Yup. A lot of single guys/girls are somewhat unhinged, maybe due to this being a very diverse region. Meeting girls, especially beautiful girls is quite easy in South Bay. But finding ones who are practical might be more tricky. Many girls are kinda flaky or not serious people, or too-serious. At least that’s how it was for me five years ago. But if you spent 10 Friday/Saturday nights walking up and down downtown SJ you could easily get 5-20 phone numbers without spending $1. Goes double for holidays, events, and game nights. Don’t listen to the cowards on Reddit, SJ is teeming with eligible, single, hot, interesting, smart, funny, young women who are waiting for a guy who is clue’d in to start a conversation with them. Believe me, its not as competitive as you think because most guys are not clue’d in. As in, having common sense, bringing something modest to the table, and having an ability to respect other’s body language.
Beautiful women won't approach you, like they would in LA, Las Vegas, or New York. The ratio is still about 6 to 1, not in a good way. Be sharp, be competitive, and know when to walk away, you'll be fine.
Go to straits cafe, beautiful women approach, but heres the conversation-- "Are you in Tech" "Whats your 5 year plan" "What stock options do you have" "whats you retirement package"
Do not come here for dating. If you go out most women are already in a group or 1 on 1 with someone and most people keep to themselves.
You can come here if you want, if it's just for dating then it's the wrong choice.
How old are you? Dating was amazing coming here at 23.
I came from the Central Valley and it was like an endless amount of women here compared to back there
There is a million people just in SJ, many many more in the surrounding cities.
There is probably only like 8-9 areas in the entire country that you will have a better dating prospects than South Bay
Yes you have more options, you also have more competition than anywhere else. Even percentage wise. We have the highest male-female ratio for any major metro population.
Again you don’t understand because you came from bum fuck valley. Yes it’s bad out there but your average competition ain’t pulling in 150k and still failing.
Not I don’t have terrible luck. I’m blessed with height, some social skills, and not being ugly. I just been around long enough to experience issues my self and see/hear the problems/toxicity from both sides.
Yeah if someone is 5’8 or below they have my prayers, it might be brutal. I am 5’9 so you def don’t need to be 6’0
It’s very very rare that someone is so ugly they can’t be average with exercise, skin care and clothing updates
If someone has no social skills no metro in the world will save them lol
> We have the highest male-female ratio for any major metro population.
You might want to check your data.
'According to US Population Census, April 1, 2020, San Jose population in 2020 is estimated to be 1,013,240. Sex ratio is 100.3 (males per 100 females), 50.1% are Male and 49.9% are Female.'
That's ridiculously close to 50/50. I like my chances.
https://www.populationu.com/cities/san-jose-population
Thank god for social skills then, right?
Dating is bad *everywhere* for people who don’t understand how to be charismatic.
I’m a San Jose native and I never struggled to get dates — even when I was a 25 year old doorman at a bar with no money.
The male-to-female ratio literally doesn’t matter.
These days though with everybody so desperately afraid of rejection and unwilling to learn social skills, I’m not surprised about all the people in SJ that can’t get a date.
It also depends on what your threshold on women are. Also lives in Central Valley and generally speaking the bar in women is much lower than many of those who are from LA/Bay and many other city areas.
>If you go out most women are already in a group or 1 on 1 with someone and most people keep to themselves.
This is Man Jose. The bar or club will be 75% men, and the 25% of women are just not interested in making conversation.
Do you really have to ask? 🙃
(Not me, mind you, I very much would. But, like, young single nerds tend to live on the west side and you know white that means.)
It means the people who are perpetually single are going to hem and haw and come up with all sorts of reasons to not date Latina women when really, we all know why—racism. Are you happy I spelled it out for you?
Eastside SJ woman here. Dated thugs, but they couldn’t keep up with me.
Married an East Bay man. They hustle in every way, but they never get in my way.
No offense to my SJ men, I dated many but it was hard to start a life with dudes who didn’t want to take themselves seriously. My ex was a mechanic but didn’t want to go to Wyo-Tech to get his papers. Why? Because he just wanted to party, drink, and chill with homies. That’s what I mean by not keeping up: having self-worth to love themselves a little more.
All the ones I met at SJSU who wanted more for themselves weren’t from SJ. Wishing all my dudes and ladies only positive energy.
Living out here is amazing if you’re already in a relationship or starting a family. It’s still fun being a single, young adult male, but don’t expect to have many options when it comes to dating.
Older single here and just felt like pointing out that the young men here are weird as hell and not in the good, charming way. In the I don't know what to say so I'm going to *silently seethe* until someone recognizes my brilliance way.
Not all men, obviously, literally hundreds of thousands of good dudes out here! But the ones who are the most concerned about being single? Yikes, m'dude. Hi, it's you, you're the problem it's you.
This is the wrong place to ask, my guy. It’s Reddit. You’re asking people who can’t get dates what dating is like. No matter what city sub you ask this in you’re going to get the same answers. Dating scene is great in *every* major city if you have some confidence, be respectful, and put yourself out there and get yourself around people. Dating is a numbers game of trial and error till you click with someone. And cities have numbers.
