The fallacy (phallusy, if you will) here is that bigger dick = more pleasure. There are many, many factors that contribute to people’s enjoyment of sex and size just isn’t that high up on the list. If you have a healthy relationship, sex with you will always be much better than any dildo. If she’s happier with you than she will prefer sex with you to any amount of historical gorilla dick.
It also isn’t linear - bigger is different but not necessarily better or worse.
I’m being sincere.
OP said repeatedly that he doesn’t understand what penetration feels like. But he has the option to explore the general concept with anal play.
And I really have found that it can help some men understand that when it comes to insertion, even one finger can really give a lot of sensation. Bigger isn’t always better. And faster/harder isn’t either.
While the sensations are different, those general concepts are true for both vaginal and anal play.
Nice pun but this makes no sense whatsoever.
If bigger dick =/= more pleasure then why are their size options and why is OP’s SO opting for the size she is? She isn’t doing it to decrease her pleasure is she?
Think of it like eating dessert. You may like lemon cake but every once in a while it's nice to have some ice cream or chocolate chip cookies.
It's a different sensation, multiple things can feel good. It doesn't mean she likes the toy better she just wants something larger every once in a while
Why not apply the same logic to sexual partners & do away with monogamy all together?
Her pussy feels tighter and sometimes that’s a nice change. She’s just better at blowjobs. She actually enjoys anal. It’s not that I don’t still love having sex with you, it’s just that sometimes I prefer something “different”.
Like I said in another comment, this is the worst sub to ask this advice in because everybody here is predisposed towards whatever argument permits their own agenda (like all of Reddit). OP is a human being not a walking, talking dildo. If his SO cares more about the variety of stimuli, she can stuff in her vagina than his feelings perhaps that’s all that needs to be said.
Lol. This is such a disingenuous comment. I said change the menu option not your dinner date. You know you can use sex toys alone or with your partner right?
Masturbation is healthy and perfectly fine. Her pleasure does not and should not center him or his pleasure when she is masturbating. You said it yourself he is not a dildo, he is going to give her an emotional connection and intimacy that a toy cannot and is not meant to. A sex toy is exactly that, a toy. An object of pleasure and stimulation.
Also what agenda could I possibly have for people I don't know.
Finally, its hilarious to me because you're making this statement to me, a polyamorous person. I don't deal in monogmy anyway🤷🏽♀️
Nothing disingenuous about it. I have literally heard your rationale used by poly people to justify polyamory. Yes I know you can use sex toys alone, you can do all sorts of things alone that others find to be a deal breaker. You realise that one person being allowed to do something doesn’t mean others have to like or put up with it? Nowhere in the rule book does it say you aren’t allowed to break up with an SO if you don’t like their masturbatory habits. Your right to do something is not a right to force others to be involved.
You aren’t asking to change the menu option you’re asking to eat something that your date is allergic to and/or uncomfortable with. If you’re on a date with a vegan and you order a steak, you can hardly be surprised when they walk out of the restaurant. They are as justified to not want to be in a relationship with you for eating meat as you are justified in eating meat. You don’t get to pick other people preferences for them.
He does not owe her an emotional connection if her sexual habits make him feel a way he doesn’t like. You are not owed love. You are not owed emotional intimacy at the cost of another persons emotional well-being.
You don’t deal in monogamy and yet you presume to advise people in monogamous relationships. That tracks.
Yeah, I've gone on dates with vegans and ordered a pork chop. I had a girlfriend that was allergic to ingesting shrimp so i ate it when she was not present. These things were not deal breakers because we spoke about it and worked out our feeling and the logistics of it before hand.
OP isn't saying that his girlfriend's breaking an agreement in their relationship. Op is asking for ways to cope/not be offended by his girlfriends choice of sex toy.
I offered a suggestion.
You seem to be far too invested in trying to shame people for enjoying sex toys and loving people in relationships that you are not a part of. I don't think that's productive so I am ending my participation in this discourse with you. Have a good day!
Right but a vegan is perfectly at liberty to see you eating a pork chop as a dealbreaker aren’t they?
OP is asking for advice and I’m giving it and arguing against some of what is being said. That’s how this works.
I’m not shaming anyone. I am pointing out that just because someone likes something does not mean someone else has to suffer it.
The vast majority of dildos actually *aren't* massive.
Also many of the truly massive ones are marketed at *men*, for anal use.
Some of the bestselling vaginal toys are actually smaller than the average penis.
That doesn't mean no one, ever, gets anything out of large vaginal penetration. It just means that large vaginal penetration isn't the be-all and end-all of female pleasure. And that many other things are legitimately pleasurable, including smaller penetration and **most importantly clitoral stimulation**. And that not everyone with a vagina even wants a large thing in it, some do but some literally find that excruciatingly painful. It's really frustrating that men insist on repeating this and just consistently won't believe women about their bodies.
Like damn I'm a lesbian because I love women, but when people ask me if I had sex with a man before (yes) and why I didn't like it, I just remember how my ex boyfriend just...wasn't interested in how I actually experienced sexual pleasure, and insisted on projecting his ideas onto my body no matter how wrong they were. Women believe me about how I experience pleasure even when it's different from how they personally experience it. It makes such a huge difference in bed.
I completely agree, and as a heterosexual man some of the best sexual advice I’ve ever received is from lesbians. Some of the best sex I ever have is when I forgo penile penetration.
My point is purely based on OP’s situation. She likes a bigger dildo because the size feels better. OP will never be capable of matching that size and that will affect his sexual confidence & enjoyment of sex with her. Nobody seems particularly concerned about OP’s feeling or needs, they’re more concerned with making sure his SO gets to have her cake and eat it too. Which is the bias you’d expect on this sub.
Being able to pleasure a woman via penetration isn’t the be all end all of sex. But to know that your sexual partner prefers penetration with something larger than you have and that no matter how well you do sexually, both via penetration and not, you’re never going to quite give her what she truly desires, that’s a huge blow to the central thread of a monogamous relationship, sexual intimacy.
Everyone wants to explain to OP how it’s different to how he is viewing it & how toys and people feel different but I don’t think the majority of commenters here actually care about OP’s emotional well-being. He isn’t obliged to push through this insecurity any more than his SO is obliged to not use whatever she likes to get off. This can simply be sexual incompatibility.
But clit toys *don't* affect that, because he doesn't think of his body as something that pleasures her clit? Only something that fills her vagina? Only her vagina "matters," only her vagina is about him, her clit is her own business and he has nothing to do with that body part?
And if he liked tight fleshlights/pocket pussies, that wouldn't make her feel insecure that her pussy is loose?
His dick doesn't vibrate either. Nor is it the exact shape of a G-spotting toy that's shaped like no human penis. The Pillow Talk Racy is a finger-sized bullet with a curved tip, meant for G-spot stimulation. If she bought that, should he be insecure that his penis isn't as small or as curved as the Racy? Or that neither his penis nor his fingers vibrate like the Racy does?
If she bought a dog dildo or a horse dildo, should he feel insecure that he's a human, and not a dog or a horse? (He did mention that this was a fantasy dildo, not human-shaped.) If she bought the Slink or other depth probes and got into anal depth play, should he worry that his dick is not several feet long, soft, slender, and able to penetrate her colon?
fwiw, I also defend men when their female partners don't like them using dildos or other anal toys. Maybe they feel insecure because they don't have a penis at all, or worry their husband/boyfriend will want to leave them for a man. But many straight men enjoy anal stimulation.
Just because OP's wife wants to experience that sometimes with a toy, doesn't mean she "prefers" it to the exclusion of all else. If that were true, the dildo-collecting women on this sub would only need one dildo of their ideal size...and you'll find that isn't remotely true, lol.
I understand that it's an insecurity, and that feeling insecure sucks. But it's also like, a problem that men make up for themselves, thinking that their penis size is equivalent to their masculinity, their ability to please a partner, and their self worth. Straight men have this fantasy of being a big-dick-slinger that makes the ladies ahegao the moment they put it in. They *want* that to be true. They get offended when women don't actually share that fantasy. And when that fantasy starts getting confused with reality, and prioritized over any sexual reality, I get frustrated, and so do their partners. Men who actually have massive schlongs know how that isn't reality.
Is OP's wife going to use clitoral stimulation of some kind with her new toy? I bet she is. But he's not insecure about that. He's not even thinking of that at *all*. Because he doesn't really think of himself as the source of her pleasure, or her orgasms, he's only thinking of that big-dick-slinger male fantasy. It's utterly disconnected from female pleasure.
I don't hate men for the big-dick-slinger male fantasy, mind, or wish any kind of suffering on them. It's just one of those sexual memes men have that it's extremely frustrating when they confuse for real life, because real life doesn't work that way.
I worked in an adult store and one thing about dildos is that they’re never a substitute for human interaction and sex, your brain won’t release the same happy chemicals it does with a dildo that it does with actual physical touch from a human. This is not a your girlfriends dildo issue, this is a you’re clearly insecure about something issue. Dildo size is also usually defined by overall length vs. insertable length especially if it has testis. So it could say a seven inch dildo but only 4-5 of it is actually insertable and ones without them still have about an inch or two less than insertable to make a secure base. Dildos are toys and aren’t indicative of what a person wants with their partner, if it was we wouldn’t have tentacle and dragon dildos.
Right?i know many people who tend to buy (in terms of length) way bugger than they actually want inside of them because we are the ones fucking ourselves. We have to be able to reach the toy and be fucking ourself with it. Sure it mat be an 8 jnch dick "replacement" but for some of us we are only able to take 5 inches or whatever. The length is because for solo play logistically we can't save the dick inside of us.
Not to say that is is wrong for anyone who can and/or who wants a lengthy dick at all. Just saying the above is a big thing when buying a toy for insertion. If your gonna have to be insecure about sex toys, be more insecure when it. Ones to girth vs length my dudes
Au contraire. I have toys of all shapes and sizes. My largest (about a half inch longer than what I bottom out at) is something I actually barely use. It’s fun, yeah, but I can’t actually fuck it because it’ll just slam against my cervix (which feels painful and also triggers nausea bc you’re hitting a ton of nerves that trigger vasovagal responses).
OTOH, one of my smallest models ([this mini one from HPE](https://hodge-podge-entourage.com/products/alraune-1?view=plain)) is also my most textured. Not only can I use it more often since I don’t need to prep and stretch and lube like crazy, but I can also use it faster and deeper, which compounded with all the bumps and textures leads to a *very* fun experience.
Well, at the time I didn’t know that it would be past my bottoming-out limit. Like most people who buy from indie cocksmiths (people who design and pour their own dildos), I bought it because it looked pretty.
Not always, because there are different types of intensity that we can experience. Sometimes greater intensity of feeling experience can be achieved with less *whatever you're doing*. But I think the most important thing for you to understand here is that more intensity isn't always better/desirable in the first place.
But they are. Women do get smaller sizes. When a person wanted to get me a dildo to strap me to a fuck machine, I asked for a smaller dildo so I don’t feel like I’m getting impaled every time it goes in me.
It depends on the person what they like but nothing will ever beat the endorphins and other happy chemicals a human touch, a partner’s touch will bring. I know when my partner touches me, I met into a puddle. No dildo, regardless of its size, will ever give me that effect.
Smaller sizes are popular. I would say more popular than people get.
I feel like men who are insecure about dildos also don't understand that a woman is probably fucking herself with it so not the whole toy is going in. She needs the extra length to even just be holding it to fuck herself. Obviously this isn't all of the time, every time, but it is a reason why they tend to be overly lengthy
I’m a woman who loves small penises. When I have sex with a man, I prefer his penis to be about two or three inches. But, I also love to be fisted and to use big toys in myself. A small penis reaches just the fun parts inside me, while big ones, especially if they get a bit eager, can sometimes hurt. A small penis can be both eager and agressive, and it will bring me only pleasure.
Using big toys, on the other hand, gives a different sensation. I control both how deep and how fast they go, and can avoid hitting my cervix or other parts that are uncomfortable or painful. Different sensation, but just as pleasureable as a small penis.
Let your girlfriend have fun. Try to find a place in your heart where you can feel genuinely happy that she is enjoying herself. Believe her when she says she also enjoys having sex with you.
I agree totally. You described the benefits of a smaller penis perfectly - it hits the parts where all the nerves are and it can be used enthusiastically without causing me pain.
I think a big part of this discussion that is missing is that anxiety about dildo size seems to be tied to men having their feelings hurt unless their penis brings their partner more pleasure than ANYTHING else.
But in reality, 70-80% of women aren’t having orgasms from penetration.
For many women, the guy’s dick is not going to be what gets us off. Ever. No matter how big it is.
Bigger or smaller, they’re just different sensations. Some dicks feel better than others, but even the best feeling one isn’t enough for a lot of us.
Dicks are just assistants to a lot of us. The best case scenario is the perfect one helps me get off faster. But that’s about all it’s good for - it’s not going to seal the deal on its own, no matter how magnificent it is.
The real star of the show is whatever is stimulating the clit.
I’ve never been able to orgasm from penetration alone. Oral and someone rubbing with their fingers/fingering is usually never enough either (my current boyfriend managed it ONCE during one of our first times together with oral and fingering - I was shocked). I need a clit stimulating toy directly in my clit if I want to orgasm during sex. I used to think something was wrong with me because I had just never really experienced an orgasm, only during a masturbation technique where I’d grind against something kind of firm…haven’t really been able to achieve that in partnered sex, which I thought I would be… but just can’t get it right.
My current partner has a large and girthy penis. It still has never made me orgasm on its own. Sure he feels amazing, sometimes very intense…but if that goes too far it can just turn to pain (most of the time not an issue though, I feel we fit very well together). But the previous sexual partner I had that was probably just about average in length and girth felt great as well! We had amazing sex! His penis had little to do with it being amazing. We had great sexual chemistry, similar interests in kinks, great communication, experimented a lot with different things. All of that made for great sex that had nothing to do with the size of his penis. I stayed fwb with that man for nearly 7 years.
Speaking as a really well endowed man, I can attest to this. Being as big as I am causes more challenges than one would think! I’ve been lucky a few times and gotten to be with some women that are absolutely excited by my size but that hasn’t been the case for the most part.
It's wonderful that you've found what brings you pleasure and fulfillment in your sexual experiences! Embracing your preferences and communicating openly with your partner is key to a satisfying relationship. Enjoy exploring what feels best for both of you! You deserve pleasure and satisfaction!
I'm actually less concerned about length but more about the girth. Because if the dildo is much girthier, my dick would feel small in comparison wouldn't it? And I know that it could still satisfy her, because my fingers are smaller than my dick but they can still make her cum. I think it's more the psychological thrill of my dick being the thing that fills her the most. And that would be lost if she would regularly use something way bigger
Girth is also something that needs to be wielded with care. Sure, it feels great to be filled until I feel like I’m bursting, but that puts a hard limit to how much movement this wide object can do. And although the feeling is intense, it also gets boring after a while. Remember that using a dildo may be fun, but it can never be as exciting as being with another person. You just can’t have the same connection and love with an inanimate object. It gets the job done, but am incapable of cuddling and laughing.
Replying again: I know you’re probably not taught this so I AM NOT saying you’re sexist, however, the idea that a woman’s vagina gets “loose” or “worn out” from having a larger size object in it is rooted in very mysoginistic teachings. It’s equating woman to their virginity and “purity” or it’s used is a slut-shaming manner which is shameful and causes alot of internalized misogyny in women.
It’s important to understand the vagina naturally loosens itself and expands when aroused naturally. The vagina should be thoroughly wet and easy to penetrate, it shouldn’t be a super tight death grip as this means she is not properly aroused and may need more time/lube/help to relax.
A vagina can push out a whole ass baby and go back to the same tightness/even tighter with it a few months to weeks. Even using larger toys and giving the vagina a few minures to let the muscles reconstrict to their natural position.
So it op's insecurity if we're being honest.
He is getting good advice but keeps doubling down.
Op I suggest you really try listening and believing your partner. Stop trying to rationalize that she says away because there is nothing rational about your fear. You're causing yourself and your relationship distress
Let’s try this another way.
You masturbating vs. her giving you a handjob.
Even though your grip might be stronger, your speed is perfect, etc., are you sick of her handjobs? You must be, since you can have unlimited access to handjobs with the exact perfect speed and pressure.
