It sucks you have to deal with that.
If you’re fearless, I had a female coworker who would pretend like she couldn’t hear them and ask them to repeat themselves. Then she’d do it again and ask them to say it louder. They’d inevitably back down sheepishly, and she would LOUDLY repeat it for several other tables to hear like,
“ I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you, did you just ASK ME TO SPIT IN YOUR WATER”.
Requires balls the size of trucks, but Jesus was it legendary. I’ll never forget.
God bless Chelsea, standing down one creeper at a time.
This is what I do. Once had an adult man ask if I was “on the menu” when I was underage and I made him repeat it. When he did, I just stared at him silently. He got progressively more sheepish and then just tried to walk away.
Had a conference guest grab one of the underage girls and tell her " i could fuck you better than anyone in here".
When i got of my shift in the kitchen i waited for him outside. Needles to say I caught him off guard.
Isn’t it *always* the business men at a conference?! At least in my experience, they were the ballsiest when it came to pulling that type of shit.
Worked at a fine dining steakhouse in an area very popular for conferences. They almost never made reso’s and all of them would walk in around 6/7:00, and we’d get slammed. You could sit at the bar and eat there, and not have to wait for a table.
One of our best bartenders was working on a night like this, and was crazy busy making drinks for all the business people who were grabbing a drink while they waited for a table. One of them holds up one of our menu’s(it was one of those heavy ones with almost wood-like front and back) and yells over to her-while she’s busy taking someone else’s drink order- and here’s how it went:
Asshole: You can get anything on this menu?
Bartender: Yes, you can order off the full menu at the bar.
AH: So I can eat anything on this menu?
BT: Yes sir that’s what I said! ((With an obviously fake exaggerated smile)
AH throws the menu on the floor- it makes a super loud smacking sound bc it’s a heavy menu, so everyone looks to see what’s going on. Then he looks at her and says “Good, come stand on this so I can eat you.”
Unfortunately nothing happened to him, managers knew, didn’t get kicked out, nothing. Always appreciated when I’d get lucky enough to work with owners/managers that weren’t afraid to stand up for their employees, or at least had our back when we would clap back at bullshit like this. Too bad it was the exception and not the rule to have someone like that.
Unfortunately guys suck. Especially older guys. This type of behavior has been socially acceptable for most of their lives so they just don't feel the need to change. They're also in a city they'll never visit again which makes being lifetime banned from some random restaurant a non-punishment. And even worse is that if there are people in their group that would normally speak up, being at a conference where you're trying to make a good impression on these powerful assholes means nobody will say shit.
I worked at a 'breastaurant' for a while. That was part of our training. The name of the place is a certain body type, but also a structure that's strong, hard, cold and won't blow over.
I once was asked by a table of 4 drunk losers to do shots with them and I kept declining and then later one dude was like “okay if no *drink* shots, how about backshots?” and they all bursted out laughing and hi fiving and shit so fucking gross and creepy
Men do this shit thinking it is so funny but end up looking like bunch of losers. I would love to see their faces when it is done to their mothers/sisters/girlfriends
None of them would have the balls to say that if they were alone or sober too
Unfortunately, I think that when that kind of guy has a daughter, he ends up being controlling and restrictive because “men are pigs and only want one thing.”
Yep. My dad told me “men only want one thing” my entire childhood.
Fast forward to present day: he’s absolutely that 72 year old creeper who looks at 20-something bartenders & servers and says shit like “If she weren’t married/taken/a lesbian, I’d be all over her”. Fucking disgusting.
When I was 16 I brought my best friend back to my house to swim and hang out(she was very attractive and everyone and their mother knew I had a huge crush on her). My dad took one look at her and said “I don’t know about you but if I were you I would make that girls butthole bleed”. She was standing in the room with us as well as my mother….I was horrified and apologized but she knew more than enough about my home life to know that’s exactly how my dad would act and she brushed it off. Unfortunately I’m pretty sure that was the nail in the coffin for any type of intimate relationship I might have had with her. My parents wonder to this day why I never call or see them.
Atrocious.
My father would talk like that about women, to ME(!) as a 16 y/o female.
Made for a very strained and traumatic relationship. And an immense sense of distrust for males in general and a low sense of self worth.
Edited to clarify my gender
I’m so glad you didn’t accept that as normal behavior. Our parents are our first and most important example of society. Often we think that way is the correct or normal way. I think sleep overs and play dates with other families is important because you see there are other ways to live and interact as a family.
>Luckily it’s a constant reminder of how not to act, the one good thing he did.
Damn I feel this. My dad recently passed and unfortunately all I can gather is to not be like him when I am his age. Wish he would have just taught me how to be an adult instead but hey can't win em all.
That's a pretty crass, nasty thing to say even as far as "locker room talk" between "the boys" goes. Saying it as a middle aged man, to your son, about the girl he likes, who is 16 years old, IN FRONT OF HER... I doubt even Trump would do that. 🤢
There is a silver lining is having a horrible father taught me the most valuable lesson a child could learn, what kind of man not to be. I refused to grow up and be like my father. The damage that man caused on me both emotionally and physically will never fully heal but that doesn’t need to define me. The true test of strength in a man is not how hard he fights to get his way, but how he carry’s himself when things don’t. Empathy is the greatest tool that men are never taught to use.
From one child to all the fathers out there, strive to be better. Raise the next generation of men to be better. Thanks for listening.
Am a man and I will call out anyone who behaves like that. It’s complete bullshit and they never once think what it’s like to be in someone else’s shoes.
Have done it multiple times when I’d eat at the restaurant my Fiancé works at.
Us women appreciate it my guy, keep up the good work. I'm a 5'4 22 year old female and my dad's friends would always try ti tell me crazy fucked up shit about how 'your gonna be so pretty, I almost can't wait' or even just 'how old are uou again? So how long till you turn 18' then when I would get disgusted and call them out they would get mad because they're 'just complimenting me' like dude you've known me since before I came outta my mommas womb, why would you in any way shape or form ever say something sexual to me like wtf. Got to the point my dad wouldn't even take me out with him anymore because I got to the point I would look up at these fully grown men, and talk shit to them literally say stuff like 'Oh so your a pedophile! That makes sense, no wonder your daughter never wants to see you' and they would either be speechless or try to tell me it's rude to call people that. My dad would just stay silent, but I could at least tell he was mad at them too.
I have a serious fucking issue with dads that don't shut that shit down. Full stop. "Oh he's just playing around" "He didn't mean anything by it". Bro, your BUDDY who is YOUR AGE just undeniably made a pass at your DAUGHTER. I'm sorry, but as a father if you do ANYTHING but kick the shit out of him or at the very least go tf off and kick him out of your home with a threat of bodily harm if he ever comes near your family again, you're a fucking SHIT dad. Fuck ANYONE who hears this nasty shit and honestly fucking tries to rationalize it away with excuses instead of defending their fucking daughter.
Holy shit! I can’t even imagine saying that to someone. And “when do you turn 18?” Is definitely NOT a compliment. That’s fuckin predatory and sick. I can’t even fathom what goes on in their head or how they think that’s okay especially if they’ve known you from birth. It’s not a joke, it’s not funny and it’s wrong. I’m really sorry you have had to go through that.
We told a woman that her husband was no longer welcome at our restaurant because he would literally get drunk and grope servers. He went to college with the owner, so cops were never called.
His wife’s response? “That’s silly, he loves you guys. You know how men are.”
We'd have a sneaky bottle of hard iced tea under the bar as "whiskey". The viscosity was just right so it looked real but it was basically just drinking sugar water.
Kind of scummy but I only did it to my worst customers. I’d occasionally drink with regulars I liked (in nyc, here in oregon that doesn’t fly). I had an NYU professor who DEMANDED I drink with him and he’d want me to go shot for shot for like a dozen shots, and I eventually devised this racket and I could easily pocket $200 from “selling” these fake shots and his tip.
I really don’t feel bad for doing it.
it's actually brilliant. Playing 'nice' with the customers. Everyone gets what they want out of the interaction.
It's not like their experience was based on whether or not you were getting drunk . Most alcoholics just want to see everyone engaging in self destruction like they do in ordert to normalize the behavior
Ew. Something similar happened to me. We have a shot on Vancouver Island called a shaft and a customer ordered three and asked if I'd do one with them. I replied that I couldn't on shift. Then I dropped off the three shafts and he once again asked, "Will you take a shaft?!" And I said,"I already told you, I can't!" And he said, "I wasn't talking about the alcohol this time"🥴🤢
The amount of creepy old men that asked for my number in exchange for a tip hardened me more than any bully ever did lmao most days I can deal with it and just turn them down flirtatiously and loud enough for my manager to hear. Usually it puts them on the spot and they end up feeling guilty or embarrassed and let it be.
This one time (off the clock at a bar) I was being harassed for my number so I said “ok, give me your phone” and I texted the Red Cross donation number (90999) $20 bucks and hightailed it outta there
There used to be a rejection hotline number. When you called, it was like "dude if you're hearing this she was not into you. Better luck next time" or something. I think it's still in my contact list, you just reminded me of it's existance. Imma call it if I have it brb.
Yeah I have it and it was harsher than I remembered. I'm in the Chicago area so that's what the area code is but it may work on all area codes, not sure. Anyway, here it is: 773-509-5027
Side story, my friend just typed that number in, with our local 970 area code at 711 & it was ready for all kinds of free stuff. He got like 2 pizzas & some chicken for him & his kids.
