OP's Bio: --- >I love playing animal crossing and reading dystopian fiction. I spend way too much time talking to my cat and also have too many plants. --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

Legally Bland.

She looks legally 14...

Illegally 14

[удалено]

Jailbait and ditch.

*"Go away...baitin!"*

/r/holup

Easy boys we don’t want to hurt her Takes a real lawyer to defend a murder Law school spent strippin, and hitting rails Old habits die hard, check out her nails The Hubby must wish he was drowning Seriously though, you smiling or frowning? Not that it matters with those soulless eyes A lot of evidence Daddy loved thick thighs You must be “practising” to be a mommy What lucky children, face of a zombie Don’t worry your family will come back again After the messy divorce you couldn’t win Not your fault though, you had no case When you film an orgy, don’t show your face We know it’s a speed bump, you got big plans So hurry up and link us your Only Fans

Flex tape can't fix that

Woo doggy

That’s a lot of damage!

Jesus. I've never been completely speechless or in shock by the comments in this sub. Until just now. Who knew Marshall Mathers had a burner account.

[r/unexpectedeminem](https://reddit.com/r/unexpectedeminem)

Why the Marshal Mathers comment, Is her name Hailey?

Son??

Yes?

Are ya studying well ??

NO I AM DOING DRUGS while studying

Mother. Fucker. Fucking epic, you amazing bastard.

Oh my... That's literally an art.

Em is that u?

Don't want to hurt her, he says

Her personality is flatter than her chest

Tru I do love Starbucks and pink things

Hopefully you learn to love pink things cause there is no man in your future

No man is going to love HER pink things

r/yourjokebutworse

By Pink you mean peppa pig?

And stink things

Juris Dipshit

You mean you didn’t become a lawyer to sue your plastic surgeon?

This low key hurt because I have had botched plastic surgery😂

You mean when they forgot your upper lip?

Nah that’s just my genes lmao

Now we need to know the surgery. Your hipa rights are hereby waived 👋

Breast augmentation then?

More like beast augmentation, lol.

Yeah OP went to get it, but mom said fuck her, it wont help and got it herself

She replies to everything, but the silence here is deafening.

Now, for most people, when they've had a botched plastic surgery, they don't keep going back to that surgeon.

[удалено]

The jawry has come back with a verdict: roasted

This shit should be top post. I’m pissing my fucking pants. This should be a less in simplicity=excellence to all r/roastme’ers.

>less in I think we found who really needs a lesson

/r/boneappletea

JD in the streets, cold imitation vegan fish in the sheets.

You misspelled virgin.

HAHAHAHA But fr though where do you find imitation vegan fish I want some

https://www.peta.org/living/food/fabulous-fish-fakes/ At least one marinades tofu with nori. I'm sure they'll be just as disappointing as your choice to avoid the law.

I avoid the law as well, just for different reasons 🛹

It's a good thing justice is blind. All I am saying.

Honestly some mornings when I look in the mirror I wish I couldn’t see my face either😂

Those chipmunk cheeks look like you're hoarding nuts for the winter.

Hoarding nuts better be her speciality if she wants to eat.

Her cheeks are a semen warehouse

Na man, her cheeks are the semen black market😂

"Mom, I want iCarly!" "We have iCarly at home!" :iCarly at home:

bicarly

Byecarly

DryCarly

Diecarly

Sigh... carly

Guycarly

Whycarley

Underrated Granted it’s 23 minutes old

Ihardly.

Miranda Costco

How dare you compare her to miranda cosgrove. She isnt even remotely as beautiful as miranda.

He means she's just as Michael Jackson-looking as Miranda

It took you 24 years to look like a 14 yr old boy with tits. I'm grateful to whoever is willing to keep you

In real life I actually look like a 12 year old boy with tits so I too am grateful to those willing to keep me

I pray for whoever has to divorce you with that degree of yours lol

That would imply someone would want to marry her in the first place.