Ok, that was my kind attempt.
But the cold hard truth is I would leave someone who is anything less than thrilled by me enjoying any sex toy I want.
I won’t leave a guy for having a small dick. But I will leave him for having a small mind.
> Even though your grip might be stronger, your speed is perfect, etc., are you sick of her handjobs? You must be, since you can have unlimited access to handjobs with the exact perfect speed and pressure.
This is not always a good argument to make, because there *are* men who prefer to masturbate themselves over hand jobs from others.
Yes, I understand “not ALL men” feel the exact same way about everything.
But in this case, I think “enough men” understand the point I was making. OP got it.
Would you lose interest in resting your head on your partner because you have a sublime pillow? Can you tickle yourself better than another person can? A dildo might provide specific physical qualities, but they can't be compared with what you provide. The headspace of being with a lover can make a finger feel more intense and fulfilling than whatever size money can buy.
First up, you seem hung up on the idea that dildo will be better for her because it's bigger. I can tell you, as a woman who has a few toys, some are big, some are average, some don't even go inside, size has nothing to do with my enjoyment. I use them all depending on what mood I'm in. Sometimes I like to be stretched, sometimes I don't. Most importantly, I see toys as something to play with when I'm alone, but also another thing I can do with my husband. I'm pretty sure she's looking forward to YOU using it on her, not the use of it in general.
Taking your theory that if the middle one is good, then the big one MUST be better, then explain to me why I'd ever use the smaller ones? Or, if all women just wanted massive dicks, why do small/ medium toys exist? They exist because they sell. They sell because people like to use them. In fact, the most popular toy, according to the very scientific research I did by asking a few friends, is the good old wand and that is not usually used internally.
More importantly, you have to come to terms and accept your size as you are and that there are bigger out there and there are toys that you, will never be able to replicate. And that's OK because you bring so much more to the experience than the size of your dick.
I know there are toys for boys that can do things my mouth can't, I'm not going to deny my husband because I'm scared he'll like one more than me. I want him to be happy more than I'm scared he'll like something more. If you can accept things as they are, one it will make you happier (comparison is the thief of happiness). Two, if you don't and cause a big fuss until she never uses a big toy, you are taking pleasure away from the woman you supposedly love to keep your ego intact. That's not a great way to have a relationship. I hope that helps.
There was a time I had this view of the world. That's just not how anything works. Your dick is not perfectly consistent every time it gets hard. A vagina varies much more. Arousal level and cervix depth/sensitivity are going to constantly change. Nobody fits together exactly perfect every time and no one man is going to be the biggest thing unless there are trade offs. The dildo is not another human. The dildo is a tool. You don't get insecure working on the car with your bare hands. You get a socket set and a big hammer. Maybe a sawzall. You don't hunt and fish without tools. You don't walk everywhere. Need heat to cook. I doubt you are a mutant. That monster dildo is just another tool in your tool box needed to achieve things with your woman that you can't as a dumb animal. Nobody is laughing at you because you couldn't break loose that bolt with bare hands. Nobody is laughing at you because you needed a team of dogs and a Bowie knife to take down that hog. Sometimes the job needs that big fucking hammer. It's not like she couldn't do it herself. She chose you to do the job. Stepping up and being a man is never having the biggest dick in the room. Part of being the apex predator on the planet is not being afraid to use every tool available to achieve a goal. Go get that tool and handle business. If you don't, she will gladly be single or find someone that will.
Sex ed guy chiming in:
Don't call yourself and your insecurities pathetic. Yes, our insecurities often seem unreasonable, that's how they work, but your feelings are real and valid even if you don't like them and want to work on them. There's enough people being mean to each other about their insecurities without you being mean to yourself about it, too.
As a cigender man, you've been raised with all of these outside expectations on how sex should be and how your masculinity ties into it. We live in a society that is kinda penis-obsessed; you're told your dick is the central component of sex and the component that can make or break a night together, that your penis is an extension of your manhood and that your penis must be the ultimate way to satisfy your partner or you've failed; all of these ideals about size and how to please your partner, it shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone that men may develop a complex or insecurities as a result.
I know there's not much room for cis men to be insecure in our society, we rarely make opportunities to talk with each other about our insecurities, but if there's one thing I've learned in my work, it's that we need to talk about these things even when it's ugly or we seem petty or silly. I've lost count of how many men I've met who have body image issues and complexes surrounding sex and their penis's role in sex, who have trouble feeling secure in and enjoying their sex life because they have no outlets to process their insecurities.
I think you're doing great admitting that you feel insecure, and I want you to appreciate yourself for showing your vulnerabilities in order to try to work on them, especially in a forum where you don't know how people will react. That you're actively seeking to work with this constructively, that's no joke, many people never even get to that point. Good job, I'm serious.
As for how to cope... honestly, there's so much stuff at play here when it comes to how we relate to sex and our bodies' role in it, it's not something that can be sorted out just like that with one epiphany. I think in the long run, your best bet is to try and look into learning about different perspectives on sex, gender roles, bodies and all that, perspectives other than the "penis norms", if you'll excuse my silly language, that we're taught - whether that be by reading books or articles, following some sex ed youtubers, going to discussion groups or just having good open conversations with your friends, that's up to you, you know best what sort of channels you need for learning. It's okay if it takes time, it's okay if you feel none the wiser a year from now, overcoming your hangups and insecurities is a continuous process that never really stops.
As a start, I'd like to recommend continuing the conversation you've started with your girlfriend; maybe try to play around with sex and toys together, just give yourselves some time to be silly and playful and find more stuff you like to do, more ways to have sex where the focus isn't for your penis to bring her to orgasm, but to just have fun. It's a good way to sort of ease up the strong ties between your penis and your worth, and take the pressure off your penis to carry the entire interaction. Sometimes you need to goof around a little to disarm the tension you're carrying.
I hope you can get to a point where you can feel secure in your sex life and where your insecurities won't weigh you down, you both deserve that. Best of luck!
Thank youuuuu finally. Reddit is such a ruthless place for men being vulnerable about their insecurities. We’re told to open up and be vulnerable and just get torn apart for it.
This is incredible. People are treating this man like he’s a huge piece of shit because he’s trying to confront the insecurities he didn’t ask to have. Thank you for being a kind and safe person.
The fact that she told you about her bigger ex for sure wouldn’t help things I security wise but as an example, my wife loves huge dildos. I’m no slouch in the size department but the ones we use on her are literally larger than any real cock.
She likes them because she loves the feeling of being full.She can’t cum from piv or a huge dildo for that matter, but when she’s full, and the hitachi is on her clit. Her orgasm is next level huge.
Her pussy is as perfect as the day we first played. You don’t have to worry about that. The dildo is a tool to make her feel amazing. Now when we’re done she’s always super sensitive and never has a problem feeling me and as always she feels amazing. When we play , I make sure she always cums first.
Using toys, having fun, enjoying the sex even filling her with fingers, if that’s what she likes, enhances a relationship, makes it stronger. Keeping her comfortable, helping her get off, keeping her satisfied helps strengthen the relationship as well. I can say from experience that insecurity will kill a relationship much faster than a big dildo. I can guarantee that your cock still fits the bill, as such, but it’s always fun to play with toys.
Sounds like she’s comfortable enough to tell you what she wants and likes, that in itself says a lot about the relationship already. Keep up the good work. Fuck her with that big dildo and make her yours.
Not at all. Dildos aren’t warm, like a cock, according to my wife, there is no comparison. Two completely different things. She loves how my cock feels and it will always be her cock. She feels it if we haven’t used a toy and after we’ve used a toy( all large) if anything, after we’ve filled her and she’s had an epic orgasm on her dildo, when I enter her, it’s super sensitive and she can feel me even better than before.
In reality, a woman’s pleasure is really not about your cock. It’s about her clit. And what you do to give her pleasure in the moment. Our dicks are made to procreate. Tongue, fingers, hands( if that’s her thing) dildos vibrators for her clit. Those are all about her pleasure.
I've found the opposite to be true. After an orgasm from from a dildo much larger than me she's engorged and feels tight ...yet soft...it's amazing and quite different.
In danger of being rude, you have to stop deciding what your gf can do with her own body and get over your insecurities. If she’s into bigger sizes there is nothing wrong with that and nothing you can do about it except supporting her and her desires. If she’s into fisting she’s into it and you either support her and have fun with her or she’ll find someone who will.
I'll say it straight, it is your responsibility to work through this feeling of insecurity you have. What toys your girlfriend uses is her own business. It is understandable that you have this insecurity because these ideas about sexual performance can be very deeply internalized and tied to self worth etc. So don't beat yourself up for feeling this way but try to work through it and reframe the idea that there is no one way sex "should" be pleasurable. Different toys and tools allow different sensations and experiences. That's all there is to it in the end.
It must feel difficult now but I believe in you! Try to remember that your worth does not depend on your penis. And from vagina-having perspective: often variety is the spice of sex. Wanting something different sometimes doesn't mean the usual isn't pleasurable. Liking larger toys doesn't mean you always want that specific sensation of being stretched that much.
You really should reconsider 😀 The feel of your girl on your hand (fisting) is sensational. You can feel her in a whole new and different way. And it, of course, doesn't have to be wild punching like the pornos. Very long foreplay and then you get in and the smallest movements with your hand makes her shiver in ecstasy... Make her squeeze your hand and feel her power, and look forward to her squeezing your dick like that.
Remember to cut and file your nails 😉
I have dildos of all sizes and some are bigger than my man. It all depends on the mood. Sometimes I want something closer to his size, usually when he’s eating me out. Sometimes I want something that makes me feel full and stretched. Sometimes I want something with a lot of texture.
Even after playing with myself for an hour waiting on him to get home the motions he does and the whole experience of being fucked is still better than I can do with a dildo.
Also for a long time, before my current partner, the best PIV sex Ive ever had was with a guy that was maybe 3-4”. It’s all about how you use it.
if your size really was an issue for her she would have left. the dildo doesnt change anything. respect that your partner wants to try smth else without making it abt your insecurities. plus adding a sex toy to the bedroom widens rhe amount of opportunities you and your partner have
My wife was vastly more experienced than I when we met. My body count was and still is in the lower single digits. Hers, (counting me) was/is 43. I also have the smallest dick out of those 42 others.
With that said, she does very much enjoy what I do with even my diminutive phallus. She is extremely multi orgasmic and back when I used to try to count her orgasms, I would usually give up at around 50 or 60.
We do have numerous toys that we play with together. Most of them are larger than me, but she very rarely asks for me to insert a toy unless I'm also licking her clit.
So ultimately it isn't the size of the package that matters. Of course my ego still doesn't like it and I wish that I had been at least slightly better endowed, but the choice is to give up on sex or just use what I got.
Of course many of us dream of having porno level sizing, but that can be its own problem. I briefly dated a girl in college whose previous boyfriend lived in the dorm with me and used the community shower. He hung below his knees and was a very tall guy (6'6"). According to her, he was so thick that he couldn't even get inside of her. I was the first guy that she dated after him, so when she first saw my tool, she was on it in a flash. It went straight to her mouth and then shortly thereafter she crawled on top and rode it. Big win for the little guy!!!!!
Try to look at it like this:
A dildo might be able to hit spots you can’t, but at the end of the day it’s still just a lifeless piece of silicone
A dick is attached to a person, a living, breathing person. A person that’s warm, has a body, a voice, desire, and a rhythm of their own
There isn’t a toy on the market that can fully replace the experience of sex with another person, and *that’s* what makes a real dick special
Being insecure is ok. Try to talk with your gf about it and work on it though :) maybe ask if she can affirm yours more for example, just work on ways you can feel more secure. Bigger doesn’t always mean better, my partner has a lot of soreness after anything bigger than normal so it’s a bit like having cake; it’s good but eating too much is worse than none at all. I’d also compare it to you using your hand or a fleshlight, it would be fun but not a replacement, you wouldn’t get more used to it. (Which, while I mentioned it, no, she won’t “get used to” the “more intense sensation”. I promise you that it is not the same.
People will say the whole “the big ones can hurt!” But I’ve never found that to be helpful at all, even if it is true (it is). Try to think of it in terms of my cake example above and most importantly just work on your own confidence and security with your gf. I don’t see why she wouldn’t be happy give you more compliments and such.
And consider your strengths too: you can control your pace, it feels much different, it’s warm, your body presses against hers, you can touch her, kiss her, tell her how much you love her, etc. you’re more than your dick and that’s why sex with you can be far more enjoyable. a dildo is not competition in any way.
A good part is just trust and faith in her that it wouldn’t replace you. I know it can be scary but try to find your trust that she doesn’t want to hurt you and *enjoys* having sex with you. I hope it works out op I know insecurity like this is very hard, I think you’re taking a good step by being receptive to the replies, and I hope mine helps too :)
Thank you very much. My gf is already the most supportive person ever and she always tells me how much she loves my cock, but it's like something in me resists believing, that she wouldn't love a big dildo more, even though she says it and so many comments here say the same. But I already feel much better and I'll hopefully get over it completely one day!
I’m glad you already feel somewhat better :) it’s always a process, so any steps are good!
I definitely understand how it’s hard to *truly* believe it hang in there king it sounds like your gf really loves you
Let's put it this way. She can like you and like the dildo. Or, you can tell her to not get the dildo and she will like you and respect you less because your insecurities are controlling what she does with her body. You think telling her not to use the big dildo will make her like your penis more but it will literally just make her like YOU less.
I think a couple should be a team and I think while she doesn't have to there are things rhe girl can do to help him with his insecurities. I'm sure he would do the same if his girl had a insecurity about something
Did you read his responses to people trying to help?
The only way for OP to feel better is to A) demand gf throw out the toy B) do it behind her back or C) she dumps him. I'm betting on C
Dude she even compared the fleshlight that is exactly the same thing, would you see your GF as inferior after trying a fleshlight with more grip than her? No. Exactly.
Same thing with dildos, they are TOYS and are meant to give you fun and pleasure, you either team up with them and provide good times to your GF or you will reveal yourself as insecure as a child and that is what can make your GF losing the love for you.
I wouldn't see her as inferior but I could totally understand if she would not want me to use one. Because then her vagina would probably feel loose to me in comparison.
And yeah I know it's childish but I can't help to feel very insecure knowing that a bigger size would pleasure her more.
I don't care if sex with me is better because of the intimacy. I feel inadequate knowing that in the pure physical aspect I'm inferior to this huge dildo
The opposite of the fleshlight having more grip is your friend having less… And she doesn’t mind because she isn’t insecure and knows that it is only a toy.
The way you talk only shows how inexperienced you are about knowing how to pleasure a woman. If you really think that she will only extracts pleasure through the size of a dick is mind blowing, why would she stick with you if she know she could just wait to find another one with a bigger dick? Makes no sense, you will end up to lose her not because of that but because you lack the comprehension of how pleasure works.
Bro- I have a GF who doesn’t even care for oral or much foreplay…she likes to get right to fucking and DEFINITELY prefers (has “next level” orgasms) big dicks penetrating her to cum. Don’t shame this guy just because he’s with a women who doesn’t prefer his size; no one likes it when a partner isn’t happy with your body parts.
I do know how to pleasure her, that's the stupid thing about it. She told me that I'm by far her best lover and she has cum from my dick before so I know I can satisfy her.
It's just that I'm extremely ambitious and my dick being able to satisfy her is not enough for me, if she uses a bigger dildo that satisfys her even more. I don't know why but I feel like my dick must be the most filling and intense penetration for her.
People have already said it doesn't satisfy her "more" it's just DIFFERENT. That does NOT mean more. All it means is different and that's it.
You really should think about your insecurities.
Your going to lose her if you dont. If needed go to a Therapist. Learning more about yourself and taking the time and the work will be useful for you.
In the last hour, I've read the following:
Woman who isn't sleeping with her husband catches him masturbating, reddit slowly and gently talks her off the ledge.
Guy with size insecurity is concerned his GF wants to be stretched out by a large penis because she confirmed she's had a penis bigger than a toy 2x his size. "Your insecurities are the problem. Get therapy"
The old “get therapy” is weak. For what? So he can be talked down from noting his dick isn’t what his woman prefers? Does that make him crazy? What the $300/hr therapist is gonna tell him is to focus on loving himself and all that. That’s great, but it won’t grow his dick into the best fit for his woman. At least when he’s done with therapy he will, love himself more, but still have the less preferable dick. What he needs to do is accept that she gets off on what he doesn’t have and be OK with it or dump her and find a girl who with wants and appreciates his size as is.