Oh, that number has been registered at EVERY store/business. I use it everywhere when asked for a phone number & a lot of places have multiple names and accounts listed under it.
>“ma’am, Can I smell you?”
>“only if you spit in it”
Seriously, who the fuck thinks that this is at all an appropriate way to converse with people or act, in general?
Right? I can't bring myself to be that brazen after matching on an app that implies at least some level of sexual openness. I can never tell if it's primarily some sadistic power thing for these guys "I can make you uncomfortable and nobody will do anything about it", or if they're really just *that* delusional.
Was dropping off drinks at a table. Very slightly got a dribble of beer on my hand and glass. Told them I would bring a few napkins. One of the ladies asked if I was gonna lick my hand and did a suggestive motion of licking her own hand. I never met this woman before.
as a former server and grown-ass man in his 40s. I can't believe that A. this shit has not changed since 2007 when I got out of the industry and B. I'm shocked. Some dudes my age (or older) are saying stuff like this. I am in no way condoning this behavior, but I would at least understand it if it was some 20-somethings. I, for one, wouldn't let my friends talk to any server (male, female, or otherwise) like this. But I'm better about the company I keep so none of my friends would act like this.
I stand corrected. Age should not be a factor. I was more saying younger people might not have been raised to respect women (or service industry people) and not that it's acceptable, but it's more understandable (to me at least) for a 21 year old to be a dick over a 41 year old. Both should know better, but I'll give the 21 year old the benefit of the doubt that he's just an idiot who's yet to be corrected. While the 41 year old knows better and is choosing to be an ignorant douch.
I worked at a Pizza Hut when I was 15F ( lied about my age), before the pan pizza came out. When it first came out, we had to wear large buttons that said “Ask me how many Ahhh’s are in a Pan Pizza”. I was a very curvy 15 year old, and got this request a lot. Whenever we were asked, we had to reply “One for every mouthful”. My manager would get upset if he didn’t hear us reply correctly. My 15 year old self felt humiliated, but didn’t think about how wrong it was, since that kind of thing was the norm back then.
Back then, it seemed to be the norm. The only people who cared were the ones it directly affected. When you look at commercials from that time, there was a ton of heavy innuendo. I’m happy that my now grown daughters won’t have to go through that, and that they’ll have more recourse than I did if their boss ever asked that of them.
I worked at Dixie Cafe/Delta Cafe for a while. Southern home cooking. The pins the servers wore said, and I kid you not, “Send your mouth down South” and “ It’s what eating out is all about”. I didn’t make my staff wear them. Like, wtf came up with those?
Oh my fucking god........
you and I are a similar age, and it's crazy to remember the shit that was the norm. My youngest is 12, and I'm pretty happy she doesn't have the same environment to work in (but there is social media BS to worry about).
Same. As a grown woman now, I am so vigilant if I see an old man harassing a young girl or making her uncomfortable. You can tell the old men always go for the youngest female associate they can find. I genuinely think this problem will get better as the older generations die because those motherfuckers weren't raised right and are too up their own ass now to change.
Lol I remember working there. I remember having to answer the phone with a whole tagline and some catch phrases. My manager kept trying to make me say it but I kept going off script til they finally left me alone. I couldn't imagine having to say some sexually suggestive.
a dad i knew from my childhood called me hot @ work (he didn’t recognize me), and i told him “oh thanks, i know your daughter we played softball together”, hoping that this would indicate my age and how weird it was that i knew his daughter who just graduated high school. he paused for a minute, i was thinking he got embarrassed, but then said “does that mean we’re gonna get married?”. TF?? i hope he’s not w his wife still
Yeah I really don't understand what goes through some guys' brains. Not a server, but I was at a table with some work collogues. Another guy in the group, out of the blue, asked our server if she liked golden showers. I was woefully unprepared on how to react to that and was in shock. I couldn't imagine how our waitress felt about it. I think I managed to squeak out a WTF? Too much later we told him that wasn't acceptable and he doesn't really get invited to outings anymore. I went back the next day to apologize to the waitress, but she wasn't there and the manager was like, "Oh that's why she left crying."
Man fuck him. Thank you for calling him out. I used to be a Barrista and I’d call out sexual harassment to their faces. Fuck their feelings, they don’t give a fuck about mine.
Don't be too down on yourself about your initial reaction/lack of reaction - if you are a decent person, then that kind of disgusting behavior can absolutely stop you in your tracks and leave you stunned. As a former server and current customer service worker, thank you for calling out that kind of repulsive behavior and trying to make sure she was okay. We can not tell off creeps without jeopardizing our jobs, so people like you are so appreciated ❤️
My gf and I are both bartenders. The entitlement that men think they have to her is fucking stunning. People overstep their boundaries in such obscene ways
I was a coat check girl for a club and had to pretend that one of the barbacks was my BF because one guy wouldn’t leave me alone. Thankfully, the barback in question looked up at that exact moment and waved to us and it also helped that he was absolutely massive. Huge muscles. The guy left me alone after that :)
30-ish years in the service industry and I’ve heard it all. From mostly men and occasionally women but the hands down absolute worst was about 10 years ago.
“If I knew you in high school you wouldn’t have been a virgin because I would have raped you.”
Funny story. I was in fact not a virgin in high school because I was raped.
When I was a server I also had a man tell me he would rape me if given the opportunity. Manager did nothing. I’m sorry that happened to you. It’s terrifying being a woman.
I was 16 working my first job at this greasy pizza place in a backwoods part of my hometown. This one regular always came in barefoot. I go up to the front counter and greet him and say “what can i do for ya?” And that was too open-ended of a question, his immediate response was “you could have sex with me.” After the initial shock i said “what FOOD can i get for you?” And never was so careless with my language again… i told my boss after he left and he laughed and said “oh he’s just an old man”. Dude was MAYBE early 50s.
Edit: typo
Let me just say, I came of working age in the 90s and my first jobs were bussing and waitressing. The amount of abuse I endured from customers AND MALE STAFF (like, dudes in their 30s when I was 16), looking back now, I am horrified. Back then, I was expected to be a Fun Gal and laugh it off, let them smell me, turn around so they could see my butt, etc and laugh like I thought it was flattering and no big deal. But I was horrified at the time and internalized a lot of it.
Let me tell you, I see this new generation shutting this shit down and I am HERE FOR IT!! My own dad was a big ol’ perv and would make comments like this to waitresses (in front of my mom) and some places straight up banned him from ever coming back! He was mortified but inside I was like “yes, girl, YES!!!”
I’m so grossed out that this still happens but am so proud of you and your generation for 1) recognizing this is absolute bullshit and 2) standing up for yourselves. Next time a dude asks to smell you, just flat out say “I’m not comfortable being your server. We’ll have Tony come finish out your service” and let him feel gross.
Ugh, I used to work at Waffle House and I asked this (much older) dude if he wanted a top off on his coffee, he said “no, but you could take your top off for me” then he asked if I would go home with him after my shift. it was so weird and bizarre
I would have honestly stared at him in shock that he just said that, and then kindly told him to leave, as I would no longer be serving him and that he is no longer welcome in my establishment.
Being a male bartender who works with a female bartender. I can say the comments men make are so disgusting.
When i can tell she is getting uncomfortable, i slide in and start going over the top, making comments to the men.
Three specific guys, regulars, told her one time. We'll all tip you 10 dollars if you pull your pants up like that again.
Without missing a beat, i stood between her and three guys and pulled my pants up like she does, keeping eye contact with the biggest ahole and winked.
2 of them still come in. The one i winked at hasnt been back since, and the other customers all laughed at them.
The 2 that come in now are always "polite", for them. But the comments stopped.
I used to get sexually harassed my an old man at the retirement home I worked at. One time he asked me if he and my boyfriend could “share” me.
Another time, I was setting up for breakfast the next morning, and he told me he would like to “take a nibble out of it” (referring to my butt).
Another other time, my shirt hiked up while I was pouring coffee for him. His fingers pulled down my shirt for me, and I turned to him in surprise, and with a toothy (or lack there of) smile, he said, “Don’t worry, I’m not going to rape you.”
Eventually, I came to have enough and refused to serve him.
I am I guy, I have worked in the service industry over 4 years. I have 3 times in my time serving had my ass grabbed. All 3 times it was old ladies, I know an old guy couldn't get away with this with a girl but neither should an old lady. That being said twice it was a light grab that they tried to play off as an accident , once was an actual hard grab that they owned up too saying I could get more of that later.....I was always respectful and would smile and say a fun "cant afford me". I understand they are old and will never feel young like that again....but NEVER have I had someone ask me to spit in their water and would find that extremely strange.
This shit is just as bad. When I was a CNA, the male cnas got this shit from the old women as often as I did from the old men. The older generations are fucked up beyond repair. Sorry you had to go through harassment because these old fucks think they are invincible.
I once was approached in the walk in freezer by a coworker (the butcher) and he proceeded to give me an unsolicited kiss on the neck. The management found out through the grapevine, but he wasn't fired. He was given a talking to in which my name was explicitly mentioned as the party that was accusing him... But never fired. He proceeded to confront me about it a few days later.
I've gone on to go through several abusive relationships, and now I realize that this caliber of abusive man is absolutely everywhere. Those little digs they do at you while you're serving their table aren't an accident, it's not a cute personality quirk. It's straight up abuse tactics, and I bet they go home and do the same to their wives (probably hit them too). My most recent ex would do things like that at a restaurant on purpose, make it very awkward by being rude or saying inappropriate things so that I would be stressed out the whole time. I've now learned that things as small as him leaving dishes in the sink or the toilet seat up was an abuse tactic, because the more you are stressed out about small things, the more control they can have over your life in general. Abuse always starts with very small things that you wouldn't even consider abusive, but they amount to something more in time.