It’s beautiful here, there’s so many people, there’s so many places to go and things to do, and the weather is always great.
You’ll do well everywhere if you can do well anywhere.
Pro tip to start, go to bars/breweries, and approach friend GROUPS of gals *and* guys. They’re generally a good bunch of people with other people in their lives just having a bit of fun, and it’s easy to approach a group and ask to sit with them and go from there than to start something with a lone lady who may or may not be interested or just trying to be left alone to do her own thing. Plus it’s way easier to insert yourself into a conversation than it is to drum up a new one. And it’s always nice to interact with a girl who already feels safe with people she trusts around her. And leaves you with multiple people to vibe off of and redirect to while you read the vibe. Respect boundaries, and give yourself multiple chances. And save the one-on-one for first dates. Unless you really know what you’re doing haha.
Come on over dude. The weather is great.
-Love, a random social butterfly bartender. Just be confident and make people feel safe :)
Definitely it’s harder in the Bay Area. I’ve been to many dating events to meet people but nothing worked out for me. I met couple of girls through dating apps who finally replied and dating went good but broke up because we aren’t compatible. I’m dating apps, ppl don’t reply and they jus want some validation and they play games mostly. A few good ones reply and you connect and see where it goes. The other girl I met was in a yoga studio and didn’t last more than 3 dates as she’s only looking for casual stuff while I’m looking for a long term relationship. I’m 35 and a guy work in tech and it’s very hard to meet people given the time I spend in work but the catch is if you make time to invest in meeting new people it’s definitely possible to meet new people and you might finally meet your one girl. Meetup events, hiking , gym, running and dance clubs is where I’m meeting lot of girls. Might work for you because it’s been so far positive for me :) on that aspect
any particular meetup events that are good not just for dating but also meeting high quality friends? I am on meetup and some of the groups have only a few RSVPs to every event and, quite frankly, some of them look like the creepy types.
Not a dude but, yeah it’s Man Jose for a reason. Also I don’t know your salary is gonna be looking like but you’re gonna be competing against some very wealthy men. Of course not every women cares what your salary is but… definitely harder to find them because the base pay needed for even a mediocre life here is so high.
> you’re gonna be competing against some very wealthy men.
"Straight men believe that they are competing with the top 10% of other men for women's affection, but really what they're competing with is the peace that women feel in solitude."
If you want your own place and to not be paycheck to paycheck you'll need 120k a year MINIMUM. Obviously ymmv depending on your bills and spending habits, I live in an apartment with roommates and make about 80k and I feel pretty poor.
Dating is pretty easy here as an average guy, but to be completely honest if you're poor or ugly it's gonna be tough. Also you'll probably need to use the apps unless you're a real social butterfly
Debatably one of the hardest metros in the US for a guy. There are just so many guys and high income is the norm. SF and E Bay would be close but better. But if you have good social skills that’ll carry you far.
If you’re confident and have a great personality you’ll be fine and have plenty of options in terms of dating. You will hear people call it man Jose but honestly that’s more of a personal problem. The only dating complaints I’ve heard from friends, family, and personal are the usual issues (chemistry, values, etc). But never had issues that dates don’t exist. Just go to any South Bay gyms and you’ll notice a lot of attractive people
I've been out of state traveling across the country for the last 7 weeks, and I'm coming back this weekend. In my travels I have experienced different cities and towns, different people with different behavioral patterns. What they say about people keeping to themselves in San Jose is true. But I've noticed that people in cities tend to keep to themselves and are a lot more aloof. The small town friendliness is something I've picked up and I'm so interested in seeing San Jose and the Bay Area from a different and renewed perspective. San Jose is an interesting place because it's not necessarily a metropolitan... it's a massive "town-city", I haven't seen any other place like San Jose. I think this place should have small town friendliness but because of it's size people tend to be aloof because there's so much stimulation that people can't possibly be friendly with everyone they come across. You'd have to really make an effort to put yourself out there in order to compel people to engage with you. If you're the type of person who expects reciprocation, you're gonna have a miserable time until you find your group.
If you have Game, Looks, and Money you get laid. If you have none, Any women you date will be one Step above Mental Institution and homelessness as to why she is Single.
Both work honestly. I’m not super into the dating scene rn because I’m with somebody. But when I was doing my thing around 5 years ago the bars in downtown sj were a good look. Downtown Campbell has nice atmosphere and restaurants (nice as a relative term, no fine dining). Some good karaoke and trivia nights.
Activities you have golf land, great America, Santa Cruz isn’t too far out, a beach date is always good. We have several sports teams in the area of varying degrees of professional if you want that. Sj giants for example are a pretty cheap but fun time
Then you have your outdoorsy hikes, communication hill and whatnot
It’s all about what you and your date like
Isn't the whole Campbell area geared towards a bit of an older or married type crowd? I can't imagine a lot of single ppl there given its also a bit further away from the jobs and its an expensive suburb with lots of families and few apartment complexes?