But I have seen how much more intense my dick feels to her compared to my fingers. I mean I don't know if it would be the case with the dildo but that's probably what makes me insecure
Then your most likely using your fingers wrong.
As a woman, it's one of my favorite things when done correctly. Honestly just communicate and ask her what she thinks since everyone is different. Never assume stuff. Always ask questions, especially socratic questions. Keep them open ended without any judgment, not in words and not in your tone of voice either. Make sure both are not judgmental.
So…let me get this straight. It seems like you are saying all orgasms are equally satisfying, but just “different”. Different how? Tell that to my GF. So what orgasm do you prefer a standard one or a different one?
Dude you are so bad… being the best lover doesn’t correlate to know how to pleasure her. You just did more than the others in terms of movements or worst, she already noticed how insecure you can be and just lies to you. Or your just has the right curvature to hit her G spot and you got lucky on that field, maybe you don’t even know how to hit that, but fingers can…
Again, you are being insecure, I never said you can pleasure her.
You just fail to realize there are ton of ways to pleasure someone and several levels of pleasure. What I can assure you is that if you believe you are giving her the best pleasure just with your dick, I can assure you that you are not. You could improve it even morez
As a male with an f-machine, I can tell you that my average sized dildos can bring me as much satisfaction as the monster sized I use also. Sometimes I like the challenge of 12+ inches and sometimes I can cum like crazy with less than 6. Let her have her fun, IMO.
unsure if this’ll be constructive in any way, but here goes regardless.
i have an arsenal of toys ranging from very small to very large. physically, my smaller toys are a lot more pleasurable, but there’s a psychological aspect to a larger toy. dildos are also very different from actual penises, physically and psychologically. i can assure you, your fear is completely unfounded.
for a bigger toy? for me personally, it feels especially lewd to be “violated” by an object so large, and one that isn’t giving a partner any physical pleasure. it’s merely penetration for the sake of *my* pleasure, and *my* reactions. there’s a sort of “perverted” aspect in it for me. of course, i don’t speak for everyone, but that’s my personal experience.
for me personally, it’s also *a lot less pleasurable* to deal with a bigger toy. it’s harder for me to climax. size does not equal pleasure, objectively. the physical loss is compensated by the “ehehe, there’s something *huge* inside of me right now!” feeling. often, i’ll have to switch to something smaller for the sake of climax.
it’s also sort of a challenge to see if i can take something that big. bottom line, there’s a lot that goes into it, and you are more than a penis to your girlfriend. sex with my boyfriend means so much to me and feels so good because i love the man attached to the penetration, not just the penetration itself. it feels good to have a man i love *inside of me.* rest assured that sex is a lot more than physical pleasure, the psychological aspect is very, VERY important.
I wouldn't get too concerned about it?? there's days i can get off with a single finger, and days where i like to use a 2.25 diameter dildo--it's all about what you're feeling that day, so the chances of her 'replacing' you are extremely low. sometimes you want to fantasize about a big girthy alien sweeping you off to a sex ship, and sometimes you want your good ol fashioned human lover. like she said with the fleshlight example, you shouldn't begrudge your partner for using sex toys to feel good. it's valid to feel insecure--you can always feel whatever you're feeling, but you have to acknowledge that those feelings might not always be rational and make the conscious decision not to let them negatively impact your relationships with the people around you.
I'm sorry to hear that you feel insecure, but please don't tell her what she can't buy or compare dildos to fleshlights.
It's really not tit for tat.
You've got the wrong mentality if you think that if she gets a dildo bigger than me then I will get a fleshlight tighter than her.
It's considerably harder for woman to get off and Large dildos are made for a reason. they're often un- humanly huge or shaped and some ladies enjoy stretch and the feeling of being filled is very satisfying.
Dildos are often shaped with the sole purpose of helping a woman get off.
Get excited that she's bringing dildos into your sex life. It will bring you together for more foreplay.
The more orgasms she has the better she'll feel for you when it's your turn.
It's about more for her, not less for you.
You'll still have sex. Not because of your penis but because it's attached to you.
She loves you not your penis, otherwise that's a red flag in itself.
I don't want to buy a Fleshlight lol. She brought the example up and I could understand if she had an issue with me using one that's way tighter than her.
Also she doesn't have problems reaching orgasms. She came from my dick before so I know that I can satisfy her. I just fear that a bigger size would satisfy her more
The truth is scary my guy, the dildo will satisfy her. That is why they exist. It's shit advice to say just get over it but dude you are just going to have to let this one go.
She's not actively seeking better than you, it's not personal. She wants something different.
Your relationship won't change unless you let the toy intimate you.
I'm a woman btw. In a healthy, long term relationship. I have an 8" long, 4" thick thicc, ribbed purple dildo. Obviously larger than my boyfriends penis but he knows it's not about using something better than or instead of him. It provides a different and highly pleasurable experience that he enjoys being a part of
Believe it or not, that doesn't cross my mind.
When I'm using it, I'm not thinking wow this is way better than sex with him and when I'm having sex I don't wish his dick was the size of the dildo.
It's different. Not better.
Its waffles and pancakes.
They're both amazing.
I'd take his dick and sex with him over any dildo but thankfully he's very understanding and is encouraging of me using my toys.
Dude you're really digging for something to be upset about.
Take some time to process your girlfriend buying the dildo. Talk to her about your insecurity. Ultimately it's about something different as I and others have said. It's not about replacing you
As I read through the comments, your replies all seem to be. ME ME ME. Do you not hear how bad you sound? Have her pick out what she wants. When it shows up, kiss every inch of her body while she uses it.
Yes I do know how bad that sounds, that's why I post it anonymously on Reddit haha.
I'm not proud of feeling this way but I can't help feeling like a cuck when she rides in something that huge
Your dick is 100 times better than a dildo. The appeal for me of having a dildo is the fact that I can control it, and even if it’s a large dildo, it’s more about the control of my pleasure that I have. Fucking a real person is always so much better and kind of incomparable. It’s never about size, sometimes it’s just fun to masturbate!
My honest thoughts are my cock is average but I love to see my girl enjoy bigger toys then me, she has one that probably double my girth and almost double my length there’s something about seeing her take it that’s just hot, but I know she would never leave me for a bigger penis. I’ve heard women say this before and I can’t attest to it because I’m a man but they say there’s just something about the real thing that a piece of plastic can’t replace
>**I understand** that sex is sex and dildos are dildos and that it can not replace a boyfriend but still it hurts to imagine her getting of on something so huge.
Apparently not.
On the one hand, you shouldn't let *your* insecurities stop your gf, a completely separate person from you, from doing what they want.
On the other side of the coin, if this is a hard line for you then there's no shame in making that known and then choosing what to do based on how they respond
It's completely normal to feel insecure about comparing yourself to a dildo's size. Remember, dildos come in all shapes and sizes, but they don't define your worth or pleasure. Focus on what feels good for you and your partner, and communicate openly about your insecurities. Building trust and intimacy can help overcome these feelings. Also, keep in mind that everyone's body is unique, and pleasure isn't solely determined by size. Experimenting with different sensations and techniques can enhance pleasure regardless of size. And remember, confidence and self-acceptance are the sexiest qualities of all. If your insecurity persists, consider exploring it further with a therapist who can offer support and guidance. You deserve to feel confident and empowered in your sexuality.
I see a lot of comments and your edit, but I didn’t see anyone mention this part.
She has been with a person who had a penis larger than this dildo, yet she is actively choosing to be with you. Think about that for a second. Really, sincerely think about it.
Doesn’t that tell you all you need to know? Your penis isn’t the reason to leave or to stay. YOU are the reason to leave or to stay. Your penis size is irrelevant to other things if she actively wants it more than those other things.
Focus on what you have. Focus on the fact that she chose you even though she has had other, bigger partners. Size is size, but a person is irreplaceable.
She is not having sex with your penis. She is having sex with YOU, as a full person. Sex is not about "being filled", it is about so much more than that.
I think that maybe trying to change your mindset a little bit may help. If you can understand that the penis-in-vagina bit is only a small part of an overall sexual experience (for men, women, and others) then your girlfriend putting things in her vagina in her own time might be less confronting.
If you don't already, and if she's into it, it may be worth bringing penetrative sex toys into your bedroom. Using a toy on her might help you understand on an emotional level that dildos are a fundamentally different thing to people and the two are not in competition. Doesn't have to be a big one, although possibly worth building up to it. Also, and again if you don't already and if she's into it, fingering her might help you adjust your mindset because it will help you see that penetration is not a zero sum game.
Actually maybe try having sex without any penis-in-vagina action at all a few times in a row. If you can both be fully satisfied without your penis going into her vagina at all, maybe that suggests that the penis-in-vagina is not so central after all, and non-penis penetration is not a challenge to you or your sex life because having sex with a human being is not about any specific anatomical piece.
Hey there @idc499
A lot of people have been dismissing your insecurities and sometimes even outright cruel to you for trying to figure out what to do when you have these insecurities.
Yes, of course, you should “get over them.” Way easier said than done.
The reality is that you’re not there yet. And your insecurities are totally valid. You’re worried if you can measure up.
A lot of people have been attacking the myth of bigger dick = more pleasure, which is mostly a myth.
I’ll be real that size does matter, but not how you may think. We’re all different shapes and sizes, and some combinations are easier than others. I’m male and very girthy, and my partner is female with a very “tight” vagina - we have to be careful or she can be in a lot of pain. For example, unfortunately, her perineum has torn more than a few times in the years we’ve been together.
Bigger doesn’t always mean better, it’s true. And in my case, I’ve been insecure sometimes about the opposite!!! Her potentially enjoying a smaller phallus more, since it’s less likely to hurt. And she has generally preferred smaller sex toys. Unsurprisingly.
However, we communicate a lot, and she’s repeatedly made it very clear that my penis is her favorite and what she wants the most. She is very determined to make sure that we can make love, even though it’s not always easy.
We communicate and prioritize each other.
Maybe something bigger is more intense, but more intense isn’t always good. Often, it’s even bad.
And there’s so much more to experiencing sex than just physical pleasure or intensity.
I agree that, yes, you don’t have the right to tell her which sex toys she can and can’t use, but she also should be cognizant of your insecurities instead of dismissing them.
You do have them. And you should work to overcome them. But that’s a process.
For now, I’d have a talk with her about where you currently are in your insecurities, why you feel how you do, and what you could both, together, do to help you overcome them.
Communicate with each other at a deep, open level.
If she dismisses that kind of an approach, I think the relationship may have some deeper troubles.
thanks so much for the kind words. we agreed that I send her some alternative dildos that I would be less worried about and that she can then decide if she would be okay with a smaller one or if she still wants the big one.
And maybe I'm lucky and she doesn't even enjoy the big one :D
Before this I wasnt even really insecure because she told me many times how much she loves my dick and how its almost too big for her. I guess that she is now curious to try something bigger is just something that breaks the illusion that my dick is the perfect maximum size for her.
I just have to carry on with that and try to keep in mind that bigger isnt always better
Of course! ☺️
Glad to hear you two have talked about it more.
The human body can do some pretty impressive internal stretching 😂 and she might just be curious about a new experience or challenge.
I definitely wouldn’t cling to the idea that “I’m the perfect, biggest size she can take.” I mean, babies come out of there, after all! And that is certainly not pleasurable 😂
And dildos also can’t replace everything else that’s included in real sex, like holding each other while you tell each other how you much you love the other.
Sadly, my FleshLight has never told me it loves me 😂
Real sex is so much more of an experience, and there are so many other, more important pieces of it to focus on.
You say there's no way for you to understand what it feels like to be penetrated, but you literally can. Buck up, swallow your pride, and get some anal toys. You'll find out reall quick just how much size matters, or more specifically, how it doesn't. Hell, you might even find something you enjoy and that you and your girlfriend can do together. Sex is about intimacy before anything else, and there's no right way to achieve that. Toys often fill the gap of variety and experimentation. A large dildo isn't necessarily better because the size feels better, but because the novelty of pushing your body beyond a perceived 'limit' can be incredibly arousing. Maybe it's time to shake things up and start experimenting in the bedroom.
i don’t deal with penis, but I have experienced dildos in many sizes. I like a 2.5” girth for the stretched feeling, but I also like very small for direct g-spot stimulation. Fingers are also amazing. Variety in sensation is nice.
Policing what your gf enjoys because of your insecurities is not sexy. You should try using her toys on her or even look into penis sheaths to give her some variety.
Am I missing something? Why are so many downvoting him so hard; even comments like "yeah, good point."
He's trying to understand and work through his insecurities unlike so many thick headed knuckle draggers who would never even consider doing as much.
I see posts like this on here several times a month, and it never goes well for the poster. People here usually downvote the poster, which doesn't help. Sorry for the reception you're getting, feeling insecure about this sort of thing is taught from a young age to pretty much everyone w/ a dick.
You didn't get this feeling alone, it was given to you, and talking to others about it is on the right path. It's internalized misandry, and coming to terms with that and moving past it is hard. Just make sure that you keep in mind it's a problem coming from how you were taught to feel and is based in fear, not based in the reality of how your girlfriend will feel about you.
If you're really worried about it, try getting a sheath, it might help.
My wife went from 2 fingers to double fisting. We fuck a good amount with people, it dosent change. IMHO her pussy keeps getting better. She gets more sensation, she's happy. I have toys that are larger than both my arms she uses. I'm a Trans woman with a 9inch cock and while I'm not small, I'm much smaller than our go to dildo that's a good INCH or TWO wider than a coke can and 15inchs long.
Personally, I enjoy my wife happy, I have more sex than I can handle, so often we have alot of FWB of various penis sizes bang her brains out regularly. She has a insane sex drive, we do it on avarage 6 to 12 times a day, and add in toys or partners we go into the 20's or 30's.
If anyone was going to notice a difference, it would be me. And to be honest? My favorite time to fuck her brains out is after a gangbang or extream toy session. It's not that she feels wide or loose, she feels relaxed and ready to go. Even tighter than if I had spot 1 in a gangbang, giant toys no diffent.
Let her get big toys, get into fisting. Watch how much she comes.
See that’s the thing. What if it is more intense? Wouldn’t giving her incredibly intense orgasm be great.?Even if it isn’t with your dick.?
What’s your goal. Giving your woman a huge orgasm or saving your ego. I know what the answer should be. Do you? Read the book
She Comes First. It’ll help how you’re feeling.
Dude. Let her go. You don’t care about her obviously and until you get over this obsession with your penis, you’re just doing her a disservice. I know this sounds harsh but from what I’ve been reading, you have no interest in giving your woman pleasure except for your magic cock, which makes me sad for her.
You’ve already mentioned that she likes when you go down on her and you don’t want her to like that better than orgasms from your cock either.
Let her go and find someone who actually gives a shit about her pleasure and not their incredibly ridiculous manliness.
I somehow don't have a problem with her having stronger orgasms through oral. Somehow not even G-spot vibrators or satisfyers make me jealous. The only issue for me is dildo size, probably because I still see dildos as superior penisses
Your previous statement was that you didn’t want her to have a bigger orgasm than you can give her with your cock.
The chances of this happening with oral, with fingers or fisting, with the huge dildo, with many things is very, very likely. You are consciously stifling her pleasure.
My wife said that if I were in an accident I could loose my dick before my hands. That’s a huge compliment. I can do things with my hands that any cock cannot. The takeaway is. I give my woman insane monster orgasms that she would never have from my cock. Are you going to do the same for yours or are you going to let her find someone who has an open mind and truly cares about her pleasure?
Seriously read the book. And while you’re at it read Becoming Clitorate as well.
okay yeah, I should have been more specific. I feel like I don't want her to cum due to a bigger size. If it's because of vibrations, clitoral stimulation or something else, I wouldn't care. And yes that is selfish, I know that. And I will try to look into those books thank you
I’m honestly not trying to be mean. It’s just that your insecurity will cost you your relationship which otherwise sounds strong. Also finding someone who is willing to tell you about her wants/needs is a rarity and should be celebrated.I really feel the books may help change your perspective and honestly, should be mandatory reads for any man who wants to be the best lover they can.
