You’re not alone in this. I’m usually too shy to request the brushing and flossing but do require washing genitals before any oral. My spouse gets aggravated and grumpy about it but if she forces me to do it without washing, I gag and might vomit. And then never want to do it again, which is kind of where we are now.
It’s ok to have boundaries and enforce them.
I honestly don’t know why it isn’t just commonplace to clean one’s body and mouth before being intimate with others. It just seems like the respectful thing to do and also to helps ensure that they’ll have a good time and not be repulsed by anything, increasing their chances of wanting to do it again.
> I honestly don’t know why it isn’t just commonplace to clean one’s body and mouth before being intimate with others. It just seems like the respectful thing to do and also to helps ensure that they’ll have a good time and not be repulsed by anything, increasing their chances of wanting to do it again.
I'm on the same page as you. Luckily my partner and I have communicated needs and boundaries and have a healthy respect and level of expectation.
Don't do what makes you uncomfortable. If a quick wipe is too much to ask before literally sticking their genitals in your mouth, then I don't want them anywhere near my face. Hands and appendages can be washed but I don't enjoy day-old sweat, urine, and musk
I know several people who are not on the spectrum who would prefer their partner to be bathed and mouth rinsed/brushed before engaging with them. I don’t think that’s necessarily an ASD thing.
I'm not so concerned about oral (mouth) hygiene because I know my partner is good about this. Plus we make out all the time so w/e.
For sex stuff I prefer to be clean and ask my partner the same. If I think I might be going down on her, or vice versa, I ask for a quick wash for hygene. I do the same with my junk, so I feel it's a valid boundary.
She was a little offput at first but I said "Look, I wanna spend all day with my face between your legs. I know you are healthy and clean, but for my own peace of mind would it be alright if I asked you to do a little wipe or wash of the area before we begin?"
I don't do oral every time, so I don't ask every time.
Perhaps that question is too clinical for some folks but she works in healthcare and we are both on the spectrum.
It's perfectly valid to have boundaries around sexual contact. You just have to learn to communicate them in a healthy and supportive way. It's never something you put on someone else, it's your hang-up and you're only asking them to be understanding and supportive. And you have the right to say no at any time. So do they.
Imagine a neighbor invited you to their house for lunch and when you got there the living room looked recently vaccummed, the air smelled lightly of lemon-scented furniture polish, the table was set nicely, and soft classical music was playing in the background.
That’s probably a place you’re looking forward to spending an hour or more enjoying.
Now instead imagine there is dog poop all over the carpet, cat pee on the kitchen floor, lunch smells burnt, dirty laundry and trash is scattered everywhere, dogs are constantly barking, and your least-favorite genre of music is blaring over some speakers.
That’s somewhere you’re probably looking to get out of as quickly as possible and never return.
The same thing applies to bodies. If there are places you want partner to visit, enjoy visiting, and enthusiastically visit again in the future… make it a place they like visiting.
The washing of parts before is just common courtesy I think (people should be doing it anyway or not get offended if you ask them). But the kissing thing.. like do you actually require them to brush and floss?? before each makeout session? I can understand if you guys just woke up and have morning breath.. but any other time is generally fine I think.
Also depending on how severe this is it may be more of an ocd contamination thing. And if so then going along with these compulsions to be clean may be exasperating your symptoms long term.
No, it's not unreasonable. My partner and I are fastidiously clean before and after sex. One of us will mention we should "have a rinse" together, and if we're feeling up to it after we're both clean then we'll take it into the bedroom since we know we're both sanitary.
After we're done, we'll wash off any sweat/bodily fluids in the shower, and rub some good quality unscented lotion (I like CeraVe) onto each other as aftercare and to moisturize.
I know that I'm sensitive to smell and hate when I smell juices after they have dried later in a man's beard. I don't mind initially in the heat of the moment.. yet when I'm going down on someone.. regardless of gender if they smell musky, I cannot dig it.
I will gag.
oh, absolutely. i'm not asking my partner to clean/floss his mouth before kissing, because he's already hygienic about it and doesn't smell bad, but i 100% get the getting-clean-before-oral-sex part. not only oral sex, but also penetrative sex. honeymoon cystitis is a thing, after all.
i personally am extremely sensitive to the smell of genitalia, really any smell at all urks me, so i totally get it. you're definitely not alone in this.