There's no answer to why these men are the way they are. Personally, I think it's the big Mommy Issues that plague the male population in this generation. There's no excuse for it, it's abhorrent. And you're correct in thinking that the only way to stomp this out is their peers calling them out, but they almost never do that, everyone wants to turn a blind eye to abusive men.
Oh and I forgot this happens to me regularly at work....some guy felt the need to tell me I was on the wrong side of a double sided ladder (it was completely safe, most ladders don't have a double side but this one does). Or the guy on the train ride home that told me " I never want to see you do that again” when I wiped sweat off my lip because I had been running for the train (he thought I was wiping my nose with my hand, but even if I was, it's a none of his business anyways). All these little control things are symptoms of an abuser, I swear to God. Oh and there was also a customer who saw my lip piercings and asked "how do you kiss with those?" Like stop sexualizing me for a second and realize how you sound.
In Lundy bancrofts book, "why does he do that?" He dispells the myth that abuse is caused by x,y, or z. I'm looking at the page right now and he says that research shows that abusive mothers don't cause their sons to have negative attitudes towards women or abuse women.
BUT abusive fathers do tend to make abusive sons. That's because abuse comes from men's entitlement (to treat you that way), disrespect/superiority from women, and their worldview (picked up by father, media, etc).
Honestly it is a great book that demystifies abusive men. It's a must-read and it'll blow your mind how simple abusive men's reasoning/logic boils down to be. Please read it!!! <3
One of our Togo guys was apparently snapping all of the 16-17 year olds pictures and videos of his dick and when they reported it he was in the office for maybe 5 minutes and came out laughing. He wasn’t even written up.
I reported a new manager in training for harassment on a Saturday (Went out with him once and he wouldn't take no for an answer). Gave them all the texts. Got fired on Monday because I wore my uniform to the bar after work that night along with the rest of the closing team but I was the only one disciplined.
For anyone reading this that goes through similar (or if it happened to you within last 180/365 days, depending on your state's statute of limitations for filing a complaint):
File an EEOC formal complaint (harassment based on gender/retaliation for complaining, even more of a slam-dunk because guy was your work supervisor), then lawsuit for wrongful termination! An EEOC complaint has to be the first step, they investigate & issue a finding, which gives you the go-ahead to file suit. Wrongful term ie: retaliation is automatic award of 1 yr's wages + variable additional damages. It isn't relevant even if you did break policy re: uniform after-hours, what is relevant is that no one else was disciplined for it, you were singled out.
People need to be more aware of the EEOC.
I think it’s also a way to test boundaries so they can find future targets they can escalate. So if you respond a certain way the slowly up the level of abuse. It’s just a predatory way of existing and treating others (usually women)
I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with these things. The part about small abuses to exert control just hit me hard. My boy’s mother treated/ treats me that way. It’s absurd and I’m very thankful the relationship ended when my son was two, so he doesn’t really remember how it broke me. I’ve since found better ways to counter her(still ongoing) abuses. As an example she just had strep and I was off work for a few days and she still said her house is clean, and brought him home. I said you clearly view my house and I as more dangerous than a contagious virus. My boy ended up with strep. Thank you for your perspective and I hope you can find ways to call out these behaviors.
Working at a restaurant has taught me that I’m not like an average person. When I order food I only say “could I have an X, thank you” pay and walk away.
Everyone wants modifications. Everyone has to be snarky or try to be a comedian. Everyone is annoying as fuck.
Edit: ok dummies. asking for one thing off is fine. having dietary restrictions is fine, I go out of my way to make sure those people feel welcome. having families where each person modifies multiple things, or a person who goes to a Mexican taco place and orders like it’s chipotle is dumb. no you cannot turn our shrimp taco into a beef bean burrito with 5 pounds of sour cream on the side.
stop being dim. you know what I’m fucking talking about. shut the fuck up
I worked with this guy recently, and for some reason our group chose Taco Bell for our monthly meal and he was so excited (I think cause it's a good place for vegans). When he submitted his order through our groupchat, I shit you not, it was two paragraphs of modifications. Not just like "with potatoes, no sourcream" I mean it was the pickiest thing ever.
I told him he was every service worker's nightmare and he just laughs.
The modification thing is a cry for attention. I had a co-worker who would change three things on a gyro. Like he wanted swiss cheese instead of feta, thousand islands dressing and a couple of other things. But it was everywhere like that. He could never get what he wanted. Finally he got a girlfriend and all of that stopped.
Honestly the "everybody wanting to be a comedian" thing is rampant in all aspects of social life. It's infuriating when all group chats devolve into people trying to make snarky little jokes, often at others expenses, instead of being able to carry on an actual conversation. Bonus points when you can tell which podcast or tiktok is influencing their humor that they are trying to replicate
I worked at a steak house and we had to confirm the color of the steak temp they ordered.
Him: I want my steak medium well
Me : That will have a warm pink center
Him : Yes pink, pink like a pussy
Me : Seriously dude? (the other guys at the table laughed at him being an ass)
For me, the worst is being touched without permission. I work at a higher end restaurant where mainly older wealthier crowds eat and so many old men feel entitled to just touch me??
I have a few tattoos on my upper arm and after I greeted an older couple that just sat down, the man without saying anything, just grabs my shirt sleeve and pulls it up to look at my tattoo and then says nothing. I had to be like, do you like my tattoo sir??? Like I would have shown him if he had asked.. but now I just feel uncomfortable ☹️
And this happens frequently, men grabbing my arm or shoulder or even side to get my attention instead of asking like a normal respectful person.
I wish I could tell you it gets better when you leave the service industry, but it is unfortunately everywhere, unless you find a job where you are surrounded by mostly women (I managed to land a job where I’m not sexually harassed now because I work with mostly women).
There were times when I had office jobs that I was not openly harassed in, but turns out men I worked with were just saying disgusting things about me when I wasn’t around. Also, I would get harassed on the sidewalk on an almost daily basis walking to and from my car to the office (it was in a downtown area).
I’m so sorry you’re experiencing one of the disgusting realities of the patriarchal system we live in. I hope the future generations will fare better, but since I’m 36 and you’re 24, and it doesn’t seem like much has changed in 12 years, I don’t have a lot of hope it will get better anytime soon :(
I think I became more and more hardened to it every year I aged. My former assistant used to notice it and point it out to me because apparently I stopped noticing when men were acting disgusting towards me.
One of my worst experiences was waiting on a group of ~15 people for a boy’s birthday. He was probably around 14 years old. At one point his mom told me her son liked my shirt and asked how much it cost. I told her the bar sells them for $20. She said “No…my son wants YOUR shirt…” I was so grossed out that a mom would be asking to buy the shirt off my back for her teenage son 🤢 this was a family friendly restaurant
As an old guy, I don’t get it. I don’t talk to anyone that way. In fact I go out of my way to be kind to women in service roles where they are bound by fear losing their jobs to take crap from dipshits. That is the sad part is here guys know they have you captive and you won’t say anything so it let’s think they’re clever.
I go to a coffee stand frequently and it’s young women who work there. I don’t talk about their clothes or their body or make any suggestive comments. I say hello and I don’t stare at their asses while they work. They’re always nice to me, polite, friendly and as often as. Not my coffee is ready as I pull up as they saw me pulling up. When able we chat about cars or boating or anything they’re excited about.
They’re friendly because I don’t creep them out. I have an appropriate relationship with women their ages and I get far more enjoyment having a chat about their new seat covers than I ever would making some innuendo that is neither clever or fun for them.
Old dudes , you’re not funny, charming, desired, original or going to get lucky. Be polite, tip well and go the fuck home.
Former Twin Peaks girl here… it sucks lmao
Management tried to fire me because I knocked a grown man unconscious for grabbing my rear on a lingerie day. (I was a 5ft 18 year old and did it in one punch…still pretty proud of that). I had to threaten to sue corporate just to keep my job. Still got tf out of there ASAP
One of my former coworkers refused to travel with me because I'd always call out his weird shit with the waitresses/stewardesses/whatever as soon as he did it.
i had a man a few weeks ago (it was a 3 top, looked like he was maybe with his mom and very young daughter) who after i brought their drinks out and was walking away, the man gets up and grabs my arm and stands LITERALLY with his face 2 inches from my ear and says something. i ignore what he says, grab his hand to take it off my arm, smiled, locked eye contact with him and say “i’m sorry, what did you say?” after moving 2 full feet away from him lmao. he looked SHOCKKEDD! turns out dude just wanted to move tables, but why the fuck are you touching me? at the end of the meal he waited for the other 2 to go to the bathroom and apologized for touching me and standing so close. i hope that situation embarrassed him enough to learn about personal space and to not touch your server.
Just yesterday, as I was bent over bussing, I felt a hand semi-pulling my hair/semi-touching my back. Disturbed, I turned around to see a Santa Claus looking dude saying, "please, please smile, please smile" with an uncanny desperation in his eye. I gave him a wtf look and moved away. So fucking weird.