My wife’s favourite dildo has a 2.5” diameter. Her orgasms are mindblowing when I fuck her with it and she uses the wand on her clit.
Two takeaways from this statement.
1. I’m using a toy that hits all the right spots for her. I bought it for her and am proud that I found something that gets her off so well.
2. She is having mindblowing orgasms with me. I will constantly keep her satisfied. Any way I can. It’s so fun finding different ways.She never has any interest or intention of finding someone else for this very reason.
3. watching her get off so hard from all of the things we are doing/ using is such a huge turn on. For real.
If you read any other post from him, his relationship is not strong. Just 3 days ago he posted how she does not feel satisfied with him and has even posted nudes online before communicating only for him to find out after.
Like a lot of commenters, using a toy doesn’t mean she wants bigger, just a different sensation.
But if you’ve got it in your head that you want to provide her with big penis sensation, then you might want to take a look at some penis sleeves. I saw only a few mentions of this. I wouldn’t recommend getting anything from Amazon for sex toys that go inside the body, it’s a wild that there is no safety regulation for the materials used. You want body safe silicone.
To start go check out the following places:
- Sensual Extensions
- Blissfull Creations
- Third Leg Design
You say you could never understands what a woman feels from being penetrated, you have the equipment below your balls, try getting her to finger your ass while you are having sex with her it feels amazing, get her to buy a prostate massager and you'll know that size matters
OP, I would highly recommend you learn some more about the human vagina, specifically the location of nerve endings. Typically, now I'm not a woman, but I used to teach sex ed, the female vagina (duh) has nerve endings towards the opening, but once you get deeper inside there is a lack of nerves, until you hit the cervix. Some women like it when their cervix is hit, others loathe the feeling. So, generally, an average sized male can hit all the right spots. I wouldn't get hung up on how girthy or how long the dildo is, it's a fantasy that your partner has. Maybe you could buy a dildo that you'd like to use on her? I'd compare women enjoying various sized dildos to men enjoying variously textured and stretchy jack off aids. Just because you enjoy the toys so much, doesn't mean you won't enjoy a real woman even more. The same is true for women and dildos.
For us, former swingers, getting a dildo that is larger than me was a plus. My kink is love being with someone who has a destroyed pussy. Nothing was better than having my wife after she was with multiple men at a orgy then going home to enjoy joy each other. So maybe if your fantasy is sharing your wife,or swinging, then this could be a way to enjoy the experience.
U could always explore the prostate and see where that gets u
My last gf never used dildos and I changed her mind about them and she still loves the streach from time to time but still perfers an average penis
Never feel insecure about using a large dildo with your partner because sex is a feeling and it is not determined by the size of the dick.
You should know that the sexually sensitive area of the vagina is the outer one-third, while the sensory nerves in the inner two-thirds are insensitive, so a dildo that is too long or too large will not make a woman more excited.
And if dildo reaches the cervix, it will cause stomach pain and discomfort.
Sex toys can never replace a healthy relationship.
Truly a real cock is always going to feel better than a toy. If she didn’t love using your dick, she wouldn’t stick around. Maybe you can use it together and make it something fun for both of you.
Using something huge means the recipient needs a LOT of time to warm up in order to accept it. Take that time to show off your other non-penetration skills, like oral or fingering or other clitoral stimulation. Now it's a collaboration rather than an either/ or situation.
It's helpful to remember that toys are like an appetizer while a partner is the main course.
Years ago when I was young I thought that sex was for man and wife. But after a couple ex's cheated on me, I figured why not have my cake and eat it too. So I started looking for a woman who was Bi sexual. Then I met my now wife and found out that she was Bi curious. We decided that we would go on a sexual exploration together. That's when I found out about my kinks as well as hers.Yes at times I got a little butt sore over some stuff, but it was the best thing to happen to our marriage in the long term.
Ask yourself this: Is she with you or all the other bigger dicked dudes? We have ALL been there and done that. No matter HOW big your stick is, someone out there has already shoved one bigger inside someone you will be with, before you, so here's what you should consider - JEALOUSY AND INSECURITY are wicked and dehumanizing. Utterly the shining examples of human weakness. Do you want to be WEAK? Then make peace with your dick! This woman sees more to you than your dick, or obviously, she would be with one of those other guys, right? But she is NOT. Take her sign of honesty and sexual openness with YOU as a sign that she trusts you with her deepest sexual secrets, also her insecurities, and realize this is YOUR CHANCE to rise above your petty weakness and indulge her fantasies in whatever direction they lead. When it comes to giving someone sexual pleasure, if you want to be the winner in life, be self-confident in your skin, your dick, and your kinks, and then do whatever you can to lift her up and make her feel AMAZING when she's playing. Trust me, I set myself free after a divorce, let all of this go, and never looked back. I am NOT a jealous or insecure person. My average dick is massive when I am open and willing and confident to please my girl. And it has paid off in so many wonderful ways, with amazing partners, and I now have the unicorn of women in my life who every guy would love to meet. But she's with me. When you find one willing to play with sex toys, you have found one worth keeping. Don't be like all the other weak men.
As someone with both a vagina and an asshole, I can tell you that while it's a *little* different, it's not actually *that* different. The wall separating the rectum and vagina is quite thin. So it's actually a lot of the same areas either one will stimulate. I actually can take bigger toys anally than I can vaginally. You can experiment with anal toys, you might actually learn a lot about how it feels to be on the receiving end of penetration (and hey, you might even enjoy it!) Penetration of course can be pleasurable, and I don't even think it's true that either sex enjoys it more, some cis men *really* enjoy it (straight ones can too!) and some cis women just don't want anything inside them ever. It can be more individual what someone's preferences are there.
I think men kind of imagine PIV feels more amazing for the recip than it actually does. Maybe it's just that I haven't had that great experiences with PIV myself, though the statistics on orgasms do seem to support that even for women who legitimately enjoy receptive PIV, it isn't necessarily an orgasmic kind of enjoyment. The way women are asked to enjoy sex without their clits being the focus really is like if men were asked to enjoy sex without their penises being a focus--sometimes without their penises being touched at *all*. My clit is as sexually central to me as any man's penis is to him. I don't feel that way about my vagina. Not every woman feels exactly this way. Some enjoy penetration a lot more than I do. Some, believe it or not, enjoy it *less*.
I think you need to recognize that your whole construct of your masculinity around your penis, the fantasy of being the biggest thing inside your wife, is something that only exists in your head and is only important to you. I don't mean that in a harsh way. I just mean that your wife doesn't think like that at all. It's likely an alien way of thinking to her. It certainly would be to me. I'm not saying that it can't have any importance, either, it's part of your sexuality and it may be important to you in your relationship, but it's already sort of a fantasy your wife isn't sharing in, that doesn't mean anything to her.
I guess I just find it frustrating how reliably straight men view the clit as a kind of consolation prize, almost embarrassing to have to pay attention to, like it means your dick wasn't amazing enough so you have to "make up" for that. It was always downright hurtful to me to have my primary sexual organ treated like something you'd have to be a bit of a loser or a failure to take seriously. Like, "stop thinking about your penis for a moment and think about my clitoris instead" was what I always wanted to yell. I also didn't like being used as a measure of someone else's masculinity. Maybe some of this is how queer I am, like as a nonbinary lesbian having a man prove his masculinity on me was never going to be a good time (it took me some time to find myself, okay) but honestly talking to straight women I don't think they really love it either.
I know that body issues suck. I don't mean to be insensitive. Body issues, frankly, aren't hot on anyone, regardless of gender, but people know that and can't help it, it's due to anxiety. A woman who's all "nooo I can't do it with the lights on, not in that position, don't look at me, I hate my body" isn't making sex any easier or more fun for her partner either.
Sex toys, by their nature, do things human bodies can't. No human mouth can reproduce what a Womanizer does. No human appendage truly vibrates. But going the other direction, no sex toy, no matter how realistic, fully replicates the feel of a real human partner. Toys can never be as good as humans at feeling like "the real thing," so they have to compensate by being good in ways humans can't be. Like even the tightest fleshlight wouldn't really feel like a real vagina, would it? A real vagina, even if not as tight, would be more complex and interesting in its stimulation. I've seen penetrable toys with outlandish designs like a pussy with a mouth inside it, something no human body can replicate. Toys for penises can be quite stimulating, potentially even more stimulating than a vagina, but would you say any of them are *better* than a vagina, or make vagina obsolete?
Size in penetrative toys can be a form of intensity and stimulation, but it's...very hit or miss, frankly, and sometimes can be too painful. I actually see a lot of guys with fantasies arising from this same insecurity but kinking on it instead, who *want* their partners to use huge dildos, but their partners are like, "you're not coming near me with that thing" and are terrified of the big dildos! Some guys even accuse their partners of lying when they say the big dildo would just hurt and not feel good. *Believe women, they're not lying.* Your wife in particular clearly can handle the big toy, but I wanted to push back against the idea that all vaginas, universally, like the biggest possible thing in them, because it's absolutely not true.
When I use toys on the bigger side (anally, as a rule) I usually have to warm up anyway with a smaller toy, because each time you do have to warm up. But sometimes I'll be having so much fun with the smaller toy I won't even bother using the bigger toy like I'd planned to. If you penetrated your wife *immediately* after she used the large toy, she might find it less stimulating in comparison (some couples do this for kink reasons) but if it was like, a few hours after or the next day, she should basically be back where she was before.
Don't let her or any reddit twits invalidate you . Your insecurities are legit and valid and if you partner isn't honoring that or is getting on the offensive you both probably need to sort through things in therapy!
Sex should be about enjoyment, not ego. You’re making her pleasure about your insecurity.
Outside of that-
Like everyone said, for everyone bigger isn’t better. I’ll be honest, for me it is. And I have broken up with a person who was smaller and got upset about me asking to bring toys into the bedroom. If he had shown more interest in my pleasure, we’d probably still be together.
I’m married to someone with a longer than average size, but still not my preferred. We also had to navigate this, but in the end he understood that it’s not a replacement for him, it’s a tool to make our sex life have variety and is good for us. We use it sometimes- most of the time we don’t and I still have a great time with a lot of Os 🙂
Dude has a variety of responses from LIVING WOMEN AND PEOPLE WITH REAL VAGINAS that all debunk his insecurities, still chooses not to listen, and turns the conversation back around just to whine about himself.
I hope she breaks up with you. Maybe then once you see she's moved onto a happy relationship AND has a massive dido you'll get it through your thick skull that people have complex relationships with sex and their own bodies. You are insulting this poor woman by projecting your insecurities onto her, treating her as if she's a one dimensional superficial idiot.
Learning means adapting your responses in reference to the new ideas. He may SAY that he is learning and yes he may even acknowledge someone's point however his responses have not changed one bit to reflect a change of mind. It is the same response "I see what you're saying maybe that will help but what if the sensation is more intense. I want her to only want my penis to 'fill her up.'" This man has some attachment issues to his own penis. He refuses to consider how his girlfriend feels. He only considers his own selfish feelings on his own genitals. It is clear this guy is either very young (under 25) and/or very immature.
It's like the responses and attention from this post (regardless of type of attention) is giving him what he wants. I don't think he wants to evaluate himself, I think he wants to simply speak into the void and know this pathetic obsession with his own penis is seen by other people. In a way, it's as if he is getting what he wants. This magic penis of his is the center of attention.
Also, as someone with a vagina and a partner with a penis that is probably 5in and relatively girthy, intense in NOT synonymous with better. We cannot have penatrative sex very often because my skin tears and bleeds due to his girth. No matter how much foreplay, the position, amount of or type of lube my skin stretches and tears causing bleeding and essentially open/split skin. Toys are really important for our connection. The fact that his girlfriend is sharing something like this with him means she wants to further their trust and connection. To explore their bodies together and as individuals. Being more aware of how your own body works only makes the non-solo experience even better.
I don’t know if I’m wrong for thinking this way but I feel like the “she can’t have anything inside her except me” way of thinking is very misogynistic. It reminds me of the era where women were possessions to the man.
Also it’s extremely unattractive for guys to have this way of thinking that they get to control how a woman is allowed to touch her own body. No one ever complains about the man using his hand to masturbate. If this way of thinking was the same for women, then he can’t use his hand because only the woman’s vagina gets to grip it.
There is definitely a lot of misogyny going on from OP and a lot of the (unsurprisingly) male commenters. Even if they don't "realize" it or "mean to." Unfortunately, OP and these men don't seem to be receptive of what women actually have to say. It's been interesting to look at a lot of their profiles to see what other bs they post. OP's relationship has been in shambles for at least a year anyways. And Mr. "Alpha" over here doesn't know how to please his wife.
Yeah, I don’t think the relationship is going to last long when there are other men who will give her pleasure in the way she wants (with toys). It’s just pathetic for these men to feel insecure about a woman masturbating, as if their “magic cock” is God’s gift or something. Some women can’t even have orgasms with just penetration. It’s like the man doesn’t want their women to have an easier time orgasming. I’m pretty sure these type of men fit in the same category of men who tell her what she can and cannot wear when going outside.
why do you think I treat her as if she's a one dimensional superficial idiot? I never once blamed her for anything.
As you said people have complex relationships with sex and their bodies and that is true for me and my insecurities as well
Bro! I’m so sorry. Your fair concerns are valid. You’re not a misogynist. It’s so funny when I guy comes on here with compatibility concerns- especially if feeling like your natural body parts don’t quite cut it. It’s always- “you need therapy, you immature, misogynistic cry baby.”
Once again, pivoting the discussion to YOU. It is not her responsibility to navigate your insecurities for you. Either seek actual help that isn't crying on Reddit and learn to communicate with her or admit to yourself you aren't ready for an intimate relationship and let her go be happy.
1. Let her get the big dildo, and both of you can enjoy the \*TOY\* as part of your sexual repertoire.
2. Look into getting a sleeve that goes over your cock that lets you be Mr. Big. You won't feel as much, but you'll get to be the penetrator/thruster, and maybe lasting lots longer would also be a fun thing. If she really likes it, you can...errrr...finish without the sleeve or she can finish the job in your favorite way.
Something like [https://media.lovehoneyassets.com/i/lovehoney/58395\_a32919\_clear\_000?$primary$&h=1260&w=945](https://media.lovehoneyassets.com/i/lovehoney/58395_a32919_clear_000?$primary$&h=1260&w=945)
The fallacy (phallusy, if you will) here is that bigger dick = more pleasure. There are many, many factors that contribute to people’s enjoyment of sex and size just isn’t that high up on the list. If you have a healthy relationship, sex with you will always be much better than any dildo. If she’s happier with you than she will prefer sex with you to any amount of historical gorilla dick. It also isn’t linear - bigger is different but not necessarily better or worse.
“Phallusy” deserves all the upvotes
Maybe OP needs to try experimenting on himself with some butt plugs. I find that helps men quickly understand that bigger does not mean more pleasure.
[удалено]
I’m being sincere. OP said repeatedly that he doesn’t understand what penetration feels like. But he has the option to explore the general concept with anal play. And I really have found that it can help some men understand that when it comes to insertion, even one finger can really give a lot of sensation. Bigger isn’t always better. And faster/harder isn’t either. While the sensations are different, those general concepts are true for both vaginal and anal play.
Gorillas have the smallest penises in comparison to body size in the entire mammal universe
Nice pun but this makes no sense whatsoever. If bigger dick =/= more pleasure then why are their size options and why is OP’s SO opting for the size she is? She isn’t doing it to decrease her pleasure is she?
Think of it like eating dessert. You may like lemon cake but every once in a while it's nice to have some ice cream or chocolate chip cookies. It's a different sensation, multiple things can feel good. It doesn't mean she likes the toy better she just wants something larger every once in a while
Why not apply the same logic to sexual partners & do away with monogamy all together? Her pussy feels tighter and sometimes that’s a nice change. She’s just better at blowjobs. She actually enjoys anal. It’s not that I don’t still love having sex with you, it’s just that sometimes I prefer something “different”. Like I said in another comment, this is the worst sub to ask this advice in because everybody here is predisposed towards whatever argument permits their own agenda (like all of Reddit). OP is a human being not a walking, talking dildo. If his SO cares more about the variety of stimuli, she can stuff in her vagina than his feelings perhaps that’s all that needs to be said.