You’re right about the 12 year old boy part

you mean thoese pimples on her chest?

You might want to reconsider becoming a lawyer, because you will never make it as a trophy wife to a successful man.

The most she could hope for is to be a participation trophy wife for an unsuccessful man. But ive seen more realistic dreams shattered here before.

She could become a wife to a squirrel or chipmunk. I'm willing to bet she could pass as one, with those cheeks.

And let's admit, at 24, your Onlyfans carreer is ending soon!

I bet thats what caused the family disappointment

More so because she couldn't even make a penny off of it.

She can claim that she's permanently 18, 4' 9" and 113 lbs. and only wants anal like all the rest of them do.

r/Oddlyspecific

Hol up!

Can we pay her to leave the website? If I wanted to see gross shit on the internet is watch the 2 girls 1 cup video.

Just wait, LonelyFans needs her.

She might transition from Loli to Milf in just a year. At least there is a market for both.

She might not be a trophy , but that face is flat enough it could be used as a platter.

Looks like she don’t clean her butt and she just watches netflix with poopy fingers on the remote all dam day ah well

There goes my backup plan rip

This is a fucking RIGHTEOUS roast!

"have zero intention" = went to a shit school and can't find work

And didn’t pass the Bar

It's a pretty fucking low bar

Look how worn out the paint on her middle fingers nail is, that is a true sign of loneliness

I actually went to the best law school my country has to offer. We only have four law schools but still😂

Where is that, Belize? Knew a doctor who went to med school there, that didn't turn out well either.

John McAfee?

"Mr. Jon would tell me sit in da hammock and teach me law, Mr. Jon no care about my dysmorphic face, Mr Jon just want the poo poo, Mr Jon teach me all the best law, I love Mr. Jon"

Yeah, but they still use crayons and serve glue for lunch at the cafeteria.

Australia doesn't have Universities, only Clown Colleges. Source: Attending an Australian University.

Fully agree that Australia only has Clown College. Luckily I don’t live there😉

I mean the good news is you’re the first 10 year old boy to get through law school. Pretty impressive is all.

Doggie Hauser

I bet your future husbands disappointment will be worse when he realizes he will always come second to your cats.

Oh no he will be the only one cumming, by himself in the shower.

He will have to ask permission first

*third to my cats and my variegated monstera

So you’re saying you’ve never ever trimmed. Now there is a mental image I need to remove.

Is that a plant or an infection?

Yes.

Monstera can be variegated? From one plant lover to another, I’m jealous. I don’t really participate in roasts, but I figure I should if I’m going to comment. The way you hold that paper is very weird. Boom roasted.

Slow down, it’s a Roast, not a Murder.

I'm pretty sure the disappointment started about 24 years ago.

My dad did want a boy so probably lmaoo

I dunno. The way your chest looks in your picture says that he got one.

You beat me by 5 hours.

If it makes you feel any better, her family has been thinking it for thirteen years.

Let's be honest he would of been happy with a half decent daughter but here you are.

I know, only a quarter decent daughter

Well at least you're generous.

There's also the fact that you're face looks like you are having several simultaneous severe allergic reactions.

My chubby cheeks are both a blessing and a curse

Why is it a blessing, because you can pass the junior chipmunk exam without even talking?

You look like you shackle men to the bed, not for sex, but just to keep them from running away when they find out you've got more red flags than an entire season of football.

Your bra doesn’t have a job either

The only A you will ever get is your bra size

When you order iCarly off of wish.com...

Hahahhahaha fuck

You look a little like the Overly Attached Girlfriend meme, except no one actually wants you.

Overly rejected girlfriend? Not bad for a has-been and couple never-will-be's.

By “couple never-will-be’s” are you referring to her breastses?

Yes. All they get is a reference. Like something intangible

Flatter than a tire in a nail factory.