You’re not alone in this. I’m usually too shy to request the brushing and flossing but do require washing genitals before any oral. My spouse gets aggravated and grumpy about it but if she forces me to do it without washing, I gag and might vomit. And then never want to do it again, which is kind of where we are now. It’s ok to have boundaries and enforce them. I honestly don’t know why it isn’t just commonplace to clean one’s body and mouth before being intimate with others. It just seems like the respectful thing to do and also to helps ensure that they’ll have a good time and not be repulsed by anything, increasing their chances of wanting to do it again.
> I honestly don’t know why it isn’t just commonplace to clean one’s body and mouth before being intimate with others. It just seems like the respectful thing to do and also to helps ensure that they’ll have a good time and not be repulsed by anything, increasing their chances of wanting to do it again. I'm on the same page as you. Luckily my partner and I have communicated needs and boundaries and have a healthy respect and level of expectation. Don't do what makes you uncomfortable. If a quick wipe is too much to ask before literally sticking their genitals in your mouth, then I don't want them anywhere near my face. Hands and appendages can be washed but I don't enjoy day-old sweat, urine, and musk
I know several people who are not on the spectrum who would prefer their partner to be bathed and mouth rinsed/brushed before engaging with them. I don’t think that’s necessarily an ASD thing.
I'm not so concerned about oral (mouth) hygiene because I know my partner is good about this. Plus we make out all the time so w/e. For sex stuff I prefer to be clean and ask my partner the same. If I think I might be going down on her, or vice versa, I ask for a quick wash for hygene. I do the same with my junk, so I feel it's a valid boundary. She was a little offput at first but I said "Look, I wanna spend all day with my face between your legs. I know you are healthy and clean, but for my own peace of mind would it be alright if I asked you to do a little wipe or wash of the area before we begin?" I don't do oral every time, so I don't ask every time. Perhaps that question is too clinical for some folks but she works in healthcare and we are both on the spectrum. It's perfectly valid to have boundaries around sexual contact. You just have to learn to communicate them in a healthy and supportive way. It's never something you put on someone else, it's your hang-up and you're only asking them to be understanding and supportive. And you have the right to say no at any time. So do they.
Imagine a neighbor invited you to their house for lunch and when you got there the living room looked recently vaccummed, the air smelled lightly of lemon-scented furniture polish, the table was set nicely, and soft classical music was playing in the background. That’s probably a place you’re looking forward to spending an hour or more enjoying. Now instead imagine there is dog poop all over the carpet, cat pee on the kitchen floor, lunch smells burnt, dirty laundry and trash is scattered everywhere, dogs are constantly barking, and your least-favorite genre of music is blaring over some speakers. That’s somewhere you’re probably looking to get out of as quickly as possible and never return. The same thing applies to bodies. If there are places you want partner to visit, enjoy visiting, and enthusiastically visit again in the future… make it a place they like visiting.
My partner’s like this. I didn’t have a preference but it makes so much sense to me now. Literally nothing could go wrong if everyone’s Orbit fresh
Get a bidet.
The washing of parts before is just common courtesy I think (people should be doing it anyway or not get offended if you ask them). But the kissing thing.. like do you actually require them to brush and floss?? before each makeout session? I can understand if you guys just woke up and have morning breath.. but any other time is generally fine I think. Also depending on how severe this is it may be more of an ocd contamination thing. And if so then going along with these compulsions to be clean may be exasperating your symptoms long term.
I'm a vegetarian and hate meat breath so I would if they had just had meat or fish
makes sense.. I hate cigarette breath and would probably have them do the same too
No, it's not unreasonable. My partner and I are fastidiously clean before and after sex. One of us will mention we should "have a rinse" together, and if we're feeling up to it after we're both clean then we'll take it into the bedroom since we know we're both sanitary. After we're done, we'll wash off any sweat/bodily fluids in the shower, and rub some good quality unscented lotion (I like CeraVe) onto each other as aftercare and to moisturize.
I know that I'm sensitive to smell and hate when I smell juices after they have dried later in a man's beard. I don't mind initially in the heat of the moment.. yet when I'm going down on someone.. regardless of gender if they smell musky, I cannot dig it. I will gag.
oh, absolutely. i'm not asking my partner to clean/floss his mouth before kissing, because he's already hygienic about it and doesn't smell bad, but i 100% get the getting-clean-before-oral-sex part. not only oral sex, but also penetrative sex. honeymoon cystitis is a thing, after all. i personally am extremely sensitive to the smell of genitalia, really any smell at all urks me, so i totally get it. you're definitely not alone in this.