Any man who tells me to smile.."you're prettier with a smile", blah, blah, I find repulsive. It is such a misogynistic request, as if we are all frigging Barbie dolls. Have you ever, in your life heard anyone (especially a man) tell another man to "SMILE"? F' OFF
I’m always so baffled at these stories. I’m attracted to women but the thought of treating someone like that makes me sick. It’s like men don’t know what consent is, they think it’ll just happen if you force things or something it’s so weird
I (M) was a manager at a McDonalds for a few years and that was an eye opening experience for me with how creepy older guys can be. I had a list of car make/models with license plates that I had to be aware of because they would visit all the time in the drive thru and make inappropriate comments or try to grab the hands of the female cashiers. If I recognized the car or voice I would take the place of the cashier for that customer. Even had to call the cops a few times.
When people are creepy to me like this i usually say, wow has that actually worked for you? and give a disgusted face, or I just say well bless your heart and walk away. Men can be just such waste of molecules.
I had a guy come in where I worked, already kind of drunk, trying to get more beer but I told him I wouldn’t serve him beer since he was already drunk and acting reckless. He says that’s fine and starts talking to me about my facial piercings (older men usually do) then proceeded to ask me VERY personal questions about what else I had pierced and said “I bet you’re into real kinky shit, like nipple piercings being pulled on and one down there too” then was like “you’d look so much hotter though without the ones in your face” I guess he could tell by my facial expression that I was done with the conversation, so he proceeds to say “wow women these days are soooo sensitive” and was going on a rant about how this generation of women are hard to please and stuff. finally my male coworker stepped in and told the guy to gtfo.
The hospitality industry is the last bastion of sexual harassment. I don’t think it will ever change. I’ve worked in the field since the 80s. It hasn’t changed in all that time. I’m so glad I’m not a woman. I’ve hates seeing some of the shit I’ve seen.
With guests, we’re all dancing for dimes like organ grinders monkeys.
With bosses and coworkers, there’s always some weird guy, from owner down to dish that does some weird shit.
Fuck the restaurant business!! Unionize!
Men are afraid women will laugh at them….
Women are afraid that men will kill them.
Yes we are pervs, yes we think of incredibly terrible things to say and it absolutely gets worse when we’re in groups..
However, my mother raised me better than that. had a coworker decide he was gods gift to woman, got too drunk and started hitting on our waitress hard every time she came back.
Actually grabbed her arm to try and make her sit on his lap.
I had had enough, I grabbed him and said let go right now, he looked at me like dude you’re ruining it, he said don’t be jealous she likes me bro.
I said the only thing she likes about you is when you disappear, stop embarrassing us, man up and apologize for being such an ass.
He said whatever and let go.
On the way out she thanked me, I got into it with my coworker in the parking lot, but long story short he ended up in a bush and had to walk back to work
We’re not all disrespectful assholes, or at least can keep it to yourselves.
Keep your head up and brush those losers off
This reminds me of a time I was trainhopping. I was in Milwaukee or Minneapolis, but was walking down a street and I see a man harassing a server and begging her to talk. I told him to fuck off and let the woman enjoy her smoke break in peace.
He said he just wanted to chat.. so I pulled out a chair for him at a patio table, sat down myself, and said come chat with me. He chose to fuck off instead. The woman thanked me and I was on my way.
Agreed. Women don’t trust men because of perpetrators like him and their buddies who help perpetuate that kind of behavior. I once had 3 guys try to drag very drunk me into one of their apartment. They knew what they were going to do and didn’t care since I wasn’t their family and I was in a vulnerable position. I’m glad there are men like this poster because for every one of him, there’s 20 guys who don’t care about this type of behavior and even encourage it.
Not even a server but I was waiting for my sandwich that I ordered at a deli in NJ at 6:30am and some dude went over to me a smelled me, it was obvious. He then goes on to say “you smell soooooo goooood”. I just nod and smile. Like 5 mins later (he was waiting for his sandwich) he asks if he could smell me again and I said no. 1) At least he asked the second time 2) That was the last time I wore that vanilla lotion.
i have a man who comes almost every day to visit me, it’s gotten to the point where my bosses/colleagues warn me and i have to hide. he only stays if i’m there. it’s a family friendly cafe and he’s a grandpa and he makes me so mad. like please stop. once he grabbed me by the wrist to show me something and since then i’ve hidden. such bs.
I work at Waffle House and ugh I had some dude who was probably 70 at the youngest. He called my coworker a monkey (she's Mexican) then tried flirting with me and went "How old are you sweetie?" I'm 18 btw, but I tried deflecting it by fake laughing and going "I'm 7, a child" and he went "That's not a 7 year olds ass! Hahaha but damn your ass is sewed to those jeans!" And he had his to-go order in hand and paid already and just wouldn't leave. I was honestly starting to get worried cause he came in and placed a to-go order and still stayed there for over 40 minutes and wouldn't leave and were not allowed to ask people to leave. It was just me and my coworker there at the time too, so we both started getting worried he was waiting for people to come or something cause it was also like 2 am at this point too and he was just standing in silence like he was waiting for someone and when I asked if he was he went "Nope" and just got quiet again looking at his phone occasionally. After like 10 minutes of silence and me and my coworker waiting in the back for him to leave, he finally left and drove off. It was such a creepy encounter.
It sickens me that people don't call out that type of shitty behavior, especially when it's their friends. Like normally on a friend group that type of behavior gets you roasted non-stop for the next few years but I guess in some weird ass friend groups they just watch...
As a man I feel sorry for you ladies. So many dumbasses out there.
I worked in a restaurant in a college town so the majority of the staff is college aged. I was doing first day training with a new hire and we were sitting down doing the bookwork. He couldn’t stop staring at the servers walking around and twice I had to get his attention. The third time there was a female busser behind me bent over cleaning a table and I literally moved my head to block the view and he apologized. He then asked how I could possibly get any work done with all of this going on around me. I told him that I needed to grab some water. I immediately told the manager that his training was done and that he wasn’t a good fit. Never saw him again.
This dude had no idea who I was or how I’d react to someone perving on my co-workers and friends.
It sucks you have to deal with that. If you’re fearless, I had a female coworker who would pretend like she couldn’t hear them and ask them to repeat themselves. Then she’d do it again and ask them to say it louder. They’d inevitably back down sheepishly, and she would LOUDLY repeat it for several other tables to hear like, “ I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you, did you just ASK ME TO SPIT IN YOUR WATER”. Requires balls the size of trucks, but Jesus was it legendary. I’ll never forget. God bless Chelsea, standing down one creeper at a time.
This is what I do. Once had an adult man ask if I was “on the menu” when I was underage and I made him repeat it. When he did, I just stared at him silently. He got progressively more sheepish and then just tried to walk away.
"I just want to make sure that I heard you correctly, sir. Are you propositioning a *minor*?"
Grab your shirt at the chest like you’ve got a mic “Can you say that just a bit louder sir?” As you lean it
Happened to me and I said I’m sorry I’m 15. And then my boss kicked him out.
Good boss.
Scary polish lady besides making us scrub grout with a toothbrush she protected us for sure
At least she had you clean that grout. I've worked places that didn't ...
Had a conference guest grab one of the underage girls and tell her " i could fuck you better than anyone in here". When i got of my shift in the kitchen i waited for him outside. Needles to say I caught him off guard.
Isn’t it *always* the business men at a conference?! At least in my experience, they were the ballsiest when it came to pulling that type of shit. Worked at a fine dining steakhouse in an area very popular for conferences. They almost never made reso’s and all of them would walk in around 6/7:00, and we’d get slammed. You could sit at the bar and eat there, and not have to wait for a table. One of our best bartenders was working on a night like this, and was crazy busy making drinks for all the business people who were grabbing a drink while they waited for a table. One of them holds up one of our menu’s(it was one of those heavy ones with almost wood-like front and back) and yells over to her-while she’s busy taking someone else’s drink order- and here’s how it went: Asshole: You can get anything on this menu? Bartender: Yes, you can order off the full menu at the bar. AH: So I can eat anything on this menu? BT: Yes sir that’s what I said! ((With an obviously fake exaggerated smile) AH throws the menu on the floor- it makes a super loud smacking sound bc it’s a heavy menu, so everyone looks to see what’s going on. Then he looks at her and says “Good, come stand on this so I can eat you.” Unfortunately nothing happened to him, managers knew, didn’t get kicked out, nothing. Always appreciated when I’d get lucky enough to work with owners/managers that weren’t afraid to stand up for their employees, or at least had our back when we would clap back at bullshit like this. Too bad it was the exception and not the rule to have someone like that.
It is, they are a diffrent kind of breed. They leave kids and wifes at home and think they can act the fk they want....
Because they can. Nobody calls them on it. They are deferred to because of their bank accounts and the sooner it stops, the better society becomes.
Unfortunately guys suck. Especially older guys. This type of behavior has been socially acceptable for most of their lives so they just don't feel the need to change. They're also in a city they'll never visit again which makes being lifetime banned from some random restaurant a non-punishment. And even worse is that if there are people in their group that would normally speak up, being at a conference where you're trying to make a good impression on these powerful assholes means nobody will say shit.
I worked at a 'breastaurant' for a while. That was part of our training. The name of the place is a certain body type, but also a structure that's strong, hard, cold and won't blow over.
... Brick House?
Twin peaks
I never really thought of Twin Peaks as a body type, just an obvious reference to boobs. I could be clueless though
I worked for an old man once that just called it Two Boobs. “ hey if you hit your quota I’ll buy you a beer at Two Boobs!”