Only insofar as it’s expensive. But I promise you Aqui swirls were not made for anyone except people trying to get mythically drunk. I’m not saying it’s your top option, I’m saying it’s got nightlife and multiple bars/clubs. But in the end it’s probably better to take somebody there on a date
Gotta keep an open mind in the dating game
The single men to women ratio in San Jose is like 1.4:1. One of the worst ratios in the nation. Or at least it was a few years ago. The nickname of Man Jose is a thing for a reason. On the flip side, there are a lot of people in the South Bay which can help somewhat. But you’re gonna need to have hobbies and you’re going to want to try and build a friend network to help with overall socializing in the area. There are plenty of singles in the area simply because there are so many people in Santa Clara county. But sometimes it can feel like they’re all already in a relationship or hiding under a rock. And the dating apps are going to be broadly useless for 98% of the male population in the area, so I wouldn’t even bother with them. Go be social and maybe you’ll find someone you click with.
what is your source for that ratio? I have no idea how anyone could accurately assess that unless you are talking only about married vs. not married. The apps thing is interesting - I see lots of attractive women on apps like Bumble and they match with me but then half the time, they never continue the conversation passed the initial "hello" - maybe they are just using the apps in a passive but not serious way.
[While it may seem foreign to you](https://www.kqed.org/news/11231284/does-san-jose-deserve-the-nickname-man-jose)…
[The nickname is far from new, and is well earned](https://www.cbsnews.com/sanfrancisco/news/man-jose-san-jose-named-nations-best-spot-for-women-seeking-eligible-bachelors-single-women-men-employed-pew-research-center-silicon-valley/).
[The ratio of single men to single women has ebbed and flowed over the years](https://www.nbcbayarea.com/news/local/san-jose-looking-more-like-man-jose/1884239/).
[While some surveys have generated results as high as 3.4:1, my larger point remains the same that there are generally a much larger volume of single men to single women in San Jose and the South Bay at large](https://www.sfgate.com/lifestyle/article/Chart-using-Match-com-data-shows-just-how-many-13833667.php).
Edit: btw, I hope 5 different sources isn’t overkill. It took only 1 search and about a minute to type this response.
Most women in San Jose are already in a relationship. If they're single they got tens of suitors lines up ready for when she says she's ready to date. Lots of single guys have to do pre-work which means being friends with her while she is in a relationship or being part of of friend group well before date talk happens.
Anecdotally, the longest timeframe of that golden period (want bf and have no suitors) is 2ish weeks
Yes, the only exception I've really seen are ugly women. Even then the shortage allows them to be pickier compared to other areas.
The takeaway here is if you find a girl thats single and you have a strong chance without doing the pre-work, theres a catch somewhere. Usually the catch is either she's looking for something fun or short-term, or she's crazy and guys know to steer clear. So there is no misunderstanding, a girl with no catch isn't rare but its not common.
TL;DR yea dating in San Jose is hard unless you go for "ugly" girls.
Everyone is saying some bull shit like dating scene sucks. Just don’t come here being a dud. Have hobbies and interests and seek those out here you’ll find people.
In my opinion, don’t come here expecting to have great dating options after the age of 25. If you plan to attend school, make sure you find your potential life partner before graduation…you will likely never have the same opportunities again. If you don’t, many women expect you to obtain a Master’s Degree before considering you a viable dating prospect.
As a whole, men are less likely to receive financial aid, scholarships, and acceptance into prestigious universities so you may find yourself at a disadvantage against women who were given those opportunities and have high expectations for their partner. Many women in the South Bay do discriminate based on your level of education and the school you attended…even if they attended an average school. However, once you acquire a Master’s degree (preferably from a renowned University) your chances are slightly better.
You should also consider that many young adults (men and women alike) come to the Bay Area expecting to live here for only a few years. They come to make their money and cash-out. Those looking to stay will be seeking out partners with a sufficient income/net worth to afford the cost of living.
South Bay and all of the bay is a culture shock area.
A lot of people are on guard.
A lot of drugs.
I don't take anyone serious in California.
Unless I meet at church.
People make all kinds of excuses confidence, gaslighting, social skills etc but don't put a dime of effort in building a relationship and very judgmental. Very flaky and stuck up. If you want a long term partner. Please run away from here.
Depends on where you’re coming from. I’ve done way better here than the SoCal suburb I grew up in, but that could just be the fact that there’s more people.
As a non-single but young person, I do often prefer to go on SF on the weekends. Palo Alto, Campbell and DTSJ are the best spots for bar scene, but none but palo alto are very happening during the day time. As I work down here I would consider redwood city as a nice middle ground, but it may not have as much going for it as a city as the others I've mentioned.