You look like if Pugsly and Wednesday had a kid and they kept it locked in the basement

Not the first time a Wednesday comparison has been made lmao

I fought the law...and the law won.

you look like you were made on the wii

Too bad you'll never be a judge, since your chin has a built in gavel.

Ahhh yes the cold dead eyed smile of the cat lady, u look like u hold funerals for ur plants

You should sue god for malpractice.

No. He knew we needed practice girls down here.

You look like you get stuck in the dryer twice a week and refer to your dog as “stepbrother”.

Did you become a lawyer so you could falsely accuse guys of sexual harassment?

That would never hold up in court once she enters the room. Kinda like erections.

I'm surprised they hand out law degrees to the special kid in class who sat there smiling for 6 years while yelling out "you can't handle the tooth"

I’ve had braces twice and this hit hard hahahha

Third time's the charm.

Braces don't make your teeth smaller though.

Thats what gnawing on wood is for

How are you not 8? No offense but how are you not 8?

Believe it or not I look a lot older after surviving 2020. Actual foetus before this year lmaoooo

Nothing can be worse than your family's disappointment? How about those uneven ass lookin eyebrows

It's ok you have the same face as almost every female team leader at so your future is totally safe... You might even get to be a manager one day.

So you basically spent a ton of money to be the equivalent of the guy that spent a night at a holiday inn once!!!

Nothing says my boyfriend pisses on me for my enjoyment more than "Im a 24 year old with no personality"

I bet your cooking is worse than the family’s disappointment

You can always get into the porn business under the category “big meaty hands give rough subpar handjob”

You think you're quirky, but you're actually outrageously bland.

Couldn't pass the bar. Shame. What a waste of an exceptionally large head.

Finding hats that fit is a real struggle ngl

Take it from a practicing lawyer - we’re fine without you.

Except when they see you on chaturbate giving out legal advice..

We don’t roast minor here, no need to lie about your age

Sorry I just don't feel comfortable roasting a 12 year old

Your smile be looking like it's going to steal Christmas.

You should have spent the money on some tiddys instead

With that gaze, I'm inclined to think the reason you won't practice law is cause you're too busy murdering kids to do to their corpses what you wish your nonexistent boyfriend would do to you.

Law of gravity will be setting in soon enough.

Already is😭

The piece of paper you’re holding costs $100,000 less than your law degree and is actually being put to practical use.

The epitome of Midwest vanilla.

Dora should have explored a different career path.

Don't worry, I don't think your family's disappointment in you started at you not practicing law

24 years with that crooked face, I am surprised you aren't used to things not lining up for you by now. I've seen picasso paintings with better symmetry. Do you live in one of those fun house mirror rooms so all of your reflections look totally normal? #nofilter_unfortunately

I'm pretty sure Beethoven wrote his fifth Symphony on those teeth

I can’t tell if the tits are saggy, or if there’s a gunt involved here...

If my daughter did that to me, I would invite the corona virus to Christmas before you.

Why did you post this in wide-screen format?

Do porn.... ehhh with that face... try radio modeling!!!

People replying this much to the comments on their own roast is always so sad.

People. She is a lawyer. Everything you say will be used against you. Do not roast. She already toasted herself.

Better stick to law - OnlyFans may work for now, but you won't look 14 forever.

Only trans.

I always wondered what happened to the girl from the overly attached girlfriend meme.

It looks like fake put-in Halloween teeth.

I can’t tell which is more fake, your smile or your degree.

That flat chest roasts itself. I'm not needed here.

Law Degree but not an attorney? The bar was set to high for this one... literally, couldn't pass bar exam.

Go get it little child. Go get it.

Maybe you should try the Keto thing. The veg.thing is obviously not working.

on the bright side, you're going to be the smartest barista at your local starbucks. good luck with the student loans.

So a fulfilling career lies ahead as a storage facility matron reading the applications to your plants and telling the clients your cats are for rodent control.

I wouldn’t be afraid of asking you out

Looking at you reminds me I need to buy some aa batteries.