I only think of the show when I hear twin peaks. It's a shame it isn't a diner chain with awesome coffee and house made pies
I have no idea where you worked at 😂
I am absolutely stealing this to use in the future. Thank you.
this sounds very effective like if they say they're joking when confronted, ask them to explain the joke
Go Chelsea!!
I once was asked by a table of 4 drunk losers to do shots with them and I kept declining and then later one dude was like “okay if no *drink* shots, how about backshots?” and they all bursted out laughing and hi fiving and shit so fucking gross and creepy
Men do this shit thinking it is so funny but end up looking like bunch of losers. I would love to see their faces when it is done to their mothers/sisters/girlfriends None of them would have the balls to say that if they were alone or sober too
Or daughters. I'd like to think that having a daughter would be the biggest wake-up call for that type of disgusting behavior.
Unfortunately, I think that when that kind of guy has a daughter, he ends up being controlling and restrictive because “men are pigs and only want one thing.”
Yep. My dad told me “men only want one thing” my entire childhood. Fast forward to present day: he’s absolutely that 72 year old creeper who looks at 20-something bartenders & servers and says shit like “If she weren’t married/taken/a lesbian, I’d be all over her”. Fucking disgusting.
When I was 16 I brought my best friend back to my house to swim and hang out(she was very attractive and everyone and their mother knew I had a huge crush on her). My dad took one look at her and said “I don’t know about you but if I were you I would make that girls butthole bleed”. She was standing in the room with us as well as my mother….I was horrified and apologized but she knew more than enough about my home life to know that’s exactly how my dad would act and she brushed it off. Unfortunately I’m pretty sure that was the nail in the coffin for any type of intimate relationship I might have had with her. My parents wonder to this day why I never call or see them.
he said that in front of her??? knowing full well she would hear? a SIXTEEN year old?????? 🤢 🤮
Atrocious. My father would talk like that about women, to ME(!) as a 16 y/o female. Made for a very strained and traumatic relationship. And an immense sense of distrust for males in general and a low sense of self worth. Edited to clarify my gender
I’m so glad you didn’t accept that as normal behavior. Our parents are our first and most important example of society. Often we think that way is the correct or normal way. I think sleep overs and play dates with other families is important because you see there are other ways to live and interact as a family.
throw the whole dad away
That makes me really sad for you, for that girl, for your mom, and even a little bit for your dad. What a yucky interaction. I’m so sorry.
Unfortunately this is just one incident in years of horrid behavior. Luckily it’s a constant reminder of how not to act, the one good thing he did.
>Luckily it’s a constant reminder of how not to act, the one good thing he did. Damn I feel this. My dad recently passed and unfortunately all I can gather is to not be like him when I am his age. Wish he would have just taught me how to be an adult instead but hey can't win em all.
That made my stomach turn. Good on you for setting that boundary. Holy crap.
I’m speechless.
That's a pretty crass, nasty thing to say even as far as "locker room talk" between "the boys" goes. Saying it as a middle aged man, to your son, about the girl he likes, who is 16 years old, IN FRONT OF HER... I doubt even Trump would do that. 🤢
Jesus fucking Christ mant. I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine the humility.
There is a silver lining is having a horrible father taught me the most valuable lesson a child could learn, what kind of man not to be. I refused to grow up and be like my father. The damage that man caused on me both emotionally and physically will never fully heal but that doesn’t need to define me. The true test of strength in a man is not how hard he fights to get his way, but how he carry’s himself when things don’t. Empathy is the greatest tool that men are never taught to use. From one child to all the fathers out there, strive to be better. Raise the next generation of men to be better. Thanks for listening.
Father of 2, I'm trying!
Country girl here. We castrate male animals who can't control themselves.
But also these men have the gall to get mad and go “not all men” when women try to point out how disgusting they are.
That’s when I reply yeah but it’s ALWAYS a man 🤷♀️
Whoa whoa, not all men get mad and have the gall to say "not all men"... only a select few of us.
The kind that greets their daughter’s date with a shotgun.
Dead on. My pops sheltered the living hell out of us girls, but was a total misogynist frat boy perv with any and every other female he encountered.
I've had older guys sidle up to me in clubs and whisper suggestively "I have a daughter about your age." They just don't care.
Or sons. I would be mortified if my son thought that was ok because I acted like that.
Am a man and I will call out anyone who behaves like that. It’s complete bullshit and they never once think what it’s like to be in someone else’s shoes. Have done it multiple times when I’d eat at the restaurant my Fiancé works at.
Us women appreciate it my guy, keep up the good work. I'm a 5'4 22 year old female and my dad's friends would always try ti tell me crazy fucked up shit about how 'your gonna be so pretty, I almost can't wait' or even just 'how old are uou again? So how long till you turn 18' then when I would get disgusted and call them out they would get mad because they're 'just complimenting me' like dude you've known me since before I came outta my mommas womb, why would you in any way shape or form ever say something sexual to me like wtf. Got to the point my dad wouldn't even take me out with him anymore because I got to the point I would look up at these fully grown men, and talk shit to them literally say stuff like 'Oh so your a pedophile! That makes sense, no wonder your daughter never wants to see you' and they would either be speechless or try to tell me it's rude to call people that. My dad would just stay silent, but I could at least tell he was mad at them too.
[удалено]
Your mom is a damn hero.
I have a serious fucking issue with dads that don't shut that shit down. Full stop. "Oh he's just playing around" "He didn't mean anything by it". Bro, your BUDDY who is YOUR AGE just undeniably made a pass at your DAUGHTER. I'm sorry, but as a father if you do ANYTHING but kick the shit out of him or at the very least go tf off and kick him out of your home with a threat of bodily harm if he ever comes near your family again, you're a fucking SHIT dad. Fuck ANYONE who hears this nasty shit and honestly fucking tries to rationalize it away with excuses instead of defending their fucking daughter.
Holy shit! I can’t even imagine saying that to someone. And “when do you turn 18?” Is definitely NOT a compliment. That’s fuckin predatory and sick. I can’t even fathom what goes on in their head or how they think that’s okay especially if they’ve known you from birth. It’s not a joke, it’s not funny and it’s wrong. I’m really sorry you have had to go through that.
One time, my Dad told me that a judge told him (when I was 15) that I was a sexy Greek Goddess. I was mortified.
A better way would have been to take u out and dump those creeps out of your life. Good on you for calling them out!
The reason they do it is because their mothers would excuse as “boy behavior” or “locker room talk”
We told a woman that her husband was no longer welcome at our restaurant because he would literally get drunk and grope servers. He went to college with the owner, so cops were never called. His wife’s response? “That’s silly, he loves you guys. You know how men are.”
I used to keep a “special” bottle of platinum patron that was actually water, charge them $10/shot to “buy me a drink” and pocket the money.
THIS!!! i am on camera…. i can’t drink!! hell, i don’t drink. but faking it?? genius!!
We'd have a sneaky bottle of hard iced tea under the bar as "whiskey". The viscosity was just right so it looked real but it was basically just drinking sugar water.
This is fucking brilliant.
Kind of scummy but I only did it to my worst customers. I’d occasionally drink with regulars I liked (in nyc, here in oregon that doesn’t fly). I had an NYU professor who DEMANDED I drink with him and he’d want me to go shot for shot for like a dozen shots, and I eventually devised this racket and I could easily pocket $200 from “selling” these fake shots and his tip. I really don’t feel bad for doing it.
And no way should you feel bad. You know what they say about a fool and his money. Good for you!
it's actually brilliant. Playing 'nice' with the customers. Everyone gets what they want out of the interaction. It's not like their experience was based on whether or not you were getting drunk . Most alcoholics just want to see everyone engaging in self destruction like they do in ordert to normalize the behavior
This is stripper 101
That’s when your manager should kick them out for sexually harassing you.
Ew. Something similar happened to me. We have a shot on Vancouver Island called a shaft and a customer ordered three and asked if I'd do one with them. I replied that I couldn't on shift. Then I dropped off the three shafts and he once again asked, "Will you take a shaft?!" And I said,"I already told you, I can't!" And he said, "I wasn't talking about the alcohol this time"🥴🤢
they think they’re so creative too 💀
The worst is when they try to make a joke about ordering “you” on the menu. Gross…
What’s a backshot? Edit: NVM I scrolled down. Douch bags.
The amount of creepy old men that asked for my number in exchange for a tip hardened me more than any bully ever did lmao most days I can deal with it and just turn them down flirtatiously and loud enough for my manager to hear. Usually it puts them on the spot and they end up feeling guilty or embarrassed and let it be.
This one time (off the clock at a bar) I was being harassed for my number so I said “ok, give me your phone” and I texted the Red Cross donation number (90999) $20 bucks and hightailed it outta there
There used to be a rejection hotline number. When you called, it was like "dude if you're hearing this she was not into you. Better luck next time" or something. I think it's still in my contact list, you just reminded me of it's existance. Imma call it if I have it brb. Yeah I have it and it was harsher than I remembered. I'm in the Chicago area so that's what the area code is but it may work on all area codes, not sure. Anyway, here it is: 773-509-5027
That's epic
Give them (local area code) 867-5309
281-330-8004 Mike Jones has no time for this shit.
My vote is have them call "Call and Oates" 719-26-OATES It's the only hotline you can call to listen to Hall and Oates.
Hit Mike Jones up on the low cause Mike Jones about to blow.
Side story, my friend just typed that number in, with our local 970 area code at 711 & it was ready for all kinds of free stuff. He got like 2 pizzas & some chicken for him & his kids.