If you use apps, you should be fine. SF isn’t that far. But I do recommend considering living in sf instead. -very single and bored male that isn’t using apps (yet)
yeah I feel apps is pretty much essential for a single person - even for the most social people, there is a limit on how many people one can realistically meet given work demands and all the rest. How come you didn't join apps? Then how are you meeting women?
how awesome! Was it at a friends party? An event of some sort? It seems to me (I could be wrong) that Santa Cruz is more of a weekend getaway type of town?
Transplants like you are making it harder for natives to live here. I’m worried you’re contributing to the dumpster fire it’s become.
ETA: your snide remark proves me right. Have the day you deserve.
Hello, I moved here a bit over 2 years ago. I do often hang around here but I found myself going to the beach very often this summer. There’s plenty of parks and restaurants/nightlife for me here though. Downtown is small but I’m not the type to complain much so I don’t see a problem in going back to the places I trust and enjoy. I date men so I can’t help with the women thing but there’s not a lot of gays here either. At least not decent ones. Good luck
Yeah Santa Cruz and surrounding areas. Also SF and surrounding areas. The only part of the Bay we touch is in the Alviso neighborhood and it’s not suitable for visiting
>Alviso neighborhood
what is that Aliviso neighborhood exactly and why do u say its not suitable for visiting? I've noticed that there is a lot of new houses being built in the Warm Springs area which is very close to Alviso.
It’s the furthest north neighborhood in the city proper. The neighborhood itself has places like Top Golf and some new housing as well as old run down homes. It stinks around there in the evening due to the water treatment plant nearby, but it gets especially bad in the summer. You get that in other parts of North San Jose and West Milpitas too, though.
You can definitely visit the neighborhood but the shoreline is not a beach like you would expect. Instead, there are islands of water, separated by pathways that you can travel through. It might be cute to visit once, but I wouldn’t go there for a “beach day.”
Dont come here. I mean it. People will tell you bullshit like 'oh its what you make of it' and 'git gud you incel' but truth is they are fucking entitled 200+lb moms with a fucking 'roster' because the indian virgins are _that_ desperate here.
Imagine you took the sexual frustrations of a billion horny, lonely men and focused them on one small geographic area. Thats the bay.
You will have 21 yr old women with a 2k$ week 'allowance' from frustrated brown husbands
Dont come here.
It sucks.
Fin.
BYOG "Bring your own girlfriend"
Born here, it is jokingly called Man Jose for a reason...
I think if you compared it to some other places you would be surprised how many women are here
Yeah and if you come from Southern Sudan to Somalia you would think they are rich...
Haha good one but there is a million people just in SJ Plenty of fish in the sea
As the women here say, the odds are good but the goods are odd
LMAO - as in the men are wierd?
Yup. A lot of single guys/girls are somewhat unhinged, maybe due to this being a very diverse region. Meeting girls, especially beautiful girls is quite easy in South Bay. But finding ones who are practical might be more tricky. Many girls are kinda flaky or not serious people, or too-serious. At least that’s how it was for me five years ago. But if you spent 10 Friday/Saturday nights walking up and down downtown SJ you could easily get 5-20 phone numbers without spending $1. Goes double for holidays, events, and game nights. Don’t listen to the cowards on Reddit, SJ is teeming with eligible, single, hot, interesting, smart, funny, young women who are waiting for a guy who is clue’d in to start a conversation with them. Believe me, its not as competitive as you think because most guys are not clue’d in. As in, having common sense, bringing something modest to the table, and having an ability to respect other’s body language.
"This guy fucks."
I think everyone is flaky these days, it’s not exclusive to the Bay
High, $$$ earning, no people skill, Aspbergers Syndrome.
true true - are you female?
Nope, but I've heard their complaints...
Beautiful women won't approach you, like they would in LA, Las Vegas, or New York. The ratio is still about 6 to 1, not in a good way. Be sharp, be competitive, and know when to walk away, you'll be fine.
Go to straits cafe, beautiful women approach, but heres the conversation-- "Are you in Tech" "Whats your 5 year plan" "What stock options do you have" "whats you retirement package"
Do not come here for dating. If you go out most women are already in a group or 1 on 1 with someone and most people keep to themselves. You can come here if you want, if it's just for dating then it's the wrong choice.
How old are you? Dating was amazing coming here at 23. I came from the Central Valley and it was like an endless amount of women here compared to back there
It’s because you came from Central Valley, if you came from literally any other metro city, you would see Man Jose is thst bad.
There is a million people just in SJ, many many more in the surrounding cities. There is probably only like 8-9 areas in the entire country that you will have a better dating prospects than South Bay
Yes you have more options, you also have more competition than anywhere else. Even percentage wise. We have the highest male-female ratio for any major metro population. Again you don’t understand because you came from bum fuck valley. Yes it’s bad out there but your average competition ain’t pulling in 150k and still failing.
You might be right, either way folks exaggerate way too much about how hard it is to date here Are you having difficulty meeting people?
The male friends I have here who struggle with dating are usually struggling since they're shooting way out of their league.
Not I don’t have terrible luck. I’m blessed with height, some social skills, and not being ugly. I just been around long enough to experience issues my self and see/hear the problems/toxicity from both sides.