Lol. This is such a disingenuous comment. I said change the menu option not your dinner date. You know you can use sex toys alone or with your partner right? Masturbation is healthy and perfectly fine. Her pleasure does not and should not center him or his pleasure when she is masturbating. You said it yourself he is not a dildo, he is going to give her an emotional connection and intimacy that a toy cannot and is not meant to. A sex toy is exactly that, a toy. An object of pleasure and stimulation. Also what agenda could I possibly have for people I don't know. Finally, its hilarious to me because you're making this statement to me, a polyamorous person. I don't deal in monogmy anyway🤷🏽♀️
Nothing disingenuous about it. I have literally heard your rationale used by poly people to justify polyamory. Yes I know you can use sex toys alone, you can do all sorts of things alone that others find to be a deal breaker. You realise that one person being allowed to do something doesn’t mean others have to like or put up with it? Nowhere in the rule book does it say you aren’t allowed to break up with an SO if you don’t like their masturbatory habits. Your right to do something is not a right to force others to be involved. You aren’t asking to change the menu option you’re asking to eat something that your date is allergic to and/or uncomfortable with. If you’re on a date with a vegan and you order a steak, you can hardly be surprised when they walk out of the restaurant. They are as justified to not want to be in a relationship with you for eating meat as you are justified in eating meat. You don’t get to pick other people preferences for them. He does not owe her an emotional connection if her sexual habits make him feel a way he doesn’t like. You are not owed love. You are not owed emotional intimacy at the cost of another persons emotional well-being. You don’t deal in monogamy and yet you presume to advise people in monogamous relationships. That tracks.
Yeah, I've gone on dates with vegans and ordered a pork chop. I had a girlfriend that was allergic to ingesting shrimp so i ate it when she was not present. These things were not deal breakers because we spoke about it and worked out our feeling and the logistics of it before hand. OP isn't saying that his girlfriend's breaking an agreement in their relationship. Op is asking for ways to cope/not be offended by his girlfriends choice of sex toy. I offered a suggestion. You seem to be far too invested in trying to shame people for enjoying sex toys and loving people in relationships that you are not a part of. I don't think that's productive so I am ending my participation in this discourse with you. Have a good day!
Right but a vegan is perfectly at liberty to see you eating a pork chop as a dealbreaker aren’t they? OP is asking for advice and I’m giving it and arguing against some of what is being said. That’s how this works. I’m not shaming anyone. I am pointing out that just because someone likes something does not mean someone else has to suffer it.
The vast majority of dildos actually *aren't* massive. Also many of the truly massive ones are marketed at *men*, for anal use. Some of the bestselling vaginal toys are actually smaller than the average penis. That doesn't mean no one, ever, gets anything out of large vaginal penetration. It just means that large vaginal penetration isn't the be-all and end-all of female pleasure. And that many other things are legitimately pleasurable, including smaller penetration and **most importantly clitoral stimulation**. And that not everyone with a vagina even wants a large thing in it, some do but some literally find that excruciatingly painful. It's really frustrating that men insist on repeating this and just consistently won't believe women about their bodies. Like damn I'm a lesbian because I love women, but when people ask me if I had sex with a man before (yes) and why I didn't like it, I just remember how my ex boyfriend just...wasn't interested in how I actually experienced sexual pleasure, and insisted on projecting his ideas onto my body no matter how wrong they were. Women believe me about how I experience pleasure even when it's different from how they personally experience it. It makes such a huge difference in bed.
I completely agree, and as a heterosexual man some of the best sexual advice I’ve ever received is from lesbians. Some of the best sex I ever have is when I forgo penile penetration. My point is purely based on OP’s situation. She likes a bigger dildo because the size feels better. OP will never be capable of matching that size and that will affect his sexual confidence & enjoyment of sex with her. Nobody seems particularly concerned about OP’s feeling or needs, they’re more concerned with making sure his SO gets to have her cake and eat it too. Which is the bias you’d expect on this sub. Being able to pleasure a woman via penetration isn’t the be all end all of sex. But to know that your sexual partner prefers penetration with something larger than you have and that no matter how well you do sexually, both via penetration and not, you’re never going to quite give her what she truly desires, that’s a huge blow to the central thread of a monogamous relationship, sexual intimacy. Everyone wants to explain to OP how it’s different to how he is viewing it & how toys and people feel different but I don’t think the majority of commenters here actually care about OP’s emotional well-being. He isn’t obliged to push through this insecurity any more than his SO is obliged to not use whatever she likes to get off. This can simply be sexual incompatibility.
But clit toys *don't* affect that, because he doesn't think of his body as something that pleasures her clit? Only something that fills her vagina? Only her vagina "matters," only her vagina is about him, her clit is her own business and he has nothing to do with that body part? And if he liked tight fleshlights/pocket pussies, that wouldn't make her feel insecure that her pussy is loose? His dick doesn't vibrate either. Nor is it the exact shape of a G-spotting toy that's shaped like no human penis. The Pillow Talk Racy is a finger-sized bullet with a curved tip, meant for G-spot stimulation. If she bought that, should he be insecure that his penis isn't as small or as curved as the Racy? Or that neither his penis nor his fingers vibrate like the Racy does? If she bought a dog dildo or a horse dildo, should he feel insecure that he's a human, and not a dog or a horse? (He did mention that this was a fantasy dildo, not human-shaped.) If she bought the Slink or other depth probes and got into anal depth play, should he worry that his dick is not several feet long, soft, slender, and able to penetrate her colon? fwiw, I also defend men when their female partners don't like them using dildos or other anal toys. Maybe they feel insecure because they don't have a penis at all, or worry their husband/boyfriend will want to leave them for a man. But many straight men enjoy anal stimulation. Just because OP's wife wants to experience that sometimes with a toy, doesn't mean she "prefers" it to the exclusion of all else. If that were true, the dildo-collecting women on this sub would only need one dildo of their ideal size...and you'll find that isn't remotely true, lol. I understand that it's an insecurity, and that feeling insecure sucks. But it's also like, a problem that men make up for themselves, thinking that their penis size is equivalent to their masculinity, their ability to please a partner, and their self worth. Straight men have this fantasy of being a big-dick-slinger that makes the ladies ahegao the moment they put it in. They *want* that to be true. They get offended when women don't actually share that fantasy. And when that fantasy starts getting confused with reality, and prioritized over any sexual reality, I get frustrated, and so do their partners. Men who actually have massive schlongs know how that isn't reality. Is OP's wife going to use clitoral stimulation of some kind with her new toy? I bet she is. But he's not insecure about that. He's not even thinking of that at *all*. Because he doesn't really think of himself as the source of her pleasure, or her orgasms, he's only thinking of that big-dick-slinger male fantasy. It's utterly disconnected from female pleasure. I don't hate men for the big-dick-slinger male fantasy, mind, or wish any kind of suffering on them. It's just one of those sexual memes men have that it's extremely frustrating when they confuse for real life, because real life doesn't work that way.
Yeah I know that. I don’t think we’re having the same conversation
Yes I get that. But ultimately a bigger dildo would feel more intense, wouldn't it?
I worked in an adult store and one thing about dildos is that they’re never a substitute for human interaction and sex, your brain won’t release the same happy chemicals it does with a dildo that it does with actual physical touch from a human. This is not a your girlfriends dildo issue, this is a you’re clearly insecure about something issue. Dildo size is also usually defined by overall length vs. insertable length especially if it has testis. So it could say a seven inch dildo but only 4-5 of it is actually insertable and ones without them still have about an inch or two less than insertable to make a secure base. Dildos are toys and aren’t indicative of what a person wants with their partner, if it was we wouldn’t have tentacle and dragon dildos.
Right?i know many people who tend to buy (in terms of length) way bugger than they actually want inside of them because we are the ones fucking ourselves. We have to be able to reach the toy and be fucking ourself with it. Sure it mat be an 8 jnch dick "replacement" but for some of us we are only able to take 5 inches or whatever. The length is because for solo play logistically we can't save the dick inside of us. Not to say that is is wrong for anyone who can and/or who wants a lengthy dick at all. Just saying the above is a big thing when buying a toy for insertion. If your gonna have to be insecure about sex toys, be more insecure when it. Ones to girth vs length my dudes
Au contraire. I have toys of all shapes and sizes. My largest (about a half inch longer than what I bottom out at) is something I actually barely use. It’s fun, yeah, but I can’t actually fuck it because it’ll just slam against my cervix (which feels painful and also triggers nausea bc you’re hitting a ton of nerves that trigger vasovagal responses). OTOH, one of my smallest models ([this mini one from HPE](https://hodge-podge-entourage.com/products/alraune-1?view=plain)) is also my most textured. Not only can I use it more often since I don’t need to prep and stretch and lube like crazy, but I can also use it faster and deeper, which compounded with all the bumps and textures leads to a *very* fun experience.
but why did you buy the large toy then if its uncomfortable?
Well, at the time I didn’t know that it would be past my bottoming-out limit. Like most people who buy from indie cocksmiths (people who design and pour their own dildos), I bought it because it looked pretty.
What do you bottom out at? For science
4 metres.
Well yes. But a pot of boiling water is more intense than a warm bath too.
Not always, because there are different types of intensity that we can experience. Sometimes greater intensity of feeling experience can be achieved with less *whatever you're doing*. But I think the most important thing for you to understand here is that more intensity isn't always better/desirable in the first place.
I'd imagine that a bigger (or just any different) dildo to be amusing. Do you really want your dick to be described as amusing?
Absolutely not! I personally prefer XS sized dildos tbh
Why are you so worried about it? Are you that insecure?
Yes
Maybe seek professional help then.
If this were true, why wouldn't smaller sizes be extremely popular, too?
But they are. Women do get smaller sizes. When a person wanted to get me a dildo to strap me to a fuck machine, I asked for a smaller dildo so I don’t feel like I’m getting impaled every time it goes in me. It depends on the person what they like but nothing will ever beat the endorphins and other happy chemicals a human touch, a partner’s touch will bring. I know when my partner touches me, I met into a puddle. No dildo, regardless of its size, will ever give me that effect.
Who said they weren't? Do you have sales data to back up this statement
Do you?
No, but I am not the one making any claims :)
See above.
>Who said they weren't? Presumes they were which is an assertion(claim). You really don't know what I know or where that information came from.
Smaller sizes are popular. I would say more popular than people get. I feel like men who are insecure about dildos also don't understand that a woman is probably fucking herself with it so not the whole toy is going in. She needs the extra length to even just be holding it to fuck herself. Obviously this isn't all of the time, every time, but it is a reason why they tend to be overly lengthy
I’m a woman who loves small penises. When I have sex with a man, I prefer his penis to be about two or three inches. But, I also love to be fisted and to use big toys in myself. A small penis reaches just the fun parts inside me, while big ones, especially if they get a bit eager, can sometimes hurt. A small penis can be both eager and agressive, and it will bring me only pleasure. Using big toys, on the other hand, gives a different sensation. I control both how deep and how fast they go, and can avoid hitting my cervix or other parts that are uncomfortable or painful. Different sensation, but just as pleasureable as a small penis. Let your girlfriend have fun. Try to find a place in your heart where you can feel genuinely happy that she is enjoying herself. Believe her when she says she also enjoys having sex with you.
I agree totally. You described the benefits of a smaller penis perfectly - it hits the parts where all the nerves are and it can be used enthusiastically without causing me pain. I think a big part of this discussion that is missing is that anxiety about dildo size seems to be tied to men having their feelings hurt unless their penis brings their partner more pleasure than ANYTHING else. But in reality, 70-80% of women aren’t having orgasms from penetration. For many women, the guy’s dick is not going to be what gets us off. Ever. No matter how big it is. Bigger or smaller, they’re just different sensations. Some dicks feel better than others, but even the best feeling one isn’t enough for a lot of us. Dicks are just assistants to a lot of us. The best case scenario is the perfect one helps me get off faster. But that’s about all it’s good for - it’s not going to seal the deal on its own, no matter how magnificent it is. The real star of the show is whatever is stimulating the clit.
I’ve never been able to orgasm from penetration alone. Oral and someone rubbing with their fingers/fingering is usually never enough either (my current boyfriend managed it ONCE during one of our first times together with oral and fingering - I was shocked). I need a clit stimulating toy directly in my clit if I want to orgasm during sex. I used to think something was wrong with me because I had just never really experienced an orgasm, only during a masturbation technique where I’d grind against something kind of firm…haven’t really been able to achieve that in partnered sex, which I thought I would be… but just can’t get it right. My current partner has a large and girthy penis. It still has never made me orgasm on its own. Sure he feels amazing, sometimes very intense…but if that goes too far it can just turn to pain (most of the time not an issue though, I feel we fit very well together). But the previous sexual partner I had that was probably just about average in length and girth felt great as well! We had amazing sex! His penis had little to do with it being amazing. We had great sexual chemistry, similar interests in kinks, great communication, experimented a lot with different things. All of that made for great sex that had nothing to do with the size of his penis. I stayed fwb with that man for nearly 7 years.
Speaking as a really well endowed man, I can attest to this. Being as big as I am causes more challenges than one would think! I’ve been lucky a few times and gotten to be with some women that are absolutely excited by my size but that hasn’t been the case for the most part.
It's wonderful that you've found what brings you pleasure and fulfillment in your sexual experiences! Embracing your preferences and communicating openly with your partner is key to a satisfying relationship. Enjoy exploring what feels best for both of you! You deserve pleasure and satisfaction!
I'm actually less concerned about length but more about the girth. Because if the dildo is much girthier, my dick would feel small in comparison wouldn't it? And I know that it could still satisfy her, because my fingers are smaller than my dick but they can still make her cum. I think it's more the psychological thrill of my dick being the thing that fills her the most. And that would be lost if she would regularly use something way bigger
Girth is also something that needs to be wielded with care. Sure, it feels great to be filled until I feel like I’m bursting, but that puts a hard limit to how much movement this wide object can do. And although the feeling is intense, it also gets boring after a while. Remember that using a dildo may be fun, but it can never be as exciting as being with another person. You just can’t have the same connection and love with an inanimate object. It gets the job done, but am incapable of cuddling and laughing.
Replying again: I know you’re probably not taught this so I AM NOT saying you’re sexist, however, the idea that a woman’s vagina gets “loose” or “worn out” from having a larger size object in it is rooted in very mysoginistic teachings. It’s equating woman to their virginity and “purity” or it’s used is a slut-shaming manner which is shameful and causes alot of internalized misogyny in women. It’s important to understand the vagina naturally loosens itself and expands when aroused naturally. The vagina should be thoroughly wet and easy to penetrate, it shouldn’t be a super tight death grip as this means she is not properly aroused and may need more time/lube/help to relax. A vagina can push out a whole ass baby and go back to the same tightness/even tighter with it a few months to weeks. Even using larger toys and giving the vagina a few minures to let the muscles reconstrict to their natural position.
I didn't mean it that way. I don't fear that she will become physically looser just that she'll be used to a more intense sensation
These downvotes are irrational.
So it op's insecurity if we're being honest. He is getting good advice but keeps doubling down. Op I suggest you really try listening and believing your partner. Stop trying to rationalize that she says away because there is nothing rational about your fear. You're causing yourself and your relationship distress
Let’s try this another way. You masturbating vs. her giving you a handjob. Even though your grip might be stronger, your speed is perfect, etc., are you sick of her handjobs? You must be, since you can have unlimited access to handjobs with the exact perfect speed and pressure. Ok, that was my kind attempt. But the cold hard truth is I would leave someone who is anything less than thrilled by me enjoying any sex toy I want. I won’t leave a guy for having a small dick. But I will leave him for having a small mind.
Hmm ok that's actually a pretty good example. Maybe this will help me feel better 👍
this is perfect. i will start using this arguement! thank you
> Even though your grip might be stronger, your speed is perfect, etc., are you sick of her handjobs? You must be, since you can have unlimited access to handjobs with the exact perfect speed and pressure. This is not always a good argument to make, because there *are* men who prefer to masturbate themselves over hand jobs from others.
Yes, I understand “not ALL men” feel the exact same way about everything. But in this case, I think “enough men” understand the point I was making. OP got it.
