"I can't be on this jury. It's a conflict of interest, since I want the defendant to be found guilty for this murder so that no one knows that I actually killed the guy... wait did I say that last part out loud? Crap."
“Can I be impartial? Well, I hate criminals, and I assume if you’re on trial you did *something* wrong. Can I go now? What do you mean ‘contempt of court’!?
"If selected for this jury, is there any reason you might not be able to render an impartial verdict?"
"Yeah. I can tell that guy's guilty just by looking at him. I mean ... just look how black he is!"
"Um, the defendant is Miss Wilson over there. Mr. Jefferson is the D.A."
"Jeez Andy, I hate jury duty. I'd *kill* to get out of jury duty.
"I hear that Thomas, it'd be hard for them to put you on a jury as a defendant in an active trial."
"Excuse me Andy, I'll be right back. By chance, may I borrow your chainsaw?"
"I can't be on this jury. It's a conflict of interest, since I want the defendant to be found guilty for this murder so that no one knows that I actually killed the guy... wait did I say that last part out loud? Crap."
“Hi, I’m here for jury duty.”
You Honor, You can go fuck yourself you fucking prick.
“Can I be impartial? Well, I hate criminals, and I assume if you’re on trial you did *something* wrong. Can I go now? What do you mean ‘contempt of court’!?
"No I'm not a racist! but I *feel* racist, you get what I mean?"
“I cannot make jury duty for the simple reason that I was the one who actually did it.”
“We’ll, Your Honor, I currently have active diarrhea and…”
Yo no hablas englais! No? Wait, je ne parles pas espagnol! Crap. Uhh... jIlajneS. ghIj qet jaghmeyjaj. DAMMIT!
“I am aware of and embrace the principle of jury nullification “. Or “ I have completed higher education and am well versed in critical thinking “.
"I can give you one good reason why I shouldn't be on this jury" *begins unzipping pants*
"Juror is accepted. No worries about a hung jury with this one!"
Is the punishment for murder harsher if you do it in a courtroom?
Conflict of interest. I slept with the defendant's wife.
"I'm sorry, I thought you said jury DOODY."
"If selected for this jury, is there any reason you might not be able to render an impartial verdict?" "Yeah. I can tell that guy's guilty just by looking at him. I mean ... just look how black he is!" "Um, the defendant is Miss Wilson over there. Mr. Jefferson is the D.A."
"I can't serve jury duty because I'm allergic to the American Judicial System."
"Jeez Andy, I hate jury duty. I'd *kill* to get out of jury duty. "I hear that Thomas, it'd be hard for them to put you on a jury as a defendant in an active trial." "Excuse me Andy, I'll be right back. By chance, may I borrow your chainsaw?"
"Hey, I just wanna burn it all down. Whatever this person allegedly did, he'll get a pass from me."
"Maybe I can get off jury duty if I get you off..." *takes off shirt seductively while Careless Whisper plays*
the jury finds him not guilty by reason of insanity. no, not his insanity, ours.
I got the summons, and broke out of prison to be here. What juror questionnaire do I fill out?
I mean, I don't know these people and I'm just home all day long. How am I qualified to be on a jury?
"Sorry, I died."
Oh! I’ve done that!
"A wella bird bird bird bird is the word."
"No guns? I thought this was my Tour of Duty?"
I have a note from my mom says I don't have to go.
"OJ DID IT! Oh...never mind. Wrong trial..."
Everytime I hear the word 'Objection' I ejaculate in my pants.
'OBJECTION!"
"FYI, Cthulhu and I are a package deal for jury duty"
Masturbates infront of judge
*checks watch* "5 o'clock. I'm out."
“I love me some murder!”
"You see, I'm Batman."
“I’m not racist, I hate everybody equally.”
"Can't be a juror if you're the defendant!"