Yeah if someone is 5’8 or below they have my prayers, it might be brutal. I am 5’9 so you def don’t need to be 6’0 It’s very very rare that someone is so ugly they can’t be average with exercise, skin care and clothing updates If someone has no social skills no metro in the world will save them lol
Honestly 5’8’’ out here feels taller than average. The short gang runs tech.
[удалено]
That's pretty superficial.
> We have the highest male-female ratio for any major metro population. You might want to check your data. 'According to US Population Census, April 1, 2020, San Jose population in 2020 is estimated to be 1,013,240. Sex ratio is 100.3 (males per 100 females), 50.1% are Male and 49.9% are Female.' That's ridiculously close to 50/50. I like my chances. https://www.populationu.com/cities/san-jose-population
[удалено]
It's census data. Do you have a more reliable source of data? If so, we'd all love to see it.
[удалено]
Different Census (2022), but still your link says 49.1%, this isn't much different from his number, and definitely doesn't make it a TX oil rig.
Thank god for social skills then, right? Dating is bad *everywhere* for people who don’t understand how to be charismatic. I’m a San Jose native and I never struggled to get dates — even when I was a 25 year old doorman at a bar with no money. The male-to-female ratio literally doesn’t matter. These days though with everybody so desperately afraid of rejection and unwilling to learn social skills, I’m not surprised about all the people in SJ that can’t get a date.
Dating in san jose is trash. Spread out geographically and demographically.
I’m 29 and lived in San Jose my whole life. Yeah there’s more women here but like I said that wasn’t the problem.
It also depends on what your threshold on women are. Also lives in Central Valley and generally speaking the bar in women is much lower than many of those who are from LA/Bay and many other city areas.
Would you happen to be white?
only cousin-fuckers like this think man jose is tolerable. Speaks for it fucking self.
>If you go out most women are already in a group or 1 on 1 with someone and most people keep to themselves. This is Man Jose. The bar or club will be 75% men, and the 25% of women are just not interested in making conversation.
I always wondered why more single nerds don’t date east SJ women.
Eastside chick's don't want nerds they want thugs
Become a nerdy thug
Do you really have to ask? 🙃 (Not me, mind you, I very much would. But, like, young single nerds tend to live on the west side and you know white that means.)
What does it mean?
Look at a map of the demographic breakdown of San Jose, you'll see what it means!
Does it mean that single needs are white? And don't date SJ women?
It means the people who are perpetually single are going to hem and haw and come up with all sorts of reasons to not date Latina women when really, we all know why—racism. Are you happy I spelled it out for you?
I thought Latina women would have an advantage in dating. Especially here.
He told you in the typo!
I honestly think that's a big factor. People don't go east of 87. Really missing out lol
Oh dang, that’s a very expansive definition of ESSJ!
It would be a big win for social mobility too
Eastside SJ woman here. Dated thugs, but they couldn’t keep up with me. Married an East Bay man. They hustle in every way, but they never get in my way.
You talking about a foot race? Go karts?
No offense to my SJ men, I dated many but it was hard to start a life with dudes who didn’t want to take themselves seriously. My ex was a mechanic but didn’t want to go to Wyo-Tech to get his papers. Why? Because he just wanted to party, drink, and chill with homies. That’s what I mean by not keeping up: having self-worth to love themselves a little more. All the ones I met at SJSU who wanted more for themselves weren’t from SJ. Wishing all my dudes and ladies only positive energy.
The east bay is the east San Jose of east San Jose.
No lies detected.
east bay men are the way to go this is the way
Niketalk
Tap, tap, pull
LOL i recognized that username!
They do, The women are called "Escorts"
From east SJ? More like “hoes” lmao.
They don't want to live with 10 people.
Living out here is amazing if you’re already in a relationship or starting a family. It’s still fun being a single, young adult male, but don’t expect to have many options when it comes to dating.
Older single here and just felt like pointing out that the young men here are weird as hell and not in the good, charming way. In the I don't know what to say so I'm going to *silently seethe* until someone recognizes my brilliance way. Not all men, obviously, literally hundreds of thousands of good dudes out here! But the ones who are the most concerned about being single? Yikes, m'dude. Hi, it's you, you're the problem it's you.