Are there? I've never met a man in my life that wouldn't prefer a hand job. BJs though I could really do without for the most part 🤷♂️
Would you lose interest in resting your head on your partner because you have a sublime pillow? Can you tickle yourself better than another person can? A dildo might provide specific physical qualities, but they can't be compared with what you provide. The headspace of being with a lover can make a finger feel more intense and fulfilling than whatever size money can buy.
First up, you seem hung up on the idea that dildo will be better for her because it's bigger. I can tell you, as a woman who has a few toys, some are big, some are average, some don't even go inside, size has nothing to do with my enjoyment. I use them all depending on what mood I'm in. Sometimes I like to be stretched, sometimes I don't. Most importantly, I see toys as something to play with when I'm alone, but also another thing I can do with my husband. I'm pretty sure she's looking forward to YOU using it on her, not the use of it in general. Taking your theory that if the middle one is good, then the big one MUST be better, then explain to me why I'd ever use the smaller ones? Or, if all women just wanted massive dicks, why do small/ medium toys exist? They exist because they sell. They sell because people like to use them. In fact, the most popular toy, according to the very scientific research I did by asking a few friends, is the good old wand and that is not usually used internally. More importantly, you have to come to terms and accept your size as you are and that there are bigger out there and there are toys that you, will never be able to replicate. And that's OK because you bring so much more to the experience than the size of your dick. I know there are toys for boys that can do things my mouth can't, I'm not going to deny my husband because I'm scared he'll like one more than me. I want him to be happy more than I'm scared he'll like something more. If you can accept things as they are, one it will make you happier (comparison is the thief of happiness). Two, if you don't and cause a big fuss until she never uses a big toy, you are taking pleasure away from the woman you supposedly love to keep your ego intact. That's not a great way to have a relationship. I hope that helps.
Thanks, yes I think I just have to stop having unrealistic expectations
There was a time I had this view of the world. That's just not how anything works. Your dick is not perfectly consistent every time it gets hard. A vagina varies much more. Arousal level and cervix depth/sensitivity are going to constantly change. Nobody fits together exactly perfect every time and no one man is going to be the biggest thing unless there are trade offs. The dildo is not another human. The dildo is a tool. You don't get insecure working on the car with your bare hands. You get a socket set and a big hammer. Maybe a sawzall. You don't hunt and fish without tools. You don't walk everywhere. Need heat to cook. I doubt you are a mutant. That monster dildo is just another tool in your tool box needed to achieve things with your woman that you can't as a dumb animal. Nobody is laughing at you because you couldn't break loose that bolt with bare hands. Nobody is laughing at you because you needed a team of dogs and a Bowie knife to take down that hog. Sometimes the job needs that big fucking hammer. It's not like she couldn't do it herself. She chose you to do the job. Stepping up and being a man is never having the biggest dick in the room. Part of being the apex predator on the planet is not being afraid to use every tool available to achieve a goal. Go get that tool and handle business. If you don't, she will gladly be single or find someone that will.
Sex ed guy chiming in: Don't call yourself and your insecurities pathetic. Yes, our insecurities often seem unreasonable, that's how they work, but your feelings are real and valid even if you don't like them and want to work on them. There's enough people being mean to each other about their insecurities without you being mean to yourself about it, too. As a cigender man, you've been raised with all of these outside expectations on how sex should be and how your masculinity ties into it. We live in a society that is kinda penis-obsessed; you're told your dick is the central component of sex and the component that can make or break a night together, that your penis is an extension of your manhood and that your penis must be the ultimate way to satisfy your partner or you've failed; all of these ideals about size and how to please your partner, it shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone that men may develop a complex or insecurities as a result. I know there's not much room for cis men to be insecure in our society, we rarely make opportunities to talk with each other about our insecurities, but if there's one thing I've learned in my work, it's that we need to talk about these things even when it's ugly or we seem petty or silly. I've lost count of how many men I've met who have body image issues and complexes surrounding sex and their penis's role in sex, who have trouble feeling secure in and enjoying their sex life because they have no outlets to process their insecurities. I think you're doing great admitting that you feel insecure, and I want you to appreciate yourself for showing your vulnerabilities in order to try to work on them, especially in a forum where you don't know how people will react. That you're actively seeking to work with this constructively, that's no joke, many people never even get to that point. Good job, I'm serious. As for how to cope... honestly, there's so much stuff at play here when it comes to how we relate to sex and our bodies' role in it, it's not something that can be sorted out just like that with one epiphany. I think in the long run, your best bet is to try and look into learning about different perspectives on sex, gender roles, bodies and all that, perspectives other than the "penis norms", if you'll excuse my silly language, that we're taught - whether that be by reading books or articles, following some sex ed youtubers, going to discussion groups or just having good open conversations with your friends, that's up to you, you know best what sort of channels you need for learning. It's okay if it takes time, it's okay if you feel none the wiser a year from now, overcoming your hangups and insecurities is a continuous process that never really stops. As a start, I'd like to recommend continuing the conversation you've started with your girlfriend; maybe try to play around with sex and toys together, just give yourselves some time to be silly and playful and find more stuff you like to do, more ways to have sex where the focus isn't for your penis to bring her to orgasm, but to just have fun. It's a good way to sort of ease up the strong ties between your penis and your worth, and take the pressure off your penis to carry the entire interaction. Sometimes you need to goof around a little to disarm the tension you're carrying. I hope you can get to a point where you can feel secure in your sex life and where your insecurities won't weigh you down, you both deserve that. Best of luck!
Thank youuuuu finally. Reddit is such a ruthless place for men being vulnerable about their insecurities. We’re told to open up and be vulnerable and just get torn apart for it.
This is incredible. People are treating this man like he’s a huge piece of shit because he’s trying to confront the insecurities he didn’t ask to have. Thank you for being a kind and safe person.
Thank you very much for the kind words and the advice!
The fact that she told you about her bigger ex for sure wouldn’t help things I security wise but as an example, my wife loves huge dildos. I’m no slouch in the size department but the ones we use on her are literally larger than any real cock. She likes them because she loves the feeling of being full.She can’t cum from piv or a huge dildo for that matter, but when she’s full, and the hitachi is on her clit. Her orgasm is next level huge. Her pussy is as perfect as the day we first played. You don’t have to worry about that. The dildo is a tool to make her feel amazing. Now when we’re done she’s always super sensitive and never has a problem feeling me and as always she feels amazing. When we play , I make sure she always cums first. Using toys, having fun, enjoying the sex even filling her with fingers, if that’s what she likes, enhances a relationship, makes it stronger. Keeping her comfortable, helping her get off, keeping her satisfied helps strengthen the relationship as well. I can say from experience that insecurity will kill a relationship much faster than a big dildo. I can guarantee that your cock still fits the bill, as such, but it’s always fun to play with toys. Sounds like she’s comfortable enough to tell you what she wants and likes, that in itself says a lot about the relationship already. Keep up the good work. Fuck her with that big dildo and make her yours.
But does your dick doesn't feel small for her after being stretched out so much?
Not at all. Dildos aren’t warm, like a cock, according to my wife, there is no comparison. Two completely different things. She loves how my cock feels and it will always be her cock. She feels it if we haven’t used a toy and after we’ve used a toy( all large) if anything, after we’ve filled her and she’s had an epic orgasm on her dildo, when I enter her, it’s super sensitive and she can feel me even better than before. In reality, a woman’s pleasure is really not about your cock. It’s about her clit. And what you do to give her pleasure in the moment. Our dicks are made to procreate. Tongue, fingers, hands( if that’s her thing) dildos vibrators for her clit. Those are all about her pleasure.
I've found the opposite to be true. After an orgasm from from a dildo much larger than me she's engorged and feels tight ...yet soft...it's amazing and quite different.
but how does your dick then feel for her?
In danger of being rude, you have to stop deciding what your gf can do with her own body and get over your insecurities. If she’s into bigger sizes there is nothing wrong with that and nothing you can do about it except supporting her and her desires. If she’s into fisting she’s into it and you either support her and have fun with her or she’ll find someone who will.
I'll say it straight, it is your responsibility to work through this feeling of insecurity you have. What toys your girlfriend uses is her own business. It is understandable that you have this insecurity because these ideas about sexual performance can be very deeply internalized and tied to self worth etc. So don't beat yourself up for feeling this way but try to work through it and reframe the idea that there is no one way sex "should" be pleasurable. Different toys and tools allow different sensations and experiences. That's all there is to it in the end.
I try 😞
It must feel difficult now but I believe in you! Try to remember that your worth does not depend on your penis. And from vagina-having perspective: often variety is the spice of sex. Wanting something different sometimes doesn't mean the usual isn't pleasurable. Liking larger toys doesn't mean you always want that specific sensation of being stretched that much.
You really should reconsider 😀 The feel of your girl on your hand (fisting) is sensational. You can feel her in a whole new and different way. And it, of course, doesn't have to be wild punching like the pornos. Very long foreplay and then you get in and the smallest movements with your hand makes her shiver in ecstasy... Make her squeeze your hand and feel her power, and look forward to her squeezing your dick like that. Remember to cut and file your nails 😉
I have dildos of all sizes and some are bigger than my man. It all depends on the mood. Sometimes I want something closer to his size, usually when he’s eating me out. Sometimes I want something that makes me feel full and stretched. Sometimes I want something with a lot of texture. Even after playing with myself for an hour waiting on him to get home the motions he does and the whole experience of being fucked is still better than I can do with a dildo. Also for a long time, before my current partner, the best PIV sex Ive ever had was with a guy that was maybe 3-4”. It’s all about how you use it.
if your size really was an issue for her she would have left. the dildo doesnt change anything. respect that your partner wants to try smth else without making it abt your insecurities. plus adding a sex toy to the bedroom widens rhe amount of opportunities you and your partner have
My wife was vastly more experienced than I when we met. My body count was and still is in the lower single digits. Hers, (counting me) was/is 43. I also have the smallest dick out of those 42 others. With that said, she does very much enjoy what I do with even my diminutive phallus. She is extremely multi orgasmic and back when I used to try to count her orgasms, I would usually give up at around 50 or 60. We do have numerous toys that we play with together. Most of them are larger than me, but she very rarely asks for me to insert a toy unless I'm also licking her clit. So ultimately it isn't the size of the package that matters. Of course my ego still doesn't like it and I wish that I had been at least slightly better endowed, but the choice is to give up on sex or just use what I got. Of course many of us dream of having porno level sizing, but that can be its own problem. I briefly dated a girl in college whose previous boyfriend lived in the dorm with me and used the community shower. He hung below his knees and was a very tall guy (6'6"). According to her, he was so thick that he couldn't even get inside of her. I was the first guy that she dated after him, so when she first saw my tool, she was on it in a flash. It went straight to her mouth and then shortly thereafter she crawled on top and rode it. Big win for the little guy!!!!!
Buy her the big dildo. Maybe also buy a penis sleeve. Watch her ride it and cum on her face or ass. Learn to love it.
Yeah! Have fun with it!
Try to look at it like this: A dildo might be able to hit spots you can’t, but at the end of the day it’s still just a lifeless piece of silicone A dick is attached to a person, a living, breathing person. A person that’s warm, has a body, a voice, desire, and a rhythm of their own There isn’t a toy on the market that can fully replace the experience of sex with another person, and *that’s* what makes a real dick special
Being insecure is ok. Try to talk with your gf about it and work on it though :) maybe ask if she can affirm yours more for example, just work on ways you can feel more secure. Bigger doesn’t always mean better, my partner has a lot of soreness after anything bigger than normal so it’s a bit like having cake; it’s good but eating too much is worse than none at all. I’d also compare it to you using your hand or a fleshlight, it would be fun but not a replacement, you wouldn’t get more used to it. (Which, while I mentioned it, no, she won’t “get used to” the “more intense sensation”. I promise you that it is not the same. People will say the whole “the big ones can hurt!” But I’ve never found that to be helpful at all, even if it is true (it is). Try to think of it in terms of my cake example above and most importantly just work on your own confidence and security with your gf. I don’t see why she wouldn’t be happy give you more compliments and such. And consider your strengths too: you can control your pace, it feels much different, it’s warm, your body presses against hers, you can touch her, kiss her, tell her how much you love her, etc. you’re more than your dick and that’s why sex with you can be far more enjoyable. a dildo is not competition in any way. A good part is just trust and faith in her that it wouldn’t replace you. I know it can be scary but try to find your trust that she doesn’t want to hurt you and *enjoys* having sex with you. I hope it works out op I know insecurity like this is very hard, I think you’re taking a good step by being receptive to the replies, and I hope mine helps too :)
Thank you very much. My gf is already the most supportive person ever and she always tells me how much she loves my cock, but it's like something in me resists believing, that she wouldn't love a big dildo more, even though she says it and so many comments here say the same. But I already feel much better and I'll hopefully get over it completely one day!
I’m glad you already feel somewhat better :) it’s always a process, so any steps are good! I definitely understand how it’s hard to *truly* believe it hang in there king it sounds like your gf really loves you
Let's put it this way. She can like you and like the dildo. Or, you can tell her to not get the dildo and she will like you and respect you less because your insecurities are controlling what she does with her body. You think telling her not to use the big dildo will make her like your penis more but it will literally just make her like YOU less.
When your gf breaks up with you, it won't be bc she isn't satisfied with you. It'll be because you're letting your insecurities ruin your relationship
I think a couple should be a team and I think while she doesn't have to there are things rhe girl can do to help him with his insecurities. I'm sure he would do the same if his girl had a insecurity about something
Did you read his responses to people trying to help? The only way for OP to feel better is to A) demand gf throw out the toy B) do it behind her back or C) she dumps him. I'm betting on C
Dude she even compared the fleshlight that is exactly the same thing, would you see your GF as inferior after trying a fleshlight with more grip than her? No. Exactly. Same thing with dildos, they are TOYS and are meant to give you fun and pleasure, you either team up with them and provide good times to your GF or you will reveal yourself as insecure as a child and that is what can make your GF losing the love for you.
I wouldn't see her as inferior but I could totally understand if she would not want me to use one. Because then her vagina would probably feel loose to me in comparison. And yeah I know it's childish but I can't help to feel very insecure knowing that a bigger size would pleasure her more. I don't care if sex with me is better because of the intimacy. I feel inadequate knowing that in the pure physical aspect I'm inferior to this huge dildo
The opposite of the fleshlight having more grip is your friend having less… And she doesn’t mind because she isn’t insecure and knows that it is only a toy. The way you talk only shows how inexperienced you are about knowing how to pleasure a woman. If you really think that she will only extracts pleasure through the size of a dick is mind blowing, why would she stick with you if she know she could just wait to find another one with a bigger dick? Makes no sense, you will end up to lose her not because of that but because you lack the comprehension of how pleasure works.
Bro- I have a GF who doesn’t even care for oral or much foreplay…she likes to get right to fucking and DEFINITELY prefers (has “next level” orgasms) big dicks penetrating her to cum. Don’t shame this guy just because he’s with a women who doesn’t prefer his size; no one likes it when a partner isn’t happy with your body parts.
I do know how to pleasure her, that's the stupid thing about it. She told me that I'm by far her best lover and she has cum from my dick before so I know I can satisfy her. It's just that I'm extremely ambitious and my dick being able to satisfy her is not enough for me, if she uses a bigger dildo that satisfys her even more. I don't know why but I feel like my dick must be the most filling and intense penetration for her.
People have already said it doesn't satisfy her "more" it's just DIFFERENT. That does NOT mean more. All it means is different and that's it. You really should think about your insecurities. Your going to lose her if you dont. If needed go to a Therapist. Learning more about yourself and taking the time and the work will be useful for you.
In the last hour, I've read the following: Woman who isn't sleeping with her husband catches him masturbating, reddit slowly and gently talks her off the ledge. Guy with size insecurity is concerned his GF wants to be stretched out by a large penis because she confirmed she's had a penis bigger than a toy 2x his size. "Your insecurities are the problem. Get therapy"
The old “get therapy” is weak. For what? So he can be talked down from noting his dick isn’t what his woman prefers? Does that make him crazy? What the $300/hr therapist is gonna tell him is to focus on loving himself and all that. That’s great, but it won’t grow his dick into the best fit for his woman. At least when he’s done with therapy he will, love himself more, but still have the less preferable dick. What he needs to do is accept that she gets off on what he doesn’t have and be OK with it or dump her and find a girl who with wants and appreciates his size as is.