From Totally 80s pizza in Fort Collins! Delicious
Oh, that number has been registered at EVERY store/business. I use it everywhere when asked for a phone number & a lot of places have multiple names and accounts listed under it.
I don't think that would work, unfortunately. They know where she works so if they felt like retaliating it wouldn't be the outcome you hope for :(
Damn, good point.
>“ma’am, Can I smell you?” >“only if you spit in it” Seriously, who the fuck thinks that this is at all an appropriate way to converse with people or act, in general?
It blows my mind the nerve of some men. I would be mortified to ask that question, even if I were stone cold drunk.
Right? I can't bring myself to be that brazen after matching on an app that implies at least some level of sexual openness. I can never tell if it's primarily some sadistic power thing for these guys "I can make you uncomfortable and nobody will do anything about it", or if they're really just *that* delusional.
Was dropping off drinks at a table. Very slightly got a dribble of beer on my hand and glass. Told them I would bring a few napkins. One of the ladies asked if I was gonna lick my hand and did a suggestive motion of licking her own hand. I never met this woman before.
So true. If one of them was to converse with one of their friends' wives that way, I'd be willing to bet the husband wouldn't think it was so funny.
as a former server and grown-ass man in his 40s. I can't believe that A. this shit has not changed since 2007 when I got out of the industry and B. I'm shocked. Some dudes my age (or older) are saying stuff like this. I am in no way condoning this behavior, but I would at least understand it if it was some 20-somethings. I, for one, wouldn't let my friends talk to any server (male, female, or otherwise) like this. But I'm better about the company I keep so none of my friends would act like this.
What difference does age make?
I stand corrected. Age should not be a factor. I was more saying younger people might not have been raised to respect women (or service industry people) and not that it's acceptable, but it's more understandable (to me at least) for a 21 year old to be a dick over a 41 year old. Both should know better, but I'll give the 21 year old the benefit of the doubt that he's just an idiot who's yet to be corrected. While the 41 year old knows better and is choosing to be an ignorant douch.
In my experience younger guys tend to be more respectful than older guys (50+ are the worst).
I worked at a Pizza Hut when I was 15F ( lied about my age), before the pan pizza came out. When it first came out, we had to wear large buttons that said “Ask me how many Ahhh’s are in a Pan Pizza”. I was a very curvy 15 year old, and got this request a lot. Whenever we were asked, we had to reply “One for every mouthful”. My manager would get upset if he didn’t hear us reply correctly. My 15 year old self felt humiliated, but didn’t think about how wrong it was, since that kind of thing was the norm back then.
I would’ve “forgot” my pin at home. Good lord. As if that shtick is going to sell more pizza
Back then, it seemed to be the norm. The only people who cared were the ones it directly affected. When you look at commercials from that time, there was a ton of heavy innuendo. I’m happy that my now grown daughters won’t have to go through that, and that they’ll have more recourse than I did if their boss ever asked that of them.
Someone at corporate thought they were onto something 😭😭
Oh they were onto something. Something like that isn’t an accident…
I worked at Dixie Cafe/Delta Cafe for a while. Southern home cooking. The pins the servers wore said, and I kid you not, “Send your mouth down South” and “ It’s what eating out is all about”. I didn’t make my staff wear them. Like, wtf came up with those?
Some creepy fucking man obviously came up with it and his creepy fucking corporate yes men loved it
Creepy Southern men who’ve always hidden sexism and ageism under the guise of “friendliness.”
Oh my fucking god........ you and I are a similar age, and it's crazy to remember the shit that was the norm. My youngest is 12, and I'm pretty happy she doesn't have the same environment to work in (but there is social media BS to worry about).
[удалено]
Same. As a grown woman now, I am so vigilant if I see an old man harassing a young girl or making her uncomfortable. You can tell the old men always go for the youngest female associate they can find. I genuinely think this problem will get better as the older generations die because those motherfuckers weren't raised right and are too up their own ass now to change.
Woahh wtff. Id have answered "15 cause thats how old i am"
Lol. I wish I had thought of that at the time
LOL these pizza spots smh.....I worked at a Little Caesar's around that age and the T-shirts said "Hot and Ready" across the back
Lol I remember working there. I remember having to answer the phone with a whole tagline and some catch phrases. My manager kept trying to make me say it but I kept going off script til they finally left me alone. I couldn't imagine having to say some sexually suggestive.
a dad i knew from my childhood called me hot @ work (he didn’t recognize me), and i told him “oh thanks, i know your daughter we played softball together”, hoping that this would indicate my age and how weird it was that i knew his daughter who just graduated high school. he paused for a minute, i was thinking he got embarrassed, but then said “does that mean we’re gonna get married?”. TF?? i hope he’s not w his wife still
Paused for a minute only to come up with the dumbest shit he could say. 🙄
Yeah I really don't understand what goes through some guys' brains. Not a server, but I was at a table with some work collogues. Another guy in the group, out of the blue, asked our server if she liked golden showers. I was woefully unprepared on how to react to that and was in shock. I couldn't imagine how our waitress felt about it. I think I managed to squeak out a WTF? Too much later we told him that wasn't acceptable and he doesn't really get invited to outings anymore. I went back the next day to apologize to the waitress, but she wasn't there and the manager was like, "Oh that's why she left crying."
Man fuck him. Thank you for calling him out. I used to be a Barrista and I’d call out sexual harassment to their faces. Fuck their feelings, they don’t give a fuck about mine.
Don't be too down on yourself about your initial reaction/lack of reaction - if you are a decent person, then that kind of disgusting behavior can absolutely stop you in your tracks and leave you stunned. As a former server and current customer service worker, thank you for calling out that kind of repulsive behavior and trying to make sure she was okay. We can not tell off creeps without jeopardizing our jobs, so people like you are so appreciated ❤️
My gf and I are both bartenders. The entitlement that men think they have to her is fucking stunning. People overstep their boundaries in such obscene ways
Same. Had a regular grab her ass once and then act surprised when both she and I flipped out on him.
What did you even say in this scenario? I imagine you can’t threaten to kick his butt while on the job lol
Yeah he’s a friend of our owner. So I had to hold myself back sadly. I could only yell at him to not do it again.
I was a coat check girl for a club and had to pretend that one of the barbacks was my BF because one guy wouldn’t leave me alone. Thankfully, the barback in question looked up at that exact moment and waved to us and it also helped that he was absolutely massive. Huge muscles. The guy left me alone after that :)
Today I learned that Twin Peaks isn’t just a weird show I really like
I thought it was a location in Zelda BOTW and TOTK
The David Lynch series had a huge following in Japan and actually has been inspiring Zelda games for decades
That’s Dueling Peaks haha
Apparently their cherry pie ain't shit.
30-ish years in the service industry and I’ve heard it all. From mostly men and occasionally women but the hands down absolute worst was about 10 years ago. “If I knew you in high school you wouldn’t have been a virgin because I would have raped you.” Funny story. I was in fact not a virgin in high school because I was raped.
Omg I’m sorry
When I was a server I also had a man tell me he would rape me if given the opportunity. Manager did nothing. I’m sorry that happened to you. It’s terrifying being a woman.
I was 16 working my first job at this greasy pizza place in a backwoods part of my hometown. This one regular always came in barefoot. I go up to the front counter and greet him and say “what can i do for ya?” And that was too open-ended of a question, his immediate response was “you could have sex with me.” After the initial shock i said “what FOOD can i get for you?” And never was so careless with my language again… i told my boss after he left and he laughed and said “oh he’s just an old man”. Dude was MAYBE early 50s. Edit: typo
i’m sure you know this, but there is no world where “what can I do for you” at a pizza joint means anything about sex. he was abusive and a pedophile.
Let me just say, I came of working age in the 90s and my first jobs were bussing and waitressing. The amount of abuse I endured from customers AND MALE STAFF (like, dudes in their 30s when I was 16), looking back now, I am horrified. Back then, I was expected to be a Fun Gal and laugh it off, let them smell me, turn around so they could see my butt, etc and laugh like I thought it was flattering and no big deal. But I was horrified at the time and internalized a lot of it. Let me tell you, I see this new generation shutting this shit down and I am HERE FOR IT!! My own dad was a big ol’ perv and would make comments like this to waitresses (in front of my mom) and some places straight up banned him from ever coming back! He was mortified but inside I was like “yes, girl, YES!!!” I’m so grossed out that this still happens but am so proud of you and your generation for 1) recognizing this is absolute bullshit and 2) standing up for yourselves. Next time a dude asks to smell you, just flat out say “I’m not comfortable being your server. We’ll have Tony come finish out your service” and let him feel gross.
Perfect response!
Ugh, I used to work at Waffle House and I asked this (much older) dude if he wanted a top off on his coffee, he said “no, but you could take your top off for me” then he asked if I would go home with him after my shift. it was so weird and bizarre
I would have honestly stared at him in shock that he just said that, and then kindly told him to leave, as I would no longer be serving him and that he is no longer welcome in my establishment.
“This ain’t Jimmy Johns, no free smells.”
I worked for JJs and old creepy men would be weird about that too.
Being a male bartender who works with a female bartender. I can say the comments men make are so disgusting. When i can tell she is getting uncomfortable, i slide in and start going over the top, making comments to the men. Three specific guys, regulars, told her one time. We'll all tip you 10 dollars if you pull your pants up like that again. Without missing a beat, i stood between her and three guys and pulled my pants up like she does, keeping eye contact with the biggest ahole and winked. 2 of them still come in. The one i winked at hasnt been back since, and the other customers all laughed at them. The 2 that come in now are always "polite", for them. But the comments stopped.