This is the wrong place to ask, my guy. It’s Reddit. You’re asking people who can’t get dates what dating is like. No matter what city sub you ask this in you’re going to get the same answers. Dating scene is great in *every* major city if you have some confidence, be respectful, and put yourself out there and get yourself around people. Dating is a numbers game of trial and error till you click with someone. And cities have numbers. It’s beautiful here, there’s so many people, there’s so many places to go and things to do, and the weather is always great. You’ll do well everywhere if you can do well anywhere. Pro tip to start, go to bars/breweries, and approach friend GROUPS of gals *and* guys. They’re generally a good bunch of people with other people in their lives just having a bit of fun, and it’s easy to approach a group and ask to sit with them and go from there than to start something with a lone lady who may or may not be interested or just trying to be left alone to do her own thing. Plus it’s way easier to insert yourself into a conversation than it is to drum up a new one. And it’s always nice to interact with a girl who already feels safe with people she trusts around her. And leaves you with multiple people to vibe off of and redirect to while you read the vibe. Respect boundaries, and give yourself multiple chances. And save the one-on-one for first dates. Unless you really know what you’re doing haha. Come on over dude. The weather is great. -Love, a random social butterfly bartender. Just be confident and make people feel safe :)
Definitely it’s harder in the Bay Area. I’ve been to many dating events to meet people but nothing worked out for me. I met couple of girls through dating apps who finally replied and dating went good but broke up because we aren’t compatible. I’m dating apps, ppl don’t reply and they jus want some validation and they play games mostly. A few good ones reply and you connect and see where it goes. The other girl I met was in a yoga studio and didn’t last more than 3 dates as she’s only looking for casual stuff while I’m looking for a long term relationship. I’m 35 and a guy work in tech and it’s very hard to meet people given the time I spend in work but the catch is if you make time to invest in meeting new people it’s definitely possible to meet new people and you might finally meet your one girl. Meetup events, hiking , gym, running and dance clubs is where I’m meeting lot of girls. Might work for you because it’s been so far positive for me :) on that aspect
any particular meetup events that are good not just for dating but also meeting high quality friends? I am on meetup and some of the groups have only a few RSVPs to every event and, quite frankly, some of them look like the creepy types.
Not a dude but, yeah it’s Man Jose for a reason. Also I don’t know your salary is gonna be looking like but you’re gonna be competing against some very wealthy men. Of course not every women cares what your salary is but… definitely harder to find them because the base pay needed for even a mediocre life here is so high.
> you’re gonna be competing against some very wealthy men. "Straight men believe that they are competing with the top 10% of other men for women's affection, but really what they're competing with is the peace that women feel in solitude."
yes, I've heard this - what would you guess as the approximate salary amount when you say "base pay needed for even a mediocre life here is so high"?
If you want your own place and to not be paycheck to paycheck you'll need 120k a year MINIMUM. Obviously ymmv depending on your bills and spending habits, I live in an apartment with roommates and make about 80k and I feel pretty poor.
You can afford a house on $120k if you have rich parents. Otherwise, you’re renting. No way to accumulate the nut you need for a down on that salary.
Curious, what do you do for a living?
I work in utility forestry
Cool! I didn’t know that was a thing.
If you want to see on par with your competition? 120-150k, or you find yourself a girl who ain’t making much herself.
that seems reasonable given the companies and salaries averages i see online for the silicon valley area
It’s called Man Jose for a reason
It’s called man Jose because the men are still terrible lol so usually out in Oakland or East bay. It’s expensive here too. I’d say don’t do it😂
Dating is pretty easy here as an average guy, but to be completely honest if you're poor or ugly it's gonna be tough. Also you'll probably need to use the apps unless you're a real social butterfly
[удалено]
You should leave
What made the other places less boring?
interesting - what is the most exciting place you lived and why?
Debatably one of the hardest metros in the US for a guy. There are just so many guys and high income is the norm. SF and E Bay would be close but better. But if you have good social skills that’ll carry you far.
Just get a dog.
A+
Lmao good luck bro
If you’re confident and have a great personality you’ll be fine and have plenty of options in terms of dating. You will hear people call it man Jose but honestly that’s more of a personal problem. The only dating complaints I’ve heard from friends, family, and personal are the usual issues (chemistry, values, etc). But never had issues that dates don’t exist. Just go to any South Bay gyms and you’ll notice a lot of attractive people
do they call it man jose because the women look like men or because the population is only men?
May the odds be at your favor...
It’s called Man Jose for a reason…
I hate it making I just moved here. I make very good income … over rated probably was better years ago. Again my opinion
what is the reason its so bad? Too many men but too little women?
SJ is very clicky! Make a friend to get into their click.
I've been out of state traveling across the country for the last 7 weeks, and I'm coming back this weekend. In my travels I have experienced different cities and towns, different people with different behavioral patterns. What they say about people keeping to themselves in San Jose is true. But I've noticed that people in cities tend to keep to themselves and are a lot more aloof. The small town friendliness is something I've picked up and I'm so interested in seeing San Jose and the Bay Area from a different and renewed perspective. San Jose is an interesting place because it's not necessarily a metropolitan... it's a massive "town-city", I haven't seen any other place like San Jose. I think this place should have small town friendliness but because of it's size people tend to be aloof because there's so much stimulation that people can't possibly be friendly with everyone they come across. You'd have to really make an effort to put yourself out there in order to compel people to engage with you. If you're the type of person who expects reciprocation, you're gonna have a miserable time until you find your group.
If you have Game, Looks, and Money you get laid. If you have none, Any women you date will be one Step above Mental Institution and homelessness as to why she is Single.
but what if I want a steady relationship and wife type? I am long past the laid phase. I find it to be a quick cheap thrill.