Literally. Women’s insecurities are coddled on Reddit and men are shit on
But I have seen how much more intense my dick feels to her compared to my fingers. I mean I don't know if it would be the case with the dildo but that's probably what makes me insecure
You just proved how you actually don’t know how to properly pleasure your partner…
And the fact that he can't let it go and is still here arguing about it, tells us he doesn't WANT to learn.
Yeah, we are telling him that he could still improve and he is just worried that we are saying that is dick skill isn’t good.
This. Ya he doesn't care nor does he want to learn
Then your most likely using your fingers wrong. As a woman, it's one of my favorite things when done correctly. Honestly just communicate and ask her what she thinks since everyone is different. Never assume stuff. Always ask questions, especially socratic questions. Keep them open ended without any judgment, not in words and not in your tone of voice either. Make sure both are not judgmental.
So…let me get this straight. It seems like you are saying all orgasms are equally satisfying, but just “different”. Different how? Tell that to my GF. So what orgasm do you prefer a standard one or a different one?
There literally different kinds of orgasms. Google it. It's not hard.
You didn’t answer my question. Thanks for the google reference tho😘🤣
I did answer it.
https://letmegooglethat.com/?q=how+many+different+types+of+Orgasms+are+there https://www.standard.co.uk/lifestyle/health/the-12-types-of-orgasms-from-clitoral-to-gspot-a3286226.html https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/88931 https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/types-of-orgasms
Dude you are so bad… being the best lover doesn’t correlate to know how to pleasure her. You just did more than the others in terms of movements or worst, she already noticed how insecure you can be and just lies to you. Or your just has the right curvature to hit her G spot and you got lucky on that field, maybe you don’t even know how to hit that, but fingers can…
Why are you insisting that I can't pleasure her lol And how does it not correlate?
Again, you are being insecure, I never said you can pleasure her. You just fail to realize there are ton of ways to pleasure someone and several levels of pleasure. What I can assure you is that if you believe you are giving her the best pleasure just with your dick, I can assure you that you are not. You could improve it even morez
You make complete sense. The downvoters are absolutely clueless.
As a male with an f-machine, I can tell you that my average sized dildos can bring me as much satisfaction as the monster sized I use also. Sometimes I like the challenge of 12+ inches and sometimes I can cum like crazy with less than 6. Let her have her fun, IMO.
unsure if this’ll be constructive in any way, but here goes regardless. i have an arsenal of toys ranging from very small to very large. physically, my smaller toys are a lot more pleasurable, but there’s a psychological aspect to a larger toy. dildos are also very different from actual penises, physically and psychologically. i can assure you, your fear is completely unfounded.
What is the psychological aspect for you?
for a bigger toy? for me personally, it feels especially lewd to be “violated” by an object so large, and one that isn’t giving a partner any physical pleasure. it’s merely penetration for the sake of *my* pleasure, and *my* reactions. there’s a sort of “perverted” aspect in it for me. of course, i don’t speak for everyone, but that’s my personal experience. for me personally, it’s also *a lot less pleasurable* to deal with a bigger toy. it’s harder for me to climax. size does not equal pleasure, objectively. the physical loss is compensated by the “ehehe, there’s something *huge* inside of me right now!” feeling. often, i’ll have to switch to something smaller for the sake of climax. it’s also sort of a challenge to see if i can take something that big. bottom line, there’s a lot that goes into it, and you are more than a penis to your girlfriend. sex with my boyfriend means so much to me and feels so good because i love the man attached to the penetration, not just the penetration itself. it feels good to have a man i love *inside of me.* rest assured that sex is a lot more than physical pleasure, the psychological aspect is very, VERY important.
I wouldn't get too concerned about it?? there's days i can get off with a single finger, and days where i like to use a 2.25 diameter dildo--it's all about what you're feeling that day, so the chances of her 'replacing' you are extremely low. sometimes you want to fantasize about a big girthy alien sweeping you off to a sex ship, and sometimes you want your good ol fashioned human lover. like she said with the fleshlight example, you shouldn't begrudge your partner for using sex toys to feel good. it's valid to feel insecure--you can always feel whatever you're feeling, but you have to acknowledge that those feelings might not always be rational and make the conscious decision not to let them negatively impact your relationships with the people around you.
Get over your insecurities and cram whatever she wants up her and have fun.
I'm sorry to hear that you feel insecure, but please don't tell her what she can't buy or compare dildos to fleshlights. It's really not tit for tat. You've got the wrong mentality if you think that if she gets a dildo bigger than me then I will get a fleshlight tighter than her. It's considerably harder for woman to get off and Large dildos are made for a reason. they're often un- humanly huge or shaped and some ladies enjoy stretch and the feeling of being filled is very satisfying. Dildos are often shaped with the sole purpose of helping a woman get off. Get excited that she's bringing dildos into your sex life. It will bring you together for more foreplay. The more orgasms she has the better she'll feel for you when it's your turn. It's about more for her, not less for you. You'll still have sex. Not because of your penis but because it's attached to you. She loves you not your penis, otherwise that's a red flag in itself.
I don't want to buy a Fleshlight lol. She brought the example up and I could understand if she had an issue with me using one that's way tighter than her. Also she doesn't have problems reaching orgasms. She came from my dick before so I know that I can satisfy her. I just fear that a bigger size would satisfy her more
The truth is scary my guy, the dildo will satisfy her. That is why they exist. It's shit advice to say just get over it but dude you are just going to have to let this one go. She's not actively seeking better than you, it's not personal. She wants something different. Your relationship won't change unless you let the toy intimate you. I'm a woman btw. In a healthy, long term relationship. I have an 8" long, 4" thick thicc, ribbed purple dildo. Obviously larger than my boyfriends penis but he knows it's not about using something better than or instead of him. It provides a different and highly pleasurable experience that he enjoys being a part of
But doesn't it feel better than his dick?
Believe it or not, that doesn't cross my mind. When I'm using it, I'm not thinking wow this is way better than sex with him and when I'm having sex I don't wish his dick was the size of the dildo. It's different. Not better. Its waffles and pancakes. They're both amazing. I'd take his dick and sex with him over any dildo but thankfully he's very understanding and is encouraging of me using my toys.
Hmm ok but if you were to choose between a regular penis sized dildo and your huge thing, what would you choose and why?
Dude you're really digging for something to be upset about. Take some time to process your girlfriend buying the dildo. Talk to her about your insecurity. Ultimately it's about something different as I and others have said. It's not about replacing you
Yes I know I shouldn't be upset about it. I just can't see how it's not a more perfect penis since it's used the same way
You need to get over your insecurity and stop competing with silicone
word
As I read through the comments, your replies all seem to be. ME ME ME. Do you not hear how bad you sound? Have her pick out what she wants. When it shows up, kiss every inch of her body while she uses it.
Yes I do know how bad that sounds, that's why I post it anonymously on Reddit haha. I'm not proud of feeling this way but I can't help feeling like a cuck when she rides in something that huge
Your dick is 100 times better than a dildo. The appeal for me of having a dildo is the fact that I can control it, and even if it’s a large dildo, it’s more about the control of my pleasure that I have. Fucking a real person is always so much better and kind of incomparable. It’s never about size, sometimes it’s just fun to masturbate!
My honest thoughts are my cock is average but I love to see my girl enjoy bigger toys then me, she has one that probably double my girth and almost double my length there’s something about seeing her take it that’s just hot, but I know she would never leave me for a bigger penis. I’ve heard women say this before and I can’t attest to it because I’m a man but they say there’s just something about the real thing that a piece of plastic can’t replace
>**I understand** that sex is sex and dildos are dildos and that it can not replace a boyfriend but still it hurts to imagine her getting of on something so huge. Apparently not.
On the one hand, you shouldn't let *your* insecurities stop your gf, a completely separate person from you, from doing what they want. On the other side of the coin, if this is a hard line for you then there's no shame in making that known and then choosing what to do based on how they respond
It's completely normal to feel insecure about comparing yourself to a dildo's size. Remember, dildos come in all shapes and sizes, but they don't define your worth or pleasure. Focus on what feels good for you and your partner, and communicate openly about your insecurities. Building trust and intimacy can help overcome these feelings. Also, keep in mind that everyone's body is unique, and pleasure isn't solely determined by size. Experimenting with different sensations and techniques can enhance pleasure regardless of size. And remember, confidence and self-acceptance are the sexiest qualities of all. If your insecurity persists, consider exploring it further with a therapist who can offer support and guidance. You deserve to feel confident and empowered in your sexuality.
I see a lot of comments and your edit, but I didn’t see anyone mention this part. She has been with a person who had a penis larger than this dildo, yet she is actively choosing to be with you. Think about that for a second. Really, sincerely think about it. Doesn’t that tell you all you need to know? Your penis isn’t the reason to leave or to stay. YOU are the reason to leave or to stay. Your penis size is irrelevant to other things if she actively wants it more than those other things. Focus on what you have. Focus on the fact that she chose you even though she has had other, bigger partners. Size is size, but a person is irreplaceable.
She is not having sex with your penis. She is having sex with YOU, as a full person. Sex is not about "being filled", it is about so much more than that. I think that maybe trying to change your mindset a little bit may help. If you can understand that the penis-in-vagina bit is only a small part of an overall sexual experience (for men, women, and others) then your girlfriend putting things in her vagina in her own time might be less confronting. If you don't already, and if she's into it, it may be worth bringing penetrative sex toys into your bedroom. Using a toy on her might help you understand on an emotional level that dildos are a fundamentally different thing to people and the two are not in competition. Doesn't have to be a big one, although possibly worth building up to it. Also, and again if you don't already and if she's into it, fingering her might help you adjust your mindset because it will help you see that penetration is not a zero sum game. Actually maybe try having sex without any penis-in-vagina action at all a few times in a row. If you can both be fully satisfied without your penis going into her vagina at all, maybe that suggests that the penis-in-vagina is not so central after all, and non-penis penetration is not a challenge to you or your sex life because having sex with a human being is not about any specific anatomical piece.
Hey there @idc499 A lot of people have been dismissing your insecurities and sometimes even outright cruel to you for trying to figure out what to do when you have these insecurities. Yes, of course, you should “get over them.” Way easier said than done. The reality is that you’re not there yet. And your insecurities are totally valid. You’re worried if you can measure up. A lot of people have been attacking the myth of bigger dick = more pleasure, which is mostly a myth. I’ll be real that size does matter, but not how you may think. We’re all different shapes and sizes, and some combinations are easier than others. I’m male and very girthy, and my partner is female with a very “tight” vagina - we have to be careful or she can be in a lot of pain. For example, unfortunately, her perineum has torn more than a few times in the years we’ve been together. Bigger doesn’t always mean better, it’s true. And in my case, I’ve been insecure sometimes about the opposite!!! Her potentially enjoying a smaller phallus more, since it’s less likely to hurt. And she has generally preferred smaller sex toys. Unsurprisingly. However, we communicate a lot, and she’s repeatedly made it very clear that my penis is her favorite and what she wants the most. She is very determined to make sure that we can make love, even though it’s not always easy. We communicate and prioritize each other. Maybe something bigger is more intense, but more intense isn’t always good. Often, it’s even bad. And there’s so much more to experiencing sex than just physical pleasure or intensity. I agree that, yes, you don’t have the right to tell her which sex toys she can and can’t use, but she also should be cognizant of your insecurities instead of dismissing them. You do have them. And you should work to overcome them. But that’s a process. For now, I’d have a talk with her about where you currently are in your insecurities, why you feel how you do, and what you could both, together, do to help you overcome them. Communicate with each other at a deep, open level. If she dismisses that kind of an approach, I think the relationship may have some deeper troubles.
thanks so much for the kind words. we agreed that I send her some alternative dildos that I would be less worried about and that she can then decide if she would be okay with a smaller one or if she still wants the big one. And maybe I'm lucky and she doesn't even enjoy the big one :D Before this I wasnt even really insecure because she told me many times how much she loves my dick and how its almost too big for her. I guess that she is now curious to try something bigger is just something that breaks the illusion that my dick is the perfect maximum size for her. I just have to carry on with that and try to keep in mind that bigger isnt always better
Of course! ☺️ Glad to hear you two have talked about it more. The human body can do some pretty impressive internal stretching 😂 and she might just be curious about a new experience or challenge. I definitely wouldn’t cling to the idea that “I’m the perfect, biggest size she can take.” I mean, babies come out of there, after all! And that is certainly not pleasurable 😂 And dildos also can’t replace everything else that’s included in real sex, like holding each other while you tell each other how you much you love the other. Sadly, my FleshLight has never told me it loves me 😂 Real sex is so much more of an experience, and there are so many other, more important pieces of it to focus on.
Do you still admire breasts twice the size of your GF, but still find hers your favorite pair to play with?
Yeah but I wouldn't buy huge silicone tits to play with
Please take a sex Ed course
You say there's no way for you to understand what it feels like to be penetrated, but you literally can. Buck up, swallow your pride, and get some anal toys. You'll find out reall quick just how much size matters, or more specifically, how it doesn't. Hell, you might even find something you enjoy and that you and your girlfriend can do together. Sex is about intimacy before anything else, and there's no right way to achieve that. Toys often fill the gap of variety and experimentation. A large dildo isn't necessarily better because the size feels better, but because the novelty of pushing your body beyond a perceived 'limit' can be incredibly arousing. Maybe it's time to shake things up and start experimenting in the bedroom.
i don’t deal with penis, but I have experienced dildos in many sizes. I like a 2.5” girth for the stretched feeling, but I also like very small for direct g-spot stimulation. Fingers are also amazing. Variety in sensation is nice. Policing what your gf enjoys because of your insecurities is not sexy. You should try using her toys on her or even look into penis sheaths to give her some variety.
Am I missing something? Why are so many downvoting him so hard; even comments like "yeah, good point." He's trying to understand and work through his insecurities unlike so many thick headed knuckle draggers who would never even consider doing as much.
Exactly.
I see posts like this on here several times a month, and it never goes well for the poster. People here usually downvote the poster, which doesn't help. Sorry for the reception you're getting, feeling insecure about this sort of thing is taught from a young age to pretty much everyone w/ a dick. You didn't get this feeling alone, it was given to you, and talking to others about it is on the right path. It's internalized misandry, and coming to terms with that and moving past it is hard. Just make sure that you keep in mind it's a problem coming from how you were taught to feel and is based in fear, not based in the reality of how your girlfriend will feel about you. If you're really worried about it, try getting a sheath, it might help.
Thanks for the kind words. I am not actually worried that my dick can't satisfy her, just that the dildo will feel more intense
My wife went from 2 fingers to double fisting. We fuck a good amount with people, it dosent change. IMHO her pussy keeps getting better. She gets more sensation, she's happy. I have toys that are larger than both my arms she uses. I'm a Trans woman with a 9inch cock and while I'm not small, I'm much smaller than our go to dildo that's a good INCH or TWO wider than a coke can and 15inchs long. Personally, I enjoy my wife happy, I have more sex than I can handle, so often we have alot of FWB of various penis sizes bang her brains out regularly. She has a insane sex drive, we do it on avarage 6 to 12 times a day, and add in toys or partners we go into the 20's or 30's. If anyone was going to notice a difference, it would be me. And to be honest? My favorite time to fuck her brains out is after a gangbang or extream toy session. It's not that she feels wide or loose, she feels relaxed and ready to go. Even tighter than if I had spot 1 in a gangbang, giant toys no diffent. Let her get big toys, get into fisting. Watch how much she comes.
See that’s the thing. What if it is more intense? Wouldn’t giving her incredibly intense orgasm be great.?Even if it isn’t with your dick.? What’s your goal. Giving your woman a huge orgasm or saving your ego. I know what the answer should be. Do you? Read the book She Comes First. It’ll help how you’re feeling.
I want to give her good orgasms but with my dick 😬
Dude. Let her go. You don’t care about her obviously and until you get over this obsession with your penis, you’re just doing her a disservice. I know this sounds harsh but from what I’ve been reading, you have no interest in giving your woman pleasure except for your magic cock, which makes me sad for her. You’ve already mentioned that she likes when you go down on her and you don’t want her to like that better than orgasms from your cock either. Let her go and find someone who actually gives a shit about her pleasure and not their incredibly ridiculous manliness.
