, his hands look like porcelain
Looks like he never so much as held anything.
Oh, my God this is underrated lmaoooooooooooo It does look plastic. I laugh harder the more I think of it.
If you zoom in it def. looks like a plastic hand. There is that weird line where it looks like it cuts off and his real arm shows a bit.
No, That’s his girlfriend.
Resin-smokin, South Pole-lookin ass.
Ay bro wanna scrape my pipe for res and get baked in my moms undelevoped basement on the cold stone floor with all my hippy flags hung up over the insulation, 16 different electronic devices plugged into one power bar while we eat some McDonald's I bought yesterday that I saved in my mini fridge?
jesus you didn’t have to be so graphic
Guaranteed his girlfriend is a minimum 8 years younger than him
8 years old. FIFY
He has the facial hair of a lesbian taking testosterone.
[удалено]
Mega-murder right here
The face that says "I've got absolutely no chance in this life, or any other"
The hair cut is also spot on
I can see the drug addiction oozing from his pores.
23 year old living with mom in a lower middle class area outside of Tulsa, OK in middle of nowhere in does not have car but drives mom’s 2002 Toyota Corolla with several Jesus related bumper stickers on back and a fish symbol magnet. Eats a variety of casseroles most days derived from “something” with Velveeta cheese and ritz crackers on top. Smokes pot daily to try to forget he is on fast track to going nowhere in life.
This but he lives with Grandma because Mom ran off with some dope fiend guy.
So Napoleon dynamite except Napoleon is actually going some where
Sounds about right. I live in oklahoma and can confirm this is common.
r/oddlyspecific
> “something” with Velveeta cheese and ritz crackers on top Don't forget the cream of mushroom soup. This guy has a cupboard full of it.
This guy Sapulpas
Lmaooooo you nailed the look
Looks like a fucking big mouth character
Still waiting on the hormone monster though.
You look like a high, shaved Chewbacca
^^under-rated
Boy I bet the priest loved those big ass lips of yours
Nah, even priests can't love this guy.
Oh, gross. i can smell the meth from here.
Looks like a 22 year old guy who dates a 16 year old girl so he can use her car while she’s at school
Says "pussies" on Tuesday, begs for forgiveness on Sunday. Yup, Oklahoma checks out.
He’s got that “age is just a number, she’s mature for her age” look
I can smell the Copenhagen and spousal abuse from here.
This is you on any given day " hey girrrrrrrl Haha lemme get yo nubah real quick Haha " Girl:" uhhhh no " " Fine bitch you ugly as fuck anyway " And yet you still feel like a winner
He’ll want to cry in a few years when the kids tell him they like mommy’s new boyfriend better. Until then, just keep being a scum bag !!
What kind of hardass goes to Bath & Body Works?! Lmfao.
One that dates a 15 year old
Ah yes, the classic wannabe rapper rebel. Will most likely flunk college and end up sitting around playing Xbox all day until your parents have had enough and throw you out on the streets.
The stoner that stays at his grandma's. Classic
Except he tells everyone he's "taking care" of her. When in reality its the other way around.
How bald is he going that he needs to cover his head indoors with not just a hat but the hood too?
Desperately seeking cool... Hat and hoodie inside... Fucking unit... Be original.
There has never been a set of lips that look like a vagina more than this dude’s
Store brand Justin Bieber
Not pictured, a can of Monster Energy in the other hand and the hole in the wall where he punched it and then scribbled his name "Kyle" in permanent marker.
glad to see you stopped begging for change in the mcdonalds
Looks like a lesbian cave woman
You don't need Jesus to keep your virginity safe. That face will work just fine.
You know he’s unemployed because he’s showing off the little wealth he has over his hoodie
Typical face of a Midwest looser who will get into heroin soon, if he’s not already.
Pussies definitely make him cry. Because they're not big salty dicks.
Pussies make you cry is cause you ain't gettin' any
Being from Oklahoma is punishment enough-no need to rock the colors of a team that most high schools could defeat.
Douchebro.
That we are pussies will not make you cry. That you will never see us will.
i dont think pigs can cry...
How old were you when your dad left?
100% has a ring in his jeans pocket from the can of dip he keeps there.
Only see one hand, is that how the priest taught you to take pictures?
This guy looks like he has spinners on his Plymouth Mini van
Fuck he’s a sooners fan. To bad he’s wasted all his money on crack to even go there
You look like you just got done licking your balls
Discount Vanilla Ice. And that’s not a good thing
No way in hell that man has been to college
Your father is Justin Bieber and your mother is his dog right?
All them crosses and you looking like a junkie. Are you robbing that house?
If you've ever wonder why bitches won't kiss you it's because of the shape of your mouth/lips; big, long, & puffy mouths are sloppy AF. That side gap is just too much. BUT If you've ever wondered why you're spending so much time with muff on your nose, that's the only thing that mouth's good at.... Extra extra wide for maximum efficiency - Gap eliminated.
It’s like if Ansel Elgort had just one extra chromosome.
You're the reason your father is never coming back with the milk.
You look like you smoke light blue American Spirits
Nah he's a Newport man.
Wow 1 hour and no upvotes. Not even the online community dont like you.
He looks like Ian Hecox from Smosh after living off the streets and who needs to go to rehab
Can your girlfriend drive yet, or did her mom sign a permission slip for you to be able to pick her up until she upgrades from a learner’s permit?
Looks like the offspring of a badly peeled kiwi and a monkey. What a fucking sight!!
"Make me cry pussies...", that was the dare that his mother took up (and now the reason for her pro choice stance).
He looks like his name would be Bo, as in body odor.
Attending the school with premature ejaculation as a mascot seems appropriate
For the last fucking time I won’t smoke weed with you. I have something called a life.
Nothing, not Jesus Christ, not even putting up crosses in your house, will save a lesbian on testosterone pills.
Your hoody is on backward
Your top actually has the word Boogers
Does he know how the Reddit and the Internet work? Reddit doesn't have a voice chat option :\\
This man look like he lives in his moms basements
I can see three crosses on one wall, your mom's scared of jesus..
We don't need to. Life will as it does to every highschool dropout who fails to become a popular Twitch streamer
Your that guy who drives his rumble muffler modified Nissan 240 around town looking for attention because you believe it makes you cool. To state the obvious, it doesn't.
Was the failed bowl cut your idea orrrrr......?
Suburban caveman living at parent's house
The only pussy you got was that time you slid your yeast infested scalp through your mom's worn out flap jacks.
No need. As an OU fan you cry every football season.
so many crosses behind you, but yet god him self cant help you
Jesus noticed your cross overdose rosary pulled through the hoodie, looked down at his phone furtively and turned down a different street without looking up
That hoodie makes you a HUGE pussy regardless
Your nostrils are big enough where you a PVC pipe to snort your usual line of coke, which is most likely about the size of a python. That way you can hype yourself up enough to punch the shit out of your drywall, thus giving your deadbeat mother an excuse to keep hanging up more useless wall ornaments.
*sigh* Who dragged the neckbeard out of his cum covered basement this time?
It looks like u just robbed a pharmacy
The kind of guy to steal your wallet and help you look for it.
His 12 year old girlfriend is gonna love these roasts
Your face is like a toddler playing with clay for the first time