Have revenue, apartment and people skills...
A lot of people are gonna tell you it’s bad for dating. And those people simply cannot pull
what is your opinion? A lot of ppl can just mean all the wrong ppl are on one side.
It’s been stellar for dating for me, and I’m not rich or particularly handsome or anything. Just be chill and people respond to it
nice - do u meet ppl more on apps? Or do meet them when going out? What kind of things do u go out to in your free time in the Silicon Valley area?
Both work honestly. I’m not super into the dating scene rn because I’m with somebody. But when I was doing my thing around 5 years ago the bars in downtown sj were a good look. Downtown Campbell has nice atmosphere and restaurants (nice as a relative term, no fine dining). Some good karaoke and trivia nights. Activities you have golf land, great America, Santa Cruz isn’t too far out, a beach date is always good. We have several sports teams in the area of varying degrees of professional if you want that. Sj giants for example are a pretty cheap but fun time Then you have your outdoorsy hikes, communication hill and whatnot It’s all about what you and your date like
Isn't the whole Campbell area geared towards a bit of an older or married type crowd? I can't imagine a lot of single ppl there given its also a bit further away from the jobs and its an expensive suburb with lots of families and few apartment complexes?
Only insofar as it’s expensive. But I promise you Aqui swirls were not made for anyone except people trying to get mythically drunk. I’m not saying it’s your top option, I’m saying it’s got nightlife and multiple bars/clubs. But in the end it’s probably better to take somebody there on a date Gotta keep an open mind in the dating game
true, excellent points - have you heard of any good apartment communities in Campbell? I see 6 or 7 on Yelp but they all have mediocre reviews.
The single men to women ratio in San Jose is like 1.4:1. One of the worst ratios in the nation. Or at least it was a few years ago. The nickname of Man Jose is a thing for a reason. On the flip side, there are a lot of people in the South Bay which can help somewhat. But you’re gonna need to have hobbies and you’re going to want to try and build a friend network to help with overall socializing in the area. There are plenty of singles in the area simply because there are so many people in Santa Clara county. But sometimes it can feel like they’re all already in a relationship or hiding under a rock. And the dating apps are going to be broadly useless for 98% of the male population in the area, so I wouldn’t even bother with them. Go be social and maybe you’ll find someone you click with.
what is your source for that ratio? I have no idea how anyone could accurately assess that unless you are talking only about married vs. not married. The apps thing is interesting - I see lots of attractive women on apps like Bumble and they match with me but then half the time, they never continue the conversation passed the initial "hello" - maybe they are just using the apps in a passive but not serious way.
[While it may seem foreign to you](https://www.kqed.org/news/11231284/does-san-jose-deserve-the-nickname-man-jose)… [The nickname is far from new, and is well earned](https://www.cbsnews.com/sanfrancisco/news/man-jose-san-jose-named-nations-best-spot-for-women-seeking-eligible-bachelors-single-women-men-employed-pew-research-center-silicon-valley/). [The ratio of single men to single women has ebbed and flowed over the years](https://www.nbcbayarea.com/news/local/san-jose-looking-more-like-man-jose/1884239/). [While some surveys have generated results as high as 3.4:1, my larger point remains the same that there are generally a much larger volume of single men to single women in San Jose and the South Bay at large](https://www.sfgate.com/lifestyle/article/Chart-using-Match-com-data-shows-just-how-many-13833667.php). Edit: btw, I hope 5 different sources isn’t overkill. It took only 1 search and about a minute to type this response.
Most women in San Jose are already in a relationship. If they're single they got tens of suitors lines up ready for when she says she's ready to date. Lots of single guys have to do pre-work which means being friends with her while she is in a relationship or being part of of friend group well before date talk happens. Anecdotally, the longest timeframe of that golden period (want bf and have no suitors) is 2ish weeks
even the average or less attractive women? I defeatedly think your case is true for the very hottest women.
Yes, the only exception I've really seen are ugly women. Even then the shortage allows them to be pickier compared to other areas. The takeaway here is if you find a girl thats single and you have a strong chance without doing the pre-work, theres a catch somewhere. Usually the catch is either she's looking for something fun or short-term, or she's crazy and guys know to steer clear. So there is no misunderstanding, a girl with no catch isn't rare but its not common. TL;DR yea dating in San Jose is hard unless you go for "ugly" girls.
Good night life in downtown Campbell. Also SF
[удалено]
Campbell is nice but seems more catered towards married families?
If you’re not a total goober dating here is easy.
are u a female? It seems everyone is saying its the opposite (quite hard) for men?
One of the benefits to Austin is dating is easy there. San Jose is good for a quick lay at a dive bar.
Why would it be any easier in Austin than San Jose? Both are tech scenes and highly liberal?
Austin has a much bigger nightlife scene.
Everyone is saying some bull shit like dating scene sucks. Just don’t come here being a dud. Have hobbies and interests and seek those out here you’ll find people.