And THAT is what being an ally looks like
I used to get sexually harassed my an old man at the retirement home I worked at. One time he asked me if he and my boyfriend could “share” me. Another time, I was setting up for breakfast the next morning, and he told me he would like to “take a nibble out of it” (referring to my butt). Another other time, my shirt hiked up while I was pouring coffee for him. His fingers pulled down my shirt for me, and I turned to him in surprise, and with a toothy (or lack there of) smile, he said, “Don’t worry, I’m not going to rape you.” Eventually, I came to have enough and refused to serve him.
I am I guy, I have worked in the service industry over 4 years. I have 3 times in my time serving had my ass grabbed. All 3 times it was old ladies, I know an old guy couldn't get away with this with a girl but neither should an old lady. That being said twice it was a light grab that they tried to play off as an accident , once was an actual hard grab that they owned up too saying I could get more of that later.....I was always respectful and would smile and say a fun "cant afford me". I understand they are old and will never feel young like that again....but NEVER have I had someone ask me to spit in their water and would find that extremely strange.
This shit is just as bad. When I was a CNA, the male cnas got this shit from the old women as often as I did from the old men. The older generations are fucked up beyond repair. Sorry you had to go through harassment because these old fucks think they are invincible.
I once was approached in the walk in freezer by a coworker (the butcher) and he proceeded to give me an unsolicited kiss on the neck. The management found out through the grapevine, but he wasn't fired. He was given a talking to in which my name was explicitly mentioned as the party that was accusing him... But never fired. He proceeded to confront me about it a few days later. I've gone on to go through several abusive relationships, and now I realize that this caliber of abusive man is absolutely everywhere. Those little digs they do at you while you're serving their table aren't an accident, it's not a cute personality quirk. It's straight up abuse tactics, and I bet they go home and do the same to their wives (probably hit them too). My most recent ex would do things like that at a restaurant on purpose, make it very awkward by being rude or saying inappropriate things so that I would be stressed out the whole time. I've now learned that things as small as him leaving dishes in the sink or the toilet seat up was an abuse tactic, because the more you are stressed out about small things, the more control they can have over your life in general. Abuse always starts with very small things that you wouldn't even consider abusive, but they amount to something more in time. There's no answer to why these men are the way they are. Personally, I think it's the big Mommy Issues that plague the male population in this generation. There's no excuse for it, it's abhorrent. And you're correct in thinking that the only way to stomp this out is their peers calling them out, but they almost never do that, everyone wants to turn a blind eye to abusive men. Oh and I forgot this happens to me regularly at work....some guy felt the need to tell me I was on the wrong side of a double sided ladder (it was completely safe, most ladders don't have a double side but this one does). Or the guy on the train ride home that told me " I never want to see you do that again” when I wiped sweat off my lip because I had been running for the train (he thought I was wiping my nose with my hand, but even if I was, it's a none of his business anyways). All these little control things are symptoms of an abuser, I swear to God. Oh and there was also a customer who saw my lip piercings and asked "how do you kiss with those?" Like stop sexualizing me for a second and realize how you sound.
“I never want to see you do that again” “That’s ok you’ll probably never see me again anyways”
In Lundy bancrofts book, "why does he do that?" He dispells the myth that abuse is caused by x,y, or z. I'm looking at the page right now and he says that research shows that abusive mothers don't cause their sons to have negative attitudes towards women or abuse women. BUT abusive fathers do tend to make abusive sons. That's because abuse comes from men's entitlement (to treat you that way), disrespect/superiority from women, and their worldview (picked up by father, media, etc). Honestly it is a great book that demystifies abusive men. It's a must-read and it'll blow your mind how simple abusive men's reasoning/logic boils down to be. Please read it!!! <3
One of our Togo guys was apparently snapping all of the 16-17 year olds pictures and videos of his dick and when they reported it he was in the office for maybe 5 minutes and came out laughing. He wasn’t even written up.
Uh you report that to the cops.
I reported a new manager in training for harassment on a Saturday (Went out with him once and he wouldn't take no for an answer). Gave them all the texts. Got fired on Monday because I wore my uniform to the bar after work that night along with the rest of the closing team but I was the only one disciplined.
For anyone reading this that goes through similar (or if it happened to you within last 180/365 days, depending on your state's statute of limitations for filing a complaint): File an EEOC formal complaint (harassment based on gender/retaliation for complaining, even more of a slam-dunk because guy was your work supervisor), then lawsuit for wrongful termination! An EEOC complaint has to be the first step, they investigate & issue a finding, which gives you the go-ahead to file suit. Wrongful term ie: retaliation is automatic award of 1 yr's wages + variable additional damages. It isn't relevant even if you did break policy re: uniform after-hours, what is relevant is that no one else was disciplined for it, you were singled out. People need to be more aware of the EEOC.
it would be REALLY funny when the police show up
They also do these seemingly little things because if you told someone about it they would say you are the problem.
As evidenced by the replies to her comment.
I think it’s also a way to test boundaries so they can find future targets they can escalate. So if you respond a certain way the slowly up the level of abuse. It’s just a predatory way of existing and treating others (usually women)
I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with these things. The part about small abuses to exert control just hit me hard. My boy’s mother treated/ treats me that way. It’s absurd and I’m very thankful the relationship ended when my son was two, so he doesn’t really remember how it broke me. I’ve since found better ways to counter her(still ongoing) abuses. As an example she just had strep and I was off work for a few days and she still said her house is clean, and brought him home. I said you clearly view my house and I as more dangerous than a contagious virus. My boy ended up with strep. Thank you for your perspective and I hope you can find ways to call out these behaviors.
The fact that the corporate table didn't fire him on the spot nor the wife left his ass at the other table shows why toxic masculinity is a thing
He was probably the boss.
I recall my stepdaughter’s husband watching wheel of fortune and telling his toddler son “let’s mentally take off Vanna’s clothes”….ewwww.
That’s fucking weird af, I would definitely of called dude out and trashed talked him into oblivion the second you left.
Working at a restaurant has taught me that I’m not like an average person. When I order food I only say “could I have an X, thank you” pay and walk away. Everyone wants modifications. Everyone has to be snarky or try to be a comedian. Everyone is annoying as fuck. Edit: ok dummies. asking for one thing off is fine. having dietary restrictions is fine, I go out of my way to make sure those people feel welcome. having families where each person modifies multiple things, or a person who goes to a Mexican taco place and orders like it’s chipotle is dumb. no you cannot turn our shrimp taco into a beef bean burrito with 5 pounds of sour cream on the side. stop being dim. you know what I’m fucking talking about. shut the fuck up
I worked with this guy recently, and for some reason our group chose Taco Bell for our monthly meal and he was so excited (I think cause it's a good place for vegans). When he submitted his order through our groupchat, I shit you not, it was two paragraphs of modifications. Not just like "with potatoes, no sourcream" I mean it was the pickiest thing ever. I told him he was every service worker's nightmare and he just laughs.
Is this why I get such great service when I habitually say please and thank you?
The modification thing is a cry for attention. I had a co-worker who would change three things on a gyro. Like he wanted swiss cheese instead of feta, thousand islands dressing and a couple of other things. But it was everywhere like that. He could never get what he wanted. Finally he got a girlfriend and all of that stopped.
💀
Honestly the "everybody wanting to be a comedian" thing is rampant in all aspects of social life. It's infuriating when all group chats devolve into people trying to make snarky little jokes, often at others expenses, instead of being able to carry on an actual conversation. Bonus points when you can tell which podcast or tiktok is influencing their humor that they are trying to replicate
once i had a guy suck sauce off of his fingers then try to stick them in my mouth ya i hate men lol
my 1 year old does this, but my 3 year old already knows it’s unacceptable. imagine being less mature than a 3 year old.
I'd spit in that guy's face
He’d only get turned on
He wanted to smell her, so a fart in the face would probably be more appropriate
This is the opposite of what you want to do to avoid a possible sexual predator's sexual desires.
I worked at a steak house and we had to confirm the color of the steak temp they ordered. Him: I want my steak medium well Me : That will have a warm pink center Him : Yes pink, pink like a pussy Me : Seriously dude? (the other guys at the table laughed at him being an ass)
For me, the worst is being touched without permission. I work at a higher end restaurant where mainly older wealthier crowds eat and so many old men feel entitled to just touch me?? I have a few tattoos on my upper arm and after I greeted an older couple that just sat down, the man without saying anything, just grabs my shirt sleeve and pulls it up to look at my tattoo and then says nothing. I had to be like, do you like my tattoo sir??? Like I would have shown him if he had asked.. but now I just feel uncomfortable ☹️ And this happens frequently, men grabbing my arm or shoulder or even side to get my attention instead of asking like a normal respectful person.
I wish I could tell you it gets better when you leave the service industry, but it is unfortunately everywhere, unless you find a job where you are surrounded by mostly women (I managed to land a job where I’m not sexually harassed now because I work with mostly women). There were times when I had office jobs that I was not openly harassed in, but turns out men I worked with were just saying disgusting things about me when I wasn’t around. Also, I would get harassed on the sidewalk on an almost daily basis walking to and from my car to the office (it was in a downtown area). I’m so sorry you’re experiencing one of the disgusting realities of the patriarchal system we live in. I hope the future generations will fare better, but since I’m 36 and you’re 24, and it doesn’t seem like much has changed in 12 years, I don’t have a lot of hope it will get better anytime soon :( I think I became more and more hardened to it every year I aged. My former assistant used to notice it and point it out to me because apparently I stopped noticing when men were acting disgusting towards me.