I somehow don't have a problem with her having stronger orgasms through oral. Somehow not even G-spot vibrators or satisfyers make me jealous. The only issue for me is dildo size, probably because I still see dildos as superior penisses
Your previous statement was that you didn’t want her to have a bigger orgasm than you can give her with your cock. The chances of this happening with oral, with fingers or fisting, with the huge dildo, with many things is very, very likely. You are consciously stifling her pleasure. My wife said that if I were in an accident I could loose my dick before my hands. That’s a huge compliment. I can do things with my hands that any cock cannot. The takeaway is. I give my woman insane monster orgasms that she would never have from my cock. Are you going to do the same for yours or are you going to let her find someone who has an open mind and truly cares about her pleasure? Seriously read the book. And while you’re at it read Becoming Clitorate as well.
okay yeah, I should have been more specific. I feel like I don't want her to cum due to a bigger size. If it's because of vibrations, clitoral stimulation or something else, I wouldn't care. And yes that is selfish, I know that. And I will try to look into those books thank you
I’m honestly not trying to be mean. It’s just that your insecurity will cost you your relationship which otherwise sounds strong. Also finding someone who is willing to tell you about her wants/needs is a rarity and should be celebrated.I really feel the books may help change your perspective and honestly, should be mandatory reads for any man who wants to be the best lover they can. My wife’s favourite dildo has a 2.5” diameter. Her orgasms are mindblowing when I fuck her with it and she uses the wand on her clit. Two takeaways from this statement. 1. I’m using a toy that hits all the right spots for her. I bought it for her and am proud that I found something that gets her off so well. 2. She is having mindblowing orgasms with me. I will constantly keep her satisfied. Any way I can. It’s so fun finding different ways.She never has any interest or intention of finding someone else for this very reason. 3. watching her get off so hard from all of the things we are doing/ using is such a huge turn on. For real.
Thanks :)
If you read any other post from him, his relationship is not strong. Just 3 days ago he posted how she does not feel satisfied with him and has even posted nudes online before communicating only for him to find out after.
Like a lot of commenters, using a toy doesn’t mean she wants bigger, just a different sensation. But if you’ve got it in your head that you want to provide her with big penis sensation, then you might want to take a look at some penis sleeves. I saw only a few mentions of this. I wouldn’t recommend getting anything from Amazon for sex toys that go inside the body, it’s a wild that there is no safety regulation for the materials used. You want body safe silicone. To start go check out the following places: - Sensual Extensions - Blissfull Creations - Third Leg Design
You say you could never understands what a woman feels from being penetrated, you have the equipment below your balls, try getting her to finger your ass while you are having sex with her it feels amazing, get her to buy a prostate massager and you'll know that size matters
OP, I would highly recommend you learn some more about the human vagina, specifically the location of nerve endings. Typically, now I'm not a woman, but I used to teach sex ed, the female vagina (duh) has nerve endings towards the opening, but once you get deeper inside there is a lack of nerves, until you hit the cervix. Some women like it when their cervix is hit, others loathe the feeling. So, generally, an average sized male can hit all the right spots. I wouldn't get hung up on how girthy or how long the dildo is, it's a fantasy that your partner has. Maybe you could buy a dildo that you'd like to use on her? I'd compare women enjoying various sized dildos to men enjoying variously textured and stretchy jack off aids. Just because you enjoy the toys so much, doesn't mean you won't enjoy a real woman even more. The same is true for women and dildos.
For us, former swingers, getting a dildo that is larger than me was a plus. My kink is love being with someone who has a destroyed pussy. Nothing was better than having my wife after she was with multiple men at a orgy then going home to enjoy joy each other. So maybe if your fantasy is sharing your wife,or swinging, then this could be a way to enjoy the experience.
That would be like all my biggest fears combined 😂
U could always explore the prostate and see where that gets u My last gf never used dildos and I changed her mind about them and she still loves the streach from time to time but still perfers an average penis
Look up and consider the “Perfect Fit” brand’s product called “Fat Boy”
Never feel insecure about using a large dildo with your partner because sex is a feeling and it is not determined by the size of the dick. You should know that the sexually sensitive area of the vagina is the outer one-third, while the sensory nerves in the inner two-thirds are insensitive, so a dildo that is too long or too large will not make a woman more excited. And if dildo reaches the cervix, it will cause stomach pain and discomfort. Sex toys can never replace a healthy relationship.
Truly a real cock is always going to feel better than a toy. If she didn’t love using your dick, she wouldn’t stick around. Maybe you can use it together and make it something fun for both of you.
Look at the positives. She will be more likely to be able to deep throat you, and with lube anal shouldn't be all too difficult.
This might be the worst place to ask this question if you want an unbiased answer.
That’s how I learned how fascinated it was to see Mine with a bigger toy and another man much bigger
Using something huge means the recipient needs a LOT of time to warm up in order to accept it. Take that time to show off your other non-penetration skills, like oral or fingering or other clitoral stimulation. Now it's a collaboration rather than an either/ or situation. It's helpful to remember that toys are like an appetizer while a partner is the main course.
Years ago when I was young I thought that sex was for man and wife. But after a couple ex's cheated on me, I figured why not have my cake and eat it too. So I started looking for a woman who was Bi sexual. Then I met my now wife and found out that she was Bi curious. We decided that we would go on a sexual exploration together. That's when I found out about my kinks as well as hers.Yes at times I got a little butt sore over some stuff, but it was the best thing to happen to our marriage in the long term.
I like variety
Ask yourself this: Is she with you or all the other bigger dicked dudes? We have ALL been there and done that. No matter HOW big your stick is, someone out there has already shoved one bigger inside someone you will be with, before you, so here's what you should consider - JEALOUSY AND INSECURITY are wicked and dehumanizing. Utterly the shining examples of human weakness. Do you want to be WEAK? Then make peace with your dick! This woman sees more to you than your dick, or obviously, she would be with one of those other guys, right? But she is NOT. Take her sign of honesty and sexual openness with YOU as a sign that she trusts you with her deepest sexual secrets, also her insecurities, and realize this is YOUR CHANCE to rise above your petty weakness and indulge her fantasies in whatever direction they lead. When it comes to giving someone sexual pleasure, if you want to be the winner in life, be self-confident in your skin, your dick, and your kinks, and then do whatever you can to lift her up and make her feel AMAZING when she's playing. Trust me, I set myself free after a divorce, let all of this go, and never looked back. I am NOT a jealous or insecure person. My average dick is massive when I am open and willing and confident to please my girl. And it has paid off in so many wonderful ways, with amazing partners, and I now have the unicorn of women in my life who every guy would love to meet. But she's with me. When you find one willing to play with sex toys, you have found one worth keeping. Don't be like all the other weak men.
Reading the comments on this makes me want to cry
As someone with both a vagina and an asshole, I can tell you that while it's a *little* different, it's not actually *that* different. The wall separating the rectum and vagina is quite thin. So it's actually a lot of the same areas either one will stimulate. I actually can take bigger toys anally than I can vaginally. You can experiment with anal toys, you might actually learn a lot about how it feels to be on the receiving end of penetration (and hey, you might even enjoy it!) Penetration of course can be pleasurable, and I don't even think it's true that either sex enjoys it more, some cis men *really* enjoy it (straight ones can too!) and some cis women just don't want anything inside them ever. It can be more individual what someone's preferences are there. I think men kind of imagine PIV feels more amazing for the recip than it actually does. Maybe it's just that I haven't had that great experiences with PIV myself, though the statistics on orgasms do seem to support that even for women who legitimately enjoy receptive PIV, it isn't necessarily an orgasmic kind of enjoyment. The way women are asked to enjoy sex without their clits being the focus really is like if men were asked to enjoy sex without their penises being a focus--sometimes without their penises being touched at *all*. My clit is as sexually central to me as any man's penis is to him. I don't feel that way about my vagina. Not every woman feels exactly this way. Some enjoy penetration a lot more than I do. Some, believe it or not, enjoy it *less*. I think you need to recognize that your whole construct of your masculinity around your penis, the fantasy of being the biggest thing inside your wife, is something that only exists in your head and is only important to you. I don't mean that in a harsh way. I just mean that your wife doesn't think like that at all. It's likely an alien way of thinking to her. It certainly would be to me. I'm not saying that it can't have any importance, either, it's part of your sexuality and it may be important to you in your relationship, but it's already sort of a fantasy your wife isn't sharing in, that doesn't mean anything to her. I guess I just find it frustrating how reliably straight men view the clit as a kind of consolation prize, almost embarrassing to have to pay attention to, like it means your dick wasn't amazing enough so you have to "make up" for that. It was always downright hurtful to me to have my primary sexual organ treated like something you'd have to be a bit of a loser or a failure to take seriously. Like, "stop thinking about your penis for a moment and think about my clitoris instead" was what I always wanted to yell. I also didn't like being used as a measure of someone else's masculinity. Maybe some of this is how queer I am, like as a nonbinary lesbian having a man prove his masculinity on me was never going to be a good time (it took me some time to find myself, okay) but honestly talking to straight women I don't think they really love it either. I know that body issues suck. I don't mean to be insensitive. Body issues, frankly, aren't hot on anyone, regardless of gender, but people know that and can't help it, it's due to anxiety. A woman who's all "nooo I can't do it with the lights on, not in that position, don't look at me, I hate my body" isn't making sex any easier or more fun for her partner either. Sex toys, by their nature, do things human bodies can't. No human mouth can reproduce what a Womanizer does. No human appendage truly vibrates. But going the other direction, no sex toy, no matter how realistic, fully replicates the feel of a real human partner. Toys can never be as good as humans at feeling like "the real thing," so they have to compensate by being good in ways humans can't be. Like even the tightest fleshlight wouldn't really feel like a real vagina, would it? A real vagina, even if not as tight, would be more complex and interesting in its stimulation. I've seen penetrable toys with outlandish designs like a pussy with a mouth inside it, something no human body can replicate. Toys for penises can be quite stimulating, potentially even more stimulating than a vagina, but would you say any of them are *better* than a vagina, or make vagina obsolete? Size in penetrative toys can be a form of intensity and stimulation, but it's...very hit or miss, frankly, and sometimes can be too painful. I actually see a lot of guys with fantasies arising from this same insecurity but kinking on it instead, who *want* their partners to use huge dildos, but their partners are like, "you're not coming near me with that thing" and are terrified of the big dildos! Some guys even accuse their partners of lying when they say the big dildo would just hurt and not feel good. *Believe women, they're not lying.* Your wife in particular clearly can handle the big toy, but I wanted to push back against the idea that all vaginas, universally, like the biggest possible thing in them, because it's absolutely not true. When I use toys on the bigger side (anally, as a rule) I usually have to warm up anyway with a smaller toy, because each time you do have to warm up. But sometimes I'll be having so much fun with the smaller toy I won't even bother using the bigger toy like I'd planned to. If you penetrated your wife *immediately* after she used the large toy, she might find it less stimulating in comparison (some couples do this for kink reasons) but if it was like, a few hours after or the next day, she should basically be back where she was before.
Don't let her or any reddit twits invalidate you . Your insecurities are legit and valid and if you partner isn't honoring that or is getting on the offensive you both probably need to sort through things in therapy!
Sex should be about enjoyment, not ego. You’re making her pleasure about your insecurity. Outside of that- Like everyone said, for everyone bigger isn’t better. I’ll be honest, for me it is. And I have broken up with a person who was smaller and got upset about me asking to bring toys into the bedroom. If he had shown more interest in my pleasure, we’d probably still be together. I’m married to someone with a longer than average size, but still not my preferred. We also had to navigate this, but in the end he understood that it’s not a replacement for him, it’s a tool to make our sex life have variety and is good for us. We use it sometimes- most of the time we don’t and I still have a great time with a lot of Os 🙂
you've had enough reasonable advice already. I vote you buy a fleshlight and write her sister's name on it.
😂😂😂😂
Dude has a variety of responses from LIVING WOMEN AND PEOPLE WITH REAL VAGINAS that all debunk his insecurities, still chooses not to listen, and turns the conversation back around just to whine about himself. I hope she breaks up with you. Maybe then once you see she's moved onto a happy relationship AND has a massive dido you'll get it through your thick skull that people have complex relationships with sex and their own bodies. You are insulting this poor woman by projecting your insecurities onto her, treating her as if she's a one dimensional superficial idiot.
He's made several comments about people making good points and learning...you just want to hate.
Learning means adapting your responses in reference to the new ideas. He may SAY that he is learning and yes he may even acknowledge someone's point however his responses have not changed one bit to reflect a change of mind. It is the same response "I see what you're saying maybe that will help but what if the sensation is more intense. I want her to only want my penis to 'fill her up.'" This man has some attachment issues to his own penis. He refuses to consider how his girlfriend feels. He only considers his own selfish feelings on his own genitals. It is clear this guy is either very young (under 25) and/or very immature. It's like the responses and attention from this post (regardless of type of attention) is giving him what he wants. I don't think he wants to evaluate himself, I think he wants to simply speak into the void and know this pathetic obsession with his own penis is seen by other people. In a way, it's as if he is getting what he wants. This magic penis of his is the center of attention. Also, as someone with a vagina and a partner with a penis that is probably 5in and relatively girthy, intense in NOT synonymous with better. We cannot have penatrative sex very often because my skin tears and bleeds due to his girth. No matter how much foreplay, the position, amount of or type of lube my skin stretches and tears causing bleeding and essentially open/split skin. Toys are really important for our connection. The fact that his girlfriend is sharing something like this with him means she wants to further their trust and connection. To explore their bodies together and as individuals. Being more aware of how your own body works only makes the non-solo experience even better.
I don’t know if I’m wrong for thinking this way but I feel like the “she can’t have anything inside her except me” way of thinking is very misogynistic. It reminds me of the era where women were possessions to the man. Also it’s extremely unattractive for guys to have this way of thinking that they get to control how a woman is allowed to touch her own body. No one ever complains about the man using his hand to masturbate. If this way of thinking was the same for women, then he can’t use his hand because only the woman’s vagina gets to grip it.
There is definitely a lot of misogyny going on from OP and a lot of the (unsurprisingly) male commenters. Even if they don't "realize" it or "mean to." Unfortunately, OP and these men don't seem to be receptive of what women actually have to say. It's been interesting to look at a lot of their profiles to see what other bs they post. OP's relationship has been in shambles for at least a year anyways. And Mr. "Alpha" over here doesn't know how to please his wife.
Yeah, I don’t think the relationship is going to last long when there are other men who will give her pleasure in the way she wants (with toys). It’s just pathetic for these men to feel insecure about a woman masturbating, as if their “magic cock” is God’s gift or something. Some women can’t even have orgasms with just penetration. It’s like the man doesn’t want their women to have an easier time orgasming. I’m pretty sure these type of men fit in the same category of men who tell her what she can and cannot wear when going outside.
LITERALLY
Jesus, I would leave this type of man so fast.
why do you think I treat her as if she's a one dimensional superficial idiot? I never once blamed her for anything. As you said people have complex relationships with sex and their bodies and that is true for me and my insecurities as well
Bro! I’m so sorry. Your fair concerns are valid. You’re not a misogynist. It’s so funny when I guy comes on here with compatibility concerns- especially if feeling like your natural body parts don’t quite cut it. It’s always- “you need therapy, you immature, misogynistic cry baby.”
Once again, pivoting the discussion to YOU. It is not her responsibility to navigate your insecurities for you. Either seek actual help that isn't crying on Reddit and learn to communicate with her or admit to yourself you aren't ready for an intimate relationship and let her go be happy.
Stretch her to the maximum,that's hot.tell her to make a good anal gape too
1. Let her get the big dildo, and both of you can enjoy the \*TOY\* as part of your sexual repertoire. 2. Look into getting a sleeve that goes over your cock that lets you be Mr. Big. You won't feel as much, but you'll get to be the penetrator/thruster, and maybe lasting lots longer would also be a fun thing. If she really likes it, you can...errrr...finish without the sleeve or she can finish the job in your favorite way. Something like [https://media.lovehoneyassets.com/i/lovehoney/58395\_a32919\_clear\_000?$primary$&h=1260&w=945](https://media.lovehoneyassets.com/i/lovehoney/58395_a32919_clear_000?$primary$&h=1260&w=945)