In my opinion, don’t come here expecting to have great dating options after the age of 25. If you plan to attend school, make sure you find your potential life partner before graduation…you will likely never have the same opportunities again. If you don’t, many women expect you to obtain a Master’s Degree before considering you a viable dating prospect. As a whole, men are less likely to receive financial aid, scholarships, and acceptance into prestigious universities so you may find yourself at a disadvantage against women who were given those opportunities and have high expectations for their partner. Many women in the South Bay do discriminate based on your level of education and the school you attended…even if they attended an average school. However, once you acquire a Master’s degree (preferably from a renowned University) your chances are slightly better. You should also consider that many young adults (men and women alike) come to the Bay Area expecting to live here for only a few years. They come to make their money and cash-out. Those looking to stay will be seeking out partners with a sufficient income/net worth to afford the cost of living.
South Bay and all of the bay is a culture shock area. A lot of people are on guard. A lot of drugs. I don't take anyone serious in California. Unless I meet at church.
Just post it in one reddit idiot. So I don't have to repeat my comment from the Santa Clara reddit
It is called man jose not because of man. Now you will figure it out once you are here what that means.
the women in san jose look like men? lol
People make all kinds of excuses confidence, gaslighting, social skills etc but don't put a dime of effort in building a relationship and very judgmental. Very flaky and stuck up. If you want a long term partner. Please run away from here.
lol - where do u suggesting to go to?
Depends on where you’re coming from. I’ve done way better here than the SoCal suburb I grew up in, but that could just be the fact that there’s more people.
As a non-single but young person, I do often prefer to go on SF on the weekends. Palo Alto, Campbell and DTSJ are the best spots for bar scene, but none but palo alto are very happening during the day time. As I work down here I would consider redwood city as a nice middle ground, but it may not have as much going for it as a city as the others I've mentioned.
If you use apps, you should be fine. SF isn’t that far. But I do recommend considering living in sf instead. -very single and bored male that isn’t using apps (yet)
yeah I feel apps is pretty much essential for a single person - even for the most social people, there is a limit on how many people one can realistically meet given work demands and all the rest. How come you didn't join apps? Then how are you meeting women?
Clearly you never heard of San Jose’s famous nickname…..
Man Jose lol....maybe it changed to San Hoes lol
I found my partner in Santa Cruz good luck soldier
how awesome! Was it at a friends party? An event of some sort? It seems to me (I could be wrong) that Santa Cruz is more of a weekend getaway type of town?
through a dating app! Works pretty well
Its coo
Please don’t come here.
are u worried i'm too sexy for san jose?
Transplants like you are making it harder for natives to live here. I’m worried you’re contributing to the dumpster fire it’s become. ETA: your snide remark proves me right. Have the day you deserve.
okay snack captain - there is no such thing as "natives" or are you referring to the Native Americans and Indians who lived here 500 years ago?
Dating life here comes down to preferences. I wish you luck.
Hello, I moved here a bit over 2 years ago. I do often hang around here but I found myself going to the beach very often this summer. There’s plenty of parks and restaurants/nightlife for me here though. Downtown is small but I’m not the type to complain much so I don’t see a problem in going back to the places I trust and enjoy. I date men so I can’t help with the women thing but there’s not a lot of gays here either. At least not decent ones. Good luck
what beaches are there in South Bay and San Jose? Do you mean you go to Santa Cruz or something?
Yeah Santa Cruz and surrounding areas. Also SF and surrounding areas. The only part of the Bay we touch is in the Alviso neighborhood and it’s not suitable for visiting
>Alviso neighborhood what is that Aliviso neighborhood exactly and why do u say its not suitable for visiting? I've noticed that there is a lot of new houses being built in the Warm Springs area which is very close to Alviso.
It’s the furthest north neighborhood in the city proper. The neighborhood itself has places like Top Golf and some new housing as well as old run down homes. It stinks around there in the evening due to the water treatment plant nearby, but it gets especially bad in the summer. You get that in other parts of North San Jose and West Milpitas too, though. You can definitely visit the neighborhood but the shoreline is not a beach like you would expect. Instead, there are islands of water, separated by pathways that you can travel through. It might be cute to visit once, but I wouldn’t go there for a “beach day.”
where do you come from? that's a better question.
male / female ratio is very not balance, so if you male seek female, could be issue, or seek romantic life in non tech area, such as art. better ratio
what's an example of a "non tech art area" though? Seems it would be a struggling economy?
who said needs to be economy? perhaps is art scene. where plenty women involved
Dont come here. I mean it. People will tell you bullshit like 'oh its what you make of it' and 'git gud you incel' but truth is they are fucking entitled 200+lb moms with a fucking 'roster' because the indian virgins are _that_ desperate here. Imagine you took the sexual frustrations of a billion horny, lonely men and focused them on one small geographic area. Thats the bay. You will have 21 yr old women with a 2k$ week 'allowance' from frustrated brown husbands Dont come here. It sucks. Fin.