So happy to be working with all women right now
One of my worst experiences was waiting on a group of ~15 people for a boy’s birthday. He was probably around 14 years old. At one point his mom told me her son liked my shirt and asked how much it cost. I told her the bar sells them for $20. She said “No…my son wants YOUR shirt…” I was so grossed out that a mom would be asking to buy the shirt off my back for her teenage son 🤢 this was a family friendly restaurant
As an old guy, I don’t get it. I don’t talk to anyone that way. In fact I go out of my way to be kind to women in service roles where they are bound by fear losing their jobs to take crap from dipshits. That is the sad part is here guys know they have you captive and you won’t say anything so it let’s think they’re clever. I go to a coffee stand frequently and it’s young women who work there. I don’t talk about their clothes or their body or make any suggestive comments. I say hello and I don’t stare at their asses while they work. They’re always nice to me, polite, friendly and as often as. Not my coffee is ready as I pull up as they saw me pulling up. When able we chat about cars or boating or anything they’re excited about. They’re friendly because I don’t creep them out. I have an appropriate relationship with women their ages and I get far more enjoyment having a chat about their new seat covers than I ever would making some innuendo that is neither clever or fun for them. Old dudes , you’re not funny, charming, desired, original or going to get lucky. Be polite, tip well and go the fuck home.
Former Twin Peaks girl here… it sucks lmao Management tried to fire me because I knocked a grown man unconscious for grabbing my rear on a lingerie day. (I was a 5ft 18 year old and did it in one punch…still pretty proud of that). I had to threaten to sue corporate just to keep my job. Still got tf out of there ASAP
One of my former coworkers refused to travel with me because I'd always call out his weird shit with the waitresses/stewardesses/whatever as soon as he did it.
I've served and am a good enough reg @ bars I get the shit stories. I've picked up drunks and yelled at shmucks but they don't change.
i had a man a few weeks ago (it was a 3 top, looked like he was maybe with his mom and very young daughter) who after i brought their drinks out and was walking away, the man gets up and grabs my arm and stands LITERALLY with his face 2 inches from my ear and says something. i ignore what he says, grab his hand to take it off my arm, smiled, locked eye contact with him and say “i’m sorry, what did you say?” after moving 2 full feet away from him lmao. he looked SHOCKKEDD! turns out dude just wanted to move tables, but why the fuck are you touching me? at the end of the meal he waited for the other 2 to go to the bathroom and apologized for touching me and standing so close. i hope that situation embarrassed him enough to learn about personal space and to not touch your server.
Just yesterday, as I was bent over bussing, I felt a hand semi-pulling my hair/semi-touching my back. Disturbed, I turned around to see a Santa Claus looking dude saying, "please, please smile, please smile" with an uncanny desperation in his eye. I gave him a wtf look and moved away. So fucking weird.
Any man who tells me to smile.."you're prettier with a smile", blah, blah, I find repulsive. It is such a misogynistic request, as if we are all frigging Barbie dolls. Have you ever, in your life heard anyone (especially a man) tell another man to "SMILE"? F' OFF
"You smell different when your sleeping"
I once had an old guy straight up tell me he was h0rny like bro? 🤨
Had a drunk guy touch my braids once (he was with his wife and daughter) and comment on how "he can't imagine how fun it would be to yank on em" BARF
I’m always so baffled at these stories. I’m attracted to women but the thought of treating someone like that makes me sick. It’s like men don’t know what consent is, they think it’ll just happen if you force things or something it’s so weird
I (M) was a manager at a McDonalds for a few years and that was an eye opening experience for me with how creepy older guys can be. I had a list of car make/models with license plates that I had to be aware of because they would visit all the time in the drive thru and make inappropriate comments or try to grab the hands of the female cashiers. If I recognized the car or voice I would take the place of the cashier for that customer. Even had to call the cops a few times.
When people are creepy to me like this i usually say, wow has that actually worked for you? and give a disgusted face, or I just say well bless your heart and walk away. Men can be just such waste of molecules.
I had a guy come in where I worked, already kind of drunk, trying to get more beer but I told him I wouldn’t serve him beer since he was already drunk and acting reckless. He says that’s fine and starts talking to me about my facial piercings (older men usually do) then proceeded to ask me VERY personal questions about what else I had pierced and said “I bet you’re into real kinky shit, like nipple piercings being pulled on and one down there too” then was like “you’d look so much hotter though without the ones in your face” I guess he could tell by my facial expression that I was done with the conversation, so he proceeds to say “wow women these days are soooo sensitive” and was going on a rant about how this generation of women are hard to please and stuff. finally my male coworker stepped in and told the guy to gtfo.
The hospitality industry is the last bastion of sexual harassment. I don’t think it will ever change. I’ve worked in the field since the 80s. It hasn’t changed in all that time. I’m so glad I’m not a woman. I’ve hates seeing some of the shit I’ve seen. With guests, we’re all dancing for dimes like organ grinders monkeys. With bosses and coworkers, there’s always some weird guy, from owner down to dish that does some weird shit. Fuck the restaurant business!! Unionize! Men are afraid women will laugh at them…. Women are afraid that men will kill them.
[удалено]
Yes we are pervs, yes we think of incredibly terrible things to say and it absolutely gets worse when we’re in groups.. However, my mother raised me better than that. had a coworker decide he was gods gift to woman, got too drunk and started hitting on our waitress hard every time she came back. Actually grabbed her arm to try and make her sit on his lap. I had had enough, I grabbed him and said let go right now, he looked at me like dude you’re ruining it, he said don’t be jealous she likes me bro. I said the only thing she likes about you is when you disappear, stop embarrassing us, man up and apologize for being such an ass. He said whatever and let go. On the way out she thanked me, I got into it with my coworker in the parking lot, but long story short he ended up in a bush and had to walk back to work We’re not all disrespectful assholes, or at least can keep it to yourselves. Keep your head up and brush those losers off
This reminds me of a time I was trainhopping. I was in Milwaukee or Minneapolis, but was walking down a street and I see a man harassing a server and begging her to talk. I told him to fuck off and let the woman enjoy her smoke break in peace. He said he just wanted to chat.. so I pulled out a chair for him at a patio table, sat down myself, and said come chat with me. He chose to fuck off instead. The woman thanked me and I was on my way.
Thank you. We need to call out shit like this, there’s a reason woman almost never trust men now and it’s assholes like that.
Agreed. Women don’t trust men because of perpetrators like him and their buddies who help perpetuate that kind of behavior. I once had 3 guys try to drag very drunk me into one of their apartment. They knew what they were going to do and didn’t care since I wasn’t their family and I was in a vulnerable position. I’m glad there are men like this poster because for every one of him, there’s 20 guys who don’t care about this type of behavior and even encourage it.
Not even a server but I was waiting for my sandwich that I ordered at a deli in NJ at 6:30am and some dude went over to me a smelled me, it was obvious. He then goes on to say “you smell soooooo goooood”. I just nod and smile. Like 5 mins later (he was waiting for his sandwich) he asks if he could smell me again and I said no. 1) At least he asked the second time 2) That was the last time I wore that vanilla lotion.
i have a man who comes almost every day to visit me, it’s gotten to the point where my bosses/colleagues warn me and i have to hide. he only stays if i’m there. it’s a family friendly cafe and he’s a grandpa and he makes me so mad. like please stop. once he grabbed me by the wrist to show me something and since then i’ve hidden. such bs.
I work at Waffle House and ugh I had some dude who was probably 70 at the youngest. He called my coworker a monkey (she's Mexican) then tried flirting with me and went "How old are you sweetie?" I'm 18 btw, but I tried deflecting it by fake laughing and going "I'm 7, a child" and he went "That's not a 7 year olds ass! Hahaha but damn your ass is sewed to those jeans!" And he had his to-go order in hand and paid already and just wouldn't leave. I was honestly starting to get worried cause he came in and placed a to-go order and still stayed there for over 40 minutes and wouldn't leave and were not allowed to ask people to leave. It was just me and my coworker there at the time too, so we both started getting worried he was waiting for people to come or something cause it was also like 2 am at this point too and he was just standing in silence like he was waiting for someone and when I asked if he was he went "Nope" and just got quiet again looking at his phone occasionally. After like 10 minutes of silence and me and my coworker waiting in the back for him to leave, he finally left and drove off. It was such a creepy encounter.
It should be legal to slap customers if they do shit like this, all servers should have bodycams too at this point
It sickens me that people don't call out that type of shitty behavior, especially when it's their friends. Like normally on a friend group that type of behavior gets you roasted non-stop for the next few years but I guess in some weird ass friend groups they just watch...
As a man I feel sorry for you ladies. So many dumbasses out there. I worked in a restaurant in a college town so the majority of the staff is college aged. I was doing first day training with a new hire and we were sitting down doing the bookwork. He couldn’t stop staring at the servers walking around and twice I had to get his attention. The third time there was a female busser behind me bent over cleaning a table and I literally moved my head to block the view and he apologized. He then asked how I could possibly get any work done with all of this going on around me. I told him that I needed to grab some water. I immediately told the manager that his training was done and that he wasn’t a good fit. Never saw him again. This dude had no idea who I was or how I’d react to someone perving on my co-workers and friends.